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For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. I really love the slightly vintage vibe to this suit from one of Nordstrom's most affordable lines, Halogen. The The jacket (Halogen® One-Button Peplum Jacket) is $138, the skirt (Halogen® Pencil Suit Skirt) is $68, and the pants (Halogen® Straight Leg Suit Pants) are $88. The suit comes in regular, petite, and plus sizes. Psst: Note that a very similar Halogen suit that we liked back in January is now on sale for 40% off – lots of sizes still left. (L-all)Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Parker
If only they had tall sizes for their pants.
Diana Barry
+1. I just bought a Halogen jacket that is nice, but the skirt was quite a bit too short for me.
lsw
+ a million
Liz
+everything. Also, their skirts are plenty long (I’m 5’10” and they’re juuuust above the knee), so why can’t they make long pants?
Anonymous
I’ve gotten their regular length pants taken out and that works for me. I’m 5’9″.
Sydney Bristow
I have a Halogen suiting skirt that I really like. The quality is very nice.
I have a brainstorming request. I’m working on the playlist for our wedding. We aren’t having dancing or hiring a DJ so we are making our own Spotify playlist. I’ve collected our favorite songs and am looking to fill it out some more. So, what kind of music do you like to play during a dinner party or whenever you host a party?
Songs or artists who are generally positive and don’t have a lot of profanity are preferred! (I’ve realized how much of my favorite music is about heartbreak or has a lot of words my grandmother wouldn’t appreciate)
Anonymous
I love some good jazz while eating- mellow, but not stodgy
Sydney Bristow
That’s a good suggestion. I don’t know much about jazz. Any favorite artists or songs?
Carrie...
Classic Miles Davis.
The Modern Jazz Quartet, if you like that cool vibe.
Another nice twist would be Cesaria Evora. Nice….
Monday
Fun! My wedding dinner playlist started a lot of conversations, and it’s great to get a little creative. Sometimes the music can get people talking if they’re assigned to tables where they don’t already know everyone. I thought about: a) songs, artists or genres that would remind guests of certain times in their lives with me/us. You know how there was sometimes “that song” from “that summer”? Etc. b) soundtrack songs from movies and shows that we like, from snobby to trash. A lot of it is instrumental, but people recognize it immediately and will laugh and/or discuss.
Wildkitten
Yes – 90’s hits. “Wow that’s what I call music” type songs.
Anonyc
Oh, hells yeah. First time I went with my husband to his BigLaw holiday party they started playing “my music” later in the evening and he had to almost physically restrain me, I wanted to dance so bad (he’d been there about half a year and wasn’t ready for dancing-in-front-of-coworkers).
So, ahem: many of the songs on this list–http://thoughtcatalog.com/rob-fee/2013/11/60-songs-from-the-90s-that-will-instantly-put-you-in-a-good-mood/ (I’ll acknowledge many are not appropriate, or even dance-y).
As for non-dance times: Classical, great American songbook, or jazz for dinner is always nice.
One research option might be seeing if you can get your hands on a wedding band’s playlist–we were able to tell our band about 50 songs we liked, so they knew what we wanted.
Sydney Bristow
Great idea! We are already incorporating some soundtrack songs for the walk in for the ceremony and our exit song but I’ll come up with some others from our favorite movies. I like the nostalgia songs too.
la vie en bleu
this is where I turn to songs in other languages, since (presumably) your guests won’t be able to understand what they’re saying either way (big assumption, but if it doesn’t apply, ignore me). I like French chanson-style: Edith Piaf, Paris Combo, and try Pink Martini. And bossa nova, often in Portuguese: Bebel Gilberto, Jobim. But there is also amazing International music in every style if you look around iTunes/Amazon.
Rogue Banker
That is a brilliant idea.
Anon.
Similarly, our wedding dinner music was all string-quartet versions of our favorite rock music. Grandma didn’t know she was listening to anything other than elevator music; the friends who recognized then tunes could him along; everyone wins!
Sydney Bristow
Genius!
la vie en bleu
Aww, thanks! ;o) Honestly, I stumbled on this idea when wanting music to listen to at work to help me concentrate, but I am not fluent enough in French for the lyrics to distract me. And then I discovered all of these internet radio stations from all over the world with amazing music with almost no English lyrics. I love it!
