Weekend Open Thread

Sam Edelman PettySomething on your mind? Chat about it here.

I think the bootie is one of the key casual looks for this fall — which is handy since I’ve always been a fan of the motorcycle/Western style with low, stacked heels. These suede Sam Edelmans are rated highly for comfort (one of the Zappos reviewers own three pairs!), and I think both the black and the brown “putty” color are classics.  They’re both $129 at Zappos. Sam Edelman – Petty (Black Suede) – Footwear



  1. I have a pair of Clark’s booties that I love. They have a wedge so I can wear them with skirts without feeling frumpy.

    • I’m taking my Clark shoeboots on a work trip to Wisconsin next week, plan on wearing them with pants and skirts. I love them for being so flexible.

  2. Weird, this is the third fashion blog I’ve read this week that’s featured these boots. Very cute, and I can see these dressed up or down. I wish they came in regular leather, though. I have a tendency to wreck suede so I’m not inclined to spend much on them, if I buy them at all.

  3. Thoughts on CH Air Talia wedge as an everyday shoe? My black flats are in desperate need of an upgrade and I like the idea of a wedge.

    • I have a pair and I like them, but I think the CH Air Tali wedges are more comfortable, although they look a bit more casual. My Air Talia’s are black suede and I wear them with pants to work sometimes, but I wear them more with black skinny jeans on the weekend.

      • BTW- you would think they could come up with better names to help differentiate their products- Air Tali vs. Air Talia.

        • Good point. I just realized mine are the Talis not the Talias. Very confusing! Disregard my comment below!

    • I have them. They took a while to break in, but now they are super comfortable. Caveats: I wouldn’t walk more than a few blocks in them, and they are significantly less comfortable with tights, which cause my foot to slide forward, crushing my toes a bit.

    • I have them in a few colors. incredibly comfortable and versatile. I walk long distances in them too.

    • I like the Tali better than the Talia wedge. I didn’t purchase the Talia wedge so I can’t give a full review of those, but the Talis are awesome, awesome, awesome – I can walk a mile in them. The Talia pumps are the best pumps ever, though.

  4. e_pontellier :

    @AnonAz – just wanted to say thanks again for your Dressler supplement!

    • Sorry I keep missing your posts! I’m way behind on the posts. My firm obviously didn’t get the memo on ‘r e t t e time :) Glad you got it, hope its helpful!

  5. I have these booties in a putty color, and I’m really excited to wear them this fall. I had planned to wear them with black leggings and a tunic or black tights and a dress, but now I am kind of worried that this will be stumpifying. Any styling ideas for light colored booties on a shortie with short legs? As I have said before, I am 31 and medium fat, so I don’t think light-colored tights or leggings would look good on me. Maybe I should just embrace looking like a trendy hobbit sometimes?

    • Hi, Jenny. I think that light colored booties with black tights or leggings is a trend that would not be very flattering on someone who wants to look taller. Generally, if you want to make your legs look longer you should have your shoes the same color as your leggings or tights.

    • Honey Pillows :

      I understand where you’re coming from with not wanting to wear light-colored tights, but wearing the same color tights as booties will actually make you look taller!

    • DC Association :

      Jenny….light colored tights or leggings should only be worn by 99% of the population, so don’t think it is just you!

    • Try a super-opaque light beige tight. I got these two winters ago to wear in a pair of cognac boot and they are literally the most universal piece of winter attire I own. I was always hesitant to wear light tights just like you, but they are really surprising and I’m on my third pair now. Just give it a shot. H&M currently has a pair. They need to be 100% opaque, and knit tights and of course just worn in a casual setting. Also, moss green tights work with these booties and any form of skinny jean, especially army green or jewel tone colored ones.

  6. ok, you guise i think i’m in trouble!! I took advantage of a Free with Purchase email from Beauty.com to get a free sample of Fresh Supernova mascara, and it is THE AWESOME! I tried it last night and it is amazing! Makes my lashes look super long and shiny, but doesn’t clump at all and doesn’t even look like i have mascara on!! just looks like i have long, dark eyelashes. I have Fallen In Love!!

    reason i’m in trouble; now that i have fallen in love i can never go back to drugstore mascara, so i am going to fall into povery and destitution because i will be forced to buy this expensive mascara bc i cannot live without it…. :::: ssiiiiiiigggghhhhhh::::: #firstworldproblems

    ALSO, I have to thank everyone who recommended Urban Decay 24/7 eye pencil, bc that was my purchase and it really is as amazing as everyone said, i look so amazingly dramatic and it is holding up way better than my old L’Oreal eyeliner already! Recommendation Seconded!! (i can’t remember who recommended, sorry! I think maybe it was a.? If i am not remembering you, i am really sorry, because i wanted to thank the recommender by name!)

    • lawsuited :

      Tell me about it, sista friend. My mascara “routine” involves Clinique High Impact, Lancome Hypnose, Lancome Hypnose Drama, and Clinique Bottom Lash. It’s truly obscene that I spend $100 on mascara, but there it is.

    • Have you ever used the blinc mascara? I typically tint my eyelashes, but the place I used to go stopped doing it for some reason and I miss my dark dark blue black lashes. What makes this one so amazing?

      Also, I really like the liquid UD 24/7, but it is really long lasting and sometimes I have a hard time getting it off. I especially like Smog. I feel like it looks good on people of many complexions.

      • I may have been one of the UD 24/7 “enablers”. I love mine but I use the liquid liner, not the pencil. I actually don’t have trouble getting it off and I like that when you take it off, it doesn’t smudge but sort of peels off. That’s quite handy.

      • I went with the UD in Perversion, which is super black, bc i like having super black eyes and being all dramatic ;o) But i might pick up a couple more subtle colors to be a little more normal. ;o)

        I’ve only had the Fresh Supernova for a couple of days, but seriously, right out of the tube, no clumping at all, went on completely smoothly, even two and three coats are super smooth and no clumping. And it just makes my lashes look shiny and black, without looking like i’m wearing mascara. AND, i did some crying (long story) and it didn’t budge at all. I have happily sold my soul to Fresh mascara already.

      • FormerMidlevel :

        I use blinc when I wear mascara and I like it a lot.

    • Honey Pillows :

      Really? I’ve tried numerous kinds of fancy mascara, and I found them pretty lackluster in comparison with good ol’ L’Oreal Voluminous.

      It does smudge, though.

      • I heart Voluminous Millions, but I’ve never tried the others.

      • Ah, I love love love Voluminous original. I have finally figured out how to get the fabulous of voluminous without the smudge. Apply the voluminous as usual. Let dry, then apply one coat of Maybelline’s new plush lash mascara. (it’s in a teal blue tube).
        It never smudges but washes off nicely.

        I tried the maybelline on it’s own, but the combo was better.

    • There’s an 8-piece UD 24/7 set at Sephora for $59. I went for it. There’s also a 6 set for $36 or so, but they’re not full-size.

    • I was crazy about the UD 24/7 pencil for a while, until I tried the stila Smudge Stick (got one in a birchbox) and I like it even more. Plus, no sharpener needed.

      • yeah, i’ve heard that, but i actually don’t like the no-sharpener ones. I kind of go dramatic with my eyes a lot, so i like being able to get a nice sharp point. I like the UD pencil because i do my waterline, too.

    • You seem like a nice gal, but enough with the “guise.” So incredibly irritating.

      • If you don’t have anything nice to say, stop saying things to make Justin Bieber cry into his fondue. I will, however, say kudos to you for not posting as Anonymous. I wish all the other guise would follow your lead.

      • Agree— is this a generational / slang thing? It’s so grating. If it means “you guys,” then why spell it wrong on purpose. Just to be really cool?

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          I thought it was to “say it” in a certain tone. I read “you guys” as normal, accent free, “you guys.” I read “you guise” as “you guy-ese” (two syllable) in a whiney, accented tone, kind of like “you guy-sssssssss.” Think, how Fran the nanny would likely say it. No idea if I’m right.

  7. The version from Rag and Bone, I totally love. But I am at a total loss as how to integrate them into my life, and style with my boring (sigh) lawyer wardrobe. I see them and dream of being a carefree urbanite in the fall with tons of edgy artsy things going on.

  8. lawsuited :

    Today is my last day at my current firm, and packing up my office and having a steady stream of teary-eyed goodbyes through my office has left me feeling sort of….fragile. I start at my new firm on Monday, and want to feel pumped for it. Any advice for getting over the graduation goggles?

    • Speaking as someone who has left a lot of good friends at an old firm: There’s a reason you decided to leave and go to a new place. I’m still friends with a lot of people at my old firm and we still keep in touch through emails/happy hours/etc, but now I have great friends and coworkers in a new place where the work environment is so. much. better.

      Also – from a purely practical standpoint, the best thing I ever did for my “network” is lateral because once my old firm friends also started leaving, I had contacts in a vast variety of places.

    • When I left my last job, I chanelled Peggy Olsen in the latest Mad Men season. The scene where she walks out is awesome! Helped take my mind off the friends I was leaving behind and focus on the opportunities ahead.

    • This will sound counterintuitive, but I think you should get out your planner & enter reminders to get in touch with your former colleagues. I say this because of my own experience moving on, making the emotional connection to my new place, getting involved there, and then suddenly realizing that it has been so long that getting back in touch is awkward. Even if we go to lunch, the ease with which we discuss more important stuff is gone and the whole thing feels less successful than I’d like. So don’t let that happen to you.

    • agree wtih JenK. Make sure you get emails across your full network. I left my job in April to start grad school; I have a standing monthly 30 minute “meeting” to send check-in emails to my former colleagues and just rotate through my list (5 at a time usually). the emails don’t have to be long or time consuming – brief works best, just reminds them that you are out there and part of their network.

    • anon in tejas :

      just remember that change is good, but change is tough. Just because it’s tough, doesn’t mean that it was/is a bad choice.

      that was something that was hard for me to remember through my learning curve at the new job.

  9. Nonny - Friday Fun :

    OK, you guise – here is a new Friday fun question for you.

    What do you all have on your desk right now, other than actual work stuff?

    – radio and iPhone dock
    – multicultural desk calendar
    – Mao mug on a coaster picked up in a bar in Vietnam
    – miniature grass hat from Lesotho
    – clock from the MMA
    – butterfly paperweight
    – Art Deco lady dangling her feet in water, which I think is meant to be a soap dish but I use as a paperclip holder (it looks like she is dangling her feet in paperclips)
    – Thai cloisonne container with little things in it from Thailand – e.g. a dried orchid, some bus tickets, etc.

    Wow, I have a lot of crap.


    • I have:
      – A coffee thermos
      – A water cup
      – A tea mug
      – A bottle of Vanilla Coke
      – A kleenex box cover from Etsy where pull the kleenex out of the elephant’s trunk

      I think we can all agree I have a beverage problem.

    • I have:
      – a half-dead plant that I never water but somehow it keeps growing (I already killed a bonsai so have a cheap plant now)
      – my mug with Tazo spicy black tea
      – Moroccan cookies for munching throughout the day
      – my dream notebook .. my ADD brain wanders a lot during the day so I have to write some things down just to be able to go back to whatever I was working on
      – eyedrops because I stare for hours at that laptop under horrible light
      – EOS lip balm; I like to play with it when reading emails (not typing), somehow it doubles as a stress ball
      – a small quote stuck on the wall
      I have a desk, not an office so that might explain the lack of personal items..

      • Houda, is that your youtube channel linked in your name? If so I love your accent and your hair!

        • Aw thank you Bluejay, yes it’s my channel.
          I realized that I was getting frumpier by the day, so decided that having a YT channel will make me do the extra effort to look pulled together .. so far it somehow works because I double check myself in the mirror every morning and am making an effort to organize my surroundings etc.
          And thanks for the comment about the hair, it was thanks to the c o r p o r e t t e community that I decided to keep my hair curly against my (now future ex) manager demand.

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        Glad I’m not the only person that killed the bonsai in their office. Now I’m trying a cactus. Surely I can at least keep that alive.

    • lawsuited :

      Nothing! All my stuff is packed and waiting to go to my new office! For the first time ever my desk is eerily clutter-free….

    • LadyEnginerd :

      – Decorative periodic table from the science museum
      – Engagement photo of me & fiance
      – Sketch drawn by said fiance on our last vacation
      – Fake jellyfish tank lamp thin from thinkgeek

      I might need to rethink the nerd decor.

      • Amelia Bedelia :

        I need to see this “decorative” periodic table!!!

        • LadyEnginerd :

          Here’s the link (I believe mine is technically the 10″ x 20″ placemat): http://periodictable.com/Posters/index.html
          It’s really quite beautiful, and a useful quick reference.

          • Thanks! Not sure if I’ll give one of these to my boy or his teacher this Christmas, but you have gotten me started on my shopping :)

          • Headless Horse(wo)man :

            I totally bought that same thing as a 2012 calendar for my husband, he loves it, and he’s not even a scientist :)

    • manomanon :

      lets see…
      – iphone
      – the watch I’m playing with rather than wearing
      -water bottle
      -travel mug
      -a chipped Elvis who has some sort of backstory I don’t know and was inherited rather than chosen
      -and my keys with a laser gun because I was shooting my coworker (seriously Kierkland laser ray gun- its the best)

    • -Ipod/Iphone speaker dock (I need my Pandora)
      -green glass paper weights & flower pots that I use for pen holders/paper clips (Nonny, I like your Art Deco lady – there may be some e b ay browsing later today)
      -a RED Swingline stapler
      -a half gallon of hand sanitizer. . .

