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Suit of the Week: The Row

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.

I was browsing BG recently and, must say, there are a LOT of really, really long jackets among the fancier designers. (Yes, yes.) A lot of them (looking at you, Michael Kors) ARE paired with miniskirts or pleated shorts (gah) — but I'm intrigued to see The Row do it, since I normally think of them as focusing on classics made well instead of trendy pieces… So: interesting about what may be coming down the pike with suits.

The pictured suit is available in sizes 0-12; the blazer is $2650, and the pants are $1560.

Psst: this is a gorgeous pinstriped suit on sale for a lucky size 0. I'll have to keep this one in mind for our April 1 posts. Also, randomly, what do we think of the knee-high nylons styled with these cropped suit pants?

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

161 Comments

  1. What are your favorite business books written by women? I realized all the books I have by women authors have titles that say “women” or are written TO or FOR women (I.e., Lean In by Sandberg, books about time by Laura Vanderkam, Nice girls don’t get the corner office…). I regularly recommend books by Adam Grant, Patrick Lencioni, Jim Collins, Simon Sinek, and Stephen Covey.

    I want to support female authors who write about business development, negotiations, marketing, etc. that aren’t necessarily “for women” or “girls.”

    1. Whenever stuff is billed as “for women” or “for girls,” my mind wants the serious / real stuff that is aimed at men. I work in finance.

      FWIW, I do support anything that helps people become more competent and don’t have issues with books written for girls to help them with math skills (they come across as more desperate / corny, but the stakes are high with math and I support getting math to people any way you can).

        1. I can’t remember the title and it is a bit fluffy (not meant as serious) but Barbara Corcoran’s book, b/c she’s self-made and the sh*t in her field, so I respect her business background and she is funny.

    2. I really like Radical Candor by Kim Scott although it’s probably more of a management book than a business one.

      1. Management works! Thank you! I am planning to hit “buy” tomorrow after coming back to this post (budget is $200, so please keep the recommendations coming)

    4. How about “Mindset” by Carol Dweck? That book had a big impact on me. I also really liked “The Upside of Stress” by Kelly McGonigal. Neither is a business book, but both made me think very differently about how I work, learn, take on challenges, handle hard things, and more.

  2. IDK who long jackets look good on, but it’s not me. I’m 5-4 and very short-waisted. I feel like they make me look like something straight out of Minecraft. Or like I stole some guy’s jacket (charming if you are in an evening gown or fancy dress, but looks odd to me during the daytime and especially in a work environment).

    I am neutral on the long cardigan things that are everywhere (e.g., JCrew Juliette sweater coat), but they aren’t serious workwear and a useful top layer in some offices/seasons. And, unlike this, they aren’t $$$.

    1. Me. I’m 5’10” and large. A short jacket looks like a clown car on me.

      I should stock up now.

      1. They are proportionate on you maybe? The Fold is an Olsen twin brand and IIRC they are like 5 feet even, so this is about a coatdress on them?

        1. It’s not just that they fit me better because I’m tall. My proportions look better in a jacket or other topper that hits at the low hip or lower rather than at the high hip.

      2. I also love them! 5’6 with a long torso. I have a custom tailored one and it’s the best thing.

        I also like how it feels more masculine, like how men’s suits look easy to wear.

    2. Not me either, and I’m essentially a human corgi. Long jackets hit me at the absolute least flattering place and will not be finding a home in my closet.

    3. I’m 5’8″ and long jackets make me look like I raided Grandpa’s closet. It’s not a good look on me! I have seen it look very nice on women who are tall and have wider shoulders (like a swimmer’s body type). The proportions work better.

      1. For me, at 5’8”, they work very well- I have the torso of someone 6 ft tall so the proportions are a good fit

      2. I have narrow shoulders and am shorter than you, and think I look good in them! It’s about the long torso for me though.

        They have to fit me in the shoulders or it looks like there was a mix up st coat check!

      1. Yep. I’m also on the shorter side but have a long jacket that looks great – because the waist hits at my natural waist. I think thats the important part, more than just long vs. short

        1. I think that is why this one looks good on the model to me: it actually has a waist. So often, long jackets are just blocky. Doubly so for the ones that are double-br3asted.

          1. Agreed. If you ever find one that looks this good right off the rack, buy it, then buy a lottery ticket on the way home. Otherwise, buy it anyway and stop at your tailor on the way home.

    5. Not me either–I’m 5’5″ and very pear-shaped. If the jacket fits in the shoulders/bust/waist, it’s a sausage-casing on my hips. Hate long jackets.

  3. Growing up, my mom used to braid my hair for school until a friend told me that braids weren’t cool and I wouldn’t let her do it after that. I usually braid my hair nowadays for the gym or before I sleep, but I somehow carried that forward into thinking a single braid was not professional enough for work or something.

    Today I went to the gym before work and my hair was wet, and I braided it just for gym -> office, helps it air dry nicely etc. I’ve been at work now though and haven’t taken it out of the braid though.

    I realize that a braid is actually a great work hairstyle – convenient, easy, flattering to my face if its lower/looser, keeps hair out of my face. Also, once my hair dries in a braid it looks nice and wavy when I take it out for any post work plans.
    IDK what the point of this post is but its mainly that this is a revelation I’ve had to day.

