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Workwear sales of note for 3.31.23:
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price tops and sweaters; up to 40% off all sale styles
- Athleta – All sale up to 60% off
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off; 20% off sale & new-season styles
- Brooks Brothers – Friends & Family Event: 30% off almost everything
- Express – All women’s jeans $49 + styles from $20
- Everlane – Up to 30% off spring essentials
- J.Crew – 40% off your purchase; swim from $24.50
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off entire site & storewide, plus extra 20% off orders $125+ with code
- Loft – $29 everyday shirts
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – Buy one get one 50% off! Free shipping on $150+
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- What are your favorite parts of a typical day?
- At what point in your life (age, income level, whatever) were you able to take an annual vacation?
- What shoes can I keep at the office to go for mid-day walks (that go with everything)?
- How do you release stress or trauma that’s stored in the body?
- What are the best “networking for women events” you’ve ever been to?
- I feel like we’re burning through any savings we acquire…
- I hate my job and make 30% of what DH makes – should I quit?
- What do you keep in your office?
Suits at J.C. Penney?
Recently there was a string about good quality suits at J.C. Penney. I can’t find them on the site and can’t remember the brand.
Thanks for your help!
KS IT Chick
I got a JCP suit that is Liz Claiborne. I wore it last week and got a lot of compliments.
+1 this is the blazer that was recced here along with ankle pants and pencil skirts. I bought the black dot print in all three pieces and a white blazer for less than $100. True to size and awesome quality for the price. https://www.jcpenney.com/p/liz-claiborne-double-cotton-blazer/ppr5007632683?pTmplType=regular&deptId=dept20000013&catId=cat1003500018&urlState=%2Fg%2Fwomen%2Fwomens-jackets-blazers%3Fbrand%3Dliz%2Bclaiborne%26id%3Dcat1003500018&productGridView=medium&badge=onlyatjcp&selectedSKUId=81430520224
OP says thanks!
OP here: Thank you SO much!
Birch Lane quality? Looking at a chaise lounger type thing but also curious about some other products that look interesting to me.
Following. I am interested in their couches– they have some pieces that look great for reasonable prices, but I’m nervous about not sitting on it before purchasing.
Very similar to wayfair and west elm as they are all owned by the same company. I’ve bought from wayfair and have been happy.
I have ordered a few things from there and the quality is just right for the price. Very happy with the items.
What’s your favorite magical anti-aging skincare product?
Renova, prescription. But the most important anti-aging skincare product is sunscreen, every day, even if you’re only outside to commute. I am learning that the hard way.
Sunscreen. Drink lots of water. Don’t smoke. And good genes help too.
Quality sleep too
First and foremest: Sunscreen and Retin-A
But close behind…Cerave facial cleanser; The Ordinary Marula Oil; Drunken Elephant Baby Facial and dermaplaning.
First Year Anon
Agree re sunscreen. Every day. Re-apply.
My understanding is that no one ingredient solves it all. Unfortunately I still get breakouts so I rotate a lot of products- I dont use all of these all of the time- I might do some every other day depending on my needs:
AM- Benzoyl peroxide (generic), salicylic acid (or some other acid), The Ordinary or Neostrata), niacinamide (The Ordinary or Paula’s choice), sunscreen with antioxidants (Paula’s Choice)
PM- Ordinary buffet, vitamin C (Drunk Elephant C Firma), niacinamide OR retinoid prescription
How often do you reapply your sunscreen? I put it on in the morning and layer makeup on top of it. I know I ought to reapply but the thought of slathering something on my already made up face irks me. I guess that’s what those SPF sprays and powders are for but I’m skeptical they work as well.
I usually run after work so I’ll wash my face to get rid of any makeup and reapply before I head out (or if I run in the am I will apply some cheap sunscreen before my run so when I wash it off 45 minutes later I don’t feel bad). Sometimes if I’m doing stuff outside during the day I’ll spritz a spray on midday but that’s rare tbh. Obviously I could be better but there are limits.
Yeah same. I put a fair amount of sunscreen on before make up in the morning. (My face makeup also has sunscreen.) Then I put more on if I go outside after work, but otherwise I don’t reapply. It could be better, but I think it’s all right.
I’ve just started reapplying recently but it depends on what I’m doing. On a normal workday I reapply once at about noon. On a day where I’m outside more, every 2 hours. I pared down my makeup routine to just brow gel and mascara so this works for me.
Obviously, Retin-A and sunscreen. But Sunday Riley Good Genes has an immediate impact on making my skin smoother and brighter.
Same. Finally splurged after using a couple of cheaper lactic acid products and for whatever reason good genes works a million times better. It was also great for some dark spots on my body if thats a concern for anyone! Everything else I use is drugstore/the ordinary/cosrx, this is the only product I’m willing to spend more money on so far.
Lancome Genefique. The difference in my skin when I’m using it is dramatic.
I use a lot of plain oils – almond and apricot seed oil and find my skin looks so plump and happy when I’m using oil cleansing method and lathering on the oil.
I need to think about serious skincare but this makes a huge difference in how my skin looks and feels.
Broken record, but tretinoin (Retin-A) and SUNSCREEN. Tretinoin also causes major photosensitivity, so you need to be even more diligent with SPF than usual.
It’s so easy to skip sunscreen here and there, but exposure is cumulative. Do a search for “truck driver uv photo sun damage” to see one of the most common examples used by dermatologists. It shows an elderly gentleman who drove a tractor trailer for a living, and received most of his sun exposure to the left side of his face (by the driver’s window). The difference compared to his right side is all the motivation I need.
I exclusively use K-care products for facial sunscreen, and there are many that don’t have that stereotypical grease-slick finish. Commonly recommended Asian sunscreens include Biore Aqua Rich Watery Essence (I love the powdery finish, but the high alcohol content makes this no bueno for use with tretinoin), Klairs Soft Airy UV Essence SPF50, Skin Aqua Super Moisture Milk, Nivea Sun UV Milky Gel, Missha All Around Safe Block Essence Sun, and Innisfree Blueberry Rebalancing Watery Sun Cream.
Seconding all of this stuff and adding the purito centella sunscreen to the list, its also excellent! a little more moisturizing for those who need that.
The original Scarlett
Botox. Skip everything else.
This is terrible advice. Do not skip sunscreen in particular.
I am a Botox devotee, but it doesn’t smooth skin texture like retinoids or stop aging in the first place like sunscreen!
