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For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.
If you're looking for a suit in a particularly bright, happy color, do check out Express — these high-waisted, pleated, cropped pants come in about 12 different colors, all with a matching blazer. (Various sizes and colors are sold out online, but if you call your local store they may be able to help you out. Light blue and mint seem to have the most colors, but there's something there for all of them.)
Express seems to be envisioning it as a monochromatic outfit; this is one of the rare instances where I like the camisole styled with the jacket; they also seem to have crop tops in the same colors. (Know your office before exposing bra straps — and I'd guess that the default in most offices would be “no crop tops.”)
The pants come in sizes 00-18, as well as long, short, and petite sizes, and the blazer comes in sizes XS-XL, regular and petite.
Psst – it's also interesting to see that Express has a new “sustainable” section!
{related: 8 slow fashion workwear brands to try}
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
So, what I learned on Facebook last night from my Trumper relatives was that The Slap was not Will’s fault, was not Chris’s fault. It was Jada’s fault.
Lest you think my relatives are a bunch of male old farts, they are 20-something women.
* headdesk *
Lisa
Aghh. I’ve been shocked by the amount of MRA/incel adjacent hot-takes that have popped up. Lot’s of assumptions about the open marriage being emasculating to Will (calling him a ‘cu*k’ ick), that Jada has Will wrapped around her finger and is disgusted by him, that she’s toxic and taking away his manhood.
It makes me very nervous that all of these ideas seem to be starting to permeate the mainstream… They’re obviously two very accomplished adults with the capacity to make their own decisions. And a woman having a relationship while separated from her husband shouldn’t be the biggest insult known to man…
Anon
Hate to break it to you, but those views have been in the mainstream for a long time. I don’t think it’s too far of a jump to say that Trump being elected in 2016 is a good illustration that misogyny is a mainstream American value.
Monday
Honestly violence (by men) is a mainstream American value too. We’re totally steeped in it.
Anon
For anyone who is interested, the secret service put together an interesting article on the grieving terrorism threat from incels a few weeks back.
I’m a Crime Analyst and thought it was an excellent report.
Anon
Yep, one of the men they wrote about in that article was from my city and he had a long history of being “that guy” before he shot up the yoga studio. Just like any other terrorist, there are a lot more people who are radicalized and DON’T commit crimes, so I’m not sure how you identify the ones who will, before they do. What are your thoughts, 4:23 Anon? I’m not in the field, so no real insight beyond what I’ve read.
Anon
Link? Sounds interesting and would like to read this.
Anon
https://www.secretservice.gov/sites/default/files/reports/2022-03/NTAC%20Case%20Study%20-%20Hot%20Yoga%20Tallahassee.pdf
Anon
Link in mod, not hard to Google using terms 4:23 used
Anon
I’ve found all this very interesting from the perspective that, if you’ve watched Chris Rock’s specials over the years, he clearly grew increasingly bitter after being found out and dumped for cheating. So when some people are acting like this came out of left field…he has a history of writing material that amounts to “boys will be boys, women bad”.
I’m NOT saying anyone should be smacking him around, I just think the long-term context of all three of them (and their previous interactions) is being intentionally glossed over.
anon
Staying anon for this – the biggest point of debate in my extended family has been the decision to slap not punch. Family consensus, rightly or wrongly, was that if you are going to resort to hitting someone, you at least land a good punch.
Anon
Interesting. My machismo-oozing relatives believe that a “b1tch slap” is an insult in and of itself, like saying the person is too much of a (word for cat) to handle a full-on punch.
anon
Yes. Some coworkers were discussing this at the lunch table, and I asked why a slap vs a punch. A male coworker’s theory was that slapping is an insult.
anonshmanon
Speaking of glossed over context, I was surprised that Will Smith’s wikipedia page does not mention Scientology even once.
Monday
I follow a lot of Black commentators on TikTok (no, they’re not teenagers–these are professionals in their 30s or above) and am struck by how varied, but equally compelling, their takes are. Just to summarize a few:
–WS appears to be an abuser. This was a rare moment of the public seeing his private self. His family is unsafe.
–Nobody gets this upset when violence erupts between white celebrities. Alec Baldwin has drunkenly punched and accidentally shot someone else, and life goes on. So WS is being used as a scapegoat.
–Black people are stereotyped as violent and out of control no matter what they do. So don’t make this about respectability politics or say WS “made us look bad.”
–Violence isn’t ok, but it’s refreshing to finally see a Black woman defended in public.
