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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Short-Sleeve Gauze Top with Puff Sleeves

A woman wearing a green short sleeve top and light green pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I’ve mentioned my love for the J.Crew gauze blouses in the past, so I’m delighted to see this newer, short-sleeved version from J.Crew Factory. I’ve been wearing the long-sleeved button-up with shorts and skirts all summer, so I’m excited to grab this one and layer it under sweaters and blazers this fall.

This “trellis vine” color would look beautiful with any neutral, but I’d probably wear it with navy trousers and brown loafers for an easy office look. 

The top is $39.50–$54.50 and comes in sizes XXS–3X. It also comes in orchid, brown, and mauve pink. 

Sales of note for 12.10

250 Comments

  1. What would you do?

    A dear friend passed away unexpectedly, and the celebration of life will be at the same time my family is supposed to be on a cruise to Alaska. If we go to the celebration of life, we won’t be able to go on any part of the cruise and will not get a refund or credit. We will also miss out on spending time with my parents, who live far from us, and my mom has mid to late stage dementia, so there are limited opportunities to still build good memories with her. I’m so torn – this friend had a profound impact on DH’s and my lives, but my mom’s dementia has been progressing way too fast and my kids and I need to spend time with her. We are not local to our friend either, so we will need to make a separate trip to give our love to her spouse and young child.

    Hug your friends and family, life is too short and so unfair.

    1. Contribute to any memorial funds set up in her honor, write a heartfelt note in a card for her surviving family, and go spend time with your own family.

        1. +1 – sadly, you’re not going to be able to spend time with your now deceased friend. When you get back, go see your mom.

      2. This. You can’t be in two places at once, and there isn’t anything wrong with going on one last cruise with your mom.

      3. Agree.

        My view is that you can honor your friend anytime after they died, but you can only make memories and spend time with your family while they are still alive.

        Also, your friend’s family may appreciate having a good friend reach out/visit later, after the freshness of your friend’s death has faded.

      4. Yup, this. Family first. I’d also look at scheduling a visit to them to help in some way. They’re going to need support. Condolences OP.

      5. Agree. If it were my family who’d suffered the loss, there is no way I’d want you to cancel your vacation for this.

    2. I’m always in favor of going to the funeral, but not in this circumstance, given what you’ve detailed. It’s so important to love on the family of those you’ve lost, but also so important to love on your own family. Agree that you send a heartfelt note and/or flowers. And follow up when you return home because they will need that love even more after the funeral.

      1. In addition to the note/flowers – if you have any photos of your friend I’d send those too. At family funerals we’ve put up display boards with photos of the deceased at different points in their life and it is always very meaningful for those who attend the visitation/service.

    3. I think the choice is clear. But I encourage you to make a donation to the charity your friend would appreciate, write a thoughtful card (handwritten) to the family and recount some memories, and perhaps visit the family at a later date and reminisce with them.

    4. I agree with everyone else that given the circumstances you should go on the cruise with your family, but I’m also really skeptical you can’t get at least a future cruise credit if you were to cancel. I’ve canceled cruises for much less valid circumstances and got future credit, if not a refund.

      1. But for the mom’s situation, maybe. But the mom being physically present later = the mom being more able to enjoy it now. That is a huge deal to me.

    5. Go on the cruise but don’t overexplain it to your friend or expect her to understand. She may not give you the blessing and that’s OK. Just do what you need to do quietly and support the family otherwise.

      1. I’d not explain, either, but “I made a promise to my mother with dementia” is a pretty big deal. Anyone pushing back on that is a jerk.

        1. Sure, but if the spouse said “we’ll be sorry not to see you,” it would be inappropriate to counter with “well dementia is a big deal.” Let them be disappointed you’re not coming and don’t try to make them feel guilty by playing the dementia trump card. I’ve found that sometimes family members want “permission” to get out of funerals – instead of just not attending, they want approval for whatever conflict they have and to make it all about them. It’s far better to just do what you want to do and be done with it.

      2. I think it’s fine to explain that you had this time planned for you and your kids to spend with your mom who has dementia and who is not local to you, assuming the widower doesn’t already know that. If you don’t mention any of that and you just say you can’t attend because you’d already booked a cruise, that could come across as insensitive, particularly while they are grieving.

    6. I think it depends how dear the friend was, whether the widow needs help with her small child, and whether you’re best positioned to give that help. If I died suddenly and my best friend chose a cruise over coming to help my husband with our kids during the funeral, I’d be posthumously mad at her. But she is very involved in my kids’ life (even from out of town), and they would find real comfort in her presence (and it would free my husband up to grieve). If one of my adult friends who they see sometimes on FaceTime but who otherwise have no real relationship did so, that would be fine.

      1. Thank you – it is more of the latter. Her best friend and family will be there to support her widower and son.

        1. Then go on the cruise. I love the suggestions others have given for ways to honor your friend from a distance, and I hope your time with your mom is special.

          1. I’d not explain, either, but “I made a promise to my mother with dementia” is a pretty big deal. Anyone pushing back on that is a jerk. This may be one of the last times you are really able to have you and your family see your mother and this what they may remember forever. It’s not like you are going to some couples resort for a purely fun time — this is a heavy family trip even if you do enjoy it, it’s with the knowledge that this may be it. It’s not just a cruise to you.

    7. Go on the trip. Send a very nice note and either a donation or meals or flowers to your friend’s family.

    8. I would go on the cruise and visit the family later and put pen to paper on a heartfelt condolence card.

    9. I would go on the trip — I suspect the spouse and young child are going to be in a whirlwind and shock and you won’t get to see them very much if you go now.

      1. +1 I would go on the cruise, but can you plan a visit to the spouse and child once you’re home from the trip and they’re through the immediate aftermath?

    10. I was faced with a similar dilemma. I chose the living over the dead and have not regretted it.

      1. I agree OP should go on the cruise but I don’t like this framing. The reason to go to a funeral is to support the dead person’s immediate family, and those people are still alive.

        1. The friend’s family is more distant to the OP than her mom with dementia. So, mom with dementia takes priority.

          1. Yes, as I said I agree that in this circumstance w/the mom having dementia it makes sense to go on the cruise. But I don’t like the “chose the living over the dead” framing, because you don’t go to a funeral for the dead, you go for their living loved ones.

    11. It’s normal that not everyone who would like to attend a funeral can actually attend. You fall into this category for this funeral. There is no shame in having an unavoidable scheduling conflict. Express condolences and everything else, and enjoy your cruise to Alaska with your mom and family!

    12. Go on the trip and spend time with your mom.

      Do not talk about money or refunds etc. in connection with the funeral. This is about mom.

