Gift Idea: Leigh Anne Crossbody

131 Comments

1. Just turned 30 and already noticing lines/wrinkles forming on my forehead…help!! What should I be doing in terms of skincare that can help alleviate or stop this from getting worse? Honestly not prepared as I’m still dealing with adult acne. Gah I hate my skin.

   1. I started using hyaluronic acid and retinol about six months ago and have seen a big improvement. Not sure it’s actually helping with the wrinkles or just plumping my skin up to make them less noticeable.

   2. Botox

   3. Skip the drugstore and the department store and save your money for the dermatologist.

   4. Skip the drugstore and the department store and save your money for the dermatologist. Zap those wrinkles with Botox. The earlier you start, the better you’ll be able to avoid creasing, and you’ll have to get it less often. Also, the most important thing, always, is sunscreen and hats.

      1. When does preventative start? I’m 28 and use a retinol regularly but I’m not opposed to “ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” but I haven’t noticed this yet. Is it a “as soon as you see the first wrinkle” thing?

         1. I started with crow’s feet at 35 and began with 11s a few years later. The crow’s feet were bad because I waited too long to get contacts and squinted too much, I think. I am still pretty smooth at almost 50 with just a little bit of Botox twice a year.

         2. I started with a small amount of Botox at 29. I completely agree with using it preventively!

   5. I’ve been using Differin, for hormonal acne, for a few months now, and have found that it’s also improving some fine lines on my forehead.

2. Please don’t spend $135 on a clear purse to take to sports games. Go get a $5 clear backpack from Walmart that will be more functional and you won’t mind someone accidentally spilling beer on. If you are going with clients, then just take a regular (not clear) clutch– those are still allowed.

   1. Amen! I just bought a set from Amazon for about $20. Included a small clutch (tickets/wallet/phone/gum) and a larger bag that I could fit a jacket/etc. Held up well.

   2. Amen! I just bought a set from Amazon for about $20. Included a small clutch (tickets/wallet/phone/gum) and a larger bag that I could fit a jacket/etc. Held up well.

   3. +1 this seems excessive.

      Fanny packs are also an option most places, I love the one I bought on Amazon earlier this year. I forget how much it was, but it couldn’t have been more than $20.

   4. I usually use my running belt!

   5. This. It’s always going to look stupid–it’s a clear purse. I know we all like to have different bags but the unthinking consumerism behind this just boggles my mind. I resent the suggestion that women should spend hundreds upon hundreds of dollars to make sure they have the “appropriate” bag for every situation/outfit to schlep around all their stuff in. Annnnd I say this as a person with a very close friend who has one of these.

      1. The sporting goods store has a zippered tote for 9.99.

   6. I don’t think buying the Walmart bag is better. Still a waste of resources and ultimately polluting. Just use your pockets and don’t be overcomsumers.

3. I’m not a sportsperson either and between the ever escalating ticket prices and rules like this one, it just feels like there is zero fun in going to a game these days. I randomly went to a minor league baseball game a few summers ago and actually had a fantastic time. Mainly because it was easy, not overcrowded and I didn’t have to deal with a ton of security.

4. We’re closing on our new house Friday. We’re moving small things (clothes, toys, kitchen stuff, etc), having the bedrooms painted, and cleaning over the next few days, and the furniture is being moved next week. Ideas on what to take for the first carload? We’re only three minutes away so forgetting something isn’t critical, but it would be nice to have most of what we’ll want. So far I have toilet paper, paper towels, cleaning supplies, champagne, hand and dish soap, towels, snacks and drinks, tools, garbage bags, and disposable cups/plates. There will be a dining table and some seating there. What else would be handy on Day 1?

   1. Maybe a cheap shower curtain – you probably won’t shower there, but you might want to rinse something off without getting water everywhere.

   2. power cords, lights if there are no ceiling lamps, scissors

   3. Shower liner. Hand sanitizer. A bag of ice. Rubber gloves to protect your hands during all the cleaning.

      A blanket to lay on the floor during the house-christening.

   4. Speaker to listen to music, doormat, flashlight, bath towels and a few toiletries because someone will want a shower, shower curtain, scissors, ladder, light bulbs.

   5. Extension cords. Bag of ice if the fridge/freezer is working. A few flashlights.

   6. Congratulations on the new house! You’ve got a good list (definitely good that you’ll have some seating already there so there’s somewhere to sit when you take breaks from cleaning). A few other things you could consider based on my memories of moving:

      – a modem if you want internet in the house while you’re there all day (you can take yours from your current place and bring it back in the evening).
      – A fan or AC window unit if it’s going to be really hot the days you are cleaning (if the house doesn’t have central air conditioning, that is).
      – knee pads/something to kneel on if you’ll be cleaning low things (though you could use the towels for this)
      – I assume a vacuum is included in your cleaning supplies, but wanted to mention it just in case
      – an outdoor trash can to put full trash bags in

      Good luck!

