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If you or any friends happen to be into Pilates, Barre, ballet, or other studio workouts, these fun leggings may be just the thing for a little pick-me-up. I like how the bottom half of the leggings can be scrunched up or down, and how they come in a zillion colors. They're full priced at $94, but Nordstrom has a few colors on sale for $62-$70. Alo ‘Goddess' Ribbed Leggings
(L-2)
Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
IT Girl
Recommendations for warm, cozy PJs? Looking forward to cuddling beside the fire over the holidays and need appropriate attire. It’s bonus day so I’m in a mood to splurge.
Getting ads for Winter Silks – how is their quality?
Anonymous
Fleece. Got my first pair. Lovely. I like the ones with elastic at the ankles. My apartment is very cold so I wear socks too….. Perfect.
IT Girl
What brand please?
Anonymous
Like the other poster bellow – I got them at Marshalls. I forget the brand… Sorry!
Top is room-y with a big floppy funnel neck and pants are fleece leggings. So warm.
CountC
These sound amazing.
Violet
I love fleece PJs as well as fleece tights. My boyfriend has even borrowed my fleece tights to wear under his jeans to walk to school in the winter, as it gets very cold here in January and February. A word to the wise: If you loan your fleece tights to your boyfriend, make sure he does not pull them out of shape when peeing b/c there is no place for him pee thru since they are NOT long-johns!
ITDS
I got a stripy pair from JCrew and they turned out to be really nice. Soft, stretch, not too warm, and they even come in petite!
Anonymous
Nothing beats the soft plush fuzzy PJs you can get at Costco or Marshalls/TJ Maxx for less than $30! They’re so incredibly snuggly and warm, I never want to take mine off!
Anonymous
I love the pair I got from PJ Salvage this year.
Cimorene
Do any of these come with a shelf bra? I am looking for pajamas that provide some support.
Flannel
LL Bean Flannel PJs are just the best!
Macys
Macys charter club brand – fleecey. Straight legs, no elastic.
In a pinch, I but one of their long rompers with a hood – all fleecy. I suspect they are made for high school and college gals, far from my age. Had the feet cut off and elastic put at the cuffs by my tailor. I look ridiculous, but when lounging around at home and still cold, this fixes it immediately. I don’t wear it to bed though. It also facilitates me getting off the couch and doing stuff … by wearing it, I don’t need to have the blanket on the couch, which always stays behind when leaving the couch. With the onesie, I’m warm no matter what I’m doing at home.
Macys has such amazingly great coupon deals, that the pricing is great. Also, if you have done their giving program, for $25 initially, you earn points for all purchases in Nov and Dec. You get it all back in February as credit to your account …
anon
Check out the brands All Things Fabulous or Monrow at Nordstrom. Very cozy and pricey but worth it. I’m also a fan of Wildfox for comfortable lounge pants. If you feel like you still need socks I like the SmartWool or darn tough brands.
Renee
I’ve never found shelf bras in flannel, fleece or other cold weather pajamas. For shelf bras, I love! Josie (a Natori company) from Nordstrom or Amazon. With flannel, I wear what I think of as my PJ bras – either from Jockey or Gillian OMalley at target if I want to look sexy: http://www.jockey.com/catalog/product/modern-micro-crop-top
http://m.target.com/p/gom-lounging-bralette/-/A-17364716
Ive never splurged on cold weather pjs – is that a thing or do people just get fun prints from jcrew, lands end, old navy etc? I’ve noticed Anthropologie and Garnet Hill look like they have higher quality cold weather PJs.
Em
I’m curious how people balance paying off student loans with keeping a cash emergency fund. I’ve heard a lot of different advice on this – anywhere from just keep $1,000 until the loans are paid off to accumulate nine months before you start paying them off (and I think a lot of advice on-line is geared towards very high interest credit debt and doesn’t really think about student loans in particular).
I have about 7 months of barebones living expenses saved right now. Paying off my 5.8% student loan would drop me to 5 months – seems worth it to me, but where do you draw the line?
Anon
I would totally pay them off if it were me.
Anon in NYC
In your shoes, I would pay off the loan. You can always pay yourself back at a higher rate once you no longer have those student loans as part of your monthly expenses. Having 5 months of bare bones expenses is acceptable to me (I’m pretty risk adverse about these things).
the gold digger
I paid my student loans off a few years early. I got some nice bonuses and sent all that money to the bank and I also was super frugal with my expenses, i.e., not eating out, taking lunch to work, going to the matinee instead of the evening showing on the rare occasion I went to the movies, buying my clothes at consignment.
Hmmm. I still do all of that now! However, it was useful to have these practices when I was laid off from my job years after the loans were paid off.
Anyhow, paying the loans off lifted a huge psychic burden from me.
Anonymous
I’d pay them off too- once they’re gone, it will be easy enough to rebuild the savings, and 5 months is enough, I think.
Senior Attorney
OMG yes! Pay them off!
TXLawyer
Think of it this way… You’re paying 5.8% interest to keep those 2 extra months of savings. Would you take out a loan for 2 months of savings at a 5.8% interest rate? If not, pay off the student loan!
Shavasana
Yes 100%. Great job!
Anonymous
I would pay it off for sure in your situation. Congrats!
Em
Okay, thanks for the reality check, everyone – I’m sold!
Em
(Also, for the purposes of ensuring I’m not getting more credit than I should, this is not my last student loan, only the highest interest one remaining. It’s a process.)
NYC tech
Pay them off, unless you have a major extenuating circumstance. Some combination of factors like small children or other dependents who rely solely on your salary, with no family safety net behind you, in a market where it would be very difficult to find another job if you got fired, etc.
Homestar
I agree with paying off the loans. I will also add in that you should get a credit card or two if you have good credit right now and a job. Some would disagree with me, but I view our available credit as part of our emergency savings. If we lost our jobs, I would immediately switch every expense I could to credit cards and hoard cash like crazy. We don’t carry a balance now and are responsible to not build one up, so that plays into it.
Renee
If I wasn’t going to pay off student loans at 5.8%, I’d refi to a lower rate around 3%. If you’ve been out of school for a bit of time and working, you should qualify. It would be a variable rate but I wouldn’t keep paying at 5.8% if I didn’t have to.
Anonymous
Financial goals!
What were your goals in 2015, did you achieve them, and how did you go about achieving them? If you didn’t achieve them, what would you do differently? And what are your financial goals for 2016, and your plan to achieve them?
Sydney Bristow
I didn’t achieve my main one, which was to pay extra to my student loans each month. I did it for the past 2 months though. I missed that goal because we moved, paid for our wedding/honeymoon, and I took 4 weeks off unpaid in the middle of the summer.