      • – body lotion
        – hand sanitizer
        – Acquaphor
        – Dior Lip Maximizer
        – Calcium supplement
        – Coffee cup

        * I think I just realized I have a lot in common with my grandma

      • Wow, half a gallon of hand sanitizer? That’s some serious hand sanitizing.

        Re the Art Deco lady, she is black glass and I got her in Miami in about 2000, if that helps. She may be connected to some Art Deco museum or agency in Miami.

    • Cornellian :

      coffee cup with old (three days?) coffee
      water bottle
      hair clip
      Swedish-English dictionary
      German-Russian dictionary
      teabags connected to dolls of the Swedish royal family, so they look like they’re bathing in your tea. (duh.)

      • Ohmigosh, i just looked those teabags up on the google, Cornelian, and they are HIGH-LARIOUS ;o)

    • Cornellian :

      -coffee cup with old (three days?) coffee
      -metal water bottle
      -hair clip
      -Swedish-English dictionary
      -German-Russian dictionary
      -teabags connected to dolls of the Swedish royal family, so they look like they’re bathing in your tea. (duh.)

    • *digital picture frame with family & travel pictures loaded
      *ipod dock & iphone
      *water cup

      Wow my desk is boring. I need some stuff to liven it up I think.

    • Fun! I have:

      -A dying bromeliad. Whoever said these were hard to kill clearly had never met me
      -Framed pictures of: my wedding, and two of my son
      -A iPod speaker dock
      -Bag of Halls cough drops
      -A GIANT Costco-sized jar of peanut butter (I eat an apple with PB for breakfast each morning)
      -3 types of hand lotion (I have a sickness, y’all)
      -An Eclipse jar of gum
      -Old fashioned desk lamp
      -An empty circular vase that served as a candy bowl until I realized that I ate the majority of the candy I kept out

    • ooo, so fun!

      – my ceramic travel mug with the dregs of my coffee in it
      – a silver desk lamp
      – my purple variegated ‘wandering jew’ plant in a green pot, that really loves this sunny office, and therefore the vines are twined around the lamp and everything else going down the sides of my desk.
      – a vintage Tetley Tea tin with cute little elephants on it, holding a bunch of different kinds of tea
      – a canister of coffee and my mini french press (i make my own coffee at work)
      – my bag (bc i am messy ;o)
      – iphone
      – sunglasses

      • oh, and my headphones for music to block out all the noise
        and on my bulletin, a couple of xkcd comics that have jokes about nuclear weapons.
        this is my fave: http://xkcd.com/809/

    • I mentioned my medical procedure gone horribly wrong? I’m in bed. I haven’t left my house except for dr appts and yesterday to go to the er because my mother thought I wasn’t healing fast enough. (I’m 36 years old with my own career, house, husband, family). I’d give about anything to be at work now. I did read for awhile outside. I’m frusterated.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        That really sucks. I hope you get good news soon. Is this medical malpractice wrong or “I got the rare side effect” wrong? If it is the former I have a few practical pointers for you.

      • HDTV – international house hunters or I didn’t know I was pregnant (can’t remember the channel). Get online and order a box of good chocolates. Im guessing wine is off limits as you’re probably taking meds.

        I couldn’t really move during the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy and I have to tell you – watching this ridiculous stuff while eating chocolate worked. My favorite was the lady who gave birth on the toilet while she thought she was going to the bathroom. It’s the little things in life… .

        Or get a super trashy novel – I bought a couple that I would have never never EVER read in a million years. I rolled my eyes every couple of pages and tried to hide it whenever my hubby came in; it was ridiculous but made me take my mind off the humango belly and my inability to move.

        Feel better!

      • Hugs, yo. I hope you recover soon.

      • I need tips. I think it’s malpractice, and I’ve been given the names of two lawyers to talk to, but honestly, I’ve been to sick to do anything.

        I was supposed to get my esophagus stretched. They said it would take 10 minutes but I wouldn’t be able to drive because of the anesthesia, but if I got a driver I would be fine going to work. I scheduled it at the end of the day last Friday instead and when the finished it hurt so bad. I got sick Friday night and it got progressively worse until I went to the ER on Sunday and had a CT scan and a chest xray and found out the Dr. perforated it during the stretching. Spent Sunday, Monday and Tues in the hospital but went back to the ER yesterday because I’m still so sick. Dr said he’s never done it to anyone before, and only taken care of 2 other people that it’s happened to. I’m on FMLA until I get another test to show that it’s healed.

        • email is sa(this site) at yahoo dot com.

          I can’t eat or drink otherwise HGTV and chocolate sound wonderful!!!

          I bought brain candy romances for my kindle. It’s been a Robyn Carr marathon.

          I had to miss my sister’s engagement party last weekend and my ILs big birthday bash this weekend.

    • phillygirlruns :

      oh i like these.

      giant calculator
      green mug with highlighters
      high school graduation mug/stein with pens/pencils
      small mug filled with paperclips
      speakers for music – need to bring in an ipod dock i think
      glasses that i never wear, in a case that never gets opened
      iced coffee
      pink nalgene

      most of my crap is on my “credenza” behind me (pictures, tchotchkes, etc). i use that term loosely because it’s an expedit bookshelf.

    • I have a glass pie pan. I’m dead serious. It’s been there for weeks.

      Also, a wooden block calendar thingy, a Buddha statuette, a statuette from Indonesia, a decorative pepper shaker, a woven basket, a jewelry box thing that I use to store chapstick and glasses cleaner, lotion, a Starbucks grande soy chai, a shawl, a wooden bowl, and a carved-soap duck.

      Yep. I just outed myself.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      iphone docking station, iphone, “smart glove” wrist brace, electric tea mug warmer, some bills I have to pay, lots of cough drops, eye drops, a river rock, a penny, an earring, hair ties, hair clips, lip balm, a shell, tea bag holder, coaster, more hair clips, more cough drops, dayquil, dog of the day calendar, another penny and another shell (where do these come from??), a pen holder that has a couple pictures in it, a hand painted ceramic paper clip holder, another one with my initials, and the lid to a bullet blender drink.

      Those are just on my desk. My office as a whole has a lot more of my crap in it.

    • * Plastic glass from a football game my college team played in, sitting on a tile coaster
      * Stack of sticky notes
      * Headphones & iPod
      * Small binder and composition notebook
      * Halls cough drops
      * bottle of generic Claritin
      * paper sorter with miscellaneous papers that probably should be somewhere else
      * cell phone


      My computer screen saver is from my pictures folder, which is ALL family/friends

      We have a strict office/desk policy that means almost all of this gets put up or taken home each night.

    • -an XM satellite radio (currently set to Bluesville)
      -pink astromerias and roses in a vase that I picked up for cheap at the grocery store over the weekend
      -my coffee mug with the phrase “I’m billing you for this.” printed on it
      -desk calendar
      -a squishy green ball that my co-worker gave me
      -a miniature cannon
      -a plastic gavel that makes the Law & Order “doink doink” sound (seriously ya’ll, I’m secretly 6 years old and MUST have toys in my office)
      -a slinky
      -a wooden desk caddy wth pens, paper clips, etc in it
      -a jar of mints
      -framed photos of family and my cat
      -University of Florida Gators coasters
      -paper… lots and lots of paper…

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Love the mug; want the gavel.

        • The mug is from cafepress . com. Just search under “lawyer” and you should be able to find it.

          Here’s the link to the Law & Order gavel:

    • Realizing my desk is depressing. I have: a glass of water; a tub of walnuts; a non-work related book. Hmph.

      • karenpadi :

        Likewise. I do have two heirloom tomatoes that I picked up at the Farmer’s Market over lunch for a caprese salad this weekend. That’s interesting, right?

        • Ooh! Underneath my desk is interesting, though! Even if it is getting a little hoarder-style. I do all my clothes shopping online and get everything delivered to the office, so I throw packages/boxes under my desk to hide them until I go home. I’ve got a Rugby box under there right now that arrived today. Plus a few other packages that need to get returned. And a ginormous box from Club Monaco that I’ve been meaning to toss for awhile, but I keep thinking in the back of my mind, “Maybe I’ll use it for something some day…?”

          On second thought, maybe it’s even more depressing that there’s basically nothing interesting on top of my desk, and the underside of my desk makes me look like a contender for an A&E reality show.

          • aw, it’s just what makes you unique! I think it’s fondue-riffic ;o)

          • Actually, I just realized (and I swear this will be my last post about this), the reason my desk is so boring because All The Interesting Things are on my book case. So I present to you, Things on My Desk–the Bookcase Edition:
            * The Haiku Handbook
            * The Zombie Survival Guide
            * Stone elephant from former co-worker who traveled to South Africa.
            * Stein from former co-worker who traveled to Vienna.
            * Two Skylander figurines.
            * Mohawk Warrior and Grave Digger (of Monster Jam fame) Hot Wheels.
            * A picture of all the people in my clerk class, although every time I look at it, I see imaginary X’s across the faces of everybody who left (including mine).
            * Boring books.

            Feeling better about interestingness level in my office!

          • As a non-american, I instantly thought of rugby (as in sports) and pictured you running with the oval ball in your desk playing catch.. then I was like oooooooh Rugby the brand!

        • and to answer your question, karenpadi– yes, heirloom tomatoes are interesting. Someone needs to make a glass heirloom tomato paperweight.

    • All sorts of fun things, including:
      – an Ipod docking station from Vers (nice looking wood)
      – a magic 8-ball
      – a tape dispenser and paper clip holder made of pewter acrobatic monkeys
      – a calculator that looks like a Crayola box with the crayon tops as the number keys
      – various squishy stress toys shaped like the earth, a brain, a yellow cab, etc
      – an emergency Yodel button that, when pushed in case of emergency, yodels
      – an Easy button
      – a “just say Fooey and move on” mug :-)
      – bendable action figures of Einstein, Houdini and Sherlock Holmes
      – hockey pucks

    • -stacks of paper that I can’t seem to get to
      -fun thank you notes from friends and coworkers
      -light-up angel and devil ducks
      -a purple leather calendar that I have stopped using in favor of Google calendar
      –lots of puffy princess stickers for my friend’s 4 year old when she visits

      elsewhere in my office:
      -red shag rug and matching floor pillow
      -recycled plastic tea set and baby doll (for aforementioned 4 year old)
      -black and white photograph of Derek Jeter batting at Fenway

      • oh, and a copy of Lilly’s Purple Plastic Purse, one of my favorite children’s books!

    • A pink “Life is Good” coffee/tea mug
      Two painted ladybug rocks from my kids when they were little
      “Shrunk” glass Peace on Earth 9/11 memorial my son made in 2001
      Photo of daughter in this year’s college graduation gown at her Uni
      Photo of son in HS graduation gown from last year
      Live blooming orchid
      Souvenir from Costa Rica used as a pen holder
      Two stress relief balls
      Bound calendar/diary
      Lots of files/paperwork that all gets put away at end of day.

    • lucy stone :

      On my back desk:
      *Tervis tumbler with college logo and monogram
      *Inspirational calendar that my husband gave me for Christmas two years ago during a bad budget season
      *Cell phone
      *cheap iHome knockoff

      On my front desk:
      *Preppy month at a glance calendar
      *Paper clip magnetic bird
      *Seal magnetic pen
      *Sorority candy jar that is far too depleted of M&Ms
      *lightbulb stress ball

      I just moved offices this week, so in another week it should be completely covered in personal stuff.

    • SoCalAtty :

      My Haunted Mansion paper clip holder
      iPhone on the JBL speaker/charger
      glass water bottle from whole foods
      Murchie’s tea mug on a warmer with Murchie’s black tea in it
      A turtle shaped tea bag tray
      Burt’s Bees Chapstick
      Daily calender with little slots for my post-its
      A giant pile of documents I am synthesizing into a giant pile of discovery to propound on opposing counsel

      • SoCalAtty :

        On the credenza behind my desk :
        a gardenia plant
        an orchid
        a picture of my husband and me at the top of Half Dome that says “I made it to the top!”
        One of those scent diffusers from Papyrus, but with only 2 of the bamboo sticks put in so it isn’t super strong
        A chuck of Carrera Marble from our trip to Italy when we toured the marble caves
        A silver candy dish with horses carved on it that I won for the most points in the adult low amateur hunters in 2010 (2’6″ jumps – I was very excited!).

        • Headless Horse(wo)man :

          I love/hate Yosemite, and Half Dome terrifies me. But I have so much respect for people who make it to the top!

      • Murchie’s, you say?…..

        Um, if you are from SoCal, when did you become familiar with Murchie’s?

        I am fascinated. I have memories of having tea at Murchie’s with my great-grandmother when I was about 3, and still buy my tea from there…

        • SoCalAtty :

          A few years ago, my best friend was up in BC for a librarian’s conference and found it. We’re both big tea drinkers, so now I order boxes online. It is the best!

          • Well, as an avid tea drinker myself, I am a Murchie’s devotee. They are just down the street from my office so if you ever need anything, just give me a shout!

    • Seventh Sister :

      Tea mug, Vera Bradley makeup bag, plastic tumbler, china saucer from Italy, painted tile my daughter made, post cards from friends (2), school picture proof, cloisonne box from great aunt, shaving mirror (not used for shaving).

