Wednesday’s TPS Report: Willow Jacket

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

1I’ve been eyeing this cute tweed jacket since I first saw it — turquoise! neon trim! a cute fitted shape that doesn’t involve a peplum! It’s starting to go on sale around the web, which is why I’m posting it now — Amazon has it for $130 (sizes 2-16), while Bloomingdale’s has it in most sizes for $117. (Saks has it in plus sizes for a full priced $178.) I think it’s a fun spring piece. T Tahari Women’s Willow Jacket

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]


  1. Iceland Recs? :

    TJ: Any recommendations for a trip to Iceland? I’m looking to go in early September. Is this feasible? Probably would be a 5-7 day trip, so recommendations for both Reykjavik and beyond are appreciated!


    • Go! Check out the bus tours to Gullfoss, the continental divide, and the geysers. The cathedral is cool, and the view of the colorful rooftops is lovely. Be on the lookout for aurora borealis. Expect food to be really really expensive. It may be cold – we went in March and it was snowing. The waterfalls in particular were as cold as I’ve ever been. You’ll have 12 hours of daylight then in September.

    • Rent a car and take the time to drive out the 1 (I believe its the 1) as far as you have time to go. Its just beautiful. If you have time to make it to Skafatell National Park, its lovely. But the single best place we went outside of Reykavik was the Westman Islands (sorry, I’m not going to attempt to spell the Icelandic name). There is absolutely drop dead gorgeous hiking and the boat/birding tours around the island are amazing. Plus the people there were so nice…I mean everyone in Iceland was nice, but they were especially nice (my brother and I were backpacking/camping and the lady at the coffee shop we stopped at to warm up just took one look at us and said “let me get you a ride out to the camp site.” And then the guys who came and gave us a ride made sure we knew about the local pro soccer game that night and were so cool. And basically it went on like that.)

    • September is a good month for the Aurora from what I’ve read. We went the month before and saw a little (late night). When you arrive, stop at the blue lagoon (bus to your hotel can be arranged at the airport with blue lagoon in the middle) In Reykjavik I recommend 3 frakkar, islenski barinn, and saegreiffin for eats. Outside Reykjavik there’s the golden circle – thingvellir, kerith crater lake, gulfoss, and geysir are all worth seeing. Since you’re there for 5-7 days I would consider driving along the south coast through Vik (black sand beaches), hiking through Skaftafell natl park for Svartifoss waterfall, and then on to Jokulsarlon (glacial lake from the James Bond movie). We didn’t make it to the north, but heard great things about that drive as well. We rented a car from Route1 and we very pleased with the drop off/pick up service.

      • Oh and adding that if you are from the US, you should note Iceland uses European chip debit cards. You’ll need one for gas, etc!

    • No recs but this is my dream trip. I keep trying to convince my parents to meet me there, California-Scotland, Iceland is kind of monkey in the middle, right?

      • Iceland Air lets you stay over there and then continue on to a final destination without any extra cost. I haven’t done it yet, but I’m planning to take a few extra days when I go somewhere in Europe and stop in Iceland on the way. Maybe you could do it on the way to CA if your parents don’t want to go.

  2. Anne Shirley :

    Kat- all my advertising at the moment is for fur, FYI.

    • That’s so weird! I wonder if you clicked on something. Mine are all for things I’ve actually looked at – G by Guess for the sandals I bought on impulse yesterday, a few things from Nordie’s (including those fabulous Ivanka Trump mint green patent pumps) and Ice jewelry.

      At least I’ve figured out how to get all of the comments to show up without having to clear history. If I click on refresh twice, they come up. so frustrating!

    • I’m almost 100% certain Kat has no control at all about what you see. Ads are populated by third-party entities and are different for each person, often based on what sites you have visited/products you have looked at.

      • Anne Shirley :

        I definitely haven’t been fur shopping, and I think she can turn specific ads off. Like those dreadful sugar in the raw ones a while back. Fur just doesn’t seem like a great fit.

        • Anne, could you email me a screenshot of the fur ads? I just checked with Style Coalition and there are no premium ads for fur, which means that it’s probably in the Google ads I’ve got running elsewhere. I have little to no control over those, but if there’s a name of a specific company or something I might be able to block them.

        • Divaliscious11 :

          Some of us wear fur… although why there would be fur ads this time of year doesn’t make sense…but then again, given the crazy weather….

        • Anonymous :

          If it really bothers you that much, I recommend Adblocker for Firefox.

