Corporette.com

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 290 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Uni Button-Front Wool Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I always like Rag & Bone blazers, including a cashmere one they have that's been on the bestseller list for a ton of places — I mentioned it in our jardigan roundup because it's like a cardigan with some structure to it. This one is their Uni wool blazer, and I love the contrast trim, the side flap pockets (which seem really cool), and the fitted shape you get with those three buttons. It's a great look if you really like neutrals. The blazer is available at Neiman Marcus in the pictured dark blue as well as charcoal gray in sizes 00–12, for $550. Uni Button-Front Wool Blazer There are a few lower-priced options: in petite and regular and plus sizes. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

      • Ellen

        Yay, Pricey Monday’s! I love Pricey Monday’s but as a Partner, the manageing partner now wants me to wear more suit’s and less blazer’s. But I DO love this blazer!

        Kat, for $500+ the Blazer should be 100% lined, no? But I digress, as Dad tells his MBA students!

        Dad now has me looking for apartements near the UN, b/c he has fond memories of places he visited behind the iron curtain, even tho he will have to UBER it over to Colombia from there. I think he now think’s the subway is to crowded for his tastes and he needs to be comfortable in going there. He said I should look at Trump World Tower, b/c they have 12-16 foot ceilings and that means it is NOT stuffy in the apartements. They do NOT have balconies or Terraces, so we are NOT beholden to any ONE place. He wants 3 bedroom 3 bath so that he can leave all of his stuff there even if he is NOT there for weeks at a time, and the second bedroom would be a guest bedroom or my office if there is NOT a large dining area that I can double for an office. He told me I need ot have DEDICATED space for an office to pressere the deduction for the IRA, so he nixed the dining room idea. I wonder if the HIVE has ideas on where nice places exist. I would NOT mind being near the FDR, as long as I faced WEST and did NOT have to hear the noise. Myrna says they are building nice places downtown, but I do NOT want to live on the Lower East Side. FOOEY on that!

        I was in the HAMTONs this weekend, and it was very nice. The manageing partner’s brother kept his hands to himself, even tho we were in the pool and the pool house together. I do think he peeked in while I was changing, but at least he did NOT touch me like he did in the past. His son, Harold was also there and he has a scruffy beard. He almost looks like a religious sage, and I think he is beginning to go BALD like his dad, and he is not even 30!

        I am still considering having artificial insemination from Ed, but have NOT heard anyting from the HIVE on this. I would just have the baby and NOT hold him to be responsible for it b/c he has beautiful children with my sister. I think it is ethical, but would appreciate the HIVE’s view.

        Kat, if you could run a poll on this, that would be great! YAY!!!!!

  2. Diana Barry

    I need some more help for my James Bond conference – what SHOES do I wear in Monaco in September for business casual? I can’t wear pumps for all day (problem feet). Can I wear something like the Joanie Sorel sandal? Or some kind of bootie? No espadrilles, right? I’ll be wearing dresses and blazers.

    Side note – just learned that all of the dinners are c tail attire so I get to bring a few c tail dresses in addition to my black tie gown! (which is purple, not red, but very fancy) :)

  3. Ann Perkins!

    I’m going to be attending several networking events and firm open houses in the next month in anticipation of a career change, so first impressions are on my mind. I classify myself as a social introvert – I enjoy social settings and I’m not particularly awkward, but it drains me, and it helps to be mentally prepared. I’m taking some practical steps like replacing my basic black pumps and generally making sure my appearance is polished, and trying to psych myself up. What’s your best tip for making a great first impression, especially at an event where its easy to blend into a crowd?

    • Clementine

      Someone once told me that it’s always better to try and be interested, not interesting. It’s something I remember. I also tend to ask people, ‘So, what do you do when you’re not selling widgets/running an intergalactic empire/ etc.’ I get really interesting responses! I once had a high level (redacted) tell me all about the cooking classes he and his wife took – that connection is still there today. I also phrase it like that so people can answer to whatever level they’re comfortable with. Some people just answer with, ‘Well, work takes all my time!’ and then we go in that direction, but I let them lead.

      Also, print up business cards with just your name, email, and phone number. Add your degree if it’s relevant and have a pen so you can write a note on the back of a (personal) card and then hand it over with no professional concerns.

      • Annie

        Along these lines my go-to question is did you take any fun vacations this summer/do you have any fun vacations planned? It’s fun to talk about travel and breaks the ice.

      • Anonymous

        +1 to being interested, rather interesting. You never know what common ground you may find or interesting thing you may learn. Asking someone about what they do is the best way I know of to make a connection that is memorable. I really honed this skill by making small talk with my guy pals’ girlfriends when I first meet them at big events. It’s served me well! And I’ve heard a LOT about English Ph.Ds and painting as a result.

    • Anonymous

      Introvert is not synonymous with socially awkward. Sorry, just a pet peeve of mine. If social events are draining, you’re an introvert. You don’t have to modify it with “not socially awkward.”

      • Ann Perkins!

        I agree. But it’s a common enough misperception (among extroverts at least) that I decided to try to avoid getting well meaning advice about how not to be awkward when that wasn’t really the spirit of my question.

        • Anonymous

          I think there’s a number of introverts who use being an introvert as an excuse/reason they are socially awkward. So, I don’t think it’s just the extroverts feeding the misconception. And I say this as an introvert myself.

      • Kat in VA

        Agreed. There’s a difference between “Being around people makes me tried and drained” and “I don’t know how to people with people”.

    • Idea

      I get a gel manicure in preparation for these events, and wear power-pop scarves or earrings to draw attention to my face, and have business cards at the ready. Approach an approach-able looking person, or ask for an introduction from the registration table, and go!! You can do it!

  4. Gut check

    A friend of mine have kids the same age (2). We both work. My kid’s been in daycare since he was 3 months old. All day. And we’re ok with that, works for us. Her kid is watched by her mother in law. We met up this weekend and she told me her son is starting nursery school (2 house three days a week) and how she just wants to cry and can’t believe this is really happening and how horrible it will be to drop him off. I wanted to tell her to go jump in a lake, but I just kind of froze. I felt totally hurt and really judged; like how could any mom do what I’ve been doing since my kid was a tiny baby? My husband thinks I’m overly sensitive. Would you have been hurt if it was you? Should I say something?

    • Anonymous

      You’re way overreacting. She’s talking about her own emotions, which she’s entitled to. I definitely understand why it stings when moms say “Oh, I could NEVER put my kid in daycare” because it sounds like they’re implicitly judging moms who do. But she’s talking about her own feelings – she didn’t say “how could any mom do this?” she’s saying “I’m scared that he’ll cry and I’ll be sad” which is totally valid. I’m a mom of an infant in daycare, fwiw.

      • Veronica Mars

        I agree. It was a bit self absorbed of her, but let it go. She wasn’t judging you.

      • Anonymous

        I agree. I’m in a similar situation in that my kid has been home and is 2.5 and will start “school” this fall. I feel this way but not because it’s daycare or a stranger or whatever but because time is flying by too fast, and I wonder how my kid will manage the transition and part of me thinks that maybe it would have been easier to do this when she was smaller but now she is used to being home and is coddled by grandma, etc., etc. Parenting choices are so loaded! Assume good intentions and don’t take it personally.

      • And Peggy

        Agreed, it may have been a bit tone deaf, but it doesn’t sound like she said anything judgmental.

        But I also see where you’re coming from, unfortunately women who put their kids in daycare from a young age are prime targets for “mom shaming” your hyper-vigilance is understandable, just try to assume good intentions in situations like this. As another commenter stated down yonder, parents aren’t always going to be at their best, especially when dealing with this kind of transition.

    • Anonymous

      You should get over it. She isn’t criticizing you. She’s expressing something that is going to be hard for her. Dropping a kid off for the first time is hard! Be sympathetic!!

    • Anonymous

      She wasn’t talking about you, she was talking about herself. NO, you don’t say something to her.

    • Anonymous

      The daycare/preschool transition is hard whenever you start. I read this as anxiety about this transition and not a judgment on you at all. I’m really surprised you felt judged by this very benign comment – on a scale of 1 to 10 of “mom-shaming” this like a 1.3.

    • Anon

      Don’t give it a second thought. She’s talking about her own feelings, not yours.

      I have had 2 kids in daycare. During kindergarten orientation, a SAHM was fretting about how these kids will do in a group setting. Without thinking I said, “oh I think my kid will be fine, he’s been in daycare since 12 weeks, so he knows the drill”. Her face completely fell. I didn’t mean to imply that her kid was at a disadvantage, and so I reassured her that her kid will be fine too. (And he totally is!)

      The point is that people are generally clueless and self-centered. She’s not talking about you.

      • Anon

        Yes this. I’ve done the reverse so much (implying kids who stay home or with family are worse off) and I don’t mean to. I try to chalk it up to ALL parents are exhausted and not at their best socially, and assume good intentions (theirs and mine).

        She’s probably reliving her comments in her head at night, wondering how she could be so insensitive. Just continue to be a good friend to her while they go through this transition, and then she’ll be a good friend to you when you go through your next one.

