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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Ruffleneck Button-Up Top

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A woman wearing black white polo top with gray trouser pants and black belt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Our recent conversation about how much we spend on work clothes had me thinking about what I spend on my normal day-to-day workwear. I have an admittedly overstuffed closet full of blouses, dresses, blazers, and pants at every price point, but for some reason, the items I tend to reach for the most aren’t necessarily the ones that I spent the most on.

For example, I’ve had a blouse very similar to this ruffle-neck button-up from J.Crew Factory that I’ve worn at least once or twice a month for years, and I’m pretty sure I spent less than $50 on it. The ruffle collar is great for peeking out from underneath sweaters, but it also looks great tucked into trousers on its own.

(Psst: Kat just rounded up blouses with interesting collars! She’s also rounded up fake collars.)

Maybe the price point makes me more inclined to wear it because I have no qualms about throwing it into the washer? Or maybe it’s just a great shirt! 

The top is $58.50 at J.Crew Factory and comes in sizes XXS-3X and XXSP-LP in five solids and prints. 

Sales of note for 4/17:

  • Nordstrom – Beauty savings event, up to 25% off – nice price on Black Honey
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  • Boden – 25% off everything (thru Sun, then 15% off)
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  • Evereve – 1000+ items on sale, including lots from Alex Mill, Michael Stars, Sanctuary, Rails, Xirena, and Z-Supply
  • Express – $29 dresses
  • J.Crew – 30% off all dresses
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything, and extra 50% off clearance
  • Lands' End – 50% off full price styles and 60% off all clearance and sale – lots of ponte dresses come down under $25, and this packable raincoat in gingham is too cute
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235 Comments

  1. Can someone share the easiest bread recipe they have? My 12 year old son wants to bake a loaf of bread during Thanksgiving break. He can cook simple things and has baked chocolate chip cookies and knows how to use a mixer. Thanks!!

    1. King Arthur flour recipes are consistent for me. We always do the honey rolls for Christmas – and it’s always me making the dough at 9pm on Christmas Eve.

    2. My best beginner bread advice is make sure you test your yeast — bloom some in warm water before you add it to your dough. Stale/dead yeast is a big bummer when making bread.

    3. If you have a Dutch oven, the no-knead bread is really great. I think all the recipes are virtually the same.

    4. Focaccia is super easy imo. Since it’s a flatter bread, getting the proof exactly right is less critical. I use the love and lemons recipe.

      1. Google “Alexandras focaccia recipe”
        This is my go to. It is always a BIG HIT, everyone wants the recipe!!

    6. Another vote for King Arthur. Their collection is solid and reliable. Sort and filter to find one that looks good, then follow the directions as written. Definitely make sure his yeast is good first, and don’t kill it by using too hot of water.

    7. What kind of bread does he want to make? Banana bread, sandwich bread, a nice crusty loaf?

      Focaccia gets suggested as a great starter bread but I personally hate focaccia and would not want to put effort into making something that didn’t magically turn into a bread I actually like to eat. But if he likes focaccia, go for it.

      1. Just a nice crusty loaf for bread and butter. Thanks for the ideas!

        Follow up question – how do you know if your yeast is good?

    8. Easiest breads are banana/pumpkin/zucchini breads.
      Next easiest would be Irish soda bread.
      NYT no-knead bread is really easy & delicious, but requires proofing; but this is the most traditional bread.

    9. Banana bread and soda bread are great, but they’re quick breads, not yeast breads. I also wouldn’t start with a no knead bread, just because I think it’s worth learning about kneading and seeing how it transforms the dough. I’d try something like these

      https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/recipes/the-easiest-loaf-of-bread-youll-ever-bake-recipe

      https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/recipes/easy-italian-bread-recipe

      I’ve made the second one, but the first one also sounds like what you’re looking for and the reviews are all good.

    10. I think the easiest breads are quick breads since you don’t have to use yeast. I make a cheddar quick bread that tastes kind of like the red lobster biscuits. You can add other thinks like herbs, jalepenos, sundried tomatoes, etc. to the bread to give it a different flavor. Although 12 is a good age to start learning to make a yeast bread!

    11. Check out Delia Smith’s recipe for a white loaf.

      She has a fantastic tip that is easy to remember: when the yeast is activated he will hear little pops from the dough as he’s kneading, sort of the sound of blowing small gum bubbles trough your teeth. As soon as he hears that sound, he’ll know that his dough will be alright.

    12. I got very into baking bread when I was about that age. When middle school was terrible, it was very cathartic to spend the afternoon kneading bread. I hope he has fun!

      1. Is there truth to the idea that the weather will impact how the bread turns out? That is, if it’s raining/cold/overcast the bread won’t rise, will taste flat, etc.?

        1. Not true. If your house is cold, the bread will rise more slowly, but when my house is cold, I let dough rise in a closet with a space heater on low.
          Modern yeast bread recipes are so detailed that a 12 yo should be fine. The recipe writers do not expect you to know anything “these days.” He’ll be fine. I made homemade croissants when i was his age. They were such a pain that I did not make them again until I was in my 50s, but they turned out great.

    13. 500 grams flour, 700 grams water, 16 grams salt and a pinch of yeast.

      Stir to combine then leave alone until doubled (like a day on a counter, or 3 days in the fridge).
      Shape gently into a round on parchment paper on a cookie sheet. Leave alone for an hour or 2.

      Heat oven to 475 with a baking tray full of water on the lowest rack. Put loaf in oven then turn temp down to 425. Bake for ~30 min or until internal temp is 190.

    14. One of the trickiest things for me when I started baking bread was knowing when the loaf was done. Buying an instant-read thermometer that I could plunge into the loaf was super helpful. You may want to get one if you don’t have one.

  2. I don’t have any cotton versions of this shirt but as someone who hates a hard collared button-up, these are great. Something about hard collars always seems too 70s ish in a bad way or it’s so hard makeup gets on them (maybe my neck is too short). But these are great so I’m not always wearing an elevated tee with things, especially to work.

    1. I have this one in white and like the ruffled style, just wish it was truly wrinkle free. I can get away with layering it under a crew neck but it’s too wrinkly to wear alone without breaking out the iron.

    3. The polyester ones are wash and throw in the dryer and I never need to iron them.

    4. I also love collarless blouses like this, and they look more feminine on me than classic collared button downs.

      So, I am looking for a replacement for a 100% soft cotton, blue striped, collarless S.Oliver shirt blouse I have, with 3/4 sleeves – I have worn this to the point where it’s now falling apart, but not coming up with good current dupes.

      1. Alex Mill? They don’t have 3/4 sleeves (I dont’ think), but they have a striped collarless cotton voile. Top-notch quality.