      Try and discretely find out if there will be a zoom option. There might still be a zoom option for a memorial/celebration service, and if so, you might be able to be part. Don’t ask for one, just find out.

      When you think about your friend, write things down, find photos, make a celebration of her life that you can share at some point. What she meant to you, how she made you laugh, how she loved her family…

    13. Also, FWIW, when my mom passed away we scheduled the celebration of life around the schedules of the people without whom we couldn’t imagine going forward (who were very few indeed). So I feel like if you were in that absolutely-must-attend-no-matter-what circle (in the eyes of the family), you would probably have been consulted about the date.

    14. I never expected any of my out of town friends to come to my parents’ funerals. It was equally meaningful to get a card or text or any kind of message. The family won’t probably even remember who was there or not. Continuing to do things in the future is a much better gift for your friend — especially when you can share memories with her kid.

  2. My husband and I are considering moving to Columbus, Ohio, from the Mid-Atlantic. I spent a few years living in Cleveland, Ohio in the 90s as a kid and remember that winter felt like unending snow, freezing temperatures, wind, and cloudy skies. Google suggests that Columbus is a very different animal than Cleveland and that my childhood memories of Cleveland could be off or no longer applicable anyway. Is that accurate? We both enjoy vacationing in cold climates and especially love cross-country skiing, so I could see us loving the climate.

    1. I’ve lived in the Columbus area most of my life. Yes, there are years when we have really bad winters with lots if snow and gray skies, but there have been some winters that are very mild. It can also get very hot in the summer. I don’t know think you’ll find much in the way of cross-country skiing. There are a skiing spots around the area that people seem to enjoy, although I haven’t tried them myself.

    2. I live in central Indiana which I think has a similar climate to Columbus and the winters here are really not bad at all, especially with climate change. The last few winters we haven’t even really had enough snow for sledding. My kids have been very disappointed! January is pretty yucky and we mostly stay inside for most of that month, but every other month of the year we normally get at least a few 50+ degree days and a lot of days in the 40s when it’s not bad to be outside. Chicago is much colder even though it’s only a couple of hours north (lake effect, which I would imagine is the cause of the Cleveland vs Columbus difference too).

    3. I read somewhere that most people in Cleveland are from Cleveland, whereas most people in Columbus are from somewhere else… that sums up a lot of the culture differences as near as I can tell. Plus Columbus is a essentially college town with OSU, and the state capitol, so I do think Columbus is better than Cleveland.

      We’ve been in Cleveland for 8 years now. Some Februarys it’s vest weather, some Mays are puffer weather. I also haven’t been cross country skiing but a lot of the skiing places near me rely heavily on snow-makers for a consistent business. Not sure how that would translate to cross country skiing.

      the 11 seasons joke is 100% true – try this link or just google it https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=2101908649882167&id=1400120873394285&set=a.1564641460275558

      And do NOT underestimate how strong sports culture in OH. it’s the primary thing people care about. unless they’reweird trumpies.

    4. It’s a long time since you remember Ohio as a youngster. With Global Warming, it’s probably going to be about 20 degrees warmer than you remember it. Of course, you have to love Ohio and that midwestern accents they all use, which in reality is not much different than Buffalo, NY, which is colder because it is on the Great Lakes. I wouldn’t live there, but hey, I’m a city girl, and barely could stand Washington DC where I went to school. I can’t advise on the quality of the nightlife there, but suspect there’d be more than a reasonable percentage of Joe Six Packs living in Columbus because of Ohio State, where students never grow up, even at 40! Of course, youre married, so that should not be an issue for you, so Good luck!

    5. I live in Columbus now and went to law school in Cleveland, so I feel qualified to answer. Cleveland is a lot colder and snowier. It’s the lake effect. Columbus is more temperate but expect cold, rainy and grey weather from mid-November to May. I don’t think it’s materially different from the mid-Atlantic. Most people do a spring break to escape the weather. It’s not cold enough for fun winter sports but it’s not as brutal as Cleveland.

    6. My in-laws are originally from the Cleveland suburbs but lived in the NYC suburbs for 20 years, and moved back to Cleveland thinking it would be their retirement town. They did not like it and after 2 years, they moved to Indianapolis, which they love.

    7. Columbus is a milder climate than Cleveland because you don’t get the late effect in Columbus. But Cleveland has been pretty mild itself for several years now. We maybe get one big storm in the winter now, if that. Used to be much colder/snowier/darker winters. We’re even considered canceling our snow plow contract. Columbus is not the town for cross country skiing. Skiers from Ohio go to New York regularly. Columbus is a college town. I lived there for 7 years and now visit often for work. I prefer Cleveland but agree that there are more out of towners in Columbus (people who moved for college and stayed) so it may be easier to fit in and make friends.

    8. Thanks to everyone who replied! Message received that we wouldn’t be spending our winters cross-country skiing there. What winter activities are popular in Columbus?

      1. Not very many. There is usually an outdoor skating rink. Despite OSU being the majority of the culture, there’s the statehouse, a hockey team, MLS soccer team that’s good, and minor league baseball (Guardians farm team).

        Skiing is an hour away but it’s a quick run and relies on man made snow.

        There are a lot of indoor sports complexes and leagues though.

        Lots of cities are close, Cleveland, Indianapolis, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati.

        Also we are only an hour north of the foothills of Appalachia so there are decent winter hikes to take within day driving distance.

        Pretty decent arts scene.

        They say there is no accent here as opposed to Cleveland and so we have a large foreign population and many corporations are here.

        It’s all surprising.

        And as of Tuesday, legal weed!

        1. I think Northern Kentucky may be one of the most underrated areas of the US for natural beauty. I always hear Wisconsin and Michigan mentioned as far as nature in the middle of the country, but I think Kentucky is right up there and way more under the radar.

      2. It looks like my reply went sideways. Cincinnati isn’t in consideration because this would be a move for career purposes and the job is in Columbus.

    10. It’s pretty mild here compared to CLE because no lake effect. I shoveled the driveway 4 times last year.

  3. My 11 year old and I are going to Barcelona for a week. Looking for recommendations on things to do/places to see/restaurants/etc.

    1. Sagrada Familia, Picasso Museum, Fondation Joan Miri, Parc Guell (enter from the backside/top), Palau Guell, see Casa Battlo from outside, dancing Fountains at night.

      Stay in the Upper Barri Gotic or Ramblas near Placa Catalunya–there’s a Corte Ingles with a good Food Hall.

      For day trips, recommend a trip to Montserrat–it’s really special.

      I recommend visiting Santa Maria del Mar church over the cathedral.

      Buy the Lonely Planet Guide. Enjoy.

