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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This whole monochromatic look from Ann Taylor caught my eye, but I think the highlight is this “plum rose” embellished tee. It's made from tweedy fabric and adds a little something special with faux pockets and gold buttons.
If monochrome isn’t your thing, I would pair this with some ivory, wide-leg pants for a really striking look.
The top is on sale for $48.65, marked down from $69.50, at Ann Taylor and comes in sizes XS-XXL.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Anon
Oohhh, pretty. I wonder what it’s like in person; Ann Taylor is so hit or miss these days.
Anon
I feel like this what I wish St John did now — cool executive pajamas. And for my wallet, AT is just fine, maybe preferred. If anyone has found more things like this, maybe with bracelet sleeves, pls post links.
Lydia
h&m has a bunch of new workwear with this vibe, actually (look online or on the app; I haven’t been in a store in a while!). The buttons, the cut, etc.
Anonymous
I just had the worst luck with a suit from Ann Taylor. It truly looked like it came from the clearance section at Target. I wish there were a store near me so I could shop there in person.
Anonymous
I agree. I think it’s one of the stores that closed too many locations during or after pandemic. I used to have one store near office and would buy a lot on my lunch break. Now I would need to either make a special trip or buy online and as a result have almost stopped looking at them.
anon
I wish this had a matching skirt that was comfy to make an easy outfit.
Anon
I refuse to order from Ann Taylor, their returns are so weird and the quality is very hit or miss. Abra at Cap Hill Style raved about a ‘tweed’ Ann Taylor dress a few months ago I decided to try, IRL it was thin, the fabric had pulls all over it, and it was clearly badly made. I used to buy a ton there in the early 2000s and it just makes me sad how badly the quality has declined.
Anon
It’s one of the few stores that carry my size (0P) so I keep buying from them. But it’s mostly petroleum based fibers, so I feel like I’m wearing plastic. Very disappointing.
I’m 48 and I remember at 24, that was the store that I aspired to buy my workwear from. How far the mighty have fallen?
Anon
I’m the OP and same. I remember buying my first two suits from AT and just loving them: well made, flattering, gorgeous fabrics that draped and lasted forever.
Now? It’s glorified fast fashion.
anon
They do rotate in some great, rich colors though.
OP
Not to go off topic but as a fellow OP size who has a difficult time finding workwear (or clothes), what other brands work for you? I am leaning more into Boden but have been mostly limited to dresses and some short sleeve tops – Boden long sleeves are comically long on me for some reason and their pants do not work at all.
Anon
Does anyone have experience living next door to a house demolition, followed by construction of a new house? If so, how bad was it?
I just signed a one year lease to rent the top floor of a multi-family home, but foolishly neglected to pay close attention to the nearby homes. It turns out the old, 4,000 square foot home next door is slated for demolition, followed by construction of a new 6,000 foot house. Demolition is scheduled to start in October with construction through spring 2025. I work from home, and assume I’m going to be miserable living next to a construction site for over half the lease. I’m also somewhat worried about lead paint dust, as the home is old enough that it’s almost certainly full of lead paint.
Should I try to get out of the lease? Or am I overreacting?
Anon
I’d also be concerned about lead paint and asbestos exposure (in addition to noise pollution). Is it possible to get out of it? The construction will probably take at least six months longer than planned as well.
Anon
If you work at home, I’d try to get out of this for noise reasons. Lead is a concern, but less so unless you have small children, who are much more vulnerable than adults. There are requirements to mitigate release and a lot of older homes have already removed a lot of the lead paint, though not always.
Anon
I’ve lived through it next door to me. It’s loud but I didn’t notice a dust issue and having gone through construction in my own home, dust tends to be more localized. If you work from home it can be very annoying during certain loud phases. Mostly, I didn’t care, but we own our home and love the location and our place.
anon
There’s no way a 6000 square foot house is going to be built between October and Spring 2025 unless it’s a slap dash builder and even then it’d be a push. We’re currently building a 4000 sq foot house and it’s scheduled to take 14 months – and demo of the existing house was not included in that period.
anon
We live in a neighborhood (Houston) where this is fairly common. There aren’t that many truly noisy days, which are mostly limited to the when they demolish the house and put the framing up. Demo is typically a day (but could be a week). You will also be surprised how much down time there is while everyone waits for the city inspector. Honestly, the chorus of leaf blowers is much more upsetting on a day to day basis than any construction noises.
Anon
I would happily pay bail for anyone accused to stealing and destroying leafblowers. The best part of moving to where I currently live is that it’s not really a thing here.
anon
My city banned gas leaf blowers. Electric ones aren’t silent, but are way quieter and way, way better for air quality (for the worker and passersby) than gas ones.
Anon
I have a rechargeable electric one. It sounds like a hair dryer.
My city banned the gas ones too, but I still hear them daily. The electric ones are great.
Vicky Austin
My aunt and uncle used to have a neighbor who revved his chainsaw for an hour straight. And this was not in the boonies – regular old suburban Minneapolis! I’d have paid bail for anybody who stole that chainsaw too.
Anon
I live in a semi-rural area and my across-the-road neighbor has an inexplicable predilection for chainsawing trees down on his property at 2 am. I don’t know if he works shifts and that is just the time that is most convenient (regardless of the fact that it is in the middle of the freakin’ night) or what, but this has happened several times a year for the decade we have lived near him. I like trees but really wish his property was clear cut at this point.
Bette
This. Work in construction and would not be phased by this at all. The daily lawn care is more annoying
Demo is fast and unless you have small children (like under 3 where they put everything in their mouth) I would not be phased at all. I’d just keep the windows on that side closed on the peak demo days and be sure to dust well and that’s it. The abatement for lead dust is just a thorough cleaning.
Anonymous
+1000 to the daily lawn care! we were the first house in a new construction neighborhood so there was a lot of construction around us for the first few years. the constant leaf blowers and lawn mowers are way more annoying than any of the construction stuff was.
anon
No direct experience, but I know someone who experienced excessive dust from demo (or maybe excavation of a bigger basement? not sure) and was able to get it ameliorated via a complaint to our city. It turns out that the rules required use of water to keep down dust, which the crew was not doing adequately. Our city handled the complaint super promptly and others who experienced the dust were very grateful to the complainant.
Cat
I wouldn’t worry much about the dust since it’s not like they’ll be sanding the trim down.
But the noise of construction is awful – grunting trucks, whining saws, hammering, usually starting at 7am as the typical allowed start time for residential areas – and spring 2025 sounds really aggressive as an end date!
anon
There are a lot of teardowns on my street so while it hasn’t happened next to me, I’ve dealt with it off and on for over a year.
As others said, demo and cleanup is pretty quick though I could see the dust being annoying for a few weeks. Honestly the worst part is the noise and traffic from the construction crews. Sometimes it’s hard to get out of my driveway or through the street with all the giant cars.
I also find these teardowns of nice 40 year old brick homes to be replaced with 5,000 sf farm houses with plastic boards to be very ugly, but clearly I’m a minority in that opinion.
Anon city dweller
Others have discussed dust and noise — I’d add that you may want to ask the landlord to check the envelope of your own building for potential entry of mice, rats, and roaches. Whatever is living next door isn’t going to be happy when demolition happens, and they’ll be looking for their own new digs.
Anonymous
Was my first thought as well. Make sure all foodstuffs are kept in bins.
Anon
We bought our first house on a street with a bunch of tear downs and had construction around us for our first year in the house. The only thing that is actually loud is the framing– which really shouldn’t last long (maybe a few weeks). Nothing else was that loud. Demo takes a few days. The main issue we had was with workers or teenagers, etc. trying to hang out in the house while it was under construction, so we were in regular touch with the contractor whenever we saw someone over at the house that wasn’t supposed to be there, etc. It was really not bad.
Senior Attorney
Not next door, but this happened to the house across the street from us and honestly it wasn’t an annoyance at all. We have a ton this all over our neighborhood and I regularly encounter it on my walks and the noisy parts are really few and far between. Demo honestly only takes a few days.
And 100% agree that leaf blowers are far worse than any construction noise.
Seventh Sister
This has happened to us twice. It’s rare that the noise was so bad that you could hear it inside over a noise machine or with the windows closed. There is a lot of downtime and there are definitely noisy phases (like when the concrete pad the last house was on had to be jackhammered up) and quieter phases. One thing that surprised me was that there were more than a few weekend days where they were working, especially if bad weather was predicted. I didn’t love it but that’s city life. Unless you are extremely sensitive to noise, I wouldn’t worry too much.
As for the lead dust, there are rules they have to follow and it’s unlikely you’d get significatn exposure from just being outside.
AnonAnon
What’s your current bag(s)? As a 40th bday present to myself, I’m considering:
-https://www.tumi.com/p/langley-crossbody-0146580T522/
-https://www.clarev.com/products/midi-sac-black-cream-woven-checker?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw2dG1BhB4EiwA998cqBIG36n4jkG4Qrlmaln6ktfSdbqA5GtLZzqhvTygCRRlBzvgdKt9vRoCM9sQAvD_BwE (not sure which color)
I currently rotate between a Baggu tote and a Quince crossbody bag. Mostly wear black/white/neutrals and style is pretty minimalist/not very feminine.
https://www.quince.com/women/women-s-woven-leather-camera-crossbody?color=black&g_acctid=978-058-8398&g_adgroupid=169608750891&g_adid=703845811807&g_adtype=pla&g_campaign=&g_campaignid=21417780217&g_ifcreative=&g_ifproduct=product&g_keyword=&g_keywordid=pla-293946777986&g_merchantid=128669708&g_network=g&g_partition=293946777986&g_productchannel=online&g_productid=44322586132650&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjw2dG1BhB4EiwA998cqCK25Trd860pOsa7neVGrB1EVt4fTmEX-KVkqftoxKB8vm_sgghazRoCHlIQAvD_BwE&size=one-size&utm_campaign=&utm_medium=paid_search&utm_source=google&utm_term=44322586132650
Anon
The Tumi bag you are considering is too zipper-forward for my taste. I would look for an unadorned shape like that in woven leather, perhaps.