  3. For those of you with kids who are in mainline Protestant faiths, do you choose a church based on offerings to kids (Sunday school, music programs, youth group, sports leagues, camps) or just go with your faith of birth for a church? I’m realizing a bit too late that if we had just gone to a not-too-different Presby or Methodist church, my kids could have had all that but we just went to a church in my denomination where they don’t have the critical mass for any of that (oddly, due to year round and travel sports vs not having a large enough parish size). I feel like I messed up momming here. I think they’d have a stronger faith tie if they had social friends at church and likely will just drift as adults (until they need a church to get married in). They acolyte one Sunday a month but don’t really interact with people in connection with that.

    1. Are you saying you would go to a different religion’s church so your kids could make more friends? That is just odd to me. Your religion is your religion. I’m catholic but would not go to the baptist church down the street because they have a summer camp.

      1. It often comes up here that protestants just don’t understand catholics, but maybe this is an example of catholics just not understanding protestants.

          1. Why ugh? It’s a totally normal thing for a lot of main line Protestants to do.

      2. I think it is more if you are a Presbyterian, you might attend an Episcopal church. Catholicism is an entirely different thing since, among other things, you need to be a baptized Catholic to receive communion. Whereas in the Episcopal Church, any baptized Christian can receive.

        OP-you did not fail as a mother! I raised my daughter in the Episcopal Church and we were very active. She still has several friends that she knows from various youth activities, as well as several adults who remain important in her life to this day. However, I would not say that has made her any more religious as a young adult. She has very positive associations with church, and I am fairly confident that when has children of her own, she will raise them in that same church, but she is by no means a regular attendee. From my point of view, the best result of having raised her in one of the mainline denominations is that she recognizes when purported Christians are being hypocritical bigots, relying on snippets of Bible verse to support their positions. And when she was having some tough times in college, she had a safe place to go.

      3. I have a comment in m-d below, but yeah, it’s not uncommon for Protestants to switch the specific denomination. Like, a Presbyterian service vs Methodist is not that different, really.

        1. It’s a thing! I lived in a small town where when a Presbyterian got mad about someone or something at church, they took themselves over to the Episcopal church for a while. And vice versa. There was a well worn path between the two in terms of parishioners.

          I once dated a guy from a small town who grew up Episcopalian. The Episcopal church and the Presbyterian church in his town were neither large enough to own and maintain a proper facility. So they alternated weekends in the same building between an Episcopal Mass by an Episcopal priest, and a Presbyterian service led by a Presbyterian preacher. A lot of people went every week and just alternated being Episcopal and Presbyterian.

        2. Agree. There’s a spectrum of Protestant denominations that are pretty culturally and liturgically similar, at least in the US. My mom grew up going to a Congregational church, and married a Presbyterian. It was NBD for them to go to a Presbyterian church for many years. When they moved, they started attending an Episcopal church, and now attend a Methodist church after another move. They like/approve of our Episcopal parish, but wouldn’t be upset or weirded out if we went to a church in another Protestant denomination. They *might* be surprised if we went more evangelical, but that’s not happening in this lifetime.

      4. I think the “broadly Protestant” thing sums this up. I wouldn’t expect Catholic or Jewish or Muslims to swap around but if you celebrate Christmas and aren’t Catholic (and aren’t in a church that has a schism over something like singing or instruments), they are sort of very similar.

      5. I grew up Lutheran but sometimes went with my friend to her Baptist church because they had far more youth activities. Even as a kid it was apparent that the religious philosophy was very different.

        If you think one protestant church is just like the next one, respectfully: you are not paying attention. That’s why there are so many different denominations! Because there are major differences. For example, Pentecostals still believe in speaking in tongues. That wouldn’t fly in a lutheran church. Even “Lutheran” means very different things depending what synod the church is part of. For example, LCMS doesn’t accept women in leadership roles but many other varieties of Lutheran do. Certain denominations may be closer in beliefs than others, but not every protestant church is an even trade.

        So please chose a denomination based on what you believe and want to model. When you find the denomination that matches your beliefs, maybe you’ll need to try several different churches within that denomination in order to find one that is the right social fit for you and your kids.

        1. While this is true (and Pentecostal is one denomination I personally have never attended a service of), I have never felt lost or out of place at any mainstream denomination. Catholic Mass is a bird of a different feather, and contemporary rock band megachurch is even farther afield than that, to me. From a day to day service standpoint, I see Episcopalians as Catholic lite (I know the doctrine is different, just speaking of the experience on a typical Sunday), Baptists talk a lot more about the devil than I prefer, and UMC, Presbyterian, and Lutheran all feel very familiar and comfortable.

    2. Honestly I don’t think it matters. I’m late 20s/early 30s and only one of my friends is even remotely religious and that’s because he had a whoopsie baby way too young. If anything the people who were most involved have revolted the hardest.

      1. This is such an over generalization. I know many people who are religious as adults.

        1. Curious to know where you live? I recently visited some family friends in suburban Atlanta and it was like I was time traveling vs Toronto

    3. If you want your kids to understand the values and traditions of your religion that’s a worthy goal, but I don’t see how sports leagues and music programs accomplish that. It sounds like you’re concerned they won’t be devout unless you build their whole social life around church…which is indoctrination.

    5. As someone who grew up and spent decades in various church environments, the congregations that were large enough to support giant youth programs were almost universally much less about actually cultivating faith in the attendees than they were about being a youth hang out with militant proselytizing goals, or amusement park productions designed to draw in teens whose parents would then fill the offering plates.

      1. PS – I left the faith because of the rampant hypocritical non-Christian corporate consumerism garbage that has infiltrated these places. Keep in mind that if your goal is to cultivate a faith practice in your children, soaking them in churchy stuff 24/7 isn’t a prescription for that.

      2. ew, this was not my experience in a United Methodist youth group. Traditional service, the draw was that the youth choir leaders were stellar, and the rest of the youth program revolved around choir. When the music director retired and the new one was not nearly so charismatic, we went from about 70 kids to 20 in a single year.

    6. I’m Episcopalian and it was important for me to stay in an Episcopal church. I’m in an area with lots of Episcopal churches, so I could pick and choose the right fit.

      However, it’s important to me to expose my kids to a welcoming, inclusive religion. It’s not important to me that they’re super involved in church or stay involved as adults. We only go once ot maybe twice a month. I don’t expect church to be a social outlet for us. I do volunteer in our food pantry, but it’s more because I support the mission of the pantry not because it’s associated with the church.

      I think the church is a good example of how to care for others and live a good life, but it’s not the only example. The important takeaway I want my kids to get from church is to radically love thy neighbor (especially now…), and that concept has certainly dictated how I live my life (helping profession, volunteering, accepting everyone), but you can live your life similarly without any ties to religion.

    7. A strong youth program definitely helps kids stay engaged as they get older. We were in similar situation and it did take some trial and error to find another church that fit what we were looking for but has been worth it overall. I don’t think there is a right or wrong time to switch so if this important to you then I’d encourage you to explore. Good luck!

