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Weekend Open Thread

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Steve Madden OlympiaaSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. I am slo-o-ooo-owly coming around to the wedge sneaker trend. Originally, I hated them — I think they remind me too much of the undone-high-top trend from my youth, and my general attitude is that if my feet are suffering in heels then I want the “credit” for wearing something ladylike and pretty. Still: there is no denying that wedge sneakers are HUGELY popular right now. I can see the appeal, I guess — comfortable, trendy shoes that make you taller and make your legs look thinner! I still think they're ugly as sin, but my thoughts are now along the lines of, “ok, it's a cool modern look when worn with leggings and a slouchy sweater.” I am not so on board, however, that I think you should spend a lot of money on the trend — which is why these highly rated $99 sneakers from Steve Madden strike my fancy this week. They're available in black and taupe. Steve Madden Olympiaa (L-2)

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

242 Comments

  1. I’m not a fan of wedge sneakers, but if you must wear them these I guess are relatively inoffensive.

    2. I remember wearing wedge sneakers (though closer to the keds type of sneaker) as a tween/teen, so I’m more than happy to pass on the trend this time around. They’re about as appealing to the adult me as the jeans emblazoned with glitter flowers that I used to wear with them.

    3. We are now apparently just a hop, skip and a jump from platform sneakers coming back. Just saying.

  2. I also am on the fence about jumping on this trend, but to me, $99 is a lot of money so not quite cheap enough to justify a one season purchase.

    Advice time- Does anyone have a recommendation for a Dohl gift? It’s for a little girl, I’m not Korean, and have never attended a Korean first birthday party, but I’m excited to go and want to get an appropriate gift.

    2. Third. Get off my lawn. Although I was heartened that my 12 year old stepdaughter told me the other day that she thought they were dumb.

    3. Wait, wait, wait! I think all y’all are too *young* for this trend. Doesn’t anyone remember Jerry Lee Lewis’ classic: “Put on your high heel sneakers; put your wig hat on your head; put on your high heel sneakers, baby; cuz we’re goin’ out tonight!” Jerry Lee has some further lyrics about puttin’ on her red dress, and says he’s gonna sharpen his knife or take his pitchfork to fight off all the guys that are going to lust after his gal with her high heel sneakers and her hot red dress.

      I love those old and n*sty R&R songs, and I usually manage to forget that Jerry Lee married, among others, his 13 year old cousin. Where are all you rock historians?

      Also, it would make a great work outfit. :)

  4. I’m still firmly on team sneakers-are-flats, thanks.

    I’m hoping that you ladies can help me find an awesome, fun, interesting, not ideal for court, but not totally insane right-hand ring for me from $100-$500, with some wiggle room at the top end, a hard max of $1k. I want to be able to wear it out on the weekends, and maybe at work on a Friday. The trickiest part is that I’m a size 4 finger, which limits both merchandise availability and proportion – a giant ctail ring or thick band would possibly look very silly on my tiny finger. I prefer sterling silver or white gold, I’m partial to purple and blue-purple (a la tanzanite) gems, though gems aren’t a requirement. I don’t want a solitaire or anything that even sort of looks like an engagement ring, which is most of what I’ve seen so far. Kanye East doesn’t seem to make rings. Thanks!

    1. What style do you want? What kind of setting do you want? I could give you loads of recommendations, but I think we all probably have different opinions about what’s “awesome, fun, interesting” etc.

      (If I had money to burn right now, I’d get something by Todd Reed. Google him.)

      Oh, and FWIW I don’t think your finger size necessarily limits you to narrow bands. (I wear an 8mm wedding ring on a size 4.25 finger.)

      1. Hiiiiii Kanye. I think all I know is “not at the mall.” I like interesting organic shapes, which is why I love super baroque pearls. I like the shape of Todd Reed’s TRDR679, but most of his work seems a bit “thicker” than what my taste is. My googling of Todd Reed connected me to Paul Morelli, which is well out of price range, but I like the “airiness” of some of his pieces without them being actually small, that there are gaps in the piece, you know, not totally solid? I don’t even know what that’s called.

        1. May I suggest:

          sundance catalog dot com
          clay – pot dot com
          both of these are good starting points for browsing different styles, but they’re also great for finding designers/jewelers because they work directly with artists (most of whom also sell elsewhere)

          Melissa Joy Manning
          Eily O’Connell

          Etsy sellers you might like:
          williamwhite
          TaorminaDesigns
          doronmerav
          JWMetalArts
          tesiaalexandra
          preciousjd
          CocoandChia

          And you should really hit up TCFKAG because this is totally in her wheelhouse!

          1. Thanks Kanye! I really appreciate it. I’m definitely looking for a “made by an artist/designer/not a mass-market factory” look, I think. And yeah, I pinged the fabulous TCKFAG a few days ago, but I think she’s busy with her real life and stuff :). She does have the best shopping kung fu though. I may have to get a Tumblr so I can talk to you all.

    2. Lord and Taylor has some cute ones and you might be able to sign up and get a coupon/discount.
      $900 http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/jewelry–accessories/rings-14124–1/14-kt-white-gold-ceylon-sapphire-and-multicolor-ring
      Overbudget but awesome: http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/jewelry–accessories/rings-14124–1/14-kt-white-gold-green-amethyst-and-diamond-ring-56ctw
      and http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/jewelry–accessories/rings-14124–1/ceylon-sapphire-and-black-diamond-ring-in-14-kt-white-gold

      Simple, purple, w/in your budget: http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/jewelry–accessories/rings-14124–1/amethyst-ring-in-white-gold

    3. I really like the jewelry sold through Sundance catalog, but the smallest their rings seems to go is size 5. If you want something unsual and one of a kind, what about visiting some antique stores? I once got the most gorgeous art deco diamond ring that looks like a burst of flowers for about $420 in a tiny little shop in NH. One of the things that struck me was how tiny many of the rings were, I think women’s hands were smaller back then.

      1. I had a ring resized for ~$50, so if you fall in love with a particular design you may be able to make it work.

      1. Mamabear, I think you’ve just sent me down a potentially-expensive rabbit hole…these rings are gorgeous!

        1. Hey Anon, better you than me! :) If you buy something, please post it here so we can all shop vicariously through you.

  5. Trying again because my comment got stuck in moderation this morning. I’d appreciate recommendations for a results-oriented therapist in LA, who would be willing not to medicate me. I understand why I am having issues, so I don’t want to spend lots of time delving into the “why” but want an unbiased third party to discuss coping ways to resolve the issues. Phone appointments or non-business hour appointments are a plus. Thanks.

    1. Patricia Gieselman in Sierra Madre 626-755.4765

      Family members have had great results with her. If she’s not geographically desirable she can probably recommend someone.

    2. You might be a candidate for cognitive or dialectical behavioral therapy. I would look for a practice that specializes in these methods. They are more about developing coping strategies than understanding the roots of problems.

      Also, FYI, most therapists don’t push meds. They can’t prescribe them, and most of them are true believers in talk therapy.

    3. My college classmate has a startup called “Breakthrough” which offers phone and video-based therapy with licenced therapists. Check it out via the goog. Good luck and I’m sorry you’re working through stuff, but it’s great you’re getting help too. Good on you for taking care of yourself!

  6. I’m a law clerk, soon to start at a big firm. I received my offer letter the other day, but it did not mention a clerkship bonus. I know this firm often gives bonuses, so I want to inquire about one. Any ideas on email wording? Or should I call the HR contact?

    1. Personally (and having been there before), I would do two things: (1) A quick formal letter back to the firm confirming your receipt of your offer letter, and then (2) either emailing or calling HR about the clerkship bonus. If you call HR, make sure to follow-up with an email back saying: “This is just to confirm that I am eligible to receive a clerkship bonus of $x, payable upon my start date, October 15, 2013.” Either way, I would go to HR about the clerkship bonus and I wouldn’t stress too much about how to word it (other than getting it in writing at some point). At a bigfirm, HR is used to these questions.