Anon
In your price range I’d do Cuyana.
Anon
YMMV, but I purchased a Clare V woven bag and returned it almost immediately. The weave was loose, pieces seemed to get “pulled out” very easily, and it was hard/impossible to make it look nice again.
Anon
Thanks-this is helpful. The Quince one I currently have is similar in style, so would consider a solid leather Clare V. one instead of woven.
Anon
At that price point and for everyday wear, I love my MZ Wallace bags.
Veronica Mars
The Spanish brand Bimba y Lola does a lot of black and nylon crossbodies that are a little bit more industrial/interesting. Might be worth a look.
Sierra Madre, Treasure of
Not OP but I’d never heard of this brand and it seems super cool! Thanks for recommending it.
Veronica Mars
They have the coolest jewelry too. As for quality of the bags, it’s excellent. I would buy a nylon crossbody during the rebajas/sales in January/February and wear the tar out of it all year. Never had any issues with the nylon tearing/holes like I’ve had with Longchamp (albeit I’ve had my longchamp tote longer and put heavier things in it). Only issue is the gold toned brass hardware will wear away, so it would look kind of that silvery metal underneath. I typically would get one nylon bag per year and “retire” the trashed one.
Anon
Someone here posted recently re TSA Cares. THANK YOU! This was so helpful to an elderly family member who was able to navigate a busy airport’s TSA screening thanks to it. Each airport’s agents were so caring and helpful. I had a lot of doubts with summer travel and weather delays but it was amazing.
Anonymous
yay! i’m glad it worked out for you guys.
Anon
Random question: has anyone here transferred into UNC — Chapel Hill? I’d love to hear your experience, especially if coming from a community college. My cousin is from rural Eastern NC and is smart and a hard worker. She is just feeling like she’s not cut from the right material, so to speak, which breaks my heart. She’s first generation even going to community college. I was an army brat and went to college in Texas, so of no help at all here.
emeralds
No experience with UNC Chapel Hill, but I went to a public university with a comparable profile (both academically and socially) and was friends with a few folks who transferred from community college. All of them said it was a big step up academically, even those who continued to have a strong academic track record after transferring. The culture piece is also huge, and transferring from a rural community college to UNC is going to be a big adjustment. UNC is big enough that there are all kinds of students, including lots of first-gen, low-income folks as well as other transfer students, and I’m sure that she’d be able to find her community…but the most visible culture on campus is unlikely to feel as familiar.
Fit is a huge part of college success. If your cousin doesn’t think UNC is the right fit for her, there are plenty of other strong schools in NC. Of course, this isn’t in any way meant to dissuade her from transferring to UNC, if that’s her goal or if there’s a specific reason (academic program, financial aid award, etc.) UNC is the right choice–just saying that it doesn’t have to be UNC or bust. NC State or other universities in the UNC system are legitimate choices that she may have legitimate reasons for preferring over UNC. Of course you want to support and encourage your cousin, but there’s no reason opting to transfer into a different four-year school should be “heartbreaking.”
Anon
I used to work at a different UNC system school and currently work at another university with lots of first gen and tr*nsfer students. She’s not alone! There are lots of other students like her and programs set up to help her. Take advantage of those programs to get help if she needs it (most people do, that’s totally normal) and to find other people that she can relate to.
Anon for this
Alumna from 10+ years ago. UNC is a melting pot of students from across NC – very rural students are represented and there is academic help if she needs it available (peer tutoring, etc). It’s probably the best springboard for a rural student to be exposed to new people, cultures, etc (with acknowledgement that it’s not going to be as diverse as other State Us because of the 80% strict requirement for in-staters vs OOS or international). It’s a good school. If she can get in, it’s probably the best financial bet she’ll make.
Anonymous
I didn’t transfer, but I did work at a law firm with a girl who did. She seemed like she was having a fine experience, but she was a very outgoing person. UNC-CH is a big state school, so it does have all types, but it’s also a very competitive school, so I do understand your cousin’s concerns. Has she considered another school in the UNC system? UNCG is also a great school, but has more non-traditional students if that’s her concern.
anon
I went to UNC 15+ years ago (gasp) so my perspective is probably a little out of date but hopefully still useful. When I attended, UNC was required to take 80ish% of its students from within the state. Not sure if that number has changed. The degree to which students were prepared for college varied widely, which is not surprising. I grew up in an area with lots of academically competitive magnet schools and the transition to college was not difficult to me, but I did see a lot of people who were top in their class at their schools in less competitive districts struggle during freshman year. Not everyone struggled, of course, and I think in general students flourished once they found their footing. UNC is a wonderful institution, with tremendous opportunities socially, academically, etc. The value for the money is unmatched (or at least it was 15 years ago). I would recommend that she proactively seek out tutoring, smaller classes, and other academic support at the outset if she does transfer. Maybe it won’t actually be necessary, but that way she’s giving herself every opportunity to start off on the right foot and gain confidence.
Vicky Austin
I knew a few summer camp coworkers who went to Chapel Hill and reported that it was very intense, so I bet your cousin is doing just fine!
Vicky Austin
I misunderstood the post!! I’m so sorry. I thought you were asking for benchmarks as to whether it was normal for your cousin to be having a hard time there. Maybe listen to other posters first.
Anon
UNC-CH is a great place to go to school, but it is VERY LARGE. It’s nice, because you can almost certainly find something that interests you, but on the other hand, she may need to look for those things instead of them finding her. If she’s a hard worker, and self-motivated, I’m sure she’ll do fine. I graduated almost 20 years ago, so it’s been a while, and I came in from out of state, so it did feel harder for me to make connections than people who were from NC who already had 10+ classmates going there, so hopefully she knows people there already who can ease her in. It’s also a nice small town setting, so shouldn’t be as overwhelming as a city would for someone coming from the country.
Fallen
I graduated from UNC in 2011. I was an out of state student, but my first roommate was from a similar background as your cousins and did great! I would highly recommend the school. It is large enough that your cousin could do well there and find her people.
Anon
Not UNC- Chapel Hill, but I went to a similar state school and knew a lot of students who transitioned from community colleges. These students tended to do well academically after they transferred, though they weren’t super integrated into the student body. (Most college students make their core friends during freshman/sophomore year.) Anecdotally, most of these students also found that they still needed to take additional pre-reqs once they transferred, so they still ended up paying 2.5-3 years of university tuition.
Anon
Caveat this post with noting that I graduated more than 15 years ago but I hope this is still helpful.I transferred from a liberal arts school in New England to UNC Chapel Hill after my freshman year. I was more concerned about the social adjustment than the academic adjustment so I might not be the best reference point but I loved my time at UNC. I found people to be friendly and take classes pretty seriously but nobody was cutthroat. As others have said, UNC pulls so heavily from in state that there was a surprising amount of diversity in political beliefs, rural v urban, etc. I’d assume she wouldn’t be the only one who feels like UNC was a big step academically. One random, specific piece of advice if she decides to transfer is to consider living in Granville Towers, which was basically a privately run dorm a block off of campus that had a floor designated for transfer students which made it a little easier to make friends. I was assigned to a dorm for students with kids (I guess that’s all that was left) so picked Granville Towers over that. If she gets into a better dorm on main campus, I’d go with that but Granville Towers was a good alternative. Another random and specific piece of advice is to think about how many of her community college credits will transfer. I went to a well-ranked college freshman year but ended up having to get special approval for some of my classes to transfer. It all worked out but was a pain to get the approvals.
Elle
I transferred from a small, not-academically-strong school in the UNC system to UNC-CH although I graduated in 2008. I would echo the advise of previous posters about finding a good niche, getting involved, etc. UNC has a ton of club sports, hobby groups, etc.
I also had a hard time my first semester, in part because I was used to getting A without a ton of work. Her study habits may need to be adjusted and certain assignments may require more time. What made her successful in the past may not be a successful strategy in the new environment. I suspect there is some imposter syndrome at play as well. I wish your cousin the best of luck.
P.S. loving all the Tar Heel representation here.
Anon
I’m posting late in the hopes you’ll see it. I agree with the last two posters at 11:36 and 11:57.
I’m a native NCian, and my high school was a UNC-CH feeder school, so I intentionally went out west to a small school to see new people and new things. Halfway through, I transferred back into CH.
I was assigned to Ruffin, a historic dorm right in the heart of campus, but my roommate literally never said a single word to me the entire semester. When I arrived, she was on the phone, and just…never spoke to me and would only grunt responses to me if I tried to chat. So, clearly no social circle there! I ended up being able to make friends through my itty bitty major (at the time, just ~40 students). I also got involved in a couple clubs and threw myself into those.
Someone above mentioned class, and I will say I personally met quite a few students from poor communities in eastern NC, and it didn’t really register for me, if that makes sense. Like, I knew they weren’t well off and were from the eastern part of the state, but I didn’t care. They may have felt self-conscious, but I wasn’t conscious. With a school that large, it’s possible to find your niche. Just…avoid the crowd that isn’t your crowd and seek out your own people.
Good luck to her. CH has alllll kinds of people. Your cousin will find her tribe!
Carol
Did anyone see the NY Times article about the chip manufacturer TSMC building a plant in Arizona and having a lot of cross cultural issues? Beyond this specific example it was interesting to read about the management-culture-class situation. I think that TSMC should have been more aware that this was likely to happen. The company I work at is US based but I do think adapts to the culture in each country a little bit – although everyone there does feel that overall the company is very American.
Anon
Did not see, but the Netflix documentary American Factory might be of interest. It follows a Chinese company that opens an auto glass factory in Ohio and hires a lot of laid-off, formerly union auto workers. Really interesting.
anonshmanon
Reminds me of Elon putting a Tesla factory on the outskirts of Berlin because he likes the nightlife or whatever, then being tripped up by things like labor protections and environmental regulations.
Carol
https:// http://www.nytimes.com /2024/08/08/ business/tsmc-phoenix-arizona-semiconductor.html
Veronica Mars
I’m surprised they didn’t mention the pay… that seems like the sticking issue with an insane work culture.
