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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Maybe Big Algorithm is out to get me — I feel like these pants are chasing me all over the internet. It seems like every influencer is conspiring to make me think that I need these high-waisted, wide-leg slacks from Abercrombie.
I would style them with a slim-fitting top to balance out the proportions of the wide bottoms, and while I’d advise against some of the Abercrombie-recommended crop tops for the office, I’d be very into them for weekend wear!
The pants are $90 and come in sizes XXS–XXL and three different inseams. They’re available in eight colorways, although some are lucky sizes only.
Psst: here's our recent roundup of the best wide-leg pants to wear to work!
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anonymous
I recently attended a cousin’s junior high volleyball game. The girls played great, but I couldn’t help but notice many of them continually pulled down the very short shorts with their uniform. I didn’t play volleyball growing up- is there a reason the shorts are so short?? I think my boden swim shorts are longer!
Allie
The Patriarchy.
anonymous
Good call, Allie. When the evil (undoubtedly white) men who control our universe gather, junior high volleyball uniforms are on the agenda.
Allie
lol. If only – they’d be so much easier to fight than entrenched systems of power :)
Anon
Correct
JV
I played volleyball in junior high and early high school – I have no idea why we wore our shorts so short… I mostly remember rolling the waistband to make them even shorter!
Anonymous
The problem isn’t just that they are super short. It’s also that they are poorly designed and ride up. They need silicone strips at the hem or something.
Vicky Austin
Were they spandex? My sister wore spandex to play school volleyball because it was de rigueur. But man, those suckers rode up, especially given how much they were jumping and moving. I think they should get to wear longer spandex, like how the German gymnastics team wore leotards with full length legs.
anon
I think I remember seeing something about the US Olympics now allowing longer shorts. I cheered because it is SO ridiculous they have to wear such short shorts when the men don’t.
Vicky Austin
I think you’re referring to the Norwegian women’s beach volleyball team, who chose skintight shorts over skintight bikini bottoms (!) and received a fine at a match right before the Olympics. The actual rules in Tokyo allowed female beach volleyball players to opt out of the bikini-type outfit, thank goodness.
BeenThatGuy
…and Pink paid their fine
Anon
Pink is awesome.
Norwegian here
Both the Norwegian beach handball and volleyball teams have protested and played in non-bikinis. There has been MASSIVE support nationally, and they had to decline private funding initiatives because the National Sports Associations wanted to pay the fines the teams got for not playing in undies to support the change. And yes, Pink (who is awesome) offered to pay as well, but I don’t think that was necessary. The then Minister for Culture, who was a muslim man, considered the international sports associations “ridiculous”.
Even more interesting was a Norwegian thing a couple of years ago, when a local teen girls’ soccer team asked the national association to change uniforms – they hated the white shorts, which were horrible if on their periods. The association initially said no, but there was MASSIVE national backlash and the teens got to ditch white. The association was called “grumpy old men” and were shamed and denied.
Anonymous
If you think this is bad, wait until you hear about women’s professional volleyball where they have a maximum short size. In Brazilian leagues they are basically required to play in bikinis.
Anon
IMO, that sounds very Brazil. OTOH, even in the US, in cities like Miami, NYC, and LA, there are plenty of just average people who do not want to be the stereotype of people from there. I do not know why women should have to exercise in what is basically a pair of panties. Why should I need to go to the waxer to be an athlete? [Teen me was practically furry; highly recommend laser for edging that has been nothing but a plus to me as an adult. Can spontaneously go to the pool!]
buns
Good question.
When I was on our varsity volleyball team, our shorts were so short they were literally called “buns”. They fit like a pair of short underwear. Like a bathing suit bikini bottom, medium rise. I’m not kidding. Zero length. Like…. shocking. Like …. guys used to come to our games just to watch our A*$$es literally falling out of our shorts. It was terrible except for the girls with tiny butts.
Our coach finally noticed how self conscious several of us were, pulling them down constantly, so she banned them.
As lots of volleyball is inspired by the beach volleyball world out West, I suspect the trend started there. The women literally play in athletic, well designed bikinis. Also, I think the National team had shorts like this at some point. Part of the rationale is that you are diving on the ground at times so a longer short could get caught/pulled/ride up, and to have something more form fitting is more comfortable/stays in place.
anon
It’s a thing in volleyball, but it’s very dumb. At the college level, I occasionally see players wearing longer capri-style pants, but those are far and few between. They all wear the booty shorts, too.
Jules
My friend’s daughter played HS volleyball. She took her son, who was 8 or 10 at the time, to a tournament, and he asked, “Why are they playing in their underwear?” Good question.
This was a big issue in the last Olympics and other international competitions – women were required to wear bikins and specifically disallowed from wearing shorts. Search women’s volleyball uniform controversy. It’s the patriarchy, sexism and objectification of women all at their peak.
Anonymous
There’s really no excuse for this now when longer spandex shorts are so common-place. I get not wanting the shorts to snag when you dive or kneel down, but a few more inches on the inseam of a pair of spandex shorts is not going to change anything.
Anonymous
Somehow the men’s volleyball teams can play just fine in regular shorts and t shirts or tank tops.
Anon
I feel like I wore these pants to work (back when many of you were in grade school or younger).
MagicUnicorn
I have a couple similar pair purchased this summer and am still not sure I like the pleats. They are okay when I wear them, perhaps not my favorite silhouette but not the worst. However, even though the pairs I have are machine washable, the pleats still need ironed or steamed every time I launder them. For clothes that make me feel amazing I don’t mind high-maintenance, but not for middling clothes.
Anon
I am not going back to pleat-front pants, I don’t care what’s “in style.” They didn’t look good on me before I had a baby and a c-section and they definitely won’t look good on me now.
Of Counsel
Me too! And I remember all the discussions about how unflattering they were when we moved on to flat front pants.
This is definitely a tend I’m going to skip the second turn around.
Anonymous
Why can I never grow my hair out? I’ve worn it in a bob (above shoulder length) for years. I have slightly wavy hair that loses its curl the longer it gets (but doesn’t look naturally cute wavy- more messy). I am working out more and like being able to pull it into a ponytail, but as soon as it hits the tops of my shoulders and I am able to pull it back – that is all I do. I can’t seem to find a low-effort hairstyle with my hair to my shoulders or below that works for work. Any recommendations? My hairstylist suggested mousse, which I can’t seem to do the same way as her. I’m useless at blowouts and don’t really want to spend the time.
nuqotw
This sounds similar to my hair. I bought some small metal butterfly clips. I twist the long hair into a bun and clip around it. A big clip would probably be easier but the small ones work just find so I haven’t gotten a big one yet. It takes three minutes tops.
Anon
It’s because it takes effort to have hair look good. Unless you’re in the 1% blessed with perfect natural hair, you need to learn to style it.
Anon
I thought I could lean hard on the haircut to give me good hair. Nope, nope, nope. You have to style hair. Only wee children (and then, only some) seem to be able to wake up and go with the hair they slept in. Styling hair isn’t just a brush — it’s potions, drying techniques, spray, maybe heat tools. It’s an art. It doesn’t happen without a person making it happen. I would like for Good Hair to spontaneously occur. Not holding my breath though.
Anne-on
Spontaneous good hair seems to only happen to people who don’t care one bit about their hair. My son somehow wound up with the most incredible hair. Mine is wavy/curly and thick, my husband’s is stick straight but also on the thicker side. My son’s hair is thick, straight, grows quickly, and somehow does that adorable sporty ‘flop’ when it’s longer and sideswept. He absolutely despises combing/styling or otherwise doing anything with his hair and yet it looks great with just a good cut and a quick comb when just out of the shower. My hairstylist and I commiserate every time I bring him in about how such great hair is wasted on him.
Anonymous
Eh. I care a lot about my hair but have a wash and comb and leave wet routine that results in compliments on my wavy hair. Adding product seems to be hit or miss. I can also just blow it dry (no “blow out” effort) for a pretty good straight look or use the dryer brush a bit and get a more polished straight look. A great cut and a heavy dose of luck. I spend a lot on color though as I am prematurely grey/white.
Anon
My son has beautiful thick hair, long black eyelashes, and natural cherry-tinted lips. It’s not fair.
MagicUnicorn
Have you checked out the recent “easy updos” post? I have always had pixie cuts until I grew my hair out during the pandemic, and feel like a kid who never really learned how to have grown-up hair. I tried out one of the styles linked in that post this week and was happy with how easy and fast it was. Not quite so smooth as I would ideally like it ot be, but I was intrigued enough that I plan to play with it over the weekend.
Marketiere
Longer hair takes maintenance. I wore an off-shoulder wavy/curly bob for years because it would aggravate me when it was the length you describe. I fought through the ponytail phase and now that it is longer (6 months later) I am really happy with it. The styling takes practice – I have a round dryer brush that works wonders, but it took some time to get the hang of.
One thing to note is that once it was longer, I found that I can make the effort of a blowout last 3 days with touch-ups and dry shampoo in between.
Panda Bear
My hair sounds a lot like yours. If I want it to look ‘styled’ I need to spend a considerable amount of time blowing it out, straightening and/or curling it, and then fighting its naturally tendency to revert to messy waves/semi-curls. I don’t have the patience. My current routine is to put in a gel cream (Garnier, I think – something inexpensive from the drug store) when it is wet, let it air dry and accept its natural texture. The next day, I either rewet it and let it do its thing, or put it half up with bobby pins.