      1. Yep, I did this for my clerkship extras. I think the “I just want to confirm that I will be receiving, X, Y, and Z” language is perfectly fine. And it’s always good to have this kind of thing in writing.

    2. Is your clerkship level high enough for a bonus? Just double check…. At our firm, it had to be highest state court or fed district/appellate. If so, I’d confirm with HR.

      1. There are specific amounts listed for fed district/highest state and up. Other clerkship bonus amounts are determined case-by-case. I have multiple clerkships on the case-by-case level. Not really sure how to negotiate- I figure I’ll start by opening the conversation like Betty and Blue suggest.

        1. Oh, you can ask, but they usually only pay for one, your highest level. Not to be thick, but you DO mean an official one year (sometimes two) Judicial clerkship, not just a law clerk that is not a judicial clerk, yes?

  7. I KNOW I am too old for this look, but I have kinda grown to like the look, so long as its not overdone and has a sleek line. I agree that at first I saw it as reminescent of the 80’s – high top Reebox look and not a look I wanted to see repeated. My sister-in-law wore the light pink high top for dancing at her wedding in 1985 – sort of cute back then, but not now!

  8. target has wedge sneakers too, very similar to this for only $40. I admit that the pair I ordered is waiting for me at home as I type this. I too used to scorn the trend. how the mighty have fallen.

    1. I don’t plan to personally embrace the sneaker-wedge trend (although I said that about skinny jeans, and now I wear nothing else), but I’ve seen them done well a few times. So I believe you will rock yours, anooooooon.

    2. I was initially very skeptical of the Isabel Marant version that kickstarted this trend. But after seeing them the way Kat described (with leather leggings and a slouchy top or blazer), I think they’re a great weekend look.

      That said, I really don’t need another pair of casual/weekend shoes… thank goodness it’s almost time to break out the sandals and spring flats!

  9. Yet another trend that I’ll happily sit out.

    I’m kind of sick of trendiness in general. Finally get the skinny jean situation under control? Nope, try again, it’s all about boyfriend jeans!

    My clothing budget is barely enough for the stuff I legit need, let alone stuff that’ll be in style for 2 seconds.

    1. I don’t think “trendiness” is going anywhere. There are always, have always been, and will always be trends. It’s your choice, based on personal inclination and budget, whether or not you incorporate them into your wardrobe.

      With that said, I will be sitting out the wedge sneaker.

      1. I realize trends have always existed. But I feel like they’re moving faster than ever and I, for one, have given up on keeping up.

        1. On the plus side, I don’t think skinny jeans will ever go away…kind of like how bootcut still are sticking around…they just might not be in the spotlight.

        2. The rise of “fast fashion” has definitely sped up the pace of trends. There’s a great NYT Magazine piece about Zara’s business model [google “site:nytimes(dot)com zara” and it’s the first link] that explains how their analysis of what is selling combined with quick turnaround give them an edge. Analytics, etc. are allowing companies to seize trends faster and blogs help us become aware of what’s “in” faster than ever.

          Personally, I’ve always been too boring and practical to jump on most trends, so I totally hear you! Casual work environment on a Friday in a snowstorm => I’m wearing corduroy pants and a cardigan over a turtleneck. And now I feel like a grandmother when I see that written out! Yikes!

          1. Great article. Very interesting from a process standpoint.

            Can’t say that I’m a fan of fast fashion. I don’t move that quickly. I want to be able to return to a store a month later and find the same product. I also have issues about the labor and environmental effects.

    2. I agree that trendiness will never go away, and sometimes it feels really good because it provides so much variety. I don’t agree that most trends look good but it definitely is amusing to see how fashion changes every season! I give myself a $50/month rolling budget for trendy things like jewelry, shoes, crazy hair, etc. and it’s a good way to limit myself but still indulge in some craziness. This is why the capsule wardrobe idea would never actually work for me.. I just like the variety too much.

  10. For anyone in need of a good laugh, head over to my post on the weekly round up (post before this) and click the link to a you tube video of a very hilarious thirty second remake of Taylor Swift’s trouble. I’d repost the link here but that got me in moderation last time. Also, there are already people commenting on it on that thread. I just don’t want anyone to miss it that needs it.

  12. I reserve my sneakers for running and chasing a toddler… no heels for me.

    DH and I left our big city life almost a year ago for a quieter life in my home state. I love my home state and relish the thought of my son growing up outside of the hustle and competition of our former big city (I just couldn’t handle competitive preschool). But I am seriously missing our big city life… our adorable, tiny, old condo; walking to restaurants and the parks; running through historic parts of the city; and the professional opportunities. We are both doing really well in our new home, personally and professionally, but man I miss the city. I know it takes time to adjust (I’m a former military brat) but I don’t remember longing to move back to a former life as much as I do this time (I’ve spent time today looking through available real-estate). Any thoughts?

    1. Could you be feeling the move more acutely because it’s compounded by also missing pre-parenthood life? I have not moved since having children and yet still have pangs of longing for our former lifestyle and home. The same house has changed and we engage with our same neighborhood (hip, urban) differently.

    2. You know, you left for a reason. If you had stayed you would be dealing with pre-school ‘interviews’, probably paying a fortune for private schools, homeless people asleep in your lobby (ok, maybe that’s just me) and safety concerns after dark. Do you think you’re selectively remembering the good parts and forgetting what drove you to move?

    3. I’m not sure where you’ve moved to, but could you find something in between? That’s a big adjustment to make. Maybe you need a more gradual change…like a lower-cost, safer area in your home state but one that is still neighborhood-y and has local shops and restaurants and things to walk to. If you went from city life to true suburbia where the nearest target is a twenty minute drive, that might be just too much of a change for you.
      I know that the sweet spot is awfully hard to find and can be pricey, though!

    4. I don’t have any good thoughts, but just wanted to say I sympathize. Child custody issues unexpectedly landed me in the middle of nowhere and I commute to small city. I miss big city (where I’m from) a lot. We will move to small city eventually and then things will be better, but still not what big city had to offer. I’m just trying to remind myself that the low cost of living in the middle of nowhere is a bonus and that even small city has a pretty low cost of living. As anonymous mentioned, I do think finding parent friends would help. So far I haven’t found any fellow professional working moms (or even SAHMs who used to work), although I know they must exist!

    5. Thank you for all of your thoughts. I don’t think its longing for pre-parenthood life as we lived in the city with our toddler for a year and a half, and that is the time that I really miss. I do think I have forgotten a bit of what drove us out of the city. Perhaps a case of time makes the bad parts fade away: a job that required 80-100 hour weeks (and required us to have a nanny), competitive preschools, on street parking, some crime (although nothing horrible), being further away from family.

      And yes, we went from living “downtown” to living in farm country. A small town is only five minutes away but its not nearly the same. Maybe a day back in the city would do me well, or maybe it would just make me miss the city more…

      1. Oh and one other thing that may be driving my longing for my old life: We are renovating our old/new-to-us house and have been in the process for almost a year. Living in a half-finished house is driving me crazy (i.e. the longing for our beautiful, finished condo). It will be great in the end but right now the sight of mismatched floors (think 80s electric blue carpet meets bad, bad vinyl where we ripped down a wall) makes me twitch on a daily basis.

        1. You might want to try putting down some cardboard or some temporary flooring, just to help you stop twitching. Good luck with renovations – that is so draining.

      2. In case you check back, I wanted to comment. I foresee feeling just like this, as my DH wants to leave for all the reasons you did. I have agreed to move (eventually), on the condition that we come back once a year for a long weekend (and set aside money to make sure we can do it). I love this place too much to not be here regularly, even if “regular” is just once a year.