Anonymous
That article was, uh… very politically correct and you can tell they were trying to not rock the boat. There clearly is a more and less ethical labour model here but this presents both as equal.
Anon
That was very clearly the undercurrent for me – ‘why won’t these spoiled american workers accept working 20 hours a day for the benefit of the company?!?’
Uh, we have workers rights, protections, and a free market economy. Good luck trying to get gen Alpha or young gen-Z to work themselves half to death for less pay, those of us already in intense industries can tell you the younger generation just DNGAF about sacrificing themselves on the altar of capitalism.
Anecdata
Yeah, that was my main takeaway – sure, you can change up the structure of meetings, but the core of the issue was: expecting an all-in, all-hours performance for middling pay. It’s not just “cultural”; it’s that TSMC is the highest paid, highest prestige job in Taiwan, so people are more willing to make that trade; but in Arizona what they were offering what middle of the road for engineers. I know engineers who will work all hours for interesting, very lucrative work they’re excited about (it’s like big law; not everyone wants to make that trade but enough people do that it works)… but those engineers don’t want to work for TSMC money
Nesprin
I’ve heard about this- the whole thing struck me as propaganda. “oh americans are too lazy and won’t want to work more than 80 hours a week. If they form a union there’s no way we can possibly turn a profit.”
Anon
I worked at a F50 company that was notorious for long hours. I worked 60-80 hours a week. We all worked weekends and holidays and no one took vacation. I inherited a couple of coworkers from Bejing though a consolidation and once when I was complaining about not seeing my kids enough (this was months before I quit) my new colleague said “it’s so funny Americans think they work so hard.” Which she said after spending a couple of years in our culture and seeing how we all worked our asses off. Guess things are different in Bejing!
Anon
+10000000000000
Anonymous
Another article from earlier this year
https://restofworld.org/2024/tsmc-arizona-expansion/
(I work in this industry)
Anonymous
On the evil side?
Anon
Don’t most people who post here work on the evil side?
anonshmanon
I didn’t think so! Did we ever get a summary from the Dec reader survey?
Seventh Sister
It does sound like hubris on the part of the company to expect that workers would act the same just because they were doing the same work in a different place. While I think Americans work plenty hard, making computer chips isn’t saving lives in a battlefield hospital. A workplace with constant “emergencies” looks badly managed and staffed to an in-demand worker.
Anon
Can anyone share experiences with the Christmas markets in Canada? What do you think the best one is – I have read good things about Ontario and Quebec City. We would be coming from the South and have never seen snow. We aren’t big travelers – is one place easier to get to and navigate? We have middle school age kids. Some of you may remember I posted a while ago asking for recommendations for first time skiers but that idea has fallen through. I was thinking the Christmas markets might be an easier trip – less to figure out in terms of packing and preparing. Appreciate any input!
anon
I’d do Quebec City which is beautiful at Christmas. It is also significantly further north so you have better odds of seeing snow. City is completely easy to navigate. Tips – you will need actual winter clothes – boots, parka, wool sweaters, etc. – since there is a good amount of walking outside.
Emma
Quebec City is cute. Warning that it can be very, very cold in Quebec City around that time. Come prepared with several layers, appropriate footwear, hats and mittens. The City itself is pretty walkable. I would stay somewhere central (Chateau Frontenac is that’s in the budget) and walk/Uber/ride the cable car to the lower town. If you’re staying for more than a few days you can easily rent a car and do a day strip to ski at Mont St Anne or Le Massif.
Anon
Definitely Quebec City over Ontario.
Anonymous
Ontario is a whole province that is significantly larger than Texas, did you have any cities in mind? Personally I’d probably suggest QC as even in Ottawa snow can be a little hit and miss at Christmas these days due to climate change.
anon
No need to be put off. OP is just looking for guidance and I’m sure is aware Ontario is a large province. I don’t know that I’d bother with any Christmas market here in Ontario, it’s not like the Christmas Markets in Germany or other parts of Europe. I’d like a Junior League or charity Christmas Market in the South (Nutcracker in Houston for example) over anything in here honestly.
Anonymous
There certainly are cute Christmas markets like Stratford but those aren’t going to be known unless you’re local or a good researcher
anon
Thank you for sharing that! I had no idea and I’m in St Catherine’s.
Anonymous
Quebec city over Ontario for sure if you are looking for snow experiences.
If you want a more rural atmosphere and built in winter activities – Fairmont Montebello has on site snowshoeing/cross country skiing/tubing.
Anon
How ok are your kids with serious cold? I live in MA and ski in VT and Quebec is COLD on a different level. My family has serious winter gear and temps of 20-35 F is fine, but they’d be pretty cranky about walking around all day in 13F. The first time I went to VT to ski it was 5F and I learned pretty quickly denim (even just walking from the parking lot to the restaurants) was NOT enough in that weather. The old rule of ‘no bad weather just bad clothes’ is key – if you don’t already have good cold weather clothing you’ll need to buy or borrow it.
anon
Same. It’s not just like “ooh it’s cold, let’s have some hot coco!”… it’s like, I’m a life-long Bostonian, I love winter, and it was so bitterly cold we didn’t go out some days that time we visited the week before Christmas. QC is lovely, and huge endorsement for the Chateau Frontenac, especially if you get the concierge level, but you have to be READY.
Senior Attorney
Make sure you get a good room at the Chateau Frontenac. I was there in the fall and super excited to stay there, but we ended up with a room that literally looked out on an air shaft and it was quite disappointing.
Jane
Never been to Australia and looking at going in early winter. Sydney, Queensland and Perth look very expensive so thinking of secondary cities. Any thoughts, recs or tips appreciated! Nothing is decided yet including length of the trip but I don’t think I can pull longer than a week away from work.
Anon
Our winter or their winter? Perth is definitely what I’d call a secondary city — I don’t think it’s in the top 5 most visited Australian cities. I really liked Melbourne and recommend it highly, but with one week I wouldn’t do two cities in the same general area of Australia and Sydney is much more iconically Australia. Personally I’d do Sydney + the Great Barrier Reef if you only have one week.
Keep in mind that Australia is huge geographically. Getting from Sydney to Queensland takes some time and if you fly across the country to western Australia you’ll lose significant amounts of time to intra-country travel. It’s not worth it in a week, imo.
Anonymous
For a week, I would go to Sydney and Melbourne and that’s it. Perth is very far away! It is a big country! Don’t waste the time and money on secondary cities. I’m Australian, I’ve spent a lot of time in smaller cities. They’re lovely and a nice part of a longer trip but don’t fly 15 hours to go to Adelaide.
Seventh Sister
We did a two-week trip to Australia years and years ago and loved it. We did the touristy-ist of things – Sydney, Melbourne, and a trip to the national park with the fairy penguins. I’d love to go back and see more – the Great Barrier Reef, Uluru, and weirdly enough (because I’m obsessed with Secret City), Canberra even though that’s probably unrealistic. I’d also like to go to Tasmania. This is all the fault of your (excellent) TV shows – I got through COVID on Fisk, Kath & Kim, Pine Gap, and Secret City.
Anon
Fisk is so good!!
Anona
I did a two week trip several years ago to Sydney, Cairns, and Uluru. I guess it depends on where you’re coming from, but for me it was a once in a lifetime trip, and not worth doing if I wasn’t going to see the places I was most excited about, or that felt the most unique. Of those spots, Cairns was the least expensive, but we didn’t spend much time in town as we were mostly there to use it as a jumping off point to the GBR.
Anon
+1 to “it was a once in a lifetime trip, and not worth doing if I wasn’t going to see the places I was most excited about, or that felt the most unique.”
It’s weird to me to spend the significant amount of time and money to get to Australia and then not do the things you’re most interested in because they’re slightly more expensive than other things.
Anon
I traveled to Melbourne for work recently. I didn’t get to travel outside of the city, but I absolutely loved it. Amazing food/coffee scene. Chin Chin for dinner (do the “feed me” option), Lune croissant for treats (get there 20 min early to beat the line), and be sure to see a Footy game (have a meat pie or “rats’ coffin” as they say).
Mpls
I did a study abroad in Melbourne (ages ago) and concur with all of this (not the specific food stuff, since it’s been 20 years since I was there). Also consider the Queen Vic market. Especially the footy (Australian Rules Football), as Melbourne is home to about half the teams in the country. It is a seasonal sport though (it’s off season from cricket, as they share the cricket oval) and plays in the Australian winter.
There are also some decent day trips along the coast, either for natural landscape views (12 Apostles) or wineries.
Anon
I went to Sydney, Melbourne, and Perth in January a few years ago, but that was over more than two weeks and I still felt like I had flying visits to each city. Honestly its such an exhausting trip that I would fly in and out of one city and do side trips out of that city – like Sydney to the Blue Mountains, etc. The nature surrounding Perth was amazing and I actually loved the wine country south of the city – I think it could be cool to do just the West Coast of Australia for a week but I definitely wouldn’t combine it with somewhere else. Melbourne is really fun as a city, its the place I thought I would be most comfortable living if I had reason to move to Australia. I think it’s going to be expensive regardless but its a fun place to visit!
Anon
Highly recommend Queensland and the Great Barrier Reef. We stayed in a smaller town called Port Douglas instead of Cairns. There isn’t a ton of do there, but it was a great jumping off point for reef tours. Blue Mountains is a very pleasant side trip from Sydney. I liked Sydney but also thought it was a city much like any other city. We had to fly in and out of there, so I’d recommend a day on the front or back in to see the iconic sites there but otherwise spend your time elsewhere. I’d try to spend at least 10 days if possible…the flights are long if you are coming from the US!!
Anon
I honestly can’t imagine going all the way to Australia and skipping Sydney. It is an amazing city! Worth the expense to visit. If you’re only going for a week, I would do Sydney and somewhere near the Great Barrier Reef. Definitely can skip Perth on such a short time frame IMO.