Sydney Bristow
And see, I found that dubstep was good background noise for when I studied. However, most dubstep isn’t the best wedding music!
Bonnie
I love the cut of this jacket and have been impressed with Halogen suiting.
For a dinner party, I like to play Sinatra, etc. There’s actually a Spotify list called Frank Sinatra Dinner.
Sydney Bristow
I’ve got some Sinatra on the list already. I’ll have to check out the list though. Thanks!
Rogue Banker
Motown. Classy, fun, transitions perfectly into the dancing part of the night. May have to look through the songs for happy lyrics, but you should be able to find some good stuff there. I know Stevie Wonder has quite a few good ones (Isn’t She Lovely is a solid contender for my father-daughter dance when the time comes).
Not sure if the beachy vibe will fit with the mood/theme of your ceremony, but Jimmy Buffett also fits the “mostly positive, no bad language, fun songs” criteria. And if I don’t use Isn’t She Lovely, then Delaney Talks to Statues is gonna be my dance with my dad. :)
tesyaa
Motown songs with happy lyrics:
“Second that Emotion” by the Miracles
“I Hear a Symphony” by the Supremes
“Loving You Is Sweeter than Ever” by the Four Tops
“My Girl” by the Temptations
Zelda
+1 to Motown or 60’s/70’s soul in general. Lot’s of fun, happy stuff, familiar to everyone from grandma on down, and even the sad stuff often sounds upbeat (e.g. Build Me Up Buttercup).
S in Chicago
I never even thought about the Build Me Up Buttercup lyrics.
And I thought Born in the USA was ruined. :P
tesyaa
Motown music is so upbeat but most of the lyrics are about infidelity or broken relationships – and we’re talking about a wedding here
Sydney Bristow
tesyaa, that’s why this has been more difficult than I anticipated! Even the happy sounding songs are about sad things.
Mpls
The song for my parent’s first dance (Tennessee Waltz) is about a guy who lost his girl to his best friend. I think they just had an instrumental version :)
CapHillAnon
Dinner party music at our house is Madeleine Peyroux, Beck, and the White Stripes. Sometimes we’ll play the soundtracks to Rushmore and Buena Vista Social Club, and sometimes music by Rodrigo y Gabriella. I’m not sure how much of that is sufficiently upbeat or wedding-appropriate, but that’s what we play.
HSAL
I like chill, folky music for background. Norah Jones, Jakob Dylan (solo, not Wallflowers), Jack Johnson, etc.
momentarily anonymous
I like to try to pick songs that mean something to our friends. My friends and I had A Song from our senior year, my husband’s friends had their favorite song to request out at the bar, etc. It gets certain groups of people excited / nostalgic when they hear them.
Sydney Bristow
I’ve had the most fun picking songs out with this in mind. It’s also the reason that I’m planning to play at least 1 Missy Elliott song regardless of the lyrics. My best friend is going to officiate and we listened to a TON of Missy in high school.
Clementine
Two suggestions, depending on the vibe of your wedding:
1) Old school swing and Sinatra, stuff like “Fly me to the Moon”, Artie Shaw, “Beyond the Sea”, “At Last” by Etta James, Glen Miller, etc.
2) Old folk.
ljinlondon
I went to a wedding where we were asked to suggest a favourite song when replying and they all went in the reception playlist – it ended up a bit eclectic but it was a nice way to feel included and people got up to dance when the song they’d picked came on.
goirishkj
Shoot, hit report instead of reply.
I wanted to say I went to a wedding where the bride and groom did this and it was a lot of fun.
Miss Behaved
My parents went to a wedding where they did this, too.
Sydney Bristow
That’s a good idea, but we’ve already had our RSVP cards printed and didn’t include that. Thanks for the suggestion though!
TO Lawyer
I love Michael Buble for things like this.
NYNY
We did something similar; an ipod was our replacement for a dj or band, except for the mariachi band that played during our pre-ceremony c*cktail hour. It was mostly DH’s project, but we created the rule that everything had to be a love song. He made a slower, mellower playlist for dinner, and a more upbeat playlist for dancing/socializing.
