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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 221 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Nyleen Challis Blouse

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Under $150

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Velvet by Graham & Spencer BlouseThis blouse is a bit on the casual side, as styled, but I'm really digging it — I think it would look as great untucked with cigarette pants as it would, tucked in, with trousers. It's machine washable rayon, and is $128 at Bloomingdale's (available in sizes P-XL). Velvet by Graham & Spencer Blouse

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Comments

  1. LawyrChk

    I’m probably overthinking this, but do you wear tights with lighter neutral colored (grey, greige, brown) shoes? If so, what color? I’ve got a lot of suede pumps and booties that I’d love to wear to the office with dresses, but I keep puzzling over wearing tights with them (and it’s pretty cold, so I will freeze my legs if I go bare legged). Office is on the more casual side of business casual, if it matters (in house rather than a law firm). Will try to post link to example of the shoes.

    TIA!

      • LawyrChk

        Can I also add that these shoes are awesomely comfy for a tall heel? Well worth the $.

      • Anon

        I love how these look and think I have to stop by Target on my way home tonight. I’d probably do black or grey (another shade) with these…

      • AIMS

        I say yes to tights. You could do black, gray, brown, navy, etc. I think gray and brown inherently look a bit more casual but I don’t think that’s an issue if you are wearing booties in the first place (i.e., if booties are okay, gray and brown tights are okay).

      • Anony

        I have a pair of black ones that are similar. I tried wearing them with skinny jeans the other day but thought they looked weird. It may be that the skinny jeans were a bit too long so they bunched a tiny bit at the bottom. Any tips?

    • Diana Barry

      I usually do boots/tights so I’m not the best with shoes, but with grey you can do grey or black tights, or purple if your office is crazy. :) With brown I wear brown tights.

    • Kanye East

      I have A Thing about legwear, and it is either nude-for-me hose or match my tights to my shoes. Colored opaque tights with different colored shoes always looks too “little girl” on me.

      Then again, I am wearing a necklace today that looks like the kind of thing I would have loved when I was six years old, so, grains of salt.

      • Bonnie

        I match my tights to my shoes too. Shoes that are a drastically different color just seem odd to me, like they’re disconnected from the outfit.

    • Abby Lockhart

      I do heavy hose in a color close to the shoes in this situation. I think that the color variation with hose vs. completely opaque tights helps with the inevitable slight mismatch in color.

  2. hand lotion

    Hey y’all. I normally don’t use hand lotion because I hate the greasy feeling of it, but my hands are seriously dry from the change in the weather. Can anyone recommend a drugstore brand of lotion that isn’t super greasy or smelly that absorbs into your skin? Thanks!!

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      You can get it at drugstores, or at their own stores, but the best hand lotion in the world is Crabtree and Evelyn! It’s a heavier lotion, but I don’t find it greasy at all and it actually moisturizes really well. The citron scent is fantastic, less old lady perfume than the rosewater.

      • AIMS

        I think if the goal is not to have “smelly” hand lotion, C&E is not your best bet. I love their hand creams and always end getting them in one form of gift set or another but the scents are all very strong (maybe not compared to bath & body or the like works but that’s a high bar). I’ve had more than one person comment on the scents after I’ve used them (in a good way, but it’s obviously still noticeable).

        I’d say something like Aveeno or Nivea would work, and they come in unscented versions and tend to be very lightly scented to begin with. Look for words like “fast absorbing” on the packaging to avoid the greasy feeling.

      • Miz Swizz

        I actually love the Rosewater Hand Therapy because I think the scent disappears rather quickly (I’m super sensitive to most perfumes) and the lotion absorbs well. Though now I want to pick up some of the citron because I love all things citrus.

        • Miz Swizz

          I just looked and I have the age defying hand remedy. Not sure how that compares to the ultra-moisturizing variety they also sell.

    • marketingchic

      Neutregena fast-absorbing hand cream- somewhat hard to find but awesome. I also use it on my feet in the summer so I’m not sliding around in sandals.

    • pilates princess

      Just bought the Burt’s Bees’ shea butter hand cream Monday. I can’t say enough good things about it. I’m telling everyone. I feels heavy, but it soaks in quickly, and works well. Also, the smell isn’t very strong. My favorite workhorse hand cream is the in the hemp line at The Body Shop, but you smell strongly of a head shop after using it.

    • Walnut

      I’ve had good luck with the hand lotions at Bath & Body Works. I don’t recall if it’s the paraffin one or another, but go in and try each. One of the them leaves very little grease.

    • Anonymous

      in addition to these suggestions try using Neutrogena Norweigan formula. It’s the time of year when hands start to crack as you adjust to winter. Just put the norweigan formula on at night so the heavy feeling doesn’t bother you. After 2-3 days your hands should feel better.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I like Vaseline brand healthy hand and nails lotion (the name is something close to that). It is in a pink bottle. It absorbs really quickly for me.

    • Fellow lotion hater

      Aveeno Daily Moisturizing Lotion (is for whole body but I use on hands too)

      Fragrance free and absorbs quickly

      It’s the one with the green cap/writing

      • KC

        I use this as well.

        Also, I find the greasy feeling only bothers me if the lotion is on the palms of my hands. I usually put some lotion on the back of one hand and rub it against the back of my other hand (does that make sense?).

        • preg 3L

          +1. I usually just put hand lotion on the backs of my hands and rub them together. My palms don’t really need the moisture anyway.

      • Flying Squirrel

        Agreed. No scent and non-greasy. I have it at my desk right now :)

    • NOLA

      I use Suave Cocoa Butter with Shea. It’s not greasy at all. I buy the small tubes of it to keep in my purse.

      • Lyssa

        I use this one, too. It’s not the greatest thing for super-dry skin, but it’s not greasy at all. And, it’s cheap.

        Side note, I used it on my belly intensively while I was pregnant, and didn’t get a single stretch mark. I know that I was probably just lucky, but it certainly didn’t hurt.

    • anon in tejas

      you can get most of the grocery/pharmacy brands that are perfume/smell free.

      I am currently using lubraderm, but you might find it greasy. Jergins?

      • TBK

        I find this doesn’t soak in at all. 20 min after I put it on, there’s still sort of a residue on my hands.

        • I am a banana.

          It also has a very strong scent which I didn’t care for at all. Couldn’t even get through the little tube.

    • kjoirishlastname

      Palmer’s Shea or cocoa butter lotion. It feels thick at first, but it absorbs readily and does a really good job. It’s keeping my kids’ eczema at bay which says a lot. It is also ridiculously cheap.

    • Basics

      Cetaphil daily facial moisturizer UVA/UVB SPF 50.

      Too rich for my face. Perfect for hands and forearms.

    • TO Lawyer

      I actually haven’t been able to find a drugstore hand cream that I really liked (although maybe I’ll try some of your suggestions ladies). But I really like the Vitamin E hand and nail treatment from the body shop – not smelly, absorbs very quickly/non-greasy and works well.

    • January

      I just bought Eucerin Intensive Repair extra-enriched hand creme and have liked it so far. It seems to be helping with my red, cracked knuckles and it’s not super-greasy.

    • meme

      Cetaphil cream in the tub. It is scent-free, super-moisturizing, and I find that it absorbs quickly. I use it all the time for extremely dry skin and eczema in winter.

    • PolyD

      Suave Advanced Therapy (I think that’s the name) works well and doesn’t have much of, or any scent. Helps keep my legs from itching so terribly in the winter.

    • JB

      Aveeno Skin Relief Intense Moisture is great. My hands are very sensitive to perfumes and chemicals. This is one of the only lotions that is strong enough and doesn’t irritate my skin.

    • Anonymous

      Complex 15 (face cream comes in a tube and is similar in weight to the lotion). It isn’t greasy or heavy, soaks right in. Not smelly. Does the job. Tube says “Contains Phospholipids: which restore & maintain natural moisture balance in dry, sensitive skin.”

    • Bonnie

      I’ve been using Curel Intensive Healing cream. I used to use Norwegian formula but it left a residue.

  3. Cb

    I love this! Tuck it into a pencil skirt and you’ve got a comfortable, pulled together outfit.

