Weekend Open Thread

Anthropologie Terry Moto JacketSomething on your mind? Chat about it here.

I often remember a weekend suggestion from a few years ago — a terrycloth moto jacket from Gap — that shocked the heck out of me when it sold out within hours of being posted.  (I don’t think it was the traffic from the Corporette link much/at all, but I still remember being surprised when it sold out so quickly.)  So for this weekend I thought I’d post another terrycloth moto jacket, this time from Anthropologie — easy care, chic, available in white and green in both regular and petite, and only $88.  Score.  Anthropologie Terry Moto Jacket



  1. …and on sale for $59.95!

    • AAHHHH I really want one of these!! don’t tell me that! ;o)

    • A Nonny Moose :

      I love this and am debating buying it.
      Would you wear this to work (business casual) and keep it on during the day? Or is it an outerwear-only piece? It can be so hard to tell with jackets like this.

      • Anonymous :

        I have a similar one from earlier in the year from Anthropologie (http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/catalog/productdetail.jsp?navAction=jump&id=28769867&utm_campaign=bazaarvoice&utm_medium=Default&utm_source=Profiles&utm_content=Default) and I wear to work on casual days. Its definitely not an outerwear piece because of the fabric. Its more like a sweatshirt.

    • commenter :

      I just had to laugh at the reviewer who was going to take it to a seamstress to open up the pockets with a seam ripper. Seems kind of like taking your bread to the bakery to slice it for you.

    • annnnd i bought it. and since i refuse to pay for shipping i also bought about 90 bucks of other stuff. and i did the same thing at a different store yesterday. i’m the worst! i pretend i’ll return all the other ‘filler items’, but i never do!

    • I really really want to buy this but cannot justify the $11 in shipping (to get two sizes because i’m not sure which size I’ll be). Maybe I’ll try to get to a store this weekend.

  2. Professional Clothing :

    Posted this the other day, but really late to the party:

    Hoping y’all have some tips –

    I recently switched jobs from one that requires casual/semi-business casual clothes to one that fits that dress code part of the time, but also requires professional dress 3/5 of the time.

    Any tips for quickly professionalizing my existing wardrobe without repurchasing the entire thing?

    • Anonymous :

      Black blazer (or really, any color blazer, instead of cardigans).

      Conservative, almond toe pumps in a plainer color.

    • I would just get a few more pieces: a couple of blazers, and a couple more business formal bottoms, like tailored pants or pencil skirts. And then mix and match those with your existing pieces. Like, the top and cardigan you would have worn at the old job, but put the tailored pants with it to dress it up. Or, the other way around, keep the bottoms and top but swap in a blazer.

      And agree with also maybe adding in some more professional looking shoes, pumps or flats that look more business formal.

      I definitely think you can keep what you have and just start mixing in a couple of new pieces at a time.

    • Clementine :

      Look at what you have an evaluate the situation. What do you have now? I would suggest seriously going through and evaluating.

      After assessing what you have, start working on filling in gaps. Think about what works for you. I would also make sure you have 2 suits in neutrals (grey/navy/black) that also work as separates. If you can, buy both the skirt and pants that go with a given jacket to give you more options.

      Most solid color dresses plus a blazer/jacket plus a pair of dressy shoes can be very business appropriate. Buttoning up cardigans to wear with pencil skirts can be a good look too. Mostly, I would use the 2 suits as the stepping stone to get you through the first months. I did this when I went from a jeans job (not in my field) to a ‘business professional 4/5 days and dressy business casual on Fridays. My suits were from the limited and I slowly but surely have been upgrading. I am still surprised at how pulled together a dress with a blazer looks.

    • Not any specific tips on items, but be sure to check the sales. I got lots of my separates from Macy’s, L&T, and other large department stores during their big semi-annual sales — like a black blazer for $25. Kohl’s is also really good for this. And if you’re starting a new job, it helps to remember that to these new people, everything you wear is new to them (even if you’ve had it for years), so even if you’ve always worn a piece by itself at OldJob, the people at NewJob will never know it wasn’t anything other than a great shell under a blazer.

    • Kontraktor :

      I also think more professional dress can mean more modestly cut, more neutral or slightly nicer fabrics. Granted, this advice is coming from somebody who regularly wears hot pink dresses and matching tweed jackets, but I also have a lot of items in my wardrobe that are plain but make me feel really stuffy and formal. Think, very traditionally cut wool trousers with a crisp pleat down the front, silk collared blouses, structured seamed tops with sleeves, pearls (all in colors like charcoal, camel, cream, maroon, etc.). Things like that. Getting a few pieces like that help tide you over until you can stock up on more separates and build a collection. In general, I am also a HUGE separates fan so finding fun jackets that work with things you already have can be a great way to revamp quickly!


      have you ever thought about getting a pair of fleece tights they are so comfy and did you know you can get them at walgreens

  3. anon atty :

    I have a client that I have been courting for years and have gotten a bit of work from. My firm hasn’t cared about this much, until lately when a senior partner’s BFF moved there and now senior partner is courting them hard. But largely with the BFF (and not with the business line I work with). Now I am getting emails demanding that I let him and others know about all of my contacts, meetings, etc. No collaboration, no sharing, and with a tone I wouldn’t use to a dog. I know senior partner is grabbing for all of the credits, but can you imagine how p*ssed he’d be if the roles were reversed? Anyway, any advice from others re similar situations? I think he’s been a bit tone deaf and has annoyed my business line contacts a little (so don’t want egg on my face) but I’m OK with him developing his own business with them? Hate firm politics! FWIW, I am a partner, but decades junior (and he’s very Dowager Countess to my Daisy-from-the-kitchen).

    • Anonymous :

      Can you talk to the firm’s managing partner about it? This is very unfair and should be a violation of the firm’s culture and maybe even its partnership agreement. I would be very polite but not back down.

    • Not a partner, but I have a lot of friends in sales…so somewhat analogous. First, depending on the size of your firm, do you have a BD coordinator who tracks these things…then you could get him or her involved. Second, and this is a “know your firm” sort of thing, but do you really “answer” to this partner bc he is senior, or not really, because he is in such a different area at your firm? I would really evaluate whether you think you “need” to answer to him, if that makes sense. At some firms I’ve worked at, they are very “one firm” and other firms (rhymes with Schmatham), it’s incredibly cutthroat/eat-what-you-kill/step-on-the-guy-next-to-you-to-get-ahead. So…there’s that. Also, I think lots of partners have _terrible_ internal email etiquette, but it’s astounding how polite they can be in client emails, so, I would chafe at that too. So sorry you’re dealing with this.

    • another anon atty :

      Disclaimer: I am hardly a firm politics success poster girl, but since nobody else has weighed in, here’s my two cents.

      First, remember that we all teach people how to treat us, whether we realize it or not. So if you positively reinforce this behavior (through compliance or capitulation) then you can expect more of it. So whatever you do, do not comply or capitulate and hope that someday Daisy will get her day because she’s been good.

      Also, remember that when the dust of origination credit settles, your actions (and his) will likely have to withstand scrutiny. So, whatever you do, do not resort to sneakiness or underhandedness or anything else that you’d have trouble explaining to the client or to the other partners if all came to light. Take the high road.

      But taking the high road does not preclude a little playing dumb. So I’d force the Dowager Countess to explain himself. When you get a demand, politely and with no defensiveness ask for an explanation. “I’m going to lunch with so-and-so. Why do you ask?” If he tells you that he’s developing the relationship with his Dowager Friend, express enthusiasm and then tell him that you’ve been working with this client for years, the first work came in through you, and ask him how he sees divvying up origination credit. Stand up straight, look him in the eye, smile politely, and stare at him until he answers you. Occupy his space. Don’t let him dismiss you.

      And also, ask yourself and dig a little with your contacts about how to deepen the relationship. Especially if he’s annoying them, take your best contact out to dinner, have some wine, and try to get some candid feedback. And if the answer is a broader team or different specialization or if there’s any way you can improve your odds of opening the pipe a little more by bringing someone else from your office to the next meeting, do it! Beat Dowager to that punch!!

      And finally, remember that we young ones lack the experience and the gravitas and the whatever of Dowager Countess, but we bring something to a biz dev situation that’s far more desirable in a fast changing legal market: flexibility! So when you’re having that nice wine-drinking dinner with your contact, explore alternative billing arrangements, fee structures, team structures, what have you. I got my best client (out from under a Dowager) by building a database that knocked the time it took to complete the task in question down by 2/3. The client abruptly stopped caring how many decades of experience I had.

      • Alanna of Trebond :

        I am a wee associate, so I don’t know very much about anything. But depending on the firm, it may be difficult for a single partner to unilaterally explore an alternative billing arrangement. For one, the firm where I worked very briefly had a policy of never discounting and I would be surprised if they permitted this type of client handling. On the other hand, this firm also has no such thing as origination credit, so there’s that as well. Very interesting description otherwise — fascinating to read about this take on firm politics.

      • “Occupy his space. Don’t let him dismiss you.”

        Love this!

      • Anon atty :

        I’m also not a partner…but presumably you have relationships with some of the more senior partners at your firm. Any of them who could be a resource? This guy sounds like the type who has done this to others before, so they might have insight as to how it’s been handled in the past.

        Does your firm have a marketing department? Is the head respected enough within the firm to be a good mediator on this? I could see saying something like, “as you know I have a longstanding relationship with Client. I am so excited that BFF now works there, as it could be an opportunity to deepen our existing relationship. Let’s sit down with marketing to make sure we coordinate our efforts to maximize the firm’s interests and make sure we’re not stepping on each other’s toes.” But definitely make yourself a part of the process, and I agree with others that you need to be firm and stand up for yourself on this one.

  4. Hey i have some work skirts and shirts i need some help in putting them togther as work outfits. Thanks :)

    • Europelover :

      Google image searches are always helpful when I need inspiration for putting together an outfit. I generally type in a description of the item I want to wear with the terms outfit and then peruse some of the outfits to find looks that I like and that I can create with pieces I have on hand. For example: if I wanted to wear red dress pants I would search “outfits with red dress pants.” I’ve also had luck by searching for outfits ideas with multiple items like “outfit with grey pencil skirt and cardigan.”

      • Senior Attorney :

        And Pinterest. Half of my outfits were copied from Pinterest.

        • Europelover :

          Me too! I’ve found some fashion bloggers that I love through Pinterest. Both Pinterest and Google have helped me to become much better at shopping my own closet to create outfits.