For dinner, we had some folk songs (Joni Mitchell’s “Case of You” was one), some jazz vocals (Chet Baker doing “My Funny Valentine”), and American songbook classics (Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett).
How soon is the wedding? How are you holding up?
Sydney Bristow
Glad to hear it worked out for you! Folk and generally some 60s stuff is featuring pretty heavily on our playlist.
The wedding is on the 4th of July. The playlist and writing the ceremony are the only things we really have left to do. It has actually been pretty easy and once we picked a venue (my parents’ backyard) everything has gone really smoothly. I’m hoping it continues!
Everyone, thank you so much for the suggestions! I knew you all would have some great ideas!
Must be Tuesday
Paul Simon!
I’m taking note of this thread, because we’re also creating our own playlist for our July wedding.
NYNY
You’re getting married on our 10th anniversary! Congrats!
Sydney Bristow
Aw yay! My fiancé picked the date once he realized it was a Saturday this year. We’re excited to have fireworks every year on our anniversary!
Congratulations Must be Tuesday!
NYNY
4th of July is a great wedding date (was my paternal grandparents’, too), because:
1) You always get the day off
2) Fireworks!
3) You will never forget the date
Anonsg
I listen to the Disney fairy tale wedding album on Spotify at work. They’re romantic instrumental versions of popular Disney love songs.
L in DC
I like jazzy blues for background music. The “Black Keys” Pandora station is great for this.
Apples
What kind of neckline goes with this jacket? Nothing seems right because of the lapel cutouts, but I like it otherwise (have it).
http://www.anntaylor.com/all-season-stretch-one-button-jacket/356011?colorExplode=false&skuId=18081336&catid=cata000013&productPageType=fullPriceProducts&defaultColor=3576
Wildkitten
Pendant!
Wildkitten
I read the question wrong.
Bonnie
Any shirt with a rounded neckline would work. I wouldn’t wear a button-down with narrow lapels like these.
ErinF
I’m wearing a jacket like this today and I’m wearing a low-ish cowl neckline (with a cami).
Anon
You guys are always so great with food/recipe suggestions, so here’s another one for you.
I’m hosting a party for my daughter’s first birthday. There will be about 20 adults, 1 preschooler, a couple of toddlers and a handful of babies. The guest list also include a few vegans/vegetarians. The party is at lunch time. We are getting a platter of wraps from a deli for the main course. Let’s assume that none of the wraps are vegan. What can I serve to fill out the meal that is SUPER easy and reasonably inexpensive? My ideas so far are tortilla chips and guacamole, hummus and pita, fruits and veggies. Is that enough? Is that enough for the vegan/vegetarians? Should I serve things that are specifically baby/toddler friendly? Any ideas/input would be appreciated. There isn’t table seating for everyone, so things that can be eaten from a plate on a lap while a bunch of kids are running amok are good.
Blonde Lawyer
How about veggie/bean burgers?
Jumpingjack
I second veggie burgers – make sure they’re vegan, many are not. How about also a veggie (crudite) platter with some dip. The vegans can dip in the hummus. You can usually find a pre-made platter at the grocery store, or throw one together with baby carrots, celery, radishes, broccoli, sugar snap peas.
And can’t the deli do cheese sandwiches, for the vegetarians?
Michelle
can’t the deli do some vegetarian/vegan choices? I’ve seen grilled vegetable wraps lots, and as you say hummus can make a great vegan wrap too. I’d also do a tossed salad for everyone, along with hummus with veggies to dip if you don’t do hummus wraps. most places will do a caprese-type mozzarella/tomato/pesto or basil for vegetarians.
AIMS
I would just make sure the wraps have some vegan/veggie options like roasted vegetables in a wrap and maybe some kind of cheese wrap. I think if you know you have vegans in the group to have wraps as a main for everyone and then only hummus/guac for them is kind of inconsiderate. I would probably add a big pasta salad or something like that as an additional side (buy some good pesto, toss with a box of pasta and some olive oil, add some halved cherry tomatoes and parsley and have some cheese on the side; if you want to fancy it up, I like to do sun dried tomato pesto, a bit of mayo, walnuts, cherry tomatoes and corn with lots of parm and Italian parsley).