    8. I was raised in a family-friendly church like this with activities for teens, and my parents signed me up for a bunch of them, and it had no effect on my lifelong relationship with church. Actually kind of backfired because it was either kids who were SUPER earnest about it, only going to Christian concerts, wearing Jesus attire to school (which I wasn’t) or kids who were actually part of the popular partying crowd at school (which I also wasn’t) who stuck with their own clique at church stuff and snarked about it, and my resulting no-mans land status was so awkward!

    9. That level of involvement is something I’ve never seen in my experience in a mainline Protestant church.

    10. The number one predictor of if children will stay in a faith as an adult is if their father practices. More is caught than taught. I’d make sure you are setting the devout example you hope for them to follow (if you do hope that – I’m not judging, just going by your words).

      For me, seeing the strong faith of my grandparents and their daily practice is what helped me stay close to church and become a devout adult. It wasn’t my friends.

    11. I think the bigger question than what church are they going to be marry in is who are they going to marry if it’s slim pickings within their faith tradition?

      1. True. If we went where the boys are, it would be the Catholic Church, but we aren’t that. Oddly, my kids may go to a Jesuit college but I feel that that faith tradition is exactly what I’d want in a community even if it’s not my tradition.

        1. [Single, and looking] Catholic here, and for the record, we’ve got a “the odds are good but the goods are odd” situation here. It’s tough.

        2. Met my husband at a Jesuit college and while we’d both fallen away a bit during that time, we are back! And quite devout compared to most peers. I will strongly encourage my kids to go to a Catholic college (ideally, Jesuit) because there is something about those ideals and environment that seep into your core, even if you aren’t practicing.

          But I am an elder millennial and don’t even know if it’s possible to meet a spouse at college anymore, lol. I feel like I got insanely lucky and caught the last helicopter out.

          1. This is my very studious daughter’s goal in picking a college: a chance she could meet a quality guy. 70/30 ratios, bro culture, so many places that she isn’t even interested in. She just wants to live a normal life. I feel like guys never worry about this but she and her peers see it as totally elusive. In high school and beyond.

          2. My daughter met her boyfriend and likely future husband through a (male) friend she met at her public school’s Episcopal campus ministry. Free pizza and movies (non-religious) movies bring all the boys to the yard!

      2. While being in the same faith tradition might make marriage easier, I’ve known plenty of couples where one person is religious and the other is not, or they are from different religious backgrounds. It’s something I think people should think about before they get married, but I’m not worried specifically about my Episcopal kid marrying within their faith.

    12. I think what you’re describing is pretty common in the South. I grew up Catholic in a southern city that had very few Catholics, now live in a larger southern city that’s pretty diverse, and a lot of Protestants (and some Catholics!) seem to church shop based on where they jive with the people and who has the best kids programs. At the end of the day we believe like 80% of the same things, and I think community at an imperfect church > no church, no community wins every day.

      When I was in my 20s and early 30s I didn’t go to church either and most friends (even those who “rebelled against religion”) didn’t go either. It seems to change quickly when the kids arrive.

    13. I want to moderately expose my kids to my faith but frankly I don’t care if they embrace it.

      I don’t want to shove it down their throats because that will probably turn them off to it. I want them to know our house is a safe space to explore just about any religion (as long as it’s loving and inclusive and not high control) and no religion.

      I think most religions can be a tool in a toolbox for caring for others, but it’s one of many tools in the toolbox… and I’m fine if it’s not a tool they use at all!

    14. I grew up Presbyterian but changed to a United Methodist Church because it explicitly welcomed gay people and also had a Sunday school and nursery. Some churches I visited didn’t even offer that. We tried two other churches over the course of a few years before settling on this one. If you feel your church doesn’t engage your kids enough, just visit a few other churches and see if you like them better. I think a sense of community and belonging does matter. I love seeing the friendships my kids make at church! I don’t know if they will follow the faith as they mature, but I want to expose them to deeper values so they can turn to it later in life and have it on their radar.

      1. the UMC is also very strict about who can work with children and youth, I have to get a background check every 5 years and re-train just to volunteer in sunday school 2 adults always, they cannot be related, no dm-ing etc.

    15. Catholic here and in a location with dozens of parish options. We picked ours because it had a younger congregation and everyone’s kids were noisy and disruptive. It’s common to go to other parishes for specific things they do well also. IE, my kids go to summer camp at a different parish with a good schedule and one of my kids attends catholic school at a third parish. It’s very much a best of all the world’s situation.

      Maybe there’s opportunity to do a bit of sampling across congregations for you to pick your favorite pieces?

    16. I think you need to specify the area of the country you are in. In the SEUS, this is super common. Some people are legitimately religious, but church is a huge social thing. In my SEUS city, I see people look for churches that align with their values, sure, but then they also may lean towards joining a specific church that may provide them with better business connections or has a preschool, etc.

    17. You seem to attend a church where people put sports and youth activities above faith. If you want to raise adults who are strong in their faith, it’s less about friends and more about the priorities you are communicating through your actions. Like the other commenter who attends only once or twice a month – that suits her, but is (IMO) not a way to demonstrate that faith comes first in your life, which is what often plants seeds of devoutness. I would make sure that you are modeling the behavior you hope to see, live the liturgical year at home, and make clear where God and faith fall in your priorities. It’s obviously not a silver bullet, and young adults fall away all the time, but if they have a strong foundation many will come back as they start their own families.

      I also don’t think it’s too late to make a change, so long as your kids still live at home. And I’m not being judgy – I’m encouraging you to decide what is important, and make sure you as a family are living that out now.

      1. To me a large purpose of having a faith community is to show the many different ways people can live and express their faith and beliefs to improve their lives and others so I can learn from that. But the most important example of that is at home. If you’re honestly living your values and connecting the dots for your kids on why you do what you do, that’s a solid foundation.

    18. You can’t control your kids’ religious decisions. I was raised Catholic, hated the religion, practiced nothing for years, married a Jewish man, converted and we take our kids to the synagogue. Not what my parents would have predicted at all.

    19. We chose it based on which was walkable to our house, and they do happen to have excellent family programming. To me the purpose of church is community, and the close-by church was similar enough to the traditional vibes I am used to that it works great.

    20. For us it was theology first, then programming. Unfortunately for me as a music lover, the UMC is terrible at music.

        1. That’s good to know for a warning! I grew up a whiskeypalian at a tiny dying church in a majority Catholic town (town was aging out; the churches were just symptomatic). No youth really, no youth programs. An AA program that was widely attended from the town.

          But the music program . . . I thought all churches were like that. I think that that sustained my love for the church and for music more broadly and was relieved to have landed at a large Episcopal church in the SEUS that does nothing for me / my demographic (working moms) but has just the most glorious music.

          Should the church do more for me? Anything for me? I am sort of on the “writes a check and does some service as I can” side of the ledger. I haven’t ever thought of me as being in an “outreach to you” group but I would love it if we didn’t have to go elsewhere for Scouts.