My goal is the same for 2016. This year should be easier since I’m now in a permanent job, have paid vacation, and we aren’t going to be moving this year or paying for anything major. So my goal is at least $200 extra to my loans each month (and more if possible, ideally $500 if I can). Sticking with YNAB and once my buffer is full again, I’m planning to split any extra money at the end of the month between my emergency fund and loans.
I’m also going to start increasing my 401k contributions by 1% every 6 months. It should be a small enough amount that I don’t really notice. I’m at 5% now and would love to get up to 10%.
lsw
I am doing a similar thing with my Roth IRA until I get to the minimum – every six months I bump up my monthly payment so that I don’t even feel it.
lsw
*maximum, not minimum – duh
Renee
Be careful when paying extra on student loans! You must tell (then hound) your lender to use the extra payments to reduce the principal, which gives you a financial benefit. Otherwise, they apply those extra payments as “prepayments” if your monthly payments which has no financial benefit to you. They are tricky.
Lucy
Goals for 2015: Max 401k; save $50k; eliminate debt other than student loan
Achieved: 401k max; saved $22k; eliminated debt
Failed: No bonus = no $50k
Goals for 2016: Max 401k; max HSA; max IRA; save $50k; maintain debt-free status
2016 Plan: 1. First 3 goals are on autopilot 2. Cut out waste on food/drink 3. Drastically cut back spending on clothing (which has been way too high the last 3 years) 4. Earn a bonus
Threats to plan: Wanderlust
Anonymous
“Threats to plan: Wanderlust” ….so true!
Mary Ann Singleton
Goals for 2015: Max out 401(k) – achieved. Make a big dent in mortgage – sort of, waiting to see what kind of bonus I get. I have a student loan I’m dragging with me since it’s only at 0.9% interest – makes no sense to pay it off before the mortgage, but mentally it’d be nice to have it gone (about $40k).
Goals for 2016: Max out 401(k), make a big dent in mortgage ($60k), and increase amount in index fund.
Anon in NYC
My “big” financial goals for 2015 and 2016 are the same: stay afloat and don’t go into debt. A lot of personal changes for me in 2015 – baby, left one job for another with a lot less money, unpaid leave, huge daycare expenses, etc. – but we managed to stay afloat and not going into debt.
Goals for 2016 also include: paying off student loans by mid-year, and then increasing our savings rate.
Boston Legal Eagle
I remember posting my New Year’s goals here last year and I’m happy to say that I’ve achieved the major two, which are financial: 1. Pay off student loan (made the last payment today!) 2. Cut cable – still paying for internet + HBO/Amazon/Netflix, but this is much less than what I paid every month for full cable.
Financial goals for 2016: 1. Pay off SO’s student loans; 2. Start saving for a down payment (maybe $25,000 in 2016?); 3. Have a small fund in place to cover daycare costs, which will start in Aug.; 4. Continue to max out 401K.
Sydney Bristow
Major congrats on paying off your student loan! I cannot wait to be able to say that some day.
Gail the Goldfish
Congrats on paying off student loans! I wish it was socially acceptable to throw a student loan payoff party, because if i ever get to that point, i think it’s well worth a major celebration
Sydney Bristow
I’ll come to yours if you come to mine!
Boston Legal Eagle
Thanks to you both! I too think that should be a socially acceptable party – it’s as big of an accomplishment as other major party events.
anon
I had a student loan payoff party! I just didn’t tell anyone what we were celebrating. They thought it was a random fun dinner party, but I knew why we were toasting.
TXLawyer
Goals for 2015: Max out 401k, pay off car loan, save $30k
Progress on 2015: Managed to max out 401k, paid off the car last week with a lump sum out of savings, and will probably hit $30k in annual savings before year end, though my shopping habit made getting to that goal tougher.
For 2016: Pay off student loans by May (I have this huge goal of paying off the balance on the 5th anniversary of my graduation- only had law school loans), fully fund (and use!) my HSA. Also, save up for a trip to Napa!
I have year-to-year goals that I carry over like maxing my IRA, but the above are things I’m trying to achieve for the first time or are unique to that year.
a.k.
Goal for 2015: Continue saving like mad, buy a house. We closed a couple of weeks ago and now the savings accounts are much, much smaller than they have been in years. We also have another $10-20K worth of little expenses that are going to add up (furniture, new appliances, small repairs, etc.)
Goal for 2016: Bump up retirement savings by 2%, work to rebuild savings back to 8-10 months’ of expenses from 6.
August
I didn’t have any fixed goals but I am happy that I finally opened a vanguard index fund account and made monthly payments. I made significant dent in other (mortgage type) loans I had.
Goals for 2016: Continue to make monthly payments for vanguard index fund. Purchase a rental property.
Anonymous
2015 Goals:
* Close on the house we were building- Check
* Save additional $10k for wedding/honeymoon – Check
* Rebuild emergency fund of $10k after wedding – Check
* Make extra payments each month toward student loans after wedding – Check!
2016 Goals:
* Pay additional $500 each month toward student loans
* Cut back significantly on food, home improvement, and Amazon expenses
* Put 5% of salary into 401k
Leggings?
I know there have been a lot of discussion about fleece-lined leggings, but I live in a warm-weather climate so I haven’t paid much attention. My mom is going on a Europe trip in January and I think some really warm leggings would make a fun Christmas present. There are so many options – fleece, faux fur, fancy fabrics. What are your favorites? Price range is probably up to $50 (that seems high for leggings but I want to get her something she won’t buy herself).
Anonymous
Where is she going in Europe? Unless she’s going somewhere where temperatures are regularly well below zero, faux fur will probably be too warm. I’d recommend plain black fleece-lined leggings (literally any brand, the $5 ones I have from the junior’s section at Marshall’s are just as good as the $30 Anne Klein ones) since they’re super versatile and can help her cut down on how many bottoms she needs to pack. Sorry if that’s too boringly practical!
Hollis
I recently bought the Duofold Women’s Mid Weight Fleece Lined Thermal Legging, Black from the world’s largest online retailer and they were less than $20 but they are great quality and comfortable so I recommend them.
the gold digger
I got whatever they have at TJMaxx. My desk at work snags things easily, so I don’t see the point of spending a lot of money on hosiery.
Anon
I’ve been dating someone very seriously and I’m going to meet his family over Christmas on an overnight visit. We’re both divorced. I’m hyper-aware (in a way I wasn’t the last time I did this at 24) that these may well be my next set of in-laws, and I so want it all to go smoothly and for them to like me. He’s incredibly close to his family, so it’s very important.
