Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Anglomania Blazer

280 Comments

1. I posted on yesterday’s afternoon thread but it was suggested that I post here as well.

   Are there any other Canadians here? I’m from Toronto. Interested if there are any other r e t t e s are north of the 49th parallel.

   1. *that are north of the 49th parallel.

   2. I’m from one of the Atlantic provinces. Interested to see if there are any other east coasters on here.

      1. I’m from the Maritimes but living in Calgary.

      2. I’m from the Maritimes and living in Toronto!

      3. Haligonian checking in!

      4. From the East Coast but articling in TO!

   3. Yes I am located in Ontario – not far from Toronto.

   4. I’m in Toronto! I think there’s a few of us – there was a meetup in Toronto a few years ago.

      1. I’m in Toronto as well :)

   5. Canadian here too — I’m in the prairies now but went to law school in Atlantic Canada.

   6. I’m in our nation’s capital!

      1. Me too

      2. Me three!!

      3. Me too :)

   7. I don’t live in Canada, but I will be in Montreal at the end of March. What kind of weather should I expect? What should I pack? I’m from the US in the South, so I need to plan what to wear now, in case I need to buy something in preparation.

      1. We’re having a pretty mild winter this year, but we can still get freezing temperatures and snow dumps in March, so you’ll need a winter coat. You could get away with a wool coat and some layers, but I’d really recommend a down parka if you can swing it. And you will definitely need boots (not Sorels, but ankle boots or riding boots) because in March, if it’s now snowing it’s thawing.

   8. I’m in Calgary

   9. Ottawa

   10. Another TDot lawyer here!

   11. Banker working in Toronto, living in the burbs west of Toronto. Daily grind on the GO train :)

   12. Hello A! I’m a commuter to the west end too. On the GO as I’m reading this :)

       1. Do you work for a bank head office that is situated bythe lake? ‘Cause that would be freaky, as in same office:)

2. That plaid blazer is incredible. Not my lucky size either – someone please buy this.

   1. Oh my gosh that’s gorgeous. It’s even my size, just way out of my budget. Sob.

   2. I saw the jacket and thought: I know it’s linen (although it is so, so shiny in that picture), but that’s what Krystle Carrington would wear, but only with a matching skirt. THERE IS A MATCHING SKIRT! Where is Nolan Ryan? Does he know that Vivienne Westwood is ripping him off?!

      1. Nolan Miller, right? Nolan Ryan is a retired hall of fame pitcher ;)

         1. This must have given me the vapors. YES — Nolan MILLER (although I would watch a Project Runway on it featuring Nolan Ryan).

      2. Yay Kat! This is a VERY pretty blazer! I agree with the OP!!! I also love and INDORSE it!!!! It look’s alot like the Blazer that Rosa wore at her BAT MIZVAH! She was so much cuter then I was at my BAT MIZVAH. FOOEY b/c Dad told me my clothe’s looked alot like the potatoe sacks he carried around in the Army. FOOEY on Dad b/c I was ONLEY 12 year’s old and was NOT svelte then!

         I met Myrna’s freind Louis. He was also cute and has potential, but I do NOT want to jynx thing’s with him. I will give him a chance. He is to meet me this Friday nite for a drink downtown with Myrna. I do NOT want to be alone with him, yet. Grandma Leyeh said she would keep my finger’s crossed for me. YAY!!!!

   3. Want. Anyone know of cheaper and more available blue plaid blazers?

      1. They don’t currently have any plaid blazers but it’s the kind of thing I’d expect to see in Ness.

   4. I wasn’t expecting it to be quite so gorgeous. Sigh.

   5. Both the plaid and the green blazers are amazing. So tempting, so not in my budget.

3. I have tried several different types of pillows and keep running into the problem of the filling compressing as soon as I lay my head down (resulting in a rock-hard pillow after a while). Can anyone recommend a type of pillow or specific brand that doesn’t have this problem? I’ve tried cotton and Kapok pillows so far and am wondering if something like down would be better. All I want is a pillow that stays soft and supportive and an organic cotton cover would be preferred. TIA!

   1. Unfortunately, I have that problem with natural fiber pillows (cotton, down, feathers, etc). They squish down and get hard.

      The only pillows that stay soft and supportive for me are the ones with the fake filling/stuffing :(

      The best pillows I have were $5 at BigLots-plump and squishy without ever going flat

   2. Latex pillows might suit you.

   3. Natural latex would be my suggestion, we really like ours, and they’re very breathable. The place we got ours sold only natural organic latex with organic cotton covers, which seemed typical.

      1. We actually do have some latex pillows, but I don’t usually sleep on them since they are SO huge. I think I might try de-stuffing it a bit based on these recommendations, though! If I could make it significantly less plump, that might work out.

         1. They come in a variety of thicknesses. I am in love with latex pillows, but it took a few tries to get some that were the right thickness. Check out Wayfair – they seemed to have a good selection.

            1. Yes. And while I do have one that is “stuffed,” my favorites are a single piece of latex and not super thick.

   4. I like my memory foam pillow. It definitely holds its shape, but it might not be soft enough for you.

   5. I’ve been on a similar pillow hunt over the past year and finally found my perfect pillow. Search Amazon for “Shredded Memory Foam Pillow with Viscose Rayon Cover derived from Bamboo.” Best pillow ever. Not too flat but not too puffy. Just gently cradles my head AND it works great regardless of whether I’m sleeping on my back or my side.

      1. Not OP but have been looking for a pillow forever, and I just ordered your recommendation. Thank you!

   6. Totally not natural but I love my temperpedic symphony pillow. It’s the only one I’ve ever had that holds its shape and keeps its soft yet firm/supportive nature.

   7. I love “My Pillow” it’s the chopped up memory foam kind. My husband got the HUGE one which I use if I have heartburn but mine is just right. We even got them for the kids they are so awesome.

4. I am an attorney who was recently laid off. I think I’m okay with never practicing law again but I’m not sure how to best network in other areas. For example, a family friend told my husband “I’m always looking to hire smart people.” Do I call/email and say my husband relyed this comment and I’d love to talk if he really meant what he said? In case it matters, this friend is in a niche area of real estate so a law background wouldn’t hurt but isn’t necessary (and I have no experience in this area). Would welcome suggestions on wording in this situation or general suggestions on reaching out/networking. TIA!

   1. You should definitely reach out to the family friend, but don’t talk about him hiring you. Explain that you are exploring other opportunities and ask for an informational interview. People are generally much more willing to share information than to meet with someone for the specific purpose of a job that may or may not exist. Talk to this friend about whether your background might fit with his field (not necessarily his company). When you finish, ask for the names of two people in his industry or a related one that might be willing to meet with you. Spend some time networking and the right job will come.

   2. Do you have any interest in real estate? You don’t call him and say “hi my husband said you hire smart people.” You call him and ask if he’d have any time to talk about a career transition out of law. When/if he says yes, you call/meet with him and talk to him about what you’re doing and what you’d like to be doing; if that’s real estate – that’s pretty easy. If it’s something else or if you’re not sure, then you talk to him about the skills you’ve acquired and ask his advice re industries that may be a fit and ask if he has others who he could connect you with. You keep having these convos until it’s clear what you want to do and ideally you have a job doing it.

   3. Also, as appropriate in your networking, be aware that you may come off as too smart/expensive/out of the league of the person hiring. Case in point: my dad owns a niche consulting firm (one that I would compare in terms of complexity and skill set required to someone that is in the real estate business) and has always told me he hires smart people and trains them vs finding people with lots of experience. About 5 years post-college, I had a couple of friends who were looking for work in the city in which my dad’s business operates. I asked him if he’d be interested in meeting with these friends, and he said “of course, but this won’t be what they want; it’s beneath them.” He may or may not have been right, but this came from his perspective of my crowd of friends, their background/education, etc. He assumed they wouldn’t be interested in a job that paid <$100k when in actuality, they just wanted a job. In contrast, my brother (who is also a "Smart people" but with a regional state U degree vs a fancy undergrad and fancy grad degree) has several friends that he's brought over to my dad and they've worked out well.

      None of that should discourage you, but you should keep in mind how people perceive your background as you look to transition into an entirely new space.

