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Federal gov't health insurance
This is a very specific question, sorry about that, but I am having the hardest time figuring this out.
Does anyone know which federal health insurance plan in the DC area has the highest plan allowance for mental health services? Or how you even compare what the allowances are among plans? I’m trying to figure out the best option since most of my health costs are my out-of-network therapist. I can see what the out-of-network coverage is for each plan, but usually it’s something like “70% of the plan allowance” and then the patient pays the difference, which could amount to a lot depending on what the allowance is.
Veronica Mars
I don’t know anything about those plans in particular but you probably need to call and talk to each company to get that number. You may also be better off negotiating with your therapist and seeing if you can get a discount by paying cash out of pocket. Another perspective may be seeing if you have a total “out of pocket cap” and picking the plan with the lowest cap/maximum.
L
+1. Call and find out if it’s not in the longer summary benefit description.
Federal gov't health insurance
Ok, thanks to you both. Was hoping there might be a quicker way but it’s worth it to find out.
Still, if anyone has specific experience with a good plan for out-of-network therapy or a lead on which I should call (there are so many options), let me know!
Anon for this
I just checked my collection of EOBs I keep at work and unfortunately none are from my therapy / med management because my FSA doesn’t require receipts for those. I’ll see if I can access them online. I have BCBS Basic so I only have coverage if I go in-network but it still will list on those EOBs what my plan allowance is. I’m assuming you have Standard since you have an out-of-network option. I will add, I don’t know if the issue is how my doctor is coding the visit but when I go every 3-4 months to get my Adderall prescription in person, there is no co-pay for that. It is billed as “therapeutic care” and the insurance pays the doc but I haven’t yet figured out why there is no copay. My doc’s office is in a hospital so I’m wondering if there is some in-patient vs. out-patient confusion but I’ve never figured it out. I’ll come back if I can locate something with my plan allowance.
I know how hard it is to get quotes w/ gov’t insurance. I was trying to find out what tiers my medications were in before picking plans and none of the plans would talk to me since I wasn’t a member. It was a huge pain to get sorted out.
Anon for this
I’ll also add, when I was dealing with a dermatological issue and having multiple procedures, I noticed that no matter what my doctor’s office charged (they never were billing the same amount despite it being the same procedure which was odd) the “plan allowance” was consistently 70% of whatever the doc billed.
Federal gov't health insurance
That’s so frustrating! Seems like the allowance should be static!
I do find it somewhat useful that at Plan Smart Choice or whatever it’s called you can compare plans based on customer satisfaction. But, it doesn’t give me the specific information I’m looking for.
anon a mouse
my agency does a health fair during open enrollment when they have reps from each of the insurance companies on hand to answer questions. Does yours do anything like that? I found it very helpful when trying to answer a specific question about benefits.
Federal gov't health insurance
Not sure, but I’ll check. Thanks!
Anon for this
Yes. I’m not the gov’t employee, my husband is, but I have all of the medical issues and deal with all of the insurance issues. He asked his employer if I could attend the session and they agreed. I felt like it was going against all normal advice on this blog and Ask A Manager. (He’s a grown man, he can handle insurance issues with his employer.) The reality is, only I understand my diseases and what the terminology is and the insurance nuances. It was so helpful for me to be able to sit down with the rep. I was worried he was going to get teased for it but instead his coworkers thought it was brilliant and considered bringing their own spouse (if they were the one with the issue) the next year.
New Anon
I think employers are realizing that health insurance choices can be complicated/personal enough that family’s desire for more involvement than it would have in something like a salary negotiation or retirement plan picking is reasonable. My husband’s employer, this year, hosted an evening information session specifically so spouses could attend–I think that’s smart, and goof for your husband’s colleagues for realizing what a good idea you two had as well.
anonymous
Advice needed, ladies. How do you deal with discrimination and harassment in the workplace based on your ethnic background/perceived national origin? I don’t want to get into too many specifics for the sake of my anonymity, but it seems like my job and at the very least my ability to perform my job is negatively impacted by this. Obviously, find a new job, but the other problem is that the entire “profession” has more or less the same set of problems, so I need to transition into a different kind of work. That shouldn’t be terribly hard, but it’s a really bad time for me to be changing jobs, I don’t know how I’d explain my choice to leave to a new employer, and the biggest issue for me is that I don’t know how to get over how bad and unfair this feels to me. Any advice would be appreciated.
Anonymous
A job search is about showing a new employer what you can do for it. If it becomes a therapy session for why you’re looking, no new job will come of it.
“I have learned at Job A that I am very good at Skill B and would be really be able to take care of your B, C, and D needs. I think that you are a great industry to be in and I would be very eager to join your company because of E.”
Look forward in an interview. Anything backward-looking has to relate to a forward-facing positive thing.
Sorry you are having drama (could you post industry if not ethnicity? lots of engineering drama here lately)
Anon
+1 I changed jobs (still law but very different type of work) and phrased it as “I am looking to work in a new area/I didn’t feel like my old area was a good fit for me” instead of telling them that my past employer was a borderline hostile environment. It should be easy to sugar coat why you are changing careers.