When I get comfortable with people, I can be incredibly direct, in a humorous, “tell it like it is” way. His family is very warm and outgoing, so comfort may happen quickly. But obviously this is not the personality to break out upon meeting the future in-laws for the first time! When I’m nervous, I tend to clam up and say very little (for fear of offending). I’d love to strike a happy medium where they simply think I’m wonderful for their son.
Any tips for meeting future in-laws in general and for striking the right balance?
lsw
Expect a little awkwardness and be okay with it when it comes. That just happens when you are the one person who hasn’t spent every Christmas together for the last 30 years (or whatever). Forgive yourself for saying anything you wish you hadn’t, know that they might be nervous too, and remember that they should be presdisposed to love and embrace you since they (hopefully) love their son! And they are warm and outgoing, so they are meeting you at least halfway. You’ll do great!
Maddie Ross
IMO, I don’t think you have to (or should!) hide your true self. If you tell it like it is, do that. I would refrain from foul language or off color remarks, and probably refrain from frank political discussion unless you know that you are among like-minded people, but otherwise, I would meet their warmth similarly and just be myself. I don’t think most people judge (I know I don’t) when people are more quiet or shy in the beginning — and I know I am as well — so if it takes a while or the entire trip to warm up, I wouldn’t worry about that either.
Care
One thing I catch myself doing is extending my self-deprecating humor (which is my default when uncomfortable) to DH as well. Usually this gets laughs with friends and goes over well, but I have to consciously shut it down with inlaws. A few little jabs are usually ok, but I try to be primarily complimentary and brag on him around them. I think the more my MIL has seen me supportive of him, the more she respects me (and now will even ask me to make sure he’s being helpful and supportive of me).
Cat
Oh, yes. The way I’ve heard this put is “hey, only I can make fun of my brother that way!”
Anonymous
Yes!!! He may be ok with gentle teasing and little jabs at him, but his parents/siblings likely won’t be, especially from someone they’re just meeting. Totally talk him up around them to gain favor.
anon2
I would relax and be yourself, because if you choke up and are too nervous, you’ll just increase the chances of making a gaffe. Pretend you’re interviewing them for an article for a magazine and ask questions. Your beau obviously knows you and loves you and if he hasn’t said “Be careful not to say/do xyz” then I think you’re good.
Snickety
I’d focus on being a good listener and getting to know them. Ask questions to learn more about them. Most people like to talk about themselves. They may also enjoy entertaining you with stories about your gentleman friend’s boyhood days.
Anon
I have been doing most of my Christmas shopping online and it has been perilous! I just bought my sister some Kojima pearl earrings and when I received them they were so pretty I went back and ordered some for myself. (But they were on sale! I tell myself)
That cozy sweater I just ordered for my mom is also tempting me right now. My size is available and yes, it is on sale.
Does anyone else have a problem with one-for-you, one-for-me gift shopping? I feel kind of guilty. (I can afford it, there is no financial peril here, just guilt.)
Senior Attorney
Why would you feel guilty? If you have the money, what’s the problem?
Anon
I guess because I’m supposed to be giving other people gifts, not myself! :)
Maddie Ross
To me, it’s the sign of a good gift when I want one too. I’m similarly bad about this. I think I’ve received almost as many things for myself this year as I’ve ordered for others. Esp. because I’ve noticed things I’ve been eyeing that have gone on crazy sale lately.
Senior Attorney
Says who? Seriously. If it’s things you like and will use, just say “no” to “supposed to!”
Anonymous
Treat Yo’self!
Anon
OMG I am Donna! I have always wanted to be Donna!
Care
Yes. Yes. Yes.
In my gift searching, I just find a million things I want. It’s a problem. It’s just so easy to do online. I also then go a little crazy with some people I shop for – I find them a gift, but then keep seeing things I like for them when shopping for others and wind up buying certain people way too much.
APC
Yup. Last year I bought my mom the most beautiful (and cheap!) cozy bathrobe. Then…. I got a matching one haha. This year I also wound up with a sweater and a bag for myself while shopping for others…. Oops :) I figure (a) I’d get it for myself if it wasn’t the holidays and (b) why can’t you buy yourself holiday gifts?? Then you know you get what you want!!!! As long as you can afford it, enjoy it!
Lucy - Paging All NYC Theatergoes
Anyone seen anything great lately that will be around in the new year?
I will be in NYC in January and plan to see one play. Broadway or off is fine. Looking specifically for a non-musical. Serious is great. Funny (but not silly or aimed at children) is great, too. Just my taste.
Thanks for any recs.
Lucy
*Theatergoers. Ugh.
Anon
I LOVED An American In Paris. The leads are classicly trained ballet dancers who can also act and sing. And Max Von Essen is my new favorite everything (he’s essentially lead #3). I’m super into Gershwin so that was the initial draw but it was more than that for me. And if you’ve never experienced the full Broadway song and dance number with a giant staircase, top hat and tails and showgirls, here’s your chance.
Shoot. Now I want to go see it again.
Ellen
Yay! Open Thread’s! I lovE OPEn thread’s and these Leggings! In the winter, I can wear them on top of my stockeings when I do NOT have time to change at work and must wear a dress to court. Fooey on the cold weather. Mabye this Global Warming things has it’s PLUSSES!
As for the OP, you should consider getting ticket’s to the Show called BEAUTIFUL. It is all about a girl, Carol King, who sing’s great song’s that my Dad loves and she is from NYC and cute and some guy get’s her pregnant and then maarries her but she keep’s writing song’s we all have heard of. Dad took mom and me and we loved it. MOm says she is the same age as the Real Carol King, so I think I could be her daughter, if i only i could sing like her i would NOT have to be an attorney. FOOEY b/c opposing council is giveing me a heard time in a case AND i am worried b/c it is one of Roberta’s cases.
Myrna is comeing over and we are bakeing apple and peach pie’s tonight and heading out to Mom’s tomorrow for more LATKES! My tuchus might never recover from the holiday’s and dad will be all over me if I do NOT show 10000 steps on my fitbit when we are there. FOOEY! He does NOT care about Mom’s tuchus, just mine. He says once I am MARRIED, my husband can bother me about my tuchus, but until then, it is HIS burden to bear. I do NOT know why my tuchus has to be HIS burden. FOOEY!
NYC tech
I haven’t been yet, but have heard so many recommendations for King Charles III.
Marion
It’s Only a Play! Loved it!
anon a mouse
If you liked Avenue Q, see Hand to God before it closes. It is NOT for children.
