Thursday’s TPS Report: Gemma Wrap Dress
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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Sales of note for 2/14/25 (Happy Valentine's Day!):
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- M.M.LaFleur – Save up to 25% on select suiting, this weekend only
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase — and extra 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + 15% off (readers love their suiting as well as their silky shirts like this one)
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 300+ styles $25 and up
- J.Crew – 40% of your purchase – prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site and storewide + extra 50% off clearance
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Flash sale ending soon – markdowns starting from $15, extra 70% off all other markdowns (final sale)
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
- when to toss old clothes of a different size
- a list of political actions to take right now
- ways to increase your intelligence
- what to wear when getting sworn in as a judge (congrats, reader!)
- how to break into teaching as a second career
I am shopping for homeowners and car insurance. Does anyone have anything really good or really bad to say about any of the big insurance companies?
If you are eligible for USAA, I think it is the best. After that, AAA.
+1 USAA has been fantastic
Love USAA.
A dissenting voice against USAA. We have an old home and their valuation of replacement value is off by hundreds of thousands of dollars. They agreed their appraiser had problems but have refused to engage in any sort of discussion or appeals process on it. They also pulled a bait and switch on us after we switched our homeowners’ to a different company – promised us one rate/deductible package (with the benefit of having insured our home in the past) but refused to honor that promise once we actually switched and they did a second, equally flawed appraisal.
We are happy with State Farm for our homeowners and car insurance, but since the plans are sold by independent agents I think it all depends on your agent. We’ve also never had to file a major claim, but our minor ones were dealt with quickly and with a minimum of pain and effort.
I’ve had State Farm in three different states and always been happy with them. I remember hearing about some of the causes they support and being displeased (although I can’t remember what off the top of my head — something more conservative than my beliefs). But as far as service goes, they really are worth it. (Speaking as someone who, in the past 15 years, was hit twice while parked, rear-ended once, and caused her own accident on ice).
I’m super late to this, but I totally agree. Having an agent you feel comfortable with, get competitive rates from, and call directly whenever you need to make a claim is huge. Ask friends and coworkers in your area.
I think the rates are going to vary highly by region and your specific circumstances, so it’s best to just get a quote from as many of the majors as you can and proceed on that basis. (For example, USAA is often named as the cheapest for people who are eligible, but it was about 20% higher than MetLife for my parents. It’s the cheapest for me.)
I’ve had Amica and now USAA and have no complaints about the customer service, but I’ve also never filed a claim.
My dad love’s USA Insurance Company b/c he is a big ex militeary guy. They have good deal’s for him and he is a great driver. Even Rosa can use them b/c of dad and his militeary record, and Rosa got into an accident with her SUV and they did NOT raise her rate’s b/c of dad! YAY Dad. I do NOT have a car yet, so I do NOT need auto insurance, but when I move to Chapaqua, I will get a license and start to use USA Insurance Company also.
I am SOOOOO busy packeing b/c the mover’s are comeing here Friday nite to move everything over the weekend into our NEW space, but we can NOT ourself start workeing there until Wednesday — b/c of the lease and insurance reason’s. So the manageing partner is giveing the ENTIRE FIRM a long weekend off b/c we have worked SO hard and this move to 3rd Avenue will be stresful for all of us. I will still have to work from home on my wireless ROOTER, b/c the manageing partner is paying for my FIOS bill b/c I am technicaly availabel 24/7 with the ROOTER. I get free INTERNET b/c he want’s me to stay smart on world event’s even when NOT at work, but I have to pay for CABEL. I was not abel to convince him that the Learning Channel and Animal Planet were necesary for busness. FOOEY! But Dad still got me a deduction b/c the room I work in is my HOME OFFICE! YAY!
Rosa and Ed invited us all up to have a family meal this weekend in Chapaqua. She is trying to learn how to cook from a celebrity chef in Bedford, and we family members are her first victim’s. If we survive, she will start entertaining other freind’s of hers and Ed. But she was always a good cook so I do NOT know what all of this is about. I hope I do NOT eat to much b/c I need to get my tuchus into shape for beach season, and Myrna has gotten a share in another house in the Hamton’s not to far from the manageing partner. I will ask if I can work out there Friday’s and Monday’s and then come in on Tuesday and go directly to court. I know the judge would NOT mind me lookeing fit and tanned b/c he told the manageing partner my skin was to fair for a young NYC Gal. YAY!!!!!!
Not to be a broken record about this but I have been cc for about 6 years on this site. I realize its not original but would you mind picking a different name?
Sorry about that, will stop using that name.
With the exception of one claims rep, we have had great experiences with Liberty Mutual. The one rep seemed to be a fluke – as soon as he went on vacation and the file was passed to someone else it was processed immediately and they apologized for the delays.
Ugh, have just been dealing with Liberty Mutual to get my car fixed after their insured hit me and they’ve just been the worst. They delayed starting the claim, delayed assigning an adjuster, delayed sending payment to the body shop – it took a month to even get the car in for repair.
The body shop said Allstate’s even worse, though. I’ve had only good experience with Geico, and for my area, their rates come out lower.
I’m in Southern California and I’ve had very good experience with AAA for HO & auto insurance.
AMICA is fabulous! We had a huge claim six years ago when 80% of our house was destroyed by a broken heating pipe in the attic while we were out of town for the weekend. Repairs, remediation, temporary housing, furniture refinishing and new furniture totaled over $300,000 and every conversation I had with the AMICA representatives began with their saying “we want you to be happy.” Not once did they ask if I could buy a cheaper sofa, take my rugs to the dealer who quoted half the price of the place where they had been purchased or question any choice we made. They negotiated fairly with my contractor and he was able to do a minor renovation of an undamaged bathroom with some extra funds. Most importantly, our rates have not gone up and we continue to share in their annual dividend. They may be a tad more expensive than others, but worth every penny when you have a claim. Our contractor said that AMICA, USAA and Chubb are the best companies to deal with, in his experience.