        My daycare-since-8-weeks kid started full day preschool and is having a horrible time at dropoff and is an absolute terror at pickup and in the evenings. So I’m going through all the guilt of should I have left him in daycare where he was thriving and just started with K next year, and I’m exhausted from having to use all my patience to parent through a tantrum after a full day of work. And you know what I told my sahm friend? “I don’t know what’s wrong with him, he’s used to school all day so I didn’t think he’d be one of those whiny crying kids who has never left mom’s side.” *facepalm* I apologized but sheesh. What was I thinking?!?!

        • Aggie

          Been there – it gets better, I promise.

          My daycare since 12 weeks kid lost his marbles going to a half day preschool program – even though he would return to his familiar daycare each afternoon. I came to grips with the fact that daycare was my children’s second home – something that scared me at first. I came to realize that their day care teachers loved them just as much as I did and that’s ok!

          Now that both of my kids are in school full time, we transitioned to an after school nanny which was equally as hard. They love our nanny to death now, but still ask to visit their daycare at open house and Christmas programs.

    • Anonn

      I understand your sensitivity – my four month old daughter is in daycare full time as of this month. But, why not be a good friend and share that you empathize with her and offer her support? It’s not an easy or fun transition, regardless of age.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks all. I guess I’m overreacting. I didn’t think of a six hour per week of nursery school as a “transition” that would be traumatic for a mom that already works full time, so I saw it as a value judgment (dropping off with grandma is fine; dropping off at “school” is horrible). This friend and I have very different parenting styles and, to be honest, I feel judged by her a lot. I’m gonna try to unpack how much if that’s in my own head.

        • Never too many shoes...

          OP, I admit I took it more your way. To be honest, if any of my friends had said something like that, I would have given them an open sarcastic eye roll and said “are you seriously saying that out loud to me?”…but my friends are used to that type of remark from me generally.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah, I’m surprised by the responses. I would have totally taken it the way that you did, but agree that it is best to assume good intention. Next time she says something like that, I would point it out to her. Maybe she misspoke/didn’t thing. Maybe she is being judgmental, but at least you will then know. (but I much happier knowing where I stand with people)

        • Anonymous

          I don’t think the transition will be hard on the mom but it might be hard on the kid and I interpreted it as her worrying about him.

          • Anonymous

            For a lot of moms, these transitions are actually way harder on mom than on the kid. Many of my kid’s friends’ moms are very clingy and want to keep their kids babies as long as possible. I take a lot of joy in seeing my kid grow up and venture out into the world independently, but these moms see any step towards independence as a loss.

          • Op

            Thanks for posting this anon at 1057. I often feel guilty that I enjoy my son’s toddlerhood more than his babyhood. It seems like this clingy moms (like this friend) are super judgmental of that.

        • Anonymous

          I’m very pro-nursery school, but there is obviously a difference between nursery school and someone you’ve known your whole life. There’s a limit to the amount of research you can do into a nursery school before you have to make a decision to trust them with your kid. It’s scarier to know less, even if it’s still likely to be completely fine.

          • Anonymous

            Very pro nursery school? I’m sorry if I misunderstood; but even the SAHMs in my area are pro nursery school for 4-6 hours a week at toddler age. Is this controversial? That’s all this child is doing, during the time his mom was already working. I’ve heard of people being anti daycare (8+ hours/day) but anti-nursery school?

            It’s also part of the reason I was so upset with her. It’s less of a transition because it’s not like she was/is a sahm. Or like hes going to all day daycare like my kid. It’s two hours three days a week where he’ll be in nursery school not with the mil. The horror!

    • MomAnon4This

      You can bring it up. “Oh, yeah, I totally felt that way TWO YEARS AGO WHEN MY BABY WAS 12 WEEKS OLD but you know what, the kids LOVES it and makes so many new friends and teachers are great and I’m sure your mother-in-law appreciates having her days back and yeah, we all have working mom guilt, the important thing is not to dump it on your friend dealing with her own ~ish.”

      • Anon

        Right, combat a totally harmless remark with judgment and disdain. That’s key to happy friendships.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t see anything objectionable from your description. But then again this is probably a matter of tone and context. It sounds like there might be some history here? Maybe you can address that issue with your friend separately from this one comment.

    • anon

      I’ll be the voice of descent. While she absolutely is entitled to feel the way she feels, she chose the wrong audience to share those emotions with. I think you could have said something in the moment, along the lines of what MonAnon4This said above, but at this point it is best to let it go.

      • Senior Attorney

        This. You would have been completely within your rights to speak up in the moment (I love MomAnon4This’s response above), but at this point? Let it go.

    • I get it

      I would have taken it the way you did but I think this is a SUPER sensitive topic for me and many mothers. It is so funny that it never really goes away completely. I feel far more confident in most of my decisions in retrospect than I did at the time of making them. However, I felt a little stung by my SAHM mom friends who are saying things like, “Well, it doesn’t really matter if (22 year old daughter) goes to medical school or PA school. I mean, she is DEFINITELY not going to want someone else to raise her children.”

      This recently came from one of my best and most thoughtful friends and one of my biggest cheerleaders. I definitely give her a pass since I absolutely adore her. I do not ask how her future husband may feel about her daughter not working at all. The child’s extremely serious boyfriend has a very engaged mother who heads up the pharmacy of a major hospital.

      • Anon

        I can’t believe people say that. It makes me so mad. I am the daughter of a SAHM, a lawyer, and my lawyer husband closed down his practice to stay at home with our babies. I am definitely OK with the man I chose to marry and create a family with being the primary caregiver, but I assure you, we both “raise” them.

      • Op

        Thanks for this. I’m sorry your friend said that; I’d be crushed if I heard someone say I wasn’t raising my own kid.

        • Lobbyist

          About a decade ago my son, then about 6 or 7, was sort of lounging on top of me. We were at the gym, outside on a chaise lounge by the pool, before swim practice. A friend and mostly SAHM said to me, Oh its so nice to see that your son loves you so much, you don’t always see that with mothers who work. I just said thank you and silently crossed her off my friend list.

      • Seventh Sister

        Every time I hear someone say “she doesn’t raise her own children” about a mother who works a lot of hours (it’s always the mother, because s*xism), my mind immediately goes to all the women who work abroad as domestics and how incredibly crappy it must be to move thousands of miles away from your kids in order to provide for your family.

    • Seventh Sister

      Honestly, I’d say something to her if I could remain calm. It’s rude and it also implies that anyone outside of family isn’t a decent and/or loving caretaker. This could be fed by her mom/the MIL/older relatives – when my kids were in daycare and then preschool, my mom would.not.shut.up about how the possibly unlicensed home daycare I went to shut down in a big scandal (the husband of the daycare provider assaulted a daycare kid and went to jail). Also growing up in the 80s and 90s, there were preschool/daycare scare stories galore on the news, which was all I knew about daycare before I started looking into it for my own kids.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks. That was definitely the vibe I got. The great irony here is that my son’s daycare is pretty fantastic and, given the choice, I’m much happier to have there than with someone like her mil, a heavy smoker with no early childhood education experience. But it still hurts to think of how awful she thinks nursery school is.

        • Anonymous

          Again, I really don’t think she’s saying nursery school is “horrible.” Nursery school is optional, it’s not high school. If she really believed it were bad for her kid, why would she send him? She clearly believes this is a positive thing for him, if she’s made the choice to pay to send him. I totally interpret this as her saying the settling in process/adjustment will be horrible (which I think is overly anxious on her part, but definitely not a slam at you). I think I’m a pretty sensitive person, but you’re reading waaaaaay too much into this.

  5. Anon

    I’m considering asking to take a month next year to live in another city in Latin America. I would offer to work remotely for two out of the four weeks. It’s something I’ve always dreamed of doing so I could experience another place longer-term and work on my Spanish. There would be no issues with the time zone, and I would be in a place with plenty of coworking spaces and access to WiFi.

    I would ask with six months’ notice. Ive been at my company a long time, I’m pretty senior, and I have a solid reputation. The nature of our work is such that we can plan around something with notice, so I don’t think it would be an issue.

    Has anyone done anything like this, and if so, how did you do it? I want to make it a combination of personal growth, education, travel, and fun! Any tips on how to frame the ask at work or how to structure the time would be amazing—thanks so much.

    • Anonymous

      I just returned from taking close to a month off of work to do some bucket list adventure travel in Africa. I am an attorney, not senior, but with a lot of autonomy at my office. I let all of my clients and coworkers know about my trip in detail about 9 months ahead of time. Starting about 2 months before I left, I let all parties involved in any new business know about the upcoming extended travel. I had one co-worker briefed on all my cases before I left and I also made a detailed document for him outlining the status of each case.

      The part that I did not expect was how many of my clients and opposing counsel worked WITH me to get issues settled prior to my trip. Even some of my most demanding clients were willing to make concessions to get deals worked out before my extended absence.