Ribena
My style skews ‘academic’ so when my hair is longer it’s in a French plait at least half the time. It stays there all day and looks neat and tidy.
Vicky Austin
How did you learn to do a French plait/braid on yourself? I can braid, but struggle to do a regular one on my own hair.
Anon
YYMV but I can’t look in a mirror when I do it on myself. I have to do it by feel alone.
Ribena
Late to answer, sorry, but unfortunately the answer is ‘during boring lessons at high school in the computer lab’
Anon
Have you tried the Revlon blow dry brush? That’s the only way I can blow out my hair.
Alanna of Trebond
Do those blow dry brushes make your hair frizzy? That is what I found with the Dyson.
Anon
No, not at all, but I use product to combat that.
Jules
I use a generic, flat-faced version of the blow dry brush, love it. My hair is well past shoulder length and gets more bumpy than wavy if I let it dry naturally; the blow dry brush makes it beautifully smooth and it’s as fast as a regular blow dryer. If I do let it dry, or if I sleep with wet hair, I use a heated brush/straightener that makes it look nice in just a couple of minuts.
The one I have is an Amazon cheapie that is similar to this: https://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/instyler-ceramic-straightening-brush/1046861528?keyword=heated-hair-brush
Nina
I’ve always had long hair, but I leave it open 90% of the time. A good hair cut does wonders for this. If I want it back, like at work, I either put if half up half down or a braid / ponytail
Anonymous
I fought this fight my whole life. I started coloring my hair in my mid 30s and the texture changed and all of a sudden it behaves long!
I have 3 daughters. Two have shoulder length hair that gets ratty/tangly any longer. One has thick beautiful hair that she wears mid-back length and it looks salon-styled every day even though she washes it maybe 2x/week and only brushes it. #genes.
Anon
Your hair sounds similar to mine, and I can’t be bothered with a ton of effort either. I generally wash it at night, smooth a little product through and secure an updo while it’s wet, and take it out in the morning. A single or double french braid, or some kind of very high bun secured with spin pins gives me reasonably uniform waves for a day.
Various braids and buns can be easy updos that are more interesting than a ponytail, and you may find wearing it up a lot feels less boring with nice accessories or some layers around your face.
Anon
I put mine in a French braid. It’s fast and easy, doesn’t pull on the front of my hair line like a ponytail, and stays all day.
Anon
“Fast and easy” was never how French braids went for me (very slippery fine hair). It’s a battle I always lost.
Anon
Try dry shampoo for some texture and grit.
Anon
They always read a bit twee to me though . . . Not professional commanding the room.
nuqotw
I dunno…they are on the list of approved military hairstyles for women and those women always strike me as commanding.
Anon
That commanding presence might have more to do with the military uniforms . . .
Ribena
I feel professional and in command when my hair is out of my face and not distracting me. I am tall though which helps, I guess???
Snon
I’m wfh so hair only needs to be presentable on camera but have the same issue. I have worn my hair in a low messy bun all summer. Now that it has cooled off, I’m planning to chop it again and wear my curly bob through fall and winter.
Working out is a challenge though. I basically have to do Rey buns stacked up.
At night I sleep in a French braid which helps with somewhat neat waves.
Anon
I feel you on the ponytails. Every time my hair reaches my shoulder, it’s in a ponytail or updo 99% of the time. I’ve figured out it’s a sensory thing. I don’t like the feeling of my hair getting inside my collar or under the strap of my bag or brushing against my clavicle. I have to keep it above shoulder length if I want to wear it down. It has nothing to do with styling it, as I have pretty obedient hair.
Anonymous
This is why I have a pixie cut. I have tons of hair with deep, unruly waves that just doesn’t work air-dried. For years I had a bob that took 25 minutes to blow out every day, then immediately went limp the moment I stepped outside if there was the slightest bit of humidity. If I grew it out longer it just looked like a giant messy triangle. The pixie took a lot of trial and error to get dialed in, but since my stylist and I found a super-short extremely textured style that works with my face shape and hair texture I have felt so much more put together and have wasted virtually no time on daily drying and styling. I am never going back to long hair.
anon
Word. Same story. I would spend so much time heat styling and using product, only to have it look terrible within hours. I am SO MUCH HAPPIER with shorter hair.
Ellen
I love these wide leg pants, but I need to wear 4″ pumps to avoid having the bottoms get all filthy & dirty when I walk on the streets in Manhattan. If you have ever been here, you would know that the streets often are full of stuff that stinks when wet, and these pants would immediately absorb the smell of the city streets if you walk if it is at all wet. The alternative is not a good one — I could wear Capri pants, but those don’t work well for me @ work b/c the Manageing partner wants me to look styleish for the Judge, and I can only wear Capri pants in the Hamtons when the Manageing Partner invites me out there.
I have a question for the HIVE about men. I am still confused when men start paying attention to me in a causal setting, but why is it that when after I text them, they don’t write back right away? Are they just playing hard to get, or are they just dumb when it comes to understanding that I do not like it when they ignore me? And what can I do to ensure that they are more responsive. It is NOT as if I have slept with them or even done stuff with them — then I know that afterward, they loose interest and go after other women. This is BEFORE I agree to do stuff with them! I think it could just be that I am not what I used to be, now that I am over 40, but Grandma Leyeh says not. What does the HIVE think? Do you have any advise for me? TIA!
Do I need a will?
While in a perfect world, sure, but there are only so many things you can manage at once. However, if you all think the answer is yes, I’ll add tracking down a T&E lawyer to the list for the next year.
Specifics: I’m in my mid-30s. Single, no kids. Assets are retirement accounts, taxable brokerage, and a house. Parents are happily married and I only have one sibling. If I died, I completely trust my nuclear family to dispose of my assets amongst themselves in a sensible way.
Anne-on
I don’t think you *need* a will per se, but our estate planning forms included our wills, medical power of attorney, and medical directives as a bundle (which is apparently quite common). I would strongly suggest you do the medical forms and at that point you may as well just do a simple will. It was roughly $3k for all of that in 2021 in MA.
Anonymous
No You don’t
An.On.
At your age and assumed good health, and if your family gets along, it’s probably not a huge priority for you honestly, unless you have scads of money. However, at a minimum you should know what will happen to your property if you die without a will. I also recommend POAs for everyone. You can often find your state specific forms online, but it’s important to get filled out correctly, so even those might need some guidance. Planning isn’t just about directing property to specific beneficiaries, usually a big priority is setting things up to minimize estate administration costs and hassle.
Panda Bear
+1 on the powers of attorney, especially with respect to medical care. And make your end of life wishes known. To me, that is more important than a will. I would hate for anyone in my family to agonize over what I they think I would have wanted if I am not able to manage my finances or end of life care.
Anonymous
Why does everyone assume they are in good health? Honestly, I’m at the point where everyone over 18 should have a healthcare POA and review it regularly if life circumstances change. Even if you want to be naïve enough to think that cancer or other things can’t get you (spoiler alert, they can – cancer doesn’t care if you eat kale and are a normal weight), what if you were in an accident or suffered a traumatic brain injury? The law says what will happen to your possessions without a will, especially where there are no kids. You may not like it, but it does. I would be much more concerned about who was making decisions for my healthcare and life if I was unable to do so.
Anon
Or just that the person has access to your healthcare info and the docs have permission to talk to you. If time is of the essence, you don’t have time to get a lawyer and go to court to be appointed as someone’s guardian.
Anonymous
No but here’s what I did – set up a fairly inexpensive, flat fee appt ($450) with an attorney who I know is a kind person, does a ton of simple wills, and although I wouldn’t think of them as a creative genius, I don’t need any. It is done and I no longer wonder if I need one or should have one. See if someone in your region has a “will in a day” or “will in a week” program for a similar flat fee cost (took me 1.5 hours to fill out the intake, and .8 hours to actually answer her questions, and about 15 min to set up the signing appt and pickup my docs).
Anon
I’m in a similar situation, and really don’t think you need one. Sure, if time and money were limitless, but they’re not. If you do decide to make a will, just remember that you have to update it ASAP if you get married. This is one reason I’ve been putting it off. I don’t want to spend the time and money to do it now and then, hopefully, have to completely redo it in a few years.
Amp
+1
Late 20s, single, no kids, limited assets. I’m close with my parents and my sister (all of whom live in a close-in suburb of the city I live in) and they all get along well too. If something happened to me I’d trust my parents to make good choices about my healthcare and if I die trust them to just take my limited assets (probably 35k between several retirement accounts, an investment account, checking + savings and my very old car. No debt). They’d probably give my assets to my sister since she’s younger and just starting out.
My dad is my 401k beneficiary because he pays the bills and does the financial things in the family. When I was setting it up years ago I called him to get his SSN for the beneficiary form. He asked me if I needed my mom’s too and I said no, I trust you to share. They have 100% combined finances anyway.
Anonymous
No unless you want something specific. Do you want your sibling to get your money? A charity?
You may want to mention your intentions to your parents so they know if, for example, your sibling has children if you’d want them to get money etc.
If you don’t care at all, then nope!