  3. Have any of you taken swimming lessons in NOVA or DC? I’m in Rosslyn and I want to start swimming laps again, but I’m not sure where to find a clean pool and locker room. Any recommendations? Or should I just assume that everyone pours gallons of bleach in there everyday and get over it?

    • Maybe an Arlington mom’s group would have a good answer? (Also, hi – I’m in Rosslyn right now :D )

      • I hope this isn’t odd, but I wondered what neighborhood you picked! Hope you’re liking the area.

        • L – I was actually going to e-mail you – I haven’t decided yet because I have information overload. Thank you for thinking of me!

    • Would love to hear thoughts on this as well …

    • A Nonny Moose :

      I’ve had good experiences with the DC public pools. The locker rooms aren’t great, but the pools are fine. Hain’s Point is especially awesome when it opens up– gorgeous, Olympic sized, not too crowded since it’s so isolated, and views of the Monument at the end of every lap.

      Are you planning on taking lessons, or just swimming? If lessons, I have an amazing instructor contact info.

      • A Nonny Moose :

        Opens Memorial Day weekend

      • Thanks! I was considering lessons because it has been years since I got in the pool to exercise. Would you mind posting her / his info or should I email you?

        • Posting link in follow up. DH used Lloyd Henry for private lessons. He went from not being able to barely being able to swim the length of a pool (didn’t know how, not out of shape) to swimming a mile over a few months of training. Lloyd worked miracles with him :) The lessons weren’t inexpensive, but were an amazing value because of how fast he learned and how well he learned. I grew up swimming on competitive teams and DH has better form than I do now. His classes were at a pool in SW, but he may be flexible on that.

    • Anne Shirley :

      And to sidetrack a bit- good NYC pools? I like the pop-up pool in Brooklyn Bridge Park but wanted some more options. McCarren looks so tempting, but is a hike and I was a bit concerned with the safety reports last year.

      • The city sponsored one in Chelsea (indoors) was nice and large for laps and clean when I joined in 2006 but because it’s so far from anywhere I’ve lived, I hardly went.

      • Are you looking for a free pool or a pay one? The pool at Asphalt Green is pretty great for year round swimming but you have to pay for it and its probably not that convenient if you’re not on the UES.

        The city also has a number of free public pools that are open from late June to end of August. The main problem with public pools is they can get overcrowded (and sometimes rowdy), depending on location, time of week, and weather. But there’s an early morning program where you can sign up in advance to swim laps early in the morning, which is great because you basically get to go before the pool opens to the public. Info is on the parks dept. website. As are all the city pool locations. Just make sure to sign up early if you want to donthe morning program. Btw, a little known one is in Central Park. Awesome!

      • Chelsea Piers or Asphalt Green. Some NYHRC locations have pools, but they’re small, so it’s hard to get a workout (like, you push off and your’e at the other end).

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        I haven’t actually been when it’s open, but I walked by the Astoria Pool the other day (drained for the winter) and it is MASSIVE, so that might be an option in the summer. Some of the YMCA locations have indoor pools, though I don’t know specifics. There’s also a gym in Astoria that has an indoor pool where you can buy just a pool membership. It’s not the greatest pool, but if you just want to swim laps, I think it’d be ok.

    • Most of my triathlete friends do laps at Washington and Lee HS in Ballston. I’ll post the link below.

    • The new pool at Washington-Lee High School is great and is open to the public much of the day.

    • There is a really nice aquatic center at Woodrow Wilson High School in D.C.

    • Thank you to everyone who provided all these recs! I am looking forward to checking them out!

      • Belated answer – but I used to swim at the Takoma Aquatic Center which is really quite nice. I think there is also a Masters team that swims there (pretty laid back crowd, I trained with them a couple times, though that was years ago now.)

  4. A Very Important Baby came into my life last night, healthy and looking great! Lots of joy I just had to share, especially since there were complications and concerns leading up to it.

    • Congratulations! Hope mom and baby are well :)

      • Hug’s to you AND the baby! Your so lucky, but you are ABEL to post the day after giveing BIRTH? OMG! Doubel YAY for you, and the baby!!!!!

