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It's a rainy day here in NYC today, so I thought I'd post some rain boots that aren't Hunters, for once — these Tretorn Emelie boots look nice and come in wide-calf sizes. A bit boring, yes, but then again, we are adults. (If you want something more fun, try these fluorescent green boots from Coach.) The Tretorns are on sale — they were $75 but are now marked to $55. Tretorn Emelie Rain Boots
(L-3)
Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Federal government excepted term positions?
Question for federal government r e t t e s — I am looking at a posting for an excepted service position (attorney) on USA jobs that is listed as “temporary – not to exceed one year.”
Before contacting HR, I thought I’d ask if anyone here has an idea of whether “temporary” in these postings typically really means temporary, or if they are usually extended. I guess I can’t really see why an agency would hire an attorney for less than a year!
I’m currently in a competitive service position in a different agency, and I’m not interested in a temporary job. But this one is in an ideal location, so I am tempted to apply…
In Rem
In litigation, that can happen when an office needs to staff up a really large case for discovery, doc production, etc.
Anonymous
I was in a temporary position for a specific case and it did not turn into a permanent one. In this particular agency, there was a set number of attorneys and they told me that if they were ever approved for another one, they would let me know. It was good experience and led to a full-time private practice job in the same type of law. But, I only took the temporary position because I needed a job.
Ruby
I had one of these in County gov and it turned into real, because someone left so I slotted into her FTE.
MBP
It’s based on funding, and it’s not guaranteed. The rights of a temporary (NTE) employee are different than the rights of a career (FTE) employee. If you do well in the temp gig you will have experience and networking you didn’t have before, but there is absolutely no guarantee you will be extended for another term and certainly no guarantee that they will hire you into a full-time and permanent gig at the end of your term.
Federal government excepted term positions?
Thanks for the replies. Probably not prudent for me to apply, then, but it was nice for a few minutes of day-dreaming!
Alli
Sorry I’m getting to this late, and you may have already decided– but I am in a similar position now. When I took this job, it was “not to exceed 8 months,” but the term later got extended. They added another 18 months. That runs out next year, but my understanding is that my office can go to bat for my position if they have found it/me to be beneficial. As MBP said above, though, the bottom line is funding– if your organization has the money, AND the people in charge want to keep the position, then it might later become permanent.
I felt like it wasn’t prudent when I applied, either. But it was my absolute dream job, and it has really worked out perfectly. If I don’t get made permanent, I still believe it has helped me make a lot of connections in the field where I want to be that would help me transition into another job at the end of the term. I bet the same could be true for you.
Alli
Also, something I forgot to mention– the majority of the attorneys in my office were hired as terms (I would estimate 80% were hired as terms), and all are now permanent except for me (I’m the newest one).
MBP
It’s still nice to dream, though, isn’t it? I personally can’t risk my career status but I know people who have traded career status for a fantastic term position and not regretted it for a second.
Bonnie
Term positions are fairly common and they can be extended but rarely turn into permanent positions.
Cb
For colourful wellies, Joules are fantastic, super comfy! They do some dressy ones as well.
NOLA
I love my Dav cowboy rain boots. They’re gray with Koi on them!
Retirement Recognition Help
My mom is retiring after a 30 year teaching career and I have no ideas for how to recognize the occasion. As a new working mom, I only now fully appreciate how well she balanced career/family. Her co-workers have been great – flowers/cards/lunches etc and I’ve not done anything. My dad retires in a few months and I thought I might host a party for both after he retires but I feel like I should do something to mark my mom’s retirement today/this weekend. Any/all ideas much appreciated!
preg 3L
I think a family dinner and possibly a gift certificate to do something during the week that she previously wouldn’t have been able to do because of work? Hopefully others have better suggestions!
Anne Shirley
Donation in her name to her school library and a card telling her how great she is in mushy detail?
zora
I like this, is there some other way you can donate to her school that has her name on it, like for posterity? Donate a couple of books to the library and write her name and the date in the front?
Or i like the photo book idea. Maybe even just one nice pic of her in her classroom in a nice frame. Also my mom (also a teacher) LOVES the digital frames now, so she can see a bunch of pictures scroll by whenever she looks up.
Sue
How about spending some time just the two of you if possible. Maybe go get your hair done, or nails done followed by a meal at a nice place after? After so many years of service let her just kick back and relax. You could also get a card, signed by the family to let her know you appreciate her.
Senior Attorney
Do you have access to photos of her classroom over the years? Did she keep her class pictures? If so, maybe a photo book marking the occasion would be great.
Even if you don’t have a lot of photos of her work life, maybe a photo book demonstrating “how well she balanced career/family.”
R
We did something similar – the party was a few months later, but us kids showed up on her last day with flowers and balloons. She taught 1st grade, so we gathered pictures of each of us and our SOs at 6 years old and gave it to her in a nice frame that said “To Our Favorite Teacher.”
Retirement Recognition Help
Thanks for the great ideas! Something photo related (book or nice frame or digital frame) would be perfect and I can put that together relatively quickly. I also like the gift certificate for retirement activites idea – she has always talked about wanting take crafting classes.
KLG
Just write her a letter telling her that you now realize what a wonderful role model she was for you and how much you appreciate as a new mom what an amazing job she did balancing her career and family. I was still in grad school when my mom retired but as a newish stepmom, I’ve been having the same realization and this year for her birthday she pretty much ignored the amazing gift I got her because of the card I wrote her detailing all the little things I really appreciate now that I am a working mom.
IMMJ
As someone in your mom’s situation, I second this idea (although it would be nice to do something else as well). I promise you that she will treasure what you write.
Cat
Ladies, advice on taking almost new, gently worn shoes back to Coach? I purchased a pair of heels a month or so ago, and have worn them 1x or 2x a week only inside my office (so, carpet or marble floors or bathroom tile only). Today, I took a step and I felt the heel part “give” as I put my weight on the shoe. After carefully testing the heel with my hand, I can tell that it is loose and definitely on the way to breaking even with gentle use.
I’m going to take them to the Coach store as defective (I have never had a heel break on me, even on shoes that I wear outside) but any advice on how to get what I want (i.e., not a replacement pair of heels, ideally a refund even though I threw out the receipt when I decided to keep them in the first place, would settle for store credit?)
Orangerie
Tell them you’re not confident in the quality and construction of this particular style, so you’d like a refund instead of a new pair.
return
If you charged them, your credit card company probably has electronic statements available that will show a purchase in the store and that date will help the store track it down as the purchase of those shoes. If I were Coach, I’d either reverse the charge or grant you the credit. [I’d expect the same of any company, but particularly one that cultivates a reputation for quality.] Sometimes just having the card you used to charge with is helpful.
Let us know how it goes — I was thinking of looking for a wallet and if your case doesn’t go well I may be off to Mulberry or some other competitor.
tesyaa
Coach is a reputable retailer so I would think they won’t have a problem giving you store credit. Without a receipt they might not give you a refund. I try to save receipts for a while, but sometimes I throw one out by accident. It happens.
Good luck, don’t worry too much. If necessary, ask to see a manager but I doubt you’ll need to.
preg 3L
You definitely shouldn’t need the receipt. If you bought them at the Coach store (and not like DSW or a department store), the store will know their stock well enough to know it was a recent purchase. Most luxury brands will take defective products back at any point. I had one experience with Tory Burch shoes — I wanted the shoes replaced and they did so immediately; a close friend had one experience with a Michael Kors watch that was at least 5 years old (and became irreparably damaged) and she got store credit.
tesyaa
Without a receipt, most retailers will give back only a marked-down price, if the item has been marked down. This is where the credit card statement might help.
LH
Most retailers distinguish between an item that you are returning because you don’t like it/doesn’t fit and an item you are returning because of obvious poor quality. In my experience, in the first situation (without a receipt) you’re likely to only get store credit and for the marked down price if its gone on sale. In the second situation, they’ll run your credit card and refund you what you were charged.
NOLA
I had that happen after several months (and a lot of wear) for a pair of Michael Kors shoes. They refunded my money. They apparently have a one year warranty so whomever you purchased them from will get the money from Michael Kors. Not sure about Coach, but like pre 3L said, they’ll know what’s new and this year’s merchandise.
BB
PSA if you have Amex or another card with Purchase Protection. I totally didn’t know this existed, but they will refund you for purchases that you break (or are defective). I spilled water all over my phone and ruined it. Verizon wouldn’t take it back, but Amex refunded me for it.
Cat
Thanks for the advice, all – I will attempt this weekend and report back.
Cat
Reporting back — success. I was first offered a replacement pair, but I asked if I could receive a refund or store credit instead. Because I had my credit card with me that I’d used for the purchase, they looked up the amount and gave me the refund. Pleasant experience so if there are any Coach employees lurking here, nice job to the salespeople.
location change?
Can anyone provide advice on whether an employer can make you travel for 2 months, if that was never part of your duties? I was just told my whole team is going to have to travel across the country for the next 2 months for 5 days a week. there are a million reasons I don’t want to do this, but the big one is I have a pretty severe anxiety that is a million times worse in hotels. I would be more ok with a total relocation than moving around from hotels. Plus, I dont want to be away from home, I like being home! Am I allowed to refuse? It was not presented like that was an option
tesyaa
This is one of those “Ask a Manager” question where the answer is yes, they can make you. Do you have enough of a relationship with your manager where you can make a counterproposal (e.g. every other week)?
Sparrow
+1
I too thought of Ask a Manager. I wouldn’t necessarily flat out refuse, but provide reasons why it would not be beneficial or may negatively affect your work. Propose an alternate solution and concrete actions you will take to ensure you working remotely will not cause any negative impacts to the work.
Anonymous
Yes. They can make you. And they can terminate you if you refuse. Unless your anxiety is such that you may be able to qualify under the ADA or state law as a disability and you ask for a reasonable accommodation of no travel. And such accommodation is actually reasonable and wouldn’t present an undue burden on the employer. I think it would be an uphill battle.
Fiona-not-an-attorney
This is what I was thinking. If it is unreasonable for someone in her position to not travel, could it be a reasonable accommodation to move her to a different position that doesn’t require travel, if one is available?
Coach Laura
I think they can “make” you take a temporary move. I’d be wondering, though, on the reason. Are you part of a project team that is essential and can’t be duplicated? Is it to meet a client’s needs? Is it a crisis?
You might be able to propose that you work remotely and “hold down the fort” at the old office while the rest of the team is gone. Perhaps someone from another team can be subbed in for your role on the team.
In summary, it depends on how valuable you are, what the reason is, what the work/field is and your relationship with your manager. If you normally have a good reputation as a team player and explain that it’s not workable for your personal life (and that it was never mentioned in the past or when you took the job) you may be able to work something out. If not, you may be out of a job if you don’t go.
Other view
I would think long and hard before pushing for something like this if it is a team you are going to have to continue working with. The fastest way to lose respect from colleagues (and possibly management) is to bow out like this. Guess what–I’m sure no one expected the request or wants to pull up from their life like that. In fact, I would be surprised if they don’t all have equally strong (if not even stronger) reasons for wanting to stay (young children, aging parents, health issues, pets, etc.).Whether you fight or go, I think the bigger picture of how you want to be seen facing this challenge and what the decision will mean to you long term is where your head needs to be.
location change?
This is my team- I am in charge of them so my role is slightly different. I agree that I am very concerned about how I will look to back down, but I think I will have to quit before I do this. I just cannot take the idea of being in hotel. Just the thought of it has really triggered compulsions that I had been doing much better controlling
Ruby
I’ve often rented temporary apartments on lengthy trips just because I like the space and being able to make food/have privacy. Have you looked into that?
Anon
I think this kind of advice overlooks how serious the OP reports her anxiety is, and her knowledge that being in a hotel will exacerbate it. Sure, if it was just a matter of preference, then she would need to suck it up just like anyone else. But you even mentioned “health issues” as a better reason than the OP has. She HAS a health issue–a mental health issue, and it’s real. It’s not less serious than medical concerns or family members needing care.
Trying to figure out how to accommodate mental illness as a professional is hard enough–no need to get into “where your head needs to be.” I’m sure she already knows how her priorities would be different if anxiety wasn’t an issue. She didn’t choose this.
Other view
She has a “million reasons” And “I dont want to be away from home, I like being home!”
Yes, how careless of me to point out that others might have just as much reason to not want to go and that they might not perceive someone finding a reason to stay as being absolutely peachy.
Don’t soap box me.
Anon
Soap boxing is allowed, just like disagreements. I stand by mine.
Anonymous
Thank you. I would definitely still do it if it was just the million reasons, but its the anxiety and compulsions that are what I am worried about. Already today my compulsions have gotten way worse. I think I will quit before I live in the hotel, but I do love this company and want to stay with them. I have a few other comments in moderation but the extended hotel wont work because it is going to be a bunch of little trips, not one long one. Im just so surprised they can do this- what if you had a child or dog etc?
Coach Laura
Anonymous, I’m sorry this is happening. I think it’s key to present it to your manager that you love your job, love the company and want to be a valued employee but you just can’t commit to this for the following reason(s), and include the anxiety only if/when you feel you must. If you are under a doctor’s care for anxiety, you may be able to use an ADA justification. I hope it works out for you.
