Commuting Hall of Fame: Hunter Rain Boots

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1. I went for a bra fitting today at Nordstrom and found out that what I was wearing was THREE SIZES too small.

2. I would really like to lose weight from my chest. I realize that weight loss can’t be targeted in certain areas, but is there any way for me to lose weight in my chest? I’ve gotten bra fittings but I still feel very top heavy and would appreciate any words of advice.

   1. I think you’re right – there’s no real way to spot reduce, and I’ve found my “problem areas” are problem areas because, well, that’s where my body *likes* to hang onto fat and so unfortunately, it’s the last place I lose it. That said, doing some weight training focused on your pecs/chest can strengthen the muscles underneath, hopefully bringing them “up” and combined with all over weight loss, might make them appear smaller?

   2. If you lower your body fat percentage, you’ll lose weight in your chest. It doesn’t necessarily mean losing weight, but you will have to work out and get pretty fit.

      1. +1

   3. There is also reduction surgery; I know a few ladies who’ve had it because they were the perfect weight and had no desire to diet whatsoever but the size of their chest was inconvinient and painful.

      1. Best thing I ever did.

3. I realize this is late in the weekend thread, and I might try again on Monday, but is anyone in DC interested in getting together for the SOTU HH on Tuesday? Was thinking somewhere downtown/Westend, but really don’t have any place specific in mind and can be convinced otherwise.
   I believe the festivities kick off around 8 – obviously, you have to be able to handle at-times partisan politics maturely.

   1. SOTU?

      1. State of the Union

4. Petunia, if you’re reading and if you’re parading today, I’ll be at St Charles and Gen Taylor. Wearing a black and gry striped tunic and black leggings with gray leopard flats.

   1. I can’t believe it’s almost Ash Wednesday. GAH. Where has the year gone?

      1. Yeah it seems like Mardi Gras came up on us so fast this year! I went away for the weekend last year but it felt like it was just Christmas so I didn’t. But still, I’ve had a great Carnival. Today was a blast with a friend and her 7 year old grandsons. Of course, they were completely grossed out when a rider called me over and handed me beads with a p-nis medallion. Ha ha. Ash Wednesday will be here before we know it.

5. I confirmed last night that my husband has been having an affair online. He has been sending her money and gifts. I don’t know her, but he knows her IRL. She lives in a city, far, far away and he claims he has not seen her in years. I don’t know if I believe this as he had a trip to that city a few months ago and didn’t stay in the usual place. I suspected something was up in October, but didn’t come across the hard evidence until this week. Further to that, in reviewing all of our accounts, he has been financially irresponsible for the last two years. Covering up some things and not disclosing others. I think there is more bad news to come, as he is an expert in dribbling out the truth, thinking he’ll minimize the impact.

   I asked him to move out of the bedroom last night. I told him that later on today we need to review all financials to figure out what to do with the >$100K of debt and how to carry bills moving forward.

   At one point he was the primary breadwinner, but in the last ten years I have eclipsed him and supported him through multiple periods where he wasn’t working, something I attributed each occurrence to the economy, but now am wondering if he exercised poor judgment previously which put him at the top of the list when there were lay-offs.

   I will see a lawyer as early as I can next week to see what I have to do to protect my assets.

   I can’t believe the one person I thought had my back was using me. I can’t believe how wrong I was about him.

   1. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Is it possible for you to get away for a few days, to process all this? I think even if he moves out of the bedroom, running into him in the kitchen/living room, especially as you are dealing with a real form of grief over a severe blow to, if not the end of your marriage, will be immeasurably hard.

      Hugs to you. Do something nice for yourself today.

   2. That’s just awful and I am so angry at your husband on your behalf. You seem like you have everything together in terms of practical steps — financial planning, assets, etc. I hope that you’ll also give yourself time to grieve and be angry and feel terrible and eat ice cream or cry into a glass of wine. This is a big shock to the system and it’s okay to take it in steps — Step One: Get a Lawyer! Step Two: Weep Into Glass of Bourbon! Or whatever works for you.

   3. That’s horrible, I am so sorry. I don’t know how regular a reader you are, but if you need advice or support I suggest posting again tomorrow. This community is full of knowledgeable lawyers and also has a few members who have posted about going through similar difficulties, so reaching out could be very helpful. Hang in there, breathe deeply, and be a friend to yourself.

   4. So sorry to hear about the betrayal! I’ve never had a relationship last anywhere near 10 yrs, and even so, finding out that I’ve been cheated on was a real sucker punch. You have so many decisions to make now. I wish you the best with them!

   5. To “So very dissapointed”:

      Since you won’t be able to see a lawyer for a few days, my advice would be to go to your bank first thing Monday and open a new account on which you are the only signer. Then transfer half of your current account balance (or whatever portion you can without risking checks bouncing) to the new account. Even if you can’t transfer much, put $100 in and then have your next paycheck deposited to your personal account: This will give you control over your earnings and will keep him from draining you further. This may seem like an agressive move but it is a safe one, from personal experience. You can and should continue to cover bills with your personal funds.