        2. Really?! I am picky about my church music and have attended UMC churches more than any others. Our organist is incredible, and has deep ties to the local music community, so he brings in some really good guest soloists. The chancel choir sings great stuff every week and there’s brass and/or strings for special occasions. My grandparents’ Presby church is better, but they’re cheating because it’s in Rochester and pulls from Eastman.

    21. Raised Anglican outside the US. Now in Texas, and any churches in our area with heavy kid friendly programs I have doctrinal issues with (e.g., prosperity gospel). For that reason, we’ve stuck with Episcopal churches because they align to the values I subscribe to. I’d consider progressive Methodist too, if we were church shopping now.

    22. You are doing great, not messing up!! Giving your children a spiritual framework and practices and know God earlier in life is an incredible gift. What you do at home matters. Each kid is different anyway. For church selection, you have to balance theology, worship style that speaks to you, and opportunities for you and your kids to connect with groups. We picked a church in our denomination, but it was a tough call between a larger congregation, with all the bells and whistles of groups, and a smaller congregation that was a better fit theologically. As it turns out, that smaller church has grown with a lot of young families and now we have built up more things (liberal UMC). Google “sticky faith” to read more about what influences kids to stick with faith as adults.

    23. We stayed at our Episcopal church when we had our kids even though our children’s/youth programs have waxed and waned (mostly waned tbh). Our church is pretty kid-friendly even if most things aren’t focused on children and teens (people are delighted to see kids and gracious about having them in services).

      I grew up in another mainline denomination that had a robust Sunday School and youth groups. Honestly, I hated the kids’ programming (so much so that I talked my parents into just letting me attend the regular services by the end of high school). It was cliquey and fussy and very evangelical, even if our church itself wasn’t into that stuff. While I know some people have better experiences, I felt like I reconnected with church as an adult in spite of my experiences, not because of my background.

      My kids are teenagers now, and mostly go to church to humor us. That said, they read in church and acolyte and occasionally do service projects. I suspect they won’t go to church in college or young adulthood, but I’m OK with that stage and hope they find something as adults in some faith tradition.

    24. My mom was raised Presbyterian, my dad was raised Baptist, and we went to United Methodist churches when I was growing up. I moved quite a bit in my 20s and attended many denominations of Protestant churches. Like my mom, I always choose based primarily on the music program, but a robust Sunday School & youth program was a priority when we moved to our current home & my kids were little. Sadly, the 20-40somethings community in our church dissolved when the younger pastor left right before the long period of virtual-only during the pandemic, and I think travel sports is a big factor in low attendance among others with tween-teen kids (I know it is for us and have heard it anecdotally from others). The church cut the full time youth pastor position a couple years ago, and attendance is way down compared to when we started in 2015. I keep thinking I should shop around, but the music is still good.

      1. In my family, it’s been dance for one kid and marching band for the other that sucks up all the time when they are teens. We do try to prioritize church, but there are events or games or special rehearsals some Sundays, so church just doesn’t happen every single week.

    25. We moved about six times before I graduated high school, and lived in all sizes of cities to towns to rural areas. We were mainline protestant, leaning liberal. In an ideal world, we were liberal presbyterians, but tried a big southern baptist church (but liberal-leaning), methodist, ELCA lutheran, and Episcopal depending on the vibes of the congregation, health of the church, quality of the music, quality of the ministry, and youth programs. Churches are highly localized and highly variable, so a lot of people who move around tend to church shop. Mainline churches often have extremely similar beliefs even if the seminarians can split hairs.

    1. It scares me a little that we’re probably seeing these wild stories because it’s a high accountability profession. What’s going on in professions that we trust more or that have less oversight?

      1. I work in financial reporting and my work is governed by strong controls. We are being pushed to use AI every single day. I was also encouraged to use AI to write performance reviews from 360 feedback, which produced some contradictory nonsense. Really happy that I’ll be retiring within the next decade or less.

        1. Accenture fired 11,000 people who were “untrainable in AI.” There is so much pressure on people to prove they are driving efficiencies. I have AI training at work, and 80% of it is marketing hype “AI good!” with very few specific use cases or guardrails discussed that apply to MY job.

          1. I’m definitely not untrainable and I don’t mind using it more, but I worry that our controls won’t get executed properly if people fob off their reviews to AI.

          2. Accenture is a horrible company whose primary skill is sycophant relationships with management. Accenture wanted to lay people off, and used “untrainable” as a share price enhancing ruse.

        2. AI suggested that a colleague tell her subordinate that she “brings bad vibes” to the workplace.

        3. I am literally retiring early because I don’t want to deal with everyone using AI to do their jobs. AI to help would be great, but literally my co-workers are just asking AI to do whatever they’ve been asked, and then pasting in the result. It’s terrible, and trying to review things feels impossible. Will be bowing out in early 2026, and tbh it can’t happen fast enough.

  5. After years of renting, I am finally pushing the button on buying my first apartment. Any advice for first time apartment-buyers and mortgage-takers?
    I am an expat, living in Warsaw/Poland, plan to stay here for a few years (or more). I know I am not buying my ‘forever’ place.
    I am purposefully buying a smaller apartment, which I will be able to pay off in 6-10 years rather than buying a larger apartment. I am choosing an area which is desirable for singles or couples, close to city center, close to office parks, close to green areas, so that I could rent/sell easily if needed.
    Would love to hear some words of wisdom or questions I should ask myself. Thanks!

    2. Oh I’m so jealous! I lived in Krakow and would love to be back there. I think be clear on what the previous owner leaves/takes away with them. I know my parents were surprised when they bought in Europe and found the house stripped back (to an excessive but still legal degree).

      1. Oh, were they buying in the Netherlands? I was shocked to find the renters take floor (of all the things) with them when moving :)
        Good point though.

    3. May I ask why you are buying vs just renting if you are only going to live there a few years? Is there something different about living there such that it makes sense financially?

      1. The rent is nearly as high as mortgage + HOA fees, so I might as well buy and build equity.
        The property prices here are still great (even comparing to the neighboring countries) and keep growing (fueled by the ecomony), so even if I decided to leave, I would still keep the apartment as an investment (and rent it out).
        Although I said I plan to be here for a few years, I don’t know exactly for how long – it may be 3, 5, or 10 years, who knows. As long as it makes financial sense for me. It is a good job market, lots of regional HQs, plus I am from Central Eastern Europe, so the people mindset and culture is very close to mine.
        Plus over the last 20 years, I have lived in 5 different countries (this is my 3rd time in Poland btw) and I just want to buy something somewhere :)

  6. There have been a lot of discussions around pants lately and I know I’ve had trouble finding a good pair, so I wanted to sing the praises of my new Banana Republic Factory Ryan pants.

    They’re full length, made of decent fabric and not too thin, and cut more similar to pants from the 00-10s. They’re a good replacement for the OG Editor and Limited pants I used to wear almost daily.

