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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Silky Floral Bell Sleeve Top

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washable-blouse-loftOur daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Loft has a ton of prints with an art deco feel right now, and if you like the prints and you like their modern shape and their usual washable, affordable clothes, it's worth cheking out. Bell sleeves are very in right now, and I think this purple, blue, and gray combo is gorgeous. The big flowers are reminding me a lot of the art deco stuff I've seen, even though they don't label this “art deco” on the site. Loft also has the same pattern in a printed shirred blouse. The shirt pictured is available in sizes XS-XL and is $49.50 full price, but you can get 50% off everything today with code GIFTS. Silky Floral Bell Sleeve Top Two plus-size options are here and here. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

403 Comments

  1. One of my resolutions next year is to eat less sugar. Any suggestions for actionable steps to help me achieve this?

    1. Have a plan in place for cravings. I often feel like having a sweet dessert right after dinner. It often helps to have a cup of tea within reach to overcome that urge.
      Another tip would be to doublecheck what things contain sugar. I always associated nuts with protein and fiber, but they also have a good deal of carbs (not a problem, but you want to be aware of that). Teabags sometimes contain actual sugar. And the best thing was a flavoured water-beverage I once bought, clearly designed for the health-conscious buyer. On the label, it said proudly “without artificial sweeteners”. Yeah, it was just full of sugar instead!

    2. A friend told me years ago that cinnamon cuts sugar cravings. It seems to work for me. I use cold (or hot) apple cinnamon tea from Celestial Seasonings.

      1. this works for me too. i’m frequently starving on my commute home and then make bad decisions once i arrive. having cinnamon altoids does the trick for me.

    3. Cutting out soda and cutting out sweetener in coffee/tea are good first steps. For me, if I tried to cut desserts entirely I would just end up binge-eating. Unless you have a medical reason to go zero sugar, it’s a lot easier to reduce but not eliminate sugar intake.

    4. Plan to have fresh fruit in place of sugary snacks. Grapes and berries are really good for kicking a sugar craving.

      1. I definitely have a sweet tooth and this works for me. I buy tons of fresh fruit every time I go to the grocery store and eat it with almost every meal. Today I have 3 of those little mandarin oranges for dessert with my lunch.

        Also if you’re a fan of carbonated beverages, La Croix has lots of flavored bubbly waters that don’t have any sugar or artificial sweeteners or anything like that. I’m a fan. It satisfies my craving for something flavorful to drink without any unhealthiness.

          2. Those natural flavors are created in a lab, FWIW. It doesn’t bother me, but some folks are unaware.

          3. ::nods:: I know. The word “natural” is completely meaningless on food labels. Doesn’t bother me either.

    5. Cut out artificial sweeteners as well. I find that they really screw with your perception of how sweet things are. I reach the “this is way too sweet’ point at a noticeably lower threshold when I don’t use sugar substitutes.

    7. I have this same resolution. Dad and Grandma Leyeh insist that I loose 10 pound’s, preferabley 3 pounds in the tuchus. This can ONLY be done if I cut carb’s out, and sugar is a carb that I can limit by lessening BREAD, PASTA and cookie’s. I wind up going home and eateing cookie’s watching Lifetime movies all the time. I need to meet a guy so that I can be out of my apartement, away from the cookie’s! If there are OTHERS in the HIVE with tips for girls like me with oversize tuchuses, please tell us so we can find guys to marry us!!!!!

    8. For me, I started using Splenda instead of sugar in my coffee. That was a simple, easy step that my dentist also favored since sipping on sugary coffee for hours is bad for your teeth. It was easy for me to cut out all sugary drinks. Coffee, tea, water, non-fat milk only for me.

      Although there is an obsession in many places online with avoiding artificial sweeteners, the data is much, much more critical of real sugar/carbs. I’m a doctor.

      It was much more effective for me to cut down carbs in general than to focus on sugar alone. Changing my dinners from carb heavy to protein +’2 veg/salad was a good move.

    9. I started by slowly reducing the amount of sugar in my morning tea, and now I don’t take any. That cut out some of the cravings. Otherwise I just had to be committed to it. Don’t keep any sweets in the house, and try to only eat something if it’s really “worth” it. Like store-bought cookies at work? no. But a fancy dessert at a restaurant? Yes.

    10. Great resolution! I am an “abstainer” (Gretchen Rubin shout-out), which means it’s easier for me to give something up entirely than cut back to a little bit. When I was able to give up sweets, I simply told myself “I do not eat sweets” and then actively avoided anything that tempted me. Donuts at work? I don’t eat sweets. Birthday cake from Costco? I don’t eat sweets and really not worth the calories.

      1. This works best for me, too. I once went more than a year without eating any sugar and I think I’m going to give it whirl again in 2017.

        1. Plus one on the abstainer model. For me, it’s the easiest way to cut sugar hands down.

      2. That’s my technique as well. The “I Quit Sugar” book is great. And the hashtag #iquitsugar pulls up lots of great recipes on Instagram.

      3. I took a wonderful online course called “Go Sugar Free”, and I can’t recommend it enough.

    11. I have a major sweet tooth but have discovered that I gain weight easily when I don’t watch my sugar intake. Honestly, if you can stick to virtually no sugar for two weeks, you’ll be good. I find that I don’t get cravings for sweet things anymore and can easily turn down sweets (which is no easy feat around the holidays). I’ll echo the other poster who mentioned La Croix – that definitely does the trick and also lets me avoid caving for diet soda (another thing I try to avoid).

    12. I cut sugar out of my diet earlier this year. I allow myself an occasional small splurge (like once a month at a special event) but otherwise avoid it.

      For me, like PPs, I just eliminated it cold turkey. It was hard at first, but after awhile, I didn’t miss it. I still don’t miss it. Interestingly, in studies, sugar has shown to have “reinforcing” effects on the brain through the dopamine system. I find avoiding it entirely helps me with cravings. It also reset my internal “sweet” detector, and things I previously found unbearable without sugar (plain tea or very dark chocolate for example) I now truly enjoy.
      Even with the small splurges I allow myself around holidays/special occasions, it can be difficult to limit to ONE small thing, and I find myself jumping back on the wagon quickly because it becomes a slippery slope.

      The only foods I eat that I know have sugar are my protein powder and in condiments like ketchup. If you eat a lot of prepared foods, you have to read labels because sugar is added to a lot of things you wouldn’t expect, like frozen meals and pasta sauces.

      That said, I think you have to know your own body and your own willpower. It was one of the best choices I ever made.

  2. PSA – Urban Decay’s setting sprays are 40% off today with code SPRAYME. I’ve been on the fence about trying them and with the sale I was thinking of picking up some travel sized versions. Pros/cons of the different sprays? Also, what even is a “prep spray” and is it worth trying?

    1. I’ve tried the Urban Decay up all night setting spray and it seems to work. although maybe not as long as advertised. I also have the Sephora brand spray, but haven’t yet formed an opinion. I like the UD spray pump better- it produces a finer mist than the Sephora. I may just switch out the pumps and see how the Sephora does.

      1. Through UD directly. I get their emails – I swear I’m not affiliated. Idk if Sephora/Ulta/etc. price match? It might be worth asking customer service if there are other things on your list.

    3. SPRAYME. OMG. I don’t know why, but that just strikes me as hilarious this morning.

    4. I have tried them and I think they do help your makeup last longer, but it was just an extra step I don’t feel like doing most of the time. I received a travel size free sample recently and that will probably last me several months. It’s not something I use on a daily basis.

    5. I’ve been using setting sprays, and loved them at first…but then I started noticing my pores were looking larger. I was wondering if the sprays may contribute to more pore-clogging than just make-up alone. Anyone else notice this?

    6. The UD All Nighter spray works well to prolong makeup, but not as well as MUFE Mist & Fix. I don’t really care for the prep sprays, because I prefer a prep product I can be sure I’m applying evenly (like my skincare and makeup primer). The only other spray I use is MAC Fix + for days when I don’t need intense longevity but have used a lot of powders and want to get rid of that powdery finish.

  3. Two more PSAs (I swear I’m not a bot) –

    – Everything at The Limited is indeed 70% off with free shipping, but all sales are final. There are some pretty scarves that come down to like $5 after the discount, but a lot of the apparel items are sold out except in lucky sizes. I’d go to a b&m store to see what the selection is like but I’d rather poke myself in the eye than go to the mall the Saturday before Christmas.

    -My daily mailer from Loft says they’re running a 50% off everything sale, and my beloved Essential Skinny Ankle pants are finally available in gray. Technically it’s “marble onyx”, but it’s really just gray.

    1. For some reason, this made me laugh really hard! Why can’t they just call it gray? I’m not sure I want my pants to be marble onyx.

      1. Also? “Marble onyx” is an oxymoron (because a substance is either marble OR onyx) and also neither of those words indicates much about color because both those materials come in multiple colors. Just total hilarious fail all around!

    2. I might be crazy, but I’m going to brave the mall this weekend to visit The Limited.

      1. I think I may try, too. I’ll probably immediately regret this decision. Maybe if I take the back way in to the mall and park in the furthest away lot it will be ok…

      2. Go early! Be there the minute the mall opens, if you can. It starts getting super busy late morning/early afternoon.

        1. As a former retail slave, this is accurate. 10am on Saturday before Christmas isn’t that bad. And some malls open at 9am the weekend before Christmas, so check first.. Plan to be physically at the door of the store the moment it opens (so get to the mall at least 15 minutes early), plan on leaving the mall within the hour that it opens, and park on the aisle that leads to the exit as close to the exit as possible so you’re not circling with everyone trying to get IN while you’re trying to get OUT.

    3. I purchases a gray skirt from The Limited in the late 80s that I wore until I had my baby in 1999. It was $50.00 (a fortune for me then on my waitress tips but I bought it for my first real job at the State Attorney’s Office). It was well-made, lined and very cute and professional. I wore it every week. Why can’t any store make a skirt that I can buy today that I will still be wearing in ten years???!!!!!

    5. Oh man, I wasn’t going to but then I had to pull the trigger. Their jeans were my jam in high school so I had to do it one last time. Also snagged a cute blouse.

  4. I love the UD travel size. Allows me to wear my normal foundation all day rather than something super thick and not have to touch up on business trips. Feels just left me a spritz of water but don’t let that fool you. Heavy hitter in keeping makeup from sliding or wearing off.

    1. Thanks! Which spray do you use? It looks like there are a couple of options.

    2. Heh. In my world “UD” is “unlawful detainer” and this made me giggle.

  5. I have this blouse! It fits and looks really nice and is also comfortable.

    Today in NYC it is 18 F (-7 C) this morning and “feels like” 6 F (-14 C). Ladies who have winters like this, what are your tips for dressing professionally in winter?

    In college I would have been wearing jeans which are warmer than work pants etc.

