Suit of the Week: Sportmax

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1. I think I have found the bag for my zip-around wallet, giant iPhone, keys, and (now) glasses: the All Saints Miki. It’s less than the MZ Wallace cloth bag I was considering and the metal chain strap lets me hope it will work for evening events and daytime. Has anyone else gotten a bag from here? Thoughts re quality? And order directly from there or from Nordst_m? I like N’s easy returns, but otherwise am indifferent. Wish I could see in person, but nowhere in my city has it.

2. Words of advice or things to know for working with a headhunter/recruiter? I have been lucky to network into my last few positions and haven’t worked with one before. I was reached out to yesterday based on a lukewarm connection regarding a job that’s interesting and would be a good fit for me. I haven’t heard of this guy before, but I also haven’t been open to opportunities previously. He seems legit (small recruiting firm specific to our industry, good online presence, seems to have great industry connections). The company the position is at has a strong parent company that my mentor has consulted for, so I’m comfortable about that side of things.

   1. Do you need to be wary of the headhunter? I’d say go with your gut. I think his payment comes from the company that hired him; I didn’t think headhunters are involved with negotiating salary and stuff like that (and if so, more $ would be in your favor, right?)

      1. I’m not suspicious or wary per se, but it was a bit out of the blue and not something I have experience with, so I’m wondering if there are any questions I should be asking that I’m not.

         1. One thing I would always double check is to make sure you review the final version of any resume they send on your behalf. It’s common for them to put their watermark on it so they “own” your candidacy, but I’ve seen a few horror stories on Ask a Manager where the recruiter substantially changed the text of the resume before submitting it.

         2. I’d make sure he’s been retained to do the search

         3. He’s contacting you out of the blue because the company doesn’t have a contact they want to hire without a headhunter. That is, they aren’t getting the right resumes and their people can’t find the right person with normal efforts, so it is worth it to pay. That is one thing to be “wary” about. The degree of wariness depends on the field, position, company size, and general reputation. If the company is small with no HR department, then yeah, they might not have much time to look themselves. If it is large, this is a position that would fit for “promotion from within, and they should be getting good resumes from ads, maybe be concerned. But those are about the job, not him.

            I’d also be careful if your current position has contacts at the potential company to keep things confidential. But again, that isn’t about the recruiter specifically.

3. That suit reads very Ellen DeGeneres to me. Which, she has an awesome sense of style, but it’s very specific to her. I don’t know many people who could pull it off.

   1. It also looks to big on her. Is that is the best Ellen Degenerous can do? I would think with her bank book, she could find a better tailor. FOOEY!

   2. I… don’t think this would look good on about 99% of the population. The button-less front just contributes to the effect of swimming in a poorly-fitting blazer.

   3. Ellen has been my style icon since I was 8. It’s not conventional, but it looks so good

   4. A tall, thin tomboy type. I see someone with a model figure with an angular hair cut looking amazing in this.

4. Unimportant rant on the afternoon thread: getting so tired of my best friend being SO self-absorbed. When it’s time to talk about her diet, she wants to go on for hours, but when it’s time to discuss a news article about an issue we both care about (allegedly, anyway) or to discuss some great news I received today, I get a one-word text like “wow!” or “nice” and then “sorry, I’m busy.” Well, you weren’t busy when you were rambling on about body image for the previous 30 minutes…

   1. There’s a season for everything; it sounds like this isn’t the season to invest a lot of energy into this friendship. Maybe things will change over time. My personal approach with folks like this is to let them be happy hour (or yoga or whatever) buddies that I can see in small doses.

      1. Yeah, I think you’re right. It’s a little sad because we are best friends and have been for SO long, but I think it’s time to talk less/enjoy smaller doses.

         1. I used to be that friend who talked about her diet for hours. I feel lucky that a friend called me out bluntly. I’ve never done it again.

            1. I am immensely appreciative of being (kindly) called out or redirected on this kind of thing. I don’t talk much about diet, but sometimes I talk too much about a particular topic, particularly if it’s a complaint. Most of my family is this way and it’s how I learned to communicate.