–JPS will ultimately bear the brunt of this. She didn’t get a say in what her husband did, but it’s going to be associated with her forever.
–This is a disability rights issue (related to JPS’s alopecia). Covid has shown how little most people care about those with chronic conditions, and we’re tired of being expected to take it with “grace.”
Anon
I find very little of that compelling. We witnessed assault and battery on international television. I think all of us learned from age 2 to use our words and not to hit. If Will had used his words and only his words, he’d be the good guy. As it stands, he was very privileged and lucky not to get arrested.
anon
+1
Monday
Fair enough, of course. That’s where I started and also where I may land. I am white, and I do think it’s important to listen to Black commentators who say race is part of this. When is it not?
AIMS
I’ve been obsessively reading about this incident for some reason I can’t fully explain other than I need a distraction from the total h*llfire going on elsewhere in the world.
I don’t find any of this very compelling either and while race certainly may play into perspectives on this (both in terms of how the incident is perceived and depending on your own personal context) there are plenty of other Black perspectives on this too. And I don’t think you can separate this from fame/money/class either. WS has been a Hollywood A-Lister for over 25 years now. And to the comment above about the context being glossed over – I feel like every thing I read mentions the history and his last joke about JPS (which I didn’t think was actually all that offensive. It was mean but it wasn’t wrong).
Two things that I have noticed in all the “takes” -1) there are a lot of people who perceive CR as someone who is generally disrespectful to women and t/f they are willing to brush off what happened based on this “history” (both being mean to JPS and women generally). I have watched every one of CR’s specials, listened to many interviews with him, etc., and just don’t have that same feeling so this one is interesting to me but also kind of baffling (i know lots of women disagree; I just don’t get to the same conclusion).
2) the most unifying theme I can see to all the commentary is that this largely boils down to do you think it’s a “positive” for a man to hit someone to defend a woman’s honor or even to defend himself/his own “honor.” I think this crosses all political/other divides – there are people who think this is chivalrous/justified and people who think it’s dumb and your take will largely depend on where you fall on that spectrum. Fwiw – I don’t think it’s chivalrous at all here, esp. the ‘keep MY WIFE’s name…” part, which is wholly about WS and not about his actual wife (to me). But again I know some people think that was hot. So go fig.
Anon
I disagree that no one gets this upset about violence between white celebrities. Alec Baldwin shot someone on the set of a movie while in character. He didn’t think the gun would fire and was not trying to hurt anyone. He may have been negligent in his role as a producer with respect to gun safety regulations, but it wasn’t intentional violence and is totally different than intentionally slapping someone IMO.
Anon
Agree. Mel Gibson’s career mostly disappeared for years and Casey Affleck won Best Actor but once the allegations against him became well known, he wasn’t invited back to present the next year, as is traditional- that would certainly be good precedent for Will Smith. There have been a number of other actors I’ve liked in things and wondered what happened to their careers, only to google them and find out that there were allegations of violence and being difficult on set. The difference is that they didn’t do it live on national television, so their careers disappeared quietly.
Anon
People have been going after Alec Baldwin intensely on social media over the shooting incident and it doesn’t seem to be entirely political – one of my liberal friends is incensed about the whole incident and how everyone involved with the production is apparently just going to skate. I don’t think Alec is being given “a pass” on that at all, at least not in the Court of Public Opinion.
Anon
Thanks for sharing. I think it’s important to acknowledge that people are going to view this incident differently depending upon their own background and experience. But I don’t see any validity to any argument that this is somehow JPS’s fault – sheesh.
I enjoyed the NYT 4 columnists take on the incident.
MMM
The comments on the NYT4 opinion were pretty brutal.
Anonymous
Most of the Black commentators I’m seeing on Twitter have the take of “shut up white Karens / it’s shocking in a good way for someone to stand up for a Black woman.”
I also think it comes down to whether you view alopecia as a disability or something akin to being fat — the people who think it’s a disability are a lot more pissed at CR (and the white outrage) vs the slap. (Disability law does cover alopecia.) The people who think it’s more like a fat joke are more pissed at WS’s overreaction.
Anon
I don’t see how it’s akin to being fat. It’s an autoimmune disease that you have control over.
Anon
But even though I think it’s a disability and the joke was offensive, I think WS was totally out of line. Adults fight words with words. Physical violence is only justified in self defense.
ALT
I think the worst take I’ve seen is that WS and CR are both from the same “cultural other” in America, so it’s okay that this happened because they are from the same culture which is different than mainstream American culture.