    1. Regular underwear; tights (not hose) with warm socks over them; boots that come up to your knees, a skirt or dress that meets the tops of your boots, a puffy coat (or extremely warm wool coat) that comes down to your knees or below, huge scarf, hat or ear muffs, mittens.

      1. Do you wear knee high boots in the office? That’s what I was thinking today but wasn’t sure if they were appropriate.

        1. I think it depends on the boots/your workplace, but I work in a business formal environment and wear my tall black leather boots all the time.

        2. Change them when you get in. I have no less than 5 pairs of shoes under my desk at all times during the winter. That’s standard for all women in my office. We’re in a business formal office, too. Staying warm in the snow and in that kind of cold trumps professional attire for commuting purposes.

        3. Yeah I think in the winter it’s more acceptable in places where it might not be as acceptable in the summer. But I wear mine under pants too. I stick to long underwear under everything (even thing ones under some tights), a good coat hat and mittens. And then some good boots that can be worn professionally with thick socks.

          1. Yeah it seems like many people are saying they wear them, and I actually noticed more women than normal wearing knee high boots in the office. At some point I guess you’d rather not have frozen employees!

        4. When I lived in a cold climate, I would regularly wear knee high boots under trouser pants.

      2. I wear this getup and also add sized-up spanx on top of my tights because spanx is great for heat retenton.

    2. Skirts/dresses with fleece-lined tights. That’s really all I have. If I really want to wear pants, I’ll wear a thin silk or wool base layer.

    3. I am wearing actual leggings under my dress today with boots instead of my normal tights. Brrr! It’s Friday though, so also wearing a sweater skater dress and a scarf and praying it warms up next week!

    4. When it’s really cold, I wear J.Crew skirts in double serge wool with Smartwool tights tall leather boots. On top, I wear a wool sweater under a blazer. A long coat that hits mid-thigh or lower is a must. I used to only have winter coats that hit at the hips, and I can’t believe how much warmer I am in longer coats.

      I don’t own any work pants, but you could definitely wear fleece-lined leggings or Smartwool tights underneath. I also have friends that swear by fitted silk long underwear.

      1. Uhhhh are you me? Yesterday I wore Smartwool tights, knee-high black leather boots, J. Crew double serge wool skirt, and a sweater. It was BRUTAL here and I was pretty warm.

    5. Knee high boots and tights are warmer than work pants imo. I can also wear jeans on Friday so I’m doing that today. It’s “feels like” 4 degrees F in my part of the country! Brrrrr.

    6. In Ottawa this morning it is -25 C without the wind chill. My suggestion is layers.

      1. I know right?! So cold it’s ridiculous. But my solution is tights, socks over tights, knee high boots, knee length skirt, knee length coat, ear muffs, cashmere lined mittens, wool scarf, long sleeve shirt, sweater.

      2. Agreed! It was -1 F this morning in New England without the wind chill. Patagonia makes a silk weight under layer that I wear under lined dress pants. Heavy socks (smart wool) and boots for trudging into the office, and a cashmere sweater on top.

      3. Calgary checking in, also -25C before windchill. We also have a moose-licking advisory in the mountains. Apparently moose love salt, and have been licking cars.

          2. Is there a sign I can get that says that? It would be a hoot in our basement (where the guest room actually is done in “lodge” style decor.

        3. OMG I wish we had moose around here. We just have coyotes and owls here and there.

        4. This is possibly the most Canadian thing ever, except perhaps that strategic maple syrup reserve theft a while back.

          1. Omg. Forget politics, between this and the moose advisory, this is why I’m moving to Canada!

    7. Buy a really nice coat and it doesn’t matter so much what’s underneath. Knee length down coat + insulated boots = warmth.

    8. Heat tech leggings from Uniqlo or fleece-lined tights under lined dress pants, tall wool socks under tall boots, heat tech shirt from Uniqlo (which is thin enough to basically be long underwear) under a button down under a sweater, topped with a giant puffy coat, ear muffs, a scarf, and gloves. But commuting from an outside subway platform during the big polar vortex winter is a large part of what ultimately drove me out of NYC and back to warmer climates.

      1. +100 to Uniqlo heattech. Skip the regular heattech leggings for days like this and go straight for the extra warm heattech leggings. Soft, opaque, and so warm. I wear them over my tights during my commute then take them off when I get to the office. And I live in them on weekends. I’ve found that the extra warm heat tech shirts are overkill for me but I overheat easily so YMMV.

    9. I layer tights – I find two pairs of tights are actually really warm. I wear skirts and dresses to work exclusively so when it’s cold, I have two pairs on tights on, sometimes a tank top under my blouse, knee-high boots, and then my jacket which is knee-length and a big blanket scarf.

      This keeps me pretty warm but I’m not outside for long periods of time.

    10. Long underwear! Jeans by themselves aren’t that warm. I’m in Boston, and I’m wearing long underwear pants, boot socks (insulated and thicker on the bottom), knee high boots under my dress pants, and lined dress pants that match my suit jacket. On top, I’m wearing a cami, long sleeved shirt, and a lined suit jacket. Business formal with layers. Yay!

      You can get duo layer long underwear from LL Bean. They’re amazing. One layer is cotton, the other is wool/cotton.
      http://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/23878?feat=887-GN1&page=women-s-double-layer-pants

      A lot of people recommend tights, but I just can’t do it. The hassle of pulling them up and down every time I go to the bathroom, ugh.

      You can also wear 2 pairs of socks, but that may be uncomfortable in your office, in which case I’d take off one pair inside and put it back on for commuting.

    11. Business formal when it gets this cold in NYC. I did a tank top, cashmere sweater and suit jacket; with lined suit pants, thermal long u/w, and socks and short boots that I can wear with a suit. Plus a wool coat – like a pea coat but thigh length. I was actually a little too warm yesterday even with the 6 degree wind chill. So I shed a top and bottom layer today and was comfortable.

    12. As someone who has never lived in a cold climate, I am both boggled by how cold certain places apparently get, and incredibly impressed that you ladies not only stay warm but look professional.

    13. From Chicago – base layer is key.
      I wear Cuddle-Duds – you can get them at Macys/Kohls and Lands End silk.
      Neither adds bulk.

      1. +1 to CuddleDuds. I get them each year on Black Friday at Walmart for $9/pair (top and bottom).

        1. I wear CuddlDuds too! Another tip I have is to keep anti-static spray (the kind sold in the laundry aisle) and a lint roller at your desk. All the layers makes for all the static, plus down coats and some sweaters can shed, which is a bad look when you are wearing black.

  6. One of my goals is to look more put together with my grooming next year. I dress pretty well, but it’s the little things with grooming that I let slide, like sometimes I go too long between eyebrow threading or don’t put lotion on my hands when they’re looking visibly dry. What do you think are the modifications I can make that make the largest impact on looking put together. So far, I’ve noticed that when my eyebrows are properly shaped and threaded, my whole face looks better. It’s a huge difference. Anything else like that?

    1. Nails. This didn’t used to be a big thing, but now everyone has their nails done. When I don’t, I feel really frumpy around other women.

        1. To me, it doesn’t have to mean polished. I don’t wear polish that frequently because it’s a PITA to maintain, but I’d like to get better about keeping my nails trimmed and filed and buffed and neat.

      2. The women I hang out with and work with rarely have their nails done (which I’m grateful for, because weekly manicures are expensive and time consuming). It’s pretty much a special occasion thing. People will get them done before vacation or a wedding but otherwise they keep them bare.

        1. Imho a chipped manicure looks worse than no manicure. I try to get my nails done to maintain my cuticles and nail shape, but I don’t do polish because it’s just too much upkeep.

          1. Keeping my nails nice has been something I’ve been working on, too. I’ve found that using cuticle oil or aquaphor every night has really helped – a smooth surface cuts down on the amount of anxiety-related picking I do.

          2. Slight TJ: Is it possible my prenatal vitamins are making my nails worse? I thought they were supposed to get better. They are so freaking brittle and have been ever since I started taking them. Because of this my nails are basically always cut short or uneven as they break all. the. time. Both finger and toe nails.

          3. Nails: are you drinking enough water? Try to up your intake and see if that helps with the brittle nails.

      3. Yeah, this confuses me. What is “done”? Standard at my firm is neat, but not polished.

      4. Gel polish will last 2-3 weeks depending on your tolerance for grow-out and how hard you are on your nails. An hour every 2-3 weeks is a small price to pay for something that makes you look super polished, imo.

        1. A biweekly procedure that requires UV light that causes skin cancer and premature aging on my hands? Um, no thanks. I’m fine looking “not polished” if the trade-off is my health.

          2. The UV light that’s used to cure them is just like exposing yourself to UV light from the sun. Of course one manicure is not going to give you skin cancer, but if you try to limit your sun exposure you should limit your UV light exposure too.

          3. I do gel manicures (not on a bi-weekly basis!). You are exposing your hands to UV radiation, similar to a tanning bed. They’ve found that women who get gel manicures have much more sun damage done to their hands (which could eventually lead to skin cancer…). You can wear fingerless UV gloves to somewhat protect your hands, or just risk it.

        2. +1 For me gel polish was for my wedding and baby shower. No way I would do it on a regular basis.

          Very surprised to see the comments about nails. I literally can’t think of a single person in my office whose nails are “done” (with color). At a reception yesterday I chatted with a federal judge who was wearing baby blue polish color, which I thought was awesome, but part of the reason she stuck out was because it is so unusual to see polished nails.

          I’m in DC.

          1. I feel like I see it with our associates, particularly more junior ones, but not so much with senior associates/partners. The norm for us is that your nails are tidy, but not polished (which is basically the universal standard, for both men and women – you don’t want your hair/nails/eyebrows/clothes to be messy, but they don’t have to be obviously “done”). You might see a partner with her nails painted for a special occasion, but it’s uncommon for everyday.

        3. Gel polish is the standard for my office/peer group too. I went most of the summer without to cut back and save and started again recently and feel so much better about my hands. I also work harder to put lotion on them when I have nicer nails.

        4. Guys, you realize they use LED lights now right? If your salon is still using UV lights, you should change salons to one that regularly upgrades its products and technologies.

      5. So surprised by these comments on nails. I consider myself very put together in general and probably have color on my nails once or twice a year. I like the idea of getting them cut and buffed but I can’t deal with my manicure chipping, and gel just seems to bad for you (UV light plus harsh chemicals).

      6. I agree re nails. They don’t need color per se, but the women at my firm (including partners) always have well-groomed nails. Usually color, but at least clear nail polish or buffed so they are shiny.

        Gel polish is pretty standard, but my personal compromise for financial and UV-avoidance reasons is to use Vinylux nail polish. It lasts a solid week, can be done at home in front of the TV or found in a salon for a treat, and dries rock solid in ten minutes.

    2. Are you using any eyebrow products? I like the Anastasia brow powder and Benefit’s (?) Gimme Brow, which is like a mascara for your brows. It helps my brows look better in between waxing. I also pluck any obvious strays a couple times a week.

