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Suit of the Week: Me+Em

woman wears a gray flannel suit with a puff detail at the shoulders; the pants have heavy pleats from the waistline. She is wearing a black blouse with a floral pattern on it.

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. Also: we just updated our big roundup for the best women's suits of 2023!

I always have a soft spot in my heart for blazers with this puff sleeve detail because it was so, so popular when I started the blog… back in 2008. They disappeared within a year or two, and it was really interesting because while I didn't think I had been wearing “trendy” suits to work, I soon realized that yes, in fact, that was what they were.

So I'm fascinated that it's swinging back around and now puff sleeves are starting to come back! Readers, what are your thoughts? If you do like the look, this flannel grey suit looks gorgeous.

The brand notes that the pockets are functional, the “deep cuffs” can be turned back for a more relaxed finish, and, in fact, the pouf at the top of the shoulder is “perfectly position to create a narrower shoulder.”

The blazer is $545, and the pants are $425, at Me+Em. (Ooh: they have a ton of wool flannel pieces, which can be hard to find.)

(Looking for something similar but less trendy? Brooks Brothers has a more classic option in wool flannel.)

In general, if you're looking for wool flannel workwear, check Loft, Brooks Brothers, Saks (which has options from brands like Theory and Vince) and Eileen Fisher.

Sales of note for 12.5

185 Comments

  1. Hi hi. We are going to Disney World next week (so excited!). We have everything booked through a planner, but I wanted to see if y’all have any favorite restaurants or off-the-beaten path rides or performances that were a hit with your kids. We have boys and girls all under 10.

    1. We like all kinds of food but really like actually good food, btw. We come from a big city with lots of options.

      1. The food at Disney is likely to be a disappointment. It’s like low end, all-inclusive resort food. Edible, but by no means good.

        1. At least it’s edible. The food at our local amusement parks is even more expensive than the food at Disney and is totally disgusting, like bad school cafeteria food. Some of the Disney food is halfway palatable and it doesn’t immediately send you running for the restroom.

          You can bring in food, so bring water bottles and snacks. You can find some semi-healthy options for meals but not for snacks, and the human body can only handle so many churros.

          Definitely take advantage of mobile ordering. It is so much more pleasant than waiting in the mob was at the quick service places in the olden days. Eat outdoors and wear a well-fitting high-quality mask the rest of the time. I caught COVID that could only have come from indoor dining at Disney because I was masked the rest of the trip, and everyone I know who has been to Disney in the past few years has come home sick with some horrible bug, COVID or otherwise.

    2. Suggest looking into Disney Food Blog (either the actual blog or their Youtube videos) for restaurant recommendations and reviews.
      Not kid-specific or highly themed, but apparently Wine Bar George at Disney Springs is great and is the place I’m most looking forward to trying next time I’m at Disney.

    3. What park(s)? We loved Guardians of the Galaxy at Epcot. It’s so fun and smooth – even though we weren’t familiar with the movies. Space Mountain at MK did not hold up. It was jerky and made my husband sick.

      I personally find Disney food to be totally unexciting. It all seems so mass produced (because it is) and isn’t very flavorful (to me). At Hollywood Studios, we like the Brown Derby. The chopped salad is good and they have fun cocktail menu. With little kids, if you can get a reservation at Cinderella’s castle, do that. I thought it was much better than Be Our Guest (which felt like a cafeteria).

    4. there’s a breakfast wrap at Ronto Roasters in the Star Wars part that is delicious – carrots and chickpeas.

      the huge apple cinnamon rolls at Gaston’s were also worth the trek back there.

      if your daughters are near pre-teen age, you can always go to Medieval Times if you have a night free; the “knight” all look like models.

    5. Have you made restaurant reservations? Because you generally need those months in advance.

      1. We have but are thinking of switching of them and trying a walk up at others, so welcome the recommendations! These are great so far.

    6. My girls are in the Disney Princess phase so they LOVED the character meal at Cinderella’s castle. They got to meet a bunch of princesses & take pics, and the food is actually really good.

      1. Yeah, the character meals are the best. OP if you’re staying at a Disney property, the concierge can likely still get you one of those, particularly a breakfast. Totally worth it.

    7. I have not been impressed with Disney’s dining options. But there is a nutella waffle from Sleepy Hallow that is good!

    8. My husband follows the reddit group on this and has picked up tips that are well worth the small investment of time, so I recommend that.

    9. Couple random tips I haven’t seen mentioned here
      – You probably won’t be able to walk up to anyplace remotely good for sit-down meals– they book out months in advance. Where do you have reservations?
      – Use mobile order to avoid waiting in line at quick service places

    10. I never got to go to Disney World and always felt like an outlier growing up. I’m a DINK and seems like one of those things you need a kid for, so I’m kind of disappointed. I really wish they had taken us just once. It seems like sort of one of those cultural touchstones that I’ve missed. I loved Disney movies growing up and all the songs from the movies. I don’t think it would have been about the rides so much as seeing somewhere decorated like that. I stayed at a Disney resort once for a conference in Florida (overflow from the hotel) and loved the wallpaper in the bathroom that had little Mickey designs hidden and the onsite themed restaurant. I can’t even imagine how cute the park must be. If I were a parent, I’d try to suck it up for one time just so that they can experience it–especially since it doesn’t sound like they’re going to be seeing other amusement parks. I’m an outdoor lover. But after a while, hiking at a state park isn’t all that different from all the other nature hikes you’ll experience, barring something unique about the landscape. I’d put the kids experience over my own comfort level (just like when my husband does will do when he agrees to go camping so I can experience camping). People like different things and one isn’t better than another. But I think it’s important to be open to putting your needs aside sometimes to broaden someone else’s wants/experiences.

      1. You should go! You absolutely do not need a kid to enjoy it – in fact, you may enjoy it more without kids (which I say as a parent haha)

    11. When you go to EPCOT, get the schedule of street performances and hit as many of those as seem interesting. It has been a minute since I’ve been, but the acrobats in front of China were phenomenal and would be appreciated even by the under-10 set.

    12. Off the beaten path: we really got a kick out of the Enchanted Tiki Room at Disney World. It’s very 1960s and hard to say why it’s appealing, but it was just a perfect place for us to take a break from the heat and relax for 15 min while watching a silly animatronic bird show. This is actually also my big tip – take lots of little breaks. The less popular spots are perfect for this – otherwise, waiting on line in the sun is exhausting.

      Also, right nearby is the frozen dole whip ice cream, which is a unique experience, if not actually the best ice cream, and another fun way to cool down.

  2. I don’t hate the puff sleeve as a concept but it is deeply unflattering on me as I am very broad shouldered and broad chested so I look like I am in drag in that look. I’m never happy when it comes into fashion.

