This is Griffin, Reporting…
By the time I started working in BigLaw, I'd had about seven jobs before that. For four of those jobs, my bosses were women; the other jobs (lifeguarding and two fashion magazines) were, well, not exactly testosterone-fueled environments. Everyone had called me by my first name, and we generally enjoyed a collegial atmosphere. However, when I started working at the law firm, I began to notice what felt like a very male-friendly environment. Nothing was sexist, per se, but it still contrasted sharply with the work atmospheres I'd known before, and made me feel out of place. (Pictured: Team jersey, originally uploaded to Flickr by nats.)
One of those things was being called by my last name. I'd always hated sports growing up (despite having, at various points, been a member of the tennis and swimming teams), and nothing annoyed me more than people saying “Let's call Vogele” or “Whazzup, Vogele?” (As you may have guessed, my maiden name is Vogele.) What annoyed me even more about the last name thing was that it wasn't men who were perpetuating it — it was women, who, I assumed, were trying to fit in with the old boys' club.
At one point, in my first or second year, I was on a team of four female associates, led by another woman or two in charge of us — and yet we still all went by last names. One night, behind closed doors, I ranted to my good friend about it, going on and on about how much I hated it. Was I supposed to catch a ball sometime soon, or go long? (Alternately, where was my pipe, whiskey, and manservant?)
And she pointed out that two of the four of us had the same first name. Well…. FINE.
I've learned to live with being called by my last name only — but I'm curious what everyone else's take on it is? Do you get called by your last name in your workplace? Does it seem like a part of the old boys' club? Are there other little things that grate on your nerves?
To everyone complaining that Kat’s being overly sensative here: I know that when I had my baby, he was all I wanted to talk about, and not really anything else. Still, I didn’t want to emphasize my mama-ness at work or bore other people, so I made myself find other topics. Sometimes they were on the mark, sometimes they weren’t. Sort of like picking out lipstick when you’re color blind. I bet other new parents do the same thing; there is a lot to learn and a lot to be excited about durin pregnancy and those first few years. Let’s cut her some slack.
It amazes me that anyone here would think that Kat is being “overly sensitive” about this. Calling people by last names only is not normal for many of us. In the South, it is generally done by men on sports teams. Women are typically not on these same sports teams. I also feel is is somewhat of a male macho thing, particularly because, as I stated earlier, they rarely refer to women by last names, so you get a situation where all the men are “Smith” and “Jones” and women are Jessica or Jennifer. Very disrespectful and demeaning in my opinion.
I often went by my last name in high school, so it doesn’t bother me at all. I think everyone has their own little pet peeves. I was in a meeting where an SVP kept calling someone who worked for him by a diminutive that made her sound like she was 5 years old – e.g. let’s say her name was Beth and he kept calling her Bethie. Maybe he didn’t mean it that way, and she could have been fine with it, but it bugged me the entire time.
I work on a case in BigLaw right now where there are five associates, three of whom are women. All three women have the same first name.
It makes introductions odd, to say the least. First names have been replaced with last names or, sometimes in writing, with initials. It sounds fratty, especially as last names are not common in my office. People with whom we work can’t figure out what the plural is, or how to address emails to the three of us.
On the other hand, this is the last nail in my coffin of my prejudice against other people who share my (common) first name. Maybe it’s because — unlike the fourth grade — none of us have punched each other. Or because I really rather like both of the other women.
Signed,
[last name]
Not common in my firm, but when it does happen — usually in something like an internal wrap-up of who’s working on what new cases, or something like that — it doesn’t bother me at all. After all, my last name is in fact part of my name, and generally using last names is considered at least somewhat a form of respect. The only thing that would bug me is if all the guys were referred to by last name and the women alone were first names.
Since I was in highschool, I had certain friends that called me by my last name. That has carried over to working life, even when I changed my name when I got married. I don’t know why. And it is only female attorneys that call me by my last name. Does not bother me.
I have a JD but work primarily with PhDs. One of them calls me “Miss Firstname” but calls a guy with the exact same job title and responsibilities as me “Dr. Lastname.” What does he think I am, a preschool teacher? Everybody else uses first names exclusively.
The thing I find really weird is when judges and attorneys from certain states address me as “Attorney Lastname.” That is not a phraseology I ever encountered in law school.
I hate my surname. Hate it with a passion. It belonged to my dad’s abuser, who never even formally adopted him. I suppose once I change it to something more palatable, I wouldn’t mind the surname-only stuff that happens in some offices, but really? Just call me by name or come up with something clever. I can be “Ms. Cass” if there’s another Cass/Cassie in the organisation. Really. Just leave my surname where it belongs: in my personnel file!
I find it interesting – I don’t associate using last names like that with sports, but instead with military. It’s a easy way to refer to someone who has a common first name without causing complications, and helps to avoid the “Mrs./Ms./Miss” issue, as well. I don’t mind it unless people say it simply because they don’t bother to learn my name, but that’s not typically the case.
If it bugs you, ask people to refer to you by a first name or a more easily distinguished nickname. I specifically asked bosses and other employees this year to start referring to me as “Brie” instead of my full first name because I prefer the informal nature of it (even customers use that name now) and it’s less difficult to get the pronunciation correct.
My surname has become a popular first name. Most people who call me by my surname do so unintentionally, & I hate people who miss my first name completely.
I’m a software engineer, and I’ve literally never run into that kind of thing. I think it has to do with personalities AND internal culture.. Or maybe I’m just generalizing that males who go into engineering were never the sort to play sports… ah stereotypes.