I think fruits and veggies are good for the kids, you may want to add some little finger sandwiches that will be easy for them to eat. And get lots of juice boxes and other tiny sized drinks.
la vie en bleu
vegans can’t eat the mayo in the pasta salad, or most store bought pestos, as they usually contain Parmesan. I would do a similar idea but a bean salad. or something else with vegan protein: any bean based item, but you can make a big quinoa/bean salad pretty quickly and the veggies,chips, hummus works for everyone.
Zelda
You could also do pasta salad dressed with a (homemade or store bought) vinaigrette. Pasta salad has a wider appeal (speaking as someone who is generally a pretty adventurous eater but won’t touch most bean salads with 2 foot pole)!
Anonymous
Since when is bean salad adventurous?
Zelda
Never said it was. My point was that pasta salad seems to have wider appeal, judging from my personal preferences and observations of numerous multiple potlucks/buffet meals.
tesyaa
I think vegans are pretty used to bean salad and might prefer it over pasta.
la vie en bleu
But pasta salad has no protein, so it’s great as a side, but not really a sandwich substitute for someone who is fully vegan. It’s nice to give them something that makes for a complete meal.
Bonnie
I’m a vegetarian and hate pasta salad because it’s usually the only thing I can eat at cookouts. I agree with the ideas for something with protein like a quinoa or bean salad.
Anonymous
Adding edamame to a salad works.
Guacamole is simple to make and is vegan.
Must be Tuesday
A simple quinoa salad with olive oil and chopped cucumbers and bell peppers.
la vie en bleu
you can throw a can of garbanzo beans in this and it becomes a vegan main.
AR
How about make your own wrap station – buy the spinach tortillas, have a few different kinds of hummus and then veggies. Cucumbers, carrot strings, sprouts, spinach, bell peppers, avocado, etc. That way people can dip or make their wrap and go on their way.
For toddlers, if you have fruit, veggies, crackers, and cheese out they will pretty much go nuts. We always tended to bring our own stuff for babies, and even our toddlers so I wouldn’t worry too much about them.
Chicago anon
Chicago r e t t e ‘ s, which are your favorite neighborhoods to live in for 30somethings and why?
anonchi
Pretty much anything south of Irving Park, north of Roosevelt, and east of Western that isn’t Wrigleyville. I have a ton of friends moving to South Loop and am considering it myself. Important to me: walk to CTA, walk to restaurants/bars, walk everywhere because cars are stupid.
Must be Tuesday
I agree with this. I’d also add in Logan Square and Andersonville. Close to public transportation, quiet enough neighborhoods with lots of housing options, but still some lively areas with restaurants/shops/etc.
Terry
In an ideal world I’d live in a 2.5 million dollar mansion in Lincoln Park. In this world I live in the South Loop and like it a lot.
Pro: Mostly convenience, which I value in my 30s more than in my 20s. The apartments in the South Loop tend to be newer, which means they are more likely to have in-unit dishwashers, washing machines and other advantages of new construction. I’d love to live in a beautiful old building, as some north side friends do, but the reality I’ve observed is no dishwasher and a shared building laundry room. In one memorable case there was a surprise 5-figure special assessment to bring the building up to code. I’m fairly near many highways (necessary because I work in the burbs) and the red and green train lines. There’s plenty of day-to-day stuff: coffee shops, grocery stores, gyms, etc.
Con: The north side is definitely more happening. If you want to wander around window-shopping, go to an interesting show, etc, you’re probably going to take the train to Lincoln Park, Wicker Park, etc.
anon-oh-no
Lakeview and Roscoe Village. hands down. Lincoln Park is great, but super expensive and a little too pretentious for my taste. LV/RV are both way more down to earth.
South Loop area is cool, but not if you have/plan to have kids.
Chi Anon
My 30-something siblings live in Bridgeport and love it. Everyone in the neighborhood is around that age with young children. It has a really residential feel but is still accessible.
Jennifer
I’ve lived in Streeterville for the past 5 years and LOVE it. Can be pricey, but there is a large mix of buildings and ages and you are so close to everything downtown.