Employment lawyer
Speak with HR about your concerns. You shouldn’t have to change jobs because someone else is a bigot.
anonymous
It’s hard for me to explain wthout getting into details- I shouldn’t have to, but that’s the way this system is, and there’s very little I can do to advocate for myself. I’m doing what I can in with the means I have, but HR cannot and will not help me here.
The other question is how hard do I try to fight to stay vs just going somewhere else where I don’t have these problems? How much of being treated like a criminal for no discernible reason can I tolerate or should I tolerate? I don’t know how to answer that question. I want to fight my way through it, but I’m not sure it’s worth it.
Anonymous
Is everyone, every single person, at your job this bad and treating you like this? The worse things are, the more I am inclined to believe that this is an outlier (so maybe not this group or this company, but no reason to walk away from an entire industry).
Any chance that this is your first job or that you haven’t been there very long? Is this a complete and total surprise (i.e., when you interviewed for the job the people seemed to be very different)?
TBK
Have you sought out more senior people in your industry who share your background? It’s not a cure-all, but they should have some insight on how to handle this, including how to handle the feelings of unfairness.
Anonymous
+1
Yes: find a friend, a peer you trust, or a senior person, etc. Same background or even just a friendly person. Insight and perspective can be helpful, esp if you come to the conclusion that some things aren’t worth fighting for (do you really want a 30+ career if this is how things are)?
Blonde Lawyer
Speak with an employment lawyer. He/she can help you determine if it is at a level where taking legal action could help. Few people go this route while still employed but that is actually the intent of many state human rights commissions – to keep you in your job while changing the culture there. If they retaliate against you for it, they pay. Obviously, in practice it isn’t that simple and few people want to be in active litigation while still working there. But, in many states HRC complaints are confidential between you and your employer until they get to the stage that you or the employer are allowed to remove them to court. This means it shouldn’t effect your ability to get a future job and it shouldn’t make the press. Again, these are things an employment lawyer can explain regarding the laws in your state.
Anonymous
Id suggest checking out substantive posts on ask a manager. it’s a really good blog and might provide you with some options on how to leverage your experience to switch fields or fight.
am i totally off my rocker?
After yesterday’s post on career changes/switches, I’m interested in a hive perspective. Early on in my career, I worked at a really fast paced, somewhat high profile early stage company. It wasn’t a Silicon Valley type shop, but it was long hours in a company that hired really bright people, did really cool things, and got sold several times (to my benefit).
I eventually needed to make a switch for commute and really corporate-ladder type reasons (had somewhat “grown up” with the first company and really needed to start fresh in a higher up role elsewhere). Five years ago, I took a job at a somewhat more mainstream, established company. It took me a full year to adjust to the sheer amount of red tape, but eventually, I learned to play Big Company politics and have gotten several major promotions. I’ve got a sweet gig (work remote most days, have minimized my previously high-travel schedule, have a good rapport with all my peers and am well paid). Problem is, I’m bored. Things are too easy. I get done in 30 hours what my peers can’t do in 60 (apparently—I only work 30-40 hours per week and keep getting promoted/getting $hit done and my peers seem to be working twice as hard with minimal impact). The company is not exciting, what we’re doing is the same ‘ol thing. I no longer get pulled into speak at conferences about our NEW! THINGS! like I did at my old company.
I’ve been recruited several times for roles at companies more like my former….but it now just seems like SO MUCH WORK. I’d have to (gasp) go into an office, log 50-60 hour weeks, etc., and the pay bump, while not insubstantial, would not really change my family’s lifestyle (~20% increase on an already very comfortable salary—and we have 2 incomes—so after tax we’re looking at like, 10-15k a year post tax).
My husband put it pretty accurately last night when this came up—he asked me if I’m ready to dig in and continue being a Corporate Sheep….and I am really struggling with that answer. My pre-kid self says “GO DO THE EXCITING WORK! BUILD A NAME FOR YOURSELF! DO SOMETHING PEOPLE WILL CARE ABOUT!” and my lazy, kid-having self says “continue building your senior management skills and ride this gravy train as long as humanly possible.”
Have others struggled with this sort of decision? What are some long term implications I should be weighing? FWIW, I’m early 30s, NOT in law, and could probably be with this company for the next 10 years if I wanted.
anonymous
do something interesting. you’ll be bored otherwise and that’s no way to go through life.
Bored in corporate America
Actually, I think it is quite common to be bored with your job in corporate America. However, if the overall combination of money/hours/ intangible benefits is a good one, you might want to consider staying.
Can you maybe find a pet project that you really enjoy? Work for a boss who is energetic? Broaden your responsibilities?
HSAL
I second this. I’d take your job in a heartbeat, but do what you can to add in interesting responsibilities/work within that job. Or maybe a hobby?
KT
So…it’s not about lazy versus Corporate sheep…it’s about what your priorities are NOW.
I think we’re so used to achieving that anything but being the best of the best feels like a let down. I know when I made the switch from high-powered corporate to non-profit, I faced a real mental battle. It felt like I was a failure, couldn’t hack it, was not reaching my potential, etc….but that’s not true, those are my own demons.
My priorities had changed. It wasn’t WORK MONEY PRESTIGE anymore–my focus became more on my own health, my family, having time for things I loved.
