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Updated: Dec 31, 2020 198 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Cushnie

Suit of the Week |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.

I hadn't heard that Cushnie et Ochs split up, leaving only designer Carly Cushnie behind — but the sleek, minimalist aesthetic is gorgeous. The brand doesn't have a ton of suits at the moment, but I love the silk charmeuse detailing here — gorgeous, gorgeous.

The blazer was $1,595 but is now marked to $718 at Cushnie. The high-waisted cropped pant was $795 but is now marked to $477. 

(H/t to Shoppe Black, which looks like another great resource if you're looking for Black-owned companies to support right now; we'll add them to our list.)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon

    I’m not sure what the answer is, but I’ve been a little bummed to see social media allyship from white people portrayed in the same exact language. I get that people don’t really know what to say and are probably self-censoring so as not to invite criticism, but influencer-speak seems to be taking over the message. I’m literally seeing the same exact phrasing on dozens of posts, not quite copy-pasted but close (“I see you,” “I understand that I don’t understand,” “it’s time for me to listen,” things like that). What are people’s thoughts on this – is it good that the message, ANY message is out there, even if it becomes generic/repetitive, or should allies try to personalize their shows of support more, even if they might say the wrong thing? Open to all perspectives and I recognize that this is not the most important issue that POC are facing right now – just thought that this site might be a good place to explore the issue.

    • Anon

      My perspective is that as a white person, my job right now is to listen to and amplify the voices of people of color. So instead of making my own statement, redistribute something a POC said.

      I belong to a professional organization that issued a statement in support of BLM. I appreciate that they did that. I’m on the diversity and inclusion committee for the organization and we talked a lot about what we wanted to say. Ultimately it was drafted jointly by our group and the head of the org, which had good diversity representation, and we are all happy with the results.

      I have also decided to resign my position of leadership on the diversity and equity committee and to cede it to a WOC. I am happy to execute and advocate, but I do not think it should be me providing direction.

    • Anonymous

      Personally, I am ignoring all of the black boxes, the statements acknowledging privilege and ignorance, the statements of “I’m going to be quiet so you can speak” that seem attention-grabbing and contrary, etc. Using a platform to amplify voices of POC and good reporting on events and issues seems like the only appropriate response here.

    • Anonymous

      The reason some white people are parroting the same lines is that they have been told that these are the only acceptable things to say, and they are afraid to say anything else for fear of saying the wrong thing or hurting people’s feelings.

      • Anonymous

        Exactly. They’re trying to do the right thing and not be hurtful. You don’t want to tell them exactly what to say- I get it. But then criticizing them because they looked up what someone more informed had to say and reshared it? You’re looking to be offended.

      • anon

        Yep, I’m here to support not to lead. And tbh I’m not sure how much my words matter so I’m just giving money where it’s needed.

        • anon

          Yeah, this. I had a thoughtful FB post written out. It felt authentic to who I am, but ultimately, I did not post it. I’m not sure the world needs to hear from another privileged white woman right now. This leads to a bigger question I have, though: How do I demonstrate my support without saying something that’s only going to make the situation first? And I don’t know the answer; thus, my silence. I realize the stakes are very low for me personally but I do not want to inflict more harm.

          • Anon

            One idea might be to share BIPOC voices instead of your own? I struggle with this, too. I do want to show that I care and am taking steps in my own life and trying to influence the world around me. I think that some visible sign of support is important. But, I also don’t want to make it about me.

      • LaurenB

        +1. Sorry the show isn’t to your liking. That’s really where we need to focus right now, on exactly how well white people are performing in their allyship. /s

    • anon

      the on social media site I follow was so flooded with that sort of phrasing yesterday that it lost any hope of authenticity to me. Sure you put out a post about listening…but in real life, what are these posters/influencers doing? Do they have any friends, colleagues, acquaintances of color other than theirs to listen to? Are they protesting, petitioning, calling representatives, donating to organizations for change? I feel there’s often a big disconnect between social media posting and getting things done in real life. The endless posting is good, more people are aware (as you acknowledge). But I would personally like to see more stories posted of people’s experiences, what they learned, how they are helping, as they engage the world differently. As they work for change. As they learn to do better.
      TL;DR: posting feels trite, even if it’s good more people are aware enough to post.

      • Anonymous

        And yet i see others saying white people should be quiet and listen at protests and shouldn’t share that they participated. Can’t win

      • Anon

        For so many, it seems like “I am listening!” only occurs IF communities of color do the work to connect with this individual in the exact way the person posting wants without any discomfort on their part. “I am an ally!” As long as it doesn’t mean involving themselves in hard conversations about their own privilege. “I support you!” But not with their wallets, just a nice insta post for the likes. “I support protests!” But not if they aren’t sanitized.

        It’s demonstrative and performative, for sure.

        Talking about race can be hard! It’s uncomfortable! People really truly do not want to screw up! But it’s necessary work- and it is work- that white people have to do to figure out how to have these conversations with each other.

        • LaurenB

          I don’t mean this to sound obnoxious, but what conversations do I need to have? Obviously what happened to George Floyd is horrendous. Obviously police need major reform. Obviously POC are still suffering and hurt. Obviously our POTUS Is a jerk who is pouring kerosene on the fire. Obviously the right to protest is a critical one. Other than vote blue-blue-blue, not practice racism in my daily life, and staying aware of my unconscious bias / white privilege, what else am I supposed to do? How is my posting something sweet on Facebook really meaningful in any kind of way?

          • Anon

            I think the coversations many are pointing to, if you can’t have direct conversations, is reacting appropriately and calling people out when they try to evoke or promote racist or anti-BLM statements. This can be from bringing up the subject with your conservative parents to straight faced asking “what do you mean?” or saying “I don’t understand” to racist jokes statements by colleagues, friends, and family members.
            This happened to me once when a coworker tried to gossip with me about a clearly trans coworker, calling her “he”, etc. I straight faced stated “she clearly presents as a woman and wants to be perceived as a woman so I’m going to call her what she wants” and walked away. I wasn’t confrontational or aggressive, just made a simple statement.

          • Anon

            I meant conversations with other white people, mostly. When you hear problematic things, have a discussion (or, if appropriate, call a person out) so that the onus doesn’t fall on POC to have to bring it up.

    • cathy

      You know how when someone dies the best thing to say is “I’m sorry for your loss” and when someone tells you they’re pregnant the response is “Congratulations”, and everything else people come up with is just not as good? This feels like that type of situation.

        • cathy

          In my view? Retweet or repost BIPOC voices, give concrete steps such as places to donate / books to read / tips for how to have conversations.

          If you don’t want to go the practical route any of the ” (“I see you,” “I understand that I don’t understand,” “it’s time for me to listen,” things like that)” works

          You just don’t have to come up with an earth shattering new take. Like the funeral/pregnancy examples it’s not about you, just express support in the standard way.