Not for home, but for car insurance – Ameriprise through Costco if you have Costco membership is pretty decent. Shop around and get some quotes to compare.
Can someone please explain why the teal petite version of this dress is $12 more expensive? Stop making me pay more for less fabric. And, most stores don’t carry petites which makes final sale and shipping considerations that much more fun.
:rant over:
Stop making me pay more for tall, too….
Cosign. I get really annoyed when a tall T-shirt that is say, $20 in regular is $30 for an extra inch of fabric at the hem. Really? 33% more.
I also hate when stores do in-store sales but then don’t carry anything in my size (Tall)!
Or when stores have offers in-store only, and don’t carry the full size range in store (looking at you, Gap). £19 shorts, but only if you wear a size 12 or below!
Shrug, they (GAP/BR) also have online-only sales as well.
It’s not that it always costs more, it’s just not as much of a discount for this sale. Maybe sales have been better for petites and they don’t need to try as hard to give it away?
Yes. The regular prices are the same for the petite and regular. Sales are usually determined by demand and availability so they’re not actually setting off to charge more for the petite size.
Check back in a week – the Petites are on a different sale cycle at BR, for whatever reason
Why is the gemma dress more expensive in petite???
I bought some jcrew pants off craigslist the other day. I have no idea what style they are, but they’re 100% wool facing, with a lining. Trouble is, the lining is ripped in a few places. The pants otherwise fit great. I don’t mind having unlined pants, even wool (I wouldn’t have guessed these were wool if the label didn’t say). Has anyone had any luck with A) repairing the lining yourself; B) removing the lining entirely; or C) having the lining repaired or replaced? Do you know what such a service would cost?
If you remove the lining, you might find unexpected raw edges or other finishing issues. Lined pants are made differently than unlined pants. The pants might still look OK from the outside and fit OK, but if you like proper finishing, this isn’t a good option.
Re repairing yourself, it depends how bad it is. If it’s along a seam, it’s a quick fix.
A tailor can certainly replace the lining, don’t know how expensive that would be but I’m guessing at least $30 and maybe a lot more.
My lining ripped in a pair of AT triacetate suit pants once. I just cut it out completely and continued to wear the pants. Can you tell if the pants will hang correctly sans lining?
I think they’ll do ok without the lining. I turned them inside out and pulled the lining out just to see what the seaming looked like (thanks to thiss-i-t-e, I remembered that someone had previously said what Tesyaa said about lined pants sometimes having more raw-looking seams than unlined pants, due to the lining covering the raw-ness…) and they looked fine. Not beautiful, but they’re the insides of pants. The pair with the worst rip is a pair of beige/putty pants, so unlined would work better for more seasons anyway. The others are gray.
I’ve done this too — also on a pair of AT triacetate suit pants. the lining shrunk A LOT during dry cleaning and then ripped when I sat down (totally thought it was my pants, so was relieved to find it was just the lining). I cut it out entirely and continued wearing the pants without issue.
Triacetate strikes again… the fabric of nightmares!
Thanks for the info. Having paid just $5 for them, I will chance taking out the lining if the interior finishing looks like it will stand up to wear.
Can anyone comment on whether an online MPH program is as good/the same/better as an on-campus program? I’m currently struggling with a decision about whether I should stay at my job (which I like) and attend an online program with some employer tuition reimbursement or whether I should go to a full-time, on-campus program instead. Not working would reduce our household income by a little over 40%, but we have enough savings to cover the cost of a degree (so no loans, most likely). I’d also make every attempt to get a research assistant position or a fellowship or something. I’m just worried that if I do an online program, I’ll miss out on the opportunity to really get to know my professors, pursue research interests, write a thesis, etc. On the flip side, I’m stressing about leaving a job I really like (and the income it provides) and then potentially not finding another one after graduation. Has anyone faced this decision for an MPH program? Any tips you have would be much appreciated.
Think about the post-degree career implications–are the connections you would build at the on-campus program likely to lead to better job opportunities upon graduation? I think you need to consider more than the “during the program” aspect here. Also, consider a part-time, on-campus program? I did an MPP and several of my classmates were on a part-time track.
If you are getting a graduate degree for any other purpose than to get a diploma that will help you advance at your current job, then a primary consideration should be the school’s success at placing graduates in good jobs. The school’s ranking and reputation are key here. You should also ask about the percentage of graduates who have an offer in the field before graduating and at various points in time post-graduation, average starting salary, and a list of ALL the employers where members of the most recent classes were placed–not just “some of the places where our graduates work”–along with job titles if available.
I have an MPH and agree that we need more information. What are you intending to do with your MPH? I think some online programs have a better reputation than others. Tulane’s program is well regarded, though I do believe they require some on-campus time. I was fortunate to work near a university offering an MPH. My employer allowed me to leave work during the day to attend classes when necessary and several of my required courses were offered online.
I’ve been considering an MPH, and the one I’m finding most attractive is an executive program with classes in a 4-day/month block. It would be a lot of work, but I could continue working and have the benefit of regular contact with professors and classmates. Plus, there’s the added bonus that classmates would already be established in the industry, making them better contacts for post-graduation.