Anon
For the medical power of attorney/living will piece, it is likely that your state’s attorney general’s office offers free forms so you can do this yourself. In the long run, hiring an attorney to do the will and the medical pieces may make sense, but don’t delay the medical part while you get around to the rest.
Anon
You do. You family won’t just divide things as they see fit. They need legal authority to do so. They need to be appointed as executor and present proof to financial institutions in order to withdraw funds. Having a will makes the administration easier for your loved ones.
Anon
I think that last sentence is key. Having something in place just makes the process so much easier for whoever is left to deal with it.
roxie
Yes agreed. I am not married and childfree but I just spent $1k doing a will, POA, health care directives etc and I feel much better about having it complete!
Senior Attorney
Your retirement accounts should have a provision for naming a beneficiary or beneficiaries so it can pass outside of probate. That’s probably something you can do online today if you haven’t already done so.
For the rest, a living trust would be preferable to a will, and I strongly second the suggestion to get healthcare POA’s in place as well. A good lawyer can set that all up for you at once.
Anon
I suggest getting a revocable trust. You get to outline exactly how you want everything handled.
Anon
Will your nuclear family be the ones disposing of your assets amongst themselves in a sensible way though, without any legal hoops to jump through or hurdles to overcome?
When an apparently healthy young person without a will died suddenly in my family of a hitherto symptomless and undiagnosed medical condition, working through all the legal complications created by not having a will was a tremendous burden to go through in what was already a tragedy.
Anonymous
+1. Especially being unmarried, it would be a pain for your family to document who it the next of kin and jump through all the hoops to get your estate settled without a will.
Anon
Ha, I keep seeing these pants on IG and TikTok and have been considering buying them too.
Where Should We Go?
My husband and I are looking to take a jaunt in November – could be just a short weekend, but we have flexibility to go for a little less than week (like Wednesday evening, fly back Tuesday). We live near Detroit, so lots of options out of DTW! We’re pretty flexible – looking for somewhere we can relax, have some fun, eat great food, and maybe see some sights.
Where would you go? Pop across the pond and take advantage of the almost 1:1 of the USD and GBP or EUR? Stay in country and head to Austin, Santa Fe, Sedona, Boston, NYC, Chicago, etc?
Ribena
I’ve visited Vienna in November before and really enjoyed it. Fantastic food and great museums
Anonymous
Vancouver
Anonymous
I’d vote Montreal or Vancouver or maybe fly into Calgary and head to Banff/Lake Louise. Cities with a much shorter flight time than Europe but different enough from Detroit that you feel like you have a vacation.
Anon
Montreal is a great, fun city with good food and a European vibe but be warned it will be cold in November.
Senior Attorney
Oh, if you’re going to do that, my vote is for Quebec City! Like Paris without the plane ride. (Although as others have mentioned, with the exchange rate as it is, Paris itself is on sale so…)
NYCer
If you want to do Europe, I would consider Barcelona or Lisbon. Both are great cities, and either could easily be done in your time frame.
Anon
I love Austin and Lisbon but it depends on what you’re looking to do and the weather you want. NYC is also great in November before the holiday crowds show up.
Anonymous
We’re planning to do the same thing in November and are going to Hawaii. We’re flying out of SFO, so Europe is too far for this length of time but Hawaii is an easy 5 hours. And flights are cheap (shockingly so!).
Anon CPA
I would do Boston for this. It’s cold but you’re from Michigan and would be fine. Lots of sights and great food. It doesn’t feel long enough for a trip across the pond. But mostly I just love Boston. I would go there just for the sfogliatelle and art museums, to be honest.
Anon
I have to take a prescription at the same time every day with food and it’s recommended to do it in the morning. This is not my strong suit but obviously millions of people do this every day so I know I too can adapt.
I forgot today and so obviously I need to revamp my plan.
I was planning on taking it around 8:30 (right before I leave for work on weekdays, Im usually awake by 830/9 on weekends). I eat breakfast at work so I need to eat something small with it at home (handful of berries, a few crackers). This is all doable I just need a better way to remember how to do all of these steps! I’m sure (I hope) it will be routine and easy in a few months but for now it’s hard! Not to mention adjusting to weekends Im traveling and totally off schedule!
Appreciate all tips!
tess
Set an alarm on your phone? This is how most women I know remember their BCP.
Carrots
This is what I do. I have an alarm that goes off every morning reminding me to take my daily meds. If I haven’t eaten yet that morning, it’s also a good reminder to get something in my stomach for the day.
Anon
Same. When I was on bcp I had an alarm every day at noon to remind me. I figured I’d be awake at that time consistently (even with most) and at least could take with lunch in a standard workday.
Only minor consideration is if you have mid day meetings you need to plan ahead.
Ribena
Can you take it at work, if that’s when you normally have breakfast?
Vicky Austin
This is what I would do. Make it work for you! Maybe put a baggie with 5 pills in your purse at the start of every week?
Anon
This is what I would do. Leave some at the office (and some of course at home for days you’re not in the office) and take it when you normally have the breakfast.
Anon
This would be my plan. Easy to remember, put 5 in your bag on Monday am, so you’ll know if you took it or not, and you are already eating.
OP
I don’t feel super comfortable taking the medication in my open office but I will try this next week!
Anonymous
Is it like a shot? If it’s a pill no one will notice or care
Ribena
Assuming it’s a pill or tablet that you have to swallow, I promise that even if anyone notices no one will care. If anyone looks at you you can just shrug and say ‘allergies’ or ‘cramps’ and move on with your day. (I have terrible cramps so learnt not to be self conscious about taking meds in public quite young)
Cat
+1, just bring your “office day” pills for the week in a baggie so you don’t even have to worry that someone will see the prescription. I promise no one cares that much. People take daily pills for all sorts of stuff!!
Senior Attorney
Or “vitamin.”
Anon
I have a really pretty pill case that I carry in my bag so that I have naproxen and a migraine pill with me at all times. Maybe that would work for you? Mine looks like a little compact with some diamanté on it.
Anon
Something like this
Pill Box 3 Compartment Medicine Pill Case,Portable Pill Box for Pocket or Purse Pill Box Decorative Metal Medicine Vitamin Organizer Unique Gift(Van Gogh Almond Blossom) https://a.co/d/dNqYfAT
anon
Truly, nobody is going to notice, or if they do, they won’t care.
Panda Bear
I love using one of those ‘day of the week’ pill containers. It doesn’t necessarily help with the problem of remembering to take it at the same time, but it solved my problem of forgetting whether or not I took it at all.
Anonymous
This is hard for me too! There’s no time of day when I’m reliably home and awake!
Anon
Hi!
I take pills in the AM and PM and also needed a way to remember. I was fairly good but even one missed dose really messes with me all day.
I bought this: https://a.co/6AMFdkO
It’s a lifesaver. Here’s how I set it up – YMMV depending on space and kids, etc.
The entire thing lives in a cabinet and each night, after my final pill, I put the next day’s mini container out on the counter. That way, I see it out there as I am hustling around in the morning and remember to take the pills. It’s also helpful because if I miss a dose, it is super obvious.
For you, I would suggest maybe a granola bar or something that you can set out with the container. That way it’s right there and it’ll remind you to do that.
It can be helpful to have some backup pills in the office in case you forget but, for me, those would be out of sight out of mind within 2 days.
OP
Oh this looks like a good solution! I could take it at home or pop the daily container in my bag.
Anonymous
Keep some at home and some stuff work so if you forget at home you can take it as soon S you get into work. Put a reminder on your work calendar.
Alternatively, make it part of your AM routine. Wake up, pee, brush teeth, take pills. Have them right there with the toothpaste.
OP
If it didn’t need to be taken with food this is what I’d do!
Marketiere
If you decide to take it at home, can you keep a ‘spare’ dose in your purse with a granola bar for the day you forget?
edj3
I had to give myself an injection my belly every day for two years (just finished up, hallelujah).
And after I forgot a couple of times, I put a reminder on my personal Google calendar which is linked to my smart watch. I never missed another dose.
Mrs. Jones
A friend puts collagen powder in her coffee so she can take her medication “with food”
Anon
I have the same issue. I do a day of the week pill case and always carry a couple extra doses in a small pill box in my purse. I actually, also put in a couple medications (I can tell the difference between an Advil and my prescription).
anon
Question for in-house counsel in the med device/biotech/pharma industry.
I’ve been practicing for a tad over 10 years as a lawyer, the first few years in BigLaw and the remainder in-house in the life sciences industry. I’ve mainly done FDA/advertising work in my time in-house and enjoy my role as a subject matter expert. I’m trying to find other areas that might make sense for me to learn and become a subject matter expert in.
Any thoughts on potential legal areas to explore? Bonus points if these areas tend to be overlooked, considered as boring, but lead to a long-term individual contributor career in-house.
My career goal isn’t to become GC, but rather to maintain an individual contributor role in the legal dept of a life sciences company. I’ve done a bit of fraud & abuse work, along with reviewing day to day contracts, and didn’t enjoy either of those things. I enjoy the FDA/advertising work as it’s allowed me to put my head down, do the work, and maintain autonomy in the department (most people don’t like doing it b/c they think it’s boring, not sexy, too math/science driven, etc).
Would be appreciative of any feedback/guidance!