    TJ/Vent: why does the cat only want to cuddle when I’m wearing all black? Was in my pyjamas for hours and he wanted nothing to do with me but put my clothes on for the day and it was suddenly cuddle time. Is he conspiring to make me look like a cat lady?

      • Cb

        Probably a wise decision. Although I’m lobbying for a rabbit or a puppy.

        He cried the entire time I was on a call today, I may have threatened to turn him into a lovely orange winter hat :). He’s lovable (even for a non cat person) but the most vocal cat I’ve ever met.

        • Hazel

          Rabbits are wonderful–I love mine dearly–but be prepared for your rabbit to chew on EVERYTHING. Cords, doorframes, baseboards, books, blankets (I just discovered a quarter-sized hole in my Pendleton wool blanket). You’ll need to rabbit-proof your life!

      • BB

        But the black cat doesn’t gravitate towards white things? That’s what mine used to do! :)

        • NOLA

          I have a black cat but I don’t wear a lot of light-colored clothing. On the other hand, the steps I bought for her to get up to my bed are ivory and constantly covered with her fur. And my quilt, which I regularly run over with one of those sticky lint rollers.

    • Lady Tetra

      We just got a white cat, and I really should have thought about how white hairs would show up on everything before we got her! But now that I have her I would never trade.

      • Parfait

        I heart my calico. I make her wait til I put a lap blanket on before we snuggle.

    • Sparrow

      Lint brushes! With three cats, I stash them all around the house, in my car and at work. I also keep a travel size one in my purse.

    • Dulcinea

      Someone else mentioned that whatever you work out with regard to the house has to be reflected on both the deed and the mortgage. I happen to know a bit about that topic so I want to expand a little. Basically, if one of you wants to keep the house, s/he will most likely need to “assume the note” as well. IE, this is how you get the other person’s name off the monthly mortgage statements and absolves themself of liability for the debt.

      If this is done pursuant to a court order (like when the court apporves your divorce settlement agreement and enters it as an order of the court) , the banks are supposed to automatically allow the assumption (subject to some very specific exceptions) without regard to that person’s income/assets/ability to pay. HOWEVER, banks are very reluctant to do so in most cases and it can be a serious fight, *especially* if the person assuming also wants a modification. So, just be prepared for that and be sure to get specific documentation about it; you can discuss this with your lawyer. ( I work on mortgage issues and assumption is constantly a problem even when the law compels it).

  4. Anonymous

    Hello, Hive! What makes a great divorce attorney? Any idea what it will cost (no kids, one house)? I’m meeting with one tomorrow : (( I weclome any suggestions or help. TIA

    • L'eggs

      How great an attorney do you need? If you have contested issues or a crazy on the other side and $ to spend, I’d look for someone senior who will be doing the work and a low-volume shop. Someone who maybe has some reported cases in your area (and pay attention to the opposing counsel in those cases). For the best people, you may pay a chunk of money to just talk to them (people often consult with them to conflict them out of representing the other side). Ultimately, it’s experience and responsiveness and ability to get results (so working with opposing counsel even if the clients can’t talk to each other) and counseling talent (litigation talent counts, too, but that is a worst case scenario). I’d expect an bill starting at 25K for smaller-city divorce with any sort of complexities or areas where experts are needed or things need to be tried.

      • L'eggs

        With no children and just a house and presumably no owned businesses (no joint business or no family business), probably a lot less than 25K. Do you sense that there’s anything to fight over or a reason you’d need a great divorce attorney? Debt lurking?

      • Lyssa

        I’ve seen people run up that kind of a bill just fighting over a house and incidentals, but it’s certainly avoidable. If you haven’t already, and your relationship makes this in any way possible, I would recommend sitting down with your husband and trying to reach tentative agreements regarding: 1) House (including how the mortgage will be handled until things are finalized), 2) any other property (including stupid things, like the TV and dishes), 3) Cars (you each keep the one that you drive, but if there’s a huge difference in value – check KBB – you might want to consider dividing other things to make up the difference), 4) Bank accounts, 5) Debts (split any cc debt evenly, if possible), and 6) alimony (if you both work, it’s extremely unlikely that there will be any, but, if you make less, feel free to “offer” not to ask for it).

        If you can reach agreements and just have an attorney do the paperwork, it makes things much, much cheaper. If not, at least you go in knowing what you’re fighting over. If you can’t talk to your husband, at least try to make some educated guesses regarding these things to prepare to meet with the lawyer.

        Good luck to you.

        • Anon in NYC

          +1. I think my mother may have paid about 10k for her divorce because my dad decided to fight everything. This is with 3 grown kids living outside of the house, so there were no custody issues. There were disputes related to 401ks, cash, medical/insurance coverage, the house, personal property like sheets and towels, etc.

          Given your comment below about your soon to be ex, I would think about opening a separate checking account, just in case there is a risk that he’ll clean out your bank accounts.

          • Anon in NYC

            I just wanted to add that I’m really sorry that you have to go through this.

    • PDXK

      We used a collaborative divorce lawyer in Brooklyn, who cost us ~$2500 total. That was with us agreeing 100% on the division of property in advance, but included two rounds of comments from the lawyer he used separately (not sure on cost there) to review and from my friend who reviewed for free.

      • Anonymous

        Thank you all. This is helpful. Nothing lurking other than a soon to be ex who tells me he is taking everything including our savings account….for him and the girlfriend. Awesome. It’s all still a shock. I’ve found a therapist so that should help. NEXT Christmas (2014) will be wonderful.

        • L'eggs

          One thing to keep an eye on is retirement assets (401Ks) and whether either you needs a QDRO. Sorry he’s talking smack, but courts and especially his lawyer will frown a lot on someone who tries to take a ton of joint assets before the paperwork is final. Viva le paper trail.

        • Jules

          No advice on finding an attorney (other than asking any friends who’ve gone through a divorce) but hugs and sympathy on this whole situation — and on finding that your husband has become a doosh.

        • PDXK

          Also, someone posted this on here over a year ago, and I saved it because it was super helpful, so I’m reposting it here for you. (If the author reads this, thank you!)

          “Okay, first off: I am so sorry. I think that people often fail to realize (given how common divorce is) how utterly gut-wrenching it is, especially in the first month or so. I described it as being dragged backward out of hell over broken glass, not because it was particularly acrimonious, but because it was so emotionally devastating. Please take good care of yourself right now.

          My thoughts:
          1) Do not assume that he has or will act in your best interests. When I saw my ex-husband’s first settlement proposal, I realized that we’d gone from a team (seeking the best outcome for our family of two) to competing players, each with their own interests. It shook me, deeply.

          2) I represented myself, but I’m a transactional lawyer and felt completely comfortable negotiating my own settlement. My ex-h had a lawyer, who did the filings, but there were no court appearances required, so the settlement was the heavy lifting and I knew I could handle that. Even though I didn’t have a lawyer, I’d advise you to at least meet with one, and do NOT represent yourself unless you feel 100% okay with all aspects of the process. Once you sign that settlement agreement, you’re bound, so unless you’re confident in both your legal skills with regard to contractual matters and your emotional ability to negotiate against someone you love, get a lawyer.

          3) I got my therapist through my company’s EAP, and she was a lifesaver.

          4) You will feel better sooner than you think. Someone here told me that, and I didn’t believe it…but it was true.

          Good luck.”

          • PDXK

            Divorce sucked a lot. And despite everyone telling me that they were “so impressed” by how well I handled everything, I felt pretty awful for a long time. I’m still sad that he’s not part of my life sometimes, and disappointed in the way he left me, but I will say I did feel better sooner than I thought and I also felt *good* sooner than I thought I would.

          • My Stepkids' Mom

            Re not acting in your best interests anymore: do not let him talk you into “just using one mediator between the two of us and neither one of us needs a lawyer so promise me you won’t hire one.” My husband’s ex-wife did that and then took far more than the 50% to which she was entitled (by CP law, not by dint of her own contributions).

            This is an important transaction in your life, and you need it done properly, by a lawyer, so that it can be done correctly and then be O-V-E-R so you can forget about the legalistic points and move on with your life. If it is done poorly, it can haunt you, and any future partner, for years.