    • A bag of chocolates a client brought back from Croatia, a Shakespearean Insults mug (my current favorite being “I do desire we may be better strangers”), a New Yorker cartoon, an iphone charger, a claw clip, and a stuffed devil DH won on the boardwalk that whistles and says I love you when you squeeze it. All of which is nearly invisible beneath the mountain of motion papers I’m trying to plow through.

    • :)

      I have:

      -framed picture of a park near my old apartment in Boston
      -empty mug from this morning
      -coaster from Bed Bath and Beyond
      -this laptop
      -bottle of ink for my fountain pen that I never use now. :(
      -small vase that holds pens
      -my i phone
      -old desk lamp I bought off a med school classmate

    • Headless Horse(wo)man :

      – two 4×6 photographs in Ikea frames – botanical photos that I took when I thought I could be a photographer
      – a squishy mouse and cheese toy, mostly used for stress relief
      – various hand sanitizers
      – “working hands” hand moisturizer – life saver, especially after riding my motorcycle or scooter to work
      – my iPhone
      – a large fake parrot from last week’s “talk like a pirate” teambuilding day

      I am a biologist at a startup… don’t know if that makes my desk mess make more sense.

  10. cartascartas :

    How are we feeling about white jeans for fall (as in-combined with black, navy, snakeskin/darker leather shoes/bags)?

    • Senior Attorney :

      I’m feeling awesome about them! I love them with my navy and white striped sweater, navy blazer, and cognac boots!

      • cartascartas :

        Do you think boots are required to pull it off? I have some gray snakeskin flats that I’d wear with a grey sweater and navy blazer but don’t want to look seasonally confused. ;)

        • I was just trying out a few new fall appropriate outfits the other day with my white skinny jeans and I couldn’t get it quite right. My pants are _really_ white, so I didn’t like how they looked with my knee high dark brown boots. But maybe cognac or any type of brownish ankle boots like the ones listed above would look better. I stumbled across some jeans online that were a “winter white” color, which looked a bit more on the ivory side. I think those would look great year round, but that totally defeats the purpose of transitioning my own pants to fall! Seems to me that any sort of sweater/blazer plus flats combo would be easier to pull off than boots. Sounds like a great outfit!

          • I would trend towards winter white for fall and winter, and White white for spring and summer. Winter white is a little more muted and doesn’t seem as harsh/bright against the typical fall/winter palette. White white has that pop that looks nice against the pastels/brights of spring and summer.

            But definitely lest temperature be your guide, rather than the calendar. If it still feels like summer (high temps), dress like it’s summer. If it is starting to cool off and you are wearing fall styles, then I’d go with fall colors.

        • Senior Attorney :

          Mine are white-white and I wear them all year. But I’m in So Cal so take that with a grain of salt. I generally wear them with tall boots but I just got some pewter boat shoes that I think will be pretty great with ’em, too. Which are pretty much the equivalent of gray snakeskin flats, right? So I say go for it!

    • aesthetic intelligence :


    • i think it *might* objectively look really cute with cognac, grey, and navy–but it’s one of those things where many people looking at it will just not be able to get the past the fact that you’re wearing a rather summery item in a fall way.

      • Senior Attorney :

        See, my view is that jeans of any color are more spring/fall/winter than summer, just because denim is a heavy fabric. In summer around here we wear shorts and lightweight linen or cotton pants or skirts.

    • The 10 day forecast in my area includes 3-4 days over 100 degrees. White jeans are definitely staying in the rotation. I can’t really think about it being much cooler than that and wearing boots (although I really want to), but if you don’t have white white jeans and more cream colored ones I think it would be fine.

  11. Anon for this :

    Lawyers: Have any of y’all been to a Bryan Garner writing conference? I’m interested but they’re quite expensive. I’m happy to pay it if it means I’ll be a better writer, but I obviously don’t want to waste the money.

    • AnonInfinity :

      I haven’t been to one, but several associates in my firm went to one and got a lot out of it.

    • Maddie Ross :

      I’ve been. If you’re not a strong legal writer (or believe you are not a strong legal writer) the session is very helpful in that it gives you very practical pointers to improve your writing. If you had strong legal writing classes in law school that really focused on teaching legal writing (not just grading you on it, like mine), then it may be stuff you already know. I found it helpful and have recommended it to others. It’s also CLE credit and it helps that Garner is an entertaining speaker.

    • I went to a half-day seminar and liked it. I use “The Winning Brief” as reference now. I think his books are pretty easy to learn from and self-explanatory so if money is an issue, some self-education with those might be good first step.

    • SoCalAtty :

      I really want to go – I’m working my way through “The Winning Brief” now, and I would like to attend his seminar in Los Angeles this fall. The book is great so far!

    • I have a friend who I think is a great writer, and he swears by Garner’s books and seminars. I went to one, and was utterly underwhelmed. As I recall, he spent a lot of time talking about his book and connections with Justice Scalia. I thought he also spent a lot of time on small details, like a list of words to avoid.


      • +1 on garner talking about himself and scalia connections. it is beyond obnoxious.

    • Praxidike :

      I’ve been to two and thought they were invaluable. Totally worth the money, IMHO. He’s a very good public speaking, gets his ideas across intelligently and concisely, and communicates wonderfully. He’s also very, very accessible during the breaks.

  12. Have any of you heard of www dutchtub com? I’d love to get one. It kills me that in Europe they apparently go for 450 Euro, but in the US they are over $6000. I have seen a knock-off made in China, have no idea what quality it is.

    • Those do look cool. Though, per their price list, they’re $6000 either place (accounting for exchange rate). Maybe in my alternate life where I also have an outdoor area with a great view, too?

    • Haha, it looks like a soup bowl! Hot tubs have become quite popular in Scandinavia in the last decade, although we like ours wood lined (of course). A wood-stove heated tub that seats seven starts at roughly €2200/$2800, so I’m wary about the €450 figure as well. But $6000 for a soup bowl with that sad excuse of a stove sounds like a rip off.

      It’s pretty sweet to soak in a hot tub outdoors in the middle of winter though.

  13. Just found out that next Saturday, I’ll be attending a huge charity gala with my boyfriend. Sitting at our table with be two CEOs of major corporations that are clients of his, so no, I’m not a little stressed about it at all (/sarcasm).

    He just sent me the website for the event and I could not help sharing the dress code with this community: black tie or DRESSY WESTERN.

    This is a joke, right?!

    Clearly, I’ll be going with the first option.

    • LadyEnginerd :

      Oh Dear. That sounds like a recipe for disaster. At the same time, could you show what a good sport you are by making a nod to the dressy western in your black tie outfit? Like a cute bolero tie as a necklace?

      • LadyEnginerd :

        Bolo, not bolero! My brain must not be working today, as I mix up my accessories!
        A quick google gives me some cute options, though: http://www.rockymountainwestern.com/

      • Headless Horse(wo)man :

        Or fringe tipped with diamonds.

    • I really think you need to go with dressy western. There aren’t that many days in the year where you get that opportunity.

      • Yes, when else will it be socially acceptable to swath yourself in miles of fringe?

        • And I say this lovingly as a person whose inheritance consists mainly of fancy belt buckles.

    • Are you in Texas/Oklahoma/Utah/Wyoming/Montana/New Mexico/Arizona? Because I can see any of those states doing a dressy western dress code. It’s definitely a thing, but more so for the men than the women. So – just focus on the female version of black tie and you’ll be fine.

      • I think it mostly means you can wear your belt buckle and cowboy hat/boots with your black suit.

      • Kontraktor :

        I agree with nona. I think this might just mean that men can wear bolos, belt buckles, boots, and possibly dressy hats. I’ve seen this also referred to as “Texas black tie.” I don’t think it really means much for the women (at least I hope not, as I am imagining an adult version of a JonBenet Ramsey sort of blue and white fringed cowboy outfit).

        • LadyEnginerd :

          Aah! creepy! That photo was a mainstay of grocery store tabloids for years, and freaked me out every time!

          My other real thought would be to wear a piece of southwest jewelry – turquoise, inlay, etc. mainly because I drool over that stuff whenever I’m in the area.

    • That sounds AWESOME, I mean, you go with the first of course. But I would LOVE to attend a dressy western event with a bunch of rich people….just for the laughs alone!

    • It’s actually a really common dress code for the western state inaugural balls. People will wear a tux and cowboy boots.

      Quirky? Yes. But also really, really awesome.

    • In Texas that means boots and a formal dress. It’s not unusal and I wear it (formal dresses and boots) all the time to Houston events. For guys, hats, jeans, and tux jackets-it’s my favorite look on men. Hubba Hubba.

    • eastbaybanker :

      I went to a Texan wedding with a dress code along these lines. All the Texans were wearing cowboy boots and down home belts with their suits. As a non-Texan, the whole thing was utterly baffling. I wore what I would wear to any other wedding at that time and location and I was dressed very appropriately.

    • As an Arizonan, I’m failing to see the problem here ;)

  14. @ Frou Frou: Don’t know if you read the weekend thread, but I just confirmed my appointment at the Bobbi Brown counter for tomorrow. I have a feeling my wallet will hate you, but thank you for the heads up. I know I’ll feel better with my makeup properly done.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Bobbi Brown is awesome. Her whole schtick is looking like the best version of yourself. All my makeup is BB. You will probably spend a ton of money, Ms. BEF, but I can tell you it lasts and lasts. I am still using powder eye shadow pans that are over a year old after near-daily use. I love BB’s fillable compacts too. It’s the best thing ever for staying organized at home and especially when traveling.

    • Frou Frou :

      Yay! So glad. I think you’ll look lovely. What I love about Bobbi is that they do a natural, but professional look that isn’t overdone. They may put a ton of make-up on you, but it will still look fresh and natural and feel comfortable. And really, don’t feel obligated to buy anything. At most, a lipstick. There are plenty of Cherry Creek ladies willing and able to fork over cash that they currently have. Also, you can silently think, “Oh, I’m giving back to Frou’s purchase, because she just dropped a ridiculous wad of cash (that she doesn’t really have) at this counter, but didn’t make them put anything on her face.”

  15. Does dressy Western mean this http://www.sundancecatalog.com/product/womens+clothing/womens+skirts/womens+mid+length+skirts/tea+dance+embroidered+skirt.do?sortby=ourPicks or is it just a category they made up to intimidate people?

  16. Speaking of weird dress codes, I found out this week the theme for our office holiday party this year is ‘vintage carnival’ and theme dressing is encouraged but not required. No indication of what the alternate dress would be.

    What would you wear to a ‘vintage carnival’ holiday party in Canada? It’s likely I’ll sew my dress, but I’m a little baffled as to what would be weather appropriate and theme appropriate. Yes we’ll be inside, but even inside is chilly in the winter around here, and my quick google search turned up only summery type things. Like a vintage outdoor summer carnival.

    Anyone have any ideas?

    • A poke bonnet, calico dress, and the featured booties.

    • Yay! Open Thread’s! I am coming home today!!!! I can’t wait!!!! But we are not done, and I may have to come back next month. FOOEY!

      We have office party’s too, and the manageing partner allways calls up the theme’s we have to do. When we had a Haloween party, everyone had to get dressed up as a GOBLIN or a Witch or a Warlock. Fooey! It was very unsanitary.

      Anyway, Jim made me use MY credit card to pay for dinner. He said I could bill it back but I thought that was cheezy. I asked him why, and he said he had already gone OVER his per deeim, so I put dinner on MY credit card. I was not sure what he was spendeing his money on, but he did say he was watcheing movies in the hotel room TV. I bet those were the one’s NOT suitable for children. FOOEY on that.

      I have a 7pm flight to LGA, which mean’s I will NOT get home until real late tonite, so I will NOT be abel to do shopping and laundry tomorrow and I have to go in SUNDAY to do a few brief’s for motions on Monday. I wish these plaintiff’s just did NOT show up so I could do a 3211(a)(7), b/c I have done alot of those before, but these guy’s want to get paid. Fooey!

    • I would do a little striped jacket and tons of petticoats, striped stockings and boots. The more colorful the better. You can stay warm dressed like that.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Clown suits look pretty warm to me.

    • Honey Pillows :

      Depends on how vintage. I’d say think burlesque, but modest. Nods to vintage colors and fabrics, curvy waists, full skirts, a top hat with a face veil, flowers in your hair, lace-up boots, hand-held fans, a boa, etc.

      OR it could be a 50’s carnival, in which case the same thing in 50’s silhouettes. Seems a bit of an extreme request to make for an office holiday party.

    • Wow, who comes up with stuff like this? Sounds like it could be a minefield. I would talk to someone involved with organizing the party to get a better feel for what they had in mind.

    • Carmen Miranda.

    • Put on a fake beard and be the bearded lady. Super easy. Or team up with a coworker and be siamese twins. Or you could be a lion tamer in a red hussar jacket with gold frogging, jodphurs and knee-high boots. And a whip. And a chair. Lion tamers always wield chairs.

      • I wonder if I could convince my hubby to be the lion? LOL! I think I’ll ask the organizers exactly what they’re thinking. Sounds like a fun thing, but the dressing up part is weird.