    1. I had this revelation at some point (when I had hair) and was equally amazed! Yay braids!

    2. Thank you for sharing! I’ve had these thoughts as well but haven’t worn a braid since I was a kid but I do want to wear one. I actually think it could be very professional (I thought it looked professional when Angelina Jolie wore a braid in Salt as a spy and seems like it’s good for being active). What kind of braid do you do? I would love to french braid my own hair but have not mastered that at all and have watched youtube videos to figure it out so if you have any recommendations, I would be truly interested!

    4. Yayyyy! I similarly have revelations where I realize my hang-ups about things are actually just holdovers from kids saying dumb things.

    5. Love a work braid!

      Also love a pretty braid for weekends, can someone who is good at it come and do it for me?

  5. Does anyone want to shop for me? I am going to a work event in May and am going to be announced in a position for the organization so will be photographed. This is normally where I would wear some kind of ‘power’ colorful sheath dress. Event is after work and everyone wears suits/dresses/business attire, but this is the first one since 2019 so who knows????

    I could spend up to $300 and am a size 6-8, fairly straight up and down, BR and Boden both fit me well. Thanks for any suggestions!

    1. I feel like the pictures of Euro royals I see are wearing long dresses that are more pretty and less severely-business looking than what I’d have worn in 2019. Even when they are in formal-type settings. If you are on the tall side, I feel like Erdem makes a good dress that is pretty but can go formal. Ditto some Tory Burch items.

    2. I like navy dresses for these occasions — here’s some to check out:

      https://lordandtaylor.com/collections/womens-dresses/products/tie-waist-sheath-dress?variant=41410714665136 (Not lined, unfortunately, but a great price)

      https://lordandtaylor.com/collections/womens-dresses/products/belted-sleeve-scuba-crepe-sheath
      (Really cute detailing on this one)

      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/boss-dirusila-belted-wool-silk-dress/6695172?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FClothing%2FDresses&fashioncolor=Blue&color=402
      (A little out of your price range but absolutely gorgeous.)

        1. Heh, I used to hate navy but I’ve come around in the last year or so. :) Forest green or maroon/burgundy would be good too!

    3. I would invest a little more and get a dress from The Fold. The dresses have architectural details that make them perfect for a desk-to-dinner situation, more interesting than a standard sheath dress or suit or dress + blazer. They photograph very well and come in bright colors. The brand is cut well for straight figures.

      1. The new season items for this spring is very heavy on cool and muted pastels, so if you want to go for The Fold and want brighter colors, look for last season and the winter stuff. I like a lot of their stuff, but I’m sitting out spring 2022.

        1. They just released some more styles in bright colors–emerald green, cobalt blue, etc.

    4. I’d go to The Fold and check out their sale section (unless the spring palette colors work for you, I look like death in cobalt/chartreuse). The Collingham or Harrington jackets would look amazing over a black dress (or with slacks). The camelot or northcote dresses are forgiving in the midsection and look great, and the Kenley dress is a knockout if you look good in emerald green.

    8. Check LK bennett also, maybe GOAT too

      and Rent the Runway! you can buy or rent these (many in your price range to buy)
      https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/la_petite_robe_di_chiara_boni/rosmarijn_sheath?lens=membership
      https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/diane_von_furstenberg/lois_leopard_wrap_dress?lens=membership
      https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/toccin/camel_sheath?lens=membership
      https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/shoshanna/ralph_sheath?lens=membership
      https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/jason_wu_collection/green_wrap_effect_dress?lens=membership
      https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/trina_turk/trust_pleated_dress?lens=membership
      https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/hugo_boss/delilara_dress?lens=membership
      https://www.renttherunway.com/shop/designers/emporio_armani/milano_dress?lens=membership

  6. Is this a thing, or have I made this up out of desperation. I need a life/career coach who understands entrepreneurial roles who isn’t a influencer who has no background in the real world. For background, I grew up lower income with blue collar parents. My dad did not graduate HS, my Mom will tell you she only did because her high school boyfriend wrote her english papers. I took a scenic route to get here, but am 40 with an MBA from a ranked program, a full time job making 165k/year and three years ago launched a side business with my siblings that is starting to finally take off, although not to the point where I could pull a reasonable salary from it yet. I am single with no kids, and at this point no plans to change this. And I am EXHAUSTED. I have been holding up both the main job and the side work for 3 years and feel frozen with the what the next step in the game plan is. Because I grew up with money as a constant worry, the idea of taking my foot off the gas and stepping back from either is paralyzing, but I also know I cannot continue at this level. My normal therapist is great at letting me vent, work through things, and helping me frame conversations to have, but I feel like I have no how to run a successful business/life in a way that is sustainable.

    My parents are supportive, but have no background to give guidance, and I feel like most of those around me are just like wow you have a lot on your plate, but no one has real guidance or thoughts on what to do. I want their ideas! My manager at my day job is supportive and aware of my side venture but also goes into full panic any time I discuss trying to reduce my hours at all or take time off.

    What am I looking for to help me with this? Is it just a different kind of therapist? Is there a mentor program I could find? Add to this I am in a more rural area, so my access to some resources is limited.

    1. I know someone who left an equity partnership at BigLaw and in her semi-retirement gives this sort of coaching to lawyers. Maybe your b-school program has some professors there who would counsel /consult with you (for a fee) on the side? They may have some thoughts and help separate feelings from good business decisions (and help for dealing with your main job). I think that you wouldn’t need to be in person in any event.