    I’d almost given up on finding decent pants; I’ve bought a few at WHBM but find their quality poor for the price, and have settled for Old Navy Pixie pants and accept that they won’t last long due to the quality and price. They also look a little cheaper while the Ryan looks like a true dress trouser.

    1. These look great, thank you for sharing! I was also meh on the Old Navy Pixie pants but have been looking for pants like these.

    2. Also a fan of BRF for pants this season. I think I have purchased and returned every cut of every work trouser from every similarly mall-level store this fall. They are the only retailer whose offerings both fit my normal human-shaped body and are made from office-appropriate fabric that doesn’t look like the pelt of a geriatric muppet.

  7. Presently buried at work but trying to plan a trip for spring break for myself, husband, 15-year old daughter and friend. Daughter wants island-and-chill, but we always do active vacations so I’m not used to this sort of planning. Want daughter + friend to be able to entertain themselves at least part of the time (be able to walk to a beach instead of my needing to drive anywhere), and would love to have at least some options in addition to lying on a beach. We live on the east coast now, but I grew up on the west coast and thus only know California and Hawaii. When I look at Caribbean options I feel utterly overwhelmed with the number of options. Will have about a week, and while I wouldn’t say that cost isn’t a factor, I’m certainly willing to pay for the right place. Would love any suggestions!

    1. If April, Folly Beach SC? It’s near Charleston and kids can walk to restaurants.

    2. A few questions.

      Do you want an all-inclusive type of resort or low-key condo-style?

      By ‘some options’ do you mean water sports like snorkeling, SUP, kayaking? Noisy water sports like jet skis and parasailing? Things like historical ruins (like the forts in Antigua), ATVing around the desert (Aruba), serious hiking (lots of islands, St. Lucia being a famous one), or things like touristy shopping districts (thinking of Philipsburg in St. Maarten).

      Would a cruise appeal?

      1. Good questions that I had not yet considered. Hiking or quiet water sports sound nice. Don’t want loud stuff or nightlife. Open to all inclusive or condo — just don’t know where to start. And to the commenter below, yes I was thinking of a resort with a beach in front where the girls could go without me. Thanks for all the ideas so far!

        1. Another commenter below mentioned Anguilla, which is a really safe island in general. There are upscale resorts and also smaller condo-style hotels that have their own beach loungers, but for example the girls could go on a beach walk along the entire beach, not just in front of the property, and be perfectly safe.

    3. Maybe I am overly cautious, but I would be hesitant to let my 15 year old daughter and a friend walk to a beach (outside of a resort) in the Caribbean. To be clear, I would be more okay with them going to the beach alone if it is in front of / managed by a hotel and you are staying at that hotel, but I do not think you can expect to find walkable towns and beaches that are appropriate for teenagers to go to solo anywhere in the Caribbean.

      That being said, there are many nice hotels and places to go in the Carribean! We have enjoyed over the years Turks and Caicos (lots of hotel options on Grace Bay), Grand Cayman (we stayed at the Kimpton, the Ritz is also popular), BVI (definitely quieter, we have stayed at Little Dix Bay and Long Bay Beach Resort), Anguilla (Four Seasons), St Barths (only have stayed in villas), St Lucia (Sugar Beach) and Barbados (also stayed in a house).

      If you want more active plus beach, what about Costa Rica?

      1. +1 most of the Caribbean is not that safe, and letting two 15 year olds roam around alone is a recipe for disaster.

        Pick an awesome resort where they’ll be entertained without leaving the resort. Beaches is great if you have the budget for it.

    5. I recently went to Xcaret Mexico and you may like it. It is an all inclusive with pools, a river, and a beach. You also have access to various parks with zip lining , ATVs, etc. You be lazy or active without having to arrange excursions.

  8. All I want to say about the Epstein emails is that I need all of these people who are getting through 20K emails in 24 hours to contact me about doc review for my cases…

    1. This made me laugh, but I suspect AI is involved in the 20K page parsing process.

      1. And plenty of good old fashioned text search if people are just finding specific individuals or keywords.

    2. I promise I have searched high and low. I can only find the few emails released by the Dems. Can anybody point me to the 3,000 released by the Republicans?

  9. I am Doing The Things today. Comments about two things:

    – Why does my bank say it needs a wet signature on a document I’m scanning back to them? If they’re not going to have the original, I don’t see the purpose of a wet signature, besides annoying people in the year 2025.

    – I need to call my uncle about Thanksgiving and I’m dreading this one. We moved to their state earlier this year and everything was, “Oh gosh, so excited! Let’s get together!” But it’s been silent since July 4th. We weren’t invited to my cousin’s birthday in September or to my little cousin’s 3rd bday in October (which we were invited to last year), and we haven’t heard a peep about Thanksgiving. I wasn’t feeling well at July 4th and I’m afraid I must have offended someone somehow and now they’re just going to do an awkward fade. Family is super important to me because I was an only child of a single mom, and these are my favorite relatives, and I’m just sick over the lack of communication. When I call, I’ll say I was just confirming that I needed to order a meal just for my little family, so that I’m not angling for an invitation they don’t want to give. Just heartsick.

    2. Have you invited them to do anything? idk, in many relationships it’s kind of the burden of the person who had to cancel to initiate the next plan.

      1. I tend to agree with this. It at least needs to go both ways – so you say they have been silent since July 4, but it sounds like you have not reached out to them either?

        That said, hopefully, the call goes well, and you can all hang out soon even if it is not on Thanksgiving.

    3. Is it possible something is going on in your uncle’s family’s life that made them cut back on socializing? It’s unlikely you offended your favorite relatives so badly that they summarily cut you out of their life. Can you invite them to your place for Thanksgiving (which leaves the door open for them to invite you to their place)?. Only do this if you’re really willing to host though.

      1. This is what I’d do – I’d invite them to your place for thanksgiving and if they already have plans, they’re likely to just invite you too.

    4. I think you are unnecessarily spiraling over your uncle. Just call and ask what they’re doing for Thanksgiving.

    5. Surely everyone who is doing Thanksgiving is of a “the more the merrier” mindset. No? I’ve always thought that was the whole point of Thanksgiving and would be honored if a niece called and invited herself and her family to my Thanksgiving. Surely your uncle is the same. “Uncle, we’d love to join you for Thanksgiving if there’s room at the table. If not, we understand, but we would still love to drive up some other time over the holidays and catch up.”

      1. lol, I’ve hosted a lot but definitely do not have that attitude! Of course I wouldn’t want to strand family, but there’s a lot of dynamics at play with any holiday and adding 4-5 people isn’t that easy.

        1. +1 to this. We’ve happily taken in a stray friend/relative over the years but I would be very annoyed if a family of 4 just invited themselves over with a week or two’s notice.

          2. I’ve already firmed up my guest list and bought my turkey and adding four or five people at this point would require a LOT of adjusting.

          4. I see both sides of this, as the daughter of someone who had a “the more, the merrier” attitude toward Thanksgiving and always adopted last-minute strays (sometimes in large numbers) that I was then expected to feed. It was stressful and there were many early-morning drives to the one grocery store 40 minutes away that was open. It stressed me out every year and I hated it.