      • I never thought to google this! I’ll have to start.

    • anonymous :

      What exactly are you asking?


      i find that a pair of fleece tights can really pull an outfit together especially in the winter they are like a warm cozy blanket for your legs and did you know they sell them at walgreens

  5. Impostor Syndrome TJ :

    Wise Rettes- I am a somewhat recent college grad who has began working in a sort of industry specific/process improvement sort of consulting. I got promoted very early, after about 17 months of work, in early January. I know I have the support of many of my superiors who worked very hard to get my promotion pushed through, but since my promotion a few weeks ago I have been feeling very unworthy. My mentors and supervisors are pushing me very hard to perform in this new role and become a better delegator, work planer, and begin supervising. I have only been in my new role for about 3 weeks and I am feeling completely overwhelmed and like I have no business being where I am. How do you all adjust to new roles and increased responsibility? How to you fight back the feelings of unpreparedness? I know there are a lot of expectations for me, and when I look at others in similar roles I know I can do well, but I am feeling really overwhelmed at the moment.

    Additionally, I am taking on this new role midway through a project, and many things are being shifted onto me that I did not start and were done haphazardly, and now I need to manage. This is significantly adding to my anxiety around my performance.

    • Blair Waldorf :

      Deep breaths! You’re only 3 weeks in. I think it’s pretty normal to feel like you don’t know what is going on in the first few months of a new position.

      The few months of my job were very anxiety producing. I worried that everything I was doing was wrong. It helped me to stay very organized, give myself extra time to complete tasks (aka no procrastination) so I could make sure it was done right, and to let yourself ask questions if you need help! Your supervisors promoted you for a reason and you will learn how to do this job and be great. And you are not alone feeling overwhelmed at the start of a new position.

      In terms of the project, just communicate to people so they know why things are taking longer. Obviously don’t throw anyone under the bus, but just say that you are working on some underlying issues that need to be addressed before the project moves forward. If you don’t understand why something was done a certain way and you are now responsible for that component, ask someone who contributed for an explanation.

      And lastly, fake it until you make it! Seriously. Just channel your inner Hillary Clinton, Olivia Pope, or whoever works for you, and act like you are confident. Eventually the act will feel more natural, and you’ll be all set.


      sometimes just a good pair of fleece tights can do wonders for your self esteem not to mention your legs you can find them at walgreens

    • Wannabe Runner :

      You’re right that this is imposter syndrome. You are perfectly capable of doing this job, you just don’t feel that right now.

      Your mentors wouldn’t have put you here if they didn’t think you could handle it. Nothing is smooth at the beginning. Hang in there. It will get easier.

  6. A close relative of mine was offered a job a few hours after her interview last Friday and she immediately accepted. This was the “perfect” job for her and she was so excited about it. She really clicked with her interviewer and she thought that she would fit in with this company perfectly. She was supposed to start next Monday. Her recruiter just called to say that a current employee had been offered the job and they were giving it to that person instead because something had happened with that person’s job. While I understand the company was trying to be loyal to its current employee versus an employee who hadn’t started yet – but I can’t help but feel like this is really wrong. How disorganized is this (large international) company that they didn’t know 5 business days ago that they had an employee to shuffle around? I just feel terrible for her. Has this happened to anyone else? Is this common?

    • Did she give notice or quit a current job for this? Either way, I can’t even imagine how upsetting this is.

      • She was laid off a few months ago, so no current employer. I can’t even imagine if she had already given notice to a current employer. However, given the fact that she was laid off (former company cut hundreds of employees) and was so excited to have found a great job (that was much better than her last one in both opportunities and pay) this was devastating.

    • Anonymous :

      My husband was recently told he would be moving into a new position at his company along with another person they hired from outside. A week or two later they backtracked and said it was a no-go based on the company’s budget. Luckily my husband still had his job at the company but I thought about the other person and felt like that would have been awful. It just really sucks.

    • Anonymous :

      A very long time ago, I went to a job interview and the interviewer told me I got the job and to start the following week. I showed up to work on day 1 and they told me there was a mix up and thought I was someone else. They apologized for wasting my time and I left.

      • That is so horrible. I cannot imagine.

      • First summer after law school I interviewed for a research job with a prof. His assistant called me to tell me I was hired. Then later that same evening, she called me back because apparently the prof had gotten me confused with the *other* short, curly-brown-haired, ambiguously-ethnic/non-Anglo woman who he’d interviewed and meant to make the job offer to!

        To his credit, he felt so bad that he essentially told the other profs hiring that summer that they all had to at least interview me bc he had really screwed up. And the prof I ended up working for was way better. But JEEZ.

      • This happened at the previous company I worked at. “John” shows up for his first day of work, and the owner says, “but where’s John?” We say, that is John. The owner says no, I meant the other guy, why did you hire this one? BUT, we never said anything and he stayed at the company a few years.

    • This is not common but it does happen: however it is a sign that they are a mess and do not have good process in place. I know it’s hard and I’m sure she feels devastated, but she should try to see this as a major bullet dodged situation. Because this is completely unprofessional and if they do things like this, they are probably a mess in other areas, too.

      • Also, for anyone else reading, this is why you should NEVER quit a job till you have an offer on paper in hand. And even then, a company could technically still pull this AFTER an offer letter is signed. It is horrible, but it does happen, so always be looking out for your own a$$.

        Ask a Manager has posted a couple of stories similar to this, if it makes your relative feel better to see she’s not the only one.

        • Sweet as Soda Pop :

          +1 offer letter signed and returned, pre-employment requirements complete and approved (background check, drug and alcohol) and notice from HR that you are cleared to start work on X date before giving notice at your current job.

          • Sometimes you don’t have the luxury … I got an offer letter before I had my background check and pre-employment requirements done at my current employment. It was too good an offer to pass up with a major player in the industry, but they wanted to start in two weeks. Yikes!

        • Wannabe Runner :


    • When I was looking for my first job post grad school, I got a job with a large international company (aced the multiple interviews and the tests), and even had a start date. All I was waiting for was the official paperwork — that never came because instead of the paperwork, I got a phone call saying, “Oops, we weren’t supposed to offer you the job because, turns out, we’re in the midst of a hiring freeze with no end date. So sorry. ” It really hurt at the time, but it meant that I moved to the place I really wanted to be and took a totally different course in life. *hugs* to your relative. It really sucks.

    • Yes, this has happened to me a couple of times. And not after an on the spot acceptance. Some employers just plain suck, to put it bluntly.

    • Yay! Open Thread’s! I love open thread’s!

      As for the OP, yes, big companie’s and big firm’s and even the goverment back track’s on their job offer’s. It really SUK’S but it hapens. This hapened to Ed’s cousin. He was offered a big job in some company and after he told everyone at his old job to go stuff it, they called him and said they did NOT have a bugget for him at the salary HE wanted, but they would hire him at about $20,000 less. Since he had BURNED his briges at his current job, he had to take it, and this was YEAR’s ago when $20,000 was alot more money then it is now. I think Ed says he was goeing to make $80,000 and onley wound up takeing $60,000 b/c of the screw-up.

      So the word for your relative is, DONT BURN YOUR BRIDGES, and be carful not to be to hasty. In my firm, everyone knows what we are all makeing b/c Frank practicaly POST’s our salarie’s — he is workeing now on our W2s b/c Dad told him he was waiting to give it to the acountant that work’s up all of our INCOME 1040’s for our taxe’s. Frank say’s I am lucky this year b/c I do NOT have a partnership tax issue, but next year I will. FOOEY! I do NOT mind payeing taxes, but I can NOT stand to have to sign all of these paper’s dad and other’s keep throweing at me. Everything from my COOP Board to Dad, to Frank with the Partnership, and even the manageing partner, who is getting me my OWN AMEX BLACK CARD! YAY!!!!!

      I think the new Guy might have had Lynn stay over last night, b/c Frank says Lynn is wearing the same dress as yesterday. I did NOT see her clotheing yesterday, but those 2 have been smileing at each other all day and went out for lunch together. At least Mason is not stareing at me today. YAY!!!!

      I am goeing to a Museum with Myrna tomorow. I hope it is not to cold out b/c I need to get step’s in on my fitbit and dad does not know if I am walkeing inside or outside. If we go to the Natural History museum on the west side we can see stuffed animal’s and fishe’s and then go out for deli! YAY!

      • I cannot understand why anyone would waste time writing this drivel. I come on here to write about a real issue and you trivialize it by writing this crap.

        Thank you to everyone who responded with REAL experiences.

        • Apparently offer rescission is a common practice in the lives of fictional characters as well. So to answer your original question, yes, this does happen.

          It happened to us, my spouse’s transfer got yanked after I had already locked up a job in a new city.

          • Yes, do take a chill pill, girl! Ellen is great! RAWRRRR! We feel bad for your situation, but Ellen adds color to the thread.

        • FLEECE TIGHTS!! :


        • Ellen is a troll who writes stupid crap like this just to get people to respond. Don’t take it personally. :o(

        • ELLEN is our resident troll. Just ignore her/him/it.

          • Ellen is the main reason I read Corporette every day. If you have a problem, just don’t read her posts. Otherwise, FOOEY on you for saying nasty things about her. FOOEY!

        • Honey, Ellen did answer your question (i.e.,don’t burn your bridges). So relax, it’s the weekend!

          • I also agree that this was the gem to take from that, “real” response or not, it is damned good advice.


      that happened to a friend of mine once and it sucked so bad especially since it was close to the holidays I literally did not know how to help so i went to walgreens and you can guess what happened next

      • Anonymous :

        This dam* troll has posted how many times and ELLEN is who you get upset at?

        • Wannabe Runner :

          +1. Kat, can we do something about fleece tights from Walgreens person?

  7. Equity's Darling :

    What is your favourite weekend relaxing activity?

    I’m looking for new ideas, so far sleep is the front runner.

    • Knitting, but I live a quiet life.

    • A Nonny Moose :

      Reading. I used to read for pleasure very frequently, but stopped during law school. I’ve since started again and just love it.

      • backgrounder :


      • Sydney Bristow :

        Me too.

      • Me too. I decided I didn’t want to be someone who doesn’t read. That’s not me.

      • +a million. Signed up for a library card and it has been amazing.

        • +1 for reading and +1 for signing up for a library card! A great way to save money.