          • Anon

            But “I see you” feels so canned. I think the sentiment is there, but that phrasing has become so trite that it’s not going to get through to the recipient.

    • Anonymous

      I’m fed up with all these nit picking critiques. First people are supposed to say something. Oh but not in pretty script. Then they’re supposed to be quiet and listen. Oh but not like that. Now they are supposed to share support. But heaven forbid it not be entirely their own work.

      Enough. If you criticize people who are trying often enough, they’ll just stop.

      • Anon

        Exactly. I’ve already stopped not that I did much to start with. No matter what you say it won’t be enough, it won’t be the right words, you won’t have the right look on your face or you won’t be wearing the right t shirt. So whatever. Good luck to those who want to fight on this issue.

        • anonymous

          Wow you give up easily. Well, I guess you didn’t really add much anyway by your own admission, so bye. Shame you’re not willing to take responsibility for your on laziness and unwillingness to be slightly uncomfortable and instead choose to blame others for not patting you on the head sweetly enough.

          • LaurenB

            Yes, those extra 5 minutes crafting a post on Facebook are going to make all the difference in ending systemic racism. Talk about virtue-signaling!

      • Senior Attorney

        I guess we’re getting a tiny taste of what it’s been like to be black for all these years, right? Where nothing you can do is ever good enough?

        • Anonymous

          Sure fine! But I’m done speaking publicly on this if nothing I do or say is the right thing. And maybe that’s what people want!

          • Senior Attorney

            Or you could do the very best you can and worry about what you’re trying to accomplish, rather than whether you’re being criticized.

            Just a thought.

          • Monday

            Yes to these comments above. Get comfortable with not being validated. Nobody owes that to us.

          • anon

            If people are pushing back, it usually means they see you as someone who is capable of learning and growing. No one argues with a lost cause. Take their advice to heart rather than giving up because you made a mistake.

          • Anonymous

            No, people are pushing back because they enjoy criticizing others and this is the perfect excuse to do so. Also because they think criticizing people in this instance makes themselves look better. Just like OP on this thread.

          • Anon

            Won’t someone please think of the poor white people? It’s uncomfortable for them.

          • Anon

            “Never good enough so try harder” works really well right up until the moment it does not, which is when someone tires of your nitpicking crap and stops caring.

            Go and take a few lessons on volunteer management, because the same principles apply here. You can want people to care so much about the mission they will do anything, but reality is that long term, people only put up with crap when they get paid to put up with crap. If you’re not paying them, don’t give them crap.

          • anon

            I’m not getting paid and I still care about systemic racism and policy brutality — how does that square with your cynical view of things? If you’re so quick to give something up because of “nitpicking crap” (in this case, receiving feedback on whether your words and actions are helpful or harmful) you never really cared in the first place and your support was indeed performative.

          • anon

            You’re not being asked to “volunteer.” This isn’t a fundraiser for the local animal shelter or an adopt a highway event. You have a moral obligation to oppose systemic racism even if no one is being sweet to you and kissing your butt. The only reason you can sit there and say you’re going to take your ball and go home if people don’t give you the accolades you think you deserve is because you know you are in a position of privilege. You are lording this position of privilege over POC by insisting that they sooth your ego before you do the moral thing. Disgusting and shameful.

    • Monday

      I concluded a few years ago that social media just isn’t a venue conducive to authenticity or depth. I couldn’t find any way to feel genuine about social media posts, so I no longer post at all. I’m white, and this applies to everything from my personal life to public events. That said, a few thoughts:

      –Most white people are too afraid to “say the wrong thing” to put up anything more personalized. I’m not defending this, but I think it explains why the same white people who share all the details of all of their daily meals either fall silent or just pretend nothing is happening at times like this.
      –What would a useful personalized post from a white person about police violence against black people sound like? I honestly don’t know, which I think is why the mute/black square campaigns have been popular. I, for example, can’t think of anything that I need to say on a public platform that isn’t already being said much better by more informed/credible people who are personally affected. I guess if I absolutely had to say something, I would just post a bunch of links to readings and donation sites. That isn’t personalized, but it’s what I have been seeing from white public figures whom I follow and respect.

    • Anon

      I think it’s parroting and lacks any original reflection or thought. I think the black boxes were peformatory (word?) and grandstanding. I would bet the vast majority of people (at least on my threads) posting them did nothing outside of that post OR, if they did, check back in six months and they’ll go back to doing nothing.

      I don’t know what the answer is, but feeling any sort of satisfaction or peace that I’m ‘helping’ because I posted a black box on instagram yesterday is misguided at best.

    • Anon

      I agree this is an issue. The posts all sound the same and therefore lack that authentic voice that really connects to others and rings true. Even the first response on this thread used the same language (“my job is to amplify…”). I don’t mean to attack that response, not at all, but just to illustrate how common certain phrases are. Not sure how to handle it though.

    • Anonymous

      Worry less about exactly how white ppl who are trying phrase their posts. Worry more about listen to black voices. The fact that you noticed this means you are reading too many white ppl and not enough black ppl.

    • JTM

      I’m beyond annoyed and exhausted by the performative wokeness that many brands and influencers are doing. I’m happy to see these folks get called out for it on Twitter or r/blogsnark. So many folks are legit posting one of the same 3 images & writing the same words, and then immediately going back to their swipe ups & other drivel. I’d much rather see them amplify a Black voice or simple say “I don’t know what to say or do, but I’m trying to learn”. Or maybe they aren’t trying to learn and don’t give a damn about racism or Black people and that’s ok too. I’m just not ok with folks posting so they don’t get canceled, when they really don’t mean it.

    • Anon

      I haven’t had time to read the other responses here but I just want to say they might not by “copy paste.” I’m not on instagram. I was sitting around thinking of what is worse, saying nothing or saying the wrong thing on FB. I decided to post something like “I’m not silent. I’m listening.” I later learned that similar phrases were trending. It’s something I came up with on my own after reflection and not copied from a hashtag. I realize that no matter what I do, someone will criticize it just like no matter how people fight for black rights, someone will find a way to criticize it.

      • Anon

        To follow up:

        I’ve seen black people on social media saying that if white people want to leave space they should just not post anything rather than saying they are being quiet. But then I also see black people posting that they are taking note of which of their white friends say nothing. This seemed to strike a balance between the two for me.

        • Anon for this

          I agree with this. I feel so torn and I’m really trying to do the right thing. I posted a black square because I didn’t want to remain silent but I just don’t have the words right now; anything I could think to say felt like I was just trying to make myself feel/look better. But then I deleted it once I saw posts by black people who felt offended by them and that they were performative.