  4. Has anyone gone off GLP-1 drugs without gaining all the weight back? The NYT story this morning bummed me out.

    1. I’ve commented here a number of times about my own experience. I lost 60 pounds (so 200 to 140 on a a somewhat muscular 5’7 frame) using Mounjaro. I’ve been off for for all of 2024 and gained 10 pounds back but otherwise I’m holding steady at 150. The medication helped me re-orient my eating and limit the food cravings.

      I used to get an incredible need for chik fil an and chipotle multiple times a week, and with the medication I was able to stifle and then more or less eliminate these cravings. I still get chipotle a few times a month, but it’s memory in my gut biome is less pronounced. I also don’t eat after 6 anymore, which helps me maintain and eliminates thinking too much about food in my down time. Having lost the extra body weigh, I find working out easier to do and the recovery is faster.

    2. Yes, I went from 160 to 130 on GLP-1. I got off the medication over 6 months ago, and I have gained 7 lbs and holding steady. I am happy with my weight and take great comfort that I can always go back, but I haven’t seen any need.

    3. I don’t think anyone has been on the drugs long enough to be able to comment on whether they’ve had lasting weight loss. A few months or a year is a drop in the bucket in a lifetime. I’ve had family members “keep it off” with Atkins for two or three years and then gain it all back.

      1. Sure—we’ve all mostly been there. The meds are just an effective tool. Lifestyle factors and changes to our body will always play a role in weight. There is no forever solution, but the meds help.

    4. I went off for six weeks and gained ten pounds. I had convinced myself that I had become a yoga nymph and that my super healthy diet was all me. I was wrong. The food noise and intense craving for sweets I’ve had my whole life came raging back. I will be on a maintenance dose for life and I am ok with it.

    5. I lost thirty pounds, went off on April and have _lost_ weight since. I was pre-pre diabetes (insulin resistance) before, now blood sugar is normal.

    6. My anecdotal evidence from my doctor is that you will probably have to stay on the drugs, but you can cut WAY back on the dosage once you’ve reached your goal weight.

      1. Can you share what you mean by maintenance doses? My doctor was of not much help as the clinical trials did not cover tapering off and suggested looking online

        1. I’m not Senior Attorney, but I am on a maintenance dose of Wegovy. I started Saxenda in January of 2023. I was 226lbs at that time. I reached the max dose on that per the manufacturer’s recommendations. I was on that until I could not longer get it due to Novo’s shortage issues. I had also lowered my dose back down for a number of months to ration out my pens when it was clear that I wasn’t going to be able to get it much longer. In January of 2024, my insurance began to cover Wegovy and I made the switch from the full dose of Saxenda to 1.7 of Wegovy. I’m now at 153lbs. I never went up to the 2.4 dose of Wegovy. 1.7 is the maintenance dose and I plan on staying on that dose. I’m not gaining weight on this dose, but I’m also not really losing any weight either. That’s what maintenance means. I could probably start to stretch out my doses (instead of every 7 days, go to 10) or decrease the dose. But decreasing the dose has its own problems because the lower doses are still difficult to find. I could probably maintain my current weight at a lower dose, but I’m going to have to hunt all over to find a pharmacy that actually has it in stock.

  5. Tretinoin ladies…. how long does the peeling/initial adjustment last?

    I started using it and was on week 6-7 or so and thought I was starting seeing some improvement when I came down with pneumonia, was in the hospital for a couple days and fell out of my normal skin care routine but for just basic washing. I think I took about 4 weeks off from using it and I’ve just restarted this week. I feel like the dryness/peeling is next level at the moment. I’m going to power through but this does stop at some point, right? I’m so frustrated that I didn’t keep using it as it seems like I’m starting all over again.

    1. I would say 8 weeks for the initial adjustment phase. Things that can help are:

      1. Start with every other day or even every third day, then increase the frequency to daily after a few weeks.
      2. Make sure you have been prescribed the “micro” formulation, which is much gentler than the older gel.
      3. Wait 10-15 minutes after washing your face to apply the tretinoin, then another 10-15 minutes after that to apply moisturizer.
      4. Make sure your moisturizer isn’t contributing to the irritation. When I’m using tretinoin most moisturizers are too harsh. I find argan oil to be the gentlest and most effective.

    2. Stop what you are doing. Touch base with your derm. We all have different skin.

      How frequent were you using it before? Start again much slower, and use a lotion right after the tretinoin. I have sensitive skin and when I restarted, I went back to once a week…. then twice a week for awhile…. slowly increased as tolerated. No, you don’t just push through when you skin is peeling off.

      1. Right? You also just had a major illness. It’s possible your skin is reacting to that.

    3. Don’t go right for every day if you’re not acclimated to it. Every third day is fine for a while. You can add a thin layer of moisturizer under the tretinoin to minimize irritation at first, then work up to putting it directly on skin. I still put mine over a serum, personally, and my results are good.

      1. Thanks. I was planning on doing every other hoping I had a little tolerance already in the system but maybe it’s a true restart/reset given the 4 week hiatus. I’ll revert to every 3rd and take other suggestions here.

    4. I use differin as the peeling/irritation never went away for me with Tret. It’s still a retinol, just a gentler one – maybe try that? Otherwise my top two tips is to put Tret on bone dry skin and to use it as a layer in between moisturizers (light oil/serum, tret, let everything dry, thicker moisturizer over top).

    6. Are you using the gel or the cream? The gel causes terrible peeling for me, but cream doesn’t. (A friend told me she had the exact opposite experience, so it may be worth trying the other version regardless?)

    7. I had the worst peeling the first 6 weeks (even with applying over a moisturizer and only every 2-3 days). But after that, the skin adjusted and peeling went away. Now I use 0.025%, every 2-3 days, over moisturizer and have no irritation in general. I only get a bit of peeling/pilling if I have damaged skin barrier or after going through sickness. In those cases, I pause tretinoin for 2 weeks, only use a good moisturizer and Cicaplast and then re-introduce tretinoin 1x week, then 2x week.
      I have also heard some have better luck with adapalene.

    1. No – they would be bunchy and uncomfortable! I don’t really know how I would wear this shirt. It’s too fussy for casual but that gauze fabric is not workwear IMHO.

      2. This is definitely not too fussy for casual. This is the platonic ideal of casual.

    2. Maybe this is how we can all incorporate our trendy vests. We’d look like extras from The Music Man, but fashion don’t care.

    4. I would not layer these sleeves under anything. I would not wear them on a boat, I would not wear them with a goat, I would not wear them here or there, I would not wear them anywhere.

    5. Only if I intended to keep the top layer in place all day, and if the outer layer had enough room in the sleeves that these ones weren’t weirdly bunchy.