    2. It’s an old timer granny look to me and I can’t disabuse myself of that notion. Very Victorian.

  3. Does anyone have a recommendation for an insurance agent and/or broker for Massachusetts (Boston). We have insurance issues/questions on inherited property and the deceased’s agent who was handling the policies just doesn’t return calls/emails.

  4. Is there anyone else here who has never been to any Disney place? Growing up, vacations were just family visits to my grandparents. I found out at Great Adventure that my car sickness extends to rides. Now I’m a parent and I get a lot of side-eye for not only never going but for not planning it as a parent. Are we missing out on anything transformative? I hear that it is very expensive. My kids are girls but aren’t into Princess things or Disney in particular. I have taken them to our closest national park and beaches / mountains / a few of the big US cities and historic sites.

    1. I grew up in Orange County so I went to Disneyland all the time, back when it was manageable. These days it’s so expensive and crowded you couldn’t pay me enough to venture anywhere near a Disney park (last time I went was close to 20 years ago and it was a nightmare even then). I think you’re fine, Anon.

      1. I grew up in Paris and went on several day trips to Disneyland Paris, which was a short train ride away. It was fun! But I don’t know if it’s because this was years ago or if the US Disneys are bigger and fancier, but it seems like such an intense trip – multiple days, hotels, fastpasses, pre-bookings… I will happily take my kids on a day trip to Disney when we’re in France or California if that’s still a thing but definitely don’t want to spend a whole week there. If it’s not a strong need for you, I don’t think you’re missing out on that much.

        1. It’s definitely an intense trip. There’s a whole industry around planning Disney trips because you can’t just show up at the front gates and expect to have a good time. It takes intense planning! And that’s not for everyone.

          1. I live pretty close to Disneyland and the intense planning part (not mention the crushing expense) is what made me lose all interest. There’s never a non-busy day, it’s always crowded as heck, and the lines for everything seem to last for hours. Look, I know it’s a publicly-traded corporation, but it seems kind of mean-spirited that the gate tickets are so expensive and there are so many tiers of levels and services to get to a pleasant experience. I’ve taken my kids a few times, but I’m happy to let their Disney-adult gay uncles do the theme park outings to infinity and beyond.

        2. I think it’s as intense as the Disney mommy bloggers/Disney obsessed influencers want it make it out to be, tbh.

          I was very anti-Disney until I had a conference in Orlando early last year. We had some family health issues leading up to the conference and the Monday before we sort of #yolo’d our way to Disney with our then 5-year old, who was very in to princesses and the like. My conference ended that Thurs and DH/DD flew in Thurs night and met me Friday AM. We stayed for 3.5 days. Zero pre planning, reservations, anything. It was a complete blast.

          All we did was (1) reserve a Bob jogging stroller, which was crazy easy, (2) read up on fast pass or genie or whatever it’s called, and then that was it.

          Some of the blogs and insta pages with “here are the 9 million things you need to do or else your trip will be ruined!” types are so over the top and absurd it ruined the idea of Disney for me. But, we managed with no pre planning and it was really so great. I also think the short trip was a bit part of the joy. Anything longer and it would have been burn-out city and $$$$$$.

          So, I get and will never question people who want nothing to do with it, but I am here to prove it doesn’t have to be a Huge Massive Thing in order to be enjoyable.

          1. I take your point to a degree, but I don’t think this is all about momfluencers. If you want to ride a lot of rides, it’s hard to avoid the obsessive planning. Friends went with a roller coaster-obsessed kid (he’s 6, but tall and apparently very brave) and even with really careful planning, they barely got on any rides.

          2. “I think it’s as intense as the Disney mommy bloggers/Disney obsessed influencers want it make it out to be, tbh.”

            I agree with this. I think there are bloggers and “influencers” out there who make money selling their Disney planning resources or services, and so they want to make it look like it’s really intense because then they can sell products. I also think some people are “maximizers” in all areas of their life, and their vacationing is no different. For those folks, there is no such thing as just showing up someplace and having a casual good time; if they don’t wring the most out of every possible experience and do everything they’ve seen people on social media do, the trip is a waste. That seems exhausting to me, and would suck the joy out of my vacation experience. To each their own, but I do think people overdo A. the importance of a trip to Disney as a “must-do” experience, and B. how intensively you have to plan the trip.

          3. It was the rides thing that got me. The last time we went as a whole family, we got there quite early and met up with some friends who had stayed at a Disney hotel. They’d managed to ride all the rides they liked during the special hotel-guests-only-magic-time that morning, and by the time the rest of us got there, it was at least 45 minutes for all rides. I like people-watching as much as the next girl, but I could go to the mall for free and walk around.

      2. Also raised in OC with the kitchen drawer full of Disneyland ticket books from which all the D and E tickets had been used. You could not pay me to go to Disneyland now (and that’s been my approach for about two decades now).

    2. I’ve never been to any Disney or Disney adjacent place myself and I turned out all right. My parents were more like you – into history, cities, and outdoor adventures, so those were most of our family vacations. Lots of hiking, camping, museums, and national parks. And now that’s what I love too; can’t say I have any desire to see Disney.

      1. Same for me growing! We are also a family of 7 with a twelve year age spread so I can’t imagine going given the cross appeal differential and the sheer expense. But ya never know. maybe we’ll win the lottery.

      1. Yeah, I went to Disneyland 1x a kid, Disneyworld as a teen, and I have friends in the UK who go to Florida with their kids and I don’t understand it? Disneyland France seems a bit grim to me.

        We are going to Legoland Denmark next year and I’m super excited about that though.

        1. It seems grim but you’ve never been? It’s a fun day trip from Paris! If it’s not your thing don’t go but it’s literally just a place to have fun

          1. Yeah, I wouldn’t call it grim! The weather may not always be as nice as it is in Florida or California. But I know people who’ve done all the parks and apparently the Paris one is slightly smaller, but has all of the main rides. I don’t remember anything special about the food, but as little French kids it was fun to get to eat “American” fast food. They had parades, characters, fireworks, etc. And to me the main perk is that it’s super easy to get to from central Paris – the train takes you from the city to the gates so it’s easy to do as a day trip. They also have hotels and I’ve heard those are fun but honestly never stayed there.

          2. The weather in Paris is much, much better than the weather in that part of Florida.

        2. I said below that I’m a Disney-hater but we LOVED Legoland. Your kiddo will love it.

        3. EuroDisney is actually the most appealing Disney to me, because you can do it as a day trip from Paris in what is otherwise a non-Disney trip. The same is true of Disneyland, to a lesser degree. I think a lot of what is so unappealing to me about Disneyworld is that Orlando is basically nothing but theme parks, so the whole trip is just Disney Disney Disney. If I could balance a day or two at Disney with stuff that’s more fun for adults, I’d be more open to it I think.

        4. Oh a friend took her daughter and said the characters were surly, it was a bit dirty, not quite magical? Maybe an off year, but I don’t know, my child shares my scepticism of adults in costume, so not one for us.