   7. adding to your list: light bulbs, retractable unpacking razor knife (2)

   8. Plastic (or not) silverware! I remembered the disposable plates and then didn’t have anything to eat food with.

   9. Don’t forget the shower curtain rings to hang up the shower curtain or shower liner!

   10. Corkscrew and bottle opener

   11. My husband surprised us on our first evening in the new house by making milkshakes. He had smuggled ice cream, milk, and Hershey’s syrup into the house before we got there. And a vintage milkshake machine. Not practical, but a good memory.

5. I cannot imagine paying $135 when I could literally use a gallon ziploc in its place, but to each their own I suppose.

   1. I go to every NFL home game in my city. I wear pants with pockets and take my cell phone, my ID, and a credit card. I stopped bringing a bag after one of my first games 10 years ago, when someone spilled beer on a nice purse. But small opaque bags are still OK. I understand some people need larger bags, but the vast majority probably do not, and this bag doesn’t even seem to provide much extra space.

6. You can get a clear plastic pouch at TJ’s for like $8.

7. In search of any specific dinner recommendations you all may have! Have three nights left to fill. Heading to Dishoom on night #1 (thanks to Scarlett for the very late lunch reservation suggestion), and will likely eat at the Globe on our last evening since that’s the night of the play we’re seeing.

   Seeking options for (1) a light dinner, like an excellent salad (we always regret it if we don’t do some meals super-light when traveling…), (2) pub with decent food, and (3) best splurge-within-reason place (we’re not dropping 3-Michelin-star money; more like $200-$250 for 2 including a few cocktails or a bottle of wine)?

   May repost tomorrow depending on when this gets out of mod…

   1. The Dove in Hammersmith is a great pub with decent food and an even better view!

      1. I totally agree. Also in the area (and for your salad!) I will recomend you The river cafe.
         Another nice pub is The Grapes in Limehouse, one of the oldest in London in the riverside. For the spurgle thing I will go maybe to Sushi-Samba (the food is not bad, amazing views and cocktails)

   2. I really like Ffiona’s in Kensington for a reasonable splurge. The food is excellent and the atmosphere is even better.

      Dishoom is fantastic, hope you enjoy!

      1. Ffiona’s is absolutely amazing (and Ffiona herself is there most nights). Such a cozy romantic and delish place. Cannot recommend highly enough. It’s been a favorite for nearly 15 years now and was our localish splurgy place when I lived in London.

   3. Sketch for tea, for sure.

      Drinks at the bar in the Dukes Hotel if you’re into martinis (they keep everything in the freezer and roll it out on a cart — so fun!). You can order “canapes” which are tiny little hors d’oeuvres like a Scotch egg made from a quail egg. So fun!

      What play are you seeing?

      1. +1 to Sketch for tea!
         And so glad Dishoom worked out :)

   4. Galvin St. Chapelle is in a gorgeous building.

   5. Yauatcha in Soho (not the “City” one) for category 3 – shockingly inexpensive for what it is and I believe it has one michelin star. I think it will probably bring you in under $200-$250, depending on how spendy you go on drinks.

      Not a restaurant, but depending on when in September you are going, the Picasso show may still be at the Tate and it is awesome. Believe it closes pretty early in the month. If you like inventive cocktails, Dandelyan in the Mondrian Hotel has racked up a bunch of “Best Bar” awards and is amazing; walking distance to the Tate.

   6. Star of India in Kensington – lower floor of Montana Hotel

      So authentic; from a person who spent childhood in Pakistan and India. We go every time we are in London.

8. I’m usually not one to jump in on the post hate, but…I hate this.

9. Kat, I LOVE cross body bag’s but what is with this picture? It looks like you forgot to put the bag in there? Unless you use one strap and have interchangeable bags? Can that be it? I hope so, b/c everyone here is scratching their head (or worse!) FOOEY!

10. Please share your best practices for choosing bridesmaid’s dresses. I’m starting to think about what I’d like my squad to wear, and am feeling a bit overwhelmed. My favorite women have a diverse range of coloring, body shapes, clothing preferences, and budgets.

    Overall I want things to look pretty + intentional. But I don’t want to micromanage what five other adult women put on their bodies, and I don’t want to make them buy things they don’t want. At the same time, I’ve heard (other) friends express frustration when they aren’t told exactly what to wear, because they have to work harder to figure it out.

    Ideas? Advice?

    1. I’ve had friends give us bridesmaids a color swatch to match, and then all the bridesmaids just pick out any dress they like that that matches the swatch.

       1. Don’t do this. If you want such a specific color that you need a swatch, as opposed to just saying navy, then you need to pick the dress. It is a nightmare trying to find Just The Right Shade of Blush. Especially if people are shopping in the winter for your spring wedding.

          1. Eh, the swatch was burgundy, and the dress just had to be close. It wasn’t a big deal.

          2. If it’s a swatch from a place like David’s Bridal, they will have many, many dresses to fit every body shape in the same color.