    6. Exactly! Sneakers are for moving, fast, not for high heels.

      Good luck on the missing the old home blues!

  13. Has anyone ever had a water softener installed? I have hard water and might be interested but I have no concept of what the cost will be ($1000? $5000? $10,000?) and would like to know that before I bring someone in for a formal estimate.

    1. My parents have one. I think it was somewhere to the effect of a $ 3000 and big packs of salt tablets cost $ 50 / quarter or half-year. Before you do this, make sure you can handle that type of water – it will make a huge difference on the way your hair and skin react/feel.

      1. I’m not worried about adjusting to the water. We had a water softener in my house growing up, but it came with the house, so I don’t know how much it cost. I always found that the first day or two after adding the salt the water was a tad too soft, but for the most part it was fine – and I’ve found in recent years that when I go home for visits my hair looks better than normal.

    2. Yep, I have one in my shower and don’t see much of a difference, but my SO who suffers from rosacea does fwiw.

      1. Just re-read your post: we added a manual shower filter (similar to Aquasana/Brita but for shower), nothing fancy that would require a professional. Far cheaper.

  14. Just need to vent. I’ve found minor mistakes and printing errors when reviewing documents that ideally would be correct, but are not otherwise damaging. They are mistakes by the Relevant Government Office, not our’s. I mention it to my boss because it isn’t my place to decide what is or is not a big deal, and then he mentions it to the client, who probably wouldn’t have caught the error in the first place. But now that we brought it up it is a HUGE DEAL that MUST BE FIXED, even if fixing it is generally not worth the time or effort (and often the client wants it done for free, even though we couldn’t have prevented the mistake in the first place).

    I don’t know if the other paralegals see these errors and ignore them, or they just don’t notice the mistakes, but I feel like I am dealing with this constantly when no one else is.

    1. I typically flag this type of thing (if it really is a very very minor error) for correcting in the next printing/round/etc.

    2. I used to have the exact same attitude- rolling my eyes at typos in letters and such, thinking someone must have *obviously* seen if if they spent 2 seconds looking at it.

      Then I had a day where I did 30 filings that were nearly identical, but each had changes implemented in them to slightly tailor it to the appropriate regulator it was going to. There was tons of cutting and pasting and last-minute revisions on each, and I could have sworn that my 3 person team and I *very carefully* checked each one before sending. We neverthless found about 5 typos among them after filing, and I’m sure that wasn’t all either. Just some perspective in case you are handling things that have been sent out in bulk – it truly is harder than it seems!

      1. Yes. Things slip by, or are possibly put in by the gnomes. I’ve done translation jobs where at least three different persons had proofread the texts, and in the printed version we still found mistakes that we had scanned for specifically earlier. I think you have to draw a line somewhere and accept that a certain amount of mistakes do make it to the final version, and that some mistakes are not worth the hassle once a text is at a certain level of almost-done.

    3. I’ve been fixing citations and Bates numbers for 2 days now and its driving me crazy. I hate that everything in litigation must be done this exact second because I truly believe that if people would slow down just a bit to do it correctly and carefully in the first place it would ultimately be done quicker since fixing the mistakes seems to take even longer.

      And just for the record, 150 Bates number references that need to be changed on a giant spreadsheet does not qualify as “minor tweaks.” Grrr. Thank goodness its the weekend!

  15. Interesting WSJ article about law schools opening up law firms for graduates to work at. Ignoring the obvious US News stats gamesmanship, I was intrigued by the concept where one school is trying for a North American Law Degree that would be accepted in the US and Canada.

      1. Interesting. I agree that it would be nice to get more practical experience as a student/new grad, and hope the motivation is not purely to boost the school’s stats!

    2. I have a feeling that the joint US/Canada thing is really just a way for schools to tap into Canadian students that couldn’t get in here to go to law school. There aren’t nearly enough spots here for the number of students that want to go to law school, and though some schools are better than others, there isn’t the same tiering that you see in the US.

      So, unlike the US where people will just end up going to unaccredited or very low ranked law schools when they can’t get in somwhere decent, Canadians have to go abroad to the UK/Australia/US for “lower tiered” schooling (obviously there are exceptions for Canadians that get into great UK/Australian/US schools and are actively choosing school abroad, but that’s not usually how it goes down..). Then those Canadians come home with mounds of debt (even more than the regular Canadian law students!), and usually face at least 1 year of exams, sometimes more classes, and then struggling to find an articling position. And the vast majority of them want biglaw jobs, but biglaw firms tend to hire students that are coming from Canadian law schools, or highly ranked foreign schools, not the schools that these students are usually coming from.

      So…I don’t know how they plan to do this North American degree, but I can’t really see it being all that useful for becoming a lawyer in Canada. I don’t know how Arizona state is ranked in the US, but I doubt it has much name recognition in Canada.

      Also, NYT article on the same thing, for those interested: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/08/education/law-schools-look-to-medical-education-model.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0

      1. Oh, sorry Blonde Lawyer, I thought you posted a WJS article, not the NYT ones.

        Also, I am a big fan of practical education, in fact, I frequently wish that my articles were longer because even 1 year is not nearly sufficient if you were planning to open your own practice, and I seriously cannot imagine what trouble I’d be causing if I hadn’t had that year of explictly being babied, to some degree, through all my work.

        1. My initial thought is that the majority of participants wouldn’t actually be doing this as preparation for going solo, but do this while they search for better paying jobs with small firms.

          1. I totally agree that most participants won’t be doing it to go solo, because I can’t imagine all that many fresh lawyers go solo, but regardless of whether they’re joining a smaller firm or going solo, more pratcial experience can only help the situation.

            Several peers from law school ended up opening their own firms out of necessity, and my point was that even with articles I think it’s a very risky move in terms of liability. The legal market in the US is tougher most places than it is in Canada, so I’m sure there are lawyers in the US that have to start their own firms out of necessity when they’re fresh, and having this option to get SOME practical experience with supervisiou would be extremely valuable.

      2. Meh, I don’t think this is any big deal. This is basically just the US doing what Canada and the UK have done forever – having baby lawyers put through a training period before becoming actual lawyers. I see this as nothing but a good thing and eminently practical. I do believe though, that coming at the present time, it is to a large extent driven by the fact that so many baby lawyers in the US are unemployed or underemployed. This solves the problem of getting them some experience while they look for other jobs. (Set this against an e-mail I got from my former (Canadian) law school yesterday which said that 94% of its 2012 graduates who wanted to work have gotten articles – a figure which I think is far higher than what you are generally seeing in the US these days.)

        As for the North American Law Degree, I think that is a silly idea. Many aspects of US and Canadian law are quite different and I agree with Equity’s Darling that this will just end up serving people who can’t get into better-ranked law schools, especially in the US.

  16. Haha, I still remember vividly that this was a very hot topic on this thread last Friday :)
    Can recommend these: http://www.target.com/s?searchTerm=wedge+sneakers&category=0%7CAll%7Cmatchallpartial%7Call+categories&lnk=snav_sbox_wedge+sneakers
    Comfortable enough for a few miles – not THE most comfortable shoes I’ve ever owned but less due to the fact that they have wedges and more to the effect that they are cheaply made Target shoes. Good enough to last you as long as this trend, though.

  17. Need advice for dealing with a clique problem in my small law firm.

    There’s about 8 associates in my office. I am friendly with all of them but one, who is the most annoying person I’ve ever met (this has been confirmed by all most everyone I know outside of my office— friends at different firms tell me that their colleagues complain about dealing with this associates). Over the few years that I have been here, any associate that I’ve been close with has left (it is not an easy or fun firm to be at)… and while I am friendly with the other associates, I don’t have much in common with them. Not surprisingly, I’m outside of the associate clique. This mildly bothers me when all of the associates go out to lunch together and don’t invite me, but in light of the situation (i.e. we’re not close and have little in common), I understand.