If your work doesn’t make your passionate, you have more options than going back to work that’s too much for where you are now. You can do consulting, freelance, pick up a hobby.
I wrote yesterday how I left and work for a non-profit…and while a lot of my new-found time is spend on spending time with my husband, I also make times to do things I love but didn’t have the time or energy for, like doing talks at conferences about social media or writing e-books.
JJ
Agreed. One lesson that I had to learn the hard way was that I derive too much of my sense of self from my job. Sometimes, it can just be a job and you can find fulfillment in other areas in your life. If that’s possible for you to do, then I would recommend riding this job out. You have a golden opportunity to do whatever you want with a lot of free time.
Meg Murry
This is what I had to learn as well. I’ve since taken the attitude that I would rather be content with my overall *life* than ecstatic with my job at the expense of my family, friends and hobbies.
That said, I got bored being a corporate sheep too. Can you keep your eye out for something in between? After stepping back to part time, I’ve found myself in a 40 hour a week gig that isn’t super prestigious but isn’t super stressful either.
Another thought: I can’t find it now, but I read an interesting article about all the women that have a second act after their kids are older. Would it be better to consider this just a slight slow time, in the long life of your career?
Last thought: if you really are getting stuff done in 30 hours a week, could you propose some kind of stretch project that is atypical for this company for another 10 hours or so of your time a week? Or could you see if your big corporate behemoth might be willing to sponsor some startup style research, possibly in collaboration with a local university?
Anonymous
+1 to the idea of a “second act.” My mom is in her mid-60’s and her career (as a professor) has TAKEN OFF in the past 5-10 years. She wrote her first book about 5 years ago, is working on her second, and is currently being flown all over the country to do consulting/lectures/etc. When we were little she just focused on teaching and did not publish at all. I’m in my early 30’s, so this really started happening just after me and my sib were out of college. You can be slower now and then decide to lean in again when your kids are older… as long as you keep up the right skills/etc. you should be able to pull it off, certainly more so than if you had stayed home entirely.
Anon for this
I could have written this post verbatim. I work approx 35-40 hrs a week, get everything done and then some, and earn around $250k. But I am Bored. Not sure whether to stay on or quit and start something on my own. And we have enough saved up for retirement plus kids education incl college, which means I could chuck it all up.
Interested to see what people reply.
Hiya
My two cents… if you have enough saved, try something new. Who knows what this wacky world is all about, but we’re only here once, so might as well experiment, experience new things, and live it up.
Anon
+1 It sounds like you have a decent amount of free time so do something in your personal life that is rewarding. Volunteer, take on a time-intensive hobby, get more involved in your kids’ schools. I have a job I like and find (mostly) interesting, that pays well and has a good work/life balance, but I’m not “changing the world” there and I’m ok with that. I feel lucky that I like my job, much less that I don’t hate my job. The time I spend volunteering and with family is where I get my satisfaction.
anon
What is this job?! :D
For me, the urge to chuck it would be overwhelming.
Anonymous
I vote for chucking it all up and submitting my resume to be your replacement :)
AnotherAnon
I would be in the run for her job along with you :-)
CountC
Me three!
OP
Wanna start a business? ;)
Katie
Oh you poor thing!
Anonymous
I think it’s time to write that novel you’ve been putting off writing since your teens. Or something else you’re passionate about. Be one of those people who speaks at things. Do on campus recruiting in addition to your job. Do a Kon-Mari house purge. Something.
moss
yeah that was going to be my advice. There must be something you like doing that you could do outside of work. Now’s the time to learn how to make the most amazing pie ever or whatever.
CapHillAnon
Everyone here is going to have her own answer to this, based on her own philosophy and current definition of happiness. It sounds like you miss the challenges and demands of the old job. You can feed that need another way–write a book, train for a crazy athletic event, teach a class?–keep your current job, and still maintain control of your working hours, still pull a good salary, and get professional recognition.
You could pour your competitive spirit and intellectual energy into something else besides a very demanding job.
TBK
Are you building skills that will continue to be valuable? I have small children and have a job that is actually exciting but definitely has reduced hours — and pay. It’s great for me right now, because time and flexibility are worth much more to me than money, but it’s also a position where I’m building my skills and reputation, so I know I can transition into something better-paid down the line (about the time I have twin college freshmen perhaps?). I have a friend in a high-pressure, high-travel field who was able to dial back for a few years when her twins were young, then dive back into the fray once they were a little older. Is that something that would work for you?
Gift for Niece
What is popular for teen girls (16-17)? My niece’s birthday is coming up and I’d like to keep my cool aunt status. What is the “it” thing these days?
God, I’m old.
KT
Do you have a budget in mind?
L
I’d like to keep it somewhat reasonable, but would go as much as $200.
KT
At that age, the little Coach swingpacks and Tiffany logo necklaces are HUGE (usually 200 or less for each)
L
See, both of these I thought about, but apparently at her schools it’s “out?” Or I guess maybe my antiquated (I say vintage) stuff I offered was out. Kids these days. I feel like yelling get off my lawn.
Anonymous
Where does she live? The trendy stuff would probably be highly regional and even specific to her school. Where I’m at, Coach and Tiffany would also be really out, but Kendra Scott jewelry and/or a Tory Burch crossbody purse would be a hit with the teenage set.