Senior Attorney
If you had a child or dog you would be expected to make arrangements for their care. I tried a case out of town for 10 weeks (home on weekends) when my son was in fifth grade. In retrospect it wasn’t my finest parenting moment, but at the time it was absolutely required if I wanted to keep my job, which I did.
Anonymous
And you had no idea you would end up being given a client in a different part of the country? I am just really surprised that a company can change your job like this without a raise or anything either.
Anne Shirley
Can you ask that instead of a hotel room you need to move out of every weekend you get an extended stay room you can keep the whole time? Very know your office idea, but might help.
location change?
Unfortunately its all different places. A week here, 2 days there, 3 days somewhere else. I am seriously so distressed by this news
Maggie
I was going to suggest this as well. It might make it feel more like home (if only a temporary home) rather than unpacking and repacking every week.
Anon
I can picture the employer going for this proposal, since the cost of her staying weekends at the hotel(s) would still probably be lower than the cost of her travel back and forth every time. I assume they’d be paying for her travel. If the hotel did end up being a bit more, she could offer to pay the difference.
ExcelNinja
+1
location change?
Wow. Im super surprised by this. What if you are a single parent? Or have a dog/pet? I can’t belive they can just say oh you have to travel the country now.
Divaliscious11
Depends on what you job is, but the answer is likely yes, if you need to be onsite to perform your job requirements….
Anonymous
I wanted to ask about your anxiety. Please (please!) don’t be offended because it’s clearly none of my business, but I was wondering about the history and any treatment for it – no matter how bad anxiety-related issues can seem, you *do not* have to live with it.
Anonymous
About 8 months ago, I became really obsessed/concerned with germs. I am terrified that I am going to get a disease and spread it to the people I love. I realize how crazy that sounds. But I was washing my hands about 30-40 times a day, and I actually lost the whole top layer of skin and they became really dry, etc. I started going to a therapist to work on behavior mods about 4 weeks ago. It has started to help a bit. With things like hotels, I can’t help thinking that people have been in there doing extremely gross things to the hotel room on purpose to try and give me a disease. (Again, I realize that’s nuts) So that’s kind of where I am with that. There’s been many times where I realized that having a disease would actually feel like a relief to me because its so engrained in my head- the fear, the anxiety, the painful thoughts.
Coach Laura
So glad you’re under care of a professional. That is the first person that you should talk to, rather than people here (including me). You may have some protection under the ADA or may not. Google NAMI ADA. Employers must make “reasonable accommodations” but that can’t place “undue hardship” on the employer, which is subjective and each situation would be unique. No clear answer. You’ll also have to disclose, if not to your boss at least to HR.
So if you’d rather quit than travel, it’s worth trying to get an accommodation, IMO.
Anonymous
Thanks Laura. I really appreciate the support I agree that trying to get an accommodation or a new position will be my first step. I think I am well liked and respected so I hope something can be worked. I am just surprised that they can do this to my team as well. I feel like it will cause everyone a significant uptick in living expenses (for pet care, child care, no ability to get groceries) and I feel like everyones hours are going to increase significantly because we will be traveling now too, in addition to working 40 hours a week. I am just really surprised that I can go from having a normal 9-5, to this kind of a set up.
emeralds
Anonymous, I really hope you can get some accommodations worked out with your employer, and I’m glad to hear that you’re working with a professional. The situation your employer is putting your team in absolutely sucks, but I guess that’s their prerogative.
Anon
I’m really sorry this is happening for you. I’m also sorry that you’re struggling with mental health issues. It seems like terrible luck and/ or timing and I hope it works out for you. However, I think you need to consider your team here. If I had to rearrange my life this dramatically and my direct boss got a special snowflake exemption for reasons no one explained, I’d be furious. In fact, I can’t imagine ever having respect for that supervisor again. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. But understand that when your team is asked to make sacrifices that you yourself can’t handle, it may cost you your reputation.
SoCalAtty
Not at all crazy about the hotels. I’m not trying to be a trigger or make it worse, but you’re not totally wrong about that. One thing I do that helps a ton is take off the comforter (which doesn’t get washed as often) from the bed, and hand-sanitize the remote control. I learned that one from Mike Rowe (love him).
Also, this is a real disability/disorder that can totally be treated. I am very close with an aunt that has pretty severe OCD, and it surfaces exactly like your hand washing. In addition to the behavior mods, there are meds that can help.
Anonymous
Thanks Socal. I am reluctant to go on meds, but I mentioned to my mom that I didn’t want my personality to change, and she rightly pointed out that it has already changed my personality. So certainly something to think about, but I want to get a little further into behavior mods before I do that.
Migraine Sufferer
Anxiety is a disability and I think they might need to make accommodations. Check with HR and/or an employment law atty.
Sweaty or Not?
I couldn’t get enough of this week’s discussion on daily and weekly routines! I have one question, though; lots of people mentioned they work out in the morning or at lunch – what do you do to freshen up? I would like to work out at lunch, but don’t have the time or desire to shower and redo makeup and hair, so I am looking for suggestions. I have come to terms with the fact that I am okay with being a little less fresh at work after a workout, if it means the difference between getting a workout in or not.
preg 3L
We’ve discussed using baby wipes to freshen up the particular spots that need freshening after a workout, and some ladies have said they bring a change of underwear. However, I feel like that wouldn’t be sufficient for me, so I’m interested to hear what everyone else has to say!
return
A guy I used to work with used to joke about the Executive Shower: slap on some more deodorant and go back to work.
I do a pretty slacker workout during the week, so that works for me. When I play tennis, I am so sweaty that no quick fix will fix me. I have long hair, so it’s a total overhaul (so I try to play in the morning so I only have to get ready once each day).
return
Forgot to add: definitely fresh undies. Not sure if that is in the guy’s Executive Shower routine, but it’s a must in mine.
Anonymous
There is no way that my workouts don’t require a full shower and hair washing. I like to workout hard and I sweat when that happens. Aside from a brisk hour walk, I can’t think of a workout that does not require a shower.
Orangerie
+1
Anon
+1
Sue
How about swimming, if you are close to a facility that has a pool? OK, you do need a shower afterwards but one can always do a rinse if pressed for time. Apply a good moisturising lotion afterwards.
b
I do a 40-minute heavy lifting routine and it does not require a shower, because the gym is over-airconditioned. I do a quick wipe-down and that’s it. I also run at lunch but only when it’s cold out — anything over about 45-50 is too warm for lunchtime running without a shower.
CKB
This is me – I don’t sweat a ton, and I do less sweaty activities at lunch time (like heavy lifting, easy cycling) so I can get away with just a wipe down, fresh underwear & more deoderant. I could never run at lunch without a shower after.
A Nonny Moose
I do a 50 minute barre class. It’s a very hard workout, but small muscular movements so I don’t get very sweaty at all. Afterward I do a 30 second rinse in the shower, soaping in the couple places where it’s really necessary, throw on another layer of foundation powder so I’m not shiny, and I’m set.
Anonymous
Obviously there are so many different classes, but I bought a 10 class barre class pack off one of those coupon sites, and I went to the classes, but I really did not think they were a hard workout and I did not buy any more classes when my offer expired. It felt like so much less of a workout than yoga even. I just didn’t feel that much muscle fatigue and my heart rate was never elevated even a little bit. All in all, I felt like it was a wasted hour of my life.
I’m just curious if anyone else had this experience? I didn’t see any body changes from the 10 classes (as opposed to yoga, which if I go regularly really changes the way I look). Did I not give it enough time? Was the studio / instructor bad?
A Nonny Moose
There are a LOT of different barre methods and schools of thought, and they vary a lot. Even at the gym I go to, there are two instructors who teach completely differently. One class (which isn’t barre so much as ballet for adults) is not hard for me at all muscle-wise, but is hard because I have no rhythm and ballet does not make sense to me. The other is crazy hard and I can barely walk down a flight of stairs afterward. So, I think your instructor was not good. How much guidance did she give you? A lot of it is very minor adjustments to your posture and form that make what you’re doing much more difficult.
With regard to timing, I got more toned (and my rear end looked way better, holler) after only a few classes. Which city are you in?
anon
I did Bar Method for awhile, and it was definitely hard, especially the abs (I have two kids and zero core muscles). I felt achy in my butt and thighs. But I didn’t have any big body changes and I always felt like I should do something else, too. I think it would be great a couple times a week, interspersed with running or walking and maybe some real weights. Incidentally, I got a real neck and shoulder problem from all the pushups they do in Bar Method because they don’t do enough corresponding back stuff, like rows and such. Things like that happen when you’re old and work a desk job for too long.
Wildkitten
I did it and it wasn’t hard and it was totally that I didn’t know how to do the things right, because I am not a ballerina. I don’t think the best teacher/studio could’ve made it work for me.
Anon
I do Bar Method in addition to running and riding my horse. While I don’t get super sweaty, I do feel it. Like A Nonny Moose the day after a really good class I can barely walk up/down stairs. I’m not sure how much body change I can attribute to Bar Method alone since I do other active things but I did notice an improvement in core strength which has helped with my horse riding.
KinCA
I’m on the same page, Nonny. I do a killer barre class 3-4x a week. There is a cardio component, so I will sweat, but the studio is air-conditioned and I have a massive towel with me, so honestly, it doesn’t ruin my hair, or at least, it’s nothing dry shampoo and some re-blown out bangs can’t fix.
In terms of barre, it totally depends on the method/type of class you’re doing. I’ve tried Bar Method and Pure Barre, among others, and have ended up a diehard of CardioBarre. I have a ballet background, so that does help some with knowing proper form/musicality/etc., but honestly, my non-ballerina friends love it too.
SusanM
Me too. I don’t need to shower after a bar workout, though it is strenous.
anon
I was working out at lunch a lot in the summer, and on those days I would wear a sheath dress, pumps, and no hose to work. So after working out, I would change underwear, but put the same bra and dress back on. I spray some of the crappy deordorant my gym stocks– it’s kind like alcohol in a sprayer, then wipe down with a towel. Left the hair up, went back to work looking kinda gross. But it was usually a light workout, nothing terribly sweaty, so it wasn’t so bad. I also did it on days I didn’t have much in the afternoon– no big meetings with VPs or anything.
Anon
I find that I continue to sweat for a good 30 minutes or more after I spin or do any cardio at lunch, so putting my work clothes back on simply means they absorb excess sweat…ick. Any suggestions? I’m trying to race back to work to make lunch less than a 2 hour ordeal. I take a cold shower but that doesn’t seem to help.
anon
Drink ice water. I have that problem at home sometimes when I shower in the middle of a hot day or after working out really hard– a big bottle of ice water fixes it pretty quickly. Regular cold water doesn’t.
roses
I use the “cool” setting on my hairdryer on my face and neck.
Rooney
For whatever reason, running cold water over the inside of my wrists really works– I had heard that that’s where a major vein is closest to the surface, so it’s easiest to cool down your body that way. That’s probably hokum, but, even if it’s totally psychological, it seems to work.
Ellen
Yay! Open thread’s! I love open thread’s! And I have to stay late b/c I am takeing off Monday to stay in Chapaqua and have to go right into court Tuesday, so I am prepareing my ORAL ARGUEMENT’s NOW, even tho I have just filed the breif’s with the court electronically. YAY!
As for the OP, I walk to work with my fitbit in the morning, but since I wear my NIKE AIR’s and sweat’s, I have to change when I get here. That is why I have my at least one set of formal clotheing for court here in the closet, in case I have to go from work. Otherwise, I stay busness causual and just wash up in the bathroom, if Frank is not in there or in the hall, if the janitor’s are not in there or on the floor when I go into change. Then, I change into flats here and do not wear regular pump’s unless a cleint is comeing in or we schedule a DEPO here. I try NOT to schedule depo’s here b/c Frank likes to come in and watch, either me or the other plaintiff’s or counsel. Mostly me b.c the plaintiff’s are usueally older women and men (construction) and the attorney’s are usueally all older men, who I can get distracted with a littel effort (YAY!) into flubbing up something b/c I flatter them by makeing them look smart next to me.
But by the end of the day, if I decide to walk to home or where I am meeteing someone, I also will wear my flat’s or bring them with me and change into them from my Nike Air’s. When the winter come’s (soon-FOOEY), I will have to substitute boot’s for flat’s, and will not be abel to wear the Nike’s. I hope I do NOT start gaineing weight in the tuchus b/c I MUST be a size 0 by 2014.
Rosa is still not feeling great; she is nautious. She had alot of peeople over for a haloween party, and mabye some of the kids were sick and got her sick. In any event, I am goieng up to help out and meet Fred. Yay Fred. I hope you turn out to be the man of my dream’s! YAY!
I hope the hive has a great weekend! It’s suposed to be nice, not like last year with Huricane Sandy and David who blew me off when I needed support. DOUBEL FOOEY!
Veronica
E, if you let F have S with U, U can get $50000 from granny!
ExcelNinja
Baby wipes! They’re on my subscribe&save order from Amazon. It doesn’t work as well as a shower, I usually have to re-apply deodorant mid-day, but it’s worth it to not have to deal with my crazy thick hair that takes 3 hours to dry.
SoCalAtty
I shower at the gym, or if I go at lunch, I’ll do a quick rinse and blow dry my hair if it got sweaty. I do a 45 minute spin class, so I’m a mess after and have to shower.