Basically saying that since they are both black, it was okay. I was HORRIFIED to read that.
Anonymous
Wait until you find out that Hunter’s laptop was real.
Anonymous
Ugh not again
Anon
LOL. No, it’s not. Also, do we need to redirect you to Fox News or OANN yet again? Come on, sweetie, this is getting kind of tiresome.
OP
I took this as sarcasm in the same vein as my post “what I learned on facebook”
Anon
Me too.
Anon
It’s fascinating to me because people have been going after Jada for over a year on social media for admitting to that “entanglement” or whatever with another man, saying she “cheated,” Will is a (you know the c-word I am talking about), etc. But in Will’s own book, he says there was a recent period when they were separated (he is vague about the dates but I think from 2014-2018). Then he says that after his dad’s funeral, he and Jada decided to “hang in together till the end” which means (I think) they’ll stay married – but that doesn’t mean they’ll have a monogamous relationship.
So lots of misogyny and toxic masculinity coming forward in the discussion and the memes. Somehow it’s Jada’s fault because she “emasculated” Will (setting aside that they were likely separated when she had the other relationship). Will did it out of anger because someone had been messing with his woman (setting aside that people can choose to be in consensual nonmonogamous relationships and Will and Jada may be in one). I love how people are trying to blow this one incident up into commentaries about modern relationships/marriage, gender, violence in society, Black actors representing the entire Black community, and any other dang thing they can try to cram in there. Really this is about one person – Will Smith – and his bad choice to do something pretty reprehensible (hit another person) at the worst possible time he could have chosen. Who knows what the backstory is on the relationship between him and his wife? And why should we care? I feel like this incident has had its moment and we all need to move on, already.
OP
It only took two days to turn into misogyny. That is the point of my post. It’s frustrating and sad and I was venting.
Anon
Yes, I understand that.
Ellen
I think it is a disgrace that Will Smith came up and slapped Chris Rock on public TV. It was not a slur what he said, and Will Smith appeared to be quite pleased with himself for sucker slapping him. My Dad says he reflects poorly on all actors, and particularly Black actors as he did it premeditatively, as opposed to “in the moment”. If it were up to me, I would let him keep the statue he earned, but suspend him for a suitable period of time from making movies. There are enough other actors to play the role for whatever period of time is determined to be fair. We really don’t need to see that type of behavior in public. FOOEY on him!
FIRE
Anyone here have financial independence / early retirement (FIRE) goals? If so, what blogs do you like? Any advice you recommend?
I love Frugalwoods for its radical approach to frugality. It makes FIRE accessible to everyone, even without crazy high earnings.
I’m also wondering if anyone has experience with rental properties for passive income, or can weigh in on the benefits of that vs. investing. Also – would love to hear insights into what you’d recommend for investing!
helloanon
Years ago, I would read Mr Money Mustache and the forums regularly. People would post their budgets and other commenters would offer suggestions. Many of the suggestions were beyond where I was willing to go, but it was excellent food for thought. I also downloaded an excel sheet (maybe from MMM) where you input your account balances and ongoing regular savings and it calculates when you’ll be ready to retire early. At this pint, I find tracking my net worth over time to be the most motivating factor in saving money, even though I’ve moved somewhat beyond traditional FIRE in favor of taking sabbaticals throughout my career to travel, start a business, etc.
Curious
I like this approach. Though as a woman in tech, I may age out of being able to do this.
Anon
I was pretty FIRE and then I had kids and it was like lighting all of the cash in my wallet on fire and watching it burn. They’ll change my diapers when I’m old, right? RIGHT?!
Anywho, I’d only try a rental after watching Pacific Heights. It won’t likely be cash-positive unless you put a ton of $ down and nothing breaks. Make sure you understand what is legal in a lease and tenant screening. A bad tenant can ruin your finances; a horrid tenant can ruin your life. Get good insurance.
I don’t read a lot of blogs b/c I do finance for a living. I do follow some witty finance people on Twitter and Insta.
Anon
Hahaha yes to kids being like setting your wallet on fire. We only have one and live in a LCOL area so we’re doing better than many but oh man it’s depressing to think about where our retirement savings would be without daycare bills and college savings.
Lisa
Can I ask – does it cut into what you’d already saved or just impact your ability to save moving forward? For someone starting out, do you think it would it be possible to save a FIRE-ish amount before having kids and then just put money toward saving for their college?
Anon
Yes, I think so. Maybe not if you live in a studio pre-kid but yes.