Lol no. Do retinol, vitamin C, sunscreen, lots of water, etc. as preventative and you’ll have less need for botox.
The original Scarlett
Suit yourselves, I’ve done all that stuff and nothing antiages like Botox. The other stuff is daily maintenance but for bang for the buck, here’s nothing better. May not be your cup of tea, but it works.
I would consider not getting skin cancer to be a pretty good bang for your buck.
The original Scarlett
So the question was anti-aging products, best bang for the buck. I’m not going to tell anyone not to use sunscreen, but there is interesting stuff coming out about it. NYT today on whether chemicals that soak into the bloodstream are a bigger risk and this article was interesting too
Not all sunscreens have the chemicals mentioned in the NYT article. I’d say the vast majority of people I know use mineral (zinc oxide) sunscreens on themselves and their kids, which have no potential downsides, as far as I know.
Scarlett, I’m pretty sure the NYT article said it was still recommended to wear sunscreen. Look, if you don’t want to wear it, nobody’s gonna make you.
The original Scarlett
I never said I didn’t wear it or don’t wear it, I just think it’s worth examining the gospel that it’s the be-all/end all & that it’s not the best antiaging product, unless you start wearing it consistently very very very young (& even better, stay out of the sun and don’t tan as a teenager).
I can’t reply to the article you posted but I have literally been saying that for years – how can literally covering yourself with chemicals and blocking all natural vitamin D production be good for you?! I’m pretty anti-sunscreen and will only use it if I’m going to the beach or somewhere on vacation closer to the equator. I can lay out half the day in my backyard and not get a sunburn. I’m 36 but I get carded for liquor so I can’t say that not using sunscreen has negatively affected my skin….
The aging effects of the sun don’t really show at 36, especially if you have good genes. Talk to us when you’re 50.
I can easily tell which 50 year olds tanned and who didn’t. Lady, you are in a rude awakening. It’s not too late!
I’m solidly middle aged and have found Paula’s Choice products to be a great asset for skin care. I would not have given them the time of day in my thirties, but given that my skin is dryer, they work well for where my skin is now.
TTC so no Retinol for now. But ok, time to get in the sunscreen habit daily, not just when headed to the playground for the afternoon. Suggestions for the best cheaper sunscreen that is available from the river store? Ideally one that won’t make all the hormonal breakouts on my face worse?
I like Eucerin for inexpensive daily facial sunscreen.
Look for zinc products rather than chemical products (no oyxbenzone) to prevent breakouts. I like CeraVe mineral and La Roche Posay mineral.
Retin-A, sunscreen, and BR P50.
I would never be able to button that “slim” blouse over my bosoms. No, I am not here to talk about button-down shirts!
Let’s talk about rompers. Can adult women wear these without looking ridiculous? Does it depend on height? Age? I bought a black linen one from Theory a few years back. Wore it once and felt strange and infantile. I see shorter women wearing them (for weekend kid events, etc.) and looking cute. Do you wear them? If so, where do you get ones that aren’t too junior-ish? Asking because I have a couple of casual jumpsuits (Athleta and Evereve) that I like but I just don’t know if I can wear the short version.
I’m on Team Anti Romper. Not because they look ridiculous (they can definitely read cute/flirty on the right people), but because they are (1) difficult to get the right fit — torso length has to be PERFECT, and (2) a PITA to wear given bathroom needs. And I suppose (3), high risk of “mutton dressed as lamb” if attempting over the age of 27.
Go for it
+ 1000. They are too hard to get right, and for me are just not worth the effort involved.
Agree. I have one that I feel sooo young and weird wearing so I reserve it for weekend pool wear (it is super handy to have one thing that I can easily throw on over a suit).
That being said, my husband loves it and compliments it every time I wear it…so…maybe I need to get over it?!?
Mine always tend to ride up at the cr#tch, so I’ve given up.
I mean, my kids (3,6) absolutely love them and even have a “romper dance,” which involves a lot of butt-wiggling (mimicking how they get into them).
So, as an adult, I vote no. They can be done, but it’s too much work to get it right.
I’m team romper/jumpsuit, but I feel like you have to find the right one for your body type. I looked for ages until I found the right one at Anthopologie. I have a long waist and a pouchy tummy, and most accentuated that until I found one with the right pleating at the tummy and waist length to hid it. I feel adorable every time I wear it. I totally agree about it being a pain to pee, though.
My body shape sounds similar to yours. Is this something you bought recently? Is it still in stores?
Yes! Please post! I have a similar bodytype & these are the 2 I’ve liked. I find that I like them better with patterns, an elastic waste & a kind of buffanty top so it looks more like a dress unless you are looking closely:
I think they’re “darling” (as my grandma would say) on tweens and teens. So I seriously regret being too shy and ashamed to show my legs when they were fashionable in my early aughts youth!
Rompers were a thing in the early 2000’s?
I definitely had some from Limited Too in the late 90s.
Late ’90s, maybe? The era of the delias catalogue.
Rompers and overalls. Think Tai in Clueless, they were absolutely in Delia’s and Contempo Casuals (yes, that reference probably makes me an old).
Related question: What am I supposed to be looking for in a jumpsuit so that it isn’t baggy on the bottom half? It is not an attractive look to have a dropped crotch and something that doesn’t even touch my already-small butt. But then ones with some definition hit my waist at the widest point and look terrible too. What do I do?
A petite size will have a shorter rise, so you won’t get the baggy crotch look.
I’m team no. How about a nice grown up jumpsuit? I have one that has wide legs that end just below the knee and I like it a lot.
I have one perfect one from Forever 21 of all places that I bought for biking through Sonoma. It’s a looser fit, which I think is key. I’ve tried to find others that fit similarly and haven’t had any luck.
I’m 34 (and pretty curvy) and just got my first romper from Boden. It is perfect, and I LOVE it so much. I’m planning on wearing it in the same way I wear casual sundresses: to the beach, casual events, running errands, etc. Not to work, obviously. I don’t think anything about it makes me look less adult.
Rompers and jumpsuits look great if you’re a mile tall with legs to match. I’m stumpy and hippy, so they’re not good on me.
I have a friend who is about a size 12, 5’3″, and apple shaped. She wears rompers and jumpsuits and looks fabulous in them. She’s 35 and gorgeous and wears what she wants but she’s also a professional singer and voice teacher, so she doesn’t do office wear. I admire her for wearing whatever suits her!