    2. I have used Sheila Wilkinson, who is a lawyer and a social worker who does coaching, she does her sessions remotely, and she specializes in helping people start businesses. I worked with her all last year to get out of a job I hated and into one I loved and am working with her this year to get my own side gig going in an area I’m interested in pursing as an extra but not as my main career (I’m a recovery attorney, for what it’s worth). Highly recommend her.

    3. One option: what if you worked with a financial planner who can help you understand your own finances, how much money you have, and how much you need to make? We’re doing this now and I find it extremely helpful for my own thinking about my next steps. You can find a fee-only, fiduciary financial planner to help with this without trying to sell you on investment management.

    4. Can your siblings manage the business and you just draw a return on investment vs a salary? I’d be loathe to give up a solid paying job unless you expected to draw as least as much or more in salary from the business. But maybe I am more risk adverse than most.

    5. The problem with startups is that they’re so different and there’s no one true approach to doing a startup correctly (and anyone who tries to tell you that there is is lying/selling). And part of getting things up and running is being told CONSTANTLY that you’re doing things wrong. I’d look for startup peer groups vs. a coach/therapist. (e.g. a friend did Y combinator’s startup school and found her peer network to be useful).
      But realistically your options as I seem them are:
      run yourself ragged doing both (and make absolutely sure you have an exit plan “in six months I either move to startup and draw X salary or stop working on startup”),
      cut down on full time job (would need to make sure healthcare+ a reasonable buffer are there),
      or cut down on startup (use equity to buy help? work the hours that you’re paid for and that’s it?)

    8. See if your local business school (or one in your state, ideally a public school) has an entrepreneurship center. Often, there are basically extension programs for local entrepreneurs including resources ,programs, coaches, and mentorship programs.

      Source: my state’s flagship U and T-20 B school offers this.

    10. I think a career coach would be good. Perhaps Anne Durand. Link to LinkedIn to follow.

  7. Low-stakes question: How often do you re-read fiction books? I am in such a reading rut. Yet I resist re-reading because there are so many NEW books in the universe!

    1. I only re-read books by my two very, very, very favorite authors. And for people who read Important Literature, I’m sure they’re utterly unworthy, but Lynn Kurland and Melissa Mayhue books make me so darn happy I don’t care. (They both do time-traveling romance with medieval Scottish lords and it’s delightful and I don’t care that the topic is even cheesier than a Hallmark movie.)(Which I also like, because of course I do.)(Life is rough, happy endings are nice.)

      Outside of those two women, there are too many other books in the world to be read to bother re-reading!

    2. I re-read and re-listen often. I also re-watch films and do the same jigsaw puzzle, and I’m happy to travel to a place I’ve been before. I cook meals I’ve made before, re-buy mascara etc. In short, I don’t chase new-different-FOMO experiences in everything. I love new, but it’s not the only measure of my enjoyment.

      For books, I re-read and listen to fiction books where the mood, settings or characters interest me as much as or more than the plot. I enjoy different things on a re-read (or second or tenth re-read).

      1. +1 to your last paragraph. I reread (and rewatch) when the mood, characters, and/or world are magical and captivating and I just want to re-immerse myself in the environment.

    3. As a teenager I re-read books all the time, and there are a handful of books I’ve read multiple times as an adult. If it’s going to get you out of a rut, why not pick up an old favorite?

    4. Enjoying something I am familiar with and know I will love often does help me get out of a reading rut. There are some books I read every year and learn something different each time.

    5. I re-read any time I feel like it. If that is once every decade or every other week, there is no issue either way.

      In practice, I probably do a re-read of something about once a year. If I am feeling a good book and can’t find anything in the genre to scratch that itch, I pick up a trusty standby and get lost in that. It buys me time to find a new title to try without getting distracted or frustrated trying to get into the new story.

    6. Almost never, in fact I think maybe literally never. There’s just too much new stuff I want to read.

    7. Almost never. I also rarely re-watch movies or TV shows. I have such long lists of books, movies, and shows I want to watch that I just can’t justify it. In contrast, though, I pretty much only listen to music that I’ve liked for years and am not a huge novelty seeker when it comes to other things.

      I find it helpful to read book reviews and frequently check the new book page for my library online, so I’m never lacking for inspiration. I request books when something interesting shows up and then there’s a constant stream of things I have to read before they’re due.

    8. I absolutely love re-reading my favorite books, and I also re-watch my favorite movies. There’s no shame in it! I do not need to read every new book on the market – I couldn’t possibly anyway – and a book is my favorite for a reason. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve read A Confederacy of Dunces, Cannery Row, Pride and Prejudice (of course), Tender is the Night, and A Moveable Feast. I don’t care if anyone judges me. Certain moods call for certain books that I absolutely know are going to hit that right note.

      When I was a kid my mom had me in some club that sent two books a month. I read them immediately and then re-read them over and over again until the next month’s shipment arrived.

    9. All the time – its so relaxing to just jump into a part of a familiar book for an evening.

    10. Not whole books, but I often re-read favorite passages. Like the proposal scene in Jane Eyre. Or the last few chapters of Anne of Ingleside. And when I finish a book, I will go back and re-read the first few chapters because I like to remind myself where things started. I also mostly borrow books, so I don’t have many on hand to re-read, but if I’m at the library and see a book that I loved I will pull it off the shelf and thumb through it again.