             If you want your bridesmaids to all wear the same color, and not just be in the same color family, pick a store that has multiple dress styles in the same fabric. David’s Bridal, Brideside, BHLDN (note, limited sizes), and Birdy Grey all have the same fabric in multiple dresses.

             Another chic way is to let them all pick shades of a color. Say “pink” and have everything from a dusty rose to petal pink. (You can say “no magenta” as well.) Looks fantastic, much more modern than all dresses exactly the same color.

    2. I’ve seen weddings that have the same dress but different colors (within your color scheme) or different dresses but the same color, or everything is different but looks cohesive together. Maybe ask your friends what they would prefer, and maybe they can send you suggestions of things they would like to wear.

    3. Either pick the dress, knowing some (all) of them will hate it. Or give them very very broad parameters that include something they probably have in their closet. Like, a black c*cktail dress. Or, a lace dress of any non-white color. Do not make them go find a teal velvet dress – but just the right shade of teal not too green not too blue – in the middle of summer.

       1. Yeah this, although I’d lean strongly toward option 2 and avoid pastels.

          An issue with some of the bridal chains is that the range of sizes can be weak depending on your friends’ physique and sometimes the cuts are super weird. Antedote: I had to buy a dress from David’s Bridal once – less than $100. But nothing on the size chart resembled my body, so I had to pay for over $250 in alterations on a super cheap dress – a tailor had to take the dress apart, recut it, and put it back together. It felt like such a waste on such a cheap dress that I would never wear again.

    4. The easiest, and probably most common thing to do is pick a designer, a color, a material, and a length, and let your bridesmaids decide from there what they want. It allows for tons of options for each type of body while narrowing the scope enough that it’s not overwhelming. Designer at a low to medium price point do best with this: David’s Bridal, Azazie, etc.

       DO NOT do RTR. I’ve heard horror stories of dresses magically not being available when you reserved them months ahead (usually due to late return from previous wearer).

    5. If you are asking them to wear a specific dress, you should pay for it.

       1. That’s absurd.

          1. Not in the UK. I never expected my bridesmaids to pay for their dresses. We also paid for the groomsmen’s suits.

       2. This is a nice thing to do but not common, don’t add to your expenses by paying for your bridesmaids dresses when they fully expect to pay for it themselves. If they can’t afford to be a bridesmaid and do the only things expected of a bridesmaid (buy and wear a reasonably priced dress, show up on time the day of the wedding), then they should back out.

    6. As both a bride and bridesmaid, I’ve always found it easiest to go to a place like David’s Bridal and pick a color and length and let the bridesmaids pick the dress. It will look pretty because everyone will get to choose a dress that fits their body. It will look intentional because everyone will have the same color. If you’re choosing a short dress, give guidance on the color/type of shoe like “silver strappy sandals”. Please don’t make your friend who is a size 14 and a pear wear the same dress as your friend who is a size 2 without hips.

       1. +1. This is what my SIL did.

          Also, relatively inexpensive, because honestly – no matter what you tell yourself – nobody is ever going to wear these again.

          Oh – and let them wear their own shoes (aka, don’t do the dyed to match shoes). maybe specify color/material (silver/strappy or black leather or whatever), but don’t make them do the SAME shoes.

       2. +1 Pick designer, length and color – then let your friends pick dresses in the range. My friend asked us to wear black dresses for her wedding – honestly it did not look great when our one friend wore a jersey dress she had from high school homecoming next to a black taffeta cocktail dress. I agonized about what black dress with go with the vibe of her dress (just tell me specifics, it’s not about me that day!)

    7. I let my maid of honor pick a particular fabric, color, and dress length from David’s Bridal and told everyone else to pick a dress in that fabric and length in whatever style they wanted. They’ve got a range of styles that worked for different body types. You could pick a couple of different coordinating colors if you don’t think one color would look good on everyone. (I paid for dresses, so budget was less of a concern). I know David’s isn’t the highest quality in the world, but it’s good for this sort of thing and they look fine.

       1. I did this and was thinking “why” and recalled that my maid of honor was, um, probably the, um, hardest to fit or flatter… love my sis but of the 4 women I had up there with me she is, um, most like me! Short and plump :) So I let Maid of Honor pick the dress style she wanted, and then the other 3 bridesmaids picked similar dress in that designer’s collection and color. No worries!

    8. My wedding colors were watercolor blue and purple. My bridesmaids were all different sizes and ages, so I started with an off-the rack flower girl dress that had the blues & purples in it and my bridesmaids picked out dresses in whatever cut they liked in a color that matched the flower girl dress. They loved the flexibility, I liked the coordinating but not matchy-matchy aspect, and everyone was happy. Two of them specifically chose dresses to wear again to another event later on.