  17. Mascara question: What’s your favorite (preferably drugstore) mascara that comes in brown? My preferred mascara is Maybelline Full n’ Soft, and they apparently now only make it in black. Bonus if it costs less than $10 and is not tested on animals.

    • Kontraktor :

      I use this as my drug store brand as well. I didn’t realize they stopped making it in brown. Could you try eBay to order some unopened packs of it? I recently have also been using MAC Opulash- it’s not too much more than drug store brand (don’t think it was more than $20?) and it might come in brown. Don’t know if it is tested on animals or not.

      • I guess I don’t actually know they’ve discontinued it, but I haven’t been able to find it for more than 6 months now. Perhaps I’ll look online. I will check out MAC – thanks!

    • I have really sensitive eyes so I use the Almay waterproof in black brown. I switched to waterproof because I go to the gym right after work and the non waterproof runs down my face.

      • I like the Almay in black/brown as well, and I think they do not test on animals?? (I keep getting conflicting info on this, so I’m not sure if the parent company recently changed.)
        Their “one coat lengthening” mascara comes in a brown and a black/brown. The “for x color eyes” mascara comes in a “chocolate”. I have no idea what the actual difference in color is.
        Cover Girl is owned by Proctotrand Gamble, and they do test on animals.
        e.l.f. is cruelaty-free, dirt cheap, and at Target, but I have no idea on the quality and color of their mascara.

        • Yeah I just got home and could check. It’s the one coat lengthening that I use.

          • Can I get Almay at drugstores? I don’t think I’m familiar with the brand.

          • I buy it at Target, but I think I used to buy it at Walgreen’s, although the one near me might have stopped carrying it. It’s a drugstore makeup brand for sensitive skin/eyes.

          • I know RiteAid and Target carry Almay, not sure about others!

        • Ugh that’s right, I forgot CG was owned by P&G. Ugh.

    • LOVE Cover Girl Lash Blast. Lots of colors. Generally under $8, and generally available at CVS, Target, etc. with some discount. http://www.drugstore.com/covergirl-lashblast-volume-mascara-black-brown-810/qxp181954?catid=183541

      I don’t like the waterproof or 24 hour versions as much, but they are useful if you plan on crying :).

      • This is exactly what I use. I have tried both the waterproof and 24-hour versions as well, but found them really difficult to remove. But the original formula is great!

      • Thanks! This is very promising, especially since it comes in both a lighter brown and a darker brown.

      • I love Lash Blast- the orange tube not the purple. The purple doesn’t work as well for me for some reason. I tried a new mascara a month for a while and the non-waterproof Lash Blast in the orange tube was definitely my fave.

      • SpaceMountain :

        Yes, the orange tube. It comes in brown, it’s great, and cheap enough to change it out frequently (preventing eye infections).

      • SF Bay Associate :

        I also use LashBlast and like it a lot. Yes, the waterproof one is a bear to remove. I have had and liked orange tube, but purple tube was in a 3 pack at Costco plus a coupon, so that’s what I’m using now. I vaguely think I liked orange better, but purple was way cheaper with coupon at Costco.

    • Buy it on amazon for 3.99 http://www.amazon.com/Maybelline-Full-Mascara-Brownish-Black/dp/B0000536M3/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1348862003&sr=8-2&keywords=maybelline+full+soft+brown

      • I need waterproof, unfortunately. I just checked on their website and confirmed that they now only make it in black.

    • Other than Almay, I don’t think there any drugstore cosmetic brands that don’t test on animals. But you can do a search and filter for that on Beautypedia.

    • karenpadi :

      The pink and green one (sorry, don’t know the name). I tried blinc and all the fancy Sephora mascaras. The pink and green one is the best ever.

      • I agree. It’s Maybelline Great Lash. There’s a reason it’s been around for 40 years.

      • People either love or hate Great Lash, and I’m firmly on the hate side.

    • The only drugstore mascara I’ll use is Maybelline Volume Express Falsies – it comes in black, brown, curved brush, waterproof and so on.

    • Maybelline Great Lash in brownish black has always worked really well for me, though I don’t see plain brown in the stores anymore. I keep coming back to it, no matter what other mascaras I try.

      • And I just saw you don’t care for Great Lash. Oops. It is a strangely polarizing mascara, isn’t it?

    • Headless Horse(wo)man :

      Oh, I totally get this… I have auburn/brown hair and pale skin, so black mascara (1) looks terrible on me and (2) is becoming more and more the norm. CoverGirl Lash Perfection, comes in Brown and Black/Brown. Minimal clumps, looks like you but with longer lashes. Even looks good on lower lashes, which I can never do with black mascara. Also available on Amazon for under $6.

  18. Winter is coming (100+ for working this phrase into daily conversations!) and my lips are already chapped!

    Lip balm/gloss recommendations? I would love something tinted, with an SPF, and in a tube.
    I tried the Korres lip butter in pomegranate (not my color!) and wasn’t a fan of the sticky consistency or applying from a pot. I guess I’m looking for something pink/rose that I could wear all the time and I have no idea where to begin.

    • If you don’t mind spending a million dollars, Fresh Sugar is the absolute best I have tried. Neutrogena Revitalizing lip balm is pretty good too.

      • Maddie Ross :

        Agree. Fresh Sugar is the best, hands down. If you want drugstore, I prefer the Neosporin lip balm. It really does heal if you’ve got cracks. Esp. if you combine with the nighttime treatment.

        • karenpadi :

          Sugar is awesome. The tints are too bright/dark for me so I’d stick to the clear version.

      • I am a banana. :

        Another vote for Neutrogena Revitalizing lip balm. Love that stuff.

    • Dior Addict Lip Glow (not the plumping version, or whatever) is pretty great. SPF 10, and gives a natural flush that’s basically your natural lip color but flushed. I think it’s based on the same technology as the lip plumping version (but does not plump!) and increases blood flow. Plus it’s an excuse to go Nordstrom.

    • +1000 internet points. Now I must figure out a way to work that into a regular conversation!

      • Live somewhere where you actually get winter, and then it can be a lead into everything.

        “Winter is coming, I need to go shopping…for boots”
        “Winter is coming, I need to buy a car…that will handle the snow”
        “Winter is coming, I need to go grocery shopping”.

        It’ll be good from now until snow falls, the temps fall below freezing, or Dec 21, which ever happens first. It’s even better if you use in conjunction with things that don’t even have anything to do with winter (like that last one).

        • SoCalAtty :

          Unless you’re in Los Angeles, then it’s – “winter is coming….wait, no it isn’t.”

          “Winter is coming…somewhere else…let’s go find it!”

          • Senior Attorney :


            “Winter is coming! Can’t wait to be able to turn off the a/c so I won’t freeze to death inside the house any more!”

          • It’s more like summer is finally here! I’m going to the beach this weekend, can’t wait!

          • SoCalAtty :

            I’m seriously considering a beach day tomorrow – day 2 of one of the pro surfing competitions is tomorrow and the surf looks to be pretty good!

        • Winter is coming; hear me roar!

          Winter is coming; we’ll serve braised boar with mashed neeps and pease.

          Winter is coming; there is little and less sunlight, much and more snow.

          Winter is coming; this sundress will be as useless as n!pples on a br3astplate!

          Wait, we’re not doing G.R.R.M.-style comments all weekend?

      • YES. Hehehe. Completely.

    • Brooklyn, Esq. :

      I’ve been enjoying Nivea A Kiss of Cherry, which has SPF 10 (I know, a little low) and is like $3.79. When I put it on over lipstick it comes out pretty cherry (i.e., red) colored (but pretty!). On bare lips it’s much more sheer. It’s probably not the most moisturizing balm ever, but cheap enough to experiment with.

  19. Diana Barry :

    Hey ladies,

    I just learned that a colleague of mine has br**st cancer. She had to have a double mastectomy and is now having chemo and won’t return to the office for the rest of the year. (I had just seen, previously, that she was ‘on leave’, nothing else.)

    What should I send to her house? The first thing I thought of was an itunes gift card and an edible arrangement or something, but I’m not sure what to do.

    • I was in a similar situation last year and sent some fragrance-free lotions and lip balm based on some suggestions I saw online. I also read that cozy socks are good. I like your iTunes idea – also along that line are Netflix and Amazon.

    • Mighty Mouse :

      You are such a sweet, caring person to send something to her.
      +1 on the iTunes card.
      I’d think twice about the EE; often, chemo can drop your white blood count and people are cautioned to stay away from fresh fruit and, sometimes, flowers.

      When a family member went through this very same issue, we found that movies were great (sometimes couldn’t concentrate on reading) as we’re soft, comfy wraps to take to chemo (the port is on a person’s chest, so no turtlenecks / high necks even if chemo room is freezing!).

      Hugs to your friend.

    • Agree on anything warm and cuddly. True story – My mom was diagnosed with br**st cancer when I was in college and on my first trip home after getting the news, I brought her back a cute, super soft little teddy bear from the school’s bookstore that had a little tshirt on it that said “Cuddle with someone from the University of Florida”. That bear sat by her bed at my parents house and went with her for every hospital/hospice stay.
      One thing my dad that I think helped save my mom’s sanity was get her a Netflix subscription (this was back in the day before streaming was available). She LOVED it. SHe couldn’t work either and was more or less bed-ridden. You could probably do a 3-month gift subscription (if you don’t think they have a subscription already).

    • When my grandmother had chemo she lost her hair and her head got really cold – my aunt knitted her some hats in bamboo fibers that she really liked because they were soft, not scratchy and breathable so it kept her not too hot & not too cold.
      Does she have a family at home? Maybe a gift card to a local grocery store that does prepared foods or a delivery service for foods? Is there anyone in your office that knows her better than you do that you could ask what she needs or likes?

    • Anon a Moose :

      Also, a person in our office is out for cancer treatment and one of the admins bought a bunch of “thinking of you” cards – she keeps them at her desk and sends out an email asking us if we want to sign them or give our own card, then she mails him an envelope of the cards and notes from our co-workers every week or two. He has emailed back and said that he really likes getting the notes and cards, so thats something to consider organizing at your office.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        I love that idea.

      • This is such an incredibly wonderful idea.

        The best gift you could give her is a phone call or or a card or a visit in the future… when everyone has forgotten about her. It will be a very scary, lonely time for her. When my mom got diagnosed with cancer, she received a bunch of cards the first week she was diagnosed, in the hospital, and then not a peep until she died. It was so shocking to me.

  20. anon for this :

    Please tell me your stories of dealing with sexual harassment, both the experience and the outcome. Not ready to share my story but wanting to know if I’m alone in the experience and in how my employer handled it

    • You are not alone :

      You are definitely not the only one. Made me so nervous and scared to go to work, and continued to haunt me years later. My experience is likely not useful to you in gauging how your employer handled it, since it was at a university during grad school and they’re notoriously bad at handling these things (rules infringe on academic freedom!), so I’d prefer not to out myself with the gory details if they won’t be useful to you.

      But yes, it was clearly inappropriate, yes, it was mishandled, and yes, I was the one who suffered by being ostracized, called oversensitive, etc. If I were you, I’d start looking for a new job, since it only really stopped haunting me once I moved on from the place that betrayed me by handling it poorly. I never saw that university the same way ever again, and didn’t go back for commencement because I didn’t want to ever set foot there ever again.

    • karenpadi :

      You are so not alone. There are so many kinds of sexual harassment. What I’ve been through (in the legal world–I have more stories).

      Clerkship in law school at National Laboratory: older man in senior role but not my supervisor trap me in my office for over an hour to demonstrate his push-up technique, comment on my body/work-out regime, offer to be my “mentor”. This followed many many small incidents where he said things that made me uncomfortable but I hadn’t wanted to report. Another person tried to stop it but he didn’t get the clue. When I returned to work after the incident (thinking I might have to report it), he avoided me like the plague (maybe a supervisor got involved?). I never reported it.

      First serious law firm: 2 older associates. One decided to mentor me when my mentor left. Turned out, he just wanted an affair. He was very subtle (e.g., nothing to report but I was still uncomfortable) until he decided to leave the firm. In his last two weeks at the firm, he set up a romantic picnic and insisted on holding my hand for n hour-long a bus ride. Creepy but he was leaving. After he left, he continued sending me creepy emails and asking me out on dates.

      The other was a creepy old man who stared at us in the hallway and down our shirts. I told a male associate that he was making me and certain female staff uncomfortable, who, in turn, had a serious talk with he creep. He behaved until each of us gave notice, then harassed us for our last two weeks.

      Second serious law firm (BigLaw): female partner was generally a bully but some of her bullying was directed to s#xual things. I left within a year.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      This is not even remotely in the same category as the Rena Weeks and the M&Ms at Baker McKenzie, but before law school, I was at the bottom of the food chain at a company. One of the execs (married, with kids) who worked at another of our offices traveled to our office periodically for work. And then he met me in a meeting. Suddenly, he started coming back to our office a lot more. He was right behind me every time I turned around. He would offer me rides to company events and try to insist (I still can’t look at cars like his without shuddering). He complimented me on my clothing, especially when I wore a (modest) skirt or dress, and particularly a (modest, knee length, A-line Jcrew) strapless dress I wore to the holiday party. He greeted me with hugs, and tried to get his arm around my shoulders or waist, especially at company events. He would wink at me, especially if I tried to avoid the hug. I would catch him looking at me from across the room, always watching. He made slightly inappropriate comments constantly. “Light” jokes about my dating life. Would try to sit next to me at meetings/lunches. I stopped going to company yoga because he started coming and commented on my flexibility and form.