Baconpancakes
Wellies poll! I prefer the dark green ones, for the traditional look and matching with pretty much any color, but I’m wondering whether I’d regret not getting the more professional black. They would only be for the commute, regardless. Opinions?
tesyaa
Since the boots aren’t by definition “professional”, I think the green are fine. Plus the dark green is often hard to distinguish from black, especially at any sort of distance.
TO Lawyer
I would buy a fun colour (however you want to define it – green in your case) because on a rainy day, at least your boots should make you happy! This is my justification for wanting either hot pink or purple rain boots.
zora
I have blue ones with little whales on them! The Chooka ones, they make me so happy!
http://cn1.kaboodle.com/hi/img/2/0/0/d4/d/AAAAAhoe8EAAAAAAANTXvw.jpg?v=1203825975000
Ashley
I love the way both of you think. Alas, reserved me would buy black.
ExcelNinja
zora, I simply MUST meet you at the next bay area meet up. You are too much fun.
zora
Awww, that is so sweet!! Ditto, chica. AND that reminds me I have to set up the next meetup! oops! Watch this space next week, bay area folks.
Anon
I have two pairs because I love the traditional green. I keep those for the barn. I wear the black ones on my commute and for those that say they aren’t professional, I say they are way more professional than slipping and sliding or showing up with soaked pants or feet. They are clearly outerwear/weatherwear and not meant for keeping on but they shouldn’t be called unprofessional.
DC Darling
I want so badly to get a pair of Hunters but I have big calves :(
I know they have a wide calf Huntress option but they’re a full 2 inches shorter….I was thinking of getting the Hunter shorts but I’m not sure how practical a shorter boot is for rainy days, I think I would still get my pants wet.
Taylor
They come in men’s sizes too, which look the same but the calf is slightly bigger – try ’em out! Also I find that the Hunter boots are in general relatively wide in the calfs, as mine are big too and I can wear them – have you ever tried them on?
DC Darling
Ohhh I hadn’t thought about trying a men’s size! I probably won’t be able to find it in a nice purple but that seems a fair compromise.
I haven’t tried them on but my calf measures exactly 15 in around and that’s the listed circumference of the boots so I thought it might be too tight a fit. I’ll have to go try them on and see though since I’ve heard they run big. Thanks for the suggestion!
new position
This week I was offered a promotion into another department. It would not be effective for several months, because I would need to transition and redistribute my workload. I am meeting with the person who would be my new boss next week to discuss it. I plan to ask about the job, work styles (I have worked with this person in a lesser capacity before), the transition plan (i.e. would I start training before I’m officially in the position or would it happen all at once) but can anyone offer anything else to ask?
This is at a good time because I have been getting bored with my current position, but I feel like the new position is such a reach! It’s so scary to know that there will be a big learning curve when I move over.
tesyaa
I don’t know if this helps, but it always seems scarier than it actually is. The first 3-6 months are the hardest, but don’t pass up a good opportunity.
ExcelNinja
that’s awesome, congratulations!!!
speaking as someone who has now taken 2 positions that were a total “omg there’s no way I can do this” reach, it’s worth it. You’ll look back in 6 months and be amazed at everything you learned – and in a year you’ll feel confident and capable again.
what about asking something like – in 6 months, what things would I need to have achieved in order for you to feel that I’ve been successful? that way, you have a solid goal that you can work towards.
new position
thanks! I keep reminding myself that my current job was scary when I started it…
High heels
Just read this article Kat posted on a certain CEO’s comments on twitter about a woman’s high heels at an event in SF. Link here–> http://blog.sfgate.com/chronstyle/2013/10/29/ceos-sexist-comment-redux-are-heels-appropriate-at-work/
I think women should be able to wear whatever they want and the comments made by this man do come across as being rather judgemental. However, I have to admit that sometimes I do wonder about the wisdom of wearing heels at a certain height especially those that are > 3.5 inches. Although I wouldn’t go as far as saying that women who wear them have no brains. Yes, heels are fashionable and sexy–wearing a pair changes your gait slightly so the butt sticks out more, and when one walks the hips sway. But they do ruin women’s feet when worn too much/the more elevated they are. Not trying to start a war here but I wonder if people are ignoring a legitimate health concern or maybe they just don’t know? As an aside the book: Bad shoes and the women who love them by Leora Tanenbaum was a real eyeopener for me. An easy informative read for anyone who is a shoe-lover.
Orangerie
The heels in the picture are by no stretch of the imagination office appropriate. The CEO euating high heels with intelligence is absolutely not okay… but I’m not going to lie, if someone showed up to my office wearing those particular shoes I would judge their level of professionalism.
Orangerie
Argh, equating. Today needs to end.
Maddie Ross
I tend to disagree. They are high, but they appear to just be black heels. They’re not lucite.
Orangerie
They look to be over 4″ high with a platform and a very thin heel. Fine for the weekend but not in a professional workplace setting.
Maddie Ross
Yikes. We would not get along in the workplace. I wear shoes like that pretty much every day. And I’m (in my opinion) a successful professional.
A Nonny Moose
+1. Add in the gold rim and the fact that it looks like they have a huge platform? Not office OK. But, also not OK to take to the twitter.
Anon
I’m on your team Maddie Ross. I’m also against “rules” for things like this. Skirt length, heel height, etc. I’m a big believer in assessing the whole look and fit of an outfit, and not being frumpy. I’m not for skin tight or micro-minis, but a polished/stylish look is perfectly fine.
pilates princess
+1, yes to assessing the “look” not simply the wardrobe piece. See also, lace.
Anonymous
Agree with Maddie Ross. I routinely wear 4 inch stilettos to work and was in act complimented this week by a senior partner for my professional demeanor and attire.
Cora
Yeah, that’s what he meant.
Anonymous
I agree. They are not appropriate for an office and I don’t agree that “women should be able to wear whatever they want” to work. A man can’t wear sloppy cargo shorts to work and not be judged for it, so a woman can’t wear whatever she wants.
I don’t think its fair to say that someone who wears something like that is stupid, but I do question the judgment of the women that thinks heels that high send an okay message in the workplace.
I have no insight on the health aspect of heels that high, but I know that as a woman in my mid-30s, I much prefer a 2.5 to 3 inch heel for all occasions in my life!
anon +1
Totally agree. The shoes pictured are NOT professional. Anything that screams that you can’t or won’t move is not professional, even if your job is more about keyboards than walking. Anything better known for a profession that doesn’t require any education is unwise in a professional setting. And while it’s also unwise for the CEO in question to say so, wearing that kind of heel is stupid. Besides the accident risks (and let’s not even mention the potential injuries to others when one of those heels lands on your foot because the wearer can’t stand properly) and the obvious foot problems, high heels are the main cause of knee arthritis in women, which is why so many of you will be getting bionic ones in the future.
Now you may quibble about stupid behavior in otherwise smart people, but it doesn’t make this behavior any smarter. Or therefore more professional.
BB
I agree with you. This is why I love this site. There are misogynistic comments (and the IQ one falls in this boat), but that does not make everything automatically okay for professional environments. Other sites are always so quick to jump on this bandwagon. Wearing tailored, professional clothing and some makeup does not mean you are bowing to the patriarchy. Men have to do the same thing (albeit with shaving) – it’s part of being a professional and looking like you’re trying.
zora
that all might be fair, but this picture wasn’t taken in an office. It was taken at a tech conference/event. Men at the same event could have been wearing tshirts, jeans and flipflops. Not only a casual sector, but a casual event. And I have to say, in tech, a man kind of can wear anything they want. So, I think the comment WAS completely out of line, in every possible way.
Orangerie
Yeah, I never said his comment wasn’t out of line.
zora
I’m responding to most of the comments in this reply thread saying these shoes were not ‘office appropriate’ This woman is not IN an office. She is in fact wearing jeans, if you look at the picture. So, this discussion about whether these shoes are office appropriate I think it completely unnecessary, since these shoes are not in an office, but at an outside the office event for tech entrepreneurs. I am trying to suggest that everyone in this thread stop judging the shoes in this picture, based on the context of the picture.
Anonymous
Okay. How about:
They are not professional setting appropriate.
I work in a very casual, anything goes office and I would not want co-workers or clients to see me in those shoes. Ever. It doesn’t matter if we were at a conference or in the office.
I also wouldn’t want my co-workers to see me in the baggie patchwork pants I used to wear to Phish shows in 1997. Its not about sexy or not sexy. Its about what is professional or not professional. And those shoes are not.
Orangerie
People can wear denim and still be in an office. Just because she’s wearing jeans doesn’t mean she still isn’t surrounded by coworkers and colleagues.
The outfits I wear with jeans on casual Fridays are very different from the outfits I’d wear with jeans out to dinner on Saturday night or running errands on Sunday. I like Anonymous’ use of “professional setting appropriate” to describe the difference.
Wildkitten
+1 She’s wearing jeans, she’s not going for a super-professional look.
Need to Improve
Anon @3:41, I just LOLed at the baggy Phish pants comments. Thanks for injecting some levity.
anon
There’s what’s “appropriate” as in won’t get you fired or talked to. And then there’s how you want to be thought of. If you care about that, then you have to consider it. You can blaze in there with a skin tight dress, cleavage hanging out, sky high heels and a metric f*ckton of eyeliner and be all “you don’t know me!” But it might not completely work out well for you.
Fiona
Made me laugh!
anon
This. I’d say we all agree the comment was sexist and lame. But the fact is, it’s what that guy thinks and what a lot of other people (men and women) think as well. So those who choose to wear this type of shoes should be aware that they make a negative impression on many people. Fair or not, it’s just a fact.
Ashley
This.
Plus, the guys where wear their shirts(usually a tropical print) open with the necklaces or chains, same boat.
Anne Shirley
People ignore “legitimate health concerns” all the time. Hi everyone who drinks, eats meat, drives, lives in a city (pollution) or suburb (no walking!). I think a focus on high heel health is sexist and offensive. I can decide for myself how and when and what healthy means to me. I really don’t think women who wear high heels just don’t know.
zora
Yeah, there were some great comments on the original Gawker post about whether the CEO had the same judgment for any men who smoked outside during the event, or ate fast food… he never responded…
Fiona
I do not think they are office appropriate- being black does not automatically turn an inappropriate style into an appropriate one. The reason I believe they are not appropriate for an office is that any time I see a woman wearing shoes like that, I stare at her shoes. If a piece of clothing makes you stare at it instead of looking at the person as a whole, I don’t think it’s office appropriate.
However, since they don’t inappropriately show skin like a too-low-cut blouse, they aren’t something I would ever comment on to a junior co-worker. And they certainly do not warrant that man’s comment.
Bonnie
So patterns and color would be inappropriate too. I personally would not wear these shoes but I do not think they would be unprofessional so long as the rest of the outfit was sedate.
Fiona
I didn’t say that. Some patterns may be distracting, but not most. And when I see bright colors in a blouse or jacket, I still look at the whole person because they are near the face. But bright red socks? No, not professional.
anonymama
So this is late, but there was a NY Times style column a while back about how flamboyant socks are actually a thing in Silicon Valley, and in fact are a signal for being part of the “in crowd” for tech executives.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/05/fashion/in-silicon-valley-socks-make-the-tech-entrepreneur.html?_r=0
Bonnie
Professional does not mean boring and drab. I routinely get compliments on my professional work outfits that incorporate items like cobalt pants, a red skirt, leather trim, leopard heels, etc. I don’t wear all those items at once, of course, but items that stand out can be part of a professional wardrobe. I wouldn’t wear the pictured heels because of an ankle problem but I would not bat an eye if I saw a woman wearing them with an otherwise conservative suit. I think a drab outfit can be unprofessional and I’ve heard negative comments about the wardrobes of attorneys that on paper check the boxes (black, grey, conservative) but are dowdy and show no personality.
Anon909
I think what you wear is completely up to you. What comes as a result of what you’ve worn is another thing. If you choose to wear clothes to work that are a bit edgy then you’ve put yourself at risk of being criticized. I mean, you can wear the 2 inch heels with black slacks and a white blouse but you chose to wear the 4-5 inch heel with a tight skirt and see through top.
I am not saying that you shouldn’t wear want you want because I certainly do. I am just saying that as long as you are okay with the implications of your attire then wear whatever you please. Example: On days when I don’t go into the office, I wear old yoga pants and a t-shirt everywhere. No make-up, hair in a ponytail and old sneakers. I know people look at me and think I’m such a frumpy woman. I walked into a Victoria’s Secret store once and not one associate said hi to me. Apparently, I wasn’t a potential sale. However, I know that this is a result of my attire and how I’ve chosen to present myself that day. If I want people to think of me different, then I need to first change (literally, LOL).
