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In-House Interview Help
Dear Hive,
I have my first in-house interview this afternoon and would dearly appreciate the hive’s wisdom. I’m a 3rd year lit associate in Biglaw interviewing at a Fortune 1000 company. Any advice on what to expect? The interview is by phone. I know a member of the HR team will attend; it’s unclear whether a member of the legal department will be on the call.
– Balance Seeker
Shopping
Balance Seeker, formerly of the Juggle?
anon
can you share how you got this interview? I’m also a 3rd year litigator in big law and would like to start looking for in-house positions…
nutella
Different poster, former biglaw 3rd year myself. I found my particular inhouse gig through a recruiter, but most inhouse gigs are posted online.
CHJ
It is probably a screening call where they will tell you about the job and try to get a sense of your experience/pay requirements before bringing you in for in-person interviews. Before the call, do some research on what the company pays their in-house counsel. They might ask you out of the blue about your pay requirements, and it will probably be a pay cut if you are coming from Biglaw so you don’t want to be wildly off. You should also be able to answer (1) why do you want to go in-house and (2) why do you want to work for This Company in particular.
Good luck!
Betty
Agree with CHJ. Most likely a screening interview. However, be prepared and handle this as you would if you were interviewing with the GC. Have your pitch about yourself and how you meet the company’s needs. During my screening interview, I was also asked about salary requirements so be prepared for that as well. Good luck!!
nutella
Agree on both. Have a pitch for the HR person that will meet the basic requirements of their post (check out their keywords) through examples/stories of what you do. Most likely they will take a lot of notes and pass them along to the GC. Also be sure to explain why inhouse and why them. As for the GC, be prepared to explain not only all of what you said to the HR person but also why you are well suited for the job given your litigation background. Depending on if you are interviewing for the Lit Dept. or their general GC’s office, you will want to touch on contract negotiation, litigation and working with outside counsel, compliance, familiarity with laws that affect your industry, etc.
Anonymous
Seconding what everyone above said – particularly about being ready to talk about “why in-house” and “why this company.” And while this should go without saying*, it’s not acceptable to say you want to go in-house because you want to work less…while your schedule might be somewhat more predictable, you will end up working some nights and some weekends and anyway who wants to hire someone who doesn’t want to work hard? Focus on wanting to get to know one client well, become a trusted partner, be proactive about identifying and addressing issues, etc. And if you can have a response for why this company is particularly compelling to you, that’s an added bonus. Signed, current in-house attorney (litigator, at 2 large F50 companies) who has interviewed lots of candidates
*I’ve actually gotten this response several times during interviews…while I recognize that in-house provides a more balanced lifestyle (one of the reasons I chose this path), you still need an alternative answer during the interview process
ChiLaw
I went from a lit background to in house, and the areas I needed to work on were (obviously?) contract drafting, compliance, insurance stuff, and employment law. Be prepared to address how you already know something about those areas (and others that might be relevant to this place) and to discuss how your litigation background is a benefit (presuming you aren’t going to be litigating for these folks).
bigcitynewmom
No advice, but 1. GOOD LUCK! and 2. how did you snag this interview??
Anon16
This might be the most obvious question ever, but I’m on a quest to become more of an adult, so here goes. Where do you store your contact lens case? I keep mine by my bedside, but I’m wondering if most people leave it in the bathroom? Also do you fully dump all your solution from the case each night? I know the answer is supposed to be yes, but I definitely don’t.
Canadienne
What? Yes dump all solution, rinse case with water then rest the open case on paper towel to dry during the day. Then fill the dry case with fresh solution when you take your contacts out at night. What you’re doing is not only gross and unsanitary but dangerous. You could cause a serious infection or lose an eye
soaps
I have a huge fear of anything happening to my eyes (from contacts, from falling down and hitting my eye on something, from random things falling from the sky into my eye).
That being said, you should rinse your case with fresh solution each morning, since water can contain impurities and amoebas (aaahh!). Please, please dump your old solution. And please please wash your hands before and after handling your contacts.
Please :(
Canadienne
I think this might be regional. I live in a place with great water quality so my optometrist said rinsing with water was what she reccomended. I can see if the water quality is spotty why this could be a bad idea
Danielle
In case anyone is reading this from the sidebar, acanthamoeba can live in tap water, and other atmospheric germs your lenses can pick up will not be removed by a quick rinse. Please ensure you properly clean your lenses with lens disinfectants.
KT
So I’m usually team “don’t stress adulting, you do you” but not dumping your contact solution and cleaning out the case is asking for some serious eye infections.
mascot
Move your contact case to the bathroom and dump the solution after each use. Solution is single use; don’t risk an eye infection here.
mascot
Also, if all the cleaning and dumping is just too much, switch to daily disposable contacts. They cost a little bit more, but are worth the convenience.
M.S.
+1. I would also recommend switching to dailies if you struggle with allergies. They have saved me a lot of discomfort.
long time lurker
Yes, agree. I could never really get rid of whatever the build up that gets on soft contacts. After taking a nap with my contacts in I had really gritty eyes and ended up with a corneal abrasion. Of course this was right before a relatives wedding so I had to wear my ancient thick glasses (am squinting in all of the pictures).
I have also gotten random irritations and infections, etc while traveling and not using the best practices of cleaning with fresh solution (i.e. doing what the OP is doing, using the same solution). Switching to daily contacts changed all of that, and all my irritation/gritty eyes etc problems are gone. So much better. Plus 1800 contacts usually has a rebate and I signed up for vision coverage, so the cost is manageable.
Senior Attorney
+1 for dailies. I just switched and it’s fantastic. Better vision, better comfort, no messing around with solutions and cases.
Diana Barry
+1.
nutella
Yes, this is the easy solution. Keep them in the bathroom. Dump after you put them in in the morning, rince with water and let dry throughout the day. I do a quick rinse with solution at night before filling with new solution and popping them in. Wash your hands before you put them in/take them out. And do not sleep in them.
Godzilla
I wear dailies but when I didn’t, I wouldn’t dump the used solution just in case I was out somewhere and needed to store my contact lenses and rewear them in a short amount of time (I’d use the peroxide cleaning solution, so much better than the other stuff but it did require at least 6 hours of scrubbing bubbles time). When I took them out for the night, I’d dump out the old solution and put in new solution.
Edna Mazur
+1 Single use are the best. I think about a wash (ha ha) cost wise because you don’t have to buy all the solution you should be using.
Shopping
My dad’s an ophthalmologist, so I say “dump”
Cat
ok just so you don’t feel alone/gross, I often use my solution 2x before changing it, because the stupid solution bottles are JUST too big for my medicine cabinet and inconvenient. I’ve been wearing contacts for 20 years and have never had an eye infection (knocking the proverbial wood…)
That said, if you’re going like 3+ nights with the same solution… yeah you should modify your habit.
Godzilla
But……the solution oxidizes after X amount of hours. It literally DOES NOT CLEAN after a while. So you’re just preserving your lenses in saline at that point.
Anonymous
Dirty saline.
Anonymous
dump or use disposables. You only get one set of eyes.
signed, use disposables because I’m lazy
Anonymous
+1 I also use disposables because I’m a germaphobe and it feels good to know I’m putting fresh sterile contacts in my eyes each time.
Walnut
I addressed the “couldn’t even adult enough to take contacts out at night” problem by switching to leave-in contacts that I swap and dispose every couple weeks. This would also solve your dumping contact solution problem.
Anonymous
In the bathroom. So I can wash my hands before touching my eyes and dump my solution every single time. Because I like not being blind.
Anon16
OP here. Yikes… okay, I will definitely be changing my ways. Thanks!
CountC
+1 This is what I do. Wash hands every single time I touch my eyes, case in the bathroom, rinsed out and fresh solution every day.
anon in SV
Ditto. Hot soap and water before I ever touch my eyes, dump solution daily and let the case air dry. Anon16, you also need to buy a new case. They’re cheap.
This was five days ago on NPR: http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2016/08/18/490490227/for-pete-s-sake-don-t-sleep-or-swim-in-your-contact-lenses
Gail the Goldfish
In the bathroom, and I use Clear Care, which has a “special” case and has to be changed every time (it’s basically hydrogen peroxide that neutralizes over 6 hours. Side note, it gets them amazingly clean). Change your solution. You get one set of eyes.
Lilly
Love the Clear Care. Use it every night. I wear gas permeable rigid lenses which are of course much much sturdier than soft lens, but my optometrist recently expressed his amazement at the perfect condition of contacts that I bought in 2011. Clear Carr gets them cleaner than other means while being gentle on the lenses.
EB0220
I’ll join the chorus here. Keep it in the bathroom. Dump the solution each night. I rinse with water and let it air dry, but I do have good water quality. I have to rinse my lenses with solution before putting them in, so I have no idea how you get them into your eyes in the bedroom!
Anon
I had a HORRIBLE eye infection a few years ago that left (fortunately only temporary) dents in my corneas. I couldn’t wear contacts for a long time (I think maybe 4 weeks?) and it was miserable. I looked like I had a mild case of pink eye — it was bad enough that I tried to hide in my office. Please, for the love of your eyes, keep your stuff in the bathroom, only clean the case with solution, throw the case out and use a new one when you switch bottles of solution (that’s why they now often come with them), wash your hands before handling them, and never shower in your contacts or sleep in them.
Shopping
All silk! I like <3 <3. Am I the only one here to whom fabric content is important, and who wishes it would be included in the write ups?
Are we doing peplums again? I love the look of this top, but thought that kind of frill at the bottom was a clear "no" these days. And it is all silk! I don't think I'll hold my breath for it to go on sale for 80% off.
KT
You will pry my peplum tops out of my cold dead hands/closet.
I think peplum in general is fairly timeless, if styled appropriately. or I might be biased, because peplum shirts are one of the few styles I can wear. I have a short torso, wide hips and an oddly small waist, so peplum shirts are really flattering, both on their own or under a suit. Regular shirts hug my hips too much, empire waists make me look very pregnant, so peplum for life!
Anonymous
Ah, you are me! Any other style staples you recommend for our shape?
Nothing fits…
KT
no :(
Peplum tops and wrap dresses are all I have figured out.
Anonymous
Shoot…. I can’t wear wrap dresses because I have no bo0bs…..
And I never buy peplum because I assumed it was too trendy. But you convinced me I should try them.
Godzilla
I don’t have wide hips but a round belly and a large booty (such is the life of a monster lizardess) and I’ve found A-line dresses to be great. Not pleated dresses, just A-line.
KT
This made me laugh, lizardess :)
Veronica Mars
I’m a fabric junkie too. My old roommate would always make fun of me because I always checked the tag of each item when we went shopping. She thought it was nuts.
Runner 5
I’m a fabric junkie. It comes from being a knitter and from having Reiss tastes on a Primark budget.
Calibrachoa
Yup! I have very sensitive skin so fabric content often can tell me if I can wear something or not.
Pears
Definitely a fabric junkie. Before law school, I still fit into my clothes from high school and am not trendy. I found my natural fiber content clothes held up so much better over time.
Samantha
I love natural fibres and am a cotton and silk junkie. I’ll take the 98% cotton / 2% spandex type stuff because it fits better, but no 100% polyester for me, thank you very much. I’m also lazy to iron (though I dont mind hand washing) so that puts me in a bind though. I’ll compensate with cotton next to my skin and a non-natural blazer on top.
Little Red
Another person who pays attention to fabric. Can’t stand having the fake stuff next to my skin.
Sucker?
Last night at happy hour I was telling friends about the responses to yesterday’s question about paying for news. I was surprised — and disappointed — at the responses. Turns out I am the only one of my friends who pays for online news (WaPo and NYT) and who makes a regular donation to NPR. These are all smart, educated women with graduate degrees who earn healthy paychecks and could easily afford to trade two drinks a week to support the news they read.
Then it turns out that they also are all using shared passwords for HBO, and Hulu — sometimes from parents, sometimes from other siblings/friends. They genuinely think that there is nothing wrong with not paying for content. They see it as a victimless crime, and not a big deal at all. I feel like a sucker for paying my share.
I don’t really know what to say, except if the majority of people my age and younger shares their ethos, we will lose good journalism and quality entertainment in our lifetimes. And that makes me sad.
KT
In people’s defense of HBO, the CEO himself has said he doesn’t care if people share passwords. The idea being, when they are young and poor, they will tune in to watch and get addicted to quality programming, and then when they can afford it, will make the switch.
https://techcrunch.com/2014/01/20/hbo-doesnt-care-if-you-share-your-hbo-go-account-for-now/
And “free” news outlets are excellent. Online sites make so much from advertising, it offsets the cost of subscriptions. (And I say this as a writer paid by news sites to produce content).
Anonymous
re the HBO password sharing, I agree with this sentiment, but the problem is that it’s not just early 20-somethings doing this. I’m in my early- to mid-30s and I’m constantly surprised by how many of my friends are still on their parents’ cell phone plans, car insurance, Netflix/HBO accounts, etc. Our generation had a really tough start compared to people even 5 years older. I think a lot of us feel entitled to more free stuff for a longer time as a trade-off. And that’s true even of the people my age who maybe didn’t have a job for a year or two after graduation, but now they’re on a good path. They got used to a free ride and now they feel like it’s owed to them.