   4. As someone who has met with dozens of people for informational interviews, it would actually be more helpful if you had a decent set of what you wanted to do and/or the skills you are wanting to use. I have met with a lot of people whose only criteria was “not law” and that doesn’t help at all. I’m not saying you would do that, but from my perspective, I don’t like spending/wasting an hour of my time playing general “career counselor” and suggesting fields that are shot down for one reason or another and I’m also hesitant to have any of my friends similarly waste their time. As a counterexample, I’ve had an acquaintance ask about becoming a wealth adviser and asked me if I knew of any and I knew 2 people and she reached out, was respectful of their time, had a written list of good questions and was sincere in her interest and my friends have said that they enjoyed meeting with her.

   5. This is a good time for me to plug Project Management! It is also my second career. Look into the certification requirements to see if your past work can be counted towards it. The “too expensive” and “not in this field” people will see that you are certified and, therefore, one of them.

5. I have thick upper arms. I used to wear a size two and even then I had difficulty finding sleeves that worked for me. Now I’m a size ten, and I’m basically in blazer hell. By the time I size up enough to fit my arms, the rest of the garment is very outsized.

   Any advice on brands that run larger in the arms? Or on styles that would be simplest to tailor?

   1. Try Eloqii and Igigi; they have cusp sizes and plus sizes. Even at my skinniest (size 4) I had thicker than usual arms. If I sized up, they seemed to think the arms should remain snug but the rest would be baggy. I would end up in a size 12 blazer to get sleeves that fit, and tailoring that much is a pain and doesn’t look right.

      You can also have a good tailor add an insert or expander to the underside of the arms–I had to have that done for my interview suits.

   2. Ponte, one button blazers are your friend. Because of the one button, they lay more “open” across the shoulders giving you more room in the upper arms, plus you can always put slits in the sleeve lining to accommodate thicker arms, and ponte is basically stretchy.

   3. I have large arms. the BR suiting in tropical wool with slight stretch worked for me.

   4. If you’re only sizing up a few sizes, I recommend buying a jacket that fits your arms and then getting it tailored everywhere else. I have to size up at least 3 sizes in order to find a blazer that fits my super broad shoulders. Then the rest of the jacket is huge and I have to get pretty much everything adjusted (sleeve length, sleeve width, side seams, darting in the back…) It’s expensive–the last jacket that I bought cost me $275 in tailoring, but it looks like it was made for me.

   5. I recently bought a BR suit that has surprisingly big shoulders/arms – I usually find the shoulders and arms way too small, I’ve even returned other BR blazers for that reason, and it fit perfectly . It was a tall size, not sure if that matters. Some brands (BR/Gap) do adjust the arms for their tall sizes, others do not (JCrew), so you may have luck trying talls if you are not short.

      Anne Klein also used to run pretty big in the arms and they still may. I would also check out Talbots and Jones, though Jones runs short if that’s a problem for you. You probably want brands focused on older customers because they can be more generous in the arms and shoulders. The cuts may look matronly on skinny models, but if you can fill it out they will look better on you.

   6. I’ve also had luck with Tahari suits/blazers.

   7. Talbots. I’ve always had big arms and I lift a lot, and I sometimes need them taken in a bit.

6. How has Trump made it this far? I’m starting to get worried that he’ll be the republican candidate

   1. +1000000 how is this even happening? surreal!

   2. Nevertheless, a majority of republican primary voters are chosing somebody else and it looks like Trump’s margins are shrinking (he did win SC, but dropped a ton of margin points in the runup to the vote).

      Not going to happen (or I’m going to defect to Canada).

      1. Exactly. He has maxed out his support at around 30%, and it is either a brokered convention or he loses to Rubio or Cruz.

         The literal answer to the “how has he gotten this far?” is that none of the reasons to drop out apply. He is not running out of money, afraid to hand the nomination to someone awful (like Donald Trump), and does not lack for air time and coverage. People with unlimited funds and unrelenting media can stay in until the bitter end.

      2. “Not going to happen (or I’m going to defect to Canada).”
         My thoughts exactly – I desperately hope the Republican party at large comes to its goddamned senses in time, but if the worst happens, my grandfather was Quebecois. I can work with that.

   3. Because a lot of Americans are a) racist, and b) real dumb. And they haven’t had a candidate running on their platform in a while. And since the Republican Party wasted the Obama administration in terms of party development by being racist, bigoted, and pandering to people who believe Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a dinosaur with a mission to destroy the poor, they don’t have any compelling alternate candidates.

      1. Eh, my coworker at my Amlaw 100 who is from a strong Democrat family (like past state-level public officials) is deciding between him and Sanders. I think these comments are really superficial and offer no real analysis. Much of his vote is from former Democrats who feel abandoned by that party.

         1. No, it isn’t. This is just not true.

            1. FWIW:

               “Donald Trump holds a dominant position in national polls in the Republican race in no small part because he is extremely strong among people on the periphery of the G.O.P. coalition.

               He is strongest among Republicans who are less affluent, less educated and less likely to turn out to vote. His very best voters are self-identified Republicans who nonetheless are registered as Democrats. It’s a coalition that’s concentrated in the South, Appalachia and the industrial North, according to data provided to The Upshot by Civis Analytics, a Democratic data firm.”

               “Mr. Trump appears to hold his greatest strength among people like these — registered Democrats who identify as Republican leaners — with 43 percent of their support, according to the Civis data. Similarly, many of Mr. Trump’s best states are those with a long tradition of Democrats who vote Republican in presidential elections, like West Virginia.”

               From an NY Times article: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/12/31/upshot/donald-trumps-strongest-supporters-a-certain-kind-of-democrat.html

         2. So… feeling abandoned by your party is carte blanche to support someone who proclaims obviously bigoted ideas? That doesn’t compute for me, sorry. Maybe if you’re an upper middle class white man without as much to lose if a racist republican gets elected and no one’s making bigoted comments about YOU, it’s cool, but to me it seems wildly weak-minded.

         3. WHAAA???? Why is your democrat friend considering voting for Trump??? Why? Why?

         4. I’d say most of his support is from people who used to be called “Reagan Democrats”. Blue collar, not college educated, conservative on social issues such as race/abortion/immigration. These are the very people who’ve been left behind by all the economic policies pursued by the Republican presidents these past thirty-five years.

      2. No, but a LOT of Americans are tired of being treated like racist idiots by their self-proclaimed betters. If you insist on treating normal people of goodwill badly, they will flock to the candidate who sticks a finger in the eye of those talking down to them.

         Want Trump to go away? Stop treating his supporters like garbage. (I say this as someone who loathes Donald Trump.)

         1. I get what you’re saying, and I do generally find it important to show respect to others. It’s hard to do that when a lot of vitriol comes my way just because I’m a high achieving brown person, and that offends people. I’m still publicly respectful, but I don’t get treated like a normal person of goodwill by the likes of these folks either.

         2. Nah Bridget. You think banning Muslims is acceptable? You think supporting a candidate who makes that suggestion is acceptable? You and your candidate are racist garbage not worthy of anyone’s respect.

            If by “normal people of goodwill” you mean “casually racist white people who are kinda scared of Muslims and don’t think we should bring slavery back or anything but just don’t understand why we keep having to deal with race and why the gays can’t just keep their private lives private” then those ordinary people are, also, racist.

            But please, keep on sticking up for them. Nothing like white knighting for white people to show your true colors.

            1. Bad news for you, but Trump has supporters from every race, gender, income level, etc. He cuts across all of those groups.

            2. Anon at 11:36- this proves absolutely nothing. What makes you think that racism/s3xism/bigotry is NOT confined to only one group of people?

               Women can be s3xist, racist, classist. Racial minorities can be s3xist, racist, classist. Poor people can be s3xist, racist, classist.

               Wow, these ideas are really not complex.

            3. Agree with anonymout at 11:17 and Anonymous at 11:222. “Normal people of goodwill” often extend that goodwill selectively. People like anonymous, Muslims, and others are often not recipients of goodwill.

         3. +1000

   4. No clue. Are people really that dumb? What reason could anyone POSSIBLY give to support this ignorant, misogynistic, narcissistic blowhard?

      1. Yes, yes they are really that dumb. Read the internet comments on any story that touching on race, gender, LGBT rights, or class issues and behold.

         Trump has done a masterful job of picking up on the bigoted, racist, small-minded prejudices of very, very angry people in this country and capitalizing on it. He recently gave the middle finger to republican “orthodoxy” by saying that we were lied to about WMDs and that Iraq was a mistake… but so-called conservatives are still eating him up. He has chosen to present an image that appeals to a large group of people- a champion of disgruntled white folks who think they’re middle class and want someone anti-establishment.

         The hysterical part is that the GOP can’t figure out how to get rid of him, but they made this bed.