          • backgrounder :

            Yessss! I was a stalwart book buyer for my Kindle. Got a city library card and now I have access to Kindle books from the library. Gamechanger, seriously. :)

          • Sydney Bristow :

            Yes! Library ebooks are fantastic!

          • Library cards often get you movies too. And music, in addition to books.

          • I used to buy ebooks but since October have been reading ebooks borrowed through two libraries I have cards for. Saved a fortune. It works so well and they have newly published books and a generally great selection. Two different library cards helps since they have different ebook collections and each limits the number you can check out. Between the two, I can read to my heart’s content. In California, if you have a drivers license you can get a library card from any city in California regardless of where you live. Some libraries have wider e-collections than others.

          • Coach Laura :

            I love getting free eBooks from my library for my kindle. Like SoCalGal I have two cards – one for my suburb and one for the city where I work. Between the two, I haven’t paid for a book in a few months.

      • Anon4This :

        Reading x1000. My Kindle Paperwhite was the best purchase I made last year. It’s so wonderful to never be without a book.

    • Mary Ann Singleton :

      Cooking. And,of course, followed by eating.

      • Anonattorney :

        +1. Last weekend I went on a cooking binge. I love cooking complicated and time-consuming things on the weekend.

    • amelia earhart :

      Yoga! Also crocheting and cooking.

    • Clementine :

      I enjoy being outside and going for lovely long runs, but in the winter I love going to the gym and hopping on a cardio machine while watching totally mindless television. We don’t have cable at home and they do at the gym and it’s one of the ways I just go and relax and spend 30 minutes or an hour watching a show on home decorating or celebrity style.

    • I like food shopping late on Friday or Saturday night, when the crowds have left, but the store is restocked, and I have the aisles to myself. But then again, DH and I joke that our favorite date is going to Home Depot.

    • sleeping and watching movies … i don’t recommend them, i really need to get more of a life.

    • Turning off the alarm clock and being able to wake up when I feel completely rested. Sitting on the couch and getting lost in a good book. If the weather is nice, I like to spend time outside on the deck or take my kitty for a walk.

    • Exercise really helps me relax. I go to the gym on Saturdays. Walk on my treadmill on Sundays. And I read on the treadmill so two birds with one stone. And I cook, which I also enjoy. Picking up my knitting again.

    • cabin in the woods :

      Cross-country skiing about 10 miles to a cabin in the woods and spending one or two nights there drinking and playing cards with my friends by a wood stove, with occasional excursions outside to ski some more. Those are my favorite weekends.

      • That’s my fantasy weekend right there. I’m going skiing (downhill) this weekend and can’t wait.

    • Riding my horse! Not quite as much fun this time of year when freezing, but still peaceful, relaxing and makes the hard work during the week worth it (no job, no horse).

      • SoCalAtty :

        ME TOO! Yay ponies. We jumped a few jumps at 3′ for the first time last weekend, and it was too fun and not nearly as big of a deal as it was in my head.

      • Mary Ann Singleton :

        Me too! Preparing for our second show of the year so I’ll be spending lots of time out there this weekend.

    • Sleep is #1. Also reading, watching TV/movies, playing games on iPad. I don’t find exercise relaxing at all, I wish I did.

    • With three little kids and a husband the works odd hours, I really feel relaxed when we are all together and out walking around at the zoo or the gardens in our city. I also really like painting or coloring with my kids. It’s fairly mindless for me and keeps everyone busy for a while.

      Non-kid related, my favorite weekend activities are long hikes (especially while camping–we still go hiking with the kids, but can’t go as long since the 5 year old is too heavy to carry in a pack but too small to hike a long way yet), and sitting around watching trashy TV with good food.

    • anon in tejas :

      taking my dogs to the dog park. it’s obviously a lot of fun for them, but I am so surprised at how much I enjoy seeing them play and run around and be happy. Plus all the other doggies to watch and pet.

      playing soccer. I play on a women’s rec team. we are at varying levels of fitness, but when I have games (about 8 in the fall/spring), I am always amazed at how much I enjoy it.

      also love cooking, baking, eating at new restaurants

    • Nothing. Doing nothing is my most desired weekend activity. Its such a treat to wake up and have absolutely nothing to do; nothing due at work, nothing that needs to be done because you have done everything already and ahead of time (and its perfect so no revisions), nothing to do at home, nothing to wash, nothing to clean, no kids to watch…just nothing. Of course I’m dreaming because I never ever have nothing to do.

    • Law Firm Recruiter :

      Riding my horse! Also love cooking and reading.

    • ex enviro :

      Tennis, thrift shopping, sewing. Sewing is something I look forward to all week because I love doing it so much. It is both relaxing and stressful, though. Every project is inevitably complicated in some unpredictable and infuriating way, but I get a great sense of accomplishment from flexing my problem-solving skills in a non-work context. It’s relaxing in the long run. I used to crochet until I realize that I only have use for so many hats and I lack the patience and dedication needed to count stitches/follow patterns to make anything else.

      • Wannabe Runner :

        This. I absolutely love sewing blankets for friends’ babies or table linens to give as wedding presents to friends. I love the sense of accomplishment and admiring my own finished work. Plus it impresses the crap out of people at showers. (Hearing, “You made that??! Like, from scratch??” from friends is really fun. I know that makes me sound like kind of a show-off. They all have other wonderful strengths, like exercise, or good looks, but I’m better than them at sewing.)


      personally is like to go to drug stores and see what kind of new hosiery is in stock but that’s just me

    • ExcelNinja :

      +a billion to sleeping in. I sleep until 8 or 8:30 usually and then hang around in bed for another hour or so just being lazy and catching up on the internet, or reading a book.

      – long hike or bike ride with DH
      – taking my time cooking dinners
      – writing a blog post
      – wine (I don’t drink during the week)
      – organizational projects like sorting through my photos
      – “window shopping” online

    • Senior Attorney :

      I signed up for a CSA box a few weeks ago so I’ve been doing a lot of vegetarian/vegan cooking on the weekends. Yesterday I made a really good root vegetable soup and today I am planning on a spinach frittata.

      I’ve also gotten interested in high school basketball games, of all things. My trainer is the coach of the local team and the games are ridiculously entertaining. A group of us from the gym likes to go to the Friday night game and then out for apps and drinks and it’s a great start to the weekend.

      And sleeping, of course.

  8. I need to sign an offer letter for a job I accepted, but it doesn’t reflect the negotiated salary. Would you just scratch out the initial offer and write in negotiated salary, (which was done over phone and confirmed via separate email) or ask for a revised letter? Haven’t done this in a while!

    • A Nonny Moose :

      I would definitely ask for a revised letter. I would email your POC and say “I think there is a mistake, we agreed to $X and my form says $Y.” Congratulations!

      • Anonymous :

        +1 and I would attach the email where the negotiated salary was confirmed

    • I would also ask for a revised letter. I once refused to sign my annual contract because it did not reflect a promotion. I didn’t want anyone to ever question my years in rank by looking back at that incorrect contract.

  9. Yay! My friend and I finally got to talk about our trip to Europe. She originally wanted to go this spring (I didn’t) but neither of us did anything. We talked last night and agreed that we’ll go in the fall. I’m so excited! Definitely Vienna (it’s the 30th anniversary of our junior year abroad) and Salzburg. If we end up in Salzburg, we may fly home from Munich. Neither of us has ever been there and it’s the closest big city. Also considering Prague. She went there on a school trip while we were in Vienna. I didn’t get to go because I had acute tonsilitis. Of course, it was behind the Iron Curtain then. I’ve heard it’s beautiful. Any thoughts? We’re just starting to plan.

    • amelia earhart :

      Prague is beautiful. If you were thinking of flying from Vienna to Prague, I highly recommend taking the train instead. It’s not a long trip but the countryside is gorgeous.

      • Oh, no. No flights within Europe. We were going to fly into Vienna and out of Munich, but otherwise trains.

      • Yes, it’s a really lovely train ride. And Prague should be nice that time of year, don’t recommend it in the summer, too crowded.

    • amberwitch :

      Munich is lovely. Great food, nice city.
      Prague has changed a lot since the wall fell.

      • How had it changed?

        • Equity's Darling :

          Prague was so so amazing, I absolutely loved it- it’s so vibrant and energetic and youthful, and it’s undeniably cool, but it’s like no one in the city knows how cool they are, which makes them even COOLER.

          It is gorgeous, the lennon wall was very memorable, the Kafka museum was certainly an experience, I loved the castle/gardens, and all the museums (veletrzni palace especially), and the Charles bridge, and I saw the nutcracker ballet, it was just so memorable and amazing. And the food was great- a surprising number of vegetarian restaurants, and these delicious pastry things called Trdelnik’s? Yummy.

          I love Prague.

    • SALZBURG!!! and do the Sound of Music tour!!! You get to see the Gazebo and when I was 7 I danced around it singing You Are Sixteen. you should DO THAT.

      • Equity's Darling :

        Hahaha, I did the tour also, and skipped down the long tree-lined lane that they run down…..It was awesome

        • The Sound of Music tour is the bomb and anyone who says differently hates puppies and kittens. ;-)

          I actually loved Salzburg. I went back to a couple of the places on the SofM tour again just to see more of it. Plus downtown Salzburg is lovely.

          Prague is okay – I thought it was too crowded and felt like Eastern European Disney. If I were picking a fourth city in that area, I’d go with Budapest.

          Munich is gorgeous – though it is best if you enjoy beer. Since beer is not my thing, it was slightly less awesome. But the huge public park/garden in the middle of the city is AMAZING.

          • Or Krakow, another slightly smaller / quieter Eastern European city. Relatively easy plane ride from Prague. I lived therefor a few year and loved it.

          • My sister in law actually works on the sound of music tour. Every time I see you ladies praise it I have to suppress the urge to send her the link.

          • Kraków is really gorgeous and not so far away. Plus mountains on the way, if you enjoy hiking/skiing.

      • Oh yeah, ha ha, no. Been there. Didn’t do the tour. But also, because it was COLD. Like early December, cold radiating up through the cobblestones to your feet friggin’ cold. There was no skipping down tree-lined lanes. We were too busy shopping at the Christmas Market and drinking mulled wine.

        • Equity's Darling :

          I was also there during Christmas Market season! The snow on the ground did not stop me, but I was very dedicated to skipping down the lane. The people on my tour probably thought I was nuts. Whatever, I win all the meories.