Anon
Queensland is a state, not a city. Brisbane is def cheaper than Sydney. What kind of experience are you after? A city-focused trip? Go to Sydney or Melbourne probably. Brisbane doesn’t have a reputation as a cool, hip city amongst Australians, but it’s definitely changing. The weather can be really hot and muggy if you’re going during their summer, though.
Anon
I see a common recommendation of instead of meal prepping, prep ingredients and then you can quickly throw that into a meal. I’m thinking I might do this with a protein (likely chicken, but I eat everything) and maybe veggies / grains too (but they’re easy to do quickly).
If you do this, how do you use the prepped ingredients?
FWIW, I’m no great at traditional meal prep but I want to be less dependent on takeout or frozen packaged meals (okay with meals I cook and freeze). I work in the office and then I go straight to training for a sport after work several nights a week, getting home around 830 hungry and ready to eat.
I’m also down for other suggestions on feeding myself dinner after practice if you have them! Looking for quick but healthy.
Anon
I don’t like the prepping ingredients approach because it’s effectively “touching everything twice.” I prefer to do simple meals that don’t require prep. The downside is that it can get boring, but if you’re OK with boring it can be a really good fit. Examples of my quick meals include Applegate chicken tenders over spinach salad, scrambled eggs with fruit or whatever sliced veggies I have and probably some toast, quick vegetarian burritos on the stove top, chickpea pasta with frozen organic meatballs..
Anon
Oh, and pre-sliced veggies like brussels sprouts and broccoli are your friend.
Veronica Mars
Check out 5 dinners 1 hour on tiktok. Their system is different than most meal prepping because you prep everything raw and cook it when needed. It worked really well for me. The steak bites recipe was life changing – it was so much easier to make than I used to do it so now I eat some variation of it with flank steak once a week (price permitting). If you look on their pinterest/blog/tiktok, they offer many recipes with the system for free. And you can buy PDFs of their recipes on the website for $10 a pop. I’m a paid subscriber but that’s mostly for the grocery list functionality. I think once you get the hang of it it’s really easy to learn and do yourself.
Anonymous
What about doubling recipes on the weekend and freezing? Like make a batch of chili and freeze 3 portions separately or double your lasagna recipe and freeze in one dinner size amount.
I find quick meals are easiest when I’m using prepared meat – like chicken burgers with different veggies for toppings, or pasta with jar of sauce and adding veggies/frozen meatballs or reheating frozen homemade sauce. Homemade tomato cream soup with grilled cheese with nicer cheeses is also a quick and easy meal.
For fall and winter I’m a big fan of soups that freeze well. I’ll always double the batch and freeze the extra. I don’t meal prep but I do meal plan so I don’t end up eating the same thing twice in a week.
anon
I’m always amused by this suggestion since it works best for people living alone (although it’s a good one!). It doesn’t work when you live with a husband or other roommate who makes leftovers disappear. If I make more food, he eats more leftovers as snacks, but there are still no leftovers available two days later.
Anonymous
I’m married with 3 kids and it works fine for us. Leftovers that are planned for a future dinner are frozen right away. Leftovers that are for lunches/snacks are in the fridge. DH and I share cooking duties so he’s just as likely to be the one making a double batch of chili on a Saturday to freeze to use for dinner two weeks later when the kids have a soccer tournament.
Anon
+1 to freezing things right away. In our house the rule is that cooked food in the fridge is up for grabs but don’t touch the ‘ingredients’ (not that my kids/husband are likely to grab the chicken breasts and cook those up for a midday lunch). I also usually make an extra protein on Sunday for lunches/easy weeknight dinners. It’s usually just throwing something extra on the grill (burgers plus chicken breasts) or putting something in the slow cooker (sauce, chicken, chili) while I make a more involved dinner.
Anon
Similar here. There are leftovers and planned overs. Leftovers can be grabbed for snacks and lunches, planned overs have a role in an upcoming meal and can’t be touched.
Anonymous
This is a respect/boundary issue. I’ve had partners who will eat everything too but we had a sit down chat about why that’s not cool and I’m specifically making extra food to save myself time in the future, so stealing my labour and food is sh*tty.
Anon
This is interesting. I can’t imagine having that conversation or accusing a spouse of stealing labor. How did it go over?
Anon
Honestly, labeling containers is a game changer. I mostly do it for the date that things are opened (like yogurt) or made and then refrigerated or frozen (leftovers). Nothing stopping you from writing “Sarah’s lunch for Friday 10 August” on your leftovers.
If someone eats it even then, you have a talk with them about how it is not okay to screw up your plans, and then have that person remake a lunch for you.
Anecdata
uhh this sounds like a problem that is either solvable with some sticker labels; or by not being in that relationship
Cat
This is what we do – like we’re making chicken one night? We aren’t just putting that night’s serving in the oven, we are roasting like 8 chicken breasts and then portioning out the others into foil packets to freeze in serving sizes.
We haven’t had any issues with anyone raiding “that was supposed to be dinner” intentional leftovers stash.
Anon
To confirm – you freeze cooked chicken? Do you do just plain chicken or more of a dish? And how does it reheat?
Cat
Yes, frozen after cooking. Some are prepared plain (i.e., olive oil, salt and pepper), some marinated. I use aluminum foil to section off portions of the pan for the different flavors.
Defrost in the fridge so it doesn’t get too warm during the day, and then either eat cold (tossed in salads or pasta) or warm up in the toaster oven (covered so it doesn’t dry out) so it doesn’t get that weird microwave texture.
Anon
Ok this is helpful! Thank you – the idea of freezing cooked (but not in soup or casserole) meat never occurred to me before!
Anon
I do this and it works really well for me.
I will combine whatever I have into a rice bowl, a quinoa bowl, or a salad, typically. Sometimes will use it on a sandwich. Honestly I will also just throw extra veggies or protein into leftovers as well.
anon
Similar work + after work gym – I make lunch my marquee meal and lean into breakfast-ish food for dinner. Oatmeal with protein, eggs in a basket, beans on toast, etc. because I’m already getting home late and cooking time is insult to injury.
anon
I generally do this method. My normal prep is 2 types of protein (i normally do shredded chicken and ground beef or turkey), 2-3 carb sources (could be rice, sweet potatoes, beans, etc), and veggies (greens, roasted veg, steamed brocolli), and having some planned sauces/seasoning-both store bought and made (chipotle lime yogurt for mexican, japanese barbeque sauce for asian, tahnini dressing for greek).
Then each night or morning i do a mix and match for lunch prep or at dinner time. Lunch could be grain, veggie, chicken with tahini dressing while dinner could be sweet potato with chicken, beans and any sauce.
Anonymous
I just start small. My experience differs greatly from the poster above who doesn’t like to touch things twice. For example, roasted precooked chicken sausage and sliced onions and peppers on a sheet pan is somehow much much easier if the parchment paper and foil are already on the pan and the veggies are sliced. It’s five minutes early in the morning that somehow makes everything so much easier. I don’t know why but it works for me. Sometimes I’ll do something as small as literally pulling the ingredients from the pantry earlier in the day and it helps me at dinner time.
Anon
I don’t really meal prep, but I use down time while cooking to get ahead on the rest of the week’s food. Last night we had roast veggies, marinated roast chicken, and a baguette. While the chicken and veggies were in the oven I stayed in the kitchen and spent ~8 minutes slicing up cucumbers, red peppers, mincing herbs, and sticking the brisket in a marinade and putting that in the fridge. This morning I threw the brisket in the slow cooker, and we’ll have crudites (peppers, cucumbers, baby carrots) with buttered egg noodles and parsley for dinner tonight.
There is a decent amount of down time during cooking so it’s just easiest for me to use the time I’m already in the kitchen to clean and prep food for the rest of the week.
Anon
I like this approach as well. I prefer freshly cooked food and don’t mind throwing chicken in a pan or firing up the rice cooker. The active work of cleaning and chopping vegetables (and the resulting dirty dishes) is the annoying part. It’s easier to rinse the next night’s veggies while my colander is already out and dice the rest of my onion, and then my prepped ingredients are ready to toss in a pan the following day. The second day feels more like assembling dinner than performing a multi-step process.
anon
I use the pre-prepped carrots (shredded) and cabbage (coleslaw base) for egg roll in a bowl. It’s the quickest and tastiest dinner I do in a pinch.
Anon
Say more, what goes in this?
anon
There are lots of variations on the recipe, but it’s basically a bowl involving shredded cabbage. Here is an example – https://natashaskitchen.com/egg-roll-in-a-bowl-recipe/
There are fully keto versions. I’ve done it with beef or pork. I’ve done it with more carrots. I’ve done it with or without some of the garnishes. All turned out great. I do this almost every week now. I really like to load up the ginger.
Anon
Thank you!!
Anon
Thanks for the tips. Further clarification: I live alone, eat a hearty lunch (usually a Sweetgreen salad), and ideally don’t cook at all, but if I do cook its once a week and is a set it and forget it meal (roasted veggies and baked or crockpot chicken) . I don’t even have the desire to scramble eggs + veggies most nights.
Apartment sized freezer (it’s so small!) so I don’t freeze as much as I’d like, but in the winter I do make and freeze soups.
Anonymous
What about making extra chicken when you do the crockpot chicken? You can put it in the fridge and use for fajitas/wraps/tacos later in the week.
Anonymous
Youre getting a healthy lunch. You’re exercising. You don’t like cooking. You have my permission to eat cheese and crackers or cereal or whatever you want for diner. If not I like frozen bagged rice in the microwave with salsa and black beans and shredded cheese or premade guac. You can get crazy and brown your favorite ground meat earlier in the week and toss it in there too.
anon
Pick up a rotisserie chicken once a week, and tear from it for several meals.
Fish cooks fast in the oven. Choose your favorite
Peanut butter on something one meal.
Get one of those cheap amazing egg cookers. Keep hard boiled eggs in the fridge.
Tuna from a can one meal.
Choose your vegetables to go around it based on what’s seasonal. If you’re willing to go to the effort to cut and roast vegetables, then you can deal with that. Keep lots of fresh fruit. Grains/carbs are less important.