Anon at 3:00
For us, it mostly impacted our ability to save. Our only savings pre-kid were retirement savings and a house down payment and we have not touched either of those. I don’t really know much about FIRE but biological children are a gamble for women after age 35, and it’s hard for me to imagine a couple saving enough to fully retire at 35 unless they came from family money or had very high six figure incomes in their 20s and early 30s, which would be unusual. And if both parents are fully retired, your costs to get health insurance for the entire family are going to be insane. Saving enough to downgrade into a lower stress, lower paying career that still provides some income and health insurance for the family would be much easier. That’s basically what I did, although my husband didn’t downshift his career and it would have been harder without his income.
Anon
Kids often cut into what you’ve already saved because they lead you to want a larger living space and often a car or a second car – both are big expenditures that people generally use their savings on. I also know many people who were in the red and relying on savings in the years that they had two kids in daycare or with a nanny, childcare is just incredibly expensive.
Anon
Anyone who wants to own rental property as part of a long-term investment strategy really needs to watch Bad Roommate on Netflix, particularly the last two episodes, about a serial toxic renter who used the legal system to stay places for months or years on end without paying. After seeing that, owning rental property gets a big NOPE from me.
Additionally, rental property seemed great and like it was a great passive income stream until the eviction moratoriums hit in the pandemic. Friends of friends drained their savings keeping their rental house afloat because the tenants stopped paying rent and couldn’t be evicted. I understand the need for the moratorium but it was a serious hit to small rental-property owners who were just leasing out a property or two for side cash. Now knowing that could happen again, we won’t be investing in rental property.
Anon
Rental properties have so many expenses that people never take into account. The 7 year old microwave will randomly die…followed two weeks later by the 7 year old fridge. The 60 year old CEO tenant will let her cat pee all over the house and you have to replace all the carpet and paint all the walls to get rid of the stench. Your neighbors who rent your house while theirs is being remodeled will have a special needs child who EATS your miniblinds and ceiling fan blades and paints the walls and carpets. The tenant leaves the garage door open on windy days and the pilot light on the gas hot water heater keeps getting blown out and they keep calling in a service call – how about you keep the garage door closed!?
And your choice is to give 10% of the rent to a property management company – who may or may not give a darn, who may or may not have the same standards as you, who may or may not be friends with the tenant and not charge them fees – or handle middle of the night stuff yourself.
We were landlords for 5 years during the Great Recession when the market fell out but we had to move and couldn’t afford the loss – what a holy nightmare. Never, ever, ever again.
Anon
Point taken, but there’s no need to paint special needs children as animals. Jeez…
Anon
She’s clearly speaking from experience, so I’m not sure what PC policing is accomplishing here.
Anons
Because people with disabilities are always the butt of the joke and it’s unnecessary.
anon
DH is managing a rental property that essentially serves as his retired mom’s income. (She owns the building but doesn’t want to be involved, much.) From my standpoint, it’s a pain in the butt and if it weren’t his mom’s income, I’d want DH to drop that side project in a second. It’s more work than you realize.
Bloedel Babe
I like Financial Samurai. He retired in his mid-30s about a decade ago, from a finance background. I really appreciate his insights on budgeting for various lifestyles, where the market is headed, and real estate geeking.
I own a rental property and I do not recommend it. My rental property is now vacant because I was so traumatized by my last tenant, who thankfully moved out in late 2021. I used to wake up to dozens of text messages over stuff like his not liking the angle of this newly installed 5-star reviewed kitchen sink. He also removed/stole light fixtures and left live wires hanging from the walls/ceiling. Tenant was a lawyer, so I was afraid he would bury me if I pursued him. I know said he was just a bad apple but I am still afraid to allow someone else in there that will harass me at all hours.
I’d like to sell but the property includes a detached 2 car garage full of family “stuff” that I simply cannot deal with around my demanding job and a back injury. At least the appreciation is covering my expenses.
Anonymous
thanks for the tip for Financial Samurai! his post on passive income looks fascinating. My husband and I may or may not be out of work before we’re 59 so I’m going to look into dividend investing.
MMM
I am somewhat FIRE motivated and for a long time read Mr Money Mustache. However, he started to grate on me and I stopped reading around the time he got divorced. His attitude about health insurance also really irritated me. But I did learn a ton from him and still go back to his bulletin board sometimes with questions.