   5. ugh ugh ugh right there with you. The Democrats have got to be thrilled — I am registered as an independent (to generalize, would characterize myself as a fiscal Republican but social Democrat), and would be SO EMBARRASSED to have Trump as the Republican choice. Rewatching the Amy and Tina SNL skit (current and past Hillary) and groaning.

      1. I tend to vote Democratic in national elections, but I’m not thrilled :-( It’s bad for our democracy. I’d rather have a strong Republican candidate and a true contest of ideals.

         1. +1 I am a self-identified Democrat (although I lean fiscally conservative) and was really sad when Jeb Bush suspended his campaign (and I hated his brother). I, along with many of my family members who also identify as Democrat, were leaning toward voting for him over either of the Democrat candidates.

            1. Me too.

         2. I agree with this so much.

         3. +many of the numbers
            Pitching in on the wishing for a strong Republican candidate and a true contest of ideals

   6. My entire family (immediate and extended, upper middle class, college educated) supports him. I’ve asked my mom why. You know how Trump only has vague talking points about how everything’s going to he11 in a handbasket and we’re going to make things great again? My mom repeats that stuff. When I press her for details about what specifically is wrong – she’s retired with a pension, her family is well-educated and safe, she has her hobbies, what exactly has her so worked up? – she’ll respond with some vague comments about how “people [what people, Mom?] are tired of Obama going overseas and bad mouthing the United States and making apologies for our way of life.” What? Is that a thing? How is that a reason?

      I’ve really had to work hard to teach my 70 year old mother that not all news sites online are legitimate news outlets. She reads a lot of those angry tea party talking heads. It’s telling me to that she’s angry and fed up but can’t articulate it…because she’s not actually and is just listening to that stuff all day! It’s in her head, but I’m confident that if she just stopped reading and listening to that stuff, she wouldn’t be angry about things and wouldn’t be a Trump supporter and would be a nice suburban moderate like she actually is. (She supports Planned Parenthood, supports gays – I’m constantly circling back on her that she’s a moderate, not out on the extremes.)

      1. I used to work with a guy like this. He was a Biglaw partner, but he would still come into my office and rant about how everything was so terrible and America was being ruined by immigrants and Obama and the “PC police.” I seriously didn’t get it — you make $450,000 a year, have tons of friends, live in a gorgeous Victorian with your family and your dogs. What is so wrong?

         1. Honestly, I think people of that sort are uncomfortable with non-white people asserting their rights. I’m thinking of how nose-out-of-joint a lot of white people get about Black Lives Matter, to give one example. They’d rather not hear about it because they think racism is history. They often can’t articulate *what* it is when they talk about America being ruined, but it sure feels like that’s what they’re thinking.

            1. So I’m going to read this in such a way that it’s not you calling my mother racist. Because your words could certainly be interpreted that way, and I’m choosing to believe that’s not what you meant.

            2. I’m sorry but yes she is a racist. You have to be to support trump. There is not a single non racist person that supports him.

            3. Oh, different poster, but I am 100% calling your mother racist! For sure.

               She supports a candidate whose policies are racist. That makes her a racist. Maybe she’s only racist because she is disinterested in thought about the issues, but that doesn’t absolve her.

            4. You do realize it’s not an unforgivable sin to call someone-even a nice person who is related to you- out for beliefs that may be racist.

            5. What do you call someone who decides to support a racist candidate with racist policies?

               Sorry, I’m sure your mom is lovely, but she’s also racist.

            6. Most people (all people?) are racist to some degree. I think there are a lot of people that don’t recognize their own racism because it’s not of the blatant, Confederate flag-waving brand and would swear up and down that they aren’t racist. Trump’s platform is one of taking America back, building a wall, calling Mexicans rapists, and saying he wants to keep out Muslims. That’s racism, whether it makes you uncomfortable or not.

               Your mother may be a lovely woman whom you love and who has many redeeming qualities, but if she believes in those particular ideas of Trump I mentioned above, then yes, that is likely coming from fear mongering that is playing on racist ideas. My father is of a similar stripe. I love him, but he is absolutely racist in a quiet, white, suburban way that means that he’s happy to watch an MLK documentary but when prodded, says that he thinks that Black Lives Matter is “taking it too far”, that POC shouldn’t push for change in any organized way but instead should just try to be model minorities, and also thinks racism largely ended with Jim Crow and wonders why Hispanics can’t just come over legally or otherwise “go home”. My grandparents are also racist. Humans are complex.

   7. As an American abroad, I want to get a “Yes, that is an American accent you hear, no I do not want to discuss Donald Trump!” button to wear for the next 6 months.

      I am mystified by the whole thing, it’s embarrassing and terrifying.

      1. I lived in England when Reagan was re-elected. I am not a Republican. The backlash I suffered trying to explain the US was stressful at best.

         And of course, this Trump nonsense is much, much worse.

         The funny thing is that the Trump supporters who think that his leadership will bring us back into a position of respect in the world are so out of touch that they don’t realize that it is the exact opposite.

         1. I was living in Europe when it changed from Bush to Obama – it was like Europeans view of Americans improved overnight. President Obama has hugely improved Europeans views on Americans but President Trump would be very detrimental to America on the international stage.

            1. Genuinely curious – was it something about Obama’s policies specifically that Europeans appreciated, or just that we (the US) seemed to be improving our race/diversity issues?

            2. As a Brit – a large part of it was that he wasn’t Bush. On policies you have to remember that most of the Democratic Party falls about where most European centre-right parties fall, so we tend to regard most Republican policies as way out there on the right.

            3. As a general rule, liberal presidents tend to be more popular in Europe because their policies are more aligned. Abortion and gun rights (for example) are not A Thing in Europe. The issues are different and most people tend to be on the liberal end of the scale on social issues, so the idea that a president would come in who is anti-choice or pro-guns just tends to rub Europeans up the wrong way because we take it for granted that surely there will be gun control, it’s just a question of how much, and obviously women have the right to choose, and obviously healthcare should be free etc.

         2. I was in France when Bush 2 was re-elected and a month after Obama was elected, it was such huge difference.

      2. I lived in London when 2nd Bush was elected. Every single conversation I had with a cabbie was about whether I voted for him or I supported him. My ride home from work every night became exhausting, especially because I’d rather chat with cabbies about all their interesting lives. Ugh.

   8. He has simple answers for everything and he says them with confidence and conviction. He’s wrong quite a bit, but no matter, he sounds right to people who are looking for a quick fix and a departure from the usual no-answer politician speak.

      People are enjoying the spectacle.

      A lot of people dislike and/or are afraid of immigrants. He has given them a voice that is being heard loud and clear.

      He’s vastly different than the same-old, same-old that people are sick of.

      He’s provocative and exciting to people for whom he is voicing ideas/things they are not willing/are afraid to say publicly (the people who are opposed to the so-called PC Police).

      People may not believe he can actually do that much damage in the end.

      People are desperate.

      He’s doing his own version of hope and change.

      There are lots of reasons, not that I support Trump – I do not.

   9. I almost posted this exact same thing! This guy has real, substantive similarities to platforms Hitler had. How is this a thing?? In addition to being terrified, I am also humiliated for our country that we allowed this guy to become a viable candidate.

      1. This. So Much This. How can a country that fought WW2 have a candidate with this level of support that has policies that are substantially similar to Hitler? So scary.

      2. Really (and I’m leaving the Hitler thing alone)!? If he weren’t running as a republican, I’d suspect that he was a democrat. His eminent domain philosophy alone should disqualify him from the republican nomination.

         1. He is absolutely a Democrat. He said last week he is in favor of the individual mandate. He supports partial birth abortion. In no way is he a Republican.

            1. How does this make him a Democrat? Not every single Republican or Democrat has the same view on absolutely everything? Trump has aligned himself with the Republican party because Democrats would never vote for him.

            2. Most Republicans were in favor of the individual mandate until Democrats started supporting.

            3. There is no such thing as “partial birth abortion.” The term is intact dilation and extraction. “Partial birth abortion” is a made up term by pro-life fools who want to push legislation that impacts women’s health care by making abortion procedures sound mean and nasty.

            4. To please at 11:27 – I think you mean made-up term by ANTI-ABORTION fools. Big difference between pro-life and anti-abortion, and I have yet to meet a single self-proclaimed “pro-life” person who maintained that position in other policy issues (death penalty, food stamps, drone strikes, you name it). Anti-abortion politics are about control, not about life.

            5. Anti-choice.

            6. I mean, even Scalia proclaimed to be pro-life, but died anyway.

            7. Anon at 11:56- I did, absolutely, but figured I’d probably already be fanning the flames by calling another poster out on an inflammatory term on an inflammatory topic.