      I didn’t have access to email or cell service for large parts of my trip, but I would remotely log in and check emails when I had the opportunity to make sure there were no fires. Amazingly, there wasn’t one issue the entire time I was away. When I returned, my co-worker said that there was only a few times he had to check on things.

    • Anon

      If I were the employer, I’d be a little concerned about the legal and tax implications of framing it as “living and working” in country y. like, what if you decide to move there and claim employment rights? I might be less concerned if you frame it as just that you want to take a long vacation and will be working from vacation (location not specified).

    • Elsbeth

      I’ve done it domestically (as an attorney) for a month. I lived on West Coast and my little sister lives on the East Coast. I always had a surplus of “use it or lose it” leave at the end of the year so this was a good way to knock out time. I had a great boss who was supportive- she understood how hard it is to travel coasts to see family. I did work remotely during that time as needed. Some of the council learned of it later and were not super pleased, but I got official approval to do it again this year. I ended up taking a new job before my scheduled 5 weeks “off” but I was absolutely going to do it again.

  6. Nyc jewelry?

    Anyone have a recommendation for somewhere reliable in Manhattan or Brooklyn to get an engagement ring resized? Bonus if it can be done the same day so I’m not worrying about it. Mine is too big and definitely needs to be taken down a few sizes. Future DH got it in his hometown and we won’t be going down there for a few months. My office is near the diamond district if anyone has suggestions in there.

    • Veronica Mars

      Just know more than 2 sizes down has the potential to warp the setting wherever you go (and for some designs, it’s one size or fewer). You may need to look at a new setting, unfortunately, if you’re trying to go from an 8 to a 6 or 5.5, etc. But, having said that, I recommend ID Jewelry in the diamond district. I’ve never been there in person, but have ordered from Yekutiel on pricescope’s recommendation and he was incredibly kind and professional. He also called me to let me know when my diamonds were done and sent photos before shipment.

      • Ms B

        Love Pricescope and their love for IDJ. I have every intention of getting diamond hoops from them at some point because of their reputation for QPR and good service.

      • oil in houston

        second IDJ and Yekutiel, they did my tennis bracelet and they were great (also based on pricescope rec)

    • Anon

      To echo Veronica Mars, a good jeweler will tell you whether or not the setting may get warped, and will be able to fix that or recommend a new setting. For example, on a piece of mine my jeweler suggested adjustment to the prongs on the main stones, and replacement border diamonds for those that go too loose – I decided it wasn’t worth it and went with round metal nodules as spacers on the inside of the ring, which is also an option if it still doesn’t fit well after sizing down.

    • Anonymous

      Alex Sepulveda, 45 W. 47th St., Booth F; 212-398-1424. He has repaired the platinum setting of my engagement ring, repaired an 18K gold Angela Cummings necklace, repaired a crack in an Angela Cummings 18K gold ring, and rebuilt a platinum Tiffany diamond wedding band. Depending on how busy he is, he may or may not be able to resize your ring while you wait, but I had no qualms leaving quite valuable pieces with him. Call before you go to make sure he is there. He is very soft spoken and a delight to work with.

    • DTLA Jeweler?

      Similarly, does anyone have a rec for a jeweler in downtown LA? I work near the jewelry mart district but I don’t know which places are sketchy and which are legit.

      I need to size my anniversary band down one size and also I’d like to have a solitaire reset into stud earrings (so I would also need to purchase a matching stone) (has anyone done this? I wear simple stud earrings all the time but I never wear my engagement ring for a lot of reasons – gets caught on stuff, somewhat outdated style, etc)

      Thanks!

  7. Rogue Queen

    Some very wealthy family members are graciously letting DH and I use their home this weekend and I feel like I should get a hostess gift, but I have no idea what to get. They’ll be out of town while we’re there, so I wanted to leave something for them to say thank you, especially since without their generosity we wouldn’t be able to afford this vacation. They live in a very popular tourist city, so initially I thought I would just pick something up at a cute shop or something while we’re there. But then I thought well, they’ve lived there for years and probably have already shopped everywhere. We live in bland nowhere suburbia, so there’s nothing really unique to bring from here. I can’t imagine being able to afford a bottle of wine that they would regard as worthwhile, and flowers might die before they return. Ideas? TIA!

    • Anonymous

      Can you get them something from where YOU live? Bring a little bit of your city to them?

    • Anonymous

      You could consider donating to a local charity / nonprofit that in their community in their name. Then I’d leave a reasonably nice bottle of wine (no need for it be to be regarded as worthwhile), a thank you note, and that you had donated to X charity.

      • lydia

        dunno, I think this is weird… if I had a guest do this I would think it was really strange and sort like they were stealth trying to pay me for using my house/hospitality. also, what if they don’t like the local charity, or end up on the mailing list forever, or… I think the restaurant suggestion below, or some fancy consumable, is better.

      • Anonymous

        I can’t tell you how much this would irritate me. Donate in your own name, not mine, and don’t tell me about it. I have very strong views on charities I donate to, and do not want to be randomly affiliated with one. I see this suggested a lot and it just makes me cringe. The appropriate thing here is a hostess gift. I’d leave champagne, really nice bottle of wine or a diptique or similar candle (luxurious, and not something I’d buy myself).

      • Anonymous

        I wouldn’t like this at all — I don’t want you donating to charities I support that you don’t, and …if I’m very wealthy, and you’re …not, I would assume I’m already supporting them quite well, and that you don’t have money to be doing it.

      • anon

        Are they on the boards of any charities (or can you google quickly and find out)? If so, a donation in your name but with a reference to your hosts might be nice as it would help them hit part of their give/get target.

    • j

      If their offer to use their house included being able to eat from their fridge/pantry, make it’s restocked with anything that you know they like and that you used. Similarly, leave the place well cleaned.

      As for hostess gift, are you or DH famous in the family for any dish, like a pie or cake? That would be a nice gesture to leave for them to enjoy when they come back.

      • Anonymous

        +1 Leave the place clean, wash your bedding/towels, and leave a nice thank-you note.

      • Anonymous

        I like the idea of leaving a “signature” dish, and would maybe add a new fancy plate/serving dish that goes with it as a durable gift.

    • TCFKAG

      I would do a thank you card and maybe some form of baked good that will stay for awhile (is there a dessert that your state/city is known for)? Who doesn’t like cookies or something similar from a nice bakery? Maybe a bag of fancy coffee or teas? Also, I wouldn’t assume people who have a lot of money necessarily have highbrow taste in wine especially if you can get someone at the store to recommend something different or interesting.

      I don’t think you should worry about getting them anything extravagant or worry about spending a lot of money, something small and heartfelt is always going to be nicer than something grandiose and impersonal.

      • Anon

        Yes, a bag of fancy coffee or tea with a nice coffee spoon or tea spoon. Even a jar of local honey with a dipper. And a thank you note.

        Look up “local coffee roasters” or “us league of tea growers” to find a unique coffee/ tea they likely haven’t tried. Or find a fancy one at Teavana, Whole Foods, whatever you have access to. You can find coffee/tea spoons at Crate and Barrel or similar stores. A farmers market or country goods type shop might have honey, or have people who know where to find honey.

        If you have a local FB group, you can also post there to see if people have suggestions for something you can pick up this week.

    • Anon

      I think a gift card to a nearby restaurant is the best. If you’re leaving right before they get home, leave it next to a vase of fresh flowers along with a heartfelt (but short) thank you note.

    • case

      something consumable or food? How long between when you leave and then return? If I was them, you’d be my favorite relative ever if you (1) left the house in as good or slightly better condition as when you arrived (including washing your sheets/towels); (2) left a heartfelt”thank you” note; and (3) included “… since we thought you might be hungry when you returned, we’ve picked up a charcuterie platter (in the fridge) and bottle of wine – enjoy!”

    • Anonymous

      I have a second home and lent it to some friends who were having a bad year financially (job loss). As a thank you, they got us a beautiful throw blanket and a really nice quality doormat, among some other small household items. I really loved the doormat idea because I would typically buy some cheap doormat from Target and leave it at that, but the better quality one looks so much better! And lasts longer.

      • Senior Attorney

        This is a good idea. I love fancy doormats.

        But really? They don’t want or need a gift. A nice note would be plenty.

    • Ariadne

      I have relatives who live in a huge mansion— literally— and I have also struggled with what to bring to a dinner, or to an event, or what to bring when they let us swim their pool. I used to really stress, but in the last couple of years, I have brought wine, or nice tea. I don’t worry that it is expensive wine, and just bring something that I would drink and enjoy, even though my wine tastes are inexpensive. They don’t seem fussed, and I’ve noticed they serve and use the wine or tea on occasions.

    • Jules

      When I stayed at my sister’s second home in Florida last year I insisted she let me pay for the cleaning crew that would come at the end of the week, since she would not have had that expense if I had not gone. And for a thank-you I left cute little cheese/dip spreaders that went with the décor of the kitchen, since I noticed they didn’t have any, and a bottle of fancy seasoning from a local shop. (She loves it and uses it all the time – she recently texted me a photo of her using it to make dinner there, months later.)