I decided I don’t have the stomach for rental properties. Dealing with renters, hearing so many horror stories, having the time/interest/ability to manage the properties is probably beyond me. And I’m not so rich already that I can afford the splurge to buy good investment properties and pay to have them managed separately. Would never try to manage something remotely/out of state. I don’t like carrying all of that extra debt either. I’d rather buy REIT’s. So my plan is more focused on investing – mostly simple index funds and a few “blue chip” stocks (I’ve held my Apple for many years…. etc..).
Anonymous
And now his kid is a high school drop out and he’s cool with it.
Anon
Oof. I wondered if something like that was going to happen. I hope the kid is able to make a go of whatever they choose to do with just a GED, or whatever.
Anonymous
My dad manages the rentals properties that are above the stores that his family owns as well as a high end 20 unit building he owns part of. What I’ve learned from this is that more people struggle to pay rent than you’d think-it’s sad and nearly impossible to get them out of your property when they don’t pay, even without the covid moratorium.
I hate this but there is a ton of money to be made on higher end apartment rentals in our area- very little to be made on affordable decent clean safe places. And yes I’m slowly convincing him to renovate a lot of it. That said he got very good at picking tenants and coming up with ways of protecting himself. (Think merchant marines and the unemployed adult children of wealthy folks who can pay months of rent at a time.)
Anonymous
People are very bad at paying rent, a relative owns several rental properties and if I’ve learned anything it’s that the average person is financially illiterate.
Anon
People are very bad at paying rent is enough for me.
I live in Berkeley and considered renting out my first house when I bought my current house, but I fully realize that someone who doesn’t pay rent in Berkeley could find a way to legally stay in a unit for literal YEARS, and trash the unit before finally leaving (if ever) with zero consequences.
Anon
If you decide to go the rental property route be prepared to save any money left after paying the mortgage, property management fees, any repairs for the month etc, so that you can afford to pay for more major updates over time (roof, flooring, painting, etc). If can break it will and everything will wear out over time with multiple tenants. Basically you’ll need an emergency fund for your rental property. I used to have two houses, I got tired of constantly fixing the oldest one, remodeled and sold it last year and feel a little more secure that I can cover costs on just one rental house vs two.
I followed MMM for a bit but be warned he’s a cult leader and the commenters and his views seem to have gotten more rigid and judgy over time.
Apex money has a feed of personal finance bloggers (many FIRE related!) that you can look at daily, along with a now retired site Motley Fool All Star Money that lists a complement of FIRE and money related blog posts every day. You may find new favorites by visiting those sites.
I am very interested in FIRE but it is a marathon, not a sprint, so be sure and have some fun as well.
Anon
I like Frugalwoods because I found it interesting, but my recollection is that both she and her husband had very high-paying jobs before they moved to homestead, and that he retained his high-paying job for multiple years after they moved. They still bring in rental income, etc., that they were only able to obtain because of those jobs.
Anonymous
I’m sure someone has said it already, but as a long time property owner and landlord, rental property is not a passive investment. It’s a business. If you want to run a business, it’s great..
Anonymous
+1. We have rental properties, but one of us runs it as a business. If you want something passive, do a REIT.
Anon
We were talking about self-care/self-image pick me ups this morning. I just went to the drugstore makeup thread and ordered all the mascaras people recommended, as my current mascara has been letting me down. I know it’s a very small thing, but it seems like it will be fun to trial a bunch of new mascaras for a few weeks, and I certainly do need to find a new one because the flakes ain’t cute.
Anon
Fun! Getting new makeup and skincare can be such a little pick-me-up.
Anon
I would love to hear your reviews when you’ve tried them!
Anon
Will do! Glad to hear people will be receptive.
Anon
Aww, that’s so fun and I’d love to hear what you think about them!
Anonny
Awesome! I’ve been going through a similar mascara saga lately. My favourite all-time mascara got discontinued (Clinique’s lash doubling mascara in brown-black), so I’ve gone in search of a suitable replacement. As a very fair person I didn’t want anything too shockingly black. Barely any brands seem to make a brown-black shade (or retail it in stores, anyway) these days (I’m in a small- to mid-sized Canadian city, so that could play in). I’ve tried IT Cosmetics, ILIA Beauty, and Milk makeup mascaras so far, all in black. To date, ILIA’s has been the best all around for natural looking shade, easy application, long wear, and removal with micellar water.
Anon vent
Just a vent because I want to scream into the void and have no one IRL to whom I can say this. My MIL is the most selfish person I have ever met. Time and time again, she proves to me that she can only worry about herself and also that everyone in her orbit needs to help her with everything because she is helpless. There are years worth of situations that keep showing me that she cannot or will not concern herself for others. But, my kids, her grandkids, love her and I want them to have a good relationship with their Grandma, so I never say anything negative about her in front of them and I do my best to foster a close relationship between them.