I think an online program can be a great way for someone to get or finish an undergrad degree, or to pursue a passion topic or interest at the graduate level, but if you’re making a career change, I think you lose way too much such that I’d choose a brick and mortar program instead. There will always be people, especially when considering graduate degrees, who really look down upon online programs and you may face a much harder time getting a job than you would if you went to a traditional program. As others have mentioned, you also lose the “school” experience.
What kind of job do you want after graduating with an MPH?
Would you be staying with your current company after you received your degree, or changing careers? That really matters for the reasons others have said.
FWIW, I did a part-time degree program (on a campus) while working full time, and I found the experience very stressful but ultimately worth it, because I wasn’t stressed about other things (job, money, etc.) while going to school.
I have an MPH. I don’t know what kind of job you have, or what kind of job you want post-degree, but as far as I know, the jobs available to a post-MPH student are relatvely low paying, generally speaking. There are exceptions, of course.
I did mine part time, paid for largely by my then-employer. I would NEVER have paid sticker price or given up my income for the degree. I now work for a for-profit software engineering firm (in the healthcare sector), but I spent several years in nonprofits.
If you just need the credentials, I’d look at an online program at a brick-and-mortar school– vs an online-only program. If you need the network, I agree with the posters that part-time brick-and-mortar is the way to go.
I’m considering a few different options/paths, but I’d likely continue at my current company in a research analyst -type role if I could. I’d also like to consider working in public health policy at a health department or other type of research organization, preferably with a focus on global or maternal and child health. I’m hoping to narrow down my focus over the next few months before applying to schools. Let me know if you need more info!
If staying at your current job is an option, I think you’d be insane to deplete you savings versus doing it with tuition reimbursement. Insane. Public health is not an awesomely paying field. Lots of people get the degree because it sounds cool and struggle to find any way to use it.
+10000. If your employer will pay for all or part of it, and there are jobs you can use at your current employer, don’t quit your job to pay for it yourself.
I’ve been teaching for online schools since 2006 and got my masters online also from a private school that has an excellent reputation and has been in existence for almost 140 years. My suggestion is that if you get an online MPH (or any degree), attend a school that has a physical presence, name recognition and a strong local reputation. For example, the University of Washington has a highly ranked Masters in Library Science. If I planned to live in Washington/Oregon and wanted an MLIS, this would be a good school to attend. You could look for independent rankings of MPH programs and then see if any of those have online programs.
I definitely think online/distance is the best choice for your situation. I loved doing my MPH on campus and made the best friends of my life, but it was pricey. And at least in my department, doctoral students were always top priority for funding/any assistantships that were available and MPH students were stuck with the left overs. If the MPH is going to move you forward in what you’re doing now, there’s no reason to completely change gears right away.
The networking part of in-person programs is awesome (or at least it was for me), but there are other ways to get that- conferences, volunteering, even a graduate certificate program, which might be more part-time.
I did my MPH (full-time) at UC Berkeley in 2006-8 and was able to work about 20 hours a week while doing the program. Most highly ranked MPH programs are very professionally-geared, so I wouldn’t worry about not finding a job post-graduation. If anything, being a full time student will allow you more networking and professional development opportunities in addition to the academic rigor and choices.
I’d love to hear more about your experience – that option might work well for me. Totally understand if it won’t work out, but if you have an e-mail address you’re willing to give out, I’d love to ask you more questions about this.
Thanks everyone for the good responses!
Kat, could you please post a tutorial on properly wrapping wrap dresses? I have tried 1 million times, and I never get the belting quite right.
There’s not much to it; just try to keep the belt flat and untwisted as you wrap it.
I disagree. I find that the Gemma dress, for example, looks much better if I wrap the “longer piece” around twice–it means the ties create a more define waist line, and I done end up with a super long tie. Keeping the ties flat is just part of the battle; it took some trial and error to figure out how to tie the dress so it looked best on me.
Threadjack: We try to eat vegetarian 2 or 3 nights a week, but recently have fallen into a bit of a rut. We are big users of the cookbooks “River Cottage Vedge Every Day,” “The Vegan Table” Mark Bittman’s “How to Cook Everything Vegetarian,” and anything by Jamie Oliver. Does anyone have any other good vegetarian cookbooks or recipe sources to suggest?
How about blogs? Thug Kitchen, Cookie and Kate are two favorites in my house. Moosewood books are good, too. Plenty and Plenty More for weekends (recipes are time consuming).
http://cookieandkate.com
http://www.thugkitchen.com
http://www.amazon.com/Plenty-Vibrant-Vegetable-Recipes-Ottolenghi/dp/1452101248
+1 to ottolenghi – some of his books are more complicated than others and I forget which is which as we have and cook from all of them. Fantastic recipes though for unusual spices and putting things together in an unexpected way.
Plenty and Plenty More are both beautiful but do require a bit more preparation/
+1 to Thug Kitchen. Language NSFW though! Hilarious.
favorites around here for meatless: black beans & rice (you can always add protein like smoked sausage or bacon); edamame/couscous-or-quinoa salad with balsamic, craisins, sesame seeds, mandarin sections; baked spaghetti (mix in cream cheese or ricotta for a new twist); breakfast for dinner; Cooks Illustrated has a vegetarian cookbook I think.
+1 for Cookie & Kate. I’ve also had good luck with vegetarian recipes from Pinch of Yum, Smitten Kitchen, etc (or modifying meaty recipes to be vegetarian – usually by replacing meat with beans or vegetables)
Love and Lemons (blog) has nice weeknight-effort vegetarian recipes.
try the Moosewood cookbooks! There are lots of them, so browse, but “Moosewood cooks at home” or something like that might cater more to speedy prep. Moosewood is a terrific vegetarian restaurant in Ithaca NY that has been around as a cooperative for decades and is really great (actually I guess they are “pescatarian” in that they serve some seafood dishes at the restaurant)
+1. I love the Moosewood cookbooks. A lot of the recipes are also a throwback to childhood!