      I was very, very uncomfortable, and it was increasing in frequency and intensity. I finally scheduled a meeting with his boss, a woman who I worked under. She thought I was asking for a raise so she came prepared to talk about that. I told her that Creeper was s3xually harassing me. She didn’t take me seriously at first, but as I gave her detail after detail, she began to. Because I was leaving for law school in a few months, the way she handled it was to put him on a (good) project on the east coast which effectively prevented him from coming back to our office until after I had left. I never saw him again. In retrospect, I don’t know if this was the right way to handle it. I think she thought if she went to HR, it would cause all kinds of drama for me, her, and him, and since I was leaving anyway, keeping him away from me would accomplish what I needed.

      Sometimes when I close my eyes, I still see his leering, smiling face in my mind. Ick.

      • karenpadi :

        Ugh. I’m getting the weebie-jeebies just reading this! I’m so sorry you went through this SF Bay Associate.

    • gov't attorney :

      Started my career in the IT sector. Initially it was more of a hostile work environment than anything overt. There weren’t many women at the places I worked and men would often start spreading brutal rumors that would make it hard for women to advance.

      My last IT-oriented job was at a dot com-type place. When I was there, it was a well-respected business, but I found out later that a few years prior it was more adult oriented. That mentality still prevailed. One department had biweekly str*p club outings, I had my a** grabbed more than one time by various male employees, and any woman who did make it into management usually experienced a plethora of rumors about how she got that position. The CEO was one of the worst offenders, so there was really no support for women. I was in a quality assurance role and actually had a situation where people kept asking if I was dating a coworker when I got frustrated with him for refusing to make necessary changes to a project.

    • Had an experience with this while working in a retail store when I was 18. The store manager was a 60 year old man and used to regularly try to start conversations with me about s*x, pr*stitution, etc. It made me feel really uncomfortable – particularly since the store was small, so sometimes he and I would be the only 2 in the store, especially when we were closing up.

      I was scared to speak up, but fortunately the assistant manager overheard a conversation of this nature, asked me if it was a regular thing and if I had a problem with it. He reported the manager to HR.

      After this, it was severely mishandled…the manager apologized and told me that they wanted to fire him. He said I needed to write a letter to corporate explaining that it was a misunderstanding and he stood over my shoulder while I wrote it. I put in strong language that if any woman in the past or future had reported the manager then he should be punished, but I shouldn’t have written the letter at all. I was just intimidated and didn’t know what else to do. He got to keep his job, but there was always a 3rd person scheduled to work if we were working at the same time, and I left the company soon after. I wish I had been a better advocate for myself, but at the same time I’m not sure HR would have acted any differently

    • I am reading all of these stories and I feel sick to my stomach. I am so sorry you ladies had to go through this.

      I hope you have someone to talk to about this.

    • e_pontellier :

      I worked at a number of restaurants in college, was s3xually abused in a number of ways, and nothing was ever done. No helpful advice except I hope you have someone (female) to talk to about this, and I hope it never happens again.

  21. Love these boots. They’re actually just what I’ve been looking for. Will order them as soon as they are available in my size.

    Kat, where are the Friday news links? I always look forward to those!

  22. Anyone have experience buying pearls? Mr. TBK has said he’d like to give me a strand of pearls for Christmas so now I’m doing my research. I did some looking online to get a sense of price and type. Then we talked to our regular jeweler and his pearl guy quoted us a price about $2,000 more than what I’d seen online. What’s typical for an 18″ strand of high quality saltwater (Akoya) pearls in the 7.5-8.0mm size? Also, has anyone bought jewelry online? There’s a site (link to follow) that has been written up in the WSJ and seems legit. Their prices are a third of what our jeweler quoted us. The huge price difference makes me wonder what’s up — is the jeweler seriously marking up the pearls? are the online pearls not as high quality? or is it really that the online guy has just been able to streamline the process so much that he really makes up that difference? Finally, I’ve read that there are now freshwater pearls that are the same size and shape as saltwater. Does anyone know anything about these? Do they look any different from saltwater pearls (e.g., luster, color, etc.)? Any information would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

    • www.pearlparadise.com

      • SoCalAtty :

        Love that site! I’ve never seen it before, but even though I’m not a strand of pearls wearer, I see some pendants I really really like….looks like I have another dangerous website!

      • I bought pearls from there about 1.5 years ago, based on the WSJ article and talk on this site.

        The pearls are beautiful and the ordering process was easy.

      • Just bought a strand from here and some earrings as well. The quality of the product is MUCH better than the quality of the web design, thankfully. I’m thrilled with them. I got freshwaters (the “freshadama” line) and they look as good as any saltwaters I’ve seen – perfect shape, good ‘depth’ (not sure how to describe this, but they’re not flat-white, they have iridescence but not in a bright, flashy way).

        This might be standard for pearls – I haven’t bought any before – but the 18″ length was just exactly 18″, including the clasp, so it’s a little shorter than I wanted. (When I chose 18″, I was looking at how a thin chain looks on me at that length, and the 9 mm pearls look ‘shorter’ at that same length.) I think I may have another 1.5-2″ added later.

        This lady – http://passagedesperles.blogspot.com – knows her stuff.

      • CPA to be :

        I got a set of “starter” pearls from that website last Christmas– the 7-8mm white freshwater pearl necklace AAAA quality, for those who are interested.

        I found the website just by googling “buy pearls online” or something. Based on the website design, it seemed a little sketchy, but the prices were *so* good. The pearls I got are beautiful and high quality, and a lot bigger than I was expecting for the price. I mean, I know they said 7-8mm, but I didn’t really trust the website.

        Anyway, I would go back to that website again and again, and once I’m ready for “I can afford something awesome” pearls, I will definitely be ordering them from that website.

    • Pearls are tricky to buy online. Like any jewelry, they’re worth what an appraiser says they’re worth, not what a retailer is charging you, so it’s critical to find a seller you trust. Akoya pearls will hold their value, but expect to pay several hundred but no more than $1000 for a good strand of uniform shape and color Akoya pearls. In my experience, the big, national jewelry chains are the worst when it comes to marking up prices.

      I buy all my pearls in person, or from wholesalers I trust. I love the selection at Kojima pearl, which other commenters have posted about, but I haven’t bought any finished jewelry from them. People have also mentioned Blue Nile for pearls, but I don’t have any personal experience with them either.

      • Only several hundred? That seems really low based on what I’ve seen. The lowest I’ve seen for high quality Akoya pearls in the 7.0 – 8.0 mm range is $1,500 or more, with many closer to $3,500. Am I missing something?

        • That’s a lot for a single strand of 7-8 mm. A lot. For that much, you could take a two week vacation in southeast Asia and buy a quadruple strand of perfect South China Sea pearls while you’re there.

          The mark-up on jewelry can be ridiculous (looking at you, national retailers, cough cough Tiffany cough). This is why you’re better off doing some research and homework, and working with a “smaller” seller.

    • Read posts by duchesse at Passage DES Perles. A wealth of info.

    • I find it helps a lot to look at strands of differing quality IRL to ‘get’ the difference – ‘lustre’ usually gets cited as a big differentiator on top of size, colour and flaws, and it can seem a bit intangible unless you see poor, good and great examples side by side – then the difference really pops.

    • My pearls are from Pearlsonly.com
      They were a graduation gift actually from my father (necklace and earrings), so I cannot comment on the buying process but the pearls themselves are lovely. FWIW my father typically buys jewelery / pearls from a particular jeweler and usually thoroughly researches a “big ticket” item before purchase, so I am sure he looked into other sites and online retailers before making a purchase. (he also bought my mom and sister pearls from the same site)

  23. CleveAnon :

    This community has been so wonderful for honing my business instincts! I have another request–a recent promotion has me working with and managing many people who are much older than me. I’ve substituted education for experience for the job description, and am confident I can excel in this position, but I’d love some advice or tips for avoiding any awkwardness that might arise from a) being new to a management position after being a peon for years, and b) managing people who are older and more experienced than me. Any insight you could share would be greatly appreciated!

    • One thing we learned in business school was to be sensitive to generational differences around communication style. For instance, someone of our generation would default to email as being the most expedient, “best” way to communicate, but some folks of an older generation are more used to “relationship building” either in-person or telephone, in order to communication.

      In terms of getting a quick guide to managing folks, I think that “Winning” by Jack Welch is an excellent book to get you thinking about how to manage people and what incentives you want to create to get your organization moving in the right direction. I find his whole divorce and Suzy Welch thing creepy, but he’s an amazing business guru, so…cut him some slack. It’s a good book.


    • Second MJ.
      Sometimes you have to pay attention to little details and accommodate their personality.
      For example, I work with a person who would get upset if you do not greet her in the morning. When asking her to do something, you WALK to her desk and ask her nicely.
      Some older people might want you to spend a little more time listening to their “war tales” from when the company still used typing-machines etc. and this is part of what you do as a manager to make everyone at ease in your team.
      A little watchout though: never be apologetic for being where you are. You earned your promotion and every now and then you might need to be assertive even if it is uncomfortable. That means if someone keeps nagging you about being a “kid” the age of their children and that you don’t know how to run the business/team/process/what have you, then you stand up tall and instead of trying to explain that no you didn’t get favors, or you studied hard etc. you simply remind the person that as “manager of xx” department you have the responsibility to ensure the project is done by x date and you expect Mrs. or Mr. OlderthanYou to do X Y Z as per their job description.

    • What industry are you in? In my experience that could make a big difference

    • I had to deal with this for a little while, and dealt with it by listening… a LOT. I think for the first month I was in the position, I sat back and didn’t ask anyone to do anything. I was a mid-level manager, so someone else could always give direction. When I learned everyone’s styles and got them comfortable with me, built a rapport, whatever, I started very nicely asking them to do tasks. And I found that many of them lacked the training to do what I asked, so I’d ASK if they wanted to learn. This gradually progressed to a more authoritative style, but at the beginning I was very sweet and deferential. It worked out well, when I left the company, the older workers were the ones saddest to see me go, and they are the ones I miss the most!

    • I think good manners and the habit of listening more than speaking are hugely helpful for a young manager who wants to carry her authority in an effective way. There is a mental shift from being staff (“I have to solve this problem”) to being a manager (“I have to get them to solve this problem”) and if nothing else, the listening habit gives you a moment to curb the impulse to jump in and solve other people’s problems.

  24. I have a hard time shaving my legs post surgery with all the turning and bending required. I’m thinking of waxing them, but my hair is kind of patchy, for lack of a better word, and fine. I’ve never waxed them before but know that the hair has to be long enough for the wax to adhere. Will it not adhere in places where it is patchier than others and I’ll still have to deal with those areas after?

    • I can’t speak to your waxing questions, but you may want to consider Nair. The smell has gotten much better over the years and it’s super easy to put on and take off. I’ve been using it since I was 18 and I only have to do my legs once a month.

      • It doesn’t have to be that long, but yeah, if the hair is patchy, a part that doesn’t have growth when you wax will come in later. Hair grows on different cycles, when you wax it takes them all out at once, but it can take a few sessions to get them all growing together. This is also why some people mistakenly think waxing makes the hair grow in thicker. It doesn’t. It just makes them all grow at once instead of on staggered growth cycles.

      • Second the recommendation to try a depilatory. I prefer Veet over Nair, personally.

  25. 401(k) for the Self-Employed :

    Perhaps this has already been discussed, but in case it hasn’t, I wanted to share this: http://jezebel.com/5946643/reddit-users-attempt-to-shame-sikh-woman-get-righteously-schooled

    Made my day. Have a nice weekend, ladies.

  26. I’m sure someone else on this site suffers from super oily, acne prone skin. Any recommendations for managing this skin type? It’s driving me nuts, and my usual products are not cutting it.

    • Hi there! Can I recommend Paula’s Choice, like the total fangirl that I am?

      Do a Google site search for this site and Paula’s choice. You’ll see lots of reviews. I used to have super oily, acne prone skin. Now I have mostly balanced skin. I use the skin balancing line. It’s amazing.

      • Motoko Kusanagi :

        +1 to everything Bluejay said.

      • What products do you use from that line? I’ve purchased some of her stuff in the past, and it didn’t work. I’m willing to give it a second chance though!

        • I use the face wash, toner, 1% BHA gel, and the antioxidant serum (under my eyes only).

          She has an acne line, but it didn’t work for me because I’m apparently allergic to AHA.

    • Anon for this... :

      Have you seen a dermatologist? If not, give it a try.

      I found a dermatologist specializing in women’s skin/hormonal issues.

      For years I had oily skin (and hair), acne in a male pattern (this is classically the chin/jawline/nose and even on the chest/back/upper arms for some). I was also quite hairy compared to my other family members. The dermatologist started me on the (cheap) pill spironolactone, as she thought my testosterone levels might be a little high, causing all my problems. This is very very very very common in women.

      It changed my life. It took several months to slowly increase the dose to the lowest dose needed to control my symptoms, but it is amazing. At the same time, she started me on a topical antibiotic (that I don’t use anymore) and a retin-A (prescription strength) product that has helped reduce my pores, even out my skin tone, and slowly fade all of my scars from years of acne.

      I am so sad I didn’t see a dermatologist 20 years ago…. But much happier now.