      In my finance bro casual office, this would be a totally fine summer option and I would wear it tucked into a belted maxi skirt, loose over slim ankle pants, half tucked with cropped wide leg jeans. Except I have broad shoulders and would look like a linebacker all geared up.

  7. Looking for an outdoor sofa and dining table/chairs for a courtyard area. The pieces will be in direct sun, but I can bring cushions indoors when not in use. Any recommendations for something that will hopefully last more than a season or two? TIA!

      1. Really? I hate our teak set. You have to oil/stain every season. We just had ours power washed, which helped it look more presentable. But if I were to go back in time, it’s not the material I would have chosen.

    3. I like cast aluminum (although it gets hot in the sun so you need cushions) and I have also been happy with a faux-rattan set I got at Home Depot, of all places, a few years ago. For cushions you absolutely must invest in Sunbrella fabric or similar, because anything else will fade immediately (ask me how I know). I also have a teak set but it’s true that it requires more than zero maintenance to keep it looking nice.

      2. ++1 LOVE our polywood set that’s on our roof deck that gets ~12 hours of direct sun everyday during the summer

        1. +1 we just got our polywood set this year. We spent days researching options. It’s more expensive but it’s worth it!

  8. What are your favorite Amazon fashion finds? I bought a really great easy to wear and wash sleeveless sweater dress that I now want to buy in every color.

    2. Jewelry, not fashion, but I’m pleased with all my PAVOI earrings. I have a few more in my cart to eventually buy.

      3. Fantastic find! Selecting a pair of gold vermeil hoop earrings for a gift to a niece.

    3. I like the Amazon Essentials Women’s Slim-fit 3/4 Sleeve Solid Boat-Neck top. Bought it last year, has held up pretty well and looks great with wide-leg pants.

      1. I might have bought this based on your recommendation, if you’ve posted one here before. It’s a good one. I bought two in navy.

        1. The CRZ yoga clothes come in a million colors and are very much a dupe of the Aligns products from LL.

  9. To the poster from last night who is getting interviews but not offers, it sounds to me like you need a sponsor. Is there someone a level or two up from you in your organization who will speak freely with you about how leadership sees you and would be willing to go to bat for you? Understanding if the issue is “it’s not her turn yet” versus “she doesn’t have __ quality or __ experience” is going to make a big difference in how you approach it. And if there’s someone in a decision-making capacity who just doesn’t think you can move to the next level, your answer may be to move to another organization.

    I’m sorry you’re going through this, I know how hard it is.

    1. Yes, it’s possible that the issue for the internal promotions you are seeking may be who you know as opposed to what you know. Intangibles become more important, unfairly, the higher up the ladder you rise. Hang in there!

    2. I’ve been thinking about this poster too. As someone in senior leadership who is a part of hiring for people at my level — I’ve been thinking about what I would tell someone on why they didn’t make the cut. Everyone who gets to the interview stage has great experience and is generally excellent at interviewing. Many people also have super impressive career experience that allows them to answer all sorts of behavioral questions smoothly. As another poster said, we’re looking for their strategic thinking and trying to get a sense of how they would help us solve problems, think outside the box, etc. I also think that often one of main issues is a lack of vision and/or appearing too junior in their responses. Excellent candidates will be able to address vision or direction — both recognizing that they don’t know enough about us to be able to give us an actual vision and a sense of their early thinking that shows they’re thinking about the organization as a whole and their specific role/their team’s role. It’s surprising how often we’re given the impression of — they’d keep the ship steady instead of sailing forward, looking ahead in the industry, thinking about risk and opportunities, etc. Thinking of you and sending all the best wishes!

  10. Californias, are you planning to vote to overturn Prop 47? I’m thinking about it pretty seriously.

      1. I’m torn. I do think theft should rise to being a felony, especially if repeated, but I don’t know that simply possessing a drug should land you in jail. There’s no evidence that jailing drug users has any effect on drug usage.

        1. OP here and this is where I’m struggling too, although it’s tempered by the fact that marijuana possession isn’t a crime in this state.

        2. I don’t think possession should, but it’s true that it can be a plea down. The justice system needs to work on itself.

        3. My understanding is that it would make simple possession a treatment-mandated felony.

          I need to read through it in more detail but my initial inclination is to vote for it. Prop 47 (like a lot of California’s propositions) was well-intentioned but its practical effects have been problematic.

          1. Court-mandated drug treatment sounds great until you see the reality of how it actually works.

  11. Here is a notion from the conversation yesterday that I don’t understand. The criticism that Tim Waltz has ‘no assets’. I don’t get what the problem is, surely we don’t generally think richer people are better politicians? Am I just naive?
    Not having retirement funds would be bad personal finance except he has a pension. Apparently he had a house until some time ago, but also what’s wrong with someone relating to the life of renters??

    1. Elitism and conformity. Also some people with assets believe that says something positive about their own character and negative about people without such things.

    2. In America, being rich obviously means you are smarter and better at everything than anyone else is. Not that you may have had some other advantages in life, no, it’s all your own doing.

      That is one reason I kind of love the Theranos story. All these rich men assumed that because they were rich, they knew all about how everything works, including liquid biopsies and cancer detection. And they all lost a bundle!

      1. I agree…. I also really (secretly) enjoyed the Theranos story. Old white rich men – just fools at heart.

        1. The theranos story unfortunately shows how much power those old white rich men have, the only reason she was prosecuted was because of who her victims were. If she conned the masses the legal system wouldn’t have done a thing.

    3. I don’t agree with it, but there’s a historical line of thinking that homeowners are more invested in the community – and therefore responsible politicians and electors

      TBH, having a pension actually reads as “out of touch rich, in a boomer-ey way”

      1. It’s only out of touch if you think everyone has one. It’s not if you recognize the privilege of having one and act accordingly.

      2. But imagine believing property investments are a more meaningful investment in the future of a community than caring for and educating its children!

      3. Agree with the last paragraph.

        There isn’t anything stopping you from opening an IRA or, if your workplace sponsors one, a 401k or 403(b) when you also have a pension. The fact that Walz didn’t do that, and is relying 100% on his pension, is problematic IMHO. He’s earned six figures annually as Governor, plus gets to live in the governor’s mansion, and couldn’t take advantage of some tax-advantaged retirement savings vehicle? Life insurance, IRA, any of that?

        There is a massive pension crisis that’s coming, and I simply don’t want anyone in power who doesn’t understand that. There are a LOT of people who have no or minimal retirement savings and will see their taxes hiked through the roof to pay the cushy pensions of Boomers.

        Yeah, a pension is part of your benefits and all that. I get it. I really do. But that doesn’t change the fact that the money is not there to pay these pensions and it will be paid for by people who themselves cannot retire.