I love Half Baked Harvest – it’s not all (or even primarily) vegetarian, but the recipes she does have are amazing and creative. You can also sub tempeh or tofu for meat in many of the dishes. The NYT food section also has a recipe finder where you can filter for vegetarian things and save recipes.
I actually like the weightwatchers books for vegetarian food. They also tend to be extremely easy to cook and include a lot of shortcuts (canned beans, canned tomatoes, etc.)
I’m a big fan of the website CookSmarts. It’s a meal-planning service, and there’s a vegetarian alternative for every recipe. It’s targeted at the after-work, weekday rush, so the meals are pretty fast, easy, and healthy.
I really like the Oh She Glows website and cookbook
+1
+2 (and I’m neither vegan nor vegetarian – i’ll add meat to one of her dishes or use it as a side – but she has GREAT recipes)
I’ve had success with Plenty (and Plenty More), although sometimes the effort can be a bit much for a weeknight. I also agree with the suggestion for the Moosewood cookbooks.
Love the Mark Bittman book! I’d also recommend Vegan Soul Kitchen by Bryant Terry and (if you like Indian food) Lord Krishna’s Cuisine by Yamuna Devi. And lastly, this is my favorite vegetarian recipe ever. :) http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/quinoa-with-mango-and-curried-yogurt-108112
Check out Kim O’Donnel’s cookbooks – her recipes are terrific. The Meat Lover’s Meatless Cookbook gets a lot of use in our house.
Deborah Madison ANYTHING. She’s the bomb.
I grew up with Moosewood, but that is very heavy on prep time. It will, however, teach you to cook from scratch and to love every vegetable.
I strongly recommend Vegetarian Planet for more unique flavors (I think that a few of Didi Emmons’ recipes have fish paste, etc. – you can omit that without problems).
I know you didn’t specifically ask for recipes but I made this again last night and it is seriously one of the tastiest things I know how to make (and I cook a lot). http://www.melskitchencafe.com/black-bean-and-sweet-potato-burritos/
I just bought a backless dress (comes down below my bra but not ALL the way to the bottom of my back) and was wondering if anyone had recommendations for undergarmets?
I don’t need to wear a bra with it, but it’s a slinky dress around the hips so I would like to at least wear some shorts to smooth everything out. If there are options with a backless corset I’d be open to that…but I’d rather be comfortable than completely snooth.
As far as I know, there is no such thing as backless spanx. I may be wrong though. If you want a bra, you can get those bras that stick in the front only – I know you can get it at victoria secret. If you go bra-less through, I would suggest using some fashion tape and/or pasties just for some extra security.
Since your dress is not backless all the way down, you can probably still wear shorts without the waistband being visible.
re pasties: I’ve wondered before, which would be more embarrassing. Having a wardrobe malfunction and your nipples showing or having a wardrobe malfunction and having pasties showing. I guess it depends on the pasties.
I’ve always thought of pasties as more headlight-protection than wardrobe-malfunction protection.
I think backless spanx would be physics-ly impossible. If you are concerned with underwear lines (for the smoothing out), shorts or Jockey skimmies seem like good options. Or you could just go sans underwear altogether. That’s usually my solution to VPL in dresses.
They make bras that have a corset front down to about your belly button, and the hooks in the back are at the small of your back, so it doesn’t show in low-back dresses (but would if the dress is totally backless down to the top of your butt). I’d pair that with spanx shorts or a smoothing slip.
+1. I have a longline bra that goes past my waist, towards my hipbones, so it smooths my midsection. And it’s really low in the back. Something like that – smoothing top down instead of bottom up, in other words :)
Yup. For my wedding, I wore a low-backed, fitted dress with a strapless, longline bra that did not show and Spanx shorts.
If you don’t need the support of a bra, you can look for a low backed slip, which will smooth without constricting anything. I always go for slip over shape wear because it looks as good but its more comfortable and more attractive (even though only my husband and I see it).
I have this Gemma dress in charcoal. It’s a great dress for winter and there is plenty of fabric so I’m never afraid of flashing too much leg.
I need some of the hive’s thoughts about something that I’m not sure I can bring up with my real world friends. I’ve been married to a kind and thoughtful man for five years. We share a similar sense of humor and still have a great time together. The problem is that he has gained a significant amount of weight (40-50 lbs) over the past two years and while I love him deeply, I am less physically attracted to him since the weight gain.
There is no mental or physical health issue at play. I coaxed him into his doctor last month for a check-up/blood work, and his BP, thyroid, cortisol, and cholesterol levels were all fine. He admittedly eats terribly (fast food every day for lunch, refuses to pack a meal) and is mostly sedentary. He is very sensitive to the weight gain, but won’t really take any actionable steps to address it. His clothes no longer fit well, so getting dressed is a stressful experience (for both of us) each morning, but he refuses to wear the “Big and Tall” sizes, which he genuinely needs now. I want to be supportive and not hurt/shame him–I would expect the same if it was me who put on some extra pounds. I realize I likely will as I age.
Has anyone else experienced this? Any ideas on how to navigate it? I can’t take another “Does this look okay?” morning.
Is there an underlying cause to the weight gain? Do you think he could be depressed or going through something emotionally that would cause him to do so? You say there’s no mental issue at play, but is he overworked or overstressed? My husband has recently gained some weight and is relatively sedentary, but he’s also working 70 hours a week, sleeping less than 5 hours a night, and still putting in time to be a good dad. I think he’s decided that, for this time in our lives, working out for him has to be put on the back burner, but he expects to reincorporate it back into his life when he can.