            With the benefit of another decade of life experience (and the fact that I host Thanksgiving myself now, so control the guest list) I do really see the value of a house that was so willing to throw open the doors and invite in anyone who needed a home on a holiday that can feel so lonely if you’re by yourself. The food and the place settings always worked themselves out.

          5. I am Team Strays — totally understand that other people aren’t, but some of my best childhood holiday memories are the times when my parents called the neighbors who’s oven had just died, the coworker who’d just moved internationally, the random extra cousin’s friend’s ex’s niece who they’d heard was in college nearby and might need somewhere to go. Maybe the meal plan changes, but no one’s ever left my house hungry.

          6. …and let me hasten to add that although it would require a lot of adjusting, I would do the adjusting even if I might secretly grumble. Because yes, at the end of the day it’s The More the Merrier.

          7. isn’t part of this notion also that “noone should be alone on the holidays”? So OP would be able to celebrate with her immediate family from what it sounds like, and not need to be adopted, whereas a single neighbor or cousin would.

      2. It is kind and generous to be “the more the merrier” as a host, but not all hosts have the space or finances to do that. I can host the 12 people I invite, but I do not have space for them to invite additional people.

      3. I think some families do more of a formal dinner party! That’s how one side of my family does things. There aren’t extra seats at the table or even all that much extra food.

        The other side of my family cooks enough food for a week and if some people are eating at the coffee table or on fold out chairs, so be it. There is plenty of room for unexpected guests, but that’s also a more casual gathering.

        I’ve been a last minute invite guest at other people’s Thanksgiving before and cherish those memories!

      4. I guess this is know-your- family, but we are at a the more the merrier Family. I did already buy a turkey, but it would seriously be no big deal at all to add four people, especially if some of them were kids!

        One big exception, as if this is an overnight situation but assuming it’s just a Day trip come on down!

    6. This is only a guess, but sometimes when I tell people electronic signatures are fine, they do like, an adobe signature, which is not really the same thing as a scanned, wet signature.

    7. On my list for today, I have to go to track down a physical printer to sign off on a patent for a company that *laid me off months ago*, because they want me to email them the document but the actual signature absolutely has to be with physical pen, so solidarity there!

      1. Is the patent for their benefit? If so, hell no to you doing the legwork to find a physical printer. They can send you a printout of what they want you to sign, with a self-addressed postage-paid envelope included, for you to sign.

      2. It is for their benefit (final paperwork on a patent I am lead inventor on; but was part of my previous work for them, so they do have a genuine right to the IP), but it is to my benefit for my former manager to continue having positive feelings about me as a generally helpful person, such that he will continue to give me a positive reference. I agree in theory their ask is unfair, but such is life.

    8. For the family issue, I think you need to issue an invitation. If not for thanksgiving (which most people probably have plans for already since it’s just a few weeks away), for that weekend. It sounds like you live close enough to do something over that long weekend. Plan something easy at your house and invite them over. Maybe you’ll be surprised with a thanksgiving invite in the process, but I would not count on that.

    9. I wouldn’t read that much into about not being invited to your cousin’s third birthday. My kid’s second birthday was mostly family or our friends with kids, but by his third birthday he had his own friends to invite so we didn’t do a larger extended family party

  10. Any suggestions for a super long-wearing liquid lipstick that doesn’t dry too much and comes in a pretty berry or magenta color? Chanel duo discontinued my dearest milky blueberry color and I’m at a loss for a replacement. I know berry shades or sort of out right now, but they work best with my complexion, which has neutral cool undertones and can really use a pop of bright but not too bright color. I’m seeing a lot of glosses and tints and I want something with more color payoff that will last all day. I don’t care if it is high-end (the Chanel is about $50) or drugstore. Just want something that will wear like iron throughout the day without drying out my lips.

    3. Check out the Wonderskin Blading All Day Lip Stain. Comes in a ton of colors. It’s one of those that goes on dark blue, but when you wipe it off the color lasts all day. I usually layer with my regular chapstick a couple times throughout the day and it feels great.

    4. I also love the Chanel Duo but for an alternative, I use L’Oreal Matte Liquid Lipstick. It’s also very long-wearing, and significantly cheaper. I wouldn’t say it’s moisturizing, but I don’t find it much more drying than the Chanel Duo. It is matte though, so it will have a different look than the Chanel does with the gloss.

    5. Try Fwee pudding pots with their applicator. It’s the only one that lasts all day for me. It looks drying but it isn’t.

    7. Revlon makes a long lasting lip stain in Premier Plum. Not trendy or instagrammable but extremely reliable.

    8. I recently wore Maybelline super stay lip vinyl to a wedding, it lasted all afternoon/night and wasn’t drying.

    9. I swear by the Maybelline Super Stay Matte Ink. This stuff does not come off. I apply it, blot and then apply another coat. I can wash my face and brush my teeth and it’s still on – and the dental hygienist asked about it recently because it was still on after she cleaned my teeth!

      Color 120, “Artist,” is a nice berry red, and my day-to-day color. I accidentally bought another one, maybe 130, that was more pink but also nice.

    10. Thank you, all of you. I see some really promising options. I swear, this community never fails!

    11. Try the Milani color fetish hydrating lip stain – lasts forever, not drying & berry color is fantastic

  11. Warm beverages other than coffee? I’m pretty sure I dehydrate in winter because I don’t like cold beverages even in already cold. I love apple cider but I know it’s too much sugar. Fruity tea is ok but not a fan of herbal and so often they’re mixed. I’m trying not to drink more than 2 cups of coffee per day. I know I can just switch to decaf but I was wondering if y’all had any suggestions.

    1. Can you drink low caffeine tea? I’m a stalwart coffee drinker, but I add oolong, white tea, or chai in the afternoons. I got an Ember mug to keep my drinks hot. It’s glitchy, but I like it!

    2. Go to an actual tea store. There’s lots of apple cinnamony teas without sugar or herbal.

    4. Hot water in a thermos you can easily drink out of with one hand. I also realized I’m dehydrated now that the temperature is dropping. Cold water is unappealing but I get tired of tea.

      1. During cool weather months, I am always nursing an insulated cup filled with hot water.. it sounds odd, but I really like it.

    5. I’m not a big fan of herbal tea bags, but I do like the following teas made from fresh ingredients. (1) I take a knob of ginger root that if it were squared off would be about an inch square. I peel it and slice it thinly, then pour water just off the boil over it. I add a scant teaspoon of honey. You can easily use more or less ginger root to make it stronger or weaker, or more or less honey. Bonus: this is a good anti-inflammatory, for me the equivalent of 100 mg of Celebrex. (2) A handful of fresh mint leaves with a bit of honey also makes a good tea.

    6. After my two cups of coffee, I switch to cocoa. I get a really great quality cocoa powder and add hot kettle water, a pinch of sweetener (I found a stevia I like well enough), and some half n half.