Woods-comma-Elle
This is interesting – I love shoes, I’m short and I love a big heel. I don’t wear them all day every day, but I do wear high heels in the office (3-4″ and platforms). I have not come across any issues with being considered in any way ‘unprofessional’ and generally have good reputation in the office as someone who works hard and is good at what she does. Sure, I would probably not wear them to a job interview because, well, some people are judgey, but if I went to a meeting with someone and they judged me as a bimbo because I’m wearing 4″ heels, well, then, I’m happy for them to underestimate me, sit back and relax and watch me walk all over you in my high heels with my topnotch drafting, brilliant legal arguments :)
That said, I equally don’t think that means ‘anything goes’. Despite the (apparently) inappropriate shoes, I’m respected by colleagues and clients (as far as I know) and I do well professionally and in fact people compliment the shoes a lot. In contrast, we had an associate (who has since left) who would wear tiny jersey dresses and had her boobs hanging out and everyone is still talking about that, but at the same time saying how she wasn’t a very good lawyer despite the ‘endless legs’. So I guess my point is, people will judge, but if you have the goods to back it up professionally, then it is much easier to get away with wearing what you want.
(I also caveat this in that I work in a business casual office and I only ever wear a suit when I’m giving external presentations).
DC lawyer
I’m very sympathetic to all of you who are proud to be fashionable — wear very high heels and fashion-forward clothing in legal positions. I did that a bit when I was starting out as well. And I think that no one has the right to be judgmental. Fashion is speech, as it were.
But observing many women’s careers over the past 30 years, it’s important to realize that you are making a choice of self-expression over long-term career advancement. If you want to be remembered for your skills, you don’t want to distract by wearing something that says “fashion” rather than competence or even simple elegance. Just as it’s distracting to say “like” in every sentence in a presentation, it’s distracting to wear shoes that catch real attention.
If you want a career where it’s fine to make fashion statements at the office, that’s great. But if you want to become managing partner or general counsel, you’re kind of “shooting yourself in the foot.” It’s easier to signal competence and focus on career excellence by consistently striking the note of looking classic, well-groomed, and understated.
Over the years I’ve seen so many bright, attractive, skilled young women also catch attention for lime green high heels or very long hyper-styled hair (that clearly takes a lot of upkeep), or fashionable snug sweaters rather than jackets as their fashion staple. None of them advanced, and all caught attention in the wrong way when their was the inevitable “down sizing.”
I know this is a little depressing, and in an ideal world everyone should have freedom of expression in every arena of their lives. But in the big law and corporate worlds I’m familiar with, reality is a little different.
Bonnie
Fashion and a successful career are not mutually exclusive! I have a highly coveted senior legal position and am known for my fashion style AND my litigation skills. Certainly sweaters, snug or otherwise, should not be worn in situations that require a jacket but that’s not a matter of choosing fashion but rather being dressed inappropriately for the occasion.
emeralds
I understand that this is the reality of the world we all live in, but this kind of thing makes me so depressed. I’m not in law or a prestige field, and who knows if I’ll ever rise to a managerial capacity, but I hope that, when/if I get there, I can look past lime green high heels or a tight sweater when evaluating an employee.
I think it would be great if the smart, high-powered women who read this blog could be more mindful of the fact that not everyone grows up knowing how to dress in professional environments, or spends enough time researching to learn that skinny black heels with a platform and some hardware are viewed as less professional than black, closed-toe pumps. Just…agh. If we, as a community of professional women, won’t give our peers a few breaks on this, who will?
Jesse
Do women have to look or dress like a man to be successful? Based on what I’ve read here (and all are good advice), the answer is yes. If you want to climb the corporate ladder, take on a better position at your firm, climb to certain political positions….you have to hide the skinny heels in the closet and cut those long, highlighted strands short. Its a man’s world and although we’ve come a long way as women, we have a lot more to go. We can’t be considered seriously unless we look like the boys. Very depressing. :( In the words of my good friend Ellen…FOOEY.
Side note: I work in a field where most of my colleagues are older, white men. Its a typical big boys club. At meetings, I often wish I was a man with salt and pepper hair rather than an Asian women in her 30s.
M-C
Jesse, the issue is not dressing like a man. I’m willing to bet the reviled CEO wasn’t wearing a hawaiian shirt, pointy Italian crocodile shoes, and a gold chain tangled in chest hair at that same event. DC lawyer is imho entirely right, it’s your choice but don’t delude yourself that nobody notices or cares. If you want success in a field where dressing conservatively is valued, you won’t get what your competence would otherwise warrant if you act like you didn’t notice that.
Diane Lockhart
I need help from all of you international travellers. I will be on a long flight from CA to London next week (business class — Yay!) and would appreciate your tips on what to wear and what to include in your carry on. I will be traveling with a colleague but will not be seeing any clients until after the day after I land so I want to be comfortable but appropriately attired (not necessary to be in business attire for the flight but do want to look polished).
Anon
I would personally wear something nice-casual (blazer, comfy tee, jeans, ballet flats) and then bring a cozy pair of sweatpants, comfy top, nice warm cardigan to change into on the plane for snoozing.
Cb
I do the West Coast to Europe trip fairly frequently (and in coach). I tend to wear a knit dress with leggings or tights. I’ve got a DVT history so I tend to wear wedge heels or booties, keeps me feet elevated a bit so my legs aren’t pushing into the seat.
Sparrow
I find ponte knit pants to be very comfortable. I have a couple of pairs in black. You could wear those with flats or tall boots. A pashmina can add a pop of color. You could layer a knit top with a nice cardigan or blazer.
DC Wonkette
If you check luggage (ick), wear something that will work for your meetings the next day or be prepared to shop. I’ve had too many embarrassing instances of people losing their luggage and showing up in a pink polo and shorts for a meeting in a Middle Eastern country (for serious, fail). Recommend wearing comfy black pants that are stretchy, breathable tee, blazer, pashmina (essential and doubles as a blanket), and socks to wear on the plane. Wear glasses if you normally wear contacts, bring a toothbrush/toothpaste/deoderant to freshen up right before you land. Bring healthy snacks, buy a big bottle of water before you board (the little cups on flights don’t cut it for me), bring your own headphones (noise-canx are ideal), and mag for takeoff/landing.
Frou Frou
+1
M-C
Good advice DC wonkette. I’d add another caveat – no matter what the price, your size may not be available at all in some European countries. I forgot to bring pantyhose for my sister’s first wedding, and spent 3 frantics scouring Paris for some that didn’t just fit midgets (finally found at Marks & Spencers, thanks GB!). And I’m not huge, just an average American.
Anon
I’m a huge fan of yoga pants with flats/a warm cozy sweater (or layers – long sleeved T, thin cashmere sweater) for this kind of trip. Yoga pants can look like nice streamlined pants but feel like sweats; flats dress it up for the airport. I always bring socks to wear during the flight, a scarf that’s huge so it doubles as a blanket & noise cancelling headphones for a long trip.
anon
Might be freezing when you get there (at least to me, being from SoCal), so I would wear a long sleeve tshirt, a knit blazer, comfortable jeans, and ankle boots with socks, and yes on the scarf– I am so happy every time I remember to wear one on a plane.
Katie
I usually wear a jersey dress (black/navy/ dark color) with a silk scarf, long cardigan, and flats. I find it gets a little too warm/sweaty wearing pants on such a long flight. During the flight , I ditch the scarf /cardi/shoes and just sleep under the blanket they provide. Also, this might be TMI but I always wear a sports bra. I’m assuming that you’ll be in a lie flat seat, so when you’re lying on your back for 8+ hours, it helps to not have the metal clips of a normal bra digging in. Have a lovely trip!
Diane Lockhart
Great suggestions! Thanks! I especially appreciate the reminder to wear a cami bra instwad of my usual underwire.
Maggie
This is pretty typical advice but I always recommend layers for the plane (sweater, scarf/wrap, etc.). On my most recent business trip I had a connection on the way back and on the first flight it was boiling hot and on the second flight I was absolutely frigid (even with using my scarf as a blanket).
Woods-comma-Elle
I just wanted to give you a heads up that, even though for you coming from SoCal it will feel cold, it is remarkably warm at the moment for the time of year (50-60F) and it’s supposed to stay like that next week at least. I’m not sure how long you are staying and it may change overnight, but just wanted to reassure that you will (hopefully) not freeze :)
Welcome!
ExcelNinja
Get the aisle seat if you have a choice! So much easier to get up, walk around, stretch etc.
I usually wear a jersey dress with a big scarf/pashmina (doubles as a blanket in-flight), leggings, and flats. I pack a “plane kit” (similar to the kits they give you in first class):
– eye mask
– hand lotion
– lip balm
– antibacterial hand & face wipes
– toothbrush & toothpaste
– deodorant
– ear plugs
– noise-cancelling headphones
– travel pillow
– extra socks (I like to take off my shoes in-flight, and then change socks when we land)
– entertainment (kindle, music, etc)
– a big refillable water bottle that you’ve filled post-TSA and pre-boarding
– healthy snacks (fruit – you will have to eat this before LHR customs tho – and nuts)
Rooney
If you ask nicely, stewardesses will also refill that big water bottle during long flights so you can consistently drink more than just the tiny little glasses they give you.
Some airlines business class bathrooms have hand lotion, but better to be safe and have your own on a long flight!
Rooney
Oh! One more thing, since you’re flying business class– business class lounges are better than gate areas. Since you have to get to the airport early due to the international nature of your flight, take advantage of the lounge and sit in a quiet room far from the madding crowd that may well have free snacks/drinks and certainly will have comfy seats.
ss
If you are bringing a suit, wear the jacket on board and hand it over to the cabin crew to be hung up for the duration of the flight. Underneath, I usually go for a comfy tee or tunic, leggings, plus some kind of rubber-soled flat which I can wear after-hours at my destination. If I need a coat (and I do in London in November), I keep that on hand and usually use it on arrival when walking to a car-park or waiting around a drafty platform, especially for an early-morning or late-night arrival.
Don’t forget that international biz class has a much larger cabin baggage allowance, so you may be able to avoid checking any baggage. You’ll also get an overnight kit with travel socks, eye mask, toothbrush, toiletries etc, so don’t bring these unless you are really particular about using your own specific type of product.
AIMS
All of the above are good suggestions, I’d just throw in a mini thermal water spray (Cliniwue Moisture Surge, Avian or Avene all make travel size ones) to combat dry air (I spray my face a few times throughout the flight) and travel socks. You’ll get slippers but I like to take off my shoes and have something cozy to keep my feet warm. My skin tends to get dry when I fly so I like to moisturize throughout. I also tend to bring a large wrap with me because temps fluctuate and I download a bunch of things to my kindle so if I can’t sleep I can read. Emergen-c on arrival helps me with jet lag, so I always bring a few packets. And as tempting as it is, try not to drink or at least not more than one drink — you’ll feel much better.
AIMS
That was supposed to be Clinique…
January
Wait, we’re adults? Noooo!
Budget
Threadjack question/idea:
DH and I are on a six month financial fast to see if we can finish off my student loans. We were a little shocked to realize that our MINIMUM monthly budget (I’m talking no fun at all here, folks) is $2600. We live in a smaller city without public transportation, both drive to work on opposite ends of town, have one baby, two dogs, a house with a fairly small mortgage.
So, question: If you had to cut it down to the bare essentials, how much does it cost you to live per month? Are you single? Do you have kids/pets? Do you use public transportation?
Senior Attorney
I am recently separated. I live in So Cal in a fairly expensive neighborhood. Monthly after-tax nut, including rent, food, transportation (by car — no reasonable public option here) and insurance, is about $3,500. Most of that is my ridiculously high rent.
Senior Attorney
Forgot to say no kids at home, no pets.
And you are doing a grat thing by powering down on those student loans! Good luck!!
anon
Also in SoCal in an expensive neighborhood. Mortgage (very low for the area, bought before prices went waaaay up) plus property tax is about $3000K, two car payments are about $750, my babysitter is about $1000 (afterschool only), utilities is about $500, and we manage to spend over $1200 on food and supplies. So that’s over $6K. We could cut back on the sitter if one of us weren’t working, and the food bill could be slashed by a lot if necessary. Let’s not even talk about the piano lessons, gymnastics classes, after school reading thing, volleyball clinic . . .
Meara
Hmm. I don’t actually do a budget (bad!) but mine is similar? Single no kids, but my mortgage plus utilities is about $2600, but I have a roommate normally taking that down to about $1800. No car payment, but add food and car and health insurance…
Anon Budget
I just added ours up really quick and I got $2640. This is rent, utilities, cable/internet, cell phones, basic groceries, gas, car payment/insurance. We are married, no kids, 2 cats. We do most errands on foot but drive to work (share one car).
Hope this helps!
hoola hoopa
Family of four and we’re at ~$4k/mo for mortgage, groceries, insurance, utilities, loan payments, etc. Half is our mortgage. Bare bones on paper is ~3500.
zora
that doesn’t seem that surprising to me, that’s not that much money. I am single, live in a big city, no kids/animals, and yet my minimum monthly budget is at least $1700. (apartment, car, food, phone) Add another grown human, a small human and two dogs, and i can see getting to $2600 pretty quickly. I think you’re doing pretty good if you have kept your basic expenses that low! Good for you!
Anonymous
I’m amazed your is so little. My rent and utilities alone are $1750 and it it an old building in a not-hip neighborhood.
Anon
Rent, groceries, internet, minimum student loan payments = about 5600. I’m including internet since my husband is a computer guy and needs to be connected and I often work from home. I’m in NYC, so my rent is almost half of that number.