Anonymous
Boston area. Thanks! I should have thought to include that.
Anonymous
Ah, in that case forget what I said about Kendra Scott and Tory Burch, as I think those are more Southern/Texas trends. I’m not familiar with Boston but maybe someone else is! I also really like the concert tickets suggestion below.
KT
Or good makeup from Sephora–Urban Decay’s Naked palettes, primer, setting spray, etc
Killer Kitten Heels
+1 on the makeup idea – maybe even plan it as a half-day thing, like “let’s go to Sephora and then I’ll take you to lunch.”
HSAL
I wish you’d been my aunt at 16.
Anonymous
Ha! Thanks! She’s had a somewhat crappy year, so I’d like to give her something nicer than normal.
Anon
My teenage daughter’s friends all want Michael Kors bags. And second the recommendation for makeup from Sephora.
ORD
My daughter is that age and I wouldn’t even try. Gift card to Nordstrom, iTunes, H&M, whatever.
Anomanom
I’m a big fan of concert tickets at this age if you know their favorite bands.
Anonymous
Yup, or whatever experience gift she’d be into (theater, sports event etc.) And give her the option of going with you or going with a friend while you play chauffer (if parents approve), I would have loved that freedom at her age.
Dulcinea
When I was that age I automatically HATED anything trendy on principle. So unless you know she’s into that stuff, maybe stick w money or a gift card? Getting money at that age feels extra special I think because it feels independent.
Meg Murry
+1 on this. When I was that age, if you weren’t part of the trendy/popular crowd, getting a purse or necklace like the ones they all had got you made fun of for trying to be like them – both from the popular kids and from the jerks on the periphery. Do you know what she likes? I think at that age, having someone “get her” might be more important than anything else.
If you live near her, taking her to a makeup counter to let someone who appears to understand what understated daytime makeup looks like might be a good lesson and fun day. Or taking her shopping for a new dress for homecoming could be fun if that’s something her school does.
Marshmallow
You could try those Alex+Ani charm bracelets. They seem to be popular with preppy New England teens/ college kids lately.
Alanna of Trebond
I haven’t been 16 in a bit, but I would not have liked any of these gifts. I did not wear makeup, care about my clothes or like jewelry. Cool electronics would have been awesome, or something for my car.
Travel Unicorn
Ladies,
Crappy week at work, need something to look forward to and am desperately trying to find the unicorn of travel for DH and me:
– Warm to hot, non-humid climate in late fall
– Americas (North, Latin, South) much preferred; would be open to Caribbean/ Asia if un-humid – not sure if this exists in Asia at that time of year)
– Resort on the beach, embedded in nature or nice landscaping, with at least 2 restaurants and a pool you can actually swim in
– Kayaking, stand-up paddling, biking, hiking or similar activities
– Luxury with laid-back atmosphere, i.e. not party central
And here´s the catch:
Budget is 150 – 200 $/ room/ night for a “nice” room that does not face a brick wall or the parking lot. 300 – 350 $/ room/ night for all inclusive.
I´ve always succeeded in finding a 4* or 5* (pre-openings, shoulder season…), but not this year. Would love to hear insiders´ tips or resort recommendations.
mascot
This may be too humid, but how about Belize? Lots of outdoor activities and relatively inexpensive for the Caribbean. Resorts on Ambergis Caye/San Pedro are a little more populated (more places to eat too) than the ones further south.
Travel Unicorn
How does one get around there? Rental car?
mascot
We took a prop plane out of Belize City to Dangriga. After that, we relied on resort transportation for our excursions (included in our package). I remember the roads being iffy/old/not paved in places so do your research on car rental.
gee
Bitter End Yacht Club (?) in BVI.
Salli
COSTA RICA! At Tulemar, the hideaway and standard rooms are right in your price range. Tulemar is so so lovely, nice quiet beach, pool, mellow. You can kayak and SUP from the beach, hike nearby. One nice restaurant and a little cafe on the beach. Don’t know if I’d call it “luxury” but it is a wonderful place to stay. I also think asking for “luxury” at $150 a night is pushing it.
Travel Unicorn
Oh, it´s DH´s hobby to locate fantastic deals and we´ve always had lucky finds in the past years. As in a Ritz Carlton with ocean view and breakfast for 200$. We have a bucket list of locations/ hotels/ resorts we want to go sooner or later, and just stalk these each season. This is the first year none of these have any promotions that would put them within our budget.
Salli
I wish my DH had that skill! Tulemar really is a sweet little resort but it’s not going to be the Ritz.
Wrt the issues that Anonymous below had, the time you’re looking at is the dry season so the humidity is less of a concern. I’ve never had swarming bugs or Cipro issues there and we visit at least once a year, so it sounds like she was maybe just unlucky!
Finally though, based on the comments below re not wanting to see any income inequality, I guess I’d stay out of the vast majority of central and South America if I were you…
Anonymous
Costa Rica was SO SO humid when we went. And I was swarmed with bugs in numerous towns there. I know a ton of people love CR, but we really didn’t (we did stay in luxury hotels, saw three separate regions of the country, and were there two weeks, so these weren’t isolated problems). We also came hom with stomach infections that required two 14-day courses of Cipro each to treat.