      • Europelover :

        I’m so jealous! I studied abroad for a year in Salzburg and also spent a year living in Germany while completing a Fulbright.

        Traveling between Salzburg and Munich (or anywhere within Bavaria) is inexpensive with the train if you buy a Bavaria Ticket (Bayern Ticket). The Bavaria ticket allows up to 5 people to travel on any given day within Bavaria for approx. 30 Euro total (ie. you and your friend could get from Salzburg to Munich with this and you could also take day trips to places like Nuremberg (which I highly recommend for the Nuremberg trial museum!).

        I, personally, would skip the Sound of Music Tour unless because you’ll see pretty much everything on the tour just by exploring on your own. The tour may only be worth it if you are pressed for time.

        Here are some Salzburg recommendations:

        1. Cafe Tomaselli – a good place to go for apfel strudel (apple strudel) or other pastries and a nice cup of coffee.

        2. Augustinerbrau (on Lindenstrasse) – a traditional Austrian/ German beer garden. There are some food options within the beer hall, but mostly things like pretzels not full meals.

        3. Bosna Stand (Getreidegasse 33 – Geitreidegasse is the main street that runs in front of Mozarts Birthhouse. 33 is the entrance to a little alleyway and if you go down the alleyway there is a Bosna stand). Bosnas are these incredible seasoned sausages – whenever I run into people who have been to Salzburg they often ask if I ever tried the Bosna stand. They are also incredibly cheap – 3 Euros or less.

        4. Schloss Hellbrunn – This is a castle on the outskirts of Salzburg. There is a bus you can take or it would be a short bike ride or taxi ride away). The castle grounds are gorgeous and the main attraction is the “Wasserspiel” which is an entire garden filled with unique water features (that may or may not be open when you go in the fall). The gazebo from the Sound of Music is also located in the gardens here (but it was gifted to the city by the movie crew and is not an authentic fixture).

        5. Kapuzinerberg – this is the “mountain” on the Neustadt side of the river (Salzburg is divided by the Salzach river into Altstadt (“old city”) and Neustadt (“new city”). Climbing the stairs up the mountain leads to some incredible views of the city and the Festung (Fortress/castle that sits atop the Monchsberg). There are two sides that you can climb up – one is off Linzergasse (a main strip in Neustadt) and is a windy climb/road without so many stairs. The other is off Steingasse and the stairs are directly next to the house where the man who wrote Silent Night was born. There is just a sign that indicates his birthplace, no attraction.

        6. St. Peter Stiftskeller is a delicious restaurant for some typical Austrian fare – it is not expensive, but definitely pricier than Bosnas. You would pass the restaurant when hiking down the Monchsberg from the Festung(Fortress). It’s within the plaza where St. Peter’s Bezirk (church) and Petersfriedhof (Cemetery) is located.

        7. If you have time I recommend getting tickets for a Marrionettentheater (marionette theater) performance. Salzburg’s symphony is also quite good and there are many other performances through the Mozarteum (school of music).

        • Europelover :

          Prague is gorgeous. I also highly recommend Budapest – especially the thermal baths for some R&R!

          • A second recommendation for Budapest! I visited both Budapest and Prague (actually, studied in Budapest for a while) and it is a much nicer city – less touristy, more history, and those baths… aaah!

          • I second Budapest as well – did a trip there & to Prague in the early fall & found Prague completely overrun with tourists. It was a really pretty place & I think it would have been lovely at some other time of the year (not sure when) but it was so crowded that I didn’t enjoy it. Absolutely loved Budapest – this was in 2011 & at that time it seemed relatively undiscovered, especially as compared to Prague. Also – just a travel tip, I wouldn’t rule out taking flights in Europe (depending on how far you’re going) instead of the train – with all the cheap airlines there, if you travel light you can really cut down on travel time for about the same cost.

        • I’ve been to Salzburg so I knew some of this, but these are great recommendations! I spent just a few days there so many years ago. I loved it so much, I cried when we left.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Yes! I was there when I was, in fact, 16. I have a photo of myself doing this: http://www.reelclassics.com/Musicals/SoundMusic/images9/som_doadeer_statues.jpg


      there is no walgreens out there so pack accordingly just a word to the wise have fun and safe travels

    • In visiting cities in Europe, I’ve found that you need about 3 days in each to really see it. And that mostly means checking off the major attractions. Also, remember that Oktoberfest is in the fall (ends first Sunday in October) and Munchen can be expensive at that point. But totally worth going to once. If you want to be in a tent without a reservation, go at lunch. Buy a dirndl. Every girl looks great in one. So much fun. I preferred Budapest to Prague. I couldn’t find amazing food in either city. Great pastry place in Budapest.

  10. 30 Weeks and Needing to Snap Out of It :

    Feel free to skip if you aren’t in the mood for a pregnancy post, or for a pity party. Can anyone give me some reassurance? I am 30 weeks pg and feeling so fat and down this week. I haven’t gained an outrageous amount of weight – about 25/30 lbs so far – but I have put on extra weight in my b*tt and thighs, which is getting me really down. I keep thinking that the major weight gain is still to come. I also feel vain and awful about feeling this way because someone very close to me just had a miscarriage last week and is understandably devastated (and I am devastated for her). I am so happy to be pregnant and very grateful that I and the baby are healthy, but I just can’t shake the blues the past few days.

    Can someone give me a virtual slap across the face and tell me to snap out of it?

    • Anonymous :

      I think you’re entitled to feel this way. Your body is changing and you are obviously going to notice that. Just try and remember its for good cause and keep your gripes to internet strangers/your husband/etc so as to not inadvertently offend anyone who is trying to get pregnant and understandably sensitive about the whole topic.

    • The weight will come off. Don’t look at photos of celebrities (including the Duchess) 1 month or whatever postpartum. Or even when they’re pregnant. One woman in 1,000 looks like that. The rest of us get pudgy and have weird-shaped baby-bumps (not those perfect little round beach balls that the celebrities have). Also, don’t look at models in maternity clothes. Those models aren’t pregnant. They’re models who are wearing baby bump padding but not the [email protected]@b, b*tt, thigh, upper arm, face padding that comes with real pregnancy. Also, if it’s any consolation, I’m just about where you are (29.5 weeks) and have gained ~60 lbs with my twins. Your body was designed to protect your baby even if there was a famine. Once your baby is born, your body will shed a lot of the weight (over a period of time) just because it’s not hanging onto calories for the baby.

    • Anonymous :

      I can commiserate. I feel the same way, except 8 weeks fatter and grosser! I’ve sort of stopped caring at this point, but I definitely walk around sighing and muttering to myself about how uncomfortable I feel.

      I will say that I gained most of my weight in the second trimester (25/30 lbs) and then it really leveled off for the past few weeks or so. I’ve only gained ~1.5 lbs in the last 8 weeks.

      • Same here. More than 1.5 pounds, but it definitely slowed. Take heart. It’s come off easily with me, although I know that’s not true with everyone.

    • It’s all for the baby. I gained a lot more weight for my bigger baby than I did for my smaller baby. I was wondering about my weight gain as I outgrew all my maternity clothes, but it turned out he was just a big baby and I assume he needed all that support from my body. My weight gain was also in spurts, which I assume coincided with the baby’s growth spurts.

    • I definitely think you’re entitled to feel blah, but I really really appreciate that you’re being sensitive to your friend who miscarried. I’ve been there before and it’s awful. You’re a good friend. And I imagine it probably doesn’t make you feel better about your body but people will definitely remember you being a good friend so much more than they will remember you looking big during your pregnancy.

      • +1 You’re being a good friend by not complaining about the pregnancy around your friend.

    • If it helps I gained about 22lbs when I was pregnant and carried just like Duchess Kate. Why? Because like her I also had hypermesis gravidum. I was throwing up multiple times a day until a month before I gave birth. I was so depressed, tired and miserable. It was like having a 9-month bout of the flu basically. I wanted to kill everyone who congratulated me for ‘keeping the weight gain down’ and ‘looking great’. I would have been much much happier able to eat normally and gain more weight. Try to enjoy your pregnancy – your body is doing what it needs for the baby.

      • Yet another example of everyone assuming that thinner is better, and chirping away about it when they have no idea of the circumstances. I’ve also heard horror stories about cancer patients getting jealous comments about being so small, let alone those with depression or eating disorders.

        • SoCalAtty :

          I got those at one point right after I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. During that time, we went on a trip to Italy…and, honestly, I DO look really good, looking back at the pictures. It’s horrible to say that, but weight is a huge struggle for me when I’m well, so now I have this weird conflicted thing about those pictures. They look good, but I’m so sick. I would have be a lot happier if I could have actually kept the food in my system for more than 5 minutes. Getting all of those compliments when you look like that and then gaining the weight back after getting it under control…not good for body image…

    • I won’t slap you across the face, but I will give you a virtual hug and tell you to give yourself a break and just try to enjoy the fun parts of pregnancy for now (the baby kicks! Oh, the best.). You’ll miss that stuff later, whereas the weight will eventually go away. For what it’s worth, I am much happier with my (thinner) post-baby-body than I was with my pre-baby body.

    • Anonymous :

      Congrats on letting your body do what it needs to do for your baby!

      I gained a lot of weight with my last pregnancy and then the baby came early (I was just a little bit further along than you are now). I remember looking at his scrawny body and being thankful for every single ounce of fat I managed to pass along to him while he was in me.

    • I’m 38 weeks and have gained about 40lbs, and I think I was about where you were at that point. However, my weight gain up until then was a lot of thigh & rear end, whereas most of it since then has been all belly, so it hasn’t felt as drastic.

    • Hugs and commiseration. I’m only 25 weeks and still have lots of gaining ahead of me, but have already struggled with the changing shape. I expected the belly but not the gaining in the hips-butt-thighs trifecta. It’s unnerving that my body isn’t just for me now. It helps to remember it’s temporary, my baby is worth it, and frankly, doing something nice for my changing body helps (rubbing oil on my belly and other expanding areas, wearing clothes that fit me and make me feel good in some way).

  11. Can anyone recommend any good books on home buying? I’m a total novice and don’t even know where to start! Thanks!

    • Anonymous :

      Check if your local real estate firms have first-time homebuyer classes. They’ll be able to give you good tips and information on your local real estate market.

      • I’m signed up to take a Redfin class but I’d also like some books to read.

      • +1 My realtor’s office is doing something like that this weekend. You can also set up an appointment with a realtor to get more information. It is good to understand the market where you want to buy.