          I know the answer is just to not care what people think, but if my intent is to support those personally affected by these issues, I think I have to care what the people I’m trying to support think.

          Obviously the answer here is that different people have different needs and will feel supported and not supported in different ways. But I’m not sure how to translate that on social media.

    • Anon

      Thanks all for the thoughtful replies. I think it’s clear that this is going to be something important to figure out – we all want to do the right thing and it’s hard to know what that is. I didn’t mean to criticize or nitpick anyone, I just don’t really know where else I can bring this up anonymously.

    • small herring

      All of the fluff fashion blogs I read did replicate these statements too. I acknowledged them. Change will be a process but there are pivots towards new directions.

  2. Anon

    As I approach 40 and am single I feel more self conscious wearing NO rings at all. Obviously my friends, family, and coworkers know I’m single but I feel like when you’re sitting in a random conference room with clients or co counsel you barely know, IDK if the screaming “I’m single” announcement needs to be made. Anyone else feel this way? Is this the kind of thing for which I’d buy a right hand ring? Obviously a right hand ring won’t be mistaken for an engagement ring but still seems better than wearing nothing. Is this a reason for which one would buy a “real jewelry” type of ring? Any suggestions on rings? Sapphires are always my favorite as well as silver or white gold though not sure where to specifically look for that kind of thing.

    • Anonymous

      Buy a ring because you want fun sparkles not because you’re insecure. No one else cares.

        • CountC

          I notice jewelry because I love jewelry, but I DGAF if someone is single or married. I am single, but I have enough rings that I love and not enough fingers so I wear rings on all fingers, including my left ring finger. I don’t care what people think about it.

          OP, definitely at least part of the first sentence above. Wear a ring if you want to on any finger you want to!!

    • Anon

      If you like jewelry, and see a ring you like, buy it.
      I currently work in an office job, but for 20 years before that worked in places where rings are a legit hazard. While not prohibited, I saw a few times what happens when they get caught. They scare the hell out of me.
      All that to say, there are lots of reasons people wear rings and just as many why they don’t. I really doubt the people in meetings with you are judging and may not even be noticing.

      • pugsnbourbon

        +1. As an anecdote, my parents have been married for 40 years. My dad has almost never worn a ring – like anon at 3:37, it was a hazard – and my mom rarely did either. When we’d all go out together (there are five of us “kids”) I’d joke that they looked like they were just shacking up.

    • Anon

      Nobody, and I mean nobody, is looking at your hands that closely. Buy something pretty and sparkly because you want to.

    • anonshmanon

      When you’re sitting in that conference room, do you scan everybody’s hand?

      • CountC

        I do. I like looking at jewelry, I am usually bored, and it’s a habit from being single to look at men’s ring fingers. I do it subconsciously at this point. I also look at people’s hands (as a former nail biter I was paranoid so habitually look for others out of empathy!), clothing, shoes, haircuts, beards/facial hair etc. I am someone who sucks at names and remember faces and appearances so much better. Plus, it’s fun! I don’t judge it, but I absolutely notice it. Weirdo, maybe but oh well.

    • Monday

      I guarantee that nobody is looking at your hands and thinking about your lack of rings! That said, if you WANT a ring, definitely get one. I wear my late grandmother’s wedding ring on my right ring finger, but if I didn’t have it I’d get something else. Feel free to custom order something (within your budget) as well. Rings for all!

    • Anon

      Can confirm that literally no one cares if you don’t wear rings. Buy one if you want one though.

    • NY CPA

      I don’t think anyone is checking if you’re wearing a ring or not. I only notice when someone has a particularly lovely ring on. However, if it makes you feel better, wear a ring! I wear a signet ring. I actually broke my right hand at the base of the fingers when I was a kid which makes wearing rings on my right hand very painful, so I wear my signet ring on my left ring finger. Very few people have ever mentioned it.

      • Pep

        I’ve developed a couple of ganglion cysts on the knuckles on my right hand which I don’t want to call attention to, so I’ve switched to wearing my rings on my left hand. IDK what anyone thinks about it. My rings are definitely not “bridal” in style. No one’s ever commented.

    • Anon

      I notice only if I think someone is cute and nice and I’m wondering if they are single to pair them (hypothetically of course) with one of my single friends. Then I check for a ring. Other than that, I never notice.

    • M

      I won’t say people don’t notice, just that it’s very rare. Anecdote: 10 months into being engaged, a colleague I see in person 2-3 times per week commented, “Is that you’re engagement ring? It’s beautiful!”.

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s weird when someone is obviously wearing a ring for the reason you describe. It comes across as insecure. Wear a ring because you love it, not to impress others.

    • Anonymous

      I had a moment like this around age 40, too. It wasn’t that I was self-conscious about being single. It was triggered by sitting for several days with a colleague who wore beautiful, tasteful jewelry on her hands — both wedding/engagement rings and a great bracelet — that I felt gave her some gravitas. I decided then to get the loose heirloom diamond I have set into a right-hand ring and to buy a great, wear-every-day, real-jewelry bracelet. But then I didn’t. And I’m fine. And I am still forever-single and I don’t think anyone who cares about that matters.

  3. Annon

    Help! I totally dropped the ball on planning but one of my colleagues is leaving for another position. I’m really happy for her, and I set up a zoom meeting for tomorrow to celebrate . . . then I totally forgot to figure out what to DO in that zoom meeting! I’d like it to be special and not super lame but my brain is burned out and I’m not feeling at all creative right now. Ideas? Has anyone experienced a zoom “party” like this and can share suggestions?

    • Anonymous

      Maybe you can ask people if they will volunteer to say a few words about their experience working with your colleague (and share yours first/send them the question in advance if you can) — such as what they thought of her when they first met, how she helped them with something, an inside joke they developed, what they think she’s especially talented at/what they’ve learned from her … remember that time she ate a whole steak and claimed a dog had stolen it because she didn’t want to look greedy (30 Rock reference).

      • Anonymous

        or on a lighter note, have some work-related ice-breaker questions to spur conversations … ask people what the worst job they’ve ever had was or first job, the funniest thing they’ve seen at the workplace, IDK I’m sure you can find a million of these online.

  4. Anonymous

    Wear a party hat, march in a circle tooting a paper horn with streamers. Everyone sings “for she’s a jolly good fellow.” Do you have time decorate a cardboard paper towel roll & learn some basic baton tricks? YouTube is good for this.

  5. Anon

    i realized this has been discussed already, but i have two black colleagues in a team of 12. i was out through today so i don’t know what, if anything was talked about as a team then. i want to do the appropriate/supportive thing, but i still feel like i don’t know what the right thing to say is. also- am i contributing to the problem by assuming that due to their skin color they are struggling?