OCAssociate
Yikes, I’m in an expensive So Cal area and mine is $5050. That’s Mortgage, utilities, groceries, diapers, loans (not including internet, cell phone, life insurance, and we have no car payments.) Married, 1 kid. No public transportation available.
Senior Attorney
Don’t feel too bad. When I was in the house with my husband, ours was close to that with no kid at home.
preg 3L
Agree with other posters – that seems quite low! My rent is more than that.
TBK
I think about $4,800 — two adults one dog. Mortgage, car payment, gas, public transportation (I Metro and husband drives to work), utilities, groceries, phone, dog walker (assuming we’re both working full time; obviously if we were doing the math because one of us was unemployed, we wouldn’t have a dog walker). We could probably get it to about $4,200 if necessary.
Associate
I live in a medium-sized city in the midwest and for my fiance and me it is $4,300. That is with rent (in a high end townhome), loan payment, utilities, food, cell phone (necessity at both our jobs), and a monthly payment for car and car insurance (no public transportation). Rent and student loans make up half that number.
Aggie
I’m single, live in a larger city with no feasible public transportation, one low maintenance cat and rarely eat out. My bare bones budget is $2750 per month for food, rent, insurance, gas, utilities, etc. Your $2600 for three people sounds low to me, great job!
Now that I am a Plaintiff’s attorney in a smaller firm, I am conscious of keeping my fixed expenses low. Your family will really benefit from this 6 month fast.
anon
This may make you all feel better:
3K mortgage
2K day care (two children)
1.2K car payments on two cars
1.5K child support for stepchild
and before they were paid off:
1.5K law school loans
These #s are shocking. While all but the mortgage goes away in the next 4 years (woo hoo!), I really need to save for retirement and for perhaps any of these children to go to college some day (and I hope they will elope when they get married).
Senior Attorney
I know you didn’t ask and I don’t want to be annoying, but the sooner you start saving for retirement, the better off you’ll be. I really urge you to redirect some or all of that $1.5K/month you were paying to the student loans towards retirement.
anon
I hear you — I opened an IRA for my 2L summer job earnings, so it’s not that I haven’t started young enough. Or been a good saver. It’s just that people in my family tend to live into their 90s and even maxing out your 401K can’t fix that math without truly aggressive saving.
Anon
I have two kids and a husband in Boston. He drives to work; I take the bus. Our childcare expense is $4,400/month, and that doesn’t include part-time preschool for one of the kids. We need at least $9,000/month to cover food, transportation, childcare, school and housing (including utilities).
Anon2
Also in Boston area, and between two kids in daycare, mortgage, food, transportation, and utilities, it’s easily $8K/month. Yikes.
Need to Improve
Same here, in San Francisco. Child care, mortgage, and bills = $8K and our mortgage is far cheaper than most people pay for renting a one-bedroom.
KLG
I live in a rural area and our bare bones is probably $3500-4000. I’m married, have 1 kid 50% of the time (but child support 100% of the time and we pay for the child’s insurance and the bulk of medical expenses, including therapy and braces), and 1 dog. Our mortgage is crazy low but I have student loans, we have one car payment (bought a more gas efficient car because my commute is 80+ miles per day so we also have pretty hefty gas expenses despite the low cost of gas), etc.
ExcelNinja
Bay Area, so crazy high rent but — our minimum monthly budget with no entertainment or personal care/clothing would be – omg – $5k. No kids, not pets. If we sold the car it’d be $4k.
k-padi
Nope, that sounds about right (also in Bay Area). But mortgage and property tax is at least half that (and, looking at rents now, it seems buying the house was the more economical decision). As a general rule, I try to keep my non-mortgage expenses the same as my mortgage expenses.
Amy H.
San Francisco here too — bare bones I hope we could get to $5600. No kids, no pets. Rent alone is $4375 of that. (That would also require putting student loan payment of $350/mo. on deferral.)
Lady Harriet
$740–I share rent and car with a family member, so this is just my portion of the bills. (Our total rent is $900.) I live and work in a small town and am good at keeping my expenses down. This includes rent, utilities, internet, gas, car insurance, phone, food, and a small cushion of savings for car repairs. My job doesn’t have benefits, but I’m young enough to still be on a parent’s insurance. I know the number sounds super low, but my income is also much, much lower than most other posters here, so this represents a large percentage of it. I’m working on finding a new job, but I’m not quite as over-achieving as the rest of you. :)
Anon-mil
No kids, married, living overseas. Worst case scenario ours is 3500 a month,but our condo is rented out and covers the mortage, so as long as we are getting rent we are at 2100.
It still seems like a lot..ill blame the exchange rate!
emeralds
I feel ya, Lady Harriet. Prior to moving home for grad school, that’s probably around what my bare-bones expenses were–I might have been able to squeeze them down to $680 or so if really pressed. Now, I’m more in the $200 range since I don’t pay rent or utilities, and only chip in occasionally for groceries.
Lady Harriet
I’m sooooo glad I managed to get out of undergrad with no loans. That’s the main reason I can get by on my current job, which is good for my resume but doesn’t pay well. Otherwise I’d have to be working retail or something less-related to my career interests to keep my head above water.
Anon
~$4100/mo.
Live in Philadelphia (in the city, not fringes of city limits that are like the suburbs), married, renters, no kids, no pets. We mainly take public transportation or bike, but the 4200 includes car insurance, maintenance, registration expenses, and gas. It also includes the amount taken out of my paycheck for benefits. ~2100 of it goes to our student loans, how sad.
MH
Pacific Northwest, married, no kids. Our bare-bones monthly budget would be $3600, not including food or any savings. About $2250 of that is mortgage and various loan payments, the rest is utilities, transportation to and from work, health insurance and car insurance.
We spend wayyyy too much on food, so I’m not really sure what the bare-bones food budget would be. I know many people who get by just fine on $400/month for two people. I consider savings contributions (retirement and emergency fund) of about $1750 each month to be a must for us, but I didn’t include it in the number above. I would cut out all the fun stuff before I cut down savings, though.
Brant
We live in a Boston suburb, one kid, one dog, one mortgage, two cars. Our “minimum” assuming we are nth working is about $6200/month. If one of us were of work pull the baby out of daycare, and reduce our student loan payments which would drop our monthly minimum to more like $3800. Plus, we own one car so we’d probably sell the one we’re still making payments on and get rid of that obligation as well ($500/mo).
Our mortgage + ins etc is $2500/mo, daycare is $1800/mo, and loans between the two Of us at the rate we are aggressively paying them down is just under $1k/mo. Car #2 is $500/mo. Plus, we need to eat. Then again, we have a cash cushion large enough to buy the car outright but our loan rate is under .5%. We get insurance through work, but if we had to pay for it it would be another $500-$1000/mo.
Anonymous
Quickly adding up the numbers, I’m at $820/month. I am a single grad student in Boston. I share rent (I found an amazing place with ridiculously low rent and share it with multiple roommates) and utilities (including internet) with roommates. I used an approximate amount(on the high end of most months) for utilities and for food. I am in school and young enough to be on my parents’ health insurance still. The number also includes my monthly T pass for transportation. I also have not yet started paying on student loans. (In reality, I don’t often spend more than $900/month – I rarely eat out or buy new things.)
frugal doc..
Bare bones for me is about $1500 per month. I’m single, no kids, no pets, living in Chicagoland.
I recently moved to save $ and am on a leave of absence so am trying to be very frugal. $1500 includes rent (1 bedroom apt), utilities, cell phone, gas/car insurance, health insurance, food, basic necessities. If I was working, my expenses would go up by about $200 per month for parking/gas, dry cleaning, and my food bill would go up (more take-out).
I am reading Mr. Money Mustache and it makes me realize that if I wanted I could probably retire now the way I am living. But to be really happy, I would probably want to spend another $500 per month on more eating out, concerts/plays/activities, clothes/wants, a housecleaner, and the rare trip/vacation.
It is very hard being frugal when your friends mostly work in high powered jobs and make good money. But since now most of my friends are married with kids, they call less often with the “want to fly to Bermuda?” questions.
It’s amazing how much you can simplify your life, if need be. I have everything important that I need. But I think once you are “used” to the big house, fancy cars/lifestyle, it would be hard to simplify. Needs get confused with wants so easily.
D
Question about commuting by foot: Do you wear something different for commuting (in snowy/wet weather)? I live a short distance from where I work, and I embarrassingly drive most of the winter, just because I don’t understand.. I’m not going to wear my nice shoes, obviously. But then boots and slacks – you can leave them on the outside of the boots because they get snowy/salty, but if you tuck them in, don’t they get wrinkly? What do all of you do that live in big east coast cities and commute by foot throughout the winter?? Does everyone just bring a change of clothes? Is this an absurd question?
rosie
I think that’s why a lot of people prefer skirt and tights to pants. Much easier to change out your footwear.
Dulcinea
I tuck my pants into the boots and they don’t get that wrinkly. You can basically take the slack part of the pant leg and fold/wrap it around towards the back of your leg to keep them smooth. Then at most there is 1 straight vertical crease at the back of your pants at the bottom of the leg right near the seam so I think it’s really not noticible, especially if the pants are at all “flowy” like straight., wide or boot cut leg. . . . Not sure if I am explaining it clearly. But it hasn’t been a problem for me.
Miz Swizz
I do the same thing with my pants. I walk about half a mile to work and have never noticed my pants getting especially wrinkled where I tuck them in my boots. I live in the South and deal more with rain than snow so I can’t speak to commuting in really cold weather.
M-C
Exactly. Plus you may hope to be wearing wool pants in the snow, so even less potential wrinkling :-).
Ashley
I commute and have a wardrobe of shoes just for that part. Walking shoes, winter boots, etc. I carry my dress shoes. (I am cheating today since I am at a very casual office today and leaving my high tops on. Comfy bliss.)
When I was a bike commuter, yes I wore weather appropriate pants for the commute, carried my work pants and a change of undies (summers get into triple digits here), then changed when I got to work.
abogada
I definitely look better commuting when I wear skirts with boots. I also like skirts because it’s easier to layer legwarmers or leggings over tights that it is to layer something under pants (easier in terms of removing the layers when I get to work and putting them on again before going home). When I wear pants and boots, I tuck the pants in so that the pants stay clean and dry, but I do always feel like I look a little silly (unless I’m wearing skinny jeans with boots, but I pretty much never wear skinny jeans to work).
Woods-comma-Elle
I walk to work (in largely rainy London), but I’m a skirt wearer so it’s skirt and flat comfy boots for the walk.
On the VERY rare occasion I wear trousers with flat shoes (not boots though), I use hair bands to move them up around my ankles and they don’t get super creasy. You can also use bulldog clips :)
Anyone in research/think tanks?
Does anyone here work at a policy research organization or a think tank? If so, how did you get started in that field? I’m a semi-recent grad and am hoping to get an entry level position at an company in my city (I got offered an interview there that then got cancelled – I’m hoping it was a reflection of the political uncertainty of the last few months rather than my skills). If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it!
Lynnet
My brother does. He did a lot of research on that think tank and others before he applied and was able to talk very concretely about what they did and why he was interested in it. I think he mentioned that he listened to their podcast while he ran. It also helped that he had a math background, so I’d play up any quantitative experience you have. His position was a temporary fellowship, but it really got his foot in the door and has lead to very exciting opportunities for him.
Sorry, that’s not very helpful. My brother is kind of insanely driven and had great work experience from college that also helped a lot.
Anon
I work at a think tank in DC. I’m not familiar with what the hiring process is like in other cities, but here I would say a majority of people start out in intern or fellowship positions. I started working at my current organization through a grad school fellowship, for example. Once you are in a think tank in the area that you’re interested in, it becomes relatively easy to move up within your organization or to a similar one, because policy organizations tend to work closely with others that have similar missions, making networking easy.
If you’re not interested in starting out through an intern or fellowship program, I’d recommend starting to attend events that think tanks put on that you’re interested in and attending networking events related to that policy area.
Anon
Looking for advice from the former/current biglaw r e t t es. I’m looking to move on to something different, and got some great feedback on my resume. The probelm is, I don’t know how to actually apply it. The advice was to describe what I’d achieved, not just what tasks I’d done. Since I’ve been in biglaw, I don’t know how I’d do that. Most of my cases take a decade or more to wrap up, and when they do, the results are usually confidential (I do securities litigation). Plus, while I’ve written several discovery motions, for example, only two of them have actually been filed and, of those, one became moot since we reached agreement with opposing counsel and the other is still pending (the others I’ve written were created “just in case” or were sent to O.C. as a “if you don’t do what we want, we’re filing this with the judge tomorrow!” and that sparked negotiations and the thing was never filed.) Is this advice that biglaw associates can actually take, or is it just not possible?
posey
you’re selling yourself short. Not every achievement takes the form of an order from a judge. If you drafted motions that were never filed, but still sparked negotiations, then you achieved something. I’m sure you’ve done research that assisted clients in making decisions, helped partners shape briefs, etc. Try taking a bigger-picture approach and you’ll likely come up with many examples.
ezt
I’m not really sure I get the distinction. Drafting your first motion to dismiss is both a task you worked on and an achievement, right? This might be off-base or too obvious, but maybe adding some detail on your role in the task might give a bit more color i.e. identifying yourself as the “lead associate” on a matter (if you were that) rather than just listing matters you worked on, “primary drafter” of a 40-page brief, specifying if you second-chaired a trial rather than saying “trial prep,” etc.