It doesn’t sound like food is a big priority for you. So just keep it simple.
anonshmanon
If you are happy with the frequent salad for lunch, and assuming you want dinner not to be another salad, I would look towards sandwiches and stir fries. So you could prep things that go on a good slice of bread (boiled eggs, spreads of roasted mushroom, eggplant, pumpkin, caramelized onion, hummus topped with slices of a beautiful tomato, white beans with wilted greens), or things that will help you finish a stir fry in under 10 minutes (for me that would be washing and prechopping bell peppers with all their nooks and crannies, roasting some vegetables with a long cook time, mixing a sauce ready to pour over the stir fry, marinating a block of tofu or some other protein, precooking rice, making sure I have my favorite frozen veg on hand). This is getting more into meal planning but it also helps with my mental load to have a plan written down with specifics, e.g. Stir fry – use up cabbage and roasted onion. My ideal meal plan has 3-6 meals planned out, taking into account what I want to use up from fridge, freezer or pantry. I don’t typically assign specific days, but I cook whatever I feel like from my ‘menu’.
Anon
My easy meals are just sandwiches or oatmeal.
I am conflicted on sandwiches – I try to avoid ultra processed deli meat but it is so easy and good protein. I usually do whole wheat toast, turkey, occasionally cheese, and honey mustard or hummus OR roast beef + horseradish. If I’m ambitious I’ll throw in a handful of fruit or baby carrots + hummus for veggies.
I do old fashioned oats in the microwave with protein powder and berries too. It is annoying to have to keep berries on hand though (I know I could do frozen but I don’t like them as much).
I also have days where I just only eat smoothies. Frozen berries, frozen spinach, protein powder, full fat Greek yogurt, milk, chia seeds. I know it’s not ideal to live off of smoothies, but I’m lazy and they’re healthy (two servings of fruit and veggies, good balance of protein, carbs, and fats).
I don’t cook much, but I do occasionally cook a frittata with veggies and sometimes a meat – once again a good balance. I can freeze this too.
Anonymous
I’m a big fan of chickpea salad sandwiches as a planet friendly non carcinogenic option
Anan
I usually prep a protein that I can eat as a salad. Lately I’ll make a big batch of marinated beans. Then for dinner, eat it as a salad with cucumbers, peppers, tomatoes. If I want it heartier, I’ll add pasta for a pasta salad.
Another favorite lately is curries chickpea salad (from Nora Cooks), which I will eat as a sandwich, as a wrap, or in lettuce.
We don’t have a microwave, so i just eat food (including leftovers) cold if I don’t feel like cooking.
Anonymous
Look for «meal prep like a chef» on youtube, loads of people have videos on this.
Anonymous
we sometimes do this and generally go for chicken breasts in the crockpot with a jar of salsa or lean ground beef with taco seasoning… then you can add it to salad, use a high fiber burrito and some cheese to make a wrap, or even put it on nachos or a nacho-substitute (cut-up crispy tortillas, red peppers, whatever).
Also take a look at “dense bean salad” girl on TikTok (Violet Witchel I think) — I love the idea of making a salad with tons of beans (so healthy) that just gets better as the week goes on.
I’m one of those people who, if I’m not in the mood for it, it doesn’t matter how much effort I put into prepping it, so I generally prefer to make my own meals for the freezer. I like Stealth Health although I sub beans for a lot of the recipes that need to be reheated with microwaving, and I’ve had OK luck with Zach Coen recipes. Stay Fit Mom is good also but I find most of theirs aren’t best for the freezer.
Anon
There are a couple of companies in my city that do prepared microwave meals, kind of like factor or whatever, but they are local so seem fresher/taste better than the mail order ones. They aren’t inexpensive, but they have a variety of options that you can order ahead or pick up. They are also geared toward fitness folks so include macros and such and are “better” health wise than most take out. Maybe your city has something like that?
Anecdata
Some of my “hungry now!” not-really-cooking meals are:
Instant ramen with an extra chug from every open bag of frozen veggies I have (corn, peas, edamame, diced carrots); and a couple frozen gyoza or dumpling (just add to the boiling water); and an egg cracked on top
poached eggs on toast
avocado toast
cheese and crackers
PBJ on toasted bread (somehow the warm bread makes it feel a lot more like “dinner” food to me, idk)
Cottage cheese on toast
Oatmeal with chia seeds, frozen berries, yogurt
Cheerios in milk
Can of chickpeas + pasta + jarred tomato sauce
Giant smoothie – full fat Greek yogurt and milk; big scoop of peanut butter; and then any frozen fruit or leafy greens that are around gets a pretty good nutritional balance. Also when I’m too hungry to think straight after a workout; I throw this all in the blender straight away, and take the first glass to the shower with me. It’s the best.
I also guess I eat a lot of “ingredients” without making a meal… so I might eg scramble an egg but also want some vegetables. I am ok with just eating raw carrots or handfuls of spinach straight out of the bag – it doesn’t have to be in the “meal”.
(For all this, I really enjoy cooking a fancy dinner and trying complex recipes on weekends!)
Anon
Do non-recruited college athletes have to pay to participate in college sports, particularly at the DII level? I have a high schooler at a public school, and parents have to find all the associated fees, transportation costs, and uniforms. Is it the same in college? Conversely, are there perks of being an athlete, like free healthcare, reduced meal costs, etc? Just curious whether encouraging my kid to continue with the sport will add to or lessen our college burden.
Anonymous
I played DIII and I didn’t have any fees associated with it, though there was a number of out of pocket costs — we were provided one pair of shoes per season (the team picked, so if you wanted others for competition, you had to purchase) and our uniforms. All training apparel was paid for by the athletes. We had access to trainers, but it was hardly top-notch, so if you were really injured, you may need to seek healthcare beyond that. We had a meal stipend for travel, but otherwise food was either our meal plan or on our own.
Anon
Former (recruited) college tower here at a bad D1 program.
We had 1 scholarship for the team, split 4 ways. One rower per year got 1/4th of the scholarship. Rowing is a famously expensive sport so we had team dues even as D1 varsity athletes, don’t get me started.
We got our uniform and one set of warmups (t shirt, sweatshirt, sweatpants) and jacket issued, any additional gear we had to buy (it was optional). I believe they started issuing more shirts (enough for each day of practice) after I graduated.
Very limited perks – sports med was free but that was only for sports related injuries, other healthcare was on us or what the university already provided to all students. No deals on meal plans. No dorms or dining halls or gyms just for athletes. There was a student athlete lounge – just a room in the athletic complex with tables and chairs (nothing cool) where I sometimes did homework. There was one academic success advisor for the whole athletic department. I went to her once and I think she gave me a canned handout on study skills and reminded me the university provided group tutoring (which was provided free for everyone). I had trouble with registration one year and she couldn’t get me an override, I had to work through my major advisor. Only perk was once a week, only in our main season, we’d get our official team clothing washed.
My brothers wrestled in college (one was D1 and one was D3) and they both had better “perks” than I had but overall pretty pathetic ones compared to what people think (neither had scholarships, discounts on meal plans, or anything).
At my school, other teams definitely had better “perks” than rowers but a) it varied by team and b) once again nothing was great. Not a single team had scholarships for everyone, dining perks, extra tutoring, healthcare etc. The teams that had it better just got more funding and thus had more gear issued or nicer facilities.
I have a very love hate relationship with college athletics. In some ways it was the best thing I did, and in some ways it’s not at all worth it. It also 100% needs to be the student’s decision to carry on. The lifestyle is hard.
FWIW, we had probably 10 practices a week; 3 mornings a week (5:45-7:30), rush back to campus to shower, eat and go to class. Then practice every afternoon from ~4:30-6:30. Once or twice a week we’d lift from 7:30-8:30 pm too. Then go home, finish homework, and get ready to go do it all again. Races on Saturdays. Only allowed to “go out” on Saturday nights. I was just constantly exhausted and stressed and honestly frequently sick.
Anon
Oh and for meals:
If we were traveling overnight (2-3x a year; 4 or 5 to a hotel room) the school would pay for dinner – usually Olive Garden.
Otherwise on race days (which were long days), we’d be on our own to pack food + parents coming to watch would usually bring us stuff.
When we were on campus training when dining halls were closed (1 week of winter break, all of spring break, 1 week of summer break) we’d get $50 / week for groceries. Usually 1 team dinner out or ordered in provided by the school, but the rest of the nights we’d eat together of food we’d BYO.
Anonymous
Typically neither. You don’t have to pay to play but you also don’t get paid to play. Your kid should play a sport because they love it and it enriches their life.
Anon
yea, i don’t understand why you think that most college athletes should get extra perks
Anon
I think the answer to the unreasonable demands placed on college athletes is to revert college athletics to that they were 20 years ago.
I graduated 10 years ago and it was untenable but watching my younger cousins playing sports in college now, it’s somehow gotten worse. And I played field hockey and my cousin wrestles. Nothing is a big name sport.
Anon
No, and no, in my experience.
Anon
I had a D1 and a D3 athlete. D1 did not cost more, but my daughter was on a full sports scholarship. She got some free healthcare for sports-related injuries, but the multiple surgeries required for her career-ending injury were paid by us and our insurance even though the athletic department arranged for the surgeries and set her up with the surgeon who committed malpractice. But I digress.
My D3 athlete’s sport costs us a few hundred dollars a year to pay for part of a particular trip. Some programs make their athlete fundraise, though, and that can be very time consuming. I have an almost-son playing at an HBCU, and they spend their fall Saturdays working security at SEC football games that are a 4-hour bus ride away. It make for a long, long day for them. I don’t now what the SEC school pays the HBCU for providing 35 volunteers, but it can’t possibly be enough. The SEC school does not pay the players directly. Another friend’s son does something similar. My son has never had to fundraise, so it is clearly not all schools or all sports.
Anon
Unless you’re at a big name D1 school, you’re not getting perks. To get the good good perks, you pretty much need to be big name school and revenue sport or be the best or one of the best programs in your sport (UNC field hockey, for example).