+1 I kind of agree it matters less what size you are and, honestly, more on how fabulous your legs are. Your legs don’t have to be long and lean to look great – I actually more admire thicker more muscular legs or legs that are very smooth and plump (I know cellulite is natural but if you don’t have it, you better flaunt those legs while you have them).
I’m a little shorter and a little bigger and I love rompers and jumpsuits! (I’m also almost 30 if that matters). I actually have found some amazing rompers at aerie of all places. Agree with others who are saying that having nice legs is all that matters, not necessarily skinny ones. I have chunky thighs but I think they are very nice haha. I find rompers and jumpsuits easier to shop for than normal pants for whatever reason, so I wear them a lot instead of jeans or shorts. The one issue is they are annoying to pee in! But otherwise worth it. I wear longer ones to work in any situation I would wear jeans in.
One might think this, but when you’re tall, the fit just isn’t right. The waist hits at the wrong spot, the crotch rides up, the shorts are far too short, etc. Maybe the more ideal candidate for rompers is kind of tall – 5’7-ish? – straight up and down (i.e. not curvy) with long legs…?
I actually think rompers look fabulous on shorter curvy women – provided that it is a petite romper that actually hits at the waist, otherwise it’s a box. I don’t think rompers themselves have an age limit but more a personality and style limit. Would a 60 yr old serious woman look weird in a short shorts romper? yes. But would a 60 yr old taking a walk on the beach or a 40 yr old with a less serious disposition running around with her toddler in a romper with looser pant material look perfectly normal? Absolutely. It’s not just for festival wear but I think really is for – active and wants to wear shorts.
I am short & chunky and I’ve found a couple I absolutely love (actually all at old navy). I’m not a big fan of dresses, but get SO hot during the summer, so feel like the rompers I get are kind of like dresses, but with less of the disadvantages (chub rub & flying up). The bathroom thing is annoying, but the ones I get are not right, so it’s really not that bad.
short & chunky here – can you share links?
Yup! I shared them above too- https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=409657042&cid=1134872&pcid=1051876&grid=productSearch_2_43_1
I’m 34 and I’m Team Romper and Jumpsuit and I make NO apologies! If you like them, wear them. They aren’t inherently more revealing than a dress and they come in many silhouettes. I will concede that they’re annoying in the bathroom.
Question for those of you who are exempt employees, but have to bill your time (law/consulting usually), have you ever worked in a non-billing job and if so, did it change your stress levels? I haven’t and I am finding billing increasingly stressful because it introduces so much more mental fatigue day after day (“how much time did I spend? Ugh, I forgot to record ___” – and that’s WITH using a spreadsheet). It also makes me nervous during slow periods when I would love to just leave early and take care of a doctor’s appointment or whatever, but I still have to bill. I’m starting to think I would do better with finding a new job that doesn’t require billing at all. Have any of you who have tried both noticed any differences in stress level/mental load?
I’m a lawyer and billing is the worst. I had a non-law job before without billing and it was a million times less stressful for exactly the reasons you articulate. I have decided that once I leave my current job I will never have another job with billable hours again because I hate it so much!
Absolutely. Being rewarded for your own efficiency, rather than punished, is one of the biggest benefits to going in-house. And when you’re chasing a billable target, using PTO just means pushing billable work to other days, making even taking a vacation somewhat stressful (where will you make up the hours? Do you have enough of a cushion?). Life on the other side is heavenly in comparison.
Sometimes I *wish* I could bill people for how long something takes (it’s never just a “quick question” dude) but that’s just being petty :)
The original Scarlett
+1 this exactly
Is it Friday yet?
+1000 I’m never going back to having billables
+1 million. Not billing is my favorite part of going in-house. Also, I’m super-efficient with spurts of idleness in between, so being rewarded on performance not time works much better for me.
OP and this is me too. Now that I think about it more, it really makes sense for me to find a non-billing job. I can knock out a great product quickly and I do better with little breaks for checking the news, refilling my water, etc. without being anxious about the clock.
Is it Friday yet?
So much this. I also don’t have those guilt spirals and anxiety about not billing enough that led to more procrastination, so I’m more productive in general.
Yes, it’s decreased my stress a TON, although both exempt jobs that required me to bill my time also had nightmare micromanaging bosses and other issues. That being said, slow periods don’t cause additional stress now because I’m not worried about how much time I’m billing to overhead (training, writing articles, organizing the file explosion that periodically happens in my office, etc.). FWIW, the jobs that required me to bill my time were at nonprofits with many grants, now I’m at a nonprofit with just one grant that covers everything from client work to administrative stuff. It’s so nice to just put one number on my timesheet for the total amount of time I spent working on any given day. I have to use PTO for doctor appts and stuff like that, but I have a very generous amount.
Before law school, I had an outside sales job. I did not track my time, but there were other metrics to keep track of (all of which I hated doing). I don’t find the pressure any less with accounting for my work by the hour. It’s just different.
I hate keeping my time as a lawyer, but it’s how the firm gets paid, so when I get yucky about it, I think “Do I want to get paid for what I did today?” “Do I want credit for what I did today toward my bonus?” When I frame it that way, I hate it less, but I still hate it. I hope you can find a way to hate it less.
I also know people who make it a practice not to go to sleep/ leave the office/ have a glass of wine until they’ve entered their time from the day.
Anyway you slice it, you might try some psychological or motivational tricks to make you hate it less (but you’re still probably going to hate it.)
Just a counter argument–I missed billing! I was in house for a year and a half and hated it for a million reasons, but having to account for my time out of the office to anyone else was really annoying and felt infantalizing, which I do not do well with. There was a heavy dose of management issues contributing to that, but the default was that you should be in your office during “work hours.” On the other side, when you bill, as long as you bill enough and are generally available, no one pays attention or cares what you do during the day. I HUGELY prefer it (billing). To each her own, but remember that the grass is always greener :).
I do agree that the face time requirement for non-billable jobs is a downside versus billable jobs, but it makes sense — they have to account for you “working” somehow. However, many billable jobs have face time requirements AND billable requirements, which is the worst of both worlds. If your billable job truly doesn’t care if you roll in at 10 a.m. or are gone for 3 hours in the middle of the day, that is a significant advantage over most in house jobs.
That said, I still vastly prefer my non-billable, in-house job over billable work, even having worked at two firms that did not enforce billable minimums. The main problem with billable hour jobs is that there are no true “breaks.” Every vacation or long lunch or even half hour to browse Pinterest that you take is billable time you have to make up later and is reflected in your numbers.
I also am on team billing. I love it. It is way more flexible for me as a working parent than a job where I have to be in the office for a strict set of office hours. I never have to ask for or account for time out of the office for doctor’s appointments; I can leave early to pick up the kids as long as I log an hour or two after they go to bed; etc.
I also think that, for me at least, billing is a good way to measure my own productivity and whether I’m actually getting better at my job. The people who think that billing doesn’t equate to efficiency probably have not had difficult conversations with clients trying to justify the time on the bill. I am always aware of whether I’m efficiently using my time, and billing time is simply the best way to keep track of what you’re doing during the day.
That kind of job — where really cares where you are/what you’re doing as long as you’re getting your work done well — that exists without billing! I’ve had that the last couple of positions I’ve had even in state government, where the culture can very much be Butt In Seat.
I manage exempt staff attorneys who do not bill their time. I would say morale is generally low to medium at the company we all work for, but not in the staff legal department, because everyone came from a billable hours environment and they just move that they don’t have to do it for us. Basically the job is, get the job done, and you can work from home or leave early or whatever as long as it’s done.
*love not move
I’m the OP and I think I’m officially convinced now. I wasn’t sure if I might be conflating the billing issue with some of my other gripes about the job, but everything that has been said so far has me going “that’s so true.” My billing days are numbered!
Co-sign that billing is the actual worst. That is all. Thank you for attending my ted talk.
I hate billing, but have never had a non-billable job. I want my billable days to be numbered though, because I am also another one of those high efficiency with high number of breaks in between types (case in point: reading this site at 10:48am).
Yard Regrading - Experiences?
Has anyone had a yard regraded? I am in the process of buying a house with a yard that needs regrading before I fence it. I can’t get quotes because I don’t own the house yet, but does anyone have any experience with this? What was the cost? How long did it take? The new yard is about 1/3 of an acre, but not all of that will need to be regraded. The immediate need is swales around the house to divert the water away from the house and bringing the soil level down around the foundation of the house.
I am looking at getting quotes from landscaping companies who do a lot of hardscaping, as I assume they will know how to regrade. I will have money to throw at this from the sale of my house, but wanted some general idea of whether it’s $2k vs $20k. My Google searching is turning up $1500ish estimates, but that seems WAY too low.
Regrading is a normal, and generally included cost built into the labor quote, in landscaping jobs – ask if you’re unsure. If you need a lot of landscaping done, just note to an EXPERIENCED landscaper that the yard needs regarding, and they’ll take that into account as they do the work. My yard has always measured for angle and tested for water flow and, if necessary, regarded, when I’ve had new grass laid down.
Thanks! I’m only interested in having it regraded at this point, not landscaped, so maybe the lower estimates I saw are accurate. I need to regrade, then fence, then landscape (over time).
We spent roughly $5K inclusive of new sod and basic sprinkler system if I remember correctly.
Thanks! I hadn’t thought about the seed/sod issue, duh. No sprinkler system for me though.
I don’t know why you wouldn’t get a sprinkler system. They are far more efficient than using a hose and a hardware store sprinkler. Get it while your lawn is all dug up, otherwise it will be a huge expense and mess to do them later.
If you live on the east coast, no sprinklers needed… we moved from CA to DC and I’m seriously amazed at how lush our lawn is with no effort from us compared to the hard hard hard work and $ & water we always had to put into our spotty piece of dirt in CA.
You don’t need to water lawns everywhere! Signed, somebody who lives in a rainforest :)
Did you just move this year? You may be surprised what the yard looks like now versus August. It can dry quick.
In all of my 39 years, I have never lived in a home that has a sprinkler system. My parents don’t have one and their lawn looks awesome with minimal watering. It’s just not necessary where we live and I’m not interested in having one. The house has been vacant for over a year and the lawn looks fine.
I’m the DC person- it’s our 3rd summer in this house… flowers dry out, but the greenery seems to stay because of the frequent rains.
I got my very small yard regraded as part of a hardscape (paver patio) project, and I think the regrading part was under $2k. The whole project was $15kish and included regrading, removing old landscaping, a decent size paver patio, and resodding.
Eh, so hard to say. Ours was >$10k, but our regrading involved removing massive boulders and bringing in a lot of dirt. We had massive machines here for several days. This wasn’t a bobcat sort of a job.
I believe we had 5+ dump trucks (bringing out rocks, bringing in full, bringing in loam).
Then you have to get the whole thing seeded, so add another $1k++. Way more if you sod.
If you’re talking about something that will be bobcat or mini excavator, just pushing dirt around, no major stuff, maybe estimate $5-10k and be happy when it’s on the low end.
I live in the burbs of Boston and literally nothing is $1500, so if you are in a similar type of area, triple that quote for reality.
Thanks! I am in a LCOL. For frame of reference, my 1800 sq foot house is $156k on just under a 1/3 of an acre :)
I don’t expect basement bottom prices because I do want it done correctly, but I think/hope it will be cheaper than Boston proper!! Glad to have any frame of reference though!
+1 to hard to say. We’re getting estimates right now for regrading a chunk of a 1/4 acre yard in a MCOL midwest city to divert water away from a basement window and bring the soil level down, and the estimates are coming in around $3k-$5k for pushing dirt around and reseeding. No big rocks or anything in the way. The $3k estimates are just for dirt moving and reseeding, goes up to close to $5k if we decide to have them do more for curb appeal (vs doing it ourselves later).
Thank you! I suspect mine estimates will be similar. There are no visible large rocks, but who knows what lurks under the surface.
Sorry, I should also say the area that we attacked was probably a total of 1/3 acre. We are on a 1.5 acre lot. We had to do it to lay a new foundation for an addition then just went hog wild after we knew how much we were already doing.
Why can’t you get quotes? I’ve gotten quotes for all kinds of things before closing on a house. Often this is necessary to decide whether to buy a house (when big renovations might be involved). I specifically got quotes for fencing around a yard/pool before I bought our house a few years ago because I wanted the work done immediately upon possession (young kids and unfenced pool is an absolute no for me).
Derp. I just assumed I couldn’t. I am two days out from closing and don’t need anything done immediately like a pool fence, so was okay with waiting. Thanks for clarifying.
+1 for the future, I started getting quotes before closing, I wanted to start work ASAP! :)
You can get quotes if you don’t own it, you just have to work through the brokers to arrange/grant permission to access the yard. We closed on our house last Friday and while we were under agreement we had fencing, painting and flooring quotes done for us. Took some coordination with the interior quotes so that we weren’t trying to access the home too many times. But the exterior quotes were easy – we told homeowner/seller we were getting a fence and people would be stopping by to measure and she said no problem. This is very common.
Clearly I have had weeks of better brain function. I have been so swamped with the new house stuff and selling stuff that I didn’t even think to ask. Lesson learned! Although, I knew I would be doing this going in and it is not a deal breaker for me.
Don’t beat yourself up! Buying a house takes up a lot of cognitive energy and as far as brain farts go, this one is very minor!
If you’re regrading for drainage issues, consider having them bury downspouts, and also how much dirt may need to be brought in. We re-graded, buried downspouts, 2 truck loads of dirt, added a sprinkler and new sod for around $6,000 total. I think the regrading and dirt was $1250.
Has anyone in DC been to Nusta Spa? I got a gift card there for my birthday and have been trying to schedule something, but I’ve called 3x at different times and no one ever answers the phone. They yelp reviews are a mix of 5 star reviews and 1 star reviews, and the amount of 1 star reviews is giving me pause.
I recently got a prenatal massage there and it was really great! I used their online booking system to schedule. I like them a lot more than Bliss at the W, which is where I used to go for fancy spa times.
I have, although several years ago. It was fine. Nothing amazing, but not horrible.
I had a message there a few years ago. It was fine, and pretty standard. Not where I would recommend or pick on my own, but if you have a gift card, it is certainly worth it. I booked via their online system, I think
Dreaming of Rome
I know it’s only June but I’m dreaming up my next vacation and thinking Rome for the week between Christmas and New Year’s. Has anyone been at this time of year and can speak to the experience? I’m worried good attractions/restaurants/shops will be closed, even though I know it’s a touristy time of year too. Also, any recs for the trip are much appreciated!
Rome is great all year around, and I love the Christmas decorations. Many restaurants will reopen a few days after Christmas, and not everything closes. The weather will likely be cold (40-50s F), damp, and gray, though. Sunset will be early, so dark early. Still fun, but wear wool.
I went during that time. Rome is a very touristy city; I didn’t have any trouble finding good places to eat and things to do. I stayed at an air bnb and my host had a ton of great suggestions, too. I also took a day trip to Pompeii, which was absolutely incredible. I had no idea how big it was. Rome has a free outdoor concert for New Years – it gets pretty rowdy but it’s fun to walk through. The city definitely gets crowded the day or so before NYE. I’d recommend planning your major museums and touristy sites right after Christmas, when it’s less busy, and just sort of enjoy the city right before and after NYE.
I have been in early January so can’t speak to holiday closures, but it was COLD. I had not been a tourist in a cold place before and it was definitely too cold to spend the entire day walking around outside.
Does anyone subscribe to any magazines that they really enjoy? Any suggestions on how to get the best price for magazine subscriptions? I think magazines might add a little happiness to the month so I’m looking for suggestions. Thanks!
I really like Oprah magazine. The fashion and beauty tips are age-appropriate and I love the book recommendations.
I love Country Living, Southern Living, and Taste of the South. Magazines.com usually has good deals, although I like doing it through Amazon so I can actually find/see when my subscription expires/renews.
Check out your local library. All sorts of different magazines – and they are free.
Gail the Goldfish
If it’s the type of thing you like, National Geographic. I’ve had others over the years, but National Geographic is the only thing I have consistently subscribed to since I was a teenager.
Garden & Gun. Everything is way out of my price range and it sounds like an odd choice for an east coast liberal, but the writing is excellent and the articles are informative and interesting.
Before you subscribe, check your local library system to see if they offer online access to current magazines.
I live in Montgomery County, MD, and our library system offers access to two apps: RBDigital, and Flipster.
I especially love downloading magazines onto my iPad before a plane trip – less to carry!
Also – you can redeem unused airline points for magazine subscriptions.
America’s test kitchen is so so so so great. If you like cooking they really dissect every recipe and try a million different things and explain exactly why something works or doesn’t work. It’s fascinating.
I used to loved it too (the mag is actually Cook’s Illustrated–ATK is the tv show, I believe). But personally I haven’t found the content as unique since Christopher Kimball left.
I love Sunset in the West but it’s purely aspirational now that I live on the East Coast.
I’ve become a fan of very focused magazines over general magazines. No more RealSimple for me! But I like HGTV magainze and CleanEating (and/or EatingWell) and sometimes FoodNetwork magazines.
I also want to put in a word for artsier or more literary magazines like Harper’s or The Atlantic or…. whatever your hobby is, there is likely a high-end magazine for that.
Do you have access to Overdrive through a local library? They have a ton of magazines.
Orion Magazine is a life-long favorite–environmentalism, but often through literature, poetry, and visual art. It’s introduced me to some of my favorite authors.
It’s only quarterly, and AFAIK, only in print. But the content benefits from that.
I get 2 subscriptions (for free from airline miles and taking surveys) – Town & Country (because it has such interesting stories about upper/high class topics I usually know nothing about) and People (to keep up on my celebrity gossip; I truly despise social media – FB, Twitter, etc.). I like actual magazines rather than flipping through on my Kindle or phone.
I got Fortune via airline miles and I’m surprisingly loving it.
The New Yorker!! I look forward to it every week. The restaurant review (and I live in SF!), the book reviews, the short articles, the long articles, the comics, the snark etc I love it!
20 years ago today, my mom was having a menstrual migraine attack while working as an investment bank associate. She was meeting with a stock photographer, so the photographer took this.
For those who are wondering. The photo was actually taken in 1979.
So how is 1979 20 years ago today?
This post is weird and I’m not sure what the point is tbh…but yeah also, 20 =/ 40.
This has to be one of our trolls.
Agreed that this is a troll.
Sorry. It’s a typo. It was actually 40 years ago.
What a weird thing to lie about. I don’t think this is the site for you, maybe try Reddit.
What’s the point of this post?
And today, you are laughing while eating your salad
Who would’ve thought? Only Don Draper, perhaps.
Two can play at this game, which is still dumb
Over the last month, I’ve had 12 business days of seminars, with a couple workdays in between (gone 4, work 2, gone 4, work 2, etc.). I’m struggling to adjust back into my normal stretch of billable days with no vacation/days off until September. Might take July 4 off, not sure. Any tips for motivating myself back to the grind?
Start with short bouts of time. Work begets work. I set a timer for a whopping 5 minutes (and then bump to 10 and then to 15) and do not let myself do anything other than the task in front of me for that amount of time. It’s surprisingly effective for getting me back into a rhythm. I don’t usually even need the 15 minute goal–once I get past 5 to 7 minutes, I’m golden. Also, take walking breaks (just around the office) …maybe more than you normally would to ease back into things.
This seems like something people in this group might have: does someone know where to find the direct debit terms for FedLoan? I want to see if something they did went against their own policies for direct debit. I can’t find the policy or terms and conditions on their website. It’s not in any of the emails. And I don’t have the original direct debit paperwork, which I know I should have kept. I assumed everything was online….
Also, F FedLoan.
This is the best I have found: https://myfedloan.org/borrowers/payments-billing/payment-processing
Thanks! Hadn’t found that but it doesn’t answer my question, unfortunately. I think I’m just going to have to call them. Ugh.
anon a mouse
You should be able to contact FedLoan to get a copy of your paperwork. If they don’t give it to you, file a complaint with the CFPB and they will provide it to you that way.
Thanks- this is what I’ll have to do. Ugh.
Agree with you wholeheartedly on your last sentence!
They won’t give me a years worth of credit for PSLF because they say Nelnet told them I supposed to be paying $400 a month for that year and didn’t so I was out of compliance (i was under Nelnet at the time). This is not true. I had $0 payments for that year under IBR. $0 payments do count for PSLF. FedLoan told me to provide bank statements proving I made the $0 payments each month. I called Nelnet and they said FedLoan was full of it and are sending me documentation proving it. FedLoan said a review would take six months and they wouldn’t do anything in the interim.
This is completely separate from the above direct debit issue. I am irate.
What vitamin/mineral supplements do you take and how did you decide to take them? I asked my doctor about supplements and she suggested just taking any multivitamin. How do I pick one? If I feel tired all the time, should I also be taking extra iron or b12 or something else? (My bloodwork came back normal so I don’t think I have an actual deficiency or thyroid issue, thankfully.)
I take One-a-Day prenatal although I am not pregnant and won’t be again. I found through trial and error after struggling with anemia that it is the only thing with iron my stomach can tolerate. My doctor had recommended iron supplements but they made my stomach hurt and I kept tasting metal. I feel much better on the prenatal and get anemic again if I stop.
I take 3 and feel like they really make a difference.
I take the energy one without caffeine, but there is one with it.
I take the women’s gummy vitamins from olly. I have no clue if they do anything, but they’re delicious and I’ll actually take them, unlike giant pills, which I just won’t take, because I hate swallowing pills. It’s one of those “don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good” kind of things for me.
Same. I choke on those blasted pills, so gummies FTW!
I think it will depend on your individual needs — I did a trace elements analysis as part of a health checkup specifically geared for chronic fatigue. It was $$ without insurance but toatlly worth it given I’d been suffering from chronic fatigue for 10+ years (took iron, magnesium, B compound, C, and D during this time but to little noticeable effect).
They take bits of hair, run it in a lab for essential minerals and toxins, and (through a report and explanations from a functiomal medicine doctor) provided an analysis of the balance ratios between elements and the implications, diet recommendations, etc. I take B compound, C, D, Zinc, Selen in high doses based on my deficiencies, plus Omega 3 based on dietary recommendations + occasional Iron during my period.
Adding that my basic bloodwork panel and hormones all came back normal in all of my normal checkups, despite feeling tired all the time — I wish I had done the specialized checkup sooner. IANAD but turns out that it’s not just the absolute amount of minerals, it’s the balance between them that affects the metabolism / fatigue. Thought it might be worth exploring for you too, if the usual B, C, and D compounds don’t alleviate your fatigur symptoms.
I take a multi-vitamin gummy. If you’re tired all the time, but your levels are all fine, you may just need to sleep more…
I take supplements based on my individual issues – otherwise I’d just take a multivitamin.
I have stomach issues so I take a supplemental Magnesium Citrate to help with nutrient absorption and a history of Vitamin D deficiency (and am not in the sun very often) so I take Vitamin D. I also take a pre+probiotic, either in a pill supplement form, or in the form of food (kombucha, sauerkraut, etc.) I also used to take B12 but it didn’t seem to do anything for me so stopped.
I take D, B12, and Omega 3, based on input from my doctor and acupuncturist.
I am vegan, fwiw.
I don’t know why your doctor’s dismissal bothers me, but it does. I take B and D vitamins daily. A regular multivitamin could do it for you, as well.
Are there other reasons you could be tired? Allergies? Chronic pain? Sleep apnea? I went to the doctor once due to being exhausted all the time and wound up needing surgery to remove an overgrown parathyroid gland.
I don’t know why your doctor’s dismissal bothers me, but it does. I take B and D vitamins daily. A regular multivitamin could do it for you, as well.
Are there other reasons you could be tired? Allergies? Chronic pain? Sleep apnea? I went to the doctor once due to being exhausted all the time and wound up needing surgery to remove an overgrown parathyroid gland.
But if her bloodwork came back normal, then there’s no deficiency to fix with a supplement . . .
Gail the Goldfish
I take Vitamin D because I was a little deficient, and omega 3 because at my last eye appointment, my optometrist found I had papillae on the underside of my upper eyelids (there’s some longer medical term for this I don’t remember) and omega 3 would apparently help with this (I forgot to ask exactly how).
Giant papillary conjunctivitis! Same. Fish oil does help my eyeballs and I am too lax about taking it.
I’ve posted this before, but when I was TTC, I started on a prenatal and instantly felt way more energized and had a much easier time waking up in the morning. I never had first trimester fatigue because the vitamin had given me such an energy boost. I continued the prenatal for 6 months postpartum (I was nursing) and then switched to a regular multivitamin. It’s helped my energy levels and immune system so much. I haven’t been sick in over five years (excluding pregnancy, when your immune system is suppressed). I still don’t know if it’s the iron, the Vitamin D, the Vitamin B12 or some combination of the above but it’s made a world of difference for me.
I take NatureMade for Her Multi – in addition to the standard vitamins, I like that it has a lot of calcium, which weirdly my prenatal did not.
Not to be argumentative, but I am not sure that taking a prenatal vitamin reduces first trimester fatigue in most people. Everyone I know who has been pregnant took a prenatal (and most for several months before getting pregnant as well), and most of those same friends still experienced first trimester fatigue. Me included. That being said, I am a big fan of vitamins and am still taking my prenatal until I finish breastfeeding (Rainbow Lite). I also take a post- natal DHA from Nordic Naturals.
No, I’m not saying a prenatal eliminates first trimester fatigue in healthy people. My point was just that I was suffering from undiagnosed chronic fatigue before starting the vitamin (I thought it was normal, it wasn’t) and when I fixed that I had SO. MUCH. ENERGY. that I barely noticed the slight energy dip of the first trimester. I’m not saying this is normal or healthy, only that it was the case for me because I was so fatigued before starting the prenatal. In hindsight, I should have done something about my chronic fatigue long before TTC and I find it very frustrating that society tells people (women especially) that chronic fatigue is a normal part of life. But that’s a separate post.
Any recs for cute summer flat sandals under 1 inch? Planning to wear with shorts / dresses, bonus points if they have arch support (flat feet woes)! I wanted to get espadrilles but have trouble finding flat ones (can’t wear heels for various reasons). TIA!
I think Kork-Ease have some cute summer sandals with a bit of arch support. I just bought the ‘Marianna.’ I think the heel is slightly higher than 1″ but they are very, very comfortable.
Full disclosure I don’t own these, but a blog I follow (The Mom Edit) recommended these today and I am currently obsessing whether or not to buy them: https://www.zappos.com/p/naot-pixie-gold-cork-leather-champagne-leather-gold-leather/product/8632597/color/733534
I should, right?
It says the heel height is more than an inch, but I wonder if that includes the platform the whole shoe is on so maybe the heel itself doesn’t feel that high?
Not specific recommendations, but I like Born and Clarks for comfortable, flat sandals.
Eileen Fisher ones at Nordstrom are on sale and cute and comfy.
Does anyone have a drugstore eyelid primer that they can recommend?
Revlon photo ready eye primer. (the one in the wind up brush/pen) I’ve used it for like 5 years. IMO its just as good as Urban Decay, and a pen lasts me almost a year.
e.l.f. has a couple. I really like the one that’s marked down to 80 cents :)
I use the Monistat anti-chafing gel as my all-face primer, including eyes.
Awesome – thanks!
Dr. Perricone’s No-Eyeshadow Eyeshadow, with or without another color on top.
I use my regular concealer and set with powder – maybelline fit me is great for this
I’m using Revlon Photoready right now. In the past, I’ve used WetNWild and NYX- both seem to work fine. I rotate based on whatever is on sale.
I have had great results with Milani and Wet n Wild shadow primers.
I like the NYX eyeshadow primer. It works just as well as Urban Decay.
Dating in your 30s
For those of you who started dating your significant other/husband in you mid-30s or later, what was your timeline?
I’m 35 and I’ve just started seeing someone who I’m interested in. This weekend a friend who got married in her late 20s after dating for 6+ years made some comment about how another friend had moved so fast in her relationship that it wasn’t surprising that they were getting divorced after 2 years (I know, not a great friend. That’s a whole other post). For reference, the divorcing couple dated for about 18 months before getting engaged and got marred about 2.5 years after they meet in their early 30s. Which doesn’t seem fast to me. If things work out with this new guy, I could see being engaged after dating for less than a year, and married within 6 to 9 months of that time – i.e., married within 18 months of meeting. I know every relationship is different, I have to go at my pace, etc., but I’m still curious if my timeline is faster then others who meet later in life.
Your friend is terrible. Dating 6+ years is ime on the longer range of normal for most people (although not abnormal when you start dating at 22). Your friend’s view is skewed from her own experience. If I started dating a guy in my late 20s/early 30s and we weren’t talking about rings at the 2 yr mark he’d get dumped – no time to play with unsure men. IME as you get older you know yourself better and what you want in a mate better – shorter timelines make sense because there is less to figure out on your end and especially if you want multiple children. Those people your friend referenced were just an unfortunate match and their pre-dating timeline is neither here nor there (but in the grand scheme of things a perfectly normal dating to marriage timeline).
I think it’s pretty accepted that relationships in your 30s move more quickly than those when you were younger. I met my now-husband online around New Years, we were engaged at Halloween, and married the next Easter…so yep, right around that 18 month mark. It’s a second marriage for both of us, so we knew when we found a good thing. We were 35 and 39 when we met.
Met SO when I was 37 and a half, met his kids 9 months into the relationship, got engaged about a year and a half in (this past Memorial Day), getting married before 2 year mark, and just went off birth control to start trying for a baby.
I’ve known people who dated for years before getting married that are now divorced, and people who dated for a much shorter time period that are still married.
The 2nd paragraph here is really the bottom line. People want to believe there’s a formula for finding and keeping the right relationship/marriage, but there just isn’t.
The original Scarlett
Comparative data is useless for this type of thing. You’ve got to do whatever you’re comfortable with. I’m sure people are sick of my story, but I got married six months after I met my husband. We were 40 and so far, about 5 years later, so good (great actually). Lots of people came out of the woodwork and confessed to whirlwind romances when we get together and said it was the best decision ever. Conversely, I’ve known people who divorced after quick romances and long ones. For me, I was comfortable with the risk of it flaming out and getting divorced (there are worse things in this world) and I was pretty darn sure this was it. That’s a personal comfort thing though and something you can only know in the context of the relationship. One of the benefits to having a whirlwind romance though, is we have a real love story that we’re both invested in. Pretty sure Gottman or some relationship researcher has named having a love story or a narrative about your relationship as really helpful for making things work.
Yep. And on balance, my sister was dating/engaged to her husband for *ten years* before they got married and after a year they separated. They got married at 34.
Met just before I turned 36, got engaged a year later, married ten months later. I went through some massive life changes… we may have gotten married earlier if things were more stable.
At this age, it shouldn’t take you 6 years to figure it out.
Marrying somebody you meet in your early 20s *should* take a lot longer than somebody you meet in your 30s. You’re still figuring out how to be a person!
Your friend is crazy. Dating 6 years is normal for college or high school sweethearts but not for people that meet as fully-formed adults. Everyone I know who met their spouse after 30 was engaged within 2 years, and many of them were engaged within 1 year. Short engagements (~6 months) were the norm, and many couples started TTC after engagement but before the wedding. Fwiw, I met my husband at 24 but we were engaged in <2 years (we had a pretty long engagement, so we had been together 3.5 years when we finally got married). We've been married for 12 years now, together for 15, so far so good.
Congrats on finding someone you really like!
I agree with this. I dated my husband for a year and a half before getting engaged and we were engaged for six months (to the day).