Vacation
Through a lucky series of events, FH and I are now able to take vacation for the last week of the year. Where should we go? We’re saving for the wedding so we don’t want to spend TOO much, but we could probably swing around $2-3k total, including food/drinks. We live on the east coast and I have to have internet access just in case. Ideas?
Anon in NYC
When I was in law school, my husband and I took trips to Belize (Ambergris Caye), and Costa Rica (Monteverde and Arenal) for about that much.
Another idea would be Ireland. We took a trip in February, and rented a car and drove along the coast, ending in Dublin. The countryside was much less crowded than during a peak time (Dublin was busy, obviously).
OCAssociate
No suggestions, but I have to ask: Is “FH” First Husband? ;)
Senior Attorney
LOL I was puzzled, too. I’m guessing “future husband.”
OP
Ha! Future husband, yes. Sorry I’ve apparently been on too many wedding boards!
anon
My (only) husband of 19 years sometimes calls my office and identifies himself as my “first husband.” Puzzles my newer staff. Also, periodically asks them to tell me my “manservant” is on the phone. He thinks he is hilarious. Sigh.
Amelia Bedelia
Actually, this IS hilarious.
Senior Attorney
Gentleman Friend and I went to a wedding last summer and one of the men seated at our table (about our age — mid-to-late-50s) introduced himself as “Hello, I’m Martin and this is my first wife, Heather!” Turned out they’ve been married for 35 years. Heather is a patient and long-suffering woman…
Anonymous
Skyscanner or another website that lets you see where you can fly cheaply? If I’m reading this correctly, you’re about 2 weeks out from your departure date, so I would guess to fly anywhere international you’re looking at $1k+ per ticket, which pretty much eats your budget. And the week between Christmas and New Years is a budget-buster in warm vacation destinations like Hawaii and the Caribbean. Are you into food? If so, Charleston and New Orleans are both great cities to visit. Or if you really want to go somewhere warm, what about desert southwest or the SF bay area?
Anon
Anywhere in South America!
Judgy McJudgerson
Re morning thread discussion on judging other people based on how they look/dress:
I definitely judge people, but usually it’s whether I think they have successively pulled off the look that they are going for. For example, if I see a woman walking down the street who is obviously trying to be a Kardashian — tight, formfitting clothes, lots of T&A, contouring, sleek hair, generally high-maintenance (vs. comfort) accessories, and one of those things DOESN’T WORK, then yes, I think she looks foolish. Want to rock 5-inch heels? Better know how to walk in them. Want to wear 4 lbs of contouring makeup? Blend please.
The same goes for work. Are you trying to exude confidence and power, attention to detail, and show that you are an organized person? Don’t have runs in your stockings.
I think it’s just unrealistic for people to pretend that you’re not being judged all the time for how you look. That’s kind of a huge part of fashion and clothing — dressing in a certain way communicates to people around your values and interests, to a certain extent.
Ehhhhh
I didn’t catch the morning thread, but I find this whole concept kind of amazing. While you’re walking down the street, you notice and judge random other people that you do not know, based on what they are wearing? Just in your head? Why? What’s the point? Don’t you have more interesting things to think about? What a waste of mental space. I think a few times I’ve noticed/judged what other people were wearing in a professional situation, primarily where they were my own coworkers/direct reports/etc. and it reflected poorly on all of us. I’ve never cared enough to pay attention to what other people are wearing in a non-work setting, except maybe to notice cute clothes/looks in a positive way and make a mental note to try to find that item. I would like to think most people have much more interesting/important thoughts going through their head than judging random humans. I pay attention to how I present myself at work, but outside of the office, I wear whatever makes me feel happy/comfortable/attractive. If some rando on the street doesn’t like what I’m wearing, eff her. To the “foolish” looking girl trying to be the next Kardashian, I say, YOU DO YOU. Life’s too short to worry about these things except where there are actual consequences (i.e. at work). Judgey, you realize we all die someday, right?
Wildkitten
I don’t judge people who look unkempt walking down the street, but I definitely check out people who are polished and put together at 9 am!
Emmer
I think you’re taking the word “judge” too literally. At least personally, I don’t actively look for people on the streets so that I can make a mental declaration about their appearance. But when I’m on the metro with nothing to look at except the people around me, I’ll notice out-of-the-ordinary clothes – everything from a bag I really like to that woman who didn’t blend her makeup or the man whose fly is partially unzipped. And I will think that whatever feature I noticed looks good or bad. But I am not thinking “jeez, this must be a good or bad person!” because of it. For me, the whole “you do you” thing doesn’t really apply to these things – I don’t think that person in a suit with a run in her tights or the guy with the wrinkled suit is trying to make an intentional fashion statement.
All that said, I agree it would be nice to have more interesting thoughts in my head! None of this actually matters, it’s just something to look at and think about when there’s not much else going on around me.
Judgy McJudgerson
Oh yeah, I definitely look at and think about other people I see walking down the street. I love people watching. I seriously do. I really don’t think that I’m alone in that either. To be honest, I find it all really entertaining. I make up stories in my head trying to think about what important meeting Stranger X is running of to, or why Stranger Y has such a pissed-off look on her face.
And of course my observations extend to people’s clothes. WHAT DO YOU THINK CLOTHES ARE FOR? The whole point of having different styles is to allow people to express themselves through their clothes. Otherwise we’d all just wear matching sweats. And no, I don’t spend my whole day thinking about the weighty and important problems of the world. I just don’t. If that makes me shallow, then I certainly don’t want to be “deep.” Life’s too short to be weighed down by that much seriousness.
And yes, I totally wear leggings and gross sweatshirts to the store on the weekend. But, I don’t care to impress anyone on the weekends, and I want to project that to anyone I see. You think I look tired and careless because my shirt is stained? You’re right! I am tired and careless. It’s Sunday morning! I just want my donut!
Sometimes I think this site is way too PC Principal.
BTW – I’m regular commenter “Anonattorney.” Not trying to hide behind a different handle.
Judgy McJudgerson
So I wrote a response that was not offensive at all — essentially just in line with what I said before — but it went to moderation and was ultimately deleted. I think I’m done. I am a little shocked that I got put on the watch-list. I was a regular poster (which I explained in my ultimately deleted post), but now I guess I’m a non-reader. See you guys! You’re a good group.
cbackson
Are you sure it’s moderation and not just the site f’ing up? My comments have again started disappearing sporadically.
Anonymous
Yeah was probably a combination of new handle and some weirdness. I wouldn’t take it personally.