      I’ve been trying to take better care of my lips. I’m not a big lipstick wearer, but use a lip scrub about once a week and I always have a lip balm on me. Keeping them exfoliated and moisturized really helps bring out my natural lip color.

      1. What lip scrub do you use? I’ve noticed my lips are super dry and nothing seems to help.

        1. I forget which one I ended up getting, maybe through Tarte?, but I think it’s basically a coarse sugar in some kind of lip balm. In the future I think I’ll just make my own with sugar and coconut oil.

        2. I use olive oil before bed on my lips (and nowadays a bit on my face too, as I’m so so dry). Works really well.

      2. Wait, what exactly do brow products do? Mine aren’t unruly, so I don’t need products for that.

        1. I thought I didn’t either but holy cr@p, it makes a difference if you have sparse areas or light/medium brows. Try something like Benefit Gimme Brow or Glossier Boy Brow. They’re like tiny brow mascaras and just make everything look more defined. My whole face looks more defined and finished, but it’s not noticeably “makeup.”

        2. Ditto to what Marshmallow said. My brow shape is pretty good, and I do regular waxing, so I didn’t think I needed one.

          I have a few different brow products now that I love. Anastasia dip brow is probably my favorite (with an angle brush) because my brows are light brown, and tend to fade into my skin otherwise. I use the teeniest amount, but it really darkens my brows without them looking “done” (i.e. strong line, etc etc).

          I also have a few brow mascaras that are pretty great. I just like the control I get with the Anastasia and a brush.

        3. I use Anastasia Brow Wiz to outline my brows, the Anastasia Brow Definer to fill in, and then the Brow Pomade to groom. My brows are really, really important to me, obviously.

    3. I don’t mess with my eyebrows at all. I cringe to think what others might assume about my grooming. Personally, I like a fuller look and mine have a naturally very nice shape.

        2. YES! Bert is always who I think of when my eyebrows are ungroomed. Unibrow, full inch up and down with no maintenance.

        3. I have the opposite issue. My eyebrow hair is so sparse, I get mine waxed once a YEAR. Sometimes I wish I could be more like Bert!

    4. Keep hand lotion and cuticle cream in your work desk.
      Set reminder in your phone for your brows.
      Dark lipstick makes me feel instantly more put together and for some reason coordinating my work bag/jacket/outfit makes me feel fly coming and going and it’s a good feeling to start and end the day with!

    5. My favourite trick is to book appointments at your last appointment, even if it’ll be months (hair cuts, for example) and put it in your calendar. Waxing, nails and brows can be booked at whatever interval you like and the bonus is that you get your pick of the schedule.

      1. +1. I make appointments right away and put them in my calendar. You can always reschedule if that ends up not working out for you, but I’m far more likely to reschedule than cancel.

        I also set up a separate Google calendar for “beauty” reminders– every 4 weeks, get eyebrows threaded (no appt needed), every 6 weeks dye hair (I do it myself), etc. Then when I’m looking at my calendar, I see that this week, I need to find a day to do X after work. I like setting it up as a separate calendar, rather than on my main calendar, because then I can turn it off to look at my schedule. I also use separate google calendars for financial deadlines (pay this credit card! payday!) and birthdays/anniversaries, for the same reason– being able to turn it off to see where I actually need to be.

    6. This is a personal goal of mine as well. I think having your nails buffed and shaped is a good step. I also started wearing lipstick and lip color. I have also started doing hair masks and face masks once a week. It makes me feel better about myself, not sure if it REALLY helps at all.

      1. Hair masks is a good one. I’ve gotten a couple in my subscription boxes so I figured I’d try them. I’ve noticed a huge improvement in split ends and general dryness.

        1. I am in need of a hair mask. Any you’d recommend? My hair is long, thick and coarse. And dry like the desert right now! Too much blow drying.

          1. I get a ton of Oribe products through Birchbox and they’ve been working out pretty well. Their hair mask is just enough to give me some extra conditioning but not so much that it overwhelms my fine, oily at the roots hair. If you have coarser hair then you might need something with a bit more oomph, though.

    7. Agree that eyebrows are a big one. Also, not sure if you count this as part of looking put together, but shoes are important too. I say this as the hot mess who just spent 15 minutes coloring the scuffs on my black flats with a sharpie because I looked down and realized how awful they look. Not a long term solution, but it’ll work until I can replace them in the near future.

      I second the recommendation to book your next haircut, wax, whatever before you leave the salon. This has made a big difference to me keeping myself on a schedule rather than dealing with something only when the grooming situation is dire.

    8. I extend the time between brow sessions by 1) comb eyebrow hair straight up and trim anything that extends over the top of the browline; 2) pluck any obvious strays below the line.

    9. I have switched to powder dip manicures– they last around 3 weeks and don’t involve a UV light. It’s the norm here for female attorneys and even most staff to have nail polish, though not everyone does.

    10. Eyebrows and having some sort of color on my lips. For me — filling in my eyebrows makes a HUGE difference in my face. They aren’t super sparse, but there’s just a difference if I use a bit of an eyebrow pencil every day. Not necessarily lipstick, but just something to make them not blend into my face. I always have chapstick, and dry hands drive me crazy so I keep lotion at my desk. I don’t think nails need to be polished, but that’s just me. I know not everyone agrees with this but I think minimal makeup goes a long way to looking polished (bb cream, blush, mascara, tinted chapstick)

    11. It really helps me to book the next appt at the end of my current appt. So for waxing, I book the next appt 6-8 weeks out. Same for haircuts, etc. That way I don’t let it go too long. Even if I can’t make the appointment, it’s my trigger to reschedule soon.

  7. Has anyone used a personal stylist at the Nordstrom in North Park in Dallas? If so, any feedback on who to use? They have several. I’m looking for a work wardrobe revamp, and I’m a lawyer who usually dresses on the nice end of business casual (pencil skirt and non-matching blazer, for example).

  8. I started a new in house job six months ago, and I need to figure out when to tell my boss that I’m pregnant (currently 13 weeks). My first review will be when I’m 17/18 weeks, but I’m not sure it I can realistically hide it for that long. It’s my first pregnancy, but my regular clothes are already getting too tight in the stomach. My team is family friendly, but I’m fairly new to the company, so I don’t want them to think poorly of me for not waiting longer. What would you do?

    1. I would tell now. People know, and it’s just weirder to try to hide it since they’re going to know eventually. You will have been there over a year when you give birth, so I don’t think it’s terribly unusual to get pregnant that fast.

    2. I would wait only until just returning from the holidays so you “tell” in 2017 when you started “last year.” The only person with such an exact memory of your start date is you, particularly once the year changes.

      1. This was my original plan, but then my boss told me that my review would be the second or third week in January. I may just tell her when I get back, since my review score will already be in place by then.

    3. I had a very similar situation but with a second pregnancy. I waited until a week after my performance review. At that point I was 16 weeks and felt like it was obvious, but as most people will tell you, you feel bigger than you look. Also, they didn’t know me that well since I had only worked there for 6 months, so maybe couldn’t tell as well as with someone they knew better. In your case it’s winter, so a LOT easier to hide.

      In the review I stressed how much I liked and excelled in my role and what kind of growth I saw for myself. Really hammered it home! Then a week later I told them I had happy news and everyone was supportive, perhaps because we had just reviewed how good at and committed to my job I was.

    4. Tell them now. It gives them more time to prepare for your absence. I assume you plan on returning after taking some time off? If so, just make that very clear in your actions. Keep pushing for good projects, be eager to do the work, try really hard not to fall asleep at your desk. (<–During my second pregnancy, this was almost impossible for me.)

      1. I will definitely be returning after my leave. I’m lucky that my boss is in a different office, so she hasn’t noticed me dashing to the bathroom to throw up, napping in my car at lunch time, and eating Saltines all day long. The first trimester was hard, but I think I still put out quality work. Hopefully the rest of my pregnancy will be easier so I can continue to show the value I add to the organization.

    5. If you do want to wait a few weeks, this time of year can be incredibly forgiving (bulky sweaters and “holiday weight”). Personally, I would wait at least a few more weeks. I agree that you tend to feel bigger than you look.

    6. I told people after the 3 month mark. With my third I showed so early that by the time I told my head of office he said “did you think I was blind?”

    7. Not totally sure they would notice if you waited. In a similar situation, I waited until after my review. At 15 weeks, it might have been obvious to the women in the office, but my male bosses were genuinely surprised. A pregnancy announcement would have negatively impacted my review with them, because they were dicks. I waited to tell until after my raise / bonus was negotiated and I actually saw the money in a paycheck.

    8. I’d wait until after your review, and get some forgiving flowy blouses and scarfs for the meantime.

  9. I am SO SICK of regularly scheduled/standing meetings getting cancelled for the entire period between November and January. “It’s the holidays no one will be there” REALLY EVERYONE TAKES 2 MONTHS OF LEAVE EVERY YEAR?!

    Also, the holidays aren’t a surprise, cancel them earlier than the week before!
    Sorry this is just bothering me. I’m not a Grinch, I love the holidays, but I don’t like this assumption that no work gets done and that no one is around.

    1. ha! I love this attitude because so many meetings, PARTICULARLY standing meetings, are such a waste of time.

      And a week’s notice seems pretty awesome to me… as opposed to dialing in and finding out the moderation forgot to cancel…

      1. My favorite are standing meetings where you read through the exact.same.content every single time. I cheer when those get canceled, no matter how short the notice.

        1. I’ve begun to feel like my standing weekly team meeting is the beginning of an episode of Pinky and the Brain.

          “What are we doing this week team?”
          “The same thing we do every week boss!”

  10. If you accept a new job with a delayed start date, say 3 months in the future, when do you have to tell your current job? I’d rather continue to work (and get paid) through those 3 months and not risk the high likelihood that they would ask me to leave after a 2 week notice and end up having a 3 month gap in income.

    What about if part of that 3 months is a scheduled leave? The new start date is scheduled for immediately after a month long paid leave I have planned. Can I leave while on leave?

    1. I wouldn’t give notice while on leave. I think that’s poor form and likely to burn bridges, especially when you knew about the new job well before going on leave. I would give notice two weeks before the beginning of your leave, assuming two weeks notice is typical in your industry. I see no reason to give notice now and risk a long gap in income.

      1. +1

        Give notice 2 weeks before your leave. If you won’t be back after the leave, then realistically 2 weeks before that is the only time you have to transition your projects. It sucks to forego the income while on leave, but logistically I don’t think you have a choice.

    2. Give notice before leave. They have to pay out your earned vacation time when you quit so either way it’s paid leave.

      1. This is not true in all states, and not all employers have fixed vacation time. At a lot of the tech giants in the bay area, employees have “unlimited” vacation which is really a squirrely way of shaming people into not taking it and then not having to pay anything out when they leave.