          1. Disney characters surly? Absoltely not. Seriously, they’re great. It’s part of the job. They’re in character. Cinderella is never surly. Maleficent can be, because that’s the character, but it’s all tongue in cheek and never scary.

            Being a “face” at Disney is basically the top of the food chain. Those actors work hard to get those roles and they’re not going to risk losing their job due to a complaining parent.

    4. I went twice as a kid because my grandparents lived in LA and we were able to combine a day trip to Disneyland with a visit to them (staying at their house). I loved it and am glad my parents took us, but we never would have gone if we had to take a stand alone trip. I don’t have kids, but would probably handle it the same way if I did. Florida and amusement parks in general are not my thing (not a crowds, sun, or waiting in line person and I also get motion sick), but I could manage a day at Disneyland as part of a trip to SoCal if my kids really wanted to go. I don’t think I could do much more than a day, though, and there’s much else to see.

    5. Lord having to go to Disney is on my “reasons not to have kids” list. You’re missing nothing.

      1. I made my husband promise we’d never have to go to DisneyWorld if we had kids. I was so charmed by Disneyland when I went for the first time in my 20s. It’s much smaller than DisneyWorld, the weather is lovely, it wasn’t that crowded, and you didn’t have to drive down the Eastern Seaboard and through Florida to get there. Lucky for me, he doesn’t even like Disneyland.

        1. Yeah I think I’d like Land much more than World. Unfortunately we live in the east coast and it’s hard to justify the travel and time difference to go to CA.

          1. It’s so crowded now, I don’t think it’s worth it. It was actually lovely in the late 90s and early 00s.

            FWIW, I had a lot of people tell me when my kids were little that I *had* to get an annual pass, it “paid for itself,” blah blah blah. I’m glad I didn’t listen.

    6. I never went with my family. I finally went with friends at the end of high school, and didn’t like it even then. I was not into Disney movies (this was before the major princess push) though I had seen them all. My parents took me to museums, parks, etc. I definitely did not feel I was missing anything, though I occasionally wanted to go. I was super super excited about colonial Williamsburg though, major history buff.

    7. I’m outdoorsy, I hate crowds, I haven’t seen most recent Disney or Pixar movies, and I still love a trip to Disneyland. The only way to know if you like it is to give it a try.

    8. I went when I was 13. My parents viewed it as the type of vacation you splurge on once and wanted us to be old enough. It was fun, but nothing earth shattering, and our yearly family trips to cape cod rank way higher in my memories.

      I always assumed I’d take my kids once, too, but it’s truly an obscene amount of money these days (especially including airfare, enough nights in the hotel to not feel rushed, etc). I’m shocked so many people go so many times in life, and as an upper middle class person myself I cannot understand how so many people can afford it. It seems like spending a lot of money to stand in a lot of long lines (or frantically try to book the next ride while you are boarding the previous one).

      Some families, maybe it’s their thing. But if I’m dropping five figures on a vacation I’d much rather Hawaii or Europe or something more “authentic” (and those types of family vacations will also be few and far between in my life). I take my kids to the cape every summer, we rent a house with my family, and we are all just as content with that as as would be by pulling out all the stops (and feeling pressure to Enjoy Every Expensive Moment.)

      1. My parents had a beach house for the first phase of their retirement, and I really think that my kids had more fun at the little boardwalk amusement park than they ever had at Disneyland. There were some lovely moments at Disney, but most of it was kind of miserable.

    10. we resisted for a long time because our boys aren’t into shows or Disney characters at all. we finally went in 2/20 and went back in 4/21 because we had such a good time. each 4-day visit was about $7k. it just seemed like a moment in time and the kids really enjoyed it; i’m not sure if we’ll be back or not. certainly not to stay at a property and do all the parks again probably.

    11. Who is giving you side-eye? Would the people giving you side-eye like to plan, fund, and chaperone/supervise said experience for your kids while you take a few days for yourself?

      I felt left out in maybe 2nd grade or so because it seemed like “everyone else” had been to Disney, but that feeling wore off pretty quickly and in retrospect plenty of kids hadn’t gone to Disney. When I was a kid, we were also a visit family on vacation kind of a family, and looking back I’m really glad my parents prioritized that. I don’t think there is any obligation to take your kids to Disney specifically or really any amusement park. As we tell our kids, no one can have everything. (Amusement parks in particular are a sore subject in our house: spouse has hip problems and can’t do a day of walking around and standing in line, after two pregnancies the rides make me motion sick, and the kids are at the age/height where they want to get on a roller coaster but need a grown up to go with them.)

    12. My family never did. That would have been way out of our budget when I was growing up in the Midwest. Our family trips were more like, overnight at a cabin at the state park when I was younger, and by the time my parents could have afforded it, we were old enough not to want to be super interested in it. It almost seems like a rite of passage nowadays, but I can’t see the Disney experience be worth the extra cost compared to like, a Knotts Berry Farm.

    13. I went often as a kid, so I love it – but nostalgia is probably a big factor for me.

    14. I’ve never been! I grew up working class, and we couldn’t afford it. Now as an adult, DINK couple, neither of us have been and don’t have interest in going.

      1. Yeah, same.

        People giving you the side-eye about this are not being very kind. Many (most?) people can’t afford to go to Disney, especially not multiple times.

        1. I’m one of the people below. It’s not unkindness, just a lot of projection and (IMHO) a lack of imagination. Kids love Disney! Their kids love Disney! It was a great experience for your family! All of their friends love it! So why aren’t you taking your kid?

    15. I live in Florida and only took my son once or twice. They are better off going to national parks and major cities. I went to a conference in Philly and took my husband and son when he was about 8 and we all had a blast. Add in Florida camping and a few ski trips to a cheap resort in New York and its a good childhood.

    16. My parents do not let me forget that they took me to Disney when I was four and I was too scared to go on any of the rides. I wouldn’t spend so much money on a trip with young kids who might have wildly unpredictable feelings about it.

      That said, in my mid-20s we did a family vacation (all adults) there for a weekend and it’s one of my favorite family trip memories— fun for everyone, well-managed, lots to do. I’d save it until the kids are at least teenagers for that reason.

      1. Disney is literally made for children! Everything about it caters to children. I think waiting until your kids are teenagers is a mistake.

        1. I don’t think that’s true at all— I’ve been back with friends/ boyfriends as an adult twice and we had a great time. The best tip we got is to not feel like you have to do everything— we just did what we felt like and it was low-key and fun. I’m not sure I even agree it’s “made for” kids anymore, but I think I’d find it overwhelming/ exhausting as a younger kid.