Well, my MIL recently decided that she’s lonely (FIL passed away a few years ago) and she wants a companion, so she bought a puppy. She has owned a dog before (when her kids were growing up) so presumably knew what she was getting into. She’s older but active and healthy. My kids were over the moon and completely bonded with the adorable puppy, who, of course, was a handful. After a few weeks/month, she started to resent the puppy because it is so much work, she can’t ever do what she wants without worrying about it, she can’t leave it alone for long periods of time, etc. We kept encouraging her, telling her that it’s only a short lived phase, once the puppy is a little older it will be easier, she should give it some time, maybe hire a dog walker to help, etc. We also started taking the dog off her hands from time to time so she can get a break, the kids can play with the puppy, it’s a win win. The kids (and DH and I) bonded with the puppy and the kids worked on training him and took on a pride/responsibility for caring for the dog. She starts mentioning half joking that she wants to give the puppy away and also hinting that we should take the puppy off her hands. We have always felt that although we would love a dog, we are not in a position to own one at this time in our lives (live in a city, no backyard, 2 full time jobs, kids, we travel a lot).
You know where this is going… She just gave the dog away today. She actually fell (slipped on water near dog bowl) and broke her leg, so she can’t take care of the puppy temporarily until she is more mobile, but i think this was just the excuse she was looking for to get rid of him. We offered to take him temporarily until she is recovered and/or coordinate care thru a dog boarder but she kept finding reasons for why it won’t work and she’s forever unable to care for him. Although I saw it coming, I am devastated and also completely heartbroken for my kids. I am dreading picking them up from school today and breaking the news to them. And I’m having a hard time coming up with an answer to their questions of “why can’t we take him until Grandma is better?” that is anything other than “well, we offered that to Grandma and she just doesn’t want the dog and doesn’t like having the dog around because she’s selfish and it’s her decision.”
Ugh, I have shed way too many tears over this…
Anon
I’m going to believe you when you say MIL is a selfish person, but it does sound like the dog will be better off in a different home, and you’ve already said your home is not the place.
anon
+1 I really thought you were going to say she left the puppy on your door step after the “You know where this is going…” line. Keeping a puppy you’re not able to appropriately care fore because your grandkids bonded with it is selfish. I don’t think her move was selfish. I trust that she’s a very selfish person – my MIL is horrendous. But, I don’t think this discrete action was.
Anna
I thought so too, that she just put a bow on the puppy and gave it to the children. The puppy is clearly to much for her and now she has a broken leg
Bloedel Babe
Gently, it sounds like you established a boundary (not taking the dog) and she respected it. Selfish would be if she ignored your boundary and pushed the puppy onto you, especially knowing that she didn’t actually want a dog after all.
Sounds like she did not think through a puppy and seized this opportunity to get her freedom back. That is a real shame, but happens a lot. Thankfully she re-homed the dog while it was still in that desirable puppy stage!
Imagine if you relented and took the puppy in. Six months (weeks?) later, she says she can’t handle the dog and you either have to (1) accept long-term ownership, or (2) do what she has already done, and deal with *that* level of heartbreak from your kids who will be waaaaay more attached to “their” dog.
Anon
I agree with all of this. You said you wouldn’t take the dog. She broke her leg, and I don’t think she got herself into a cast as an excuse.
anon
This is a good take. Your MIL probably shouldn’t have gotten the dog to begin with, but what’s done is done.
Anonymous
I have a few very selfish people in my life too, you have my sympathies, I don’t have a solution either.
Cat
This is disappointing but I agree that the alternative of you being surprise-surprise stuck with the dog is probably worse.
As far as the kids, try to think of ways to tell them that doesn’t lead them down the path of “why couldn’t we keep it.” “Grandma’s accident means she can no longer care for Rover, so she made the really hard decision that he should go stay with another family to play with. I know you guys were so proud of the training you were working on! Maybe we can volunteer at a shelter sometimes so you can play with more puppies.”
Anonymous
Likewise, i’ll take your word for it that she’s a terrible person. But I’m puzzled about why this situation makes her a terrible person? She bit off more than she could chew. She started to realize it, and began to talk about not being able to keep the dog. She hinted that you might take the dog. You and your family love the dog but do not want it. She fell and broke her leg, leaving her unable to care for the dog. That was the circumstance that finally sealed the deal, so she found a home for the dog. You offered to care for the dog until she’s better, but that wouldn’t solve anything, it would only delay the inevitable (or you’d end up with a dog you don’t want, and be blaming her for that). I don’t understand why this makes her selfish?