    • Anon

      If it helps, I talked to my colleague, who is a WOC, and she said that the failure to say anything of substance on our regularly scheduled team Zoom call yesterday was upsetting. She doesn’t speak for all POC, of course, but I think it’s better to say something than nothing. I think it’s an open question of whether it’s a problem to assume they’re struggling due to their skin color, but maybe asking is a good step.

    • Anonymous

      The current situation has come up during every single work call I’ve had this week, regardless of the participants’ races. It is entirely appropriate to mention the situation in an open-ended way and let everyone react as they feel led. This approach requires no assumptions about anyone.

      • Anonymous

        Say that things are really tough right now and you don’t know what to say and you wish you had the right words to be supportive of colleagues who are particularly challenged by the current situation.

        Consider contacting them in advance and ask if they would like to say anything. Just let them talk.

      • Anonymous

        Apparently you aren’t allowed to use a script. But you also shouldn’t say something original because you might inadvertently say something hurtful. See the first post above.

        • Anonymous

          Well aren’t you just a special snowflake. It’s almost like being treated how POC are treated where nothing is ever good enough and you are constantly criticized.

      • Anonymous

        Dearly beloved we are gathered here today
        To get through this thing called life.

        • Anon

          Yeah, I think this. When people talk about “doing the work” this kind of self-directed research is part of that.

  6. Anon

    For those of you who have resumed life post covid shutdowns (so not necessarily people who continued going to work during that time) — how did you “force” yourself to resume life? I’m outside of DC where I’m not sure cases are dropping significantly yet life is resuming and I’m realizing that I’ll have to resume even though I’ve been perfectly content working from home since March and never going out except to the store early in the morning once every 2-3 weeks. I realize that life isn’t for everyone but it’s fine for me. Yet IDK how to get over the fear. Thankfully no chance of having to go to the office for at least 6 weeks. But how do I “make myself” feel ok talking to people face to face or go down to the lobby to get my mail more than 1x a month or on a walk? Did anyone else feel this adjustment or was it more like when your state opened you said that’s it, I’ve been home long enough.

    • Anonymous

      I doubt I’ll feel ok when the time comes where I’m allowed out to do things, so my plan is to just do them anyways and accept that I’ll be super uncomfortable. I hope that eventually through repeated exposure, the anxiety will taper off at least somewhat (basically the concept of exposure therapy).

    • Anonymous

      You just start doing it. Write a list- every day, leave your apartment for a walk. Twice a week, get mail. Once a week, go to the store. If you just start doing you’ll feel better about it. If you can’t make yourself go outside, not even to walk around, talk to a mental health provider.

    • Anon

      i live in an area that has been open (gyms, nair salons, restaurants, etc. – all open). and i haven’t fully resumed life and neither have most people i know. i still only go to the grocery store only once a week (which honestly is what i did precovid), i go for walks, i have socially distanced outdoor gatherings. there is no way i’m going to eat in a restaurants, as I just saw that two restaurants near where i live that reopened, closed already because employees tested positive for Covid. i also do not think i could relax eating at a restaurant right now, so what is the point. i am contemplating getting my haircut. i’d love to get a pedicure, but part of why i love getting one is to drink water or coffee in peace while doing so, which i won’t be doing with a mask on. i also live in an apartment building (in fact, we just received an email that a resident tested positive for covid), but i check mail and packages 1x per month. i’ve actually been working in the office the whole time, but i am the only one in the entire building. my boss has come in on occasion, and i don’t like talking to her face to face bc she never really social distanced to begin with (has been to indoor gatherings with 30 people), etc. I’m definitely not as worried about getting it from surfaces as i once was, which has helped me relax a bit

      • Anon

        You leave your house to go to work every day and you go grocery shopping but you won’t check your mail? That’s not exactly rational.

    • Anonymous

      I’m still at home but do take walks. Can you ease yourself back into it? Can you take some regular walks around your neighborhood and check your mail once a week (wearing a mask and/or gloves and washing hands often). Read about how it’s fairly safe outdoors and try to get out in nature a little?

    • Anon

      Obviously work is an obligation, but if you don’t want to do these other things, why do them? I’m not that terrified of getting the virus myself but my feeling is that minimizing my exposure to the outside world has benefits both for me (less chance of getting it) and, more importantly, the community. My daughter’s going back to daycare when we can because we need childcare, but otherwise my family will continue staying home, regardless of what’s allowed. No travel (except driving trips to see family), no restaurants (takeout is just fine), no gyms (we run outside and do yoga), etc. It’s just not that big a sacrifice for us (sounds like it isn’t for you either) and I don’t see a reason to force myself to increase my risk of catching or spreading it.

        • Anon

          I’m actually not going outside at all…my husband is the runner. I would only run if a bear was chasing me ;)
          I don’t judge anyone for choosing to responsibly engage in activities that are permissible in their local area, but I also don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that you’re going to mitigate your risk where you can by making lifestyle changes that you can live with. Some people want to go to the gym and restaurant and salons now, and that’s ok, but it’s also ok to say you can do without those things for a few months, or even a year or two, and choose not to do them. I’m certainly not planning to give up travel or restaurants or salon pedicures indefinitely, but right now these things don’t feel necessary to me, so why take the risk? (When I say risk, I’m speaking more in terms of community risk, since I myself am a low risk individual.)

      • Anonymous

        Because it’s deeply mentally unhealthy to not go outside for walks and not pick up your mail more than once a month.

        • Anon

          This hasn’t been my experience. I noticed that I’ve actually felt a lot better from needing less allergy treatment this spring. I enjoy nature, but I get plenty of sunlight without going out much, and I seem to be doing fine.

        • Anon

          I don’t think this is true for everyone. I’m not an outdoorsy person and am happy when I can stay indoors in climate-controlled environments (camping is my idea of h3ll). If she’s sad and wanting to go outside, but too anxious to do so, it’s a problem. But just being “perfectly content” staying inside is not indicative of a problem in my opinion.

          • Staying home anon

            I agree with you, for what it’s worth. I am taking a lot of walks outside…but other than that I am not leaving the house. I am doing well, am richly engaged in many things, and foresee staying at home for a long time. My wife has health conditions that make it very important to us to keep our exposure to COVID as minimal as we practically can. I am an independent t contractor who was working from home before all this started. I am very happy with my at-home life.

      • Anon

        This is my view. Right now, I’m benefiting from the fact that this isn’t too hard for me. There’s not something inherently superior in enjoying going out vs. enjoying staying in, and if nothing has changed in terms of risks, it would be irrational to feel differently about the risks than I did before just because some time has passed.

        • Anonymous

          The actual risks have not changed, but the information about what those risks are has. Also, based on that information, more appropriate precautions and prophylaxes have been put in place. That should change your view of what is safer than you once thought and what is just as risky as you thought before. That is the rational way to approach this.

