Corporette.com

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 353 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Ann Taylor

Suit of the Week

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. I was sure I'd featured this one before, but I don't think I have — I love this shawl collar suit from Ann Taylor. The “grey mirage” color is interesting yet basic, and lately I can't stand full-length sleeves — the 3/4-length sleeves just look so much lighter for summer, and then you don't have to worry about your sleeves being the perfect tailored length. The suit is an online exclusive, currently available in sizes 00-18. The jacket (Polished Cotton Shawl Collar 3/4 Sleeve Jacket) is $158, the skirt (Polished Cotton Seamed Pencil Skirt) is $78, and the pants (Signature Polished Cotton Trousers) are $88. Note that AT is offering 40% off on select pants (including these), no code needed. (It's also available in black for petites.)
(L-all)

Sales of note for 9.16.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. SoCal Gator

    Hey, I just bought that suit and picked up the pants that had to be shortened at the tailors. I love the fabric, the three quarter sleeves and the not really gray but more of a light stone color. It’s going to be my go to suit on warm summer days. Also, the neutral color makes it easy to pop color with a bright shirt or top or belt.

    • DC Jenny

      How is the fabric for wrinkling? Also, does the jacket have padding in the shoulders?

      • elz

        I have this suit and it wrinkles like crazy. The jacket is mostly fine, but the skirt wrinkles really badly. I don’t know about pants. It is a nice summer look.

    • Bonnie

      I’m going to have to check this one out. I have two tan suits but they both wrinkle like crazy.

  3. K... in transition

    Just sent an emailed response to a friend asking for a life update that was basically: “nope, no job yet, nope the guy thing didn’t work out, nope didn’t find the right dog to rescue yet, nope the doctorate thing isn’t happening right now” and left it feeling pretty bummed. So I have an idea…

    What silly things can you name that make your life not suck or even *gasp* pretty awesome today?

    For example: My life doesn’t suck because there are crayoned pictures on my fridge from a 5 yr old who loves me, because H*ll’s Kitchen and M*asterchef are back in new seasons, and because I just got my new license plate, which reads “EQALTY” which I think is pretty cool.

    Your turn!

    • TCFKAG

      Was that friend me? Because yeah — I could send a similar e-mail (though my husband is still around.) :-)

      BUT…today I got all you can eat ice cream at lunch for $10. And afterwork I’m seeing friends I like a lot. And yesterday I found the perfect Father’s Day present (my father is impossible to shop for). And I got called for another job interview yesterday. And next week we’re going to Montreal and/or Vermont for two days. Oh! And I’m wearing my favorite new skirt, which is flouncy and has polka dots on it today.

      So those are a few of my favorite things!

      • NOLA

        Hmmm, I’m wearing a flouncy polka dot skirt today, too! For me right now, it has to be the little things – like the fact that my new bedroom ac unit is cold and I am sleeping sooo well and the fact that my SO told me that the food just tastes better when I cook (and no, he wasn’t trying to get out of doing anything) and the Yankees (with Andy Pettite!) won 7-0 last night and I had the sweetest chat with my 15 yo nephew.

        Otherwise, the holding pattern we’re in at work (all about money) is making my stomach hurt and my SO is still planning on moving (and he’s there right now).

    • love it

      My life is pretty awesome because I had date night in with my husband and watched Dirty Dancing last night; and because we’re going camping on the beach this weekend!

      • Ellen

        Your so lucky! I love the MOVIE Dirty Danceing. My dad also always calls me “BABY” so I also think I am Jenifer Grey some time’s. But I am not as skinny as she was — THO I guess she also has a bigger tush by now like me (ugh).

        Anyway, I LOVE ANN TAYLOR, and the skirt here is great, but you should think of ordering it one size up, b/c they are cut very tite. The Manageing partner loves it when I wear my Ann Taylor skirt’s now, b/c I have put on alot of weight and they LOOK very tight in the seat. I do NOT like that, but HE does (FOOEY on him for always gawkeing at me), but it is MONEY well spent, and he does pay 20% for some of my cloethes! Yay!

        • TCFKAG

          That is actually good advice Ellen. I have also found that my AT skirts run a bit small in the arse.

      • love it

        That is actually good advice Ellen. I have also found that my AT skirts run a bit small in the arse.

        • Senior Attorney

          My life doesn’t suck because I can take a break from a heinously tough day in court and come here and see BAGE of HONNER and laugh RITE OUT LOUD in my office!!

    • Godzilla

      I like this game. My life doesn’t suck because my allergies magically stopped harassing me once I stopped taking the allergy injections (duh). Also, an ex-pro wrestler contacted me on okcupid. And I’m throwing a tea party.

      Actually, my life sounds pretty awesome when I write it down.

      • K... in transition

        if you don’t want the wrestler, maybe I will… he sounds like fun already, if only cuz he comes with costumes lol

        • Godzilla

          Dude, he’s HOTTT. And lives in my neighborhood. And offered to teach me how to wrestle. Like, actually wrestle. I think Godzilla’s in luuuvvvvv.

          • eek

            Please. Godzilla knows how to wrestle!!! But pretend like you don’t and flirt. A LOT.

          • K... in transition

            not sure whether to be a shade of green or if I ought to acknowledge how much you deserve an awesome guy… hmmmmmmm ;)

          • Deep End

            Ex-pro wrestler sounds way better than anyone I ever met on okcupid! Go Godzilla! I love the idea of a wrestling date.

      • NOLA

        So glad your allergies are better!

        But wait, doesn’t Godzilla have short arms like a T-Rex? Wouldn’t that be a problem with wrestling? Have fun!

    • LR

      Did you watch Rizzoli and Isles last night? Jane’s mom kept making her name three things that were good.

      My three things: I found out last week I passed the Professional Engineering exam and am still on cloud nine, I’m wearing a new shirt (one of the Merona gathered scoopneck shirts in the Scuba print which I think is perfect for summer), and I get to go to the beach this weekend!

      • TCFKAG

        Congrats! And you cheated, that’s not a silly thing, that’s a REAL LIFE thing! :-)

      • LR

        Thanks!

        By the way, I was the poster about 6 weeks ago that had an engineering interview I wore a skirt suit to. I was overdressed but would have been just as overdressed in a pants suit; it’s an office job downtown in my small city so I think I dressed appropriately, though I will need to also pick up a pants suit if I don’t lose a couple pounds soon.

        The interview went really well – 2.5 hours and I could tell they liked me – but I was pushing the qualifications they were looking for and they decided to keep looking for a better fit. I got a very nice letter wishing me well and letting me know they were keeping my resume because they thought I would be a great fit as their engineering department grows. I had decided afterwards that I was going to turn it down even if I got an offer because their engineering department is only three people in two offices right now and they were looking for a new head. At 5 years out of school, that sounded like a bit much, and it wasn’t entirely in the type of engineering I want to be doing. So all in all, it was good experience and it got me thinking about my career goals, though it didn’t go anywhere.

    • Kontraktor

      The insurance discussion earlier made me so happy my husband is in the military and I have never had to pay a dime for health treatment (well, save for minor copays for certain medicines), nor do I have to sacrifice a huge portion of my paycheck for bad insurance. Granted, that comes at the price of him frequently leaving me for long periods of time on a moments notice and the perrils of a public health program (I waited 3 hours for a basic appointment once), but seeing the other side makes me thankful for what I do have in military health care.

    • r

      My new vitamix that I splurged on is arriving today!! I am ridiculously excited for this!

    • edj3

      Things are looking up for me.

      After getting laid off at the end of June last year, I landed a job back in Kansas last month (where I’d lived before). It’s actually in my career field and they like me, they really like me. And my husband’s glad to be back too (I thought he might be resentful at being the trailing spouse and leaving Boston but nope, he’s cool with both things).

      Oh and the sunshine–man how I missed all the sunshine you get in the KC area.

      • Eleanor

        This is really cool! Thanks. I like to watch youtube clips of babies laughing when I get sad, lonely, or whatever, but baby dolphins are good, too.

        In other news, I’ve been reminding myself lately how glad I am to have a job, and one that I like. With all the things in my life that are bad, I realize none of them would be better and basically all of them would be worse if I were unemployed, or had to deal with a terrible boss or something. I was worried for a while last year that I would indeed be unemployed after law school, so this is a huge relief.

    • JK

      Love this. My life doesn’t suck today because I’m wearing a new twinset from Jcrew in bright pink that makes me feel summery!

      • long time lurker

        Work stress/health concerns be damned… I am having a great hair day, I get to spend most of tomorrow out of the office (hearings and meetings) which makes the day go by faster and Friday come sooner, and I am going out to dinner tonight and having some wine.

    • lucy stone

      I got married on Saturday, that was awesome! One of the readers from our wedding is getting married this weekend so I’m going to California for the first time to read in her wedding!

      • K... in transition

        did she write something? are you? or was the plan to each read passages from somewhere in each other’s weddings? (I’m doing a reading in 6 weeks for a friend who has asked me to write the piece I’ll be reading, so I’m curious.) Also, what did she wear?

        • lucy stone

          She read the prayers of the faithful in ours (The “For all who are sick, we pray….Lord, hear our prayer) and I am reading a Bible passage in hers. I had and she is having standard religious weddings.

          She wore a cute knee-length sundress.

      • Godzilla

        Congratulations! Also, you forgot to mention that you have an intern that brought much joy to fellow readers ;).

        • lucy stone

          The intern may bring you joy, but not me…

          I am going to mail you an empty envelope now.

          • a.

            that should be a BAGE right up there with the single blue nail and the JSFAMO mugs…mailing each other empty envelopes.

            I am happy that I have an awesome dog; had a really good run today; went on a long, just-bef0re-twilight walk; wore one of my favorite shirts today (cheerful blue gingham button-down); and that I have a giant glass of sparkly white wine with sliced strawberries sitting by my elbow. It’s been one of those days.

    • Lyssa

      I’m wearing my fabulous Forever21 super-high leopard print heels today (figure I ought to wear all my clothes that I won’t be able to wear as pregnancy progresses as much as possible now!); we’re leaving on vacation in just three days; our new waterbed mattress has been delivered so hopefully only one more day of trying to share a twin-sized airbed with my hubby* (luckily we’re both small); and my baby has fingers and is developing a palate (yay, future foodie I will mold in my own image!) this week.

      * Are we the only people on the planet who still have a waterbed? I used to be able to find the stuff for them easily in big box stores, but now I can only order online, which means bad, bad, badness when the bed re-springs a previously patched leak, patching with your last patch doesn’t work, and you realize that you really need a new mattress, stat. Also, we can (hopefully) fill it up today, but our bathroom faucet won’t take the attachment, so we have to do it from the outside hose (through a second story window, which is comical), which means that the water will be freezing! until it has time to heat up, so it probably won’t be sleep-on-able tonight.

      • Rosalita

        Yeah, waterbeds don’t seem to be as common these days. Maybe the Sleep Number bed has replaced it as The Mattress Trend of 2000s.

        (My MIL just sold their Sleep Number bed because they hated it. It sold on CL in like 2 days.)

      • soulfusion

        My siblings and I nearly went into shock when our parents finally got rid of their waterbed a few years ago. We moved a lot growing up and I have many, many memories of them refilling that thing. My dad was convinced for a long time it was better for his back . . . until they got a regular bed :)

        • Lyssa

          We really love it because it allows us to (sorry, this is cheesy) cuddle a bit more (cuddle’s not a euphamism here) – I can sort of lay against his shoulder and we sink down just enough, and that’s how we fall asleep – it doesn’t work at all on any other bed we’ve been in. But, man, it was a massive hassle when we moved. But hopefully, we won’t do that again any time soon!

    • ELS

      My life doesn’t suck because the breeder we’re adopting a kitten from this summer just sent me absolutely adorable pictures of him rolling around with his siblings.

      Also, I’m having a much-needed date night with my husband tonight.

    • Sparkles

      I picked up some really comfy tshirts at ON today, and my cat is being really cute.

    • Moving In

      My life doesn’t suck because I’ve been in the process of moving in with my BF. I’ve now officially lived with him for 1 week. We’re getting used to each other’s routines, but it’s pretty awesome to hang out with him every day. :)

    • JessC

      My life doesnt’t suck because because the crappy weather outside for once is not interfering with the signal for my XM satelite radio and I can listen to BB King’s Bluesville.
      Also, today’s Wednesday which means I get to go play trivia at a local bar with some of my closest friends.