    • Anonymous

      If I was rich and offered my home to friends I would absolutely NOT want a gift. A note would be lovely and more thoughtful (seemingly). I’m offering the house in part to save you money, don’t go spending it on me when I clearly have plenty!!

    • Aggie

      I would leave some succulents and a hand written note.

      I would also insist on paying for their cleaning crew if available – but that is more of a gift for me than them. I would not want to stress about cleaning up on my last day.

  8. AZ

    What is your most worn work or casual item of clothing and why? Bonus points if it’s stretchable! I couldn’t fit into a zillion things this morning again, despite having recently shopped online for a bunch of bssics. I’m trying to find 3 items of clothing that I can reliably turn to regardless of how much I ate over the weekend. I work in a very casual office but we dress super business-y for external meetings (40% time).

    • Anonymous

      I work in a very casual office. I probably wear my Gap bi-stretch skinny ankle pants the most.

      • anon .

        My office is business casual and I wear those probably 3 days a week! (Usually paired with a button down or a nice blouse to dress them up.)

    • Anonymous

      My Betabrand straight leg yoga pants and my MMLF jardigan gets tons of use. I can wear the jardigan with jeans or with a dress for work if I need to be more formal.

    • Anonymous

      On the weekends, I live in sleeveless jersey knit dresses from Macy’s. I can dress it up or down and bring a sweater or wrap for frigid AC.

      For work, I bought two pairs (navy and black) of Talbots ankle length skinny pants because they are perfect for me. I’m an hourglass, and they fit my waist and hips (whoo hoo) without a waist gap.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Casual – longsleeve funnel-neck gray top from Target. So soft.
      Work – my land’s end sheath dress is pretty forgiving. Mine definitely looks a little faded but it’s still presentable after 3 years.

    • Anon

      The Eileen Fisher washable stretch crepe ankle pants that everyone is always talking about. They are for days where I want to wear my pajamas to work and still look nice. Somehow they are also for days where I just plain want to look nice. I don’t know how they do it but I’m glad they do.

      • TheElms

        Do you think the magic Eileen Fisher pants would work for a curvy short pear? I have a big backside and big thighs. For reference I typically wear a 10 or 12 pant/skirt in the Curvy cut at Ann Taylor or AT LOFT?

    • Anonymous

      I wouldn’t say it’s my most-worn but in your situation I’d go for the magic Eileen Fisher crepe pants. I’m wearing them right now. I have them in two colors!

    • Torin

      Lands End sheath dresses and Eileen Fisher crepe pants. The latter are out of my price range new but I found 2 pairs on Poshmark.

    • CountC

      Work: JCrew Minnie pants and JCrew pencil skirts. I have each in 5+ colors and the skirts in different seasonal materials.

      Casual . . . tops – loose racer back tanks from Target in the summer, although they stopped making the fabric blend I liked the most, and some sort of fitted sweatshirt/fleece thing in the winter. Bottoms: in the summer, maxi skirts and in the winter, my super soft AE jeans.

    • Lilly

      I too am wearing the magic EF crepe pants for a Monday in the office. I can also recommend a B.B. merino wool cardigan as a polished cardigan that wears like iron and does not pill. My weight can fluctuate up to 6 pounds in a day or two, and this is my go to outfit that always fits.

    • Daffodil

      For work, I have a couple Calvin Klein dresses that are more stretchy (and machine washable).

      In the summer, I pretty much live in casual knit dresses

    • Ouch! That hurts

      Boden – anything in ottoman fabric. *used to be The Skirt at Nordstrom…

    • Ariadne

      I have lots of dresses with stretch, but for days when I expand and need to fit into my clothes and stay comfy, I reach for ponte skirts. I buy them mostly from the gap, but have purchased these on sale from other department stores, tj maxx, etc..
      One thing I will add though is that I purchase a variety of shapes and sizes in skirts, despite the fact they stretch. For example, I have a stretch pointe pencil,skirt from the gap in my size— comfy, but still,fitted. I have one a full size larger, and looser— it skims over me, and hides my stomach better on bloated days. Same with a line styles. I have one flared skirt from gap that fits me, but another from banana republic that I order too large, and kept anyway— feels great to have the breathing room, and I wear a top that covers the waistband.

    • Lobbyist

      Lands End Ponte Sheath dresses. I have them in almost every color and several different styles.

  9. Engaged

    Recommendations for an attorney in New York to prepare a will for each of us along with a prenup? How much should we expect it to cost? It’s our first marriage and our financial situations are simple. My fiancé suggests LegalZoom but I’m skeptical and would prefer the human touch.

    • nuqotw

      I don’t know any NY attorneys but definitely get an attorney, don’t do legal zoom. Our attorney asked us all sorts of questions and made all sorts of suggestions that would not have occurred to us (and spouse *is* an attorney but doesn’t do wills and wouldn’t have thought of them himself) but once she said them out loud they clearly made so much sense. (Specify a single back up guardian for your kids, not a couple, because if the couple splits you don’t want your kids to be the subject of their custody proceedings. Consider having different people as your back up power of attorney and back up healthcare proxy. How to set things up so we don’t have to redo our wills if/when we have another kid.)

    • anon

      You will likely need to get two separate attorneys for the prenup (one for each of you), fyi–even if you two are 100% on the same page.

  10. Am I overreacting? Hypochondriac edition.

    For the past couple days I’ve been experiencing a slight to moderate pain/discomfort in my lower right abdomen. At what point should I lug myself to urgent care? My mom had appendicitis when I was a kid and now I’m a bit worried because I have a fabulous weekend trip beginning Thursday!

    • Anonymous

      You definitely don’t have appendicitis. You would be having severe pain, vomiting, etc. And if it’s been going on for a few days your appendix would have have burst by now. You might be having ovulating pains, or gas, or pulled a muscle.

    • TCFKAG

      Is the pain radiating from the side into your back? Because in addition to appendicitis that can also be a symptom of kidney stones and/or infection (and possibly gall bladder too but I forget which side that hurts on).

      If it’s an infection or even stones, they can deal with it sooner rather than later and you’ll be able to enjoy your trip much more. If it’s appendicitis, well, better to find out now than when your appendix bursts on vacation. I would definitely at least call your doctor or go to urgent care (ideally somewhere where they will have x-ray equipment to check for stones).

      • E

        Before I got my gallbladder out I had pain directly under my ribs that would radiate through my back – the pain was pretty severe (it kept me up at night). I’d go to the doctor -it’s easy enough to diagnose via ultrasound and it’s really terrible to have a gallbladder attack on vacation.

    • Anon

      Perhaps make a sick appointment with your PCP for today or tomorrow. They will be able to feel for swelling of different parts, do bloodwork to test for an infection, and do an ultrasound if necessary, while considering all that with your medical history. In the past similar pain for me was an ovarian cyst (diagnosed with ultrasound) that was given the advice of wait it out – glad I didn’t spend urgent care money on that.

    • And Peggy

      Urgent care will give you peace of mind, if nothing else. Appendicitis usually presents with severe pain, vomiting and/or diarrhea, and a fever. A good “test” you can do yourself is to rise up onto your tiptoes, and drop back onto your heels. If the pain gets significantly worse as a result, it may be your appendix. Otherwise, it really could just be gas pains.

    • anon

      If you also have a fever and/or if the pain lingers, definitely get it checked out. Appendicitis doesn’t always present in the classic manner. (Coming from someone who nearly died of appendicitis because it presented in a nontraditional manner.)

    • Anonymous

      Is it’s kind of a pinching pain? How long ago was your period ? I sometimes have a pinch when I’m ovulating. Not always, but notice it about 1-2 a year. I think that’s more like 1-2 days of discomfort though, and then it goes away.

      • Full of ideas

        This is similar to how my endometriosis pain started. If you PCP clears you but pain doesn’t go away, talk to your GYN

    • Anonymous

      Here’s the key with appendicitis – do the jump test. If you jump up (both feet) and land (both feet at the same time) and you feel radiating pain in that area/the pain gets worse, if may be appendicitis. A pulled muscle or gas pains likely won’t do anything. With appendicitis, you also may have a fever (it is an infection after all) and you may feel nauseated, but not necessarily throw up.

    • OP

      Thank you so much to everyone! No other symptoms. The tiptoe/jump test were helpful – no pain there. It is a pinching/stitch sensation. I’m irregular so my period/ovulation is always a complete mystery to me.

      Thanks so much for your help. I think I’ll plan to go to urgent care if the pain worsens or is still present tomorrow.

    • Ellen

      FOOEY! The HIVE is smart, but they are not MD’s! Go to Urgent care now, and check it out with experts! If it is serious (and it probably is not), you do NOT want to think about why you consulted with us schmoes (however well meaning). Of course, it may very well turn out to be nothing serious, but why take the chance? GO!! NOW!!!! And report back to tell us it was ONLEY a lot of GAS from eating to much MOZZERALA cheeze! YAY!!!

      • Anonymous

        Oh god, eyeroll to Ellen, but I have to say I kind of agree with her (him?) in this case.