      1. You asked about warm beverages, but I also drink things like spindrift at winter room temperature instead of from the fridge.

    8. I like Celestial Seasonings Bengal Spice “tea”. No actual tea in it so no caffeine but does the same thing for me flavor-wise as what is sold in the US as chai. I also sometimes like just hot water with lemon.

    9. Once it’s cold out, I might as well have a 24 hour IV drip of Constant Comment tea. I switch to decaf after about 4pm.

    10. I love “Hot Vanilla” and chai latte. I don’t care for traditional tea, although I drink it occasionally when there’s no other option.

      For “Hot Vanilla”- I use Fairlife nonfat milk + 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract + touch of sweetener (I use a touch of Splenda) and heat it up in the microwave.

    11. Not sure exactly what you mean by liking fruity tea but not herbal. I assume that means you don’t like mint or chamomile, but what about rooibos, ginger, or turmeric? A lot of fruit teas are pretty acidic, so they’re not great for your teeth if you sip on them all day long.

    13. A few years ago bone broth had a moment for this reason. It’s warming, not sweet, hydrating, and packed full of good nutrients.

    14. If I liked coffee more I would switch to decaf. I drink hot water when I want something hot but tired of tea/coffee.

    18. Do you love ginger? I adore Trader Joe’s “100% ginger” drink mix. Settles the stomach and has medicinal properties to boot.

      It is STRONG. I will add honey or Trader’s Spicy Honey Sauce.

      1. There’s a good ginger lemon tea thats available at any Indian market. The one I buy comes in a green box.

    19. A mug of hot water works for me.

      If you have only experienced bagged tea, that stuff cannot hold a candle to good loose leaf tea. I highly recommend you find a tea shop near you and give it a try. Ask to smell any options that sounds interesting, then buy an ounce of whatever strikes your fancy.

    23. Green tea (especially the cheap kind from the Asian market) isn’t super high caffeine, and Korean barley tea has no caffeine but is slightly sweet. I also like those Vitamin C packets from the store in a mug of hot water.

    24. Trader Joe’s ginger drink mix, honey and lemon juice in hot water, fruit-infused water that you heat after infusing, hot water mixed with cherry bitters.

    25. I drink decaffeinated black tea — earl grey and chai are my favorites. You can also try hot apple cider.

  12. I learned from this board to not hang out with my mom without an activity planned, and that has been going extremely well. What can one do with a suburban mom visiting NYC the weekend after thanksgiving? Would Christmas markets be really busy? I want to go to the botanical garden train show – would that be crazy too?

    1. Is she into art? Both the Met and the Brooklyn Museum of Art have fantastic exhbits on at the moment and they’re always beautifully decorated for the holidays. If you try to do the train show I think they have timed tickets. If she’s religious it would be a nice time of year to go up to the Cloisters and it’s always way less crowded than the other big museums.

      Personally (and I say this as a native NY’er) the Christmas markets are insane. Way more packed than I ever remember and a lot of it is influencers making videos of the ‘must have’ food items and impeding foot traffic.

    2. I really liked the botanical garden train show when someone took me! If you want to spend more time in the Bronx, there’s the zoo, the Cloisters, and Arthur Avenue. I was the visitor and don’t remember how close those were to each other and which day we did which, but it was a fun trip for me.

    3. I’m sorry to say that the train show at the NYBG does get insanely crowded, as do Christmas markets. Depending on where you live, maybe try the Brooklyn Botanical garden + Lightscape (holiday light show) in the evening? Or Brooklyn Museum and then Lightscape? I like The Cloisters rec too, just remember that most of it is outdoors and not climate-controlled. Other ideas – basically any other museum. What is she into? Things that are not holiday-focused will be less crowded.

      1. She does really like the Brooklyn Museum and they have some cool new exhibits, so maybe that. She does like all the holiday things, loves shopping. I forgot the brooklyn botanical garden does a lightscape too – that could work.

        1. We’ve done BBG Lightscape annually for the last few years, and they do a good job with it. It changes every year, and the crowds are manageable. The Brooklyn Museum sometimes does a holiday market too – worth checking.

    4. I would love the botanical garden train show. Also the Museum of Broadway is great if she likes that sort of thing.

    5. the city is usually a zoo that weekend. definitely plan an activity. it is expensive, but does she like the theater?

    6. It is insanely touristy but have you taken her to Ellen’s Stardust Diner? Cheaper than the theater because you’re just paying for the meal, but very entertaining, easy way to kill ~2 hours.

  13. Has anyone had a relative who has had a TIA but they didn’t make it to the hospital until a day later (when they could only confirm no current stroke)? The thinking is that they couldn’t confirm that a TIA had happened but it sounded (leg weakness and dizziness and “looking bad”) like one had happened and resolved (hence the TIA guess). Does this sound right? And is there any way to confirm vs guess what actually happened? Elderly relative living alone, so I guess anything is possible.

    1. Do you mean that nothing showed on imaging? Or did they not order enough imaging since they couldn’t justify ordering it on an emergency basis?

      There are a lot of other conditions that can have episodes that superficially mimic TIA, so I guess further outpatient work up would be next steps.

      1. OP here and I don’t have enough medical knowledge to know exactly. What would I need to ask about for outpatient follow-up? That may help clear up the mystery.

        1. At a minimum, they need to follow up with their primary care doctor and discuss everything that happened. That conversation may lead to some referrals for testing or specialists for specialized testing.

    2. Did they get an MRI, or just a CT scan? The MRI is a more definitive diagnostic for stroke.

      But in my experience, no. My husband had very mild stroke symptoms–felt a popping sensation and then had numbness on one side of his face and a general feeling something was wrong. He went to the e.r., had a CT scan and eventually an MRI, and both were clear and he was sent home. Over the next three days, he started feeling dizzy and thought maybe he had an ear infection. Then he woke up in the morning and the room was spinning so much he couldn’t walk and was violently nauseous. He went back to the the e.r., where a repeat MRI showed he had an ischemic (clot-based) stroke. He was eventually diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder that causes blood clots, and the stroke affected the part of his brain where the optic nerve connects, thus the symptoms of vertigo and vomiting, as signals from his inner ear were not being received. It is unclear to us when exactly the stroke happened–like was a blood clot partially blocking the blood vessel initially and then gradually became fully blocked, or were the initial symptoms a TIA and then he later had a full stroke? We’ll never know.

      All that to say, be sure they get follow-up treatment and watch for recurrent symptoms in the days/weeks to come. And sudden vertigo+vomiting are rarer stroke symptoms to watch out for.

    3. No, it is not possible to tell from what you have written what happened to your relative. It depends on her medical history, the details of the “spell”, and what they excluded when she finally went to the hospital.

      Was s/he admitted to the hospital? Are they a reliable historian?

      She needs close follow-up, this week if possible. with her primary care doctor to review exactly what happened, what the neurologist thought, and the test results.