    • DC Law

      My life is good right now because I’m wearing a lime green skirt and a turquoise belt! They make me happy. Also I’m getting drinks tomorrow night with a friend I haven’t seen in a few years, which will be awesome. This is a good thread!

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      Despite still being in the office waiting for someone to tell me if they want me to do something or not (8.30 here), I am well-rested after a long weekend (public holidays yesterday and Monday), the sun is shining, my flatmate and I are cat-sitting this weekend and I have the season finale of Castle to watch tonight!

      • TCFKAG

        Ooooohhhhh. Enjoy. I wish I could watch it fresh again without knowing what happened!

        • zora

          Seriously!!! It is soooo great, Ack!

          Did you also get to enjoy any Jubilee celebrations?

        • nona

          I had to stop someone from watching the last 2 episodes of season 4 as their first viewing of Castle.

          And then loaned them my Season 1. And Season 2. And Season 3.

    • Flamingo

      My life doesn’t suck because it’s a beautiful, sunny day (with no humidity), I got to sleep in with SO this morning, and we’re having one of my favorite foods for dinner.

      • TCFKAG

        I read this as I got to sleep with SO this morning and I was like WOAH, TMI. :-)

        • Kontraktor

          To be honest, getting to do that might make my day despite the TMI. ;-)

        • Flamingo

          HA – no that did not happen this morning I promise! But hey, it’s 4pm there’s a whole half of the day left… who knows the future holds ;)

    • Ashley

      This thread makes me happy in my soul! My life is great because this weekend I get to make invitations for BIL and future SIL’s rehearsal dinner and shoot future SIL’s bridal portraits with my husband. Oh, and tonight I have choir rehearsal. So, basically, my life doesn’t suck because I get to do my hobbies this week!

    • NoVAAtty

      My life doesn’t suck because we got our first ultrasound today – and yup, it’s an actual baby, not a food baby, and we saw and heard its little flutter of a heartbeat!

      And my life doesn’t suck because my husband is a big softie who teared up at pictures of the little .35 of an inch blob that is our first kid.

    • Deep End

      My life doesn’t suck because tonight I’m going to Cirque du Soleil’s Zarkana show, my SO has been really supportive of me studying for the second bar lately (which is necessary so we can make a big move next year) and my dad is flying in to spend Father’s Day weekend with me in a little over a week. Dad hasn’t been here since my law school graduation in 2007, and we’ve never had a solo weekend of just us hanging out without Mom or other family members.

    • Anon

      My life is great because I have three healthy, beautiful children, a husband who is incredibly helpful and who doesn’t annoy me the majority of the time, a job as a lawyer that I really do love (though I do wish it paid more…), and I finally got up the motivation to eat right and go walking and have lost almost 10 pounds so far!

    • Sarah ATD

      What a great idea K!

      My life doesn’t suck because I’m sitting at my desk making a fun powerpoint (traffic control isn’t fun for everyone?) while eating cherries. Plus I get to go camping in the redwoods this weekend. Plus, my BF got offered a fabulous new job, and I am so so proud of him.

      • PollyD

        My life sucks because I’m allergic to cherries.

        But it doesn’t because I am getting my hair cut and colored this weekend and am going to NYC next weekend (probably). And I am working my way through quite a delicious bottle of wine this week.

    • phillygirlruns

      big fan of this thread. my non-suck things: loving my outfit (coral pants!), all of my coworkers are in good moods, and i have two episodes of mad men waiting on my DVR (i almost typed “VCR.” how retro!). oh, and i discovered this morning that spending an extra 5 or 6 minutes with a curling iron makes ALL the difference in helping my awkwardly-growing-out bob look far less awkward.

    • Anonymous

      My life doesn’t suck because the fact that I have been utterly tormented by the lack of balance in my life the last couple of weeks shows that I haven’t become numb. I have a wonderful family and friends I want to spend time with and still recognize that in the big picture they are my number one priority.

    • CA Atty

      Ugh, I’m trying!

      Let’s see: 1) broke through a weight plateau this weekend; 2) have the house to myself all week which means some serious cleaning/organizing/re-doing; 3) I’m starting to have work to do at work.

      Each comes with it’s own set of negatives though 1) after the breakthrough had to go to a family event at which my parents, grandparents, siblings, and siblings’ significant other’s were apparently talking about my weight before I got there and continued to attempt to engage me in conversation about it for FOUR FREAKING HOURS.

      2) I have the house to myself because boyfriend and his entire family are on a cruise to Alaska that was my idea but I don’t get to go due to work stuff.

      3) Less time for corp-tte! :-)

      • CA Atty

        Oh, and my mother for some inexplicable reasons made a date to have dinner with me tonight. 99.99% (she has literally flaked on me 25 times this year and it’s only June) of the time she flakes on appointments like this…but of course she’s not responding to her phone so I have no idea if she’s flaking or not.

        So: potentially good? Dinner with mom. (Maybe) ((Actually, I’m not so sure.))
        Potentially bad? Mom flaking. AGAIN. (Probably not actually bad, maybe I should switch these…)

      • SoCalAtty

        I’m trying too!

        1) My shakeology arrived today (chocolate) so I had that for lunch, and it has been 5 hours and I’m just now getting hungry. Maybe I’ll lose those 8lbs before Italy in 23 days after all!

        2) Italy for 10 days in 23 days!

        3) I feel like the partners are getting more comfortable with me. We’re at the 4 months and 6 days mark. 2 more months of probation!

        On the suck side – I found stuff on the secretary of doom’s desk (discovery responses) that I almost sent a meet and confer out regarding because she didn’t give them to anyone. Disaster averted, but I would have looked like a moron!

    • January

      I love this idea, so I’m going to list it as one of the things making today awesome. Also awesome: I’m going to a good friend’s wedding this weekend, I had a good lunch with a colleague, and it’s a beautiful day for a run!

    • Cod liver oil and gratitude

      (I’m the Sad Anon from last weekend’s thread trying to get over my break-up.) I actually remembered someone saying that two things that are key to happiness are cod liver oil and gratitude. So, in my currently very gloomy state of mind, I have a) started taking daily cod liver oil supplements, and b) started thinking every night of the little (or big) things I’m grateful for. Even though I am still a crying mess, it helps me to focus on gratitude right before going to sleep. It can be small things, like the other day I was grateful for the fact that although my dog had diarrhea, she made it outside (never seen her run so fast) before an accident happened. Or a letter from a friend (an actual letter sent in the mail, not an email – she is awesome!). Or a really good cup of coffee. Or climbing a massive hill on my bike. Or planning a trip to the mountains. I make a little bullet point list in my journal and I’m looking forward to seeing it fill with more things I am grateful for as things start to get better. So, everything doesn’t suck.

      • NOLA

        This is great! I don’t know about cod liver oil, but gratitude is a wonderful thing to cultivate. I went to my brother’s gigantic church one Sunday about a year and a half ago very skeptical and came away with this incredible message about gratitude and appreciating the things and people around us. I even had a necklace made for myself that has tags that say “blessed” “loved” and “grateful.” I feel better every time I wear it.

        So glad things are getting better.

      • K... in transition

        I truly thought you said that you were grateful for the fact that you had diarrhea. I mean, if -that- is how bad things are that -this- is what you’re grateful for, I’m really worried lol

        • Cod liver oil and gratitude

          Haha, I guess it would better than the opposite, so something to be grateful for?

          I live on the third floor so my dog had to run down a lot of stairs, out through the front door and to the nearest patch of grass. Poor thing, but she really made it just in time…

    • The Slapdash Sewist

      What an excellent idea! I use savasana to think of gratitude things (no way could I ever have a quiet, still mind) but my yoga class was canceled for the summer.

      1. Had lunch with a colleague/friend today. We’ve been trying for two months and finally were both free on the same day. Had great talks about work and life.

      2. Seersucker Social this Saturday! Dressing up + bikes = awesome. DC people, if you’re at all interested, look into it. You get to wear a crazy hat if you want to! When do you ever get to wear a crazy hat if you are not the Queen of England?

      3. Then Tour Dem Parks in Baltimore on Sunday. Awesome, chill supported bike ride through Balto’s beautiful parks and bike trails. (Registration is still open for this one, too!)

    • shortiek

      I will finally be able to watch Teen Wolf tonight! It is an awesome terrible show with ridiculous amounts of shirtless guys.
      And I’m skyping with my SO tonight so that’ll be great, but somewhat depressing once we hang up. (Talking over the phone or via internet is not the same…. I really miss getting backrubs.)
      BUT I just got a haircut, and my hair is now a very bright copper color. It’s a bit shorter than I wanted, but I love the color. Every time I pass a reflective surface, I smile.

    • zora

      I have a white, satin cape and thanks to TCFKAG and the Queen, I can wear it whenever I want!! ;o)

    • TackyMum

      Happy because workload is starting to approach do-able. Happy because local PBS started replaying Downton Abbey season 2 (missed it on the first go-round). Happy because SO is on a second job interview for a job that will make him much happier than the one he presently has.

    • MaggieLizer

      A few months ago, I added a counterclaim in one of my biggest cases. The partner was convinced it would never survive a motion to dismiss; he wanted to take it out but kept it in because it made the client happy. We just got back the 40-page motion to dismiss opinion and my counterclaim survived! I’m gloating quietly.

    • Research, Not Law

      Baby slept through the night last night, giving me some much-needed relief.

      I’m setting up park dates and other “drop-in” plans with a good friend who just returned from living abroad for several years.

      We have a birthday party at a bouncy-house place this weekend, which means free fun for our cabin-feverish toddler.

      My crepe paper flowers for my toddler’s own party are coming together beautifully and are a fun after-kid-bedtime craft.

      • TCFKAG

        Umm, I don’t know how many other people remember the poster who badly broke her leg on a bouncy-house and needed advice on cast-friendly fashion. But be careful Research, Not Law! Those things are apparently dangerous!

        • Houda

          she broke her leg in 11 places.. we were more curious as to how she did it than how to dress up her cast

    • Sydney Bristow

      My life doesn’t suck because I got 3 early birthday presents this week, even though my birthday isn’t until the end of the month. I got a stamp that says “LAWYERED,” a gorgeous pair of earrings that my roommate designed and made, and my boyfriend remembered something I posted on my old blog about always wanting to go inside the Plaza hotel but never doing it and so he booked us a night there on my actual birthday. So now I can stamp papers when I’m frustrated or just wrote a kick a** argument, while wearing fabulous earrings, and daydream about the Plaza all at the same time. :-)

    • anon in tejas

      I did my first triathlon last weekend (sprint distance) and I am not sore! Yay.

      Also, I am going to early on Friday morning Chicago, and I get to spend some quality time with one of my besties.

      I seem to think that I look pretty these days, which is a huge statement for my self-hating really low self-esteem.

      my underwear matches my outfit. That always makes me smile.

    • Francie N

      My life doesn’t suck because I am wearing my favorite pearl necklace, I finished a loooong tedious task today, and the leather upper on my grey wedge ripped so I can buy new ones :)

    • Nonny

      Wow, K, this is a great idea!

      My life doesn’t suck because I am into my first week at my new job and I love feeling like a real lawyer again, my new boss (a woman) told me yesterday how much she liked my leopard-print shoes (I so love having a boss that notices these things), I went to my favourite butter chicken place for lunch today, and I finally appear to have an assistant that knows what she is doing. Yay!

    • Houda

      Sending you positive vibes K.
      Amid the dreaded weekly layoffs announcement session at work, I am looking up positive little things while I still didn’t get the boot.
      Things that made my day lately:
      – Randomly stumbled across an Australian teenage series called “Dance Academy”. Now they got me yearning for some ballet classes.
      – Discovered a great series of makeup tutorials on Youtube by Goss makeup something… Finally mastered the art of making great eyes make up that keeps everyone gushing (I explained in an earlier that I need amazing eye makeup because of my BirthControl Glasses).
      – Randomly picked up a “How to Draw Manga” book and while not even being fan of manga (I’m a lazy anime person) managed to draw my first cute manga with crayons
      – One of my colleagues whom I appreciate a lot decided to leave the company. I got him a very thoughtful gift related to some cartoons he is obsessed with. His large grin and little happy dance made my day.
      – I stocked up on ridiculously cute gym clothes and I am flaunting them.
      – on Friday I wore white linen pants… cellulite and all. Didn’t care and felt like I was on cruise.
      – I got invited to independence day barbecue, and for the first time I know what to wear (except for the shoes ..)
      – My super curly hair is FINALLY gathered in a little rabbit tail since I chopped it off to go natural (from chemically relaxed)

    • EC MD

      My life doesn’t suck because even though I threw up all over the bathroom (did not make it to the toilet in time) my husband cleaned it all up and sent me back to the shower to start the getting ready for work process all over again, and didn’t even make me feel the least bit bad for it.