      • Anon

        I am astonished to say I agree with Ellen.

        Not that i think of you all as schmoes.

    • Anonymous

      Appendicitis isn’t always acute. I had a “grumbling appendix” and had pain on and off for 3 months before I finally went to the Dr – at which point it had advanced that it needed to come out that day.

      The first test they did was a pressure test. Push in hard/deep on the point of the pain & let go really fast. If it hurts when they let go, its a hallmark for appendicitis.

    • Min Donner

      So… I woke up one morning and my stomach just felt kind of icky, and I RARELY have stomach issues. I thought it was probably the hors d’oeuvres from a reception the other night. If I pressed on my lower right abdomen it was a bit sore, but no crazy pain. I mentioned it to my mom, and she told me to go to the ER. I ignored her, because obviously she was overreacting. I had a scheduled chiropractic appointment later that morning and I mentioned it to him and he also told me to go to the ER. I decided ER seemed extreme, and went to Urgent Care instead. The doctor there said – aside from not having severe pain – I had some textbook symptoms (if I recall they were the localized pain, stomach discomfort, constipation (for me this was just not having gone #2 in a day when I was usually very regular), and others I can’t recall). He told me to go immediately to the ER. I was still feeling generally ok, aside from some abdominal discomfort/gassiness, but I took his advice. At the ER they checked me in and did some awful test where I had to drink something (contrast?) and I was diagnosed with appendicitis. They were all VERY alarmed when they asked me how I got to the hospital and I was all “I drove myself, I’m parked in the visitor’s lot”, and when I asked whether I could schedule the surgery for next week they were like “it will be tonight if we can find a surgeon and if not ASAP tomorrow morning.” Again – through this whole day I felt kind of off and bad, but not like I was in dire straits. And I am generally a hypochondriac! So my advice is to get this checked out ASAP, because if it is appendicitis you can get it taken care of before it bursts, and if it’s not, you’ve just spent some time checking it out.

  11. Anon

    My partner has finally come to terms with the fact that she has a drinking problem. I think she is finally ready to get help, but it’s unclear to me what that will look like. Quite obviously the next step is that she speak with her physician. My mind is racing, though. For anyone who’s been through this, what were the first steps of helping your partner manage their drinking problem? Lessons learned? TIA

    • Anonymous

      Is this heading into AA territory? If so, Al-Anon could be appropriate for you.

    • Anonymous

      A friend went through this with her husband. He worked with his doctors, but he also went to rehab (twice). They both have therapists. In addition, he goes to AA. I don’t know if she goes to Al Anon. He is now very into exercise, which she encourages.

      • Anonymous

        Just to follow up on this. My friend’s husband at first thought that he could suddenly start drinking in moderation – he couldn’t. But just something to keep in mind if your partner thinks that she can just cut back. Now, he absolutely 100% realizes that he cannot do this.

        • OP

          Yes, I feel like she is under the impression that she can, and that’s what worries me. I know that her doctor is the first stop, but I’m wondering what I can start doing right away to help. And maybe the hive has advice? Should I start asking people to avoid bringing alcohol to our house for dinner parties? Do I need to stop drinking too? Etc.

          • Anonymous

            GO TO ALANON. They have tons of expertise in this. Google to find a group near you and go, this week.

          • Anonymous

            No don’t ask people to stop drinking. Don’t you stop drinking. Go to alanon. To help you can encourage her to get help.

          • Anonymous

            My friend no longer drinks, at least around her husband, and they don’t keep alcohol in their house. Since all of this started, I think I’ve only ever seen her drink once and I think it’s a very very rare occasion. My friend’s husband was in pretty bad shape for a while, and I think that my friend feels that her not drinking is an easy way that she can support his sobriety.

            They’re pretty insistent that other people drink around them (i.e., out at dinner, at other people’s houses). I know that they have hosted parties where other people brought alcohol to their house, but I also think it’s totally reasonable to not do that and/or ask people to take all alcohol with them when they leave.

          • Anon

            My suggestion is to remove the alcohol that’s in your house and not drink around her for a while. Eventually, you can drink around her, but life is easier for both of you when you remove temptation.

          • OP

            To all those suggesting Al Anon, I appreciate the thought, but that is not really going to work for me. I live in a rural area – I have checked and the closest meeting would be a 45 minute drive each way. I work long days and cannot picture fitting these meetings into my life right now. If the only thing I can do to help is attend these meetings, then I’m not hopeful about the relationship. Because attending the meetings really doesn’t seem at all possible right now.

          • A

            You can sign up for virtual aa and al anon meetings. Or try an online support forum.

          • Anonforthis

            My husband had a drinking problem. It worsened over time to the point where it was putting a serious strain on our relationship. He also would go through these endless cycles of stopping for a week or two, convincing himself that he COULD stop thus making it okay for him to start again (always “in moderation”), only to go down the road to problem drinking once again.

            He stopped drinking entirely about six months ago. He never went to Al Anon – he’s an introvert – but he did read some books about alcoholism and hung up a calendar where he checks off each day that he doesn’t drink (that I can see so it helps with accountability). He feels so much better, has lost so much weight, and is sleeping better that I think he knows it’s what was best for him.

            I will say, I didn’t drink very much before but now I have essentially stopped drinking and we *definitely* don’t keep anything in the house (I think that’s one of the most important things, no alcohol in the house period).

            It was really hard but because he wasn’t becoming self-destructive (he was very high functioning the whole time), I really had to hold my breath and let him get there in his own time. But that doesn’t mean I can’t make observations – like I will tell him how much happier he seems now that he’s not drinking (or would tell him before that I thought he was self-medicating for depression with alcohol) and, if he mentions wanting to just have “some wine” after a long day, I just say “well, I just don’t think you are really that good at stopping at ‘some’ wine”. But I try to reinforce messages *he* has already said first because I know at the end of the day I can’t make the decision for him.

            I’m glad your partner is realizing they need help. If they aren’t comfortable with AlAnon, perhaps some couples therapy would help (my DH and I did a session with my therapist which also helped because she was an outside third party who could be more honest with him about the impact his drinking was and could have on our marriage).

            I feel very lucky that he did not struggle too much with stopping drinking but I do try to help out as much as I can and one of the ways is by not drinking and just being as supportive as I can be. I see your thing about being rural, I might suggest books about alcoholism and maybe a couple about mindfulness. Dh is not a particularly touchy-feely person, but I think reading some books on the subject of alcoholism and depression and coping in ways other than drinking helped him a lot but that’s how he processes information.

    • Anonymous

      There was a commenter here who posted about this journey. I hope she sees this and chimes in. She’ll have a more positive outlook than I do.

      I went through this with an ex. He said several times he had a drinking problem and needed to “cut back” – generally after some scary drunk incident. It would improve for anywhere from 2-6 months and then he’d have another incident. The last time, I told him he needed to move out because I couldn’t have that behavior in my house. If he wanted to salvage the relationship then he needed to get into a program right away. He called his doctor and made an appointment… for 6 months down the road. I assume he asked for a physical and didn’t tell them it was for alcoholism. I ended it. I never went to Al Anon, I would have if he’d shown any real commitment to recovery, though. In retrospect I wish I’d gone because I probably would’ve left sooner.

      Ime it doesn’t matter if you stop drinking or having alcohol in the house. They will drink if they want to drink. I stopped drinking at some point during my relationship — it didn’t make any difference. Imo as long as they claim to be able to drink in moderation they’re not on the road to recovery, they’re just telling you what you want to hear (acknowledging there’s a problem) without actually committing to making any changes. I’m sorry you’re going through this. My best advice is to focus on taking care of yourself, not just how to be a supportive partner.

      • AEL

        Being a person in recovery myself, I agree with this.

        The idea that moderation will work is just the addiction talking. Go to Al Anon and make sure you are ok, first and foremost.

    • Anon for this

      I quit drinking a few months ago. I don’t think I’m a full-blown alcoholic, but my drinking was very gray area, definitely heading in that direction. Things I have done that have been helpful:

      1. I read “This Naked Mind” by Annie Grace. She has a website you can go onto to do a 30 day alcohol free challenge, if you are interested.
      2. I joined Smart Recovery online. This is a CBT based recovery program, rather than AA, which is a religiously based recovery program. Smart Recovery has a forum for family members as well. They also do face to face meetings, but I have not been to one.
      3. I started listening to HOME podcast, with Holly Whitaker and Laura McKowen
      4. I went to a few AA meetings. They were not for me. I decided not to go back. They work for a lot of people and they are helpful for a lot of people. It was not for me, because of the fundamental message of being powerless over alcohol. I do not believe that I am powerless.
      5. However, I admitted to myself that not only can I not moderate, I don’t even remotely enjoy moderating. It’s torture.
      6. I have a therapist and I was very honest with her about all of this.
      7. I spent a lot of time on Hip Sobriety, which is Holly Whitaker’s website about how her life changed for the better after she quit drinking. I needed positivity in my life, not messages about how I was still going to want to drink in 15 years.
      8. I joined sobriety related facebook groups.