Anonymous
To make it less of an entitled millennial thing- My parents are on my Netflix/HBO accounts. Not wanting to pay for content isn’t something you grow out of. If you can get something for free you’re not going to suddenly age into seeing its value.
AttiredAttorney
I’m 29, and my parents are on *my* cell phone plan.
Anonymous
+1 Netflix specifically allows you to pay more for an account that can be used on two or four devices simultaneously. If you pay for a four-person account, I don’t think sharing it with three others is abusing the system in any way. Obviously there are ways you can abuse the system (buying a one device account and sharing the password with 10 people) but most people I know who share Netflix passwords do it within the parameters of what the service suggests, i.e. the number of people using the account doesn’t exceed the number of devices paid for.
TBK
This will all sort itself out. HBO etc. are well aware that you’re sharing passwords The technology exists to prevent it so the fact they’re not preventing it means it’s working for them in some way. People want news but right now many sites can sell enough ads to support themselves (back when no one/almost no one had cable, we didn’t “pay” for our news — we just watched it on NBC or whatever and yet there was still news). If people get fed up with ads, or want more substantive content, sites will pop up and charge for the content. Yes, NPR could potentially go away if no one supported it. But maybe most people who listen to it are fine with getting it free but don’t value it enough to pay for it. That’s okay. I don’t see the problem.
Emmer
Online versions of print newspapers make far less in advertising revenue than they did from subscription services. If that wasn’t the case, we wouldn’t be seeing newspapers going out of business and slashing staff. Online ad revenue is falling even faster because people are increasingly using ad blocking software.
Anonymous
+1 All of this. They are not pulling in the piles of cash that you think they are.
Canadienne
I’m mid twenties and pay for all my own media subscriptions. As soon as I graduated and got a real job I signed up for that stuff. It was a marker of adulthood for me. Sharing passwords and stealing news is so poor college student in my mind.
Cat
I think Netflix et al have priced this behavior into their products already as it’s so common and well known. Doesn’t make it right but from a business perspective probably covered. Sort of like how UPS has a parking ticket budget — they know they’ll get them and it’s worth it to them to keep the trucks delivering quickly vs looking for legal parking.
Cat
that said… I would be embarrassed as a 30-something to be still on my parents’ account. Hubs and I pay for Netflix, Amazon Prime, and the Economist.
Anon
My mom uses my Hulu and prime, my MIL uses our Netflix and we use my mom’s or my MIL’s HBOGo (I forget which right now). And I’m 40.
I need to find out whether either of them have Starz because I really want to watch Outlander. I just finished all the books.
Libby
Get the Starz subscription add-on through Amazon Prime. It’s $9 or so per month, and you can cancel once you finish Outlander.
Leatty
I was the poster whose questions prompted the discussion. I pay for HBO and Netflix (and now the NYT) and do not share my passwords. If a company charges for a service, I don’t think it is right to share the service with others. I think I was (unjustifiably) annoyed by paying for news because these sources previously offered more articles for free, many of them receive money from ads, and there are so many free sources out there.
AIMS
I would chalk some of this to age, rather than generation. When I was in my 20s I did all those things even though I probably could have paid for them, now I am in my 30s and it’s too much bother to find out my friends’ passwords or clear my cookies every 10 articles so I can continue to read the NYT for free. Yes, I still lament the fact that Napster didn’t last, but I am too lazy and busy to bother looking for free alternatives every time something else like it shuts down. Maybe I find less new music this way, but what music I do get, I just buy from Apple. I’m not sure how much of this is attributable to noble realizations about the fact that “I should pay for news coverage I consume if I want there to be more of it” and how much is just that it feels weird to call your friends for their Netflix password after a certain age. Either way, I wouldn’t worry too much.
Godzilla
Totally agree. I am honestly too lazy to illegally download music. Much more convenient just to purchase it through Google Play, Amazon Music or the iTunes store.
Runner 5
This is me too. Before there was good easy legal TV streaming I used questionable sources for things like Mad Men but I now pay for Amazon so I use that. I do use my parents’ Sky account (like HBO Go) about once a month to see a new film – but they pay for Sky Movies entirely so that we can all do that.
Anonymous
I don’t really get what your problem is. You’re mad because people are internet savvy and know how to work the system? Who cares what they do?
Signed, I haven’t paid for an ebook in years because I know about torrenting
Spirograph
Torrenting is straight up illegal, though. I know about it too, but I still get my free books through the library…
Anonymous
+1 I almost never pay for books, but I get them legally at the library.
CountC
+2
KT
yeahhhhh Torrenting is illegal.
Library is awesome, but so is Goodwill for hard copy books :)
And Amazon prime includes many free ebooks.
Anonymous
You know, there are also torrents where you can get piles of credit card numbers that you can then use to make purchases. You can also get PII that you can use to open new credit accounts to get even more stuff. Lots of “internet savvy” people who “know how to work the system” do this.
But I suppose you’ll say that’s “different”, right?
anon
Anon at 9:40- Don’t pretend like you don’t understand what her problem is. She’s obviously disturbed by the fact that people fail to pay for content they consume. Technically, that is stealing, and can harm content creators in theory and in practice (and/or consumers who do pay and are forced to bear the cost of other people’s theft).* That is why people care. I understand that *you* do it, and therefore it behooves you to believe there is nothing wrong with doing it, but that is not how moral conclusions are made.
*We may all have different ideas about the extent to which failing to pay for content is harmful/immoral, but you have not made the argument that failing to pay for content is not harmful/immoral. Dressing up theft as “working the system” is also not a complete argument that behaving that way is ethical.
anon
I care because I DO pay for my stuff, and you’re a self-proclaimed thief/ freeloader. Why would I not care??
ELaw
Stealing =/= “working the system”.
If you want to steal, acknowledge what you’re doing.
Anonymous
Paying to read an article is an old-fashioned way of bringing in revenue. Is it hurting the New York Times? Eh – the ad revenue on their website must be pretty staggering. These companies could enforce real paywalls if they wanted to. It’s hurting your local small town paper, if you’re going to subscribe to anything it should be that.
Anon
Several of my friends are journalists, which is probably why everyone in my circle pays for news. I Abe friends at all the major news outlets and I know how important the work they do is–and how little even the high profile ones get paid.
Anon
Oh, and I pay for HBO and Netflix. I have on occasion share my Netflix PW but not permanent- it was bc I was at someone’s house using their TV and just left myself logged in.
Anonymous
I have a 40-something colleague who uses his parents’ passwords. I don’t think it’s related to age or generation so much as parenting styles. My husband and I were basically tossed out to fend for ourselves at graduation (high school for me, college for him). It would never even occur to us to ask our parents for their media passwords. All the people I know who use their parents’ passwords have parents who paid for college, weddings, and sometimes even other expenses well into adulthood.
We are proud to support NPR because we listen to it daily and being “sustaining members” makes us feel very cool and adult.
Mpls
I’m on my parents’ cell phone plan, but pay them for it. It costs less than it would to be on my own plan. I also help my mom troubleshoot her phone, so I figure that balances out.
My parents are more likely to be using MY Netflix/Hulu passwords. They don’t stream stuff that often, since their home internet has data restrictions (it’s part of the cell phone plan, since they can’t get cable internet or DSL in their rural area).
Sydney Bristow
We donate to NPR but don’t currently pay for news. I do get the Washington Post for free from work. In my case, I did have a NYT subscription for awhile but didn’t read enough to justify the cost. I’ve been on a bit of a news break anyway lately. My husband reads a couple of articles a day.
If I were to pay for news again, I think I’d pay for my hometown paper even though it’s 3000 miles away. I’m more concerned about local journalism going extinct than the NYT. There’s already been a big consolidation.
Anonymous
Yes, it is very discouraging. And wrong.
My liberal and conservative friends do it, and just rationalize differently.
When I was in grad school I didn’t know anyone among my friends at Harvard who paid taxes on their student stipend except me.
Ally McBeal
LOL. I’m so happy to find the one other grad student who paid taxes on the stipend! It was a huge crisis because we could not find any advice on whether it was taxable, how it was taxable, etc., but we ended up deciding that it was taxable income and paid taxes on all of it. It was a little painful.
anonymous
I paid taxes on my stipend too. My classmates didn’t, and I was one of the ones who wasn’t independently wealthy having my parents pay for all my expenses anyway.
Anonymous
I paid taxes on my stipend too. I think the school reported it as income, so it would have been hard not to pay taxes on it.
Gail the Goldfish
I think part of it has to do with the way we consume news these days. I don’t spend a chunk of time reading the news. I tend to read articles sporadically on short breaks throughout the day. For that, CBS and BBC online work best for me. I just don’t read the large national papers anymore. My office gets the local paper, and occasionally I’ll read a story from that over lunch, but even then, I usually read the local news channel’s site. I do donate to NPR because I listen to that in the car every day. It’s not that I’m not paying for NY Times, WSJ, etc–I’m just not reading them.
Anonymous
Just came here to say how happy seeing so many NPR donors on here makes me. Go team.
Calibrachoa
For me large part of it is international accessibility and the technical delivery – I would gladly pay for a lot of the things I don’t if there was a legal way for me to do so. Not available kn your region, my donkey. (And yes I do find other ways to support the creators such as eventual DVD purchases, merchandise, etc) a great example is Nordic HBO – everything came available late and the stream performed like it was 1999.
Back whe n I had no money, I didn’t pay for content of I could avoid it. Now that I can I happily subscribe to a few services and more importantly – support grassroots creators. I have multiple patron subscriptions and I regularly give money on kick starter and other crowd funding platforms and purchase media content from independent artists.
… need, I admittedly have no sunscriptons for since I try to keep up with so much, I generally just avail to the free articles. I should change that but picking where to commit is hard.
K-12
You aren’t a sucker — as a journalist, I thank you for supporting good work. It does matter, and it REALLY matters to those of us who do a job that a lot of people don’t seem to value.
anonymous
Another interview question. I have a story about resolving conflict in the workplace and I’m not sure if I should use it. The overview is that there’s a young guy new to my team who’s new and has been saying a bunch of not appropriate things in the workplace about people that don’t look like him. It was causing a rift among our team, although he didn’t really have any idea that he was having this effect on people. After consulting my boss about how to proceed, I ended up having a conversation with this guy about the behavior. I approached it as sort of a teachable moment and we talked about why he couldn’t say those things since he was just that oblivious (had always lived in very small towns down south where everyone looked like him and thought like him), but made it clear that there would be disciplinary action if this sort of thing continued. Overall the conversation went well. The behavior stopped, and he actually has gone out of his way to solicit guidance from me on how to show respect to to his coworkers and generally behave professionally, asking me to point out things to him for future reference.
I’m pretty young, so I only have so many great leadership/managing people stories to tell, but I can’t tell if this is playing with fire or not. My gut feeling is that it is, although how I handled it is also something that I’m personally proud of.
mascot
If you are applying for an HR position, then I think it’s probably a good display of those skills. Otherwise, probably not. I think this question is looking for an answer about how resolved conflicting priorities on project goals, worked with keeping people focused on the task, dealt with varying timelines, helped a client choose the best course of action even if they initially disagreed with the advice, etc.
anonymous
Ok guys. What are your most vain habits or indulgences? I’m religious about sunscreen and workout out because looking young when I’m older is more important to me than I’ll admit.
anonymous
Oops, meant to post below.
ArenKay
I think this could be a good story to tell if you’re careful about it. If you keep it slightly general (the employee was making inappropriate comments at work), and focus on how you responded (first talking w/a manager), you can emphasize the value of handling conflicts immediately, thoughtfully, and via dialogue (i.e. not escalating conflicts). Particularly given the long-term results here (he’s taken advice to heart and is seeking it out now), you have good reason to be proud.
Curious
If I were assessing on that, I’d love to hear that story. I might also ask follow-ups on another time that was more project-related, but I’d learn from hearing that story that I could trust you to tell inconvenient truths in a productive way. We value that at my office!
Crafty Q
I am putting together a memory book/scrapbook for my parents’ anniversary. Their friends are sending me brief thoughts and anecdotes via email. I find myself stuck on how to create the actual book, though – I’d like something substantial and grown up looking — not cutesy. Maybe the emails printed in a nice typeface on heavy paper with some kind of pretty binding.
I have looked around Etsy and am not seeing anything that fits. Nice binding seems to rule out Kinkos or a neighborhood print shop. Any thoughts or recommendations? TIA!
Anon
Artifact Uprising. Just convert the emails into whatever format they’re accepting and turn it into a book. Their products are lovely.
Anon
I used Blurb to make a book and it turned out lovely. The formatting lets you as much text as you want or images.
Sydney Bristow
I used Blurb to make something exactly like this for my stepmom’s milestone birthday. It was perfect and easy to use. Came out great.
Anonymous
+1 to Blurb.
Delta Dawn
Every time I finish a jury trial, I have my notes bound into a volume that I keep in my office. I have been using Grimm Book Bindery (you can find them on the google). You send them the pages the way you want them (so you’ll decide if you want to have the emails printed at Kinkos or somewhere on a nice heavy paper in the typeface you like), and then they take what you send and bind it into a beautiful book.
Senior Attorney
Wow, what a great idea!!