  27. Quick! I am going to a wedding tomorrow and getting a mani/pedi on the way home. Dress is deep plum color, c0cktail length. Shoes are black peep toes.

    What color for toes/nails?!?!

  28. Bamboozled :


    If you had a chance to redo your career choice, would you still choose your current career? And for those of you who changed careers after working for several years (drastically, from like teacher to nurse, etc), what is the best piece of advice you can give to someone just beginning to consider such a change?


    • karenpadi :

      I wouldn’t choose my career again. I appreciate my job but don’t love it. Honestly, I’d like to get back into engineering. But I saw so much sexism in undergrad. I see so much sexism and frat-like behavior in my client’s workplaces. Seriously, it’s a deal-breaker. Can I change my gender** before changing my career?

      **I acknowledge the struggles of trans-people.

      • LadyEnginerd :

        Um, sadly, this. I would like to be a male engineer. Maybe take a few years in industry before the doctorate, but definitely I like the problem solving I’d just like to stop having run-ins with men who either hit on me or challenge my competency because of my gender.

    • SoCalAtty :

      I don’t think I would choose law school again. I think I would choose teaching, or maybe organizational management and go into non-profit work. I’m finding I need a “so what” at the end of the day that business litigation isn’t giving me.

    • Law school got me a job, and I’m not complaining, but I wouldn’t go back and do it again. I’d probably do a Master’s and PhD in my first love (Southeast Asian ethnomusicology) and go on to the cruel, hard life of a university prof. I still have fantasies about that.

      • Anon for this :

        Yeah. I have a conference paper to write this weekend, 25 papers to grade, such a bad cold I can hardly talk, and am looking forward to the four days this week I won’t have papers (ie, this batch goes back Monday and I get another 30 on Thursday, and then another 100 on Sunday) because I’m going to be writing job application letters. I haven’t gotten more that 7 hours of sleep per night on average since the week before classes started.

        I also am organizing a conference event and have one additional conference and two additional conference papers all before Thanksgiving. Plus kids and a spouse.

        And I’m in a kefluffle with a colleague over a student’s thesis project, and my institution is being unethical about faculty contracts (as in: I don’t currently have one, and I’m not an adjunct.)

        I did choose this career but I can’t do this for the next 30 years.

    • That’s a great question. I like my career but sometimes I wonder, “How am I going to keep doing this for XX years!?”

      I like what I do, but the day-to-day crap and weird personalities and office dynamics can get me down. Maybe I’m too sensitive. I’m trying not to internalize office b s so much.

    • I love my career. It was a very long road through undergrad/premed, med school and 5 brutal years of residency, but now 2 1/2 years post residency I am so so happy I get to do what I do every day. I love the physical nature of operating, I love caring for and meeting patients, I love it all. I thought about quitting most days when I was in training, and felt an intense burden on my husband and son. Now, I think we are all so so so grateful that I kept going. I get paid a really amazing amount to do work I love. I started med school as a naive 22 year old, and chose general surgery as a slightly less but still very naive 25 year old. I’m really grateful that I’ve been able to build a practice that I love in a community that I adore.

      • still a resident... :

        As a surgical resident still deep in the tunnel with no light visible, it felt great to read this- I hope I am as happy in a few years!

    • I would not choose to do law school again, because of the large debt associated with it. If in my hypothetical redo I could attend law school without incurring any debt, I might do it, but otherwise, I’d go straight into the workforce and grow up a bit before making any huge “investment” in education.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      No. I’m currently a lawyer. I would have skipped law school, moved to DC after college, and started working in politics (I briefly worked on the Hill after law school and loved it, but my boss lost and my law school loans are too high to be paid with a Hill salary, anyway). I’ll probably end up back in politics at some point, assuming a chunk of loans gets paid back first.

      I also frequently think I should have done something biology-related. I worked in a genetics lab in college and loved it, and I always ponder at one point in my life I gave up on being a marine biologist. If I could start college over again, I’d do a lot of things differently.

    • I would absolutely, positively choose my current career path again. And I just this year switched from hotel management into government investigative work. I realized every day that I hated my job, even though I was in the best work environment I’d ever been in, with doors open to me all the way to the top of that career chain. But now I absolutely love my job. The best advice I have is to really sit down and think about what you like to do, how you like to work, and where you want to live. Take those key ideas to indeed(dot)com, and do some random searches. Seriously, I found my job by entering the word “travel” with my home town, because I love to travel. Turns out, I just don’t like to work in the travel industry. :-)

      Also, this quote: “The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure , the process is its own reward. ” -Amelia Earhardt

    • What a great question. I returned to academia after a few years in the NGO sector and finally feel that I am in the right place. I am grateful for those years of working in a relatively busy, team oriented, high stress environment. I feel like I am able to juggle a bit more than my peers and my seemingly random experience has opened up some great opportunities, both in relationship building and securing funding.

      However, what I will do after the phd is up in the air. I was talking with my supervisor about my academic plans and was definitely not ready to commit to traditional academic career. I like working with multiple stakeholders, managing teams, etc and academic positions like this seem pretty difficult to come by.

      For now, I am focusing on writing, tutoring, publishing as well as developing on my existing skills in hopes of making myself employable in either career. (Which has resulted in me wearing way too many hats but I enjoy the work)

      Luckily I am in Europe and it seems academia is a bit more open to alternative careers and the phd here is less of a time and financial commitment so even if I end up in research or government, I won’t feel as if I have wasted something.

      But to answer the question, if I were to be something else, I would totally be a spy.

    • applesandcheddar :

      I definitely would not chose my current career. I’m currently a demographer, but I would love to be a doctor. I was given horrible advice in undergrad (by a doctor!!) not to pursue a career in medicine, and as a naive 17 year old, he scared me out of pursuing my dream. Here I am 10 years later in a job I don’t care about wishing I were a doctor. I have a degree in a non-science field, so even though I often consider going for it, I know it would be a long road.

    • I feel very fortunate to still love what I do after 22 years. I was just finishing my first graduate degree when I figured out what I really wanted to do. Obviously, it has evolved tremendously over the years and I’ve become an administrator in my academic field but my original choice still stands. I see it as a calling for me. If I were still doing what I did 22 years ago, I’d be pretty unhappy, I’m sure. The other thing about academia is that the cast of characters is constantly changing, that is, the students! The pace this time of year is pretty brutal and I know that if I became a full-time administrator that would ease up but I’m not ready for that.

    • AnonInfinity :

      I didn’t realize I’d be such a minority in law, but I would absolutely do it again. I’m not that far into practice, but I love love love love coming to work every day (even today, Saturday). I find it to be so challenging and interesting and I’m constantly learning new things. My practice area is one where I get to learn about lots of things other than law, which I also love.

      • It definitely feels like saying that I would still choose to be a lawyer puts me in the minority. I haven’t been practicing all that long, but I just can’t imagine what else I’d want to do. Sure, alot of the day-to-day banalities of office work, idiotic clients and their ridiculous problems, and obnoxious opposing counsels, make the practice of law sometimes very frustrating. But every job has its downsides and I don’t know a single person who loves every single thing, every single minute of their job. All that aside, my career keeps me intellectually stimulated and gets me excited and interested, though perhaps not all the time.
        But I’ll admit there are things I would have done differently along the way, maybe worked for a year or two beforehand to save some money, gone to school part-time and worked in order to not go so far into debt.

        • Note that both AnonInfinity and JessC have not been practicing for that long. Talk to us in a few years.

          • AnonInfinity :

            There are lawyers at my firm who have been practicing for many years (since before I was born…) and still have a passion for it. Not everyone, but some. I know that burn out is quite common, and I’ve actually talked with some of my mentors about this. They’ve all told me that people who love it like I seem to are the ones who end up loving it long term.

          • Blonde Lawyer :

            4 years as a lawyer, 3 as a paralegal and still loving it.

          • Five years practicing; still love it, even at ~2300 billable a year.

        • I have been practicing since 1997. Would still choose to be a lawyer.

        • Divaliscious11 :

          I’ve been practicing 10+ years and I love it – I’d have done a couple things differently – like get my JD & MBA at the same time (less expensive) might have made a couple different decisions, but in the end, I’d do it again!

    • lucy stone :

      I’m a city prosecutor and if I could do it again, I think I’d be a cop. It’d be the same type of work, better pay, better hours (sadly), and less dealing with elected offiicals.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I would still choose law, but I would have chosen a very different career path. Instead of going into BigLaw right out of law school, I think I would have gone into government work immediately. I was not cut out to be a business owner, and when you go into the private practice of law, you are consenting to a career path that ultimately leads to business ownership, with all that entails.

      • Bamboozled :

        Thanks for all of the responses! I’m still struggling as to what to do since, while I am currently well established in my current career with a clear path to advance as much as I’d like, I’ve recently realized that I can’t do this for another 40 or so years. I’m young enough to be able to jump back into school for something else(am particularly interested in medicine so EC MD and still a resident, if you have any advice or tips ,I’d more than welcome it!)

        It is just so sad that so many people don’t really like what they do but are too sunk in to be able to change (which I totally get- if I were even just another 2 years in, I probably wouldn’t even consider a major change and would have to just consider a switch within my career itself to a smaller firm with less hours, for example. That’s not something that would make me love my current field but at least it would make it more bearable.

  29. First heard about birchbox through this site, recently a coworker was raving about it. What does the hive have to say about it? Anything especially good or bad to know about? I currently use very little makeup and almost all of what I have beyond some basic foundation and mascara is old and should probably be pitched, so new products would be fun to try out, but I’m not sure how much of it I’ll use. Thoughts?

    • Me and Barrister in the Bayou are huge fans. It’s great coming home to a little present every month. It can be a hit or miss but it’s great. I love the full size eyeliners and lip products.

      • Ru; I know this might sound stalk-ish, but I kind of missed you and was looking up the thread in case you have one of your famous colored outfits suggestions for fall or mehndi tales.

        • Houda, I miss you. Come stalk me at hijabeng.tumblr.com. I’m always posting my outfits and mehndi stories there :). You’ll learn more than you ever wanted to about me.

    • Anne Shirley :

      I view it as a monthly present. I don’t even use most of it, but I looooovvvvveeeee opening it up.

    • Love it. I generally LOVE and use 1-2 products a month, and it’s such a fun little treat every month. Also, you can set it to focus more on hair supplies or other options too — you personalize your preferences when you set it up. Maybe try a month (or 3 month) and see, if you’re still unsure?

    • former subscriber :

      I just canceled my membership. I joined a couple of months after it started when it had great customer service, took 2-3 days to arrive, and actually had deluxe samples. Now it seems like half the samples are the cheapy free Sephora samples, the free shipping for the month’s products end 4 days after I get the products, and one of the other products is a perfume or one of three nail polish brands. I have also emailed them not to send perfume because I’m allergic and that’s apparently impossible.

    • I just signed up about two weeks ago and received my first box on Tuesday. I’m pleased with the samples that were included this month. It seems like many of the samples are of good quality, but I don’t much to compare them with.

    • I love it. I’ve had a membership for almost a year now. I love the surprise and the items have gotten better the longer I’ve been a member.

      I actually have given gift memberships to my friends, too.

  30. So, work is a teensy bit terribull now and I need your help. What are your Netflix instant queue brain candy items? The fluffier the better.

    • DC Association :

      I don’t know about the instant queue thing but watching and re-watching Downton Abbey is always a good idea.

    • White Collar, Royal Pains (basically anything on the USA network)
      Arrested Development
      30 Rock

      And for super fluff: Saved By the Bell

    • how i met your mother

    • Anything by Joss Whedon (Buffy, Angel, Dollhouse, etc.)

    • White Collar
      Sherlock (BBC Cumberbatch)
      Gossip Girl
      Top Gear (British Car Show, but hilarious even if you don’t like cars)
      Dr. Who

    • The Vampire Diaries
      Being Human (UK)

    • I don’t have Netflix but my favorite brain candy shows:

      New Girl
      White Collar
      Parks and Recreation

    • "Allergies" PSA :

      Damages. It made bed rest possible.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      Castle, anything Joss Whedon, Vampire Diaries, Being Human (UK), Torchwood (not the most recent), Doctor Who, How I Met Your Mother, Star Trek: The Next Generation, and most recently, Warehouse 13.

    • applesandcheddar :

      I just finished watching the first season of Revenge and now am on the new 90210.. both mindnumbingly good

    • I don’t have Netflix so I don’t know if these are available since they’re first season, but I love Hart of Dixie. I’ve recently gotten in to Copper on BBC. And I second the recommendation for Revenge.

      Gossip Girl is also good. This year is the last year and it’s supposed to be awesome. Plus, the clothes are amazing.

    • Scrubs is on there, How I Met Your Mother, Psych is really silly. I love Eureka and Warehouse 13 for cheesy scifi, but it they use the term ‘science’ loosely of course, so that might annoy your smartipants engineer brain ;o) But, my ultimate rec: The BBC Robin Hood!! Srsly, talk about man eye candy!!

      I’m sorry work sucks, Ru, hope things get better soon. :o(

    • I may be watching DC Cupcakes.

    • I’m assuming you’ve already watched Weeds?

  31. Senior Attorney :

    “Groundhog Day.” I could watch it at least once a week for the rest of my life!