This is such a touchy subject. Have you brought it up before and, if so, how did he react?
Unfortunately, this is one of those things where I think you get to bring it up once – to share your concerns in a similar way that you did here – and then you have to accept that only your husband can decide to change.
+1. My husband, similar to JJ, is really overworked right now and has put on some weight. My input has been to stress that I am concerned about his health, once. Other than that I have just stopped buying ice cream. :)
I’ve been on both sides of this issue during my relationship, and I’ve found that a few loving nudges are way more effective than any huge discussion or revelation. The things that have helped both us of at different times include:
1) Packing each other healthy, yummy lunches as a “love gesture,” not an obligation. Seems less weird if you pack yourself one at the same time. It’s hard to argue when you’ve got an awesome healthy lunch handed to you when you walk out the door.
2) Scheduling dates that include physical activity, like going on a short day hike or walking around an arts festival.
3) Changing the meals you eat together to be healthier in small ways, and/or trying to cook together more.
4) Getting a dog that has to be walked.
This issue is so hard, the being supportive in both senses of the word (I see you’re unhappy about this, and I want to help you change it, but I don’t want to shame you or make you feel bad about yourself), and the dealing with your own emotions and physical attractions. The best advice I can give is to be really, really patient, both with yourself and with him. In my own body/weight journey, I had to hit my own “bottom” (for me it was seeing the scales tip over 200 lbs, for my husband it was a tactless preteen family member pointing out stretch marks on his stomach at the pool), and then I was suddenly motivated to make changes. Hugs– this is NOT easy and you are being so, so thoughtful and kind about it.
Do not get the dog! General rule of thumb with dogs–they adjust to your level of physical activity, you don’t adjust to theirs. People get active dogs hoping that it’ll motivate them to be more active themselves. That rarely works out. You end up with an unhappy and destructive dog and a lot of repair bills!
http://healthland.time.com/2011/03/16/cue-the-canine-dog-walkers-are-more-likely-to-reach-fitness-goals-study-says/
Going to be that annoying person and point out that:
1. correlation does not equal causation
2. Directly from the article: “Still, as the Michigan study found, not everyone who owned dogs walked them… Although two-thirds of dog owners walked their dog, about half of the walkers didn’t walk frequently enough or long enough to accrue at least 150 minutes of walking per week — the minimum recommendation for moderate physical activity. Some people didn’t walk their dogs at all, mostly because their dogs ran free outside on their own.”
+1 to Brunchaholic’s point #2. And if OP’s husband is working the hours she described, it’s likely they would end up hiring a dog walker or sending the dog to daycare most days anyway. This is not the most effective way to add in exercise, and it has a pretty high risk of not working out, which is pretty hard on the dog.
DH and I both could stand to lose a few pounds gained over the last year of crazy work hours, new babies, and other Major Life Stressors. We bought fitbits and, because we are exceedingly competitive, managed to walk off several pounds in 2 months. It was fun, though perhaps in hindsight borderline unhealthy (in that I was walking the dog at 11:50pm in a blizzard to make up steps!).
I love this idea- maybe a fun way to make friendly wagers, too (eg. “Loser has to do the dishes for the next week” or something harmless like that)
These suggestions are just what I needed to get my behind back in gear. My husband would make small comments/ suggestions which would really hurt me. I know I am super sensitive about the topic. But him making great meals, packing leftovers, and inviting me to do physical activities with him has really helped. Also, when I brought up the topic, he reminds me that he doesn’t want me to shed a few pounds for looks or anything superficial- but for long-term health and general well-being.
Did he always eat like this, or is this a change?
Have there been other changes that make you think he may be depressed? Or under an incredible amount of stress?
My first thought is… tread carefully.
He has to want to change. You can’t do this for him. I might consider packing him a healthy lunch while I am packing my own, although this may upset him and he might still grab fast food too. Start doing things together (now that weather has improved) that may help his health as well as be a stress release…. after dinner walks and any form of exercise (anything that gets him out of a chair) qualify. Don’t keep junk in the house.
I am tagging along in the hopes that I get some sage advice as well. My SO is in the same boat, while I have lost a significant amount of weight in the last 3 years.
If you’re lying to him, stop. “No sweetums, I’m afraid that outfit isn’t quite right. How about this weekend we go pick out a few new things for you to wear.” When I’m dealing with weight gain, having clothes that fit is hugely important. Wearing tight and uncomfortable clothes all days just reminds me how unhappy I am with the weight gain and makes me feel angry and hopeless.
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Re-posting because I got stuck in moderation:
Hmm, I know the rule of thumb is that you should never comment on your partner’s weight gain, but I don’t know if that’s always the best course. Quick anecdote – I used to be a light smoker. I did it for a long time and averaged about 1 a day. I knew it kind of bothered him, but he never really said anything. One night he just told me “I’m really worried that you will continue smoking forever and it will eventually affect your health.” Having him say that – actually put it into words – was a big wake-up call. I was pissed at first, but that wore off and I then just felt pretty shameful. I haven’t smoked since.
I don’t know if that works for weight. I think all of us have this fear that if we gain weight our partner will stop being as attracted to us. I think we have that fear because it’s generally true. Like with the smoking – it does actually motivate me to know if I’m doing something to turn my partner off. If he never says anything, I can kind of delude myself into ignoring the problem. I also notice that when I gain weight my libido plummets because I don’t feel as good about myself.
I wonder if it might be helpful just to be more candid with him – in a very careful way, of course (although this may not be possible). You’d need to really de-emphasize the attraction piece and focus on other collateral issues of the weight gain: self-esteem, intimacy, stress, health concerns. Again, I don’t know if this is possible. Has anyone ever done this or been the recipient of this type of conversation specifically regarding weight?