    However, there have been some quasi-firm sponspored events (planned by the associates), such as taking out a new hire to lunch or weekly MCLEs that I am completely left out of… this seriously upsets me, and while I have tried to deal with it professionally, I’m starting to lose my cool. I feel very isolated at the office and really am starting to hate it. I am close with some of the partners, but it’s not the type of place where partners and associates hang out (plus they’re all men and my bosses, so they’re not the greatest work buddies).

    I don’t really feel like taking this to the partners and my prior attempts to integrate myself have been unsuccessful (e.g., offering to plan/help out with one of the MCLE events, inviting the group to lunch).

    Anybody have suggestions?? thoughts??

    1. Wow! Have you stated directly to them that you would like to be included in new hire lunches and MCLEs when they go? This sounds like mean girl behavior at its finest, and I’m not quite sure how to handle it in adulthood myself.

      1. I’ve been direct in the past regarding not being invited to events, and I received round-around responses. Annoying Associate (who is a male) may be involved in the planning of many of these events, which is a solid explanation for why it happened in the first place, but other associates are now aware of my hurt feelings as a result of not being included. The two or three associates that I’m closest with will let me know about some of the events, but generally feel that it isn’t they’re place to invite me to anything that isn’t on par with MCLEs or team lunches. This is understandable, but they were actually complaining to me a few months ago that they weren’t being invited to lunches/coffee breaks as well. Grrr!

        1. Are your hurt feelings really the thing you want to highlight? Sounds to me like there are more professional reasons that you should be included in the quasi-firm events and they aren’t doing the firm any favors by not including you. Try pushing that angle instead of the “you don’t like” me one.

    2. I feel for you b/c it is NEVER a good thing to have some asociate’s that are dumb and make it hard for others to work there. When I was in college, I was GROUPED with a bunch of other junior’s on a special project. We all had to CANVASS a nayborhood in DC and ask question’s of the locals on a number of SENSITIVE topic’s.

      Well I got along with a few of the other girls, but there was one that thought I was just to pretty to be doeing all of this stuff in HER nayborhood. I guess it was b/c I was blond with blue eye’s and straight hair, and others all had brown hair not straight but CURELY. So the other’s ganged up on me and did NOT say I did my job when I did. FOOEY on women who are catty just b/c I was very pretty then. The big fat one, Lydia, even told the profesor that I had been eating at the Ben and Jerry’s when she knew I was LACTOSE INTOLERENT.

      It just goes to show you that you get mistreated alot when you are the onley one who is pretty and the others are not. I did NOT even care that they were gross until they started ganging up on me. FOOEY on them. Now I am very sucessful, tho not as gorgeous as I was 12 year’s ago, but still can turn a few heads. Yay! I am off now to go home. Dad is goeing to show me how he did my taxes (on Turbotax) and mom is bakeing one of my favorite’s! Apple pie! YAY!!!!!

      1. I read this blog a couple times a week. Ellen, I have to ask why you mention money and your income tax, what your dad is doing with your money in every post when sometimes it isn’t relevant to the topic.

        1. She’s a fake poster with a whole array of fake friends and family. Don’t worry about it.

          1. Who is she if she is fake. I say she is real. She went to GWU, and lives in NYC. All we don’t low is her law firm. No she’s as real as Ben and Jerry’s ice cream.

          2. She can’t spell. Her grammar is lousy. Her thinking is illogical. Her ALL CAPS are inappropriate. She couldn’t get a job as a second assistant fry cook. (no, I’m not disparaging second assistant fry cooks -my nephew is one.) “Ellen” doesn’t charm me; she annoys the heck out of me.

            Of course, I don’t read her posts. At least, not on purpose. However, I tend to read downward from post to post without looking at the author. As soon as my eyes — always reading a few lines ahead of my brain — see the phrase “my daddy” or anything all CAPS–I stop reading, and move to the next post.

            I need to get over how much Ellen annoys me so much. It’s just that her “humor” is always the same; and I’m just so over it.

            Go away Ellen, or change your gig, or get a new one.

            Yep, I’m grump. Knee hurts like h*ll and my orthopod just told me I need a knee replacement. This entire post might not even written if I only had a percocet.

            Oh, I still persist in thinking “Ellen” is really a prep school boy now in Yale whose name is J. Tucker Soamesworth something, IIII, or something.

        2. We love Ellen, no matter how off topic she gets! Go to ellenwatch.blogspot.com if you want the full story. Yay!

    3. I would make an effort to engage with the other associates. They don’t invite you out to lunch? That sucks, but you can invite them to lunch or a coffee. Or if they group isn’t amenable, ask the few others that you’re closest with.

      As far as the firm-sponsored events go, I’d raise it with the other associates directly. “Just to let you know, if you’re taking any other new hires to lunch [or whatever], I’d love to come along next time,” and if that doesn’t work, “Why was I not invited to Firm Event Y?”

      And I’m sorry you have an annoying colleague, but, well, we all have or will at one point. And you’ll just have to learn how to keep a pleasant, collegial expression on your face when dealing with her.

    4. That sounds extremely difficult. I hope you get some helpful advice here. It’s tough when you really don’t have much in common with people. You may already be doing this, but it might help to make an effort to be friendly to the people you feel more of a connection with. Maybe don’t invite the whole group out to coffee, but just one or two people. Just try to find more commonalities to chat about once in a while – similar interests like sports or tv shows or kids who have the same hobbies or whatever. Don’t automatically count yourself out and try to build bonds with a few people. That way they will see you more as a person and will be less likely to dismiss you from the group. It may not solve your problem completely, but it will make your job more appealing on a personal level.

    5. I’m going to state at the outset that you may not like my response. But here goes.

      My advice is to find something about one or two of them that you like and can tolerate. Focus on those qualities and then make the effort to be friendly and develop a relationship with them. You are not doing yourself any professional favors by isolating yourself. Initiate lunches, be all inclusive. Don’t wait around for an invitation to the dance; you’ve probably made it clear that you’re not interested in group activities and they aren’t including you, not just because they are mean and immature, but b/c you’ve made it known that you don’t dance. KWIM? You don’t have to like everything about them. You don’t have to be best friends. But you do have to know how to get along. Find ways to get along and be interested in them. Good luck, it sucks to not be included. But seriously, you can start to fix this pretty quick by initiating some stuff.

    6. I am ten years older than the little clique in my office. I have a kid and they don’t. They go to lunch every single day together. I eat at my desk by choice and don’t want to be in the clique. But sometimes, I do want to GO OUT! I have just said, “hey, may I join you guys? I don’t feel like being here today.” And they have been more than gracious about including me. Try it, hon!

  18. Sort of NY Meet up?

    So there was a post on CNN this morning about various races around the country, like the warrior dash, that zombie one, etc. Anyway, I fell in love with the idea of The Color Run. You wear white and people throw colored (I think it was corn starch?) dust at you, so when you end the run you’re covered in color. I asked a few friends who I thought might be interested in doing one located in the tristate area, and everyone firmly said NO. (Wet. Blankets.)

    Would anyone be interested in doing a this site team? It’s teams of 4. I’m not a particularly fast runner, but this race isn’t even timed! There’s one in NYC on September 7th (I know, it seems SUPER early to bring this up, but the one in July is already sold out.) You can take a look, it’s at : the color run [dot] com…

    If anyone is interested it could be a fun meet up, maybe we can have a few this site teams! Email me at dewithane at g mail dot com and I can maybe start organizing :)

    1. I’m planning on doing that in Montreal in June but now I’m tempted to book a trip to NYC for September…

      1. I think it’d be fun to have a big group of r3ttes, do the run, spend a colorful day in the city! Let me know if you’re interested! (I’d actually be coming from CT myself!)