Crafty Q
Thanks, everyone!
full of ideas
Shutterfly
Cb
What do you wear for a top when your skirt is midi length and full? I impulse-bought a Merino wool pleated midi skirt and realised I have no idea how to wear this thing. I work in academia so anything goes but really don’t have a clue how to pair it. For reference, it’s the Uniqlo pleated Merino skirt in charcoal.
Cat
3/4 sleeves, slim sweaters — the JCrew Tippi, Talbots Audrey would both be good picks. Or a slim turtleneck if those flatter you.
Anonymous
I’d wear something form fitting that I can tuck in.
Anon
Fitted crisp button-down, tucked in, with a statement necklace. I am small of bust so I don’t know if this changes the equation if you aren’t. I also tie back my hair.
Meow
short sleeve sweater!
ChiLaw
Yup, I’d go for elbow sleeve sweater, either short so it hits almost right where the waist of the dress is, or tucked in.
Anonymous
Heels
DPT
Depression / parental divorce advice needed. My mother has finally left my father after decades of emotional abuse presumably caused by his severe depression. This has included accusations of infidelity, not loving him enough, etc. (all of which are very false), and questioning her if she even talks to another man. He is working with a psychiatrist on changing his medications (which he has done numerous times over decades) and they have seen a marriage counselor. He has always been good to me. How do I support him through his depression and this very difficult time without condoning his treatment of my mother?
Any advice or book recommendations would be appreciated.
AIMS
This may be too simplistic, but I think you have to make a conscious decision to separate him as a husband vs. him as a father. You can support your father without condoning his behavior as a husband. This may mean not discussing the divorce with him or you may find some other way to keep the two separate. It’s obviously much closer to home for you, but it’s a universal problem – many politicians, artists, etc., that we admire have created both a lot of good and value in this world and have also been terrible to certain people in their lives. Or to use another example, think about the families who support their loved ones after they committed terrible crimes. For some, that’s irreconcilable, but I think it is entirely possible to appreciate someone on one level without accepting their behavior as appropriate on another. The fact that you father was a terrible husband doesn’t preclude the fact that he may have been a good father.
DPT
Wow, AIMS, this is incredibly helpful. Thank you!
AIMS
Glad to be of help! It’s not easy but I think you’re doing the right thing trying to be there for both of your parents.
ELaw
I had a similar experience with the genders reversed — my mother was the depressed and emotionally abusive one and my father finally left her.
I agree with AIMS, basically.
I will add that for awhile my mother wanted to talk to me about her thoughts and feelings about the divorce, and initially I felt compelled to listen. She would also constantly ask me questions about my dad. It was extremely upsetting for both of us. If your father tries this, do not let him! I eventually told my mother the whole topic of my dad was verboten. She didn’t take it well at first, but eventually accepted. Sort of. I think it would have been better and easier for both of us if I had established at the outset that I loved and supported her but just did not want to talk about the divorce.
Anonymous
+ a million here.
Be firm.
signed,
Scarred for life by my father’s “revelations” about my mother, the year after she died.
ELaw
Yeah, I can’t unknow some of the things she told me. And I really, really want to.
Geography help please
Hi! I am looking at some training materials… and there is a world map, the acronym CECIS appears to the east of the former Soviet Union. Can anyone tell me what CECIS stands for? I guess the CIS part is “Commonwealth of Independent States”
I did google but didn’t get any meaningful results. TIA!
2 Cents
Googled CECIS and USSR and it looks like that acronym was used in Italy for USSR relations: Google book search “Western Intelligence and the Collapse of the Soviet Union: 1980-1990”
2 Cents
There’s also an information system associated with the European Union with the CECIS acronym.
2 Cents
This is the most likely: Cesis is a town in Latvia.
Geography help please
Thank you!
Purrs
Curiously- I read a discussion yesterday online and I want to ask this group. Do you eat healthy and/or workout because of the health benefits (mental/physical) or because of how it makes you look? Are you slim or not? Do slim people just prefer vegetables and activity?
I’m not going to lie, if I could be skinny without effort, I’d do nothing and eat ice cream all day.
anonymous
I’m slim and very fit, and this is something I wonder about a lot. I genuinely love healthy food and hard workouts, mostly for how they make me feel. But I’ll admit that I am partially motivated by the prospect of getting a better body, although for me being hot is a lot more about shape and muscle definition than it is being skinny.
Nati
For me, the answer is both. The desire to look good and feel good are both motivators. I am slim and always have been. I grew up eating a lot of vegetables so it’s just a habit for me to cook similar meals to those my mom used to make. I also feel better when I eat healthfully, though, and notice my skin behaves itself. So again, both motivations at play for eating too.
Nati
Want to add: I’m one of those people who stays skinny without much effort, but I feel terrible if I don’t exercise and eat properly. I think most people do regardless of their size.
Spirograph
+1. I am cranky when I eat “badly” and don’t exercise. I’ve had healthy habits since I was young, and I just feel better in every way when I treat my body well. But I’m also pretty vain, so staying slim is a nice perk.
Nati
Yup. When I don’t eat healthfully and don’t exercise I’m a hangry, depressed, pimply mess. I wish that was an exaggeration but it’s not.
CountC
Same for me. Both. I like feeling good AND looking good.
BabyAssociate
+1 for the impact of what you ate growing up. My parents never kept any processed foods in the house, no soda, little meat, almost everything was made from scratch. Because that’s how I grew up, that’s how I’m still in the habit of eating.
I did put on about 30 pounds during law school after weighing less than average my whole life, but I lost it all relatively easily once I decided I wanted it gone. The key for me was eating less (not better, I already know how to do that), and of course exercising more, I really like daily pilates and walks. Like others have said, I like both feeling and looking good…and not listening to my family tell me I’m “overweight.”
full of ideas
I was the opposite. Grew up in a house with no soda, very few processed foods. Once I left for college, and there was a soda fountain in the dining hall… It was like I was making up for all those lost years!!
Anonymous
It depends in my experience. I’ve been slim, and now I’m overweight. I had to work to be slim. If I eat too much, I gain weight.
I’m close with people who have terrible diets and are slim. My husband eats anything and everything and never gains weight. If he works out, he gets muscle definition. His mom, my mother in law, is also quite slender even though she’s in her 50s and had 4 kids . However, she has pre-diabetes due to a bad diet. Same with a former boss, who was a size 4 but drank Coke all day long. She was shocked she was diagnosed with pre-diabetes. I think some of it is genetics.
Cat
Average here (5’4, size 8 pants in most mall stores). I used to be slim (typically a 2 or 4) in my early 20’s but a decade of Biglaw and stress eating caught up with me. I’m now trying to lose 30 pounds and I’ll admit appearance is the main driver — I’m tired of seeing a picture of myself and being unhappy. But man is it irritating to be constantly mindful of choosing a “healthy” option (veggies are tasty — I’m not a hater — but they will always pale in comparison to the deliciousness that is bread and cheese).
mascot
In my teens and 20s, I did all of this for looks.
In my 30s, to keep my sanity (exercise), to keep my body running smoothly (eat healthier) and to set a healthy example for my child (both).
I’ve never been skinny or even slim. When I was at my smallest size, I had some pretty disordered eating and exercise habits. Those weren’t worth it. Once I realized I am more than a number on a scale/tag, I got much more self-confident and comfortable in my own skin.
Anonymous
Ime, this has a lot to do with how full you like to feel. I’m fat and I like to eat until I’m full. That feeling you have after Thanksgiving dinner? I’d love to have that feeling everyday. It’s a real struggle for me to eat until I’m not hungry anymore because I don’t equate no longer hungry with satisfied.
I think people who are skinny or don’t struggle to maintain their weight are the opposite. One woman told me she likes that feeling that you could have just a little more. Idk if that’s common, it’s frankly flabbergasting to me that anyone could LIKE that feeling, but maybe it’s a thing. At the very least, it seems pretty common sensical that skinny people hate feeling stuffed just like I hate feeling like I need just a little more.
Jane
This is such an interesting response to me. I am exactly theopposite (I hate hate hate feeling full; it feels uncomfortable to me), and it has never occurred to me that some people like feeling this way. In fact I have been traveling for a few days and the dinners have been heavy foods eaten late in the evening. So I’m full when I’m trying to go to bed and I just feel miserable (I must remember to eat less tonight!). I cannot sleep. I prefer to be almost hungry, but not quite. Your comment is helping me appreciate another perspective: some of my dinner companions may think this is perfect. Thank you for posting. I like when people present thoughts I’ve not considered and help me see different perspectives and how I’ve grafted my own ideas on to others, which is something I fight against but it’d hard to fight when you don’t know you’re doing it.
Anonymous
My husband is like that – he doesn’t want to be hungry, but he likes to hit that perfect point where he’s no longer hungry and also not overly full.
I struggle with this as well. When I was working out with a personal trainer he told me that I should be aiming to go to bed slightly hungry and I was like, WHAT WHO CAN ACTUALLY SLEEP LIKE THAT?
Canadienne
I have never thought about that. I hate being stuffed. It’s so uncomfortable to have my clothes tight and be lethargic. I like being able to do stuff after I eat.
Anon
Thin person here – yes, I do hate feeling full. It’s so unpleasant to me. And since I mostly eat really healthy foods, my body is pretty unhappy when I eat something really greasy/fatty. It literally feels like there’s a rock or something sitting in my stomach.
I definitely feel lucky in that I prefer healthy foods. Don’t get me wrong, I do love croissants/bagels/chocolate/gelato/really good cheese. But on a daily basis, I definitely would rather eat fruits, veggies, whole grain bread, nuts, Greek yogurt, lean meats and fish, etc. This wasn’t always the case for me; I had to retrain my palate and stop eating processed foods. Once I realized what real food tasted like (as opposed to food that gets all of its flavor from added fat/sugar/salt), it wasn’t too hard for me to prefer it.
anon @ 9:46
Your second paragraph is kind of the opposite of what I was talking about. A lot of thin people think that fat people like unhealthy foods and thin people like healthy foods. That’s just not always the case, as a lot of people have pointed out here.
I don’t eat fried foods, I hate sweets, you won’t find any junk food in my house, and I haven’t had a soda (incl. diet) in over 10 years. I’m significantly overweight because I eat too much of the healthy stuff. Carrot sticks and hummus or homemade guac, barley salad with kidney beans and kale, baked chicken with a sauteed spinach stuffed sweet potato – these are my typical meals, and they might be “good for you” but you’re still going to be fat like me if your portions are too big and you eat until you’re stuffed.
JayJay
This is me exactly. I cook 6 dinners per week, I bring my lunch most days, I buy fresh produce, eat lean meats, don’t eat fried foods/processed foods, and work out 5-6 days per week. I’m overweight because I love food, and even when you mostly eat healthy food, portion control is still key.
Meredith Grey
+10000. I find it difficult to turn down a well-timed & well-made baked good, but if you catch me in a moment were I’m not fantasizing about how awesome my life would be if I could just shut my trap and stop eating so much, I’d tell you I prefer how I feel when I “eat clean.” But I’m “fat” (aka “overweight” according to the BMI chart + internal cringe I feel when I look at pics of myself 30 lb’s heavier that I was at my lowest) because how much clean food I’m eating and definitely because feeling full feels good to me. Not the uncomfortable part of it- I HATE feeling my pants (underwear too) pulling in all the wrong ways and my stomach hurting. But I get a contentment and sense of stillness and calm that comes when I eat till full. This for me is a mental health issue I’m working on because I know I’m seeking comfort from that full feeling when I’d guess you skinnies out there know better and sit in a bubble bath while feeling “just a little bit” hungry… amirite?? I would do anything to be able to do that!
Anonymous
I think you need to think about how you’ll feel not the second you stop eating but an hour after– I COULD eat an entire pizza, literally and easily, and feel fine after, but I won’t feel like getting dressed up to go dance with my friend, or play the sports I love, or LGP…and I don’t want to be the kind of person who rates food above other aspects of my life.
Your comment just kind of reminded me of something my dad said once that my mom and I cracked up at– he truly believed thinner people just got full faster/ that my mom and I stopped eating because we were full, not because we didn’t want to gain weight/feel stuffed, and that he was just made differently that he could eat and eat without getting full.
anon @ 9:46
This is good advice, thanks. Obviously something I struggle with. I think your second paragraph is pretty on point. I can mindlessly eat my air popped popcorn until my jaw hurts and not feel “full” as I understand full. It’s so hard to re-train your body and mind to know when you’ve had enough.
Anon
I also find this so interesting! For me, being no longer hungry IS being full. Post thanksgiving dinner isn’t full, it’s overly full, overstuffed and I hate that feeling. It’s like I’ve got an anvil in my stomach. It’s like the food equivalent of binge drinking – fun in the moment but then I feel awful and regret overdoing it.