        1. But why should he? He has four or five different pensions (teachers for him and his wife, congress, military, and possibly governor), so risk is distributed and very low for all of them. He should have plenty of money to retire on. Plus most government pensions these days require you to contribute, so you are putting money into retirement, it just doesn’t show up on a balance anywhere. But even if his pension is in good shape, I’m fairly confident that he’s much more aware of retired people’s financial struggles than most politicians!

          2. +1. Also, doesn’t he have a kid in college and one about to start? In his situation, I would have been saving for college tuition instead

          3. In my state, the pension for a two term governor is 50% of the then governor’s salary, for life, with a spousal survival benefit. Add that to the other pensions, and I sure wish I had all of that.

          4. Yeah, he’s better off than most of the country – that’s for sure.

            And we have no idea what he has in his bank accounts/bonds/conservative investments.

          5. +1 I think it’s entirely reasonable for him to rely on his government pensions and absurd to think all of them will disappear in his lifetime.

        2. Because the opposition— who was born with everything and has bankruptcies— is better? Or the bilking of the public by creating a predatory university is preferable to a *gasp* lowly paid teacher?

          Let’s stop with the fake outrage already.

        3. It was my understanding that the disclosures didn’t include government retirement accounts so it’s possible he has 403b or similar accounts that aren’t included. But either way, I don’t care. He’s never earned a ton of money and has a lot of pensions. I don’t think this is evidence of being fiscally irresponsible at all.

        4. What pensions are left to have a crisis? There are almost no pensions around anymore.

      4. In my area all public school teachers, local, state, and federal employees have pensions. It’s not as rare as people make it sound like.

        1. +1 it is completely normal in my state for govt employees to have pensions. I don’t have one as a state employee, but I work for a public university and higher ed is a little different. I do have a really generous employer contribution (10% of my salary, regardless of what I put in) and the opportunity to max both a 403b and 457, although not many people in higher ed have a salary that would allow them to contribute $46k/year to retirement.

    4. He lives in a mansion, a very nice one (I live a few miles away). I imagine it made sense to sell the house since the kids were off to college or going to high school in St. Paul and not going to want to move back to Mankato. When he’s out of office, they probably plan on buying again in the Twin Cities but didn’t want the expense and hassle of maintaining a house they weren’t living in while holding a busy job. That’s the kind of decision normal people make, only very rich people can afford to do otherwise, and I’m personally quite happy to have someone relatively normal running for office!

      1. The governor of my state also sold the house he and his wife owned, and they have children at home. I think the real estate market was on fire, so it made sense to sell rather than to try to manage a vacant house or rent. I would presume that Walz and his wife made a decision that made sense for their family at that moment in time.

      2. Many wealthy people are renting these days. Many. Ownership is not what it used to be.

        1. My parents have an eight figure net worth and rent. They LOVE maintenance-free living. And I have to say that after the past month of homeownership that included a dead fridge, a broken dishwasher, a rat in the house and a massive leak in the basement, I’m kind of jealous of them.

        2. We hit the “millionaire renter” mark last year and have no plans to buy. Can’t afford to with our incomes – the assets are mostly 401K so can’t be used for a down payment. Even a massive down payment in the Bay Area would only get us a dump anyway.

    5. Wait, that poster yesterday was *serious*? I honest to goodness thought that was an attempt at satire.

      1. People enjoy a pile-on, but there was clearly a real point in those posts. “Folksy Grandpa vibe” isn’t actually a qualification for president, but white men benefit from it and then receive less scrutiny for the rest of their lives. They’re considered automatically relatable, even if they don’t have the same struggles (such as building assets and stressing about a 401k) as the rest of us. It’s a very fair critique. Personally, I think a HUGE part of his appeal is the folksy grandpa thing and I think it’s unfair, as always, for men to get that boost by default while Harris herself is torn to shreds for being an effective prosecutor and leader.

        1. actually that part I can appreciate. Reminds me of how a while back, people were comparing Ed Sheeran selling out stadiums while looking like he slept in his clothes against the beauty standards for female pop stars.

          1. This thing about Ed Sheran makes me instantly filled with rage every time I hear his songs or someone bring him up. He looks like a muppet.

          2. +1 I accidentally saw Ed Sheeran at a radio promotional event 10 years ago. There was a dad behind me who was chaperoning a group of teenage girls who immediately said loudly “All of this, for that guy…” Makes me chuckle to this day.

        2. I do agree there’s a double standard for men and women in terms of behavior and personality and the reaction would be different if Kamala was saying some of the same things, which is unfair. But that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with Walz not currently owning a home or not having massive assets. And people aren’t saying he’s qualified to be president because “folksy grandpa.” It’s because he’s been a very successful governor of one of the states in the US with the best quality of life (and I’m a native Iowan so it pains me to say anything nice about Minnesota, lol).

        3. Yeah, I absolutely get the outrage that he’s allowed to look his age and express his natural personality and she’s not, but that’s not what the financial discussion is about. You think that contributing to a pension and sticking out years of low paid service in teaching and the military isn’t also a struggle? It’s exactly the same kind of calculation as contributing and investing in a 401k, balancing risk and reward and consumption now and in the future.

          1. Right, sorry, I was referring to the comment about him having gone to a no-name university and not being rich. I honest to goodness thought that was an attempt at satire. I can’t imagine writing that out, reading it and not having the self awareness to realize just how ridiculously out of touch it was. Real “let them eat cake” stuff, if that was an actual thing Marie Antoinette said (it wasn’t).

    6. All his financial decisions make total sense to me, of course I also have an iron clad pension so the calculus is familiar.

      1. I’m with you on this one. I have a parent with a CRCS pension and I suspect many of his former coworkers basically have CRCS and a house that appreciated in value as their sole retirement assets. My parents have other assets, but my parent was fairly senior and worked in private industry for a while.

    7. A lot of people tie up their personal self worth in what they accumulate and achieve and it probably galls them that someone who lives very different values is on track to be VP. They are just showing their insecurities and frankly should be ignored.

    8. I think people are just saying that they don’t want office holders who do not represent their own class interests, which they (I believe wrongly) perceive to be in conflict with poorer people. It’s like instead of rejecting Marxism, they believe it but identify with the bad guys of its narrative, so they see themselves as in a class war to defend themselves against the poor.

    9. I don’t get it either — he has pensions, so he doesn’t need traditional retirement savings. And even if he had no retirement savings he wouldn’t be that abnormal — according to google the average (median) American family has $87k in retirement savings, which means half of all families have less than that amount. It’s normal on this board to have millions saved, but very not normal on the whole.
      I don’t get the homeowner thing AT ALL. He owned a house until recently, and sold it when he moved into the governor’s mansion. The right is acting like he’s homeless, but he has a house! And it makes sense you’d sell your old house when you move across the state. It’s rare to hang onto a house you no longer live in.
      I don’t even think Walz is that great, but this criticism of him is just so dumb.