        2. That’s not true at all. Long lines, hot weather, long distances to walk…none of that is little kid-friendly!

          I think a lot of people go with littles because kids under 3 (?) are free and I can understand wanting to maximize that benefit. And I do understand going in the age ~4-8 window if you have a kid who’s really into the princess thing because they age out of that pretty quickly. But otherwise, I agree w/Duckles that waiting until they’re at least tweens makes sense.

        3. Another strong disagree. I think it’s made for children elementary age and up, and it’s best for those who like thrill rides. A few of the dark rides you can go on with a preschool age kid, but plenty of the big attractions are much more aimed at older kids and adults. Likewise any of the live action shows – a preschooler is likely to be bored. We took our kids to Disneyland at ages 1.5 and 3, and that was way too young – they had way more fun when we took them at 5.5 and 7.

          1. I disagree. The most magical experiences for each of my kids were when they were preschool ages, and everything was real. My 3 year old son meeting his idol Stitch- “the real Stitch” – was something none of us will ever forget.

            And the nice thing about going with littles is that they’re not that interested in rides, so it really minimizes the standing in line business. It’s completely doable with a good stroller and excellent walking sneaks for the parents.

        4. It’s great for teenagers – they can get around safely on their own and have a blast.
          Source: me on a couple of music/band trips in HS.

    17. Oh I could talk about this all day :) I never went as a child. I went in college with an ex-bf who was from Florida and I hated it. We’ve taken our 6 year old girl all over the US and to many different countries, but have no desire to take her to Disney. My husband and I both think Disney marketing is predatory, the way it appeals directly to kids whose parents may not be able to afford it. My daughter has also never been big into princesses either (she likes them fine, but it’s not a passion), and doesn’t know many Disney characters. The price is beyond ridiculous. Many of my friends who’ve gone to DW have spent in the range of $10k for a week, which would make for a *very* nice trip to Europe or the Caribbean. And the idea of paying so much money, and then paying even MORE money for skip-the-line passes, only to have to wait in tons of long lines is incredibly off-putting to me. A friend told me they went and even with the Genie+ they only rode three rides in an entire day because the lines were so bad!!! That is truly nuts to me, and sounds like the opposite of “magical.”

      I’m not a theme park fan in general, but we did go to Legoland to celebrate my daughter’s 5th birthday. She was pretty big into Legos at the time and loved it, especially the Lego-themed hotel. But Legoland is different than Disney in many ways: smaller, much cheaper and essentially no lines for rides, although we did go at a very off-peak time (mid-week in early February). And the whole trip cost less than $2k, including flights.

      All that said, a friend wants to do a Disney cruise next year and I think we’re going to go even though the price makes me want to vomit. I don’t feel like I can deny my only child the chance to travel with a bestie, which I know she would absolutely love. Maybe it will magically (ha) turn me into a Disney fan (the friend I’m going with is a HUGE Disney fan) but I doubt it.

      1. “A friend told me they went and even with the Genie+ they only rode three rides in an entire day because the lines were so bad!!!”

        Something to remember: those passes don’t increase the number of people who ride per hour; they just reshuffle the order in which people ride. There is a very constant rate of loading, riding, and unloading.

    18. I’m in NorCal, grew up north of LA. Growing up, I went to Disneyland with my family for my 6th birthday, for grad night in High School, and for a fun roadtrip in college (probably my favorite visit ever.)

      My husband and I took our kids when they were little a couple of times and it was great but a LOT. Then once my kids were tweens, I started attending an annual conference in Anaheim and it became a thing. My husband and now college aged kids come down and do 2-3 days at the parks while I’m at the conference and everyone is happy. I don’t know what they pipe into the air there, but it really does feel like the happiest place on earth while you’re there, even with the crowds.

      PS if you just want to wander around, you don’t have to have a game plan. But if you want to maximize rides, especially the popular rides, you absolutely have to have a game plan. My husband and kids love planning this out so it’s no great hardship.

    19. I went to WDW for the first time ever, this year when I took my kids. I was surprised that it wasn’t as expensive as I imagined – we stayed on property but drove down so we didn’t have airfare expense. Honestly I’m glad I waited until I had kids, as mine really loved it and I got a lot of enjoyment out of watching their joy & excitement. But if you & your family aren’t into it, you’d probably do better taking them to something you know they will enjoy.

    20. We’ve never taken our kid to either Disney park. We did go to Legoland because he was WAY into Legos, and he did not have a great experience (waiting in the lines was hard for him; he got sick on one of the rides and another one scared him; we all got hot and overtired, etc.). Like you, I get motion sick very easily, and cannot ride rides, so my husband had to take him on everything, and that wore down his patience and my son’s, after awhile.

      After the Legoland experience, I moved going to Disney waaayyy down on our priority list, and we just have never gotten around to it. And now my son is nearly an adult, so if he wants to go to Disney, he’ll have to make that happen on his own.

      Other things we have done that I feel were “experiences” just as much as going to Disney:
      – We’ve gone on snorkeling excursions (where they take you out to the deeper ocean in a boat) in Florida and Hawaii
      – We’ve gone to many different Air and Space museums across the country (he and my husband both love airplanes/aviation)
      – Went to big cities like Portland, San Francisco and New York and went to museums, ate food, saw sights, saw shows, etc.
      – Went hiking at the Grand Canyon, in Zion National Park, in the high Rocky Mountains up by Vail, across Volcanoes National Park and other parts of Hawaii, and many many other places
      – We’ve been on several river rafting trips, including an overnighter
      – Plus all the random camping trips, trips to see family, and random other vacations where we got to spend time as a family – play cards or board games; sit by fires and tell stories; cook meals; just enjoy life.

      I do not see Disney as a “must-have” childhood experience if the kid themselves is not enthusiastic about Disney characters, and my kid was not. He was little in the time before Disney bought Marvel and Star Wars, so by the time they had opened attractions for those characters/themes, he was well past the traditional “going to Disney” age. I don’t like anything Disney that’s not Marvel or Star Wars-related, and honestly never did. Some of the Pixar stuff is okay, but we never really showed our kid the videos of, like, The Little Mermaid or whatever because I always found those stories cheesy (and I also don’t like musicals, in general. I experienced “cringe” watching people belt out show tunes long before cringe was a thing).

      So, saying all that to say – if you don’t want to take your kids to Disney, and they aren’t even that into Disney stuff, don’t do it. There are lots and lots and lots of other places you can take your kids and have awesome experiences. Either in the U.S., or abroad. And some of those places are way more affordable than Disney these days.

      1. I fully agree with this comment (although we did enjoy Legoland). Disney is fun for many kids, sure, but it’s not an essential childhood experience. There are many other travel experiences you can give your kids that will be just as special and memorable.

    21. I went to Disney once as a kid and didn’t like it. I mean it was a fine experience but I thought that other amusement parks were better (fewer lines, more options of things to do), and my grandparents told me that it was a lot more money than say Busch Gardens.