      2. OMG I re-read Montgomery SO often but this book and Rilla of Ingleside are two of my faves, along with The Blue Castle. Amazon has her collected works on Kindle. Such a great treat at bedtime – comforting and not too tempting to stay up late because I know what’s going to happen already.

    11. Never. Life is too short and there are so many things out there I haven’t seen yet. If I’m in a rut, I try to stay away from authors I already know or try a different genre or same genre but new-to-me writer. I also go through periods where I read more more than others and I’m fine with that, too.

    12. I re-read my favorite series once every few years – sometimes it’s because a new book in the series has come out and I want to refresh my memory; other times it’s between book releases, everything I want from the library is on hold, and if I didn’t re-read I’d be spending $500 a year at least on ebooks. And sometimes I’ll go way back into the archives, like I just did in February and re-read the Song of the Lioness quartet. Good books hold their value for decades!

    13. All the time! Ever since I was a kid I would rather re-read an old favourite than read something new. My childhood books were in tatters because they were so well-loved. The same with movies and TV shows too which is how I end up rewatching Friends on a continuous loop.

    14. Very rarely. I’ve tried it a couple of times lately, with short books and in a different format (audio instead of print, or vice versa). Changing the format definitely helps keep it fresh. I doubt I’ll become a frequent re-reader though. I’m not great at recalling the details of a book, but then on re-reading, I get caught up in my thoughts about what I remember instead of focusing on the story.

      I’m also attracted by shiny, new books (new to me, not necessarily newly published). I have a hard time reading anything, whether read or unread, that I actually own, and always want to download and start something else. I’m lucky my library system has a large collection of e-books available on Libby!

    15. It depends on my general mood. I noticed that I went back to beloved favorites early in the pandemic, finding comfort in familiarity (books, shows, and music). When my stress levels are lower, I get more curious to explore new material. FOMO doesn’t really play into it for me.

    16. If there’s books that speak to you and you love, why not revisit them?

      You go back to the same restaurants, cook the same meals you enjoy and maybe holiday in the same place, and rewatch a movie, why not enjoy a book the same way?

    17. Every few years, when I’m really stressed/anxious/going through a life thing, I re-read the Harry Potter books. It’s very much a comfort thing. I’ve also read the Outlander series several times, usually coupled with a new book coming out in the series. Aside from that, I rarely re-read. Maybe I should more though for really good books…I listened to Where the Crawdad’s Sing with my husband after I had read it and enjoyed it so much both times. I want to re-read Circe too, I loved that the first time.

    18. I re-read when I am super-busy or stressed and don’t feel like I can take a chance on a new-to-me but potentially crappy book. During my last trial, I listened to a book in a series that I had already read, and it was perfect. (Especially because it was a zoom trial and my eyes/head hurt at night.)

    19. I find that when I’m rereading I may be in comfort mode — it’s like visiting old friends. I see it as a form of self care. Some times I’ll make an effort to read 15 pages of a book on my TBR pile and see if something catches.

    20. I am not a very attentive reader, so sometimes I will re-read a book because I didn’t absorb all of it the first time. Also I enjoy re-reading super faves like Station Eleven from time to time.

    21. I re-read a lot. Partly I can never find anything to read (I apparently have a lot of idiosyncratic dealbreakers for fiction and often regret pushing through despite them; I’m jealous of people who like the books I just can’t get into). I very seldomly re-watch movies or TV though… I never re-watch TV unless I’ve essentially forgotten it all.

  8. Regarding this morning’s discussion of the bizarre coworker and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, someone mentioned getting diagnosed by a therapist (not themselves, referring to someone else.) How does that work?

    The person in my life who is like 99% likely an NPD case will not go to a therapist – they tried a handful of appointments to complain about how they were mistreated by everyone else, but the second the therapist recommended they might have some role in it themselves, or that there was anything they needed to correct, they stormed out of there and never went back, and now all therapists are “frauds.” How does anyone ever get diagnosed with this?

    1. I think you can get someone to consider B’s actions in treating A. In my sibling’s case, an ex likely has NPD and during their very messy divorce, sibling went to counseling and I think the counselor considered treatment based on sibling dealing with a partner who acts like they have NPD.

    2. Does it really matter though? A diagnosis is definitely not going to make a narcissist change in any way.

      1. I guess my point is that the number of those with NPD is probably vastly underreported because none of them will consent to someone telling them they are not perfect and right all the time.

        But also because, in my personal case, I want them to get better. It must honestly be miserable at some level for them, and it’s certainly miserable for the rest of us.

        Mine could be in the marching band where everyone is marching left, right, left, right, but they’re marching right, left, right, left because everyone else is an idiot who doesn’t know how to do it.

        1. Yeah -I do wonder how someone with NPD is treated, if they ever get that far. Meds? Behavioral stuff?

        2. Ugh — you can’t help someone who is never wrong. It’s like an alcoholic — they need to recognize there is a problem and open to doing to work to fix it. You can’t backseat drive your way there for them. Sadly. A lot of NPD victims would gladly to the work to fix the NPD person, but it doesn’t work that way.

    3. I would imagine that most “diagnoses” are made by the therapists treating the people around the narcissist, and that most actual diagnoses are made during court-ordered evaluations.