    10. Given all the insider trading in Congress, I see his lack of investments as a good thing. But I think there are people who don’t understand public pensions and think that not having a 401K or IRA in mutual funds marks him as a rube. They’re wrong, of course.

      2. Was thinking the same- plus carve outs for all their best friends in their favorite industry sectors- guns, oil/gas, big banks, airlines, etc. I prefer to have my elected officials not benefiting financially off their policy moves.

    11. Some people think that rich people are better politicians for other rich people like themselves, because they’re also driven by greed and making more money in the stock market. Having as much money as possible is the most important thing in the world to some people .

    12. As long as he isn’t doing anything illegal with regards to his finances, I really don’t care about them.

      1. Wasn’t there some politician a few years back with a history of bankruptcy – someone being considered for Senate or VP, maybe? That’s one that would give me pause, for better or worse, depending on the exact circumstances.

          1. During Kavanaugh’s confirmation, there were questions about why he had so much recent debt, and how he was suddenly able to pay it off.

          1. Donald Trump has at least four times declared for bankruptcy. (You know, aside from the fact he has been convicted of fraud and all of that).

            But sure, argue over pension strategy.

            Is this a troll or something?

          2. This board is unbelievable. Where is the outrage on this board over HIS bankruptcies, fraud convictions, vast legal entanglements with suppliers, etc, etc.

            Are we all just going to ignore that?

            I’m sure being so entitled to have a pension–at a time when pensions were a lot more common–is a much bigger show of a lack of good financial stewardship.

            What the actual heck?!?

    13. He spent years in Congress and in the governorship, and he was in the national guard. I bet he has alot stashed away, even if his salary wasn’t high.

    14. First – don’t underestimate how good pensions can be, especially teachers who’ve been teaching a while (and lived as teachers their whole lives). (There’s a Walz story about how when he was in Congress at orientation someone said, “this will be a big step down in pay for many of you,” and he turned to his aide and said, “this is 4x more than I’ve ever made in my life.”) According to this story in the Star Tribune, he might be entitled to $40k income each year after he retires, which is pretty significant. https://www.startribune.com/the-myth-of-great-teacher-pensions/600341820

      Second – I’m much more suspicious of Mike Johnson who hasn’t reported so much as a bank account. How is he paying his bills?
      Or Brett Kavanaugh who had tons of credit card debt (in excess of $150k at one point) that was mysteriously paid off before he was nominated to the Court.

      1. Do you mean don’t “overestimate?” I am a career government work with significant mandatory employee contributions, and my pension will be not be generous. I am glad that I have a pension, but as I said, my required contribution is significant and I might have done just as well if my contribution had gone into a defined contribution retirement vehicle.

      2. And his wife has a teacher’s pension too, so their household income in retirement could be $80k — that’s absolutely nothing to sneeze at, especially in Minnesota where cost of living is modest.

        1. Of course it will be much, much higher from his additional military/governor’s/senator pensions. He will do better than almost all of us on this board.

          Remember, the benchmark is – to provide $40k a year of income, you want $1 million in investments. The “value” of their multiple pensions will be in the several million dollar range, and likely he has health insurance covered for life with it as well. He blows me out of the water.

          1. Do you always count others’ money this way to determine if they are a decent person? Good lord.

          2. I’m I supporter. I was explaining to those who seemed sketchy on why he doesn’t have any retirement savings that he doesn’t need it.

    16. He has assets. They are just part of his federal retirement benefits (and possibly his state retirement benefits, too), and likely not reportable in financial disclosure documents. These will be mutual funds in 401(k) or 403(b) accounts to which he contributed during his career as a teacher, in the military, in Congress, and as Governor. It’s a good thing that he does not own individual stocks, to avoid unseemliness in insider trading by those holding elected office.

      1. YES! Omg who cares if he doesn’t own individual stock!? It’s both financially smarter and less of a conflict of interest to have everything in index funds. I have >$1M saved in retirement but it’s all in 403b and 457 plan index funds, so I guess according to these people I have no assets??

    17. I think the post yesterday was earnest, not a troll. But Walz managed a budget as Governor, was a member of a union, and supported workers rights legislation in his state. So I think he’s equipped to do numbers and has a track record of understanding how to actually help the middle class. That’s a great voice to have in the mix.

    18. I understand he doesn’t have to report workplace retirement accounts in his financial disclosure, which makes sense to me as someone with a prior job that requires monitored accounts. Your work knows what you’re doing already.

  12. How did you manage gray hairs when they first started appearing? Particularly with dark hair. I used to notice a random gray strand every couple months along my part, which I plucked. Now I’m seeing several of them clustered around one spot. I get light brown balayage every four months and I’ve asked my stylist to apply the color up higher than she used to, but soon this won’t cut it. It feels like overkill to dye all of my roots if the gray is just in one spot though. Is this a case for a careful home dye job? Does your colorist do cheaper root touch ups for a small area? Or do I need to bite the bullet and get roots done for my entire head every 6-8 weeks?

    1. Don’t pluck.

      Have you tried moving your part around? It takes some getting used to, but it’s not all that difficult. I do it when my roots start to come in (I’ve passed the point where there was a question as to whether I needed to get my roots done regularly) because the grays are more prominent where I used to part my hair. Personally, I’d recommend waiting as long as possible before you start covering the grays. Because it is a PITA and it only gets worse.

      1. OP here. I stopped plucking once I saw multiple grays. I have a cowlick along my hairline so I can’t move my part. After noticing your first grays, how long did you hold out before getting your roots done regularly?

        1. I have a cowlick on my hair line too and moved my part anyway. It’s at the top corner of my forehead and I always did a side part. gen z cancelled that so I did middle and then went to the other side. I’m surprised how much it behaved. Parting it on the cowlick also made me look a little bald from certain angles. Not OP of original reply to your post but just a thought.

    3. Don’t pluck and ask your stylist what their suggestion is. Mine will put me down for a ‘glaze’ and touch up a trouble spot and then do an all over tint. I generally do that every ~4-5 wks in between an all over dye job. Basically I see my stylist once every 5 weeks and alternate glazing and all over color. Other stylists will sometimes sell small at home root touch up kits – they’d rather you use salon color than box dye.

    4. I covered them for a while but now I just let them live their little gray hair lives.

      My mom used to tell me that every time you pluck a gray hair, three of its friends come to the funeral.

      2. When I found my first gray hair at age 12, my mother told me that if I plucked them I’d be bald by 30. I wasn’t totally gray until more like 35, but still she wasn’t far off.