Lavender
It was an interesting question, but man now these responses have me worried if people are judging me on my bad days…
the gold digger
Probably, but who cares?
I used to judge the women who wore jeans and sweatshirts to the theater here, but after a few years of freezing in my high heels and nice dress – and of worrying about ruining my nice shoes on the icy sidewalk (or about slipping and falling), I have finally surrendered. Now I wear jeans to the theater. (But not a sweatshirt.) I would rather be warm and judged.
X
I judge skirt lengths and people who are dressed inappropriately for the weather (e.g., wool tights, hats, gloves when it’s 60 degrees and, conversely, bare legs, no coat when it’s 30 degrees), but I work for a university in a hipster area. The walk from my T station to my office is about 10 blocks and there are a lot more people heading to the T station than away from it.
Anon
Need some advice from the hive. We have an articling student (in Canada) who needs to complete 10 months of articling before getting called to the bar. She’s not great at her job to be honest. She consistently half-a33es things and misses internal deadlines and makes dumb excuses so the associates generally just end up having to scramble last minute to get stuff done.
But problem is we can’t really bring this to the partners because she flirts incessantly with one of them so he thinks she walks on water. I think that’s inappropriate but I’m also incredibly frustrated because it keeps screwing up my workload. Any advice? Also is there a way I can get the partners to realize this?
Anonymous
how have you not just brought this up with her principal? Or is her principal the one she flirts with? Regardless, I’d just have a sit down with her and discuss her very legitimate work issues, and note that a strong lawyer doesn’t do the things you noted.
AlsoAnon
Also in Canada.
Here’s the problem. She’s getting called to the bar whether articles go well or not, short of her getting fired. What she doesn’t realize is, her success beyond that depends entirely on her, and how much she learns and takes away from her 10 months of articles.
I think if you are in a position to do so, bring her in to your office, or take her to lunch, and tell her how much she needs to improve. Use specific examples, with concrete feedback about what you need to see her change. It’s not about your workload – it’s about her performance. (She doesn’t care about your workload.)
After you’ve had this chat, give her another project. After all, you want to see her succeed, and you’re here to help her learn and improve. If she still sucks after that, and shows no signs of wanting to improve, you just have to cope with the fact that she’s gone in 10 months (or even fewer, now) and your workload will be greater until you get a capable student.
If your firm has a formal feedback program, make sure you take the chance to provide a proper set of feedback. She needs to know – it’s not alright to flirt with the partner and do cr@p work. Obviously.
Maudie Atkinson
Chiming in to say that I have these leggings and I love them.
Amusing
I’m not usually an Above the Law fan and also try to avoid clicking on any news headline with the word Trump in it, but this is too funny not to share. The article itself isn’t the greatest, but the full letter response to Trump’s attorney is pretty amusing. I love snarky legal letters.
http://abovethelaw.com/2015/12/an-awesome-response-to-a-cease-and-desist-letter-from-donald-trumps-lawyer/
WestCoast Lawyer
I love a good lawyer smack down! And while I can’t stand Trump, I do wish there was something we (collectively) could do about the obnoxious political ads that crop up every election cycle. They are so blatantly misleading that most of the time you don’t even have to know the underlying facts to recognize where they are stretching the truth beyond recognition.
First Year Anon
Anyone know where to buy Mason Pearson hairbrushes? I saw some sellers on Am*zon but I am worried that they are selling rip-offs- the prices are a lot lower than other stores. And the other stores don’t sell the model I need to buy. This is for a Christmas present.
TIA!
Anona
Folica is a reputable hair store that should sell them online, but you can also buy them from nicer department stores like Nordstrom or Neiman Marcus – NM and Folica have coupons pretty consistenly.
NY CPA
Blue Mercury! Love that store!
Parfait
I got mine at beauty dot com.
Happy
Hi ladies—no question here, but just wanted to share some happy news. I don’t talk about it on Facebook or social media, or even very often to friends and family, but I’m in a very happy transatlantic relationship. My boyfriend lives in Paris, and we’ve managed to see each other about every six weeks or less for the past few months. There’s no question it’s difficult, and he’s still sorting through some complications after ending a previous 10-year relationship, but we’re on the same page about everything (including how crazy about each other we are!), and really excited to see where it goes. I’m a little shy when it comes to talking about relationships, but I’m just so happy about how much of an incredible person he is that I wanted to share. : ) Happy Friday!
moss
Good luck to you crazy kids! :)
Anon
I get it! I’m in a wonderful relationship that only our very closest friends and parents know about. I want to shout about it from the rooftops, but his ex is CRAZY and their divorce was only final this summer, so we’re laying low for a bit longer. I miss being able to share with everybody. When we were early on, I was so over the moon, I’d even tell the barista haha.
So YAAAAY!! I’m happy for you! wish you the best, especially in battling the distance!
Happy
Thanks! A very similar situation. All the best to you, too!
Anonymous
Yay!! Congratulations! Ain’t love grand?
Anonymous
My husband and I dated transatlantic for 2 years and then he moved to the US where I am. We’ve been married 13 years so it definitely can work!
Happy
That’s amazing! Congrats!
Anonymous Poser
Congratulations! And best wishes :-)
anon anon
I was in two weddings this year, both in the spring. I spent a lot of time, energy, and money to be in both. They both involved travel, days off work, and lots of planning and coordination. I was happy to do it because one is a good friend and the other a close relative. I also gave both nice gifts and cards.
I have still not received a thank you from either bride. It’s been over six months. I know they got my gifts because I saw the checks cash the week after the wedding.
Meanwhile, I went to a third wedding a of a not-particularly-close friend and received a thank you two weeks later, which only reminded me of the other two.
Am I right to be annoyed about the lack of thank-yous? Tell me if I’m being irrational.
Anonymous
Did you receive a gift for being in the wedding? I gave my bridesmaids gifts and I honestly don’t recall whether I also wrote them a thank-you card for the gift. (Now I feel terrible about that!)
anon anon
I received a pair of earrings from each bride (they asked that all bridesmaids wear them during the ceremony).
Hmm, maybe that was meant to be the thank-you. Good point.
Opal
That’s a thank you for your participation in the day and everything leading up. If you gave a gift – let alone cash – as a straight wedding gift, that’s totally different in my opinion. My other response below isn’t showing up, so sorry for double hitting in case it does appear.
Opal
But it sounds like she’s saying she didn’t get a thank you note for the wedding gift she gave the couple. Her having been in the wedding only makes her feel worse (I’m assuming), but it’s not any different than if a bridge & groom didn’t send a thank you after cashing any other guests’ check. I wrote thank yous to anyone who gave us a gift, regardless of being in the wedding or not.