    4. I’m the one who mentioned the co-worker who out of thin air on the first day we met told our boss that I thought I was being micromanaged (I didn’t) and invented drama like that constantly. For what it’s worth, she goes to therapy constantly and talks about it constantly and will explain why her issues are BIG issues at any random time to anyone who will listen. (Her childhood was rough in a way no one could understand, she overcame a poor background in a way no one could match, etc. etc. A competitive hero story at the drop of a hat even at times when it’s completely inappropriate–like a new client meeting–actually more so since it gets the attention of the room and shifts it to her.) I think NPD describes it perfectly. So I suppose the answer is that like everything else in their world that is dramatic and about them, they love the idea of having a captive audience to listen to, so therapy is probably right up their alley. They probably come out of an appointment thinking “I have NPD more painfully than anyone else and am conquering it better than anyone else.”

    5. I was the poster who wrote about this this morning. The employee disclosed that to me in an attempt to avoid disciplinary procedures, claiming her diagnosis was an ADA issue and she couldn’t be disciplined or fired because of the NPD. Long story short (seriously – I would have to write a literal novel about this whole process) after speaking to our lawyer and a consulting psychologist we were referred to by the lawyer, that was not true. By the time we moved to start the termination process, I had a file almost half an inch thick with documentation of all the different things she’d done. And she’d only been hired five months prior. I never asked her where or how she’d gotten that diagnosis because we didn’t want to focus on that aspect of the whole thing – she was given multiple chances (too many, IMO, but we were trying to cross all the t’s) to shape up and she would not. I would argue that after the first corrective action conversation, her behavior escalated. She ended up getting terminated and walked out by security, after which she made such scary threats we kept security guards at the front door for another three months after she left. It was bar none, the worst experience of my professional life.

      So no advice, unfortunately on how to get someone diagnosed. I am imagining that my former employee was referred to therapy or otherwise saw a therapist and latched on to the diagnosis as the only thing the therapist said was wrong with her. I think it was her card to play when things had escalated to the point where she knew she was going to lose her job, but it certainly didn’t help her case (with us, at least).

      1. I also had an employee who was walked out and who made all kinds of threats (the first were against me while she was still working there and it was chalked up to “women can’t get along” by management) so nothing but commiseration to you. It is an awful thing to live through.

      2. Yeah – loads of employed people have health conditions that qualify as disabilities, whether they disclose them or not. If they cannot perform the essential functions of the job with-or-without a reasonable accommodation, they should be looking for a better match for their skills. If the employee creates so much disruption that it substantially interferes with the unit/business’s work product, and there is no end in sight for disruptions…they are, like everyone else, eligible for PIP or termination. People with disabilities can be disciplined or fired for all the reasons that people without disabilities get that treatment.

    6. Yes, the so-called “Cluster B” disorders are notoriously difficult to manage for exactly this reason.

  9. When did nighstands become so expensive!? Anyone has any they love? For the first time in my life, space is not a constraint, large bedroom wall, king bed and for the first time I can do two identical nightstands on each side! I was looking for something with two closed drawers and an open space (as I am guilty of taking my computer to bed) but open to other ideas. Bed is MCM warm “acorn” wood color FWIW. Oh and this is also my first time in a carpeted bedroom, so not sure if that matters. TIA!

    2. Commiseration! I re-did my bedroom a couple years ago and couldn’t find anything decent quality in my budget.

      I was hoping to find something like this but smaller/cheaper: https://www.frontgate.com/etienne-3-drawer-chest/indoor-furniture/bedroom-furnishings-storage/812180?listIndex=0&uniqueId=812180

      After ENDLESS online shopping I gave up on new furniture entirely. I scored a pair of small dressers from an estate sale for $40 and painted them blue. They came out really great considering I’m not crafty at all: https://ibb.co/mvj7612 It looks like a bright color in the photo but is quite subdued in real life and they still look great two years later.

    3. Agreed! And glad to commiserate :) I do not understand why they are so much pricier with so much less appealing options than other similar furniture like side tables or dressers. I literally cannot find ones I like at a mid-price point.

    4. I just went through this and was shocked at the price of nightstands! I also needed something on the taller side since I have a box spring which was surprisingly hard to find. I’m not a fancy lawyer with a big budget, so I went with the IKEA Idanas. The website pictures don’t do it justice, it’s really nice in person and it’s nice thick wood, not flimsy. I changed the knobs to something cuter. It has an open shelf and a big drawer. Really pleased with them.

    6. I have mis-matched thrifted wood nightstands – assuming you don’t want a hobby of searching Facebook marketplace every day (still have it and I tell my husband almost weekly that I need a warehouse space just to flip furniture) – here are a few ideas –

      I really like this bone inlay pattern! And black so it won’t class with the wood color.
      https://www.wayfair.com/furniture/pdp/dakota-fields-chaney-bone-inlay-2-drawer-nightstand-w000574093.html?piid=

      I have a personal soft spot for caning –
      https://www.wayfair.com/furniture/pdp/allmodern-bates-2-drawer-solid-wood-nightstand-in-blacknaturalbrass-w001789028.html

    7. look at estate sales! entire bedding sets (dresser, nightstands, headboad, etc) go for less than $1k all in.

      1. Yeah, this requires a little time investment but you can get fantastic pieces for so much less money than the stuff in stores or online.