I also hate being hungry. I guess I’m a food goldilocks.
nutella
Absolutely. When I eat too much, I moan and groan when I eat too much and I just feel slow and heavy like I have concrete in me. I also find after holidays I need to eat more to feel full because I’ve trained my stomach to need more. When I gain weight or lose weight it is because my stomach is growing and thus needing more to feel full or shrinking and thus needing less to feel full– by that I mean more satiated then stuffed. I think if you keep eating until you are stuffed your stomach will grow and you will need more to feel full. The first few days after the holidays as I try to eat what used to be a normal amount are the days I am always the crankiest and hungriest.
emeralds
Just ’cause I haven’t seen this perspective represented, I’m a thin person and I love the post-Thanksgiving-style stupor. Food is a big deal in my family, and cooking giant meals is the primary love language of every single woman in the fam. I’m not often able to indulge in the food-comas due to having to actually accomplish things in my daily life, but “lik[ing] that feeling that [I] could have just a little more,” haha, no chance. I call that “being hungry.”
jwalk
Slim here and super not fit. I like fruits/vegetables but definitely don’t prefer them – I ate tater tots for a snack last night, for example, even though I had a perfectly good apple available. I force myself to go to the gym occasionally, but motivation i’s maybe 50% health benefits, 50% looks.
Cb
I walk my 10,000 steps, go to yoga and bike/hike regularly, get my 7 a day, eat mostly veg diet, and have a sweet tooth which I indulge regularly (but only if it is delicious – no cheap treats for me). This allows me to keep my lupus at manageable levels (very little pharmaceutical intervention), my mental health stable, and my body strong.
Sure, I’d love to be skinnier but this would require less cake / more stress and it’s not a compromise that’s worth making for me when I’m healthy / happy where I am. It’s taken me a long time to get to this point though.
Anonymous
Both. But having eaten ice cream all day, you get tired of it. You can do it when you’re 18, but a couple decades later it doesn’t sit so well in your stomach. I can lay around in bed all day, but then I feel stiff and creaky and I enjoy working out. I do think food without vegetables or some healthy component isn’t “real food,” though. If you want to satisfy hunger, you need to eat real food. The rest is for fun, not nourishment. If I go too long without eating a vegetable, I feel strange, like I’m just binging on candy.
CPA Lady
I’m “naturally” slim, and my diet isn’t great (it’s okay, but not amazing) and I rarely work out. But for me, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve made some changes to my diet based on how I feel. I stopped drinking cokes and started drinking water instead when the caffeine in cokes gave me migraines, for instance. It’s all about how I feel, and very little about how I look. Also, I don’t really like most sweets. I can eat about four mouthfuls of ice cream and I’m just done. It’s just too sweet and makes me feel sick. Rich food like cheesecake, while good for the first couple of mouthfuls then just make me feel like gagging if I keep eating it. So for me, I have this sort of built in portion limit based on how foods make me feel. I would rather eat hummus than ice cream because hummus doesn’t make me feel icky.
Anonymous
If you feel bloated and icky after eating something like ice cream or cheesecake then you might have some degree of dairy intolerance.
Godzilla
I’m naturally round-ish and the food I eat is mostly about how it feels in my belly. I’ve given up a lot of the foods my mouth loves because my belly doesn’t like them. Sad rawr.
Anonymous
I’m pretty slim, but it’s almost all due to a good metabolism. I never work out in a gym, but I am relatively active and try to take the stairs when possible and I also do stuff like mowing the lawn that burns calories. I enjoy hiking but rarely do it except on vacation. I don’t think I eat great, but also not terribly. I eat a lot of sweets and junk food, including dessert every day, but I also eat vegetables most nights with dinner and I eat a lot of lean meats like salmon and chicken. I don’t eat much fruit. I do tend to eat mostly home-cooked food, which I think helps a lot, if nothing else because the portion sizes are a lot smaller than what I’d get at a restaurant or take-out.
I do want to get into better eating and exercising habits, especially before pregnancy, but it’s 100% for health reasons. I’m fine with how I look (which is probably due to my mom’s attitude and lack of fixation on looks more than anything else).
Anonymous
Oh and I also don’t drink soda (never have, don’t like the taste) and don’t really drink alcohol. I prefer to eat my calories.
Anonymous
I am content with what I get with genes / habits. Trim, but not skinny.
I like salty / savory foods over sweet and I love vinegar. I eat a lot of bean/cheese burritos. I move a lot, but don’t have time to exercise formally except for once a week. I’m not sporty.
I eat the vegables that I like, but often with butter or vinegar. I have no idea what kale tastes like. I do like a good gumbo and love guacamole.
I’d like to be a bit vainer as I age, but haven’t made the time for it.
H
Your first paragraph exactly describes me. Sometimes I feel a little guilty I don’t work harder, but as long as I feel good and my clothes fit, I’m ok with it.
Anon for this
So my favorite foods are bread and cheese. I’ve always had to watch what I eat somewhat to not be too heavy, but I’ve also never been that disciplined so as to really diet and exercise religiously. I’d say my “normal” has always been about 10-15 lbs. heavier than “ideal.” After having a baby my metabolism seems to have really increased, maybe in part due to nursing, and right now I can seemingly eat pretty much anything and not gain weight. I’m sure it will stop but I definitely have been indulging in croissants and ice cream and other things I love. BUT – I’ve noticed that I don’t feel good eating only that stuff so I’ve been eating – and craving – a lot of salads, greens, berries, etc. So I think as much as I’ve always thought I’d eat nothing but baguettes and brie if I could, I really do seem to need my veggies and quinoa and all that good stuff.
CHJ
I run because it helps with stress and anxiety. I can physically feel my anxiety building if I haven’t run in a week or more. Not that I’m stressed about not running, but rather that email I got from a client will make me more upset than it should or I will have trouble sleeping because I’m ruminating too much.
For eating, I’m sadly getting to the age where I have loved ones being diagnosed with cancer and heart disease, and that has really kicked me into gear to eat healthy. For me, that means a wide variety of fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, and avoiding fried foods, high sodium foods, and heavily processed foods as much as possible.
Amy H.
+1 to all of this! Esp. the rumination. Walking a lot won’t take care of it; only running does . . . .
KT
I’m a pudger, but am a formerly very fit/slender person (I was a competitive athlete at the highest levels until my mid-twenties).
To be as slim as I was and make weight classes, I ate nothing but vegetables and diet coke and worked out for hours every day. It wasn’t good.
Now I’m fat, and I probably eat more junk than I should, but I make sure I eat a good amount of vegetables and work out daily, solely because I feel like crap if I don’t.
I feel a major dropoff in energy if I miss my morning green smoothie!
H
What do you put in your green smoothie?
KT
Anything and everything!
Kale, spinach, cucumbers, carrots, broccoli and cauliflower are my usual go-tos, with sugar free apple juice and some strawberries. Usually I just toss in whatever vegetables I have on hand.
Laura B
Not KT, but my favorite green smoothie right now is spinach + cucumbers + banana + coconut water + vanilla yogurt.
Green smoothie game changers for me:
1 – I blend up the spinach and coconut water first so that there isn’t any little parts of the spinach.
2 – banana totally masks the spinach taste.
3 – a bag of spinach is totally freezer friendly. Literally just throw the bag in the freezer. (cured my fear of constantly using half a bag of spinach.)
Anonymous
5’8″ and a size 6. It’s probably 70% about how I feel and 30% how I look. I’ve always been thin but started gaining weight in my 20s so that was the initial motivator. Mostly, I have to work out and eat healthy to keep migraines at bay. And once you start living a healthy lifestyle you feel like crap if you eat bad food for a few days and/or don’t work out. I at least need a walk a day to feel sane. I’m lucky that I’ve always been more of a grazer and had a small stomach. I cannot eat a lot at one time and I feel sick when I’m really full. I’m also really committed to not being old and frail and losing mobility as I get older, so that’s a huge motivator (even if it’s 40 years down the line).
Anonymous
I have no trouble getting in my fruits+veggies, the rest of my diet is not super healthy, but I feel comfortable with it.
I make myself go running once a week and do relatively inconsistent home workouts. I’d say it is 20% about looks, 30% about my health, both physically and mentally. My best motivation that gets me running with consistency is that it does wonders for keeping my partners allergies in check.
ELaw
“I’m also really committed to not being old and frail and losing mobility as I get older”
+1000 to this.
I had a wake-up call moment in my mid-twenties when I went on a fairly strenuous multi-day trek with some friends and found that I was just completely unable to keep up with everyone else. I felt like I ate reasonably well and I worked out sort of occasionally, the same way I had since I was a teenager. It was a complete surprise to me that I couldn’t keep up.
After the trip I really committed to working out. At first it was a chore, but I’ve found workouts I genuinely love, and over time it’s changed from a chore to something I’m cranky if I don’t get enough of. I’m now in much, much better shape than I was at 25 (early 30’s), or even 18. I’m not really that much thinner or lighter, though I am both. I do like being thinner, but mostly, I like that if someone randomly suggested that we go for a multi-day hiking trip now I know I’d be in the front.
long time lurker
I am decidedly average in build – I wouldn’t call myself “slim” but I am within normal BMI. I genuinely prefer eating healthy food. Lean protein and lots of vegetables seem to agree with me better than red meat, sweets, and lots of starch. I have more energy and sleep better. My weakness is wine but I try to limit that to the weekends.
On the total other side of the coin – I truly hate exercise in the traditional sense. When I read people say they “love hard workouts” I just can’t comprehend. I don’t mind walking so I do a fair amount of that in my daily life (live in big city and walk everywhere). I like to go on long hikes on vacation and I do make myself go on a long bike ride most weekends during good weather but that’s more about being outside vs. how i feel during or after the activity.. I hate the gym and exercise is a major struggle for me when I can’t be outside… I will occasionally go to the gym and lift some weights and jog a bit on the treadmill to get my heart rate up. I do it because my blood pressure is borderline and exercise is necessary, but not because I like it.
Because of my aforementioned hatred of hard physical activity I try to be pretty conscious of what I eat so I don’t gain weight.
Diana Barry
I am fairly slim (5’8″ and size 6) and it is definitely vanity – I watch what I eat (unfortunately I don’t work out enough) so that I can stay this size.
anon
I’ve been skinny/thin all my life largely due to a fast metabolism. Until I was about 25 or so I could and did eat anything and everything- mainstays of my diet included wholesome items like Dr. Pepper, vast quantities of cheese, cheese-its, ice cream, smoked/cured meats, steak, et al. My parents largely enforced healthy eating habits (dinner with vegetables, minimal fast food, soda was not to be used as water). I also ate often, but usually not that much. I had minimal if any “extra” fat on my body. Note-I didn’t drink alcohol regularly until about 22 or so, so that saved some calories. During this time my activity ranged from very active (high school sports) to moderate (walking long ways on campus) to almost none- but that didn’t change the way I looked. I generally realized I was super lucky that I could do whatever and not struggle with my weight. After starting my real job post-graduate school and reaching my mid 20s, I started to gain some weight. Honestly, I was devastated- I no longer had my magical power and would have to learn how to make hard choices and exercise self discipline if I wanted to keep my weight the same. I also realized that I’d always felt good about my body simply because it was “good,” and not because I’d done any of the hard emotional work needed to accept and love my own body for its own sake. Having your self worth hinge entirely on whether you have no extra body fat–that’s a pretty precarious position to be in and ripe for an eating disorder/general depression. So, I started to adopt better eating habits because I felt like I had to, and prioritized being thin (I’m also single and labor under the delusion that my “thinness” is one of my main selling points (yea I’m in therapy)).
Now that I’ve kicked some of my bad habits and gotten older, I eat healthy and avoid lots of bad food because it *feels* dramatically better, in addition to helping avoid the dreaded Wheat Bloat, et al. I can work better, sleep better, not feel random pains caused by eating only fried food for 3 days. However, motivating myself to exercise is really hard and I do the bare minimum, even though I feel good physically after. But I generally live an active life outside of my desk job- hiking, horses, walkable city, some cycling. That’s one area I really want to improve for my health- I feel like I’m risking a huge asset (health) because I can’t resist the gravitational pull of my sofa. Lame.
Anon for this
I’m fat. As in, morbidly obese, at risk of showing up on people of Walmart fot daring to exist fat. I consider neither health nor fitting into mainstream beauty norms to be moral or social obligations and actively work towards ending weight and health stigma. Society currently conflates weight, health and attractiveness and turns it into a billion dollar industry preying on self hatred.
That being said – I know tons of day folks who do everything “right” and still stay fat. Just look at a lot of our Olympic athletes. And no one bats an eye when someone stays thin despite “bad” habits.
I’ve bought out of the system. My food and activity are directly about what makes me feel good in my body, not about what I should do to (unsuccessfully) change my body to fit someone else’s ideas.
Anonymous
I’m not skinny either and I’m very pro-HAES, but I’m a little confused by this: “I consider neither health nor fitting into mainstream beauty norms to be moral or social obligations”
Health isn’t a moral obligation to you, personally? If you had diabetes or heart problems because of your weight, you wouldn’t feel obligated to get treatment or feel better? I’m not trolling, I’m honestly confused.
Anon for this
A moral obligation, in the sense that health is not a component of good character. Being unhealthy or doing unhealthy things, are not moral failings and do not make someone a bad person.
Anonny
I will poke the bear here a bit. As a utilitarian and Bentham believer I kind of thinking being healthy is moral. Because your unhealthy decisions become a burden on others and society so your choice of pizza or a salad is one of thousands of decisions that make up the greatest good
Calibrachoa
Okay by the same logic we are also obligated to stay out of the suns because of potential skin cancer, to not to play sports with a risk of injury, or not take high level jobs that cause stress… etc, etc
Anonny
I dont think people should have risky hobbies (like base jumping) and should wear sunscreen. As for the risky jobs part the greater good is important like firefighting for example tends to come with tramendous health consequences but it also saves lives and infrastructure and wildlife.