               Trust me, you don’t need to try to school me on this issue. I assure you, I’m quite well versed in what’s actually going on.

            8. Anonforthis: APPLAUSE EMOJI. Well-played.

         2. Honestly, if he got elected, I bet he’d be like “surprise! I actually like abortion, etc” and carry on and wouldn’t get reelected. It would do a huge disservice to his voters, and he’d be terrible regardless, but he’s a huge troll.

   10. My sister is a Trump supporter. She is not stupid but she is willfully ignorant. I can’t understand why she wants to be this way but she does. She lives in a smallish town surrounded by a lot of fearful, angry, racist, misogynistic people and she seems to have drunk the Kool-Aid.

       When I say “willfully ignorant,” I mean not interested in educating herself about other candidates or listening to any other points of view. She buys those talking points like “making america great again” and making Mexico pay for a wall (…what???) and isn’t up for debate. She will throw out one-liners about Hillary being a b itch but that’s about it.

       My late father, who was a politically active staunch conservative, would roll in his grave.

   11. Because primaries bring out those on the far end of the spectrum of whatever political party, not the center moderates. Same reason Bernie Sanders is doing well. Do we really think a self-proclaimed democratic socialist has any chance in the general election? No (well, unless he’s running against Trump, in which case, I honestly don’t know what happens. Bloomberg decides to run?), but he’s getting support because that’s how primaries work (well, that, and Hillary’s got her own problems and there’s no other choice)

       I’m not a huge fan of primaries for that reason. I know the “party leadership picks a candidate” isn’t exactly the most democratic of systems, but I sometimes wonder if it would get us better candidates who are more suited to, you know, running the country.

       1. From what I’ve read/ heard, Jeb and O’Malley could both have been pretty good presidents, but just weren’t great at campaigning.

       2. Honest question – do any other democratic countries use the primary system? I think they all use the leadership or delegated party members picking the leader.

          1. I think some use it, but the primaries are run by the parties themselves, not through publicly-administered elections.

          2. Here in the UK every party does it differently. They have leadership elections (usually) when the party leader changes (so more likely to be directly after losing an election than in the run up to it). Most of the parties ask their ordinary members to vote, but not members of the public – the Labour party were unusual in inviting people to pay £3 to become a ‘supporter’ and become eligible to vote in their 2015 leadership contest.

             1. This is pretty much how it works in Canada too. If you are a member of a political party (in that you paid for a membership, and you can be a member of more than one party) then you get to vote in the party leadership elections. And the leader of the party who has the most MPs (federal election) or MLAs (provincial election) is the leader of the country (Prime Minister) or province (Premier). I know people who join all political parties so they can vote km the leadership elections because it’s the only chance they have to vote directly for someone who may become the Premier or Prime Minister.

       3. Mmmhhhmmmm. Explain to me how you can get better at, ya know, running a country than by serving successfully as a Senator and a Secretary of State.

          1. Maybe ask John Kerry?

             At least he didn’t try to run his govt office off of hotmail or whatever.

          2. That was directed toward Trump. I’m voting for Hillary:-)

             1. well, unless I decide helping defeat Trump is more important than picking between Hillary and Bernie. My state’s got open primaries and I’m not registered with either party.

             2. Same in my state. Because we’re torn between supporting Hilary and stopping Trump, DH is voting in one and I’m voting in the other. That way we feel like we get a little say in both :)

          3. For starters, how about by achieving either one of those without having to ride on your husband’s coat tails?

             1. Interesting choice to link to your family law business with illuminating comments like this.

             2. I kind of think Hillary was the brains behind Bill all along. He certainly had the charisma and the white male status to get to the presidency, both things Hillary lacks, and I certainly don’t want to dismiss him as an ignorant buffoon… but my impression is that Hillary was almost always an instrumental thought leader in that couple.

             3. Uhuh. ‘Cause Trump sure pulled himself up by his boot straps. Jeb! too.

                /sarcasm

       4. Bernie Sanders definitely has a strong chance of winning the general election, especially if it came down to him and Trump. I’ve actually been quite surprised at the strong media bias against Bernie – things like “Bernie falling way behind Hillary” in NYTimes headlines when they are, in fact, matched in pledged delegates. I didn’t realize that bias could be quite so obvious, but if you dig deeper into polls, favorability ratings, rally attendance, pace of donations, etc., you can get a much bigger picture.

          1. That NYT article was poorly written, but the point wasn’t that Hillary is currently ahead in superdelegates. The point was that she is going to pick up a lot more delegates through big wins in southern states on Super Tuesday, and it will be hard for Bernie to catch up given that he’s not poised to have any big wins in states with high delegate counts.

             1. I wouldn’t be so sure about Hillary being poised to pick up big wins – her own campaign seems increasingly terrified about Bernie’s enormous catch-ups. She was projected to win Nevada by what, 30+ points?

             2. Like every other state, she was projected to win Nevada by a lot in early polls in the fall. But recent polls showed Nevada as a toss up. Recent polls from Southern states, however, show that she still has quite the lead. This is compounded by the fact that her support among African Americans (which make up a large part of the Dem primary voting base in the South) hasn’t wavered much. Bernie would have to make huge, 20+ point gains in multiple states in less than two weeks (not over months, as he did in Iowa and New Hampshire) to be competitive on Super Tuesday. I’m not trying to bash him, I’m just being realistic based on current projections.

          2. He is way behind. Because the states coming up are states where he is strongly expected to lose.

             1. Again, what makes you say that? Based on CURRENT expectations, he is behind Hillary in some states, but that does not account for upward trending, new endorsements, or any of the numerous other factors that could change between now and Super Tuesday alone. This race is NOWHERE NEAR over – you wouldn’t seeing HRC’s campaign staff freaking out so much and echoing Bernie’s talking points if they weren’t scared.

             2. I see her and can’t not see an older Tracy Flick.

             3. Anon at 1:12, yeah, aren’t women who try hard and want to improve the world the worst?

                It baffles me when people complain about HRC’s ambitious. Nobody — male or female — runs for president without a boatload of ambition and hubris. It’s just that those are acceptable qualities in a man and apparently harder to swallow in a woman.

             4. Totally agree anon at 2:10. Also, why is everyone always calling the woman the b-word? Is there something I’ve missed? Genuinely asking. I’d use that term for someone who takes the kind of cheap shots that trump is always taking-whining and name calling when things don’t go your way-but find it offensive as a woman so I try not to use it at all.

          3. I would vote for Bernie over Trump (but not anyone else, probably). I don’t love his socialist agenda, but I am 100% confident he can’t get much of it through a Republican Congress. And he isn’t nearly as embarrassing as Trump on an international stage.

             I don’t think he’s electable against a moderate Republican. The coasts will vote for him, and maybe some urban centers in flyover states, but anyone who thinks he can win forgets that there is a massive amount of Americans out there who will run screaming from the word “socialist.”

       5. Every primary cycle, I tell my moderate friends to knock doors, phone bank, donate to, and vote for moderates, so there will be the moderate they want on the ballot in November.

   12. He says with supreme confidence the things that lots of Americans believe and can’t say in our PC world. Lots of whites do hate looking around and seeing so many brown faces – ESP in upper echelons of society – be they in their development of McMansions or in the Ivy League or the White House. That plus the corporate “speak” re “winning” and “make America great again” and people are hooked. I do think he’ll win the nomination as much as I’d prefer Rubio and as a Muslim I’m now worried he’ll win it all bc lots of people just can’t bring themselves to vote for a Clinton. Can’t wait for 4-8 yrs of “Muslims need to be eliminated.” I’m a fed govt employee – though no where close to the exec branch, and yet serving under that kind of prez has me pondering a return to the private sector.

   13. I discussed this with my mom recently. I live in the DC area and do not know a single person who supports Trump. My mom lives in the rust belt Midwest, and while she finds Trump as abhorrent as I do, a segment of her social circle supports him. We came to the conclusion that he has “the ignorant vote” and that is a usually-politically-silent majority of Americans who have never had a candidate before, because previously the system weeded out crazies before they ever got to a national stage. As an educated professional from a family of generations of educated professionals, it’s easy to forget there is a huge swath of the country with poor (and declining) economic opportunity, a very limited worldview, and quasi-understandable xenophobia. Plus inflammatory mass media.

       I find his success so far fascinating and terrifying. I am fiscally moderate, socially liberal, and probably will vote Democrat in this election, regardless, but I will be so, so embarrassed as an American if Trump actually ends up being the nominee.