      2. It’s not clear her paid leave is drawing down vacation time though. She may be using sick leave, parental leave, or some other form of paid leave for that, and would still be entitled to her vacation time on top of the paid leave. But either way I agree with the others that you really have no choice but to give notice before the leave so you can transition projects. I’d be furious if an employee knew they were leaving for three months and then quit while they were out on leave and didn’t do any wrap-up/transition.

      3. Not true everywhere! OP should definitely check on this before giving notice.

  11. My skin is dry and blotchy. I love my Estee Lauder foundation but I am wondering if a primer would be worth the money? What do you all use? Does primer make a difference? Also, I would like to try contouring but have no idea what brand to try. My main goal is to contour those ugly jowls that we get in our 50s!

    1. Sephora has classes for stuff like contouring. Drink more water, you’ll get more dramatic results for free than buying a primer. That said, primer makes my makeup last longer.

    2. There was a thread about primers recently but I’m not sure of the date. A primer would help your makeup last longer. I like the bare minerals primer for my face and Urban decay lid primer for my eyes.

      My impression of contouring is that it’s great for pictures but not that awesome for actual wear. You just look like your face is in weird lighting. I could be wrong though.

    3. I also have super dry skin and what works for me is a few drops of face oil blended on my cheeks under my moisturizer. Primer also helps if I’m wearing foundation, but I think the fundamental problem is dryness.

      Sephora will give you a free “makeover” if you spend $50 in product. Make an appointment ahead of time, then go in and tell the artist you want to purchase a contour kit and learn how to contour. They’ll help you out.

    4. I’ve recently started using Laura Mercier primer as a light moisturizer under my foundation (Dior BB) and I do think it helps.

    5. I use a fancy Korean sunscreen that doubles as a primer! Which is great because it’s more incentive to use sunscreen on a daily basis. It’s called Missha Sun Milk, available on Amazon Prime. Can’t recommend it highly enough.

    6. My skin is super dry and my cheeks get red in the winter. I use coconut oil at night generously and a lighter layer under my moisturizer (or just on hot spots) in the morning. After that sinks in for about 10 mins, I use the green color correcting ELF primer.

      For contouring, I use what looks like a very brown matte bronzer right underneath my cheekbones. I have a flat angled brush that I apply it with. Other than that I don’t use anything for contouring as I do think it can make you look a little extreme.

  12. My engagement party is this weekend which I’m very excited about. However, my fiance’s boyfriend’s girlfriend just posted a flat lay of her packing, and it looks like we packed the same dress for the party (the rest of her stuff was jeans, which is way too casual for this). Due to travelling, I won’t have time to get another outfit, and I loved it so much/wasn’t thinking and I didn’t pack a back up outfit. Normally I wouldn’t care, but I feel extra pressure to look good as we are getting our engagement pictures taken and she will look much better in the dress (about 20lbs lighter and 2 inches taller). Tips/scripts for deflecting the inevitable comparisons?

    1. If your fiance has a boyfriend then aren’t you close enough to him and his GF to tell her, hey is that the Brand Style dress? Because that’s what I’m wearing. In any event, if you’re pretty sure it’s the same dress I would give her a heads-up so she can avoid the embarrassment of looking like she’s trying to one-up the bride.

      1. Ah sorry – his brother’s girlfriend! Clearly the coffee hasn’t hit me yet.

    2. “We both have excellent taste- in clothes and men!” Assuming you meant your finances brothers girlfriend.

      And then just move on. You’ll both look great, people do not really care about how you look.

    3. It’s your party. You wear what you want to wear. She’s not going to be in your engagement pictures anyways.

    4. LOL, I assume it was a typo and she meant fiance’s brother’s GF. But yeah, I would tell her. Not in an “OMG I’m wearing this, you can’t!” way, but just to give her a head’s up because most people’s worst nightmare is matching the bride. Is the dress white? If so, kinda tacky on her part. Hopefully if you let her know in advance she can wear a different dress or at least a sweater or scarf. You might bring an additional layer or funky jewelry too.

      1. It’s off-white with some silvery detailing, I think it’ll look so pretty with the snow around us for the brief moments without a coat to snap the shot.

        I’m debating only wearing the dress for the pictures portion and asking my aunt who is the same size if she can bring an outfit for me. I’m worried about stirring up trouble since his family believes I already dislike her, but that isn’t the case and I’ve only said nice things about her. I’m just not a very enthusiastic person, so oftentimes people don’t believe my sincerity (it’s especially bad when I’m opening gifts!). It’s like resting b!tch face for my voice.

        1. Maybe they think you don’t like her because she doesn’t like you and they assume it’s mutual. I can’t imagine wearing a white/silver dress to someone’s wedding-related party. Assume good intentions, hopefully she’s just clueless, but gah.

      2. Yes, tell her! I would be mortified if I were her and would really want the chance to pick something else.

    5. Sorry if I’m misreading, but your fiance has a boyfriend (who also has a girlfriend?) That’s a Killers song right there!

          1. It makes sense now, but I really honestly had no idea what the situation was. Just asking.

        2. No, the fiance’s boyfriend already has a girlfriend. Only allowed to be married to one person at a time.

    6. Anyone who feels the need to make a comment/comparison about the dresses at your engagement party is the one who should feel embarrassed, not you. And the engagement photos will be just you and your fiance, right? Just focus on being comfortable & happy with how you look (it sounds like a great dress based on how much you love it and the fact that she also picked it!) and getting to enjoy the party.

      1. Some family shots are going to be included, but we just won’t use those for anything wedding related.

    7. If it’s on social media, I might comment something like- I spy a cute dress!! I’m wearing the same one [insert day of party here]! Leave it up to her to decide if she wants to be twinning with you… the bride. Most people wont but don’t bother saying more or worrying about it more. She will definitely look like the weirdo, and telling people what to wear/what not to wear never ends well!

      1. If she knows that you know what she’s packing (you like each others’ pics, etc) and then on the day of, finds out she’s wearing the same dress…. I don’t know, in the GF’s shoes, I’d be embarrassed and annoyed you didn’t tell me beforehand so I could pack something else!

        I like Meredith’s suggestion above to mention it in a friendly way, not actually asking her to change her planned outfit.

        1. Good point – I will let her know now, I’d want the same courtesy in her shoes. I figured it’d be better to change my outfit and avoid the awkwardness, but I would feel terrible if the situation were reversed and someone changed their outfit for their special event without giving me a chance to.

    8. Yeah, she is going to be the one who is embarrassed. Especially if it’s white or white-ish. I might comment on her insta with something like “Gorgeous. I got that dress last week to wear for the engagement party!” Then she can get something else or bring an older dress.

    9. Dude, call her or text her or comment on her post “OMG we have the same dress! Are you wearing that to the party?”

      Don’t delay. Don’t pussyfoot. Contact her now.

      1. Yeah, this. That’s what I’d want someone to do if I were in her situation.

    10. Ok my comment is in moderation because I used a bad word I guess but time is of the essence
      Don’t hem and haw about this. Contact her now! Text her call her comment her post whatever, but tell her you think the two of you have the same dress
      If she is a decent human being she will want to know. And she will do something about it.

      She must be a little clueless tbh

    11. I just cannot imagine wearing a white dress to someone else’s engagement party. Agree that she is either plotting or clueless. Hopefully it’s clueless and when she hears you’re wearing it, she’ll want to wear something else. But if she doesn’t, who cares? She’ll look silly, but you won’t.

      1. Forgive me, but plotting for what? I keep seeing this come up, the implication that she might have some ulterior motive, but I can’t figure out what that might be. What can possibly be achieved by wearing a white dress to someone else’s engagement party, besides looking thoughtless and clueless?

      2. It’s not a wedding and OP doesn’t own the color white. His girlfriend can wear anything she wants. OP going on about it will make her look like the crazy one, not the girlfriend. Especially since OP has already given the impression that she doesn’t like the girlfriend. If it was here wedding day it would be a faux paus for the girlfriend to wear white, but it’s not. No one is plotting anything.

    12. It’s your engagement party so everyone will be excited for/paying attention to you, not her. You can’t control what other people where and doing so will make you a bridezilla (which I am sure you are not and don’t want to be based on your post here). If you have issues with your appearance that’s on you, not her. It’s an engagement party, not a wedding. You are not the bride yet. It would be thoughtless and clueless to wear white to someone else’s wedding, but you don’t get to call dibs on a color for am engagement party. Wear what you want and enjoy your party and stop worrying about what someone else wears or how they look.

  13. Recommendations for your favorite PJs ever. I’m looking to upgrade and buy myself a new set for Christmas family festivities, and there are a LOT of options. I’m usually just a sweatpants and fuzzy socks with an oversized tshirt girl, so I don’t have a lot of experience. I’m looking for something comfortable and cozy. Anything you all love?

      1. I have a pair of Soma’s cool nights pajamas (3/4 sleeve button down shirt and capri pants). They were a beautiful navy with white polka dots when I received them and they are still super comfortable but the navy faded like crazy after just 2 washes (gentle cycle, cold). If you don’t mind the fading, I recommend them for the comfort! I would wait til a sale though.

      2. I LOVE Soma’s PJs. They have a “cool nights” fabric that is so soft and comfy – I’ve been slowly replacing all my old ratty sweatpants with these.

    4. I just got the soft cotton print leggings from Gap and I love them! Asked for a second pair for Christmas. The reviews said they are too tight to sleep in so I sized up and they are so comfy.

    5. SOMA! I love all their pajamas, but the Cool Nights style are the best I’ve ever had

    6. I wear soma camisoles (the cool nights I think) because they offer some bust support (look for the ones with gathering under the busy). I wear them with Target modal wide leg pajama pants because they come in tall length. I wear this combo every day of the week in black, and if I’m lounging around I throw on a longer cardigan. I feel perfectly comfortable around my family or answering the front door in this combo. It looks more like loungewear than straight up
      Pjs.

    9. The sleepshirts from Honeydew Intimates are my favorite (I always pick up a couple when they’re on sale at Nordstrom). They have tops/pants and fleece options, which I haven’t tried, but they look great.

  14. If your fiance’s boyfriend has a girlfriend, then that will be the most exciting part of the party and no one will notice your dresses (sorry, couldn’t resist). But seriously, this is probably a case where you and she will notice far more than anyone else. People are there to celebrate with you – I couldn’t tell you what anyone was wearing at any of my wedding-related celebrations. It just mattered that they were there.

  15. Have any lawyers out there taken the plunge into solo practice? I do pretty low level insurance defense (in house) and I’m starting to feel the itch. I like my job but I’ve been here for five years and there’s little advancement opportunities. I’d be really interested to hear about resources or advice as I revamp my 5 year plan. Thanks!

    1. I did it briefly after a few years at an insurance firm. I switched practice areas and went into criminal, because there is not enough work in my area to support a solely civil solo practice.