I think you’re right to be annoyed, but I’m not sure I’d say anything.
cbackson
You’re not being irrational. There is, I think, no polite way in this case to draw their attention to their own rudeness, unfortunately.
Senior Attorney
You are not at all irrational. The wedding couples most definitely should have sent thank-yous for the gifts. I’d be annoyed, too.
Senior Attorney
And although there’s no way to address it directly, perhaps in the case of the relative you might mention it to another relative in hopes the word could be passed discreetly. (This is a Know Your Family thing, of course. Don’t do it if it will start a war.) If they did it to you they probably did it to others and the situation really should be remedied.
Anonymous
I would be annoyed too, but I don’t think it’s worth ending a friendship over, especially if the bride otherwise acted appreciative about you being in the wedding. I also think it may still be coming – I know etiquette says to send thank yous quickly but I have regularly received them six months to a year after the wedding.
Anon For This
You’re not wrong to be annoyed. But if they are good friends in other ways, try to let it go. I did a lousy job with thank you notes for my wedding. I wanted to write wonderful, meaningful, substantive notes – but that meant that it took me eons to write them. And I feel horribly ashamed about the fact that I think there are a few that I never did. I feel terrible about it. But I think I’m a pretty good friend in many other respects. So my hope is that no one completely wrote me off for my late or absent thank you notes.
Anonymous
+1 I think I eventually got all of mine out, but some definitely took close to a year. I felt paralyzed writing them because I wanted to make them special but then didn’t know what to say. Good friends are not always perfect in every respect and it doesn’t mean they’re terrible people, just that they goofed at this one thing.
anon anon
Thanks, all. I definitely don’t think they’re terrible people or anything, and I’m certainly not going to write them off! I’ll just be annoyed inside of my head… and to all of you :) But I won’t say anything to them.
SC
I also took a long time to write thank-you notes after my wedding. This past weekend (5.5 years after our wedding), I was looking through my stationary drawer for thank-you notes to use for baby gifts after I ran out of cute baby-themed cards. And I found about 5-10 thank-you cards from my wedding that I had not sent because I couldn’t find an address or that had been returned. I feel pretty embarrassed, but I figured 5.5 years was a little long even for the “better late than never” proponents. I’m not suggesting that OP’s thank-you notes are lost in the mail, etc., but just commiserating that some people, including me, suck at these things.
the gold digger
Am I right to be annoyed about the lack of thank-yous? Tell me if I’m being irrational.
Nope. You are not being irrational.
Raise follow-up from yesterday (and the day before)
So, due to a myriad of factors I would have rather avoided, I had to disclose my pending offer to my current employer today, before finding out my raise. The raise they were planning to give me was less than half, percentage-wise, of my offer.
Things went basically as well as I could have hoped, and our president told me he will match what I asked for (which is basically a little more than my other offer due to the benefits package, etc). Waiting on the updated compensation package. Conversation was very positive and he thanked me for the opportunity to counter.
So, we’ll see.
NYC tech
Congrats! Sounds like you came out of this with a verbal agreement for everything you wanted. I hope it comes through for you! Good for you for getting the offer and transforming that into a bigger raise.
Anon
I seem to remember a lot of discussions on this site about how taking you current job’s counteroffer usually doesn’t end well. I think most people who accept a counteroffer end up leaving with a year or so.
But yes, congrats! It’s great to be in high demand.
moss
I took a counteroffer and I’m totally happy. I wasn’t unhappy when I was interviewing, just lured by money. The counteroffer settled my desire for more money so I feel fine about staying. I think it depends on why you’re looking.
Anon123
Any financial input from the hive?
I’m 34, newly divorced, and my finances are pretty shaky without my higher earning ex. I’m a second year making $92k in a big east coast city. I have $65k saved for retirement (from an inheritance). My student loans are $111k. My emergency fund has only $2k left after being unemployed for a couple months.
What do I start with first? The e-fund, right? But I desperately need to catch up on retirement savings…but my loans are at 6% interest and I want them GONE.
Just feeling kind of overwhelmed.
Anonymous
If you’ve always made on-time payments, look into refinancing your loans (or some of your loans, if you have different interest rates on different loans). Accept that it’s going to take a long time for you to be debt-free. Really figure out where your money is going and where you want it to go. Check your bank account and credit cards every day. I have $100 in my emergency fund and I’m still incurring legal fees for my divorce. You’re doing great.
Senior Attorney
Yes, beef up the e-fund. BUT if you have employer matching available for retirement, contribute the minimum amount to get the match so you don’t leave that money on the table.
Anon123
The match is so pathetic it kills me. They’ll match no more than 2.5% of your base pay, and you don’t vest for 3 years. But yes, I contribute.
Senior Attorney
Hey, any match is good these days! And I want to say that I’ve been where you are TWICE and I promise you will be okay!
Q: Why is divorce so expensive?
A: Because it’s worth it!
Anonymous for this
First the hope from the post the other day, and now this–LOL !
Thank you again for sharing!
Wildkitten
At age 35 you are supposed to have 1 times your income saved. You have 2/3 of your income – you are not far behind. Do you get matching contributions at work? I contribute as much as I can get matched, and then focus on the e-fund. You’ll be okay. I promise.
Batgirl
Can I ask where this calculation comes from? Do you deduct for student debt, etc? Seems arbitrary if we count retirement but not debt.
Wildkitten
It’s just guideline targets to get you in a good space by 65. http://business.time.com/2012/09/21/what-you-should-save-by-35-45-and-55-to-be-on-target/
Wildkitten
You’ll obviously need to both pay off debt and have robust savings in order to retire comfortably.
Anon in NYC
I would build back up your emergency fund in the immediate future. Your student loans are going to (unfortunately) be around for a while. I would start with a goal of having 3-5 months in your emergency fund (just my personal preference, but pick whatever number you like) before slowing your contribution to your e-fund and slowing increasing your student loan payments. Also, a lot of 401k providers will let you play with calculators to see how much a 1% increase in your retirement accounts will affect your net salary. Maybe that is something you can absorb by cutting out a night or two of takeout or drinks.
August
My two cents: Increase the emergency fund to cover three months’ expenses. Then decrease the emergency fund contribution to a minimum to cover short term emergencies, split the remaining equally between loans and retirement Student loans and retirement fund are long term items. Unless you win a big lottery, the best thing is to do the monthly payments and forget about them.