      My life also doesn’t suck because I’m taking care of a patient who would have died without my intervention and she’s doing great today.

    • Herbie

      I ordered from Sephora this morning (some fun stuff, some non-glam stuff like face wash), and got an e-mail notification by noon that it had shipped.

      Every time I open a Sephora box, I feel like a kid on Christmas, regardless of what’s in it.

    • Marie Curie

      I love this thread, so many happy things :)

      I got asked to co-edit conference proceedings today. (I’m a grad student.) Money + a publication + working on something I love = win-win!

    • karenpadi

      My life doesn’t suck because: I’m working long long hours and backing up the partner while he’s on a 2 week vacation but my biggest client appreciates and trusts my work and the partner hasn’t had to step in and save the day yet (knock on wood, I have 2.5 more days without him). I’m kind of, sort of, dating a guy–it’s been 5 dates and he says he likes me too (squee!). I’m taking time in the middle of the work day to work out with a new trainer and I really like how she listens to me and encourages me. And my dad is coming to visit me for father’s day!

      K, this thread made my day. Thank you!

    • Praxidike

      I’ve lost nearly 70lbs, and I am going home for the first time since Thanksgiving and I can’t wait to shock the hell out of my family! And my cousin is graduating from high school in a few weeks! And I threw a kickass party for about 30 people last weekend and everyone seemed to have a good time and it went quite late.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Dude, congrats on the weight loss! What an amazing accomplishment! You’ll have to share their reactions when they see you.

    • mamabear

      I’m working from home this afternoon. That’s enough to be grateful for!

    • SAB

      So far I love my new firm/city and feel really positive that we made the right move, even if my husband is still living in old city and job searching so he can join us here. Also, shopping and fun places to eat are easily walkable from the office and I like getting life stuff done on my lunch hour. And, my copy of Dinner: A Love Story just arrived and I am excited to read it.

    • 1L-1

      My life doesn’t suck because: I got over my “fear” of calling people/talking to people/being forced to sell things to people that I don’t know they want (i HATE being pushy) and made over $475 worth of sales today.
      My hubby is super supportive of me! Even though right now I’m making more than he does.
      The dinner I made was DELISH (sorry Ellene) and smelled and tasted so good!
      And a funny one…for the first time in my life, set off the smoke detector: Now I’m a real cook! It’s a BAGE of HONNOR, you guise!

      (Wonder if anyone’s gonna see this!)

      • SAB

        I saw this. I also hate calling people. Online pizza ordering was made for me.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Ok. You must share. How did you get over this fear? I know it is irrational, but I’m the exact same way. I think it partially stems from my mom always making me check myself in at the doctor’s office or other places. I always got tongue tied and the fear that I would always be tongue-tied never left me. I feel much more comfortable calling places after I’ve done it a few times and have the pattern down for how they like the information presented. But those first few calls make me so nervous. Even when I’m doing something as simple as ordering takeout.

        • JenK

          I do the same sorts of things with my son, have him get a table for the 2 of us in a restaurant, etc. He’s 9. I just asked him and he says he doesn’t mind. I see it as practice for when he’s on a date or has a lunch meeting or has to sign himself in for a job interview or whatever. I bet your mother was thinking the same, especially after she saw it was hard for you. Even though you’re still working on this issue, I hope you’ve been able to forgive her. I know that’s hard, but I’m seeing in my own life how getting over that piece in some areas where I’m starting to do it actually makes the issue itself easier to deal with, because I’m calmer in my focus on it when anger at her is out of the equation. Good luck!

          • Sydney Bristow

            Oh I’ve forgiven her for that. I don’t hold it against her because I’m sure that she had the same reasons to do it as you do with your son.

            However, I have not had any relationship or spoken to her in over 8 years. It was a difficult point for me to reach, but I cut off all contact with her for very specific reasons, which I was clear with her about, and ultimately did it to protect my own mental health. I harbor no anger with her about making me check in places, and I’m certain that you have an extremely different relationship with your son than I do with my mother.

        • VT

          Most people who work the phones are pretty forgiving, barring the odd bad day. We need to be helpful and courteous to succeed at our jobs!
          Write down what it is that you want / expect from the phone call and have that list right in front of you. Maybe say it all out loud a few times to practice. If you say you’re ‘new at this’, or a ‘first time caller’, I personally would be happy to slow down and walk you through any necessary steps. When you call to place an order, just say, “I’d like to place an order but haven’t called you before. What information do you need from me?” and then refer to your list to answer their questions. If they ask for something you don’t have, ask them to hold a moment.

    • In House

      What a great game! Lets see- was feeling pretty down last week because work has been stressful, serious bf whom I’ve been broken up with for about 7 months (largely due to him telling me he’s not sure he loves me and isn’t sure he wants to get married, now or EVER to ANYONE, though the day before was booking vacations with my fam and planning to give me a key to his place) got engaged and splashed the picture of him down on one knee all over FB without warning, and new guy I really liked just decided to date someone else exclusively. Also without warning.

      Pluses: I just graduated with my LLM and got a mention for working full time during the program, earned some kudos from new superboss who is putting me into a minor leadership position on the team (as the youngest attorney!) and also discovered that there’s a guy whose been waiting in the wings to ask me out might just work out :). Also discovered a new way to style my hair so it looks blow dried all the time and have gotten lots of compliments. And the sun is out!

      Great idea- thanks for brightening up my day!

  4. Matched

    Does anyone have any tips on writing a match profile? I think I’m ready to try internet dating, but I find writing about myself harder than I thought it would be!

    • Deep End

      I had my best friend help me with mine, which helped as I found the whole thing hopelessly awkward. These things are best done with a friend and a glass (or 2) of wine.

      • Successfully Matched

        Ditto on the wine. A friend and I split a bottle of wine while each of us a wrote a profile. We pushed each other to stop being so modest about ourselves and it was nice to have a cyber-wingwoman. Also, then you and your friend can take flattering pictures of each other instead of you having to pull a Myspace in your bathroom mirror because you feel you have no good pictures of just you and cropping out friends is awkward. Or (ahem) so I hear.

        • Matched

          I like this idea! Maybe I can get a friend help me to write this weekend. Also, good point about the pictures. I don’t think that I have any recent pictures of just me.

    • soulfusion

      No advice because I will be reading the responses as well. I’ve tried to dip my toe into the online dating world before and honestly, I must have done something wrong because I never got so much as a nibble. I feel like I’m an interesting, attractive person but clearly I have no idea how to convey that in a profile. Of course, each time I tried I gave up after a few weeks but I always hear how fast women get asked out on there . . .

      • zora

        i don’t have personal experience w/ this, but a friend reiterated the comment above about having a friend help with your profile. When Friend of Friend read Friend’s profile, she said it sounded nothing like her! She saw herself completely differently than others see her, and after Friend of Friend helped her bring out her own personality in her profile, interest really picked up, and then she met her current SO!

    • Successfully Matched

      I’m marrying someone I met on Match! In addition to a short blurb about me, I put something to the effect of “I’ve lived in X city for Y years and while I like Z cultural attraction I still haven’t done A, B, and C touristy things that would make for a great date.”

      This made me approachable, because when guys emailed me they just picked a date idea off the list. Like “I’m an architect and I’d love to show you B skyscraper! What about Saturday?” I like activities way better than coffee or drinks, because the very worst thing that happens is that you got to go do something you actually wanted to do anyway.

      My other tip is to just exchange enough emails to figure out a plan to meet (safely) in person. Treat Match as an “introduction” database for the real world instead of getting attached to someone’s cyber persona with whom you feel no chemistry IRL. Another reason why big tourist attractions (like museums) are good – you go during the day and they’re crowded, well-lit, and fairly safe.

      • soulfusion

        I like this – I’m more of an activity-based person anyway and tend to feel awkward in “first date situations”.

    • Hel-lo

      Honestly, try a book on internet dating.

      I met my guy on okcupid a year ago, and we are now living together. We had a garage sale a few weeks ago, and were both selling books. His was called something like, “You Can’t Believe You’re Internet Dating” and mine was “Why Mr. Right Can’t Find You.”

      Both books gave us tips on how to make our profiles attractive. (Funny story – another couple came to our garage sale, and saw the books. They met online too.)

      Tips:
      1. Attractive picture, with your hair down. Not too much cleavage. Good lighting on your face. Smile. Makeup. Looking at camera.
      2. Another picture with your full body. Honest, but flattering. Maybe from an event or a friend’s wedding or something.
      3. Another picture of you doing a hobby – running a marathon, at your sewing machine, outdoors on a hike, whatever. It should show you being genuinely happy or interested.
      4. Little flirty things in your profile. For one of the questions on okcupid, the question was something like, “What 5 things can you live without?” My answer was something like, “Good music, my iphone, wine, a novel, and … could you be the fifth?”
      5. You don’t want to come off as trampy, even if you think it’s what guys want.
      6. Fill out your entire profile. (You can leave off the “income.” I did.)
      7. Be honest. Be honest about who you are, and be honest about what you’re looking for. I found tons of men who hadn’t graduated from college. That was a dealbreaker for me.
      8. Once you start to get responses, respond to them quickly. There will be lots of d-bags. Forget them. For the nice guys, if you think you might be interested, Get Thyself to A Coffee Date as soon as possible. You don’t want to spend too much time messaging each other on the site, because you run out of things to talk about. Coffee dates are good because they can turn into more or you can end them, based on how it’s going.

      • Hel-lo

        Sorry, in #4, it should be, “What 5 things can’t you live without?” Not “can.”

      • SF Bay Associate

        This is awesome. I figured out these tips after doing a major stint at online dating, and have been sharing these tips with my friends, especially #1-3 on pictures. Apparently, I should have written a book. Big +1 on #8 – coffee date as soon as possible. Coffee at a shop not near your house or your work, and only coffee, and tell a friend where you’re going to be and when you have to check in with her by (safety first!). If you like the guy, the next date can be a meal. Coffee is only 15-30 minutes, and then you can go about your day if it was a fail. I would stack several coffee dates with different guys throughout the day (at different coffee shops) to maximize my utility of doing my hair and makeup and wearing a cute outfit. A series of email exchanges is a waste of time if you finally meet the guy weeks later and have no chemistry.

        • Sydney Bristow

          Oh yes, as far as #8 goes, I included a line in my profile that said I wasn’t interested in an endless chain of messages and preferred to meet in person after just a couple of messages. Most of the people who contacted me were up for meeting quickly and I only had one person who kept putting it off, so I never met him.

      • Matched

        Thank you for the list! I didn’t even know that they had books on internet dating. I’ll have to check out Amazon. I love to hear stories about how it all worked out, it gives me hope!

    • Sydney Bristow

      Write it up and have a friend edit it. Even better, have a few friends edit it, including at least 1 guy. Seriously, who knew that I said “love” so much about everything?!

      There is also an old podcast I found that would review random Match.com profiles. I found it helpful in totally unbiased reactions to things that I would have written that sounded completely ormal to me but apparently come across in a very different manner to other people. I can’t remember what it was called, but I think the hosts were named Scott and Emily and the title probably had “online dating” or “dating profile” in it.

      I think one of the best suggestions I heard was that you should include pictures of yourself doing things you mention in your profile. For example, it seems like a ton of people put in their profile that they like skydiving and you never know whether they are saying that because they think it makes them sound cool or that they really eny it. But if you say it and include a picture of yourself doing it, then it comes across as much more genuine.

  5. DC Jenny

    Because even though I am hating everything about my job right now with every fiber of my being, I’ll be going on detail soon, I have the house to myself this weekend while BF is out of town, I have a little hound dog that will be ecstatic to see me when I get home tonight, and all my close friends are coming over for a game night on Saturday.*

    I have been in the worst mood all week, and this gives me some much needed perspective. Thanks!

    *If anyone who knows me is reading this, I just totally outed myself.

  6. anon456

    I have a threadjack here. And I realize I’m going to sound whiney to some.