InHouse Anon
You’ve probably considered this already but — data protection (data privacy, data security) could be a good fit. These areas only going to increase in importance, whether you stay in the life sciences industry or go elsewhere.
anon
OP here, thank you for this suggestion. Yes, I’ve thought about privacy as a potential option, but I’d need some hand holding there in order to get up to speed & our privacy team likes folks who can hit the ground running. Any advice on how to navigate that / if you have additional thoughts on privacy would be appreciated!
InHouse Anon
I’m not a privacy or security lawyer myself, so can only speak about what I see from colleagues who practice in these areas. Within my company there are some privacy lawyers with CIPP/E and CIPP/US certifications, so that might be something to look into. For the lawyers who focus more on cybersecurity issues rather than specifically privacy (although there’s often a lot of overlap), in my company at least, it’s a learn-as-you-go specialty. Some lawyers come from a non-legal background in security, but that’s the minority.
anon
OP here, this is very helpful. What do you see as the difference btwn cybersecurity vs privacy?
Grace
Not a lawyer but am in life science sector. Could risk and compliance in scientific exchange / medical affairs be one area to explore? I would think it would be adjacent to both FDA/regulatory and advertising and could build on your technical and scientific expertise. For example, what medical information can Medical Science Liaisons compliantly communicate to doctors?
anon
OP here, love this idea for down the line. Lawyers typically have a hard time coming back into the legal department if they switch into compliance, so I’m noting this as I’d love to explore risk & compliance at a future point in my career.
anon
Just wanted to say I love hearing from someone whose goal is not to be a GC. This is me! At least right now. I’m very happy being an individual contributor.
I am by no means a subject matter expert but I do a lot of general contracts and honestly that’s worked well for me. Send me all your NDAs! I can churn htrough those and like you said, most don’t like them.
anon
OP here, love to meet a fellow don’t-need-to-be-GC-for-the-moment friend!
Midwest Anon
Prayers for all the Floridians, devastating to see the photos coming out of SW Florida.
Sasha
I’m trying to eat through my pantry in advance of a long trip away, and came across two cans of cream of chicken & rice soup that I doubt I will ever eat on their own. Anyone know of any recipes that incorporates cream of chicken as an ingredient? Google searches just bring up home made cream of chicken recipes.
Anon
Any casserole, but it’s such a salt bomb I’d just toss it.
anon
Or perhaps donate to a food pantry.
Anon
That stuff is so bad for you it shouldn’t be considered food.
anonshmanon
bit over the top… should those who have to rely on cheap and convenient foods not be considered humans then?
Anon
No, they should have access to healthy options and tossing cans of soup isn’t the altruistic move you think it is.
Curious
Moreover, climate change should be dealt with by now, democracy should not be in peril, and water bottles are most assuredly not professional.
anonshmanon
The suggestion to donate it didn’t come from me. I just can’t help but notice that your abject horror and disgust at the idea of eating canned soup is conspicuously absent in the discussion below, even though adding pastry and a handful of veggies doesn’t magically negate all the nutritional shortcomings.
Anon
Yes, access to healthy food options should be a no-brainer. So should access to food and ingredients that taste good, are comfort food and are easy to work with. I’m team pot pie all the way here, but there’s no harm in donating food that might not be nutritionally optimal, yet is a super common ingredient in many, many dishes. (As should things like seasonings and condiments which are luxuries for many of us, but really make the difference between “Oh god, beans AGAIN?” and “Wow, what’s your recipe? These are awesome!”.
Anon
I’ll take it then, I love salt.
pugsnbourbon
Me and my low blood pressure love it too :)
Marketiere
Can you just use it as the base of a chicken pot pie? Whip up a pie crust with ingredients you already have and throw in whatever veggies you have on hand? The rice probably wouldn’t drastically alter the recipe – just make it more hearty.
Anon
This is the answer right here. It can go in anything that calls for “cream of soup”, but MARKETIERE’s idea sounds really tasty.
Sasha
Oh great idea. I have some puff pastry in the freezer that would work. Thank you!
Anonymous
This is a great solution.
Vicky Austin
oooh yum, that sounds freaking delicious.
Anonymous
Use it as a soup base, but add more chicken, broccoli, cream, carrots, peas…
Anon
The only thing I can think of that uses cream of chicken soup are Mormon funeral potatoes, the least healthy/perhaps most delicious side dish in existence.
Anonymous
My favorite squash casserole recipe uses cream of chicken soup.
Sasha
This sounds great, do you mind posting the l i n k if it’s available online?
Anonforthis
Not the poster above, but:
www. campbells .com /recipe-collections /recipes-using- cream-chicken-soup /
(Delete the spaces)
Anon
How to support a mid-sixties friend who’s having a knee replaced? Anything more specific than sending good?
Anon
My friend had a full knee replacement in her early 40s! I came over to her house to help with cleaning several times. She was pretty immobile for weeks. Also, I brought her iced coffee. I’m sure your friend will appreciate any help with food, cleaning, or treats.
DeepSouth
I had my ankle replaced a few years ago and here’s what I appreciated.
Hydration really helps mitigate pain, but it’s hard to carry a glass. Make sure your friend has a water bottle wit ha loop you can thread your finger through (Like a hiker would hook to a backpack). that way you can carry it and have two hands on crutches at the same time.
I bought a knit shirt (knee length and A line) from amazon that was a huge workhorse — it was hard to get shorts over the cast I had early on, and the skirt would go over my head and keep me covered up to lie around on the couch for the first few days. If you friend is a woman, that might help.
Single servings of meals to microwave are also great.
Anon
Walk with them as much as their PT allows. Particularly if this person wasn’t very active pre-surgery, having someone to walk with can make a huge difference in recovery, if they’re not inclined to be active on their own.
Anon
HIVE HELP please
my mom is fighting her 4th cancer, aggressively spreading non Hodgkins lymphoma.
my dad had chemo but didn’t lose his hair (they didn’t have to thin it during haircuts as much though).
I think my mom will lose her fine hair and would like to have a wig made for her. can you suggest forums, share experiences and ideally wig makers? (yes we have donor hair too)
THANK YOU
Anonymous
Honestly, bizarrely enough, Amazon has some decent ones. @nicknacklou on Insta is stage 4 and has been posting some recently.
Curious
I’m so sorry.
Are you confident that she wants a wig? I found all head coverings annoying and itchy and could tolerate only the softest hats. I mostly went bald, even in winter.
Curious
She’ll be on ABVD, right? I wish I knew more about the NHL chemos.
Sunshine
I second this comment. I live in a hot climate and a wig is super hot and itchy. I wrapped my head in lightweight pretty scarves in the summer and soft hats in the winter.
Sunshine
Replying to myself. If your mom has longer hair, I strongly recommend getting a short haircut before she starts losing her hair. It’s helpful to become accustomed to seeing yourself with less hair. But don’t go to a barbershop. Find a hairdresser who specializes in short cuts for women or pointe cuts. A friend went with me and we made it a fun day; hair cut followed by lunch. Maybe you can go with your mom.
Anon
first of all, hugs. does your mom want a wig? i would not just have one made for someone who doesn’t want one. where do you live? when my mom needed a wig there was a local place that tailored to people with cancer and also religious jews (many orthodox women cover their natural hair with wigs)
Anonymous
Where do you live? I can recommend someone in NYC if you live in the area. I lost my hair to chemo (also NHL) and the only bright spot of my treatment experience was wearing wigs.
Everyone approaches them differently when dealing with chemo. Some people want a wig that looks as close to their real hair as possible, some people want to prioritize comfort (many nice wigs can be uncomfortable until you are used to them) and some people feel that its going to be obvious they lost their hair anyway (you also lose your eyelashes, eyebrows, etc.) so they might as well wear a bold wig. So some of this is just figuring out what your mom wants!
Some thoughts based on my experiences with a variety of wigs.
1. Human hair wig – Used when I went back to work, for social events, etc. (this was pre-COVID). I matched my hair color, but not my hair texture, because I had naturally wavy hair and liked that the wig looked like I had a blow out done every day. Generally you want lace front and you’ll need a wig stylist to style it for you – they pluck the part so it looks natural, thin it out, shape the hair, and can dye it for you. I brought pictures of my prior hair and they helped find me the right wig. You will need to wash and style it intermittently – my wig maker was right near the hospital so I just had them do it for me every 6-8 weeks as I wasn’t wearing it daily. I did wash it at home a handful of times (in the sink, with gentle shampoo) but had trouble styling it on my own.
2. I also had 2 cheap synthetic wigs – a blonde one and a red one. I bought them from HerWigCloset on Etsy and definitely recommend. I plucked the parts and thinned them out myself based on YouTube videos. I preferred wigs with bangs that could hide any imperfections on the hairline of the wigs. Also, synthetic wigs can fray over time from contact with your clothing, chairs, etc. so keeping them above shoulder length helped a lot with longevity.
3. And finally, I wore a “halo” wig from wigs.com a LOT. It was absolutely the most comfortable of all the options. I wore it almost daily because I hated seeing myself bald and wore it lounging around the house. and went through 3 of them – I bought inexpensive ones and they frayed from so much wear. Basically its like a soft headband of hair, but the top of your head remains bald so you wear a hat. For hats it’s personal preference and there are so many great options on Etsy.