My family’s goal is to eat healthily, not to lose weight. I think that balanced nutrition is the best goal. This is more natural for me, a lifelong vegetarian, than for my husband.
I make kale for dinner almost every night, because otherwise DH may not eat any vegetables at all. Even when I am working late and we are scavenging separately for dinner, I cook the kale at 9pm for us to share.
I have also been able to improve DH’s diet by keeping the house stocked with fruit, hummus, whole grain bread, etc.
Finally, I have started letting him cook for us, which has really cut back on the take out. I am a bit OCD so it was difficult to cede control over dinner, but it has turned out really well. He has become a good cook! Whatever either of us cook for dinner is far healthier than take out because we are both conscious of fat/sugar content. It helps that I purchase his ingredients for him.
I don’t know how to develop DH’s interest in grocery shopping.
What did you do before kale was invented? (Are you for real?)
I met my husband AFTER kale became widely available. We eat kale so frequently because my husband and I both like it. (Before we met, I used to make myself a salad every day, which I think is normal, but my husband doesn’t really like salad.) I live in DC, so it’s easy to get to a market every day on my way home from work.
How do you cook it so it tastes good? I can’t stand kale, but I know it’s super healthy so I’d like to find a good recipes for it.
I’ve had to just stop playing the “does this look ok?” “i’m so fat” etc game with my husband. I just ignore him when he starts with it – to the point that I will walk out of the room. I will brainstorm with him about healthier meals or going to the gym, walking more etc. I’m happy to go shopping with him for new clothes or more vegetables or whatever. But I am not his mom, I am not a trainer, I am not a nutritionist, I am not a personal chef. He is an adult who has to decide his priorities for himself. I know it is not easy to lose weight, and don’t necessarily expect him to. I love him to death no matter how big he is, but I can not listen to the whingeing. (Yes I do worry about his health.)
We are hoping to move to DC in the near future, coming from a major city in the southeast. I am a lawyer, and I have been applying for jobs in DC (with, dare I say, well-tailored, good application materials), but I haven’t gotten an interview yet.
Am I missing something here? Is there something I should be doing that hasn’t occurred to me, that’s maybe DC-specific? Thanks so much!
If you’ve been applying to just government jobs, they move at a glacial pace – it often takes months for them to start interviews after the application window has ended. For firms, I’d recommend working with a recruiter. Can’t speak to in-house jobs though.
You really have to network. While I realize the government application process is designed to be totally meritocratic, it’s totally about who you know. They get literally 1,000s of applications (especially for attorney jobs) and you need someone to put your materials on the top of the pile and put in a word to get you interviewed.
I agree that if you’re looking at firms, you should use a recruiter. If your credentials are excellent (top 10 law school, journal, good grades) Major, Lindsey & Africa (MLA) is the top player. What’s your seniority level? You really need to be about 2-5 years out to be viable for firm jobs. Any more or less and it’s going to be tough.
If your credentials are a fit for in-house, have you looked at the Tysons Area? It’s a close-in suburb with a big tech/contracting sector. Can you work your network to get contacts in any of these places?
In the end, I’m skeptical about whether application materials matter. I’ve never gotten a job through a cover letter. I’ve submitted hundreds, but the jobs that came through were always through a personal connection (and were often jobs that weren’t actually posted anywhere). Also, DC is snobbier than other cities when it comes to credentials. If you don’t have a top 15 law school, it’s going to be harder.
A few thoughts. Many firms are now bringing in contract attorneys to do substantive work. MLA of all people has recently started a sort of boutique contracting practice. Other recruiters are doing the same, I think. A few years ago, doing contract work meant toiling away on doc review in a basement. But many firms gutted their mid-level classes in the recession and now need competent people to draft documents, write briefs, etc. It isn’t the death-knell to your career it once was. It’s unstable financially, but doing a few contracting gigs might get you in contact with people and get them looking at your work.
Having just gotten a new job myself, I can say it’s not an easy market. I looked off and on for two years, intensely for about 9 months before I found my job. I sent out about 200 applications and landed only a handful of interviews. The job I got, which I’m thrilled with, I got only because a friend recommended me and then I had worked with several people my now-boss had also worked with, who also recommended me.
I wish I had more encouragement. There are jobs to be had, but it does take a lot of work these days.
Absolutely agree that you’re going to get a job through someone you know. Use your LinkedIn network to see if friends of yours have contacts in DC that they can put you in touch with. I’d also check in with your law school to see if there are any alums in the area that you can contact. DC has a very strong networking culture and you may need to put yourself out there much more than you’re used to. The upside is that, in my experience, people will generally be willing to extend themselves for a phone chat or a coffee.
Also, if you can give us more details about what type of work you do and what type of employer you are you looking for (government, in-house, trade association, biglaw, mid-sized firm), you should be able to get more detailed feedback about your approach.
I think your just missing that its hard to get an interview? Most places its hard to get a interview. For every job opening there are usually a few candidates who know someone that knows someone, etc.
Applying long distance can also just be hard in general. Are you being really clear in the first paragraph of your letter that you are actually planning to move to DC? I found putting an actual timeline for my move in the letter really helped.
+1 million Either remove your current address from your resume & cover letter, or see if you have a friend that you can use her DC-area address. They have a bajillion local candidates and yours from far away will just not be considered as plausible or relevant.
oops
Subscribe and save threadjack:
What do you use subscribe and save for on Amazon, and does it actually save you money, or just time? We currently have laundry soap on Subscribe and Save (Charlie’s Soap) simply because I haven’t found a bricks and mortar store to buy, so it makes sense to do a S&S for it. We also had diapers on S&S because they were comparable to the Target price, but helped me avoid the $50 in “other” stuff I always picked up every time I went into Target.