            And, yes, it does get better. It feels like it never can, but then life surprises you, and it does.

          • My Stepkids' Mom

            Also, if you live in a small enough town, it might be worth interviewing a few of the best divorce attorneys in town to conflict them out of representing him.

            Other tidbits we learned the hard way:

            * if one of you buys the other out of the house, the deed AND the mortgage will need to reflect that.
            * if one of you has a pension coming, deal with that now.
            * any obligations that survive the marriage (like,” X must tell Y when X gets a new job and the details of the job”) should be bilateral and should have an end-date
            * if he is high-conflict, the agreement should be as detailed as possible so that there is never any question about wiggle room later. Any wiggle room you leave can and will be used to create a fight later.
            * make sure he has fully disclosed all his assets. DH’s ex-wife hid an entire house that he did not know her mother had purchased for her while they were still married.

          • L'eggs

            To my step kids mom:

            This is not cool: Also, if you live in a small enough town, it might be worth interviewing a few of the best divorce attorneys in town to conflict them out of representing him.

            This forces attorneys to charge a large chunk of the fee they would have earned just to get a meeting with them since people interview divorce attorneys often for this very purpose: not to give them work but to keep them from getting work. Often this keeps people from getting any competent representation, ESPECIALLY in a small town. Or people can’t even talk to an attorney because they won’t pay the 5K-20K initial consultation that is used to weed out people who are trying to do this? Two good attorneys can keep things going, but a bad divorce attorney often impedes the process, especially if their client is of a certain sort. FOOEY on this idea.

          • My Stepkids' Mom

            All valid points. What I’m saying is: if you think he’s going to do this, get there first.

          • Senior Attorney

            This is all good advice.

            I might add, though, that in my case I would change the last item to “You will feel really bad (on and off) for far longer than seems reasonable, especially while the divorce is ongoing and you don’t have closure and can’t make plans. This is normal and to be expected. Please don’t beat yourself for not bouncing right back, especially while the divorce process is ongoing.”

          • Anon

            To “my step kid’s mom” –
            Actually, while it’s good to protect yourself, saying essentially “If he’s going to be an unethical a$$, make sure you’re one first” is really bad advice, both legally (this sort of behavior can REALLY BITE YOU if things go south and someone wants attorney fees) and just ethically.

            It’s just sleazy.

            Not to mention, in many states, it won’t work. The ethical rules in many states (mine included) allow a firm to simply screen the consulted lawyer off the case and still handle it. The rules were changed precisely because of sketchy client behavior like what you just suggested (which incidentally is REALLY unfair to all the lawyers who would be trying to help you while you purposefully screwed them out of the ability to earn a living. Nice).

            Just wow.

        • KLG

          Ugh, so sorry to hear this. If that’s the case you might want to just let the lawyers handle it. If he’s being a jerk, it’s going to cost you a lot more, but it’s probably better than having to talk to him. Not sure what state you’re in but in some states proof of adultery will get you a faster divorce with no waiting period.

          But open up a new individual bank account TODAY and have all of your paychecks start going to that account. (Don’t raid the joint account. If you need to pay bills do so but keep receipts so you can prove that joint money went towards joint expenses).

          Good luck!

          • and anon

            +1
            Go open your bank account for your paycheck.
            Keep track of things, keep a journal or calendar of his hijinks. It can be exhausting keeping track of him and probably gets you worked up, if you put it down on paper it can be therapeutic and also give you some peace of mind that if you need to remember details you can look at your journal instead of replaying scenes in your head constantly.
            Get some recommendations for a good divorce attorney – someone who knows what they are doing and will get the job done properly and timely. Friends, local bar assoc, or check if your local bar does any matri theme CLEs who the presenters were for ideas.
            Get into a lawyer and file something. Things are often the worst just before filing, because it is still a “threat,” that holds a lot of power. Then it can calms down once that summons gets filed and, at least in this jurisdiction, an automatic order goes into effect that says no transferring stuff (beyond paying the regular standard monthly bills) from this point until the judge says so.
            Hang in there, and take care of yourself.

        • OttLobbyist

          So sorry you are going through this. One piece of advice that helped me keep a clear head – try to forget the existence of “the girlfriend”. She doesn’t matter. If he is going after money or benefits that aren’t his, its about him. If you let her lurk in your mind in the context of the legal settlement, no matter how things are divided in the end, you won’t feel like it was fair. Good luck, and take care of you!

          • Anonymous

            Thank you all so very much! I appreciate every response. Hugs to all of you

    • Ellen

      Cat, I love this blouse, but it is to low cut for me to wear to work b/c of FRANK. He would start investigeating what kind of bra I am weareing and whether it was the right color for the shirt, etc, etc, etc, so I will have to pass on this one. Mabye Rosa would like it b/c it is OK if Ed is lookeing, but NOT any one else. FOOEY!

      As for the OP, Divorce can get expensive, particularley if it is contested, meaning in your case if your hubby is a doosh and think’s that his standard of liveing is goieng to go DOWN after you leave b/c you make alot of money and he does NOT and he will have to pay his own OBAMAcare or whatever, b/c you were paying but now you will NOT, etc, etc.

      The manageing partner does some divorces, but he alway’s represent’s men and they are also dooshe’s b/c they want to minimise the amount they have to pay to their exe’s b/c they usueally have new women to support. FOOEY b/c the women themselves can be dispensed with by these same peeople in a few year’s for even newer model’s. That is how the manageing partner wound up with Margie–there was some kind of pay off to Margie’s ex so that the manageing partner could have her and marry her. I do NOT know what ever happened the manageing partner’s first wife. She ocasionally calls the manageing partner when she needs some thing — she live’s somewhere NEAR the HAMTONS, but never remarried. I heard from Frank that she did NOT like the manageing partner’s late nite work (which I think involved Margie, but I am not sure).

      So anyway, hug’s to you and I hope you get a good divorce lawyer who will make sure that you get out of your mess with as LITTEL DIFICULTY as possible, and that you find a new, GOOD GUY to MARRY, b/c that is what I am also lookeing for.

      Willem texted me today and he also want’s to out this week. I am to busy right now to think b/c I have to figure out more about VIKRAM and get alot smarter about SRI LANKA. So far, I have googeled it and am learning alot about it. I do NOT think I want to live there if we get married, tho. It is NOT at all like NYC, so mabye this is why VIKRAM came here to live. I will find out more from Myrna when she talk’s to her freind. YAY!!!!!!

      • Kanye East

        there was some kind of pay off to Margie’s ex so that the manageing partner could have her and marry her.(emphasis added)

        omg

        Manageing Partner: Human Trafficker?

    • preg 3L

      A really great attorney will make you feel comfortable, and will understand how emotionally difficult this is. Big hugs. If you post your city, I’m sure someone will take you out for a drink!

    • Dulcinea

      Posted this in the wrong place earlier: Someone else mentioned that whatever you work out with regard to the house has to be reflected on both the deed and the mortgage. I happen to know a bit about that topic so I want to expand a little. Basically, if one of you wants to keep the house, s/he will most likely need to “assume the note” as well. IE, this is how you get the other person’s name off the monthly mortgage statements and absolves themself of liability for the debt.

      If this is done pursuant to a court order (like when the court apporves your divorce settlement agreement and enters it as an order of the court) , the banks are supposed to automatically allow the assumption (subject to some very specific exceptions) without regard to that person’s income/assets/ability to pay. HOWEVER, banks are very reluctant to do so in most cases and it can be a serious fight, *especially* if the person assuming also wants a modification. So, just be prepared for that and be sure to get specific documentation about it; you can discuss this with your lawyer. ( I work on mortgage issues and assumption is constantly a problem even when the law compels it).

  5. Sydney Bristow

    Just booked my first trip to Europe! We will be visiting Brussels (2 nights), Amsterdam (4 nights), and probably Cologne (2 nights) in April. We have Amsterdam and surrounding areas covered because we are visiting my boyfriend’s sister and her husband who live there. What should we make sure to do/see/eat in Brussels and Cologne? Any recommendations on where to stay? I’m so excited!