    I’m 30. I’m a lawyer, I’m done with school, and the career is going fairly well. However, I’m starting to feel pressure, internally and from peers and family, to start taking big life changing steps, like getting married, buying a house, etc. These suggestions used to be annoying, and now they are really starting to grate on me, mostly because I’m totally selfish.

    I worked really really hard to get from the situation I was in growing up, to where I am now, and I feel like all of the opportunities I have received have been amazing gifts. I feel like if I buy a house, or if I get married, I am “settling” career-wise. I feel like either action would be preemptively shutting out any future opportunities, or preemptively stunting my career growth. The logical side of my brain realizes that this is total nonsense, and I have a great man in my life, and I live in a great city near lots of family. I should be happy with this situation. However, there is a little voice in my head that makes me worry that I would resent my guy or my family for holding me back.

    Has anyone else experienced this? I realize that I probably need therapy. Or that I am simply a terrible person, and I need to grow up.

      • anon456

        I think I used to, but I really really hate that many people (including at the office) do not consider a woman to be a grown-up until you are married or a home owner. I feel like I no longer want to, but probably out of spite.

        • 30

          Those people sound weird. The choice to get married is between you and your man. And buying a home is some sort of crowning achievement in life. Figure out what you want; ignore the rest.

        • DC Jenny

          Ha. Well, I don’t think it’s a good idea to make major life choices out of spite, as tempting as it might be. I also don’t think you should push yourself into anything just because you think you *should* want it. If someday you start feeling like you want to own a house, you should buy a house. Otherwise everyone else can f*%& off and you can revel in your ability to move to China at a moment’s notice, should you ever want to.

          Also, I just got engaged and totally feel you on hating that people think it’s like the greatest accomplishment a woman could ever achieve. Lucky for me, my family and friends aren’t like that, but there are some acquaintences who are going to get smacked upside the head with a Judith Butler book if they persist in acting like my life is somehow now complete.

          • anon456

            Thank you! This is my sentiment. I don’t dislike my boyfriend, but I think my life would be perfectly fine if I was never married, or even if he wasn’t in the picture. I can see us being happy after the hoopla of the engagement and wedding is over, but I just can’t stand the thought that people think that marriage is necessary for me to be a complete person, or even an adult, or that I could never be happy otherwise.

            Congratulations on the engagement! And I mean that in a super non-demeaning way. :)

    • Kontraktor

      I guess I am a bit confused why you think home ownership would mean you were settling career wise? I guess I could see how marriage might make you feel that way if you married the wrong person who demanded you make needless sacrifices, but if you’re coupled up now, and he’s fine with your career and fine with you, I’m not sure why marriage (to him or somebody similarly) would change that just because?

      What do you want from your career? What is “settling”to you exactly?

      I used to think I wanted to be this “high power career woman” until I realized I didn’t really know what that meant (I still don’t). And until I realized I kept seeing all these “high up” and “high power people” (who had horrible lives, who weren’t all that impressive, and who spent all day in meetings) who I didn’t really want to be anything like at all (and who frankly didn’t impress me much, either). Maybe I am just cynical or depressed about the reality in life that is merit and hard work don’t always get you everything, but I have largely shifted my career focus to seeking out something that makes me energized and something I can be fulfilled, if not happy, to do. The ultimate success for me is finding a job where I am 100% excited to go to work every day and put my energy into happily.

      So, I would say that you should think concretely about what you want from your career and then think about how you can get there. Then, think very honestly about whether or not marriage/a house/whatever would truly impact getting there. My hunch is that neither probably would, but this is up for you to parse out in terms of arranging your goals and life priorities.

      • Alana

        There are many homeowners in the U.S. who are unable to move because they would have difficulty finding a seller or renter.

    • cfm

      So its not really even selfish, its immature. You took a job right? You didn’t not take a job because something better might come along. Do you want to buy house? Does it make sense to buy a house? Chains don’t rise out of the ground to wrap you up the second you sign a deed. Sure its harder to pick up and move to aspen and be a ski instructor since youll need to sell the house first but 1. are you doing that anyway? and 2. you can sell your house at somepoint if you want to move.

      Getting married isn’t about reaching the pinnacle of your dating career and realizing this is the best you’ll ever get. Otherwise we’d all still be single in case we run into prince william or hot guy wade. its about looking at the person and saying yep, this is who i want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to be in the trenches with this person for the next 50 years and love them the whole time. Even if someone is objectively better on paper, its about realizing there is no one “better” that this is what you want. If you are waiting for a better guy, id let this guy go to do it so you can be truly open.

      • anon456

        To clarify, its not about settling for the guy. The guy is fantastic. Its the idea that marriage means having to take his thoughts into consideration regarding my career for the rest of my life, and perhaps having to not take big risks in my career anymore. Its not about the possibility of finding someone better, but the possibility that I am better off alone. Again, I realize that this is ridiculous because he does love me and would want me to be happy. The house thing is a smaller issue in that it just means that I can not get up and move across the country for an amazing opportunity at the drop of a hat. Again, immaturity. I don’t want to grow up, apparently.

        I was more curious if anyone else has gone through something similar . I feel like I’m trying to convince the career-driven part of me that there are other areas of my life that are important, and it is a struggle.

        • cfm

          Right now, would you take him into consideration regarding your career? Its not marriage that makes you do that, its the relationship and how you feel about it. Is there a chance that you career could take you to an amazing opportunity in a different part of the country? are you applying or even keeping your eyes open for a job like that? If not, your doing the equivilant of “what if I bump into prince harry in target one day.” I think we all fantasize about stuff like that at somepoint, but you should be looking to see if that’s keeping you from doing things that you actually want to do. (For instance, buying a house means your not as mobile. but does it help you financially so you can be more mobile in that way? youll have savings to help you pick up and go and can hire someone to handle selling your house for you, plane tickets, etc)

        • ER

          I’m with you on having to take spouse’s career into consideration. On the other hand, I actually feel like I can take more risks in my career because my spouse and I share finances, and I could be on his health insurance if I were between jobs. There are upsides!

        • IVO

          You don’t sound ridiculous, not at all. I am right there with you, in basically every aspect of the predicament. We might be a minority (well, that’s not true, we *are*), but different people need different things and there is nothing else to this but shutting out external influences and figuring out what *you* really want.

          That, of course, is often much more difficult than getting a shiny ring on your finger and planning a large wedding.

      • JessC

        I kind of agree with cfm. Getting married and/or buying a house means that you can’t necessarily jump up and accept the super-awesome opportunity in Outer Mongolia and run off at a moment’s notice (because you may want to consider what your husband wants also and your ability to sell your house). But here’s a question to ponder – if you got that awesome offer today and it required to pick up and leave RIGHT NOW, would you even take it? Would you want to discuss the issue with your SO? Would you want him to relocate with you? Are you happy where you live and want to stay? Do you have strong roots there?
        To me, part of being an adult is realizing that you can’t have everything you want, when you want it. You have to figure out what you want, how much you want it, and what, if any, choices you have to make to make those things happen.

    • Flamingo

      I used to have this fear of settling down as well. It’s hard to explain but I felt that if I settled in more permanently (house, or all new adult furniture, etc.), that somehow that meant I was giving up on the possibility of moving for a new job, or taking some great future opportunity.

      It got better once my friends pointed out that a) people move all the time, and that being more “settled” in a city may make that a bit tougher but not impossible and b) that it didn’t make sense for me to not fully enjoy the life I’m living right now because I’m waiting for some future thing that hasn’t even happened yet. I’m not saying that you’re not fully enjoying your life, but that was the case with me.

      • anon456

        This is very helpful. I know my thoughts must be irrational, and I feel like I need a nudge from some fellow ‘rettes to push me over this bump in the road. My friends tend to be on one extreme or the other, and none of them really understand, which makes me feel like I’m just stunting my entire life because of this unresolved inner struggle, and that makes me sad.

    • CW

      I think you sound like you’re not ready to take those steps. Maybe you’ll never be ready. I dated my husband for 8 years before being ready to get married – I just didn’t feel comfortable taking that next step, and it had nothing to do with him.

      I think you might want to talk with a therapist as to why you feel like you’d be “settling,” career-wise, if you got married or bought a house. Is it because you feel pressure to live up to stereotypical gender norms where the woman takes a backseat to the man?

      You should talk to your partner about your feelings – obviously not in an accusatory “I think marrying you would be a terrible decision and I would resent you” kind of way, but more of a “I feel a lot of pressure from my family and friends, and I’m just not ready” kind of way.

      • anon456

        I guess this is kind of it. I feel like I should be ready, but I’m not. Your advice on how to bring it up is really helpful because so far, I have been really terrible about talking about it with him. I’m starting to regret not finding time in the last thirty years to learn basic social skills. sigh.

        • fresh jd

          What would you say if he proposed to you now?

          What if you had a choice between a new job across the country (but your bf needs to stay put)…which would you choose?

          • anon456

            Well, he is currently in another city, because I left him behind to pursue my current job. But he’s planning on making the move in the somewhat near future. So, yes. I would take the new job and leave him behind.

          • Kontraktor

            Anon, if your boyfriend is ready to move cities for you but you would not do the same for him, I feel like you should spare him the effort and let him go. It just doesn’t seem fair. Why would you even want him to do that for you if you wouldn’t even consider doing the same for him? I certainly know I would have 100% wanted to know if my husband wasn’t ready to make the same compromises for me as I was for him.

          • 30

            Also agree with Kontraktor. And, when you meet the right guy, the type of sacrifices you are worrying about don’t seem that bad–or at least insurmountable. That’s not to say he’s not a great guy–but maybe this is a sign he’s not the guy for you.

          • CW

            I’m not sure if the OP is saying that she has already done this, or would do it in the future.

            OP – So, after he moves to your city, if you had a job opportunity in a different city that required you to move, would you move? Would you want him to move with you? And would you take him into consideration / discuss it with him when making your decision?

            Or, if he moves to your city, but then HE gets a job opportunity in a different city that requires him to move, would you move for him? Assuming that you could get a job, etc.

          • anon456

            Its not quite that bad. I moved to a city where both our familirs are. We would have both moved this way eventually. I just beat him to it. Also, if we were engaged or married, I would absolutely take him into consideration. I think this is all a matter of growing up and taking the big leap.

          • CW

            OP – in that case, I reiterate what I said earlier – I just don’t think you’re ready to take those next steps, and that’s totally fine. My MIL wants my husband and I to buy a house in the suburbs, preferably right next door to them, and she can just go on wanting that, bless her little heart. Just because other people want those things for themselves or you, doesn’t mean it has to happen. Or happen on their timetable. The key is to have honest (and tactful) discussions with your SO about where you stand.

          • Kontraktor

            Anon, I think the point still holds. Your boyfriend is willing to do something fairly serious to be with you that right now (and possibly in the future) you would not do for him. It just does not seem fair to me to string a person along like that. It sounds like his expectations of your relationship might be very, very different than yours. There is nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship to lead to marriage or wanting to just be somebody’s long term partner with little true serious commitment, but is this what he wants? Are you 100% sure of this?

            I realize that the only information I know here what little you have posted, so these thoughts are based off this information and your presentation. It just seems like you might not be on the same page right now because it seems he is willing to do a lot more for you than you for him. If you could be so happy without marriage, could leave this man again (as you have already done), and could be “perfectly fine if he wasn’t in the picture,” I feel you owe it to him to let him go and find somebody who does want him in the picture and is willing to make the priorities in life to do so.

            Additionally, a weight will be lifted off your shoudlers because you will no longer be burned by the thought or prospect of being ‘forced’ to consider somebody whose life and opinions you have less than serious interest in. It will be a win win, and you will be able to take further time to decide what priorities in life you do want to pursue.

          • anon456

            Kontraktor- is it not possible that two people grow differently over the course of seven years? This is something I struggle with. When we were younger, I wanted to move faster, and now that we are a few years older, he is ready to move faster. Do you think that because we are not at the same place right now, that I need to let him go right now?

            I also still struggle with this question of whether I could truly be so happy without marriage. I could. Sure, it wouldn’t be pleasant for a while, but realistically, yes, I think I could be a happy, fulfilled person if I did have to let him go for some reason. The fact that this is bad concerns me because the only time I have felt like I could not live without a boyfriend was really a really codependent and unhealthy situation, so maybe I am framing things differently.

          • CW

            anon456 – I know you’ve addressed this question to Kontraktor, but I’ll throw in my two cents: I don’t think it’s relationship-ending if you two are not on the same page right this very second, so long as you both are on the same page about not being on the same page. My DH wanted to get married before I did, and I just wasn’t there, and we’re now happily married. I think the point Kontraktor is making is that this man is willing to uproot his life for you (if, that’s in fact, what he’s doing, and he’s not just moving back to your city because his family is there and he would want to do it independent of you), which is a pretty selfless thing to do, and if you’re not sure of this relationship in the long-term (with or without marriage), then it IS selfish to string him along.

            TBH, I read your post as someone who sees her friends getting married, feels like she’s at that age where people get married / have babies / buy a house, feels like she’s not quite there yet, and is slightly panicking about whether this is what life really is and does she want it.

            As for your other point about being happy without marriage / your SO : I think it is perfectly rational to know that you would be happy without marrying this guy. I love my DH, and think/hope that we’ll be married until we die, but if we were to get divorced, sure, it would be hard for a while, but I’d find a way to be happy without him. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this way of thinking.

          • Anonymous

            Anon456,

            Yes, I do think you need to let him go because you aren’t in the same place right now. Whether he chooses to leave is a different question, but should be his choice to make. If he doesn’t know that you may never want to get married, or that given the right job opportunity you would move again, then I think you need to tell him that. He may say, that fits with his plans as well. But if your long term goals aren’t aligned, he should know. And then he can decide whether he wants to keep on with the relationship.

          • anon456

            Ok. To be clear to everyone, my SO knows the situation. He is still here. I am not holding anything back from him, though clearly je isn’t thrilled. This whole thread was about how to get over a mental block. Now I’m just depressed bc of all the posts telling me to let him go. Sigh.

          • Kontraktor

            Anon456, I don’t think anybody’s intent was to make you depressed. It certainly wasn’t mine. I think people are just trying to offer thoughts about how to parse the situation and help think about priorities, based on the information you have posted. It is tough to give advice on an anonymous internet forum where you do not know the person or their situation, but I think people’s advice has generally been sound based on the issues you were wanting to discuss. It seemed to me you wrote asking about how to think about making certain life decisions, which life decisions are important, and if you were normal for prioritizing those decisions are you are right now. I think people have answered to those questions touching on a lot of different factors.

            By the way, if it matters, I 100% agree with the commenter who said you need to be on the same page with your boyfriend about not being on the same page. It’s fine to be in different places, but he needs to know you are in a different place and be okay making his decisions about the relationship with that knowledge. It’s one thing if we wants to move or follow you or do XYZ thing if he 100% knows you may not be entirely vested. But, it’s another thing entirely if you haven’t been completely upfront and he is making these choices because he thinks you are in exactly the same place he is.

    • SF Anon

      Thanks for the post! I also struggle with feeling pressured to get married and buy a house. I could readily do both, but don’t want those things yet.

      What’s been helpful for me is to be honest about where that pressure is coming from. I used to think it was external, but at some point I realized a lot of it is internal because I’m both competitive and really hard on myself. If friends have houses, I either want a cuter house in a better neighborhood, or think I’m a failure and don’t have it together because I haven’t bought a place yet. My competitive drive and critical eye is great for my career, but it can be destructive when applied to other areas of my life.

      So…no advice here. But I think we should cut ourselves a break!

    • anon456

      Thanks everyone, for your helpful comments.

      I think the real issue here is I am having a hard time coming to terms with the finality of it all. I now live in a city with lots of family, and my SO is moving here soon as well. It is as if everything is aligning and I’m not quite ready for it, which is just making me freak out.

      The SO is a wonderful, wonderful man. And, to be fair, looking at this long list of questions, we are on the same page on many many issues. I think the anxiety of him moving, me turning 30, etc., has just made my anxiety go into overdrive and I’m worried about too many “what if’s.”

      Thanks, again, for reading my rambling!

      • Anne Shirley

        I get this way sometimes. It’s hard to realize that I probably won’t be jetting off to London, or living in Portland, or Charleston, and I don’t feel quite ready to settle down in my home state. Just feels too soon. I could afford to buy, and financially would be better off, but I’m renting because it just isn’t my time. I think this is a big part of growing up- embracing what you have, not looking for the huge changes, just welcoming them if they come. And no, I don’t think you and bf being on different pages is a problem, as long as you’re in the same book. Do you want to end up with him? If you do, I think its fine to have a bit of a struggle with expectations for a while.

      • ss

        In case you’re still reading, it may help to lighten the anxiety to know that for many people, having a wonderful SO in their lives actually enhances their career, rather than curtailing it. The security and support I get in my happy personal life has absolutely given me the confidence and appetite to take risks and excel in my professional one, and I know I am not alone on this one.

  7. Hunter

    TJ – Hoping someone can help advise…

    I’m trying to apply for a job listed online, but rather than request a cover letter and resume/CV, it says to contact the recruiter at the search firm for more information and details on the application process.

    Would you just send a brief, polite email saying you are interested and writing to request further information on applying? Or would you go ahead and send your resume along with a more formal cover letter (that details skills, experience, etc.) and closes with a request for more info on the application process?

  8. Crazy Anon

    It would be crazy to keep dating someone that was accused of stealing repeatedly from their retail job, right? Even if overall they seem like a pretty great person, and they have a weird blindspot about the gravity of this due to a stick it to the man mentality? Am I just mourning the loss of what looked like a promising relationship after two months? I feel crazy that I feel conflicted about this but I do. I’m in agony over this. Words of wisdom please.

        • J

          I would break up with him. If he steals what’s to stop him from lying and cheating, too? And even if he doesn’t lie and cheat, if he thinks stealing is ok his values are vastly different from my own.

    • K... in transition

      I’m gonna say that he’s gotta go… repeatedly is the key word here. It wasn’t a mistake once, it’s been numerous times. Worst case, he’s sorry about having kleptomania or something, but nope, you’ve said he doesn’t think this is a problem. This shows a likelihood the problem will continue. Besides, can you imagine him spending the night or the week at your place, you can’t find something, and now you have to wonder if you misplaced it or if he’s taken it? Ugh! That said, I am so sorry he didn’t live up to what you were hoping for.

    • DC Jenny

      Are you dating Troy from Reality Bites who thought the Man owed him Snickers?

      Honestly, this sounds like a person with gaps in his moral character, if he can rationalize stealing like that. I would not want to be in a relationship with someone if I didn’t respect his ethics.

    • Seattleite

      He wouldn’t just stick it to The Man – he’d stick it to anyone that he resented. Meaning, a wife or girlfriend, or even children, that he perceived as standing in his way. He is showing you who he is. Please listen.

      I think you’re mourning ‘what could have been,’ rather than a really great relationship. You don’t want someone who behaves well only when they feel like it; hold out for someone who behaves well even when the whole world is against him.

    • Solo Practitioner

      I think you need to figure out whether 1) he actually stole, and, if so, 2) why.

      If he stole because he thinks he deserves it, then how do you know he doesn’t have that attitude about you or other people in his life?

      I’m a criminal defense attorney. I’ve defended a lot of thefts. About 90% of felony thefts are actually because the thief is an addict. There might be more going on in this picture.

    • SF Bay Associate

      As a former retail slave, almost nothing would disgust me more (other than obvious things like felonies) than a repeated thief. Thieves are immoral cowards who should be ashamed of themselves. Just wait until he treats you with as much contempt as he treats our laws like larceny. DTMFA.

    • Constance Justice

      All things considered, do you still think he is a pretty great person even knowing that he has repeatedly stolen?

      Aside from the theft issue, your situation makes me think that there might be some serious entitlement issues that I’m not sure I would want to deal with down the road.

    • CA Atty

      Yeah, DTMFA.

      I dated a guy for a hot minute in college who delighted in telling me how his parents were gaming the welfare system. I (being young and dumb) tried to overlook that, but then it turned out he was actually gay but didn’t want his parents to know, so I was his beard. Once a scammer always a scammer.

    • Research, Not Law

      You need to be with someone who shares your values.

      Trust me. Been there, done that.

      • Crazy Anon

        Thanks all. This is what I need to hear. I’m not sure why this is so hard, given that I would never think this was acceptable behavior. I guess I’m just so disappointed because I was really excited about him before and having so much fun. Also I worry that I could like someone that would do this so much.

        • Jennifer

          I think first impressions can be really hard to move beyond. I dated someone who seemed really great for the first couple of months and ended up with a boyfriend who was really REALLY awful for over a year. It took a long time to get the favorable early impression out of my head and realize that the “bad” version was the real guy.

          Incidentally, if this helps: at the beginning of the relationship, this ex told me things that were questionable (for him, prior alcohol issues). I assumed he was a really honest guy because he copped to a big issue right up front. It bought him a lot of goodwill. Instead, it was a coverup for much larger (active drug/secret illegitimate kid) issues.

    • True confession

      I used to steal with some regularity when I was a kid. Not sure exactly why, but it was probably because I thought I could get away with it. Candy bar from the grocery store, a charm necklace from my friend, etc. It all ended when my mom found a dollar in my pocket and asked me where I got it (I confessed I had taken it from a neighbor). She took me over there red-faced, I apologized, and I never stole again.

      What I’m trying to say is that stealing is something that if you do at all, it’s when your 7 years old and are stupid and immature. When you’re a grown adult stealing, this is a serious problem. Leave him.

    • mamabear

      That is ridiculous. Feeling justified for stealing from The Man because The Man is The Man is the kind of attitude that will make him feel justified in cheating on you when you’re being a bitch, or because you got a promotion, or because his day sucked.

    • mamabear

      I’m in moderation because I used a bad word (but he deserves one.)

      That is ridiculous. Feeling justified for stealing from The Man because The Man is The Man is the kind of attitude that will make him feel justified in cheating on you when you’re being a b1tch, or because you got a promotion, or because his day suck3d.

    • eastbaybanker

      Man, that’s an awful thing to learn after 2 months, and it must be hard to process. But yes, that is a huge red flag. Actually, it is an entire parade of red flags, which signal immaturity, entitlement, and poor values. I think you can do way better.

  9. Wow

    Any recommendations on a good non-alcoholic drink to get at a bar? I am TTC and don’t want to cause attention to myself by getting something non-alcoholic. Anything that looks like alcohol but isn’t? I’ve basically been ordering sprite, which I don’t even like. Thanks!

    • TCFKAG

      Coke. Looks like a rum and coke. Sprite with a dash of cranberry juice. Club soda (if you like that sort of thing).

      Basically just ask the bartender to serve it in the tall skinny glass. :-)

    • Drink

      Club soda with a splash of cranberry and a wedge of lime, served in a rocks glass

      Ginger ale with a lemon wedge, also in a rocks glass

    • K... in transition

      I’m a non-drinker just because, but I often run into people who try to push me to drink, so I’ve learned to “fake drink” to avoid this. Anything with a stir straw in it is pretty much assumed to be alcohol or, if you have to order within earshot of others, order a shirley temple. Say you are in a silly mood or something. It’s so unexpected for a grown-up to order that people think you’re quirky and forget you’re not drinking :)

    • Wow

      Wow, thanks ladies for the speedy response! I really like the club soda/lime/splash of juice idea. I’m not a soda person at all, so I’ll probably skip the coke idea. I have ordered a virgin mojito and whispered it to the bartender but my friend heard and loudly exclaimed – why in the world are you getting a virgin drink??

      And stc, I hear you – I don’t drink all that often but I do love love red wine so it is hard just stopping altogether. I honestly think my husband could not drink for a year, but it will be harder for me! But obviously, totally worth it. :)

      • stc

        Awh, thanks! We live in wine country and not drinking this spring/early summer has been hard. I already decided that a favorite bottle of rose is going in the fridge when we leave for the hospital. Have a great pregnancy!

      • zora

        on the being overheard: the key might be getting away from your friends (or get there early) and talk to the bartender/server without anyone else around. Because then you can tell them to please give you ginger ale or club soda or whatever no matter what, but that you don’t want to tell your friends what you are ordering. Then if they come to the table you can just say “another please” and only they know what that means! ;o)

    • NoVAAtty

      My group are like hawk-eyes on the bump watch. I would raise suspicions even if I was drinking cranberry and sprite all night and calling it cranberry and vodka because, well, I’m not drinking beer. So if you are usually a beer drinker – beware! My new trick has been to order a beer in a can or dark bottle, pretend to sip it, go to the bathroom with it, pour out the beer, refill with water, then drink “the beer” full of water. I intersperse that with cranberry & sprite, and any kind of fruit juice with club soda.