       1. +100000000000000

   14. Tell me about it! I just moved to a flyover state where the votes actually matter, and seriously considered registering as a Republican so I could vote against Trump. I decided Hilary needs my vote too much though.

   15. I think racism is the biggest reason as to why he’s doing so well. For his supporters, it’s finally sinking that the US will no longer be a nation of predominantly white people. I think by 2050 or so, whites will be another minority. These people feel threatened since they are afraid that we, brown-skinned people, will dish out the same sort of racism to them that they have dished out to us. Plus, being white may no longer confer automatic advantages to them that it has in the past. Advantages such as the presumption of white = American and the rest of us having to explain ourselves. Or always getting the job over the minority person. Or having to answer to the minority person. Until now, our numbers have been small enough that we were not perceived as a threat. But those days are numbered.

       Trump is their proxy to express their fears.

       1. I agree totally.

       2. “When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.”

          -Brian Sims, Member of the Pennsylvania House of Representatives.

   16. It’s populism, and it’s not new. See George Wallace, Ross Perot, the Tea Party, etc.

       The middle- and lower-middle class is rebelling against a political party which they have realized is not speaking to their best interests. I think their desire to reject the political party apparatus outweighs decency in this case.

       1. For the past forty years in particular, it seems like the Republican Party has been selling these people a bill of goods on what it will take to make their white middle and lower-middle class lives better. Getting rid of unions, tax cuts for the wealthy, more wars, breaking down the separation of church and state, curtailing women’s reproductive health care, preventing the breakdown of the American family but really haven’t been able to deliver the goods.

          Tax cuts for the wealthy haven’t generated more American jobs but instead they continue to get outsourced. Getting rid of unions haven’t improved their wages or gotten them better conditions from employers. More wars just results in their children getting sent off to war again and again since kids from upper and upper-middle class families don’t join up in as great numbers. Roe vs. Wade is still the law of the land. Ozzie & Harriet-type family life has become an option only for the well off while the rate of married, two-parent families goes down as you go down the socioeconomic ladder. Government only looks out for the corporations/big business/wealthy. Citizens United has made it possible to buy political candidates.

          This populism combined with the racism I talked about earlier makes for a potent combination. I think that they think this might be their last chance to get what they want because the demographics of this country are changing.

          1. This

   17. Disgruntled Republican here. I am more concerned about Cruz as a president than Trump (although both are ridiculously awful). Rubio is fairly terrible as well. I am hoping that Kasich can get more support. I actually like him as a candidate and think he would make a decent president. But I am not confident in that.

       I think it will likely come down to Scary Republican v. Clinton/Sanders. Even though it goes against every fiber of my fiscal conservative being, I’d be left with no choice but to go with the Democrat in the general election (even Sanders).

       1. Every part of me hopes that if Trump or Cruz gets the nod, people will do as you say.

       2. Why aren’t there more viable republican candidates? Instead the party seems to be left with awful candidates.

          I have a few republican friends and they’re all normal nice people, who just have differing political view than me.

          1. I used to think that about my Republican friends and I do know the type you mean, but the fact of the matter is that I will no longer consider anyone nice and normal when they vote for anti-abortion candidates. If you think of women as subhuman beings who cannot control their own lives, medical decisions, and futures, then you are not nice and normal. If you think that abortion is fine but the economy/foreign policy/tax rates are more important to you, then you’re also not nice and normal. It makes me incredibly angry and sad that it’s okay to actively campaign against essential, lifesaving healthcare for women and call it normal and desirable.

             1. Anti-choice. I only note it again, because I think “anti-choice” is much more compelling than “anti-abortion.”

             2. +10000

          2. Because the definition of viable has changed so much. A moderate republican is no longer seen as viable by the party. The short version of a very long story is:

             a) this is the fruit of the republican’s long-time strategy to lock down the conservative christian/evangelical/bible-thumper vote (anti-gay, s3xist, anti-abortion, theocratic….) by pandering excessively to them and giving them enough power to mold party positions

             b) this is the fruit of the GOP’s failure to control/moderate the Tea Party/ Freedom Caucus

             In short, there’s no room left for moderate candidates because too much validation has been given to the fringe. The tail wags the dog.

             1. Yep, this. “Good candidate for the general election” doesn’t seem to equal “viable candidate for the primary.” There have been several Republican primary candidates in recent years who were moderate and I think would have been good candidates/presidents. They never get very far.

             2. Yeah, this. There are indeed moderate Republicans (I am one!). We’re just a small portion of the party anymore (that has changed over the years as others have indicated). Because of this, there isn’t really a way for a moderate candidate to get the support they need to get the nomination.

                I have wanted Olympia Snowe to run for YEARS, but she is a prime example of a candidate that would be great in the general election and unbelievably bad in a Republican primary. John Huntsman from the last election is another example.

             3. I wanted John Huntsman to win so bad. And I usually vote Democrat.

          3. It’s because the Republican party has moved so far to the right. Reagan’s policies and earlier Republican presidents would be far to ‘left wing’ for where the Republican party lives now.

          4. Gerrymandering

          5. Let’s not forget the Southern Strategy. Plus, the systematic weeding out of northern Republicans who while business-friendly were also socially liberal. It was with their support that the civil rights legistlation in the 60s passed through Congress. They all got weeded out as RINOs.

       3. I am a swing-voter that historically has supported more Republicans than Democrats, and I totally agree that Cruz is more scarier than Trump (although Trump is an awful choice as well). Cruz wants to get rid of HUD completely (and has bizarre tax policy ideas).

       4. Cruz is no better. Personally, Cape Breton Island is becoming more and more attractive.

   18. This is a link to Bill Frist’s speech at the 2008 Republican National Convention about vaccinations in Africa. Listen to the relative quiet from the audience in comparison to the roars when other speakers talked about the Iraq War, Christiantity, guns, etc. For me, it crystallized everything about who the party is. And yes, I did watch the convention in its entirety every evening on PBS.

       https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBEP_TNls3Y

   19. I think there is also a group of people that are not into politics, think the whole process is a joke and think it’s funny to vote for Trump and “see what he does next.” They are basically internet trolls.

   20. Love this old Bloom County trip, summarizing our political system as “money talks”: http://imgur.com/gallery/fNKrEmp

7. Real life question: how often do you wash your water bottles? I leave one on my desk at work, and come to realize I only wash it about once a week. I just rinse it out and refill in the mornings. It kind of grosses me out, but I’m not sure it should. Thoughts?

   1. Every few days — but mine has a relatively wide mouth, and I pour out any “leftovers” into my plants at the end of the day, so it is totally dry by the next morning. I am more grossed out by “yesterday’s” water than by my non-daily-washing habit. I suppose I should be more fastidious, but I’m rarely sick (knock wood), so I let it slide when I’m eager to get home at the end of the day.

      1. This is how I proceed. I have a cup on my desk that I use and any thing left over goes into the plants.

   2. I realised I wasn’t washing mine enough so I’ve switched to disposable ones – I buy probably two bottles of water a week and reuse the bottle for a few days before recycling it.

   3. I only wash mine once a week as well, but I also dump it out and leave the lid off each evening so it dries.

   4. Piggybacking off this- does anyone know how to stop Nalgene water bottles from getting smelly in the dishwasher/ when not in use? I don’t know why but whenever I pull mine out of the dishwasher they smell totally foul.

      I handwash mostly, but a) I’m a slacker and b) it has a narrow mouth so it’s difficult.

      1. I use 2 Nalgene bottles per week – after a couple of days, they go into the dishwasher. I prefer the widemouth bottles and haven’t had any trouble with them being smelly after the dishwasher cycle. My husband likes the narrow mouth bottles, but they never got clean enough, even when he used a bottle brush. Then he found HumanGear caps, which convert a widemouth bottle to a narrowmouth one. He loves them!

      2. Use a bottle brush. The dishwasher probably has trouble getting all way inside if the bottle tilts in the rack.

         1. I spray mine with Clorox bleach spray before dishwashing.

   5. I wash mine every day, but I have three I rotate between (alternate between handwashing and throwing in the dishwasher).

   6. once a week

   7. Another piggyback question: does anyone leave non-disposable water bottles in their car for easy grab-and-go water? Have been doing it with prepackaged bottles but think I’m going to try it with my Nalgene bottle and see how it goes. (I’d bring it n each time I actually use it to wash it.)