    • Cb

      So much fun! Frites in Place Jourdan in Brussels for sure, you can take your cone to a bar and have a vodka tonic + fries dinner (err….I may have done this a lot). Brussels is a nice wandering around city but I’ve never found it to have loads of ‘must see’ attractions. If you want to venture afield (quick, reasonably cheap train) a day trip to Brugge is definitely worth it. Antwerp surprised me, I was there a few weeks ago for a meeting and expected to pop in and pop out but ended up spending the whole day wandering, it’s really elegant.

      I’ve had good luck with AirBnB, I stayed in a nice studio in St Giles in Brussels. Much better than the big hotels which cater to Eurocrats.

      • LK

        +1 day trip to Brugge from Brussels. Brugge is so picturesque and was definitely the highlight of Belgium for me. We did a canal boat tour while in Brugge which was a nice way to tour the city. My only food/drink recommendation is to eat the waffles and drink lots of Belgium beer.

      • Bloom

        I am going to have to counter the Frites Jourdan recommendation and say Flagey has the best frites in town! But they are all delicious of course. I love the Magritte museum in Brussels as well.

      • Alice

        + 1 to Antwerp. And to Brugges, but I didn’t expect to love Antwerp, and I did.

        • Cb

          Lovely, right? As a politics person, I was a bit icked out about adoring the powerbase of the far-right but I’m totally doing my next stint of fieldwork there.

    • AN

      Go to Brugge…I recommend 1-2 days there. Also, if I were you, I’d skip Cologne and go to Heidelberg.
      Also, visit Delft from Amsterdam.

    • AN

      Oh the high speed Thalys train from Amsterdam-Paris takes just 3 hrs. You may want to go to gay Paree!!

  6. Double-Bingo

    I’m attending a mediation tomorrow. I’ll be the youngest lawyer there (likely by 10+ years) and only woman except the mediator, a retired judge who favors skirt suits and heels. Should I:
    a. Wear a skirt suit, with a jacket that needs to be taken in a bit, and heels.
    b. Wear a pant suit, which fits perfectly, but pants are tailored for flats.
    c. Stop overthinking this.

    ? TIA.

    • mascot

      a & c. I tell myself that judges who are set in their ways about skirt suits probably also have strong opinions about dark suit/white shirt/conservative tie/polished shoes for the male attorneys.

      • Diana Barry

        +1, unless the jacket is really giant. I frequently wear jackets that are a little too big – better than tight.

    • Anon

      Since you’re going to be the junior-most person, it’s unlikely that the mediator will notice what you’re wearing. I would focus instead on dressing to make a good impression on your bosses, which sounds like the well-fitting pants suit.

      (Unless you’re doing the mediation solo — in that case, disregard this advice.)

    • saltylady

      She may favor skirt suits because that’s what fits her body better– I know a few older women like that (and younger, too). So I wouldn’t assume you need to. Just dress conservative/understated.

    • I am a banana.

      Wear the suit that fits you and that you feel good in. Mediation is much more casual than court. I also think its one of the funner parts of lawyering because you get to advocate in a more relaxed setting. Good luck!

  7. kjoirishlastname

    Anyone know anything about intellectual property rights? I have a design in mind for a t-shirt for a larger brand, and they don’t often solicit designs. I would hate to send them something, only for them to basically use my design and call it their own, saying that they’d had it in the works, or something similar. I don’t think they’d do that, but I want to be sure. How would you go about doing this?

    • TBK

      This is very much NOT legal advice, in large part because I’m very much not an IP lawyer, but it seems to me that the design would fall under copyright (as opposed to patent or other types of protection). To register your copyright (which is the only way to protect it) you pay a fee and send a form to the US Copyright Office. Look online and you should find the instructions.

    • CountC

      What TBK said. I also am not an IP attorney, but I have quickly copyrighted things through the US Copyright Office website. They have an online process that is cheap and quick. You don’t want to deal with patenting something unless you really need it!

      • TBK

        Also, a patent protects something different from what a copyright protects. If it’s a work of art, design, music, poem, novel, etc., the way you protect it is to get a copyright. I’m not sure exactly how you’d even go about patenting, say, a poem. (Unless you were patenting some method of creating the poem?)

        • CountC

          I don’t think you can patent a poem. I meant to also agree with you in that what she is trying to protect is not patentable, but is copyrightable :)

    • Not really true

      Just to point out that you do not need to register something with the USCO for it to be copyrighted. It is copyrighted (if it’s copyrightable subject matter) when it’s fixed in a tangible medium of expression. But if you want to litigate, then you have to register. Registration also affects the amount of damages you can get.

    • Alanna of Trebond

      If I had to guess, the t-shirt company probably has someone unconnected to their design team who will send back your design without looking at it to avoid precisely this issue — they do not want any future designs to be open to litigation from you.

  8. Charitable Solicitations

    I am getting solicited by a partner on behalf his client’s pet charity. I don’t work for this client and I don’t work for him or even in his group. Our firm already has 3 official drives it does in my office: United Way, one other, and a legal fund. We get some e-mails (such and such is a local worthy cause, please support this 5K), but they are friendly and either graciously welcomed with $5 or so or are easily deleted with no hard feelings. The strong-arm solicitation is rubbing me so terribly the wrong way that I am fantasizing about being candid and wordy when I say no (so I am saying so here): NO, NON, NYET.

    • Anon

      Funny, I just got a solicitation on behalf of a pet charity set up by opposing counsel. The partner on the case said we should tell them we’ll make a donation if their client pays what he owes our client!

  9. AIMS

    A shopping PSA. Saks Fashion Fix has a lot of coats and trenchcoats on super duper sale right now. Specifically a bunch of Cinzia Rocca on huge markdown (I just bought a $1400 wool/cashmere coat for $256), and a ton of colorful Via Spiga trenches for $40-50 dollars. There are also quite a few very light packable jackets from Rainforest for as low as $21, and a bunch of Elie Tahari coats inc. leather ones super marked down, too. All random sizes, of course, but a fairly good selection as of this morning.

    Whew! I feel like an ad just now, but I seriously wanted to share. Taking all my willpower not to buy everything. Free shipping with code holiday, too, btw.

    • LilyB

      thanks for the heads up! Got a gorgeous Cinzia Rocca coat for my mom for Christmas (was almost $1k, got it for like $150), a Badgley Mishka coat for myself, and a beautiful pair of black suede heels.

    • LilyB

      out of curiosity, the holiday code provides for free returns, but I can’t figure out if the fashion fix merchandise can be returned, and if so, is it a store credit or refund? And what is the time period?

      • AIMS

        Not sure about the time period (probably 30 days like regular Saks), but it can be returned by mail. I feel like I have also returned stuff to the Off Fifth stores but I may be thinking of NM Last Call. Either way, you should be good.

    • Niktaw

      Thank you! I had an additional 10% off code and got a beautiful Cinzia Rocca coat for $217 and a cashmere sweater for $26.
      I have a very unusual and pretty coat that I’ve worn for 7 years and it clearly needs to be retired. Very happy that I have finally found a worthy replacement.

    • Jules

      I just bought a trench and a rain jacket. And a watch and a pair of gloves . . .

      Thanks, Aims!

    • Anonymous

      Yay bright blue Via Spiga for $25! And free shipping and returns with the code HOLIDAY!

      Thanks!

    • Flying Squirrel

      Weird, I don’t see an outerwear sale when I go to the FashionFix page (and I haven’t gotten today’s FF email yet either).

      • AIMS

        Its not an official sale for some reason. But I was just looking under apparel –> outerwear and noticed a TON of stuff marked down. They also have a bunch of other random stuff on sale. I bought an open flyaway cashmere cardigan from their store brand for $31. You just need to poke around.

    • NYC

      You guys are the worst influences. I had never been to that feature of saks. I got 2 cashmere sweaters and a pair of hanky pankys for $100.

  10. Best wedding you ever went to?

    I’m trying to get ideas for how to make a wedding a really enjoyable experience for the guests. What was the best wedding you ever went to and what made it so great? I think the best ones I’ve gone to have had (essentially) unlimited beer and wine, decent food, and good dancing, but there must be other considerations I’m not taking into account. Thanks in advance!