Gail the Goldfish
Well, the other catch if you want warm to hot in late Fall on a beach, at least on the east side of the Americas, that means Florida or further South so you’re going to risk hurricanes and/or humidity. So I have no specific suggestions, but if you do end up on the east side of the Americas, consider trip insurance or something out of the hurricane belt, like the ABC islands. But for a guaranteed “warm to hot, not humid”–probably somewhere in California?
Travel Unicorn
California was our backup plan in case we do not find a “real resort vacation”. Our naive plan was to invest any savings from not flying abroad into the hotel. However, SoCal seems to be ridiculously expensive this year.
gee
Sorry, just saw that BEYC is a little more than I remembered. I got a deal on jetsetter! But it is a great, sporty place!
Travel Unicorn
It looks lovely, though. Maybe one day….
Anonymous
Late fall is a great time to go to Hawaii, Mexico and the Caribbean. Weather is great and if you go when school is in session there will be minimal crowds. Avoid Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. In October or November, I don’t think you should have a problem finding a nice hotel in Hawaii for <$200 (nice meaning Westin/Sheraton/Marriott, not Four Seasons, Ritz, etc.) with pools and restaurants.
Travel Unicorn
Never been to Mexico, and would love to go there. I feel a bit overwhelmed by the choices. The resorts I´ve found so far look huge. I´d prefer to opt for something smaller. Not necessarily a boutique hotel, but something that fits into the landscape.
Also, how is Mexico in terms of security? If we go there, we may want to drive around a bit.
Anonymous
Have you checked Australia?
Anonymous
I’d Air BnB in San Diego personally.
I
Vieques, off the coast of Puerto Rico. It’s still in the US and quite cheap. There’s actually a W hotel on the island, though I’m not sure what the rates are. And the beaches are beautiful
Travel Unicorn
How is the general atmosphere there? I´m a bit reluctant to visit due to the current economic struggles Puerto Rico is facing compared to “mainland” US.
Anonymous
Why? I’m sure they’d love to have someone come spend $ there.
Travel Unicorn
And I´d be glad to spend $. Only that I do not want to be constantly reminded of the monetary dependency and inequality.
Anonymous
Is the inequality there different than any places with tourism-based economies (Hawaii, WVA, Charleston, Miami, other islands)? I would love to visit. I think that visiting = better chance of your $ trickling down than if you don’t (so the person cleaning your hotel really needs you to come stay in that hotel otherwise a bad job > no job). Go and tip well?
DC has rampant extremes of wealth and poverty.
Cat
I traveled to Vieques in November a few years ago. We got somewhat unlucky with the weather as a tropical storm passed to the south a week before we arrived, so we had cloudy days and some residual showers. The beaches were deserted and beautiful and towards the end of the week, the sun was shining and temps in the low 80s, which was great.
However, regardless of weather, half the island was closed for the season – so we ended up eating at our hotel for dinner (Blue Horizon, IIRC) way more than planned. Convinced us not to go to small islands during shoulder season.
Anonymous
? It’s fine. Although if you’re this worried about dealing with the natives try Nantucket. During the week you’re probably enough in the off season to get a decent room.
Travel Unicorn
I have conscience issues flashing $$$ (compared to the local average income) in a location that is spiralling downward economically. This may not be logical, but I´m always happier if people around me are doing well, too.
Anonymous
Then you can’t go to the Carribean full stop. Unless your conscious is fine if it is hermetically sealed in a resort.
What about Bermuda? It’s got a lot to do. Your budget is weak for a full service resort but basically the entire island is a resort.
Gail the Goldfish
So I love Vieques a lot, but I don’t think it’s what you’re looking for unless you stay at the W, which I don’t think is going to fit your price range (but it may if you go in shoulder season-you should check). The W is the only “resort” on the island. There are some nicer boutique hotels, but none are on beaches you can swim at (some are on beaches, just not on the good swimming beaches) and I doubt any have two restaurants. HOWEVER, the beaches are gorgeous (unless they’re currently covered in seaweed, which a lot of them were when I was there in May. It’s actually a problem for a lot of the Caribbean right now you may want to google if you’re thinking Caribbean–google sargassum seaweed problem or something like that)–you just have to drive to them (the W is on a beach, but the nicest ones are in the nature reserves). If you want beautiful empty beaches and don’t mind a lack of amenities on the beach and a bit of work to get to them, Vieques is perfect. If you want a resort where you can walk from pool to beach to dinner, it’s not what you’re looking for. If you want a combo of both, try the W and rent a jeep so you can leave the W grounds some days.
Gail the Goldfish
Though I would add you might want to check out some of the resorts on mainland Puerto Rico. They might be more what you’re looking for. No specific recommendations, though.
Anonymous
May be an obvious suggestion, but have you looked on groupon? I believe there’s a deal for the Renaissance hotel in Aruba for Sept/October. You’ll be out of Hurricane region, it’s not humid (it’s actually close to a desert climate), and there’s a breeze all the time so no mosquitos.
Anonymous
TravelZoo also has a lot of travel deals.