      1. Yes, but I leave it empty and fill it up at the water fountain or whatever.

8. Has anyone tried permanent makeup? I’m considering getting my eyebrows done but would love to hear about the healing process, pain, etc.

   And for those who have not, would you ever consider it?

   1. Absolutely no I would not consider it, and in fact I find it deeply disturbing to never ever be able to look just as who I am.

      1. Permanent makeup is not actually permanent. It fades over time, so you would be able to look just as you are once it faded away.

   2. My aunt got her brows done. While the artist got the distinctive shape my aunt has used for so many years right, she did the tattoo in a medium brown that doesn’t look right at ALL. It’s nothing like the auburn pencil color my aunt’s used for eons. It’s a good thing it often fades with time, because it just doesn’t look like her.

   3. My biggest concern would be that eyebrow styles change. It is easy to change hair over the course of a few months, but this would be permanent. For example, ten years ago it was super popular to have crazy thin eyebrows (I look at photos and cringe, but my eyebrows were actually “in style” then), and now much fuller eyebrows are in style.

   4. My cousin’s wife is an esthetician and she got permanent eyeliner tattooed at her lash line. It looked good when she had makeup on but it looked weird when she didn’t. It was too dark and out of place with her natural coloring.

   5. Just FYI, the permanent makeup is not actually permanent and does wear off. At least the ones my east asian relatives use.

      I don’t like it as the ink just doesn’t look good.

   6. I would consider getting it done on my lips as I get older and the natural colour fades. I’ve always have very pigmented lips, so I feel like my face will start to look very different once they fade.

9. How often do you wash your bras? How often should someone wash them?

   1. I’m going with you should wash your bras every two weeks, and I do every three but maybe I’m lying and sometimes it’s 4.

      Sports bras every time they are worn.

   2. I used to wash them way too much and that wore them out too soon. Now I wash them when they need it, which is when they lose their springiness or seem dirty. It’s not very often. Maybe once every two weeks for each of the three bras I regularly wear. If that.

   3. I have two in circulation and I make sure to wash one every time I do laundry, so each one probably gets washed after 5-8 wears.

   4. No idea on how often you’re suppose to, but I probably do once a month.

      1. Same for normal bras (I have about 5). Sports bras after every use though.

   5. The “experts” say to wash every 3 wearings, giving them a day off to air between wearings. My skin gets itchy if I don’t wash them every time I wear them. I can get by with wearing them twice if I do not sweat at all, but that’s rare given the terrible climate control in my office.

   6. I do it based on # of wears, and I put forth effort to not wear the same one 2 days in a row as I read that’s bad for it – it needs to be sitting around/not on you to sort of restore shape. I probably wash them every ~6-8 wears. I feel like that might be too much but am bad about getting new ones.

   7. After every use. I live in a hot, humid place and would not consider wearing one that hadn’t been washed. FWIW, I own 6-8 and so they need to be handwashed 1x a week and I’m all set for the next week.

10. Paging federal law clerks — have any of you had luck backdating a promotion? Long story short, I was eligible for a promotion seven months ago. (A huge promotion, for me at least… to the tune of a 14k bump). HR never informed me or my judge that I was eligible. A few weeks ago, I was looking into how the pay scale worked, and I discovered I should be making more. So I’m the one that caught HR’s mistake, and I guarantee if I had not, they never would have brought it up. They’ve (HR) promoted me effective a week ago, but say “they contacted the AO and I can’t get back pay.” Back pay in this case would be about 5k after taxes. My judge is in my corner and will make any calls he needs to make to make this right, but I want to be able to tell him: call this person at this number, etc. I’m just not confident that HR has really tried to rectify their mistake. I want to push back a little bit, but am unsure where to start. If anyone has gone through something similar, any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance!

    1. I’m not a federal law clerk, but I work in a legal department of a court system. If this was my court system, I would say contact the head of H.R. about this. If that didn’t work, I would go to the Court Administrator for wherever you are and loop in your judge.

       1. I agree. I can talk to my judge, but he is NOT in the FEDERAL court system. However, he IS in the NYS Civil SERVICE system, the Manageing partner told me. The Manageing partner also told me that it is VERY key for all CIVIL SERVANTS to get paid every cent that they are OWED b/c it is REQUIRED in the NYS CONSTITUION. So if you can find a similar clause in the FEDERAL CONSTITUION, you should be getting your $5K back pay IMMEDIATELEY! YAY!!!

    2. This happened to a co-clerk. HR dropped the ball and she didn’t get her promotion when she was supposed to. She was very annoyed about it but I’m pretty sure she was not able to get back pay. I’d pursue it if I were you. The worst they can say is no, but I don’t think your chances are great unless the government has changed its rules since this happened to her (about 5-6 years ago).

    3. My judge’s chambers had a similar issue pop up regarding the Leave Act pay. The clerks the year after me were supposed to get it but the new JA filled out the paperwork wrong. I heard that they were able to get most of the pay back through a workaround, but it took some work on the judge’s part to make it happen. Good luck!

    4. When you were eligible for a promotion doesn’t matter. It’s what the promotion effective date is. If you weren’t being paid correctly after the promotion effective date, then you should escalate within HR. But if you were just eligible but not actually promoted, you don’t have a case here. Sorry.

    5. Not a civilian personnel lawyer, but I work next door to some, and in the executive branch back dating promotions and back pay are all allowed. It’s just backpay isn’t a budget item, so money has to be moved, with an explanation as to why, which means someone has to admit to wrongdoing/missing a deadline. It’s just more work/paperwork than telling you no. From what I’ve heard the judicial branch civilian policies and laws and somewhat similar to the executive.

11. Any recs for spas that give good facials in D.C.? I’m looking for something relaxing to do with a friend. Neither of us do this type of stuff regularly, so I have no idea what to even look for when considering a place. No skin issues, just wanting to try it. Is paying less than $100 a reasonable expectation? How much are you suppose to tip?

    1. It’s over $100, but this place comes recommended:
       http://www.georgetownsalonspa.com/

    2. Under $100 is not really reasonable for a nice spa unless you get a deal from Gilt City.

       1. Thank you both! I’m willing to pay more since it’s a rare treat, but this gives me a better idea on what to expect.

          1. I think Caudalie has a $95 or $105 option, in CityCenter.

             1. I went to caudalie earlier this month for a facial and it was great. There’s only one treatment room, however, so wouldn’t be good for a group spa day.

12. Can we talk about the Bahamas? As a West coast lady I don’t know much about them, but might be able to go in late April. I’ll be in Florida for a work trip and thinking of taking a couple day cruise after. Any experiences to share? Or basics on which island are your favorites? Or should I go somewhere else instead? What would you do with a week or so and $500/800?

    1. Exuma is gorgeous, but I’m not sure if you can get there on a cruise. I flew via Nassau but I think there are direct flights from Miami

13. Sale Alert!! Nordstrom has the basic Theory “Gabe” blazer on sale for 40% off so it’s about $250. (They have black and “jasper” on sale.) I have two of these and they are awesome basics. I’ve bought them on e8ay and found great prices there (both used and new), but if you like your clothing new and from a retailer, this is a good deal.

    1. How do you find the sizing? I haven’t tried on Theory blazers but I’ve noted the pants run a bit small for me. I have one blouse from there that fits in my normal size.

       1. I go up one size in the blazers. At AT or BR I’d wear a 2 or an XS. In Theory blazers I own size 4, and the 6 fits fine too (I have one in size 8 from a second hand store–it’s a different style–and it fits okay, too). If you like to wear chunky sweaters underneath then I would account for that.

          I ordered the Jasper. I didn’t know what color to expect, to I used the “chat” tool on the s i t e and was told it’s a dark purple. Yay!

14. Need Styling Advice

    I’m going to a fundraiser where the theme is simply “black and white.” The invitation said you could dress up or down just wear black/white. I’m not the most “girly girl” but I would like to wear something super cute. I’m struggling with my weight right now and look slightly pregnant although I’m unequivocally not. I’m thinking of wearing a black swing dress (e.g. Karen Kane Jersey Swing Dress at Nordstrom) plus heels (found black and white pair called J Renee Ryenne Pointy Toe Pump). Thoughts? I’m definitely going to wear hose and so any ideas about what kind to wear, or accessories would be much appreciated. I have fair skin and dark hair if that helps. I would have preferred a chunkier pair of booties/shoes but they all seem to be open-toed (and I hate wearing tights with open toed shoes, even footless ones).

    1. As someone who also carries her weight in her belly, definitely try on the dress you are planning to wear to make sure it doesn’t cling to your belly and make you look MORE pregnant. I often find separates look better than dresses. Have you checked out WHBM for fun accessories?