    • Diana Barry

      My wedding was my favorite. :) Our ceremony had great music and was just the right length. At the reception we had really awesome food and wine and cake. I don’t like dancing so there was none of that – it was essentially like a giant dinner party. We had a jazz trio playing.

      I would say the #1 thing I don’t like about most weddings is that the music is TOO DARN LOUD. You can’t hear what anyone is saying and it hurts my ears. Not cool.

      • PolyD

        YESYESYESYESYES!!!! I thought I was the only one who hated this. I often end up spending lots of time in the bathroom just to get away from the horrible noise. If you want people to interact with each other, DON’T HAVE LOUD MUSIC!!

        This is a major, major peeve of mine. Weddings are often the only time you get to see distant relatives or friends and if you can’t even have a nice conversation with them over dinner, what’s the point? I have found myself actively wishing NOT to be invited to some weddings, or seriously considering not going, because of the loud music. I don’t understand why anyone would want to sit and stare blankly at the people around them (because you certainly can’t hear them even if they try to talk to you) while that horrible “Living on a Prayer” song is played at peak volume.

        Wow, I’m getting angry just thinking about this. If someone could tell me why weddings and restaurants (not a bar, not a club, just a regular sit-down restaurant) need to play music so loud it impedes conversation, I’d love to hear it. I just don’t get this at all.

        I usually also find weddings way too cold, I think the thermostat is set for men in suits and the bridal party in heavy synthetic gowns. But that’s not as bad as the loud music.

        I went to a wedding this summer that had us seated at long tables, sort of Waltons-style, and the food was brought out on big platters, about one platter per 6-8 people. I really liked this – I could help myself to more of the really delicious corn and tomato salad and my BF could eat lots of chicken. I found this much more fun and interactive than plated meals.

    • AIMS

      My favorite weddings have had actually good food, a good bar and live music. But ultimately whether I had a great time depended on me and the people there. I wouldn’t go nuts trying to plan the best wedding ever. Just focus on being a gracious host in terms of how do plan things and try to enjoy your event.

    • TO Lawyer

      Good food, not too many inside jokes in all the speeches/toasts, not too many speeches/toasts at all, for the dinner, try to make sure to seat people with people they will enjoy sitting with (I’m sure this is a fairly difficult task but I’ve been to weddings with insanely awkward seating plans). Basically try to make your guests feel welcome and make sure that as the bride, you go around the reception to each table to say thank you to your guests for coming – I always think that’s a nice touch.

      • Lynnet

        Or no assigned seats. I hate assigned seats. Why, why are they necessary? Usually everyone there is an adult, they can pick out their own seat like a big kid.

        • Sadie

          Cut some slack to assigned seats. A lot of couples have divorced parents and some VERY complicated family dynamics. The assigned seats are often to keep very specific people very far apart. But since you can’t exactly just assign Aunt Sally a seat, you have to assign EVERYONE.

        • Anon

          As someone who loves planning social dynamics, my wedding will likely be the only time I can really force people into a seating chart (even though I dream of regularly assigning seats to everyone all the time), and I will love it.

          Anyone who knows me, knows how much joy I will get from assigning seats.

      • MH

        Respectfully disagree. I love the toasts. I always think it’s weird and kind of anticlimactic when there are really short or impersonal toasts.

        • Ginjury

          +1 to that. I want to be brought to tears by the toasts even if I barely know the bride/groom. It’s my favorite part.

        • Platinomad

          +1 I cried recently at a casual friends wedding because of how beautiful her younger sister’s MOH speech was…

    • roses

      I really love weddings where every guest feels like they are a part of the couple’s special experience, instead of placeholders in a big generic party. All of the appetizer stations, dessert bars, premium liquor and live bands in the world can’t compare to having the couple talk with you for a bit and enjoy themselves on the dance floor. I also think it helps when the ceremony and reception reflect the personalities of the couple – this doesn’t necessarily mean cutesy pinterest-y crafts, but more like the atmosphere (music, food, number of people) jives with the type of people the marrying couple is. I know that this isn’t always possible because of family expectations, etc. (and I’ve had fun at giant generic weddings too!), but the ones where the couple’s personalities shone through are most memorable for me.

      • Sydney Bristow

        I second the point about the ceremony and reception reflecting who the couple is. I recently went to an amazing wedding where everything about it so completely fit who they were from the music used to walk down the aisle, the words of the ceremony itself, the reception venue was their favorite restaurant (a supper club with fun entertainment), etc. Those are the things that made it fun for me. We were put at a table with people who shared similar interests, which was also great because we had great people to talk to all night.

        More in line with what you asked, the food was delicious, they had an open bar, the ceremony was a few blocks away from the reception, and the music was good and danceable but it wasn’t awkward for the people who didn’t dance. It was also great getting a few chances to talk to the bride and groom instead of just seeing them for a few seconds while they made the rounds.

      • SC

        + 1000! I have loved weddings of all budgets where the couple was having a great time together and with their guests, and the wedding felt like a reflection of their personalities. Bonus points if guests, especially those who only know one of the people getting married, can feel like they’re getting to know the couple.

        On the other hand, I recently went to an expensive wedding in a beautiful location, with open bar and great food and live band. The entire reception felt like a series of photo ops that the bride and groom rushed to and from, and the couple seemed unhappy and spent absolutely no time together besides the “mandatory” first dance, cake cutting, etc. It was pretty awkward, and we left early.

        So enjoy the planning process, make decisions based on your personalities, and at the reception be warm hosts who love each other and the friends and families who came to the wedding to support them.

    • Lady Tetra

      My favorite wedding was done on a pretty small budget. The couple spent most of the money on the food, drink and reception venue. They bought their own flowers at a farmers market and asked a few friends to help put together playlists and run the reception. It was really cool that they had a close friend MCing because he really cared about the couple. I also agree with AIMS that it really depends on the people there as much as anything else.

    • Anonymous

      To me the best weddings have a good dj/music and a lot of dancing, open bar, edible food. This includes lower lighting to set the mood to dance. The food doesn’t have to be out of this world, but make sure there is enough food (the worst wedding I was at was where everyone was starving because they only had cheese/crackers/raw veggies for a 6 hour reception over dinner hours). Not too many speeches/toasts, and not too many designated dances (keep the father/bride and groom/mother dance short. You can even combine them. No dollar dance. Limit the “choreographed” song dances).

    • LizNYC

      The best weddings I’ve ever attended required me, as a guest, to do very little — I didn’t have to travel long distances between the ceremony and the reception (like 30+ minutes or more) or wait an eternity between both. I either sat with people I knew or who were easy to talk to if I didn’t know them. The bar was open all night and easy to get to (and it had at least beer and wine and a fancy cocktail or two — I don’t need a full bar, personally). The music was present and continuous, but not overwhelming (as in, I didn’t feel like I was in a club).

      And most importantly, the couple looked like they were having fun, their families were having fun, they were relaxed and there wasn’t this “it’s 6:15, must be the first dance; it’s 6:25, it must be the first course served NOW.” The most uncomfortable weddings I’ve been to were ones where the couple/families looked like “if we just get through this day…”

      • Best wedding you ever went to?

        Agree – that’s the other thing I should’ve mentioned in my post. Weddings where you don’t have to travel forever between the ceremony and reception are SO nice (especially if there’s no waiting period).

    • kjoirishlastname

      The food. I think if you do great on the food, it will set the stage for a good time. I hate going to weddings with mediocre (or worse) food. It just ruins the whole thing for me. We also weren’t into dancing–we did first dance & father/daughter, but that was it. We mixed our own CDs for music (we had a DJ friend help us–we did softer/smoother music for the cocktail hour, and then mixed it up with what we liked. 2-3 upbeat songs for every chill song, and boy was it a mix!

      Ours was also small enough that we could mingle with everyone at some point. I didn’t feel rushed, or stuffy & formal. Part of it was that it was at my aunt & uncle’s home, outside in the summer evening. Our guests changed into shorts after the ceremony, and despite being 2+ hours away from home (for the ones traveling back home at night), everyone stayed till the bitter end, which was probably close to midnight. That told me a lot about how much fun folks were having. We had open seating at round tables, and everyone eventually just mingled around the tables & the yard with sparklers.