Anonymous
I just stayed at La Fortuna at Atitlan in Guatemala, which is below your budget, fabulously gorgeous, there’s kayaking on the lake also. One of the best trips I’ve ever taken and I think we paid $400 for airfare. You will save big $$ on meals there too they are cheap and cooked by the house chef.
TravelMoreRoads
Great pick Kat, these tops are amazing – I am actually wearing one right now. They are very comfortable, and they do a good job with the built-in bra tops too. Happy Friday all!
Anonymous
They are amazing. I wear one everyday.
Meg Murry
How sheer is the white? I need a white or nude tank to wear under a white shirt button down I have for work (not by choice, a company shirt), but so many of them barely actually do anything besides exist, they are so thin and sheer, so they don’t actually hide my bra, just add another layer of straps.
Gail the Goldfish
I don’t have this particular tank top, but I have some of the older airism white tshirts and they are pretty sheer–like I would never wear just the airism shirt because it would be see-through. However, I actually think they make the perfect undershirt and use them for that purpose under white button downs. So I’d say it depends on how sheer the button down is. If it’s pretty opaque on it’s own and you just need a little more coverage, these may work for you.
TravelMoreRoads
The nude Airism would be great for that, wear mine often under white.
Bonnie
I really wish there was a Uniqlo in D.C.
anon a mouse
+1000000
Uniqlo
There is one coming to Tyson’s in a few months. Cannot wait!
anonymous
I’m through a really rough time; when people tell me to take things one day at a time, what does that mean? How do I put that into actions?
Salli
You make a focused effort to spend your time thinking about today, and today only. How can we get through just today. Don’t focus on how you have this thing to do Sunday, and ugh next week will suck, and how am I supposed to handle the holidays …. just today.
What’s the first thing on your list? Do it. Done. What’s next? Piece by piece.
It takes a lot of practice, but it can really help. Good luck.
Hiya
It means focus on the present moment and avoid thinking about the past or future. Look into books on mindfulness to help you do this. I recommend Thich Nhat Hahn’s books.
I’ve been there before, and after working on mindfulness I have a lot less anxiety and am truly able to put the “take it one day at a time” advice into practice.
CountC
Well other than wanting to probably smack them, here’s what I would suggest.
When you wake up in the morning you focus on your goals for the day, not your goals for the week, not your goals for the month, and definitely not your goals for 3 years from now. If your goals are walk the dog, feed myself, and watch Orange is the New Black, then that is all you should be thinking about that day. At the end of the day, you think hey self, great day! You walked the dog, fed yourself, and put in a solid marathon Netflix session. The next day you do the same thing, with your goals for that day.
I think what your friends are getting at is that it can be very overwhelming and soul crushing to think about ALL THE THINGS when you are going through a rough time. One day at a time is more about taking bite size pieces of your life, as opposed to thinking about the big picture. The reality is you just have to get through today because if you do, tomorrow will come naturally, and the next tomorrow, and the next tomorrow, and then eventually, you’ll be 365 tomorrows down the road and it will be better.
Hope that helps and hugs!
Ellen
Yeah frugal Fridays I love frugal Fridays and eunichklo! Great pic cat! I was told a lot of times to take one day at a time I also did not know what that meant. Then I spoke with my dad and he said that I should not sweat too many details. He told me that I am very smart and I do not have to worry about all these little details that’s what the little people should worry about. So I have Lynn and Mason doing all those little things for me so I can focused in on the bigger picture. Yay! I am still trying to get my personal life straightened out though and have no boyfriend. FOOEY!
Anon for this
Ellen, you need to stop looking for a spouse as a meal ticket and find a guy that rocks your world, emotionally, spiritually and of course in the bedroom. You are too picky. A guy should not have to present a bank book to you before you date him. And a date can be simple, not elaborate. If a guy doesn’t own a hotel chain he can still be a good catch. Sure you’re a partner in a law firm, but your eggs aren’t getting any better with age. If you want a family you need to get started NOW!
Ronnie
yes, don’t be afraid to have sex with the guy, if he’s decent. Guys won’t forget you if you are good to them, especially in bed. It will pay dividends If you are giving to them. It worked for me.
Kady
eunichklo? Srsly?
NOLA
Something a friend told me years ago was that she was trying to get better at not knowing how things were going to come out, especially if the outcome is months or years away. I tried to adopt that – trying to plan the best I could and make good decisions about my own life and be good to the people around me, but being ok about the fact that I can’t know how things will work out exactly, but I can have faith that they’ll come together in the way they should for me (not necessarily even how I think I want them to now).
Hope this is helpful!
Anon
I have been there! To me, taking it one day at a time means asking myself, “what do I have to do to make it through TODAY?” and by “make it through”, I literally mean survive without getting fired from my job or evicted from my apartment. Usually that list would boil down to, I must show up at work (and maybe do some stuff), pay rent and bills once per month, eat some food at some point, and feed my cats.
Things not on the “make it through” list included: doing a great job at work! keeping the house clean! eating healthy! getting the car washed! sorting through the issues that had led me to this dark place! being social!
After a couple weeks of “make it through”, I started to add “one other thing” to my “make it through” list. I’ll make it through AND clean the kitchen, or I’ll make it through AND get a drink with my co-worker, etc etc. Eventually I wound up having to resolve all of the stuff that I had let fall by the wayside, but it was actually way easier than I anticipated – what seemed insurmountable previously was easily handled once I was feeling better.
Good luck!!
Anon today
Thanks so much for this. Not the OP but really struggling and this make it through for just today thought process is just what I needed.
walking to work
If you walk to work, do you change at the office, or do you wear your work clothes? My walk is about 2 miles, so it’s not exactly a quick trip. I’m less worried about it in a few months when it’s not humid in the morning
Also, what do you carry? I have a purse (which, admittedly, is a little large to stuff into another bag, but not big enough to be its own “bigger” bag), and stuffed it, and my change of work clothes into a backpack, which I don’t mind, but it doesn’t leave any room for anything else (lunch, breakfast, snacks, any work, etc…). I’m not averse to carrying a backpack, but I wonder if there’s a better option for a 2 mile walk.
Anonymous
For a 2 mile walk? I would def not be changing! I’d just walk slower, and wear lighter clothing.
Anonymous
When it’s realllly hot and humid, I either walk in gym clothes or my regular skirt and a tshirt, then change at the office. If I’m not going to get really sweaty, and it’s not pouring, I just wear my work clothes. For years I carried a shoulder bag, but finally decided I am established enough in my career that I can carry a backpack and not give a f&&&. I’d rather have a comfortable back!
walking to work
I’m not at all worried about “established in my career” as our industry is casual, but I also live in a university city. Do you walk in flats, or change shoes?
Cb
I have a similar walk in and carry a backpack (Timbuk2, fits my yoga clothes, papers, laptop and lunch etc). I wear sneakers and leave my shoes at the office (Merrell barefoot runners, BOBS, or Converse). It’s amazing how quickly walking with wear out shoes (especially ballet flats). I keep a crossbody pouch in my bag so I can run an errand without bring it all with me.
same anonymous
I walk in comfortable flip flops or sneakers (I have problem feet).
Anonymous
1. Good shoes for walking.
2. Carry as little as possible (leave work at work; if I didn’t, I’d have to cab one-way, which I also did if I had to work late).
3. I did it in my work clothes (and am a fast walker), which was a full-suit or business-casual (business emphasis) in DC (so lots of febreze / handwashing, esp. in the summer).
4. Had a messenger bag to keep my hands free (and no purse –used a large zip-around wallet thing and then transported it in messenger bag and otherwise used as a clutch once at work).
5. Was about 3 miles (thru Georgetown over Key Bridge into VA). It was AWFUL in heavy rain. Everything else was dealable, but having soaking clothes is awful. Get a good umbrella that will fit in your bag (and even then maybe keep a black pencil skirt or spare pair of pants at your desk).
SSJD
I walked 2 miles to and from work for 3 years. It was amazing! Probably my favorite part of the job ;)
Here’s what I did:
–Kept work shoes at work; walked in my sneakers
–Carried a backback–most comfortable way to keep everything out of my hands.
–Carried my lunch in the backpack. Did not carry a purse. Wallet was in the backpack along with pump parts, baby bottles, etc. (My pump stayed at work.) I think you should consider whether you really need your purse–seems like the backpack should be the purse.
–Almost everything else you might carry in a purse (toiletries, lip gloss, etc.) was in my desk at work.
–I agree that rain is awful. I often drove or got a ride in rain. Otherwise, weather changes are manageable with the right clothing (I was in Boston).
–I almost always walked in my work clothing. If it was extremely hot/humid I might change at work (especially a second set of underpants, as those can get very sweaty and it’s better to wear dry ones). I do remember one day when I arrived at work and my silk blouse was almost completely drenched with sweat! (Backpacks definitely make your back sweatier.) I had to take it off in the bathroom and wave it around until it dried!
–Now that I think back, I was often coming from the gym, so I did have a small gym bag with me in one hand, which had my dirty gym clothes in it. In general, I didn’t mind having one hand occupied.
–I kept snacks in my office. There was a supermarket nearby, I went there a couple times a month and stocked up on fruits, veggies, yogurt, dried fruit, pretzels, etc. Then I kept those things in my office or in the shared fridge. That way I wasn’t carrying snacks back and forth.
Enjoy the walking. Best way to start the day!
Chicago Bean Accounter
I have a approx 1.5 mile walk – I only change shoes at the office. I tend to leave home at 6:30am, so it isn’t quite so hot yet, but I will occasionally drape my blazer or cardi over my bag as I walk and wait to put it on till I reach the office. I commute in adidas boat shoes in the spring, summer and fall so I don’t have to wear socks, and Sorels in the winter.
I only carry a leather “hobo” bag – in it I have a leather folder for any paperwork, my lunch and a snack, an umbrella, sunglasses in a case, a small makeup bag (lotion, extra contacts, floss, etc), my wallet, and a couple reusable grocery bags (for stops on my way home – Chicago went plastic bag free this month).
Chicago Bean Accounter
Another note – I carried way too much when I first started working. I quickly realized that I never used some of the things I used to carry, or that it would be so much easier to just have a small section of a drawer at work dedicated to those things.