      So now I’m that parent getting side-eyed because I’m not and will not be planning a Disney vacation. I would way rather go to a national park or Europe with my kid, which would be about the same amount of money.

      Just because some people prize something very expensive and time consuming doesn’t mean I have to.

        1. There are countless experiences that thrill kids, especially young kids, virtually all of which cost less than a trip to Disneyworld. H*ll, Space Camp costs less than Disney! You don’t need to drop $10k at Disney just because it’s something your kid might possibly enjoy. This is no shade to anyone who enjoys going to Disney either because they like it or their kids like it, but implying someone is being thoughtless to their kids because they choose to vacation elsewhere is pretty ridiculous.

          I’m not Anon at 3:44 but very much in the same boat – I would choose a national park or Europe over Disney any day. My childhood was the same, and although at the time it might not have been my first choice, I’m now so grateful for the incredible travel experiences my parents gave me. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything by not having Disney and my kids will also be fine not going to Disney.

          1. Thank you. We give our kid plenty of experiences that he loves, that cost a small fraction of what Disney would cost.

            The other wrinkle is that I’m in the process of obtaining dual citizenship for us, and I think it would be important to at least visit the country kiddo will be a citizen of.

        2. I don’t need to defend my parenting to some rando on the internet, but here goes:

          My son loves water parks, rockets, dinosaurs, and zoos. He does not like crowds, long lines, and looooong days. I think he would like Disney less than I did. He would just want to go back to the pool by noon.

          Moreover, for Disney money, it’s not enough for one member of the family to have fun, or even for one member of the family to think it’s great. We have to all think it’s somewhere between very good and great.

    22. As this thread demonstrates, there are people who have been to Disney and don’t like it, people who have been and love it, and then there are lots of people who haven’t ever been to Disney and they HATE it.

      No one is forcing you to go to Disney but I think it’s one of those things you have to try for yourself to know whether you like it or not. Go for a day as an add-on to another trip and see if you like it.

      1. I think OP was also looking for some reassurance that she’s not a bad parent for taking vacations other than Disney. Which that’s totally fine! No need to do an add on during another trip if there’s no interest.

        1. Agreed. And honestly, it is a very upper class thing to even be worrying about. Most kids have parents who can’t afford five figures for a Disney trip.

          1. Anecdotally, the people I see going to Disney run the spectrum on income levels. (I know their careers, I know where they live/what type of houses, etc, so making educated guesses.) And FB keeps feeding me posts from Disney-lover groups who can’t possibly all be upper class. I truly cannot fathom how people can afford to go (so often).

            This is going to sound gauche, but I think there is definitely a huge swath of America for which DW is the epitome of travel. And they aren’t rich. It is a very influenced, keeping-up-with-the Joneses, type of obsession.

          2. As someone who goes frequently (I’m the person with an annual Anaheim conference), I agree with 4:14 about the large spectrum of income levels among attendees.

          3. There are definitely lower and middle class people who go, but I feel like it’s only something that’s taken for granted (i.e., “am I a bad parent for not taking my kids to Disney?”) in upper class circles.

          4. I also agree about the income spectrum. I thought that was one of the cool things about Disney – it was way more diverse economically and racially than where I grew up for sure! And tbh, most of the Disney hate I hear comes off as a little classist/elitist. I and my kids enjoyed going to Disney and we enjoy camping, foreign travel, and “high” culture too, as well as other amusement parks. No need to yuck someone else’s yum, and no need to go if you don’t like rides or lines or whatever. This goes both ways, of course!

          5. It’s kind of not, though. One of my cousins, who probably makes $60k gross and has a wife and two kids, goes every other year. They save up and that’s basically the only vacation they ever take, besides camping or visiting family. It’s a huge, huge deal for them, and I guess the juice is worth the squeeze.

          7. It’s like a humblebrag in my upper middle class world to say, “oh am I a bad parent for never taking my kid to Disney?” Same as “my kids have never had fast food.” OK whatever, but it DEFINITELY is not a rich person thing to go to Disney. Going to Disneyland is probably the most diverse experience any of you living in nice suburbs will experience in a decade.

          8. I’ve noticed a thing wherein people who can afford Disney but spend time with people who cannot afford Disney, tend to be the ones who throw the most side eye at the non-Disney parents.

            Go to a wealthier area and it’s a different ballgame. People assume you’re saving to put your kid through Dartmouth.

    23. I’ve never been, never want to go, and successfully raised a full-grown, reasonably functional adult who has never been.

      Rides, crowds, and overpriced curated fake adventures are not my jam. Neither is the Disney cartoon universe. I am glad to let the people who do like that stuff enjoy it without getting in their way.

      2. Absolutely the same. Also I have DINK colleagues who go often and I just don’t get it! My children have never been and don’t feel they missed out.

    24. I went to Disneyland as a 10-year old decades ago, as part of a two-week trip to California. It is literally the part of the trip of which I have the least memory. I remember other theme parks, other parts of the state, and even the drive to the hotel we stayed at for the Disney day better than I remember that park. I have no kids and zero desire to go to anything Disney. As another poster said, it is a check in the win column on not having children. I don’t think you should feel bad about it at all and if your kids are not begging and begging for it, you’re definitely in the clear.

    25. I didn’t go to Disney until my early twenties when a Florida friend invited me. After seeing it through an adult’s eyes I completely understood why my parents never took me. Super expensive tickets and food, long lines for every ride, screaming kids everywhere…I can’t imagine spending thousands of dollars and vacation time for that. My upper middle class parents could easily afford to take us as kids, and most of my friends had been to Disney multiple times. My parents just told us they don’t want to deal with the crowds and cost so we’re going to X beach resort instead. I didn’t feel deprived at all. Any hotel with a pool was exciting to my 10 year old self.

      1. Definitely – my kid’s favorite part of any trip is the hotel pool. Which is totally fine if we’ve planned the trip around the adult’s interests, but I would be upset if we went to Disney just for her and all she cared about was the pool (and I’m 99% sure that’s what would happen).

    26. I’ve never been to any Disney place, and don’t feel I’ve missed anything. A relative worked in the travel industry and went to Disney World numerous times in the past, and loathes the brand now. Can’t stand the “It’s a Small World” song, either.

    27. I have never been to any Disney place. My closest would have been Paris since I’m in Europe, but I don’t know anybody who’s been there.

      When I grew up I had friends whose families went to Disney in Florida, but it was not common and was considered very exotic. The ones who went were from families that were US oriented in terms of cultural interests, and mainly working or middle class with a trade or business background. The same families also went to all inclusive style resorts in Spain or the Canary Islands. Other friends were from families that went hiking and camping, or spent the summer at a family cabin (500 sq feet cabins with bunk beds and no running water were typical).