        I want a baby also and hope I will find a man to give me one soon. Grandma Leyeh is getting a little annoyed that I am not abel to tell her I have a eligibel boyfreind, let alone getting engaged to him. She NIXED the idea of INVITRO, so FOOEY b/c that would be so much easier. Dad is comeing in today to go OVER the book’s with Frank, so I hope he get’s satisfied with his do diliegience. The sooner the better, b/c I want to be abel to tell my b/f that I am a PARTNER, so he will marry me sooner and we can have a BABY! Once I do, Grandma Leyeh will give us $50,000!!!!! YAY!!!!!

    • Congratulations!

    • Congrats!!! So happy for you and your family.

    • Anon in NYC :


    • Congrats! Glad to hear all turned out well. I’m sure you’ll be a great force in this child’s life.

    • Congratulations, hope you are both doing well.

    • Congratulations! Enjoy little person time!

    • Fantastic!

    • Congratulations – glad it is healthy!

  5. Love this jacket and the color, especially on white pants.

    Trying this again since I don’t think it got read yesterday.

    For those of us in Atlanta, I am going to go ahead and try and organize a meetup. Please email atlanta r e t t e s (no spaces) at the mail that starts with a G if you are interested.

    • Atlanta Meet-up!! :

      I’m not in Atlanta but I’m replying with a subject-relevant name to try and direct more interested ‘rettes to your post :)

    • Atlanta Meet-up!! :

      * first post ended up in moderation *

      I’m not in Atlanta but I’m replying with a subject-relevant name to try and direct more interested ‘r e t t e s to your post :)

  6. By the way, I’ve always wondered what the deal with Ellen is, if someone could explain? I saw a post recently where someone else was also confused, and a reply under it just said, “Oh you must be new here.” Is there something I should know?

    • Ellen is our resident troll, except she/he/it is more of a character than a normal troll at this point. Google “EllenWatch” (no spaces) to find a blog devoted to chronicling the life and times of Ellen.

    • There is no explanation for Ellen, only theories. Get thee to ELLENWatch.

    • Until I saw that she’s at a bunch of sites, I’d always assumed she was Kat saying things she couldn’t say in her moderator voice.

      • You know, that’s kind of a genius theory.

      • No, Ellen hangs out wherever there are lawyers online. I think she got banned from the ABA website awhile back (or else it was American Lawyer). Oddly, I’ve never seen her on Above the Law. Maybe because basically all the commenters there are trolls.

        I actually like Ellen. She’s generally entertaining and sometimes quite human (e.g., her FOOEY at the Boston Marathon bombers).

        • new/old Ellen :

          The “original” Ellen’s Allan was on Above the Law, once upon a time. This new Ellen is a poor imitation of the original troll. Based on timing of postings, i think someone who posts as “niktaw” is the person that imitates/posts as Ellen now.

        • Anonymous :

          Okay I am genuinely fascinated by this. Who has the time to make sure they troll every single day without fail? What does she get out of it?

  7. Kat must be having a jacket moment. This is the 3rd jacket in as many days…..

  8. I need some allergy advice. Around this time of year I get red splotchy spots and/or hives on my face. Any advice of wisdom for how to deal with them, without caking myself in makeup that is going to make the hives worse?

    I already use bare minerals neutralizing primer, and then their foundation, but this doesn’t help with the random spots that pop up during the day.

    • Have you tried taking antihistamines? I take a Zyrtec or half of one every night pretty much all through allergy season. My manifestation is itchy watery eyes and it helps.

      Also, make sure that whatever product you use are formulated to be non irritating.

    • I use the clinique redness solutions moisturizer to counter-act the redness in my skin. IMO, it works better than my Smashbox primer and Bare Minerals powder in keeping my redness at bay. You could also try one of the color correcting powders for touch-ups. I have tried Physicians Formula and think it is too white/ghostly. I think clinique makes a powder too.

    • This has happened to me too. No advice on prevention but I’ve just been applying hydrocortisone. I think in my case, it’s the sun. I have a lupus diagnosis but have been careless and have been enjoying the sun.

  9. Everlane sizing? :

    I am planning on trying Everlane silk blouses based on recommendations on thissite. Before I place my order–I am a XS/2 top at J. Crew, BR, etc. I am considering getting the S at Everlane based on their size charts. Does anyone have an idea whether a S will be too big?

    Thanks in advance!

  10. Wanted: casual ponte jacket! Could also be another casual fabric. I’d like something (maybe a bomber) that I can wear by itself in the spring/fall or layer under a coat in the winter. Preferably high hip length in black, blue or grey. Ideally under $50. Thanks!

    • Sadly this is only left in XS:

      • Casual black options:

        Gray option:

        • Veronique :

          I love the Nasty Gal one, despite the unfortunate brand name. Thanks!