Thoughts on feeling old
Just want to say thanks for all the responses yesterday on feeling old at 35. You really gave me alot of perspective. Most importantly I did not realize that there were people in their twenties feeling the same way. And to Senior Attorney, you gave me hope with your response. I’ve been feeling like it’s all down hill from here, glad to know it’s not :).
Senior Attorney
My pleasure. TOTALLY not all downhill from here! Not by a long shot! :)
nutella
I enjoyed reading the discussion yesterday, too! I am still in my 20s and have certainly felt the same at some point. I too especially liked what Senior Attorney said and thought about my own mother and how many of her life’s highlights have happened in her 30s, 40s, 50s, and now 60s.
CountC
I wasn’t able to chime in yesterday, but I wanted to say I am about to turn 35 also, am starting a new career, a new relationship, etc., so in society’s eyes, I am way behind, but I still feel good about where I am and that I have a lot of life left in front of me. And I am only getting better with age! Truly. I am more self-aware, confident, and happy. I still have my struggles to be sure (massive anxiety I am looking at you), but I absolutely expect things to keep getting better instead of going downhill.
Happy early birthday!
Lila Fowler
Not a lawyer here, but in a position to hire one. I work for a financial services firm in NYC and we are looking to hire someone in house. There is an existing legal department, but this person would be dedicated to MY department so I have a vested interest in getting the best candidates possible. I don’t think we want to use a head hunter. What are some of the best ways to work my network/are there some sites out there that lawyers frequent in particular that are best to post to other than LinkedIn? Thanks!
Anonymous
Use a head hunter. It’s the best way to get quality candidates.
TNTT
Honestly, I’d use a search firm. That’s what most of the best candidates are using to find their next position. Lateral Link is one that doesn’t have a ton of in house offerings, so yours would be looked upon as a pretty prime option for many.
Zelda
I agree with this, but if you also want to use a site, I highly recommend goinhouse dot com. I checked it daily when I was looking for a new in house job.
Lila Fowler
Thanks for the feedback all!
Andrea
You could also send the listing to the NY City Bar. If you are trying to hire someone you’ll like, a friend of a friend, posting the opening on your linkedin or facebook pages is a good idea so your friends will refer people they know.
In House Counsel
Sorry for the belated reply but wanted to suggest advertising on the Association of Corporate Counsel (ACC) website that is focused only on in-house gigs. I along with several other friends found our current jobs via the ACC jobbank
AMB
Can I express my appreciation for this group? I found the conversation this morning on how you know if your partner is ‘the one’ so interesting and thought provoking, as I consider my current relationship. Thanks to all!
espresso bean
The conversations have been really intriguing lately! So much good dialogue here about relationships, family, money, career… I love reading all the different perspectives!
CherryScary
I’ll second this! Been doing some relationship evaluation lately, and it’s nice to see other perspectives.
anonymous
I’ll third it!
Anon
Is it a huge faux pas to re-wear a black suit jacket two days in a row? It will be with a different dress.
If this is at least “OK”, how best to have it be fresh for tomorrow – rinse the pits out and Dryel it?
Emily
my pits don’t usually touch the jacket … so I would just use a wider hanger to force the fabric apart in order to air efficiently.
TNTT
Definitely fine, I do it all the time. Does it seem super stinky? If not, don’t bother trying to “wash” – I’d go with a spritz of Febreze and that’s it.
ETA: If it does seem super stinky … then it’s probably not fine.
anon-oh-no
totally fine and I can’t imagine having to wash it at all. just hang it up so its not a wrinkled mess.
Snickety
If you’re just worried that people will notice the same jacket, don’t be. Do you ever remember what your co-workers wore yesterday? I don’t, unless it’s something way out of the norm.
Question
Do you send a thank you for a phone interview?
mascot
Yes, even if it isn’t face to face it is still an interview and still took up the time of your interviewer(s).
Anonymous
yes, an email.
Question
Thanks! Thank you email sent.
Good books?
Looking for good books when one is feeling blue. My tastes trend toward contemporary, some chick lit so long as it’s not too fluffly, historical fiction, stories set in other countries or cultures
kc esq
I like Liane Moriarty for a lighter mood. Also loved Longbourn (from the POV of the servants in Pride and Prejudice).