    28. Never been. I’m 45. I’m not eager to take my kids, either. It’s expensive relative to the value I place on the experience and I’d rather do a more local amusement park where you don’t have to spend multiple days on it. DH would like to go, but he’s not much a planner or big on administrative tasks, so may never happen.

    29. I went once as a kid, maybe when I was 5 or 6? I haven no memory of it whatsoever. I do, however, have MANY fond memories of Busch Gardens. Loved it!

      I have a friend who worked as a very popular Disney character for a few years. This friend knows all the ins and outs and apparently can make it a very chill and fun vacation for adults, but I have no interest at all. This friend has gone with another friend and they said they had a blast, I have no FOMO. To each their own!

      TLDR: you are not a bad parent for not taking your kids to Disney. Worrying about this is to be in a very privileged position.

    30. I never have. Our family vacations were similar to what you’ve described. We stayed at a hotel near a Disney park once when I was in middle school, I think because my parents got a good deal. I don’t plan on ever taking my kids to one.

    31. Anecdotally, my friends with kids who are big into princesses or Star Wars loved it and my friends who have kids who don’t care about the characters were underwhelmed. This is both Disneyland and Disneyworld. My 5 year old has asked us a couple times about going Disney because she has a bunch of friends who’ve gone recently, but we remind her that she isn’t interested in the characters and ask her if she wants to go to her favorite beach resort instead and she excitedly says yes and drops it. We have good friends in northern California we visit approximately once a year, and will probably tack on a visit to Disneyland at some point on a trip out there, but it’s not a big priority right now.

    32. Never been. We don’t live in the US. Kids are not that keen on theme parks because they prefer sightseeing vacays.

  5. I’d like to add floodlights to our yard so that my kids can still play outside in late afternoon/evening in the winter, when it gets dark ridiculously early. We have some on the house that light up part of the yard, but is there a way to put them at the opposite end (where we back on some trees/woods) pointing back toward the house?

        1. And she’s planning to have them on “late afternoon/evening in the winter,” not 24/7.

          Also, as my Very Wise Father says, you can pick your nose but you can’t pick your neighbors.

        2. Tell me you don’t understand the concept of flood lights without telling me

          1. I actually do understand them? They’re directional lights and will illuminate where she points them, which is presumably her own yard.

          2. Well, my drunk neighbor has had his floodlights on for 3 weeks straight. They illuminate the entire block. He doesn’t answer the door. (And yes, he’s alive…his car moves every 3-4 days).

    3. You’d need to dig to bury the electrical. Possible, depending what’s in the way, but also probably really expensive.

      In our yard, we have 3 strings of overhead patio lights. They do a wonderful job of casting a nice even glow over the whole yard. They are LED and on a light activated timer to go on for 4 hours after sunset. They take power from the house, and are looped around trees along the edge of our lot.

        1. Yes! Your neighbors are much more likely to consider your lighting a feature not a bug with string lights.

      2. I’ve had an electrical line put through my yard. It’s not cheap but it’s not prohibitively expensive or difficult to do. They can come in with a little trencher if it’s a large area and knock it right out quickly. A lot of people do this kind of work for landscaping or to run electrical to their sheds or other outbuildings.

    4. I mean technically yes, if you dig up your yard for the electrical, but this could result in a really unpleasant experience for your neighbors (to your sides or across the street) that now have bright lights instead of quiet dark woods to view. Proceed with caution!

    5. are they really going to be playing back by the trees and woods, in the dark and cold? (or in the glare of a flood light like a prison yard?) if you just want a little bit of light back there i’d do solar powered string lights or the pathlights…

    6. I’d use solar lights, the kind you stick into the ground that are the height of a small shrub. Just use lots of them. I’d rather add some string lights than flood lights, which can be really ugly and also bother your neighbors.

    7. The comments about running wires seem way off to me. There are tons of floodlights that are powered by batteries – mount them on the fence or a tree or something, or get one that comes with a tripod (or buy one).

  6. Has anyone ever purchased a first house and really hated and regretted it? If so, how long did you stay in it before selling or what did you do make it better?
    I purchased my first condo earlier this year in my early 40s in the Bay Area. My parents are immigrants from a very poor country, so I had to pay off my law school student loans (2019) first and then kept saving for a down payment while housing prices were out of control. This spring finally felt like a “do-able” time with enough saved and the market slowing down.
    However, since I’ve moved into this new place, I don’t really feel like I “love” it? It’s in an amazing neighborhood so I am confident it will have some re-sale value, but the small layout, lack of windows and sunshine, and unequal bedroom sizes is blocking me from feeling like “home” here.
    Frankly, I was shocked when my realtor told me my offer was accepted. She had pressured me into making an offer that was about $20,000 higher than I wanted, although financially I can afford it. It was acceptable when I saw it initially but I was also worried my lease would come to an end without finding a new place.
    I keep seeing other units that have gone on the market with slightly lower than what I paid, and wish I had waited, but I know the interest rate would have been at least 2% higher.
    Thanks for any thoughts or advice. Unfortunately, I can’t share these feelings in real life, because I recognize how incredibly fortunate I am to have purchased a condo as a single woman, with no help, and in the Bay Area.

    1. Do you “hate it” or “not love it”? You use both phrases here, and they’re pretty far apart in my vernacular. Regardless, you made a mistake. It happens. Sell and move on when the time is right for you.

    2. As someone who also lives in CA and wants to buy right now, I think you just have to recognize that you made the best of a bad situation. The housing market sucks and deciding to buy meant that you had to gamble on making an offer that might not be the absolute best in the way that you could have if the market was different. You might not love it, but you probably also didn’t love renting and having your rent keep going up and an annoying landlord. You can’t sell now without losing a lot in transaction costs, so stop looking at other units and just make the best of where you’re living. If you still hate it in a few years, when the market is hopefully a bit better and you maybe have a bit more money, then think about moving.

    3. I think it’s normal to have some ‘omg what have I done’ with huge purchases like a home. Before going through the hassle of re-entering the market, have you considered working with a designer to maximize your space?

      1. Specifically, work with an interior designer to space plan in addition to simply design/decor! I follow Julie Jones on TikTok and really enjoy her content, and it’s taught me so much about the value of space planners in helping to make spaces feel different. I’d work with someone local to you though since you presumably have access to quite a few talented people!

    4. Decorating makes all the difference. In the Bay Area you get what you get and there’s so much that can be done to make any place great. Hire a designer and enjoy your lower mortgage.

    5. I bought a condo as a first time home buyer, single woman, in spring 2022 in Boston, which keeps landing in the top 5 cities for housing costs.

      I don’t like it. I definitely felt like I settled, because it’s not a great area and its a lot smaller than what I wanted. The HOA is a mess. The building is old and has already needed pricy repairs.

      I spent over a year looking and like you, I was surprised when my offer was accepted.

      I try to remind myself of the pluses. I have a parking spot (a rare commodity) and in unit laundry. And I don’t have to worry about my rent going up. My mortgage is slightly cheaper than the last rent.