          • Yeah… It’s apparently a pretty successful retailer, but the name is so unfortunate.

            Also, one more from 6pm in black and blue:

  11. My husband was laid off late last year, and lost his life insurance with his job. He has since found another job, but we need to get life insurance on him (and probably more for me). Where should I look? We’re under 30 and I’m guessing it’s cheaper to get now while we’re relatively young and healthy.

    • Anon in NYC :

      I have two independent life insurance policies – one through MetLife and the other through Northwestern Mutual. Both policies / companies seem okay; you’ll have to get some blood work done. For both companies they scheduled someone to come to my apartment.

    • We bought our life insurance through a New York Life agent who was the mother of an acquaintance – close enough that we trusted her, but distant enough not be in the awkward position of doing business with a friend. She was really good at talking to us about the difference between term, whole life, etc and the advantages/risks to each (in our case, we bought a larger 20 year term policy since after 20 years we should have all our major debts like our house paid for and our kids college funded and they will be nearly out of the house, then a smaller longer term policy that would probably cover just basics like funeral expenses and lost income for a short while).
      Do you have an insurance agent you already work with? Car or homeowners, for instance? We also bought a small cheap policy through State Farm since it was a good deal along with our home and car insurance.

      To TJ the TJ – when we setup the insurance policy, our agent suggested we setup a trust for our kids as the receipient of the policy if we were to both die, because otherwise naming just them means they could get a lump sum on their 18th birthdays, and we might want to setup something with a few more strings attached or that doled out the money more slowly. We’ve procrastinated on it, but I’d like to get that taken care of. But who do we talk to about that – is this a question for a lawyer, or an accountant, or both? Who first? We aren’t talking about a whole lot of money, but its enough to be overwhelming for an 18 year old. Does anyone have any suggested reading for an understanding of basic trusts and how to go about this? I’d rather not pay a lawyer/acountant to explain it to me if I can do some pre-reading first and then ask them the complicated questions, not just the basics.

      • Talk to an estate planning lawyer. They can do this as part of your will (generally) and can take into account the big picture. Even though it doesn’t seem like much, when you think about both policies together, plus any work policies, then any other assets like 401k or house, it could quickly add up to a fairly good amount.

        Also, don’t think about it as just “attaching strings.” With the trust you can consider how you want to allocate the money between your children, for example, what happens if one wants to go to an expensive private university and one gets a full ride. Or, you can be like my parents and insure that unless we went to college there would be no pay out for a long time. (They are both still alive and well, and only confessed to this plan last year.)

      • We went to an estate attorney after our eldest was born for this exact thing. It was pretty painless and what we really had to decide was how we wanted the $ paid out: lump sum, over time, dependent on age/college plans/ages of siblings, etc.

      • just Karen :

        Nolo has some really great books for non-lawyers with information about trusts if you want a starting point, but many attorneys will set an informational meeting at no cost to walk you through the basics. Here’s a starting point:

      • Anonymous :

        Estate planning lawyer. You need an insurance trust for the proceeds. It is generally a separate document from your basic wills and trusts.

        • just Karen :

          You don’t necessarily need a life insurance trust – she may just need a trust set up with the life insurance payable into the trust – life insurance trusts can be great for tax reasons, but for the vast majority of us it’s an unnecessary complication. Definitely set up an appointment for a consultation though.

    • Depending on the size of your policy, check with your HR department. My DH’s new company doesn’t offer life insurance, but one of my benefits is that I can insure DH under my employer’s life insurance policy for up to 3x my salary. My life insurance is 4x my salary.

      We don’t have kids, so that amount works for us. Once kids come into the picture we’re BOTH going to get bigger policies.

  12. I know it is a long-shot but any Oslo hotel recs? Looking at the Grand Hotel, Best Western Kampen (which is really cheap which makes me suspicious), and Hotel Oslo City Centre but open to anything centrally located?

    I’d ask the bride (I’m over for a wedding) but am afraid she’d worry about the fact that she couldn’t put us up.

    • I’ve never been, but I’ve found TripAdvisor to be very accurate with hotel ratings and comments.

    • I stayed in the Park Inn by Radisson Oslo in November. Clean, centrally located, full breakfast.

    • I stayed in two Scandic hotels last year – one in Tromso and one at Gardermoen Airport. Both were very nice – modern and very clean. About $130 per night, which is not too expensive considering the massive buffet breakfast that is included.