Must be Tuesday
Marian Keyes – chick lit but not too fluffy, mostly set in England or Ireland (assuming that’s not where you live)
Jhumpa Lahiri – contemporary, most characters are of Indian descent (if that’s a different culture for you; it is for me). I wouldn’t really call her light reading, but she’s not very heavy or depressing either.
Miss Behaved
Recent books I’ve loved are The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins (it’s being hyped as the next Gone Girl), Unbecoming by Rebecca Scherm and Descent by Tim Johnson. Also, I just read The Accidental Empress by Allison Pataki and The Daughter of Time by Josephine Tey. They’re both Historical Fiction.
The Daughter of Time was a recommendation from this site and quite good.
Jen
Definitely “Where’d You Go, Bernadette?” It’s hilarious and keeps you engrossed.
guest
Was going to suggest this! It’s like the book equivalent of raspberry sorbet or something like that. Such a treat.
Senior Attorney
My lovely Australian friend Monique McDonell writes delightful chick lit that is available for next to nothing in Kindle versions: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_10?url=search-alias%3Ddigital-text&field-keywords=monique%20mcdonell&sprefix=monique+mc%2Cdigital-text%2C267 It’s pretty fluffy but great for when you’ve got the blues.
Flower
Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand. Second to anything by Liane Moriarty. The Rosie Effect (that’s leaning more towards fluff, but it’s fun). Anything by Nick Hornby.
Sometimes, if I’m really blue and just need to get myself immersed in something, I re-read some of my favorite books from high school or college – something that I know I will love reading.
CountC
Mary Roach’s books. They are hilarious and informative! Packing for Mars would be an especially good one if you are blue IMO.
Rogue Banker
Heartily seconded. She’s brilliant, and you learn a LOT of interesting facts while you’re being entertained. I’ve not been able to decide if Packing for Mars or Bonk was my favorite, and Six Feet Over is great if you’re in an introspective kinda mood.
Basically, her entire body of work is fantastic.
AnonForThis-Difficult communication
I need some help with communicating a simple thing to my ex-manager.
The manager in question hired me six years back. He is more than 30 years elder to me. He goes for lunch and a short walk with a different person each day of the week. The person can be his friend or a colleague. So myself and him go for a walk once every week even though he is not my manager any more. He has changed the teams and doesn’t work with me on a day to day basis. But he still keeps in touch with me and others in my group. Others go with him on other days of the week.We have been going out for lunch/walk from last six years.
He divorced his first wife three years back. He has been with another lady from last two years. She is not an American and comes from a conservative country. Even I come from a conservative country, so I kind of get her view. She is very uncomfortable with us having lunch together once a week. In the beginning he didn’t care much. After some time he had to promise her that he will never drive with me alone for lunch (which we used to do when it was raining/extremely hot). She still feels very insecure and my manager is suggesting that we should all have dinner together (me, my husband, him and his wife) to alleviate her fears.
I just don’t want to go for a walk with him any more. I don’t want to make any one insecure. I neither want to hang out with her. How do I convey this to my manager? I don’t know why I have such a difficult time to let him know this. It is more of feeling of awkwardness or may be I feel sad that I can no longer be a friend with him.
Senior Attorney
Can you invite one or two other people to join you for your lunches/walks? Would that address the problem?
If not, you just have to be direct: “This is getting a little complicated and I feel like the best thing to do is just skip the lunches from now on. I don’t want to make her feel insecure and I feel like a couples dinner would just make it a bigger deal than it has to be without solving the problem. I’ll miss our lunches/walks but all good things must come to an end.”
POSITA
Can you just include a third person for lunch? I think that would remove a lot of the awkwardness.