    8. Go to a viciously expensive furniture store and learn the names of designer level brands with styles you like and then look for those brands second hand on eBay, or a local site. You can find really gently used pieces for a fraction of the price.

    9. Part of me feels confused about whether I like or understand nightstands aesthetically at least for my small space. Sometimes they seem heavy and awkward? But I definitely want a bedside table with a lamp and a place for my eyeglasses, etc., and a drawer for my prescription bottles, or a shelf where I can put a box with those things in it. And my partner has a CPAP machine.

      I’m thinking of looking at different kinds of end tables and stands that might work just as well.

      1. I have antique art nouveau nightstands with a drawer and a cabinet door underneath
        Picked up off Craigslist
        You have to search it often as things move quickly

  10. Good day! Now that we are (hopefully) going to travel again, can anyone suggest an alternative to my trusty Longchamp LePliage tote bag that has a trolley sleeve? I know, I know, they are now supposedly declasse, but I love that I can stuff it full with my 13inch laptop and eveything i need for the plane, then dump it out at the hotel and use it for the beach or pool. We travel carry-on only so having one for two functions is perfect. I just don’t love how it won’t really stay on my rolling luggage.

    I have a Knomo London tote for work and LOVE it, but it’s too structured to do double-duty.

    Travelling ‘rettes – any suggestions greatly appreciated!

    1. Keep your le pliage because it works for you.

      I carry a zippered or open Cuyana tote for the same purpose. (Zippered in wet weather months)

        1. This just sent me looking for weekenders/bags with trolley sleeves and Rothys has one for FIVE HUNDRED FIFTY DOLLARS. I can’t imagine who would actually buy that, that is insane.

    2. I upgraded from Longchamp to Tumi and never looked back. Nylon, lots of pockets, luggage sleeve, basically indestructible.

      1. I was just coming to post that. Tumi Just in Case tote. has a trolley sleeve and is useful for many things, especially carry-on/dump for use on trip.

        1. Thank you all! I will look at the Tumi but am kind of relieved to know I’m not totally alone in my loyalty to my Longchamp lol. I’m old, so this is more gratifying than you might think. And I agree – $550 (presumably USD!!!) is wayyyy out of my price range.

    4. I’ve had my lepliage for almost 20 years and while I no longer use it daily (I did throughout law school), I still use it a ton when I travel. They used to be THE travel bag before they got trendy and I’m ok with going back to that.

    5. In case you come back to read—I recently purchased the Away Everywhere Bag (new). I haven’t had a chance to use it yet but like all the features particularly for international flights. I will check luggage but this tote will be large enough for all my needs plus a change of extra clothes just in case. It’s very unisex so both my husband and I can use it separately. But I will probably pack a Le Pilage because they are just so darn useful!

      1. Thx I will look at it! My carry on luggage is Monos but I don’t love their tote bags.

  11. I called my hospital’s FMLA dept just now to ask them about the status of paperwork I need for work and got a voice recording that said “Our office is only open from 9 am to 2 pm Monday to Friday. Please call back during normal business hours.” Those aren’t “normal business hours”!!!!

    1. How do I get a job in that department because I would loooove to work 9-2 every day!

      1. I am sure they don’t just work 9-2. I bet they only take calls from 9-2 so they can actually do the work the other few hours of the day.

  12. Hopefully people will be kind – but how would you handle it if you are having trouble getting on with it as covid improves? Everyone around me is back to normal BUT work is not open yet for me until June. I am finding that after 2+ years of being isolated, going out anywhere is a really big deal. I am still masking though in my previously very masked area [DC/NoVA] many/most aren’t masked anymore so it’s really about your mask protecting you. Had to go pick up a new phone yesterday because my old one was really old and stopped working and with work from home I couldn’t wait an extra day or two for online shipping. Found myself “planning” all day so as to show up when the store would be empty – which tends to be a challenge in a busy area. Showed up at peak dinner time and it was just the unmasked employee and me in a KN95. Logically I know this is fine – I was masked even if he wasn’t; no other unmasked shoppers etc. but I just don’t see anyone besides me engaging in this level of – avoidance of going out/avoidance of all other humans.

    FWIW I’m triple vaxxed; have a cardiac condition which makes me more nervous than I think I’d be otherwise. Yet with going back to work in three months [and I legit WANT to go back a few days a week, I don’t want to work from home forever] and WANTING to do some other things like a networking coffee etc. — I WANT to move on, but just don’t know what to do. FWIW I’m NOT looking for a therapy recommendation. Just recommendations on how to get on with life. Like I’d love to jump on a plane and go visit a new city and stay in a hotel for two days and logically I know it’s probably ok and then . . . I just can’t make myself do it as I think, hmm unmasked uber driver from airport to hotel; hotel elevators; etc.

    1. I have been very shy about re-entry and the best thing for me has been to just do it. It takes some getting used to but it is almost like exposure therapy. I still mask many public places but numbers in my city are very low and I am going to enjoy this while it lasts. I have been forgoing my mask at work some of the time and even went to the library without a mask the other day. For me it has helped to know that I can always put on a mask if I feel like it. But truly, I am not sure there is any substitute for just doing it. Start off in places you feel comfortable and see how it goes. Good luck!