    9. I’ve been in a handful of weddings, and I think the most successful bridesmaids dress shopping was when the bride gave us a brand, fabric, color, and length but let each bridesmaid choose their own actual dress within those parameters. So you could say it needs to be Dessy, chiffon, charcoal gray, and long but the style doesn’t matter, rather than saying I want you in Dessy style 12345 in chiffon in charcoal.

       Not that you asked, but I feel like Show Me Your Mumu has the best bridesmaid dresses and their fabrics/colors come in a range of styles.

    10. I asked my bridesmaids if they liked two colors I’d seen them wear before, they said yes, I asked them to wear a dress in one of those colors. Done.

    11. Could you ask your friends if they’d like direction or like to pick out their own? I think it looks more modern to have bridesmaids in a variety but with unity, not looking like an army all in the exact same thing. I’ve liked people doing a pastel or jewel-toned palette. Maybe browse off beat bride?

        And you will have them buy things they don’t want, unless you buy them everything, in which case they will still own things they don’t want. Just accept that, they likely know it’s the price of admission. Unless you literally tell them to wear something they already have, which would not look intentional.

    12. Well, I don’t think it’s possible to be a bridesmaid and not have to buy things you don’t want. If you want it to look intentional, it kind of sounds like you’re going to need to pick for people/present people with set options. Or I guess you could have people pick a dress and run it by you first?

        1. Problem with the last option is, if you don’t like what they pick then it’s gonna be awkward. That happened to me for my second wedding and my choices were “live with a bridesmaid in a dress I really didn’t like” or “end up being a Bridezilla even though I was trying to be all chill.”

           1. Yeah I think it’s just impossible to please everyone in this situation.

           2. My SIL was very much the Bridezilla created from an intent to be all chill. It was awful. My mother (her MIL) was totally annoyed and the bridesmaids (me and my sisters, aided by my unhelpful mother) ran in circles trying to find dresses that were the right color and style. I have no help for OP, though. I’ve been in at least eight weddings, and have reworn maybe two of the dresses. I decided at about wedding four or five that I don’t want a bridal party at all because it’s just not fun for the bridesmaids, except on the day-of.

    13. My sister is getting married soon and asked us to all order dresses from Union Station in a particular color, but not necessarily the same style. Perhaps you can check out their page and see how they mix and match things?

    14. The blog Franish recently posted about choosing bridesmaids dresses for her wedding and had some good ideas you could check out.

    15. Don’t worry about it too much. Your bridesmaids are your closest friends who love you. They don’t care about having to wear and buy a polyester David’s bridal dress. They just want to help you celebrate.

    16. I’ve been a bridesmaid three times. First time dress was chosen for me down to color and style. Everyone had the same. It was fine but I didn’t love. Second time friend picked designer, color/fabric, and length and then we all chose a dress. That was better. I liked my dress. Third time, friend wanted us in shades of blue knee length dresses. I got light blue. This should have been best, but it was hard to find a light blue dress. I did really like what I ended with other than the price tag.

        For my wedding I said navy cocktail dress, knee length. I thought it looked great and I think everyone was happy. One bm did RTR, 2 wore dresses they already owned, 3 bought dresses and I think they have all worn their dresses since. I think this would work with black as well. Colors might be harder as long as you were ok with more variety of colors.

    17. I had my bridesmaids wear any black dress they chose. Any length, any style, just black. It was gorgeous. And everyone was happy because they picked dresses that flattered them, and they look radiant in the pictures.

        1. I was in a wedding where bride did this too. Very successful. I’d only do it with black or navy. But it makes so much sense.

    18. I recently picked the bridemaid’s dresses for my BFF’s wedding and we ordered on Amazon from the brand EverPretty. Tons of options and the colors are consistent between styles. So you can order the same gown in similar shades, or a variety of styles in the same color. And they are under $50, so nobody cares too much about whether they will wear them again.

    19. I decided on a readily available bridesmaid dress designer, selected a color, length and material. I then picked somewhere between 15-20 dresses (there were ~150) that I thought would coordinate well and would look intentional but not matchy-matchy. I urged everyone to pick a dress they liked and felt comfortable in, using the list as a guide, and if someone wanted a different style I hadn’t listed, I said sure, since their comfort is my top priority. We’re ordering from bridesmaids dot com so everything is discounted and they can see the prices before picking. So far, everyone seems happy.

    20. I told my bridesmaids to wear something that looks nice together. They will probably both wear the same colour, and therefore go to the same store (BHLDN, David’s, etc.), and just pick out whatever they want.

        My requirements were that everyone look like they are attending the same event and that every woman be happy with what she is wearing.

    21. Late to the party here, but echoing what everyone else said–pick a designer, color and a style (long or short). I used Azazie for my wedding and it was super easy and each bridesmaid got to pick exactly the style that most flattered them.

11. Has anyone tried Trunk Club? I was so disappointed to see my first trunk selections. Most of it were things I specifically said I didn’t want: Bell sleeves, the color black etc… Nothing was remotely like a curated outfit, just a random pile of stuff. I am wondering if it’s a sham or I just got a bad selection.