      Then you should see if you have a personal credit card without his name or get one. Then start closing or blocking others that are joint.

      Your attorney can advise you further depending on your state laws and your individual situation but basic steps like this will minimize further damage.

      1. ITA with this – get your ducks in a row financially now and lawyer up. Use your hurt to fuel action to protect yourself! I’m so sorry :(

         1. Open the new account and get your paycheck going there but if you move a chunk of joint money in there, talk to a lawyer before you spend it, even on family bills. Different states have different laws about what can be done with marital assets once divorce is discussed. In my state an automatic financial restraining order goes into effect the day the papers are filed and the parties cannot use the money without court approval for anything other than ordinary living expenses unless both parties agree to it in writing first.

      2. Very good advice from anon. Setting aside the lies and betrayals, if you suspect there are also financial shenenigans going on you need to cover yourself on that front very, very quickly.

   6. Thank you all, the support is like a warm hug. Saacnmama, you have it right – the feeling is as though you have been sucker punched, even though I had a feeling something was going on. And Anon for This/Anonz, thanks for the reminder, the first item on the to do list on Monday is opening my own account and switching my direct deposit over. Second will be applying for my own credit card. We were married and together for more than 10 years, so there is a fair bit of unravelling to do.

      MoA – on my way to see a movie – one that he wouldn’t pick! I have a girls’ dinner out in a few weeks, will see if I can move this up.

      1. Good! I hope losing yourself in the movie helps. So so sorry you are going through this.

   7. Svd, where are you located? I’m sure someone here can take you out for a drink, if you want one. So sorry you’re going through this…

   8. Not much to add in the way of advice, but just want to say I’m so sorry this is happening to me. It happened to me several years ago and the lying was so hard to sort through. Just protect yourself and be good to yourself. I hope, like me, you come out the other side a happier and more confident woman.

      1. Shoot I obvious meant to say “happening to you.” Shouldn’t post when I’m tired…

6. We still didn’t get the raised bed finished this weekend. I know it won’t look that’s impressive when it’s done, had no idea it would take this much effort to build. Still, we’re looking forward to the fresh veggies & I think gardening will be good for both of us. Feeling positive that we can accomplish our goals this year, even tho we seem to only be moving towards them in tiny increments.

   1. The meal planning got done, but not the grocery shopping. DS’s behavior was simply inexcusable and, strange as it sounds, not going grocery shopping is a serious consequence for him. Besides, we need to get the veggie bed built so we can clean the fridge and dump the food/compost into it, so we have room for fresh groceries. We have enough in the pantry to last a couple days, but it really bothers me to have him wreck our plan to have good structure in our lives so we can move ahead on other things.

      1. No. No you don’t need to bud a veggie bed to clean your fridge! This is exactly my type of thought process and it’s dangerous.

         Isn’t your top priority this year finding meaningful employment? Or is it composting? Invest in your priorities.

         1. Yes, meaningful employment is a top priority, but so is doing it in a sustainable way that doesn’t stress out my family. Instead of my usual practice of going full-bore on just one thing at a time, shutting down everything else to get work done, getting so into emotional issues that I can’t work, stopping work because I *have to* clean, shop, and cook, I’m trying to learn to learn to keep several channels “on” at once–spend the majority of my day on work, take a couple hours as my son needs (he’s a tween now, needs me differently than when he was a toddler, but still needs time with me), keep at the housework and gardening in little increments daily and bigger chunks on weekends, working out regularly. During my dissertation, one real problem was that my work method was to get the house clean and cook ahead, then do nothing but write for 10 or 11 days, til the food was gone, the dishes were all dirty, laundry pile huge, etc. Then I’d take a couple days to set it all up again. That works as a way for a single person to write a single publication, but for a dissertation it was exhausting, and as a mother I cannot do that. It has really be slowing me down, because I feel he’s “interrupting” me when he needs normal things (that old joke about “you want to eat again? I just fed you yesterday!” If you have any ideas on how to develop my “channel switching” mechanism, I’d love to hear them.

7. I have a friend, as close as a brother- we’ve known each other since we were babies. He is spiraling out of control due to mental health and alcohol addiction. He has recently starting using street drugs (heroin) and I’m concerned for him. I’ve told him to go get help, seek rehab, attend NA. He sees therapists but apparently its not working. Thankfully- he is a continent away but I’m at a loss for what I can do at this point. Any thoughts welcome. Thanks.

   1. Please repost this on the TPS morning or coffee break threads tomorrow… it’s so important but it won’t get the needed attention here because of the late hour and length of the thread.

      *hugs*

   2. Go to Al anon. Its for friends and families of addicts. I have found it very helpful.

      1. I posted about this in last weekend’s open thread, but my mom has been in Al Anon for more than 30 years and it has helped her tremendously. She was married to an alcoholic (not my father, though he has his own issues!) and comes from a family with many alcoholics. Al Anon can really help you handle a loved one’s destructive behavior, whether that person chooses to give up the behavior or not.

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