Solo Practitioner
Sounds like you are doing well to me. I’m 34 and single. Around 80K per year, low but not too low cost of living city. $100K student loans which I am paying double payments on every month (around $1400 per month total). Less than 5K in retirement. I know I have a problem there, but I never worked for an employer with a retirement program, and now that I am on my own I’m really just starting that whole process. The loans are my biggest stressor in life and I want them gone. I may get an inheritance within the next five to ten years but there is no guarantee.
You are doing FINE.
Solo Practitioner
ETA I have $6K in emergency fund.
I know this board is full of really high earners, but some of us are middle class (if it even exists anymore) so I’m putting it out there. Please don’t tell me I’m going to die broke and alone.
Anon
Some of us finished grad school at 35 and have their first job, making $45k in a very HCOL.
You all are doing great.
Wildkitten
AMEN.
Alana
As a fellow moderate-income earner, I think it’s useful to maintain cost-saving skills your whole life to prevent retiring or dying broke.
Ems
First, You will be ok.
Second, surprised nobody else mentioned this–refinance!
Two years out of law school I had about the same in my efund/ $40k (if that) in retirement funds, and $140,000 in loans and now 4 years out, I feel totally different – my retirement has really grown/chipping away at the loans is finally showing/etc.
Blonde Lawyer
I refinanced with SoFi. Link in my name tells more.
Anon
+1 I also refi’d with Sofi at a variable rate a few years ago. I’ve been very happy. My loans have been less than 3% although they just rose to above 3%.
Blonde Lawyer
I’m thinking of doing a second refi to go from fixed to variable.
hair routine
What is your daily hair routine? I’ll start.
Day 1: Wash hair with Dove or L’Oreal shampoo. Use deep conditioner.
Apply Tresemme mousse when I get out of the shower. Blow dry hair. Add a bit of dry shampoo to the roots.
Most days, I also use a 1.5″ curling iron to set my hair in gentle waves curling away from my face. They don’t hold that well, but I like the shape they give the hair even after the waves fall out.
Day 2: Repeat dry shampoo step and possibly add a few curls.
That’s about it. I’m 35 and just discovered hair products. I can’t believe the difference a little mousse can make.
Anon
Wash my hair pretty much every morning. I’ve been meaning to try dry shampoo…out of curiosity, what brand do you use?
1. Wash hair with Pantene or Head & Shoulders shampoo. I actually don’t have dandruff but I’ve found that it is a really good deep cleaner for me and helps manage oil/itchy scalp.
2. Blow dry hair
3. Straighten it — I have naturally pretty straight hair but I like that it smoothes everything out.
OP
I alternate between Pssst and Batiste. They both work well, but Batiste has more varieties and cuter packaging!
Hair Routine
My daily hair routine has evolved to be rather high maintenance over the years, but it lets me go three days between washes, so I’ll take it!
Day 1: Wash hair, usually with a purple-tinted shampoo and conditioner to keep my blonde from getting too brassy (I’ll sometimes sub-in a clarifying shampoo to reduce product build up). Comb hair post-shower and let it air-dry for 10-20 minutes before applying:
Living Proof Prime Spray
Living Proof Perfect Hair Day
L’Oreal Blow It Primer Quick Dry Spray
Some kind of volumizing spray or mousse
Blow dry straight with some bend/bounce at the ends. All of this normally takes 15-20 minutes (I have naturally straight hair, so I can fudge my blowout a bit and focus on the ends/roots).
Day 2: Spray hair with Tresemme Heat Protecting Spray; quickly curl hair using a 1 1/4″ barrel curling iron, use Fekkai Glossing Creme on my ends if they look dry/frizzy
Day 3: Sprinkle roots with Klorane Dry Shampoo, spray with heat protecting spray, and re-curl hair using the same size iron.
Days 2 and 3 are my favorite, because it takes me less than 10 minutes to do my hair in the morning, now that I’m adept with the curling iron.
Anonymous
Day 1: Wash hair with either Oribe Brilliance Shampoo or Shu Uemera Moisture Velvet; condition with whatever is my sample of the week (feels like I’ve got a lifetime supply). Use pick to comb out, let air dry while eating breakfast, add Oribe Supershine Moisturizing Creme Light and blow dry. If I’m blowing it out for rounded ends, this takes about 20 minutes. If I’m just doing a quick and dirty “get it dry” to curl it, about 5 minutes. Curl with 1.5″ iron (6 sections on bottom, 3 per side, and 6 on top layer) away from face. Set with Oribe light hold hairspray.
Day 2: Curls are looser but still curled-look and don’t need any touch up. I just spray roots with Living Proof dry shampoo, comb out and smooth ends with the Supershine creme.
Day 3: Curls are more of just rounded ends, but I just go with it still. Same dry shampoo, comb out and creme routine as day 2.
Days 4+ (can go up to 6): Dry shampoo and low ponytail.
I can’t go nearly as long in summer because I’ll sweat more in my workouts, but this is my current winter routine. For reference, fine but extremely thick color-treated hair (blond balayage).
So lazy
Day 1 (usually Sunday): wash hair and either air dry, encouraging waves, or blow out. Curl into loose waves if I’m feeling fancy. I don’t like the shampoo/conditioner I’m using now, so no brand recommendations. If I’m letting my hair dry wavy, I’ll use Ouidad salt spray & texture cream. If blowing out, I’ll smooth some anti-frizz oil through.
Day 2: brush, pull into a ponytail.
Day 3: spray with dry shampoo, pull into a ponytail or bun. No preference on the dry shampoo – currently using the Bed-Head Rockaholic and it’s fine.
Day 4: same as day 2 – but sometimes a bun!
Day 5: same as day 3.
Day 6: it’s Saturday. Who cares?
Gail the Goldfish
Day 1:shampoo and condition, let air dry overnight.
Day 2: dry shampoo
Repeat.
I need a better hair routine. This might be why peiple think I’m younger than i am is the lack of any real style. At least i have layers…
Anon
Day 1: shampoo
Day 2: hot rollers maybe
Day 3: claw clip
Day 4: guilt and claw clip
Repeat
espresso bean
Love Day 4!
Sydney Bristow
I found magic shampoo and conditioner that lets me air dry and not need to straighten or curl.
Night 1: Wash and condition with Number 4 Hydrate. Let it start to air dry before bed, brush a few times, and sleep with it damp.
Day 2: Pull into a bun for an hour then brush out. Or sometimes I’ll take the extra time to curl with a wand or straighten.
Day 3: wear down
Days 4&5: Low ponytail
Day 6&7: Regular ponytail
I actually do get compliments on my hair, despite how weird it might seem to only was once a week. I’ve trained it over time to be washed so infrequently so it doesn’t really look greasy until Saturday when I wash it again.