      1. I would probably not wear my newest/favorite shoes–another bonus of it being a silly fun run rather than where you’re aiming for your personal best.

      2. I was worried about that too, but at the end before you leave they essentially blow the powder off you with big leaf blowers. It was actually pretty effective! I wouldn’t wear your nicest, most expensive workout gear, but you can’t tell on my grey running shoes or the shorts I wore. They also give you a white race shirt that I just threw away at the end.

        1. Just want to clarify that I am Jade Moon -possibly sometimes confused with Blue Moon. Blue is much nicer than me. If you read a mean, cranky, self-pitying post — especially where it is obvious that the poster lives in Hawaii — that’d be me.

    4. Can people who have done this race explain to me why it is so fun? My friends are dying to do it, but I really don’t see the appeal – I’m already a sweaty mess when I run, does my sweat really need to be dyed and potentially dripped on my other stuff/get in my eyes/be hard to get out of my hair?

      Haha I don’t want to sound like a complete Debbie Downer, I just really don’t get the appeal and would love to hear why it’s so fun!

      1. I dont get it either. I honestly think people must do it just for the pictures, because its not like a zombie race or spartan race where it is something different. It is just people throwing dirt on you!

        1. It’s definitely not everyone’s cup of tea I’m sure, and I have not done it, but I proposed the idea because I think it’d be good, silly fun. Personally, I don’t mind being messy (grew up playing in the woods, always covered in sand at the beach…) Also, I’m a really creative person, I like painting, and I like exercising…so it’s sort of combining the two. You know the scene in Miss Congeniality where Sandra Bullock takes the girls to that drumming paint place? Same thing, I’d love to do that! (Does anyone know where I can go do that?)

      2. I missed the color run in Montreal this year because I had already signed up for another race the same day, and I was SO BUMMED. It has a really fun, joyous association for me because of its similarities to the Hindu festival of colors. Plus, I really like having something to mark off the kilometers that’s not just a boring sign. My SO thinks the idea is totally crazy (and hates the festival of colors, too, because he feels like it’s an invasion of privacy or something along those lines) so I can understand that it’s not for everyone…

    5. That would be so fun and it would be great to meet the other ‘Ettes, coming from an ‘Ette-sparse area of the continent as I do….

  19. Random TJ, but looking for ideas! I’ve been asked to bring the salad course to a dinner party tomorrow (main course is veggie lasagna). Trying to do something lighter/more creative than the traditional caesar. Anyone have good crowd pleasers?

    1. I like to do a spinach salad with red onions, sliced strawberries, feta, and balsamic.

      1. That’s a good one. I like it better with goat cheese instead of feta, and the addition of walnuts. Mm.

        My other go-to nice salad is spring greens with oranges, roasted beets, and a balsamic vinaigrette (add a splash of soy sauce for extra oomph).

      3. A salad with fruit is my go to for potlucks. Some favorites include: strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, dried cranberries, green apples, etc.

        Mix with spinach or spring mix, feta or gorgonzola, pecans or toasted almonds, and maybe a cucumber. I prefer to go sans dressing, but might bring along a bottle of poppyseed for those who’d like to add it.

    2. I love endive salads with some blue cheese, toasted crumbled walnuts and apples (and you can throw in some spinach if you want) because it’s so light, but gives you bigger pieces to chew/feels a little more substantial.

    3. I like to make a “modified” or lettuce-less Greek salad which is super easy to make. Combine feta, cucumber, cherry or grape tomatoes, coarse black pepper, chickpeas (optional), tossed in a light dressing (e.g. Ken’s Lite Vinaigrette). I like to use block feta which I cut into chunks and English cucumbers which add more flavor than bland regular ones. Easy, colorful and tasty.

      2. I spent a month in Athens….every Greek salad I ate was like this….no lettuce!

    4. I like a chopped salad with kale and spinach, shredded carrots, cheese (I usually do feta), a mix of nuts and seeds (pumpkin, sunflower, walnuts, almond slices, pine nuts), tomatoes, cucumber, avocado, bell pepper (not green), and dried fruit like cranberries. I skip dressing, but others may want it.

    5. I love mixed greens with feta, dried cranberries, pecans and a raspberry or balsamic vinagare t t e.

    6. Cubed roast butternut squash, arugula or mixed greens, craisins, thinly sliced apples. Maple-y vinaigrette.

    7. I like arugula with golden beets and red beets, thinly sliced red onion and orange slices, with or without a little cheese, olive oil to dress.

    9. Mâché, blood orange wedges, carrots, pistachios.

      Or any lettuce, pears, pomegranate seeds, pumpkinseeds and pecorino.

    10. This is one of my favorites, which is not AS healthy given the dressing and the cheese, but everyone always likes it:

      romaine lettuce, shredded carrots, pepperocini, and lots of shredded provel cheese.
      dressing-
      Mix all together:

      1 cup mayonnaise
      ¼ cup sour cream
      ¼-½ cup good grated parmesan
      2 Tbls. white wine vinegar
      ¼ tsp. dried basil
      ¼ tsp. garlic powder
      1-1½ tsp. fresh cracked pepper
      lemon juice to taste
      Worcestershire sauce to taste
      Milk, to thin to desired consistency

  20. I need some shopping help! I’m attending a friend’s wedding in Huatulco, Mexico (it’s a beach resort town) next month. The weather will be hot. It’s not totally clear to me what the dress code is (and it’s hard to get information out of this group of friends for various reasons); I know it’s not a formal affair, but Mexicans are rarely casual so somewhere in between. I don’t think the ceremony will be held outside, but again it’s going to be very warm. I’m envisioning something knee length or shorter, sort of gauzy if that makes sense? Spring colors of course. I guess summery cocktail would be the best descriptor I can think of, but I want it to have an element of beachy-ness as well. Sorry to be so unclear, but I want to err on the side of fancier without being totally overdressed. Budget max is $150. I’m in my mid-20s and have an hourglass figure with a medium-large chest.

  21. ugh forgot to censor c***tail

    I need some shopping help! I’m attending a friend’s wedding in Huatulco, Mexico (it’s a beach resort town) next month. The weather will be hot. It’s not totally clear to me what the dress code is (and it’s hard to get information out of this group of friends for various reasons); I know it’s not a formal affair, but Mexicans are rarely casual so somewhere in between. I don’t think the ceremony will be held outside, but again it’s going to be very warm. I’m envisioning something knee length or shorter, sort of gauzy if that makes sense? Spring colors of course. I guess summery c***tail would be the best descriptor I can think of, but I want it to have an element of beachy-ness as well. Sorry to be so unclear, but I want to err on the side of fancier without being totally overdressed. Budget max is $150. I’m in my mid-20s and have an hourglass figure with a medium-large chest.

    1. Maybe something long, but a little beach-y?

      This one from Athleta is fun, and you could get a coordinating color wrap to make it a little more formal:

      http://athleta.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=84092&vid=1&pid=409088022

      This one from White House Black Market is pretty cute too, and you could dress it up with accessories / shoes:

      http://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/browse/product.jsp?maxRec=82&pageId=1&productId=570071998&viewAll=true&prd=Blouson+Mixed+Scarf+Print+Dress&subCatId=&color=&fromSearch=&inSeam=&posId=2&catId=cat210002&cat=Dresses++Skirts&onSale=&colorFamily=&maxPg=1&size=

      My preference is always long and something I can dress up for weddings, but both shops have great options. I have an hourglass figure as well and WHBM stuff fits me great!

          1. I think they’re for me! But for some reason they’re not coming up under my comment.

            thanks for the ideas, I particularly like the first choice!

          2. Sorry! The contextual link got moderated and I thought the rest of them did, too, but I guess they came through at different times?