I played a sport (D1) at a Patriot League school, 1 brother played at an Ivy, 1 played D3, and my third brother played a revenue sport at an ACC school. The only one with good perks was the ACC brother.
Anon
I can’t speak to DII but my dd walked on to a DI team. Her fees, transportation to games, and uniforms and training gear were covered. She was given a “shoe allowance” that did not cover all of her athletic shoes. When they traveled overnight for competition, her meals and lodging were covered. Extra tutoring was available, although she never needed it, and athletes got free printing — not sure if that’s a thing now that papers can be submitted electronically. She eventually received a 1/2 scholarship for the sport in her sophomore year and then a 75% scholarship her last two years. She had substantial merit aid as well. A huge perk for her was that athletes got first dibs in scheduling their classes, which meant that she always got the schedule and classes that she wanted/needed and never ended up on a wait list. She credits her college athletic career as one of the great perks in her life, life-long friends, skills, knowledge, and the confidence that it gave her are invaluable.
Anon
Walked on to a strong D1 crew team in the late 00s. Paid nothing out of pocket, got tons of free swag (seriously… I’m still wearing all the Nike gear from those days). When we traveled for races we got a per diem for food, occasionally we spent more but I don’t recall it ever being much more (I’m very frugal so would have remembered). Week long training trips in winter were fully covered by the program: transportation, meals, hotel. It was probably pretty neutral financially on the whole?
Anon
Fellow rower, but at a poorly funded / not big name D1 program and I’m jealous – the only issued gear I still have is my Boathouse jacket.
Going from a high school program where we had a tank to a college program without tanks (or even a private erg room) was quite eye opening.
Anon
The only perk I got was being able to register for classes before the rest of the students. It was really necessary, because I had to work my class schedule around the practice schedule.
Anonymous
This is how all the football players got into the best chemistry classes despite consistently failing them (and also getting free tutoring). Priority class picking was maddening for academic students.
Anon
Please don’t insinuate that college athletes also aren’t academic students. Of course, there are some who aren’t, but most are both.
The overwhelming majority of college athletes never make a cent off of their sport. Especially female athletes. They work just as hard for their education because they know that’s the only career they’ll have.
Anonymous
Luckily they eventually got kicked out of school for not maintaining grades, but my first two years of schedules were really messed up for no good reason.
Anon
While playing a sport was my choice (and I had no scholarship), the reason I needed priority scheduling was because I had 2 hours of morning practice and 2 hours of afternoon practice every day. I had to fit my classes in between 8am and 4:30 pm. I also had to fit my work study in that time.
A regular day for me was up at 5, practice 6-7:30, shower at the gym, rush to an 8am and go to class / work study / meetings with my coaches or athletics leadership / maybe the library for a full day, go straight from class to practice from 4:30-7ish. Then I’d get back to my dorm, for the first time all day, at 7pm after leaving around 5:30am. To then eat dinner, shower, and start my homework.
Walked away with a double major and a minor from a top 40 university with most semesters on deans list and extensive work on school athletic and non athletic leadership initiatives.
professor
as a college professor, most of the football players I have taught are definitely much more interested in athletics than in academics. The whole “scholar athlete” thing is mostly a scam to avoid paying them imo. It does vary by sport (often, individual sports are better than team sports vis-a-vis academics.)
Anon
Absolutely agree with this, based on my experience as both a student and a professor. I’m sure this depends on the university, but I’ve had many fantastic student athletes in my classes and went to college with several Olympic level athletes that were also very good students (many ended up in med school or got PhDs). I have no problem with giving them priority class registration so that they can mange their schedules better. If this causes problems for everyone else, then the problem is that the university is so underfunded that they can’t offer enough sections for student demand, which is a separate problem that should be addressed.
Anon
That’s a shame that football players aren’t there for the academics. As the largest team and probably one of the most visible teams on campus, I’m sure that sullies the reputation of other student athletes.
Our coach took academics very seriously and expected us to as well. There is quite literally no pro circuit for our sport – even the gold medalists from the Olympics have day jobs.
The punishment for being late to class, skipping class, and goofing off or not paying attention in class were the same as the punishments for being late to practice, missing practice, or goofing off in practice.
The only permissible reason to miss practice was illness (we never had to miss for competition). If you were sick you had to contact your professor before class to tell them, coordinate when you would be at office hours to make up missed material, and hand in any work that wasn’t electronically submitted. We had to introduce ourselves to the professor after the first class too.
We had mandatory study hours 5 nights a week (Sunday – Thursday) and I actually remember having to do push-ups for punishment in study hours because I wasn’t focused or something.
I forget the school’s minimum GPA for athletes, but he out athletes on probation for going below a 3.0, which was certainly above the school’s minimum.
Not only should all student athletes recognize that they’re students first and athletes second, but there’s no full time pro in my sport. I know a few Olympic medalists (as of last week) who have full time jobs row in addition to those jobs. Being the best in the world at our sport doesn’t pay the bills.
Anon
+1 to knowing Olympians who were still good students in college and who went on to advanced degrees or impressive non-athletic careers.
I’m a former D1 athlete. I know a few Olympians in my sport. I have other friends in my sport who won national championships. None of us put school on the back burner for sports. People I know include big law lawyers (with a JD from HYP), doctors (MDs and PhDs), a wide array of healthcare workers (NPs, PAs, PTs… including two NPs who worked COVID ICUs for 2 years), engineers, investment bankers, consultants at top firms, military officers, and government officials in the background doing really cool, important work.
Don’t paint us all with the same brush.
Nonny
Youngest DII 330 lb . offensive lineman and oldest DII 6’6″ basketball player at state universities in the midwest early 2000’s could buy Nike training clothes, sweatshirt, sweatpants etc. at good prices which was good help financially because big and tall men clothes are expensive. One roomate told my son to just have his shirts custom made which at the time was $175. per shirt!! Said roomate also had a 10K Bose sound systemin the dorm room.
Anon
Playing a college sport typically doesn’t really change a family’s financial burden. Full or half scholarships are rare. Most teams don’t require you to pay. But, you might have to buy gear or other things (more food than you’ll get through your meal plan to offset how much you’re expending).
The real burden is the time and energy and dedication of the athlete. Even D3 and smaller D1 programs, in every sport, require way, way more time and effort than the general public would assume. The NCAA sets limits in how many hours can be spent in practice a week, but virtually every program exceeds that with creative workarounds. Those hours don’t cover team study hours, meetings, film, getting treatment for injury, and the like. Let alone the time spent traveling to competitions.
~2 practices a day for a total of ~ 4 hours most days a week was the norm for me, plus probably an extra 10 hours a week on mandatory non practice stuff (extra workouts, team meetings, 1 on 1 meetings with the coach, film, study hours). Plus treatment or prevention for injuries. Plus a lot of mental energy on nutrition, hydration, sleep, sports psychology. Plus, you know, school. My team had lots of engineers so school was rigorous. Plus having fun – it is college after all.
Anon
I feel like it’s almost always a wash financially. You just hear more about the instances of full scholarships or paying team dues / fundraising. But usually it’s a wash, at least in my experience
Anon88
I’m extremely burned out and overwhelmed at work, and am trying to figure out if there’s a way for me to take leave for a couple months to decompress. Is it worthwhile to try to get FMLA leave first, before asking for unpaid leave? It feels shady to apply for FMLA, but some googling around says that mental health/burnout are legitimate uses for it. I’ve been at my company for 8 years and am in good standing. I’ve never taken any leave beyond PTO.
Any advice? What would you do in my place?
anon
What is your work vacation policy? My coworker applied for unpaid leave at work and was offered a shorter but paid leave.
Anon
I’m confused about FMLA vs unpaid leave — FMLA is unpaid, unless you have a separate bank of paid leave (sick, vacation, etc) to use, and even then FMLA normally runs concurrently with the paid leave. I took two weeks off for a mental health issue (anxiety causing insomnia) a couple of years ago. I used sick leave but also had to fill out FMLA paperwork and use 2 weeks of my 12 weeks of FMLA. My employer requires the FMLA clock to run for any sick leave over one week, which I think is a fairly standard policy. If you don’t have paid leave available, it would be unpaid FMLA, and yes you should go through the FMLA process. Even if not required, it helps to protect your job.
Also gently you’ve posted about this several times now – if it’s weighing on you this heavily, you should do it, and soon.
Anon88
I think you might be conflating me with another poster– I don’t think I’ve posted about this before, though I have been thinking about it!
anon
I hear you. People post with a similar question regularly.
Anon
This is a very similar question from someone with the exact same username: https://corporette.com/the-favorite-pant-2/#comment-4584536
Anon
FML is not a separate paid leave bucket under US law, but it provides job protections and can allow you to use other paid leave that you may have. Some employers may offer a paid leave similar to FML.
Sierra Madre, Treasure of
Mental health and burnout are perfectly appropriate reasons to take FMLA. Your health is suffering and you need time to take care of it.
Note 1: FMLA is unpaid leave (you may already know that but your wording gave me pause). It protects your job.
Note 2: I would recommend taking some time during your leave to think about how to prevent being back in the same place when you return. I’ve seen someone take eight weeks of FMLA, only to end up feeling just the same when they went back to work.
Whatever you decide to do, I hope you start feeling better soon.
Anon
Intermittent FMLA is a life saver
anon
I mean…. the spirit of FMLA is not “to take a couple of months to decompress….”, but if a doctor thinks your diagnosed depression / anxiety is serious enough to require intense and immediate treatment, then sure… ask your doctor to sign the forms.
Anecdata
Unless your company or state has a special provision providing pay, FMLA leave is unpaid
Anon
Hard to say without knowing more. Do you have an understanding boss? Can you take a less controversial kind of leave like a long vacation where you actually turn off? Can you share your overwhelm with your boss? Are you a high performer who’s valued? All of that factors into what your moves could be. Personally, I’d do FMLA for stress as a last resort.
anon
My grandmother was “the other woman” I am learning. She has passed away and we never really had much to do with her family. I always knew that there was tension but had no idea how much. I think everyone sort of intentionally avoided the topic because it was so touchy. She had a 15 year affair with my grandfather who was married with 2 kids, and he left his family to be with her, and then our family came about. It’s hard to come to terms with because she and my grandfather were so good to me, but they both really hurt a lot of people who are coming out of the woodwork now and voicing their hurt. It just makes me sad the whole situation.