    • ITDS

      Good logistics. Enough parking spaces at the ceremony and reception locations, or transport provided from one to the other if that makes more sense. Warning in the invitation if guests will be outdoors, especially on grass, so we can choose our shoes carefully. Easy access to food and drink. Comfortable temperature – rent those tent heaters in New England in October.

    • Romey

      I’m biased, but my own wedding was the best wedding ever. :) These were some of the items that I feel made it great for the guests:

      1. Open premium bar, and we also paid additional for an extra bartender b/c personally I hate having to wait in extremely long lines at weddings for drinks.
      2. Really good food – my hubby and I are pretty into food so we made sure there was plenty of good food – not like, hot dogs (no offense to hot dogs!)
      3. Provided transportation for guests from ceremony to reception venue. I definitely appreciate weddings that have shuttle buses or other transportation. We also gave it a special touch by providing wine, beer and water on the buses (it was a 30 min drive).
      4. We had a lot of people our age there (20-30’s) so we picked a DJ who would really “get the party started”. He was awesome and I loved that everyone was on the dance floor essentially all night.
      5. Lots of people told us how seamless everything was. You know sometimes there’s awkward breaks or moments where people just stand around not knowing whether it’s cake cutting time or whether you should sit down – but our wedding coordinator was so helpful and there were seamless transitions from one thing to the next.
      6. We had a photo booth. I know these are kind of played out but people have SO much fun with them. We also had the kind where the pictures printed out immediately and people could go in there unlimited times.

      Aside from my own, I think one of the best weddings I’ve been to was one where there was open bar, good food, and lots of fun dancing. And no corny wedding music!

      • LizNYC

        I had a “no hot dogs” rule for my wedding — in that I didn’t want one of my passed apps to be c**ktail weenies since I don’t like them personally. Then my father declared that those were his favorite. So we had them. Then he told me he didn’t eat any *headdesk*

    • espresso bean

      I think everyone’s covered it, but I just wanted to add that it’s very thoughtful of you to think of your guests this way! Just the fact that you’re thinking of them and their needs means it’s going to be a great event.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      (1) Good food.

      (2) Plentiful, free, quality booze.

      (3) Good music/dancing (please, PLEASE know your audience – I went to a suburban NY wedding where the only thing played the entire night was country music, and the ONLY country fans in the whole party were the bride, her parents, and certain limited cousins on that side of the family – it was exactly zero fun to watch bride and her select special few line dance for four hours. 2-3 line dances probably would’ve been tolerable, but to basically exclude 85% of your guests from the only activity available for the entire evening based on the bride’s personal preference was pretty d@mned rude and self-indulgent).

      (4) Photo Booth – it’s a great activity for folks who don’t dance, and gives people a reason to get up and mingle instead of just sitting at their table the whole night.

      (5) A thoughtfully organized seating chart. There is nothing worse than the mad rush to the doors that occurs when there’s no seating as everyone fights over tables. I feel like this is one where people think they’re being “cool” and “relaxed,” but really, they’re just shifting an annoying burden (figuring out who sits where) from the hosts to the guests, which is poor host etiquette, IMHO.

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        Oh! And (6) Minimal show-offy interruptions. One parent dance each, one or two short toasts, and maybe one or two family/cultural tradition-type-things (garter/bouquet toss comes to mind from my own social circle, but I’m sure there are others), and then please let your guests just enjoy themselves. Four hours (typical reception length around here) isn’t as long as you think it is, and it can get really boring for guests when there are multiple parent dances, plus multiple tradition-things, plus ultra-long (or ultra-numerous) toasts, plus a bridal party flash mob/choreographed dance number, plus you and your dad acting out your favorite Broadway musical number, plus your groom and his friends putting on a skit for you, plus a 20-minute slideshow of your and your H set to sappy love music…. you get the idea (and yes, I’ve seen ALL of these things done at weddings).

        • Anon

          “plus you and your dad acting out your favorite Broadway musical number”

          Please tell me this was Fiddler’s “Matchmaker”

          • Em

            Yeah, I think Fiddler is really only the appropriate choice here, though there’s a variety of songs that would work.

          • Killer Kitten Heels

            Dancing Queen. It had nothing to do with anything. And it was terrible. I can’t even describe.

        • angela

          + 10000

          if I see any more than 30 minutes if ‘look how great we are’, I call a cab, relative or not

      • AnnonFoo

        Photo booth with props are awesome ! It was so much fun at my college roommate’s wedding, we got some great pictures with old college friends.

    • TBK

      One thing I did for mine that people still thank me for was I bought a bunch of cheap flipflops, in a variety of sizes but all in a color from our wedding, from Old Navy and put them in a pretty basket on the dance floor. About an hour in, most of the women had kicked off their heels and were dancing with happy feet. Plus people took theirs home and tell me they still use them for the gym showers/garden/etc.

      Overall, the best weddings I’ve been to have been those where there was just so much love among everyone there. For example, weddings where everyone is brought to tears by the parents’ toasts because you can just feel how much they love their new son/daughter-in-law, weddings where the music system has broken (two weddings I’ve been to) and everyone just takes over and starts singing because they’re so happy to be together dancing, or weddings where the families make some meaningful gesture to the new in-laws (e.g., my friend’s wedding – Jewish American bride and Christian Scottish groom — where her brother wore the groom’s late father’s kilt and all the men, including the groom and his relatives, wore yalmulkes in the groom’s tartan).

    • saltylady

      Can’t recall a favorite, but for me, it’s the timing– gotta keep things moving. I don’t like it when the main course doesn’t come out until 11pm, yet I’ve been at this event since like 5. Lots of alcohol and good music. I personally like it when the ceremony is at the same location as the reception but obviously that doesn’t work for everyone.

    • B

      I hate the trend of not doing assigned seating, because we often end up sitting with people we have nothing in common with. I realize it is really hard on the bride and a lot of work to do assigned seating, but that effort is so worth it to either make sure a group of friends all gets to sit together, or if you won’t know anyone else there, that the bride has gone out of her way to seat you with people she thinks you will get along with. I havee been to two weddings this year where I really didn’t enjoy the reception because the group I knew from school all sat together, but there wasn’t enough room for all of us, so I got stuck with really random family of the groom.

    • Seventh Sister

      Apart from my own wedding, my sister’s Vegas wedding was awesome since she had planned everything very well in advance. The guests (@ 30 of us) didn’t have to wait around for things, there was copious booze, music and food at the reception, and everything was very casual and chill.

      At my own wedding (much more traditional), we really tried to cut down on the waiting around for stuff, and printed the directions to the reception venue on the wedding program. Also (and this was a big expense) we deliberately picked a nearby reception venue instead one that was farther away and would have been much, much cheaper.

    • Miz Swizz

      I agree with everything mentioned so far and I want to add: if you’re planning on having an outdoor ceremony or reception, please make sure you’ve planned for unseasonably cold or hot weather. I went to an outdoor wedding in October that was about 20 degrees below the usual temperature and the couple/venue had heat lamps and it was wonderful to stand near them when I was cold. I’ve also been to a wedding in a Catholic church in July that didn’t have air conditioning and despite them handing out small fans to guests, it was too hot and stuffy in there for that long of a ceremony.

    • LLBMBA

      I was at a wedding as a date of a guest, and knew the couple only superficially. On te placecards, they had actually written individual notes to each guest (including me) saying how wonderful it was that we were there, etc. It was really lovely.

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s great you are thinking so much about your guests! Just wanted to pipe in though that I think the sort of cultural shift of rating, comparing, ranking, pros and connings of weddings is starting to grate. I blame it on tv shows. but after weddings I feel like my friends go through and talk about what they liked and didn’t like as though we had just been to a restaurant or a broadway show. aren’t these your friends? isn’t this a life milestone and not something you bought tickets to attend? I feel like it adds so much stress to wedding planning when everyone is so critical.