    3. I actually wore a Maxi dress to a beach wedding and I got a lot of compliments on it.

      1. That dress is very pretty (and a great price) but the fabric reads fall/winter to me, or at least not warm beachy wedding.

    5. My links are in moderation, but there are several maxi dresses at Athleta dot com, and a few cute, colorful short dresses at White House Black Market that might fit the bill.

  22. I have a pair I bought in New Look (UK shop) for 15 pounds – about $22. I wouldn’t have spent much more than that on something that, after all, is going to be a short trend.

    The main reason I was attracted to them is that I need to acclimatise myself to wearing heels! I’m 5,9 so I live in flats, but that’ll have to change one day
    (I’m still in uni)

    1. I’m 5’10 and live in flats. My work heels sit under my desk collecting dust :)

  23. I really have nothing to say on the subject other than these are in fact ugly as sin. Also, I’m tall so if I’m going to wear something that makes me taller, it wont be heinous sneaker wedges. Ugh I hate that these are a thing.

  24. Can anyone offer advice about adult acne?

    Nothing in my lifestyle has changed (diet, exercise routine, medications, stress level, beauty regimen, etc.), but I’ve been breaking out really badly. For the first weeks, I wasn’t worried, but it’s been months now and I’m embarrassed by my adult-onset acne. I was never a sufferer as a teen and consequently feel pretty helpless.

    Are there any products that anyone could recommend? I have a product graveyard under my bathroom sink of stuff that’s irritated my skin to an even greater degree (mostly drugstore stuff).

    At this point I’m open to any and all suggestions.

    1. Have you been to a derm? Right before my 30th birthday I started breaking out with pimple looking things but they didn’t look quite like pimples. Turns out I have rosacea, and with a new skin care regimen my skin is back to normal. My new products include a prescription face lotion and CeraVe cleansing products.

      1. My dermatologist likes CeraVe, too. I use it in the shower, though, and not on my face. I’m pretty loyal to La Mer–esp the foaming cleanser & regular moisturizer.

      2. I have the same problem. I was prescribed Ovace and I use Paula’s Choice moisturizers.

    2. I had the same issue as you describe and as statuesq described – I was very embarrassed and felt at a loss – went to a derm, and it was rosacea for me too. Simple topical rx, cerave face wash, and I’m all better. A derm can give you info on what will irritate or cause inflammations as well. And, if it’s not rosacea, you can still get some tips and less harsh/irritating products from the derm that will work for your skin. Good luck!!

    3. I discovered that the best thing for my skin when I started breaking out (same as you – suddenly, in my late 20s and having never had problems as a teen) was using the most gentle products possible. Once I stopped using stuff meant to treat acne, most of my acne went away.

      1. Ditto this. I favor plain castille soap and mild, non-clogging moisturizer at night; water-only in the morning.

      2. +1. Acne stuff commercially available strips your skin and makes it more vulnerable to the bacteria that cause acne. Keep it clean, mildly, use a light moisturizer without petroleum derivatives, and you should see improvements fairly quickly.

    4. Ugh…I have so much experience with this. First, you should definitely go to a dermatologist to get a short course of antibiotics or stronger topical meds to clear whatever is going on now. Longer term, you may want to chat about your bc (is the acne hormonal/more prevalent monthly or just baseline bad?).

      In terms of drugstore products, I don’t find a lot of them terribly helpful. However, I will put a plug in for a wash you can buy from the interwebs–Pernox (lemon). It’s benzoyl peroxide and sulfur mostly, and it dries me out and calms me down. Should be about $20 a tube, and a tube lasts me for a few months.

      Also, if I dry out my skin too much or put products that are supposedly for acne, I create an “oil slick” cyle where my skin is actually dry but making a lot of oil (and creating blemishes) to compensate for the dryness. So you may want to use a really gentle cleanser like Purpose, CeraVe, Cetaphil, or, my new fave Neutrogena Gentle Foaming Cleanser to re-pH-balance your skin after putting on drying products.

      But seriously…get thee to a derm. It’ll make the most difference immediately.

      Other things that might help–swimming (chlorine) or a bit of sunshine. Those both can kill acne too. But derm first.

    5. Drug store stuff never did anything to help me, but proactiv completely heal my adult acne. It was harsh at first and my skin peeled badly for the first week. But after that, it worked great! I am super consistent about washing my face, and it really works way better than anything I ever tried. I don’t get pimples anymore. It’s amazing and I never thought I would find a real solution. It may not be the magic bullet for you, but keep trying.

    6. My skin does this every few years, so you’re not alone. My two solutions at the moment are: 1) using NOTHING on my face at all. I mean nothing. I splash water on it in the shower and use Cerave moisturizer if I feel the need (either for sunscreen or the PM version if my skin is dry, but many days I skip it), and only wear foundation etc. if it’s a big day. The less stuff I put on my face, the happier it is. It still gets irritated quite easily if I experiment with anything new. My skin adjusted to the lack of product pretty quickly. And 2) was keeping an eye on my diet, specifically cutting out the majority of processed carbs and sugars and doing more of a paleo/primal way of eating. This has given me all kinds of benefits, but better skin is one I have noticed for sure.

      My dermatologist was basically useless and gave me a bunch of creams that did nothing. Retin-A sort of worked but I’ve had better results long-term since I stopped using it and concentrated on reducing the irritation.

      It could also be your hormones doing mysterious things and causing you to break out. Again, the paleo diet might help straighten things out, or if there’s anything more serious, a non-dermatologist doc might be able to help.

    7. Try Murad. I buy the trial kit to have on hand for occassional breakouts (the multi-step system is too much work for me to bother with every day). It’s effective and reasonably gentle – it clears up my breakouts in about 3 days.

    8. Paula’s choice products are great for adult acne. In my experience they work as well or better than various Rx products I have tried. Start with the 1% BHA solutions and if you don’t see results in 2-3 weeks move to the 2%. If your skin is dry go for the lotion or use the liquid followed by a moisturizer. Her moisturizers and serums are also great. For cleansers I second the recommendations for Purpose and Neutrogena.

  25. In-house tech lawyer at my first SXSW Interactive. Apparently I missed the part where everyone got their standard issue infinity scarf/leggings/ drapey sweater/moto jacket/geek chic glasses/messy bun ensemble. Feeling woefully out of place in my dark rinse trouser jeans/navy cashmere cardigan/low pony outfit . Sigh. I’m clearly one of the stuffiest people here.

    1. From one cardigan fan to another, I hope you’re still having a good time!

    2. As an Austinite, I am cracking up at your description of the outfit. It couldn’t be more spot on.

    3. Jealous! My company did a presentation on Wednesday on the new campus, and how tech is changing education facility development. I really want to go next year! Would love to see updates :)

  26. I have a job interview on Tuesday (well, an “assessment centre” involving various exercises including an interview) with a big company. It is a fairly low-level position. I found out that one of their executives went to my university and has a couple of other small things in common with me according to his bio. He would have no influence on any interviewing or hiring processes because of the size of the company, and he doesn’t oversee the area of the business I am applying to. Is it considered good networking if I send him a quick email introducing myself and asking for advice, or is it just weird? My gut feeling is not to do it… but I wanted to see what the group thought. If you are in a position where you would receive an email from someone like me, what should I write to make it effective?

    Thanks.

    1. I wouldn’t do it. Good luck with your interview; you’ve done your research (you’d be surprised at how many people don’t!).

  27. How do y’all cook beets? I adore them but find them so difficult, especially because I have a butcher block countertop that I worry about. Or do you use canned beets? Or jarred? Do they taste as good?

    1. I love beets, but have several stained purple shirts from cooking them at home. I don’t know what they’re called, but I use the cutting boards with the ridge around the edges to catch juices (the large ones that I think are designed to carve turkeys or something), with a ratty kitchen towel or two underneath. And I wear gloves.