    2. Start small. Instead of twisting yourself into knots to find a non-peak time to visit the phone store, go when it’s actually convenient for you. Instead of jumping into eating a meal at a restaurant, start small by going into the coffee shop to order a drink and a pastry. Don’t run back outside to your car, just eat it at the coffee shop.

      I say this as kindly as I can, but at this point, I do think anxiety is driving your decisions more than risk, which you’ve acknowledged. Even 1-2 therapy sessions may help with that. But the bottom line is you just have to jump in and start doing things, even if you’re starting small.

    3. Kindly, when you can’t make yourself do things you KNOW are logical (by your own statement), it’s time for therapy. For a DIY solution you could try putting yourself around people more to ease back into it – first outside where there are only a couple of people around and it’s easy to distance, then outside where there are more people and it’s less easy to distance, like outdoor restaurant dining. Then the same for indoor – large airy mall at off hours where you can easily distance from people, then the supermarket, where you may come into closer contact. You’ll know you’re all the way there when you can enjoy unmasked drinks at a crowded bar.

      1. This. I don’t know why you’re so dismissive of therapy, OP. What you’re asking for is to crowd source therapy, essentially.

    4. I’d start with small steps that could lead to the bigger steps. I’d particularly find ways you can be outside, in public spaces, unmasked. Either choose a place where there is no one around (like a sidewalk in a safe neighborhood in the middle of the day), or where people are spaced out so far there is literally no Covid risk (a big park with few people around). What you’re wanting to get used to is the feeling of being out and around in a normal, before-Covid way. All you’re trying to do it adjust again to the feeling of fresh air on your face, and no mask between you and the world. It doesn’t mean you need to go unmasked when you’re around people. Just find some ways to recapture what it feels like to be outdoors, in public, without a mask on.
      Then add the next step: go to a place where there are relatively few people and practice walking around (masked) when there are people around. For me, that would be one of our local malls with very low traffic in the middle of a weekday.
      Then do another thing. And another small thing. and another small one. Work up to going into a coffee shop when there are other people around (that step is practicing for the networking coffee) and staying in the shop for 5-10 minutes or working there for a half hour. Just start going to enough places that going places and being around people is no longer such a big deal. Go ahead and keep on wearing masks or taking whatever other precautions you want to . . . just practice small portions of the things that you eventually want to work on doing. Maybe you even rent an airbnb in your own city and go stay there for a couple of days, just to get used to being out of your house and staying somewhere else (since you eventually want to be able to go stay in a hotel).

      What I wouldn’t do is wait until your emotions are all calm and you FEEL good about doing this. You’re going to have to do the actions first rather than waiting for the feelings to show up first.
      So you just tell yourself: “I know this is going to be feel bad/strange/jarring/uncomfortable/whatever. That’s OK. I can feel those things and live through them. They won’t kill me.” and then you do it, and you live through it, and you congratulate yourself on how well you lived through it. Then you try the next small thing. And the next.

    5. I’m also in NOVA. Are you doing dinners or outings with friends? That still feels very daunting to me sometimes, but I’ve just laid out that, for me, my preference is outdoor dining somewhere. I also started taking the metro a bit more (not for work, but just to get to places in the evening or what not, so not peak ridership times), and that has been helpful getting over that feeling of isolation/going out. I still don’t go and stay in crowded places a lot, but walking down crowded streets doesn’t freak me out as much any more, so maybe just going to some of the outside tourist areas would help to acclimate you to being places again? Or finding places that you know aren’t going to be as crowded indoors.

    6. I think you just do it. I do personal risk calculations in all areas of life, as I’m an actuary. I’m also high risk for COVID so I understand your trepidation.

      I did travel last summer after I was vaccinated and cases were low (pre-delta) and I felt fairly confident. I felt it was worth it to pay + points to upgrade to business class for my flight so that I wouldn’t be squeezed in next to a stranger. I checked the COVID precautions at the hotels I was considering and went with the one I thought sounded good. It was during a period when they weren’t doing full housekeeping, just changing out towels, and that was fine with me. I did take Uber but we were both masked. And I did dine indoors a couple of times, but it was part of my risk calculus to do so, and I favored outdoor dining for most of my meals. It was ok.

      Yesterday I went to my first conference in two years. The venue required masks except for when eating and most people were fairly compliant (there was one guy with his nose hanging out the whole time, which I will never understand) and I guess I will see if I get anything but when I left the event I didn’t feel like I’d taken any giant risks.

      If you want to do it, the only way is to actually do it, as with most things in life.

    7. Honestly, practice is the best remedy here. Just do more gradually and in time it won’t feel so jarring and, every now and then, do something small (run to the grocery store or to a shoe store) on the spur of the moment to break the anxiety cycle of hyper-planning. I’d recommend speaking to your physician about your cardiac condition and any known or suspected correlation between that specific condition and worse COVID outcomes given all that we know now. Perhaps you have, so forgive me, but make sure your aren’t assuming a significant increase in risk where this isn’t any.

      Good luck!

    9. agree with everyone that you just take baby steps. This is a big change compared to your lifestyle of the past two years. Big changes take time, and you are on your own timeline. If you were a beginner at playing an instrument or a sport, it would make perfect sense that you can’t yet do the same thing that someone else does who has been practicing for a year! Even if it’s effortless for the people around you now, it was a process for many of them, too.