      There is no test to prove a TIA. It is a clinical diagnosis, based on the story/symptoms, keeping in mind the risk factors while ruling out other possible causes of the event. If the doctors at the hospital think she had had a TIA, she is at risk for having another serious event (like the poster above’s husband) in the near future – and the risk is greatest within one week. Things like optimizing her blood pressure and cholesterol are important, but most critical is whether the doctors started any new medicines like aspirin. But there are lots of causes of TIAs, so this is very simplistic.

      Yes, it would have been best if she had gone immediately to the ER when she had the initial symptoms. It is harder to know if it is a TIA vs. something else when you come in later. There are actually a lot of things that can cause a transient period of symptoms. It can be anything from a migraine to a seizure to a UTI to a panic attack to ???

      You tell them that if this happens again, she should call 911 immediately. I would make sure she has a PCP appointment ASAP and follow-up with a Neurologist within 1 month. And review the new medicines she is supposed to be starting and make sure they understand how to take them and any side effects to watch for.

  14. I think I want to hire someone to come to my house once a week for an afternoon to do 3-4 loads of kid and towel laundry and prep dinner. Is this a job for care dot com? Is 100 a week about what I should expect to pay (in Chicagoland)?

    1. $100 sounds quite low for that. It’s time not job duties and that sounds like a big ask.

      1. Hmm, good point that 3-4 loads of laundry is going to require a person to be at your house a long time unless you have a Speed Queen and super efficient dryer. If you were paying for only “active time” I can see $100 being fair. Any way to swing it that the laundry can be done at her house and then she can bring it over and prep dinner? Or perhaps you want to drop the clothes at a laundry mat that offers this service?

      2. This sounds too low. We pay our housekeeper well and she does laundry and cleaning but no dinner prep. She gets $50 an hour.

    2. In San Francisco I see lots of posts on mom-specific and neighborhood-specific Facebook groups for this.

      1. Agree–I do wash and fold pick up.

        A few years ago I put myself out there on care . com to do work like this and no one bit (or wanted extensive insurance when I just wanted to pick up a few hours of work a week.) Word of mouth might be more successful. Can you put it out on your facebook network?

    5. Unless you are looking to hire a 16 year old mother’s helper type role, that’s about half what you will need to pay. And I agree that even with two washing machines, you are overestimating how much will get done.

    6. I pay a nanny-manager $30/hour in Naperville. She watches my kids after school and comes in a few hours early one day a week to do random house stuff for us (no heavy cleaning, but laundry, meal prep, amazon returns etc).

    7. care.com or any local groups you’re part of (Facebook neighborhood, church groups, etc) would be typical places to advertise this

      I think $100/week is too low; but also that you’ll likely need to think about it in hourly terms. In general, you should expect to pay a premium because it’s a short shift, and because it’s essentially “independent contractor” work, and more if you care about reliability (are you going to be up a creek if the person’s car breaks down, if their own childcare falls through, etc). Also matters if you are planning to pay under the table & if you care if the person has legal work status.

    9. I would think this is roughly 4-8 hours of work total (folding/putting away takes longer than you think, ditto if you expect them to strip/remake beds). I’d say expect to spend $25-$30/hr depending on location. Maybe 10-4pm could get it done?

    10. Four loads of laundry in my washer and dryer takes 4.5 hours (about 20 minutes for the first load to run through the washer if I do the smallest one first, then an hour in the dryer for each of the loads, plus a few minutes to fold the last one). I might be able to find a teen willing to work for that price in cash, but I would expect them to do teen-quality work that is highly dependent on the teen in question.

    11. I’m in NoVa and I have a lady who comes every week for 3 to 4 hours to do laundry, change the sheets and towels and tidy up. I pay her $30/hour. I do a couple of loads before she comes and she folds the clean clothes. She would do meal prep if I asked her to. She was a referral from a friend. I also have a cleaning service come every other week. It has made a huge and positive impact on my life!

    12. Thanks for the feedback everyone. I estimated about 4 hours a week, at $25 per hour. (Four full loads of laundry could definitely be more than 4 hours, though.) It’s pretty mundane, low-energy work. Nannies seem to be MUCH more work and $25 per hour near me. In my head, a neighbor within a few miles might be willing to pick this up. But maybe I need to reevaluate the time involved and also calculate the trade-offs for a one-off job versus full-time employment.

      The feedback on what other people pay to outsource is a good reminder of how much unpaid labor many moms do, sigh.

      1. Please don’t conflate the salaries of full-time workers with part-time helpers. The latter usually costs a lot more per hour.

  15. Do you take your kids to each others’ activities? If so, what are the activities and kid ages? What does the tag-along kid do? We’re breaking our schedules trying to avoid making our toddler tag along to our older kid’s activities because the toddler is a beast to manage, but I’m wondering when/if we can re-assess our expectations.

    1. Bwhahahaha. Yes. All the time. My only advice is make sure the older also needs to tag along to the younger one’s activities, too.

    2. Yeah, depending on schedule yes. If we can divide and conquer ww do, but if we can’t it’s expected they come along.

      Theres almost always other kids to play with.

      Sometimes (especially if I’m the coach), they can be my assistant (gather cones, shag balls).

      They can run and play on the sidelines or unused field/gym space (shoot hoops in an unused basket, play on the adjacent playground).

      We bring books or toys.

      They can do HW in a quieter space.

      Obviously this isn’t all toddler friendly – mine are closer in age and we didn’t have activities til they were in K.

    3. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. When the younger attends, she sometimes plays on the sideline (this works well at soccer games, since there are usually some unused fields and grassy spaces for running, and is especially a fit when a grandparent attends, since they’ll head off with her), sometimes gets screentime. I expect we’ll transition away from screentime and towards play, reading, etc. as this kid gets older and better able to keep herself out of trouble.

    4. uh, yes. but parent and toddler don’t stay for the activity, they kick a ball around in a nearby park, or read a book in the car, or whatever.

      1. I’m curious, why wait in your car rather than in the waiting room, on the sideline, etc? I cannot picture my toddler chilling in their car seat for that long.

        2. these are music lessons at a very non-toddler-proofed private home, so car is by far the best option if it’s too gross outside. Only a half-hour lesson so not really time to drive anywhere else, by the time we’d have to leave to come back.

    5. My four year old’s dance class is a full on older sibling play date for my nine year old and his buddies. I’ve had less success dragging the younger one to the older one’s activities even with friends around. Toddlers just won’t sit through basketball games. If I had it to do again I’d try to set up a trade for play date hosting during games for the younger siblings. Every mom wants to watch her kid without her toddler wandering off at least a few times per season.

    6. For years I dropped the oldest off at dance and took the youngest to a nearby park so we could play outside during that time; great memories.

    1. I don’t know anything about him, other than his family tree. Is there a TL;DR?

      My gut reaction is that a little superstition would do that family some good when it comes to self preservation.

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