      3. i’ve heard that but i’m not sure it’s true — but it is definitely true that when you pluck them you then get short, coarse little gray hairs that stick up all over your head and give you that frizz halo.

        general advice for grays, though — keep an eye on your makeup and whether it’s suiting your current coloring. as my grays have grown, i’ve realized i need darker eyebrows on a daily basis than i ever did before, and i need blush or i look washed out. for “done” makeup looks i’ll sometimes use 3 different eyebrow products — gel to color them in, brow gel to give them dimension, and sometimes pencil to add extend the browline or whatever.

    5. I used at-home demipermanent color a few shades lighter than my natural color to turn the first few grays into highlights, but that approach is not compatible with balayage. You could try an at-home root touch-up kit just on the gray area, but you’d want to be careful not to get it on the balayage. I like the Madison Reed touch-up kit. Or it might be time to re-evaluate your color in general.

    6. I don’t pluck greys, but I do cut them back to the root. Much like the popular myth about shaving making hair grow back coarser, eliminating them doesn’t impact your other strands adversely. The reason I don’t pluck is that eventually they will grow too numerous and I will still want the volume I have.

    7. My stylist does a T-line touch up. It’s 15 minutes. I pop in, she applies the color, and then I go home and wash it out myself. I often schedule on my way home from work.

      1. OP here. Thank you, I wasn’t sure if something like this exists. I’ve only seen women getting their entire scalp done. This sounds like exactly what I need, I’ll ask about it at my next appointment

    8. I go every 4-5 weeks and it’s just…not a big deal? They dye the roots and glaze the rest so it’s shiny and pretty and they blow your hair out so it’s nice. I have my extensions moved up too and I’m still out of there in an hour or so. It’s a cultural thing I guess but an hour or so a month seems like not a huge thing for hair maintenance. I think I spent more time reading here about people confused on how to handle gray hair than actually managing my gray. :)

    9. I went blonde. They told me it wasn’t possible most my life because I’m so fair but people love it. My grays were stark white only on the top of my head so growing it out wasn’t really an option.

      There’s a bunch of really good gray hair groups on Facebook. They’re super encouraging to grow it out and go natural.

  13. I’m in my late 30s and in TX. When I went through OCI a lifetime ago, I was told to stick with charcoal or navy suits and not to wear black suits. I need a new suit and am starting to shop. I can find some navy suits but very little in charcoal. Is this an outdated rule?

    1. I think it depends on what you need the suit for. I have found styles to be much more relaxed than OCI timeframe and I received similar advice to you. I’m 39 and in Tx also.
      I think a lot more colors are acceptable now and styles are more relaxed. And if you’re female, in Tx and thinking about executive level, you could even go for a bolder color. Our former CLO rocked a lot of aubergine. My former boss did a lot of tweed type suits. I don’t even do a suit anymore. I’m in a male dominated industry that is more blue collar. I have a navy blazer, and a pink one.

      1. I’m traveling to attend exec meetings for a week but I will be one of the lowest level people in the room and will be meeting some of our c-suite for the first time, so I don’t want to stand out hugely. Sounds like a nice black suit would be okay for the most formal day and then the other days I can do options like sheaths with jackets, pants with jackets, incorporating more color or tweed.

        1. For what you described, I would go charcoal, which is the vanilla suit for this type of corporate setting imo. Black will look too somber.

    2. If you need a Conservative Suit (like, court) I think navy or charcoal stands.

      If you just need a Suit, like to attend Big Meetings, I think there’s a lot more leeway – none of the women execs at my co wear plain suits. Lots of tweed with solid pants, etc.

    3. I wore suits very regularly at my job until the past year or so. I was also given the advice for a charcoal or navy suit for OCI. However, in actual practice, these more conservative suits typically are considered more junior attire or attire for court only. I only wore my navy/charcoal suits for trials or more formal court appearances. It was much more common for women in my office to wear a dress with a blazer, long-sleeve dress, or pants with a tweed jacket, etc.

      I also found that charcoal was a more common color for winter/wool suits and that navy was more common in the summer. So, if you really are set on finding a charcoal suit, I would wait until cold weather suiting becomes available.

    4. My black suit makes me feel like a member of the waitstaff.

      Navy is a year-round staple in stores (as is black) so you might have more luck finding charcoal the closer we get to autumn.

  14. I understand there is a movement away from Brazilian Waxes, in favor of the “natural look” of the 1960’s. I have a number of string bikinis that pretty much require I continue with waxes. What are the rest of you doing?

    1. I reject the idea of following pubic hair trends personally. I like a full bush and that’s what I have always had. If you like a Brazilian go for it.

      1. If I went natural, I’d be in at least 6” shorts all summer. The corona outside of even the most modest one-piece would otherwise be . . . . . extensive. And I have blindingly white skin, all hair is super-dark, and I’d have a shadow by noon absent waxing. Saving for laser to get to what will let me swim for exercise throughout the year.

        2. I have similar coloring, super pale skin and dark hair where you can see the roots under my skin. Save up for laser because it is the best thing I’ve ever done. Bikini, full leg and underarm. I rarely shave anymore. No more worrying about irritation from shaving, salt water or the horror of hair being visible in bright sun.

        3. I just guffawed my coffee!! “corona” lol thank you for this image it describes me too!

      2. Agree with not following trends. I never embraced the Telly Savalas, so I just keep the sides clean and don’t let the middle get too long. I get horrible red ingrowns from waxing and that certainly is not cuter than having some hair.

    2. I don’t even know where one goes to find out such trends (here, I guess?), but I have always been a “shave as much off as possible but don’t get paid assistance” person and I don’t think I’ll change while I am still able to do this task.

    3. I have never removed everything covered by underwear, but I’m looking for a less irritating solution for hair on upper thighs (that will show in a swimsuit). Shaving doesn’t work well for me and I can’t get laser during pregnancy/postpartum, but I may after. I’ve never followed trends on this.

    4. I use depilation cream all over and am good for 4 weeks. I would do touch-ups around bikini line if I went swimming (any any touch-up would be needed).

    5. Team take it all off. It’s worth it not to worry about the stuff hanging out and frankly I just prefer not to have anything down there. I’ll follow trends for clothes but this is personal enough that you should just do you.

    6. I used to get regular Brazilians but since moving to a small town where even the EWC people know your neighbor’s cat’s medical history and the high school chemistry teacher’s favorite sandwich and the EWC waxed IS 2 degrees to you, I have stopped going- I really don’t need someone gossiping about my privates. I have no idea what the trend is. But if a swimsuit requires it, I would probably just shave.

    7. I prefer swimsuits with more coverage, less cheeky, but shaving has always irritated my skin and led to ingrown hairs, so I shave only as needed, and I borrow my husband’s razor to do so, since it seems to irritate much much less than mine. It looks something like the gillette intimate electric one, but I’m not sure exactly.