      I can’t see myself selling for at least a few years with these interest rates.

    6. I don’t love my house I bought in 2020 for a lot of the same reasons (dark, smaller than I’d like, no architectural charm) and (in hindsight!) wish I had gone with the ones over budget/ that felt overpriced at the time that I loved— given that now I probably will not be able to afford to move after a few years like I’d planned due to interest rates and how housing prices have shot up. It sucks and makes me sad most days. I try to decorate/ renovate and it equally helps and feels like throwing good money after bad.

    7. I closed on my first home (a 1 BR condo), arrived the first night and sat on the floor and sobbed and sobbed. Some amount of regret seems common. And I never loved it, a lot of similar reasons of light and windows. But it was in a great location and after about six months I started putting effort into making changes to make it how I wanted for things I could change. Fun light fixtures, new sofa, stylish bathroom mirror, etc and ended up–well never loving it but making nice memories. I sold it last year as rates were going up but not at their peak and while I don’t miss it, I am glad I had it those years.

    8. I think the first step is to decorate and improve the lighting…I suspect you will like it more when it is pretty and well-lit and more like “you.” it is too soon to sell it, but you may like it more when it is decorated. Alos, have friends over–that makes a house a home.

    9. If it helps, I had similar thoughts on my first house – I wondered if we’d gone wrong on the neighborhood, didn’t love the kitchen, really wanted a more usable outdoor area, etc. We sold that place nearly 10 years ago now and I have so so much nostalgia for that place. Lean in to what you like. Improve what you can. It’s ok to complain about things like layout and lack of windows, even in the bay area, to your friends. They may have thoughts on how to help with layout or brighten it up. Complaining about home ownership is a right of passage with home ownership.

    10. I’ve had buyers remorse both times I bought houses (I’m late 50s in the bay area) but long-term I’ve absolutely loved my houses! The buyers remorse was always

      1) adjusting to being a homeowner
      2) mortgage costing more than rent so feeling house-poor
      3) did I pay too much?
      4) there’s more deferred maintenance than I thought (or in one case, discovering something the sellers hid from me)

      But in both cases the remorse wore off as I settled into my home, and I’ve always appreciated having a place I can truly call my own.

    11. I think it’s pretty normal to go through a period where you hate your new house after you buy it. I know I did, even though it’s pretty much my dream home. I tend to do this with all big purchases.

    12. The first thing I would do is to break the habit of checking the nearby real estate listings for now. I think it’s super common to just have a habit of checking real estate listings after so long of waiting to buy a house, and it’s not super helpful once you’re in a place. Kind of leads you to a grass is always greener fallacy thinking. There may be some lower listing prices right now, but the higher mortgage rates probably mean that people are paying as much or more than what you are paying for an equitable place.

      In place of looking at real estate listings, start looking at decorating. I’ve never actively disliked a place we’ve lived, but I have not felt at home for a year or so after moving. So I think that settling and making it your own feeling is really normal. I love to slowly decorate and that takes years, not months. If you’re not naturally interested or have time to do it yourself, work with an interior designer if you can. Decorating can make a huge difference. Switching light fixtures, paint colors, and getting furniture that fits the space (vs. what was just moved in) is a huge game changer for spaces.

      1. Yes – I’m 3:32 and that was a hard habit to break. I looked for my current house for about 6 months and I was just in the habit of looking at inventory and prices daily. I had to get out of that mindset because it wasn’t helping with my (temporary) buyer’s remorse.

    13. Sounds you like you made the best of a very hard housing situation. Can you make some decorating upgrades to make you feel happier? Mirrors opposite a small windows can brighten up a room or maybe add so LED can lights in the ceiling? It’s your own happy little nest. Concentrate on making it beautiful for you.

    14. I bought my first house 25 years ago, and I’m still here. It was the best I could do at the time, and there is a lot to like, most especially the location, generally, but I’ve never been “in love” with my house. There are a lot of negatives — severe lack of storage being the most egregious, but also it’s an old house, so there have been sewer issues and rodent issues, and the cost of tree maintenance is shocking, and so forth. There was no central air conditioning, and I lived with that while it took me about 15 years to save up enough funds to renovate a switch in HVAC, plus upgrade the kitchen and a bathroom. But my neighbors are wonderful, and, as I mentioned, I’ve made some renovations and hired a carpenter to construct some built-in storage, and I refinanced twice, and now my mortgage interest rate is so low that I’ve resigned myself to remaining here for the foreseeable future. Most people have house envy and don’t necessarily love their homes, but we make do and prioritize other aspects of life if we can.

  7. I’m the commenter with the possible Advil overuse problem – thought you guys would be amused by what my doctor said. 12 advils a week? no problem. in fact i should be taking more (like 3 instead of 1) as a preventative step before my periods. !!!

    i’m still trying to pull back and track my migraines.

    1. Mmmhhhhmmm. Did you tell your doctor you take 12 Advil a week? Because you know that isn’t the whole true.

      1. my literal words were “i’m concerned i’ve been taking too much advil, i’ve been taking about 12 advil a week.”

        what does “that isn’t the whole truth” even mean?

      2. Right. You take/give them for stomach aches. It’s not the quantity. It’s the context.

    2. It kind of sounds like you started the story starting from just a few weeks ago. Did you really tell the doctor everything you said here about your headaches and Advil use over the years?

    3. I think you Concerned About Advil people need to leave OP alone on this. She’s decided she’s fine taking Advil and her doctor agrees – so at this point, get off her. Lots of people regularly take some kind of pain killer – I have RA and I’m not quite at 12 a week, but I have no hesitation whatsoever about taking an NSAID whenever I have pain. That’s what they’re for.

      1. Except OP was having rebound headaches from her NSAID use that she considered to be a problem. She’s leaving out that that’s why she posted here in the first place. She’s also posted about this more than once. If she wants to be “left alone,” she could just stop posting. If she’s going to post, people are going to comment – that’s like the number-one rule of this place: don’t post something if you don’t want comments, and the comments may not be what you want to hear.

    4. The fact that you felt the need to post this is just fascinating to me. Defensiveness about something someone is doing is always an interesting signal about how they really feel about their actions, on the inside.

      This was your gynecologist, yes? So they don’t really treat headaches. Did you specifically say, “I think I am having rebound headaches from NSAID use and would like to understand how I can get that to stop”? 12 Advil may not objectively be “too much” for some or most people, but if you’re rebounding, it’s too much for you.

      Are you at all concerned that the constant headaches/migraines could be a brain tumor (benign or malignant), an AVM, an aneurysm, some kind of structural damage to your cervical vertebrae that’s radiating to your head, etc.? If you have not had a workup that includes imaging, and you’re having severe headaches frequently – you should be concerned. And a doctor that isn’t a gynecologist should also be concerned.