Word on hair regrowth – it takes a LONG time to regrow hair. I had a longish pixie after two years and my hair is now shoulder length after 3 years. Also, your hair can change after chemo – it often becomes curlier or darker or gray or some combination of those. I really enjoyed growing my hair out and trying different styles. Also, my wig guy (who helped me grow my hair out too) has said that anecdotally about half of his clients keep their hair short after going through chemo – they love how it looks, but never would have tried it on their own.
Best of luck to your mom! If she’s doing RCHOP, my tips are to watch out for mouth sores (ask for magic mouth wash), start your anti-nausea medications a few days before your infusion, and have some soft very loose clothes as I retained a lot of water for a few days after my infusion.
Anonymous
Before having one made, I would try out a few. Instagram has some great folks giving reviews and tips for how to modify wigs to make them look more realistic. I love the modification tips from 50shadesofray18 (she has alopecia). Your mom’s care team will have suggestions, too.
A couple of things to consider though. Your mom may not lose hair. It will depend on what her chemo regimen is. I don’t know her treatment plan, but I have colon cancer and was surprised that none of the chemo was associated with hair loss (neuropathy and some other bad stuff, but not hair loss). Unfounded fear was what made me fall down the instagram rabbit hole. Also, follow her lead. She may decide she doesn’t want a wig. And if she does want a wig, there are a ton of options to consider (real vs. synthetic, size, etc.)
Cat
If your mom wants to be able to go about her business when feeling good, but not have casual acquaintances know she’s treating cancer, I would suggest buying a wig that’s as close as you can get to her real hair, and then taking it to her salon for a cut.
Coach Laura
My friends have used Halo Wigs. Then you can pick a soft cap because, as Curious says, hats and wigs can be itchy. If you have donor hair that might work but my friends had theirs cut before chemo started and used to make the halo. It is in my list of things to do if/when I need chemo. Good luck to her. https://chemodiva.com/?fbclid=IwAR1xMlrWbItqbgpP3f_Bg4utRPhI8uS1sFWixmIu08W7OquGAewpVXYCgh4
Anon
thank you all. I was offline all day but appreciate all the kind words, thoughts and recommendations.
love and health to you all!
Anomforthis
Okay, any other ideas on how to deal with IM etiquette. I am temporarily tasked with acting as technical support to a related team while their new manager gets up to speed. I’ve been very clear about how the best way to get a hold of me is email (I practice inbox Zero (ish)) as much of my actual job requires me to be heads down in projects and technical issues for hours on end. I try not to jump in and out of that work as that is how major mistakes happen. I still have one member of this team who send me a Hi message on our IM system then waits for me to respond and then sends their question via IM. I have repeatedly responded to this with hey please email this to me. I often do not see these messages for a while (unless its my bosses name popping up, I ignore IMs until I am at a natural stopping point in my work) and it gets lost when it’s just in teams.
Last week this came to a head when she sent a HI message, I was busy, didn’t remember to get back to it until after work hours and by then she was off line and I didn’t respond. There was no follow up from her. Then two days later when there was a major problem that bubbled up, she responded with well this is why I tried to ask you a question earlier in the week. I reiterated to her, my manager and her (new) manager that if there is a question, said question needs to go in an email, as a Hi message is not asking a question.
What am I missing in getting across that this is a great way to get your messages missed? I know there are people who insist that IM etiquette requires niceties, which isn’t my way so I know that is weighing into my feelings on this, but I am well above this individual in seniority and am meant to be giving them assistance to stop the errors the team keeps making, so why should I have to bend to their work style in this?? If I am wrong on this, I will accept that and adjust, but am really struggling with after clearly explaining how to work with me, having to adjust to junior employees ignoring that request.
I should add my boss is supportive of how I have explained this to them and my irritation with this whole situation. Other manager is new and seems to think everyone is in the wrong but also has only been here a few weeks and has not been here for the history.
Anonymous
Isn’t this how you handle it? She’ll learn now. Don’t respond to any IMs.
Vicky Austin
OK, so the team member who just goes “Hi” and then waits for a response is…misguided. If something is urgent, it needs to be communicated immediately. Her style of communication is inefficient and unclear, and can cause problems for managers of any style, not just yours.
However, since this is temporary and you are working with someone else’s team, I do think you need to be a bit more flexible for their norms. Can you maybe set up a default response in the IM system that says, “If this is urgent, please email me.”
Anon
I would change the default response to “I don’t check IMs frequently. If this is about work, email me.” (Maybe just a default response for this employee, if that’s possible) This junior employee is being ridiculous, and needs to adapt to your style. It’s not up to a junior to decide how to communicate. And, maybe I’m wrong, but this also seems like someone who would think everything they want was urgent
Vicky Austin
I’d agree with everything you said if OP was this person’s permanent manager, but she isn’t, and this is already clearly an employee who is resistant to being asked to change. If I were OP, I’d grit my teeth and answer a few “Hi” messages in the interest of avoiding future major problems.
The permanent manager should absolutely address this with the employee (no follow up on a major issue??? really???), but that’s not the question that was asked.
anonshmanon
maybe there is an option to change your status in the IM program, to show this reminder.
Anon
I think you’re out of step with current workplace norms. I get the preference for email but that’s not how people work anymore. Pinging questions on slack/teams is where work has gone and I think you need to adapt not force your style on others.
Anon
I think you’re right about workplace norms, but it’s also definitely not a norm to just ping “Hi.”
Anon
Depends on where you work, it’s pretty common in my office.
Chl
In our organization it would be considered rude to just put the question in without a hi first.
Sasha
Sure, but if someone doesn’t respond to your Hi within 20 minutes or so, you are being purposefully dense if you don’t follow up with your question anyway.
Anon
No matter where you work, just sending “hi” does not count as doing enough to get the info you need.
Anon
“Hi” is not a question.
Cat
“Hi” alone is not an effective way to communicate. A junior person asking for a senior’s attention should be clear about what the question is. “Hi OP, an issue came up about XYZ and I was hoping we could connect when you’re free to talk about next steps” lets the senior person know how to prioritize.
anonymous
Exactly. This person needs to learn how to communicate more effectively.
I hate with a burning passion when someone just IMs “Hi” and waits for a response. I have someone who sends multiple messages:
Hi
Anon
How are you
I never respond and then eventually they will send their question.
Anyway in your situation, she needs to learn how to communicate effectively. If you see she says “Hi”, then immediately respond and say that she needs to send her question via email.
However, workplace norms are changing and some places use IM for getting questions answered. My company uses Teams and people seem to keep up with Teams chats more than email. You know your office and maybe email is more commonly used.
Anonymous
My office is moving this way and it’s extremely difficult to track items requiring responses in teams. I will often nicely ask people to send the item by email so it’s easier to keep track of, and no one is upset by that.
Anon
I both completely agree, and in my organization a “hi” (frustratingly) is often used as an “… are you there so that I can tell you what I need?” overture. But the proper response if you don’t get an answer is to contact the person by email or phone (NOT just act like they’re unreachable).
The “hi” messages get on my nerves as I inevitably have to say “hi… do you need something?/What’s up?/how can I help you?” – whereas a coherent message “Hi Anon, an issue came up with the widget spreadsheet, do you have a minute to talk/can you pop into the spreadsheet/etc.?” takes care of the first couple exchanges and doesn’t put the onus on me to pursue.
anonshmanon
Sure, but several workplace norms are colliding here. IM is more the thing today, but also the more junior person asking favors from a more senior person needs to adapt, imo.
Anon
Also junior person learning they need to do more to actually do their jobs.
Anon
My job does not use teams/slack or any other IM system — you either email or call. So it’s not universal. When new younger people start they always default to texting my cell and I tell them to call or email and they figure it out quickly.
OP, sounds like the junior has the issue, not you.
Anon
I am totally resisting this being workplace norms. Constant interruptions and people always expecting immediate responses makes it impossible to get real work done. You can’t write a brief, do research, etc. if you’re constantly interrupted. My colleagues know I don’t respond to IMs and they need to email me. IMs are just becoming a second inbox and it’s not helpful. I fully support OP drawing a line on this. (Can you tell how much I hate work IMs?)
Anonymous
Right there with you. My IM’s are set up to auto respond with a note saying the best way to reach me is at [email address]. There are about 20 different ways to reach me. IM is not one of them.
Anon
“Hi” is not the right way to IM about an urgent/critical issue. I frankly hate that – if you IM me “Hi,” I am going to assume the issue is not critical and if I don’t have time to chat, I ignore it. I will IM people “hey there” and then immediately follow with a second message stating the urgent/critical issue, so the person sees it and realizes – right, I need to respond. (Yes, this is the Millennial/GenZ dreaded “double messaging” but given that I am not looking to date the people I work with, I don’t care. Waaayy too many people out there who think the same etiquette that applies on Tinder or when you’re texting your friends applies in the workplace, IMO.)