    8. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

      So far I’ve been on trend for big round bottoms, bushy eyebrows, nerdy glasses, and comfortable shoes.

      Hopefully authentic callouses on heels will be on the fashion runway for next spring

    9. I prefer a Brazilian and am not changing. I do it because personal preference, not because of a trend.

    10. To me, it’s far too personal a thing to be subject to a trend. If a man is lucky enough to see that part of my body, he can accept my preferences. No one else needs to know.

    11. I did Brazilians until I was about 30, when I decided no more because of how painful I found it (plus the ingrowns – ugh). I now shave my bikini line and trim everything else to keep things a bit neater. When I was younger, I couldn’t imagine having hair down there but now I think it’s kind of weird not to, but to each their own.

    12. LOL how would anyone even know what this trend is? I’m a swimmer so I see a lot more naked women than most people probably do, but even then it’s not nearly enough to know what is “on trend” or not.

      2. In some places and with some populations there are clear trends that are obvious in a swimsuit.

    13. I shave and use the Braun IPL device. That translates into only needing to shave maybe once a month. I will eventually get laser, but in the mean time I’m impressed.

  15. Send some good thoughts my way, please.

    I was called back yesterday after receiving results of my screening mammogram back with a number of “developing asymmetries” on one side. Managed this morning to get the follow up imaging appointment next week, but in the meantime my mind is coming up with all the horrible what-ifs.

    I am freaked out because I’ve had dense tissue and some hormonal lumps on that side for a couple of years (which come and go with my cycle, and are sometimes painful), and due to family history I am marked “higher risk” on the scoring matrix.

    FWIW, I’m 42, I’ve had diagnostic mammograms in 2020 and 2022 for the lump issues, a breast MRI a year ago, and did ultrasounds in between the mammo/MRI, my last breast ultrasound was this January. All came back clear.
    This screening protocol with alternating annual mammograms and MRIs (e.i. mammogram every 2 years, MRI in between) as well as ultrasounds in between was recommended by a good friend who’s a breast cancer specialist at a highly reputable center in Europe. My mom had breast cancer at age 50 almost 20 years ago, she is fine, and her cancer supposedly wasn’t hereditary.

    I try to be rational and not to worry until there is something to worry about, but it’s really hard not to be anxious. I know from working in big pharma that even if it’s turning out to be something, there are a ton of options and therapies – just the uncertainty of what might happen is driving me crazy.

        1. This commenter has been saying strange things in multiple threads today, so I’d disregard.

    2. I’m sorry you’re going through this :( The uncertainty is so difficult and anxiety provoking! I find mindfulness helps longterm, and sending good thoughts to you for the short term.

    3. I’m sorry. The wait for these sorts of appointments feels interminable. I hope this next week passes as quickly and uneventfully as possible. I think it’s healthy/normal to be anxious in these sorts of circumstances, as painful as that experience is.

    4. I hear you. I have the dense breasts + family history of cancer issue, and they often see something on my scans. Had a biopsy last year… Honestly, I have already “accepted” I am going to get cancer at some point, and have actually thought through some treatments that I’m willing to do. Oddly, that has improved my stress level.

      But the waiting always sucks. Do you have a friend you can ask to go with you? Or that you can text/call just before/after? Try to get outside today, and fill your weekend with distractions if you can.

      I also encourage you to get genetic testing yourself, considering your family history. 20 years ago when your Mom might have been tested….who knows what they did. Testing is different now, and we know a lot more. If you have a gene that puts you more at risk, they will probably change your screening recs. For example, I get an MRI and mammogram every year, and alternate one or the other every 6 months. I also schedule doctor breast exams 3 months after each scan to fill the gaps.

      And all this to say…. OP, you will be fine.

      1. I truly appreciate your kind and insightful response.

        Great point on the genetic testing, and that it has evolved. Will definitely ask about this.

        I will go alone to the imaging facility, but my husband is very supportive. We have a 8 yr-old kid, so that certainly contributes to my anxiety around this.

        1. Yes, kids…. it adds a layer of complexity and stress to everything. But honestly, when you go through trying times with health and life, coming back to family and children is what keeps you going.

      2. +1 – definitely get genetic testing done. Things change quickly in that field and they are identifying new things all the time. BUT, I will add, definitely do not think you’re “doomed” to cancer. Upwards of 80% of breast cancer has no known genetic component and if you’re mom is not specifically BRCA positive, it’s likely you’re not.

        Beyond that, if you’re really of the opinion that you’re doomed to cancer, you may want to seriously consider a prophylactic mastectomy. Obviously not a decision to be taken lightly at all, but my mastectomy was truly the least traumatic part of all of my cancer treatment and I would do it 100xs over to not have all the other cancer side effects again.

        1. Actually – OP, just make sure your genetic testing includes a panel of cancer genes, as BRCA is not the only gene that puts you at higher risk of breast cancer. My family is filled with several types of cancers, including breast and colon.

        2. Cancer researcher here.
          That’s not quite right- 50% of breast cancers seem to be linked to genetic heritage but we only know what the causative genes for 20% are. Genetic testing is useful for the 20%, under certain circumstances, but does involve some risks of increased scrutiny and testing, and having to worry about something that may turn out to be nothing.

          BRCA1/2 carriers (and Li-Fraumeni syndrome patients, and a few others) have enough of a lifetime risk of cancer (close to 100%) that prophylactic mastectomy can save lives. But other breast cancer associated genes have a lower likelihood of causing breast cancers, so the recommendations for patients with these mutations can vary from “be aware that you may have a slightly higher risk” to “mammograms and ultrasounds earlier and more often” to “if you do find a thing on a mammogram, it should be taken more seriously”.

          It sounds like OP is following an aggressive testing schedule (which sounds like a great plan with a family history) and is on the young side (also great) but with tests there’s more likelihood that a test will pop positive.

          1. I said “no KNOWN genetic component”. As in, there may be but we don’t know it yet. I get what you’re saying Nesperin, but as a survivor, trust me when I say I am up on the research.

            Plus, even 50% being genetic is much than what women are sold. I think it’s so, so important to continually reiterate that no genetic history is not a get out of jail free card. So many women do not know that. We need to change our language so much.

    5. I’m right there with you. 42. Mammogram yesterday popped and having ultrasound 8/23 on dense parts of the problematic left breast. No family history but I did jinx myself during my first mammogram years back when the tech said she would start with the right one and I said “that’s the good one!” Sending you good vibes and the doctors said stress and alcohol contribute to cancer so I’m trying to stay relaxed and positive! I hope you can do the same.

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