      • MH

        Agree, a lot of the points above are very helpful, and give some context about what people think when they attend weddings, but take them with a grain of salt. Ultimately you should plan the party you want. Guests will respond well if you’re having fun. If you want to have 10 toasts, just do it! So what if some people get annoyed, others will appreciate the fact that you asked them to speak. If you have multiple people that you want to do a special dance with, do it! Same rationale as above. It’s hard to be a guest that isn’t in the “in” group at a wedding – I just went through that a few weekends ago. But, I was happy to be there and was happy to see my friends having fun and surrounded by close friends and family that they hadn’t seen in a long time.

        Also, some of these suggestions are really expensive. If you can afford to have a completely open bar with high quality booze, large amounts of delicious food, transportation for your guests to and from the wedding, a great DJ, photo booth, etc., then definitely do it. They certainly add great things to the party. But, if you can’t afford all or some of those things, don’t worry. Your party will still be fun if you’re having fun.

        I think the only *musts* are:
        – Some free booze (wine or beer at least) – it’s expected that there will be some booze at weddings, so even if you never drink, try to have something there
        – Enough food for all the guests and served at a reasonable time
        – Good logistics – parking, clean bathrooms (and enough of them), good directions, clear invitations (dress code, timing, registry information)
        – Music needs to be loud enough, and the dance floor needs to be the right size (not too small, not too big)
        – Temperature control – shady areas if your wedding is in the middle of summer, heat lamps if outside during a cooler month
        – Have someone MC the wedding – you need to call guests’ attention to toasts, first dance, cake cutting, etc.

    • Aria

      I’ve never been married, but one of my plans is to make sure it’s affordable for my guests. It’s most likely that most of my friends will have to travel to my wedding (I move cross country about every two years, so there’s no longer a central location), so I’d like to get married somewhere where I could rent out a house/villa or two and tell a group of friends that the house(s) is theirs for free for the weekend. There have been a few weddings that I’ve opted not to go to because of the price tag involved – if I have to fly to your wedding and you get married somewhere where the hotels are $300+ per night and I need a rental car, all that starts to add up really quickly and can dampen the fun.

  11. not to out myself here...

    Whew:

    Just have to say, last night the managing partner in our small firm came in and told me that in about three weeks they are laying off the other associate and we worked out how much of his caseload I could take on.
    We’ve all known this was coming, and he’s made several mistakes that really support this termination, but I sort of which they hadn’t told me in advance of telling HIM. He (associate) just told me that wife is pregnant with their third child. Now it’s really awkward and sad inside of my head when I see him.

    • Awkward

      At my last job I had a similar situation. My boss called me into a meeting to let me know he was firing a coworker and to ask if I could take on the workload. When he called me in I joked to the about to be fired coworker and another coworker (we were all close work friends) that I must be getting fired, of course not knowing what the conversation was about. When I came back, boss called down about to be fired coworker and the other coworker said, “Now you are about to be fired coworker,” and they both laughed. As soon as about to be fired coworker left, I told other co-worker what was happening. We both felt AWFUL! She didn’t say anything about the comments when she left, she knew we were joking, but we still felt really bad.

    • Anonymous

      No advice, but I’m in a similar position. A senior person in my group is working very hard to get the powers that be to fire my closest coworker. I would like to help the to-be-fired coworker to fix the problems that are leading to the termination, but I really don’t want to get in the middle of it, somehow let on that I know, or cross the senior person (who I need to have a good relationship with). And I still have to work with this person for the foreseeable future. It’s a tough spot to be in.

  12. Lo & Sons OMG Bag

    Anyone interested in buying the OMG bag in navy? I didn’t realize thLo & Sons does not ship to Canada and feel sorry for you Canadian gals! I have the OG and the OMG is too close in size to be much different so I was getting ready to return it to Lo & Sons. Post your email address if you are interested otherwise I plan to ship it back tomorrow.

  13. Portable humidifier?

    Can any of you wise ladies recommend a portable humidifier? I’m already suffering from the dry air and I’d love something I could use in my office and also take with me when I go to stay with family for the holidays, etc. thanks!!!

  14. espresso bean

    Thoughts on high-deductible insurance plans through your company? I’m considering switching to one (still PPO), but I’m nervous, since I’ve always had a regular PPO. From what I can tell, you have to get comfortable with confronting the actual costs of your care — so much with regular PPOs happens on the back end that you never really see what your visits cost.

    • Terry

      I think for the young and healthy (and comfortably compensated) this can be a great fit! If you haven’t been to the doctor in a few years (aside from regularly scheduled maintanence) and could afford a large deductible if something catastrophic happens, you’ll probably save money.

    • anon-oh-no

      i switched last year and i think its great. the premiums are much lower, so you have saved money on the front end. then there should be an out of pocket cap — and rx and dr visits all go towards the deductible. plus, there is usually a family deduct., but also an individual one within that (so if the family is $5K, the individual may be $1500 and once that individual has hit that #, no more paying for him/her)

    • WestCoast Lawyer

      Depending on how high the deductible is, this can also be a good deal if you have kids who tend to run up expenses fairly quickly. We can comfortably pay the deductible and it’s so nice to know that once that is covered the plan pays 100%.

      • preg 3L

        This is a good point — our high deductible PPO plan covers 80% once we hit the deductible. Also, if you end up incurring surprise medical expenses, you can then contribute (aggressively if necessary) to your HSA and get the benefit of paying your medical expenses with pre-tax money.

    • Orangerie

      I switched from PPO to a high deductible plan last year and I love it. My company contributes a generous amount to a health savings annually that has covered all of my expenses so far, with a decent chunk of money leftover.

      I’m not sure how much I’d like it if I had to front all of the money myself, but if you’re young and relatively healthy it shouldn’t cost you much at all. Just be diligent about having an emergency fund to cover the deductible should something terrible happen.

    • preg 3L

      We have one (made the decision to go with high-deductible before we made the decision to start TTC…). It’s very difficult for me, as the insurance is through my DH & his work, because every last test/visit feels like a potentially unnecessary expense. Overall, I think we’re saving money (even including the surprise fees and the one ER visit that every first-time-pregnancy seems to cause). The main thing is to be very up front when making appointments, so that you know what’s going to be covered and what won’t. It’s causing us to spend more time on the phone with health insurance than we otherwise would, but I’m definitely learning a lot and there seems to be a fairly short/quick learning curve. (E.g., now I know that for a doc visit, I need to call and get the procedure code, then I call the lab with to find out the insurance code, then I call the insurance and find out the cost, then I call the doc back if I need to cancel the visit or change the scheduled test.) If you’re not going to get pregnant, go for it! :)

    • Emmabean

      I would suggest looking at the last few years and seeing what kind of medical care you’ve had. I have a high-deductible plan right now, and while I am young and healthy, in the last two years, I have had to spend thousands on medical care. The first year it was a biopsy on my thyroid (all fine now, but an important precaution), and the second year it was a sports injury that needed physical therapy.

      So, my point is, even if you’re young and healthy, you may incur some incidental costs. I don’t have any health savings accounts or anything, so I had to pay it all myself. Now that I have an opportunity to change my health insurance (new job next month), I will get a lower deductible plan.

    • Sparrow

      We have a high-deductible plan through my husband’s work and it works great for us. No kids. So far we have yearly visits for physicals and OBGYN visits for me.

      We also have an HSA. The company will make deposits into the HSA each year for completing certain tasks – biometric screening, online health assessment. My husband also puts money into the HSA each paycheck. Any of the medical expenses are paid out of the HSA, so we don’t feel the crunch of it coming out of our regular checking account.

    • MJ

      My firm forced us to do this for CY2013. It was a blow, in that I had major medical expenses planned for 2013. So…if you are doing this, hit all your doctors now, and stock up on all your prescriptions now. Also, make sure that your firm couples this type of PPO with an HSA, and then max your savings in there. HSAs are not use-it-or-lose it, so if you set up a deduction, you will have the money in there to meet your deductible and feel comfortable going to the doctor.

      Also, I would NOT switch over if you know you are the type that is reluctant to go to the doctor….it was much harder for me to “justify” going to the doctor when I knew that I would have to pay $300 for an office visit, out of pocket (until I hit my deductible and my firm kicked in). It really did color my decisions to seek healthcare, and not in a good way, IMHO.