Em
I’ll be interested to read this discussion. I know Ask A Manager is big on quantifiable and measurable results on resumes where possible, but I think that’s hard to do as a relatively junior lawyer even when you do have trial wins to list. You can do an incredible job and still lose; and you can do a mediocre job and still win. It’s hard to show either quantitative or qualitative excellence in a resume bullet with that kind of situation – not like someone who can say “I increased sales by 30%” or “I streamlined widget production to get us a 20% higher yield.”
Woods-comma-Elle
I’m working on my resume at the moment, so I can sympathise. I would steer clear of the ‘results’ in terms of the actual cases, especially because in the area you are in, if everyone else is settling too, then they will know this is the way the cookie crumbles.
I totally agree with ezt’s comments to mention where you took the lead ‘responsible for drafting X motions to dismiss’, ‘extensive experience of drafting discovery motions in relation to [multi-million] dispute relating to x.
Also, just because it’s confidential doesn’t mean you can’t talk about it in general terms, there’s a big difference in saying ‘acted for XCo in $400m litigation against YCo about shares in ZCo’ and saying ‘plaintiff’s counsel in $400m share dispute reaching successful favourable settlement’.
Maybe start with the main matters you’ve worked on on a piece of paper and write down all the stuff you did on those and you will start to see patterns on stuff you’ve done a lot of times. You KNOW how to draft this stuff because you’ve done it 70 times, not because you drafted one and a judge read it.
Good luck!
Francie Nolan
I saw a pair of shearling lined riding boots on sale on Macys website, and I like that much better than UGGs or some such thing for sitting at freezing soccer fields. Does anyone know if the Bear Trap is a decent brand? Link to follow:
Francie Nolan
http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/bare-traps-saydo-faux-shearling-boots?ID=1104344&CategoryID=13247#fn=sp%3D1%26spc%3D17%26kws%3Dbear%20traps%26slotId%3D7
tesyaa
My daughter had Bear Trap boots that were copies of Uggs and they held up well. They seemed just as nice, cushy and durable as Uggs (though I have never owned any real Uggs).
Killer Kitten Heels
I had Bear Traps that were Uggs copies. They lasted about two seasons, and I probably wore them nearly daily for two Boston winters. Ultimately, I think rock salt must’ve eaten through the soles, because when I brought them out for winter #3 there were holes in them. Had my 20-year-old self taken better care of them (and/or known that there are these wonderful people called cobblers who can re-sole shoes for a much lower price than a new pair of boots) I probably would’ve had them a lot longer.
Francie Nolan
Great Thank you both!!! For under 80 dollars I think it will be a good bet then. I will have toasty feet this weekend!
Bonnie
The Bare Traps are faux shearling so will not be as wear as Uggs. You can get similar Uggs for not much more: http://www.6pm.com/ugg-channing-ii-chestnut-1
Francie Nolan
Oh Bonnie I love those!!!!
Bonnie
Happy to help. And I was trying to say not as warm. :-)
emeralds
I never thought I’d say I liked a pair of UGGs…but those are adorable!
Maternity suit rec?
Has anyone purchased a suit from Ripe Maternity or Figure 8 (specifically a Debbie O suit)? We just got a multi-day hearing scheduled in federal court, so I’m going to need a good suit or 2 in less than two weeks, and I have no time to physically go to stores before then. The online options at Pea in the Pod are pretty limited right now in my size. I’d appreciate any feedback from people have who have actually seen Ripe or Debbie O suits in person, or any other suggestions for online options. It would be ideal to buy jacket/pants/skirt that all work together, and I can just repeat the jacket. Thanks!
Noelle
I purchased the Audrey maternity suit on Figure 8 and have been very pleased with it. (Have gotten a bunch of compliments from others as well.) It’s a three-piece suit — there’s a knee-length, kick-pleat skirt; pants; and a cute, three-quarter sleeve jacket that ties in the front. I wore this suit to deliver a closing argument in a federal jury trial and felt totally professional.
posey
There is also a suit at Ingrid & Isabel: http://www.ingridandisabel.com/category/ingrid-isabel-catalog/wear-to-work
FWIW, I bought the shift dress in dark gray and it is an almost-perfect-match for my theory charcoal gray jacket, so I wear them together as a suit. I was a size 6-8 pre-preg and ordered the dress in an 8; I really should have gotten the 6.
posey
also: I got the shift dress on gilt, and there are still some sizes available (in black and gray)
Monday
Random pant recommendation for anyone who, like me, had all but given up on pants for work: the “Andie” chino at J. Crew. The fit and sizing is like their matchstick jeans, and they’re a bit cropped so the regular length is good for either flats or heels on me (5’3″). Tall sizes available too, I believe, along with petites. The fabric is thick and has just the right amount of stretch–comfortable but with no bagging at the knees or bum.
I had never thought I would wear chinos, but they have a bunch of good neutral colors and allow me to basically wear my everyday uniform to work now too (skinny pants, button front shirt, flats or heels). It’s nice to have such a low-maintenance option: they’re machine wash/dry and don’t even need ironing even when I’ve stored them in a wad.
Monday
link: http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Navigation/Sale/AllProducts/PRDOVR~04257/ENE~1+2+3+22+4294967294+20+225~~~0~15~all~mode+matchallany~~~~~andie%20chino/04257.jsp?isSaleItem=false
Anon
I want to plan a baby shower from my sister-we live in different states. What’s a reasonable time before delivery date to have the shower and any advice on what’s really involved in planning a baby shower?
hoola hoopa
Baby showers are generally approx 4-6 wks prior to due date, although there is wide variability based on schedules, mother’s preference, etc.
Planning a shower requires securing a location, providing food and drinks (typically heavy app to meal), inviting guests and managing rsvps, preparing games/activities (if any), and recording item/giver during gift opening. Since you are out of state, you’ll want to have a local co-host who can provide their home or rent a restaurant or community space. Typically the mom-to-be provides the list of names/addresses, although her mother or close friend/family member may also.
Angela
In my circle, the baby shower is 6 weeks post partum, it’s bad luck in my culture to have before.
In Rem
The baby panda is trying to crawl right now on the National Zoo panda cam. I can’t tell if the mother is watching closely or just slumped over in exhaustion. The cub is sooo cute!
Jupiter Jones
Help! I am soon traveling internationally with a 15 month old. I will have a carry on, but I need to find something for a the second item/purse. I don’t want to use my regular handbag because I want to maximize on space and the amount I can stuff into it. Something that can be worn across the body is preferable as well as it should fit under the front seat. It needs to hold some baby paraphernalia as well as some of my jewelry and other stuff.
Also, any ideas about how to keep a rambunctious 15 month old happy on such a long journey? I have a few apps that I have downloaded (more recs would be appreciated) and thinking of carrying some books.
Thanks in advance!
EB0220
I use a Timbuk2 messenger bag for my carryon item. It can be worn crossbody, and it works ok when I wear my daughter (20 mo) in an Ergobaby carrier. It fits pretty well under the seat. And it has a waterproof liner in case of sippy cup spills. It’s not huge, but it fits the essential baby gear (diapers, food, ipad, a toy or two).
Anon
When our son was a toddler we bought him a set of new toy cars and brought them out on the plane so they were exciting. Also had coloring book and colorwonder markers, stickers, books, snacks, and he really loves music so we filled an iPod nano with all his favorite songs (mix of kid songs, oldies, pop, country, rock). He was so content to sit there with his kid headphones on and listen to music. We also made sure to get up and let him walk down the aisle a few times during the flight to keep him from getting to antsy. Luckily he slept a good portion of the flight also.
OCAssociate
For the toddler: Snacks help – preferably new/uncommon ones that they’ll be excited to get. Stickers, books, his/her own backpack with small toys/crayons, etc. We tried to have something new to pull out every 15-20 minutes or so, but that’s not feasible on an international flight.
Baby First has a few age-appropriate game apps that you can download for free.
I’m not sure if you have a separate seat for your child, but we found that our son would actually stay in his seat when we used the CARES seat harness. It’s the FAA-approved child seat harness that feels like a car seat. (When he only had the lap belt, he felt free to wriggle out of the seat and try to get down and run around.)
Good luck!
EB0220
I am looking for some good, reasonably priced, running capris. I’m on the taller side (5’9″) and the cheaper ones I’ve found seem to run short. Anyone have a good recommendation, or should I just spring for Athleta/Lululemon?
Orangerie
I really like the Nike Legend 2.0 capris. They run to mid-calf on 5’7″ me the length should be fine for you. I also have a few pairs of the Filament capri, but those just cover my knee so you might not like them.
viclawstudent
I also like my various pairs of Nike running capris, and find that they fit a bit long on me – they come more than halfway down my calves (5’6″, short legs for my height), so on you they’d probably be great. I also super-duper love my Sugoi running capris, but they are shorter than the Nike ones. Not sure that either brand is cheaper than Lulu, though, as I don’t shop there; they were about $65/each, if I recall correctly (Canadian pricing).
Bonnie
I really like Old Navy workout clothing and they do sell their capris in Tall sizes: http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=91337&vid=1&pid=938221022
Anonymous
I don’t know what your definition of reasonably priced is, but I love Zella capris. I have tried less expensive pairs and they don’t hold up nearly as well. I’d rather spend $50 on the Zella ones and have them for many years (miles) than save $20 and have the seams fall apart.
I beat up workout gear, too. I wear it 2-3 times a week and wash it after each wearing. I’ve had the Zella ones for about 2 years now and they are good as new.
CKB
Have you tried Old Navy? I’ve been impressed with the value of their workout clothes. I’m 5’6″ and the compression capris hit me at the widest part of my calf, so I have to pull them up a little because my calves are athletic. Not sure how long you’re looking for, but they might even carry tall sizes.
prof on a bike
If you have access to a Costco, they have great workout stuff for very little money ($17 for a pair of Lululemon style pants). I bought a pair of capris there recently that are nearly pants on my 5’4″ self, so they might work well for you!
Coach Laura
I was told by a Costco employee (in the store across the street from Costco’s corporate headquarters) that their lululemon-style pants, jackets and tops were made for Costco by lululemon. They wear like iron – even better than the brand-name ones.
Anonymous
That’s false, lululemon does not produce pants for any other brand. That Costco employee was wrong.
Anon
Spring for Athleta/Lululemon or some other company that uses high quality 4-way stretch material. The material makes a huge difference.
Anon
Skip Lululemon – overpriced and sinking level of quality. Try the Zella brand from Nordstrom (they hired a former Lululemon person to design the line). I think the price point is more appropriate, the quality is as good or better than recent Lululemon offerings and Nordstrom customer service/return policy is better than Lululemon. I’m also a fan of Lucy capris. I put all of the stuff in the washer but usually line dry unless I’m in a pinch. I’m into my second year with the Zella and Lucy capris and they still look new. My last pair of Lululemon capris have faded, feel thin and have pilled quite a bit.
roses
I LOVE the Zella capris! They are such high quality and comfortable, and I got a pair at Nordstrom Rack for $19. I think they come in different lengths too.
KinCA
Love Zella! Plus, Nordstrom will mark them down occasionally or list them during the NAS, so you can get a really good deal. I can’t really tell the difference between them and my Lulu pants.
ExcelNinja
Agreed Lulu quality is declining. I have pants from Lululemon that are over 5 years old and still look new, whereas I just had to return two pairs purchased in October because they pilled/seams were coming unravelled after just one or two wears and no washes. I’m looking for a replacement brand so following this thread with interest!
Anon
I have a pair of Reebock ones I got on sale for probably 20-30 dollars that I love. They stay put without digging in.
Anon
Target has a good selection of athletic gear by Champion (called CB or C9) at reasonable prices. I just bought two pairs of the running capris and they are great. Comfortable, good wicking, key pocket (which shockingly running pants sometimes do not have). I was really impressed for the price. Also good compression bras (necessary for distance running IMO)
Mary Ann Singleton
Co-sign on Target gear. i just bought two pairs of Champion running capris there on sale for around $8 each. That’s hard to beat.
roses
Haven’t tried the capris from Target, but I was disappointed in the Champion sports bras. They were fine at first, but stretched out after about 3 months.
Annie
For splurgy capris, I love the ones from Oiselle (called Lesley Knicker) over Lululemon. But for cheap ones, I usually go to Nordstrom Rack or Ross. They generally have workout gear under $20 from last season. I got an awesome pair of full length Nike pants there.
Monte
My default is roadrunnersports — cheaper than lululemon and nike (the latter of which makes some nice looking products), and made for runners. I am 5’7″ with long legs, and my capris are a little longer than I would like, so they may work for you.
Penny London
I like Lucy and they are having a 25% off sale today only (Saturday). http://Www.lucy.com
ANON
I was just invited to a late afternoon meeting with the rest of my Dept. and one of our executives at the nicest restaurant in town. This sounds great except that I flew in late from a meeting last night and woke up this morning feeling a cold coming on and tired as crap. So do you think I look like I’m ready to attend a meeting at one of the nicest restaurants in town? No, I look like sh!t. When they asked if I’m available to attend of course I said yes but now I’m totally self conscious about what I’m wearing. Do I go home and change and explain that I wasn’t expecting to attend a meeting today? Do I wear my less than impressive outfit? What would you do?