      • TCFKAG

        Jesus.H.Christ, are your friends spies. Like are you actually in the CIA?

        Because can we talk about boundaries. Why don’t you just declare that you have an alcohol problem or that you’re trying to lose some weight or…I don’t know that your friends are in-f*cking-sane!? hahaha…that’s cray-cray.

        • cfm

          Dude agree. Also even if your friends thought that, if they are your friends, they should know to keep their mouth shut. The other night my friend didn’t drink. I think she might be pregnant. did I point at her and scream “OH MY GOD DO YOU HAVE A BABY IN YOUR BELLY” no. I thought “i wonder if shes pregnant” and at the very same time, thought “if she is not telling she isn’t ready to tell so i don’t say anything”

          Ive heard of fake drinking because you don’t want people at work gossiping. But if i had to PAY MONEY for a beer to throw out and fill with water to trick my friends, i’d rethink the friends haha. (also when you do tell them, you realize they are gonna be like oh jeez, she has been drinking beer!)

        • NoVAAtty

          I think it’s because 3 of them are pregnant already that everybody is looking for cues. And pre-pregnancy I was a decent drinker. It would be very odd for me to go out to eat, to a party, and not drink. If you have the same friends, you see every week, and all of the sudden you aren’t drinking – they will all know. But yes – it’s a little crazy of me.

          As to cfm – once 3 of your friends are pregnant already, I think the “boundaries” are down a little, and while they might not scream it out at a party in front of strangers, they might make little quiet comments to tease me , or give me “those looks” that they know. I think I do the fake drinking for myself – as in, I don’t want anybody to suspect so I can buy time until we’re further along. I don’t want everyone guessing until we’re ready to tell them.

          Ehh – one beer – $5. Not a big loss. If I wasn’t a big beer drinker, I would’ve gone with the fake juice drinks but everyone knows my intense love of the nectar of the gods!

        • Herbie

          This is ex-act-ly how I knew my last two close friends were pregnant. All it took was them not ordering a drink at one event. Or claiming to be on a diet and therefore not drinking. B-I, puh-lease. You can’t fool me. I watch Sherlock Holmes.

      • tika55

        My friends knew the truth about a day after I found out I was pregnant because I stopped drinking beer! Oh well.

        • TCFKAG

          My friends knew the truth about a day after I found out I was pregnant because I stopped drinking beer! Oh well.

      • shortiek

        Woah. That is intense.
        Why not say you’re on a diet b/c you’ve been eating tons of summer icecream or whatever, and you’re cutting back on beer? That has the added bonus of explaining away any small baby bump.
        I can understand not wanting to tell people right off the bat, but that seems like too much effort to me.

      • anon

        my husband has refilled his beer bottles with water for years at parties, rather than look around for a glass. always a surprise when I try to steal a sip of his beer!

      • NOLA

        That’s hilarious. I had a coworker years ago (love him still) who, whenever anybody was sick or had a doctor’s appt (male or female) would ask “Are you pregnant?” He was just being silly, of course, and it became the office joke. He was also known for walking out and throwing up his arms and saying “I’m fleeing this he!!hole” or saying “You’ve gotta stop smoking that crack.”

        • Anon in ATX

          One of my my male co-workers loves to do this! I’ve told him he is going to get himself in trouble one day. I can’t wait for the day he says this to me & I respond, “Yes, I am” and watch his reaction. It gives me giggles just imagining it.

      • Circe

        Heh, I might think “is she pregnant?” if you weren’t drinking, but I would definitely think “eeeeeew she brought her beer into the bathroom?!” under your described scenario.

    • Anon

      You know that drinking alcohol in moderation is perfectly fine when you’re TTC right?

      • Wow

        It’s probably fine, but I’ve already had one miscarriage. Not worth the risk. And more importantly, I may actually be pregnant right now – period is 7 days late, but I haven’t checked yet because I don’t want to be disappointed. Fingers crossed!!

    • J

      Club soda in a rocks glass with a lime wedge. Specify the rocks glass or it may come in an obvious soda glass. I also like club soda with mint, or mint and lime (basically a virgin mojito).

    • eastbaybanker

      If I’ve already had my 1-2 drinks at a work event, I always go for the club soda with lime. I also fondly remember a conference where everyone was getting sloshed and I wasn’t in the mood. I requested water in a martini glass with a twist! The bartender was happy to oblige.

      • karenpadi

        hahah I like this!

        Bartenders are generally really really cool about making virgin drinks (maybe they are sick of seeing drunk people all the time). Recruit them to your cause and tip them!

    • Houda

      In Morocco we have the same c*cktail names but add “virg*n” or “free” and it doesn’t have alcohol.
      Virg*n mojito has no alcohol, free margarita has all ingredients except alcohol… how about you try this option?

      • anon

        Well, I ordered a v*rg*in mojito once (I don’t like alcohol) and was handed a … well, completely, really, not v*rg*n one. Unfortunately, I didn’t stir it well and began sipping the very sugary part which hided the strong alcohol taste for a few sips. Then I realized … It was at a French bar and when I complained, the bartender got all snotty and dismissive because, of course, there was *no way* he could have make such a mistake. So I offered him a sip of it and his face felled off. Didn’t apologize, though, nor offered me the drink (he replaced it for free, though).

        I shudder to think that it could have happened to a recovering alcoholic.

        • Houda

          Scary indeed, I never considered the scenario of a recovering alcoholic.
          I would feel terrible causing someone to relapse.. his attitude is weird and rude.

  10. lawsuited

    I love this AT suit, and AT in general, but I’ve found that they don’t carry their full inventory in store, and I’m not able to shop online because I live in Canada (sadly, anntaylor(dot)com won’t accept Canadian credit cards or ship to Canadian addresses), so browsing their catalogue has become a heart-wrenching experience because more often than not I’m not able to purchase the items I fall in love with! Have any fellow Canadian corporettes figured out a solution to this AT dilemma?

    • Nonny

      I hear you, gurl. I am so over US retailers who won’t ship to Canada or accept Canadian money. Geez, guise, it’s not that hard.

      I have nothing to offer other than the occasional shopping trip Down South?

      • lawsuited

        Oh, I already hop over the border on the regular! AT often doesn’t carry all their suiting and dresses in store, especially not in a size 16, so it’s pretty hit and miss for me. I’ve thought about getting a P.O. Box in Buffalo and a U.S. credit card so I can shop on anntaylor(dot)com, katespade(dot)com and others, but I feel like that’s getting into scary shopaholic territory….

  11. Midwesterner

    Does anyone has tips for remembering to take your basal body temperature first thing in the morning? I got out of the habit and can’t seem to get back into it, maybe because I have the most scattered brain ever.

    • K... in transition

      what about an alarm on your cell to go off x number of minutes after your wake up alarm?

      • Midwesterner

        ahh, thanks! I will try it. I am so low tech but sounds like even I can manage that.

    • Diana Barry

      I put the thermometer on my nightstand right next to my alarm and glasses, so I would grab it while fumbling for my glasses (if I forgot to grab it first) and that helped to take it right away.

    • J

      I have an Android app called Sleep as Android. You can set it so that you have to play some sort of game or complete an action in order to turn off the alarm, so it knows you’re really awake. One of the possible actions is scanning a code with a QR reader. So you could maybe scan the QR code on the box your thermometer came in, or something?

    • yep

      I have it taped on top of my alarm clock. I replace the scotch tape around once/week. (I like to think I won’t be doing this for years…) It makes me stick it in my mouth the second I hit the snooze button…and if I can wait until it beeps, I let myself sleep for the next 8 minutes. :)

      Be careful on time – I’ve found even 1-2 minutes, especially after I’ve sat up, is enough to bring it up nearly a degree.

  12. KC

    Color Combo question-
    So i’m a terrible matcher, and today, i’m nervous that i look like a blast from 1992 or soemthing. I’m wearing a plain black ponte knit shift dress and a red cardigan over it. It’s like, christmas red – a very bright true red. I’m 26, and look younger, but i’m worried this is an old look. I usually wouldn’t care, but it’s my birthday and i’m going out to a nice big deal dinner tonight with the BF – i’m thiiiiiinking that this may be the night he asks a certain question…so, i’d rather not take pictures or whatever and look back at my outfit and hate it. So, be honest, is black and red together done? I can swing by ann taylor on the way to dinner for a replacement cardigan if need be, so any suggestions/recent cardigan purchases there appreciated (i’m a support staffer and NEVER have to wear a jacket, so honestly they are a waste of money/dry cleanign for me.)

    • K... in transition

      I’m not a fashion maven, but I see red and black done all the time… classic basic colors. Black paired with red to tone down the brightness of the red, red paired with black to give it a pop of color.

      That said, if you’re uncomfortable about it and it’s going to be a big night (for your birthday -HAPPY BIRTHDAY- and/or for the other thought), stop by the store and treat yourself :)

    • TCFKAG

      Instead of replacing the cardigan, what about buying a chunky necklace in a fun, contrasting color — like teal or turquoise or bright green. Or you could get a great new cardigan or something — depending on your coloring a light peach like this one could be lovely:

      http://www.anntaylor.com/ann/product/AT-Petites/AT-Petite-Sweaters/Petite-Cotton-Blend-Tie-Front-Wrap-Cardigan/276222?colorExplode=false&skuId=10763278&catid=cata000027&productPageType=search&defaultColor=1212

      But actually — I think the contrasting necklace might be more fun, reusable. And yes — on some people the red/black trend is a bit dated. But I honestly think the general rule is: if you were old enough to wear it the FIRST time, you shouldn’t wear it again. You’re young enough that the throwback look just makes you trendy.

      • TCFKAG

        Oh….how could I have forgotten.

        HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

        And I guess good luck, but don’t let the nerves of wonder *if* a certain somethings going to happen ruin the fun of your birthday dinner. :-)

    • soulfusion

      Agree with the others – I have no issue with black and red but if you are worried about it, splurge for your birthday so you feel great! A new cardigan, necklace or necklace could mix it up. Happy Birthday!!

    • Ru

      Yes, black and red together is done. In fact, I did it yesterday. Christmas red dress with a black pattern, black pants and a black scarf. And I didn’t feel like I was in 1992. Regardless of me granting permission to anyone to wear black and red together – it sounds like you hate your outfit. So change it! And you don’t need a cardigan or jacket (although nice looking polyester jackets can be machine washed) – you can get a nice scarf or shawl and knot it in a cool away around your neck. Or get a statement necklace or something.

      • Hel-lo

        Agreed! What about a skinny yellow belt with it? Or teal? That would make it more 2012.

        Happy birthday! And TCFKAG is right – celebrate and enjoy it regardless of what your BF has planned. :)

      • phillygirlruns

        +1. if you don’t love your combination, run out and change up the accessory. and happy birthday!

    • cfm

      So red and black are technically an older color combo, but its the style that really makes the outfit. I doubt your sweater and dress have shoulder pads and your still wearing a perm! I bet it looks sharp and great. You can 1) just take off the sweater 2) grab another sweater since youll prob always kind of use another sweater. but I think red will look nice in photos, and when your looking at the picture years from now itll look dated anyway! lol

    • zora

      according to the fashion magazines (that i read way too many of) Black and Red is a very French/Parisian thing, so you could just say you’re going for that! ;o)

  13. K... in transition

    Just browsed the Ellen Watch site for the first time and am feeling a little silly that, though the site itself is awesome, the thought I’m walking away with is that I kinda want the site’s guru to read my cards, even though I’ve always felt like I shouldn’t. I guess I’ve figured that the Universe tells me what I’m supposed to know when I’m supposed to know it, I shouldn’t ask for more.

    The only experience I have with the general area is when I worked as a radio DJ and we had a psychic on. She told me I’d be getting married “later” and the guy would have “dark hair.” Granted, I was 22 and single, so I have no idea if that was anything more than a fortune cookie would tell me.

    Has anyone had cards read or fortunes told or the like?

    • Always a NYer

      I had my cards read once while in high school. She told me I was a pro$titute in a former life. Okay then…

    • AIMS

      Yes!! Several times. Mixed results. Of the ones I remember – 1) was a woman whose apartment was filled with cabbage and who told me I would have a baby the next year. My grandmother’s friend swore by her. I was 19. Still no baby. 2) was a gentleman who read palms. He was awesome but very general “this is how you are” stuff. Uncannily accurate though. It was like speed therapy. 3) was a woman who tried to tell me that someone hexed me and I needed to bring her money and red candles to undo it (no, thank you). 4) was a $2 reading I did while waiting for my friend to show up. Apparently someone in CA is/was in love with me. 5) was probably the closest to effective – she told me that an ex and I would not ultimately work and that I would meet someone at around 25-27 that would be my one true love. I don’t remember what else, but that was not hard to predict when you’re dealing with a 20 yr. old.