        I don’t know any specific books, but you may want to check out a site like realtor dot com. They might have resources or links for first-time buyers.

        The biggest factor for us in buying a new home was the monthly payment. We wanted it to be within a certain range, so we made sure to have all the financial details in place before we started looking.

        Some other things to consider:

        – school districts
        – how much a property taxes
        – do you want a newer home or are you okay with paying less and doing fix-its on your own?
        – how much will homeowners insurance be?

    • Home Buying for Dummies contains a lot of good information and was well written.

    • Anonymous :

      I bought my 1st home last year and out of all the books, workshop materials, and websites i had, I kept going back to Homebuying for dummies. Bit embarrassed to admit it

    • Carrie Preston :

      I would find out who the top agents are in your market and talk to few. Home buying advice will vary a lot depending on where you are and how you approach it in a hot market will be quite different than in an area with a lot of inventory. There are some things that will vary less, like qualifying for a loan, but even that can be market dependent. For example in SF certain banks will finance TIC’s (typically more local ones) and others won’t and local agents can help connect you to the right ones.

  12. Chicago neighborhoods? :

    I’ve lived in Chicago for ten years, and I’ve lived all over the city (East Lakeview, Wicker Park, Roscoe Village, Lincoln Park, and now Ravenswood). I feel like I’ve lived here so long that I’m blind to other possibilities. I’m sick of Ravenswood because you have to drive to everything and it’s dead at night (rent is very cheap, though). I’m considering moving closer to downtown. Budget is $1700 for a 1 BR, and in-unit w/d is a must. I have a car, but I could get rid of it if I moved to a walkable neighborhood.

    Any recommendations for buildings/neighborhoods? I’m thinking either Old Town or the West Loop, but Old Town seems overpriced and the West Loop is a bit of a ghost town at night. Thoughts?

    • South loop! You could definitely get a 1 bed at that price in the South Loop. There is tons to do – lots of restaurants, grocery stores, shops, etc. It isn’t as lively at night as Old Town (lived there too and LOVED it, but it’s so expensive). However, it’s only about a $10 cab ride to River North or a 10 minute L ride. Also, if you work in the loop, the commute is so easy.

    • Anon. associate :

      River North. I lived there for 5 years before recently moving out-of-state, and LOVED the walkability to work, hip restaurants, fun bars, shopping, etc. It’s also close to public transit and close (enough) to the Lake. The vibe is very yuppie–lots of mid-2os to mid-3os singles and couples, mostly without kids. I got rid of my car when I moved there, which was awesome. $1700 might be a bit low ($2k would be easier), but I think definitely doable.

      • You can live just west of River North – think like Chicago brown line stop – for around $1700. There’s not as many bars like RIGHT there (though there are a few), but it’s great because it’s convenient to both River North and West Loop.

  13. Headhunter for finance? :

    Hi guys – anyone here work in finance and can give me tips on how to look for and work with headhunters? Due to a variety of reasons, I’m not happy where I am and want to look for an opportunity elsewhere. To give you some background: I’m 4 yrs out of school, currently an associate in the S&T department at a major bank, in a strategy/research role. Ideally, I’d like to move to a similar position at another bulge bracket bank, or onto the buyside. I’ve been approached by headhunters before, though none in the past year. Unfortunately, I haven’t kept any of their contact details. How do I go about looking for headhunters, what kind of things should I be prepared to discuss with them, and anyone care to share their experiences working with a headhunter?

    Thanks in advance!

    • I would reach out to Glocap. If they can’t help you, “page me” and I can send you my business school’s secret annotated headhunter spreadsheet.

      • Headhunter for finance? :

        Thanks MJ! I will reach out to Glocap…how do I “page” you?

  14. goin' to california... :

    So I got into my dream graduate school. YAY!

    Which of course brings me to the important question of, what on earth do I wear? /g/

    I’ve been accepted into a top-tier professional degree program in the Bay Area, and my industry is pretty formal- suits most days, and some places insist on skirts and nylons. Obviously, grad school will not be near this formal, but I’m still at a loss as for what to wear. Any advice would be appreciated.

    Complicating matters is that I live on the other side of the planet from CA, so I’ll be limited in what I can bring with me, as well as my budget, especially when it comes to bulky things like coats and boots. Would it make more sense to buy them and bring them (clothes are cheap here), or wait until I’m in the States and try my luck thrifting?


    • AnonInfinity :

      My industry has a dress code similar to the one you stated (law). I would not recommend wearing anything more formal than jeans or cute skirts unless that’s how you just like to dress. There were people who came every day in yoga pants (which I also don’t recommend). Most everyone was in jeans and t-shirts or jeans and a cute sweater. Just normal casual clothes like you’d wear on a weekend when going to dinner or something similar with girlfriends.

    • Kontraktor :

      For school, just wear nice casual clothes like normal. The bay area is ridiculously weird and informal as far as clothing/appearance goes, so honestly nobody especially in a school environment will likely care what you wear so long as you look clean and groomed. Even in formal industry, things seem less formal. I had an interview at a major bank for a strategy consultancy position in down town financial district, and even those people weren’t really dressed in 100% traditional suits, the women weren’t wearing nylons, etc.

    • CA lawyer :

      The Bay Area is very casual. While they might exist, I can’t think of any restaurants where you’d be out of place in something like nice jeans and a pretty shirt. That said, if you have suits, bring a couple in case you get an exciting opportunity that requires one (which might happen if you’re in law school). A nice dress would also be helpful to have just in case. The temperature swing from day to night and from one part of the Bay Area to another is bigger than in most of the U.S., so bring layers.

      The ease of thrifting depends on where you are–lots of options in Berkeley, but the options aren’t so great in Palo Alto.

    • Coats? Boots?!? Leave those at home! You need a Fall-weight coat or heavy jacket from the East Coast/Northern Europe, for the winter, on a regular winter (ie not this year or last), and you need some closed shoes for the winter maybe, if you’re not comfortable in sandals all the time. But forget your real winter clothes. You need a few light sweaters, cardigans if possible, and you can use a lot of scarves. Wind-resistant jackets are best. That’s it. On the other hand, you won’t have that much use for real summer wear either if you live in SF :-), you can skip shorts entirely for instance, and you need a summer jacket (and a scarf) for the foggy summer evenings. Formality in general is much less than anywhere else except possibly Australia.

      • Must disagree about the summer wear, since the Bay is more than SF … it can get really hot all over the place, from Napa to Oakland to Palo Alto and especially San Jose in the summer.


    PSA for the hive. Dresses for $150 and less.


  16. Olivia Pope :

    Any recommendations for a week in Phoenix? I have only ever been in the airport. DH has a conference in February and I’m tagging along.

    My only true hobby is eating, so restaurant recommendations are a plus.

    • Anonymous :

      Will you have a car? Drive up to Sedona. It is a must-do if you’ve never been to Arizona again. Sedona literally took my breathe away (like you know when you’re actually in awe a few times in your life?). It’s only 1.5 hrs from Pheonix I think.

    • Math Chick :

      The WSJ did a thing on a long weekend in PHX last weekend or the weekend before? Maybe someone can dig it up for you?

      My recommendation would be to drive to Tucson and to St. Xavier del Bac and try to loop in the saugauro cactus forest. Mentally I can’t recommend driving north of anywhere with how cold it is today.

      Also: Tee Pee Tap Room in PHX if you like to eat.

    • Anonattorney :

      I weirdly really really like Phoenix in the winter, because it’s sunny and warm. Scottsdale is very pleasant and is essentially the Beverly Hills of Phoenix. I would recommend trying to stay there, if you can. Also, if you golf, the golf is amazing. There are a million courses and almost all are very beautiful. I’ve only ever eaten at some of the hotel restaurants, but they’ve been really good. There are a couple good ones at the Fairmont Scottsdale Princess — La Hacienda and Bourbon Steak.

      It’s weird down there, and very cookie cutter because all the buildings look the same (and a lot of the people look the same), but if you just embrace it it’s actually kind of great. For a week. And then you’ll want to GTFO.

      • Math Chick :

        If you go down Central to the downtown, there’s a lot of really neat “Old Phoenix” stuff and some historic neighborhoods by the Heard / Library area. I thought they were amazing and in my dreams I live b/w the Heard and downtown. Very not like the rest of PHX, but awesome. All of my escape fantasies are based there. There is just so much sky.

        Also: Arizona Biltmore, all of the Frank Lloyd Wright stuff, not sure if it is time yet for the Cactus League, but that, too.

        If you care: there are some casinos b/w Phoenix and Scottsdale.

        Mailee’s on Main (Scottsdale and strip mall in far north Phoenix) had great Pad Thai.

    • How exciting! I grew up there & miss the weather so much! Depends on where you are staying. I’m most familiar with the Camelback / Arcadia / Biltmore area (pretty much where Phx / Scottsdale overlap).


      Postinos (old post office converted into a wine bar). They have great wine selection and amazing brushetta boards where you can pick various types.

      Lons at Hermosa Inn. My absolute favorite restaurants ($$$$). Also an original adobe.

      Biltmore & Phoenician Resorts (Biltmore is Frank Loyd Wright and the houses in the resort are huge and awesome to look at; Phoenician has great views and would be a great place for a cocktail at sunset). Sanctuary is also a good place for a cocktail / views.

      Barrio Cafe. Amazing Mexican Food. TeePee would also be cool (where Prez Bush went when he was in town).

      – Camelback Inn Spa (great R Bar there too for cocktails, outdoor fireplaces, etc) and famous spa; close to El Chorro lounge (free cinnamon buns & kind of a phoenix staple).

      – T Cooks at Royal Palms — The resort itself is beautiful and T Cooks is fantastic food.


      – Old Town Scottsdale – very walkable, cool galleries, shops, bars, etc. The Coach House is in this area and is one of my favorite bars. (very low key but popular spot). This part of Scottsdale is less “Snobsdale” than North Scottsdale (which in my opinion is “newer” so you get the cookie-cutter, not as nice things all over the place). Unless you are staying up there, I wouldn’t make the trek (plus, that’s where you run into a lot of freeway traffic).

      – Hike Camelback mountain. Great workout, take advantage of the weather & amazing views of the valley. Bring Water!

      – Golf anywhere

      – Take Vinyasa Flow Yoga with Beri at the Village. I haven’t found a yoga teacher I like as much as her — and I’ve tried. Hard. Then spend the day laying out by their pool, going to their spa, playing tennis, etc.