If it matters I’m wearing black dress pants with black ankle boots (under the boot cut pants) and a dark red cable knit sweater. It could be worse but it’s very boring. I didn’t wash my hair this morning and it’s up in a pony…ahhh.
Godzilla
Your outfit sounds fine to me. If this happened to me, I’d grab coffee now so that I’d be alert with dinner and think of conversation topics. I wouldn’t change clothes; I doubt anyone else would.
ANON
Thanks Godzilla. How I feel about how I look can really have an impact on my mood and confidence so here’s to hoping I can get over it. I appreciate your response.
Godzilla
You can do this! Treat yourself to your favorite caffeine and rock that meeting!
When I feel down, I promise myself something as a reward (like a vat of mashed potatoes or something) and pretend that I am operating at 185%.
Anon
Is there anything you can add in the way of makeup and/or jewelry? Hair accessories? Even borrowing something? FWIW, “boring” is way better than inappropriate or sloppy. And black with red sounds perfectly professional. If nothing else, take a deep breath before walking in and channel that inner confidence. It will show.
Jesse
Is your house far away? If not then maybe a shower (and coffee) would be a great pick-me-up before the evening. I can totally see where you are coming from. “Look good, feel good” and therefore think good, act good and say good/smart things in front of your bosses. We are women and can’t help but to be perceived by how we look. If you look good, people will be more open to you.
If you are not near home and going home is not an option, I would freshen up your make-up a bit and do my best to be impressive. What you have on is fine.
ANON
Thanks all. I have no make up here at the office and I work with all men so no chance of borrowing anything. I guess I’ll just make due with what I have. Thanks for the encouragement.
Senior Attorney
I would not go home and change because it would draw far more attention to your appearance than just brazening it out in what you’re wearing. Do you think a man would go home and change? I don’t.
Drink some coffee, freshen up your makeup, grab a scarf if one is readily available, put your shoulders back, and go be awesome.
Senior Attorney
Oh, and DO NOT apologize for your appearance!! Bite your tongue until it bleeds if you have to, but just say no to self-deprecating comments!
ANON
Thanks for this tip because I almost already did that….almost said that to my boss when he asked me if I’d like to attend. Had to stop myself.
Senior Attorney
Big Gold Star for stopping yourself!! Well done!!
Anonymous
FWIW, I really don’t like the “do you think a man would go home and change? NO!” argument.
I am married to a professional guy that cares about his professional appearance. If he was invited to something and didn’t feel like he was dressed properly or was unshaven that day, he would absolutely go home and fix it.
Not that the OPs outfit sounds bad, but I do understand the feeling of your appearance being linked to how you feel. If I had the chance to do so, I would go home and “freshen up.” I also think that there are some guys that would do it, too (I know of one that would and has).
mascot
+1. At least in my office, a man would certainly ask to borrow a tie/shirt/suit jacket from another attorney if there was a dress code issue. I see it happen somewhat regularly
Aggie
+1 I’ve seen the men in my office drive to Nordstroms and pick an extra tie/shirt on their way to an event.
However your outfit sounds perfectly acceptable, hold your head high – or find a place to buy a few pieces of jewelry. You can also spice up your pony with a few bobby pins. (I wrap a 1 inch section of my hair around the elastic.)
Godzilla
I mean, if I was walking around in steel-toed boots and jeans, I’d definitely go change or decline the invitation, as would my male coworker (actually, one of my supervisors attended an award dinner without a jacket or tie but whatevs). But if we’re both attired in business casual? Nobody would change. So I think the whole “what would a man do” in this situation does apply.
Anon
I also dislike the implication that because a man wouldn’t do something that means it’s better. Men are not the final arbiters of all things business-correct.
In OP’s shoes, if I lived close, I might just do a quick change (no one needs to know why you’re going home – if dinner plans are unexpected, it wouldn’t be odd to me to have something to check on at home first) or I’d pop out to a store and pick something up I felt better in.
Senior Attorney
Not better, but laboring under one fewer layers of expectations. A man is just expected to be easonably clean and decently covered in conformity with the dress code, which the OP most certainly is. Women are, all to often, expected to be beautiful (but not too beautiful) and fashionable (but not too fashionable). It’s a burden placed on men but not on women, and to that I say FOOEY.
Senior Attorney
Gah. It’s a burden placed on women but not on men.
Is it the weekend yet?
Anon
Although you probably feel self-conscious, nobody is going to care that much what you look like.
Maggie
You probably look much better than you feel! If it will make you feel better, you can always run to CVS and grab the essentials that will make you feel like you’ve freshened up (for me that might be dry shampoo, mascara, or undereye concealer).
Mountain Girl
Put you hair into a cute bun, touch up your make up and go. You’ll be fine.
Question for the lawyers
I’d appreciate input from lawyers who have moved jurisdictions. We are going to move to another state in about a year due to my spouse’s job. We don’t know where yet. My state doesn’t have reciprocity so I will need to take another bar exam. I am a biglaw mid level and plan to lateral to another large firm as it is unlikely that we will move to one of the cities where my firm has an office. I’m concerned about whether I will be able to find a job before I am admitted in the new state. Any words of wisdom from people who have made a similar move?
TBK
Do you have any idea at all about where you might be moving (like, it’s going to be one of these three cities)? Because I’ve been surprised by how different the legal markets in different cities could be. For example, friends in some smaller southern cities have told me that their firms (mid-sized regional firms) pretty much hire a handful of new grads from the local law schools and those people stay with those firms until they make partner, or leave law firm practice altogether. Which is totally different from the DC revolving-door model. If you do have any way of narrowing down the options, I’d consider reaching out to law school alumni in those cities and getting a feel for what kinds of opportunities are available there, what the legal culture is, and what you could be doing now to make yourself a more attractive candidate down the line.
OP
We really have no idea. My spouse is an academic so basically any large city with a large research university in spouse’s field is an option. I’ve considered taking the February bar for one state where spouse will apply for a job, but it seems silly (and expensive) to take a bar exam based on a guess. Your suggestions are good once I know where we will go or at least once the options are somewhat narrowed down.
Jules
This was me, 24 years ago! DH, then my fiancee, got interviews at one college that was so far north it was barely in the US (not that there’s anything wrong with that . . . but it was way too cold there for my taste) and another in a small town in the rural deep south (isolated, and too hot). I was soooo happy when he got an interview, and then a job at a school just outside a major Midwestern city, and I got a job in a mid-size firm there. (I felt like Goldilocks, happy to land some place that was Just Right.)
I did have to take a new bar exam, essays only, because I was a newbie coming out of my clerkship so couldn’t waive in anywhere. The firms I interviewed with all knew I would have to take the bar there and it was fine; I started in September and took the February bar, being admitted pro hac vice for cases where I really need to be counsel of record until the bar results.
One partner in the firm that hired me really wanted me to take the July bar, but we were getting married around July 4 and moving halfway across the country so I held firm and said no. It was fine.
Best of luck to both of you!
Nolakitty
I recently (over Memorial Day weekend) moved from Louisiana to Illinois. I had practiced in Louisiana for 14 years and left a firm that had 25 lawyers. I was confident that I would have to take the Illinois bar exam, as there is no reciprocity between Louisiana and Illinois (Louisiana doesn’t have reciprocity with many states). However, Illinois changed their rule for admission on motion two years ago and removed the reciprocity requirement so I was able to waive in. Like you, I was concerned about finding a job in this market, but I ended up getting two offers before we ever left Louisiana, and I picked a firm I love. I found out in late February that we might be moving and ended up getting the offers in May, so for firms that are hiring, they can move fairly quickly. The main factors that helped me were that we moved to a large city that had a lot of opportunities and I already knew some lawyers there. Feel free to email me if you want to discuss it in more detail. I know it is overwhelming and can be intimidating, but you can make it work — believe me!
NOLA
Ha ha. As I found out when my then-husband was trying to get licensed as a psychologist in Louisiana, Louisiana doesn’t have reciprocity with anyone for anything. The state clearly thinks it’s a special snowflake.
Senior Attorney
…what with the Napoleonic Code and all…
;)
MK
I did this a few years ago as a 3rd year associate in biglaw. I think part of it depends on the state to which you’re moving. I was moving to a state with a notoriously hard-to-pass bar, so that made things more difficult for me. I worked with a recruiter, and she said almost all of the big firms she talked to about me said, “She looks great on paper, get back to us after she passes the bar.” However, one firm–the small boutique where I am now–was willing to interview me and offer me a job before passing the bar, and then let me start after I took the test (but before results came out). It’s all worked out well for me, but I acknowledge that I am lucky that the one firm that was willing to interview me turned out to be a good fit. My advice would be to find a good recruiter (I just chose one from the random recruiter calls I routinely got) who really can sell you to firms and who can look outside of the box for smaller firms that might be willing to take a chance on a good candidate.
Anon
Are you me? I’m going through the exact same thing right now, down to the timing & the fact that my state doesn’t have reciprocity. Good luck to you!
Deep End.
I moved from NY to TX in April. I knew where we wanted to move so I took the bar ahead of time and had passed before I got the job. BUT it seems like that wasn’t really necessary as my firm recently interviewed and offered a job to a woman who was moving from NY to TX and hadn’t taken the TX bar (and didn’t meet reciprocity requirements). The woman ended up not taking a position with our firm and going with another, larger firm. So it seems she had no trouble interviewing and getting a position without being admitted to the bar! It kinda made me curse the fact that I took the bar before really looking:)
Holly
On a similar note, what if you’ve been admitted to a state for number of years but never practiced there, and then wanted to move? I took two bars but couldn’t then couldn’t get a job in State 1, so just took a job in State 2. I’m considering moving to State 1 as a third year, but I don’t even know how the courts operate there, though I have kept up on the admission.
Ashley
Irony! I just ordered some really cute rain boots yesterday. They are shorter, waterproof patent leather, but still. Like minds and all that.
Tara B.
What about something like this, do they count as cut?
http://www.rockport.com/lorraine-ii-lite-chelsea/lriilchelsea.html
Tara B.
Cute, not cut, cute.
student loans
Question about student loan payments: If I am on a ten-year repayment plan (all fed loans), and occasionally throw extra money towards my loan payments, will a) my monthly payments become smaller to still fill the ten-year original plan or b) will they stay the same and so I will theoretically finish before 10 years?
preg 3L
Very interested to hear replies on this! But, I think the payments will be stretched over 10 years and just decreased as necessary if you make extra payments along the way (to maximize the interest that the servicer gets from you).
Jules
Check your loan papers or call the servicer to find out for sure. But on other loans — mortgages, auto loans, etc. — when you pay extra principal the monthly payments stay the same but you pay the loans off faster (and of course pay less total interest over all).
Aggie
+1 This is how my loans are structured – I consolidated with SallieMae. Your payment stays the same but your final payoff window will shorten.
Godzilla
With any loans, you should direct the extra payment towards the principal of the loan so that you will eventually pay less interest. Since you’re on a fixed-time repayment schedule, your payment amount will decrease. Otherwise, the loan payment will go towards the interest, which isn’t very helpful for you in shortening the time or payment amount.
Lynnet
Most loans should be set up so that your monthly payment covers the interest that accumulates each month (once you start paying). Frequently, you won’t be allowed to make payments on principal until the interest has been completely paid down (at least, that’s how my student loans are). If the loan has compounding interest, it doesn’t really matter what you pay down first, as interest is usually being assessed on the interest at the same rate it is assessed on the principal.
dancinglonghorn
You can always specify extra additional payments towards the principal of loans but usually need to document this in writing at the time of payment AND follow-up with the servicer after payment to ensure it was applied in accordance with your wishes.
Lynnet
Assuming you have the same ones I have (Direct Unsub and Direct Sub) they should remain the same and you’ll finish in fewer than 10 years. I pay about 1.66x my payment every month, and paid off a big chunk when I received an unexpected windfall, so my next due date technically isn’t until next June. I could move up the next due date if I wanted to, but the payments are applied when they are received anyway, so I’m not accumulating interest on that money, so the pushed out next due date gives me some peace of mind. For example, we’re in the process of buying a house, so I haven’t made payments for the last two months. I know if I lost my job, I wouldn’t have to make student loan payments for a good six months before I’d have to worry about deferral or forbearance.
Mine did go down by about $17/month when the servicer changed last year, I have no idea why, the big chunk of change I’d put into my student loans had been about a year prior, so the decrease wasn’t directly tied to that.
Sydney Bristow
My situation may be different, but when I paid extra on one of my private loans that was on a standard repayment plan they readjusted my monthly payments. I continue to pay extra every month, make sure my extra is going to principal and not being held to cover next month’s interest, and will pay whatever my original monthly amount if I can’t pay extra one month. I ignore the lower payment requirements altogether so I’ll still be done early.
The key is to make sure your payments are being processed correctly. Each lender can be a total pain about this. Make sure that any extra you want to pay is applied to whichever loan you want it to apply to. In my case I want it applied to the highest interest one and specify that, but sometimes they mess it up, which I’m not convinced is actually an “accident.”
Wildkitten
+1 Whatever you do, trust but verify!
Boston recruiter?
Suggestions on a Boston attorney recruiter? Id really like to work for the gov but will prob expand my search to firms too. I have 3 years of experience.
Belle et Rebelle
Don’t know if you are still reading, but call Judy St. John at Major, Lindsey & Africa. I knew her at Testa, Hurwitz & Thibeault, and she is awesome. I don’t know how much she’d be able to do on the government end of things (but she might have good advice on that, too), but she definitely has lots of firm contacts. Good luck!
Carrie Preston
I’m thinking of going to London for a week this winter – does anyone have recommendations for a good way to rent a flat there other than VBRO or AirB&B (I’m not opposed to using those sites, just looking for other options/direct companies too). Thanks!
Anon.
Google Marlyn Lodge. The rooms might not look amazing, but as I recall they were much cheaper than other options in the area, and it was really close to Tower Hill tube station. I stayed there for a month and had no complaints. The management and housekeeping were pretty pleasant too.
Online Dating Messages
I have decided to focus seriously on online dating for next couple of months. What are some good ways to word your initial messages when contacting guys? I have been mostly passive so far and the guys who message are just not what I am looking for. I need to take more initiative and contact guys I like myself rather than just waiting around. What are some good ways to make the first contact? I usually mention some common interests (sports/tv show/movies) from their profile, or something that I found funny/witty and say I would definitely like to talk to them further . But most guys just have plain generic profile (nothing wrong with that), and I am often stumped on what to write. I don’t write much or do sales pitch often in my job (work in pretty technical field), so I am really lost on what to say. This is my first time online dating, my past relationships started through friends I knew IRL. Any tips, advice, sample messages or blogs/books that can help with this?
Thanks
Granola
There’s been lots of good advice on this site about online dating previously – try a search back through the archives. I am in a similar situation – just decided to be proactive, signed up for two services (Match and e-harm) and really tried to not just sit around waiting for guys to email me. I haven’t done anything on eharm yet but I sent a couple of winks on Match (seemed simple enough) and tonight I have a first date with someone I winked at. I haven’t yet sent a first email to someone so I’d be interested in hearing any advice you get.
Wildkitten
There’s a r3tt3 facebook group for dating. I don’t know the deets on how to get in, but you can find them somewhere in thissite comments.
Anonymous
Another site you might like is coffee meets bagel. It is free and I like the setup – not at all overwhelming, since you get a max of one match per day. I didn’t find anyone on there, but it was a good dip into online dating for me (I stopped because I’m really just too busy and it isn’t a priority for me right now).
Online Dating
I think the best advice on contacting guys is be a white girl. They get the most responses when they initiate contact.
undercover anon
Hive, help.
I have several very close friends who have been having serious trouble getting pregnant. They have undergone testing, fertility treatments and the like. It is a very sensitive subject for them. We are all older than 35. I just found out I am pregnant after not much time trying and I dread telling them (or worse, having them figure it out by my not drinking or feeling rundown).
Advice for how to share this news in a sensitive way? And when? (I don’t want to tell too early, for obvious reasons, but then I’m afraid that I’ll out myself somehow.)
Godzilla
Although this is the kind of news you share in person, I feel that email or a card is the way to go. That way, your friend can process the news in private and can talk to you about it when they’re emotionally ready. And I would write that in the card/email. “Dear Close Friend, I’m so excited to share that I’m having a baby. I know that you’ll be an amazing source of support for me but I want to you to know that I am here for you, too. We’ll talk about this when you’re ready and promise you’ll let me know if I’m overbearing. Hugs and rawrs, Undercover Anon.”
sick of being single
I am wondering if anyone here has any single friends. Maybe online dating is supposed to work but our (thissite) dating facebook group makes it clear that this is not the best method for all of us. With so many of you in relationships, maybe some of you know amazing people who are single and could be introduced to the rest of us?
Senior Attorney
Heh. Yeah, anybody want to introduce me to your dad? ;)
Anon
That sounds amazing- I have recently started blogging about dating…maybe we could set up a city-by-city network?
when to divorce a friend
How do you decide whether to stick out a rough patch with a friend and when to end the friendship? I struggle with this often and hope someone has ideas or stories to share.
ss
Passage of time is usually my solution to this one, rather than the open break implied by a ‘divorce’. I avoid, or avoid initiating, contact for awhile, and then see if the passage of time gives me more perspective about whether the relationship is worth the effort.
If it is, I’m usually better able to adjust my expectations for the relationship after the ‘cooling off’ period, and find I can re-initiate contact with a sincere pleasure to hear what’s been up with my old friend. Or vice-versa – the friend gets in touch, the timing feels right, and we pick up from there. I will also say from the vantage point of being in my forties, that a surprisingly large number of relationships can be ‘cured’ in this way. The old level of trust and intimacy may not be reinstated, but you take an interest in each other’s lives and families, hope for good things on each other’s behalf and take pleasure in them when they occur, and long-standing ties do acquire their own special value as you get older.
But if the relationship really isn’t meant to be, it often dies a natural death when you stop making your share of the effort, whether it is to be tolerant or persistent. Then it can be relegated to a second-tier social acquaintance-ship, which I prefer to an outright break or an open confrontation to re-hash bad feelings (you may feel otherwise of course !)
beautiful but inexpensive
If you had $20 to spend on something related to fashion (clothing, accessories, shoes, etc.), what would you buy? Links and reasoning, please.
another Kat
The cheapest thing I can think of right now is some new silk long underwear- maybe a shell or some half length pants since I haven’t yet found any full leg silk underwear that’s long enough. It’s getting cold! Or some fleece lined tights- I saw some at Marshalls for $8 but didn’t buy because (again) legs too long for normal sizes.
Oh, actually I checked my Etsy wish list- I have two pretty pairs of cheap earrings saved, one with CZ and one with amethyst (my birthstone). Links to follow.
another Kat
I think my comment vanished..? Sorry if this appears twice.
https://www.etsy.com/listing/157748138/cz-stud-earings-golden-stud-set-with-a?ref=favs_view_5
https://www.etsy.com/listing/163096072/tiny-silver-and-amethyst-stud-earrings?ref=favs_view_2
Mpls
Long underwear – I haven’t found any that goes to my ankles either (5’10”, with all my height in my legs), but I like the Lands End ones I have – they hit mid calf, but stretch enough to not be constricting. And I’m usually wearing tall socks with them, so the length isn’t super critical.
ExcelNinja
I would buy a fun colour of hanky panky from Nordy’s :)
Lady Harriet
Maybe not the most helpful, but I’d go to a thrift store and try on whatever caught my fancy. I usually can’t go in there, say “I’m going to buy a printed pencil skirt today,” and find one. However, I can find random awesome things like green silk dress pants there. It takes more time than regular shopping, but I love the bargains and the thrill of the hunt.
AIMS
I would get a fun colored belt. Go to JCrew and see what’s in the sale section. With a 30% off promo, you should be looking at around $14. Then I’d wear the fun belt with boring black, navy and gray dresses.
Anonymous
Hanky Panky low-rise thong. Incredibly comfortable, made in the USA, durable (I machine wash and dry mine) and looks great.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/hanky-panky-low-rise-thong/2856432?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=Beaujolais&resultback=1939&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-1_5_B
Spider Vein Zapping
I have several spider veins, but a newish one is oddly placed enough that I’d like to have it disappear. I understand that that can be easily done (these aren’t varicose veins, but surface discolorations — maybe broken capillaries is the better term). Has anyone had that done? Is there a procedure / technique that works well (the rest of my skin is pasty, so these really stand out)? THANK YOU!
mascot
Also interested in answers to this.
boston recruiter
Any one have a suggestion for a boston recruiter? I am looking for an attorney job (3 years experience) would prefer government but am going to look for private practice to. I am out of state- looking to relocate
GailtheGoldfish
Has anyone ever lived in Wilmington, NC? Thoughts? I’m trying to move to North Carolina and was focusing on Raleigh and Charlotte but saw something in Wilmington and am debating it.
Anonymous
I have never lived there, but I have extended family there. Wilmington is definitely smaller than Raleigh or Charlotte. It is also less cosmopolitan, less educated, etc. That said, it’s a nice town (but it does have the North Carolina equivalent of ‘townies’). If you’re looking for a place with interesting stuff in NC, I’d definitely go for Raleigh-Durham, by a huge long shot.
anon
I’ve been in the Triangle for 13 years and have had several friends move to Wilmington. Most move back. Wilmington is more college/tourist focused and, unless you work for PPD or the schools, it is much harder to find a job.
ExcelNinja
Hooray weekend!
Does anyone in the Bay Area have any idea how much my rent might increase when my lease is up? I just recently heard of someone (coworker’s friend) whose rent increased by $600. If my rent increased by $600, I would have to move, and I really don’t want to! I’m originally from an area where there are rent control laws in place (can only raise rent by I think 3% per year), and I know those don’t exist here. In what circumstances would a landlord raise rent by say, more than 5%?
For reference, DH and I are renting a 3 bedroom house near-ish an area that’s not usually considered super desirable (I suppose you could say it’s in transition?). We are model tenants – no pets, no kids, non-smokers, and love this place & keep it in tip-top shape.
Anon
Rents in the Bay Area are insane right now. I don’t think it would be odd to raise you to market. I’d suggest checking craigslist to figure out how below you are, and use that data plus the good tenant argument to negotiate. If you have an individual landlord this is probably easier than with a corporate one. Good luck.
ExcelNinja
Whew, looks like we’re at or slightly above market already – thanks for the tip!
Mary Ann Singletom
If your place was built before a certain year (1979?), it may be rent controlled. At least that’s the case in San Francisco – I guess it’s on a city-by-city basis. (Not that Mrs Madrigal would ever raise my rent.)
LH
Whether there’s rent control varies by city. My city has none and my rent’s gone up about 10% every year – I now pay about $700 more a month than I did when I moved in. The market has gone up even faster in that time. Most friends have also has hefty increases. The Bay Area rental market has been insane the last few years and I think 10% increases are pretty standard with no rent control.
cbackson
LATE NIGHT FASHION DILEMMA:
I have a first date this weekend.
It’s brunch.
It’s immediately after church.
So apparently I need a church-appropriate, date-appropriate outfit.
HELP ME, HIVE, YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE.
Lady Harriet
Wrap dress or some kind of knit dress, knee-high boots or flats, fun patterened/textured tights, and a colorful scarf. I think the key is something that’s dressy enough for church, but not so dressy that it looks like you’re trying to hard for a brunch date.
Lady Harriet
…By which I mean too hard!
I got really excited about this and made you a Polyvore set of my idea: http://www.polyvore.com/church_brunch_date/set?id=102482533 I was assuming the weather is fairly cool where you are, but if not then you can subtract layers as needed. This kind of stuff is so much fun to do. :) I posted this below because your original comment disappeared for a while, but I wanted you to see it.
cbackson
OMG, this is amazing. Thank you! This is exactly the sort of look I mentally wanted and yet couldn’t mentally come up with :-)
cbackson
Also, you have a ton of really cute Polyvore sets…I’m feeling very outfit-inspired looking at these :-)
Jo March
Yep, I love your aesthetic! It’s how I dress in ideal-world….in the real world I’m not nearly so retro-awesome but I am definitely working on it!
Jo March
OMG all the shooooeeeez. LOVE.
Lady Harriet
Aww, thanks, both of you! It’s definitely my ideal-world style of dress too. I’m not that put-together in real life either, although I dream of it! I have foot problems and a budget that limit my ability to wear every pair of cute shoes out there, so this lets me live vicariously. :)
Baconpancakes
You know all those blogs where women post what they wear to work and look adorable, but you think, “wow, I love this bit it’s just not quite… professional?”
That’s what you’re going for. Cute dress without cleavage but wearing knee high boots and a blazer, Moro jacket, or jean jacket, a huge scarf wrapped infinity style, and a nice lipstick. Small earrings, a clutch purse. Or colored, cropped trousers, a long, chunky cardigan, belted, over a flowered top, and matching ballet flats if you’re not into dresses. So basically every outfit on Pintetest.
Monday
I’m not sure how formal your church is, but if it’s on the dressier side then maybe black trousers and boots with a colorful, cute shirt? Cropped jacket if it’s chilly? Also, if necessary you could do makeup and perfume in your car as you leave. Enjoy the date! I’m sure everyone here will want to know how it went!
Candy Time
Welp, just got home from dinner with my married friends after helping put their three year old to bed in their beautiful house. Meanwhile, boyfriend who still isn’t sure he wants to have kids is out with his buddies, not calling to chat at ten as planned, and my roommate has left a pile of dishes. Yeah, I think it’s candy time.
ExcelNinja
Definitely candy time…what’s your favourite? :-) (I’m a Snickers girl)
Candy Time
Milky Way Dark, but I ate all those the week before Halloween, so now I’m down to Kit Kats.
Lady Harriet
FYI Kat, the last few comments seem to have disappeared.
For the commenter who was looking for advice on what to wear to church and then to a first date brunch afterwards (I think it was cbackson?), I made you a Polyvore set of my idea: http://www.polyvore.com/church_brunch_date/set?id=102482533
I haven’t done one of those in ages. I forgot just how much fun they are! :)
Lady Harriet
Never mind, they’re back now.