Cat
oh man. That is tough. But it’s not your fault, and the people unloading pent up anger on you need to take several seats.
anon
I agree. What your grandparents did has nothing to do with you. I am sure it’s hard to come to grips with this, though.
Anonymous
My grandfather abandoned his first family and ran off to a new country with my grandma. I am the product of the running away/affair. TBH I have no advice since I haven’t dealt with the issue myself. No one will do 23 & me because we don’t want that drama and AFAIK the first family hasn’t found us. The first family is very poor though and I do have some guilt about that but it’s not my responsibility or fault.
Anonymous
Why in this situation does society put 100% of the blame on the women? For a man to leave his family, there has to be an issue. She wasn’t just some s**ut who lured a good and decent man away from his loving wife and family. You can’t know what happened 50+ years ago. Just be glad they were good to you and don’t think less of them.
Anonymous
Yup. I can’t imagine being worked up about this
Anon
The grandma did something immoral for 15 years. The grandpa is more responsible but the grandma is responsible as well. As for OP, it’s possible to love someone and also recognize that they did some bad things. At this point you’re not going to get closure, you’re not going to learn additional information that makes their actions justified…it just it what it is. Why are you in contact with these people who are coming out of the woodwork? Are they asking anything of you or your parents?
Anon
Hug.
Don’t condemn your grandmother and let your grandfather off the hook. He was the one who made vows, not her.
If they had a 15 year long affair and then time after that to have another family, how young was she when this affair started? How old was he?
If it helps: consider how different of a time it was. People married young and it meant that a lot of bad marriages happened. People didn’t really get divorced – it was scandalous. Had this all happened in 2024, your grandfather may very well have peaced out of bad marriage within a short time frame and been single when he started things with your grandmother.
I’m not saying this lightly. I have friends and family who are 70+ years old and they all say that people just didn’t get divorced, even when it was obvious early on that it was a bad match. It lead to a lot of affairs, usually a decade-plus after the original marriage should have ended.
Anon
I don’t see the point of digging into everyone’s hurt caused by people who are now dead. This is not your fault. Don’t take on their pain. You don’t have to fix it for them. It happened, it’s in the past, and you had nothing to do with it.
Anon
+1. Just be glad they were good to you.
Anon
Maybe I’m weird but I just see this as a fascinating story, and I’d want to know the details for purely the interest alone or to use as fodder for writing a novel. In no way shape or form would I be embarrassed about it or take on any guilt or love my grandparents any less.
PolyD
If you are weird, so am I.
My sister and I recently found out that one of our great-uncles, who always presented as a very dignified man, had a years long affair with another woman while he was married. Said woman also lived with him and his wife and his child for a while. But I guess his wife, my great-aunt, didn’t care too much, because she had a boyfriend who also lived with them for a while.
This was back in the 1950s and they were all recent-ish immigrants, so I guess housing was tight. I find this story totally fascinating and don’t really think less of anyone in the picture, it was so very long ago.
Anon
Same! It’s like the plot of every Nicholas Sparks novel. I also like some spice in the family history.
Anon
Eh, my family has some skeletons in the closet and it’s not hard to see the legacy of pain. The kids all end up divorced or never married and the grandkids hurt, too. The OP’s parent’s half siblings are hurting; they probably lost their dad when the grandfather ran off with the OP’s mom. The grandkids from that side might not have known their grandfather.
I don’t really judge because I believe that a miserable marriage can just wreck people, and I’m deeply grateful that we live in an era of no-fault divorce. (I loathe divorce, I truly do, but I don’t think that forcing people to accuse the other of fault is the way to go.) But this sort of thing does cause a lot of pain.
Anon
But what good does it do for OP to feel guilt and shame about it?
Anon
Did you respond to the correct comment? I was responding to the person who said she would think it’s juicy gossip.
Senior Attorney
One thing that is helpful to me is to remember that people are complicated and they are not only the worst thing they ever did. It’s possible for them to be the loving grandparents you remember, while also being the villains who hurt a lot of people along the way. It’s okay to be sad but you don’t have to let it ruin your positive memories of them. And you don’t have to engage with/defend them to the coming-out-of-the-woodwork people.
Anon
This, a billion times. Life is complex. You don’t have to shoulder other people’s experiences. You had loving grandparents who made choices and mistakes before you arrived. The people coming out of the woodwork are allowed their feelings but it sounds like they’re expressing and processing them in the wrong direction.
Anonymous
I feel this way. My father (not grandparent) had an affair when I was very young, and his affair partner became my stepmom. I was so young when it happened that it just became part of life, although of course there were rough waters here and there. The situation did reveal to me that people aren’t perfect, but what are you going to do? I love my imperfect dad, respect my stepmom for taking care of him through a dementia diagnosis, but am closest with my mom. Life is complicated, and I will worry most about my own actions and impact on my own children.
anon
I think it’s fine to privately remember your grandparents for their kindness to you. If we do enough digging, I imagine a lot of people’s grandparents did quite harmful things, either in the personal lives, business, or in their political support. If our standard to remember someone fondly is that they lead exemplary lives, a lot of people would have precious little to remember fondly.
Just don’t gush about how awesome they were to people they hurt.
Anon
Recommendations for food in Indianapolis? I need a breakfast, a lunch and a dinner. Staying at the JW Marriott. Also is there safe walking near there? I walk for exercise and hope to get out a few mornings.
anon
What’s that place with the shrimp cocktail?
Anon
St. Elmo’s
New Here
I’ve only been once, but St.Elmo’s Steakhouse. The famous (very spicy!) shrimp cocktail. I was solo and did that and a wedge salad (and a cocktail), but their steaks looked great. I just sat out at the bar.
Anon
St. Elmo’s (made famous by Ron Swanson) is great, and very close to your hotel. My favorite fine dining restaurant in Indy is Vida but that’s a bit farther. Nada is close and has great tacos and drinks. I love the lobster rolls at Slapfish. It’s a chain, not a local place, but I really like Tupelo Honey for brunch. Patachou is local and very popular, but the food is not actually that great imo. In the airport, my favorite place to eat is just Shake Shack but if you want something more local there’s a decent Jewish deli called Shapiro’s.
That’s a very business-y neighborhood, and totally fine to walk around during the day. I’m not sure I’d run at the crack of dawn or dusk, just because the area kind of empties out when no business people are around.
Anon
Patachou, which is down the street from the JW, is a great breakfast/ lunch place. Gallery Pastry Bar, a bit farther of a walk but still very walkable, is great for lunch or dinner. Capital Grille is always reliable albeit a chain.
If Elmo’s doesn’t appeal, a more causal option by the same restaurant group is Harry & Izzy’s, where you can get the famous shrimp cocktail but has more items like pizzas, salads, etc., and also walkable from the JW.
Indy definitely has had an influx of homeless individuals. However I still feel perfectly safe walking around downtown, especially during the day.
Anon
The canal can be a pleasant daytime walk. It’s not especially beautiful, but maybe preferable to city blocks. If you head east a bit – the bikeshare is a travel option – the Cultural Trail is more interesting. It’s also a route to a lot of excellent local restaurants, coffee shops, bakeries.
Vicky Austin
A friend is taking her tween daughters to LA and they’re doing a tour of Paramount studios (sounds boring to my inner tween, but the girls really want to do this). Friend wants to take them out for sushi after. Does anyone have any recommendations in that area?
Senior Attorney
No restaurant recommendations but coming to cheerlead for the studio tours. Especially the VIP ones — they are super fun!
Anon
I did a (non VIP) studio tour as a tween and loved it. Not sure why it wouldn’t be a good idea.
Anon
Not sure of budget but there is a Sugarfish in Hollywood! Some of my favorite sushi ever.
busybee
Cross posting from the moms board:
Life is a lot right now. My very strong willed 2 year old is in a full body cast for 7 weeks and likely won’t be walking again till November. She can hopefully get back to daycare next week but they may not be able to accommodate her. She doesn’t qualify for an aide there because she has no medical needs; she just can’t walk or sit. My husband and I both exhausted our FMLA for leave for our twins’ birth this year. Are there any programs or resources I’m not thinking of that could be helpful? I’d take a leave from work if I could but I don’t think that’s possible. I’m in the US.
Anon
Dumb question, but have you or your husband reached out to work to inquire about LWOP? Even if you’ve exhausted FMLA, they may still grant you LWOP.
Could you hire a sitter or nanny if she can’t go back to daycare?
Toddler in a full body cast and newborn twins – you are invincible for getting through this!
Anon
Oh goodness! No great advice, but if you worked for me I’d let you work remotely to get through it. If you or your husband has a human boss, might be worth seeing what they can do.
anon
Oh my. I really have no great advice, but I am so sorry your family is going through this. Is it possible for someone to take a leave of absence? You truly have some extenuating circumstances.
Anonymous
Look into your county’s Regional Center or Early Intervention Services. I believe they’re federally funded, so should be available in every state. They provide special education teachers, therapists, and maybe home health aides for children under 3 with developmental delays. The definition of developmental delay is broad – I’m in California, and my 5 month old daughter was hospitalized and bedridden for a month, so not meeting her milestones. That was enough to qualify her for a special education teacher to come to our home once per week, and for the Regional Center to cover her therapy copays. These services are not household income based because you pay for the Regional Center services through property taxes.
busybee
Yes- EI is excellent! My son receives PT through it and his physical therapist is the one who noticed my daughter’s gait was unusual, which is what led to the diagnosis that led to the cast. Unfortunately they advised us she doesn’t qualify for services due to no medical need.
We will see if leave without pay is a possibility- thanks to PP for that suggestion!
Anonymous
The cast was planned?
Senior Attorney
I would push back on “no medical need,” honestly. Good grief if “bedridden and can’t sit” isn’t “medical need,” I don’t know what is! At least get a second opinion. Or apply for the services and let them turn you down.