      – If you want to go to a mall I’d suggest Biltmore or Scottsdale Fashion Square (though the Biltmore is outdoors and is pet friendly).

      I would not suggest driving to Tucson — it’ about 90 minutes but I don’t think it’s worth it. If you did take a trip, I’d head up north to Sedona area; maybe visit Whiskey Row up in Prescott; Flagstaff is also very cool (and you can ski for the day as well!); this puts you really close to the grand canyon as well.

  17. Anonymous :

    Lawyer ladies, what time are you expected to work until on Fridays (on average) ?

    • Generally 6:30 but no one looks askance if you sometimes leave at 6:00. I would say the minimum departure time during the week is also 6:30, but leaving at 6:00 would be frowned on.

    • Equity's Darling :

      4/5 or so. But I usually end up staying however long it takes to avoid being in on the weekend. I value weekends more than Friday evenings.

      • Woods-comma-Elle :

        This is me, too. I would rather stay late on a Friday than do work over the weekend. If it’s quiet, the place starts to empty out around 4/5, if it’s not quiet, it’s anyone’s guess!

    • At my firm, no one looks askance if you leave early on Friday afternoon, even as early as say 3pm, as long as your work is done, but that’s one of the bonuses of working in a biglaw satellite office. That being said, there are also plenty of Fridays where I’ve worked all day and night.

    • TO Lawyer :

      I usually try to get out early around 6 or so but that’s because I’m usually so drained by Fridays that I can barely function anymore.

    • SoCalAtty :

      In-house. Technically the office is open until 5:30, but I’m frequently gone by 4:30. When I was a a firm – 5:30.

    • Anonattorney :


  18. sleep bra :

    Does anyone have a recommendation for a sleep bra for 30D / 30DD / 32D range? I’m having a hard time finding a bra to fit that cup size that is wireless but not a high-impact sports bra.

    • Math Chick :

      Have you tried the Coobie?

      • sleep bra OP :

        Ooooooh… Thank you!

      • Anonymous :

        I’ m 38DD but find a Genie bra (as seen on TV) works well as a sleep bra. Definitely get them in stores rather than online. I got a two-pack at Target for much cheaper than those sold on the official site. No wires, and not enough support that I would wear them in public, but enough to wear at night.

    • Anonymous :

      Sleep bra? Why? Not trying to snark, just don’t understand the purpose/function. Especially if one’s chest isn’t that large. Or even if one’s chest is large.

      • sleep bra OP :

        I am more comfortable with a little support. Besides, after two pregnancies and almost 4 years of breastfeeding, the poor things can use all the help they can get.

      • Woods-comma-Elle :

        I can’t speak for the smaller of chest, but I would like to defend the sleep bra for those of larger chests. I’m a 34G (believe me, I wish I wasn’t) and no bra is just SO uncomfortable for me, no matter what the context and results in unnecessary pain and discomfort when trying to sleep. I used to wear a regular bra to bed and then realised that wasn’t great either as I would sleep on top of the wires and they would dig in, so I went without one altogether for a while and that was all kinds of fun (not!). The middle ground I found was a non-wired bra which does the job without the digging.

        As to the original question, I’ve found that department store brands (I get mine from Marks & Spencer, but probably Macy’s might do something similar on the other side of the pond) are pretty good, the ones that just come in boxes, as they are easy to clean in the machine and aren’t wired.

        • We have the same bra size, so let me recommend the Old Navy racerback shelf bra tank. I normally can’t do just a cami/shelf bra, but something about this one gives decent support. Super cheap and I wear them all weekend.

      • Anonymous :

        Once you reach a certain size, strange things happen. I’ve pulled and torn pecs, and need the extra support to prevent aggravating injuries.

    • lucy stone :

      I’m a 38DD and wear a Barely There Comfort Flex most of the time for sleeping. It gives me enough support that I don’t feel uncomfortable, but is also not noticeable or pinchy.

  19. Oh my goodness. I posted like 2 weeks ago about working with the WORST CLIENT EVER and holy cow they just keep pushing me over the edge. I’m so close to being done with them but this final stretch seems like the most painful. Love ending my Friday feeling immensely frustrated. Seriously they are unbearable and I’m disappointed in my own upper management for not putting their foot down.

    • Ugh, clients... :

      I also have one of these “WORST CLIENT EVER” who constantly argues with me about what laws apply to her case (based on her wikipedia research and consultations with lobbyists who are not lawyers) and makes me explain again and again what the arguments are. She also constantly says, “well that may be the law, but I FEEL…”

      But it gets better! I am in the office this weekend preparing to argue a motion on Monday in her totally hopeless case, AND my supervising attorney will be in court to evaluate my performance to see if they want to make me permanent here (right now I am considered a temporary employee). So I have a hopeless argument against a BigLaw lawyer (who has been practicing law since the year I was born) in a super complex case in which we don’t have a good argument, and my performance will directly affect whether I have a long term job or not.

      Even better, we offered to settle this about six weeks ago, the opponent got multiple continuances in order to consider our offer, then finally counteroffered on Friday night at 630pm with a fraction of what we asked for and I haven’t been able to reach my client to transmit the offer to her, and I know she is going to freak the f— out because of how low it is and possibly be unable to compose herself enough to put forward a counteroffer.

      And at 7:15 pm on Friday they served me with a reply brief as well.

      Living the dream.

  20. Recs for ny fertility clinics :

    I would appreciate any and all recommendations of (or warnings against) fertility clinics in nyc. In particular I was told to contact two doctors at Weill Cornell, but unfortunately neither takes insurance. There are others in their practice who take insurance, but I don’t know if they’re good or not. And preferably warm as well — the TTC process has been rough on DH and me. TIA!

    • I recommend Sher Institute! Really patient doctors who explain everything in great detail and are extremely accessible by email.

    • Fertility clinics :

      I did outside monitoring at RMA and had a good experience overall. My Dr was in another city, so I can’t speak to the warmth of their doctors, but in my brief interactions with them during ultrasounds they were all very pleasant. Their offices are also very convenient and efficient. I wanted somewhere I could get easily via subway.
      If you have a challenging case, I’ve heard Cornell is the place to go. You have to keep in mind that success is both the quality of your doctor and your lab. If you are unsure about the other drs there, try googling them. There are generally no shortage of ppl sharing their opinions on fertility boards.
      This is definitely a challenging time and I wish you the best of luck! I ended up having to go straight to ivf and was overwhelmed by the thought of all the hormones and injections, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as I had built it up to be.

    • A friend is using New Hope (after trying a cycle at Cornell) and really appreciates the approach. It may not be your thing, but they try to use fewer drugs. And they take a lot of insurance plans.

  21. Senior Attorney :

    Threadjack: I’ve been kind of blue this week over various (mostly divorce-related) issues, but today I got a real morale boost.

    My son the Marine is coming home in about a month after two years in Japan. The plan had been for him to spend a bit of time with me, then take a trip to San Francisco with his dad before starting his new assignment at a base about 90 miles from my home. Typical divorced-parents-splitting-time-with-the-kid stuff, like we’ve been doing for years.

    Well… his dad, my first husband, just called and said he and the Marine talked about it, and they’d like me to join them on the San Francisco trip! I’m so touched and excited and happy I don’t know what to do! (No romantic feelings re: Huband No. 1, I hasten to add, but it’s nice to be able to be friendly co-parents again without the nasty and insecure second husband making that kind of thing hard-to-impossible.) And my answer was a big YES!!

    Anybody else have any good news or happy moments to share on this lovely Friday afternoon?

    • Anon for this :

      Yayyyyy! Congratulations!!! That’s wonderful news. I have some pretty good news myself. I was the one who posted last week about talking to my husband about wanting to have kids. He had responded to my sort of joking comment that I was ready to start trying by saying that he wasn’t ready.

      Anyway, we talked, and I incorporated a lot of the suggestions from the ladies on this site, and we’re going to start trying in March! He actually is, in fact, ready, he just wanted to talk through some finances and other logistics. So, yay!!! TTC in T-2 months.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Wow! Big news! Congratulations and good luck!!

        • Anon for this :

          I should also say: Brava for your relationship with your first husband. And for your opportunity to spend some much-needed time with your son. Enjoy San Francisco!

    • SuperAnon :

      I got a nearly 15% raise today. I’m so excited and have already plotted out what I’m doing with that extra money every month.

      Enjoy San Francisco!

      • Senior Attorney :

        Wow! That is a nice raise! Good job giving the extra dollars a job to do instead of letting them just dribble out of the checking account every month!!

    • I won my school’s ABA client counseling competition this week, and I am going to regionals in a WARM state (which is super-exciting bc where I am is COLD). Yay!

    • saacnmama :

      That trip is so, so nice! It’s something I’m afraid to hope for with my son’s father, who cannot get the message that I want him to be involved with the boy, but have no interest in him (the father) myself. Maybe in another 10 years. Enjoy the time together!

      • Senior Attorney :

        Thanks! Believe me, this was a very long time coming. Divorced more than 20 years now. Apparently time does heal all wounds. Who knew?

    • I argued and won my first motion this week ! It was a smaller case, but a client that gives my team lots of work. I got them dismissed. Not bad for my third month as a licensed attorney!

  22. Ideal Bra Size :

    So this is kind of a strange question. I am planning on getting a breast reduction. When I went for my first consultation with the doctor he asked me what size I wanted to be. I had no idea how to answer. How do I figure this out? I can’t exactly walk up to women and say “hey, I really like your boobs. What size are you?” For reference I’m currently a 34H, 5’6 and 160 pounds (most of it in my chest), and a size 8/10 on bottom. I know there are other readers who have had this surgery so I would love your thoughts. Thanks!

    • I’m about your height and clothing size and am a comfortable 36D. I know plastic surgery office often have molds of different sizes. Perhaps you could ask if they have size examples for you to examine?

    • Joan Holloway :

      Based on stories I’ve heard from others, don’t trust your doctor to understand bra sizes. Anon’s idea of a sample molds sounds like a safer bet.

    • I am 5’6″ and (normally) 138 lbs or so. I was a small 34C pre-pregnancy and was happier when they got a little bigger to a 34D/DD. They are still growing but I would be happy if they stopped at this point.

      From a purely practical standpoint, at a 34 band size, cups up to DD are easy to find in any store. Bigger than that and you’re largely ordering online or going to a specialty store.

      I agree with the person who said not to trust your doctor to understand bra sizing (like most people, he probably thinks a 34D and a 36C are different cup sizes). If he has sample molds, that would be good. You could even figure out what size you think you want, go buy a full-coverage molded-cup bra in that size, and compare it to the molds.

    • Clementine :

      Sounds weird but think of it like fruits:

      For a 34 band, an A cup is roughly a lemon, a B is roughly an orange, a C is about a grapefruit (smallish one) and a D is somewhere between a grapefruit and a small cantaloupe.

      Think about your frame, but I am currently a full 34-DD nearly a 34-DDD/E and have some asymmetry issues and have been looking forward to a future reduction and lift. I’m hoping to be a 34-C at the end- enough to fill out shirts but also a significant weight reduction and something more comfortable for running/life in general.

    • How stable is your weight and are you contemplating kids in the future? My advice would be to err on the smaller side. I had one done at 18 (I’m 35). Shape-wise, they look good. However, my weight fluctuates a lot so they’ve grown some from the original version of 34c sized by my surgeon. If I lose a bunch of weight, they will shrink too, but not back that small. Also, my rib cage expanded about a band size during pregnancy a few years back, I am back to pre-pregnancy weight and I don’t think that additional weight loss is going to shrink it. Looking back, I probably would have asked to go smaller. YMMV. I don’t regret the surgery at all though.

    • Wannabe Runner :

      I’m a 38B and love the size of my girls. But it’s a weird size so it’s hard to find bras.

    • Two of my roommates have had this surgery. One was a college roommate, who did this her soph year, and another friend did it ~age 26. Both were about your size. Both chose to go down to a full C. Both have since gained weight–one, due to two pregnancies, the other just because it’s been 10 years and she works a lot. Anyway, both of them wish they had gone smaller because both of them gain weight in their br_asts. So…neither of them is as big as they were before, but…they’re a lot bigger than they envisioned in that department, and significantly bigger than they were post-surgery. Also, side note, almost no one thought they had a reduction…people just thought they both lost weight, because both of them did it during a vacation, then just came back smaller! Funny, huh? Anyway, I would err on the side of “too small” as it’s likely your body might want to put weight on in that area too. I am sure this is a “know your body” situation, but…just keep future weight gain in mind. Good luck!

      • Charmed Girl :

        I’m 5’2″, a size 10 or so and a 34 DD. In an ideal world, I’d be a 34 C. Would love to not have problems with button up shirts, jackets etc. I lost a bunch of weight a couple of years ago (have gained some back) and at my smallest was a big 34 C. Really liked that size on me (for reference at that point was a 4/6).

    • How big are your hips? I’d love to be proportional, so if I had a 39″ hip (size 8), I’d also want to be near a size 8 on top – 36″ bust, like a 34B or 34C. It would make buying dresses and longer shirts so much easier.

  23. Anonymous :

    I suspect you’re going to get a wide range of answers here. I’ve been from a 34A to a 34C for years at a time before and between pregnancies and up to 36DDD in the first month postpartum. I like the 34B best. I feel proportional but at the same time don’t need to worry about back issues or difficulties with sports bras or exercising and I can bum around the house and sleep braless, which I like unless nursing. I was fine with the 34A too, but I like my shape a bit better with the B. I suspect 34B is smaller than ideal for many (most?) people though. No complaints really about 34C either. I don’t think I’d want to go bigger because it looks disproportionate on my non-curvy body shape. Anecdotally, a friend had a reduction from 36E to a “full B,” whatever that means, and she is happy with the result. She’s about a size 8 and looks good to me.

  24. Tulum, Mexico tips? :

    Hi hive!

    Hubby and I are heading to Tulum, Mexico in a few weeks. Any r e t t e s been there recently and want to share recommendations on restaurants, attractions, etc.?


    • Need to Improve :

      Posada Margherita on the beach for dinner. It’s an Italian place run by Italian expats. They make the pasta fresh daily and catch the fish daily too. Not to be missed.

      Not many attractions unless you dive, in which case go cave diving.

      Otherwise, the best thing about Tulum is sitting on the beautiful white sand beach, swimming in the warm water, etc. Enjoy!

    • My husband and I went to Tulum for a week in August and LOVED LOVED LOVED it. We would actually go back and do all the same activities and just try some different restaurants. we loved it that much.

      We stayed at The Beach, and here’s what all we did on the full days we were there. The folks at our hotel arranged all of our activities for us; I think they do that for you at most places. Unless otherwise noted, we at at Ziggy’s, which is the restaurant that was attached to our hotel:

      Day 1 — Lounge on beach. Walk up and down beach. Drink mojitos. Read an entire novel. Panic because I forgot to call the bank before we left, so we couldn’t obtain cash. Finally reached someone at bank and was promised hold would be lifted within 24 hours. (It was, thank goodness)

      Day 2 — Sian Ka’an nature reserve. We did the half-day tour, and it was my favorite activity we did. Our tour guide was named Miguel, and he was an actual biologist, so he knew so much about the habitat and animals we saw. We rode a boat through the reserve to a long dock, then we floated down a lazy river while Miguel told us more about the ecology. If you do this, you must wear and bring along biodegradable sunscreen. We were in full sun all day, so we needed to reapply, and the guide checked our sunscreen before he’d let us do that. I was also glad to have Teva-style sandals. (My husband doubted the necessity of these, but it’s a must). The folks at the reserve cooked lunch for us. It was simple but really delicious. Husband lost sunglasses in the ocean at Sian Ka’an. Trip to huge supermarket place near hotel zone to get overpriced but super fly sunglasses.

      Tequila tasting at Ziggy’s just before dinner. The restaurant manager told us all about the history of tequila and how to make it (I didn’t know any of this stuff) and let us sample lots of different kinds. It was really fun. Followed by a supposedly authentic Mexican dinner at Ziggys. Did not like the dinner, and I’m not convinced it was super authentic.

      Day 3 — Snorkeling with sea turtles. We had a private guide named Nick, and I think his business is called Avatar Tours or something similar to that. He took us to Akumal, which is a bay about 20-30 mins from Tulum. We got there really early so we could beat the crowd. It’s an area where sea turtles come up to feed on the sea grass, and the bay is ringed by a coral reef. We’d never snorkeled before, so Nick spent some time with us in the shallow area of the bay teaching us how to do that, then he led us to where the turtles feed and around the reef. It was SO AMAZING. You obviously can’t touch the turtles, but they do swim very close to you while eating. And I almost swam into a barracuda (scary). Lots of other fish and cool stuff at the reef. After that, he took us snorkeling in a cenote (underground cave/river). We went to Pet Cemetery, which we were told at the hotel is one of the prettiest. Being basically alone in a cave like that was an amazing experience. Plus there’s a really beautiful section at the end where there’s a hole in the cave ceiling and a beam of light falls directly on a really interesting tree (you can google pictures to see what I’m talking about).

      Very late lunch at Mateo’s (I think they describe this place as Tex Mex). It was really good, but not somewhere I’d die to go back to.

      Day 4: Tulum ruins (self tour). It was HOT and there is no shade, so be sure to wear a ton of sunscreen and take your hat/sunglasses/lots of water. And it got really crowded, so we were glad we got there almost right when it opened to slightly beat the crowd. Next we went to the Monkey Sanctuary. They rehabilitate spider monkeys who were kept as pets or used in circuses or other shows. It was very neat. We also saw a crocodile. The manager and his helper took us all around the entire property, which included another cenote, and lots of tromping through the jungle. He told us myths from the area, which was great because I love stories and history.

      Lunch at some little place in Tulum city (not the hotel zone). We asked our cab driver to take us to his favorite restaurant in the city. We bought his lunch and ours (including Cokes), and it cost less than $10 for all three people. And the food was unbelievable. My husband is fluent in Spanish, so that helped our ability to actually order and figure out what was happening in the restaurant.

      Dinner at La Rana (I think). The food her was not very good. Would not recommend.

      Day 5: Lounge on beach. Read another novel. Enjoy lots of mojitos.

      Dinner: Hartwood. OMG BEST MEAL EVER. We loved loved loved loved it. We got there at 6:45 (opened at 7), and there was already a line. People who got there after about 7:30 probably didn’t get any food and would have been waiting for hours. There aren’t many seats, the restaurant is very popular, and they only have a limited amount of food each day. All the food is cooked in stone ovens and grills outside. All outdoor seating on the jungle side of the hotel zone, so wear bugspray if you go. Drinks were amazing. Fresh seafood was amazing. Slow-cooked pork was amazing. Dessert was a simple plantain with cinnamon and other stuff cooked in the stone oven and was amazing. You can only pay with cash, and it is pretty expensive, so be sure to plan ahead.

      After dinner: Walk along the beach until we saw a sea turtle emerge from the ocean, dig a nest, and lay eggs. Perfect end to the vacation. I don’t think it’s turtle season, but for people who plan to go during turtle season, bring a flashlight that emits red light. You can see the turtles, and normal lights scare them away.

      Random weird tip re: happy hours — The places we went during happy hour would have specials that were 2 drinks for the price of one. The bartender would just make two of whatever you ordered and give them both to you at the same time. So, I couldn’t get them to let me have a mojito as one of my drinks and a margarita (priced the same) as my second drink. It would have to be 2 mojitos.

      I hope this novel was helpful. Enjoy your trip!! It was probably the only place I’ve ever been that was more beautiful live than in promotional pics.

  25. Depressed 2L :

    I’m a 2L who is a few weeks into second semester. I just CANNOT get up the ability to do work. I basically want to stay in bed all day. I’m not crying, but I feel like crying a lot. I’m behind on everything (or at least feel that way) and need to be sending out job and clerkship applications but just have not been. (Mind you, I actually did better than 1L year on last semester’s grades and have a very good overall GPA, so that isn’t the problem. I do still need a job for this summer, which is likely part of the problem.) Basically, I’m feeling very down and don’t want to do anything. I have course and journal assignments, applications, organization work, and a study abroad application to work on this weekend, not to mention all of the network follow ups I need to send. So far, I’ve been unable to do anything no matter how hard and how much I try. I don’t understand.

    Not really sure what I’m looking for – I guess I just wanted to tell someone and get it off my chest.

    • Post your city — I’m sure someone will take you out for a drink! 2L is rotten, the only advice I have is to keep trucking. I promise 3L is better. Also, it’s still plenty early for summer hiring — keep sending applications and you’ll find something. I sent 100 applications before I got one interview, so I know how discouraging it can be. All you need is one though!

      • Depressed 2L :

        I’m in Boston. I wasn’t able to make this week’s meetup, unfortunately – I had class.

        Thanks. I know there are lots of jobs still available that will work out well. I also have open offers at past jobs. I’ve been on tons of interviews and am still waiting to hear back from some (and still have other interviews coming up). I actually feel okay about the job situation – not ideal, since a lot of classmates have jobs and I’m running out of places to apply to, but I know that I’ll be able to do something good. I also managed to apply to two jobs since posting this.

        I think my big issue is that I just am feeling down and sick (but I’m not actually sick with a cold or such) and cannot seem to get myself to do my work, finish applications, or my journal assignment. I’ve never just not been able to force myself to get over the hump and get working!

        • Miss Behaved :

          I’m in Boston and would be happy to get a drink with you, if you like. Just let me know…

          • Depressed 2L :

            I’d love that. My email is boston1l r e t t e AT g mail if you’d like to connect there!

    • 2L is hard, especially in the dead of winter. Make sure you get some self-care. Eat right, get some exercise and fresh air/ sunshine. Also, if you are really feeling overwhelmed, perhaps give the school’s counseling center a call. A few sessions to talk to someone can really help.

      • Depressed 2L :

        Thanks. I love the winter (I’m strange, I know), but it definitely cuts back on my outdoors time. I also didn’t get things done over break that I wanted/needed to (like cleaning my room and sending clerkship applications), so I’ve felt behind since before starting the semester! That certainly cannot be helping anything. I also seem to be productive on Mondays and Tuesdays and then just cannot get anything done the rest of the week and feel sick instead. I’ve never been a procrastinator – I’m usually the one done weeks early! I had to skip a group event today to get work done. While I’ve been more productive than in past days, it still is less than I’d normally get done in an hour or two on normal days.

        When I’ve used school counseling (which is the only counseling I’ve ever used, though it was in undergrad) in the past, it didn’t seem to help much. One person seemed helpful, but even then, it is really tough for me to open up and make it worth it. (I’m definitely from a typical old school family, which makes sharing very tough for me. I’ve been feeling like I’m on the edge of a breakdown for the past day and cannot even tell my best friends, which I know is stupid, especially since they would actually be useful! I know I need to work past this, but it’s so difficult. So instead I tell a bunch of strangers online… but strangers who have been super helpful in the past!)

        Thank you!

        • Wildkitten :

          If you tell them you want a medication consult to deal with depression and that your symptoms are you don’t want to get out of bed and that you feel like crying all the time they should be able to help. You shouldn’t need to talk about your childhood or whatever for them to help for your current symptoms, though lots of people find talk therapy to also be helpful, YMMV etc.

          • Depressed 2L :

            Thanks for the advice. I’ll call them on Monday morning (since I think they are only open for emergencies on the weekend).

    • Wildkitten :

      Definitely call the school’s counseling center. This sounds very normal, and they should be equipped to help you out. Also, nothing in law school is as urgent as it sounds. The first weeks of a semester are actually the best time to realize you need to take some time for self care, because you have so much time to catch up on whatever you miss before finals. Like 2L said, this is actually very early for summer hiring, so you’ll be just fine even if you give yourself a week or two off from applications, and maybe even skip some classes to hang out with some non-law-school friends, or get out of town to somewhere that isn’t your law school.

      • Depressed 2L :

        Thank you. You’ve been helpful now and in the past.

        I don’t think I’m most stressed about jobs, but that is definitely the easiest thing to point to that I feel behind in. As I said above just now, I know I have good options for the summer, I’m just really hoping to find something different so I don’t peg myself in the hole of what I’ve done in the past – especially since I’m interested in working at a boutique in a specific area of law. (I’m hoping that clerking in that area and my past experience in it will help get a job in it even though they normally only hire laterals or clerks rather than people straight out of law school. It isn’t a prestigious clerkship, though.)

        I think I might try to go away soon based on your comments. Unfortunately, it’s tough to find the time – every weekend, there is a symposium (for a journal, so required), conference (for a group I’m on the board of, so required), or large assignment (for class or journal) due.

        I’m supposed to meet friends for supper tonight, but I’m already feeling like I don’t want to go. I’m going to force myself to go, though, because I know it’ll do me good to leave and see friends. (They are law school friends, but we talk about other things!!)

        Thank you all again! I really appreciate this community, especially at times like this.

        • Wildkitten :

          Ah! I didn’t realize you were the same 2L. My answers aren’t the only answers – you might find something else that works for you. I don’t mean to be repeating them over and over like they are the holy grail of being depressed during 2L – they are just what worked for me.

          • Depressed 2L :

            Oh, no, I understand! I used a different descriptive name, so there would be no reason to realize I am the same person!

            It’s helpful to hear your advice again, though! I think taking a couple of days off would help my mental health a lot right now. It’s also nice to know that you still think there’s plenty of time left for a 2L summer position. :) Thanks for always being helpful!

        • Senior Attorney :

          I had a hard time as a 2L and a few visits to the school’s counseling center really helped take the edge off. I hope you’ll take advantage of it! Hang in there!

          • Depressed 2L :

            Thanks for the response! I’m definitely going to try to use them. (Of course, it’s a large university, so I’m not really sure how it works or even where they are.)

    • Anonymous Associate :

      I know others have said the same, but please consider going into therapy and potentially taking antidepressants. Speaking as someone who has struggled with depression for years (particularly during my college/law school winters in Boston), you sound clinically depressed to me. Please don’t be afraid to get help! I would be willing to bet that your school has a therapist/psychiatrist on call for after hours help–don’t hesitate to call. Antidepressants can take awhile to take effect, so it’s best to start them ASAP if you do need them. Hoping you get any help you need from your school community.

      • Depressed 2L :

        Thanks for your response – I really appreciate it. I’ve had some trouble in the past, but I’ve never really known what to do about it. I’ll contact the school about it. I’m also nervous, because I have other health issues, about the interplay of antidepressants. We’ll see, though!

  26. 2L Note Question :

    I’m interested in working in Trusts & Estates Law. Do any attorneys here have any ideas on a good T&E note topic?

  27. I’m a law firm associate and I just received a Happy New Year card from a client. I’d like to send her back a short email saying, “Thank you for the card, it’s been a pleasure getting to know you.” Is this proper etiquette, or should I just say nothing?

  28. Wannabe Runner :

    Any suggestions for extra seating for a party? We are having 10-15 people over for a party in a few weeks, and we don’t have seating for all of them. We were thinking of setting up camp chairs, and we have a few folding outdoor/patio chairs, but those seem cheap. We also don’t really want to rent, but can necessary. Does anyone have any other ideas?

    • What about something like this from Ikea: http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/00222440/

      • Wildkitten :

        I have these and I like them. They look much classier than the metal folding chairs that are in church auditoriums. You might also ask your party guests if they have chairs – depending on if that would be appropriate. (It might not be if the event is formal enough to rent chairs). I’ve brought my ikea folding chairs to parties before, on request.

    • One of the best presents I ever got was a card table and chair set (thanks grandparents!). Easy to store flat in a closet or under a bed. Plus you can dress it up with a table cloth to make it “fancy” See if any of your friends have one to loan you if you don’t want to buy one– I think they are under $150.
      I’d also ask around to my office, church, neighbors etc.

      • Senior Attorney :

        They are usually available at Costco. I agree… one of the best wedding presents ever.

  29. I need some shopping help. I’m a young (33) science professor at a large state university. I have been chosen for an award by the Dean of my college, and there will be a dinner for the awardees at a donor’s house in late February. Other donors and university administrators are also invited. What do I wear? The obvious is a little black dress, but do I have some other, more colorful, options? Looking to spend no more than $150. I’m a petite person and my style is typically feminine and classic. Thanks for the help!

    • Silvercurls :

      Mazel tov on your award! Wear something that makes you feel terrific, confident, and competent. (If you see yourself slouching in a garment, choose something else.) Can you add color to your little black dress with a jacket, scarf, tights/stockings, shoes or something else…? I’m not being more specific because I’m NOT in touch with current trends and don’t want to steer you in the wrong direction.

    • Congrats! You could pick a sheath dress in a classic cut with a more lively color like this http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/adrianna-papell-jacquard-sheath-dress-regular-petite/3618821?origin=category&BaseUrl=Work
      You could also stick with a black dress and amp it up with a colorful necklace or heels.

    • Depressed 2L :

      Congratulations on the award!

      I don’t have any great ideas for what to wear. Maybe something with color blocking or, as Anon said, livening something more basic up with jewelry, heels, etc.

    • A Nonny Moose :

      I think the Jcrew Oragami dress is perfect for situations like this.

    • A Nonny Moose :

      I think the Jcrew Origami dress is perfect for situations like this.

  30. Midlife issue. I find myself nagging my 20-year old daughter to write thank you notes to relatives who recently gave her gifts. On the one hand, I can’t stand it when my mother does that (and she still does); OTOH, I feel it will reflect badly on my daughter if she doesn’t thank people for generous gifts. I don’t really know how to deal with this compulsion to nag my daughter in a way that I don’t want to put up with from my own mother.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Sad to say, the ship has sailed. It will reflect badly on her. Perhaps the generous gifts will not be forthcoming in the future. But that is on her, not on you. She is an adult. At this point, nagging her is just going to damage your relationship with her.

      I totally know how you feel. There are about a million billion things about which I want to nag my son. He’s been in Japan for almost two years so we’ve both had a bit of a respite, but he’s coming home in a few weeks and I can feel my anxiety building already. But I am determined to keep my mouth shut unless my advice is solicited. He’s a grown man and he’s on his own path.

      Here, say it with me:

      Our children are on their own paths…. our children are on their own paths… our children are on their own paths…

    • Senior Attorney :

      Oh, and also? If you back off and make it her responsibility you might actually increase the chances of her doing it. Because there will be no reason for her to push back against your nagging by not doing it. Just a thought.

    • new york associate :

      If you really want her to write thank you notes, you might give her “permission” to write emails. I know that for me, the mechanics of getting an envelope, an address, and a stamp sometimes are overwhelming. (I’m definitely guilty of writing a thank you note and carrying it around in my bag for weeks without a stamp!) I agree about not nagging, but you could just say, “Daughter, I know Aunt would love to hear from you about the gift she sent. You can always send an email.”

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