  32. Trying to protect the innocent... :

    I need help with a cousin suffering from possible mental health issues. I don’t think my cousin is a danger to himself or others.

    Long story short, he is a recent honorably discharged Marine Veteran who served in several combat zones over the last decade. During a phone call, he said some things that made me think “something is wrong here”. I told him to consider counseling. The next day, he drove 2 hours to a VA hospital, had a 4 hour work-up, and drove 2 hours back. They cleared him as not being a danger to himself or others. But I can’t help but think this 8 hour trip was a cry for help.

    Should I trust my gut? The VA doesn’t sound like it’ll help him until he is a danger. He promised to go to a support group when he gets settled. What can I do? I am the only one in the extended family he feels comfortable talking about these things to.

    • NAMI is a great resource for mental health issues, and it looks like they have a section just for families of vets. This might be a good place to start. http://www.nami.org/Template.cfm?Section=For_Families&Template=/TaggedPage/TaggedPageDisplay.cfm&TPLID=85&ContentID=110257

      You could also try calling their general support line and telling them about your situation and seeing what they recommend:

      The Information HelpLine is an information and referral service which can be reached by calling 1 (800) 950-NAMI (6264), Monday through Friday, 10 am- 6 pm, Eastern time.

      The Information HelpLine offers:

      Information. We provide general (non-professional) information on illnesses such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, depression; issues affecting children, adolescents & young families; general questions about medication; NAMI programs (such as Family-to-Family and In Our Own Voice); NAMI policy positions (such as mental health parity) … and a whole lot more!

      Referrals. Callers are referred to NAMI state offices, local affiliates and support groups throughout the country and to other organizations serving the needs of those affected by serious mental illness.

      Support. Trained volunteers – consumers and family members – are in a unique position to offer support and empathy from people who know what it’s like and who have “been there.”

      • Second the req for NAMI. They’re a great organization and can provide support and resources.

    • I am a banana. :

      Have him get in touch with Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, and Wounded Warrior Project. Both are great organizations that will help him get in touch with people and groups and hopefully a Vet Center that are a little more local and accessible than it sounds like his VA is. They also can provide the kind of community he probably needs right now. I dated a guy like your cousin for several years, and linking up with IAVA and WWP was hands down the best move he made the whole time we dated.

      • I am a banana. :

        I can’t stress enough the importance of having him get help through a veteran centered organization like one of the two mentioned above. Veterans have very specific, different issues, including often not wanting to talk to people who haven’t experienced what they have been through. For him to actually get the help he needs, he needs to be around people who deal with veterans on a regular basis. I’m so glad he has you to be worried about him and I hope it works out.

    • Trying to protect the innocent... :

      Thanks! I really appreciate the resources. I worry about him.

      • In addition to his combat service, I’d assume that when someone leaves the Marines, it might be a tough adjustment to non-military life. It’s like losing a big part of your identity, so hopefully he’s working towards some positive changes, a new career, whatever. My husband (a reservist) served in a combat zone, and he was a different person when he came back. It took a long time and a reinvigorated interest in family life and civilian career for him to be able to switch off the combat personality. YMMV — I know this is wildly different for everyone. The VA is a good resource but they have funding issues and must prioritize who they serve (homeless vets, severe war injuries first). Hope he can hook up with some of the other organizations listed here.

        • Trying to protect the innocent... :

          Thanks Swift! I do think it’s a mixture of combat stress and transitioning to civilian life. He has a new job but he moved 400 miles for it. I am 2000 miles away and not very helpful. I texted him about the organizations above. He hasn’t responded but that’s OK–I just want him to get better. I’m sorry your husband went through that but I am relieved that my gut was right when I sensed my cousin’s difficulty. Please thank your husband for his service!

          • Oh, found one more in a pile of military stuff. Veterans Crisis Line, 800-273-8255, “press 1.” Confidential help for veterans and families. I have a fancy brochure from them, and a web page at veteranscrisisline.net. You could call them to find out what they’re about and if they have any resources where your cousin is.

    • Jenna Rink :

      I would suggest he connect with a Vet Center, which is different from the VA. They are federally funded, but their records are completely confidential and the VA and the DoD don’t have access to them. I don’t know whether this is universal, but I know the Vet Centers in Mass have about a week waiting time to see a counselor vs. the VA’s potential months, and if a person is in crisis they will do whatever they need to in order to see them immediately. Most of the staff are also combat veterans. He can find his closest Vet Center here: http://www2.va.gov/directory/guide/vetcenter_flsh.asp

    • The eight hours might have been literally how long it took to get to a VA hospital – they just aren’t close, however, they offer specific, likely fully covered, services. The military recognizes there are challenges for vets that end up coming home in areas that are geographically remote from VA hospitals. I’m between Baltimore and DC, and have to remind myself that this level of access to services is not typical nation-wide.

      Also, Eric Greitans (wrote The Heart and The Fist, was a Seal and had a prestigious scholarship to Oxford) started a non-profit that helps returning vets get busy with grant-funded outreach once they leave the military. Check out his website for two things – the list of people (veterans) who are reaching out to others (many are veteran-oriented) via their own programs, as well as something that may be of interest to him in the future. I’m completely blanking on the name, but this is enough info to get you there via Google-fu :) Best wishes, The Other Stephanie

  33. I just got the Halogen black leather pencil skirt in the post today. I kind of love it, and it fits perfectly, but I don’t know if I would have the nerve to wear it to work. Do we think DC is ready for such a look? How can I style it so I don’t look like a wannabe [email protected]?

    • eastbaybanker :

      Definitely a KYO situation! No office attire suggestions but….I recently wore a leather pencil skirt to a casual winetasting fundraiser with a deep purple cap sleeve blouse, a simple statement necklace, and black round toe pumps. I think the other more basic and conservative pieces completely toned it down. When the weather gets cooler, I’d like to pair it with simple sweaters like a merino tee or plain v-neck for weekend dinners. I also love Atlantic-Pacific’s look of a leather skirt with a fisherman sweater, though I don’t have a sweater anything like this in my closet.

      • eastbaybanker :


    • Senior Attorney :

      I wear my leather pencil skirt to work. I style it the same as I would style any black skirt with a silk blouse, contrasting blazer (I especially like it with my black-and-white tweedy blazer), and pumps. Unless your office is super-conservative I say go for it!

  34. What jobs do we think will be in demand I the next 20 years?

    I hate litigation so much. I am sometimes jealous of the landscapers/city employees/court reporters just because they do not have to speak to lunatics all day (and night). I feel like i am stealing all day every day and like i am part of the “problem” of the insane legal quagmirem our country is in. (frivilous claims would be much less lucrative (and less common) if legal fees weren’t so insane). Yesterday i was
    Iterally sent to a deposition to “sit” in a frivilous case where plaintiff sued all the contractors/subs on a construction site after a car accident. Counting the lawyers and the room and the value each were bringing (zero), i just felt terrible and useless. I typically work in labor/employment, and it’s the same damn thing–1 legitimate or even passably questionable claim for every 8 filed. Small business owners/ owners stressing out about claims against them, paying massove bills, for firing people who legitimately deserve to be fired, former employees after a newly created “bonus” or “lifetime employment” they were promised. Even in commercial cases or cases where there is a legitimate beef, I have no f-ing clue why the *best* solution there is is to pay my (reputable midwest midlaw known for “more reasonable” rates) firm to litigate it. Clients don’t either—all i do is talked to pissed off people pissed about their bill and their case. I felt awful today when I was annoyed when someone wanted to aggressively litigate a $50k case, realizing that our costs and fees would eat up so much that it just wouldn’t be worth it . Im a 4th year, thought i would get used to it, but it just bothers me more and more.

    If the frivolous litigation wasn’t enough to concern me about the future of my country, the fact that I (and most other law grads) owe $100k+ in student loans that constrain me financially from “retraining” for another job or even doing more meaningful/lower cost work without putting a very intense burden on my family is even more depressing.

    Where do litigators to to die? I am searching for any living wage profession/career track that that will be employable in the next 20 years, that wouldn’t require another 6 figures in loans to achieve.

    • Don’t know what to tell you other than I know you’re not alone. I know several attorneys who have gone into litigation, motivated largely by the money, only to leave it (or want to leave it) for something else.

      One of my friends recently left a Big Law job to clerk for a judge. The pay is not amazing, but it’s a good way to transition to something else because you have opportunities to learn a lot about other practice areas that might interest you. And, with income based repayment as an option, the loan payments don’t have to be so onerous.

    • e_pontellier :

      I’m a bit concerned about feeling this way (but I’m only a 2L hoping to get a job someday). I’m trying to learn about lots of different careers in law, and EVERYONE says that litigation is good training for any of these different careers. Have you considered going in-house? or moving over to finance (e.g., working in compliance)? Clerking is also a good suggestion, or if you have the time, looking into becoming a Legal Writing / Adjunct prof at a local law school? Good luck!

      • Going in house is much tougher as a litigator, FYI. There are certain types of companies that hire in-house litigators, but standard corporate, tax, and employment are in much higher demand.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      I read your post and spent some time thinking about it. There are some days where I share your frustration with the abuses of the system. However, I am grateful for the people willing to spend 300k to fight a 50k case. I’m not just saying that because it keeps me in business. I believe those people are necessary to keep all of society in check. What would a contract really be worth if we knew no one could litigate a breach because the litigation would cost more than the damages? If it was unenforceable in practicality, no one would follow it! The best example is the landlord/tenant world. I had tenants screw me. I could chase them for over 5k in damages to my house not even including the back rent and legal fees to evict them. But, I know they are judgment proof so I’m not going to waste my time. If I was a big company, however, I would pay the investigator to look for assets, get a judgment anyway, chase them for the next 10 years and garnish any penny they ever put in any bank account or reported wages. Why? Because word would get out that if you screw your landlord over, they can make your life hell for years. That kind of fear is necessary to keep people from being scumbags. So, instead of feeling like you are stealing money from people, you should feel like you are contributing to a system that forces people to keep their promises and do the right thing.

  35. Is anyone else frustrated with not being able to clearly see where a new “thread” starts? There are indentations, but I’m missing the old dividing line between comments!

    Other than that, I hope everyone is having a nice weekend!

    • I love this site, but I have to agree. I just went through the entire thread keeping my finger physically on my monitor to keep track of which indent was for the new posts. Maybe the gray backgrounds could be a different color for the “new” posts as opposed to the replies to make it easier to follow? Or a line to the left, kind of like the new format for comments on NPR posts? Oh well.. +1 to the happy weekend wishes!

    • Me too!

      Same problem. Also have difficulty figuring out who’s responding to whom, thereby losing the nuance of the ‘sub-chats’. Those lines separating comments and down the side were great!

    • YES YES YES. Totally agree. Also on Safari for Mac the thread is still ridiculously skinny and floating in the middle of the page. These comments are meant to be constructive, I find myself coming back to this site less and less because the ease of reading the comments has dropped so much.

      • Sad but my experience exactly.

      • me too

      • anonymous :

        I am having the same experience and am wishing it would go back to how it was previously formatted.

      • Yup. Not great to read on Safari, and pretty much impossible to keep track of where a new thread starts whether on my Mac or my PC. I have to scan content to determine if it’s a new topic, that’s the only way I can keep track of where new threads start. Finding it very frustrating and haven’t been reading comments much since the switch for that reason, sadly!

    • Yes! I don’t care for the new look at all.

    • I find the new comments set-up incredibly frustrating — and I’ve tried Explorer, Firefox, Safari and Safari/iPhone. I’ve not been on the site much for that reason.

    • Anon for this... :

      Thank you!! Yes, yes, yes… it is frustrating not to be able to identify new threads. This is such an easy thing to fix that I hold she will see this thread and correct it.

      I agree that I am reading less often because of the annoyance. Minutes are so short in each day…

    • East Coaster :

      Yes, I was about to post on this but then searched for “new threads” because I was thinking someone else must be having the same problem. I haven’t had time to check [this site] at work, and now it’s Sunday and I have *free time* but its too hard to follow the new threads. I wish there were a horizontal line indicating where a new thread starts. Kat – thanks for being responsive.

    • FormerMidlevel :


  36. Guys, I own and love the Cole Haan air Lainey wedges. I am thinking of buying the air talia wedges ( not air tali) ….does anyone know if sizing is similar? I don’t have a CH store where I live, and have to order online ( I don’t live in the states) which makes returning stuff expensive.

    Nordie’s has mixed reviews so I am v v confused….

    • Is there a customer service number for CH you can call. Or call one of the stores, even though you don’t live nearby, to get their take on sizing.

    • I have a pair and they were true to size for me, while I had to go up a 1/2 size in the air talia pump.

  37. Anyone ever ordered anything from or had any experience with “Bluesuits?” They are pricey (for my budget), but they have student discounts. And with as many alterations as I need for anything off the rack, I think it might be worth it to order a custom dress or two. Thoughts?

  38. Colour question :

    Hi! I’m hoping you will help me out with this.
    I’ve got a cute pair of petrol blue pumps I’d like to wear when I’m in the UK briefly next week. I also have a pair of nude pumps. Mostly I’ll be pairing these with black or grey pants.
    What colour pantyhose do I wear with these?
    Sorry to be so clueless!
    Thanks all,


  39. Anon for this :

    TJ Rant:

    Last night my mom said some things that were really hurtful. My husband and I were having dinner at her house, and after dinner she started going off on how, when she was my age (29), she already had enough money to buy a house, had her first child, and was starting her own firm. She said she just couldn’t understand how my husband and I could be so clueless about money. When I pointed out that I had just graduated from law school this spring and am just starting to work, and that school is about fifty times more expensive today than it was when she was going to school, she didn’t back down.