Amazon keeps encouraging me to add more to my S&S in order to save more, but I haven’t found anything that makes sense for us – for instance, TP and paper towels aren’t actually any cheaper, and I don’t feel like storing so many at once.
Any major insights as to something worth adding to S&S for either saving time or money? Especially if its something you wouldn’t otherwise consider as typical for S&S?
You can easily see if it saves you money. When you go to order it it says Price: $10. Subscribe and save: $9.50
S and S is cheaper than the amazon price, not your local target price.
A bit random but we have the cat’s flea collar on subscribe and save. When a new one comes in, we change it.
This is what I tend to use S&S for–things I need on a fairly predictable schedule (though not as fixed as a flea collar) and may not always remember until I’m completely out. Stuff like cotton balls, oil absorbing sheets, floss…they’re all small so don’t take up a lot of space and when I go to grab floss in the morning and pull out the last inch, I’m so grateful I have another container in the cabinet.
You’re good. I have never used up floss. Cheers to you.
This is clever.
I do that with toothbrushes (every 2 months) and mascara (every 4 months). Otherwise I never remember how long I’ve had things.
S&S prices are cheaper than buying the items one at a time on Amazon. I don’t know if its cheaper than at the store – that probably depends on the item and the store and if there is a sale.
I go back and forth with S&S. We have wipes and diapers, and I just added a bunch of stuff to hit the 15% per delivery discount. I don’t think it’s any cheaper than target/walmart or maybe even costco, but because we live in NYC it’s a huge hassle to get to those places, buy in sufficient bulk, and transport said bulk home.
Some of the things I’ve subscribed to is curel body lotion; razors for my husband; toothpaste; hand soap refills; makeup stuff for me (Revlon BB cream); and face wash.
I found that with the savings I get on my target credit card, target is the same (especially because Amazon has started up charging for shipping). That way I don’t have to buy in bulk or get a huge box of stuff that I forgot to cancel. I stopped S&S when I had about a thousand Go Squeez apple sauce packs. When I went in to skip the delivery, I lost the discount and didn’t really need anything else so I just figured I would keep the apple sauce for another delivery. With the target card and cartwheel, I’ve found the deals are just as decent. And you don’t drown yourself in apple sauce.
Hair dye!
More time saving than money saving, but still saves a little bit of money I think. Mainly, I don’t want to have to think about toddler snacks, TP or detergents. I’m also a Peapod fanatic, so I use S&S to get particular brands/scents of things that Peapod doesn’t carry. Other things I use S&S for
Mini Kind bars for my desk at work
Ito En unsweetened green tea
Make up remover wipes
Coffee grinder cleaning pellets
I have been using S&S for gluten free products that my local Meijer used to carry, but no longer does. The S&S prices are competitive with Meijer and way cheaper than other local groceries or health food stores. HOWEVER — after a couple of months, Amazon started dropping the products I wanted from S&S (they were still available on site) and trying to switch me over to different ones. As anyone with food intolerances knows, you get very brand sensitive – trying a new brand of pasta could mean being ill for a week. Not cool. So now I’m looking for other options. Paying $5.50/lb for Tinkyada pasta at Kroger? Not one of those options.
I’ve seen Vitacost recommended on here and they have great prices on Tinkyada (love!). I’ve never followed through on ordering it because I would need to order a lifetime’s supply of linguine noodles to get over the free shipping minimum (and can’t think of anything else to get that I don’t buy at TJs) but it sounds like your dietary needs might give you more to order from there that it could be worth it.
I’ve used S&S now for about 6-8 months and it has saved us money on the things that we use regularly, that we will not compromise on brands. For what it’s worth, we have the storage capacity in our house to keep the bigger quantities. The things that I have found are cheaper on S&S:
puffs plus lotion tissues (you get a case of square boxes, but we go through a case in about 2 months among the 4 of us blowing noses all.the.time)
gillette venus razor blades
opcon eye drops
8-o’clock whole-bean coffee (I don’t drink coffee, but I want SO to have a good coffee experience without breaking the bank)
nature’s gate toothpaste (we were looking for a natural non-fluoride toothpaste and this was by far the cheapest)
glad freezer bags
glad force-flex trash bags
jif peanut butter (I can honestly say that this one is $0.04 / oz cheaper than the value size at walmart. we are not club-members of any sort)
giant box of oxi-clean
gillette men’s clear deodorant
off-brand adult and children’s ibuprofen
cremo cream shaving cream (by far the best shaving product I’ve ever found–about $5 for as much shaving as a giant bottle of body wash, at about half the price)
toothbrush heads
gold bond powder
We’ve been thinking about adding things like HVAC air filters, but the price is way more expensive than brick & mortar. In the end, all of the things on the list above are cheaper than I could get them in our stores. And I get them delivered.
What would you do if a job that USED to be your dream job came up? Imagine you had a dream job in school and after doing (and really liking) something slightly different for a few years, you were given an opportunity to pursue what used to be your dream job?
Would you go after it? Even if you realllly liked your job now and thought it likely had more career possibilities later in life? Would it change the calculus that dream job helps disadvantaged groups whereas current job helps large corporations with lots of money?
I think it’s normal for your career path to change once you actually start working. My idea of my “dream job” has shifted with each new job that I’ve taken. I’d look at this opportunity in the context of your current life and the work that you’ve found you enjoy, and then go from there. Future career pathing options really do matter in law, so that’s something I would heavily consider if you’re a lawyer. I’ve noticed that that’s something that isn’t on the radar in law school, but that becomes very important later when you’re trying to transition to a new position and realize that your particular path does not have many options in which you’re interested.