Anononope
Hurrah! I was waiting for a comment like this. I’m fat. Sometimes I hesitate to say that because I don’t want someone else my size to feel bad or judged or whatever? But yeah, I’m a size 16 pretty regularly, and doctors say “do you exercise?” The answer is actually, yes. I am dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety, and sweating my butt off for 30-60 minutes makes a huge difference (even though I hate it). At home we eat real food about 85% of the time, meaning veggies and grains and fish such, things that start out as recognizable things in nature. No premade frozen stuff, no microwaves. Not because we are snobs, just out of habit I guess? At the risk of outing myself, my husband’s work was in the natural/organic food world, so it’s just how we roll. And I’m fat.
I was thin for a while, in my early 20s. I did it by eating one muffin every other day. When I felt like I would faint, I drank lemonade or coffee. Some nights I had frozen yogurt. And you know what’s funny? I was only a size 8! That’s not even “skinny” by a lot of estimations. It was so much work, so much focus, being skinny. Sometimes I wish I could buy anything and not worry about whether it would zip up and close, but mostly… eff it. I am pretty happy now. If I am going to put that much effort into something, it’s not going to be the shape of my body.
Anon
I’m so sorry reading your second paragraph! Nobody should have to eat nothing but a muffin every other day and lemonade when they feel like fainting! If I could lend you my body for a few days, I would.
I grew up solidly middle class in an Asian country and we were lucky to have food on the table and vegetables every day. Less access to sugary or fatty stuff and as a result I dont crave that as much. I mostly eat what I like. My cravings tend to be for hot spicy foods.
Nati
I’m not trying to paychoanalyze, but I’m genuinely curious – if you are trying to actively work against weight stigma why did you not use your regular handle for this post? I suppose because the stigma still exists. But I found that interesting.
Calibrachoa
Whooops, I did not actually realize I hadn’t changed it back on my phone. Well this is me under my regular name
Nati
Was not trying to pick on you! Just found it interesting. Cheers :-)
Sarabeth
I’ve been exactly the same weight for the past 20 years (except for two pregnancies, but I returned to that weight after about 3 months each time). I’m reasonably slim, though not strikingly so. What’s interesting is that I have gone through periods of intense exercise (running 25 miles/week, or doing Ashtanga yoga every day) as well as periods of total sloth (see: finishing my master’s thesis). It doesn’t change my weight at all, although obviously I look more toned when I’m exercising. So, chalk one up to genetics. I assume that at some point my metabolism will slow down and I’ll gain weight, but so far my weight is pretty impervious to my own choices, although I’ve never been on a diet or otherwise actively tried to lose/gain weight.
I do try to exercise as often as I can, although with two small kids, that’s more like three short runs a week these days. I exercise purely for the mental health benefits.
Anon
I had a very hard time losing weight after my third baby. I was tired and not eating well or exercising much. I made a big effort to change how we ate and to work out consistently. I felt so much better and lost about 40 pounds. For the past 6 months or so, I have gained back about 15 of those pounds and have not been exercising or eating well. I know I need to get back on track but it is hard. I am not naturally thin and really have to be strict with portion control (which for me includes feeling hungry when I go to bed. When I am, that is when the scale moves.) We have been managing a health issue with my mother and it has taken all of my energy and has been stressful so I have been drinking more wine than usual as well. I know working out and eating better will help so I am going to try.
Laura B
I have good genes and am skinny without trying (thanks grandma!). I do yoga and hike because I like the way it makes me feel. As I’ve gotten some muscle tone in my arms, I am slightly motivated to keep it so I’ll add in more planks than I did before. But 90% of it is because I like the way that it makes me feel. I hate pretty much all cardio activities with a passion (running or spinning have me dying), so I’m really thankful that I don’t need that to maintain my body.
I do eat fairly healthy, although I’m not diligent about it. The biggest “healthy habit” thing I do naturally is portion control – I literally cannot eat more than 1/3 of a olive garden pasta dish, for example. I will feel ill if I eat more than that at a time, so I just don’t. I think I’m generally pretty good at listening to my body and giving it what it needs, and thanks to my genes that equates to staying slimmer. After watching DH struggle with his weight and food cravings, I really recognize that I lucked out.
(lest anyone get jealous, my face is covered in acne cysts – so you win some, you lose some)
Snick
This is an interesting thread. I’m fairly slim (5’5″, 130), exercise, and eat healthy food for the most part. I have more of a “food is fuel” mindset. I often forget to eat or put off eating during the day, and will eat just enough to get through the afternoon without a headache/nausea from low blood sugar. I’m also not a snacker and don’t like feeling “full.” I’m in my early fifties. I’ve always been somewhat like this but definitely more so as I have gotten older.
AnonPara
Your comment brings up something I wonder if others struggle with. There is the opinion that as we age, cutting caloric intake is more important than exercise when trying to lose weight. I suffer from migraines, and one of my biggest triggers is not eating. This often means I have to force myself to eat when I am not hungry in order to avoid a migraine. If I don’t eat enough, I may get one. Having healthy snacks throughout the day doesn’t work – I have to have a meal to avoid triggering. Strenuous exercise can also be a trigger. I feel stuck. It seems I have to moderate exercise more often and eat just enough (even when not hungry). The balance is elusive.
Sasha
Both. I’m short and i prefer my looks when I’m on the slimmer side. However, diabetes runs in my family and I want healthy habits in place now that I’m in my twenties. Plus, I generally have a sensitive stomach so eating more fruits and vegetables helps control any issues on that front.
pugsnbourbon
I have a surprise day off work!
Because we have to have our AC and furnace replaced :(
I am grateful to have a house. I am grateful that we had enough in our emergency savings to cover the cost. But D*MN, that is a lot of money. Oof.
JayJay
Last year, our hot water tanks (in the attic…ugh) broke and flooded one of our bathrooms. The same day our air conditioners finally died and needed to be replaced. We live in Texas, so having A/C that works is non-negotiable. Owning a house is such a joy.
Anonymous
That stinks.
I think we spend about as much on home maintenance as we do on our mortgage. I hate home ownership.
Senior Attorney
Oh, yes. We had that last week. It was not the best surprise on top of paying for a ginormous wedding!
Congratulations on having the money on hand to cover it. That’s what the emergency fund is for!
JEB
Paging the Dagne Dover info-seeker from yesterday (I just realized I answered yesterday’s thread way too late):
I’m not happy with mine. It doesn’t look as nice as I’d hoped in person (I have the oxblood color). I definitely wouldn’t call it polished. I got the 13 inch specifically because the straps are supposed to fold down, but they only fold down 1/3 of the way, meaning they stick straight out. And it’s a really heavy bag!
Kk
thank you – thats super helpful!
all about eevee
I have the linen color in the 13 inch and actually love mine.
anonymous
Ok guys. What are your most vain habits or indulgences? I’m religious about sunscreen and workout out because looking young when I’m older is more important to me than I’ll admit.
Anonymous
I’m a makeup and skincare snob. I’m extremely picky about where I get my hair done. I get a pedicure every three weeks. I only carry designer bags. My favourite indulgence is a blowout – if I’m going to a bachelorette party or another event, I’ll get a blowout.
I also refuse to age (refuse!!!!) so I’m religious about sunscreen too.
Anon for This
+1 I don’t want to admit it but I’m basically all of the above (except I let the pedicures go sometimes).
Anonymous
Is this a humblebrag? Sunscreen and working out are not vain habits but healthy ones, even if your motivation is to make future you look younger and not to keep her from getting skin cancer and diabetes.
Godzilla
Eyeliner, always. I don’t care if I’m raking leaves in pajamas, I will be wearing eyeliner.
cbackson
This is me with earrings and mascara.
Senior Attorney
Earrings and mascara for the win!
KT
…this is embarrassing…but my husband has never seen me without makeup. We’ve been married for 3, together for 10 years.
I’m pale and pasty and have no eyelashes/eyebrows and I feel like an alien without my full face on…so I take desperate measures to keep makeup on at all times.
JayJay
Wait – I’m so curious about this? Even when you sleep? Do you turn the lights off before you get in bed?
Anon
I’m not KT, but growing up, my best friend’s aunt would wash off her “day” makeup before bed and then apply her “night” makeup (less overall, no false eyelashes, etc). That way, her husband would never see her without her “face on”, and god forbid the house caught fire in the middle of the night, she could run outside in her bathrobe without worrying that the neighbors and firemen would see her without makeup, too.
Truth.
Anon
My grandma was the same way. One time, the hotel she was staying at literally caught on fire and she waiting to evacuate until she put her bright orange lipstick on.
KT
Ahem, yes, that is pathetically close to what I do.
My “day” makeup includes concealer, foundation, powder, blush, fake brows, fake lashes (alopecia), eyeshadow, eyeliner, lipstick.
My “night” makeup is a light mineral foundation, drawn on eyebrows, brown eyeliner versus black and a tinted lip balm.
I realize this is utterly crazy.
JayJay
I don’t think it’s crazy (my husband and I are rabidly pro keep-the-toilet-door-closed-we-cannot-hear-bodily-noises-while-in-the-bathroom and have been together for 15 years). But practically, I’m impressed you make yourself do that every day. It’s all I can do to use a wipe to get my day makeup off at night most of the time.
Snick
Yeah, I wear makeup at night. It’s actually whatever is left from the makeup I put on in the morning.
CountC
Botox and coloring my hair. I also don’t leave the house without mascara. I have waterproof for when I run.
Gordy
Hair. I go every 5 weeks. I have about 40% gray but I always get the trending whatever color by a guy I pay way too much to see at a very nice salon. He could even just do the roots on some visits and I still get the whole shebang. And I use all Aveda products also.
I was just reviewing my budget and I could cut back (and usually do anyways) on pedis during the fall and winter, use the make up I have (so many unopened samples, etc.) rather than go to sephora, be more mindful of facial and hair products.
But I will NEVER let my hair go. I’d literally rather skip several meals. So dumb.
DC Anon
Skincare. Nice bags. Never leave the house without earrings.
Wendy
My nails (which are long) and getting them done regularly. It helps having a daughter who’s a nail tech.
Anon
Ever have a friend situation where you had a bit of a falling out with a friend and then a few yrs later reached out? How did it go?
Long story — had a friend who was one of my closest friends for 6-7 yrs. We met at work but she left the company after 2 yrs and for the next 4 after that we were real friends, not just ex-coworkers — i.e. meeting up for dinner several times a month; shopping; laughing until we cried etc. Then it happened that my company (her former company) hit a rough patch and it looked like layoffs were going to happen. I was so burnt out at that point of the 100 hr/wk life that I decided that I could afford to restructure my career in a new direction and wait for the right opportunity, not just jump ship to the competitor and work 100 hrs/wk there. My friend OTOH thought (and told me CONSTANTLY) that was a terrible idea, if I didn’t have a job I’d never get one. I decided not to talk to her about it, but she would bring it up EVERY time she saw me and talk about it at length almost gleefully and point out — well you’re not getting interviews etc. It’s like it justified her decision to leave when she did — even though she left bc she wasn’t getting along with her bosses. I then started becoming less available etc. and a much as I would say — let’s not talk about work stuff/I’d rather not do this — the convo NEVER stopped. Last time we saw each other was a few yrs ago at a friend’s baby shower and it was totally awkward bc with me not talking about work, she didn’t have anything to say after all those yrs.
Thing is — I now find myself missing her — given that I didn’t have many friends to start with. But I also feel like — what’s the point of reaching out — I moved several hundred miles away for a new job so do I really want another email pen pal; plus will I ever trust someone who seemed happy that things weren’t going well for me? Would you shoot her a hello email? Or let it go completely?
Anonymous
I would let it go. From what you’ve written here, she sounds like a really unpleasant person. Who is gleeful about their friend’s unpleasant situation at work? It would be one thing if she reached out, apologized and wanted to re-start the friendship but I don’t see why you would contact her.
Nati
Hm, I’m of two minds here. I agree with Anonymous that what you describe sounds like really unpleasant behavior. But job changes can really mess with people. If she felt that was “forced” out against her desires (for example, she loved the company and wanted to stay but felt that she had no option but to leave because she didn’t get along with her bosses), I can see how that may have left her with residual hard feelings that she needed to process and took out on you.
I was let go right before last Christmas as part of a union grievance. I lost a job I really loved. Contract staff had to go and permanent staff got to stay. Now some of my friends who were permanent have also been laid off. Of course I’m not happy about that, but they finally actually understand what I was going through all those months ago. I guess what I’m saying is things between you might be different now that you and she are further removed from the stressful work situation.
Nati
Oh, and to further my thought process – maybe the reason why she was so keen to talk about work was because she was trying to deal with her own feelings? Maybe I’m off base but having been through a stressful work situation I found a lot of my friends and I were initially sucked into the same vortex she was in. It’s all consuming.