    1. I vote for sham.

       1. I guess you’ll know when you try to cancel it!

    2. I just got my second box and have been so disappointed, and even more so with the second. My stylist packed it full of stuff I specifically said I didn’t want on the intake form and/or the first box feedback. Like “do not send me big hoop earrings because I have a baby that will pull them out of my ears.” (received big hoop earrings). Bad colors, and agree no curated outfits– just stuff. I think my stylist had a go-to “summer dresses!” box that she just shipped everyone vaguely fitting the criteria for it (woman in a summery climate).

       1. I was disappointed. I had asked for a couple of specific items and when those were allegedly out of stock I received “similar” items in a price range far, far above the things I had requested. Just because I wanted a $120 poncho doesn’t mean I am willing to buy a $500 one.

    3. Failure for me to. Everything my stylist sent was trendy boxy tops and dresses, which are adorable but TERRIBLE on someone super curvy (I just looked big all over). I did keep on pair of random trendier jeans that I actually love. But I did not feel like there was any styling to be had. At all.

       Stitch Fix was marginally better because I received actual outfits and suggestion cards for other outfits with the pieces, but I still felt like all the styles I received were Midwestern family blogger/kindergarten teacher.

    4. Trunk club was a major fail for me. I had the same problem as the poster above – I’m a curvy hourglass and everything looked terrible.

       Now I keep seeing ads for Allume online and their outfits look great, so I want to try but I’m so skeptical of any service like this now! (Would be interested if anyone has had experience with this company?)

    5. I’m also frustrated by Trunk Club. I’m in a city with a Clubhouse but my stylist keeps telling me I can’t come in to try things on because they don’t have (or have very limited) inventory in my size to try on. I also keep telling her the same things over and over again about what not to send and it ends up in my trunk anyway. I feel like she is not very skilled at flattering different body types (ankle pants make me look like an ice cream cone, and I keep getting ankle pants). Basically, it makes me feel frustrated shopping and I can feel that way shopping on my own, without a $25 styling fee. I think an in-store Nordstrom stylist might be better and I will try that next.

    6. I had a REALLY good experience in person with a Nordstrom stylist, but of course I can’t vouch for the service in general (but if you live in Denver, Kelly at the Cherry Creek store in amazing). She picked things that I wouldn’t have necessarily picked myself but that ended up being exactly what I needed. Just suggesting as an alternative to the ship-to-you options, in case you’re interested in settings aside 4-5 hours one day.

    7. I really liked my trunk club experience. Maybe I just got a great stylist? (Mal in Chicago!)

       She definitely got the sizes a little off at first, but I always found stuff that I never would have picked up but ended up loving. I think the turning point for me came when I went for a quick (show up at 9 am leave by 9:45) session in the Chicago clubhouse before work. I was able to try on a ton of things and realized that modern styles can be flattering on my body with the right clothes (and the right $$$ sadly, but that’s a different problem).

12. I turned down a job offer last week, mostly for financial reasons. I told my practice group I’d had an offer but am not planning to leave, that I’m happy, etc. This week the other firm came back with considerably more money and a flexible start date (60-90 days OK). FWIW, this was unexpected to me. It’s tempting, but I’d rather not burn bridges. Is there a professional way to resign?

    1. Yes. Give two weeks notice and resign. Why on earth did you tell them about this to begin with?

       1. Thanks! I honestly thought the negotiations were done (we had already gone back and forth a few times before I declined the offer). I work in a state with a pretty small legal community, so didn’t want my firm to hear about it from someone else. Hindsight is 20/20.

    2. Yes. “This will serve as notice that I will be resigning my position with Firm. My last day of work will be August 24, 2018. I’ve enjoyed my time at Firm and I wish you all the best.”

    3. Frankly, I think you already impacted the relationship when you told them you got an offer you turned down. It’s really not clear why you would do that since it will impact their thinking of you. At this point, I would really recommend leaving.

       People leave jobs. There is no reason to think you will be burning a bridge. Give at least 2 weeks notice, but not more than 4 weeks (unless not in the US). Be polite, saying that you enjoyed your time at the firm and will be leaving on x.

       1. Agree. Never tell you had another offer. It’s threatening. Like “I have other offers so value me and give me what I want in future!” Agree you should leave- can’t put that genie back in the bottle. I get maybe you were TRYING to be nice but don’t ever do that again. Would have been far better if it got back to them and you’d never told them than you telling them.

          1. This surprises me – trying to self-examine here for future situations that might come up. I’ve had friends who have had bosses lose trust in them or even get fired after their workplace heard they were interviewing elsewhere. Does it matter if someone is actively looking vs. headhunted (i.e., “I looked but I guess I’ll stay” vs. “I have been getting calls, you might hear about it, I’m not leaving”)?