I wouldn’t take it. Nothing wrong with your dreams changing as you grow. I don’t care if my 8-7 helps the man or the disadvantaged.
I would seriously consider it – I would apply & interview and ask around the people who’d be affected in my support group what they think. Consider the lifestyle & other nontangible things – I took a dream job, it did pay less, but was in a HCOL area far from family, and not a lot of upward mobility. So, was it worth it? I don’t know. I parlayed it to current job, another kind of dream job, but I’m a few years behind where I would’ve been without the detour but who knows bc those were a few years hard for this industry, too, so, who knows?
Keep your mind open!
I recently bought a new car in December. I had a small fender bender two days ago that was my fault, and during the process I realized that GEICO does not offer GAP insurance, but I originally thought I had gotten it. I already turned down GAP insurance through the dealership, is there any hope of getting Gap insurance now? Are there any third parties that offer it by itself? I couldn’t really find anything that didn’t look sketchy online. I obviously will just start really focusing on paying it down faster if I can’t, but I can only maybe add $150 a month to the payments.
Your car insurance policy can be changed every six months to a year (depending on where you live), so it shouldn’t be too late. Gap insurance is only useful if you have a really catastrophic accident that totals your car–otherwise, your GEICO insurance should cover your car being returned to like-new condition if you get into a bigger accident (that’s what comprehensive collision insurance is for). So it’s uncommon because the need for it, is, in fact, uncommon. You could be caught needing it, and that’s a risk tolerance issue, but it’s not something I’d stress about. How many accidents have you or friends been in where their car is totaled?
I was rearended in Tahoe and then sandwiched between a third car. GEICO fixed everything like new, even though it cost a fortune. Didn’t affect my insurance rates at all, because I was not at fault. This is what collision insurance is for. Hope that helps.
You can actually change your policy at any time. They’ll prorate the charges. Just find a new insurer that offers gap coverage (I believe USAA does) and switch, though your rates may be higher if you are filing a claim with Geico on the fender bender.
I did a lot of research on GAP insurance when I bought my new car in July. Many insurance companies don’t offer it and it’s mostly something you buy from the dealership. I’m pretty risk-adverse and I didn’t want to take a chance with the first new car I ever bought so I did pay for it (I didn’t put anything down because it was 0% interest, so I was worried about still owing on a loan if the car was totaled and worth less than the loan). Perhaps contact your dealer and see if you can still purchase it. I’m not sure whether I would purchase it again – it’s really just a risk.
I think it’s a calculated risk you can take if the reason you aren’t putting anything down is solely because of the 0% interest, but you had the money otherwise and will keep it set aside if anything were to happen to the car. If you don’t have funds available to pay off the loan if the car was totaled and the insurance payout wasn’t enough, I think Gap is worth the peace of mind. (I think this is what you’re saying, so I’m mostly saying I agree.)
GAP insurance is even more important for people who for whatever reason rollover debt from one car loan into a new loan. This is something I unfortunately see with my clients. They did a 7 year finance on a 5 year old car and at year 5 it isn’t worth repairing the 10 year old car anymore. So, with two years left on the original loan, they go “trade it in” for another car and the balance of the first loan is added to the balance of the second loan. They end up underwater $5,000 or so on the car so the car itself is no longer sufficient collateral. Arguably, these are all poor financial decisions to begin with but if you are going to make them, get GAP insurance!
Shopping vent: I ordered a sweater from Athleta late Monday night. This was my first purchase from them. I received a catalog from them yesterday, before my purchase even shipped. Today I got subscribed to their e-mail list, even though I specifically left that box unchecked. I don’t even know if I’ll like the sweater! It would be nice if their actual product shipping was so efficient.
I’ve never ordered from Athleta, but constantly get their catalog because they are part of the GAP family and I order from BR all the time.
Don’t know what to tell you about the email, though.
I’m with you on the annoyance. I went onto the Boden s*te for the first time a few months ago after hearing about it here (I know, I’m cool) and started to get catalogues even though I never even ordered anything. How in the world? I’m sure they’re connected with some other company/ ad service that already knows literally everything about me.
Yes, that’s annoying.
Best wrap dresses for pears? In the $100-$150 range or less? I like a couple of the Lands End dresses, but I kind of want to have more dresses in my closet that aren’t obviously the same dress. I have a high waist and the top of my thighs is my widest point. Would the Gemma work for me? Or are there better wrap dresses that have more give in the hips?
Any wrap dress, by definition, is going to have room in the hips, since there aren’t any seams confining the circumference of fabric. If you are short waisted (high natural waist), the bigger concern would be for the belt hitting you in the right place without the top gaping too much.
They don’t though. :o( Some wrap dresses just don’t have enough “A” in the a-line and go straight down through the hips which means they pull at the top of my thighs where all my weight is. It’s frustrating.
I’m also a pear and BR wraps tend to be straighter, in my experience. On me they’re ok for evening but definitely too vavavoom for work.
I’m hippy and petite so I actually found the Gemma looked a little frumpy on me. I really like the Adele wrap dress from BCBG. They constantly have tons of patterns, some of which are on sale. At full price, it’s probably above your price range but if you keep stalking them, you’ll be able to find a a pattern you like on sale, I’m sure for under (or around) $100.
oh sweet. Thanks!
Maggy London!
Check out Karina dresses. Some of the patterns aren’t appropriate for every office, but they’re super flattering and comfortable (and machine washable!).