Anonymous
I’m glad you reposted this morning. I’ve had something similar with a couple of friends. Ime it’s a mixed bag between being glad and sorry I did. Before you do anything, be very honest with yourself about what you’re hoping to achieve here. Are you hoping to resume your friendship like it once was? Are you looking for closure? An apology? Ime, what’s likely to happen is that you’ll email her, she’ll respond and say nice to hear from you hope you’re well, maybe you’ll exchange a couple of emails about your lives, and that’s about it. She’s probably not going to apologize or in any way recognize that she did anything wrong. How do you feel about that possibility?
nutella
This happened with me. Close friend/roommate through college, we had a falling out towards the end. I reached out a year or so later, mostly wanting closure and felt like that was what I got – initially – but I think she wanted to resume the friendship like before. I would have loved to resume the friendship like before but thought that was unrealistic, as she moved to Europe and I was in law school. She was always on the needier side before, even when we were roommates, but it was hard because she had high expectations about how much I could communicate and travel and from my perspective I felt like she had no sympathy for how much I was struggling just to see family for Christmas, so little time for daily Skype dates or traveling to see her. She asked me to be her bridesmaid in Australia, about two hours from a major city, and I had to decline because it was too hard to make work with my changing jobs. I really agonized about it because I knew she would end the friendship over it, but it was the right choice.
I also knew she was the type of friend and bride to be deeply offended if people couldn’t travel to her wedding, so it sucked, but that was the way it was. She has since moved stateside, but on the other side of the country and far from a major airport. She and others said at the time that I would think differently when I was a bride, and I disagree. People are just wired differently. Now I am a bride and while I would love to see everyone we have invited, I know some people just can’t/won’t make it work and that’s ok. Adults get to choose how to spend their money and time. I wish her the best and will ‘like’ her photos of her new life on occasion because I hope the best for her. If I had her address, I would invite her to our wedding, but I don’t and I feel it would set her off that she would think I didn’t come to her wedding and now she expects me – as I said, I don’t expect it. Sorry, I wish I had a happier ending for you.
Ariadne
You have been given some good advice here… I have experienced a parallel situation. Sorry for the novel, but here goes….
I had a friend from university who I was close with– we would see each other a couple of times a week, go to movies, events, dinner, weekends away etc- I was always available, would drive or hop a bus to meet last minute. He attended my wedding, and I supported him through many rough patches.
He became furious at me one day ( I left him a voicemail that I was going for dinner to our usual place, and not to worry — we could catch up after, or go out again later that week). Well, he left a scathing message that he wished I had given him more notice… How dare I– I called and left a message apologizing…I left four messages…he just would not accept my apology. At this point I had known him for eight years.
Fast forward another eight years of no longer speaking at all. We ran into each other… Got caught up, and went away on a weekend with his partner who he had a commitment ceremony with (before same s..x marriage was legalized I our province). Though we could still talk and had a good time, it just never felt the same. I tried to connect again, but he always would politely put off getting together, and make it seem it was because I wasn’t trying hard enough to get together. Eventually I just left the ball in his court and said text or email me when you feel like meeting. He never did… Though I know we will run into each other again, and reconnect. What I discovered was that while it was meaningful to re start the friendship in terms of clearing the air, it never really took off again. If it feels like you would like to see how this reconnected friendship will evolve, I would try and see what happens– even though it may no longer be the same.
Senior Attorney
This happened to me a few years ago. My very best friend started getting incredibly flaky and canceling dates and finally I decided to back off and leave it up to her to contact me, and she didn’t. For, like, a year or more. I finally called her on her birthday and we got back together, but she was having a lot of drama in her life and I was in the throes of my divorce and there was a very tense conversation about “breaking up by text is worse than being abusive in a marriage for 13 years” and after that we were done for good.
So… be warned that it may well not be a happy ending, but if you feel like reaching out, reach out. I’m not sorry I did even though it ended badly.
First time aunt
My SIL had her baby yesterday. Kneighdean Roweshel (Nadine Rochelle) I don’t know what her and my brother were thinking.
Nati
O.M.G.
Knot Knice to the Kneice!
She will grow up to hate her parents.
I gave my younger a child a name that is not strange, but merely long (Catherine). Now that she has to write it on things at school, she wants to be Cat.
You can’t even shorten Kneighdean (and you definitely will get side eye when you ask for a monogram stating with a K for “Nadine.”
Calibrachoa
Well, with that spelling she COULD go by Dean…
Wendy
LOL!
Anonymous
Dear god.
Anonymous
Bless their hearts. I am hoping for your niece that once they are less sleep-deprived, they come to their senses.
Are they generally this way (like really, really Hooked on Phonics)?
First time aunt
They are normally regular, logical, rational people so this was a complete surprise. They chose the name (and spelling) after they found out the sex of the baby and they are both happy and 100 percent on board with it. It’s so weird and unlike them.
Anonymous
Do they have jobs that you get with a resume? Do they understand how resumes work? Do they expect her to work on a pole? Do they hate her?
They’d better not name the next child something normal like Peter or Christina (at their rate, X-tina seems possible with these two).
First time aunt
*They chose the name months ago but didn’t reveal it to anyone until after they brought her home from the hospital.
Anonymous
I’m surprised they didn’t work in an apostrophe.
Rowe’shel
Anonymous
It would have been more pronounceable if they had. I read it as Rowes-Hel initally
Anon
I just joked on my Diet Coke!
Anonymous
I hope she doesn’t have a horse face.
JayJay
This took me a second, but +1
ITDS
Yeah – “Kneigh” is what the horse says in the story book they’ll read to her. Ugh.
Never too many shoes
Why would someone do that to an innocent little baby? Yikes. Although my mother’s name is Nadine and it is not very common, so I want to like it….
Anonymous
Kneighdean isn’t even pronounced like Nadine is it? I’m imaging Kneighdean as more like the sound a horse makes (NAY-deen) as opposed to Na-DEEN.
Nati
I pronounce Nadine NAY-deen.
Anonymous
I went to school with a girl named Nadine and my sister-in-law and a former boss have that name. All three of them pronounce it Nay-deen.
NYNY
I once worked with two Nadines, one who pronounced it “nah-DEEN” and the other “NAY-deen.” I screwed it up all the time.
pugsnbourbon
If OP hadn’t said it was supposed to sound like “Nadine,” I’ve have pronounced it “NEE-dean.” I took the “Kneigh” to rhyme with “Leigh.”
Anonymous
Perhaps it is because English is not my first language, but I read Kneigh like Nay, or the sound a horse makes. Is it really pronounced differently? My pronunciation could be wrong.
Nati
I would’ve literally had no idea. I have what some consider to be a “hard” last name and it’s not even remotely as intimidating as Kneighdean. Most people won’t even try my last name so I like Kneighdean will have a lot of people who just give up and wait for help.
Anonymous
My name is Nadine. It’s always been pronounced ‘NAY-deen’ and I can’t recall anyone ever pronouncing it differently.
Anon
I think Nadine Rochelle is fine — not my taste but perfectly fine. But to spell it that way?? Probably bc they want their child to be “unique”?? And the thing is with a name like Nadine in 2016 — she is ALREADY unique; I hardly think there will be another kid in kindergarten with that name since it is a bit dated.
Anonymous
Exactly this.
Nadine is not a common name anymore. Kids will not get that it’s a unique spelling thing. They’ll just think it’s a weird name.
I’m all for names with a cultural association even if they are uncommon but ‘made up’ spellings of names drive me crazy.
This one is bad enough that I would say something. Maybe not right away, but I would. That poor child.
Wow
I read it as “NAY-dian,” like Canadian. And I didn’t even try to read the middle name. Is there any possible way someone can talk them out of this? This is not fair to that little baby.
Anonymous
Right?
Adding a K in front of an animal sound and calling it a ‘unique spelling’ is not fair to that baby.
It’s like Kmooeyerah for Moira – totally made up and impossible to understand!
Anonymous
It’s very Kardashian.
Nati
LOL!
Anonymous
I used to talk down M street at lunch and if a name was on the board of Joanna’s, I’d mark it off as ever suitable for a baby. I *know* that those are made-up names. This name belongs in that bunch.
I feel bad for the baby.
She’s just have to become a judge so that she can enjoy life as Judge Smith and not as NAY-deen ROWE-shel Smith.
ITDS
Or a General or an Ambassador. Or a Doctor. What a great way to motivate a kid!
nutella
Honestly, I thought it WAS Canadian: K-neigh-de-an = Ca-na-di-an.
Because neigh sounds like “nay” but the K is not part of that, so she should be prepared to be called Canadian or …Kanidjean
Momata
Is this post going to come up when she eventually googles herself?
Only if she's searching the comments
Which, if she is, that’s pretty impressive internet sleuthing.
Anonymous
Brings up an interesting point though. With such a unique name, it will likely diminish her privacy because she will always be the one to come up in searches vs. (Nadine LastName) others with a similar name.
Unique
I’m in this boat. My first name is a relatively normal name but with a weird spelling. My last name is not unheard of, but definitely not in the top 100. Combined, there is no one else alive with my name. When you google my name, you just find me plus a couple things on my late great grandmother (namesake). I don’t mind, because everything you’d find is neutral or positive (high school sports records, awards, company bowling team roster, etc) but I’ve always thought about how terrible and inescapable it would be to have something negative printed about me. I 100% agree that the Kneighdean spelling is horrendous, but from the perspective of Internet/privacy, it doesn’t have to be terrible.
Anonymous
I think the difference would be that (presumably) you got your awkward teenage years out of the way before the internet and social media was such a thing. Pretty hard to be keep a neutral/positive record when you’re instantly searchable through the high school/college years.
New Tampanian
This poor kid when she gets to school. As someone with a commonly mispelled name which is also long, I feel so bad for her.
bridget
What the efff…??
Why do that to a child? Why saddle her with a lifetime of correcting people, getting teased in the playground, and having her resume thrown into the trash?
Anonymous
I’m guessing they are from the ‘special snowflake’ school of parenting where it is super important that your child be seen as ‘unique’ and special. Therefore it is important that the special child not be forced to have a name that any other child might have. All unique = good in their eyes and if a future employer can’t see how special their snowflake is, then that’s the employer’s loss.
Anonymous
Special is at both ends of the spectrum.
Laura B
Good lord that’s bad. I really don’t like my nephews name but at least it is spelled normally.
Anonymous
For the first time in my life, I have both the money and the time (25 vacation days/year!) for lots of travel, but I’m lacking travel companions. My husband will grudgingly travel with me, but his limit is about one real (week-long) trip per year. My closest girlfriends enjoy long weekend getaways within the US, but aren’t really up for international travel or longer trips. I’ve done some solo travel, and while I’ve always felt perfectly safe, it’s not something I really enjoy. Sure, if I have a business trip to an exciting place I’ll tack on a day or two for exploration, but the idea of spending a week solo in Europe is not really appealing. Any suggestions? I’ve always been wary of packaged group tours but maybe that’s the best solution?
AIMS
A friend of mine just went on a group tour to Africa and loved it. I think this may be a destination specific thing – like perhaps the groups going to Paris are not going to be too much your speed but somewhere more off the beaten path will have lots of people you can enjoy.
Danielle
I have a friend who goes on packaged group tours and loves them, although I believe hers are based around her religion/heritage and so may not be interesting or appropriate for people who don’t share it. But there are definitely tours that aren’t awful.
My father-in-law went alone on a cruise on one of the smaller, less flashy lines and made a ton of friends who were more interested in seeing new places than in luxury travel.
Anonymous
Go with someone who you barely know who also loves to travel, but doesn’t have a companion. I’ve done it twice (once was with an acquaintance I met at a bar) and it worked out well. Even if it doesn’t, you can at worst part ways overseas and still have a fun time by yourself. You’ll probably have to ask around, but I bet you can find someone. You could also make your husband come along and let him leave early, while you go on to a second location.
The other thing I thought about but never did was to go on a yoga retreat to international destinations.
Anon
Wish I knew you in real life. I feel like I never have anyone to travel w bc everyone is coupled up so I assume they’ll look at me strange bc they now vacation with their partners, not their girlfriends. And the few people I know who aren’t coupled up — like my sister — HATE travel and get so stressed out by it that they ruin your good time while screaming at you that we’re not going to make it to the airport in time bc we only have 5 hrs.
Coupled
I am coupled up and travel with my girlfriends all the time. You should ask them before you assume they don’t want to go.
CountC
+1 My coupled girlfriends LOVE to travel without husbands and kids. To be fair, some have husbands who don’t like to travel.
Anonymous
Yep, I’m single and all my friends (who are married or engaged) only travel with their partners now. It sucks.
anon
+1
I managed to get a more adventurous coupled friend in a less serious relationship to do a short international trip with my single self this year, which was super fun, but realistically no one wants to spend their one big vacation/year with me when they could be in Italy with their partner, which is where literally 8 of my couple friends went this summer. I thought I’d moved to Cinque Terre based on my FB feed; alas I have not.
I don’t think it’s that they don’t want to.. they *say* it would be sooooooooooo fun and even kick around ideas and dates, but at the end of the day everyone has limited time and even more limited vacation time, and Couple Time always gets prioritized.
LAJen
Yep, this. It’s one of the saddest and most frustrating/depressing things about being single in my 30s–now I can afford to travel, and I can’t find anyone who will *actually* travel with me rather than just vaguely say that it would be so fun. I have traveled by myself and enjoyed it, but I would much prefer to share the experience and memories with someone who’s already in my life.
Anonymous
this made me laugh. I do enjoy travel, but OMG 5 hours is barely enough!
ITDS
You are entirely correct. If construction on the airport is finished, I have arrived too late!