               I’m trying very hard to unlearn this, but I’m not 100% there.

   2. I know all about that. At least we have this website to discuss things with our fellow Corporette’s!!! You will always have a voice here, where we work together to solve mutual probelems. In the case of yourgirl friend, don’t worry, she is worried about her diet and body image b/c that is what is important to her and she thinks (correctly) that the guys she is trying to attract, like me. You must play the role of placating her; but the things she is most likely looking for you cannot, particularly if she is looking for a boyfriend like me who will marry her. Big issues of the day, like politics, are NOT going to get her a boyfriend. Trust me, I know. That is why she also seems uninterested in discussing them at length. On the other hand, if you can give advise on good new dieting techniques, or on $exy bikram yoga positions that will attract new men to her, then you can be sure she will be listening very carefully, just like I would.

5. I saw this floating around Twitter too late to partake — if you had to choose one candy to go, FOREVER, what would you choose? My answer:

   GONE FOREVER: M&Ms (plain)
   Kept:
   1. Milky Way
   2. Reeses
   3. Twix
   4. Snickers
   5. Kit Kat

   1. Milky Way would be my one to throw out. It’s a texture thing for me.

      1. Yup. If it’s not gonna have any crunch, it at least needs some sticky.

         1. MORE sticky. Don’t talk to me about that pitiful little layer in the middle…

   2. I’d get rid of Butterfinger. It adds nothing to my life.

      Keep, forever:
      1. Snickers
      2. KitKat
      3. Twix
      4. M&Ms
      5. Milky Way

      1. Give me ALL the Butterfinger. Get rid of Milky Way. Yucky sticky caramel with no crunch.

   3. Smarties, or maybe Twizzlers. Give me all the chocolate.

   4. Are those the only choices? If not, Skittles would be my first to go. My mouth can’t handle that much straight sugar.

      Of that list, Milky Way is my pick as loser.

   5. Whoppers. That’s the one candy I have absolutely no trouble resisting. I’d keep everything else.

   6. Goodbye Reese’s, not sorry. (Not a chocolate/PB fan – and it’s not good PB in there, anyway.)

   7. I would like this better with three choices, like MFK for candy bars.

      So I’d marry Reese’s
      F Snickers
      kill Milky Way

   8. Out of those choices, I’m getting rid of kit kat. Out of the whole world of candy, it would be peeps.

      1. Lol peeps are nasty af, but so cute.

         1. They’re my dog’s favorite treat. I stock up after easter just for her.

      2. I love Kit Kat’s! I’ll bet Kat does too. Also, I love York Peppermint Patties and Nestles Crunch, M&M Peanuts and Even Reeces Pieces! If I did not love these candies, I probably would not even have a tuchus at all, let alone the larger type of tuchus I inherited from Grandma Trudy and Mom. Mom says as long as I can remember to take the good with the bad, because I inherited my larger sized tuchus, I might as well enjoy all of the above-referenced chocolates! YAY!!! And eEven if I don’t find a man just b/c of my tuchus, at least I will always have something sweet to chew on! DOUBEL YAY!!!

   9. I really really want to know why my candy comment is in moderation.

   10. If we’re going to open this to throwing out ANY candy, then let’s get down to the truly awful:

       Circus peanuts (barf)
       Candy corn
       Boston beans
       Anything orange flavor
       Jelly beans that aren’t Jelly Belly

       None of these should even claim to be candy. I shudder just thinking about them. (A lot of these seem really old–maybe folks didn’t know how to make good candy yet?) Anyway, now I’m off to go listen to Lewis Black’s rant on candy corn….

       1. Circus peanuts are abominable. I also nominate Mary Janes and Necco wafers. BLECH.

   11. I eat M&Ms every day, so must keep. For me, on that list, Milky Way would go. In the greater candy world, peeps, candy corn, Skittles, and Butterfinger could go without a problem. Twix and KitKat and Reese’s are among my faves. I’m also a fan of mint and chocolate, so Junior Mints are up there. Or Dove dark chocolate and mint.