      I am incredibly relieved to have quit drinking. It was wretched. I hid a lot of what I was doing from my husband, because he would have taken my drinking personally. It had literally nothing to do with him whatsoever. There was nothing he could have done to stop me before I was ready to quit.

      The biggest thing you need to focus on is setting boundaries for yourself and your relationship, OP. Your partner should not quit “for you”. I am of the opinion that quitting for another person is not sustainable. She has to want it for herself, because she deserves to be happy and free. Alanon is a place you can go to learn to set boundaries. There are also a ton of books on the topic.

      • OP

        Thank you for this. Thank you. I understand the recommendations above for Al Anon, but for a number of reasons, namely where I live, that is not going to be a suitable option. I’m also a lesbian and not into the idea of attending meetings in a church where I don’t feel comfortable (that’s where the closest one is held in my area) nor discussing this issue in a “religious” sort of way.

        • Anon for this

          FWIW, I went to Alanon myself to deal with another family member and didn’t find it useful, though that might have been the particular group I was part of. I got a lot more out of therapy. If alanon is not an option for you, then that’s totally fine.

          It baffles me that alcoholism is called a disease but it’s the only disease we’re expected to deal with at a religious peer support group rather than at the doctor or therapist.

          I really don’t buy the AA concept of what it is (a strange combination of a disease and a selfish moral failing that you are born with), which is why looking into some of the other resources I listed may be of help to both of you.

        • Anon

          Saw your reply about al-anon shortly after I posted my reply suggesting al-anon! I too was a little wary of the religiousness of the program. For what it’s worth, neither my partner nor I are overly religious and I go to Al Anon and he attends AA. The concept is just a belief in a higher power of some sort, not any specific higher power. There are virtual meetings available if you’re interested.

          Taking Al Anon out of the equation, I agree with the other commenter who suggested a therapist. I would make sure you are clear from the beginning what your intentions are- for example, at my first appointment the therapist asked me if I was looking for help getting out of my relationship. I said absolutely not, I was looking to figure out what I can do to best help my partner. The short answer is take care of yourself and set boundaries, but having someone to talk to about it all certainly helped.

    • Anon

      I’ve been through this/am going through it with a partner as well. For you, I’d like to echo the other comments about al-anon first and foremost. The partner and the addiction often take center stage- for me it was easier to think about what I can/should do to support him in his recovery and I let self care take a backseat, which is not good for anyone.

      For your partner- my situation, there was a qualifying medical event that made it very clear inpatient rehab was necessary, and my partner was willing and able to go. AA is a great place to start that your partner can start today. Is the point of the PCP visit to help determine necessary level of care?

    • dusty rose

      My ex-husband is an alcoholic. I learned that I had been enabling him in many ways. I also increased the amounts I drank at various points in our relationship; being around him made it difficult to remain objective about how much is reasonable.

      His alcoholism ruined our relationship. That was a pattern in his family: His mother’s alcoholism had ruined their relationship (she died young from liver failure), and his father’s alcoholism was ruining relationships left and right.

      Personally, I don’t see how alcoholism can NOT ruin relationships with loved ones.

      Now that you know this about your partner, be very intentional about what you want out of your life and whether being with this person is conducive to that. Notice that clarifying this has nothing to do with how much you love your partner.

      I wish you all the best. I’m sure that this is affecting you more than you would have wished.

  12. Anon

    Recommendations for a good organic face mask for skin that is mildly rosacea-prone?

    • Anonymous

      I strongly believe in supporting organic and pesticide-free working environments in agriculture, but what does organic even mean for face masks? I guess if there are botanical ingredients (but wouldn’t those be iffy for rosacea anyway?).

  13. Sweaters?

    Posted over the weekend but no responses. Seeking sweaters that flatter hourglass shapes and are not boxy cut. Prefer fitted, bonus points for low cost. Thank you.

    • K

      How low cost? I have sweaters from Target that I love that were cheap (still look great after normal wear for 2 years). I just bought some crew neck sweaters from the Banana Republic Sale last week, I think they’re $68 normal price. I’m an hourglass, they’re all pretty fitted and look great.

    • Anonymous

      What kind of sweaters — cardigans? pullovers? Thick cozy sweaters or thin dressy ones? Are you wearing them with pencils skirts? With jeans?

      • OP

        pullover, preferably vneck, either style, wearing with jeans… sorry for not thinking to include this!

      • pugsnbourbon

        I found some dressy-ish sweaters at JCPenney last year that are more fitted. I think I got them on a BOGO sale and they were like $14 each.

    • Jules

      I’m hourglassy and I really like the v-neck merino pullovers from Uniqlo. They are a bit on the long side for me, at 5’5″, so there’s a bit more fabric around the hips than I would like, but otherwise they’re great – comfortable, flattering, wear well. I wear them with jeans as well as with pencil skirts and suits.

  14. Speech to Text?

    Someone posted about this over the weekend but the only recommendation for a tool to take speech and turn it into text was Dragon Naturally Speaking but it has pretty awful Amazon reviews. Any other recommendations for something I can bring into a presentation, hit record, then have it transcribe all that the presenter said?

    • Anonymous

      Not sure, but make sure the relevant state allows for one-party consent to recording if you aren’t planning to seek such consent from the presenter.

    • MagicUnicorn

      I have used Dragon in the past and found it reasonably good for transcribing normal speech. It stumbled mostly on industry-specific lingo and acronyms.

    • Anonymous

      There’s an app called Rev that is basically a service where a person will transcribe for $1/minute. Their turnaround is crazy fast.

    • Anon

      Dragon is considered the best on the market: its parent company’s technology is in Siri.

    • Anonymous

      I like Google’s speech-to-text best, but MS Word, Microsoft, and Mac OS all have capabilities.

  15. Anon

    What are your thoughts on silk neck scarves for work? Favorite brands/ways to tie? I’m thinking of starting to wear these.

    • Ellen

      HERMES all the way!!!!They are NOT cheap, though, but people will recognize you for the quality look you desire. Also, men go for me when I wear them as they wonder what my neck looks like, b/c they can NOT see it!

    • busybee

      I wear decorative scarves at work often in the fall and winter months, and always get compliments. It really polishes a look and I always feel French and chic when I wear one (I am neither French nor generally chic). I don’t have any favorite brands, I just buy what I like and that I can afford. I actually have a book called “How to Tie A Scarf: 33 Ways” and I use it all the time.

    • Idea

      The Vivienne Files dot com features scarves a LOT! They’re stunning. I go for more artisan/Etsy type, but yes! Beautiful!

    • Anon

      Cuyana is showing some silk neck scarves now and i think of the brand as pretty hip so you might check out their website for inspiration.

    • Scarlett

      I just got a couple of large ones from Tnuck – the blog Atlantic Pacific has been showing them (she’s very flamboyant but I like a lot of her pieces individually). I think the larger size is a little more on trend, when I started working, the small square tied around the neck was very in & that feels dated to me as a result.

  16. Anonymous

    Recommendations for companies that rent luxury cars (specifically, a Corvette, 24hours for DH’s bday)? I’m in MSP. Nothing I have found on Google seems to offer Corvettes. Other creative ideas?

  17. Anonymous

    I spent the day with my BF and his 7 year old son for the first time over the weekend. I’d met the child a bunch of times, had dinner with them, but we’d never spent a whole day together. It went well until the end. BF had warned me that the child has some behavioral problems and is in therapy but I don’t think it really prepared me. The child would occasionally kick or hit both BF and me, he said he wanted to go home and get a knife to kill himself and us, and that he doesn’t deserve to live. These things came seemingly out of the blue not while he was being punished or anything.

    I’m way out of my comfort zone here, I have no clue how I’m supposed to respond to these things, I just let his dad handle it. He was very calm, I guess this is normal? BF thought the day went perfectly. He said the child was just tired at the end of the day. Idk how to tell BF how thoroughly freaked out I am, or if maybe I’m overreacting? BF is also talking about having the child sleep over at my house. I’m so not comfortable with that – my house is not childproofed at all, there are plenty of sharp objects and I don’t really have a space where I could lock away all that stuff. Is this a phase most kids go through and I have nothing to worry about? Suggestions for what questions to ask BF about his son’s behavior and therapy? Any resources to help me understand what’s going on here? Thanks all.

    • Anonymous

      Holy crap. I don’t blame you for being freaked out. That is way beyond a tired kid. That’s not a normal phase.

      I wouldn’t let him in my house or take care of him by myself – such severe behavioral issues are NOT your responsibility and frankly, I wouldn’t want to be around a violent child period.

    • Anonymous

      Get out now. This isn’t normal. Your BF is unreasonable and you should just move on. This will not work.

      • Anonymous

        And just to elaborate, I’m not concerned about the child so much as BF who a) didn’t really warn you, b$ thinks everything was fine, and c) is looking to increase interaction. If BF were like “hey my kid is really challenged “ and then “so, let’s talk about yesterday it was rough” that’s be different.