Anon
I agree OP can make this a teachable moment for her kids.
1) we love the dog, and that means wanting what’s best for the dog
2) what is best for the dog is not a family like ours that is gone from the house all day, and not an owner like grandma, who physically can’t care for the dog any more
3) learn from this that adopting a dog is a big responsibility we should never take lightly
Anon
I don’t think she’s obligated to keep a dog for the sake of your kids, tbh. It’s not great to rehome a dog but maybe it’s possible that it’s a greater challenge than she anticipated given her age. Slipping and breaking a leg is a big deal when you’re older. The kids will understand. You can’t take him until grandma is better because she’s not up for caring for a dog, right? And you can’t keep the dog forever. Easy enough to explain.
Anon
Someone who is in over their head is not obligated to stay that way just so their grandkids don’t experience a bit of disappointment. Someone’s being selfish here, but it ain’t your MIL.
anon
Oh, come on, that’s not what OP was saying.
Anon
I think it’s pretty selfish to get a puppy when you’re not at all prepared to care for it. If MIL wanted companionship there are older dogs looking for homes who would have been a lot lower maintenance. Cats are also a lot lower maintenance than dogs.
Anon
I’m surprised everyone is defending her. I think she sounds like a horrible person just based on this. The broken leg was unforeseeable but she was ready to give the dog away before that. You shouldn’t adopt an animal unless you can care for it for life. I view pets as part of the family (yes, I have kids, I know dogs and kids aren’t equivalent, but they’re still part of the family to me) and you and your kids have lost an extended family member. You have every right to be devastated and heartbroken, as do they. The fact that your own family wasn’t in a position to adopt the dog doesn’t make the loss any less sad.
anonymous
I’m also a pets are family person. In this situation I’m glad MIL doesn’t have the dog any more. She doesn’t sound responsible and I don’t think the dog would get the best care from her. It is a sad situation, but like others said I hope you can make it a teachable moment. I also get that you are pissed at her for putting you in this situation. I hope she doesn’t get any more pets.
Anonymous
I only have my beloved cat because his first owner gave him away. I don’t see anything wrong with responsibly rehoming a pet to someone better able to care for it. As a second owner, the idea that my cat is somehow traumatized is absurd.
Anon
I agree that given the inability to care for it, rehoming may be the best option. But everyone knows puppies are a ton of work. I’ve heard multiple people say they’re almost as much work as newborn children. I think it makes you a bad person to adopt a puppy when you’re not prepared to put in the work to care for it. To me, what MIL isn’t much different than getting your kids a puppy for Christmas and returning it when the kids get bored and you realize how much work it is, which I thought was pretty universally regarded as a vile thing to do. I view rehoming an animal because of the animal’s behavioral issues or a major change in life circumstances (e.g., divorce) very differently.
To the point about adoption and trauma, it really depends on the specific animal and the circumstances in the first home. All my dogs have been shelter dogs and some were not traumatized but many were.
Anon vent
OP here. Thanks for all your responses. After taking some deep breaths, all of your perspectives really helped. I 100% agree and am taking solace in the fact that the dog will be better off with a new family who can give him the care and attention he needs.
I think my judgement and perspective has been clouded by the long history of my MIL taking advantage of and using people when it is convenient for her and then failing to step up when any effort is required on her part of the relationship. She has done this time and time again. And I feel like the dog is another example- she wants a puppy so it can be cute and cuddly and then when effort is required on her part she loses interest and resents the dog.
As many responses mentioned, I will use this as a teachable moment for my kids. I wasn’t suggesting that she keep the dog just so her grandkids can play with him. I just feel like she made the decision to take on a puppy and then just gave up on him when she realized there would be work involved.
The broken leg is another factor, but again, I believe she had already made up her mind beforehand. She is otherwise active and healthy and perfectly physically capable of taking care of the dog. We would’ve come up with a solution to temporarily cover the time period while she recovers from her injury. Doctor predicts a full recovery, so really just 4-6 weeks where we we willing to bridge the gap if she wanted. But also agree and am realizing that we probably dodged a bullet of the scenario where we take him “temporarily” and then get stuck.
At the end of the day, this was the right decision for the dog and everyone involved. I’m just sad and trying to process it all. Thanks for all your perspectives.