  13. pregnancy @ work :

    OK ladies…in the next week or two, I”m going to have to let my boss know I’m pregnant. She’s in a different office than I am, so this will be over the phone. It’s going to be tough to find time since she’s booked solid for 2 weeks (if we were in the same office I’d just pop in), so I’m gonig to have to use some of our 1:1 time (which is generally jam packed of stuff to cover)

    Can anyone give me some good tips on how to broach this/ what to say? I’m going to be out for all of the 4th quarter (I think), but plan to come back to work…and have been having a super easy pregnancy so far. Q4 is so far out I can’t really come to the table with a plan– I think we’ll have to spend some time over the next few months figuring out what’s going to be happening then, and who can cover.

    • My go to advice is to make sure you share it as good news, not something you’re defensive about. If you’re telling her over the phone, can you postpone the logistics part of the conversation until she’s had time to think it over? “Great news, I’m pregnant. I’m due x, things have been great so far. I anticipate taking time in Q4. We have a lot to cover today, so why don’t we talk about the logistics of my leave after we’ve both had time to think about how best to handle it?” Of course, she’ll interrupt you with congratulations before you get through all that.

      • pregnancy @ work :

        Yeah, that’s more or less what I was defaulting to…it just seems like i’m dropping this HUGE bomb and then moving on.

        What I would do ideally is set up a 15 minute block, which she’d freak out about thinking I’m going to quit, and then spring the news (she’s been terrified I’m going to quit and go elsewhere for a while and is constantly makign me reassure her i’ll come to her first before taking a job elsewhere…so the pregnancy bomb would be a relief)! But…that’s not going to happen. And I’m going to see her in 3 weeks, but by then it feels too weird not to have told (I’ll be over 20 weeks).

        • If you’re 25-40, have no kids yet, and especially if you’re married and ESPECIALLY if you’ve been married a few years, this is not a huge bomb. People kind of expect that women in this age bracket will have kids.

    • Agree with kc esq, but I’d put it at the end when you’re planning your next call “Ok, great, so let’s plan to talk again [x date]. Also, I wanted to share some news with you – I’m pregnant! I know there will be some logistics to discuss, but I wanted to give you a heads up early so we can plan for me being out Q4 – can we put that on the agenda for next time?”

      • Agree with this approach. Do it at the end of the call, not the beginning.

      • In House Counsel :

        Ditto — this is exactly how I approached it last year with my boss who also works out of a different office.

  14. All of my ads are for Baublebar, which made me think of a question I’ve been having recently. How much of your jewelry collection is “statement jewelry” (i.e. bigger, not necessarily real stones, not super expensive) vs. “fine jewely” (i.e. smaller, but more expensive, more likely to include real stones/real metal)? (I don’t know if I’m using the right terms for the distinction I’m thinking of)

    I tend to gravitate more toward fine jewelry, but it seems like statement jewelry is more professional, and fine jewelry is more for evening wear (which I don’t ever need).

    • Sadly my jewelry collection is pretty much non-existent. I have a few fine jewelry pieces (gifts from the hubby), mainly chains with a small cross or gem pendant. I have one fake pearl string I got from a Stella & Dot party. For earrings I have one set of pearls, and I guess most of the rest are cheaper stuff I’ve bought for special events, I don’t usually wear them to work. My sister gave me tiny silver hoops recently, which I have been wearing on occasion. I have I think 2 bracelets. As I mentioned recently, when I asked for recommendations, I am trying to build up my collection and hopefully will be inspired to actually wear them!

    • Mine runs about 85%+ fine jewelry. I’m including not only gold and fancy (pearl, diamond) pieces – of which I have a couple but not many – but also things like silver chain with amethyst pendant, or turquoise beads on a string (i.e. semiprecious stones). Price-wise, I tend to buy very carefully so many (most?) of my ‘fine’ jewelry would be cheaper than typical statement jewelry (under $100 roughly). I just hate to pay good money for ‘fake’ stuff and glass stones. I also can’t stand wearing bracelets/bangles so mine are mostly coordinating earrings (studs) and necklaces. I use many of these on a daily basis and coordinate with my clothing, and it looks quite professional.

      • im indian and have a lot of fine jelewry – gold statement necklaces with matching earrings. i have no idea what to do with these items. i have a few smaller pieces that i can wear to work and a few fashiony statement necklaces. i really love the way fashion jewelry looks, but i can never bring myself to buy it.