Ellen
This is an INTERESTING DILEMNA. But there is a solution–YAY! The man is alot older then you, like the manageing partner is with me. To make sure no one think’s there is any funny busness between me and him (or me and the judge, who is also older then me), we go out together, and where the manageing partner is concerned, with Margie, who I am very freindly with. She know’s I am NOT interested sexueally in the manageing partner, and she is cool with me hanging out with him during and after work, doeing CLE’s with him and traveling with him to distant citie’s for days, b/c she feels confident that I will NOT have sex with him or he with me. That is what you need to do with the wife of this guy. Beside’s if he is 30 year’s older then you, chances are he is NOT that frisky, and would NOT be abel to jump on you w/o you being abel to get away–if that were EVER an issue, which it does NOT sound like it is. But you must start by becomeing freindly with the wife. Once she sees you are NOT interested in haveing sex with her husband, then the ball is in her court. If she does NOT trust her husband, that is not something you can do anything about. As long as you are confiedent he does NOT want to have ANY kind of sexueal activity with you, and he convinces his wife he is NOT interested in ANYTHING sexueal with you, you should be good to go. On the other hand, if you have any inkeleing that this old geezer would grab your boobies or tuchus after a few drink’s, do NOT even pursue that route, b/c it would be a disaster if you were alone with him, had drink’s and all of a sudden had this old geezer on top of you, huffeing and puffeing. That is GROSS. So figure out where you stand, and whether he has any sexueal designs on you, and go from there. YAY!!!!!
Blonde Lawyer
Maybe I’m just a jerk but I don’t think her feeling awkward is your problem. It is his. He can choose to let it impact his work relationships or not. You have no duty to have dinner with her. You aren’t doing anything wrong by walking/lunching with him. He should not have told you that she has an issue with it unless he was going to use that as a reason to stop walking/lunching with you. If he has to stop walking/lunching with you he will likely have to with every female. Since these are business walks/lunches, that is to me, sexist. I’ll support someone’s culture/religion/paranoia/insecurities (I know people that put restrictions on their partner for all four of those reasons) up to the point it impacts my ability to be treated equally at my job. After that, it is the restrictor’s issue to deal with (and get over) and to leave me and the guy in question alone about it.
Sacha
Yes.
AnonForThis-Difficult communication
He used to have lunch/walk with another female colleague when he started dating the new lady. She in general had problems with him having lunch with female co-workers. The other colleague got married and took a transfer to a different city to be with her husband. So I am the only one left.
I completely agree that I am not responsible if she feels insecure. We have been doing this weekly walk way before the new lady came in the picture. His first wife didn’t care about all these things. He has invited me/other female colleagues/male colleagues etc to his house for dinner during that time and she had absolutely no issues. My husband knows I go for a weekly walk/lunch with him and I have been doing this before I even met my husband and he has no issues with it.
The reason I just want to cut this is I don’t want to be part of any drama. He is not my manager any more and though we talk work for at least part of our lunch/walk every week, it is more of a social/friendly meeting and some times it is mentoring. So I was thinking, I will end this lunch/walk thing meet him only when I need some professional advice or mentoring.
Senior Attorney
How about instead of quitting the walks, you just ask him not to discuss the drama with you?
SoCalAtty
AGREE with Blonde Lawyer and SA. I just…don’t see why he is discussing this with you, or how it is your problem. I also don’t think it is fair he is making it your problem by discussing you. Well said ladies.
Anonymous
Some of this is bad boundaries on his part. You should not know about her insecurity. If it comes up again, tell him you’re certain he’ll work it out, but that mindset is damaging for a mentoring relationship, and it’s his to fix. You want to respect him, and his wife, and give them both the benefit of the doubt. Maybe refer him to EAP for coaching? This is their trust issue, not yours, and feeds into holding women back from success in the workplace.
This is slightly serious, slightly snarky…neither of them should be discussing a mentoring work relationship in a way that artificially degrades both people.
Lo & Sons Pearl
Does anyone own the Lo & Sons Pearl? Do you like it? Anything you dislike about it? Tempted to order once it is back in stock…
Liz
Yes! I love it! It fits basically everything I want to carry around on the weekend and is a great travel bag (very convenient at airports, fits in a larger bag so I can have my one personal item, my Kindle fits in easily). I dislike absolutely nothing about it. Do it.
Wildkitten
Does it fit your kindle, wallet, phone, AND a notebook?
Liz
Yeah, if I take the cover off the Kindle and I can fit it plus a moleskine in the same zip pocket. I also put my point and shoot camera in the same pocket as my wallet.