To me, IM’ing “Hi” when you have a problem, waiting for the person to respond, and not following up with additional information when they don’t, reeks of malicious compliance. “Well, I tried to contact her!” What matters is whether or not you conveyed the necessary information. Not merely making an attempt. I was in a position at one point where I also insisted that people who had questions email me vs. call or IM, not just because of my own preferences for how we needed to handle information, but because we had been asked by senior leadership to keep track of who had contacted my department with questions, and what the questions were about (this was before we had a “ticketing” system that made it much easier to track inquiries. Which is another pet peeve – people who think they can circumvent the normal process of submitting a ticket to get assistance by IM’ing me. NOPE. Put a ticket in, it will get assigned to someone – maybe not even me – and they will contact you back).
Anonymous
How old are you? “Hi” isn’t like a hi to a friend on IM. It’s the normal way you introduce your comment and see if they are monitoring. If the reader doesn’t respond, they’ll proceed with their message. It’s more like a door knock when someone has their door open. If you don’t want the hi, then pause your notifications, leave an emoji and DND or indicate you are away from keyboard by not showing active status.
Anon
“Hi” in my workplace means “are you available to talk/question/etc.”. If someone does not respond then they are NOT available and the person needs to try again later or email them.
Anonymous
Set up an email channel for ticketing. Pause notifications on IM at times you’re not checking.
IM is here to stay. This sounds like it’s a both of you problem.
He/she isn’t saying “hi” with a pause as a “what’s up?” nicety, it’s the polite convention on IM to check if you’re monitoring and it’s ok to chat. If you don’t respond, then they’ll move to typing for when you are back.
Anonymous
Hive, I’m so embarrassed – I completely spaced paying any estimated taxes this year. Like, I didn’t calendar deadlines, didn’t think of it quarterly – ????? Ugh. I know I just need to pay them now and deal with it at the end of the year but I just… ugh.
Anon
Do you have a tax adviser? We find ours very helpful.
Op
Yes. They remind me in April.
Anon
Just pay them. Get it off your plate and off your mind. What’s done is done and if there’s a penalty, you’ll deal with it at tax time.
Senior Attorney
+1
If this is the worst mistake you make this year, it will have been a great year! It’s totally fixable and nothing to be embarassed about!
Anon
Send the payments separately. You can space them a month apart, with the corresponding “vouchers.”
Anon
Do you (or your spouse) receive W-2 wages? If so, you can bump up your withholding from now through the end of the year to make up for the missed estimates. Withholding is treated as being paid ratably throughout the year, so addressing it this way could reduce/eliminate penalties.
anon
Shopping help please….looking for bright colored (yellow, red, blue, purple, orange) shell/tank to wear under J Crew suit blazer in black or gray. Looking for a nice smooth fabric so coverage is not an issue if you take the jacket off. Looking for bright/jewel tones and any price.
Vicky Austin
I could have sworn J. Crew or maybe Factory had something like this. Hold please.
anon
Thx, I’m not looking for a casual cotton tank…something with weight and more polished for under blazer
DeepSouth
Try Vince Camuto– Nordstrom and most deparment stores carry them. Mid price and hold up nicely for what they are.
anon
Good recommendation! Thank you!
Vicky Austin
Because it’s Factory, choices are limited, but a pretty pink and a jewel-tone green for this one:
https://factory.jcrew.com/p/womens/categories/clothing/sweaters/pullovers/classic-shell-sweater/BJ846?display=standard&fit=Classic&color_name=hthr-rose-quartz&colorProductCode=BJ846
I also checked Banana factory, but they seem to be doing mostly neutrals and muted jewel tones, and/or tops that you could not possibly wear sans blazer.
anon
Thanks Vicky! Hadn’t thought of a lightweight sweater but that weight is definitely suitable for cooler fall weather! Love the bright colors too!
Anon8
Quince silk Tee or silk tank seems like it might be a good fit. I have a silk button down from them and find it wrinkles easily but have been otherwise impressed with the quality
Anon
I just bought some bring like this at Land’s end. They had all jewel tone. Will post link.
Anon
https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-short-sleeve-keyhole-blouse-top/id_298478
Here you go. They’re like $11.99 today with code SUN. I’d just buy all the colors.
Anonymous
not op, but thank you for this rec!
Anon
Quince.
Anonymoose
I always have luck finding these at Nordstrom Rack. They often have Michael Kors and Halogen brand blouses in bright colors and suit-worthy prints.
Anon
More praise for Caroline Winkler. I ordered a clear acrylic tray. It was 12×14, which I thought wouldn’t be big, but it was too big for the clutter on kiddo’s vanity. It was, however, perfect for corralling all of the liquor and bar ephemera on a different counter and OMG now she is so right that we have replaced much clutter with one thing, visually. The woman speaks the truth.
For those of you who have watched more of her (I can’t watch, but listen as I walk the dog), or re more design-y, what are other secrets? For all in life I have figured out, I am unlikely to devote time to home decorating unless it is a defined task and fairly easy (not months spent thrifting or looking at swatches of things). I am truly post-collegiate, as in if the rent check doesn’t bounce and I can get my deposit back, I consider that sufficient amounts of time/energy to devote to home-making. #notMarthaStewardButI’mTrying
Anonymous
Agree with her rule of 3.
I don’t know if this is from her, but have one object in each room that contains black. It draws the eye.
Cat
I’ve heard this rule, too, and really like it. It “grounds” a room.
Anonymous
No advice since I’m still in the process of learning design/organization, but I love her too, she’s taught me so much
Ribena
I don’t know if this is ‘design-y’, but I like picking up postcards and fun little prints and posters around and about. What ties them all together on the wall is that everything goes in matching black frames from the local department store.
Anon8
I love her!! Started on the design focused videos but have been listening to her vlogs while I cook. I am blanking on her tips, but if you follow her on Pinterest she has a bunch of specific products pinned.
Senior Attorney
Ha, I did the “clutter on a tray = one thing” on my husbands nightstand over the weekend. Magic! Also, she phrases it more elegantly than I am, but “make your space conform to the habits people already have.” Like, put the drop zone for stuff where people are already dropping their stuff.
Anon
Oh I didn’t know this was a design thing. I’ve been doing this for years. I sit her at my dining room table where I have a napkin holder + salt & pepper shakers on a tray so that I can just pick up the tray when I clean the table or need more space. I have a bedside tray and a bathroom tray and a key bowl, etc.
Anon
I’m thinking about traveling the week between Christmas and New Years and one option I’m thinking of is seeing if I can get any friends together for a ski trip out west. Anyone have advice on places to go, whether there are ways to get deals on lift tickets/rentals, and generally how to keep costs down? I know skiing is expensive but I haven’t been in 20 years, since I was a kid going with family, so I’m just wondering if anyone has good advice on how much I should be expecting to spend per person or advice on how to potentially plan this. Thanks!
Vicky Austin
Honestly, the best way to get deals on lift tickets would be to choose a different week. Also, depending how far north you end up – Montana, Jackson Hole – December skiing can be miserably cold compared to Jan/Feb/Mar. If your dates are flexible, that’d be my advice.
Cat
For a ski trip out west in peak festive, everything is going to be maximum price. Many places don’t offer discounts they normally would. Also, car rentals are bananas this year. We’re working on a non-holiday-weekend Jan or Feb trip, and renting a compact SUV from Denver is looking like $700 or so for a 4 day weekend. Worse than the flights!
You might try a cross-country skiing getaway for lower prices? Not sure where you’re based, but Lake Placid is home to the US Olympic team and has great cross-country and access Whiteface for downhill too.
Anon
The week between Christmas and New Years is one of the most expensive weeks to travel. I have off that week and will do a staycation. Go early December or mid January
Anonymous
That is the most expensive possible week. There are no deals.
Anonymous
If you are skiing for a full week consider an Epic or Ikon pass. May be cheaper.
Anon
I ski in the Tahoe area, and it’s frightfully busy because school is out. I assume that’s the case everywhere.
Anonymous
This is the most expensive and most crowded time to ski. Like hotel prices can be triple other times. Skip it.
Anon
If you are going out West, please note that it is again supposed to be an El Nino year and choose your resort accordingly. Also note that it really is cheaper to get a 4-pack or 5-pack or Epic or Ikon than to buy single-day passes. And there will be scant deals and possibly not great snow at that time of year–it’s a crapshoot.
Anon
I posted above also. If a ski trip with friends doesn’t work out, does anyone have suggestions on a travel destination for the week between Christmas and New Years? I’m single, no kids, very few remaining single friends and the holidays get harder every year. I have a great family, but a week doing nothing always makes my depression and anxiety worse. Anyone have travel suggestions? Groups to travel with as a solo traveler? Anything?
Anon
Could you get some relatives to travel with you?
Anonymous
I’m going to Thailand by myself! FlashPack tours look amazing though
Anon
Where are you coming from? What kind of travel do you like?
Anon
Hawaii is awesome (but very pricy). This year, I’d do Europe–it’s on sale with the exchange rate!
Anon
Here is another T&E question. What do you do when you and spouse are not on the same page with estate planning (but clearly, you need to do something)? Second marriage, some joint kids, some prior assets. Would it be horribly wrong for each spouse to do it separately so something is in place? I get that there is usually a joint representation and a conflict waiver signed. But something is better than nothing? The main sticking point seems to be the surviving spouse getting everything outright vs in trust.
Anonymous
Hire a lawyer to talk it through with you. If you’re still adversarial after those discussions, then you might need two lawyers and a post-nup.