        • Truth? I wish I was Indian. Then I could wear all the saris and all the gold jewelries. It would be awesome.

    • I guess I tend to gravitate towards costume jewelry (statement stuff) to wear to work most days. My fine jewelry tends to be more delicate (but is mostly Tiffanys/Michael Kors that sort of thing – nothing crazy expensive).

      Maybe this is just me but I gravitate towards statement necklaces but my earrings tend to be nicer.

    • hoola hoopa :

      It’s ~50/50 for me. My fine jewelry is fine; my statement jewelry is cheap. I use them both for professional and evening wear.

    • Almost everything is fine jewellery. But they are all office appropriate….pearls, diamond studs and tennis bracelet, etc.

  15. TJ on the jewelry theme…I have about some money set aside from my grandmother’s estate that I’d like to use to buy a piece of jewelry to remember her. I was thinking pearls…and have no idea where to start. Is $1k reasonable for a nice pearl necklace? If not, what could I do in the give-or-take $1k range for something I’d get a lot of wear out of?

    • Potty Training Manners :

      You can generally get pearls for that, but there are lots of things to think of. Nancy Pelosi large South Sea pearls are one end of the spectrum (figure 5 figures for that), but you could get something that looks like that if you look at freshwater pearls (<500). Then there are things like 18" necklaces of smaller akoya pearls — I wear mine a lot, but I have a NP-style freshwater necklace that I wear sometimes. What I'd avoid as a working woman is a necklace of little-bitty pearls (I would say that those are sweet for children, but they don't seem to look right on grownups).

      If you live near where jewelry shows are held (periodically in convention center-type places), I recommend going, if only to look. You can see many vendors and what pearls looks like in various diameters, styles, etc. And the prices are usually quite good.

    • Check out the pearl strands on pearl paradise. Or beladora2.

  16. Potty Training Manners :

    Hello! I haz a question:

    My younger child is <100% potty trained and has been for ~9 months (so most days: no accidents and generally no accidents involve #1). The summer visiting season is almost upon us. What do you do when they aren't perfect but have been used to wearing underwear for a long time and you're away from home?

    I have a waterproof mattress cover and tend to bring bedding with me. But what about #1 accidents in places like restaurants or someone's fabric-upholstered chair? I am already cringing. Visits in pullups?

    When my older child was in this stage, it was winter (so any holiday visits were people coming to us) and had a newborn, we we didn't really go out much other than to parks.

    [At this point, I realize that I know a lot about my job and a lot about my children, but don't regularly talk to my friends with children or with people in general.]

    • If there’s still a significant accident risk, I don’t see any other option to pull ups. But then again I read the NYTimes article about diaper free infants with horror.

      • Potty Training Manners :

        I think that that’s maybe my question: what’s significant?

        With my 4-year old, I would still always use a waterproof mattress protector b/c the downside risk of a nighttime accident is catastrophic (and she’s only ever had 1 in the 1.5 years she’s been in underwear overnight).

        With the younger one, it may be that we do pullups on over underwear (so she feels attentive to being wet; vice versa I like better for long car trips where they will nap and I want the wicking of the pullup). The downside would just be bad.

        Here’s my nuance on all of this: restaurants, church, trips other than to the park. Pullup just for that? I have been winging it a bit and those training pants seem to give a margin of error that underwear doesn’t.

        • Anonymous :

          I’d do pull ups for all of that until you’re more confident. It doesn’t actually sound like your younger one is potty trained yet.

        • another mama :

          I’m the exact opposite. I’m 100% underwear when your kid is that close. You didn’t say how old she is, but it sounds like she’s old enough that she needs to conquor this.

          When you go to friends houses, don’t let your kid on upholstery if she’s not 100%. She can sit on the floor. When you go to restaurants, make sure the chair is vinyl. Same goes for parks/church etc. Ask her before church if she she has to go. Ask her mid-service. Ask her after.

          In cars, if your kid is accident prone, sit her on a blanket you can easily clean, but don’t use pull-ups. Teach her to TELL you when she has to go, and pull over to the side of the road.

          In my experience, it’s a HUGE pain in the @ss to do it my way, but it works like a charm. Always have spare outfits in the car.

          I think pull-ups are super detrimental to potty training. But that’s just my opinion (but we’ve never used them and had all kids potty trained <2, the girls at 18 months)

    • Honestly, if they still have #1 accidents, I would put them in pullups whenever we are in someone else’s space. It’s just not anyone else’s job to deal with our kids’ urine, ya know?