13. An Amazon search of “nfl stadium purse clear” nets you tons of options from $7 to $35, that look just like this or are larger. Don’t spend this much on a clear purse please.

14. Please help me deal with something I am trying my best to be polite about but am afraid I might not be able to.

    I am the manager for the sales team for product X and had a team of 4 people reporting to me. 2 of them recently quit, one was transferred so at this point I have only one person directly reporting to me. It is still very clear to everyone given my position title literally says “Manager” and the person who reports to me is an “associate”. Now a new-ish manager in a different team in our company keeps talking to both of us as if we are in the same position: example I need sales team sign off on: could either of you do that? I have tried telling myself it is not a big deal and this new manager will learn soon, but he still continues to do that. At this point, he definitely knows our title and is not “confused” or unaware. I once pointed such an instance out nicely to him, and his response was, “No worries, you can choose who signs off”.

    Few things that should not affect but may be are factors: 1. this new-ish manager is older than me 2. me and my reportee are the same age 3, my female reportee is based out of the same location as this manager (may be they are friends?). I have a very friendly relationship with my reportee (as you can see I am not calling her my subordinate but making up a word) and hate to assert myself as the “boss” but this is getting weird! It would have been simpler with a bigger team to say, please only email me and it is my job to assign tasks to my team as I please but I hate to be that confrontational. Our company is small and culture is very casual for context.

    1. You want to be a manager? Grow up. Manage. “Actually I need to be the person to sign off.” “John, I’m the manager of this group you need to reach out to only me on this”. It’s not that hard.

       1. Be nice. It is hard if it’s her first time being a manager, or even first time in this situation.
          Be nice. It’s not that hard.

    2. You need to be direct. Being direct is not the same as being confrontational. It does not matter what your title is, what matters is that you are the only person who can sign off on this stuff.

    3. Have you flat out told the other guy that your reportee is not authorized to sign off? It sounds like you cleared up your title differences and assumed he would understand that means your reportee doesn’t sign off, but if no one has clearly told him who is allowed to sign off he may not realize that is part of the hierarchy.

15. My closest local friend is also my next door neighbor. (I am 36 and she is 27.) We’ve been close for the 16 months since I moved in, hanging out 3x times/week, texting daily, etc. However, 7 weeks ago, she met a guy and they’re either both rebounding hard with each other or they’re the right fit because he’s already moved in and they’re saving for a ring which they plan to buy in the next few months. I’m supportive because I love her but she’s gone MIA on our friendship. I never hear from her unless she needs something, she doesn’t answer texts, and when I can get her to hang out, all she does is talk about him and want to cut the evening short to get home to him. When I got her out for lunch, she wanted to get home to be there before him to greet him when he got home.

    Someone once called her on her cr@p and she vented to me for weeks about how wrong it was for that person to say anything to her, so I worry about bringing this up, but it breaks my heart to lose my dear friend. I’ve tried inviting him along too but they’ve made me feel like a 3rd wheel, even in my own home, with their PDA and inside jokes.

    Any advice or commiseration would be lovely.

    1. Next door in an apartment? Or next door in a condo or home you own? If the former, I think you need to plan to move on. If the latter, you also need to plan to move on, but probably in a more adult fashion, since you’re likely to see each other long term. She sounds immature.

    2. Been there and know that feeling of being tossed aside. It’s one of those character moments where you can tell if someone is a true friend or not. Just sign up for a bunch of hobby/classes and focus on making new friends there. Know that couples might break up some day, but don’t be a dummy and still be there when she needs a shoulder to cry on. Also consider stop texting her or inviting her to anything unless it’s a group thing.

    3. No advice but can certainly commiserate. I fear this is often the nature of the beast.

    4. Let her fall back into a close neighbor category instead of close friend. She’s chosen to prioritize this very new relationship right now (however good or bad her related decisions may be) and that’s fine, you can make new friends. You’ll see her often enough living next door.

    5. Part of me thinks you could just let them enjoy the rush of new love and assume it will settle down and she’ll have time for you again …

       The skeptical part thinks maybe this is a “lovebombing” situation where her rushing into things is unwise. If you’re up for a real BFF heart to heart: Could you talk to her about how taking time/balancing your new relationship with your regular life helps it evolve in a healthy way and can reveal any red flags? Any experiences to share? If her boyfriend is a slug, there will be drama and he might try to isolate her … which doesn’t bode well for your friendship if she is overcommitted to him.

       Either way I think you have to accept some distance, give it some time, and observe to see if this is a lasting friendship.

16. I’m 5’3, hourglass (38, 29, 38 -ish), and 35. I just lost 40 lbs to get to this size (relationship weight plus breakup weight). I have no mother, sisters, cousins, aunts, grandmas, etc. I have no idea how to dress my body and I’m so frustrated trying to get dressed and finding out things don’t fit (due to weight loss) or no knowing if something that fits is flattering. I work from home so I wear mostly jeans, tops, leggings, and workout tanks so we’re not talking suits and such, but I want to look intentional and effortless in my basics instead of cringing at some photos or spending too long trying things on and guessing.

    How do I get this info? I tried to go to a tailor in hopes of feedback and was willing to pay for alterations and she just told me to tell her what I wanted and she’d make changes. I tried to tell her I don’t know what flatters and she told me to come back when I knew what I wanted. Department stores seem meant for people spending a lot and/or buying gowns or business attire which isn’t a fit.

    I want to go through my closet but without knowing what flatters, how do I do that?!

    1. Um department stores are meant for anyone who wears clothes actually.

       1. That was a little snarky… make an appointment with a personal shopper at Nordstrom or the like. They will help guide you.

    2. Personal shoppers at Nordstrom are free. Make an appointment, and let the shopper dress you. Far as I know, there’s no requirement to buy anything, but if you feel like you should, buy and then return later if you really don’t like the item, or its price. Others here have used Nordstrom personal shoppers, maybe they can chime in with more info.

       Honestly, the best way to learn to dress yourself is to dress yourself. Spend some time playing in your closet, make sure you have a full length mirror. You could look at bloggers, too, to get ideas and try them out. Or look how models are styled at different online retailers. Some even have “blogs,” I think Loft and Modcloth have sort of bloggy things – they show models dressed in different outfits.

       Also, you need to not get too discouraged when you try stuff on and it looks terrible. There are tons and tons of clothes out there, you will find the ones that suit you. I think I dress pretty well and I still have times where I try stuff on, look in the mirror, and can’t get that horror off fast enough. It’s actually pretty funny.

    3. Some smaller chain clothing stores have very helpful fitting room attendants/salespeople. yes, they want you to buy stuff, but if you go at a slower time, they might be really helpful. I’m thinking Maurices (although I think it’s regional). You can also find summaries of body types and suggestions on Pinterest. Spend 30 minutes figuring out what you like. I also flip through a fashion magazine every quarter or so.

    4. StitchFix? They do casual boxes.

    5. I recently realized I am a Petite and all these different styles look good on me (I’m 28!) What helped was finding blogs of people that had figures similar to me and reading through their earlier and/or style specific blogs. I also got a lot of help from booking a stylist for MMLaFluer and the Nordstrom stylist. I told them I had no idea what my size was, what flattered me etc, told them what type of clothing I was looking for and they took it from there.

       You don’t have to buy anything if you don’t like it or maybe you’ll find that one piece that makes you look great and you can work towards adding timeless investment pieces in your closet over the years based on what you tried on. The Nordstrom stylist gave me her card and I can see myself building a relationship with her over the years, one piece at a time.

       There are also person stylists you could hire to help with this.

    6. This is a very simplistic explanation, but take a look at this link. You are a X. Scroll down to see suggestions for that body type. https://evangelineroseswim.com/blog/knowing-your-body-type/

       Then, build from there. As a fellow petite hourglass, I ALWAYS need to pay wear something that accentuates my waist. No flowing sacks for me, ever.

       Why not try Nordstroms personal shoppers? You have nothing to lose.

       Also, I’ve found this Trinny & Susannah’s various “What Not to Wear” books very helpful. Worth checking your local library?

    7. Take a day off and spend it at an Old Navy dressing room (or Target or JC Penny – best places for casual everyday work-from-home clothes). Take photos while you are trying things on, including photos of tags. Trust me that things look different in pictures than in the mirror. Buy only what you are SURE looks good. Sleep. Look at photos. Order online everything that you like in photos and only those items. Done.

       Also, given your measurements what should look good on you are fit and flare or A-line dresses, bootcut or straight leg jeans with fitted hip-bone length tanks or shirts in substantial material, shorter high-waisted skirts with loose blouses, blazers fitted at the waist and without too much stretch (probably will need to tailor). You’ll very likely need to get your pants or jeans altered by a tailor in length and in waist – so shop for overall shape that fits your hips. Stay away from anything with a lot of stretch, crop tops, billowy blouses without waist cinching (like belt or skirt), calf-length boots, and super skinny jeans.

    8. I signed up for an online personal stylist coach a few years ago that really helped me. You’ve heard of Fly Lady, maybe? This was one of her partnered services, but it does cost money. It was called at the time Missus Smarty Pants. (Dot Com of course). You sign up with your body type, and get an email newsletter of her picks for your at a store – sometimes a lower store like Stein Mart, I remember Carson Pierre Scott, Macy’s of course, not sure what else. It is NOT like this site, that is for sure! Most picks for individual items are under $100. So in the newsletter, she tells you what you want and why – i.e. My top is narrower than my hips (pear-shaped) so I need to draw attention to my shoulders or chest to balance out the top and bottom, so here are some boatneck tops, here are some cowl neck tops, here is a regular v-neck but bedazzled on the neck and shoulders. Then she put them all together Polyvore-style into an outfit or 2 for you. It was VERY affordable and I highly recommend it. I also recommend the blog inside out style (All 1 word, of course) with Imogene something-or-other I think she is Australian? as a great start to thinking about style, not just fashion. Both of these sites offer more personalizing, for example colors, like telling you if you’re a winter or summer, what colors are most flattering, that sort of thing. It makes a huge difference!!

       I completely understand feeling overwhelmed but you WILL come out of this with exactly what you want!!

    9. Basically, what typically looks good on people are things that sort of echo their natural body shapes. I’m a 5’3 hourglass and I cannot wear blousy tops. I have a large chest and I’m short waisted, so when I tuck things in (like a shell into a pencil skirt), I need the shell to have a high neckline so my torso doesn’t read as only boobs.

       Something that has really helped me is taking pictures of myself in various outfits, or the same outfit different ways– tucked vs. untucked, skirt hiked up vs pushed down on my hips, etc. and look at how the adjustments look more or less flattering on my body. Skirts look best on me about an inch or two above my knees. I can have scoop or a v-neck if I don’t tuck in my top, but if I tuck it has to be high necked.

    10. Here’s another tip. Go to a store you like and find inspiring (I go to LOFT for this – it’s good for more casual but trendy/put-together clothes at a reasonable price) and browse around the store looking at the outfits they put together on display. This can be a great source of ideas for how to pair things. I’ve even purchased the exact outfits on display before. You don’t have to come up with ideas yourself. Also, expect to have to try on many, many things before you find the items you really love and that fit you well. I usually have to peruse the store twice and do a couple rounds of trying things on. Good luck!

    11. What city do you live in? I would venture to bet you could find a local stylist to help you for not a lot of money. Post something on FB asking for suggestions in your area if you don’t know anyone. I’m in Houston and I found a local stylist who is on the local news every couple of weeks who talks about bargain shopping, etc. For $100 a hour, she came to my house and helped me go through my closet. I had to try on my clothes for her and she told me what fit and what didn’t. For example, I had a ton of Ann Taylor pants in the “curvy” fit and she showed me that I’m not at all curvy and how bad they fit me. Who knew?? She took photos of me and kept a running list of things that she thought I needed to buy. Then we went shopping one day. What I loved is that she did the work before I got there so that I just walked into the dressing room and started to try things on in a few stores to make the time go faster. Of course, if I wanted to browse, that was fine too. She’s about 10-15 years younger than me, which was intentional b/c I wanted a younger flair to my clothes. I didn’t spend a ton of money, but I learned what fit, what to look for and now I look on Poshmark for “straight” pants instead of curvy and am slowly building my wardrobe. I hope this helps…..

17. I have had a terrible day (basically having my professional competence called out in a group email that I was not included on, based on a total misrepresentation of advice I gave). All I want to go is go home and either cry, scream, have a drink, do some yoga, watch dumb tv, or some combination of the above. But I need to get through 3 more hours at work. Tips?

    1. Is there a way you can set the record straight? I’d feel compelled to defend myself. If you can’t, I endorse all of the coping mechanisms you list. Also, call a mentor and talk through the situation. Has any damage really been done? Can you work to identify it specifically and come up with strategies to minimize or fix?

       I hope some love and support from an Internet stranger who feels your pain helps a little.

       1. It does. Thank you. I think I’ll post again tomorrow morning with some more detail to talk it through a bit more. Thank you again.

    2. Make a plan for the evening in delicious detail – what drink? will you make or go to a bar? what liquor? what’s for dinner? which pose are you most looking forward to in yoga? which episode of which show will you watch? which scene are you looking forward to? And then also plan something fun for the weekend – that sounds like an awful day, and you’ll need something bigger to look forward to this weekend. Put your energy there!

       1. Thank you so much. Good ideas.

    3. Sorry for your situation. I’d plan a trip (even a dream trip you won’t take), plan your dinner/night, focus on something not urgent or easy for a few hours if you can. One thing that helps me to draft the clarification message or conversations and then re-read/think on those after some sleep.

    4. Did someone in the group email have your back? Or at least question the representation? That can help some, but we often need a minnit to get through that first rush of WHAT! THE!

       Yes, this too shall pass. Stay with the Self Care.

       And review/update your resume to remind yourself both of your achievements, and your power to create change. Check in with your friends from school, or mentors to laugh and commiserate. You are not alone.

18. I got invited to a MM LaFluer online sale. Here is the link. Enjoy

    https://mmlafleur.com/shop/elusive-mm-sale?utm_campaign=Marketing%20-%20Summer%20Sale%202018&utm_source=hs_email&utm_medium=email&utm_content=65032102&_hsenc=p2ANqtz–Si6omapPBWvHv7T4SCAmaBzahfcmJMInlvRVKo5F2C_PXMEU1dVAJmOX94xjnYpKx22Z0RmpzLzmNVVRnF-jy1s5yrw&_hsmi=65032102

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