BelleRose
THIS!
ABanon
I don’t understand the nature of her injuries … She can’t walk or sit? Is she going to lay down on a mat at daycare for 8+ hours with occasional diaper changes & snacks? I don’t know if I’d feel confident leaving her there without an aide & idk why a full-body cast wouldn’t qualify as a medical need. Surely daycare workers don’t want to take this on while also watching another half-dozen kids?
Anonymous
Yeah wild to me. No obviously day care can’t take this on
busybee
Did you have a suggestion you wanted to add?
She can sit in a reclined position when propped and we have purchased, at significant cost, adaptive equipment like a special stroller and tray. We have had several meetings with daycare and as I mentioned in my post, they may or may not be able to accommodate. We are going to trial things and have made it clear to them that if it’s too much, they don’t have to “take this on.” They have provided several requests and suggestions, all of which we have done in an effort to make life as smooth as possible for everyone while we get through this extremely challenging time.
She does not qualify for EI because her physical condition does not have a high probability of resulting in a developmental delay, as required by our state statute. One of my other children does in fact have a developmental delay and we are very grateful for the services we have received through EI for him.
Anonymous
Yes take leave. Ask for it unpaid.
Anon
This will either be comforting or terrifying, but it may have ideas you hadn’t thought of. https://laurenmorrill.com/2017/07/22/so-your-toddlers-in-a-spica-cast-heres-how-to-survive/
I would contact your peds office and see if they have a social worker, if they don’t the group that put the cast on might, or the hospital where your kiddo was treated will. They should know if there are programs available to help.
busybee
Yes- we came across that link and found it very helpful. Good idea to reach out to the hospital- thank you!
Anonymous
Ask for an unpaid leave. You aren’t legally entitled to it but many employers would approve this. I don’t think day care is realistic.
anon
I am teetering on the edge of burnout. I’m not quite there, but I can feel it coming on if I don’t make some changes soon. A vacation would be nice, but it would not fix the bigger issues. Any thoughts for getting my life sorted? I’m burning out on the parenting front (teen parenting is no joke) and while things are “okay enough” at work, I am not energized, motivated, or enjoying my day-to-day duties at the moment.
I have some flexibility in scheduling to accommodate my parenting life, but unfortunately, the work doesn’t magically go away and still needs to be done, even if I leave early to pick up a kid. Plus, I feel really guilty about not being as available to my team when I take advantage of flex scheduling (I’m a manager).
My brain feels utterly scrambled. Lots of details to track at home and at work, and yes, my husband is doing his part. He also has elder care responsibilities for his mom and other things on his plate. Most of my close friends don’t work full time in professional positions and frankly just don’t get it, so I’ve stopped relying on them for support. So I feel really lonely and isolated, on top of feeling the pressure.
The mid-40s are really awesome, let me tell you.
Anonymous
+1 on all this. 44 is hard. I miss working when the kids were in daycare 9-5, M-F and slept 8-6 overnight and my parents were healthy. Sandwich years are hard.
anon
I turned 44 this week. I hate it here, lol.
Anon
Sounds like you might benefit from therapy for a start. Is a solo vacation possible for you, even a weekend staycation at a nice hotel in your own city? Sounds like you need some time and space to allow your brain to turn off. You might have a little more clarity about what your other needs are after having even a short rest.
anon
A solo vacation would be nice. The lack of clarity on what I even need is driving me insane. I just know that I can’t be awesome at everything (or anything), and it’s making me absolutely miserable. Everything feels like a compromise in some way. Does that even make sense?
Anon
What’d I’d do is pick something you’re not going to be awesome at and accept that. Maybe it’s extra kid stuff (they’ll survive), maybe it’s stop focusing on getting a promotion (no idea if this is you but sit still at work for now) and give yourself permission to just not be great at everything. Also, if you can, throw money at things to make your life easier.
Carrots
I forget where I heard it before, but it was something about knowing when you’re worried about juggling too many balls, knowing which ones are plastic and which ones are glass. So, which ones are okay to drop – and that not everyone has the same glass balls.
I don’t know if that’s super helpful, but just approaching it as, let a few of them drop and know you can pick them back up when there are fewer glass balls you’re also juggling.
Anonymous
I’ve also been really burned out recently (hi from the sandwich generation), and the plastic/glass analogy resonated with me a lot when I heard it. The other thing – which I am implementing right now, so I can’t say exactly how it will work, but so far it’s at least giving me some emotional relief – is setting stronger boundaries around my time. Yes, I have to do seven different things today. I do not have to do them all between, say, 11 am and 2 pm. That time can be just for one thing (okay, perhaps two), and I will ignore anything else that comes up then unless it’s an absolute hair on fire emergency. It’s been giving me mental head space to actually get things done for real so I can move on from them instead of flitting around between a ton of tasks while making actual progress only partially or slowly.
Runcible Spoon
Yes! Sometimes I feel like I have 50 things ongoing, and I can never finish and close anything out!
Anon
So my personal tactics when things get overwhelming are:
– do the minimum required for things that have to happen
– throw money at things (hire cleaners, outsource house projects, outsource laundry, use taskrabbit)
– make food easy, time for TJs frozen entrees, takeout, scrambled eggs for dinner
– do some hard resets like a deep clean of the house and a big closet clean out
– make time every week for fun – go to the movies, out to dinner, antiquing, wine tasting, whatever, something fun for me and my spouse. Hire a sitter or send the kids to a friend’s house
Anon
Commiseration. I’ve got two teens, once with AuDHD and it is a lot – they need less intensive hands on care but more of your brain and at the end of a long day more brain power and patience is often not what I have left in me.
The best advice I can share (and feel free to only listen to what works for you!):
– Hire in help. We have a sitter who drives the kids and does school runs as well as helping with errands. She is worth her weight in gold. We also have weekly cleaners.
– Get the kids more involved in chores – they are old enough to help meal plan, place online grocery orders (that you can review), do their own laundry, order their own toiletries, and book their own haircuts (as long as they clear the timing with you).
– Read ‘real self care’ – it is very actionable and if nothing else really validated that being in the sandwich generation is f’in hard.
– Take care of yourself – walks are all I manage for exercise most days but it helps. I also upped my medication (wellbutrin) and am about to start HRT as perimenopause is kicking my behind and everything is worse without sleep.
Unrelated but if Corporette was to start a substack thread for midlife women I would be allll over it!
Anonymous
https://www.washingtonpost.com/style/fashion/2024/08/06/what-are-dc-interns-wearing-this-summer-theyre-figuring-it-out/
is that intern wearing a vest with a single button fastened over a bare chest?!
anon
I can’t seem to open the link, but my niece was staying with me as she was starting her first ever “real” job/internship. I had to re-iterate to her multiple times…. no shorts, no crop top/belly shirts, no mini skirts. She seemed annoyed with me. I recommended that at least the first day she shouldn’t wear jeans. She didn’t even own any shoes other than her day to day sneakers. Well, she’s not in big law that’s for sure.
Anonymous
The interns are wild this year, I’ve never seen anything like it before. Every single morning without fail I see a midriff or butt cheek. Unfortunately it’s the young women who are dressed terribly, the young men have a pretty solid uniform of sneakers/bland pant/non graphic shirt.
Anonymous
the white “dress”!!!!
Senior Attorney
Right? C’mon!!
Anon
Oh my god. That’s not a dress, that’s a shirt!
I’m 28 and I’m appalled!
Anon
She said she likes dressing like she’s going somewhere nice , like a nice dinner … uh you work in congress – that’s somewhere nice!
Anon
Oh my god. I am pretty not conservative in my dress, but that is a pool coverup made of nice fabric. You couldn’t walk over a subway grate in it!!! Wild.
Anon
If she reaches across a conference table or drops something on the floor I hope no coworkers are standing behind her or else they’re getting an eyeful. And I own pool cover ups with more fabric
Anon
I was on a college day trip to DC in 2015, my senior year of college. We were told to dress in work attire, so I wore a blue sheath dress and black blazer and black flats. Not exciting but what we were supposed to wear. We basically met with grads from my college who worked in DC for presentations and networking. While visiting an alumna at USAID, some employee commented to me that I was the only student who actually dressed like I worked in that building. Less than a year later I was working at USAID, albeit in a different building (3 blocks away). And, I kept wearing that outfit to work.
Other people weren’t dressed inappropriately, but were more casual than I was (black pants + sweater)
Anon
Wow.
FWIW, I’m 29 and pretty trendy and I’m shocked by these outfits.
After 7 years in fancier business casual (sheath dress and blazer), I’m now at a jeans and blouse or sweater workplace. I admit that it’s so nice to be able to wear like 75% of my outfits for both work and the weekend. But, I also miss looking really sharp in business attire. I’ve swapped out my pumps for nice sneakers and sandals, and I also miss my comfy pumps.
Fashion is so fun and yes it’s nice to have more variety and room for expression, but it has to be appropriate. Not to be all “kids these days”, but IME “kids these days” don’t understand why we need to look professional at work and why mini dresses (???) aren’t work appropriate.
Anon
Well if young women are comfortable dressing like this in the office, I guess men aren’t as creepy as they were when I was a new grad a decade ago…
Anon
I think a lot of men are creepier but they’re not the ones working in offices. They’re home watching torture p*rn in their parents’ basements (and I’m not joking).
Anon
Well that made me clutch my pearls.
“ Rushford takes inspiration from “Legally Blonde’s” Elle Woods, but also from dozens of TikToks she sees, “of other girls who also work on the Hill, and who also have cutesy little summer internships.” ”
Take yourself seriously girl!
Anon
Wow. I would never describe my job, internship or not, as a cutesy little job.
I didn’t do it when I scooped ice cream when I was 17 and I certainly don’t do it when it’s related to my career.
Anononon
As a former congressional staffer, even worse than the bananas-ness of the outfits is that the woman in the cover photo is wearing her badge on her lunch break! It was hammered into our heads to never, ever, ever keep your badge on out of the building. There’s reporters out there, man.