    • ADL

      I just went through the exercise with one of my coworkers of high deductible plan or “regular” plan, and am a huge advocate for the high deductible plan for those who are young and healthy. My advice: (1) you have to be prepared upfront to pay the total deductible – mentally and financially. I always say, what happens if you get hit by the bus? can I pay for my costs associated with medical care? (2) Put the max into the HSA account per pay period – because the HSA you can take with you and it rolls over year to year. (3) Count up the total costs (not just your copays – but the cost submitted by the physician to your insurance company – get our your explanation of benefits papers for each visit) of your health care this past year – doctors visits and prescriptions. It might equal your deductible and you’ll find you are actually better off with the high deductible plan, in saving money from your premium and then in the copayment amounts after you’ve met your deductible. (4) Finally, your preventative visits to PCP and OBGYN have no copayment, so if that’s who you go visit each year, so I definitely suggest high deductible plan.

  15. Mrs Q

    I’m lusting after the Black Halo Jackie O dress – does anyone know if these ever go on sale on the flash sites? Nordstrom has them on sale now, but not in my size (8 or 10) and I’d like to buy one before the holiday season.

    • posey

      If you are really in love, chat with an online rep and they might be able to locate your size in a store, and have that store send it to you.

  16. Invisalign Express

    How much should this cost? My NYC dentist’s office quoted me $4,000 while my friend in NJ got his treatment done for $3,200.

    And does anyone know if you can use FSA to pay for Care Credit payments? I will wind up calling my health insurance company even though they don’t cover adult orthodontics at all.

    I shouldn’t be surprised my snaggletooth repair would be so expensive….

    • saltylady

      Not sure about Invisalign express, but I would go for a consult with an orthodontist. I know dentists can do it, but for that much money (my full blown regular invisalign was $6K), I want an expert. And thank god I did because she had to do some weird stuff at the end with my fixed retainer.

      • Invisalign Express

        I did consult with the orthodontist (my dentist’s office has various specialist that come in different days of the week). They quoted $6k for the full blown Invisalign.

    • wildkitten

      Ask your FSA administrator. I turn in my receipts with the service, date, and cost, and then get a check, which is money for me. I can then use that money to pay back Care Credit. Some companies directly pay for the services from the FSA, not through reimbursements, that then it wouldn’t work but you wouldn’t need Care Credit in the first place.

  17. Anon

    Are there any attorneys out there who have gone into management consulting? I’m thinking about making the change, but am wondering what that change looks like. Also, what kind of law did you practice and how much experience did you have with things like financial modeling/other quant stuff? TIA!

  18. recent grad

    Not sure if this has been discussed before, but can anyone recommend a credit card that they love? I am in the market for a new card. I have very good credit, and would like a card with some good perks. I plan to put normal expenses on this card, groceries, drugstore purchases, gym membership, and pay it off monthly. Thanks!

    • mascot

      For me, the best perk is a cash rebate. If you travel a lot, miles or hotel rewards may be better. I have a card that gives you points you can redeem for random stuff and I find redemption to be a pain. Plus, points/dollars ratio is ridiculous.

    • OCAssociate

      I love the AmEx blue. No annual fees, cash back, and once you hit a certain threshold, the cash back % goes up. Only issue is the places that don’t take AmEx.

      • Anonymous

        +2 I’ve had mine for 3 or 4 years and have loved it. I put every purchase on it that I can and pay it off each month. The rewards are fairly significant and you can cash them in for a statement credit.

        I do the Blue Cash

    • Merabella

      I’m interested in this myself. Where do you even begin with looking for this?

    • KLG

      We got the Capital One Venture card and have enjoyed using it for travel rewards. We’ve used it for 6 flights, hotel stays, and a few other miscellaneous things. It works well for us because my husband didn’t grow up taking an annual vacation like I did so the travel rewards help us compromise on an acceptable vacation budget.

    • CountC

      There are websites that let you compare the various rewards cards. As the others have said, look for ones that have cash rewards. I just got $150 from mine for free (I pay off weekly, so never accumulate interest). My Wells Fargo card gives me 3x points on gas, groceries, and some other things. No annual fee and because I use Wells for everything else, I just move money from one account to the other to pay it off.

    • Granola

      I like my Chase Freedom for the cash rewards (sometimes they have 5% rewards on gas which is great for me as a commuter), and United MileagePlus Explorer for air miles on United, plus always free checked bags on United flights (this to me makes up for the annual $95 fee). I got 30k bonus miles just for signing up and that was enough for a roundtrip flight from LAX to NYC.

    • anon2

      I have a Visa Flexperks card that works well for me. While there is a yearly fee (I think it’s $90), we usually put $5-8K on the card a month and pay it off every month (this includes use for business travel and other business-related expenses). We use our accumulated miles for airline travel – travel can be on any airline and the miles necessary to redeem for flights are always fewer than what is required by the actual airline frequent flyer programs.

    • Anonymous

      There’s a website where you can put in your total expected CC spending and the amounts you spend in various categories, and it will calculate what card will maximize your rewards. I think the site is credit card tune up dot com.

      I personally spend a lot on travel and live in a city where only one airline is an option anyway, so their loyalty card makes sense to take advantage of the points multipliers and other “perks” (free bags, early boarding being the main ones). I don’t spend a lot on the categories typically favored by cash back cards, so those aren’t a great option for me.

    • RRA

      We switched from our Capital One Venture card to a Capital One Quicksilver card – 1.5% cash back instead of “points”. We live pretty minimalist…we barely drive so we don’t fill up the gas tank regularly, budget for take-out a few times a month, have less than 800 sq ft in our condo so no weekly shopping trips for “stuff”. The Quicksilver has no annual fee and no keeping track of bonus categories for the quarter. I put all of our recurring expenses (gym, subway pass, etc) on this card and rack up the cash.

  19. anon for this

    Quick vent/ thoughts from the hive: would you consider it offensive if someone commented on your recent (healthy) weight loss by taking one look at you and telling you to “eat something”? This recently happened to me with a colleague who hadn’t seen me in a while, and I didn’t really know how to react because it’s not like you’re getting a compliment… so you can’t exactly say “oh… thank you.”

    • Calibrachoa

      that is awful and definitely offensive. Commenting on other people’s bodies, especially negatively, is. Itäs your body, it is not up for public discussion.

    • Romey

      This is probably an unpopular position here, but I wouldn’t be offended (assuming the person said it in a nice, light hearted tone). I think it also depends on how close you guys are.

    • Cat

      there was a good discussion on this the other day (the thread with the blonde model in the belted peplum jacket / bizarre hammer pants outfit). I dislike this type of comment. Would I find it offensive to receive (as opposed to offensive to give, which I agree is a yes)? Maybe not, although I agree it’s awkward and there’s no good response.

      • anon for this

        Yeah, I should qualify that I wasn’t actually personally that offended because I know it wasn’t intended in a mean spirited way, but was interested to hear what the general consensus is on whether this is a socially acceptable thing to say, or whether I was being overly sensitive in being a little taken aback/feeling awkward about it.

    • TBK

      I wouldn’t be offended per se, but it’s just not appropriate to ever comment on a co-worker’s body. Period.

      • PolyD

        God yes. I was just in a meeting where I commented that I don’t like artificial sugar and just stick to the real stuff in coffee and tea, and a colleague said, “That’s because you’re skinny.” Not important whether I am or not, but I really don’t like anyone commenting on my body. Especially at work.

        • TO Lawyer

          I got told last week that I wasn’t allowed to eat a cookie (that someone else offered me) because “it would ruin my beautiful figure.” It really bugged me because I hate comments on my body at the office. (And this is not the first time I’ve received a comment like this from the same person)

    • anon

      It’s very rude to comment on another person’s appearance in a way that is not 100% unambiguously a compliment. It’s amazing how many people don’t get this!

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      This is ripe for some version of “Really?” or “Excuse me?” or “Why would you say that?”

      Alternatively, arched eyebrow + silence works well for me in this circumstance.

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