          • Anonymous

            With the partial reopening so many more people are out and so the odds of exposure go up. We continue to be cautious and our plan was to be cautious until we see in 15 days that the cases in area did not spike as a result. Then we were going to venture out more. However, the protests reset our 15 day clock.

    • anon

      I started by going back to work half-days. I was worried about it at first, but then it started to feel normal. After I’d been back at work a week or so, I started going to the grocery store again. The next weekend, I started running other errands that have been delayed since March, plus doing stuff like going to a 2nd grocery store for specialty items or if the 1st is out of something. Last weekend, DH and I went out to eat for our anniversary. Next week, my son is going to camp. All of this is with social distancing in place, wearing masks where recommended, etc. My family is not high risk.

      I know you aren’t going back to work yet, but if you’re ready to resume life, I would start by doing the first normal thing, and do it routinely. Put a mask on and go check your mail, everyday. Meet a friend for a walk every few days or once a week. Go to the grocery store with a mask on. I’m not saying you have to be ready, but if you think it’s worth the risk and are just having a hard time making yourself go, start small but establish a routine.

    • Anonymous

      It sounds like you’ve got a lot of fear about some simple low-risk things like getting your mail or going for a walk. Is fear and anxiety something that you deal with, virus or not? if so, I’d encourage you to get help for that, rather than focus on the virus issues.

  7. Wardrobe setup

    Ladies, how are your wardrobes setup? My current setup does not work for me at all. The shelves seem too deep, piles fall over, there is too little hanging space, and the result is that I cannot find a full outfit easily. The dress code is business formal with fashion allowed for women, if that helps. Do you have a seperate walk in closet? What do you put in drawers, what do you hang? How do you store hose, spanx, lingerie? What about accessories? It is such a mess that I need a complete overhaul, and am looking for advice for things that work for an executive wardrobe,as all advice I can find online seems to be for more casual wardrobes

    • Anonymous

      Oh, hi there. You found another angle because the sh!rt questions were getting you stuck in mod? “executive wardrobe” hahahaha

      • Anonymous

        OP here – I was afraid this might happen, but(ton) nope, not the dude. Legitimate question. Feel free to scroll by if you do not feel like answering.

    • Senior Attorney

      I have a very elaborate setup in the former junk room. Tried to describe it but words failed me. If you want to email me at seniorattorney1 at g mail I can send you pics.

      • Anonymous

        Noooo, SA, don’t engage with this bridge-dweller! This sounds like the same dude who is interested in $h!rts.

      • Anonymous

        Red flag red flag red flag! Do not e-mail this guy photos of your wardrobe!

        • Senior Attorney

          HAHA that would be hilarious, though!

          Sure, look at the 61-year-old lady’s underwear drawer…

    • Anon

      What are the things about advice for casual wardrobes that’s not working for you? Is it because you have more things to hang vs fold? More hose/spanx/lingerie? In your first sentence are you using wardrobe to mean a piece of furniture? Do you have a closet available?

      I have my suits, blazers, blouses, and dresses (of all sorts, casual and business) hanging in my closet. I also have baskets on the wall of the closet for underwear, bras, socks, and tights. I also have two shelves underneath the hanging part that I use for sweaters and a few random things. I keep my more casual clothes, like t-shirts, jeans, and workout gear folded in a dresser.

      • OP

        Thanks! Yes, sorry, I mixed up wardrobe and closet there (not a native speaker). Casual wardrobe closet ideas seem more geared towards providing space for jeans and tops, and anything else gets taken care of as an afterthought (generalising of course). I have more “afterthought” stuff, so to say. To me, what I wear underneath to avoid panty lines, is not a special occasion thing, that is daily wear that should get the proper closet space. I would like to hear how others do this, what takes center stage and how. Regarding tights, I am genuinely curious how other women do this. I have tried a basket, but I can never find a matching pair (I prefer hold ups). I have tried putting pairs in those tea bag boxes with dividers, but it is still difficult to find which pair is which. I have tried rolling them in balls, but they unroll and tangle. Not to mention the ladders popping up if I look away for a second. Opening a new pack seems to be my new easy way out of the problem, but that is not sustainable. Surely there must be a way to wash them, store them, find them, and then wear them again?

        • Anonymous

          OMG, we are not going to tell you about how we store our underpinnings.

    • Anon

      Clearly this has already been flagged because I can’t, but….yes….this is clearly the shirt person.

      Who the he** gets turned on by asking about women’s closets?

  8. Importance of videos

    Saw this article on buzzfeed. It’s worth watching the videos. Even after everything I’ve read and listened to this week to try and work on my allyship, I’m still shocked by the police behavior in these videos. I don’t know if I would have believed it was so bad if I hadn’t see the videos and that’s where my personal work lies this weekend.

    https://www.buzzfeed.com/christopherhudspeth/george-floyd-protest-police-caught-on-camera-recorded-filmed

  9. anon

    Because 2020 can’t get any worse, my grandpa and last living grandparent was placed on hospice this morning. He has been in a long-term care unit since he broke his hip in January. Thanks to f*cking COVID, none of us have seen him in several months because the facility is not open to outside visitors. I’m heartbroken and so, so angry.

    Believe it or not, I actually have a question: What does hospice entail when the person’s life is not in immediate danger? He is 93 and recently fell again and fractured his pelvis in several places. Usually a patient would have surgery, but in this case, the doctors, grandpa, and my mom have made the tough decision that even if he was strong enough to make it through surgery (debatable), the recovery/rehab situation is not feasible for giving him any sort of quality of life. Our goal is for him to be in less pain and protect what little quality of life remains. My only experiences with hospice have happened when the patients were literally in their final days. That’s not what’s happening here, but clearly there’s enough of a life expectancy issue that hospice is even being allowed.

    I seriously don’t know what to do here. I miss my grandpa terribly. Since COVID is allowing no visitors, I feel like I’ve lost him already. He can’t talk on the phone anymore (stroke/resulting speech issues). He’s going blind and can no longer read letters; someone would need to read them aloud. When I type this out, I want to cry even harder. He’s such a tough guy and it is hard to imagine him this way. Two years ago, he was still mowing his own yard.

    • Anon

      I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Is it an option for him to be moved home with a home visiting/nursing hospice service? If it’s not, please disregard, but I wonder if that would help the connection part since you’d control the visiting/interaction. Otherwise, his stay will probably entail more rehab/physical work than end-of-life hospice would.

      • anon

        “Home” is the assisted living place where he’s been the last few months. The hospice workers will be going there. Nowhere else to go, unfortunately.