      If you have a Trader Joe’s nearby, they often sell pre-cooked beets in the refrigerated produce section. Not as good as fresh, but better than canned/jarred in my opinion.

      Or go with golden beets at home?

    2. I LOVE beets. LOVE. THEM. With a fiery passion. I roast them in the oven and then eat them like candy.

      Preheat oven to 400. Peel beets and slice. I usually go w/ with a quarter to half-inch slice. Toss with a little olive oil. I also usually toss with a little adobo sauce from canned chipotles. Gives them a really nice subtle heat that goes well with the sweetness of the roasted beet. Then, put in a single layer on a cookie sheet. Sprinkle with salt & pepper. My oven is c r a p p y, so I usually have to roast them for a good half hour before flipping and roasting another half hour. If your oven is better than mine, you can probably do 15 minutes per side. Don’t forget to salt and pepper when you flip sides.

      Enjoy. So delicious. Now I want beets.

    3. Re your butcherblock countertop… you should put something down on the counter top or use a plastic cutting board. I use a wooden cutting board when I do my beets, but it’s super easy to wash… haven’t had a problem with staining at all. And I don’t use gloves like Alice.

      I’ve had the canned beets they serve in the cafeteria here… they’re decent but no way they compare to fresh.

    4. Slow cooker. I add half a cup of water to it, turn it on low and cook a couple pounds. Let it go for about 6 hours, and they just slip out of their skins.

    5. I buy pre-cooked beets from Trader Joes. They are fresh vacuum-packed in the cooler section at my store(s).

      1. I do the same thing. “Normal” grocery stores like Shaw’s also have them now, also in the veggies section. They aren’t as good as fresh roasted, but WAY better than jarred. I think they’re just roasted, peeled and vacuum packed.

    6. To avoid the beets staining everything I toss them in olive oil and wrap in aluminum foil (whole with skin on) and cook in the oven until tender, about an hour. I wait for them to cool, peel them with a knife and then reheat them as necessary.

  28. Has anyone had experience with shadeclothing.com? They have an amazing sale on trousers, skirts, blazers and basics but not sure what the quality is.

    1. Shade is the adult company of Gymboree for kids, which I love for my toddler daughter. I ordered a gray and white striped knit jacket from Shade and love it. The quality was lovely and the fit was generous enough to fit my long arms.

    2. This was the brand started by LDS looking for trendy / modest clothing? They opened up in a local outlet mall and I bought a tunic top and a skirt on amazing sale. The quality is excellent, I’ve been wearing both regularly for well over a year and they look great.

  29. Hi ladies, I am currently a 3L in the middle of the dreaded job hunt. I am interning at a really great company,and my mom has been pushing me to “say something” there. My supervisor has been great, and he told me that if there’s anything they can do to help me, to let him know. I took that to mean that he wasn’t in a position to be making any offers (I don’t work in a firm; I’m in the IP group of a specific department in a large non-profit corporation), but they’d be happy to write recommendation letters/be references, or something along those lines.

    However, when searching through job postings, there are looking for someone not in my group, but in the same department. I am technically qualified, and I want to apply, but I am wondering whether I should bring it up with my supervisor. Should I say I am applying for the position in hopes that maybe he could put in a good word or something? I am a little apprehensive if only because I am afraid he might think it might not be a good fit or otherwise doubtful…Is it worth talking to him about it? And if so, how do I bring it up?

    I would appreciate any advice!

    1. Networking works; definitely say something! I feel like you’re stopping yourself from putting your best foot forward because you’re afraid of an awkard conversation with your supervisor. Is your current supervisor connected to the position? If not, ask if he knows someone who would know about the job. Say you like working there, are interested in the job, but aren’t sure if you’re a good fit. If he doesn’t think you’re a good fit, he’ll probably be able to tell you why (we’re looking for someone with more experience with X).

      1. Ah… just reread what I wrote -I’d put it more positively. “This position sounds really interesting and it looks I’m a good fit on paper. Can you tell me more about what the job would be and what they’re looking for?”

        1. Agree with this – definitely say something! They may not realize you want to stay, and bringing someone into the new position who is already familiar with the company would probably be a plus for them. Good luck!

        2. Thanks! I’m going to try and talk to him today, and I’ll keep this in mind! My supervisor isn’t connected to the position, per se. He works with others in that position, but nothing beyond that, I don’t think.

      2. Definitely mention it if you want the job. It’s really not a big deal if they turn you down (you are practically guaranteed to face plenty of rejection in the job market later on anyways, so you might as well develop a thick skin now) but if you don’t say anything, you might miss an opportunity. Just remember that if they don’t think you would be a good fit, that doesn’t mean you are doomed. It just means they don’t think you are a good fit for this one position. You still have a lot to offer and can use their recommendations later on down the road.

        1. Thanks! I thought about it over the weekend, and I figured it can’t hurt to bring it up. As you said, the worst he could say is that it might not be the best fit. Whatever happens, I know I’ll be leaving with a good recommendation.

  30. I had to check the date to make sure it wasn’t April 1.

    Those are hideous. I’m sorry.

  31. What does one wear to a Saturday night ballet at the Kennedy Center? Cocktail attire? Business casual? Business attire? Wedding guest-type clothes?

    1. Any of the above. I saw the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater at the Kennedy Center last month and I saw everything from Sunday best to sweat pants. Yes, sweat pants. I wore black pants, dressy top, and heels.

      1. I saw them when they came to my hometown and I saw a similar mix. I like having a reason to dress up so I wore a day-to-night kind of dress in violet but didn’t feel very overdressed by keeping the accessories bright but casual.

  32. Regular poster, anon for this.

    So I’m headed for divorce, and this week started the groundwork of finding a lawyer, called my parents to tell them I am planning to ask spouse to move out, etc. I’m still some weeks away from the actual conversation, but I’m by turns sad and *so* glad to be moving on.

    My parents were both super supportive and said, nicely, that they wondered how/why I’d held out so long.

    I have kids. I know that (to borrow a phrase apparently bandied around the O White House) hard things are hard. Harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd.

    Anybody have words of wisdom/non-despair to share?

    1. No words of wisdom–haven’t gone through this.

      But my mom did, and I have to say, as a kid (3 at separation, 6 at divorce), I felt SO PROUD that she was able to take care of me, work as a lawyer, and be strong and independent.

      So it probably will be tough, but as for your kids, think about the (awesome) example you will be setting for them.

    2. Good for you for deciding what you want and going with it. And, as a child of divorced parents, I can say that the divorce made everything SO much better. Nothing worse than living as a child with two unhappy parents who don’t want to be together. So, don’t despair. You’ll get through this and you’ll be happy again.

      1. Absolutely! OP you won’t just be improving your own life, but that of 3 other people! Think of it as a great opportunity :-).

    3. If your parents had that reaction, I’m sure it’s not coming as a surprise to anyone and you’re making the right decision. It will certainly be hard, but if you’re miserable with your husband, then you really have nothing to lose. At least you will have the chance to be happy after the divorce.

      (Formerly “no longer waiting for a proposal.” This seems like a better handle and very fitting for my personality!)

      1. Congrats on the new handle! I wondered how long you were going to want to drag that around as part of your identity.

  33. Anyone know what it means when your bonus is annualized? I got my bonus in January instead of December and was surprised that no taxes had been taken out – my manager said it was because it had been annualized. Google is not being helpful with an answer…

    1. Did he/she just mean that the taxes were annualized, i.e. that the taxes would be deducted from each cheque evenly (e.g. You make 100k per year, bonus paid in jan is 10k, they deduct taxes for the year as if your salary is 110k instead of 100k)?

  35. Help with nursery furniture?

    1) I’m looking for a nursery glider that reclines all the way and “locks” in a reclined position. any recommendations?

    2) Is a convertible crib worth it? (i once picked out a crib that had been converted into a bed at a furniture store while shopping for a be for myself!). I think they’re a good idea, but think that it also might be nice to have a kid pick out things for themselves when they’re older.

    So excited to meet this baby girl, but get frustrated shopping online because of the really polarizing reviews ! The stores are even more stressful–big surprise from someone who loves to shop.

    Signed–edu

    1. I don’t know about recliners.

      I think the convertible crib depends upon how you plan to space your children. Mine started out in a bassinette till they outgrew it, then into a crib. They moved out of the crib into a regular bed to make room for their new sibling.

      When we made the move to a big girl/boy bed, I started out with just a mattress on the floor, so if they rolled out they didn’t fall far. Once they acclimated, we bought a bedroom set for them.

      Also, we did not go with “little kiddie” furnishings, rather something classic which would last them through their teen years. French white pine for the girls and a maple set for my son. Their bedding and decor changed as they aged, furniture stayed.

    2. Check out the Best-Storytime series for recliners. Both my husband and I have logged long hours, including sleeping, in that chair.

      We got a convertible crib. Right now we are using it as a toddler bed and plan to convert it to the full bed soon. We figured the furniture would last at least a decade (it’s Pali and seems well made). It’s not particularly juvenile so it can grow with our child and we can just change bedding and room decor.

    3. My husband strongly felt that a convertible crib was worth it, so that’s what we got (my inclination was Ikea). My primary concern is that if I was going to spend so much money, I wanted a bed frame that would work in a variety of spaces and styles. For example, get something that converts to a full bed, rather than a queen, so it doesn’t take up unnecessary space in the bedroom. Get something in a neutral color and style that will allow them to change up their decor as they grow.

      I guess the convertible was probably the right choice in the sense that having a quality dresser is really nice. The drawers slide really well. They shut well. My daughter can’t pull them out on her head despite her best efforts … And the expensive convertible crib matches that dresser. Maybe focus on that?

      If you don’t have the book Baby Bargains yet, GET IT. For this and so many more reasons.

    4. LOVE our dutalier glider. It wasn’t cheap as we went with the custom wood/colors and it cost over $1,000 if I remember correctly, but because we went high quality, it looks nice sitting in our living room. The other reason it wasn’t cheap was that we got one that reclines to whatever level you want, which was hard to find, but again, totally worth it. Really think about where the glider is going to live – the nursery or your living room. I liked having mine out so I could nurse and snuggle baby while watching TV and being where everyone else was, but others like to have it in their nursery and do those things in private.

      Whether to get a convertible crib, in my opinion, depends on 2 things. 1) Are you buying just a crib or an entire bedroom set? If you’re buying a dresser and such to match the crib, then yes, get a convertible because that will be your child’s bedroom furniture growing up. For us, we already have the bedroom furniture, and just got the non-convertible crib to match. We had our son, he used the crib, then he moved to a toddler bed (you can get a quality one for under $100) because baby #2 was on its way. When he’s done with the toddler bed, we will be buying him an entire kid furniture set (probably bunk beds), and #2 will have the crib with the bedroom furniture, and then eventually that furniture will be switched out for the twin bed that matches it.

      I second the recommendation for Baby Bargains, but disagree with a couple of their points. I really really liked having a changing table (in fact, have one downstairs and one upstairs). The changing pad on a dresser just makes me really nervous once the baby starts squirming and rolling around, whereas I can still change my toddler on the changing table because it’s stable and there’s no where for him to go.

  36. Shoe threadjack: has anyone seen the Ann Taylor perfect perforated leather pumps in “desert sky”? I’ve been looking for a navy pump with a 3″ heel, and they look adorable on the website, but the color name has me a little stymied. Is it in the navy/midnight blue family? The “sweet biscotti” color is probably a good nude-for-somebody option, too.

    1. Cheers on the new handle!

      I have now owned a total of 4 pairs of Corso Como boots, and based on those I would definitely recommend the brand. They’re comfortable and durable. I need to replace the heels after each season, but I think that’s normal especially since I wear them so hard.

      1. I took the plunge and bought them from Piperlime on sale for $90. Hopefully I don’t have to return them! They would be great for spring/summer.

    2. I ordered these last year (and ended up returning because I have this aversion to patent leather I can’t get over) but I thought they were really comfortable and have been thinking of buying a non patent pair ever since. The nude color was very close to my skin tone, I wouldn’t say I’m crazy pale, but I’m blonde and pale with pink undertones and these matched well.

    3. I have this pump in patent in two colors — the beige and the shell, I think. I recently lost enough weight that many of my shoes are too big for me, and I think I may have to sell my entire pump wardrobe and buy new ones. These are the first shoes I will replace in my new size.

      I find them quite comfortable, and they have held up well. I lOVE the height and the look. The beige color in particular is a fantastic neutral. The shell color is nude-for-me. I would recommend them with the caveat that for some reason the interior lining in both pairs will NOT stay put so I have to periodically get them re-glued (and by a reputable cobbler — I don’t know why the linings won’t stay). That said, I find this fix worth it because I love the shoes. I think they might run a tad large, too.

  39. I had the creepiest experience today. I’m still on the hunt for a dresser that I like and will fit in my bedroom and up my weird staircase. I had done some pre-searching on the web and had seen some that might be possible at a furniture store where I had never been. Stopped in there today. From the first time the salesman greeted me, he was completely inappropriate. Saying I looked “fresh,” do I workout, my legs are so muscular, am I married, touching my hair, putting his arm around me. I was so uncomfortable! I could not believe that the man didn’t notice or care about my discomfort. I know I should have said something and just told him to stop. Instead, I just finished what I came for and left quickly. I did not buy the dresser and my SO doesn’t want me to go back there by myself. It’s a great price but I’m so creeped out.

    1. That’s terrible. I’m so sorry to hear you had such a bad experience. Could you call the store, ask to speak with a manager, and tell them about your horrible experience? Or was he the manager?

      1. No, he wasn’t the manager because he went to speak to a manager at one point to ask if I could buy one piece from something priced as a set. I am seriously thinking about calling and speaking with a manager.

        1. You totally should. This behavior is totally inappropriate. Theoretically, you could sue for sexual harassment (but the lawsuit would be more costly than any money you could hope to get from them) but I bet you could negotiate free delivery on the furniture you want (so you don’t have to go back to the store)!

          1. uhh no you can’t sue for sexual harassment because someone hit on you. Especially if you didn’t say anything. You also can’t sue people for being mean, just fyi.

        2. Yes, please call. How is the manager going to realize this really does bother people unless someone tells him? Reporting creeps like this is a kind of paying it forward.

  40. Headed to NOLA next week for my very budget mini honeymoon (after my wedding, which is also next week, eeks). I waited too long and I cannot find any deals to make the chain hotels reasonably priced. Can anyone recommend something in the $100-$150 range? You’d be doing a good deed for a harried bride….Thanks in advance

    1. If you don’t mind staying outside of the French Quarter, you might try the Columns Hotel. It’s a beautiful old hotel. Not all of the modern amenities but it’s a fun place where people hang out on the porch for happy hour. http://www.thecolumns.com/tour-the-columns/
      It’s where the movie Pretty Baby was filmed. You can pick a specific room. The big turret room is like a French brothel. That’s where I stayed on my wedding night (my reception was at the Columns and they give it to you free with your reception).

      1. Thank you so much!!! I just booked it for our first 3 nights (they weren’t available for the weekend). Def takes the edge off my concern. You’re lovely to help, especially given your icky day. Yes, you should call a manager! That’s not appropriate at all.

        1. Happy to help. I did email the store from their website. We’ll see how they respond.

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