    2. Love, love those shoes (but alas, can’t wear more than about 2″ myself). I normally wear black tights/stockings but with the dress I think that’s too much; I’d go with sheer nude-for-you.

       With the simplicity of the dress you could do very blingy jewelry that keeps with the B&W theme. Maybe something like this? http://www.baublebar.com/pearl-bennet-bib-necklace.html. Or long strands of black, white and silver beads.

    3. Maybe you can add white/black by doing a semi-dramatic eyeshadow thing. Go to a makeup counter with actual pros, like Laura Mercier

    4. I have similar coloring to you and I’d steer towards the black with just a white accessory or two. The dress you mentioned looks great. I’d pair it with a rope of chunky white beads (or pearls if you want to go more conservative). Sheer black hose (with a back seam if you want some drama). And then a black D’Orsay pump. Look at Nordstrom shoes and filter for D’Orsay and black. The Nine West “Tikkit” is pretty hot, and the Calvin Klein ‘Gella’ Pointy Toe Pump would be good if you need a lower heel and a strap. You could buy a cheap white clutch or rent one from Rent the Runway.

       1. Can I talk you into wearing white gloves? It’s costume-y but this is practically a costume party! (Not sure I would have the nerve but I’d admire you for doing it!)

    5. I would wear nude fishnets for hose. I like these necklaces: http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/38083648.jsp http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/product/38262093.jsp

       1. Thanks All! Very good ideas.

    6. I randomly bought black and white shoes a few years ago and I wear them ALL the time.

15. Help me get through this day. I caught a bad cold and I am so congested. I’ve never had anything like this. Usually I need a little nasal saline spray and lots of tea/fluids and I’m good. But this time around it is not helping. I literally can not breathe through my nose. I’m planning a drug store run at lunch time, but am not sure what to get that will be effective.

    1. Get a neti pot! Its like flossing your sinuses with saline. I’m suffering through a cold right there with you but thanks to my neti pot, I can breathe through my nose.

    2. Get Sudafed – the real stuff behind the counter (generic is fine). I like the 12 hour to take in the morning, and the small red pills to take in the afternoon. If I take the 12 hour at night, I can’t sleep. You may struggle using the neti pot if you are that congested. I can’t use mine when I am really congested.

    3. If you’ve never had anything like this it might be a sinus infection. Are you getting greenish looking stuff out when you manage to get it out? Do your upper teeth ache? Does it hurt to tap on your cheeks near your nose?

       Nothing over the counter will help a sinus infection. You need to see a doctor. And if it is just a cold, why are you at work exposing everyone to it?

       1. I’m at work for any number of reasons, not the least of which is that I have limited sick days. And I’m a green-up that knows how to wash my hands and cough into my elbow. Except I don’t have a cough or a fever. Or most symptoms of a sinus infection. And my unit of government’s politicians are currently engaged in a epic, to-the-death battle over everything that has resulted in the employer share of health insurance not being paid and I’d prefer not to pay my PCP upfront for an office visit for him to tell me I haven’t had my symptoms for a week yet and try something OTC first and come back if that doesn’t work. I don’t normally use decongestants and simply want an idea of what works. It sounds like I need to try the behind the counter not the on the shelf stuff.

          1. I get 15 days of PTO and no “sick” per say. That barely covers a normal year of a vacation, a couple days here or there and average family obligations.

             Last week I threw up one night, came in late the next day, and made up my hours. If they don’t want me in, give me a real alternative (leave without pay or not taking vacation isn’t an alternative). If I can drag my ass through my commute, you bet I will be here.

             12 Hour Mucinex D is the best, for that kind of stuff, I think. Agreed with getting the behind the counter meds.

    4. I take Muscinex when I get really congested like that. The one you have to get from behind the counter. Also, drink lots of water and once you get home turn the shower on hot and sit in the steam. Or fill a bowl with super hot water (like out of a tea kettle) and put your head over it with a towel over your head and breath in the steam. Also might help to sleep with a humidifier on.

       And I second the poster above to consider whether you have a sinus infection and need to see a Dr.

    5. You can also try a nasal steroid spray, like Nasocal (it’s over the counter). It helps with the inflammation in your sinuses that partially contributes to the congestion.

    6. Puffs plus with vicks is AMAZING

    7. Afrin. Afrin Afrin Afrin. I take Sudafed (suggested by another commenter) for runny nose issues and think it’s great, but I recently had a totally stuffed nose cold and Afrin nasal spray (I may even have gotten the generic) was unbelievably effective.

       1. http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hay-fever/expert-answers/nasal-spray-addiction/faq-20058247

          I’d avoid Afrin.

    8. I feel your pain, I’ve been dealing with the most wretched cough for the last several days. I feel okay otherwise, just can’t stop coughing, it is very annoying.
       Hope you feel better soon!

    9. Netipot! And use a warm mist humidifier at night.

16. Love this site for the forum, but my lord, what on earth is that fugly blazer.

    1. Amen. The model looks like she mugged a Mother of the Bride.

       1. OMG I’m laughing at my desk uncontrollably

    2. Agreed!

    3. +1. It’s a wrinkly, shiny, frumpy mess as far as I can tell.

17. I’m in my 40s and have always had oily skin. Some ice pick marks and acne scars, but not in bad shape. I always thought that facials put a lot of oil on your face (which I don’t need more of) or might make skin like mine break out.

    Are there any facial types that might improve my skin (or is it just time for a light peel that won’t make me look like a freak as it heals or scare babies or have to take time off from work)?

    I’ve never had a facial, but if I knew what to look for, it might be nice for pampering (if not for positive results, maybe for a lack of negative ones that have kept me away).

    1. You can get non-oily facials. It might help with any blackheads you have, but other than that it’s mostly pampering.

       1. Is that true that it’s mostly pampering, or can facials help keep acne under control. I thought they could.

    2. I was in the same boat with oily skin and scarring, but also add active cystic erruptions, about five years ago. A few months before hubby and I got married, my mom got me a series of facials at the local beauty school. Ours also has an aesthetics program (this is very important). I went in for my first appointment and the teacher actually took me into the training area to show her students how to handle each of my issues. Instead of a smelly, greasy pampering spa type facial, they were able to do special sensitive skin scrubs with AHAs and BHAs, moisturizers that prevented flakiness but that didn’t clog pores, and a zappy electrical thing that basically killed the bacteria and reduced inflammation in my active zits. I have since had a spa-like facial elsewhere and it was not at all the same. I think to really handle skin issues, it has to be from someone with aesthetics training. The young ladies taking classes while I was going in were so excited to see my skin becoming more clear and smooth, that they even let me come in between facials to get new zits zapped so that I wouldn’t be tempted to pick at them. I know beauty school treatments can be hit or miss, but its worth seeing what your local one can do. Talk to a teacher. I did something like 10 or 12 sessions with them and in addition to having nice skin for my wedding, it got everything under control and I haven’t been a pizza face since.

18. I’m taking the bar exam this summer, and a week and a half before the exam, some good friends are having a destination wedding in the mountains. I am definitely going, and am very excited about it. I trust myself to study well in the months between graduation and the wedding/exam.

    My only thoughts are about how long I should stay in the mountains. The cabins I am looking at renting have insanely gorgeous views. I wouldn’t mind spending a few extra days out there, studying on the deck with my coffee in the morning and then hiking for a few hours before coming back to study some more. I live in an especially boring part of the Midwest, so getting away to somewhere beautiful for a few days is very appealing. I also have a one-year-old who would come with me (my husband would stay at home), so regardless of where I am, it isn’t possible to devote all of my time to studying. Has anyone taken a trip and studied right before the bar/other similar exam? Am I totally crazy to consider spending several days when I could just stay a couple?

    1. I’m an actuary. I found going away the weekend before my exams helped me concentrate and study longer hours than I could at home. However, I intentionally went to boring places so that I wouldn’t be tempted to do other things. (Like the hikes you mention.)

       If you are really good at being disciplined and sticking to a schedule it might work for you.

       However I would keep it quiet from the other wedding guests, who might also chose to stick around for their own vacation and want you to hang out and party with them.

       1. Thanks for the insight! I think I am disciplined enough to work when I need to. Any thoughts on whether it would be best to go early (and so get back with a week until the exam) or stay after (and get back with just a few days before I have to travel to where my bar is being administered)?

       2. Agree with your last point about keeping your plans quiet, or making it very clear you will not be pulled into socializing.