      Another thought would be that you plan your outings more around the reward-side of things. Nobody enjoys going to the store to replace their phone – that is a sucky chore! But what if you plan more outings around the socializing that you are missing so much? Sidewalk cafe? Or walk in the park? Maybe that will sweeten the deal.

    10. Girl! Therapy! This is classic textbook anxiety. You need professional support and that is okay.

    11. You’re not wrong to be hesitant (I’ve heard we have 4-6 weeks before BA.2 arrives and we’re back to masking). My attitude is to watch the numbers carefully and take advantage of these lulls. I may still mask but I’m seeing friends, going to movies/concerts, etc.

      Looks like there’s a lot of wastewater surveillance in your area; numbers will spike there first.
      https://covid.cdc.gov/covid-data-tracker/#datatracker-home

      1. Thanks for this. I agree the wastewater surveillance is the way to go now that most people are testing at home and results aren’t aggregated.

      2. I think this is a reasonable approach. I’m not sure I agree “just do it” is the way to go. With all due respect to other posters, Covid is still a risk, even if politicians don’t want to admit it! I am triple vaccinated but still don’t want to risk infection. I do think that with spring coming there will be safer times to be out and about. I would be much more likely to be out and about NOW if more people WERE still masking!

        We did just travel but knowing that everyone on the plane had to be vaccinated and that everyone wore masks, then being mostly outdoors in our location (Mexico), gave me the feeling that the level of risk we were assuming was reasonable for us. So maybe I was engaging in the calculus that Bonnie Kate helpfully suggested.

        I obviously don’t have an answer for you since I have a similar feeling about things, but wish the best for all of us after this horrible, horrible experience.

    12. Agree with all of the advice to start small, but you just have to start and do it. Let me give the caveat: the below suggestions are made because you are asking for advice on getting out there and are making risk calculations that this is safe for you to do so. I agree, but to all of the people reading this – if this isn’t your risk calculation, please feel free to scroll on by.

      anyway I have a kind of woo-woo specific suggestion – Go to to a coffeeshop or bookstore tomorrow (or tonight!) and sit down and drink your coffee. It’s gonna feel weird at first, but listen to your internal brain talk and talk back to it –
      pandemic brain: “omg this is so unsafe”
      current brain talks back “thanks pandemic brain for keeping me safe the past few years but things are different now. we can do this!”
      pandemic brain talk:”nope, oh no, that dude is not wearing a mask”
      current brain talk: “it’s okay, we’re okay, we’re triple vaxed, cases are low, he’s probably vaxed too. no worries pandemic brain!”
      pandemic brain talk: “we can just go home. it’s safer there. #hermitsforlife”
      current brain talk: “thanks pandemic brain, I know this is really weird but we will be happier with other people.”
      pandemic brain: “this feels too weird and uncomfortable”
      current brain talk: “it won’t always feel weird and uncomfortable; we just have to stick it out”
      pandemic brain: “this is stupid. that bonnie kate chic was stupid and makes stupid comment suggestions” ;)
      current brain talk: “she might be an internet weirdo but internet weirdos is all we’ve got unless we get out there, so let’s enjoy our coffee. ”

      etc….I bet if you give yourself a chance to just sit and talk back (in you head) to that pandemic voice, nicely, you may be able to process the weirdness/anxiousness more quickly.

      Also, If you’re into group classes, some yoga studios in the city near me are offering some vax-only classes, masks optional – maybe you could find some classes like that. Doing things like that may be a way to feel safer as you re-integrate back into more normal activities with people inside.

      1. This is golden. Thank you! It’s articulating how I expect my imminent re-entry to be.

      2. Brava- thanks for this.
        Pandemic Brain: “don’t engage with internet weirdos. Just go about your business.”
        Current Brain: “Actually, this was pretty helpful and encouraging, and maybe we should give it a try to see if taking small steps reduces our anxiety over time”
        Pandemic Brain: “No! Hide! Stay home for safety!”
        Current Brain: *stuffs Pandemic Brain in a sack and sits on it*
        Pandemic Brain: “mpf! mpf!”
        Current Brain: *takes dainty bites of croissant.*

    13. Just take baby steps. We started with just lunch outside and then built up from there. And ignore the posters in this thread who apparently have no life skills other than calling a therapist.

    14. I know this is from yesterday but just wanted to chime in with an additional suggestion in case you’re still checking it. If you haven’t already, I’d talk to your doctor/cardiologist about your risk level. They may be able to help you assess how much you should be worried based on your actual health risks. And hopefully they’ll give you the green-light and you can practice the suggestions in this thread with less guilt.

  13. I’m at work in the office.
    I didn’t sleep much last night.
    Had a cup of coffee in the morning and now nursing a mug of herbal tea.
    I’m meeting the guy I’m dating after work.
    I am so so sleepy.

    A caffeine nap would do the trick but idk if I can do that in this all glass office.
    Maybe I’ll take a nap on the train from work to his place

          1. I love that this thread appears every time a long jacket is mentioned!

            I randomly heard this song a week or so ago and instantly thought of this site.

          2. Thank you for mentioning the song! I was looking at these post and thinking something is soo familiar and I can’t put my finger on, but I love that song, and am now listening to it! :D

    2. Will you wear your long jacket and shirt skirt while touring the facility and picking up slack you fast, thorough and sharp as a tack woman? :)

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