      It’s really tempting not to do it, because you think, well she/he has been in undies, and they will resist the pullups. And that may be. But if they still have accidents, I really always felt like it was my job as a parent and frankly as a nice person to make sure my child didn’t poop or pee on a restaurant chair or a relative’s sofa. It’s kinda the same way I feel about dogs. If you’re ‘training’ your dog not to jump up on people with muddy paws, then I think you don’t give them chances to jump on strangers in nice clothes till you’re done training them. It’s like…*I* am potty training my kid. Aunt Margaret is not, so her sofa cushions shouldn’t be sacrificed in the process.

      • another mama :

        For visits if the kid REALLY isnt potty trained, I’d put them in a diaper-not a pullup. In our house, that’s what kids that aren’t potty trained wear. They hated it. Hated it so much they got themselves trained right quick.

    • I don’t have kids, but I think I read that little kids get excited in new circumstances, such as on a visit, and forget to pay attention to signals that they need to pee, and thus have accidents. So, perhaps a quiet discussion about paying attention to their body’s signals, and then more “reminders” during the day. I remember my Mom insisting that I use the bathroom before we leave the house, upon arriving at Museums, etc.

      • …or they might feel scared about asking where the bathroom is in a new house, or not want to tell you they need to go, or….

    • Meg Murry :

      I have friends that put on pullups over the underwear for occasions such as this, so the child still gets to wear their “big kid underwear” but the pullups keep it from making a mess if there is an accident – then they take the child to the bathroom OFTEN (every 1/2 – 1 hour) to check, and make a big deal if the kid still has dry pants. They talk about how the pullups are for “just in case” and offer some kind of reward for dry pullups at the end of the day. And I would definitely say pullups for any car trip >30 minutes or any plane trips. I know with my son if he fell asleep in the car during the in-between stage that was often when he had accidents. Also, show him the bathrooms as soon as you get anywhere, and if necessary, set a timer on your phone to remind him to visit the bathroom at regular intervals. Another potential issue – will s/he use a regular full sized toilet, or will you have to haul along a seat topper or small portable potty?
      Another option is cloth training pants – they are cloth like underwear, but its absorbant enough to contain most of liquid. I have friends that used these for training and then nighttime instead of pullups for a while: . You also might be able to buy them used at a place like diaperswappers, or buy new and then resell them after the fact

      • Meg Murry :

        And for a humorous take on carrying a portable potty in your purse:

        • Potty Training Manners :

          I actually have a potty for the car (have a minivan, so plenty of flat floor space inside). It is a wonderful contraption that relies on a gallon-size ziplock bag and can fold flat like a briefcase when not in use. Highly recommend. Good for thunderstorms or large parking lots, and as an insurance policy.

          I agree with all of the sentiments: <100% potty trained = pretty much useless for outings and visits.

    • Divaliscious11 :

      If you don’t want to do pull ups – just be proactive and preemptive in restroom visits.

      • Anonymous :

        I agree with this approach. Pull-ups can really slow kids down. I have three friends who did the pull-up thing in these circumstances and all three had major regression as soon as they did it. Show your confidence in your kid by letting him/her wear underwear. And whatever, so they pee in someone else’s house. You’ll clean up and everyone will live.

        • another mama :

          Agree. I would add, though, that you need to be careful about where you let your not fully potty trained kid go in someone elses’ house. Don’t leave them unsupervised near the nice rugs, don’t let them sit on the couch, etc. And tell your host you’re still working on it!!

        • Anonymous :

          Our daycare was really anti-pullup and I didn’t understand it, at first. When I later saw that they had 99% of the kids in my son’s three-year-old class fully daytime potty trained, I got it. I got really lucky (somehow) and my son didn’t have very many public accidents after we transitioned to underwear. I have had a couple of friends whose kids had accidents in my house and you know what? I didn’t care. Things like that happen when kids are potty-training.

    • I have never used pull-ups on any of my three kids. Once we decided to potty train it was underwear only from then on. When we went to restaurants, people’s houses, etc. we put a pair of “plastic pants” (the are more like plastic covers shaped like underwear) like that were used with the old school cloth diapers over the underwear. They do a very good job of containing any accidents if they fit properly. We also put a towel down in the carseat, and brought a couple changes of clothes. We also were very pro-active with asking if the child needed the bathroom and taking the child often.

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