OP
Aw, we need to start a thiss!te travel group! I would love new travel buddies :)
Anon
Can we seriously do this? I don’t know how logistically but I feel like there are enough ladies here who’d have some interest in domestic or international trips that it wouldn’t be impossible to find some interest if you were to post someplace — hey I’d like to go to Nashville in 2 weeks, any takers for a long weekend?
Anonymous
I would totally join too!!! Where do I sign up?
Senior Attorney
Lovely Fiance went (by himself) on a group bicycle tour in Europe a year or so after he was widowed. The group really hit it off and kept traveling together. They exhausted every cycling trip the tour company offers, and now the company asks them where they want to go and puts together a special trip for them every year. (This year it’s Sicily and it’ll be our honeymoon!) Another friend travels with the same tour company every year and although it’s not the same travelers, she’s really comfortable with the company and has enjoyed that relationship.
All of which is a long way of saying try a group tour, especially if you have a special interest like cycling or food or whatever.
Laura B
Do you have hobbies that you like to do? I think yoga retreats, diving retreats, etc. would lend themselves well to solo travel. We did Guatemala this year and there were all kinds of Spanish language schools, so you could travel to learn a new language too.
If I had your vacation time (and was OK with leaving DH for that long of a stretch – we’re OK apart but that seems long), I’d use four weeks and travel to India for yoga teacher training. That kind of thing wouldn’t be conducive to doing with someone else anyway unless they were also doing the training. (I don’t really want to teach yoga, but would like to do the teacher training).
And then the next year, I’d take the time off and complete my skydiving A license. And then travel around and skydive in cool places.
OP
Oh no, I definitely can’t take four weeks off at once, nor would I want to leave my husband for that long. But I can easily take two or three one-week trips throughout the year (only one of which my husband will agree to go on), plus a couple of long weekends with girlfriends. Good idea about the themed/hobby trips, thanks!
Gail the Goldfish
My university has alumni trips led by faculty. I’ve never actually done one, and I suspect I’d be about 30 years younger than the average (a lot of them are fairly long and I suspect aimed at retirees who can take 12 days to go to Cuba or wherever), but I want to. You might see if your school has something similar. Plus, with fellow alumni, your school is an instant bonding topic.
OP
This is a great idea, thank you!! My school does have trips like this and some of them sound absolutely amazing. I’m having major wanderlust pouring over the list of itineraries. Although they’re super expensive and it looks like there is a big premium for single occupancy. But it’s definitely something I’ll keep in mind for the future.
Anonymous
I have a friend who regularly did adventure travel through a women’s adventure travel company. I would totally do this without my significant other if I had the time and money to do so.
Anonymous
Do you know the name of the company? this is something I would be interested in
Anonymous
Not 100% positive but for some reason I think she may have used adventurous w3nch or adventure women.
Anonymous
I feel you on this and agree with planning an activity. I’ve done a lot of travel by myself and with others, and there’s something about being alone in an awesome place that makes it less special to me, and limits some of the things I’m comfortable doing (fancy dinners, bars, wandering around side streets where I might get lost). Trips where I’ve gone to one place and done e.g. a diving course, or a week of yoga, are a lot more fun solo than the typical sightseeing in a big city, and feel like I’m doing something to enrich myself rather than regretful that I’m alone.
Anonymous
Somebody needs to buy that diagonal wrap dress for me! I looooove it but alas it doesn’t come in tall sizes.
AIMS
Ha, I normally don’t like AT but I am tempted by it too. It’s sitting in my cart as we speak…
South Padre Island
I haven’t bought any AT for a few years because I was disappointed with the quality, but I’ve picked up a few things over the last year. Either the quality has picked up or my standards got way way lower. I’ve also noticed that they’ve started carrying 00P in the stores again, which they had stopped doing for a while.
No Big Law
I used to be at big law and now am at a non-profit that sometimes files amicus briefs. After dealing with an entitled, rude, arrogant p—k at one firm yesterday, and then getting emails at 1:02am, 1:37am, and 2:45am from another firm, I am so happy to be where I am! Not to say everyone in big law is awful, but I know myself and I know I would have been just like this first guy if I’d stuck around. I left in large part because I didn’t like the person I was becoming. I also was very happy to be sound asleep at 2:00am and not scrambling to get a brief out the door.
Betty
Amen. One of the reasons I left biglaw was that I didn’t like who I was becoming and what I was allowing biglaw to do to my personality: entitled, rude and incredibly insecure.
No Big Law
And amen to you! The insecure thing still haunts me — when this guy first started telling me my brief said something I knew it didn’t say, my first thought was “oh no, I screwed up! The world is going to cave in!” but then I realized I was right and I told him off (politely but firmly — I used to be a litigator after all) and that felt really good. And then I realized that even if he was right, there are ways to fix it and if you’re not being billed out at $500/hr, tiny human errors are actually NBD.
Anon for this
I work at a small boutique law firm in a small northern state. It was founded by a partner that fled big law. A lot of our business comes from his big law past. We were hired to be local counsel to a NYC firm. They would email us after midnight and be mad they didn’t have responses by 8 am. They would be rude and bossy to us on the phone – particularly to my firm’s support staff. Finally, my boss called the lead counsel up and said “you know I worked in big city big law right? You know I run a small firm in small state now, right? Don’t you think I did that for a reason? It was to get away from this kind of BS. This case has no emergency and given the type of case it is will likely never have an emergency. My attorney’s don’t work nights and weekends and I’m not going to ask them to. My support staff is my gold and you may never be rude to them. If you have a true emergency, you can call my cell phone and I will decide whether it is worthy of bothering one of my employees after hours. If you don’t like those parameters you can find another local counsel but you likely won’t find one in this state that will put up with that BS.”
I was floored. Gained so much respect for my boss and vowed to never work in big law ever — not like they would ever have me anyway.
full of ideas
Not all Big Law jobs are terrible. I just feel the need to put that out there… As a group I think most of us try not to stereotype, but everyone loves ragging on Big Law. For the record, I’m in Big Law and love my fellow associates, partners, and firm culture. That is all.
X
Just thought I’d stop by to recommend a new book, The Last Days of Night. It’s about Paul Cravath (of Cravath, Swaine and Moore) and his work on the lawsuits between Edison and Westinghouse. It’s really good. I read it because my cousin’s first job out of law school was at Cravath. I had not idea that Cravath invented the current system of associate levels and partners.
Anon
It’s going to be turned into a movie with Eddie Redmayne playing Paul Cravath!
Anon
How often do you check your investment accounts; 401k or net worth? I feel like it’s more “fruitful” to check once a quarter or once every few months bc you can see real changes. Yet somehow I’ve fallen into checking daily — even though I realize that a $500 increase in my retirement account today has nothing to do with my ability to retire almost 30 yrs from now.
Anonymous
I was checking daily because I was waiting for funds to rollover and then reallocate. Now I’m more like once every couple weeks, since I like to manually enter my 401k deposit purchases (I don’t like the way Quicken downloads them).
Prior to that I really only every looked at my quarterly statements.
Anonymous
Once a year when I do my taxes.
Sydney Bristow
I check my Vanguard account approximately once a month. It makes me feel motivated.
As long as you aren’t making changes based on the day to day shifts, I don’t think it’s a problem to check that often.
anon a mouse
I check both investment accounts and retirement accounts daily, although I realize I have an unhealthy level of anxiety about money.
I hardly ever take any action on them, though, outside of scheduled contributions. Maybe I just like knowing that the bank hasn’t collapsed overnight.
CHJ
I have all of my accounts aggregated in Personal Capital, and I check it daily. But that includes everything from my checking account balance to credit card balances to investment accounts, so I’m not necessarily concerned about my 401(k) balance on a daily basis. I just like to check in on all my finances at the end of the day.
Metformin
Has anyone taken it? If so, did you get hit with GI issues/nausea? How soon after you started taking the medicine did you start to experience that?
Never too many shoes
I took it for a year when I was trying to get pregnant (for PCOS). I had some minor tummy upset but nothing unmanageable. Not sure if you are the person from last week, so sorry if this is a repeat. My dose was with each meal and my doctor recommend gradually working up to that. First week, start with dose at dinner so that you are at home if there are any issues. Then second week, add breakfast dose. Then third week, one with each meal. I was fine by the time I started week #2.
Snoozy
Terrible GI issues, but only after about a fortnight – I had to go on the extended release version to tolerate it at all. (I still have the odd issue, but it’s manageable.)
South Padre Island
Can anyone tell me about vacationing on South Padre (as an adult)? I’m going there for a vacation with a large group of in-laws. Everyone has kids between 12 mos – 10 yrs. Do I need tons of bug spray? Are there any non-beach activities?
I wouldn’t have chosen a Zika prone area for vacay, but it wasn’t up to me and we are definitely not TTC. (And we don’t live by mosquitos at home, so I’m not concerned about recklessly bringing it back to infect the mosquitos at home. But I don’t want my daughters contracting zika either.)
Anonymous
You can’t get Zika there.
Anonymous
South Padre Island doesn’t have Zika. Please don’t contribute to the hysteria.
South Padre Island
I know that only Miami area has documented cases. But the National Park Service website mentions that there are the species of mosquitos that carry Zika there. I’m not trying to add to the hysteria; I’m trying to get information from anyone who has been there in what it’s actually like. I’ve never been south of Houston. And I’ve mostly been in Texas during the winter.
Anonymous
There are species of mosquito that can carry Zika in New York. That doesn’t mean there are going to be locally-acquired Zika cases in New York. Calm down.
Anonymous
Fun fact: you probably have those mosquitoes where you live right now. You live in Houston? You’ve got ’em. They’re still not going to give you zika at the moment. http://www.cdc.gov/zika/vector/range.html
KT
As someone who right now has Zika, don’t stress.
There ARE 2 kinds of mosquitoes that carry the virus, but they are only day biters and have limited flight patterns. And just because those 2 breeds exist, doesn’t mean they will be carrying the virus. There have been no documented cases in Texas.
Wear bug spray and try to relax.
And seriously, it isn’t worth the media hype. I slept a lot and drank juice, and I’m fine now.
Anonymous
There is no Zika in Texas. Literally the only place with Zika in the US is South Florida.
Anon
http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSKCN10W0SM
Anonymous
There’s no Zika there currently. And unless you’re pregnant or TTC, coating yourself and your kids in a DEET-based bug spray is probably worse for your health. Zika causes birth defects. That’s it. If you’re not giving birth soon, it’s not something to panic over.
KT
+1. I’ve had colds that were worse.
Anon
Actually, the most recent research shows that it can infect neural progenitor cells in adult mice. While it has not yet been shown to infect adult human brain cells, the *speculation* is that it could affect learning and memory in adults, eg increase risk of Alzheimer’s or depression. This is all still speculation as of yet. And perhaps only interesting to me because I was a bio major many moons ago.
KT
Interesting–do you have a link you could share on the research? I am a science failure, but I still find it fascinating
Anon
https://www.sciencenews.org/article/zika-kills-brain-cells-adult-mice
http://newswire.rockefeller.edu/2016/08/18/zika-infection-may-affect-adult-brain-cells-suggesting-risk-may-not-be-limited-to-pregnant-women/
Kt
Thanks!
bostonian
yes but as anyone who does epidemiological work knows, mice studies DO NOT directly translate into human effects. signed, someone who does epidemiological data analysis for a living
Anon
Hence my use of the word “speculation.” Twice.
South Padre Island
Can anyone give me actual information about likelihood of getting bitten by mosquitos there? I don’t particularly like getting bitten even without risk of infectious disease. Your platitudes about risk of Zika are not helpful. I can go to the CDC to find out that there aren’t documented cases. I was hoping that someone who has been there could tell me my risk of (non zika bearing) mosquito bites. And maybe even suggestions for activities with little kids.
Anonymous
Bug spray, and stay indoors at twilight. You’ll be fine on the beach!
Anonymous
Wha?? If you don’t like mosquitoes then don’t go outside in the summer.
Anonymous
your risk of being bitten by a mosquito is close to 100%. it’s a warm, humid place that’s experienced a good amount of recent rain (at least most of southern texas has, not totally certain on south padre). if you’re going any time in the next month or two, and you want to minimize the likeliehood of getting bitten, i’d suggest avoiding outdoor activities during early morning, late evening and night hours. which puts you doing outdoor activities during the worst heat of the day (which is its own kind of misery). that being said, if you put on bug spray, it’ll be effective and you might get by with only one or two bites. avoid areas with tall grass or standing water. and all that being said, i think your expectations may still be unrealistic in terms of not being bitten at all. also, no one likes getting bitten :)
Gail the Goldfish
Never been to South Padre, but if you want a DEET-free bug spray alternative, I’ve been using this and found it to be pretty effective in average mosquito situations (like I wouldn’t try it at dusk next to a lagoon–but I’d just avoid that altogether):
https://www.rei.com/product/751171/all-terrain-herbal-armor-spray-insect-repellent
I gave up on DEET when I realized how easily it basically dissolves plastic (I had one of those underwater disposable cameras and a nalgene I touched with DEET on my hands–it did not end well)
Laura B
I’ve been to South Padre Island and loved it, although no kids. Definitely check out the turtle sanctuary – that was really cool and the kids will like it. If you have a four wheel drive vehicle, drive down the beach – that was really fun. We also did horseback riding on the beach and skydiving, which were awesome – although probably not kid friendly. The island is pretty narrow, so it seems like most activities are going to be beach related.