      • Another Anon

        I hate to say this, because I do have a lot of sympathy for the boy (and maybe some for the father) but I’d nope nope nope right out of there. Partly because these may be very difficult issues to handle, but mostly because your BF just seems to ignore and/or gloss over them.

        You shouldn’t have to ‘child-proof’ for a 7 year old. Not having knives around is not normal (keeping them out of reach of little kids, sure, but that’s for the under 4/5 set, not elementary kids).

        Another thing to keep in mind is if you want your own children…that may not be a feasible option if this is as serious as it seems.

    • Double Jogger

      No, this is not normal. But it’s also something that does happen in kids with emotional/behavioral issues.

      Without knowing the whole situation and not armchair diagnosing, it’s hard to say if that’s just the kid saying things he’s heard before and knows will get a certain reaction or if they’re truly troubling comments. I am assuming that the kiddo is working with a therapist and they’re working through those issues. A common tool that is used is called a ‘safety plan’ so you could ask if there are tools that they have worked together on to develop.

      In the anonymity of the internet, I’m going to tell you that if you don’t think you can handle a child with this level of behavioral needs (once you establish what those are), you may need to consider ending or limiting an otherwise excellent relationship. Parenting a similarly aged child who expressed both suicidal and homicidal ideation, including motive (as this kiddo just did) required us to continually provide line of sight supervision, lock up all sharps and potential swallow hazards and was one of the most exhausting experiences of my life.

      On the other hand, I’ve worked with kids who would just say stuff to get a rise out of us. They had no actual intention to ‘run away’, they would just say it to see if they could get a scoop of ice cream. From the sounds of it, your BF has heard this before and has some level of understanding of what the kid’s needs are which very well may just be staying calm and not reacting.

      Have a serious talk with your partner about what their kid’s true needs are and what the long term plan looks like (meds? talk therapy? do the professionals think it’s just a phase or are there bigger issues at play?).

    • BabyAssociate

      Woah. I don’t even know where to begin here, but I don’t think you’re overreacting.

    • Anonymous

      This is in no way normal behaviour. I’d seriously rethink the whole relationship. And yes, children that young can have serious mental illnesses.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t think this is normal behavior for a 7 year old, or for most kids of any age, for that matter. I would be totally freaked out, as well. I would be honest with your BF – the extent to which you are freaked out, that you aren’t comfortable having the kid stay at your place yet, etc. I would also ask BF for what advice he has been given from the therapist on how to deal with these issues, as well as how he thinks you should deal with the issues.

    • Anonymous

      Yikes, that sounds like it got rough and must have been upsetting to hear. I’ve got a kid about that age. The first two issues don’t sound that out of the ordinary for a kid who may have a bit of a temper/be overwrought. Not ok to swing at others, but not unheard of and pretty easy to address in the moment. Threats of violence to self and others- not okay in my book. And maybe that’s what the therapy is addressing and his parents are already on top of that. I’d ask BF for some more information.

    • Anonymous

      I used to babysit for a girl like that and it turned out that she was autistic and bipolar, though I’m not saying that is the case here. She’s able to live independently now and her parents were not good at treatment or therapy at all. It’s great that he’s getting appropriate treatment. Sometimes people act out like that because they’re frustrated and don’t have the coping skills to deal with it or voice it differently. I think a lot of people may have thoughts like that at some point in their life, but they don’t vocalize them in that way. I would ask him about what the therapist suggest is the best way to respond to that they of behavior.

    • Idea

      What is the child’s diagnosis? Is actual violence with weapons a concern – not that hitting and kicking isn’t violent, but does your BF keep his sharp things away? Say NO to spending the night until you feel 100% – this is a HUGE committment!

      • OP

        These are good questions thank you. BF doesn’t have real knives in his kitchen; he said it was to prevent little hands from finding them. I didn’t think anything of it at the time – maybe all parents with small children do the same? – but I’m definitely seeing it in a different light now. Something to ask about for sure.

        • Anonymous

          I have had real knives in my kitchen every moment of the decade I’ve been a parent.

        • Anonymous

          They do not. They absolutely do not. This is incredibly disturbing and you should leave.

        • Anonymous

          Parents of toddlers often keep knives in a locked drawer. Parents of young school kids (ages 6/7/8) are often teaching them to cut vegetables or similar with knives to help with supper.

          You may decide that breaking up is not what you want but I would be very cautious about your BF suggesting a sleepover so early on. It’s not the kid’s issues, but how BF is integrating you that I would be concerned with.

        • Anonymous

          Parents of small children still have knives in the kitchen, they’re just out of reach of small children.

          And i will echo that this isn’t normal kid behavior – BUT it may be normal behavior for the BF kid. Remember, he’s also used to his kid’s behavior and has a sense of when it’s out of the ordinary – for this kid. So, do you otherwise trust BF’s judgement on people?

    • anon

      My armchair diagnosis is that your BF’s son may have ODD, which is very serious business. It is not a phase that most kids go through. It’s great that he’s in behavioral therapy and that your BF is calm and collected, but just prepared that this is an issue that often takes years to resolve. Definitely ask your BF how often kid goes to therapy, if he’s doing parent training (probably), and how long all of it’s been going on. FYI, but the divorce rate is significantly higher among parents with children under 8 with these issues, because the parents are dealing with an enormous amount of stress and often have different approaches to dealing with the issue. I would be asking how the kiddo’s issues affect coparenting, for sure.

      I absolutely would not have the son for overnights, not until he’s really comfortable with your presence.

      Honestly, this is a lot — even for biological parents. You would not be out of line for nope-ing out of this scenario.

    • Anonnn

      I think that BF asking/wanting kid to stay over at your house is a bigger flag as far as the relationship is concerned. If you’re this concerned about the behavior that is otherwise ‘normal’ for the kid, it tells me that you haven’t spent meaningful or substantial time with the child before now. Given that, why in the flipping world would he think you/him/son are ready for a sleepover at dad’s GF’s house?! I think it shows a complete lack of judgment or maybe denial on the part of BF.

      I get that it must be hard to date as a dad with a child with behavioral issues. But, I also strongly believe you have to get your house in order before I welcome you into mine.

    • Anonymous

      Yikes!

      I had a 7 year old just turn 8. You 100% don’t need to childproof for the average 7 year old. But I have no idea how to childproof a house for this child. Except for maybe never hosting that child overnight.

    • Former Pro for Kids

      I have decades of experience with children. This is NOT normal. It should ALWAYS be taken seriously. A seven year old has the capacity to understand death as well as to take action to harm himself. Everyone on the thread is right. Find out from the father what therapist has suggested. Consider how likely you are to be able to do this for the “long run.” It’s ok to say you can’t parent the child and need to end the relationship.

      Most of all, don’t be alone with child at any time…and that includes in your own home.

      Wishing you the best and thanking you for caring about a child who has such sadness and difficulties.

    • Anonymous

      Just a note re the dad’s reaction — my son has behavioral issues and the #1 thing to not do is to react to them because if you do react then they know they’ve found a way to get attention. Kid may be ASD, OCD, or something else. “Self injurious behavior” is what you want to Google. But agree: don’t blame you for wanting to get out of there.

    • Anonforthis

      I’m not sure I would break-up with BF right away, but you need to sit him down and have a *serious* discussion about his son’s condition and what treatment he is getting. Not just because of the child’s own welfare but because when YOU spend time with him, you need to make sure that you’re presenting the same united front that the parents are presenting, hopefully in cooperation with his therapist and doctor.

      If you can’t get that information from BF, then I’d have to seriously consider what to do next because he’s just so young, those problems aren’t going to get better on their own (this doesn’t sound like just a “phase” to me) and if BF and the mother aren’t taking it seriously, you could get stuck in a very, very nasty situation.

      I would also talk to BF about what if anything you need to do to make sure that you, the house, and the son are safe at all times – if he is threatening violence, some kind of serious child-proofing is necessary.

      Honestly, I guess I’m not shocked that the BF may be presenting this as “normal” – maybe it *is* normal for his son – but it’s not normal for children in general. If you stay in this relationship and continue to have contact with the son, you need to be fully informed so you know how and when to react (as someone said, the acting like everything is normal thing may be something that the therapist recommended, but you need to KNOW that in order to follow those recommendations). If BF cannot tell you enough to make you comfortable, I would think long and hard before staying in a serious relationship with him that would, inevitably, involve his son.

  18. Anon

    What’s your favourite hand lotion? I struggle all winter with rough skin around my fingers and cracked and peeling (sometimes bleeding!) cuticles. The tube I keep in my office is about to run out and with drier and colder weather coming I’d like to get ahead of it this year. Preference is something with little fragrance that doesn’t leave oily prints on my keyboard!

    • old lady anon

      In the cheap and cheerful category, Body Shop Hemp is a great hand cream. If you are a good sleeper, a thick slathering once per week and then sleep with cotton socks on your hands (or cotton gloves if you can find them), is amazing.

    • Anonymous

      I like Forever Young from Supergoop. Bonus that it’s SPF 40. I keep the big (10 oz) bottle on my desk and a smaller one in my purse.