      My thoughts – I like to do it for fun. I never spend more than $20 on it. I don’t go often. I don’t change my life as a result. But it can reveal things about you by how you react, what you secretly want, etc. And it’s an interesting diversion. If you want to go, try to get a referral from someone you trust so the person isn’t a complete a scam artist and is someone credible (even if you don’t believe – there are people who are more ethical than others in this business), and don’t spend a lot of money on this, whatever happens. I think of it like gambling – I am willing to spend a certain sum for fun, regardless of outcome. Anything else is a bonus.

    • ELLENWatch

      Well, I’m the “guru” you’re talking about here! Ha, what a thought. But I’m flattered that my references to Tarot inspired you, and even that you’d like me to read for you! It’s actually something I love doing for acquaintances as a way to get to know each other better, though of course there are all kinds of boundary issues and sensitivities to keep in mind, and I’m careful about who, where, how.

      I have actually never had a professional reading myself! It’s always been me and my mom, or me and my (former) teacher. A lot of my perspective comes from (carefully chosen) books. I agree with what others have said here, and would also add that whether you’re reading for yourself or asking someone else, you need to bring the right attitude and question. Anxiety and pressure usually won’t be productive, and by using cards to try to “see the future” you’ll just psych yourself out.

      Here are the kinds of questions I encourage instead:
      –“What should I focus on as I go into/look for/make a decision about X?”
      –“What can I use to get out of X situation or communicate better with X person?”
      –“What are my options with regard to X?”

      It can be really fun and eye-opening. Feel free to leave a comment on my site if you want any book recs. And thanks for reading!

    • FP Angie

      I did! She said I would marry and dark-haired man and have one boy and one girl… she’s 100% right, so far.

    • Jenna Rink

      I had a palm reading as a teenager where the reader “saw” that my mom had gone through breast cancer and told me she would get sick again but be fine after that. I couldn’t come up with any hints that he would have had about my mom’s health and was very impressed. Ultimately it did turn out that way, so I am pretty impressed. It remains to be seen whether his other predictions (three kids and two marriages) will turn out to be accurate…I hope not!

  14. Anonsensical

    PSA – Looks like LinkedIn was hacked and had a bunch of passwords stolen (article on CNN Money right now). Y’all might want to change yours.

    • InfoGeek

      Even more than changing your LinkedIn password, if you use the same password on other sites as you did on LinkedIn, be sure and change your password on those other sites.

      • Tuesday

        And if you’re using the same password on multiple sites, look into a password manager like LastPass so you don’t have to do that.

  15. Seventh Sister

    Question for Canadian Corporettes….

    I have a friend who is graduating from graduate school in Canada and want to get her a fabulous present. I was thinking of something like a leather notepad case or a cute, small clock for her new office.

    Do y’all have any suggestions for a Canadian department store that 1) ships to Vancouver and 2) has a reasonably generous return policy for online orders?

    I’m looking for a Bloomingdale’s or Nordstrom equivalent in BC. Thanks for any help.

    • linnet

      Well, there aren’t that many Canadian department stores, in fact your best choice may be your only choice. The Bay is online at http://www.thebay.com and has stores throughout Canada. I’ve ordered online and returned stuff to the store, but with a gift receipt, your friend would probably have to take a store credit/gift card from an online order return.

      Nordstrom’s ships to Canada but I’d say you’d have to be pretty confident in the gift as returns are a pain.

    • Nonny

      The other option is to call up a personal shopper at Holt Renfrew in Vancouver. You can’t really order online, but I am sure if you explain the situation and your budget, they could suggest a few options for you, send you pictures, wrap it all up and deliver it for you. They have really good personal service there.

      Of course, you could also just get me to go shopping for you. :-)

      • lawsuited

        If you’re looking for a leather notebook, clock or some other office accessory, I’d recommend Chapters(dot)Indigo(dot)com. They’re primarily a book store, but carry nice gifts too. They ship anywhere in Canada, and shipping is free is you spend over $25.00CAD. There return policy is 30 days, and merchandise can be returned to a store or through the mail.

        • lawsuited

          I meant Chapters(dot)Indigo(dot)ca. And their* return policy is 30 days. I’m embarrassed by my poor grammar.

          • AMB

            Chapters has some lovely stuff, otherwise Holts if you want to get her something a bit nicer and designer.

  16. ccstl

    Hi everyone. I am having such anxiety about potential jobs that I need some advice from an objective source.

    My problem is that I have an offer for a position 600 miles from home in a big city. However, I have had interviews with a couple of other places closer to home. Problem being that I have to tell the place that offered me by Friday whether or not I will take the job and none of the other places are ready to make hiring decisions yet (and they might not even offer to me, of course).

    I hate to turn down a job in this economy and I think it would be a great job for me, but I’m struggling to figure out what is more important: location, money, job duties/title, staying close to family, etc.

    What would you do?

    • TCFKAG

      How old are you? Could you afford to pay rent in Big City on the pay with the new job? Are you excited for an adventure?

      I’d probably take job in big city and have an adventure if you’re young with few things tieing you to home except comfort…but that’s me. But if you’re more settled and have like a family and a house and stuff, the calculus is more complicated.

      • ccstl

        I’m 26, I can afford the rent in the city, and yes, I feel like I’m ready for an adventure. But I’ve never been to the city (phone interviews) and I’m really close to family and have never lived more than a 5-hour drive away. I know I’m probably being a baby about this, but its my first big-girl job and I’m not getting much support (you know, the standard “you won’t make it,” “you’ll get homesick and quit” type things. I guess I just need to be strong and go.

        • CA Atty

          Um, I definitely think you should go if this is how your family is reacting. You need to get out on your own! Adventure! Stop letting the (loving) haters keep you down! :-P

          You know, it’s an adventure, it’s fun, you’re young. Do it. If you hate it? After a year, start looking for work back near your family. Seriously, that’s far away, but you can make it for a while. I moved 2,000 miles away for law school and 500 for college. Definitely good decisions for me even though I now live pretty close to my family.

          Go have some fun! :-)

        • TCFKAG

          You got this girl! I’d take it. First of all, you cannot be sure you’ll get either of the other jobs. Second of all, the good thing about being 5 hours away from your family is that you have to put on your big-girl underroos and just DO it. Its actually easier in a way!

          I’d do it. ITs time to cut the cord. For realsies!!!! YAY! Congrats!

        • J

          Take it and go. You’ll never gain self-confidence if you don’t cut the cord from people who don’t support you.

        • SF Bay Associate

          Go for it!!! Don’t listen to those negative voices. They are not helping you. They are probably just projecting their own regrets – maybe they don’t want you to go because they’ve never lived anywhere else and don’t want to face the idea that there is more out there than they will ever experience, or they went somewhere else and had a bad experience and are convinced it will be like that for you too because their experience is the be all and end all.

          You are young and smart and capable. Go and give it your best shot, and surprise yourself at how well you will do. You’ll regret the road not taken so much more. And odds are, there’s a reader of this blog who is in the big city where your new job will be, who would be happy to meet up with you and give you a tour of your new home.

        • Anne Shirley

          I wouldn’t take a job and move without going to the city. Can you tell them before you make your final decision you’d like to come out and meet the office in person? Or if that doesn’t sound possible tell them you’ve planned a visit to check city out and will let them know after that?

          • r

            I moved to DC without ever visiting, 5 years later I’m still here. I say, go for it! You might love it, or you might hate it, but it will be an adventure. There will be days where you’re crazy homesick, but there will be plenty of days where you don’t even think about home. Even if you end up not liking the city, you will learn so much from the experience and can look for jobs closer to home after a year or two.

        • Sydney Bristow

          I moved to NYC (from the west coast) without ever having been here before. I left a couple of boxes at my parents’ house that had notes on them saying they were ok to ship in 1 year if I was planning to stay. It doesn’t have to be a permanent thing. If you like the sound of the job and you are up for an adventure, it can be a lot of fun. It was actually the second time I had moved out of state sight unseen, so I already knew that I would be ok emotionally with the change. Knowing it wasn’t permanent and that I had committed myself to a 1-year adventure helped though.

        • Anon

          The best thing I ever did was leave my hometown for a big unknown in a big city. I wouln’t have grown up without it.

          Yes, homesickness happens. That’s what phone calls are for.

    • zora

      aw, you should give it a shot, girl! Just so you know, we all get nervous about new things and change, and anxious about starting a new job. Just cause you are nervous doesn’t mean you are too scared to give it a try.

      For another perspective, I have up and moved to different cities 3 different times (for different reasons), I guess because I just felt like it and I like cities. And, I have heard from both siblings and friends of the family (mostly people my age, but who have stayed in the same place they grew up) that they really admire me for taking the ‘risks’ to move to new and exciting places. So, take the opportunity to be the adventurous one in your family, because otherwise you might wake up 10 years from now and realize you never left the same place and you might wish you had at least given it a try!

    • ccstl

      Thanks so much, ladies. I think I really needed to hear these types of things from strong women like you all to solidify my decision!

  17. mamabear

    Dear Applicant,

    I agree, it was nice to meet you, too. I’m glad you took my business card and connected with me on LinkedIn. That shows initiative on your part.

    Now, given that my (very common) name is spelled correctly on both my card and LinkedIn profile, how much effort would it have taken to make sure you spelled it correctly in your letter to me?

    /end rant

    • TCFKAG

      Dear mama bear,

      Some of us are having very bad job-hunting weeks. Please cut us some slack.

      Love lots and lots,
      TCFKAG

      • TCFKAG

        Not saying I disagree, just saying I’m freaking out enough without worrying about all the mistakes I COULD be making. :-)

        • mamabear

          I hear you, T. It’s not uncommon for English to be someone’s second language in my field (mathematics.) However, my field also involves great attention to detail, so it’s a bit of a red flag for me.

      • KLG

        I’m with you this week, TCKKAG. Hang in there. I hope we both find something soon.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      If it makes you feel better, I have a very “female” name – not at all unisex like Jamie or Tayor, more in the vein of Rachel or Mary. Once after interviewing an applicant (wearing a skirt and heels!), I got a thank you note that read:

      “Dear Mr. [First Name]

      Thank you for the interview. It was excellent to connect with such a professional and strong person.”

      …what?

      • TCFKAG

        I would have replied. Actually I’m a Ms. But you are right, I am strong like BULL.

      • karenpadi

        I get this all the time from Chinese and Indian Attorneys. Maybe it’s a cultural thing?

    • DC Law

      I once wrote a nice thank you letter to “Erica” when my interviewer was “Eric”… did not get that job. One tiny letter mistake!

    • NOLA

      I was just ranting this morning that a vendor (whom I have never spoken to) emailed me twice to say that he was checking in because I’d been on his email list for months and he got my name wrong. Different form of my name but, seriously, you want to sell me something and you tell me nothing about your company or your products and you get my name wrong?

      • LR

        Seriously. I sent out a request for proposal and the guy repeatedly addressed me by the wrong name in his emailed questions, and his formal proposal was addressed to one of my coworkers with a similar name but who is, obviously, an entirely different person. Let’s say my name is Elizabeth Meyer. He kept emailing me as Lisa, and the proposal was addressed to Lisa Meier. I had to email him back to gently correct him so future correspondence would go to me and he seemed annoyed at me. Right, dude. But it’s hard to get mad at him when many of my coworkers do the same thing too. Ugh.

  18. First world problems

    Please help me with my hair. It’s curly, thin, and fine, and I have tried everything under the sun to make it have more volume. It’s already pretty short (shoulder length) and I don’t want it any shorter. I recently had a haircut and my stylist made it look fabulous (he used the Devacurl low poo and the Angell gel) but when I tried it at home it looked flat and stringy. It’s amazing how having a bad hair day puts me in a bad funk.

    Can anyone recommend specific hair products that work and don’t weigh down thin, curly hair?

    • AIMS

      Can you go to y0ur stylist for help? If it looked good once, it can again. The woman I go to has offered to have me come in so she can show me what to do with my hair. Maybe yours would do same?