Mr clean
Do all wigs look wiggy? For every lace wig I’ve seen in person, I’ve always noticed the lace (despite the obvious application of makeup and concealer). I’ve come across lots of YouTube videos on how to blend the lace onto the skin but I wonder how they actually look in person.
nuqotw
Wigs look wiggy when the blending is done by an amateur. A professional (level) job is really key here.
(I live in a culture where many married women cover their hair with a wig; my observation is that wigs with bangs are very popular because they conceal the hairline and therefore the wig.)
Anon
But wigs with bangs look more obviously like a wig, unless you are the kind of person who always wears bangs. Wigs are really telltale once you get used to spotting them. Nothing wrong with that though!
nuqotw
This is very true. I can tell too.
Anon
I had no idea a colleague of mine wore a wig until I asked her one day where she got her hair done, because I needed a new stylist, and she told me that it was a wig for religious reasons! Yes it had bangs, but clearly it was good enough to fool a close colleague! It looked completely natural and I had not even a hint of an idea.
Anon
depends who makes them. My mom had multiple brain surgeries and a few different wigs and some looked better than others. She had a few that were pretty perfect and no one could tell, in fact i even once mistook the wig for her real hair (i hadn’t seen her in a couple of months)
No Face
If fake hair is done right, you never know it’s there.
Anon
You only “see” the wigs that are done poorly – if they are done well, you probably assume it’s their real hair :) It’s different, but I’ve worn extensions for the past 5+ years, and everyone is always shocked when I tell them since it’s so well blended. But if you’d only judged by the extensions you’d noticed on the street, you’d think it would be impossible to blend well since you are only noticing the ones that are not blended.
Anon
I also live in a wig-wearing religious community and I almost always recognize a wig or extensions. It’s not so much the visibility, but often that the luxuriousness of the hair that doesn’t match the age or lifestyle of the wearer, for example. I often think that thin, less luxurious wigs and extensions look far more natural.
Anonymous
Look at Devwigs on Instagram. High end wig sales accounts are a rabbit hole I enjoy exploring!
Anon
Well you’re not going to notice the good ones.
Anonymous
Yesterday it was in the 30s, today it’s in the 60s — how do other people deal with huge swings in weather? I have the worst headache right now.
Cat
nasal rinses and Sudafed to help with the sinus pressure.
anon
Ugh, right there with you. I’ve had a headache all week.
No Face
Complain.
Anon
Hard same.
Ribena
If you also want to dress as a tennis ball, this suit is for you!
Anon
As someone who cannot successfully wear pastels or bright white, the fun spring colors give me FOMO. I wish color trends worked so that there was an option for each of the seasons when trends shift. When pastels or neons are trendy, I feel sad. There are real problems in the world and this is not one of them, but still.
Anonymous
Awww! Have you tried neons and pastels in pants and shoes and accessories? I find as long as theyre not right at my face, it doesn’t matter if the color” works “for me or not.
Curious
We can have this not-problem together, because I hear you.
Nesprin
Agreed. Am discovering that I am not a ‘fall’ as much as I am a thanksgiving. All the cranberry, pumpkin, sage, and wine colors plz.
Anonymous
Thoughts on Cancun – in early June – for a family with 7 & 10 year olds? (7yo is ND and very much “in his own space and time”)
Anon
It’s offseason but I went to Cancun in July and it was cheap and lovely. I haven’t been to Cancun with a kid that age, but in general I think all-inclusive beach resorts are about as easy as you can get for family travel. Depending on how severe your kid’s special needs are, you might look at Beaches, which is more set up to cater to autistic kids than many resorts (but also $$$$). But I think many kids with ADHD or ASD-1 would be fine at any beach resort. There isn’t a schedule to be adhered to, there are lots of activities to choose from and there are usually good options for even the pickiest eaters.
OP
Do you like very hot weather?
Anon
(Sorry not OP
Anon
I feel like you don’t notice the hot weather when you’re spending so much time in the ocean and pool and drinking cold drinks. I’ve been in 90 degrees in Cancun and it was totally fine, I didn’t even really notice the heat. 90 in Europe or NYC trying to walk around and be a tourist is absolutely miserable to me.
Anon
There are issues with tides and seaweed at certain points in the summer. Confirm this won’t impact your trip before booking
Anon
Beaches completely covered with smelly sargassum and even water clogged with it up near the beach is a real problem. Make sure the resort you book has a large, appealing pool. You may need it. There’s a fb group “sargassum monitoring” that might be helpful.