    I feel like my relationship with my mother is turning really toxic and strange. Just a few nights ago she was telling me on the phone that she wanted me to tell her how she could be more supportive of me. And, now she’s telling me what a failure I am??? It’s just so frustrating because I feel like all the choices I’m made in my life have been designed to make her happy and proud of me. I didn’t go to a cheap college because she said I shouldn’t, that I should go to the best college. And, she wanted me to go to law school. And, she approved of me marrying my husband, even though she knew he didn’t make much money and was still in school himself. I don’t know what else I could possible do to make her happy. I have a good job, and yes, I have loads of debt from school and having to pay loans back means sometimes having to live off of credit cards. And, yes, my husband is unemployed, but he’s doing everything he can to find work in this horrible economy.

    And then, when I got home last night I was obviously upset, but I just didn’t feel like talking about it after it had just happened, but when I said I didn’t want to talk about it my husband totally blew up at me. He was going to “make” me talk about it because otherwise he was going to feel bad. UGH! I just told him it had nothing to do with him and went to bed, crying. Could someone in my life just give me a break?!?!?!

    And today I’m supposed to have a hallmark-card afternoon with my mom and husband at the apple orchard. Woo hoo. I’m going to lay in bed until I can force out a fake smile.

    • e_pontellier :

      That’s horrible!!

      First off, don’t hate me for saying this, but learning to manage money is important and hard. So IF you think you need help with that, now is a great time to start learning. That being said, your mom sounds like she’s being a jerk, it sounds like she may be going through menopause (hence what sound like serious mood swings), and it sounds like she’s just worried that you’ll end up asking her for money/help that she can’t/doesn’t want to provide. It’s generally easier for me to deal with people if I can see where they’re coming from. When people start really getting under my skin, I try to think like an anthropologist (at the suggestion of someone here!) — e.g., I think, look what monkey A is saying to monkey B, look how monkey B is reacting (even if I’m monkey B), because it distracts me enough to keep my emotions in check (usually).

      Look – if you’re happy with your life, that’s all that matters. Life today is wildly different than it was even 10 years ago.

      FWIW, I have nearly completely cut my mother out of my life. Our interactions are now mildly more pleasant.

      • Senior Attorney :

        +1 on the vital importance of learning how to mange money. I got myself into a gigantic hole of student, mortgage and credit card debt in my 30s that took years and incredible angst to climb out of, and if I saw my child following in those footsteps I might well panic and say something that sounded jerky.

        I’m sorry your mom is giving you a hard time, and I’m sorry your husband isn’t giving you what you need!

        And I hope the apple outing was fun!

      • I agree. Mom may also be jealous. Is poppy still in the picture? Doesnt sound like it. Meno may be the cause but She sounds like a shrew who needs to calm down and there is no guy around other than yours.

    • That’s awful. I really think we have an across-the-board problem with our parents’ generation (and older) JUST NOT GETTING how different things are now. For example, you mentioned having to live off credit cards at times. Assuming it’s for necessities, what else would she suggest? Surely not borrowing from her, I assume?

      I see why you couldn’t talk to your husband at the time, but I think it’s important to do so asap. You know you’re horribly upset and feel attacked by your mom, but for all he knows you quietly agree with her and see him as dead weight since he’s unemployed . Because this is your mom, you need to make it clear that you stand by him, your marriage, and the lot you’re in together. Ideally, you make this clear to her as well, in front of him, so he doesn’t feel ganged up on. I don’t know if I have any coping advice for this afternoon–sounds miserable, honestly–but going forward I’d say do some financial strategizing with him, if there’s any more that can be done, and beyond that do everything you can to show both of them that you’re committed to the unit you made with him rather than replicating the life that your mom had at your age. Congrats to her, but it’s obviously not happening for you, regardless of what you (or she) might have wanted. The end.

      By the way, I notice that you said you’ve done things all your life to look good in her eyes–this is probably the painful legacy of that and an opportunity to make a new way. Good luck.

    • Hugs.
      Speaking very gently, your relationship with your mum seems to be strained right now. You mention always having taken her opinion and wishes into account. Sounds very much like that’s part of the problem to me.
      Do you think she is upset she is not able to support you now, as she could have before? Perhaps upset that your life is deviating from the straight and even path she had hoped for?
      Might you be rankled by her displeasure because you aren’t used to doing things that displease her or she wouldn’t approve of?
      Sorry if this sounds judgemental or harsh. Perhaps it’s none of my suggestions. Whatever.
      I do think it’s a JSFAMO situation though where both of you will need to just get used to your not being able to live your mother’s dream.
      Might it be that your husband felt guilty for his contribution to the prevailing situation, which was what provoked the argument? My experience is that dealing with issues involving in-laws can be super stressful.
      Hope you’re feeling better soon!

    • Boston Legal Eagle :

      I’m so sorry you had to deal with this! I hear ya on doing things to please your parents, I’m guilty of this too. I’m not sure if there’s any way to get over the guilt of feeling like you’re not living up to their (likely unrealistic) expectations but I think you should try to focus on your relationship with your new family, your husband. Sit down and have a talk with him about what you both want for your future and the steps you’re taking to get there. This will probably not look like what your mom imagined, or will at least be on a different timeline, but this is your and your husband’s life, not hers. Times are definitely different for our generation and it sounds like you’re doing great for where you are in your life. If your mom can’t be happy with everything you’ve achieved so far and will achieve in the future, then it’s her loss.

      I hope today went better, or that at least you picked out some yummy apples!

    • Seventh Sister :

      One thing I did that helped me feel better after a similar conversation with my (truly awful) MIL was to find one of those historical cost calculators. Yes, our house was expensive, but the cost of things like housing and education has gone up in orders of magnitude from when the boomers were starting out.

      Also, I strongly suspect that if my MIL was my age, she also would have taken out big student loans, bought a house in a good school district, etc., and basically made very similar decisions.

    • Oh, I’m sorry. I feel your pain on this, my mom also seems to think I’m making horrible life decisions and it’s a constant source of stress between us.

      Two things:

      1) My mom definitely has a tendency to mis-remember what things were really like for her and my dad when they were starting out. Sometimes she makes it sound like they made all the right decisions and were on the straight and narrow to success, other times she talks about how she’d go to three different grocery stores to pick up all the specials so they could afford food. So, your mom may be comparing only a small part of what her life was really like at that point to your life now, which is unfair.

      2) It could be that you and your mom just have different priorities about what makes for a good life. My SO and I still rent even though we’re both in our early 30s, and my mom thinks this is a total disaster. We probably could afford to buy property, but we just don’t want to. We value the flexibility of being able to move easily, not have to worry or spend time on home maintenance issues, etc. Owning a home is, to her, a necessary step into full adulthood and so I think she thinks of me as somewhat stunted in my development. I’ll never convince my mom that this flexibility outweighs the value of “being a homeowner”, but so be it. We just have different values there.

      Try to talk to your husband about it. It’s so helpful to be able to have a united front against my mom’s craziness with my husband, so that when I come home upset I can look forward to bitching about it to him instead of feeling alone.

  40. AnonInfinity :

    I miss the Weekly News Round Up this week! I hope it’s not gone forever.

  41. CleveAnon :

    What changes have you made to your wardrobe or personal appearance that make you feel more professional? I recently started doing my nails and have found that it makes me feel more put together. I’d love to know what others find helpful!

    • I just want to second this request! I also recently started doing my nails, and it has made me pay more attention to other things in my appearance. Now that I do my nails I notice other people’s nails for the first time, so I wonder what other things others may be noticing about me!

  42. WAHOO! So over the weekend, my awesome SO surprised me and we’re engaged :) I tried searching old threads, but my google skills are failing me.

    Someone – (SoCal? SF? Someone on the west coast) recommended a practical book of checklist/questions to start planning? Any one have any simple planning books they’d recommend (or can find the old thread).

    Thanks ladies!

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      Congrats, congrats, congrats! (As a side note, I hope you aren’t the girl whose BF surprised her by FAKING A PLANE CRASH last week…)

      Not engaged, or married, but I have seen A Practical Wedding recommended all the time on this site.

      • Thank you! Oh my god no. I would be single and/or in jail if that was how it happened. APW is on the list. I’m not going for the princess best day ever vibe, so it speaks to me. :)

        • e_pontellier :

          I know that thread was in the last week or two, so maybe try clicking through? When I was engaged, I loved the blog Style Me Pretty (no link, to avoid moderation). They have a main page, but then they also have location-specific pages (Australia, Canada, California, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Mass., NY, Texas, and Destination).
          Congratulations!!! Try to enjoy the engagement, because honestly, I found wedding planning tiresome.

          • Thank you!! I will definitely look once we get more into the planning phase. We’re still in the wow/bring on the champagne phase :)

    • Joan Holloway :

      Congratulations! I love that your SO was able to surprise you. Here’s a book that I found extremely helpful: The Conscious Bride’s Wedding Planner.

    • Why can't we just elope? :

      Congratulations! I got a book recommendation on here: Bride’s Book of Lists. It’s exactly what it sounds like, and it’s amazing. It’s an entire book of checklists (and if you don’t intend to do something frivolous, you just check it off as done!).

      Take A Practical Wedding with a grain of salt (especially the weekday/destination wedding stuff). If you want your community of people to come support you as you get married, you have to take their needs into consideration when scheduling your wedding. Strangely enough, if you schedule your wedding for Wednesday in Tahiti, people will get the impression that you really don’t care about them being there, and that will hurt their feelings. APW’s insistence that your wedding isn’t going to be an imposition on your guests is somewhat wishful thinking and naive at best.

      For what it’s worth, I detest Martha Stewart as well, and find the Knot’s checklist to be clunky.
      Also, do your homework before promising to invite anyone other than you and your fiance (see my username for details on how that turns out). Many more creative solutions exist for a smaller guest list, and realize off the bat that <$100 per head is going to be very very difficult in major markets, especially for a large guest list where you'd definitely have to rent a space to fit all those people.

      • THAT WAS IT! AHH. Thank you!!!

        I agree with some your thoughts about some of the APW recommendations and the Knot makes me want to stab myself with a dull object. I don’t need to order custom tissue holders! AHH.

        Fortunately we are not in any rush and have time do some homework!! I am going in with the mindset that it will likely be stressful, but fun.

  43. It is Sunday and I can not beleive I am already at work! I got home at 11:45 Friday after along flieght and a cab ride with a smelly guy! FOOEY! I was zonked out yesterday when Myrna called and I did not have the energy to meet her at Macy’s.

    Now I am the onley one here drafteing up briefs for the judge tomorrow while everyone else is home relaxing. It is times like this when I wish I was married and home. FOOEY!

    And Jim has me drop him off on the cab ride b/c he had no money and he said it was on the way to manhattan! It was NOT and it was in a dumpy place in Queens that I never saw before. That ride to his place alone was over $24 and I had another half hour in the smelly cab. I do not like that even tho I will bill PORTAL TO PORTAL FOR THAT!!!

    I have to do all my time sheets by tomorrow b/c Frank needs to bill out to all cleint’s next week! I am a jack of all tradees my dad says. Back to work so I can get outta here by 3 pm. Yay!

  44. Ladies, who would be interested in an Atlanta meetup? Anybody? I know there’s at least one of ATL reader on the site…

    • One OTHER, jeez.

      • Leslie Knope :

        ME ME ME! I keep meaning to suggest one, and then I get too lazy. Thanks!

        • I shall post another solicitation tomorrow, and see how many troops we can rally! As for location, I work in Midtown but know nothing about the good drinks spots, since I’m new in town…

    • Rose in Bloom :

      Me! I don’t get to comment on here too often anymore due to a new job, but I’d love to meet up with my fellow ATL ladies.

      • You were the person I was thinking of, because you were so helpful when I was considering my move! I’ll post again tomorrow and see if we can rally any additional troops. I’m in Midtown (and I think that you are as well, based on my recollection of your comments when I posted about my move) but don’t know any of the good drinks spots since I’m newly returned to the city…

        • Rose in Bloom :

          Aww thanks! I’ve been hoping that sometime there might be an ATL get together, I just haven’t gotten around to trying to set anything up myself. Thanks for taking the lead! I work in Midtown, but I’m much more familiar with the Decatur / Virginia Highland area as far as drinks spots go.

    • Hmm, is 200 miles each way too far to drive for a meet-up? Wish I still lived in Chattanooga.

  45. DH and I bought our first home! Now we need to decorate! Our first mission is the bedroom. Anyone have any thoughts good or bad about West Elm’s pintuck duvet? We have a king bed and my major pet peeve is when the duvet cover does not adequately cover the sides of the bed so you can then see the sheets. On a related note, any good West Elm coupons going around? All of mine have expired.

  46. This might be too late on the weekend thread to get an answer, but do any of you know where I can buy the longchamp le pliage large tote in the 13″ size? My daughter wants one for her birthday and is afraid that the new, smaller size (12.5″) will be too small to carry her MacBook Pro. Thoughts? I don’t really want to buy it on Ebay if I can help it.

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