Anon
It doesn’t sound alike you are necessarily not in the same page. I’m assuming you each don’t want your spouses children to inherit your assets obtained prior to the marriage. There’s nothing wrong with both of you having a will that states the other will inherit via trust and at the second spouses death, the trust goes to the pre-decreasing spouses children. You wills don’t have to be identical but you should both be honest about the terms of your will.
Anon
Also, if you want to keep things secret from each other, use different attorneys. If you’re open and honest, I don’t see why you can’t use the same one. There just won’t be the attorney client privilege between you each individually.
NYCer
There is no requirement that both spouses have the same plan (i.e., your Will could leave your entire estate in trust for your husband if you are the first to die, but his Will could say that he leaves you everything to you outright if he is the first to die). It is somewhat unusual, but definitely not unheard of. One T&E lawyer could do this for both of you, you don’t necessarily need separate counsel.
Conference Newbie
Hi all, I am mid career but in a new industry, and just registered for my first conference (Charleston Library in November, if anyone is going)! Any tips? I was going to wear comfortable shoes and lots of layers (probably the J Crew Sophie blazer since it’s dressy but also super comfortable). Do people generally take notes at all the sessions? How do you keep track of everything you want to attend? Since I’m new, I’m trying to learn as much as possible as quickly as possible and this seems like a good opportunity. Any and all conference tips appreciated!
Annony
Look up attendee info ahead of time, make a list of people you want to meet. Have your intro ready, have some good questions at the ready. Clean up your LinkedIn page.I saw a really neat tutorial on programming a NFC and attaching it to your badge for people to scan and get your info … link to your website, or LinkedIn page. Don’t drink too much.
Anon
Talk to me about Mirena. I’m early 40s, single but hope to eventually not be, and have been dealing with horrific crime-scene-like periods for the last six months, totally debilitating amounts of blood. Have ruled out anything serious after ultrasounds and minor surgery and now it’s a matter of figuring out how to cope. My gyn recommends the pill or Mirena.
I’ve been on the pill before and loved it but it did cause occasional migraines and though I can’t prove it, I suspect it contributed to some upsetting hair loss. Mirena has localized hormones, so there would be less of a risk of side effects. However… it’s a thing. That goes in my body. It scares me. But if it works, it could really improve my quality of life.
FWIW, I am really good about remembering to take the pill, so that’s not an issue.
Anyone have it and love it? Or hate it? Should I just go back to the pill or give Mirena a try?
anon
I have the liletta (a different hormonal IUD). and love it. I tried the pill many years ago and hated it – I felt vaguely ill all the time and it wrecked my gardening drive even after I stopped taking it. My doctor predicted correctly that I would have no negative side effects because IUD hormones are a much lower dose and local rather than systemic like the pill. The placement was not the most fun thing in the world but when it’s done you don’t have to think about it for a long time, which I like.
amberwitch
I had one for years and years – or rather a sequence of them. No period to speak of. The insertion hurt quite a bit for me, so I always planned with being picked up and put to bed after the doctors appointment, but other than that it has been great. Much better than the periods I used to have.
Carrots
I occasionally fall in the same kind of thinking about “oh my gosh – there is a *thing* in my body and I can’t access it.” For me, that turns into spiraling thinking, so I have to stop myself and remind myself that a) my doctor checks it every year during my annual exam, b) for many days (sometimes weeks, months even) in a row, I don’t even think about it and it never crosses my mind, c) there are probably millions of people who currently have one and it’s fine, and (this last one is specific to me), d) I’ve been very lucky that I’ve never had an adverse reaction to medication, I’m a healthy person with a healthy body, and this *thing* has been in me since 2017 and has yet to cause any type of adverse reaction.
FWIW, I love not having to think about taking the pill every day and I love not getting a period. Insertion for me was hard, but I’ve talked with my doctor about that for when my replacement comes up and there are steps that she can take to make it easier on me (like prescribing anxiety medication before hand, etc.)
Senior Attorney
I had two rounds of Mirena before I aged out of needing it, and I loved it. It stopped my period and I had no issues with it at all. Thumbs up from here.
Coach Laura
Same here, two Mirena. Hated being on the pill, loved Mirena.
pugsnbourbon
I had two (for a total of 10 years). Insertion was a real b*tch but now more docs are willing to prescribe xanax and soften your cervix. That said, once it was in I barely thought about it. For my first two years I didn’t get a period at all, and then after that I would have a day or two of spotting each month.
The only issue I had was ovarian cysts – some IUDs can make you slightly more likely to develop them, but they also run in my family.
Katie
I’m on my third Mirena and love it. The insertions varied from really uncomfortable to painful, but worth it for 5-7 years of not worrying about birth control. (It was 5 when I got it initially, I believe it is now approved for up to 7 years.) You can ask your doctor about what you might be able to do to make insertion somewhat less painful.
For my first two Mirenas, I did continue to get my period, but it was much shorter and lighter. I went from a 5 day period that had heavy and medium days to about 12-24 hours of very light flow. With this most recent Mirena, I haven’t had my period since it was inserted, which is even better.
CMS
I’ve had three Mirenas and a Liletta and would never do anything else. My first insertion was painful, but all subsequent ones were very easy. No period to speak of for the last nearly 20 years. Cannot possibly recommend more highly.
Seventh Sister
I had a Mirena as my first IUD and loved it. After my second kid, they couldn’t place a Mirena and I did a copper one. I like it fine but miss the almost-no-period part of Mirena.
Anonymous
I had Mirena. It fixed the bleeding but made me gain weight constantly and still gave me some headaches, although fewer than the Pill. I finally had it removed when I couldn’t take the weight gain and the constant hunger and fatigue any longer. I suspect it was messing with my blood sugar.
Anon
I had Mirena and it caused hair loss for me, plus constant spotting. Experiences are going to vary wildly but if you had hair loss with hormonal BC, you may have it with Mirena.
Anon
Here’s a fun one. My sister has a lot of kids (1 is in college, the rest are minors). Bitter divorce. Spouse has remarried and has had more kids. Sister has left everything to me figuring that I can use the $ for her kids, especially for any college for the younger ones (and I’m sure they won’t want to go live with their dad but he is the next of kin). I get (and she gets) that there is an expectation that I use the $ for her kids, but this is also OMG crazy, like just pay for a lawyer to draw up even a very simple trust. There isn’t a lot of $ (home equity of <$100K and a small retirement account, also <$100K). But still.
NYCer
This is odd. She should just leave her money to her kids directly. There are generally provisions in Wills and trusts that allow money that would otherwise be paid to a minor instead to be held in a custodial account or UTMA account until the minor reaches a certain age (varies by state, can be 18, 21 or even 25 in some states). It does not always make sense to set up a trust for a small amount of money, but there are other options between a trust and leaving everything to you.
Anon
The thinking would be that the ex would control the $ of the younger kids and they may see none of it. With an aunt, there is not that risk if she is otherwise trustworthy. Her creditors may try to get it, but assuming a regular bill-paying adult here.
Cat
Your sister seems to be making a lot of assumptions about how estate planning works. Ex doesn’t have to be the trustee…
Anon
She can designate you as the beneficiary of the retirement account, but how are you getting the money in the house without a will? This seems like a very poor plan
Anon
We bought term life insurance last year and just got a letter with a premium increase. Is that a thing? How can I flight it? I thought the whole point of term life is that thenpremium remains fixed for the term.
Anon
Did you just buy term or something like a 20- or 30- year term? Unless you lock the rate in for a period, it could always increase. For DH, we could only afford the 20-year lock-in price (for me, based on gender alone, we could afford 30-years). So after 20 or 30 years, it could go up. What does the policy actually say?
Anonymous
Yes, this is normal. And eventually the premium wil get so high that you consider dropping the policy. In that instance, I started a new.policy. The reason for term is not that the premium is stable but because often, at some point, life insurance becomes unnecessary (e.g., children are grown, house is paid off or spouse can cover things alone, savings/investments exist so no need for the giant payout upon death).
Anon
Most of us by level premium term insurance. I paid the same monthly premium for 20 on each of my two policies. The premiums went from something like $40/month to $3000/month at the end of the 20 year term but no one expects you to pay that unless you’re on your death bed. The policy terminates when you don’t pay it.
Anon
That doesn’t make any sense unless you bought some newfangled form of term. Did you read the fine print?
Anon
OP is describing yearly renewable term, which is not new, but it’s rarely sold and bought on the retail market these days.
“Level” term policies can technically raise rates to a higher guaranteed rates, but this is almost never done. So I assume somehow OP bought yearly renewable term, not sure why.
Anon
What is in for holiday party attire this year? I was invited to my first post-pandemic holiday work party in early December (it’s a client of ours, not my firm’s party. There is no dress code specified, I think dedinitely no long gowns but the theme is “chique”). It will be in a posh restaurant in a posh hotel in my city. Assuming no covid wave, I will go, but I need to shop for it and have zero idea what people are wearing to parties now. Any otfit recs or even better brand/store recs welcome! I am cusp sized.
Anon
Caveat, I haven’t been to any post covid parties so likewise clueless. I would go with a classic black cocktail dress and interesting accessories like a clutch and festive scarf.
Anon
This is what I do. No need for a new outfit.
Cat
Chique? what the eff.