Every meal we ate was really good and we were pleasantly impressed with that.
I don’t remember any mosquitoes. We were there the first week of April, which was a perfect time – everything was open, but it was after the spring break rush so it was really relaxed. From what I hear, I would never go in March.
Hopeless
I’m thinking about giving online dating a serious try (not just swiping through Tinder like it’s a video game) but here is my probably dumb concern. I’m a size 14/16. I like to think I carry it well – I have broad shoulders, big boobs, small wasit, wide hips – and I dress well, so generally I think I look okay. But I just imagine all these guys on these websites with a “no fatties” policy and it makes me think I shouldn’t even bother trying. All my friends who have had success online are typical size 4 blondes and I am definitely…not. I just don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb or have guys laughing at me.
KT
Don’t stress about it. There is someone for everyone (and every body!). A size 14/16 is completely normal.
The guys who would say no fatties (and seriously girl, a size 14 isn’t fat, give yourself a break!) are not guys you want anyway.
Anonymous
Try to reframe it as a way to weed out the losers who super shallow.
You don’t want to get stuck with some guy who only wants you because you’re size 4 and blonde.
Sydney Bristow
I met my husband as a size 18 on OKCupid. I think it’s good that we met close to my highest weight because he’s supportive no matter what size I am.
I had similar concerns, but the beauty of online dating is that the people who would have an issue with size self-select out. Good luck!
eHarmony ftw
+1 I met my now-husband when I was a bit slimmer, but still solidly plus size, while on eHarmony. Turns out the features I always thought were a hassle (large boobs, other assets) are his favorite features. I had no trouble getting matches or dates in the 9 months I was on the service.
Don’t sell yourself short! Put your best pic up there, and be you!
Anonymous
You look just like me! I’m sure there are guys who automatically reject me because of my size. So? I automatically reject people I don’t find attractive too! It’s great- I don’t actually have to experience an in person rejection. I strongly suspect if I were thinner I’d get more interest, but oh well? Going on a date a month-ish using Bumble is way better than being a hermit!
Anon
Use a picture that makes your size clear. There are plenty of men whose ideal partner is a size 14/16, so let them see you, and let the ones no-fatties losers self-select out of your dating pool before you have to deal them.
Godzilla
Word, I am and was a 12/14 and had plenty of online dating success. It’s totally fine.
Jessica
Same here. I’m curvy plump size 12 and I get plenty of dates. I think it’s got a lot more to do with how happy and healthy I look in my pictures (all of which are recent). I’m confident in my body, I love it and I like to think that shows.
Anonymous
I met my fiance as a size 14 on OKCupid. Definitely get out of your own head on this one.
Wildkitten
I appreciate this conversation since it’s about to be my life, I suspect.
AttiredAttorney
You just described my body type and size, and I also have had no problems online dating (in terms of getting dates). I even found that some men with “no fatties” policies didn’t think of me as fat, because of the way they perceived the proportions of my body. I always made sure to include at least one honest full body picture (not the one where I’m half hiding behind someone or something) so that there were no surprises.
Career counselor?
Any suggestions for a career counselor in the DC area?
Wildkitten
Alyssa Best.
Anonymous
Wow. How are you feeling?
KT
Better today. The first 3 days I was just exhausted and sore. I felt like I just had a normal flu, except I had this persistent rash; I finally went to the doctor and got a blood test and found out.
They said it should start getting better (and it has, I feel a million times better than I did Sunday!) and that there are no long-term consequences (that they know of). I’m just annoyed that out of the millions of people, I always get the weird flus (I also had swine flu when that was a thing).
Anonymous
Hope you feel better soon! I remember when swine flu was going around I got very sick, and after being treated like a pariah by my doctor, it ended up being mono of all things.
KT
I’m way better today-swine flu was much worse!
LAJen
I had swine flu, too! You’re not alone!
KT
Pig flu unite :)
LAJen
I’m actually curious–did you have any lasting side effects from H1N1? Wihin 6 months after having had it, my hair went from extremely curly to totally straight (I suspect from extreme stress). I’ve met so few others who had H1N1 that I’m really interested to hear if anyone else experienced something similar.
Kate Spade sale help
I’m thinking about getting a Kate Spade tote for work with their 75% off sale today. Anyone have the Charles Street Kensington bag? It looks like it checks just about all of my boxes (structured, comes in black, not too big, internal organization, logo doesn’t stand out too much).
Anonymous
I don’t have that bag specifically but I dearly love all my KS bags. They’re good quality and they last.
KS
Is the sale just the sale section on their website, or is there a link you could post? Thanks for the tip!
Anon
I think I clicked on an ad on Facebook or something? Weirdly, if I pull up the same bag in another tab, the sale doesn’t show up. Maybe Google “Kate Spade surprise sale”
Wildkitten
surprise.katespade.com
First Year Anon
I bought a bag too at the sale and now you’re making me want that one- it looks super classic! I say go for it.
Gail the Goldfish
I have a kate spade that’s a similar shape (but not identical–it zips at the top) that I get compliments on all the time. Most of my purses are kate spades I got on their 75% off sales, and I’ve been happy with all of them.
Anon
KT – you’re in Orlando area, correct? Have you or your husband travelled further south in Florida recently, or is it spreading north?
TTC in Atlanta wants to know :)
KT
Yup, Orlando. There’s been a few non-travel related cases here, so I guess the stupid buggers made their way up north.
Anonymous
You got Zika by being bit in Orlando? Just curious. I’m in Tampa and my dear cousin is TTC in Lakeland. I was under the impression that while making its way to central Florida was likely to happen that it had not yet happened.
thanks for sharing
Anonymous
sorry posted before reading below.
I’m guessing that there is a time delay in the formal report. I literally just got a text from a friend in the past five minutes that a confirmed case was found in St. Petersburg. So KT really could have it and we may not hear about it until later
bad DIL
This means I can skip our annual pilgrimage to FL to visit the in laws this year. YESSSSS.
KT
BWA so glad I can help!
Anon
Hope you feel better soon.
Where do you live? Do you know where you got it?
KT
Orlando–probably walking my dog by the ponds like a doofus :)
Anonymous
Wait, did you get it in Miami or Orlando? If the latter, isn’t this the first locally-acquired case in the US outside of the Miami area? How is this not national news?
KT
No, there’s been several cases in my area of non-travel related Zika. I think my doctor said I was the 6th in my specific county.
Anonymous
Fun fact, you’re lying/delusional/confused.
There are no reported cases of Zika in Orlando. None.
Anonymous
+1. This would be a headline on CNN for sure. They went nuts when it spread outside the Wynwood neighborhood of Miami to a different part of Miami (just a few miles away) so there’s no way the news media would ignore the fact that it spread 250 miles north. This is impossible.
KT
There are over 100 cases in Orange County alone, so…no.
And why on earth would I lie about that?
Anonymous
What? Where is your citation for this? The Orlando Sentinel says there are 0 cases in Orange County.
Anonymous
0 locally acquired cases, I mean.
KT
For example: http://www.mynews13.com/content/news/cfnews13/news/article.html/content/news/articles/bn9/2016/8/14/first_zika_case_repo.html
I haven’t been to Miami, but I was in St. Petersburg last week, so that’s a distinct possibility.
Anonymous
Srsly? One case, not confirmed local transmission, and not at all in Orlando.
Anonymous
There are people in Maine with Zika. They got it while traveling. It doesn’t mean Zika is “in Maine.” This article is not about a locally-acquired case and doesn’t demonstrate that Zika is “in St. Petersburg” anymore than it’s in Maine. There are people everywhere with non-locally acquired Zika. The only place with local transmission is Miami.
Anonymous
Because you like attention?
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/politics/political-pulse/os-zike-worries-mosquito-worries-20160816-story.html
No cases of local transmission on Aug 16. You find a report that says 100 now.
KT
Chill on the hostility. Think I’m lying, cool, you do you. I’m sitting here with lab results and spent three days feeling like crap, so whatevs.
My doctor was the one who said there were other cases in my exact county that were not travel elated, but since I was in Tampa, who knows.
Anonymous
Chill on the ignorant panic and attention seeking. Fun fact- you post on here all day everyday about your personal life but conveniently didn’t mention the Zika until just now.
Kt
Well I haven’t posted since Friday since I was in bed, and just got the lab results yesterday.
KT
Well I haven’t been online since Friday, since I was in bed, and I just got the lab results yesterday.
Opal
Orlando Sentinel is reporting one locally-transmitted case in St. Petersburg. Article is time stamped one hour ago.
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/breaking-news/os-zika-case-pinellas-20160823-story.html
Anonymous
That number is not what is being shared by the CDC or Florida health department: http://www.floridahealth.gov/diseases-and-conditions/zika-virus/. It says all 53 cases are travel-related, as of yesterday. It says there are active investigations, but they don’t seem to apply either. Perhaps there is a delay.
Anonymous
Yeah. I think the CDC would be very curious to know this, because they’re very clear that as of today, there is no local transmission outside of Miami. Is it possible you or your DH got it in Miami? It can be s*xually transmitted and not everyone shows symptoms so your DH may have it even if he does not appear ill at all.
KT
My doctor said the sample was sent to the CDC; I don’t know how long it takes for reporting.
I haven’t been to Miami (nor has hubby), but I have been in the Tampa/Clearwater area
Yikes!
Redact your lab results or medical records and post a link via Imgur or something. In the words of Reddit “pics or it didn’t happen.”
Anonymous
Well if it happened and isn’t included in the stats in the next day or so, she should go to the media. It’s a topic that many people would consider newsworthy!
Maybe
I wonder if there is someone posting as our usual KT. I think usual KT has a link to her personal blog or website in her handle and this one doesn’t.
Anonymous
Also, our usual KT has said she lives in Celebration, Florida- which is Osceola, not Pinellas county.
GCA
Boo. I’m sorry! How are you feeling? A family member of mine, living in my tropical home country, had chikungunya once and it was completely miserable.
KT
First three days sucked, now much better!
Outfit ideas?
Probably going to out myself, but I need some ideas here… I am starting at a new firm soon and will be traveling to the main office before my start date to do some administrative stuff and attend a firm dinner. The tricky part is I will be flying in and out the same day (so outfit needs to travel well, and I will be carrying only a purse), and the dinner is on the beach (i.e. I will need to change shoes and have another layer to put on when it gets cold in the evening). Dress code was described as corporate casual, nice jeans or khakis okay. Jeans are out, and the closest I have to khakis are the BR Sloan ankle pants (which I worry are a little too form-fitting for the circumstances). Help?
Anonymous
Sheath dress. Nice cardigan or casual blazer. Sandals in your purse.
#neverkhakis #noexcuses #worsethanskorts
AIMS
But what about skort khakis?? Khaki culottes???
Delta Dawn
I would wear a dress that could read more casual, like a shift or maybe a wrap dress, in a fabric that will travel well (a poly-blend or a stretch jersey). You could bring a cardigan or light casual scarf to use as a wrap for dinner. I would wear a low wedge or even a structured sandal to make it more casual.
Anonymous
Yes.
death to khakis
I agree you should wear a dress. If you want to be comfortable/warm on the plane, you could also wear leggings under the dress and stuff them in your bag later.
Anonymous
I had the swine flu too when it was going around in 2009. That was the worst I’ve felt in my life. I wanted to die. I’m glad Zika is not that bad.
KT
UGH yes. It wasn’t that I felt like I was going to die, I WANTED to die with swine flu.
Blonde Lawyer
If swine flu is H1N1, my very fit husband had it and was completely non-functioning. Like, I had to make him eat and help him to the bathroom. That was the first year I got a flu shot thank goodness. If it would do that to someone with no medical conditions, young, in good shape, I can totally see how it would kill someone with a pre-existing condition, elderly, weak, etc.
Cc
I actually haven’t seen this on the news? Isn’t this a pretty big deal?
Annana
It just hitt NBC News.
http://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/zika-virus-outbreak/new-zika-outbreak-found-florida-s-st-petersburg-n636571
Annana
It just hit NBC News.
http://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/zika-virus-outbreak/new-zika-outbreak-found-florida-s-st-petersburg-n636571
New Tampanian
Ugh. So sorry to hear. Take care of yourself. I’ll just be indoors from now until they eradicate these twerps.
JayJay
I say this with love (and no ill intentions!), but based on your stories, if I had to guess on one regular commenter to get Zika, it probably would have been you, KT. Regardless of how it was transmitted.
KT
lol that genuinely made me laugh, and yes, that’s why I’m amused/annoyed. OF COURSE it’s me.
Blonde Lawyer
I have a lot of weird medical issues. When people talk about traveling to Zika possible locations in the US, I always hear (and may have even said) what are the chances that *you* would be patient zero in a particular location? While knowing that of all the people I know, I would be the one to most likely be patient zero in anything. I get the stuff where the doc scratches his chin and says “hmmm, I haven’t seen anything like this before.” I recently had a CT scan because my doc said “I’m not sure what’s causing your symptoms and you tend to get really weird stuff so I’d like to get a scan to be safe.” Scan was clear but I had to really laugh at that reasoning.
KT
+1000000