      I use a Neutrogena hand cream in the winter but it takes a while to absorb and it’s quite oily. I generally only use it at night.

      • Aggie

        +1 I use the Neutrogena hand cream as well, but only at night and only with gloves. (I alternate Nivea hand cream in the same fashion.

    • PolyD

      L’Occitane hand cream. The one I have is unscented and you use a tiny, tiny amount (so tiny that I am pretty sure I am going to have to leave the tube to someone in my will). It absorbs really well and does not leave your hands greasy.

      • anon

        I LOVE L’Occitane shea butter hand cream, but it is pricey. Whole Foods has a pretty good dupe. I use this every night before bed. If it’s really dry, I’ll use 100% shea butter at night.

        During the day, I just use aveeno lotion every time I wash my hands. It’s nothing fancy, but it does the job.

    • Rebecca

      Eucerin advanced repair light feel hand cream (basically unscented) or soap and glory hand food (slightly scented)

    • Anonymous

      YuBe – it’s this Japanese “medical cream” you can get on amazon. Super moisturizing, really soothing, not greasy – I like it for my poor, beat up hands after rock climbing. Slight camphor smell that goes away almost immediately.

  19. Senior Attorney Reporting Back re Pilates

    So I went to the Pilates class with the reformer machines and I loved it! The vibe in the studio was really calm, the exercises were challenging but do-able, and basically I am completely hooked and can’t wait to go back. I am sore in a few places (my rear end, mostly) but not overly so. I’m just frustrated that because of my schedule and their schedule, I won’t be able to go back until after Labor Day. But it was great!

    Thanks for all the advice and comments last week!

    Next up: Cardio kickboxing tomorrow! LOL

    • Anonymous

      You’re making me want to go back to pilates! I love it, because it feels like a work-out without doing some horrible zumba body pump dance maniac routine. Classes are so expensive around me though.

    • AIMS

      Ooh, I missed that discussion but v. interested. Do you remember what day/thread that was?
      Also, any general recommendations for toning exercise programs welcome. I’m looking for something to do. Thanks!

      • Senior Attorney

        Can’t find it but basically everybody said “do it, it’s great!” and they were right! Definitely toning and not cardio. And no shouting, which I loved.

    • Anon in Boston

      So glad it was positive for you, and thanks very much for reporting back! I was just about to ask, out of curiosity.

    • EM84

      The feeling of finding activity with which you just fit is priceless. Maybe check also other studios, not to lose the motivation. Kickboxing is great as well – as cardio. I would also recommend to check Barre classes on Les Mills On Demand – they offer 10 day trial. I love their BodyPump and Grit classes, my sister loves Barre and BodyCombat (similar to kickboxing).

  20. Gail the Goldfish

    Anyone have a washing machine they like? I think it’s time to replace mine. It’s a Samsung toploader without an agitator that the previous owners of our house left, and it’s starting to rust on the inside and takes forever to finish loads. It thinks it’s unbalance and will just refill and spin again constantly, even if you adjust the load manually. It spent about 4 hours trying to finish a load yesterday before I finally gave up and wrung stuff out by hand. So not a Samsung, but I like the toploading with no agitator. Do they all have this unbalanced load problem or is mine just bad?

    • Anonymous

      I have an LG toploader without an agitator and do not have this problem. Rebalancing seems to take mere seconds.

      • love our washer

        We love our LG compact front-load washer. Two adults, no kids. It fits under a standard countertop. A LOT of things fit in it, and we think it’s amply large, even though it’s compact.

    • Leah

      I love my no-frills top loading Speen Queen. The brand specializes in hard-core workhorse washers and dryers (the kind you find in a laundromat). No digital displays to short out, no fiddly buttons to break, just strong, quality dials like “back in the day”.

  21. Anonymous

    Thanks to the poster who recommended the egg steamer for hard boiled eggs the other week! We used it for the first time last night. I was so surprised and elated when the shells came off in two big halves, when normally I’d spend several minutes fooling with tiny little chips. Making my husband’s egg salad for the week only took a minute or two of hands-on time instead of much longer. So thank you!

    • AIMS

      Not sure if you already have this but the egg slicer is maybe my favorite kitchen tool ever. I don’t even need hard boiled eggs that often but when I do, this is so much fun to use. I’m normally in the “no single purpose gadgets” camp, but I make an exception for this item.

    • Cb

      I’ve been making hard boiled eggs in the instant pot (per epicurious instructions) and they are amazing.

  22. Ariadne

    I returned from a three week trip where the water was very hard, and since then, my hair has been really dry, and does not absorb water or products that well when it is washed. Basically, it takes a while to wet my hair when I wash it. I researched this online and learned I can do an apple cider vinegar rinse, or maybe buy a specific shampoo. I have curly hair, and usually use products formulated for my spiral type curls/ fine hair, so I thought I would ask for advice on what I should try, or may work to remove the mineral buildup on my hair. I’m going for a cut anyway, but it’s been a few weeks since I returned, and my hair is still not back to normal. TIA!

    • Anon

      I do not have curly hair, but one trick I use for softening my hair when it feels dry is to put a lot of conditioner in and then cover with a shower cap while I’m in the shower. I was told that from being under the shower cap the hair will get warm and the cuticles will open and the conditioner will soak in deeper. I don’t know about all that, but I do know that when I do it my hair is much softer, and this is now my regular routine.

    • Neutrogena anti-residue shampoo

      My daughter finally found the answer – Neutrogena anti-residue shampoo.

      • Anonymous

        I’ve been using that stuff since I was a kid. Old-school and works well. It doesn’t lather that well, so I usually follow up with a bit of my usual shampoo, and then condition as usual.

    • Jules

      I don’t know about hair, but until recently the town I live in had pretty hard water and we used white vinegar in the rinse cycle of the dishwasher and washing machine every time and also to soak things like the shower head and faucet aerators where mineral deposits would build up. I’d definitely try the vinegar rinse.

    • Anon

      I lived somewhere with really hard water and had this problem- constant buildup on my hair so that it felt like it always had gunk on it. In my case, it seemed more oily than dry, and I have fine, oily hair to begin with, but the only thing that worked for me was the Aubrey Organics green tea shampoo for oily hair. An anti-residue shampoo like the Neutrogena one is also worth trying, though it never helped me that much. Since it’s not an ongoing exposure, vinegar might work too, I just wouldn’t use it everyday forever.

    • Aridane

      Thank you for the suggestions. They are all doable, so looking forward to trying them on my hair ASAP.

    • Torin

      I have type 3b curls and rinse my hair with apple cider vinegar once a week. I’ve been doing this for a year or two, and my hair has never been softer or more under control. When I condition, I have to use way less conditioner than I used to. So cheap, so effective!

      • Anon

        I tried to do this once but the smell lingered. Do you wash with shampoo after the rinse, or just rinse with water?

  23. Anon

    Question for the hive
    Futons? Have they greatly improved?

    I have a spare bedroom we use for watching TV and my kids do video games in there. We currently have an ikea sectional in there that is on its last legs.

    A regular sofa bed will not fit through the door – we have tried with the smallest size and no dice. It’s a small door to the right of the end of a narrow U shaped hallway. The IKEA sectional fit in there because we could assemble it in the room.

    I wandered into an organic mattress shop this weekend possibly looking for a daybed and happened upon a futon. I had a futon in the 90s and it was the most uncomfortable thing ever. The futon I saw this weekend was so comfortable – it had springs on the inside of the mattress and wool around them with a 100% cotton cover. The futon frame was constructed in a way that it was also extremely comfortable to sit on – unlike my previous futons. And definitely more comfortable than the crappy IKEA couch that is in there now.

    We use the room 90% for watching TV and maybe 10% for guests. But I would like to have some sort of bed in there for guests so that I can stop kicking one of my kids out of their bedrooms when we have guests.

    So… thoughts on modern futons?

    • Anon

      I slept on a futon through the latter part of college and all of grad school. It was great.

      The futon in question was made of a high-quality wood and folded completely flat, so it was essentially a slat bed that could be converted into a couch. I also had a very nice mattress on it.

    • DLC

      We have had a great futon mattress for over ten years- one of the really thick ones with springs inside. While I love sleeping on it, it is not super comfy for sitting. Maybe it is we didn’t have the right frame? When we moved recently we took the mattress, but left the frame. I think with the advances in mattress make them pretty solid for sleeping, so just make sure yours is just as comfy for sitting and lounging.

    • Anon

      Check out the Futon Shop. You can get an organic wool futon that is pretty good quality for a great price and free shipping. They have frequent deals so you might want to check around Labor Day.

  24. Anonymous

    I have no clue about the futon, but if you’re near a major city there are service that will break down furniture to fit into tight spaces and re-assemble it… I want to say that they may be called furniture doctors? It is a common service in NYC and I’ve had friends in Philly use moving companies that would take out windows and hoist in furniture. A lot of major furniture retailers can recommend someone who does this service. I think a few companies (I know one is BoConcept) will commonly either custom spec or design the furniture in such a way that it can be broken down by design to fit through tight spaces. Just in case you are looking for other options.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions