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I have already attended one Zoom holiday party and I’ve got two more on tap, so I’m keeping an eye out for fun, festive tops that can be made into a full outfit for next year’s (hopefully!) in-person events.
This burgundy velour top would look great with a chunky gold necklace and leggings for this year’s festivities, while next year, you could add an A-line black skirt and some fun heels. (Heels! Can you even imagine?!?)
The top is $29.40, marked down from $49, and comes in sizes XS–XXL. (Note that reviewers say it runs small.) It also comes in black, blue, and grey. Velour Bubble Sleeve Top
Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
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- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
LaurenB
I think that’s really cute. I love a cropped look like that – have a few “dressy sweatshirts” in black with that cut that I get a lot of use from.
anonshmanon
I actually like those pants. Any idea which ones they are?
Nesprin
was coming to ask that- fun color!
Favorite items
Reposting from yesterday, by request:
I’ve been seeing lists of people’s favorite things/items/purchases and this community always has great ideas so I thought I’d ask – what are your favorite things, items that bring a little luxury into a challenging time, make your life easier, or a discovery that others would love too? A heated blanket with a foot pocket and a cell phone stand next to my computer that can also facilitate family FaceTime calls are two of my favorite purchases of 2020.
Anon
Details on your heated blanket, please.
Favorite items
It’s the sunbeam one on the river site – – Sunbeam Heated Throw Blanket | Dual Pocket Microplush, 3 Heat Settings, Newport Blue – 31160304 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FKZ2927/ref=cm_sw_r_em_api_glc_fabc_A850FbE5DK7F7
Anon
Thank you!
anon
A Nespresso machine
strollerstrike
I posted about this on the mom’s site on Wednesday … great minds :)
My list would be
– Thermomix: A kitchen machine that weighs, chops, blends, kneads and cooks. It is is very expensive and I mulled over the purchase for a long time but I use it everyday and it has made cooking so much easier. It made me try out so many new recipes that I previously never had the time or nerves for.
– A yeti mug to keep my coffee warm while I chase after my toddler in the morning
– Weleda skin food moisturizer, really nice for winter dry skin
kk
I just googled the thermomix. I’m fascinated! Tell us more about how you use it?
strollerstrike
I use recipes from their app. You can use your own recipes too but it is so convenient to use theirs and they always turn out so well, and I am a pretty experienced chef.
I love it for baking because you can just add ingredients without measuring them first as you weigh them in the pot.
You can check out the recipes here:
https://cookidoo.thermomix.com/search/en-US?context=recipes&languages=en
It also lets you plan the week with those recipes and create shopping lists.
Favorite items
I second skin food with a glowing endorsement. It’s the only thing that has worked on my dry chapped winter hands!
Anon
I wanted to like Skin Food so badly, but I couldn’t get past the smell. It’s like Vicks Vapo-Rub hate-****ed some patchouli.
Anon
Ditto. It also completely killed my Starbucks habit in a good way.
PSA: Trader Joe’s makes good capsules in espresso and lungo versions, $3.99 for 10, now in compostable packaging.
anon
Oh! Thanks for the PSA on Trader Joe’s
Ribena
A 10ft phone charging cord.
A really good power bank.
(How sad that two of mine revolve around keeping my phone charged…).
The Joseph Joseph pasta server – I use it where you might use a slotted spoon.
Anon
Thank you for reposting!
Fresh cut flowers every time I go to the grocery store and spending slightly more for nicer candles and nice chocolate
pugsnbourbon
My local florist does a flower “happy hour” every weekday afternoon and all day Saturday – loose stems in the cooler are 50% off. I’ve slacked off for a while but now that it’s cold I need to get back in there! It does so much for my mental health to see blooms in the house.
Anon
Oh my god I love that! I usually do the mini bouquets from my local farmers market, but am now switching to grocery store flowers.
TJ’s is a rare stop for me but they have the best prices on flowers.
Clementine
Heated Mattress Cover
LL Bean Wicked Good Slippers
Clothing steamer (yes, seriously. I always look perfectly polished in t-shirts)
Dyson Cordless Vacuum
Wireless Headphones (I would have picked Airpods but after research, husband got me Jaybird Vista and they’re great)
BeenThatGuy
We just might be best friends in real life because I second the heated mattress cover, dyson cordless vacuum and clothing steamer! I’ll add to the list a facial steamer.
Favorite items
Details on the heated mattress covers please!!
Anon
Different poster, but any brand name, cotton, heated mattress pad should do the trick. Easily found and so wonderful. Look for: dual controls (if you need them); a preheat setting; automatic shut off after a set period of hours. Great in the winter east coast but I used year round when I lived in California.
Anon
Do you recommend a specific model of steamer, or are they all basically similar?
BeenThatGuy
This is the one I like: https://www.amazon.com/NanoSteamer-3-Humidifier-Blackheads-Stainless/dp/B01BPKUCRE/ref=sr_1_3_sspa?crid=2ZBMUJKBE1SBY&dchild=1&keywords=facial+steamer&qid=1607698111&sprefix=facial+steam%2Caps%2C171&sr=8-3-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUExRzRRSUdaSFYySDdHJmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwODEzOTE4MkxVTEVYRTFaRllSUiZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwMTA4MDYwM1BUU0s2Uk5FRjNSQyZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2F0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=
BeenThatGuy
This is the facial steamer. I second NY CPA’s clothing steamer recommendation below.
NY CPA
I have this one and it’s really powerful. I did a ton of research, bc it was a big investment, and this is the kind that department stores and designers all use.
https://www.amazon.com/J-2000-Jiffy-Garment-Steamer-Plastic/dp/B0000665TD/ref=asc_df_B0000665TD/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=198094325740&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=8877572647938209700&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1027028&hvtargid=pla-349936574091&psc=1
Anon
I have that one, too! Would definitely recommend it or another stand up steamer. You need one that’s powerful.
Anonymous
I bought Merrell hiking boots and trail runners and left the pavement a lot more thus year.
anon
I got Airpods for my 2020 milestone birthday (no celebration, booo), and they have been the most amazing splurge of all time. My podcast life is doing well, despite having no commute.
Anon
I got them this fall. They’re perfect for when my mom calls me and talks at me for an hour. I pop them in and go about my day
anon
Hahaha, yes. They are good for mom conversations, too.
Bonnie Kate
Nespresso Frother
Starbucks Almond Milk and Oat Milk Caramel Macchiato Coffee Creamer
Peloton App (I don’t have/want the bike/tread – strength and yoga workouts FTW)
Airpods
Anon
Ugg slippers, fancy candles, fancy bath wash, good bed linens.
Anon
I got the brooklinen heathered cashmere sheets, half expecting to return them because they were essentially flannel, and they’re actually amazing. Totally worth the splurge.
ollie
Airpods
A subscription to Obe Fitness (highly highly recommend for at-home live and on-demand workouts)
Candles
Leggings with pockets (I like the ones from Athleta)
Fun nail polish – I’m not going to court or otherwise working in person anymore, so I’ve gone all in on glitter, holographic, multitone, and all kinds of fun colors.
Anon
Oh yes, definitely Airpods. I never used them so much before the pandemic. They’re so great for work calls.
Anonymous
Down Dog app and a $10 yoga mat to layer under my 10 year old $10 yoga mat…
Anon
+1 to the Down Dog app. I did not think I was a yoga person, but it’s been a game changer this year as all of the stress has manifested itself physically.
Anon
I have repurposed my candle warmer (which was purchased to scent the kitchen without endangering my stupid cat, who adores fire and doesn’t mind singed eyebrows). It now sits in my office, keeping my coffee warm, so I don’t have to run down to the microwave every twenty minutes.
I’m abnormally giddy about solving an annoying problem with a product I already owned. It’s also great for heating leg wax!
anonshmanon
Now you can get the trifecta and also use it to keep your cheese dip warm!
anon
I like your style!
CPA Lady
Litter robot with wifi (notifies my phone when the waste drawer needs to be emptied- so magical)
knockoff air pods – I lose things easily and the $25 set I bought works perfectly well
audible subscription
Anonymous
Big purchase, but a Loom & Leaf king size mattress (at least I got more space in one part of the house!). Feels like falling into a hotel bed every night. Also the LLBean premium cotton supina flannel sheets are so amazingly soft.
Pompom
A Bouqs subscription for monthly flowers
Audible subscription
Houseplants, everywhere.
Pompom
Oh, and our new mattress/bed! Upgraded to a king and we LOVE it. I thought I’d miss being closer to DH in our queen…but I don’t haha. So much room to starfish at whim!
Ellen
I will upgrade to a King when I get married. I think for now I am fine with a queen bed, as there is no one but me to keep it warm. When I was dating Alan, he lived in it, sleepeing until 1PM then watching TV until I got home, so by the time it was time for bed, it was full of crumbs and his DNA — b/c he did stuff there by himself (there were no other women in there). I insisted on fresh sheets b/f I went to sleep.
Anon100
I had a monthly houseplant subscription for about a year, which was awesome! I canceled in late 2019 thinking I wouldn’t be home enough in 2020…
Anonymous
Espresso machine, Dyson cordless vacuum, and L.L. Bean wicked good slippers.
Anon
My spin bike and knitting supplies were the best things I bought this year, hands down. Both are new hobbies to me and they’re great.
I work out more than I ever did before, even after I gave up my gym membership.
I also bought a fleece vest from Columbia – it’s been great for outdoor activities like running, biking, playing tennis, and hiking in the colder weather. I’m normally a fair weather fan only, but I’m embracing winter this year
Ribena
Oh yes my spin bike too – I’ve only had it a month or so but I’m loving it.
MagicUnicorn
We upgraded kitchen storage containers from worn out and mismatched plastic to Pyrex with lids and that made me ridiculously happy.
anon
YESSSS. Pyrex for life!
Friday
Thanks for reposting! $20 joggers that I wear every day I WFH, my Patagonia flannel shirt, grocery store dutch bouquets, fancy coffee (Peet’s, when I can find it), my weight bench, making myself take a bath once a week and filling it with my kid’s Mr Bubble. Still the best bubble bath for my money.
Anon
Could you post the link to the joggers?
Friday
I’ll try. It’s the Baleaf $29 cotton ones with over 7k reviews. I would size up.
https://www.amazon.com/BALEAF-Sweatpants-Workout-Joggers-Pockets/dp/B07SY9RY5Z
nuqotw
Fancy-is soap, by which I mean small-ish batch all natural stuff. The shower is one of the few places where it’s quiet and I’m alone and fancy soap makes it feel more luxurious.
I started using heavy cream in my coffee back in March and I don’t think I’m ever going back to milk.
Betsy
I bought a wool comforter about a year ago and it is amazing. Instead of being stuffed with down, it’s filled with wool. It doesn’t shift like a down comforter does and it keeps me so cozy and warm! And I got the warm fuzzies of being able to support a small farm instead of a big corporation with my purchase, but truly this has been a big improvement over every down comforter I’ve ever had. I’m thinking wool filled pillows might be next.
Anonymous
Link? That sounds promising.
The original Scarlett
Do you have a link?
Anon
My comforter is similar but different: 100% cotton with 100% cotton fill. Love!
Betsy
Mine came from Wing and A Prayer Farm in VT. Just looked at her Etsy site and she doesn’t have them in stock at the moment, but her shop is so fun! https://www.etsy.com/shop/wingandaprayerfarm But if you search Etsy for wool comforters it looks like several other farms come up.
Anon
Le Creuset braiser and a Roomba. Not having to sweep all the time is so wonderful.
Anon
Joining Spotify Premium.
Senior Attorney
I gave up on my road bike and got an e-bike, which is so much better in every way from the handlebars (upright are way less scary than drops) to the brakes (disc brakes 4evah) to, you know, being able to keep up with the big kids on rides, even uphill! Game. Changer.
Coach Laura
You and I are bike twins. I got an e-bike with upright handlebars, disc brakes and love it. I got it a month before I was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer and thought I was getting old(er) and slow(er) but I love it so much and am so happy I got it. I rode the 12 miles to my last two chemo treatments (and got a ride home).
Anon
I started wfh in November for the first time. We don’t have a ton of video meetings, mostly audio only through teams. I’m also not expected to be dressed up at all when I’m on video (unless it’s an external meeting).
I’ve been rocking the comfy chic look – leggings, cozy sweaters/fleeces/fancy sweatshirts etc during the week but on Friday I do “casual friday” aka I wear my giant college hoodie. It’s silly and such a little thing but it makes me happy
anonish
Peloton bike
Down Dog app
ALL THE leggings, bodysuits, and joggers from Universal Standard
New mattress (Saatva luxury firm)
Anonymous
Second the Saatva luxury firm mattress! I just bought one for my teenager and want to steal it.
Jules
– I replaced my cheap two-slice toaster with a long-slice toaster so now we can toast the fancy sourdough bread from our local place without cutting the slices in half and can toast two English muffins at the same time.
– I was lucky to get a propane patio heater before the prices doubled, so we can have socially distanced, small group visits on the screened porch even into December.
Anon
Any recommendations for a wrap that looks great for zoom calls? Looking for something I can just throw on but still look polished.
Work blanket
I have the MM LaFleur Angelou shawl for this. It’s been living on the back of my chair for about two years at this point and thankfully I thought to grab it from my workplace office back in March.
I think it’s out of stock these days, but there’s one on ThredUp and Poshmark currently
otherwise, suggest taking a look at what department stores or Garnet Hill may have in stock
Diana Barry
I have the MMLF jardigan and just throw that on over whatever shirt I have on. Otherwise, you could just get any old scarf (TJ Maxx or similar?) and wrap it around.
Work blanket
I do have jardigans too, but don’t find them particularly warm. They are useful for layering in general, but I’ve found a shawl to be really useful to throw on top of anything from a t-shirt to a sweater (or jardigan!). On the flip side, I only wear it at my desk because it’s cumbersome with a jacket, but it gets used on a nearly daily basis
Diana Barry
Oh yes haha! Not warm at all! I generally wear an actual blanket as a skirt if I have a zoom call and am wearing the jardigan so that I can stay warm.
Prayer
I am following up on a question someone asked in comments on a different topic the other day, because I was interested in the answer and there was none. For those of you who pray about things, or when told to pray on an answer, how does that work? Do you pray and then just wait for a sign or something? Do you go with your gut feeling and that is your answer? And what if the answer does not come in the time frame you need it?
I probably worded this poorly, but it is a serious question.
Anonymous
This book is written by a Jesuit priest, but even if you aren’t Catholic (I’m not), it’s a remarkable, life-changing read. The author was a high school teacher, so it’s written in a really engaging, accessible way – it’s not dry at all.
God’s Voice Within: The Ignatian Way to Discover God’s Will by Fr. Mark Thibodeaux, SJ
If you look on Amazon, the preface is excerpted there, and I think you’ll see it sounds like a good fit for your questions.
BeenThatGuy
I’ll start by saying prayer is very individual. For me, when I pray, it’s my opportunity to give to God my worries and burdens and praises. I’m sure there’s a bible quote about this (something like “come all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”). But for me, it’s more about spirituality than religion; although I grew up in a very religious, but tolerant and liberal, home. Confusing, huh?
anon
You said this really well. I am moderately religious as an adult. For me, prayer is a time to unload my worries and lean into trusting that a higher being is looking out for me. It’s about sharing the burden and trusting that I can let go of my sense of control, just a tiny bit. It’s about expressing gratitude for my blessings. And yes, there are the panicked “please take care of this and fix it with a miracle” sort of prayers. They are cathartic even if the outcome isn’t ultimately what I desired. Sometimes it’s a confessional: God, I really screwed this up. Please forgive me, and grant me the wisdom to handle this better next time.
As a Type A- perfectionist control freak, a lot about prayer is surrendering to a higher power, the universe, or what have you.
Vicky Austin
I rarely pray, but when I do I think of this dialogue from A Ring of Endless Light by Madeleine L’Engle (which is also where my handle comes from):
“Prayer was never meant to be magic.”
“Then why bother with it?”
“Because it’s an act of love.”
Anon
Oh I like that! I don’t pray, but if a friebd requests a prayer for a sick relative I’ll throw up a quick prayer and I’ve asked my religious friends to pray for my sick relatives as well. So – that’s all acts of love in my book
anon
+1. Absolutely.
Vicky Austin
That’s exactly how I think of it!
Anon
That’s really beautiful! Thanks for sharing.
Anon
I am very religious. When I pray about something, I am struggling with the correct or best decision. Prayer helps me to rearrange my priorities (God’s will, when in doubt, God’s word, when in doubt, don’t do what you’re pretty sure is wrong even if your brain is trying to convince you that it’s actually okay this time). It helps me to mentally work through different decisions until I’m at peace with one of them.
Throughout my life, I have sometimes known things that I have zero business knowing. (This might ‘out’ me: I went on medical leave in January of 2020 and as I packed up my office, **knew** I would not be coming back to it in April. I felt foolish packing up a lot of personal mementos, just to haul them to my car, haul them to my house, store them for 12 weeks, then repeat all in reverse.) Call it intuition, call it the Holy Spirit. Regardless, it is a feeling that I have learned to trust; it’s a very, very familiar and very specific. Prayer helps me to separate out normal anxiety from that feeling.
Anonymous
I pray off and on throughout the day. I don’t have an internal monologue (I’ve learned many people do!), so in some ways it’s just like thinking aloud or checking in on a good friend. It asked to pray for someone, I do. I also pray every time I pull over for an ambulance, and other habitual times. I tell God lots of things – but there are lots of times I ask for help, guidance, etc. In those situations I often wait, quiet, probably similar to meditating. If I’m not at peace with something or don’t feel a nudge, sometimes I wait or keep talking through it. I think of God as a quiet friend who’s a great listener and I almost always end prayers feeling better. I have prayed for healing and specific things. I do believe there are many answers to prayers and some of mine have the outcomes I desperately want. Others don’t. So then I find myself praying through those feelings, too.
anon
I’m a Christian and I pray daily. I use the Bible app on my phone to read the verse of the day and the associated reading. For me, prayer is just having a conversation with God. I’ve been going through a very difficult few months and I do feel a sense of peace after spending time in prayer.
To answer your questions – if I need to pray about guidance for a specific situation, I do get a gut feeling of what direction I need to take. I’ve heard others talk about feeling a little nudge from their inner voice telling them to do or say something in a specific situation.
As far as timing, I trust that God knows the best timing for the things in my life. If I don’t feel I have resolution about a situation in my life, I keep praying until I do.
Nudibranch
Yes, me too. When I’m trying to make a decision or am worried about something, I try to remember to pray. Often afterward by mind will be clarified and my choices will be much more obvious so that I feel confident moving forward with the best/right option. If it doesn’t seem obvious right away, I keep praying about it and wait. Often, the answer becomes obvious through time. Or, the problem goes away.
I also pray for others I care about. Doing so doesn’t always bring miracles, but it does make me feel better about the outcome (at peace). I firmly believe that all of us will suffer pain and ultimately death, but my faith brings hope and peace whatever life brings.
AnonATL
I’m a lapsed Catholic turned Atheist so traditional prayer has not been part of my life in a very long time. I was discussing religion with my dad (who is still a practicing Catholic), and he compared prayer to meditation. It gives you dedicated time to process and think on an issue. You come out of that time with an instinct about what the right decision is.
Just a slightly different perspective on prayer for you.
anon too
I am a devout Christian who prays (with family, with my husband, by myself) 6-10 times daily and I also think of it as similar to meditation. We fold our hands and close our eyes to have a moment of stillness and focus. There are some memorized prayers we say every day like a mantra, centering our thoughts, and the prayers that are improvised/responsive to our worries and gratefulness are like intentions.
Anon
This thread is super interesting to me as someone who does not really pray. Thanks for the question and all the responses.
Anon
Yes, I was raised Episcopalian but I’m lapsed and I don’t really pray. It was interesting to see the range of responses (I have several very religious friends; I still didn’t realize people pray 6-10 times a day!)
I loved that quote from Vicky – it’s such a nice way to think about it.
Finally – the post at 11:02 made me think of the use of Christian vs denomination and using an article before Christian, so saying I’m Christian vs I’m a Christian vs I’m Episcopalian (or whatever denomination). I think everyone I know describes themselves by denomination and doesn’t use “a” – so they all say I’m Catholic, I’m Presbyterian, etc. I wonder if that breakdown is regional?
Seventh Sister
I think it’s regional. My sister lives in TX and people ask what church you attend as a “getting to know you” question. Out in Southern CA, many churches are nondenominational and/or evangelical, and people who attend one of those churches are likely to describe themselves as Christian as opposed to say, Pentecostal. I use my denomination as the identifier since I live in a pretty non-religious place and people tend to have better associations with the Episcopal Church than with Christians in general. Also, I grew up in a place where denomination was A Huge Deal, so it’s just more natural to me.
Anon
I think the difference is that you become a Christian (nondenominational/evangelical) versus being born one.
You can be born into a Catholic/Episcopalian/whatever family and get baptized as a baby and expected to follow that faith.
For Christian churches, we actively choose to become a Christian (where the concept of being born again comes from) as a late teen/adult. You don’t get baptized until you have chosen to become *a* Christian. Some churches do infant dedication with or without godparents, but I see that as more of a symbolic nod to the tradition of infant baptism and godparents having a special relationship with a child. It isn’t mandatory like, say, the Roman Catholic Church where you must go through every step in order to take communion or be married in the church.
My father is a lapsed Catholic and my mom isn’t religious at all. My siblings and I weren’t raised with any religion because our parents wanted us to choose as an adult. As a kid, I would feel awkward and out of place at Catholic events (funerals, weddings, memorials, etc) because I couldn’t take Communion during the Mass. I joined a liberal Christian church in part because there aren’t those hard and fast rules about who can participate. It felt more inclusive.
Seventh Sister
The “being baptized as a baby versus becoming a Real Christian via adult baptism” thing is definitely something that my evangelical relatives like to throw around when they are busy criticizing the church I attend (alcoholic Communion wine! stained glass! oh, the horror). But they can stuff it – all of their kids got baptized as teenagers that were totally financially dependent on their well-off parents.
To be frank, I don’t know how much of an expectation I have that my Episcopal-baptized kids will remain lifelong Christians. The 12yo is in the “sure, church is fine” camp and the 9yo is an atheist for the shock value. I’d like them to attend church as adults, but I want them to be good people who can support themselves. Everything else is gravy.
Anon
I was raised in an atheist/non religious family and became a Christian in grad school. For me, prayer is a conversation with God (insert whatever deity/the Universe here) about my anxieties, pros/cons, etc to help me work through a particular issue. I don’t expect a sign, more like the clarity I get when drafting a document, putting it down/closing my laptop, and picking it back up the next day. A fresh perspective is invaluable.
Blueberry
For those of you who do t have fixed hours, what have your work hours been while WFH?
I work is a fairly casual industry that nevertheless works long hours. In person, I’d probably be in the office by 9:30 but still not leave until 7 and do work at home later. But now with full WFH I’ve a fallen into a habit of starting work at 10, and still really ending at like 8pm. A lot of this is because with time zones and all our “morning meetings” don’t happen until 11, and a lot of work comes out of those
Cat
Before Times- 8:30 or 9 to 5 or 5:30 on normal days (like, not a hot deal).
“Meeting Creep” is my least favorite part about WFH. People think nothing of throwing an early or late meeting on your calendar since what else are you doing? I resist when possible but really, no one needs a 5:30pm call on a non-urgent question.
AFT
My pet peeve is “calling my cell before 9 a.m. for a non-urgent issue”… I have elementary school aged kids (and a sitter luckily), but the morning time is before the sitter arrives and often spent getting them set up for e-learning/fed/etc., so it’s not a great time to pick up an unplanned call. Most of the folks calling me now wouldn’t have randomly called me at that time pre-COVID, and I likely would be commuting at that time so wouldn’t pick up an unplanned call.
Have I declined the call, listened to VM to confirm it wasn’t urgent, and returned it at 9:30 a.m. out of spite? Yep. If they’d texted or emailed to ask if i could talk and/or schedule a call, I likely could get back to them a few minutes later (once I stepped away from elearning/pancakes/etc.)
Seventh Sister
I never want to talk to anyone before about 10am, except maybe my spouse. Maybe.
anon
I’ve been keeping to an 8 a.m.-4:30 p.m. schedule fairly consistently unless something comes up or it’s an unusually busy time. The caveat is that when I had kids at home during the spring and summer, my days were loooong because I was dealing with interruptions, needing to get them out of the house, etc.
Anon
I’ve been pretty consistent 830-430/5 or so
Anon
I’m really strict about ending at 4 or 4:30. Just because I’m at home doesn’t mean I have to work until all hours.
Anonymous
Same with me. I work 7:30-4, rarely more than that, and I inwardly reject contributions from my coworkers along the lines of “well what else do you have to do anyway” and “time doesn’t matter now.” They can do what they want but I still have a life at home, even though I’ve had to give up a lot outside the home.
Anon
I’m falling into a similar 11-8 schedule, although now that it’s end of year, it’s more like 10 am to midnight with a dinner break from 6:30-8 (am transactional attorney). I’m on the east coast but a lot of deals are in central or pacific time right now. I do really like having time in the mornings to putter.
MagicUnicorn
My Before Times hours were officially 8-5 but realistically were 7:30-5:30 or 6. Now that we are all remote I am strict about 8-5 unless there is an actual emergency outside of that and I will absolutely be enforcing that for myself once we return to in-person. This is a hill I will die on.
AFT
I went from 4 days in the office/1 WFH, ~9-5:00, to full-time WFH during the pandemic with elementary school kids home most or all of the day, and have a sitter with them ~75% of the time. Unclear what the post-covid world will look like
The outer edges of my day have been more blurred, but the day itself is less solid. Now, roughly 7 a.m. to 6:30 p.m., I am near a computer and will respond if needed, but some of that time is responding to low stakes emails while with kids before sitter arrives, going offline for 1.5 hours for a middle of the day workout, and responding to urgent calls if they come in (early or late). If the world returns to normal ever, I’m not looking forward to the compact 8 hour day as I find this arrangement actually works better for me productivity wise.
buffybot
Everyone else’s hours sound so healthy and normal, I feel like I have to chime in here. In Before Times, work was usually 8:30 or 9 to 6, 6:30. Now with working from home and a small child and colleagues around the world in similar circumstances, I’d say that the normal working schedule is more like: 7 or 8 to catch up on emails from Europe and some calls, ranging to some time in the early afternoon (but with inefficiencies due to feeding said child breakfast, getting him dressed), try to go outside for a walk, run or other exercise for an hour or so, work some more until like 4, play with kid and made dinner and maybe do a check-in call with my team while making dinner, bath and kid to bed ideally around 7 or 8 (possibly with emails and calls interspersed if something is urgent), then back online from 8:30 to 10 or 11, where I say hello/good morning to my colleagues in APAC.
It….is not great. Where did my work-life balance go?
MagicUnicorn
It’s worth noting that my hours are able to be the way they are because I am not wrangling younger ones and since everyone in my house is working from home, we can share the chore load pretty evenly. If I had to supervise non-work humans throughout the day, my schedule would be vastly different.
anne-on
Ha, this sounds scarily similar to my situation. The global colleagues thing is the hardest part at the moment, along with the fact that most working parents I know (myself included) find that I can only get good focused work done after kid bedtimes. And yes, APAC calls are often inevitable. I will say what helps is that I try to have 2 days a week as my ‘early’ (7am start) work days, and 2 days as my ‘late’ days for APAC calls.
Dahlia
hah! I was just thinking the same thing with jealousy- these defined work hours sound heavenly! As a health care worker, we are even busier than usual. I’m working by 6:30 am and get daily update calls between 6:30 and 7. Out of respect, if I want to touch base with someone pre-7:30 and its not highly urgent, I text them instead of calling. Ditto with after 7:30 or 8 pm. Not receiving calls until 9 am sounds amazing, but since so much work in the hospital occurs before the operating rooms start at 7:20 am (and all the surgeons become scrubbed and unavailable) it wouldn’t fly in my field.
However- It’s also pretty typical in my field that a phone call isn’t a summons. If you aren’t available, or are dealing with something more urgent, you just won’t answer. I ignore calls all the time because I’m with a patient, in surgery, whatever. If its a life-or-death situation, they will overhead page me!
Anonymous
In ‘before times’ .. in the office usually 8:30-6.
Now, I’m online at 7:30 and work until 7, 7:30 or 8pm.
I regularly have to ask people to not schedule meetings at 8, 9 or 10pm. (Not trying to work around timezones, that’s just when they see openings on the calendar)
This isn’t fun, but the pay is great
Anon
I do 10-6 or 7 while WFH. I have colleagues in other time zones, thus the need to be flexible in the evening.
Anon for this
This is our general busy season so I’d be working long hours normally in the office this time anyway, but right now for WFH it’s start at 7am ish until 3:30ish with a break in between at lunch. Take a walk outside 3:30 to 4 or so to get in my daily basic exercise and vitamin D, then come back in and work another hour or two depending on how many end-of-day urgent emails I get. If I’m lucky, I can squeeze in a yoga or HIIT session before or after making dinner. Then go check emails again and go read, then sleep. Rinse and repeat.
(In normal years I’d have just worked 7:30am to 7pm or so in the office, then called it a day and went to gym or home.)
Katherine
Do Blondo boots stretch at all? I ordered a pair from Sierra Trading Post and they are a little tight (but I’m wearing wool ski socks). Unfortunately they no longer have one size up in stock.
If anyone else is in the market for booties, they do still have a couple models on clearance, lucky sizes only (mostly on the smaller end): https://www.sierra.com/s~blondo/
anon
Blondo are the best and they do stretch a bit….wear them around with your wool ski socks and they will break in to your foot size/shape. This is from my experience.
Anon
I had to size up in my Blondo booties and I remember the sales girl told me when I bought them that it’s really common. A friend had the same problem and had to return hers. So they must be made small.
Anon
Mine did not stretch. I thought they would and kept wearing them, and I think they gave me a bunion… so I would return them and wait until you can get one size up.
anon
I guess the front of my foot is a bit wide, because I found Blondos to be a bit too snug even after I sized up.
Anon
Same! I’m the anon below with triangular feet. I tried various sizes, and they just didn’t work for me. The front of my foot is wider, so when I sized up, the heel was too big.
Anon
I can’t wear Blondos. They just don’t work for my foot shape, which is somewhat triangular.
I’d probably return them. Alternatively, you can try a spray to stretch leather.
https://www.amazon.com/FootMatters-Professional-Boot-Stretch-Spray/dp/B07NC7G4ZL
anon
I know outdoor clothing has been a hot topic lately, so I wanted to recommend the Eddie Bauer Guide Pro Flex Lined Jogger Pants. I ordered them recently for long walks, short nature hikes, and park trips with my kiddo when it’s cold. They are super comfortable, warm, and I daresay even look cute in that outdoorsy adventurer way. I am quite pleased with my purchase and would order another pair, except they’re now sold out in my size. Booo. I am 5’9″ and ordered the tall size; the extra length is great. I can’t stand having exposed ankles in the winter! I am curvy through the hips and thighs, and these have a very nice shape that a lot of outdoor pants don’t have.
Covanon
Thanks!
I have really struggled with lined winter pants for outdoor activities (like I’m fine moving, generally, but the moment I’m still, I freeze up; eventually my feet want me to sit down).
Anonymous
Yep, I am full of thigh and EB outdoor pants are my go-to!
anon
OP here, and as I like to say, I have thighs at any size!
Covanon
Interesting — I will try the joggers (but they seem to be completely out). I have the Eddie Bauer lined pants and they are horribly unflattering (but very warm, so I am alternating one pair that is insanely tight in the booty but won’t fall off and the next larger size that is merely snug in the booty but the waist is so large they risk falling down if I put anything heavy like a phone in the pocket).
Anon
Oh good to know. I also have thighs (and hips. And a booty) at any size. I got the Prana Halle pants that people have recommended for curvy fit. They’re not curve friendly enough for me! Too tight in my thighs/butt, even though I sized up. They’re lower rise too, which I hate as a pear. Will check these out
Anonymous
I tried those pants too and didn’t love them, even though they were quite flattering – they were too tight in the knee area, weirdly. If they had had articulated knees, they would have worked better for me.
Anon
I tried fleece lined Levis, and they were terribly uncomfortable. I prefer wearing long underwear, either silk from LL Bean or legging type fabric.
Anonymous
Is anyone thinking about 2021 goals, other than “survive”?
I usually write a list of goals, rather than resolutions (learn to cook X, etc). I just came across my list of 2020 goals, and most were impossible due to the pandemic (travel, museums, that kind of thing). I’m wondering if I’m even going to bother making a list for 2021.
Pompom
I don’t typically do goals or resolutions for the new year (my work does enough of those…!), but I do try to set intentions. Think “themes” or areas to explore. That’s allowed me to have some kind of growth or development without feeling the pressure of a smart goal.
Obviously, ymmv.
Anon
I was working too much during lockdown part 1 to do anything cool, so I’m taking advantage of the lull in my work right now to work on goals. I’m actually very excited about executing them (they’re all things that can be done at home).
My goals include: read two books a month, learn how to knit, cook one “fancy” meal / new recipe a week, learn how to do a headstand (might add another yoga pose or two to this), perfect my at home latte, learn how to do eye makeup, be able to do 10 push-ups, monthly running/biking mileage goals, learn how to play poker, and learn first aid.
Looking to add more, so if anyone has suggestions I’m all ears.
Anon
Adding that I like these goals because they’re a mix of long term (building up to handstand and push-ups will take a while) and short term (new recipe, eye makeup, etc can be done in an afternoon) and most are things that can be built on overtime (can increase mileage goals, always more books to read, can upgrade from knitting a scarf to a sweater, can add patterns to projects, can learn new stitches)
It gives both instant gratification and something to work towards for a longer time (thus occupying me all winter)
Anon
I lost a job in both 2019 and 2020 so my goal for 2021 is “not lose my job.”
Anon
Hi, I am assuming this is via layoff/circumstances out of your control, and just wanted to send hugs. I lost jobs back-to-back in 2008/2009 (the economy, of course) and it was awful and very demoralizing. It took me a long time to trust that any job I started would last longer than a year, and for awhile I always had my eye on the door, figuring it would be better to leave of my own accord than get called into another meeting where I would be told that while I was a great employee and very valuable they just couldn’t keep me on. It was very tempting to fall into a hole of “it’s gotta be something about me” but that just wasn’t the case. This is a crappy time, like that was a crappy time (albeit in a lesser crappy way by far). It’s not you. Hugs.
Silly Valley
Same; I got laid off twice in 18 months during the dotcom/9/11 bust and it was demoralizing as heck.
anon
I’ve been thinking about this, too, and I’ve decided to focus on things that are actually things I can control, no matter what the pandemic looks like. Things like the books I want to read, how many miles a week I want to run, recipes that I want to try. Otherwise, I’m just going to get discouraged and resentful.
Anon
“Focus on things that are actually things I can control.” I love this.
Anon100
The only one I have for 2021 is to study, take, and pass the PMP exam. It was a goal for 2020 but fell to the wayside… Now that I have more of an idea how this WFH/occasionally in office thing might work for me, I can hopefully get back into studying instead of watching too much Netflix.
Anonymous
I usually set something achievable that would make my life better but I’m also struggling for 2021. Examples from the past have included adopting a dog, reading 52 books, exercising 150 times, learning about and implementing a financial plan, etc. Following with interest!
Anonymous
I have done this for 2020 as well. It didn’t make sense for me to lean into the misery and act like everything was doomed (as I did right at the start…). It’s helped me practice gratitude and learn some new skills to use the time at home in a new way. Whatever you like to do, if you can see this time at home as a gift towards that, it can really help your mindset.
Anon
My goal is to keep kicking ass towards the degree I’m working toward and take advantage of the extra courses being offered remotely that I wouldn’t have access to otherwise. As much as students gripe about courses moving online, it’s been a blessing for non-traditional students. I have so many more electives to pick from!
Anonymous
I was initially flooded with despair when I was asked last week what my goals are. But I then rallied and pulled together a list focused on making 2021 a year when we tackle our lingering health issues (left untreated during the pandemic) and in the meantime test some new healthy habits to see if they can stick.
Senior Attorney
I saw this on Ask a Manager yesterday and it really resonated with me. No goals for me, I don’t think.
https://www.askamanager.org/2020/12/do-i-really-need-to-set-personal-goals-after-a-terrible-year.html
Anon
Make a list of goals that you can do regardless of what 2021 looks like – things like take a walk 3x a week or bake a new dessert each month. That way – if we’re locked down all year you can still do them, but also if things go well and we’re back to normal in the fall you can also still do them.
For me, working towards goals is essential to my mental health but my goals are always things that I can control.
I’ve made a separate list of goals for post covid. I may get to them next year, I may not. Regardless they’re there whenever I’m ready for them.
Walnut
I’m going to eat more cake in 2021.
Vicky Austin
I’ll join you.
Anon
My goals are always creative, so having time to accomplish them is not enough–I’ve just been emotionally drained this year. I carry over anything unfinished from one year to the next, so I’ll just dust off and try again. Here’s to trying to get published in 2021.
Thanks, it has pockets!
I plan to up my cleaning and organizing game, so that when we are able to have people over again, I don’t have to do too much cleanup to get the place ready. I’m also going to really seize the opportunities to do stuff when normal life resumes, and not keep putting things off by going “ohhh, I don’t know if I’m feeling it this time, maybe next week/month/year/whatever.” This year has taught me that “next time” isn’t guaranteed, if you wanna do something, do it now!
And this may be a bit ambitious, but depending on how this new job goes, I’m hoping to end 2021 feeling ready, or almost ready, to start house hunting. Unless we’re planning a wedding by then!
Anon
For the first time in this pandemic, I’m worried. My entire family is essential employees/teachers/childcare providers.
I’m an essential govt employee who is a mix of wfh and occasionally in person. My office feels safe, when I do go in, so I’m not concerned for myself. However, my dad is an essential employee in a job that physically cannot be done remotely and involves long hours/interacting with a lot of people, my mom is a teacher and her school is somehow still in person (despite my state limiting indoor gatherings to 10 people – this does not apply to schools!) and my sister was a childcare provider (was in person until this week, was just furloughed again – she lives with our parents so I’m glad she’s one less exposure for them, but I’m concerned about her finances).
In the spring my mom was remote (she’s high risk) and frankly I didn’t have the time or energy to be worried (was working 80+ hour weeks in person), but now that my job is more under control I’m worried sick about the rest of my family. I’m just worried that someone will get sick at work but not be able to get the care they need because hospitals are at capacity from other people being carefree.
I know I’m far from the only one feeling this way, but man this stinks!
Anonymous
This is not the first time I’ve been worried, but I am especially worried about my cousin, who is one of my best friends, who has to be on site in a lab and who is constantly battling Covid deniers. Her own boss is currently in the office coughing and sounding awful. When asked if she was tested for Covid, she said tersely, “I don’t have Covid.” That wasn’t the question.
Long story short, this has been going on for months and I honestly feel like some people have only recently started noticing anything at all. Their 2020s were truly 98% normal.
Anon
Also worried. Honestly though I am dealing with more anger than worry at this point. I see people who have lived their best lives in 2020, aren’t stopping now, and I fear for my family and friends who need essential medical care. I fear for myself as a high-risk person too. I saw someone online who said that she had COVID and that it was proof that it was possible to get it while “doing everything possible to keep safe.“ The previous couple of posts were her at the gym. this pandemic has really ruined my trust in other people’s judgment and I feel scared.
anon
I’m dealing with a boatload of anger. We lost my FIL to Covid exactly 2 weeks ago. He was extremely cautious throughout the pandemic, basically only leaving the house for groceries and to pick up prescriptions. People who are living la vida loca have enraged me. That’s why the spread in my community is wildly out of control, and a vulnerable family member has paid the price.
Anon
I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Those people caused his death and I don’t blame you for being extremely angry.
anon
Yes, they did. And if I read one more smarta** comment about how it doesn’t matter because a) he was in his ’70s, and b) had preexisting conditions, I’m gonna lose my sh!t. Because those conditions were under control, thanks to medication. The chest X-rays very clearly show that covid killed him, not his other issues.
Anonymous
I’m so sorry for your loss.
The thread about grandparents a few days ago made me sad/wistful – it’s such a gift to be close to the older generations in your life, whether parents or grandparents, and it makes me see red that so many people act like older people are dispensable. Maybe they never had anyone to love in their lives, but I would give anything for one more year with my grandparents. They had such great stories, so much wisdom, so much love…how on earth is that dispensable?
Anon
I tortured myself by re-reading Ezekiel Emanuel’s Atlantic article about refusing medical care after age 75 when he was in the news again recently, and this is what I kept thinking to myself as I read it.
OP
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how frustrating it is knowing people are living their best lives while your family is suffering. Sending peace to your family.
Anon
How did he get it if he has been staying home and just going to get groceries and to appointments?
Anon
Because it’s very, very contagious? I know someone who was contact traced from an outdoor conversation with an acquaintance.
Indoor spaces may not be adequately ventilated, social distancing may not be possible, and other people may have their masks down below their nose.
Anon
I think that it is contagious, but not freakishly so. There is a continuum b/w the Washington state choir rehearsal and masked grocery shopping and getting takeout through a drive-up window to being outside to the masked haircutters with COVID spreading it to no one.
Why I think we are skittish is that no one knows if they are the next Nick Cordero. We all know if we are old, ill, obese, etc. We don’t know if we are Nick until it is too late.
Anonymous
From the grocery store or an appointment? Low risk does not mean 0 risk.
Anon
The precautions recommended for “not getting COVID19” are really different from the precautions recommended for “flattening the curve.” If everyone stays home and just goes to the grocery store and appointments, people will still get sick, but not fast enough to overwhelm the hospital system. Many higher risk people are being advised not to go to the grocery store, and our doctors are working with us to keep us home from appointments too whenever possible.
Anon
It happens all the time, especially in places without a mask mandate where there are people wandering around with Covid who have no, or mild symptoms. Even if someone is masked themselves, if they are in an environment with people who have the virus and aren’t masked, transmission is much more likely. We need everyone wearing masks when they are around any people anywhere who are not part of their immediate household, 100% of the time. It sounds crazy until you realize that this is what Japan has been doing since the spring. They have not had a perfect situation but their society is operating more or less as-normal as a result of their mask usage.
Anon
That is sort of what I think — people represent themselves as doing every possible thing in caution and yet absolutely don’t walk the walk. I used to work on DUIs where everyone swore they had just one drink to the point where I really believed it since I heard it so much and I knew the breathalyzer results (note: they were lying; these were all generally larger adult men, so in no way drunk on one drink). I now think that people just lie. If they say they were “just going out for groceries once a week/month” and get it, I am pretty fast with the liar, liar, pants on fire reaction.
Anon
I’m sure people are 99% liars, but I also always wonder if these people could have a medical condition. I have a medical condition that can cause impairment on much less alcohol than normal, and I can also get false positive breathalyzer tests on some kinds of breathalyzer. I probably had it long before I was symptomatic enough to be diagnosed.
Despite all the liars out there, you can absolutely catch the virus on a grocery store run.
Anonymous
I actually don’t fall into that camp yet – in my experience, when people say they’re JUST getting groceries, I tend to believe them. They seem to be the high-risk people. When I hear something say they’ve been “doing everything so carefully,” that’s a red flag to me. It means they’re out there doing everything just like before.
Anon
I don’t get it. I am not generally even leaving the house b/c my kids’ schools are closed except to go to the grocery store (masked) and doctor appointments (several of which I’ve had to get tested and quarantine before). I gave blood (masked) recently due to supplies being low in my area (sickle cell patients use blood products, as do cancer patients; car wrecks still happen) and have no antibodies.
I really don’t think that most non-kid people are living like that (and why — they don’t have to). Even the hospital / medical people I know have their kids in school pods, are having friends over, eating in restaurants, going to the gym, etc. I know teachers travelling b/c they can work remotely, so I’m not sure they are more likely to get it at school compared to just in general now. It all kind of s*cks — and yet there seems to be no will to take a month-long lap so that we can just quit being grounded, drive the #s way down, and wait for our shots.
Anonymous
I mean you can believe people or not but some of us including younger people ARE living like that — i.e. going out for groceries once every 21 or so days and no where else. I assume people don’t believe me because I’m young ish so why would I be so worried. Well you can’t see it by looking at me but I also have a structural heart issue that I never talk about so even my friends don’t know; I actually don’t know if that raises risk or not because the high risk category tends to be blanket “heart disease” but I’ve chosen to live like that because the risk categories aren’t so detailed. So when I hear a person who is young or otherwise not an unusually risk averse type of person say oh I haven’t been out in 4 weeks, I tend to believe them and assume there’s some underlying reason that they aren’t discussing.
Anon
“I saw someone online who said that she had COVID and that it was proof that it was possible to get it while “doing everything possible to keep safe.“ The previous couple of posts were her at the gym.”
There are a lot of people out there who do everything right but still have the world come crashing down on them; the world is not a perfect nor a perfectly just place. Because of that, I can’t muster up much emotion for people who took stupid risks and lost. My emotions – sorrow, sympathy, empathy – are limited to people who at least TRY.
I’ve made the analogy between coronavirus prevention and contraception before, and will make it again in a different context: it doesn’t matter if you do “everything right” a bunch of times if you engage in reckless behaviour other times. Chances are, you didn’t catch the ‘Rona picking up your GrubHub delivery (although that happens); you picked it up at the gym. If you get pregnant while using condoms “most of the time,” you probably got knocked up from the time you didn’t use a condom, not from a condom failing without you knowing it.
Anonymous
I also can’t muster up sympathy for people who took a stupid risk and lost, but pretend they were totally blameless. Just own that you were an idiot and encourage others to learn from your example.
Anon
Here you go, saying in two sentences what it took me two paragraphs to explain.
Bonnie Kate
I got a heck of a lot more worried this week and am feeling so many of your points. My 83 year old grandmother had to be taken to the hospital to the ambulance for a heart episode. Thankfully they got it under control with medicine and her home and feeling better within hours, but I’m mad/worried on all kinds of levels…here’s my circle of non-coherent thoughts: upset that me/none of the family could be with her – I don’t know why but this one hurts my heart and head a lot…my aunt went and stood outside the window to try and get more information and I literally start crying when I picture this. I haven’t been able to see her for months and months because I work in an essential infrastructure business that can’t be done remotely so my exposure level is much higher and I’m not going to expose my grandparents but I feel like a horrible grandchild nonetheless. Then I was worried about her being in a hospital setting during COVID time instead of in her very small protected home bubble. And then on the flip side because I believe that they normally would have kept her for much longer to observe her, but instead they got her out of there ASAP and they’re super stretched thin right now so did she get 100% of the care she would in normal times? Gah, I hate it all so much.
And that’s just my grandmother. On my husbands side of the family, we have two family members who have very serious health issues and have been in and out of the hospital the last few months and it’s just so harrowing to know that while health care workers are doing the absolute best they can, they’re stretched to the max and that is going to affect the quality of treatment everyone gets.
Anon
Well said.
No Face
These are frightening times. I do not think I will ever get over this blatant indifference to human life. We are losing 3,000 people a day in the US and some people are not willing to change their life in the slightest. This plus the 17 attorneys general filing a ridiculous lawsuit to throw out millions of perfectly valid votes is just slapping me in the face today.
Anonymous
+1 to both of these.
Anonymous
Agreed. The part that really gets me is the people demonstrating a blatant indifference to human life are also 100% anti-abortion. Like they care more about the rights of fetuses than they do about living breathing human beings on this earth right now. The hypocrisy is truly staggering.
Anonymous
+1
No Face
There’s a correlation but I know plenty who are not conservative by any means and frequent restaurants, the gym, etc.
Anonymous
I’m 11:21 and I totally agree with you. It still upsets me to see people doing that and agree that you see that across the aisle, but when people who claim to be “pro-life” do it, it makes me see red.
anon
+1. They’re pro-birth, not pro-life.
Anon
Natural death is different from deliberate death. Although pandemics have not happened within the lifetime of those on this board, they are a (sadly) natural thing that happens. We have become so used to sanitation and medical miracles that we actually forget that pandemics just happen.
pugsnbourbon
Sure these 300,000 deaths from a disastrously mishandled pandemic are 100% all-natural. /s
pugsnbourbon
I feel like I’m waiting for the hammer to drop. My sister is essential and public-facing in an area with a lot of covid-denial. My parents provide childcare for her son (for many factors, they are the only option). Another sister works in a school that for some reason requires all staff to be on-site unless quarantined for exposure. I’m scared and furious at the same time.
More Americans died on Wednesday than on 9/11.
All this to say that you’re definitely not alone in your fear or your anger.
Anon
“More Americans died on Wednesday than on 9/11.”
That is true every day of the year; we average over 10,000 deaths a day.
Anon
Being intentionally obtuse and pedantic adds nothing of value to this dialogue.
pugsnbourbon
Way to deliberately miss the point!
How about this: “3,140 Americans died yesterday from a pandemic that should never have gotten to this point! For comparison, 2,977 people were killed in the 9/11 attacks.”
KW
But not from a singular cause. Car accidents are not killing 10,000 people per day. Heart disease is not killing 10,000 people per day. Cancer is not killing 10,000 per day.
Anonymous
On the teacher front, in our school district, I feel that teachers are really, really safe. The kids go 10 at a time and are 6 feet apart (usually more), in masks. The teachers wear masks and my daughter’s teacher wears a face shield on top. The HVAC was inspected and has the highest MERV filtration possible. Our elem school has had a couple COVID cases [maybe 6 all year? about 400 kids in the school.] Two of the cases were faculty/staff that contracted it elsewhere and because of the masks and distancing, there were no “close contacts” at school that had to quarantine. Of the 4 kids that were positive, none of them contracted it at school and none of the teachers were considered close contacts. I have a really hard time with teachers in setups like this lobbying for remote.
In districts were there are no mask mandates, no distancing, no school-provided PPE, no decent HVAC/windows to open…well, that’s an entirely different can of worms. I don’t know which type of environment your mom is in, but I would encourage her to continue wearing a mask, keeping distance from students, and washing her hands.
Anonymous
Perhaps teachers would be more open to in-person learning if they didn’t have ample evidence of how little everyone else cares about their safety (and how quick everyone is to sh*t on them for lobbying for basic protections). I’m truly glad your district is handling it well, but I don’t think most are like that from what I’m seeing.
Covanon
I haven’t seen this — people have been quick to accept that their kids may only go in-person 50% or less of the time (one of my kids could only be in person 1/3 of the time), masked, distanced, and with plenty of hand-washing and sanitizing. And yet the fact that one person could spread the disease shoots down everything. We are in a large city school system where no one trusts anyone else.
And in smaller private schools, they have been going in person, every day, alternating in 50% groups, with full compliance with best PPE and practices. There have been handfuls of cases here and there, but no outbreaks or clusters. At the end of the day, these kids will be so far ahead of the others, but they are in a community what trusts and respects each other.
The craziness in my city is a lot of . . . people going to weddings, people going to girls weekends, people going to rehearsal dinners, going to bars/restaurants, and living their best lives. That crowd really isn’t the parents stuck WFH with their kids on zoom school. [It may be all the same crowd if everyone does Christmas, but at this point, parents are begging teachers to trust them but all it takes is one bad apple.]
Seventh Sister
I think teachers are being treated in crappy ways, and have been for a long time, probably since it’s long been a profession dominated by women. My fury is directed at the administrators in my kids’ school district – I’ve never met such a bunch of dim-witted, scared of their own shadow, ridiculous folks who just want another survey and another report and another feel-good social media post about the varsity athletes.
Anonymous
I am anon@10:40 and I wanted to add that my sister (a nurse at a nursing home that had an outbreak and lost 9 patients) and asthmatic aunt (a dummy who didn’t wear a mask in her office where someone tested positive) have both had COVID. Neither hospitalized, but both “sickest they have ever been” and my sister missed a month of work and 3 months later is still seeing issues pop up.
OP
In my state (mom is in the same state) everyone who can feasibly work from home must do so and indoor gatherings are limited to 10 people. I just don’t understand why this doesn’t apply to schools. We saw last spring that, while not ideal, remote school is feasible. I get that remote school sucks for working parents, I get that it’s not ideal for students ( it’s not ideal for teachers either). I just don’t get why that outweighs the lives of teachers and staff.
I wasn’t upset when her school was in person in the fall, I get that when it is safe, schools should be the first things to reopen. However, it is not currently safe. The risk of community transmission in our area is high. Students and families have gathered for thanksgiving and will gather again for Christmas. People are recommended to not have any non-essential outings outside of their household. We are told we need to stay home to save lives, so I do not understand why none of this applies to schools.
My mom works at a fancy private school – most moms are stay at home moms (and if not, parents can afford to hire a nanny or tutor to help with remote school). The school provides each student with a laptop. Everyone has internet. Teachers worked hard to adapt to online learning so in the spring they were able to get through their curriculum as scheduled. If any school is well adapted to online learning, it’s this one
AFT
I’m wondering if you’re also in IL, based on your descriptions (no need to confirm, but I am so take that for what it’s worth). I’m in the suburbs of Chicago with kids in our local suburban public school. My kids are currently in less than half day school in person, and have had 6 weeks total of that hybrid model (a few hours per day in person, a few hours per day remote) schedule and ~8 weeks or so of full remote (alternating back and forth a couple times based on different factors).
I have a lot of friends with kids in religious or private schools in the area & in the city, and I’ve been a bit alarmed by how different the private/public schools have approached the return to in person. while it may be that your mom’s students’ families CAN afford to have them remote, the school leadership at private/religious schools I’m aware of seems to be operating under the assumption that if they are any less in-person (and not significantly more in person) than public schools, people will pull their kids out and place them in public school. I also know that, as public schools announced they were starting remote (and Chicago Public Schools are still remote) there was a huge influx of new students at private schools, a lot of who found remote school/WFH without help untenable in the spring. I’ve been worried how that will affect private school leadership when they know they could lose students if they make the decision to go remote – it seems like there is an inherent conflict of interest favoring staying in person.
This is all my own personal opinion, and I acknowledge the supremely messed up situation, and also my privilege in being able to use a sitter to manage the part-time school schedule. I hope your mom is able to stay safe and that her school makes good decisions to keep her and her peers safe. All so tough.
Anon
Anon 10:42- in regards to the last sentence of your first paragraph
We have frequent enough posts here with people stating that their bosses want them to be in the office for no reason and how they don’t feel safe doing so (even with masks, staying in their own offices with the door closed, etc). Not sure why that wouldn’t apply to teachers. Teachers are not first responders, they’re not frontline workers, they never expected to be in person during a pandemic (so no, they didn’t sign up for this) i just don’t get they don’t deserve the same protections we do
Every other job that can be done remote (even if it’s not ideal) is remote. Once again- not sure why that wouldn’t apply to teachers
Anonymous
I think it depends on the teacher/class/school. Teaching high school remotely is very different than teaching K remotely.
You really, truly cannot teach K remotely and call it the same as in person.
Anonymous
The goal is not for it to be the same.
Anonymous
I’m also getting really annoyed at this woman I know from high school who posts every single day about Black Lives Matter interspersed with travel shots, including travel that violated our state’s stay-at-home order. I’ve really learned a lot about the difference between being a performative good person and an actually good person lately.
Anonymous
I don’t worry and I don’t drive myself crazy with what other people are doing. Worrying doesn’t help anything, and getting worked up about what other people do upsets you and they don’t care. I focus on what can I do to keep myself and my community safe, and follow the most current guidelines from my state. If gyms in my state are allowed to be open, I don’t begrudge anyone going there as long as they follow the mask and social distance rules. By the way, Governor Cuomo said today that gyms and salons are NOT points of spread, most of the transmission is in living rooms.
You simply cannot make other people do what you want. You can choose to not associate with them, or hop away when their mask isn’t on properly, but I focus on doing the right thing myself and what I can do to help those who are struggling. I firmly believe that if we all pull together, things will be better and that means we all have to stop focusing on what divides us.
Anon
I’ll stop focusing on what divides us when people stop doing stupid stuff that kills people!
Anonymous
And you proven my point. You are equally about you, and what you think than the community pot, meet kettle.
Anonymous
“Follow the most current guidelines from my state” – most of those are trash. They’re political, designed to appease business owners, and anti-science.
Anonymous
Those of you who are wearing straight leg jeans again – what shoes are you wearing with them? The last time SLs were in style, I was younger and just wore flats and let my feet freeze; I’m now older and wiser and opposed to needlessly cold feet ha!
anon
I find straight legs really hard to style, so commiseration. They are neither here nor there — not skinny enough for some shoes, not wide enough for others without oddly bunching up.
Cat
they have to be hemmed absolutely perfectly (too short and they’re dorky, too long and they’re bunchy) – but with that achieved, street sneakers.
I find skinnies or flares way easier to pair with shoes for this reason. The extra material of the flare helps them drape more nicely over shoes, and of course with a skinny you can wear anything.
anonyK
When it’s warmer, I have a pair of straight leg jeans that I like to cuff and wear with sandals/flats/sneaks. I’m 5’3 for reference. I can’t find a way to make them work any other way, i.e. with winter shoes. I’ve seen bloggers cuff them over sock boots but I don’t love the look- I’m not fashionable enough for it.
PNW
I have a pair of heeled black oxfords that work well with straights. Not so flared that they cover the cute parts of the shoe and the heel gives it a nice line.
Anon
My daughter is 19 years old. I have a photo of me holding her as a baby, which is one of my favorite photos except for one thing. For 19 years I have stared at my shoes and straight leg jeans combo and it has bugged me that they were all wrong. So this is certainly not a new problem!!
Anonymous
Blundstones, Dr. Martens platforms
Anon
I’m genuinely surprised people are struggling with this so much! Are you getting the really narrow straight leg jeans? I measure the leg opening before buying and for me it needs to be about 16″ (because that’s how wide my calves are and I hate calf-strangle plus they don’t look right if they’re hugging the calves). I wear sneakers or booties with mine. They look good with both. I don’t mind a little bunching. I think it used to be called “stacking” and was cool back in the day, so I’ll just be ahead of the trend this year I guess.
Anon
Looking for a quick gut check on whether this would be appropriate or if it would open a can of worms.
I have an informal mentee. Not like a work mentor/mentee but a kid who aged out of foster care who has multiple medical conditions, some of them disabling, trying to navigate the world with no (or inappropriate) adult guidance, attempting to work enough to keep a place to live and also trying to get an education.
I know in formal mentor/mentee matching through agencies, you are usually told to never give the mentee money. My mentee is so poor that at one point, he was discharged from the hospital and didn’t have the money for a taxi to get home. Luckily, he was able to find a ride.
I would like to send him $50 as a Christmas present ( I doubt he will otherwise be getting any) and likewise, $50 on his birthday. I feel like this is small enough from my perspective to not be supporting him inappropriately but big enough from his perspective to really help him that week. I’m just not sure I want to open the door as someone that gives him or lends him money since generally, that’s considered inappropriate for some reason in a mentor/mentee relationship. I’m not 100% sure why. I guess I can see why a therapist or a social worker shouldn’t be personally giving money. You can’t save everyone and I guess it could create a co-dependent relationship. But when you are mentoring someone because they have literally no one else in their life, it would be nice for them to have some type of financial support too. Anyway, that’s a question for another day.
For today, my question is can I give him a $50 venmo xmas gift. If later asks to borrow money I can say that it would be appropriate in our relationship but I can give him gifts on special occasions.
This relationship came about because we share a rare medical condition and volunteered at the same animal shelter. Another volunteer connected us so I could guide him through the many choices he had to make about his diagnosis and treatment. He was barely 21 then.
Anonymous
With the caveat that I don’t have personal experience in these areas or with these pitfalls , it seems like a kind and reasonable thing to do from my uninformed perspective. The only thing I’d ask myself in that situation is if I know the person well enough to know that it wouldn’t embolden them to continually keep asking for money or for that to become the only thing they cared about in our relationship.
Anon
God I hate autocorrect that thinks it knows what I want to say better than I do. This sentence should correctly say:
If HE later asks to borrow money I can say that it would be INappropriate in our relationship but I can give him gifts on special occasions.
MagicUnicorn
Can you somehow send this anonymously, like a secret santa type thing? That would cut out the potential dependent/expectancy problem.
anon a mouse
I think it is very kind but that you are right to not want to establish some sort of expectation. Is there a way that you could give something like a $50 grocery card with a suggestion to treat himself to something that feels special for this time of year? That way even though the gift is cash equivalent, it feels less like a straight cash gift.
Anon
My family struggled at that level sometimes when I was a kid, so I can speak to it from that side.
A few times, we received gifts like you are considering from people who “should not” have given them, according to exactly the rules you are considering. They were gratefully recurved, and sometimes made a real difference. But I have also learned from experience that not everyone can be trusted with monetary gifts. And I mean absolutely no disrespect to your mentee. For example, the worst case I know of, my parent was so inexperienced with the world they did not know about funeral expenses, and someone “trusted” made off with a collection intended to defray that cost.
Consider packing a nice full grocery hamper, although it could easily cost you more than 50. We were always happy to get those, especially if they had the slightly pricy things that add a lot of taste and nutrition. If your mentee is housed with a kitchen, include bullion, canned meat like chicken or tuna, maybe maple syrup and pancake mix. If they are do not have stable housing with a kitchen, try nuts, dried fruit, and a selection of breakfast bars. Of course, chocolate or candy either way, especially if you know what they like ;).
No Face
My husband and I have several young adults in our lives. Emotionally they are like nieces and nephews to us. The amount of money we have given them and how is entirely based on their personalities.
I would say for all of them, giving birthday or Christmas gifts has not lead to any change in expectations.
Also, as a rule I never lend money, but I have just given money to people before based on the circumstances.
Anon
The mentor/mentee relationship is more important than the money, and the psychology of receiving money can damage the mentor/mentee relationship.
cara
That does make sense. Does a Christmas/birthday gift break that? I’m thinking of how you might give a slightly-large birthday gift to a niece or nephew who is struggling, or for the original example, maybe pay for a taxi for them.
Anonymous
Yes of course you can give him $50! When given the option, always do the kind thing. You explicitly say this is a Christmas gift and you let it go, it’s theirs to do what they will. I cannot believe the cruel, cold hearted comments on this thread. If this person tries to borrow money in the future, worry about it then. Give love.
Jules
I think this is kind gesture, and giving gifts at the holiday and on a birthday does not seem to me to be out of line or to create expectations for some kind of financial support in the future. I would do this, either cash or a gift card to a grocery store or Target where he can get whatever he might need. (My local Kroger sells clothes and shoes, even.)
Anon
Give him $50 cash in a Christmas card. If he later asks to borrow money, state that you do not lend out money. Do not fall into the trap of not giving him a kind and welcome present because he hypothetically might do something wrong in the future. That is speculation.
anon
Seeking advice on charities. Where are you all donating this year? Any thoughts on great charities or places that might need donations more than usual? I’d love to be able to just give cash directly to people who need it.
Anon
I have given cash (or Paypal) to people who need it and Christmas toys to families in need. Someone on our local parents group on FB set up another page to match those who need help and those who can help.
Diana Barry
Your local food bank. Arts organizations.
anon
I’m giving my largest donation to the local food bank. There is such a need right now, and the food bank can stretch my $ farther than if I dropped off a load of groceries.
Anon
+1
I could go on for days about how cash is best and how cash > in kind donations. Always give cash tj food banks, disaster relief, etc
Anon
I give cash donations directly to food banks, but I also give 20$ donation through the grocery store in every trip. The local grocery stores “donating” in kind or selling at cost help overcome the logistics that make it challenging for food banks to provide fresh dairy and produce
Ribena
Local food bank and homelessness charities.
Anon
Local food banks!
DoesntBelongHere
+1 Arts organizations: symphony, opera, dance…this industry is devastated.
Anon
+1 – I always give to local theatre and production companies, and I worry that this will kill that industry. I love live theatre and feel like the arts are usually on the forefront of political and social commentary, so while not as pressing a need as a food bank, I feel like it is an industry I want to see survive after the pandemic.
anonyK
We always give to food bank, doctors without borders, a local recovery program/shelter for men with addiction issues, soccer without borders, and then maybe one or two other organizations in smaller amounts- not sure what those will be yet this year!
Bonnie Kate
Local homeless shelter for kids and food bank. I’m in a rural area, but we have a drive through food bank across the street from my office and every Wednesday 600+ cars line up to get food. The need is unfathomable to me.
I’m on the board of my local civic club, and we had to dramatically cut our donation budget this year because we couldn’t do any of our fundraising events and drew exclusively from our limited savings. I lobbied extensively for our focus to be local organizations first – the organizations that don’t have endowments that will hold them through the storm.
Anonymous
Food banks, food banks, food banks. The need is so desperate this year. Google for news stories in your local area. Those of us on this board don’t see it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real.
The original Scarlett
Honestly, all the local restaurants and small businesses we love. We are skipping traditional charities right now.
Anon
There is a journalist on Twitter (@yashar) that often does threads where he asks people who need money to post about their need and leave their Venmo. You can’t really authenticate it but following his threads is one option.
If you see a story about the pandemic and someone replies how they lost their job and can’t do Christmas, you could PM them for a way to send them money.
For charities generally, throughout the year I have donated to my usual charities plus some specific to pandemic issues. I don’t have my list in front of me but off the top of my head:
-Arkansas Paws in Prison
-Lutheran Church Charities Comfort Dogs
-Local Food Bank
-Local Community Health Center
-Crohns and Colitis Foundation
– Town Welfare Fund
– Friend seeking donations for another friend that needs Christmas help
– Friend with a brain tumor’s family’s Go Fund Me
– St. Jude
– Local animal shelter
– Local diaper bank
– Mission 22 (veteran’s organization)
– Local NAMI
Anon
I also want to add I’m tipping way extra when I get take out or a hair cut or anything like that. I think that’s a great way to do some “charity at home.” But this is a know your region thing. If you are somewhere that people are eating out as if there isn’t a pandemic, your money is probably better spent at a foodbank. If you are somewhere that restaurants are seeing a drastic (or forced) decline in business, they can definitely use it.
Anonymous
Bay Area people, please consider donating to Puente in Pescadero (where I grew up and went to school). They’re part food bank, part social services agency, part legal aid, part childcare provider, and on top of it all, they were tasked with handling the town evacuation during wildfire season. They’re slammed with demand due to COVID and could really use the cash. They also help undocumented immigrants and farmworkers who are not eligible for government relief – so your cash can really go a long way.
Anon
Diaper banks are desperate, at least in my area.
Anonymous
I shifted my charitable giving budget to the primary and then the election as having an administration trying to control the pandemic and pushing for help to buffer the impact of the shutdowns will save the most lives. I am similarly all in on Georgia.
pugsnbourbon
Seconding the food bank. Also check on your state or region’s reproductive justice orgs – if your own area is doing okay, funds in the Dakotas, Missouri, West Virginai, Utah, Georgia, Arkansas and Idaho need a boost. We are also making a donation to the LGBTQIA youth group my wife volunteers with.
Senior Attorney
Local food bank, local arts organizations, local public radio. And yes, cash to people who need it.
Anon
Local food bank, local disaster relief, local public radio stations.
Anon
I don’t do holiday giving because I give a lot during the year. I have four charities that I support ($10/month each- nothing crazy) because their work means a lot to me. I give to the Red Cross’ disaster relief fund ( I work in disaster relief – I havd lots of thoughts on this), the Nature Conversancy (Im a tree hugger), a local food bank, and a local environmental / conservation non profit which runs my favorite local trail system. I also give quarterly to the international Red Cross and annually to the scholarship funds at my high school and college.
My grandparents are all dead, so I give $5 each month to one of the charities listed in their obits. $10 to the American Heart Association, $5 to Bright Pink, and $5 to Save the Children.
Jules
Check out GiveWell, which researches and recommends global charities, based on demonstrated effectiveness and “bang for the buck.” At least one if its recommended organizations, GIve Directly, does make direct grants to the most needy people.
https://www.givewell.org/charities/top-charities
I donate a good bit at the end of each year, when my partnership distribution is complete, to legal and civil rights groups, food banks, Unicef and UNHCR, some local places like an animal shelter and the nature preserve in my town, but my largest single donation is always to GiveWell.
Elegant Giraffe
Give Directly
Anonymous
MIL in SNF with Covid
Cases in my area have been spiking and my MILs SNF has had a number of staff and residents test positive last week and this week including my currently asymptomatic MIL. The cases came in through community transmission from either staff or visiting relatives and will likely kill some of the residents. Please help stop the spread by canceling Christmas.
anon
+1 million
Anonymous
What is SNF?
acronym
I’m guessing skilled nursing facility? But that seems like a specialized term that not everyone would (should? could?) know?
Anon
Skilled nursing facility
anonshmanon
I’m guessing senior nursing facility.
Anonymous
I’m so sorry. We put my MIL in long term care back in March. She has dementia that is progressing rapidly. We don’t even know if she will recognize us when this is all over. And just now I saw somebody posting on FB this week about their recent trip to Mexico. I don’t have the right words for how much anger and frustration I am feeling.
SFBay
I can’t. There are multiple people in my circle going on vacation over the winter holidays, and I just… can’t. (To be clear, we are in a place where non essential travel is banned)
Anonymous
Yes I’ve been on multiple video court appearances recently where attorneys on the other side mentioned they have vacation trips planned… like, what? Not even see the family I haven’t seen in a year, trips, but like, beach vacations!
Anon
My dad’s facility has been locked down since March. They have us do Zoom calls when they can, but they are slammed with requests, and fitting everyone in is difficult. Plus, you can’t really explain Zoom to late-stage dementia patients, so he just rocks in his chair and wanders out of frame constantly.
We get updates any time a resident or staff member tests positive, and they say that they can open to visitors once they’ve gone 30 days with all negative tests. I don’t know if that will ever happen; endless positives just keep resetting the clock.
He’s refusing food sometimes now, and I can tell even over video that he’s not keeping weight on. I am trying to prepare myself for the possibility that I will never see him again.
Jules
I am so sorry you and your family are going through this.
Anonymous
Christmas cannot be cancelled. It occurs on December 25, every year. Please say what you mean. Don’t travel? Don’t gather? Or are you actually saying the federal government should cancel a religious holiday?
Anon
Are you being purposely dense?
Anon
Are you the same person above who is – apparently – posting intentionally obtuse, cranky, contrarian comments because you need to vent your feelings or you just feel like being the turd in the punchbowl today? What’s going on with you, that you feel the need to do this, or think it’s appropriate?
Anon
Try, although I assume it’s hard for a person like you, to not be an absolute b*tch.
Slippers for plantar fascitis?
I have plantar fascitis and wear Crocs at home as they give me the necessary cushioning and foot support. My ortho and PT also suggested Birks but I don’t find them very comfortable. As it’s getting colder and I work in the basement when WFH, my feet are freezing ALL.THE.TIME. I need lined slippers for around my house. I saw a few posters suggested Ugg slippers and the LL Bean Wicked Good slippers – do they provide the arch and foot support for plantar fascitis? Any others you all would recommend?
AnonATL
They make fleece lined crocs. You could wear those with wool socks.
Anon
I have teenagers and the fleece lined crocs are all they wear, especially now that we’re all home all the time. I reluctantly agree with this suggestion, especially OP since you find crocs work for you.
I am a fan of the Birkenstocks clogs but you do have to break them in. I also suffered from PF, had the shots and everything, and the thing that ultimately helped was this whole work from home period and wearing my Birks 90% of the time.
Greensleeves
I really love Vionic for good arch support! I am currently alternating between Vionic fuzzy slippers and Vionic slides with socks. My husband recently got some slippers from Giesswein and he says those have good arch support too.
Anonymous
I wear Spenco supreme slides for slippers with arch support. Lately I’ve been wearing OOFOS sneakers, although they’re not slippers and not too warm. That’s where wool socks come in for me. My next slipper purchase might be Vionics.
Silly Valley
IME the LLB slippers are cozy but have basically no support.
Anon
I also have plantar fasciitis and have found birkenstock slippers to be the best from a foot support perspective. Also cozy and comfy :)
Anon
Seconding Vionic, the Jackie slippers are fuzzy inside and can easily be worn with socks to double up on warmth. I work standing at my dresser, and other than a bit of stiffness from being out of shape, they work great for my knee problem and sciatica.
Anon
I have 2 sisters in the area – we aren’t close but they’re very nice and we keep in touch about our parents care…we don’t always exchange gifts and won’t see each other in person but I want to send something for the holidays…would flowers be good? They don’t need more consumables…appreciate any ideas
pugsnbourbon
Would they like a houseplant? Will (probably) last longer than flowers.
I just ordered some for an aunt so I’m inundated with ads: the Sill, Bloomscape, Soil and Clay. You can also check if a local plant store could arrange for pickup or delivery.
anon
Op here…interesting idea..thank you we have a very good local florist and they do have houseplants
BlueAlma
You might ask if they have a preference. I always would prefer flowers over a houseplant. Theyre gorgeous and I haven’t been signed up for a project I didn’t want! But obviously opinions vary on this.
Anonymous
I like Amaryllis at the holidays.
Anonymous
I’m probably (definitely) overthinking but would appreciate advice. I’m dating a divorced man for the first time (been like 2 months) and I’m not sure how much/when I should ask about the divorce, his ex-wife, etc. He was married for over 10 years, been divorced for 5, and at this point he hasn’t said much other than that though sometimes a random fact will come up related to the conversation at hand…for instance, we were talking about frequent flyer miles which led him to say that they lived in separate cities the whole time they were married, hence he had FF status.
The conversation went on in its existing direction but I’m obviously curious about how you maintain a marriage living so far apart, what that was like, etc. That’s just one random example.
I don’t want to pry or be nosy but I’m interested in knowing things, after all it was most of his adult life…and I’m not sure if there’s some kind of etiquette around this that I’m missing…
anon
I would for sure want to know, from his perspective, where the marriage went wrong.
Anonymous
Would you ask him, though, or would you just let it slowly come out naturally? If you would ask, after how long would you feel like it is reasonable to ask?
anon
If he isn’t volunteering that info after 2 months, I would definitely be asking probing questions.
Anonymous
Hmm, okay. We definitely haven’t had a Conversation About His Divorce either organically or requested by either of us, but maybe I should bring it up.
I guess another thing that’s hanging me up, maybe, is that in a way I’ve had just as long a dating career as he has, but since I haven’t been married/divorced, it doesn’t merit a “Conversation” in the same way.
The original Scarlett
When you’re dating and considering making a life with someone, it isn’t prying. I’d ask all the questions.
Senior Attorney
This. Also (I say this only partly tongue in cheek) count your blessings — a lot of people can’t shut up about their divorces!
cbackson
Yeah, you want that elusive “isn’t hiding information but isn’t still so hung up on the situation that it’s all he talks about” guy.
Anonymous
Y’all’ve only been together 2 months in COVID time. How many dates have you had? How close to him do you feel? Are you picturing a future? I think it’s ok to ask about the marriage.
As someone who was married long distance for 8 years, I can say that he may not have a lot to say because it wasn’t much of a marriage. My ex-h and I are still friends and our convos now don’t look that different than they did when we were married – family updates, stupid animal videos…because there wasn’t much to our marriage. My now-husband, who was also married before, was forthcoming but not full of details about his prior marriage – it was in the past for him – a bit of that “men don’t talk about their feelings” thing – but he’d gladly answer any questions I had when we were dating.
Anonymous
Maybe 10 dates? But given COVID times they have often lasted a whole weekend and mainly consisted of hanging out and talking. I really like him and am hoping for a future, but we have not had direct conversations in that area other than both not wanting kids. (I have Zoomed with his family though, so I think it’s a good sign.)
I guess I don’t know at this point how much there was to his marriage. He kind of said offhandedly at one point that it was a mess, and I didn’t push that comment further.
Ellen
If you’ve spent 10 whole weekends with him, you’ve presumably done the deed with him multiple times, so you now deserve answers from him on these things b/c you’ve let him put his thing in you. It is only fair. Ask him and be blunt. If he clams up, you can too, and he will not like that after haveing enjoyed you in bed.
Anon
The issue here is that you both need to understand the other’s thoughts about what constitutes a functional, happy relationship. You need to be on the same page about commitment.
I’m cautiously optimistic about your guy. He has been divorced for five years, which doesn’t scream “desperate to get hitched again.” Those types often do not reflect on what went wrong in the past relationship. They repeat patterns and dump their baggage on the new person. From the sounds of it, you are both relatively young (30s or early 40s, I’m guessing); that means he probably married his college sweetheart and it did not work.
Bluntly, I know several people who married their high school or college sweethearts and it was a bad idea. (I know more who are very, very happy.) It’s facile to say that they grow apart – a lot of people wondered at the time what they saw in each other, and over the years, those differences ruined the relationship.
Seventh Sister
I know several people who live in a different city than their spouse. It seems totally unthinkable to my own spouse, but especially for people who have really location-specific jobs and no school-age kids, it can work really well. One is a friend who is a museum director married to another high-level museum person. There are so few jobs in that sector that it isn’t uncommon for spouses to live apart. My parents did it for several years, albeit it was just a couple hours’ drive apart.
Anonymous
Does he have kids with his ex or any other ongoing interaction? If no, then it’s not surprising that it hasn’t come up. Why would someone talk about someone who hadn’t been part of their life for 5 years?
Ime talking about exes comes up kind of naturally. If you haven’t talked about it yet then the best way to bring it up is probably to talk about your relationship history. That opens the door for him to share too.
FWIW I’ve been divorced for close to 15 years. No kids and haven’t seen or heard from the guy since. I don’t even live on the same coast as him, afaik. Most of my friends don’t know I was ever married. It’s just not part of my life. When I have the exes talk with new love interests, I spend more time talking about more recent relationships than something that happened so long ago.
Tessa Karlov
To the person who recommended ChowNow on yesterday’s morning thread, thank you! I was able to find a local place I haven’t seen on postmates/ubereats/doordash and had a lovely dinner :)
anon
I need stocking stuffer gift ideas for my DH. I’d prefer for most of them to be consumables, and we are fully stocked on alcohol at the moment. So far I’ve bought him a fancy lip balm and a funny laptop sticker … and that’s it. Not sure why I’m having a hard time coming up with stuff this year!
Anon for this
I do lingerie in my husband’s stocking, so there’s that :)
Anon
Stuff that thing with candy!
anon
Food–Specialty versions of jerky or (packaged) sausage, coffee or tea, spices, or a favorite condiment. Cheese straws. Candy, obviously.
Non-food items–puzzle books, socks, toothbrush, or some men’s pampering product for men like shaving cream or beard oil (not both), moisturizer, or hair gel.
Alcohol–If your DH enjoys cocktails, buy specialty bitters. You can never be fully stocked on bitters, in my opinion.
anon a mouse
In our house stockings are for ridiculous small food items. Chocolate bar with bacon bits! Candy coated potato chip! Santa-shaped chocolates! Sour patch kids! Fun dip! Basically if I see it and start to laugh and it fits in the stocking, in it goes.
DCAnon
I ordered from Sugarfina for my husband’s stocking stuffers (I think any candy would work but Sugarfina is such a fun treat).
Thanks, it has pockets!
Seconded, Sugarfina is amazing! And they have something for everyone.
Anonymous
Somebody on here recommended the Sugarfina advent calendar and I’m really enjoying everything I’ve been able to try so far.
anan
My husband puts lottery tickets in our stockings.
I like to do pens and notebooks.
anon for this
There have been a lot of comments here – including from me – about how WFH is ideal for getting into a routine involving retinol or similar products. I’ve certainly seen an improvement in my skin from what I’ve done so far, which is all over-the-counter and a few other folks have said the same. But some commenters have also said that prescription products are the best way to go – and even in some cases, that OTC is worthless. Is that more the case once you’ve been using these products for a while, or am I deluding myself that I’m seeing results? I have been wanting to go see a dermatologist for some of these questions, but have put it off because of COVID, so I’d appreciate any thoughts.
BeenThatGuy
At night, I use the Chantecaille Retinol Intense. In the morning, I use SkinCeuticals CE Ferulic Serum. These 2 products, along with a good oil and moisturizer have worked wonders on my middle aged skin. They are expensive (retinol is $140 and ferulic is $166). I’ve tired lower priced products like The Ordinary and mid priced like Sunday Riley and they just don’t do it for me.
Anon
From what I’ve read, retinol works but it takes 6 months to even start to build up in your skin to a level that tretinoin (prescription) would have immediately. I don’t know why you wouldn’t just get a curology prescription for tretinoin. It’s like $40 every other month.
Anon
https://www.verywellhealth.com/retinol-vs-retin-a-4155865
“ Retinol itself doesn’t actually affect the skin directly. Enzymes within the skin must first convert retinol into retinoic acid. It’s only when it is converted into retinoic acid that it becomes effective. This isn’t an instantaneous process, though. The conversion process can take a long time.”
Also, this article reminded me that you can now buy Differin over the counter, which isn’t technically a retinoid but works very similarly and tends to cause less irritation. My dermatologist thinks Differin is the way to go. But since I’m fully acclimated to my 0.05% tretinoin (plus azaleic acid and niacinamide) from Curology, I’m clinging to it. I really REALLY like the results.
Anon
I like retinaldehyde. My skin is way too sensitive for tretinoin.
anon for this
Okay, this is super helpful. Thanks, all.
Anon
Commenting late but hopefully you’ll see. Highly highly highly recommend Curology for this (or one of its competitors, which I am sure are just as good). I have been using retinol products for nearly a decade now and have tried everything, including: prescription Retin-A, Differin (which is now OTC), the various retinol products from The Ordinary, and for the last 3.5 years, Curology. My experience has been that the other prescription topicals in the Curology (in my case Clindimycin and Azelaeic Acid, which I am sure I completely misspelled) work synergistically with the tretinoin to produce better results with less irritation, the Curology cream is the easiest to use format (lots of weird gels and serums that are hard to evenly spread with the others), and that the subscription cost is cheaper than paying to see a derm + paying for Retin-A out of pocket (insurance typically doesn’t cover). Not sure which OTC you are using, but yes the prescription products are objectively much more effective than anything you can buy OTC. It doesn’t mean you’re not seeing results, it just means your results will be limited comparatively.
anon for this
I saw it, thank you! I believe I’ve actually heard of this line – it’s worth investigating more.
No Problem
So much love here for Air Pods. Can anyone comment on how they fit for people with small ears? I find the regular Apple earbuds (the ones that come with the phone) to be very uncomfortable and they sometimes fall out of my ears. They’re just not shaped the same as my ears or something. And if they do stay in, my ears just hurt after an hour or so from the plastic pressing against them at an odd angle.
MagicUnicorn
I have an older model of Airpods and the shape is the exact same as the wired Apple earbuds. Thankfully I find this shape the most comfortable of all the in-ear ones I have ever tried for my own self, but I would not recommend Airpods for you if the wired earbuds are not a good fit.
anon
My sister has always had trouble with Apple earbuds and ended up buying another type of wireless earbuds that fit her better. The Airpod Pro is shaped differently (smaller), but they are much pricier than the base model.
The original Scarlett
So uncomfortable, I’ve commented before but I have small ears and hated them (both the regular and pro, and both now belong to my husband). I do love the beats by apple – they’re bigger with the overear thing, it they stay in my ears because if it and are actually pretty comfortable. They have the advantage of all the seamless connection with apple products that the other ones do too.
Covanon
Interesting. I was thinking that I was the only non-airpods person on the planet. My ears really loathe having things inside of them.
Anonymous
I should clarify the pro was more comfortable, technically, but wouldn’t stay in my ears
The original Scarlett
That was me, no idea why my handle fell off
Anon
I can’t wear them either. My husband just got a new pair from his work and I tried them on and they still do not fit me comfortably. They are exactly the same as the wired ones on me – painful.
Cat
I loathe the classic Apple earbuds for the same reason – the shape is a mismatch for my ears. The Pro model comes with three sizes of silicone buds and are very comfortable.
Anonymous
This is me as well. I found the regular apple earbuds wildly uncomfortable. The AirPods pro with the different size silicone tips are awesome.
No Problem
When you say the classic earbuds…do you mean the really old ones that were more round, or the newer ones that are more angular? Because I found the rounder ones reasonably comfortable, but the current angular ones are terrible.
Cat
The really old round ones were OK for me but not great. The newer angular ones are a travesty. The Pros are actually comfy.
Anonymous
I have small ears and they are fine and comfortable as long as I’m not smiling too much. Then they start to fall out! I got mine as a gift and I would say they are not ideal for small ears.
Anon
The only thing I will add…I’ve had my AirPods for 3 years? I think. And the battery – like most electronics- will not hold a charge anymore. It’s gotten to the point where they only last 20 minutes at best even fully charged. Which led me to research that Apple will say the battery is only supposed to last for 2 years basically.
Which, if I think about the cost per wear for me (in normal life I’m a public transport commuter) isn’t that outrageous. But I did charge my husband with the task of buying me new wireless ear pods and part of the gift is I want him to research for the best and maybe ones that hopefully last longer.
That being said, (for me) once you go wireless you really realize how using wireless vs wired doesn’t even compare. I find them game changing and seriously curse when I have to wear wired headphones.
Anon
I just bought the older version of AirPods- I have small ears but the classic apple earbuds fit me most of the time (they do fall out a lot though) however, the only fit if I wear them backwards (fot lack of a better term) – I wear them in the opposite ear
Just venting
This week has been getting worse every day at work for me.
With the end of the year craziness and people’s patience wearing thin, pandemic and all, a number of work projects are at risk – most of which is outside of my department’s control, and may just be a victim of internal politics.
Between delivering unpleasant messages and navigating internal conflicts, I today received some more info that is disturbing.
First, my name got mentioned in an email to upper leadership trying to blame me as a representative of our function for disclosing internal information to 3rd parties – something so completely unfounded that it is ridiculous. My chain of management has my back and defends me where they can, but just the fact that someone tried to do this is highly concerning.
Second, due to the pandemic, I have for the first time in several years accrued a low single digit number of vacation days that will roll over into 2021. Due to special circumstances, I’ve had to borrow against accrual every year since starting at current job and barely ended each prior year with a zero balance. Now 2 levels up my first-time roll-over becomes an issue? In that same line of arguments, my manager told me their boss always had the impression that I try to get the most favorable outcome for myself when it comes to work benefits (including my salary negotiation when I started). Given that boss’s boss is a hard negotiator, this is probably a compliment, but still, I am irritated.
Third, and final straw today: I’ve been WFH since March with my spouse and pre-schooler at home. We found a routine allowing us to split our worktime so I can avoid most afternoon meetings but still get all my work done. Last week was the FIRST TIME in 9 months that there was a call after lunch that I had to take from the kitchen table with my son popping in and out of view. This happened towards the tail end of a 1 hr meeting during the “friendly chat part”, and I didn’t turn off the camera, but muted myself in case there would be kid noise (there wasn’t). Boss’ boss complained to my boss about me having the kid there, contributing to her feeling that I might be using WFH to my advantage.
While I understand some people could be distracted by seeing a kid, and will make sure to turn my camera off in such situations in the future — I am livid, and feel personally insulted.
With all the work stress this week plus some additional worries about family thousands of miles away that we cannot see this winter, I totally teared up when my own boss (who is absolutely great and thinks that this is ridiculous) delivered the message to me. Luckily I had my video off, because I was frantically trying to quietly compose myself and not start bawling.
I’m trying to not take this personally, but man, that was such a low blow. Boss’ boss has also previously demonstrated limited understanding of the challenges of working parents (they are childless), but to bring this up at the end of this freaking crap show of a year where I have worked hard under all circumstances and contributed to double digit profit projects… Someone sees my kid on video once and makes such a stupid comment about my work ethic??? During a pandemic? What am I supposed to do? Park the kid in front of a screen 8 hours a day in order to keep up appearances?
It just hurts. I am also angry, and feel compelled to take all my remaining legal sick days next week out of spite. Not sure it will help my case.
I guess I just need a hug, and maybe a stiff drink, a bucket of ice cream and some cuddles from my sweet kid at noon?
Anon
It sounds like your boss’s boss has a bad head about you all the way around. Keep knocking it out of the park work-wise and try to get your boss on board with bringing more of your accomplishments to boss’s boss’s attention, but also brush up your resume and start quietly looking around.
Just venting
Yeah, given all else that is happening in our org, I should really start putting feelers out. My own boss is fantastic and overall my company has handled this year very well from a work-life balance perspective. I am grateful for that, and also afraid that it won’t be like that in other companies.
In any personal interactions I had with my boss’ boss, they have never brought any issues up directly, and are pleased with my performance this year (they have said so directly).
I just don’t understand how you can, in one breath, criticize someone for always looking to game the system and get an advantage (like, extra vacation days), and not taking enough vacation?
And how can you criticize someone for negotiating hard when it’s one of the requirements of my job to negotiate hard with external parties?
Anon
At my prior employer it was always a ding on a candidate when they leaned too hard on the salary when negotiating a job offer or a promotion. It drove me nuts. They’d say things like “he led with money” as if we aren’t all doing our jobs for money!
I don’t know what kind of people think we’re all working for the greater good of the corporation and not so that we can pay our bills – trust fund babies, maybe? – but it’s certainly not me.
Ellen
Hugs and a drink! If I had a spare man, I would send him your way for some cuddles! LOL! You will persevere; just turn the camera off when you see your kid float into the room. It happens all the time on my calls and I don’t think twice. Often the wi-fi causes problems that get better w/o video, so that can be your answer.
CHL
I send you an internet hug and reassurance that you are not in the wrong here — sounds like you’ve got a toxic corporate culture, and a boss’ boss who is a jerk and doesn’t get it. This is not about you. It sounds like you are busting your butt for a leadership team who doesn’t care about their staff and I give you permission to dial down how much you care about it. Go through the stress cycle with some movement, crying or cuddling. And take that time off! Thinking of you.
pugsnbourbon
+1! Your boss’ boss sounds like a real turd. I’m sorry and I hope you feel better soon.
AnonATL
I would be frustrated too. It sounds like your org culture is work robots and not humans. Keep doing your best juggling all the grenades, but I’d start looking around. It just doesn’t seem like they value you as a human being.
In the meantime yes to comfort food, a good drink, and all the hugs from your lovely family.
Just venting
I had a chance to run this by my spouse, and let out some angry tears.
Reflecting on the situation, I knew boss’s boss has had this perception and I should have been more M ndful about the kid situation. It’s stupid but at the same time a reminder that I cannot under any circumstances let my guard down. Not even in a freaking pandemic. Infuriating.
Anon
Unfortunately, a lot of it is keeping up appearances. We all know we have kids around we just can’t let other people see them. It is so stupid but part of the game apparently.
Flats Only
I read an article (WSJ? Harvard Biz Review?) that discussed a study showing that the reason most people quit their job is that they feel like they have been insulted. You HAVE been insulted. Please take your rollover vacation days to enjoy yourself, and look hard for a job in the new year. Oh, and get your compliance department on record confirming you didn’t leak information.
Green tea
I am buying an electric kettle for a relative who is a big tea drinker. She drinks mostly green tea, and isn’t too particular, and uses tea bags only.
I wanted to buy something else to go along with the kettle. Maybe something simple like an assortment of green tea bags. Or maybe one of those double glass layer mugs that keeps liquids warm for a long time. Or ??? something else tea related.
Any favorite types of green tea/green tea gift pack/website for tea you recommend I check?
Or any other small tea related gift that I could throw in my tea care package?
And she isn’t interested in starting to use loose leaf tea, accessories related to that are not necessary.
Thanks in advance!
Anon
Does she drink sugar in her tea? I was thinking a nice sugar bowl with lid or a sugar and creamer set might be nice. But I’m an Earl Grey drinker, so it might be different with green tea.
My sister once gave me a China cup and saucer with a matching demitasse spoon. The spoon has a china handle that matches the cup and saucer. I used it at the office because it was so nice, and because the red-based floral pattern on the teacup masked my lipstick marks!
Anon
How about one of those mug warmers, to keep her drink warm? A tempered glass pitcher, if she also would like iced tea?
MagicUnicorn
Tea bag/spoon rests? I have a little flat ceramic dish shaped like a cloud that I love for this.
anonshmanon
a few of those adorable tiny plates! Most green tea drinkers take out the bag after a few minutes, and having a place to put it right on the table is nice. And those plates are usually adorable.
Anon
Huge tea drinker. I love my double-walled mugs so much.
anan
My husband has a lovely wooden tea box- a hinged box with compartments which you store your tea bags in . It’s small enough to fit in a drawer, but pretty enough that we actually leave it out on the counter.
Anonymous
I really, really miss my grandma. She’s 93. Christmas Eve is HER HOLIDAY and in a year where she hasnt been able to do anything or see anyone, I would love to see her on Christmas Eve.
Does anyone have ideas on how we could visit safely? Zoom is really out; it confuses her.
We are both in new england, about 2 hours apart, but there is currently a mandatory test/quarantine between our states and testing without exposure/drs orders is really hard.
I’ve been thinking about driving down to visit and bringing her christmas presents to open in her house while I (and maybe my family, TBD) sit out on her back deck. I can’t decide if that will be worse for her– to have her great grandkids outside in the snow behind glass.
Practically, I think our family could quarantine under the new guidelines–get tested on day 5 of quarantine and if negative go see her [around day 8 given the timeline]. we’d probably do it the week between Christmas and new years when school/daycare is closed anyway. If we did this, we could potentially (maybe?) do an in person visit with everyone wearing masks. Thoughts on that? I can accept “nope, still an absolutely terrible idea” but also, I know at her age it may be worth the risk.
Anonymous
I have been very conservative on risk (and have posted to that effect), but in this case, I would move forward with that plan IF you can truly do a full, adherent quarantine and get tested. Since you are two hours apart, you can drive without stopping. Have you talked to her to see what she’d like to do?
Anonymous
If you can truly do it without entering her home, I’d say go for it. In my opinion, visiting through a glass door is so much more personal than over Zoom. But you and your children really have to commit to not going in.
Anon
I’m pretty cautious but if both parties truly quarantine and don’t have contact with people who aren’t quarantining, I don’t see why they can’t go in.
Green tea
+1
My brother has come to visit our disabled father twice. He tests for COVID, then does strict quarantine in his apartment (no leaving the apartment for 2 weeks), then drives straight to my Dad’s.
He doesn’t wear a mask when he arrives at my Dad’s and basically isolates while he is there. Dad never leaves the house, but has a visiting nurse and they both mask with N95 during all visits.
Anon
If it is a 2 hour drive they will have to go to the bathroom once they get their likely …
Anonymous
Just a general thought — I would NOT bring your family. I’m not suggesting they couldn’t quarantine/get tested etc. but I just think risk increases as the number of people involved in any activity increase. One person can be fastidious about a quarantine in a way that 4 people including kids cannot.
Could you do the “old” quarantine — 14 days, no one enters or leaves your home for any reason until you are ready to leave for grandma and then you drive straight there, no stops. 14 days tends to be doable IF you plan ahead — i.e. have grocery shopped etc. because a true 14 days means no — oh I forgot x, I’ll just put on a mask and go.
Anonymous
Yeah, I posted above but like your plan better.
No Face
Personally I would not go. I would talk to her on the phone a lot, ask her about her life, etc. Then see her a ton after she is vaccinated. I would not risk taking children who have been in childcare to see a 90+ year old.
I would maaayybe consider visiting solo while I sit on the porch wearing a mask. But I would do that after cases are much lower than they are now.
poiu
That’s a good point – at 90 I would bet she’s near the front of the line. She may be vaccinated in the next 3 months.
Anonymous
OP here. Chiming back here to say that year, we’ve done the phone visit.
She’s really old and it just doesn’t work well.
We can’t do a 14 day quarantine- me or the family. It’s just not practical.
It’s hard because what *she* wants is for us to come visit. She was sad/angry at easter (which was also her birthday, weepy all summer, upset at thanksgiving and now is just resigned. Her logic- and honestly,
I can’t say she’s wrong- is that there’s a good chance she won’t be here in 6 months COVID or no COVID.
She is of sound mind (technically) and is angry (well, sad/hurt/upset) that the extended family is being so cautious.
I have not asked, but I very seriously doubt she will get vaccinated. She got the flu shot for the first time ever this year and basically it was because her pcp wouldn’t let her leave without it. She takes Vitamins and uses essential oils and is not a huge believer in science if ya know what I mean. Which is to say…even if she’s old, she’s not likely to be vax’d any time soon.
Anon
I would go see her. You don’t know how much time she has left and I think seeing her in person would mean so much to her.
AITA?
My husband has Bluetooth earbuds somewhere but hasn’t seen them in at least a month. He has since borrowed my Airpods more than a few times a week and has commented that they work with his computer better than his missing Bluetooth earbuds, and he also borrows them when doing chores around the house to listen to podcasts. He asks to borrow them during the workday for calls he has to take, and I use them only to listen to music so I hand them over (not gladly, but not begrudgingly).
He has a big earwax problem so on more than one occasion I’ve done a thorough cleaning of them after he’s used them a couple of times — I love him greatly, obviously, but the earwax thing grosses me out. I’ve asked him more than once to clean out the Airpods after using them and he “cleans” them but not well. I’ve also asked him if we could buy him his own set and he says he doesn’t need them.
AITA if I buy him his own set of Airpods? This is not in place of a Christmas gift, FWIW.
Anon
I don’t think you’d be the asshole at all. His constant borrowing of your AirPods shows you that they’re something he really likes. I don’t see any problem with this being a Christmas gift either! As long as you don’t bring up the earwax issues (which is hereditary and not a hygiene issue) then you’re fine.
Vicky Austin
Of course you’re NTA.
Anon
I would buy a new pair for myself and guard them, let him keep the ones he keeps borrowing.
Anonymous
This. If it’s not a christmas present, just let him keep them.
No Face
Yeah, get yourself some new ones!
BTW, as someone with excess earwax I would never let someone use my headphones.
Ellen
I agree it is kind of gross, but really, it is just another bodily secretion. We get every other kind of fluid from our men, and accept it w/o even thinking twice, ranging from their sweat to their saliva and sperm, together with every other secretion of theirs in bed. So let the earwax thing go.
Senior Attorney
THIS FOR SURE. Ugh, earwax.
anonshmanon
this plus I would have no qualms making this his Christmas gift, but YMMV.
AFT
Yep
Anonymous
This. He keeps yours, you get the new ones.
Anon
Yeah he can keep his earwax farm, and you should get the fresh new ones.
Anonymous
+1
anon
That seems like a really nice thing to do! Even if he finds his old ones, he’s told you he likes the Airpods better.
Anon
He seems to love them! I’d recommend that you get a new pair for yourself and give him the old pair!
OP
Thank you all. Costco has them on sale for $110 (online only, and today is the last day!) so I grabbed a pair for myself and they’ll arrive next Tuesday. Woohoo.
I just told my husband the plan – he gets this pair and I get a fresh set. I suppose I was thinking he would think this was some kind of passive-aggressive thing (it kind of is?), and he put up like a smidge of a fight and then he was pleased. I’m relieved.
(also I chuckled at the earwax comments above!)
Agent99
I think that would both (a) be a nice thing to do and (b) solve your problem!
Anon
Any gift ideas for my 30 year old brother? He’s full of contrasts – a crunchy vegan investment banker who is into yoga, acupuncture, and cupping but also likes his fancy country club golf and tennis.
Anon
Going on the country club stuff, does he like fancy booze? How about a bottle of something good plus some high end kombucha
Anon
He sounds like the male version of me. Going on a whim here, but a fancy candle. Some specific suggestions depending on your budget: Le Labo Santal 26, Diptyque Feu de Bois, Cire Trudon Nazareth, Nest Holiday, Nest Birchwood Pine. A nice handsoap from Aesop, maybe a matching lotion to go with it. Cashmere socks (Do vegans wear cashmere, I literally don’t know). Mont blanc pens.
Jules
Nope to the cashmere for vegans; most vegans I know (including my 26-y-o and my ex-H) don’t use any type of animal products.
pugsnbourbon
What about something from a museum store? MOMA Store has 20% off a single item running today.
This avocado vase might be fun for a crunchy type: https://store.moma.org/gifts/best-selling-gifts/avocado-vase/12975-152676.html?cgid=gifts-best-selling-gifts
Thanks, it has pockets!
If he’s a crunchy vegan type, he might appreciate eco-friendly, reusable alternatives to disposable products, like beeswax food wraps, silicone baking mats, silicone food storage baggies, etc. – which, to be sure, don’t sound like gifts by themselves, but maybe you package them with some nice vegan consumables or something.
Jules
Organic wine? Sets of his favorite golf balls and tennis balls? (You will need to know what he likes, I think, especially as to the golf balls.)
anon
Has anyone done this gift? Young man who is a very good cook asked for set of all the basic spices for new kitchen in new apartment. Instead of buying a spice rack or countertop set that has glass jars that you refill, I have a plastic cabinet organizer (from Lowe’s) and I am buying a better version (best line of McCormick or other brand) of all of the fundamentals: salt, black peppercorns, Old Bay, Italian Seasoning, Thyme, Rosemary, Garlic Powder, Onion Powder, Lemon Pepper, Cayenne Pepper, Cumin, Chile Powder, Smoked Paprika, Cinnamon, Vanilla Extract, Clove, Nutmeg, Ginger, Montreal Steak Seasoning…..what else?
anon
OP here…adding chipotle pepper, crushed red pepper, Dill and Oregano
Anonymous
I’d look at Penzeys or Spice House for some blends. I adore the Penzys Sandwich Sprinkle and use it as a general multi-purpose for veggies. I’d also add a curry powder.
anan
A few additional things that get a lot of use in my kitchen are garam masala, bay leaves, oregano, sesame seeds, Zatar and dill. ThOugh this might depend on what your recipient likes to make.
Penzy’s sells starter boxes like this- maybe check out what they have in their kits for a other ideas?
Jules
For basics, I think you need basil and oregano, probably also curry powder. But I love that you have smoked paprika on your list of fundamentals!
Vicky Austin
Smoked paprika is a cornerstone of my kitchen!
Thanks, it has pockets!
That sounds like a good set. You could also include a gift card (maybe just $10 or $15) to a spice company like Urban Accents or Roaring Fork so he can pick out a gourmet blend that works well with what he likes to cook.
anne-on
Basil & oregano would be good to add. If you’re up to add ‘sauces’ I’d also do soy sauce, white and red wine vinegar, balsamic vinegar, gouchajang or chili paste, Worcestershire, yellow or dijon mustard, and possible sesame oil?
anon
OP here…and we grow our own basil and oregano so I forgot those as I am used to using the fresh herbs…thank you! And yes! These sauces!
Anon
Well, today I took on the job of telling mom and dad that it was not a good idea to drive the 90-something friend they met at the casino maskless in their compact Subaru to eat maskless at a restaurant late at night. If something happened, they would be responsible. My dad is angry with me (even though this was mom’s idea), and mom says that the man can “make his own decisions”. Really hoping upon hope my folks don’t kill this guy as we have record cases in my town and area and my parents are constantly going out and aren’t the cleanest people…Plus, dad seems to have a runny nose…smh
Of Counsel
You posted about your parents earlier this week yes?
I am going to make what is going to sound like a heartless suggestion: You really need to back off and let these people (your parents and the 90 year old) live their lives and make their mistakes. Your parents, whether they are being reasonable or not, do not want their child telling them what to do. Nothing you say is going to change their minds or their behavior, All you are going it making yourself crazy and alienating them. (And quite honestly your statements about them here come across as incredibly contemptuous and if you are taking the same tone with them they are likely to ignore anything you say out of sheer defensiveness.)
They are adults (and I know you have concerns about your mother’s capacity but she is still an adult not under a conservatorship order). They get to make their own choices and live with the consequences. You can only control what you do and how you react. So just stop trying to change them.
Anon
My parents are literally the dumbest, most naive, most selfish people I know. I honestly hate them, and they disgust me. But I am an only child, and they are all I have.
Anon
Let me tell you something else. For me, COVID is a farce. The lockdowns are unnecessary, the containment measures are not backed by science. I do not have underlying conditions (I get regular insulin resistance monitoring…A1C under 5 as well), and neither does my dad. My mom is questionable (she’s borderline obese…but I’m 5’1″ and 130 and am technically overweight…but for today’s ridic standards, I guess we aren’t that big…HA), but she does eat well and mostly plant based.
I don’t have to worry about COVID. But I don’t want this old man’s family to question the poor decisions made by my parents if he falls ill. Additionally, my mother works in a medical office and her boss is obese and has been experiencing a lot of health issues. He had prostate cancer in recent years as well. He co-workers are obese. She is not careful about hand washing and sanitization, even though she believe she is. The bible-thumping “Jesus will protect me” attitude of her co-workers has rubbed off and added to her overall stupidity/dementia. Makes me sick. Yeah, so much resentment…Esp when I haven’t seen the majority of my extended family in a year and the ones I have seen won’t go anywhere near me…