   12. NOOOO I will eat all of your plain M&Ms!

       1. Same

   13. GONE FOREVER: Twix, Kit Kat (I’ve got celiac so these are definitely already out forever.) Hate Milky Way so that’s gone too.

       Kept:
       1. Snickers
       2. Reeses
       3. M&Ms (plain)
       If we’re adding things, I love Almond M&Ms or really any chocolate covered almond.

       1. Fellow celiac, so +1!

6. I bought a set of vintage books on ebay for $100. They were marked Very Good, but when I received them, they were clearly in only Acceptable condition. I messaged the seller with photos and asked for a return, and he granted it. Then he messaged me a couple hours later to say don’t worry about returning the books, sorry about the trouble, I’ve refunded your money. I messaged him back saying I wouldn’t feel right and he replied again, no really, no worries. Would you keep the books? It feels like stealing! And stealing $100! But he said not to worry about it. I already printed the prepaid label, so I can just drop them back in the mail to him.

   1. I say thank the karma gods and move on. I’ve definitely placed stuff to be sold where I just wanted it to not go in a landfill and I didn’t really care about the money.

   2. He probably doesn’t want to pay the return postage on top of having to refund you. I’d keep them or donate them.

      1. Don’t sweat it. Yes,he thinks there’s no way he will ever find another schmoe to buy these ratty books, so why should he pay to get them back? I would just keep the books, or read them over the weekend and then donate them to NY Cares. If you don’t live in NYC, you can donate them to your public library and they will either include them in their collection, or sell them at a USED book sale to raise funds for the library to buy good books.

   3. He’s saying that because he probably can’t resell them. Just keep them, you might be adding a burden by resending them.

   4. He likely got them for nothing or nearly nothing and they’e not worth the return postage to him.

      1. Exactly – possibly cleaning out the house of an older relative or was handed them down and doesn’t want/value them. He might have given it a go at selling them, but maybe was going to donate if they didn’t sell. Not worth either of your hassle for the return.

   5. Of course keep them. It isn’t stealing.

      1. Seriously. Don’t presume to know better than the actual seller of the books. If he doesn’t want them back, you’re fine.

7. Has anyone realized they’re probably self-medicating with alcohol but not interested in doing CBT or SSRI?

   1. I guess you could start exercising. Therapy was what really helped me, though.

      1. +1 for exercise. I have a personal rule where I never drink if I’m not feeling good, only ever if I’m already in a good mood.

8. DBT and Xanax? More seriously, it may be worth investigating an underlying medical issue. Poor sleep, vitamin D, vitamin B12, thyroid and reproductive hormones can all be involved in anxiety symptoms, and psych meds and therapy can be a negative and frustrating experience when what you really need is sleep, hormones, or healthier nerves.

9. So I’m using Bumble and dating multiple people after coming out of long-term marriage. It’s been fun meeting a variety of people even if many of them have not worked out. There is a guy in particular I like but I don’t want to be exclusive right away until I get to know him well. Do you tell people up front that you are seeing others? Wait until he brings it up? How have you handled this?

   1. I believe it is assumed (especially on Bumble, as compared to EHarmony, for example) that you are seeing multiple people and are not exclusive. I would not think tho consider exclusivity until I’d been on at least 6 dates with someone, and known them at least a month so I think you have at least that long. On the other hand, I’d think about a conversation if I’d been on more than 10 dates and known them more than 2 months and we weren’t there. But, that would be because I want to know if this is going somewhere, so I’d push it.

      You have your own standards about what you will and won’t do while not exclusive, and so that’s how it has come up for me. (He’s not meeting my family if we’re not exclusive, levels of gardening, meeting people I work with, planning a certain length of time in advance, financial stuff). Either, bring it up when you are ready to be exclusive, or wait for him to bring it up, or if there are certain actions you believe imply exclusivity and he’s asking for them, have a more complicated conversation.

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