          I also was on board until you mentioned solo parenting your one year old. You know your child best, but at 1, my kids would have been thrown off by a change in location/travel, and the time change would have thrown sleeping through the night to the birds. Also, I assume at home, you’d have some form of childcare? I would not have been able to study with my kids around. Again, you do you, but between the routine busters of changing time zones, sleeping in a new location, and no back-up parent, I’d probably pass and go back once the bar is over.

    2. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with going to the wedding or even staying a few extra days PROVIDED THAT you study while there. Really though how much studying will you get done with a 1 yr old in tow?? I realize he’d be with you at home too, but at home likely he has his toys, tv, some kind of childcare set up. Do you really think you can have coffee on the deck for 2 hrs reviewing the rule against perpetuities with a 1 yr old tearing up a (non baby proofed) cabin??

       The bar exam is about memorization and no matter how thoroughly you studied from May-late July, the over and over rote memorization happens at the end so you don’t forget details; you can’t/shouldn’t just plan on finalizing all studying before the wedding, put it away for a wedding weekend + an added 3 days, and then expect you’ll be able to do it all in the 4 days prior to the bar w/o totally freaking out. Your plan of studying elsewhere is fine, it’s the 1 yr old that throws it off though.

       1. Yeah (this is the actuary who replied above) I missed the part about the 1 year old. I thought OP was saying baby would stay with dad. I don’t know how this would work with your kid in tow. I went away specifically to get AWAY from my kids – they stayed home with Dad. They were toddlers at the time.

          In terms of timing, I would go the weekend right before my exam so that all of my cramming was still fresh. That meant I’d come back only a day or two before the test.

          1. (I should clarify that I took exams for 10+ years but my kids were around and toddlers for my last two, hardest exams. I didn’t need to go away when I didn’t have kids)

       2. +1, don’t do this unless you bring someone else who can provide childcare the whole time.

    3. The only crazy part of this is the one year old. You NEED to leave that child home with its father, or go home yourself. Being the only person responsible for a child AND trying to get in your last week studying groove is a terrible terrible plan.

       1. This. Leave the baby home with your husband and stay a few extra days to study. Staying in a non-babyproofed cabin in the mountains with a toddler is a nightmare. It was hard enough when we did it with three adults, none of whom was studying for the bar exam.

          1. Good point on babyproofing. We stayed in a cabin with tons of toddler-tempting death traps with my 13 month old. I have pretty self-reliant kids who can entertain themselves at home, but it was all hands on deck all the time at this cabin. It was exhausting, and we aren’t the type who are super crazy about babyproofing/keeping kids out of everything.

             I posted above about the lack of sleep as well, which is really the dealbreaker to me. Right before any big test, good sleep can be as (more?) important than studying. You can always hire a local sitter to help entertain your child during the day while you study nearby on the deck, but dang, a few back to back sleepless nights can zap your mental energy. I’d be really concerned that the change would throw your baby’s sleep off, and you don’t have anyone else to help overnight (especially hard if you are used to having a co-parent step in and trade off overnight parenting duties).

    4. Thanks all, I suppose I should stick to my original travel plans, which include bringing my SIL for the weekend of the wedding.

       1. I think that’s smart! If you can, plan something for after the bar to take the sting out of it. Even if it’s not as wonderful of a destination, you still may enjoy it more. For what’s it worth, I was a diligent, full time studier (no kids at the time, no job – ahh, the pre-recession biglaw days), and I still panicked and canceled a weekend trip to a wedding a week and a half before the bar. I don’t know whether it would have made a difference had I gone, but the mental stress of “what if”/being out of my routine weren’t worth it.

    5. To offer a counterpoint, I wouldn’t do it. I took bar/bri and went to a t14 law school and I failed the bar exam the first time I took it and I would give up every *fun* thing I did before the bar (and there was nothing crazy – just a bunch of dinners out and a party) to not have to have taken it a second time in February, when I was working full time and the pressure was on to pass it. If I had passed it, it would have been no big deal, but having failed at the exam after not having failed anything in my life previously, it was a total shocker, super embarrassing, costly to take it twice, and all around a miserable experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

       1. This. Might be too late to post but if the OP sees this – my DH was studying for the bar last summer before we had a big move. He was disciplined enough to study, but he lost a few days leading up to the bar with moving related things and ultimately failed (we got his score – he was so close to passing but alas, close doesn’t count). He’s literally today taking the bar for the second time and having to go through the whole process again was SO miserable, and is embarrassing, and added pressure (he’ll lose his job if he doesn’t pass this time). The bar is simply something I wouldn’t take risks with.

          But if you decide to go forth with this plan anyway, I’d definitely take the days before the wedding and not the days closer to the bar. You’ll really need those last days to be laser focused and you wouldn’t want to encounter any issues (i.e., problems getting back from the mountain or something).

19. Anyone else doing WW and hating SmartPoints? I get that they don’t want me to have sugar but some of the points are absolutely ludicrous. (For example, a Cadbury Crème Egg is 160 calories, but comes out as 8 SP — almost a third of my daily points.) Boo.

    1. I’m with you – my tiny little square of dark chocolate that I liked to have after lunch has doubled from 2 points to 4. My mom is on WW and loved its brand of some kind of fudgesicle, but they went from 1 point to 4!

    2. I’m hating how many points sweet treats cost, but I’m loving that I am actually losing weight and feeling like I’m eating wholesome foods. And wine didn’t go up in points, thank god, so I’m more likely to have a glass of red wine with dinner than some skinny cow confection which makes me feel more like I’m living a healthy life and less like I’m on a diet.

    3. I’m liking it but I’m new to WW. It has really forced me to snack on fruits and veggies and pay attention to what I’m eating. Mostly I find it hard because WW is a lifestyle program in that it sets you up to maintain the weight loss so knowing that I have to continue to eat some version of this way for the rest of my life is kind of depressing. I’m sad that in my mid-thirties that I can’t go back to my mid-twenties diet of nachos/unlimited pasta and drinks. Adulting is hard sometimes.

       1. +10000

    4. Yep. I, once a week or so, have a cookie from a chain coffee shop. It was 5 points. Now. It. Is. Eleven. Points!!

       I have lost 3 lbs since January. I lose 2 then gain 2.3, etc

       I am totally bummed.

20. Did you guys read this article? I haven’t had a chance to read the whole thing but found the beginning really interesting.

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-single-american-woman_us_56cb1352e4b041136f17807a

    What do you think?

    1. She wrote a book: All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation

       My Lean In Circle is going to read it.

    2. Extremely interesting. I’m a bit surprised at the numbers, though. I’m a lawyer and at 33, have only one unmarried friend. As someone with no interest in having children, I am not pushing myself to find a boyfriend and would be happy to never marry. I think society still assumes that women want to marry. I get lots of (inappropriate) questions or remarks about finding a boyfriend. I hope things are changing. I’m sick of justifying my very reasonable and personal decision to have priorities beyond getting married or having children. To each their own. My friends are happy in their marriages and I’m happy for them, but I love my independence.

       1. I’m a lawyer and 30 and have only one *married* friend. I have an SO and am choosing to delay marriage and only get asked about it by strangers.

    3. That’s super interesting. I know my mom expected me for some reason to get engaged during undergrad to my college boyfriend, but I think there was a strong media message in books and movies I read about not giving something up for “a boy” that wasn’t really there in her generation. Like how everyone knows that it’s dumb to give up on your dream college because your high school boyfriend wants you to go where he is, but it keeps applying to life beyond your teenage years. Honestly the idea of getting married at 21 or 22 was shocking to me. I think that with the delaying of adolescence, people need time past their late teens and early 20’s to go live the single life that’s glamorized in our culture. I didn’t live at home during college, but I was poor and kind of treated those years differently than after I graduated and could indulge my chick lit single lifestyle fantasies. When I had like $20 in my bank account in college and was on my parents’ health plan, I did not feel grown up enough to think about getting married.

    4. Honestly, I’d love to be married. The issue is a lack of men who I would marry and who want to also be married.

       Most men I’ve dated recently just view women as objects and playthings.

       1. Ugh, so, after a disappointing conversation with a friend about our ambiguous relationship (we both agreed it had been kind of ambiguous) and the direction it is/isn’t heading, I re-downloaded Tinder.

          I’ve been on it for about 48 hours and am ready to totally quit. I’d rather be single than deal with this BS.

       2. A lot of the article applies to delaying marriage too. If you’d love to be married now but didn’t feel obligated to get married when you were 19, you’re still part of the revolution.

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