I HIGHLY recommend keeping an umbrella at the office as well – I have left my umbrella open “to dry” in a bathroom at home, only to forget to put it back in my bag. That was always when it was sunny and bright on my way to work and stormy and wet on my way home as I was dashing to super-crowded public transit…
Due in December
I walk about 2.5 miles to work (DC, so I hear you on the humidity). I wear work clothes, but keep shoes in the office, and I get in extra early in the summers in order to escape direct sunlight (leave home at 6:45). I also try to wear mostly skirts and dresses since they are easier with all footwear, cooler in the summer, and I don’t have to worry about hems dragging on the ground.
I typically just carry my OG to work with lunch, breakfast, thermos of coffee, umbrella, any files I’ve brought home. Back when I regularly worked out after work, I carried a Le Pliage once a week or so to replenish my banker’s box of workout clothes at the office (Barre classes, so just socks/pants/top). I keep my water bottle at work.
Second the recommendation to leave an extra umbrella at the office. I also keep a spare pair of flip flops and a spare pair of rain boots at the office, as well as extra nylons and legggings for fall/winter/spring.
Now that I’m pregnant and we’re getting a car, I’m thinking of having DH drop me off one morning a week with
Also, what do you carry? I have a purse (which, admittedly, is a little large to stuff into another bag, but not big enough to be its own “bigger” bag), and stuffed it, and my change of work clothes into a backpack, which I don’t mind, but it doesn’t leave any room for anything else (lunch, breakfast, snacks, any work, etc…). I’m not averse to carrying a backpack, but I wonder if there’s a better option for a 2 mile walk.
walk to work
Thank you thank you for your replies! I am really looking forward to it. Thanks for the great suggestions for stuff to keep/carry & leave at home or work.
Bonnie
On days I walk to work, I wear my work clothing but wear a sleeveless shirt and drape my jacket or cardigan over a crossbody bag. All my heels live at the office so I just wear comfy flats. I keep baby wipes and deodorant in the office in case I need to refresh.
Bonnie
Obviously a reply to walking to work. ;-)
hourglass
Any recommendations for off-the-rack jeans/pants for an extreme hourglass shape (size 14 seat/size 8 waist)? I usually buy the size 14 and have the waist taken in but it never looks right after alterations. I have to imagine there are clothing companies out there that cater to this shape.
Anonymous
I also have a difference of 3 sizes between my waist and hips and my favorite jeans are still the Joe’s Honey fit. I know people say midrise is a great rise for hourglass shape, but I find that to be horribly off. Anything that has to fit both my waist and hips/butt is just not going to work. I buy low rise so they don’t go any higher than my hip bones, such that waist fit doesn’t matter.
Anonymous
If there are, I haven’t found them. I have similar measurements and just look for lower-rise jeans to avoid the issue.
KT
NYDJ…my figure looks like a caricature…size 18 ass, size 12 waist. NYDJ jeans are miraculous, fit perfectly in all of their different rises, and look amazing on me
Hazel
Thoughts on the Longchamp Le Pliage (or similar) bag? I’m transitioning from a driving commute to walking + public transit (just moved to Chicago) and looking for a lighter bag than my current leather computer tote, but bigger than my purse. I’ve seen a number of women carrying the Le Pliage on the train — the corners seem to get worn fairly quickly but I love the size and simplicity of it!
NYC
I’ve had mine for 6 years and use it several times a week as as computer bag or gym bag, and take it when I travel, and it’s fantastic. The corners are a little worn down but I don’t mind that too much, and otherwise it’s perfect. I have a smaller one that I bought in 2004 (wow) and it’s basically destroyed now, so they don’t last forever (but, you know, that was over a decade ago).
Anon
I have the Longchamp Planetes instead of the Pliage, which is slightly more structured because of a different nylon fabric. I’ve had it for a couple of years and it’s still going strong. I don’t abuse my bags, but I’m not super careful either. I don’t like the fact that it doesn’t have compartments so I’m forever digging around for things. But it’s lightweight and looks great.
I’ve recently bought the large Tumi Sinclair Q tote for travel and now considering that maybe I should also get the smaller one for every day use since at least it has a few more pockets. This one is lined and slightly heavier than the Longchamp, though not that heavy overall.
padi
I bought my Le Pliage after unknowingly buying a knock-off after my carry-on died on the airport. It was a great bag with a great design and when i realized there was a higher quality version, I splurged and bought it.
It’s a great bag. After 2 years, the corners are only starting to show wear. The handles are going strong and the zippers have not disappointed. The bags that you see might be older than 2 years of heavy use.
Anonymous
In NYC – my Le Pliage is about 6 years old and I have had the corners repaired once. If you buy the real thing, Longchamp will re-sew the corners for free. I agree with a previous commenter who said that they don’t wear too quickly and the ones you’re seeing are likely older than 2 years old.
BeesKnees
I was hesitant to buy a longchamp and opted for other bags, but finally splurged and got a Pliage and LOVE IT. Also got an insert to give it structure and pockets. It is perfect for commuting, traveling, work and as a diaper bag! So happy I got it and wished I went for it sooner.
Caribbean Formal
I am going to the Caribbean on a business trip and will have some formal meetings and meetings with government representatives. Can anyone advise on the business dress common in that area?