        • Senior Attorney

          My parents had hospice at their assisted living place. (My mom passes; my dad “graduated” out of hospice.) The doctors and nurses visit them there, and provide palliative care, and stay in close contact with the family. It was once a week and then once every few days and then every day, and when my mom was in her last days they had somebody there 24/7.

          But certainly there should be somebody who can read your letters aloud to your grandpa!

          • Senior Attorney

            Oh, and my experience was that the hospice company and the assisted living place were very familiar with one another and worked well together, which was a plus.

    • Anonymous

      My MIL was on hospice several times over the course of several years. Each time she entered hospice care, her children had to agree that the goal of treatment was not to “cure” her or to prolong her life, but to make her comfortable. Hospice gave her access to some great services, such as music therapy. Given your grandfather’s decisions and goals, hospice sounds like a good choice to enhance his remaining days.

    • Anonymous

      In MA, the rules make exception for people on hospice. Also, starting next week, long term care residents may have visitors (with rules). Perhaps check up on the rules and speak with his ALF to see if there are exceptions for hospice.

    • Anon

      In some states (or at least mine), hospice/end of life individuals are allowed to have visitors, so check on that.

    • Anonymous

      I’m so sorry. My FIL is in a nursing home on the other side of the country and it is so hard not being able to visit. He’s blind and can’t really navigate a cell phone, and they no longer have land lines apparently. My husband finally set up an Alexa in his room and figured out how to call him on that. It’s been extremely buggy though. But anyway, that is one idea. I know your grandpa can’t talk but he could at least listen maybe? (Same as listening to a letter). We’re also trying to figure out if we can get FIL’s church’s streaming services to broadcast over the Alexa.

      If nothing else, find out if someone at the facility can hold a phone so you can tell him you love him etc and whether you can do this regularly. When FIL was in the hospital earlier this spring, a nurse offered to let us call her cell so we could speak to him.

    • Anon

      Don’t be afraid to question hospice nurses and insist on talking to an NP/MD if he isn’t doing so well. My dad declined in hospice quite early on, I revoked hospice to send him to the hospital and his quality of life much improved on fluids and antibiotics. I really wish I had known that that particular hospice wasn’t going to do anything to help his quality of life (or even let me known that a decline was caused by a simple infection rather than his terminal condition) if it involved anything more complicated than pain meds and bringing hospital equipment to him.

      It was a big for-profit hospice company. Most people don’t have this experience with hospice, but I wish I had known about the possibility of his experience.

      • JDMD

        My comment below is in moderation (I’m a hospice/palliative care doctor), but wanted to acknowledge your experience and echo your advice. I’m so sorry you had to fight for your dad.

        You’re right that different hospices can have very different philosophies, levels of service, and policies. There’s some data suggesting that nonprofit hospice agencies deliver worse care, and I would always favor a nonprofit hospice when there’s a choice.

      • Anonymous

        Was this in FL? I have heard terrible, terrible things about hospice in FL that differ from hospice experiences in other states.

    • JDMD

      Hi anon,
      I’m so sorry about your grandpa. And it’s heartbreaking that you haven’t been able to see him recently.

      I’m a hospice and palliative care doctor, and your grandpa’s situation is really common for hospice teams. Hospice is available for anyone with a life expectancy of 6 months or less, even though we usually think of it as for the last hours/days of someone’s life.

      Typically, his hospice nurse will visit him at least once a week but more often if needed. Hospice nurses are also available 24/7 for any issues that arise so that he won’t have to go to the ER in the middle of the night for pain or other issues. The nurse will get to know your grandpa, help manage any symptoms that are causing him distress, and coordinate whatever care he needs. There’s also a social work visit at least once a month, also more often as needed. The SW can assist with family communication, counseling, caregiving needs, and any social needs like access to food/clothing/legal resources. There’s also a non-denominational chaplain to attend to spiritual/existential concerns, a home-health-aide who can come several times/week for bathing and skin care, and volunteers for company or light housework. Hospice provides all of the medications your grandpa will need to keep him comfortable, as well as any durable medical equipment (hospital bed, bedside commode, oxygen, etc). And depending on his hospice agency’s staffing, they might also be able to offer massage therapy, reiki, animal therapy, music therapy, and other services.

      I hope that helps. If you have more questions, feel free to post again tomorrow and I’ll try to answer earlier in the day.

    • Arkie

      You are not alone in this experience. Likewise, my only remaining grandparent has been locked down in assisted living due to COVID and stopped eating, drinking, etc. He also can’t use a phone and is almost blind. He’s bad a few strokes and a huge and sudden worsening of his chronic kidney failure. It has been heartbreaking having to drop him off at a hospital where he disappears for weeks because they don’t allow visitors and to be told he needs hospice in a nursing home. Nursing homes in my area are not allowing visitors unless the person is actively dying, and some are even requiring that hospice do telephone consults instead of in person visits.

      We did finally get the go ahead to transfer him to an in patient hospice facility that at least has limited visitation and where the nurses will FaceTime the patients. My experience so far has been that the hospice nurses and doctors are BEYOND helpful for the family. They told me they view the family as almost as important as the patient, and that has been true so far. I know they would read him a letter or hold the phone up to his ear without hesitation, so do not be afraid to ask for something like that.

      My grandmother was on hospice before she was weeks away from death, which is what it sounds like is happening with your grandfather. Her providers were actual angels as well. They visited her with increasing frequency in her nursing home and brought so much comfort to her and to the family. Their care involved helping with anything that would make her comfortable (meds, music, favorite foods). They also would work with the nursing home staff to make sure she didn’t have to take meds with side effects if she didn’t want to or to make sure no one would badger her to eat if she didn’t want to, etc.

      The situation is incredibly sad and stressful. Sending light your way from this corner of the Internet.

    • Anon

      They are! I haven’t worn mine yet because the elastic is too big and I haven’t gotten around to tightening them up a bit, but they are gorgeous and feel great.

    • Carmen Sandiego

      Yes! I got mine last week, and I’m really pleased with them – though I do not think all of mine are the silk like I ordered – the prints are beautiful. (I will admit I had a momentary mini-freak out, because when I dumped the package out, they came out liner side face up and I was like WTF – these are ugly AF!! And then, I turned them over and calmed down.)

    • side gap

      I got mine yesterday and agree that they look great! That said, they gap at the sides for me. I have some thoughts on addressing that with a safety pin but if anyone has better ideas, I’m all ears!

      • Anon

        This is what they do for me too and I’m going to sew or glue the elastic a little tighter.

    • blessed

      Thank you HouseCounsel for the Johnny Was mask recommendation! Lol Carmen Sandiego! I got the pack of 5 cotton ones. I loved 1 pattern, thought 2 were ok, but didn’t really care much for the other 2. I do have an issue where the mask seems to sit right under my eyes and I have to keep tugging it downwards. However, the pleats do offer very good coverage.