I think that timeline is totally normal once you’re in your 30s. Presumably you know who you are and what kind of person you’re compatible with.
Met my husband the week before I turned 31. Started dating officially 2 months later.
Dated for 8 months, then got engaged, and had a 10 month engagement.
Currently married 4.5yrs.
Is it possible that your friend is insecure about the fact that she and her husband took over 6 years to get married and is projecting that insecurity in a negative way onto people who get married faster? Regardless, I wouldn’t let her comment dictate *your* timeline, which seems perfectly reasonable and in line with most people I know who got married in their 30s (and several very happy couples I know who got married in their 20s!).
I’m looking for a true red stiletto around 3″, decent quality — around the $100-200 price range? I am finding this surprisingly hard to find! I was not looking for suede, but those seem to be the best options I see for some reason. I guess suede for year-round is really the thing these days — will it look dated in a couple years? Any suggestions?
Massimo Matteo Willamina Patent Pump (Zappos)? Wish I could wear these … they’re gorgeous.
Argh, these are just what I was looking for, but they don’t have my size. Thanks!
Yay! Check back with them – I’ve had pretty decent luck with things coming back in stock there.
If you’re willing to go with patent leather, there is Calvin Klein Gayle at Nordstrom.
And Banana Republic Madison 12-hour pump in lipstick red.
I’ve had a sore throat for a few days, and this morning my voice is completely gone. Like, I can barely whisper. No other symptoms – no fever, no runny nose. I’ve never had this happen before! I came to work because I have a ton of things to do but will do to go to the doctor’s tomorrow. In the meantime I had a call this morning during which I Skyped everything I wanted to say to my kind colleague who acted as my mouthpiece. Any advice?
I am on week freaking 6 of this.. I actually posted last week asking for advice (after many urgent care visits & 2 rounds of first line antibiotics). Everyone said to go to an ENT. Got an appointment on ZocDoc for yesterday (I’m in DC if you are there & need a rec)… he did a CT scan of my face which showed a sinus infection so now I’m on antibiotics.
Sorry, losing your voice is the worsttttt!
I’m not stuffed up at all either… he said sometimes you can get back of the nose inflammation that presents differently than typical sinus infections.
I don’t know, but I wish you’d stay home, because what if this is contagious? It sounds kind of like strep to me. Don’t subject your coworkers to your germs!
See, I don’t know that this is the kind of thing you can stay home for. If you don’t feel unwell, I am personally not wasting a day out of the office. That’s bananas.
Fair point, but I’m not coughing, sneezing or sniffling so I don’t feel like I’m spreading germs around? I am being extra diligent about hand washing and will stay home tomorrow since the doctor can only see me right after lunch.
Yeah, I feel like I’m very “sick people should stay home” but she isn’t sick! She lost her voice but has no fever and isn’t feeling unwell. It’s highly unlikely this is contagious (allergies or a secondary infection would be my bet) and even if it is, it’s really hard to justify a sick day(s) when you’re not objectively sick.
This seems like an extreme reaction, particularly since strep throat usually has more symptoms than a sore throat (fever, noticeably swollen lymph nodes, vomiting, body aches) and does not usually include loss of voice.
Not sure if it would help, but I actually lost my voice once due to extreme acid reflux. It caused the tissue in voice box to become inflamed. I did see an ENT who diagnosed it. I did a course of Prilosec and Zantac to clear it up. Not long after, I linked the reflux to stress related to an earlier car accident. I started on an anti-anxiety medication and have not needed additional medication to keep the reflux in check.
This is a dumb question, but are there any good books about “feeling your feelings” and processing emotions? I saw an EAP counselor recently and this is something she wants me to work on. She gave me a couple of ideas, but I think I’d benefit from learning more because I sort of … dumbstruck? by the idea that maybe I’m not processing my emotions properly.
This might be an overly simple answer, but I previously worked with a therapist who would take out one of those “today I am feeling” charts that had faces and about 25 different emotions listed. And we would go through one by one and I would have to think of a time in the previous week where I had felt each emotion. (She said that typically, most people feel most of those emotions over the course of a week, though usually we’d skip 2 or 3 if I really couldn’t think of anything.)
It was really revelatory to me because it helped me realize that I was processing a lot of emotions as different emotions; i.e. “sad”, “embarrassed”, “guilty” and “frustrated” all registered in my mind as “angry”. So it helped a lot for me to begin to recognize, oh, I’m feeling angry but when I dig a little deeper, I’m actually feeling embarrassed about something. I still have one of those charts on my refrigerator because sometimes I just need… a reminder, I guess? Of different emotions I might actually be feeling? It sounds silly but it has helped me.
A couple of things —
1. body scan meditations are helpful because they help me be more in tune with my body. Our bodies process emotions physically — for example, butterflies in your stomach when you’re nervous, a flushed face when you’re angry or embarrassed, etc. So learning to be more present in your body helps me know when I’m feeling a feeling.
2. Awareness when I’m doing something to stuff an emotion or exert control over my situation when I’m feeling out of control– mindless eating, binge watching tv, playing games on my phone for extended periods of time, shopping compulsively for a really specific thing despite not really needing it.
3. Saying out loud how you feel. Using the chart mentioned above might help. This can be something you do when you’re alone. “I’m feeling very overwhelmed at work right now.” “It makes me really angry when people are late.” Don’t be surprised if you open a floodgate of emotions once you start processing them. This is temporary and will even out. But something about saying out loud how I feel makes the feelings more manageable.
Totally agree. This isn’t a book thing (in fact, when I used to turn to these kind of books, it was just another way to try to distance myself from my feelings) – get yourself one of these charts or lists with all the feelings. I like the exercises above – similar to what I did – and also keep in mind, while feeling feelings is really overwhelming at first, over time you realize that they ALL pass – good ones, bad ones – and that takes away the fear of having them in the first place.
This work, BTW, was crucial to ending my acute anxiety and panic attacks. I still have chronic anxiety but it’s way less debilitating.
I went through this recently. There was no book involved but one thing that helped a lot was writing down my feelings eery couple hours. It helped me realize how many feelings I did have during the day, and start to make some connections.
Work made me angry today because . . .
The client wasn’t listening to me . . .
And I was frustrated that this was going to make me work late . . .
Just going through this process and being able to name the feeling made me feel much better than feeling like I was irrationally angry, and helped me accept “I am annoyed that the client is late, but I can’t control her, so I will . . “
I just downloaded a few feelings charts. Thank you for the suggestions, ladies!