I’m planning on going with essentially my 2019 look, which was wide-legged pants, pointed-toe heels, and perhaps a new evening top – thinking a silky black-based tartan or similar. Sparkly earrings for glam.
Anonymous
Chique? Did they misspell chic?
Anonymous
Is the French spelling intentional or in error?
Aunt Jamesina
“Chic” is the French spelling!
Anon
My standard work-appropriate holiday outfit is black straight pants, black silk shell, blazer that is velvet or shimmery, bright lip, and fun dangling earrings.
Anonymous
I’m planning to wear this jumpsuit with sparkly earrings, sky high heels, and a red lip to christmas parties this year. https://www.amazon.com/Happy-Sailed-Casual-Sleeve-Jumpsuits/dp/B07NP6VKWZ/ref=sr_1_21?keywords=wide+leg+jumpsuits&qid=1664474389&qu=eyJxc2MiOiI5LjA5IiwicXNhIjoiOC4yNyIsInFzcCI6IjcuMTcifQ%3D%3D&sr=8-21
Anon
Prenup help…my partner and I are discussing getting married. He has indicated he wants a prenup, which I don’t love conceptually (it seems negative, like you’re planning to fail), but I get it. Marriage is a legal contract.
He is an immigrant with citizenship in another country, where he has business and family assets. I’m a US citizen with dual citizenship (not in his country of origin) although I’ve only lived in the US. I don’t have assets other than my house, which I bought and he moved into and helps pay the mortgage on.
Do we need prenups in all 3 countries, or just in the US? Any other general tips or considerations from those who’ve had one?
Anon
What are the other countries? You could get counsel in other countries to pass on a US prenup, but you need your own counsel in each (not joint counsel). I’d worry about some non-US countries, especially if they have any form of Sharia in their laws or courts or habits about dealing with women and inheritance (especially if you contemplate children).
Anon
Ghana (where he’s from) and Italy (my dual citizenship). We do plan to have children.
Anon
I’m a dual citizen (US & Russia) and have no plans to move back to Russia and no assets there (unless my parent there dies with assets and leaves them to me, which seems unlikely because their assets are minimal). I just did a prenup here and didn’t even think to take into consideration Russia.
Anonymous
Do you live in the US? You need to hire a US lawyer and ask them
Anon
I would contact a US attorney at a medium sized firm that does prenups (i.e., not a solo practitioner). That attorney may be able to recommend counsel in the other countries. Many firms are part of specific networks with international firms. My former firm was in TerraLex for example. They might even advertise this on their websites.
Anonymouse
If you get married in the US you Amy not be considered legally married in the other countries you have citizenship in. My SO and his ex for example- she is dual citizen of US and Mexico. He is a US citizen. They lived in Mexico for a while but the country did not recognize their US marriage. You may only need a prenup for the US.
Anonymous
This is flatly wrong. Don’t spread misinformation.
OP hire a real lawyer.
anonshmanon
I’d be surprised if many countries don’t recognize a marriage in the US (assuming you have official papers, not a signature from your friend who was ordained through an online church).
Nesprin
If you want your spouse and children to benefit from your italian citizenship (and you probably would), you need to register your marriage with the consulate and enroll in AIRE. After a couple yrs of marriage, your spouse gains right of residence in italy.
Anon
Yes you need a prenup. No it’s not unromantic. It’s practical. Your house, for instance. That was your asset before marriage. Lay out who owns the house in the agreement, or what % each owns – yours should be > 50%. How about your retirement accounts? Do you really want to be chasing down an ex decades from now when you retire? Make it clear that your 401ks are sole and separate property. Things like that. It’s worth it.
Anonymous
A good prenups protect both partners. I am the moneyed partner and to protect my assets I promised a significant payout to my then fiancé (now husband) to protect the bulk of my assets in case of divorce. It protects each of us from potentially getting screwed in the event of divorce. Both parties need their own lawyer, and he should probably pay for yours.
CHL
So I have a new Apple Watch and I’m trying to make sense of the sleep function. I understand the total number but my googling does not yield helpful info on how to think about the amount and balance of REM, deep sleep, etc. Do you all pay attention to this and/or recommend a source of info on it?
Anonymous
no advice, but if you sleep in your Apple Watch, when do you charge it? Just curious.
CHL
Usually in the morning while I’m showering and getting ready. Sometimes before bed when I’m reading and puttering around. It doesn’t take very long.
anon
I realized this morning that none of my blazers fit, and the one I’m mourning the most is a pale gray herringbone jacket I bought at Loft pre-pandemic. Has anyone seen anything similar lately?
DC Anon
There’s a similar one at Loft that looks promising! https://www.loft.com/herringbone-knit-blazer/592394?skuId=33696317&defaultColor=7703&catid=catl000018&selectedColor=6518
Anon
Oooh it’s got elbow patches!
Anonymous
Does anyone have an idea of what a director level salary (7 yrs experience) at Disney would be?
Anon
I bet Glassdoor does.
thanksgiving anxiety
I have these pants! I like them but would only buy them when there’s a promo/discount code.
I don’t know if it’s a fluke but I got them in Tall and they are barely long enough in flats. I’m “only” 5’9 so typically I can wear a heel with tall size pants.
They were great for sightseeing in Europe with a cropped tank and sneakers. Wearing them to work now with a nicer tee and chunky loafers.
Anonymous
Were any of you on a sports team as a young kid that was just…bad? Any advice to a coach?
I’m assistant coaching my 4th grade daughter’s travel soccer team. There are 4 teams from our town and this team is the D team. We are in the least competitive division of our league and we have an 0-4 record and 6 more games to go. Kids lost their first game 0-10. Things have improved from there, but last week we lost to the other other team that had not yet won a game which was kind of a bummer- that was their best shot so far at a win and we lost 0-2.
The girls seem to have pretty good spirits. The girls have great attendance at practice and games. They goof off, but really do try. Our main coach is relatively new and trying his best despite not really ever played or coached soccer before (same goes for me). Our goal is to keep the girls having fun, even if they aren’t winning. So far we are working on their weak areas to help them improve, counting what matters (shots on goal vs actual # of goals, point differential not just win v loss), making practice and games fun even if they aren’t wins (good snacks, team cheers, win-or-lose post game lunch) and recently we got them all matching team scrunchies which was a huge hit.
I’ve never coached before and my daughter has never been on a team this…bad. My goal isn’t to turn the season around and make these girls division leaders, but to try and keep them interested in soccer so they want to come back next year.
Any advice? I’ll take what to do or what NOT to do. I do know that if they win a game, we are not going to make a big deal out of it (even though every parent on the team will be quietly popping champagne bottles). We don’t make a big deal of the score and we do emphasize things like “we are only behind by 1!” My daughter came home from a game they lost 2-7 and thought it was 4-5 and I didn’t correct her. :)
pugsnbourbon
I’ve been on really good sports teams and really bad sports teams, and it sounds like you’re doing all the right things. At this age you’re right – it’s about having fun, developing skills and working as team. The one thing I’d keep an eye out for is negativity/bad attitudes from parents.
Anon
My daughter, one year, played on a team that had no wins and came into the tournament as the last seed, so playing the best team. Inexplicably (maybe because of cockiness on the part of the other team), they won. And they kept winning and won the entire tournament. No one could have been more shocked than the parents of the players. It was like a feel good movie that you know never happens in real life, except it did.
Anan
It sounds like everyone is doing the right things here. The players are having fun with each other and working on skills. Some teams are just better than others. I think the bond between the players will keep them coming back more than the number of games they win.
My daughter’s swim team is the worst in the county save one other team. That’s second to last place out of seventy teams. They lost every meet except one. What I love about the coach is that he focusses on building skills and being a good teammate and being a good person. At every meet he tells the kids what he is proud of and says that if they aren’t swimming they need to be cheering on their teammates. He encourages the older swimmers to help the younger ones and in general expects everyone to be helpful and clean up after themselves at meets. Sure it would be great if they won more meets, but I wouldn’t be more impressed with the coach if they did.
Anon
It sounds like you’re doing all the right things. My son played flag football for two seasons and I think they won one game the entire time (the core team stayed the same since they were friends from school). They had a blast. The coach was enthusiastic and fun and came up with creative plays and silly names (chicken nuggets) for them to yell. At the same time my other son was playing flag football for the best team in the division, and it was stressful (not for him, but for the other players on the team) because they *had* to win, and he also didn’t get much playing time because he wasn’t very good.
Also – the way the parents behave makes a huge difference. Cheer on good plays and stuff like that. If the parents are having fun and clapping and cheering, the kids will pick up on that.
Anon
Last season I was head coach of a soccer team that was losing every single match and I started to feel really bad about it as the season progressed! At that stage even having one good scoring player or one player who can run the ball makes a huge difference to winning or losing games. We continued to work on skills, had some extra practice sessions, and the kids would sometimes get disheartened but mostly were cheerful and positive. No real advice. The kids all improved from where they were at the start of the season. Every single one. Even the grumpy one who didn’t want to step on the field and would just stand around and not run, started to run and enjoy the games a bit towards the end. But I am not coaching this season, partly because it felt like a lot of pressure to me, especially when we played against teams with tiger dad coaches who wouldn’t concede a single goal and played aggressively even when it was a runaway win for them.