      Please feel free to keep doing what you’re doing; you were likely going to do that anyway. Hope everything works out for you.

        1. Are you new here or something? People don’t sugarcoat things here. Especially when people ask for advice and then argue why they shouldn’t take it.

          1. Sure that’s annoying. But I think there’s a difference between sugar coating, and just plain rude. Feels to me like some people are seizing on annoying postings as an opportunity to vent their own anger.

          2. +1 to 12:41

            you can choose how to treat the world – if you don’t have anything civil to say it’s fine to be silent

    5. I have chronic migraines.
      Have you seen a neurologist? Mine did lots of tests to rule out different causes (including imaging) and explained about rebound headaches and the problems with overmedicating. I was *never* told the amount of meds I was taking was “no problem” without doing some tests first. I was also given migraine specific meds to try as well.

    6. I didn’t read your earlier post so ignore if I am missing context. But I would see a neurologist if you’re having frequent headaches. There are a lot better medicines than Advil and the problem with Advil(and aspirin) is that they also thin your blood. I had a brain hemorrhage when I was 32 and one of the first things I heard was that it was good I had taken Tylenol instead of Advil with the pain or the bleeding would have been much, much worse. Long term, you’re affecting your heart, possibly helping or hurting but it’s still affecting it. It’s not just a pain killer. Talk to someone who can actually investigate the issue and possibly prescribe something more appropriate without the blood thinning properties if needed—and that’s certainly not a gynecologist.

    7. OP here. not sure how “i’m trying to pull back and track my migraines” turned into “well fine go back and take all the advil you want you idiot” but, fine?

      to the people actually trying to help: i just realized a few weeks ago i might be taking too much advil because i’ve been taking it for every ache and pain. i have no idea how many headaches or migraines i’m actually having or of their causes or severity because i’ve just taken advil for them. i’m trying really hard not to take advil any more and am tracking what’s happening to my body to get a better understanding of it. at which point i may then go see a neurologist or another doctor.

  8. i have a CD coming due soon, and was wondering what people’s thoughts are on interest rates in the next few years. is now the time to buy a 4- or 5-year cd with a good rate in case the interest rates go back to barely 2%? so far my ladder ends at 2/25.

    2. Rates are not going back to barely 2%… like ever. I am in finance so my opinion is “informed” though one of three gazillion out there. But since you asked: personally think they’ll come in in the next 9-15 months, and they’ll probably come in rapidly. I think we settle around a 3.5% 10 Year Treasury, which is flirting with 5% on an almost daily basis right now. I don’t track savings rates at banks in my job so I can’t speak to where those rates will go, but I’m not counting on my 4.5% savings rate at my personal bank being around for more than 12 more months.

    3. I looked at CDs recently and didn’t think 4-5 years was worth it vs 1 year due to a flat to inverted yield curve. There really is a cost associated with locking up your funds for that long.

      1. That was my conclusion too, although I’m not an expert. I just put a chunk of money in a 10 month 5.3% CD at CapitalOne

    6. There’s no reason to buy CD’s when you can buy short-term treasuries yourself that have equivalent interest rates and are liquid.

    1. Look often and search by brand but don’t be super specific in your search. For example, I am always looking for Everlane shoes but only narrow it down by size and then flip the search to just listed.

    2. I think Poshmark is great if you are familiar with a particular brand or item. I know my size in certain brands, so I can get slightly used items for a great price. I always pick a brand and then search within that brand.

    3. I only really buy things I have bought before. So I search for _brand_ + _name of item_ + _size_ and get pretty close. I always check measurements because a few times I’ve bought things with undisclosed alterations and my size didn’t fit me.

    4. I search by brand where I know my size, and then filter by “new with tags” on clothing and shoes. Jewelry and other accessories I’m fine with used. Brands that died as a result of the 2008 recession and thus predate the drastic cut in quality that came post 2008 are a favorite of mine. Nicer fabric, better construction.

        1. Sigurd Olsen is probably my favorite. Others are Benetton, Carrol Reed, Tsubo, Bebe. If you can identify J Crew pieces from the 80’s and 90’s, they are generally of excellent quality. Same era for Coach bags – good leather, not visibly branded, and with solid brass fittings. Donald Pliner shoes from before the company sold and production moved to China will be marked “Made in Spain”.

    5. Measure some similar garments you like from your own closet and become familiar with the type of measurements you’ll see on listings. For example, sweaters will often have pit-to-pit measurements and length measurements. I agree with others about searching for clothes you already know you like, which I’ve done often and successfully, but I also think it can be a good tool for finding an item you need and can’t find in your budget. If you are looking for high quality cashmere it is hard to find right now due to a host of issues, especially if you aren’t willing to spend more than $200 on a new item. So decide what you are looking for and then search. If you’re looking for a slightly oversized gray mockneck 100% cashmere sweater, use those terms in your search and maybe turn off or expand your size filters. Adjust the sorting can help too – I like sorting by price or “just in” since it reduces your chance of weird algorithm tricks.

    6. My new favorite blazer is a large petite Jones NY blazer that is probably 25 years old. Better quality than anything I bought new since the pandemic. I needed new suits since I gained weight and still go to court.

  10. Does anyone have issues with a sore throat or possibly strained vocal chords after a long day of meetings and phone calls? Perhaps I project too much, but lately my throat has been constantly tender. My work as an attorney requires that I do a LOT of talking, and I do have a “younger voices” so perhaps I’m talking unnaturally? Any tips on how to prevent this? I drink TONS of water, FWIW.

    2. Any time I have to project I get this. My mom is a teacher and she said this happens to get for the first few weeks of school until her voice gets used to teaching all day.

    3. I get this whenever I make presentations that are basically a monologue. I don’t get this when I talk all day long in normal conversations. So it’s the format of the speech, unnaturally reciting, that causes the sore throat, probably because it is not the usual utilization of the vocal cords and such.

    4. Could be a few different things – if the weather is getting colder and heat is kicking on, you’re also battling drier air. A desktop humidifier might help, and you can run a bigger one at night when you sleep. Make sure your shoulders, head and neck are relaxed when you’re speaking. If you’re trying to project unnaturally you might be tensing and making the strain worse.
      I’ve lost my voice a handful of times due to overuse, and the big thing is rest. Talk as little as you can in non-work contexts.

    5. I definitely get this but do find that drinking water helps. It’s important that I sip water every few minutes while I’m speaking, though, not just after.

      1. Yes to this. I’m in high ed. When I teach or I’m leading a meeting, I always have water with me. One time I forgot to bring my water to class and I had to end class early because I couldn’t continue. I also swear by throat coat tea to help with sore throats.

    6. Thank you for all the helpful feedback, ladies! Will look into the humidifier, relaxing my body (always a good reminder) and maybe just talking LESS. hear hear!

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