  11. Anonymous

    I started tracking food on MyFitness Pal -using macros. I’ve never paid attention to macros before and yikes, I eat a lot more fat than I “should” and a lot less protein than I “should.” I do want to lose a little fat and gain muscle so my macros are 45 carb/25 fat/35 protein. For those of you who pay attention to macros, how close do you get to the percentages most days? Do you have a cheat day? How do you handle catered or ordered lunches (prepping for back to work 3-4 lunches a week that I don’t plan)

    • Anonymous

      I cannot figure out a way to eat more protein than fat. Pretty much every actual food with protein in it also contains a lot of fat. I suppose you could do it with highly processed stuff like protein powders, or maybe a lot of egg whites and skim milk.

      • Anonymous

        what? Chicken breasts, shrimp, white fish are pretty much NO fat and all protein
        beans are a lot of protein, but also carbs
        fat-free greek yogurt has protein too
        I try to add one egg white to every full egg I eat to up the protein without the fat too

      • Anonymous

        Chicken breast, fish, beans (though beans have higher carbs than other protein)

    • Anon

      You might know this already, but eating less fat isn’t what makes you lose weight, it’s eating fewer calories overall. Anyway, when I’ve tracked calories and macros before, it’s taken some real adjustment in my diet to get on track. My problem is always too many carbs. What kinds of foods are usually in those catered work lunches?

    • Airplane.

      The way I avoid eating more fat and carbs is by being full on protein. I add a protein powder to my morning coffee. The new protein powders mix easily even with cold brew and add creaminess and flavor (I like french toast or cinnamon roll flavor) so I can skip almond milk if I don’t have any handy but it’s nice either way. And I try to eat eggs, oily fish, poultry or meat at every meal to stay full, then veggies, then carbs last. I’m rarely hungry but can meet macro goals this way and if I want a cookie or a treat or something high fat, it’s NBD.

      I don’t track as closely anymore but but Sohee fit has a great and simply youtube video on how to do this.

    • AFT

      I track macros and also carb cycle (basically “normal” carbs based on that split on T, F, S, Su, and lower carbs (50 net carbs [carbs minus fiber]) on M, W, Th. I try to be around the macro targets on MFP most days, and pre-log my food the day before often, or at least log throughout the day so that I can see if I’m low on a macro and then eat something with that macro. Quick cheats I use: carbs = fruits, protein = animal products like eggs or meat, fat = avocado/peanut butter/etc. I’ve heard 80/20 compliance for nutrition is important, and so I try to be roughly on track most days, but may be off 1-2 days per week.
      For prepared lunches, I track as best I can. For restaurant food, you can often find the exact item or a close facsimile on MFP. If you office is using the same caterers repeatedly, you can try to pick out the least-bad option and eat that each time. Or just make “better” choices – instead of a sandwich, chips and a cookie for lunch, eat just the sandwich and leave the cookie/chips or eat those for a snack later if it fits your plan. If you can walk away from free food (I rarely can), you could also not eat or eat little at lunch and BYO to eat right before or after the lunch meeting.
      Good luck!

    • Mclawyer

      I tracked macros for years awhile ago and saw the best body recomposition of my life that traditional dieting never gave me. The conventional wisdom is to be within 5g of your macro goal. I had one cheat meal a week which was untracked. The best tip I have for getting more protein is to (1) get it out of your head that a serving of protein is 4oz. I regularly ate 7 oz of chicken breast (38p 3.5f) in one meal; (2) eggwhites are your friend. Try 1 egg and 3 eggwhites for higher protein less fat; (3) stop cooking with oil and switch to Pam spray. It obviously doesn’t taste as good but cuts way back on fat; (4) high protein snacks like low-fat cottage cheese and nonfat green yogurts are your friend. As far as catered lunches I always guesstimate if it’s a slice of ham or turkey and a torpedo roll. If it was catered and “untrackable” I would just limit my portion size and try to load up on veggies like the side salad that was provided with the main course.

    • Mal

      In addition to the other recommendations, canned tuna/other fish in water is also very low fat.

  12. Monday

    What happened to the entire discussion that used to be at the top of the page? About how white people are responding to the police violence issue online?

    • Anon

      It’s due to the new report button. Someone must have reported a post in that thread and the whole thing goes away while Kat investigates.

      • Anon

        Someone reported the OP’s comment on that thread. Only the reported post and replies to it disappear. If it had just been a comment that was reported, the OP would still be there.

  13. Anonymous

    Seriously, why is the entire thread about cut-and-paste language gone? That was a legit discussion. Yet the fishy-sounding wardrobe post with grammatical and spelling irregularities is still here.

  14. Another Anon

    Posting this late so will post again tomorrow but I’m sad to have to ask if anyone has a recommendation for an attorney who specializes in elder abuse in Connecticut?

  16. Not lost in the 1st thread

    For the OP up top about performative messages or not knowing what to say, the best solution I’ve seen is simply sharing the message of the people you support directly. It’s super easy to re-post PR messages from the BLM orgs or other human and civil rights orgs. There are also so many posts floating around that give information on orgs to donate to that many friends and allies have reposted without comment and that’s fine.
    As an American of African descent, simply seeing that colleagues, friends, acquaintances, etc. support instead of oppose goes very far. I guarantee you real life POC (not the ones gate keeping supporting a movement and addicted to social media) don’t really care what message you put out so long as it’s in support against police brutality and racism. It makes us feel comfortable with you and cared for. I can’t tell you how many relationships (mostly with colleagues as my white friends have shown themselves to be good open minded people) I’ve been soured against upon learning they essentially care more about maintaining their comfort/status quo and insured property than my or the lives of my family members.

  17. Anon

    Just venting: Medical billing in the US is such a scam. I just got off the phone with a specialist’s office (that I didn’t even know was a separate entity from the hospital staff on a trip to the ER in January) who says I owe them $720 and have three weeks to pay in full or set up a payment plan before they send me to collections. I asked why I haven’t gotten any notice of this through mail, insurance, phone, email, etc. and they said they mailed a statement without my unit number so it was returned (even though they got my info from the hospital…who had my full address and no issues mailing and emailing me statements). There is 0 mention of this specialist in my discharge paperwork or among the various notices the hospital and my insurance sent me.

    I’m a professional. I have good insurance. My employment (and therefore healthcare access) has not been affected by the pandemic. I am super privileged. Worst case scenario, I pay the $$$ and move on with my life. But it’s still ridiculous that I’m not even notified in a reasonable amount of time of who or how much I owe.

    What happens to people who don’t have good insurance or emergency funds or fairly high levels of professional literacy to be able to sort through this stuff? What happens to people who have to change their phone numbers and addresses because the thing that put them in the hospital means they’re not safe to go back to life as normal and have to change their contact info?