    • Flamingo

      As someone who has thin, sad looking hair, I second AIMS’ suggestion. Call the stylist and ask to see if you can come in for a session on teaching you how to use the products. Even if he charges you (doubt it), it will likely be less than a cut and totally worth it.

    • a.k.

      Living proof products (the no-frizz leave-in conditioner, and the serum) plus a diffuser. You may have to play around with the quantity of product – it took me a few tries to get it right, and I still have to adjust when the seasons/humidity changes.

      • OP

        Thank you ladies. Maybe I will call my stylist. Living Proof products did nothing for me, unfortunately. I feel like I’m cursed with really problematic hair – it’s really frustrating considering how thick my hair used to be. I have a thyroid condition and am on medication and was hoping that it would fix the problem, but it doesn’t seem to be working. Sigh. Thsnka gain.

    • Bluejay

      Try Bumble and Bumble’s curl conscious line, in particular the Curl Conscious Styling Creme for Fine Curls. It’s awesome for hair like yours (and mine).

  19. JenK

    Corporettes, help!
    I’m going to a professional (academia) conference–on a cruise ship. Professors are generally not the trendiest crowd, so conferences are usually no problem, style-wise, but… The day that’s throwing me for a loop the worst is the day we have a shore excursion and presentations. I have a sundress that works well over pants (& is way too short to wear alone). It has skinny straps but the neck doesn’t scoop too low. My one problem with it is what to wear over it when we’re back on board & back in session. Does my jacket/sweater/blazer have to be as long as the dress’s hem? If anyone wears boleros anymore, I could get one to go with the empire waist, but I don’t want to look like a fashion freak or throwback. What do you suggest?

    • JenK

      When my comment finally gets out of moderation, could some of you with more experience here pls take a look & tell me what got stuck in the filters? Thanks!

    • karenpadi

      I wouldn’t worry about matching the length of the hem. If you are in the tropics, I’d tie a sarong around my shoulders for a tropical flair.

    • Bluejay

      I’d wear white linen or twill trousers and a brightly-colored, tailored blouse in a breathable fabric (if you don’t like white trousers, do a colored linen trouser and a more subdued blouse). Add a sun hat for the excursion. The dress over pants look seems, well, not professional at all and honestly it’s something I really have only seen on Muslim or Orthodox Jewish women in recent years.

      Talbots has a good selection of the type of pants I’m thinking of. Basically, what any of the models are wearing on this page would look perfect: http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?zoomImage=21016087_alt1&id=prdi28043&catId=cat80010&rootCategory=cat70008&sortKey=Default&conceptIdUnderSale=cat70008&section=Regular.

    • Hel-lo

      Boleros are still in. They’re called “shrugs” now. Perfect.

      Jacket does not have to be as long as the dress.

      I’m slightly concerned about this “dress over pants” business.

      • JenK

        Funny–I think of “shrugs” as the 50s term.
        Rethinking the dress over pants. I loved that look when it came out, but have been scared of it for so long I may’ve missed it. The dress is 6-8″ above knees, so no pants means I don’t get to wear it.

  20. SF CPA

    Getting over a relationship advice please…

    In January my boyfriend of 5.5 years and I broke up. To make a long story short for the last two months of the relationship he was trying to meet new women on line and started a platonic relationship with a woman, but was to scared to break up with me.
    For the most part, I think I’ve been doing a good job a moving on, but still have a lot of anger toward what he did to me. For some reason I give him a lot of credit for “moving on,” but I don’t give myself credit at all. I’ve started a new job (which I’m loving), been spending a lot more time with my friends, traveled more, so things have been great, but I still get angry.

    I don’t want to be with him at all, which was a great thing for me to realize, now I just want to get over everything. Does anyone have advice to move on?

    • 30

      In the wake of my worst breakup, I felt a lot of the same things. I realized eventually that what was really going on was that I was actually angry at myself for not realizing what a jerk he was sooner (I know, twisted Type A) and I really had to forgive myself for that before I could move on. I don’t know if that applies to you, but in any case I send lots of hugs.

      • SF CPA

        This is something I will definitely have to consider. I do find myself thinking about how come I didn’t pick up on this. I mean we were having issues but he kept saying we could work through them so I stuck around. I’ve also found out that he’s doing a lot of the things I would try and get him to do, i.e, going to festivals, hiking, etc. so I also ask why is he willing to do those things now but not with me.
        For my sanity, do you know about how long it took you to move on? Thanks for the advice!!

        • 30

          That’s exactly how I would have felt in your shoes. After I realized I needed to forgive myself, the healing process sped up a lot. But all told? At least six months. But whatever you do, don’t use The Jerk as your measuring stick. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things and you just need time.

        • zora

          why do you know what he’s been doing?! That is not helping! ;o) cut him off, un-friend on FB, ask friends not to talk about him, whatever. But you need some space, and knowing about these things doesn’t help you move on.

          • Hel-lo

            Yes, cut off contact. De-friend him. It’s like post-mortem after a big exam: Talking about the questions will just make you feel worse. (Pay attention, Bar studiers.)

            This website, recommended by a ‘rette, really helped me last year: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk.

        • Seattleite

          Keep in mind that he’s still in “look like a good catch” phase, so of course he’s going to do things like go to festivals, hiking, etc. He needs to prove he’s fun! and interesting! to the available female population.

          And then…when he ends up in a new relationship, after 2 years or so the limerance will wear off and he’ll settle into his boring couch potato routine and *she’ll* be trying to get him out the door.

          Not that I’ve noticed that scenario playing out with my own XH, or anything…

      • CW

        I agree with this – forgive yourself, and also allow yourself to mourn the relationship and the “what ifs”. It’s okay to feel a sense of loss after a relationship ends, even if they ended poorly and you want nothing to do with the person.

        And 6 months isn’t that long – heck, I was mad at an ex for years!

  21. anon

    Can anyone recommend a nice all-inclusive resort in Cancun? We are planning a trip, just want to lay around and relax in the sun.

    • loved it in december

      If it’s a couple’s trip, I’d recommend Valentin Imperial. It’s about fifteen minutes south of Cancun. For general research on the different resorts, check out the tripadvisor website. There are photos that visitors take, not just the management’s glamour shots.

  22. sorry in advance for the novel

    Regular poster, anon for this. I don’t know if it’s a vent or if I’m begging for advice from people wiser than myself. It may be too late to get much feedback, but I really don’t know where else to turn.

    I am employed (for the next few weeks–I’ve accepted a position at another organization, everyone knows I’m going) by Nonprofit X, to provide a niche service to the clients of Nonprofit Y. I spend one day a month at Nonprofit X’s offices, and the rest of my time at Y; my direct manager is at Y, although there is a director at X as well, obviously. X has been going through some significant upheaval and transition, including a leadership change. The result of all of this will have a fairly major impact on Nonprofit Y’s services. Both myself and my manager at Y have been frustrated with X’s level of communication for months now.

    Late last week, I got an email from the director of Nonprofit X, saying that the position at Y would be cut. I’m already leaving for another job; this will not affect me personally. But it will obviously affect Y. I immediately informed by manager at Y; it didn’t say anywhere in the email that I should keep this information to myself (and I read it carefully, to make sure).

    I took about 30 minutes to get out the angry crying in the bathroom, take deep breaths, and compose a list of questions and talking points so that I wouldn’t get off-topic or overly emotional, when I called the director of X to discuss the email. Basically, I know I have a temper, and I did not want, in any way, to have my anger come across in my phone call. This is what happened. I asked my questions; they were answered; my internal reaction: it sucks but oh well, them’s the breaks; and then it all went to hell. The director of X was scheduled to come meet my supervisor at Y face-to-face this week, for the first time. I mentioned (honestly meaning this as a “make sure you’re prepared” type thing) that she felt that [specific things] A, B, and C had been mishandled, and that if X wanted to maintain a relationship with Y, that he should be prepared to do some damage control.

    The director of X then went off on me. Basically, he said I didn’t know what I was talking about, that was in no position to judge anything Nonprofit X does, and that I was being unprofessional and overly-emotional. I tried to end the conversation several times, because I didn’t think it was productive (and I’d gotten the answers I needed, and said what I thought I’d needed to say), but he continued on with his tirade. Fun times. I looked over my talking points afterwards (which I followed), and shared them with a (very) few (very) trusted coworkers; no one could figure out what had prompted such a strong response.

    Today was the meeting. I resolved, ahead of time, that I would be polite and professional, and above all, not react if he started in again. If he tried to yell at me again, I would not respond (not that I argued back on the phone). Things seemed to be going okay, but then, once my direct supervisor had left, he started in again, and said that if I wasn’t already leaving, he would initiate proceedings to fire me for. And that I should be grateful he was giving me this feedback. I stuck to the plan and didn’t react. But I am just so, so shaken.

    Ladies, I never in my life thought I would ever, ever have someone threaten to fire me. I’m under no delusions that I’m a perfect employee–I’ve made mistakes, I’ve done things wrong, I’m sure I’ve made people angry. But when this has been brought to my attention, I’ve done my level best to resolve it professionally. I don’t back-talk my supervisors. I don’t get defensive if they tell me I’ve done something wrong. I really, really, really try to listen, and improve on everything that I can. I have had good relationships with every manager or supervisor I’ve ever had, regardless of how much I like them as people.

    So I guess I’m just struggling to process work through how confused and hurt I am. I don’t really know what I’m looking for here. I can’t figure out what I did wrong.

    • EC MD

      It sounds like there’s a complex dynamic between X and Y that I probably don’t understand fully. A few thoughts:

      1) Is Guy from X taking something out on you because you are an easy target, you are aligned with Y and you’re leaving? It’s easy to threaten to fire someone when they already have their foot out the door. Sounds like sour grapes to me.

      2) Does X want to extricate themselves from Y and you are making it more difficult? Not that this is your fault, AT ALL, but maybe there’s a power play that’s going on behind the scenes.

      Mostly, I’d got home, Say Fooey and move on, have a glass of wine and be glad you are getting out of that place. Sounds like it’s the exact right time, and that if you didn’t have another opportunity lined up life would not be great right now.

      My sense is that this is not about you and one of the things that I really struggle with is not over-analyzing things like that.

    • SAB

      So many things could be going on that don’t actually have anything to do with your performance. Perhaps he’s upset too about cutting services and has to give the standard company line, maybe he’s just mad that you are leaving, maybe it was his fault that these issues were mishandled and he’s furious you pointed them out, maybe his dog died and he is taking it out on you, etc. You’re leaving, he can’t touch you. If there was anything constructive he said that you can use for your future career, take that under advisement. As for the rest, put it out of your head and move on. There was a reason you took another job, now you just have one more reason to be happy you did.

    • TCFKAG

      Girl. You are LITERALLY at that stage at a job where your an say, completely straight faced “What is the worst thing you can do to me, fire me?” You are letting this man have too much power over you. Who knows what his problem is but in all likelihood it will blow over in a couple of days.

      JSFAMO.

    • zora

      i totally know how you feel, and I tend to internalize these things into fears that I am doing something wrong and get all anxious myself all. the. time. But resist the urge! This is inappropriate behavior for a director, no matter *what* you were doing! It is never good supervision technique to yell at people and make them feel bad and leave them confused about what you are talking about. So, please try to convince yourself that this is his problem, and you are not doing anything wrong, and that you tried really hard to do the best job you could, and that is all anyone can do.

      And JSFAMO! {{and i know it’s not easy, but try anyway, and HHuuuuggssss}}}

    • Anon 3L - GRADUATED!

      If it were me, I’d probably have a conversation about all of this with my direct boss/supervisor. I would frame it such as – “Not sure what’s going on here, but this guy basically threatened to fire me if I weren’t already leaving. I was under the impression that I’ve done good work here, and so I’m confused as to what’s going on and if I need to worry about it.” I would not let him get away with threatening to fire you and not inquiring about that threat up the chain.

  23. zora

    Ok, whomsoever is responsible for putting the carton of Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups back in my desk drawer WITHOUT securing the lid, thus resulting in the carton falling and the last 4 Peanut Butter Cups falling onto the floor when I attempted to lift said carton out of my drawer …. is *fired.* (sadface)

        • zora

          Yeah, I know, i reeeeallly thought about that.. and normally I am head cheerleader for the 5 second rule, but in my office (and w/ carpeting and inconsistent vacuuming) it kind of grossed me out, and I couldn’t bring myself to do it… grrarrr…

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions