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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 147 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Ann Taylor

Suit of the Week

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womens-suits-1For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. I'm not particularly a fan of the way they've got this styled… but considering the really positive reviews (from one woman, looking for a “jacket to channel Coco Chanel:” “This. Is. It.”), as well as the reports that it was mostly sold out in stores, I think this suit is a winner. I like the three-quarter sleeves, the rounded collar, and the fact that it does look a lot like a Chanel, but without the boxiness. The jacket (Fringed Tweed Jacket) is $178, and the skirt (Fringed Tweed Skirt) is $88, but today you can take 25% off two full-price items (or 40% off 3+ full price items) with code STYLEIT. (So: if you just buy the suit it comes to $199, and if you buy the suit + a third full-price piece the suit comes to $159.)
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Comments

  1. Ellen

    I LOVE Ann Taylor!

    Frank is being VERY nice to me, b/c I brought in a BOX of Egg Matza’s, and butter. He love’s them so he has come in to visit already 2x BEFORE lunch!

    Nowthat it is AFTER lunch, he is ALREADY back and the Box is almost all gone! That is OK, b/c otherwise my tuchus will be fat if I eat them. FOOEY!

    Even the manageing partner is snackeing on them. He made alot of crumbs in my office, and the cleaning peeople are not comeing in until TONITE. I hope there are NOT any bug’s around — or mice! DOUBEL FOOEY!

  2. Hollis

    TJ – if you are leaving your firm as a senior associate because you are unlikely to be promoted to partner (not for lack of effort/ability but because the department is slow and top-heavy) and because the current pay is below market, what do you tell your interviewers as the reason why you are looking to leave? I don’t want to mention compensation, but it is the primary driver in my case and Sheryl Sandberg talks about the need for “authentic communication.” Thanks.

    • Pancakes

      I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that you are looking to leave because you don’t see the ability for upward growth there. As an interviewer, I think that’s a valid reason and would like the fact that the interviewee showed desire for improvement and to stay with the (new) company for a long time.

  3. AIMS

    I really like this but a part of me feels like if I wore both pieces together as a suit, I would feel very “lady who lunches” or maybe just kinda un-hip (for lack of a better descriptor). How would you ladies style it to make it a bit more youthful/modern?

    • Sydney Bristow

      I think I’d probably only buy the skirt, which I love, but I don’t think it looks too “lady who lunches” in the middle picture with the jacket open. I think jacket open, fun shoes (though not the ones they picked) and a statement necklace would help.

    • JessC

      I would avoid an under layer and accessories that were light/pastel. I think either a royal blue or a vibrant orange could look really great.

      • KC

        Bright raspberry or blue came to mind first, but I agree. With color underneath this would be a great look.

      • a.

        Yup. Bright or heavily-saturated color underneath (I’m seeing emerald green), statement necklace, and fun shoes. Not a wearer of suits, but I’d rock that–I think it would look modern, but classic.

    • Anon in NYC

      I kind of love this, and agree with Jess C’s comment about a brighter color. I think orange, a brighter pink, or even black (in a lighter fabric) would work well.

        • Leigh

          I was thinking about you when I was in Edinburgh last week! I saw your comment on the weekend thread about the lady in the fleece blanket, and wondered if it was my mom. hahah. She had a fleece cape on (that pretty much looked like a blanket.) It was far colder than I expected when we were there!

          • Cb

            Ha, the cape was pretty wise. It’s been miserable, last year it was 20C, now it’s snowing. Did you have a nice time? What did you do / see?

          • Leigh

            Yeah, it was freezing. When we left home it was 90F, and then to get there and it be that cold was a shock! (Even though I expected it!) We did have a nice time. There was a large group of us so I didn’t get to do nearly the amount of things I would have liked to, but we saw a few castles in the area, including Edinburgh, and walked part of the Holy Mile. The fudge from the Fudge Kitchen was amazing, and I am already lamenting not getting a Hobbs skirt I saw in one of the thrift stores on the Holy Mile. Definitely a place I want to get back to.

    • V

      I have this jacket in wool from many seasons ago and it my favorite jacket ever. I am 5-4 and the 6P fit me perfectly (I ordered the 8, 8P, 6, and 6P). I am have a very high waist FWIW.

      I love this. If we weren’t under a freeze warning, I might pull the trigger (heck, I might order anyway to try on).

    • Nonny

      I saw this in-store last weekend. While I am looking for a nice, Chanel-style jacket for work purposes, I ruled this one out because I thought the rounded collar seemed a little young (I’m only in my late 30s, but still…), and I thought the colour would probably wash me out. I would still have tried it on if it weren’t for the collar, though.

      • @Nonny, from MJ

        Nonny,

        Can you comment whether this is a beige, cream or greyish color? It’s really hard to tell online. If cream or grayish, it’d work on me, but taupe or beige and I would look like death walking. Thanks!

        • Nonny

          It’s an ivory/cream/beige tweed. Not grey at all, and not white.

          It’s actually quite a pretty fabric but would definitely need a contrasting colour to be worn with it in order not to wash out those of us who are fair-skinned….

      • TO Lawyer

        I have similar reservations about the colour – I feel like this would look so much better in a darker colour or in a heather grey.

        • magpie

          So true! Ann Taylor, heed our cry!

          (Though tbf, if you ask me everything always looks better somewhere in the spectrum of charcoal to heather grey.)

    • mascot

      I had a couple fo the tweed suits from AT from their spring line years ago that look like this. I always got compliments on it and the quality was good. It’s possible to punch them up with the right accessories.

    • Clearly Speaking

      I am far older than the average reader and I feel this jacket is just too matronly for even me.

  4. kerrycontrary

    Ugh those shoes are horrible with the suit, but I agree that it does have a Chanel look to it.

  5. Maru

    I love this suit. Does anyone have anything similar from Anne Taylor ? How does the sizing run?

    • Suzer

      I have an older AT boucle “chanel” jacket that I’ve worn a lot. I find the sizing runs slightly large. I’m at 8/10 in BR or J Crew (depending on the item), and a 6/8 at AT.

  6. meme

    I really liked the skirt until I clicked the link and realized that at 21″ it is way too short for me for work. I like the 23 1/2″ length of the JCrew #2 pencil skirts. Anyone have a favorite in approximately 23 1/2″ that’s appropriate for summer? I love the #2 in wool, but not so much wrinkly cotton.

  7. Accidental Pregnancy

    Hey, sorry to threadjack, but I need some advice about what to wear with a suit…

    I am about 16 weeks along and haven’t told work yet. All my suits fit (zip, button, etc) and with the jacket buttoned, I’m not showing. But with the jacket unbuttoned and a blouse tucked in, its much more obvious. I have several meetings and events soon where a suit is necessary and I’m not sure what to wear under the suit. I don’t like the idea of keeping my jacket on and buttoned all day bc some of these meetings are very long and 1) its uncomfortable/hot and 2) the men will all take their jackets off and roll up their sleeves and I will be stuck looking like an interview candidate. Could I possibly wear an untucked blouse and then take my jacket off? Would not tucking with a suit just look bizarre or sloppy?

    Would love to hear what other women have done during pregnancy and especially the early/middle part of it. Thanks so much in advance!

    (also, I’d love to wear a straight- fit sheath with a bright cardigan, as that’s what i’ve been wearing to work, but these meetings really call for a more traditional suit).

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I wear nice t-shirt shells untucked if they do not hang below the jacket. You can’t tell when you have the jacket buttoned usually and it just looks a little more casual when you unbutton the jacket. This works well though with more fitted shells that stay in place and don’t slide around as you are moving.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I want to add that I’ve never been pregnant. This is just how I dress sometimes.

    • Anon in NYC

      I think that you can get away with wearing a looser blouse untucked under a suit jacket if it’s not too long, but depending on the shirt, you could run the risk of looking more pregnant. I think that this looks off with blouses that are designed to be more fitted or crisp, like a button down. If you do go down this route, I think it looks like strange with a pants suit versus a skirt suit.

      Can you wear a sheath with a blazer for a more traditional look?

    • Anonymous

      Can you do the sheath with a blazer? I wear untucked blouses with suits plenty, you just dont want them longer than your jacket.

    • Margaret

      If I were you, I’d wear one of the shirts that has an elastic, low-waist hem. I know there is a technical term for this, and that’s not a great description, but it’s the best I can do while blanking on the right name. It doesn’t need to be tucked it, and it creates just a bit of bunching and room over your small bulge so that it’s not obvious whether it’s shirt or bump. I had a few maternity tops like this and found that they disguised the best out of any thing I had.

      Here is a sample of what I mean about the hem:
      http://www.bonanza.com/listings/KIMCHI-BLUE-Blue-Floral-Elastic-Hem-Cap-Sleeve-Fitted-Bust-Blouse-L-12-14/94632791?gpid=21297750541&gpkwd=&goog_pla=1&gclid=CPvrgPvFnbYCFcme4Aod3kYA-Q

      • Lyssa

        That’s a perfect idea. I had a couple of those that I wore very long into my pregnancy, and I looked not-pg for a much longer time in those than anything else.

        That said, OP, you are going to have to tell everyone eventually.

    • V

      I think that an A-line skirt may work with whatever you wear on top, but it may make you look fat. Otherwise, it becomes harder and harder to hid that only one part of you is bigger. At 16 weeks, you may just look pregnant (and people may think that), even if you are not exploding out of your clothes.

      I found that open jackets were more obscuring of the bump. It wasn’t obvious from the front on me the way it was in profile.

      Everyone always knew when I was pregnant, but was polite enough not to ask. Maybe this is the key: are your people polite or likely to blurt something out.

    • Accidental Pregnancy

      Thanks all, these are great suggestions.

      I do love sheaths, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable going sleeveless at some of these things and I’d like the opportunity to take my jacket off.

      I think I’ll go with a straight fit skirt suit and look for one of those blouson tops (awesome idea!) to wear untucked underneath. That way I can at least unbutton my jacket and maybe take it all the way off (especially when sitting).

      Oh and as for showing- I hear you V, my days hiding things are definitely numbered. I do think it’s not obvious to others though, based on reactions from people I’ve told. I told my mother last week after we had been hanging out all day and she was totally shocked (and she definitely notices whenever i gain weight). I told my best friend at work the other day (our offices are next to each other, we see each other constantly) and her jaw dropped. But it’s definitely true that I will need to bite the bullet sooner rather than later.
      Thanks for all the great suggestions.

      • Westraye

        I agree with Margaret – I starting showing early, and the blouson tops were by far the best at camouflaging it when wearing a suit.

      • Justine

        Would a Belly Band help? Unfortunately, I don’t know the best brand to buy.

    • Nonny

      I think this is one scenario where the peplum trend could work in your favour. A peplum top would look nice under your suit jacket and fantastic with a straight/pencil skirt, but has the advantage of looking deliberate where an untucked blouse could just look sloppy. Something to think about.

  9. Special Snowflake

    Has anyone had major discrepancies w/ your husband (or co-habitating SO of any sort) about when to get up in the morning, and how did you deal with it?

    I have to get up much earlier than my husband, and he can’t stand it. He even suggested sleeping in another room. We’ve only been married 2 years so I don’t want to see it come to that so quickly! FWIW, he is not *just* being a cranky little baby, he does have trouble sleeping due to a chronic illness, and tends to sleep the best in the mornings, so I really am robbing him of some sleep, so telling him to suck it up is probably not going to help.

    earplugs? king sized bed? or are we really going to start sleeping in separate rooms?

    • I'm Just Me

      I need to get up hours before my dh. I minimize the noise I make, quickly turning off my alarm (no snooze button). I have my clothing and accessories laid out the night before, so I can just grab them and go into the bathroom to get dressed. I shower at night–by choice, I would do that even if waking him were not an issue, so I do not have the noise from the shower or the blow drier to contend with, but if we did, I would keep my shower short and use the dryer in another room.

      We’ve been married 29 years. We do have a king sized bed, but I’m not sure how that is relevant to the early morning rising difference.

      • Special Snowflake

        re: king sized bed- we only have a full, so we are literally touching. I think when I wake up and leave the bed that’s the thing that disturbs him the most- once I’m in the other room showering etc I don’t think it’s a problem. That the the actual alarm going off, I think.

        Someday when we have a room bigger than 12×12 we are going to get a king sized bed…

        • goldribbons

          We’re in a 8’6″ x 12′ bedroom and we have a Queen. Maybe that’s an option? You said you have a Full and are considering jumping to a King which is a huge jump.

        • goldribbons

          Also, could you move pillows into your spot when you get up, so your husband doesn’t suddenly feel a draft of cold air? If your bed were any bigger, I would suggest sleeping with a body pillow between the two of you.

        • anon in-house

          They have special wristband vibrating alarms or a cell phone under your pillow set to vibrate on alarm. That would minimize noise. Full def sounds like way too small of a bed to avoid the disrupting movement issue though. My SO and I sleep in a Queen and even that would be hard to avoid waking a light sleeper, I’m afraid.

        • Saacnmama

          If what wakes him is you actually getting out of bed, why not do it in stages?

          Get enough sleep so you might wake before the alarm, use a cell phone on vibrate to wake yourself, then disentangle one bit at a time, making sure he’s back asleep before the next step. Have your things laid out in the other room.
          Would he like it if you returned to give him a gentle kiss on the cheek goodbye?

          • n.

            My SO often tucks the blanket in around me after he gets up so I don’t get suddenly cold, which is sweet!

        • Ms. Basil E Frankweiler

          Re: The mattress

          If you’re going to get a new one, may I suggest memory foam. Those “wineglass on the bed” tests always looked hokey to me…until I got memory foam. Now I can’t go back to any other mattress. If you have an American Furniture Warehouse near you, their store brand is amazing (and amazingly cheap!).

          • SoCalAtty

            Agreed! Go get a Queen memory foam. We have one in a room that is actually smaller than what you’ve got. That helps. My husband actually gets up at 5am, and I don’t get up until 6:30. What drives me crazy the most is when he hits snooze 2-3 times. By then, I’m up! So I’ve told him to just set the alarm to whatever time he actually has to get up, and get up.

            He does have clothes in another room so he’s not digging around to find anything. I’m trying to get him into the habit of putting his shoes on last. We have wood floors and boots are really loud, especially since it sounds like he just walks laps around the kitchen island.

            Flip the covers back when you get out of bed. My husband always flips the blankets back to get out and leaves me there freezing until I wake up enough to move them back.

            I would say the memory foam bed and a quiet alarm (radio, if that will wake you up) should be a good start!

        • Anonymous

          We slept in a full the first year, and finally were like this is crazy, we need a new bed. so I was like, A KING BED. We ended up getting a queen from a friend instead, and when we decided I was kind of like ugh, the 6 inches is NOT going to make enough of a difference. Let me tell you, it makes such a difference!! You can certainly fit a queen in a 12×12, I think it will make a big difference if what wakes him up is you getting out of the bed.

          • Special Snowflake

            We could fit a queen, but not a king- there is a giant radiator, and three doors (we live in an early 20th century walk-up in the Boston area.. so no, it is in no way a normal bed room) that actually make the room a lot smaller than 12×12 in terms of bed positioning. We have one of the doors blocked by furniture as it is. Someday…!

            The vibrating cell phone alarm sounds like a good idea!

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’m similar to I’m Just Me above. I currently have to get up at the same time as my boyfriend, but I used to get up much earlier than him. I shower at night and lay out my clothes the night before, mainly because I like to sleep as long as possible in the morning. The one thing I had to change was hitting the snooze button. Since I was the one getting up first, I never allow myself to hit it. It’s actually a good thing because I was a snooze button addict for a long time.

      Luckily it hasn’t become an issue, but we’ve talked about the real issue being if I have to get up something like 30-45 minutes before him since he doesn’t typically fall back asleep that fast. I think if it comes up and is something that bugs him, I’d probably get up a little earlier than I’d typically need to so that he’d have enough time to fall back asleep. In my example, it would be about 15-30 minutes earlier than I’d normally get up but I could change my routine up a little and start eating breakfast at home, checking my email, etc. I’m not sure how we would work it out if he needed much longer than that. We don’t have any other bedrooms, so aside from sleeping on the couch which is out of the question there aren’t really any other options.

    • CKB

      I always get up earlier than my dh – hours earlier on the weekends. I’m pretty lucky in that dh sleeps through most things, and if he does wake up he easily goes back to sleep most of the time. I do much of what I’m Just Me does – sometimes I even wake up before the alarm so I can turn it off. I also have a tiny flashlight keychain on my dresser that I sometimes use to find things in my drawers. I also always fold things the exact same way so when I get dressed in the dark I don’t put my shirt on backwards.

      Sometimes on the weekend I get up, go for a run & he doesn’t even realize I’ve been gone when I get back (unless the kids were bugging him).

    • S in Chicago

      The Jawbone Up activity tracker is a wristband thing that you can set to vibrate on your wrist so you don’t wake up your spouse (I’ve been focusing on use for weight management but it’s a side benefit). Can you move all of your work clothes into a guest room? I did that and use our guest bath in the a.m. and it minimizes disruption as well. I also wouldn’t be so opposed to the separate bed thing occasionally–like certain weeknights or before big meetings or what have you. It doesn’t mean there is no snuggling. Just that there is respect for sleep. Seriously, nothing less romantic than being too exhausted and grumpy to get through the day.

    • n.

      My SO gets up at least an hour earlier than I do, pretty much every day — he’s a natural early riser and just needs slightly less sleep than I do. He dresses in another room with clothes that he’s laid out before (or waits until I get up later to dress) so that he’s basically just waking up and leaving the room with no disturbance. Typically he wakes up at sunrise of his own accord, but on days that he needs to set an alarm I do find it pretty annoying (although I can typically go back to sleep). I’ve been thinking of suggesting something like a Jawbone bracelet that vibrates to wake up the wearer as an alternative to an alarm clock that wakes us both up.

      • anon

        My husband gets up hours earlier than me, and sometimes I wake up to him literally scratching his belly for 10 minutes in the closet. It makes me laugh, and I easily get back to sleep, but it would infuriate me if I was a difficult sleeper.

        • Tired Owl

          Somehow, the mental picture I get is that you and your husband are giant cats. You still curled up and snug in bed, maybe cocking an ear in his direction, while he scratches at his belly. It seems adorable. (Sorry, I have a kooky imagination– I am not trying to make fun.)

    • Scully

      You could try a vibrating alarm clock (link to follow). Or a foam mattress.

      I also dream of the day our room is big enough for a king size bed. It makes a significant difference for me because SO is a restless sleeper.

    • SC

      I also get up before my husband. We have a memory foam mattress, which, besides being very comfortable, minimizes the amount we disturb each other we get in and out of bed. (Typically, he lays down with me for a bit, gets back up for a few hours, and comes to bed a few hours before I wake up.) Also, I use the closet in our guest bedroom/office and have my dresser in there as well, so after I’m up, I really don’t need to go into the bedroom too much. If that’s a possibility, maybe the night before you could lay out your clothes, as others suggested, but also place them in another room and get dressed there. (I’m not sure of your living situation, but we do have a pretty spacious apartment in our current city. This would not have worked in our former NYC apartment.)

    • big dipper

      All of the comments here have great suggestions, but I think you won’t be able to solve the problem until you figure out what wakes him up. For example, noise wakes me up. I have a bunch of loud, night owl roommates so ear plugs have been a life saver for me. Whereas my BF is woken up by movement, so when I get out of bed to get up early, or go to the bathroom, it’s the change in mattress pressure that wakes him.

      Once you figure out what it is that’s waking him, you can implement some (or all) of the solutions.

  10. Anon

    Question – what would you do if you found out that your friend’s SO committed a sexual crime a few years ago? Without getting into too many details, essentially he was arrested and pleaded guilty to something that involved voyeurism, teenaged girls, a video camera and a public place. My friend simply mentioned that he was on probation and couldn’t leave the state (as a reason for why he could not visit us with her), and a very quick google search revealed the reason why. I’m particularly bothered because a) both my friend and I have baby girls and b) he committed this crime while she was 9 months pregnant. Do I tell my friend I know what he did? Not say anything at all? It’s not really an issue now but I really don’t think I want my daughter around him in the future. And frankly I’m concerned for her, not her safety per se but basically why she is continuing to stay with this man who isn’t so great in other facets of life either.

    • Special Snowflake

      Personally I always tell my girlfriends when I have doubts about their SOs. This would cast a lot of doubt for me, to say the least. You’re also totally within your rights to request that he not be allowed near your daughter, if he is a convicted s*x offender.

      • Anon

        I don’t think he is technically a sex offender … seems he pled guilty to something along the lines of invasion of privacy and evidence tampering. But I agree that my daughter comes first and if I’m not comfortable with him being around her that’s my call. However I tend to be very non-confrontational with things because I don’t want to be seen as making a mountain out of a molehill… but I think this is a significant issue.

        • anonwaxer

          I’d be kind of surprised if ‘no contact with minor females’ wasn’t a condition of his probation, actually.

    • goldribbons

      If your friend’s SO is her child’s father, I would be much more careful about how you approach this topic with her. In the event anything sours between them, you’ll want her to know you’re there for her. If your friend’s SO is not her child’s father, I would be more straightforward about not wanting your daughter around him and why. Is it possible your friend doesn’t know about what happened? She may have just turned a blind eye.

      • Anon

        The SO is the child’s father and there’s no way she doesn’t know what happened. It was all over the local news at the time and she’s alluded to in the articles (he used her computer to view videos from which he got the idea). That’s part of why I find it so disgusting. She was due to give birth any day with their child when he decided to do this thing.

        • Monday

          I think this makes it all the more important to make sure she feels like she can talk to you. In the future, ugly as it is to think of this, she may have to choose between protecting him and protecting her daughter. Knowing she has support may go a long way in helping her feel safe and supported, ie ready to do something more than be “embarrassed.”

        • Divaliscious11

          Then she’s already made her decision and you should let it go. Feel free, however to not permit him to come to your home, or in contact with your children…

    • Anon

      Maybe she already knows. Even so, I would tell, but I would also be prepared for it to damage or even end the friendship. People tend to shoot the messenger on these things. Also, ew.

    • a.

      I’d bring it up with her. If it were my SO and I’d somehow missed something that big, I’d want to know, for sure. But after one conversation with her about it, I’d drop it–it’s her life, and her mistake to make.

      Unless she plans to bring him around your daughter, which seems doubtful as he can’t leave the state due to his probation. Then I would say “H**l no.”

      • Anon

        Just to clarify — I know she knows what he did. My question is should I tell her that I know what he did? I.e. should I be up front about it or just not say anything and wait until/if it becomes an issue in the sense that I don’t want my kid around him. Or should I say something along the lines of “I found out about what happened. I assume since it was several years ago that you’ve come to terms with it, but if you ever want to talk, I’m hear to listen.” She referred to the incident as embarrassing but I don’t know if she meant for him or her.

        • a.

          I think your phrasing is good. Honestly, that’s something big enough that I think wanting to mention it is completely natural.

        • Anonymous

          Agree you’ve got a good script. If she mentions embarrassment again, you could clarify that of course she is, but you’re still her friend and if she wants to unload feelings or needs something more concrete, you’re there for her.

    • S in Chicago

      I would think about what you are hoping to gain from bringing it up with her. Is the benefit of letting her know you are there for her in relation to this awful time in her life outweighing the additional pain that you are likely to cause by reminding her that everyone knows and it will always be this awful thing hanging over her head?

      Realistically, she has been with him for nine years since. She isn’t likely to be leaving over it. Your family isn’t at risk of anything from him since you aren’t likely to come in physical contact. So bringing it all up again doesn’t serve any practical purpose other than opening the door for you to get more details about it. If she wanted you to know those details, she probably would have confided in you over the past nine years. Curiosity shouldn’t outweigh kindness.

      • Anonymous

        I agree with this. Were you not friends with her when this happened? If it happened a few years ago, and you met her since then, then the person she is now (i.e, someone who is ok staying with a guy who did this) is the same person you met, liked, and became friends with. In my mind, that is different than a friend who has always been like A, and is now becoming more like B and you are concerned about that. If you want to clear the air, you can say something like what anon suggested, so it is not an elephant in the room. But since it has been years it does seem a little more like you are motivated by curiousity than concern- because from your description it doesn’t sound like this was recent. Its something that happened and she has dealt with, even if its a completely different way than she would deal with it. She is aware she was pregnant when it happened, no need to mention that to her.

      • Anonymous

        It was two years ago, not nine. And I’m not interested in getting any more details — the news articles gave me more than enough info. My biggest reason for wanting to mention it is that a) she opened the door in mentioning the probation and I don’t want to pretend now that I don’t know what happened. Again this wasn’t a hard thing to find. I typed in his name and the city into google and 20 articles popped up with pictures of him. The only reason I didn’t know sooner is because I live in a different state and we don’t have any mutual friends. B) I’m concerned about her. Before this guy she dated a bunch of scumbags and seriously this is the best guy she’s ever dated. So I’m worried that she feels compelled to stay with him when it’s not healthy for her or her daughter due to financial reasons and low self esteem. I realize that she’s clearly already made her decision on this point but she also doesn’t really have a healthy support system around her. She surrounds herself with people who make really bad decisions and encourage her to do stupid things. I want her to feel like she can talk to me if she needs to not because I am the voice of all wisdom but because I know that she really doesn’t have any one around her that would give her good advice. And I’m not saying that out of an inflated ego. Trust me when I say she hangs with a bad crowd. I feel like she felt compelled to hide this from me because she thought I would judge her. And I’m not judging her — him is a different story — but I’m worried about her.

        • goldribbons

          You sound like you’re coming from the right place. I agree with a., and I liked your phrasing above as well as your reasons for sharing with her that you know what happened. As far as surrounding herself with the wrong people… I struggle with that w/r/t some of my friends from long ago, and while I wish they would make better choices, they don’t have access to the support group / network / professional connections that I do. Unless you’re able to go to an extreme (like allow her to live with you for 6+ months to help her make a new life), just do the best you can to be there for her.

        • S in Chicago

          That puts a whole different spin on things! When you said she had a 9 year-old child, I assumed it was from the pregnancy when all of this took place. Given what you have described and the history you’ve seen with her, I would definitely reach out to her about this. She really does sound like she could benefit from being reminded that she has someone there who is willing to listen and having a normal sounding board. You sound like you are coming from a very kind place. I’m so sorry I misunderstood. It definitely sounds like there are a lot of practical benefits to be gained from initiating a deeper conversation in relation to this, even if it may be somewhat difficult for both of you. She sounds like she could really use your help and a good dose of “normal” to gauge things by.

          • Anonymous

            I think you might have misread… i said she was 9 months pregnant at the time. That child is now 2. But thanks. This really is not coming from a place of idle curiosity. She is a very good friend — was a bridesmaid in my wedding — and I care about her a lot.

    • Tired Owl

      Your friend will do whatever it is she wants w.r.t staying with/leaving the SO. I don’t think anything you say will influence her one way or the other. You are well within your rights to tell her that your finding out about his criminal act is the reason why you don’t want him around your daughter. Don’t be snarky to her about it, but also don’t be apologetic about your decision.

      After all, he is the one who committed the crime, and should have thought of the consequences, legal and social.

      This is the safety of your child and your peace of mind and that matters more than the ego of some disgusting douche. The safety of your child and your peace of mind are also more important than her hurt feelings if she’s deluded enough to try to defend him.

  12. Nousha

    It’s a beautiful set but you always can mix and match it with other pieces to have more personal and tasteful outfit. I do that all the time and share the sets on my blog, closetmixer.com

  13. CKB

    So excited. Just got an invitation to attend company training in Paris for a week in June! I’ve never been to Paris, but have always wanted to go.

    According to a coworker who just attended the training in Houston last month, it’s pretty intensive – 8am to 5:30pm., and a team dinner is scheduled for one night. Will I be able to do much sight seeing in the evenings at all? I’m not much of a bar person, but I love wandering around interesting cities.

    I know absolutely nothing about the geography of Paris. It looks like my hotel will be the Pullman Paris Montparnasse. Is that near anything?

    Now I’m just hoping none of my managers have an issue with me going (although I doubt they will). Fingers are crossed!

    • darjeeling

      lucky you!! You will have the time of your life. Montparnasse is a great area and easily walkable to everywhere in the Latin Quarter, although really Paris is so walkable and there is so much amazing and beautiful stuff to see that you can go pretty much anywhere in the city from there if you have the time. Aw, I am jealous!

    • hoola hoopa

      That’s a nice location. You can at mimimum view the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, and Tuileries. You’ll be close to the Musee Du Luxembourg and Luvre, although you may not have time (they may be closed, etc). The metro should be able to get you to other sites of interest, but timing will matter. Walking Ile de la Cite and Montmartre in the evenings will be nice.

      I travelled solo in Paris as a young adult but always met up with other solo travelers for dinner and other evening activites. I would suggest that you do the same – I would imagine it will be easy to connect with other trainees.

      For a real visit, though, I would add a couple of personal days to your travel.

    • LLBMBA

      If you’re into museums, both the Louvre and the Musee d’Orsay are open late one night each week. If you want bang for your buck (and time) I’d suggest looking up the guided tours they offer and going then – you’ll see the highlights, and it’s only a few euros more.

      Also great – renting a Velo and peddling around town. Seems like it would be scary in a big/traffic-y city, but it’s surpringly easy! And lovely.

      • CKB

        I really got lucky – there are 3 of us who are controllers. The other 2 controllers went to the same training last month in Houston while I held down the fort while they were gone. I wasn’t sure if I’d have a chance to do the training this year until I got the invite yesterday. Normally North Americans don’t get to go to Paris for the training (I think only one other NA was invited to my week). I’m excited, not only because it’s Paris, but because I hope to get transferred overseas (although I’d go to the US – I’m in Canada now) sometime in the next 2 years, and it will be a great networking opportunity for me.

        I work for a very large international oil & gas services company.

  14. Ralph Lauren Paint

    Someone was looking for it recently – I saw it at Miller Paint yesterday.

  15. ANP

    Anyone have a recommendation for a wallet that’ll hold cash, cards and my iPhone? Similar to the Tiffany Smart (Zip?) wallet but closer to $100 instead of $300?

  16. NYC meetup pre-party?

    is there any interest in meeting up at 6:30 or 7 this evening at the same spot (or elsewhere) instead of 8? I’m itching to leave work but if I go back to my outer-borough apartment I know I won’t make it back out.

      • NYC Meet Up

        I’m at Grey Dogs, wearing a black blazer, a coral shirt, and a white necklace. Look forward to seeing all of you!

  17. Anon

    My maid has been with us close to a year. She comes every 3 weeks and does a great job. Any ideas for a one year bonus that is appropriate? (We give a bonus at end of year that is about the cost of one cleaning in cash).

    • goldribbons

      If you do an end-of-calendar-year gift, it seems unnecessary to do another year-end gift. Signed, I don’t have a maid.

  18. k-padi

    Question for people who own their homes: how do you decide which project to do next? I have to re-do the cheap flip I bought 2 years ago. I’ve been tackling things in order of sheer frustration but I feel like I’m a year behind because it takes a year to save enough to afford the next fix.

    I save a large chunk of my income–I’m wondering if it might be worth it to pause saving for a year and use the money to fix the house? Any insights?

    • Susie

      You bought the house as an investment property you intend to resell in the near term? If so, look at what return you are getting on your savings vs. the expected return on the property if you sell it, and put your money where you get the highest return. If you are keeping the property as a primary residence then I would just prioritize projects as follows: 1) necessary repairs 2) improve comfort/convenience/efficiency 3) cosmetic.

    • Developer

      I work in the real estate industry and also bought a cheap flip in an appreciating area. This is how I am prioritizing my fixes/investments. I think this falls more towards art than science so I wouldn’t take what is below as law:

      First fix what is dangerous/will cause major issues: This tier contains electrical stuff, water penetration issues, ventilation issues, any structural issues, stairs being totally wonky, roof failure, lack of proper insuation, etc. These are not fun

      then i would fix what is cheap and easy: this tier contains painting walls, changing lighting fixtures, possibly refinishing/replacing floors, installing molding/trim, buyin furniture that you actually like and fits the space, etc. I would also include exterior landscaping in this category.

      then i would start tackling things that add value to the property, namely kitchens and baths. These really are the two things that increase your property values the most in terms of upgrades. If a total total upgrade for either is not in the card – but they need it – i would stage it out – paint the cabinets, replace the backsplash/vanity, put in a snazzier countertop, upgrade the appliances. refinish the tub, etc. If the layouts for baths and the kitchen basically works, you can really do this in pieces. I would also put down in this category breaking down walls to make a more open floor plan.

    • k-padi

      Thanks! It is my house–not an investment but I wouldn’t mind selling it for a profit down the road. :-)

      Developer, thanks! I spent the last two year and this year on the major issues: plumbing, electrical/lighting, insulation, roof, drainage (I’m doing exterior landscaping with this), and fireplace (needed but kind of fun because I got gas insert instead of messing with the chimney). You are right: not fun.

      I was hoping the exterior landscaping would be fun but it’s a $3000 cement and dirt pit right now. Next year is supposed to be painting and interior design/new furniture. But I don’t know if I can wait.

      The kitchen will also need an upgrade but it’s “good enough for now”–the tile floor, cabinets, and appliances all have an expiration date. I figure the floor will have to be done at the same time as the cabinets so I’ll do that all at once. I like the Corian counter top but I won’t be surprised if it’s not salvageable. The bathrooms (aside from the plumbing and electrical) are small but the one thing this house has going for it.

      I guess I will either have to dig deep to accelerate to the “fun stuff” or stay the course and be patient.

    • anon prof

      Very belated reply, sorry. Good for you on doing the landscaping first after the major issues. Landscaping is the only home thing that gets better with time. What’s left sounds like it’s just cosmetic. Maybe focus on things that will lower your utility bills, like newer and more efficient appliances? You can always keep them and switch out the cabinets and countertops later.

  19. pregnancy TJ

    My OB just called to say that my first glucose screening test came back positive – slightly higher than it should be. I need to go in for the longer three hour test in a couple of days but I am trying not to freak out until then. My OB said that many women get a positive reading on the screening test – is this true? Do a lot of people get a positive reading but then don’t have gestational diabetes? I have never had any blood sugar issues, no history of diabetes in my family and my baby is supposedly average weight so I want to be optimistic about this. Any stories or words of wisdom? Thanks!

    • k-padi

      I’m sorry the first test came back positive. Based on my FB feed, it seems pretty common for the first test to come back positive. I think only one friend ended up actually having gestational diabetes. So anecdotally, yes, a lot of women test positive but don’t actually have gestational diabetes.

      • OP

        Phew. That’s good to hear. The call came so out of the blue that I couldn’t help but panic. Now I need to stay calm until I take the full test. Thanks K-padi!

        • k-padi

          Stay calm and eat clean–that was the common wisdom among my friends.

          And congrats!

    • C

      Yep, I tested slightly elevated on my first test and then passed the 3-hour with flying colors. I have several friends who had the same experience. I wouldn’t worry…you’re probably just fine! Also, I stressed a lot about how awful the 3-hour test would be (having read too many internet horror stories) but it really wasn’t all that bad, FWIW.

    • Rufus

      I failed my one hour and passed my three along with almost every pregnant friend I asked. Hope this gives you some comfort!

    • Samantha

      Yes, very common. You didn’t ask but one piece of advice is not to eat sugared cereals for breakfast the day you go in to take the test (if you go first thing in the morning). It doesn’t seem like it should matter, but a doctor friend I know said that it could bump up your levels just a tiny bit and put you over the cutoff if you’re at the margin. Have a complex carb, e.g. unflavored unsweetened oatmeal.

  20. Marlene Dietrich

    PSA announcement to any other local law firms that rely on traffic violations for a big chunk of the business.

    Sending me a form letter with the following message scrawled over it in purple marker all-caps is unprofessional. Instead of achieving the necessary scaremonger result, it makes you look neurotic, chicken-little-ish, and hyperbolic batsh!t crazy.

    “CALL ME MARLENE! I CAN HELP! THIS IS SERIOUS!”
    and then “MY CELL IS XXX-XXX-XXX”

    (It was a speeding ticket for going 10mph over in a non-school/non-special area zone)

  21. The London Lawyer

    Love your blog. I started following your blog as I am also a lawyer with similar interests and started my own blog as well! Thanks for your lovely posts!

  22. Kim Perez

    I love the cut and the design. But is it me or is the color blah? If you have some color in your skin like the model has, it looks nice. But I am pale, and I think this would just wash me out. Anyone else feel the same way?

    Kim

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