    Even if reasonable and transparent medical costs are a pipe dream for the US, why can we not at least get information about who all will be billing us? I should not be getting surprise phone calls 5 months later. People who go to the ER for emergencies should not then have to spend months in a series of artificially induced financial emergencies caused by our system of healthcare and insurance being an uncivilized mess.

    • Anon

      +1million to your comments about the healthcare system. It is some mf-ing bullshit that disproportionally affects those who are least likely able to manage it, but still screws over everyone. I’ve had medical bills sent to collections, random and unannounced changes in coverage, etc. It’s infuriating.

      I’d call your insurance company and ask them to explain why they didn’t cover it/if there’s anything they can do, call the hospital and ask to be provided with an itemized bill, and I’d also see if your state has any protections against this kind of billing.

    • Anon

      If there’s zero mention of this specialist in any of your paperwork, I’d seriously contest it using the hospital’s billing office. When I had minor foot surgery once, I discussed the entire billing process with their billing manager. Got all the codes and amounts. Listed *every*thing. Nailed it to the penny. Lo and behold, a few weeks after the surgery I received a bill from a “physician’s assistant” for his services during the operation. He was attached to my surgeon’s practice, so I called the office and said “no way, I refuse to pay this, he was NOT in the list of charges we had identified.” Poof.

      • Anon

        That’s good to know, thanks for taking the time to tell me. I’ve already referred them back to my insurance and refused to pay directly until I know what’s covered (because it should be covered).

    • Anon

      That’s wild. I’ve had bad experiences with medical billing, but this is worse than what I’ve experienced. I would let them send it to collections. Collections will usually accept much less than what the original bill was for. I believe (but am not 100% sure) that if you pay the collections people promptly it won’t affect your credit score. At least, I’ve done this a few times in situations where I thought I was being unfairly charged, and I have a great credit score. The hospital should be willing to negotiate with you too, since they want to avoid collections (they have to pay the collectors and won’t recover the full amount). In my experience, hospitals will pretty much always agree to accept 80% payment if you pay promptly, and you may be able to talk them down to more like 50%.
      That’s really crazy that they’re demanding payment so soon though, especially with the current economic situation. My hospital system just announced a 90 day grace period on all bills because so many people are out of work.

      • Anon

        The hospital itself actually has fairly understandable billing and I was able to take care of what was left after insurance. This is some other group that partners with the hospital system to provide a specific set of services (which is also why I was surprised by it–I paid the hospital for the service, but I guess there is a charge by the hospital and then a separate one to the provider?).

        I don’t get the timeline at all, especially because so many people have been financially devastated in the last few months. I can see so many circumstances where someone getting this bill in February 2020 vs. June 2020 would make a world of difference in their ability to manage the cost.

    • anon

      Ask the specialist’s office to submit the bill to your insurance company. Even if the specialist is out of network with your insurance, you can ask them to bill your insurance company. Your insurance company will pay the out-of-network amount (“usual and customary” charges, which are typically far below what’s usual and customary), and then the practice will balance bill you. If you owe the full amount because you haven’t met your out of network deductible, you should still ask them to submit it to your insurance so it counts toward your out of network expense. Also, submitting it to insurance may buy you time. The specialist’s office doesn’t have to bill your insurance (in which case, submit it yourself), but most will.

      Also, assuming you’re out of network with this specialist, you should offer to pay their office 50% in cash. They’ll probably take it. It’s likely more than they’d get if you were in network. It’s definitely more than they’ll get if they send it to collections.

      • Anonymous

        I have worked with medical billing in the past. If it goes to collections, they will be lucky to get $.30 on the dollar. The collections agencies themselves get a 10-15% contingency and usually stuff under $1k never gets touched by collections bc it’s too much work for not enough payoff (like 1/10 if bills that go to collections get paid).

        You can fight it. If it’s a legitimate charge and it’s part of your deductible and this is your ins company’s negotiated rate, id straight up offer 50% in cash now. If they refuse tell them to send it to collections while you fight.

    • Anon

      I know people (plural) who have ended up paying hospital bills for other people with the same name just to avoid collections (after days’ worth of phone calls trying to resolve the issue). That’s what happens when you actually can afford to just give up that way. It’s a nightmare.

    • Anon

      I once paid my hospital bill in full and still got repeated bills with an eventual collection threat. Called the hospital and they confirmed my balance is zero. The issue was with the third party biller they were using, whose system didn’t register that I had paid and who was sending out bill threats. At that point I was actually gathering payment evidence and communication trails, and was This Close to hiring a lawyer. I said as much and they finally fixed the balance in their system. The US healthcare system is a PITA.

    • Alex

      I’m currently working on getting coverage for a non-urgent surgery, and I swear, it’s like one of those chains of deals you used to find in video games. You get the letter from the first doctor saying you have the condition (I got lucky in that I already had one – sometimes it takes months), and you give that to the surgeon so they’ll give you the diagnostic codes, and you give the diagnostic codes to the insurance company so they’ll give you the preauthorization form, and you give that back to the surgeon, and so on… and if I can do all of this right, my prize is that I only have to pay $1,000 rather than $10,000 for surgery.

    • CHL

      Your employer might also have a benefit where there is someone (through your EAP) that will chase down this crap for you. It is sad that it is service but can be really helpful.

    • Formerly Lilly

      Short version: if whoever is billing you doesn’t correct it immediately, call your insurance company.
      Long version: St Thomas Midtown Hospital in Nashville tried to scam me out of 12k, on in-network services. The amount is about double my out of pocket max per annum. They did not bill me and refused to provide a bill when I requested one. They made escalating collection calls telling me I had better pay it or get sued for it. I tried to work with the billing department for several months and got nowhere, as they claimed that a separate corporate division was handling it, “because you haven’t paid”. I finally called my insurance company to ask if this was even legit. They said it absolutely was not, got the contact info I had for the billing department from me, and asked if I wanted to be on the call they were about to make, When I said I did, said “good, because this is going to be very satisfying for you”. The Blue Cross Blue Shield representative talked to billing with me on the line. It took maybe five minutes to resolve the problem. What St Thomas was told was this was not legit and that they were jeopardizing their contract with BCBS with this tactic and wouldn’t it be a shame if BCBS pulled out of their hospital. That call was the end of the problem.

  18. Anonybug

    Has anyone here been through a public trust clearance process recently? I’m on pins and needles waiting for mine. Last time I had one was 10 years ago, and I have not been naughty since then (although I have a lot more foreign contacts now – all innocent). The investigator was asking about marijuana use from right before I got that last clearance – it’s making me super nervous! I really would hope that nothing would go wrong with this, but who knows?

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