      I. Hated. It.

      I hated the business side of running a business. I hated not having someone to cover court dates for me if I got sick (once did a preliminary hearing with walking pneumonia and bronchitis). I hated trying to bring in business and worrying about money all the time. I hated overhead. I hated not having the control over my schedule I had hoped to have (I was busy, so it was hard to schedule days out of the office).

      I was lucky to have a supportive local bar and mentor attorneys. But I would never do it again. I left solo practice to be a prosecutor for four years, and now I work in local government in a different capacity.

      YMMV, if you love the business side of things. But I liked practicing law and hated handling the business, so it was hell on earth for me. Even my friends who were solo-ing at the time (fairly common where I am located) and loved the business side agreed that the two were always in conflict. If you were killing it in business development and management, the case management side of things suffered, and vice versa.

      If you DO decide to do it, my advice:

      1) Do your market research before you start. Talk to other solos in the geographic and practice area that you are thinking of. Are they making ends meet? How much do they work? I worked much more as a solo than I ever did at any other job. It was never-ending. Is there enough work to go around? How much do they spend on marketing, etc?

      2) Have fantastic malpractice insurance. Seriously.

      3) Keep your sunk costs as low as possible, and have a safety net of money before you start for lean months. They will happen. Spend money where it makes sense, and do not overbuy in areas like space, etc.

  16. What is the best way to check whether a charity is reputable and where the money is going (and what percentage goes to a CEO’s salary, etc.)? I really want to send money to an organization helping civilians impacted in Syria (specifically eyeing the White Helmets), but am struggling with how to determine which organization to choose, so if anyone has specific recommendations please share.

    2. I think that the only way is to get to know the charity through research about what they actually do and whether it’s effective. Annual reports, which are usually on their website, will give you a sense of how they spend their money. But I think that the next step is to educate yourself about the issue that they’re working on in order to determine whether you think their approach is effective.

      Charity Navigator can tell you a lot about an organization, but it’s not the whole picture.

      Also, I understand wanting to make sure that the money will go toward a good cause/not be misused, but I do chafe a bit at the “charities should have low salaries and overhead” idea that’s becoming pretty prevelant in philanthropy (see Charity Water, for example). I’m not saying that’s what you’re saying, but I know people who think that, and it drives me crazy. We should want nonprofit CEOs to make competitive salaries.Also, in many cases, humanitarian aid organizations have advocacy/communications staff to get the word out about their cause and do lobbying in DC. The money spent on those people doesn’t count as aid to those in need, but it’s vital.

      As far as Syria goes, I gave to Mercy Corps because I know people that work there and think that they do good work. USAID also has a list on their website: https://www.usaid.gov/crisis/syria

    3. I work at a civil legal aid organization and wanted to chime in about the CEO compensation. My Executive Director manages nearly 50 staff in 4 offices, and she makes $100K. She’s an attorney in her 50s with decades of experience. Yet many people would hear $100K and think that’s too high of a salary for a “nonprofit”. However for a comparable private business, or what she could make in private practice, that’s nothing. Nonprofit work doesn’t mean that we work for free.

      1. Totally valid point, and my comment was poorly phrased. I absolutely think they should be paid competitively and fairly. My concern was not the director receiving $100k (which actually doesn’t sound high to me), but rather was directed toward the ones who blatantly abuse the system (the one I have in mind is a very large organization who directs something like 95% of donations to “overhead” and CEO salaries….and my work peer pressures everyone into donating to this organization every single year).

    4. IRC

      International Resue Committee

      That’s a perfect place to give, with your interests. They are great, well reviewed.

      I gave too.

    6. Peter Singer’s website, he’s a famous philosopher whose life’s work is to make it easier for people to fix the “analysis paralysis” of charity donations.

  17. Ugh. I do admissions interviews for my undergrad alma mater and I just found that one of the brightest and most accomplished kids I’ve ever interviewed didn’t get in. I know there are lots of excellent colleges out there and even kids that go to lesser ranked schools turn out just fine, but it’s heartbreaking how arbitrary the college admissions process is. I have a 3 year old and I am already dreading going through this with her.

    1. Why do you think that this kid wasn’t picked? Maybe there are some takeaways for the rest of us?

      Signed,
      parent of wonderful (but not the brightest or most accomplished) children (who are probably going to be seen as fungible to other wonderful children when they all apply to college in a few years)

      1. I really don’t know. I didn’t have access to his whole file so it’s possible that there was something in that was not in line with what my alma mater expects, although I’d be very surprised, given the things he said in the interview and some parts of the file I did see. I think honestly, especially at the more elite schools, it’s just a complete crapshoot. There are way more brilliant kids than they can ever take so some amazingly smart and accomplished kids get rejected. I don’t want to go into too much detail to protect his privacy, but this kid had some things about him that made him super unique and I really thought he had a good shot, even with the amount of luck that’s involved.
        The best thing you can do for your kids is not pin all your hopes on one specific school, because no matter how great your kids are, the odds of getting into any one school are ridiculously low.

      2. I’ve done admissions interviews for my alma mater (very competitive – acceptance rates in the low teens or thereabouts) for a decade.

        First thing: I assume that the student applied early decision or early action. That helps: it shows the school that it’s the student’s top choice, and seats haven’t been filled yet. However, this is largely a moot point at the most competitive and well-known schools (think Princeton, Harvard, etc.).

        That gets me to my second point: how very many seats at top schools are filled by institutional need. Institutional need covers a lot of ground: admitting students from all 50 states and an array of foreign countries; finding first-generation college students, kids from the inner city; (the extent to which this matters varies widely based on the university) alumni’s kids; kids whose brilliance only comes along once in a great while; kids whose extracurricular involvement fill a need within the school (if they need a shortstop and a flutist this year, tough luck to the pitcher and the oboe player) – and this is just sheer luck as to what slots need filling; and they even need to balance by academic interest so that they don’t end up with 500 French majors and no one taking economics.

        People look at this and talk about making their kid play the bassoon, but that is so not the case. The school might be full-up on its bassoonists, having a current freshman who is a nationally-renowed bassoonist, but may need a mock trial rock star to replace the three graduating seniors.

        To that end, the drive to continue in college is important. It doesn’t matter if you fill a gap if you express in an interview or otherwise that you have little interest in pursuing the activity beyond high school.

        The other factor within your control is fit, and expressing that to the college. They all have a different vibe and students who are like each other (despite being from really different backgrounds). They also want students who want to be there.

        From what I’ve seen, parents love to misunderstand this one – putting fancy names on it or trying to check certain metaphorical boxes. It’s really the opposite: if the school weren’t prestigious or competitive, would your kid still *really* want to go there? If so, why? Hey, now take that “why” and tell it to the school.

      3. Some of it has got to be just luck of the draw, right? Acceptance rates are insanely low at the best schools, so obviously they’re turning away even great students. Seems like a good lesson in not always getting what you want/think you deserve.

    2. Is this an early decision applicant? If so, and s/he is able to be considered for regular admission or be waitlisted, can you write a letter on her/his behalf?

    3. It it possible the kid wasn’t selected because the admissions department got the impression the school wasn’t the kid’s top choice?

      1. Doubtful. It was definitely his top choice and I communicated that in my interview write-up.

    4. That’s unfortunate. I bet he is going to do wonderfully wherever he goes, though.

      I went to a fancy private college, where I had a great educational and social experience, but I won’t be encouraging my daughter to go to one unless she really wants to. And I say this as one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have massive student loans.

      Signed, the jaded person for whom a $150k education did far less than the $10k in state school and community college classes she took afterwards.

      1. I like your sig line. I was just having to reassure my daughter who is getting Cs in math and Chem (not for lack of trying, believe me) that no one ever died from having to go to Sonoma State instead of UC.

        1. Could be a blessing in disguise for her. I look fondly on my state college origins and don’t regret it for a moment.

      2. YES ! Went to Harvard undergard, state school grad school. Learned way more and loved my grad school experience.

        1. Lol. My state school education now makes me incapable of spelling. :) Undergrad…

    5. I know what you mean! I have been doing interviews for my alma mater for almost 20 years, and I can count on one hand my interviewees who have been admitted. I know going into the conversation that statistically the chance they’ll be admitted is very small and always feel terrible about it.

    6. Is it really heartbreaking? Not getting into one university is not the end of the world. Sure it’s disappointing, but there are so many colleges out there.

    7. I would just say that I applied to four universities: the state school and three private schools. I got wait listed at two of the private schools (one was my top choice) and turned down by the third. Going to the state school ended up being extremely fortunate. Obviously my debt has been much more manageable. But also I was a big fish in a little pond in high school (and terrible study skills), and I think going to such a large school with so many smarter people than me made it easier to transition to college and find my niche.

    8. I applied to my 1st choice college early decision. I got denied. I was crushed, but I went on go get into just about every other Ivy I applied to, and the one where I ended up was definitely the right on for me. Relax. It may actually be for the best. IT’s just one school.

    9. I was so school-focused growing up, that I had my heart set on Princeton. I was wait-listed early and then wait-listed on regular admission and ultimately didn’t get in and I was heartbroken. Top of my class, plenty of APs, speak 3 languages, really involved in school and community service, and clear that it was my top choice. I also immigrated to the US as a child, adding an element of ‘diversity/adversity,’ which I wrote about in my essays. But with schools like that with admission levels at 9%, with kids applying from all over the world, it’s just a cr@pshoot. I’m wonderful, I know that ;) but likely they already had another student just like me (or 5 just like me) and had to make some tough decisions. I ended up at Northwestern and was disappointed at the time. Now, I love Northwestern and am proud to be an alumnus! Sure, people are impressed by ivies, but people still say “oh wow!” that I went to Northwestern. I’m happy and successful and my undergrad contributed to that.

      My husband went to Illinois with in-state tuition and now makes 3x as much as I do and graduated without any loans and then went on to earn his MBA from UChicago. Don’t be heartbroken for this kid; it sounds like he will find the right college for him and has a bright future ahead of him.

    10. Interviewed 5 kids last year. Each one was great. Personable, engaging, smart. None got in. They’re all going to do amazing things where ever they end up. It’s my alma mater’s loss. I also think there’s a location bias: my undergrad is a DC area-ish school and they’re so many incredible kids (and pushy parents…) in DC.

    11. Not getting accepted to your first choice or top school is not the end of the world. I feel sorry for your kids if this is what you are dreading or worrying about.

    12. I feel bad for this kid, but I have to say that I think you’re being a little bit dramatic. Lots of things in this world are heartbreaking (see: Aleppo). I don’t think that the college admissions process is one of them. College application can be frustrating, but this American obsession with choosing the right college is so over the top.

      Signed, a high school salutatorian who didn’t get into her top three choices, went to a state school instead, and has been very successful

  18. I need bootie help (as in the shoes)…not the booty. I try to be fashionable but sometimes I feel like I just miss the mark. I own the following shoes without the buckle and I love them. I wear them with practically everything – skirts and dresses with black tights,bootcut jeans and dress pants. I’ve never worn them with skinny jeans because I don’t know how. I work in a business casual workplace. Are these considered fashionable? All the booties I see around are chunky heeled which looks too casual to me for a professional services firm. I’m thinking of buying these buckle ones as a replacement? Do these read “old”? I am 33.

    2. Those are fine for wearing with skirts & black tights / under pants that cover the bootie (treating the booties like a pair of “regular” heels).

      I think they’re too stiletto/dressy to wear with skinny jeans.

    3. I think those are fine to wear with skirts and dresess, but for skinny jeans I think something with a chunkier heel would look better. If you really want to wear them with skinny jeans, make sure the jeans are actually skinny and hit above your ankle (it won’t look right if you cuff them).

    4. I think they’re really classic looking! I don’t think classic reads “old” though, just not trendy.

      2. Okay, if you think they’re frumpy…what ankle boots would you wear in a professional setting?

        1. I am not the original frump poster, but I think the buckle in these makes them look dated, also the shape of the toe. But in response to your question, I wouldn’t. I don’t find ankle boots to be professional if you can see that they are ankle boots. Obviously, opinions differ.

      3. Yes, there is. Best new bootie this season – Stuart Weitzman Grandiose, hands down. They look phenomenal with skinnies.

      4. I’m 32 as well and would not wear those either. Something about the buckle maybe? Or the heel shape?

    6. Yeah, not sure what Anonymous at 10:49 is talking about. Stilettos are frumpy???? Might as well throw out my whole wardrobe.

      I’m 33 and recently wore some very similar to those to work. I wore them with long pants, under, not showing. I think they could totally work with skinny pants.

      1. I don’t think they’re frumpy and I can see them being ok with tights and a skirt but I don’t see them as a really current style either. I’m not the original commenter.

        And I think they’d look silly with skinny jeans.

    7. i am going to be honest here–something about high stiletto heels reads as dated to me. these shoes may look great on you! but, i think sturdier block heels look a little bit more current these days.

  19. I have really high arches and a high instep. Western boots fit me fine. I ordered some Frye boots with a zipper and when I put my foot in, the boot pulled my socks too tight around my foot.

    I ordered an 8.5, which is usually roomy and lets me wear thick socks (usually an 8). Order a 9? An 8.5W (my feet aren’t wide, but it’s been explained to me that this just adds volume)(if they are even offered, which I kind of doubt in this style). Not sure what my next step is and b/w the mall being a zoo (we have a Frye store) and endless mail/returns/mail lines, I’m worried about running out of time to get this right and having a fabulous pair of expensive boots that don’t quite fit.

    1. What deadline are you up against? If they’re for yourself, I wouldn’t strain to get it handled by Christmas. Just print a USPS return label (not sure which retailer you used, but they probably offer that), and have the mailman/woman pick it up at your home. Exchange them for whichever size you decide (though I have no advice on size). If you have to use UPS, I think you can schedule a home pickup with them, too.

      Otherwise, your choices are 1) stand in line at the mall 2) stand in line at the post office 3) stand in line at UPS. Pick whichever has a shorter line and make your peace with it.

      1. There is a return deadline on Frye holiday orders. It is a little longer, but there is a hard stop. If you order a lot of sizes, you don’t want to get stuck with unreturned extras.

    2. Super high arch here — I can’t fit my foot in frye. Have a pair of Borne boots from 10 years ago that I love to this day.

  20. I regularly send people emails that aren’t returned and I have to send them second and third emails following up. I normally begin these emails “I just wanted to follow up on XYZ.” I’ve heard that women say ” just” too much and you should eliminate it from your writing, but “I wanted to follow up on XYZ” doesn’t sound right to me. Is there an alternative phrasing I can use? Or is “just” ok in these circumstances?

    1. I’m following up on the below…

      Do you have an update on…

      I need your response on…. by…… because……

      If it’s possible to tell them that you’ll assume X if you don’t hear from them by Y and act accordingly, I’d do that too.

      1. I use the “if I don’t hear from you by X I’ll assume Y” trick. One of my coworkers told me to do that if I wanted a response from certain people at our company this freaking year, and he was so right. It works like a charm.

    2. I’m following up on my previous email dated___
      This is a follow-up to my previous email
      This email follows up on my previous request

    3. “I’m following up on XYZ…”

      “Please provide me with a status of the XYZ matter”

    4. Hello. I didn’t receive an answer to my email below. I need to move forward on this today. Please reply ASAP

      BE THE BOSS LADY

      1. Ok, I guess I should clarify that these people are kind of my customers and they are definitely senior to me. I have to move things along which is why I keep emailing them, but I definitely don’t want to talk to them like I think I’m their boss, because I’m very, very much not.

        1. I’m in a similar role and face the same thing. Biggest point of advice #1: STOP USING EMAIL. Pick up the phone. Speak to the person or leave a voicemail.

          But, if I am sending emails, I use variations of the following with my clients (I’m not in law and deadlines are sometimes real, but most of the time not – I just want to transact!):

          “I’m checking in on the status of…”
          “In order to move forward with X, I need your reply on Y”
          “I spoke to X and they’re eager to get Y. As soon as I get your reply on Z, Y will go out”

        2. +1 to the above. I’m in a similar role, and after a certain point, I pick up the phone and then follow up via email if I end up getting their assistant or leaving a voicemail.

          I have developed numerous polite ways of checking in/following up on things. “I wanted to check on the status of xyz”; “As a reminder, your ____ expires/is due on xyz date”; “As soon as you confirm x, I’ll provide y”; “I wanted to confirm that you received xyz materials because I need abc response”.

    5. Eliminating “just” was my new year’s resolution for 2016. Before I send any email, I go through and delete the “justs”—12 months into this, I still catch a few, but it is much less of a problem.

    6. I’m more aware of myself saying “just,” but it doesn’t mean I’m going to wipe it from my vocabulary. In your situation, I think it might be appropriate. “Just” think on it, maybe :)

  21. Maybe this will end up in moderation, but I thought of thiss!te this morning and had to smile and share.

    I am wearing my FLEECE TIGHTS under my corduroys today because it is super cold outside and I couldn’t get warm this morning. I thought of thiss!te as I was rummaging through my drawer hunting for something warm to layer so I wouldn’t freeze. Thank you for introducing me to them a few years back, because otherwise I would not have ever thought to pick up a pair.

    Happy Friday, e t t es!

    1. Does anyone have a brand of fleece tights to recommend? I may pick up a pair for myself and my sisters.

  22. Long shot but I am in the DC area and am planning to drive around looking at christmas lights this weekend with a friend. We are planning to drive around Arlington (or really anywhere in northern VA), but I live in an apartment in DC so I’m not up to date with the lights and decorations Virginia residents are currently rockin’. Does anyone have any suggestions of good neighborhoods/streets?

    1. There’s some kind of drive through lights thing off 66. I’m limited in the Christmas knowledge, but google will surely be able to elaborate.

    2. I’d be interested in hearing this too! I’ve never found a good resource to see if anyone collects this sort of information on addresses/neighborhoods that go all-out.

    3. The area around Quaker Lane and Janneys Lane in Alexandria was gorgeous when I drove through there the other day.

    4. Check for recommendations on the local forums on City Data if they’re fairly active for your town, or Nextdoor if you’re on that. I’ve seen christmas light requests on both of those in my city.

  23. I’m moving and will start traveling for work a lot. Should I assume that hotels usually have gyms?

    1. But be prepared for very basic offerings: 2-5 treadmills +/- ellipticals, a small space for mat exercises and freeweights. Do not count on any machines.

      If this will be a problem for your workouts, I recommend getting a “passport” membership to one of the big clubs if you’ll be traveling in cities where they are located!

    2. Yes, but give some thought to finding flexible workouts you can do in your hotel room or outdoors near the hotel.

      Most hotels have OK gyms, but I have learned that unless you’re staying at a high-end place that is really proud of its fitness center, it’s tough to count on a hotel gym for any particular workout. They are often crowded first thing in the morning so if you’re counting on a treadmill or elliptical, there is a real chance that you will find it occupied or broken. Usually, there are some free weights but not many and there may not be a good place to do free weight exercises.

    3. Yes. And they all have websites which list their amenities that you can consult prior to booking.

    4. Yes. I travel 5-8 times/year and I’ve never stayed at a hotel (for work) that didn’t have a gym.

    5. Yes, most major chain hotels have some sort of fitness center. Agree with previous comments on the type of equipment. I also find that going at night helps avoid some of the crowds.

      If you like running, you can talk to the concierge or front desk and they can give you recommendations for local trails/paths too.

    6. Yes, most do.

      Things to keep in mind:
      -Gyms vary drastically. Westins tend to have a good one, courtyard Marriotts have crap gyms.
      -The gyms are really packed… If they have one treadmill, it can be a complete crapshoot.
      -It ends up being a lot of sweaty clothes in the suitcase.

  24. I want to buy (non-work) t-shirts that will not get little holes in the front waistline because they are too thin. I do not want them to be “perfect for layering” or “semi-sheer.” I want to wear them by themselves, without showing my undies through them. Does anyone know where such a thing can be purchased?

      1. +to Eddie Bauer shirts – they are what I think of as real shirt fabric, not “tissue”.

      2. Yep, these are my fave t-shirts, and they come in a lot of variations. The colors change seasonally and many do not come back, so if there’s a color that’s really flattering to me, I stock up.

      1. I just bought three Land’s End long-sleeved scoop neck tees, and am pleased with how well they fit.

        1. Isn’t that your pants doing that though? I think it’s the button on your pants or jeans that cuts into the tee when you lean into counters etc.

          Talbots has nice thicker tees.

          1. Yes, I assume it is pants or seat belts, or something similar, or some combination, but this is a new phenomenon in the last 5 years or so, because shirts used to be made of thicker fabric.

          2. Yeah, I frequently wear very thin tshirts and have never had this problem. I hope you find something that solves the issue, but I’m not sure thicker tshirts are the answer.

    5. I recently ordered Free to Live long sleeve, flowy t-shirts from Amazon, and I love them. It was a 3 pack, only about $12 per shirt, and the material is soft and thick enough not to require an undershirt. I’ve only had them about three weeks, but so far they seem to be well-finished and fine after warm water washing + a few minutes in the dryer to knock out wrinkles + line drying. I am trying their short-sleeved ones next, which come in many colors.

      1. I discovered Free to Live the beginning of this year and LOVED them but they are the worst at this. I bought that same 3 pack, as well as several single t shirts and about 60% of them have those holes after about 3 months.

        1. Oh no! I hate to hear this. I thought I’d finally hit on a good one. – Anon at 11:13 am.

    6. My shirts do that too! I thought I was going crazy. Is this a thing? Why does it happen?

    8. Kohl’s (strangely). I think it’s their Apt 9 tshirt that’s really thick, but it may be the Sonoma t. Wears like iron.

    9. The Target brands–Merona or Mossimo. They’ll start pilling after about 50 washes, though.

    10. Splendid’s tees and tanks are my favorite for this. They are pricier, but you can pick them up for 25% at Bloomie’s F&F and sometimes find them REALLY marked down on Amazon in certain sizes and colors. They hold up well through multiple washings (I do air dry them) and aren’t sheer/layering pieces.

    11. American Giant, in addition to making the world’s best hoodie, they also make t-shirts.

  25. I’m in finance and have just been made redundant. And unusually for the UK I stop next week. Any ideas on what I can do/learn to improve my skills whilst job hunting? I want my newly acquired free time to be productive.

  26. Anyone seen a cheaper version of the Aquatalia Dina booties in black suede? I love the way they look but they are out of my price range.

    1. You might want to try the Ecco Alicante’s. I loved the Dinas as well but decided to give the Eccos a shot at 1/3 the price, and have been delighted with them. They look great with black tights, are super secure on my foot, and are pretty comfy for the heel height (a little higher than I normally go).

  27. Does anyone know when the MM LaFleur VIP sale is supposed to start? Like, when it started last year? Were there a lot of markdowns or just a few?

  28. For anyone who was looking for Pajar Canada snowboots, they are on Hautelook/Nordstrom Rack right now. Prices seem reasonable but not sure how sizing runs (seems to be Canadian/European sizing). Free returns to Nordstrom Rack, so that’s nice. (I promise not a bot either – was recalling the “warm snowboots” thread from couple days ago.)

    1. Nope. CG doesn’t let them. I got one on sale at a store closing, but they really weren’t supposed to.

    2. I think it’s one of the brands that will only go on sale in stores, like Burberry. You will not find it online or advertised.

    3. When I opened a new Bloomingdales card I bought a Canada goose coat. It wasn’t on “sale” but the card offer included a statement credit based on spending threshold (which this obviously met) and I got some power points that I could redeem as reward cards later.

  30. I’m having my first baby in a few weeks and my doctor has advised us to make sure that everyone who will be in close contact with the baby in the first few months has their flu, tdap, and mmr vaccine. Need some advice on handling family dynamics.

    My family lives nearby (under 5 miles) and most of them have been very receptive to things we’re requesting for the baby. My parents and most of my siblings have gotten their shots and have taken an infant CPR Class if they want to babysit. I have one sister who is super crunchy, generally pretty anti-establishment, and can be very pushy about a new belief of week (some are more legit than others- I’m happy to embrace yoga, not happy to spend tons of money on healing crystals or hiring someone to energy cleanse my house). I sent a reminder email asking those who will want to visit in the early weeks to please make sure they have the necesssary vaccines and included info on our local clinic where they can be administered walk-in. Sister replied all that she will not get the vaccines, that vaccines are dangerous, we shouldn’t listen to everything the doctor says, and included tons of links to dubious websites about heavy metals, autism, etc.

    What would you do? I fully understand that it’s her choice whether or not to get the vaccines, but is it ok to just hold a hard line that no vaccines = no contact with baby in the first few months? Luckily it’ll be after Christmas so there won’t be huge holidays where it’s us or her, but it would complicate some smaller family things. She is pushy enough about her beliefs that I don’t think she’s going to be very respectful of the boundary or take a different strokes for different folks approach. She’s the type to make a huge stink about not being included, despite me being clear that the choice not to vaccinate means not being in my home Til my kid isnt a tiny newborn. I feel like my priority has to be my baby’s health and not keeping the peace with her.

    I know the vaccination debate has been going on for a while, but this is really the first time I’ve had to weigh in. My default is to trust my doctor and her medical training and the historic benefit of vaccines. I know I should educate myself a little more, but there’s such an overwhelming amount of information out there, from sources that range so much in legitimacy. I just do not have the time to deal with my job and become a medical journal reading (let alone understanding) expert on the safety of vaccines.

    Help?!

    1. “is it ok to just hold a hard line that no vaccines = no contact with baby in the first few months?” Yes. It’s ok to offend somebody to protect your baby’s health.

      2. + 1000. She isn’t seeing your baby anytime soon. It’s sad but that’s entirely her choice.

    2. I would reply just to her and say, “Thanks for your honesty and letting me know your concerns. I’m not changing my position and I don’t expect you to do so either. Let’s plan on you meeting the baby when s/he is [X] weeks/months/years old.” Then take her off the family emails about the baby until the baby is whatever age you’ve decided.

      I’m fairly sure babies don’t get the MMR vaccine until they’re a year old, so you might not be comfortable with your sister visiting the baby until after that vaccine.

      1. PS, I think it’s better to have an outspoken anti-vaxxer than a silent one. Better to know that someone isn’t vaccinated than find out after the fact.

      2. This is a good response.

        And for you – (1) you do not need further education on this. This is why you go to a doctor, so that you can someone else who has done extensive medical training and practice (not reading links online) to tell you and (2) if you are someone who is by nature not pushy and she is, you will probably find that you are more outspoken when it comes to protecting your child. That’s ok, that’s your job as a parent. There will be a lot of other scenarios of people telling you their opinions; you, your co-parent, and your doctor say what’s best for your baby, end of story.

    3. Tell the dr. you have someone in your fam who won’t vaccinate and ask how long they need to stay away from the baby, ideally? (I assume it’d be until the baby had their vaccines so they’d have immunity). Then tell the sister that she is not to be in your home until x month. Don’t discuss it, just tell her; if she whines to you or your mom about not being included, let her. At the end of the day, it’s only 3 months (or 4 or 6 or whatever) — she can be involved with the child for the rest of their lives.

    4. Yeah let me tell you, my daughter caught a “light case” of whooping cough when she hadn’t had all of her shots yet (she’d had two of three) and that is something you don’t want to deal with. She was sick and isolated in the house for six weeks. We are lucky she didn’t end up in the hospital.

      Anti Vaxxers can bite me. And they definitely do not deserve to be around your baby.

    5. “I understand that you think vaccines are a risk to your health. Which is why I’m sure that you’ll understand that I can’t risk my baby’s health by exposing her to potential diseases at this susceptible age.”

        1. You don’t need any more “education” about vaccines. This is not up for debate. There IS NO debate.

          My kid just finished her 18m shots and is fully vaccinated. No more shots until age 4. I wouldn’t knowingly let an unvaccinated person anywhere near my kid until at least 12m shots (18m was Hep A).

    6. No vaccines = no baby. Absolutely. Not even an issue. Let her make a stink. She is being ridiculous. And you are completely reasonable to trust your doctor (and the deep and wide and vast body of scientific research) on vaccines. I can’t stress enough how much the autism link has been debunked. Your sister is a kook. That’s fine for her, but I would not let her in the same room as my baby, and you don’t have to either.

    7. You’ve offered your sister a choice — get vaccinated or she can’t visit your baby until your doctor says it is OK. This may become difficult, but not as difficult as your baby getting sick. I was vaccinated, but during a year when the vaccines were less effective, but we didn’t know this until I caught whooping cough from exposure to a community of unvaccinated people in Washington. Whooping cough as an adult was terrible, I was ill for months, and was scared a few times it was going to kill me. I can’t imagine a baby or little kid having to deal with it. Your house, your baby, your rules.

    8. Related TJ: What would do you if you had a FIL who has a well-documented history of lying whenever it suits him? He’s told us he’ll get vaccinated but I’m skeptical he actually will. I do not believe he received any of these vaccines as a kid and he has a major fear of doctors and has never gone to the doctor as an adult. Is it crazy to demand proof of vaccination before he’s allowed around our kid?

      1. This should be your partner’s water to carry since it’s his/her father, but it sounds like you have no reason to believe what FIL is telling you, and lots of reasons to disbelieve him. And of course, medical records can also be faked. These diseases *kill babies.* This is not worth messing around on.

      2. Umm… I don’t think it’s ridiculous. It sounds like there is a very good chance he is lying to you about the vaccines. I think you need to ask for proof.

    9. I agree with the vaccine thing (no contact until your baby has been vaccinated) but infant CRP? Just to babysit? I’ve never heard of this and think you are going way over the top if this is a requirement to babysit. I know this is your first baby but still, you need to relax.

      1. I’m not asking anyone to babysit, but some of my younger siblings really want the responsibility of being able to. Which is fine, I appreciate that they want to be involved. But I wouldn’t leave an infant with someone who doesn’t know basic infant first aid. Same way I wouldn’t ever have a babysitter who doesn’t know how to swim, because we live on the water and neighbors in every direction have pools. It’s a 2 hour class offered for free every other weekend 10 minutes away from our town.

        I had cpr training because I was a lifeguard growing up, and I’ve had to use it no less than 5 times as an adult out in public places. I wouldn’t leave a baby home alone with someone who wouldn’t be able to do basic stuff to save her life in an emergency.

        1. When my sister was pregnant, we all went to a class together (my siblings and parents) with her and my BIL. It was fun to do it together, and we went out for dinner afterwards.

          If we ever have a baby, I will propose the same thing to my in-laws.

      2. Really? This is a very standard requirement in my town. Even the high schoolers who work occasionally as babysitters are all CPR and first aid certified. If someone posted on our little local school job board without it I don’t think they’d get a single response.

      3. Your baby, your rules. We took an infant/child CPR class before our kid was born, and we tried to make sure that any baby-sitters we hired had received training at some point. Most of the kids on my neighborhood babysitting list advertise that they have first aid/CPR/red cross babysitting class training of some sort. I had all of that when I was babysitting in high school.

      4. I have 3 kiddos (ages 4-8) and I’ve thought of this or asked my babysitters or anyone who watched my kids about it. My niece also babysits for her neighbors and she never took anything for infant CRP.

    10. If you want to find out more, this youtube channel is focused on health topics and presents all scientific studies about vaccines and autism in this one video. A link in the description can also take you to the research articles if you want to dig deeper.
      To make a long story short, all the hysteria is based on one single publication from 1998, which has since been retracted because the data do not support the claim, and falsified over and over again by other studies.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o65l1YAVaYc

  31. Are UGGS really out of style? Its freezing and I want a pair of boots to wear on really cold days commuting and just around/errands with leggings etc. I have snow boots that I wear for snow and wet weather. I’m tempted to just get the UGGs because I know they are comfy and warm but I’m also trying to look nicer and I feel like that is a step in the wrong direction.

    For example today I’m working from home and wearing leggings and a casual sweater hoodie and I don’t know what shoes to wear to pick up my daughter from day care! Small problem, I know, but its been confusing me every week since I started working from home. If Uggs are awful, any other ideas?

    1. There are plenty of fleece/faux fur lined boots (Ie, just as warm and comfy) that do not have that hideous Uggs blunt round toe. To me that’s the ugly part of uggs. Will post some links in follow up comment.

        1. Thanks! I have sorrel tall boots similar to the yonkers and blondo ones that I wear if its snowing or wet. They are pretty heavy though and kind of a pain to take on and off, so in my mind unnecessary if its dry out but just really cold. Maybe the chaco ones are cute.

    2. Uggs are both awful and awesome. I finally caved and bought a pair this year at the NAS, and damn if they aren’t the coziest effing things around. I know this s i t e is all about appearances but when it’s 15 degrees outside… my cute commuting flats can stay on the shoe rack.

      I chose a dark gray pair (as opposed to the formerly-ubiquitous tan) and black could also be a good choice for making it less I AM WEARING UGGS.

      1. Yes, they are both extremely hideous and THE MOST DELIGHTFUL THING TO PUT ON YOUR FEET when the weather is icky.

    3. I have Blondo shearling lined boots and they are literally my FAVORITE THING right now, ELL*NCAPS. FAVORITE. It was -10 with wind chill for my mile walk to work today in Boston.

    4. I wear Uggs to commute. My feet are crazy hard to fit and temperamental (seriously, a metal strap around a loafer hurts my bunion; many boots are too narrow around my instep). Uggs fit and are comfy! I like my feet not hurting.

    5. I wear Uggs to commute. My feet are crazy hard to fit and temperamental (seriously, a metal strap around a loafer hurts my bunion; many boots are too narrow around my instep). Uggs fit and are comfy! I like my feet not hurting.

    6. I like Dulcinea’s suggestions, mainly because they all appear to have supportive soles. I’m not a podiatrist but I spend a lot of quality time with one a few years ago (yay for Morton’s Neuroma!) and she told me that her business was brisk due to UGGs and flip flops. Both are really terrible for your feet.

    7. I love my Uggs and people can take them from my cold, dead hands. I buy a new pair every couple of years because we have long, snowy winters and they do start to look worn after a year or two of regular wear. I live in an area that is kinda behind the trends, but all the moms wear them at elementary school dropoff in the winter.

    8. They serve a purpose, wear them! They may no longer be the teenager style of choice, but they’re perfect for what you describe. I save my fashion statements for work, parties, social gatherings and could care less about errands.

  32. Tell her your pediatrician recommended it but hold the line – this isn’t up for discussion or debate. No way no how would I let someone without vaccines around my newborn. Your sister sounds like a piece of work.

  33. Why do people think it is really fine to walk through my house with wet boots with snow on them?

    Is this really what they do in their own home? Ruin carpets and get them re-cleaned every winter? Leave slippery wet spots on my hard wood floors that can cause someone to slip and fall? Just not care about being a good guest?

    I just. don’t. get it.

        1. It’s not common where I live – if I’m not asked I don’t take off my shoes, unless there’s some other signal (ie a sign or basket of house shoes for guest use)

    2. Oh, I do love the “shoes in the house” threads! Just wait a sec while I pop some popcorn…

    3. I’m from Northern Canada and we always take off our footwear in the house (no matter how nice the weather is). It’s the same from everyone I know, except my husband’s cousin and his family. They are American and never take their shoes off in the house, even if the weather is bad or snowy. His wife tells me it’s normal from where they are from. Maybe it’s just a cultural/regional thing.

    4. I’m generally a don’t ask people to take their shoes off person but people with dirty shoes should offer. Do you have a really good door mat that would help clean off their shoes? Like one of those really rugged ones? And maybe put a boot jack near the door. I can’t remove one pair of my boots without help or a boot jack.

        1. I think this is one of those issues that is contingent on culture and tradition. In Asia (and among Asians in the US) it’s very rude/disrespectful to NOT take off your shoes in someone’s home. Almost akin to taking a crap on someone’s living room rug. And I assure you, when no one wears shoes in the home, the floors are MUCH MUCH cleaner for everyone involved.

          1. I grew up in the Bay Area and no shoes is the norm there – I guess maybe because there is such a large Asian-American population in the area that even non-Asians follow that custom. I am white but I never knew anyone wore shoes inside their house until I moved to the East Coast for college. I found and still find it horrifying – like taking a cr*p on the floor, as you said.

        2. Not just Asian cultures. I’m in the Midwestern US and wearing dirty, snowy shoes indoors is unheard of. Everyone takes their shoes off at the door in winter.

        3. If you can’t respect my preferences for my home, good riddance. I do whatever you want me to do when I visit your home.

    6. OK – I’d take off snowy boots, but I just want to ask — what about non-snowy times? For people who are in the no-shoes in the house camp – what do you do when you host a fancy party/dinner/etc.? Do you expect women in heels to walk around in stocking/bare feet? If so, and I’m your friend and know that you’re a non-shoe house, would you be angry if I brought a pair of clean shoes to change into?

      1. Yes to stockings and bare feet. With that said, I’m not hosting fancy dinner parties.

        And no, if you brought clean shoes I’d say you were fine but you would probably get a side eye from others since you’d be the only one wearing shoes.

      2. I have a no-shoes home. Yes, most people wear stockings or bare feet if they’re wearing shoes that you don’t wear socks with. I provide cheap (unworn) slippers for guests – the kind they give away in hotels- and I have nicer slippers for guests who don’t mind wearing slippers others have warn before (e.g., guests in socks who want more warmth around their feet). I would be ok with you bringing shoes that you’ve never worn outside to wear inside my house, although I agree with Two Cents that others might find it odd. And do people who wear shoes inside their home really have a separate pair of “indoor only” shoes?

        1. We’re a totally shoes-on home, so I wear all shoes wherever I happen to be going. I do keep a pair of basic flats under my desk at work that are inside only (because they live in my office for when I don’t want to wear heels) and if you invited me to a fancy dinner party where I would wear a dress, then I would bring my office flats. I’m with Tina Fey on this one – nobody needs to see what my feet look like!

    7. Where I grew up in the Midwest, it was normal to take off snow boots at the door because they were pretty uncomfortable in the house. For anything except shoveling and winter sports, most people wear tennis shoes or other everyday-type shoes like loafers. For those shoes, everyone just knocked off any snow and wiped their feet at the door before walking all over carpets and hardwood. And, yes, carpets got cleaned at least once per year.

      Now I live in downtown San Jose and I don’t wear my shoes in the house at all (except if I’m leaving, have my shoes already on, and forgot something in the kitchen). I find it weird to go back to my hometown and not take off my shoes when entering a house.

    8. Maybe you shouldn’t have people over if your pristine floors are more important to you than your guests comfort.

      1. Haha yep! I do not wear shoes in my house and cringe when I see the bits the pet sitter has tracked in. Obviously, with pets, my floors are not pristine, but I hate visible bits and I vacuum often.

        When I occasionally have a friend over (rare) they either see the pile of shoes at the door and me in my slippers and naturally take them off or I ask nicely and offer socks if need be. I always remove my shoes at other people’s houses and bring socks if I’m not already wearing them. We are not really the fancy dinner party type of crowd though!

        1. I will add that I do not ask my pet sitter to take her shoes off, she’s great and I don’t want to do anything that would cause me to lose her. The one person that comes in my house is not a big deal.

    9. We are team “shoes off” but I grew up in a “shoes on” family Maybe 5-10 years ago I saw an expose on TV showing how dirty the bottom of your shoes are, particularly that the type of bacteria found on shoes was related to fecal matter. After a quick internet search reinforced this for me, I became a card carrying “shoes off” club member. I used to let party guests keep shoes on (and wash floors afterward), but I have had several occasions where women’s heels have the nail exposed and left divots in my hardwoods. So now shoes off for all.

      My dad still refuses to take his shoes off. I think for older people it is harder to take them on/off, so I give him a break. My husband complains about it to me secretly though.

  34. Dinner party help, please!

    I invited a bunch of people for dinner next week, and to my surprise they all said yes! I need an easy meal for 14 for a mid-week party. We did a rotisserie turkey for Thanksgiving and it was fairly quick and very delish, so I was thinking about doing that again, but with non-Thanksgiving sides.

    What do you think? Roast turkey, some kind of vegetable, some kind of starch, dessert, and call it a day? Does that work? If not, any other suggestions that won’t have me in the kitchen all night? And any suggestions for easy make-ahead sides?

    Thanks for any suggestions!

    1. Check out whatsgabycooking – she has a whole section called winter dinner party menu. Or you can browse her index for her garlic-roasted broccolini recipe. So delicious and so very easy to make a big pan of it. She has a lot of great recipes and does “meal plans.” Brussel sprouts are another easy vegetable. You could also make a mac and cheese ahead of time or she has a good crispy potato latke recipe, too.

    2. I the purchased turkey + purchased dessert + 2 (easy!) homemade sides plan. For the sides, I’d do Smitten Kitchen’s roasted cauliflower with pumpkin seeds, brown butter, and lime and an improvised salad of dark greens (spinach, kale, arugula) and citrus fruit, with or without fennel depending on time and inclination.

    3. I like this kale slaw as a side with turkey or chicken:
      http://www.marthastewart.com/1050522/kale-slaw-red-cabbage-and-carrots
      For a crowd I double the recipe and triple the dressing. (I also skip the hemp and parsley for what that is worth.) You can prep the veggies and make the dressing in advance, then combine with the two with the seeds just before serving.

      You might want to have some pre-dinner mingling food while you wait for everyone to arrive. I want to try the roasted nuts recipe on smitten kitchen this week.

      Have fun!

  35. Has anyone actually done this eyebrow microblading? I am interested enough to do it next year with my bonus but would like some anecdata- are you happy with the results, did you opt to go really dark or did you go lighter, how much they really did fade after the first six months.

  36. Not sure if it’s too late in the day to post this here, but any recommendations on where to go for a long weekend after I sit for the bar exam (Feb. 21-22 in PA)? I would be flying out of Philadelphia. I have a $400 airline credit I need to burn. Optimally, looking for somewhere warm where I can hike, sit in a spa/hot spring/warm pool of water and turn my brain off. 3-4 day trip, max.

    1. With that short of a trip I’d go to Miami or, if the budget allows, maybe the Caribbean (St. Lucia has nice hiking). I think if you try to go the west coast you won’t be there long enough to relax. Most of the Eastern US north of Florida isn’t going to be that warm in February.

  37. Is it just me or does anyone think that prices of goods — esp clothing — go up a little bit the closer we get to Christmas? I’m noticing stores that did a 50% of everything sale at Thanksgiving/cyber Monday and that entire week are now doing more like 40% off everything. 2 weeks ago I bought a wool coat — $325 regular, got it for $120; now that same coat in that same size and color is available for $150 at the same store. I feel like this happens every year — the best deals of the season are right up front; not to mention, now a lot of popular sizes and colors are gone. I feel like I notice it yearly and when I say it to others, they say I’m crazy. Tends to make sense to me — every retailer needs to make its numbers and not to mention stay competitive with other retailers so they do huge sales up front to drive in traffic/online traffic. But then a few days before Christmas it may switch to — well the people who are buying now REALLY need to buy and don’t have time to comparison shop, I bet they’d pay $30 more for the same coat.

    Anyone notice this? Any retail/marketing/yield management experts here?

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