Curly
What do folks do with their curly hair? I would like to wash mine less often, but my curls look terrible after I sleep on them.
My routine: Wash and condition with color-safe Keratase anti-frizz shampoo and conditioner.
While in the shower, scrunch up hair and squeeze as much water as possible out of it.
Wrap in turby-towel for 15-20 mins.
Scrunch with Ouidad moisture lock define & shine. Blow dry about 2/3 dry on very low setting while carefully arranging curls. By the time I get to work, it’s 90% dry and looks comply dry.
Problem is that if I pull my hair back to exercise or sleep on it, the curls break up, get frizzy, and look terrible. Bleh.
layered bob
2b/c curls:
Day 1: Jessicurl or DevaCurl shampoo, MopTop or Curl Junkie conditioner. Wide-tooth comb to detangle/distribute conditioner. Plop in tshirt (if I’m feeling ambitious) or just wrap in towel (if I’m in a hurry.) Flax-based gel in praying hands method, then styling cream scrunching upside down. Usually air dry, sometimes diffuse upside down on low heat.
No exercise/sweating today. Sleep on satin pillowcase. No touching.
Day 2: use a very light touch with smoothing cream or a “second day” spray (like the one from Jessicurl or DevaCurl.) If certain pieces are particularly frizzy, re-curl with a curling iron, or put certain sections back with a bobby pin (so they hide under nicer-looking sections).
Can sweat today since I’ll wear it up tomorrow.
Day 3: a little dry shampoo on the roots, shake out from the roots to help volume. Do some kind of up-do.
Day 4: the worst hair day. ponytail/messy bun.
Day 5: co-wash instead of shampoo/conditioner (currently using the Curl Junkie cowash). Whatever hair product is handy, scrunch scrunch scrunch.
Day 6: Down like Day 2 if I didn’t exercise and the weather is good. Up like day 3 if not.
Day 7: ponytail/messy bun.
This way I can exercise most days and still only use shampoo once a week.
Curly
Good point on the satin pillow case. I keep meaning to get one.
CKB
I also have 2b curls (2c if I’m somewhere humid) that are not super strong and look awful in the morning. I also workout most mornings.
I shower & cleanse my hair every day and let it dry on the way to work. It’s not always totally dry when I get to work. *shrug* I’m management.
I wash my hair with sulfates free shampoo and use a silicone free conditioner every second or third day depending on how dry my hair is. The other days I condition wash with a light conditioner and then condition with a stronger conditioner. I use hair product – usually mousse, but I’m always on the lookout for a good styling cream that is silicone and humectant free (darn dry Calgary weather!) that I can buy at the drugstore. The conditioners I use are Aussie Moist, Garnier Pure Clean (conditioner wash) and Garnier for colour treated hair.
Always a work in progress, but the only time I don’t get my hair wet every day is when camping and showers are not readily available. So maybe 3 or 4 days a year if that.
Susie
I’m 33 and haven’t discovered hair products yet. I usually shower at the gym and shampoo and condition my hair . I usually keep little hotel bottles of shampoo and conditioner in my gym bag and use those. Some days I skip the conditioner but I usually get pretty sweaty from cardio so don’t skip washing (except sometimes on Saturday if I’m not going anywhere).
My hair is fine and a few inches past my shoulders. I wish I knew more about how to style it.
Anonymousaur
Wait what? Am I the only one that washes my hair basically every day? Definitely every weekday and most of the time on the weekend unless I’m basically at home cleaning etc. My hair is fairly fine (although there is a lot of it) so it looks really greasy and limp unless I wash it every day.
Luckily it’s also pretty much stick straight which means I only need to spend about 10min blowdrying it – or I can even let it air dry if I don’t mind walking around damp for a couple hours.
DCR
I have curly hair and wash everyday too
Wildkitten
I have wavy hair and wash it every time I shower (sometimes I skip a day). You might try mousse or dry shampoo with your stick straight hair and see if you like it. I find the dry shampoo alone works well with my root-grease and sleeping on mousse can also turn into decent hair. Practice a lot – don’t do that and wake up 5 minutes before you have to be at work and find a disaster. I’m still practicing what should be my hair uniform.
CountC
Summer/Humid Routine:
Day 1: shampoo and condition, blow dry front layers straight, pull rest into low bun.
Day 2: (if I didn’t get super sweaty the day before), don’t wash top/front of hair, rewet ponytail, repeat Day 1 style.
Day 3: same as above.
Day 4: same as above (unless I have been super sweaty)
Day 5: dry shampoo on roots, same as above.
Day 6: start all over
Winter/Non-Humid Routine:
Evening before Day 1: shampoo and condition, blow dry straight, straight iron, curl ends.
Day 1: blow dry refresh where necessary (usually front layers, nape of neck)
Day 2: same as day 1
Day 3: same as day 2
Day 4: dry shampoo, same as day 3
Day 5: dry shampoo, pull into low ponytail
Day 6: shampoo, condition, start over.
I have curly hair that I usually straighten. I also color it a deep red so I try to avoid washing it as much as possible (the color lasts longer).
WestCoast Lawyer
So based on one of the pictures showing up in the C*rette instagram feed I ended up on the Stilletto meets Espresso blog. Some of those outfits are amazing, but I can’t help wondering what kind of job this woman has that she is living in one of the most pricey cities in the world (Zurich) in her mid-twenties and enjoying what appears to be a very large collection of designer clothes and handbags. Does anyone know? Family money? Magic unicorn job that pays tons of money and leaves time for exotic travel and blogging? Obviously, having a slow afternoon at the office and dreaming of an alternate reality….
Anonymous
Can’t rule out good old fashioned credit card debt.
Anonymous
Can’t rule out good old fashioned credit card debt.
Wildkitten
I have only seen her clicking through your mention, so I could be wrong. But – I have two ideas. Number one – I think she might make a lot through her affiliation links, where she both gets clothes for free and makes money by having folks click through to buy her clothes. That makes the most sense to me. My second theory is that if you are just putting together outfits for a photo shoot you can probably buy clothes, wear them, and then return them after the shoot. That would be a lot of work, but cheaper than buying everything yourself when you are just getting started.
Anonymous
Look her up on getoffmyinternets – I think she had a very “connected” husband or something like that
KindaScrewed
So I’m in a bit of a pickle. My wallet was stolen last night. The biggest issue is that my green card is now gone and we are set to go home abroad over the holidays. I’ve already applied for a replacement (which takes up to 6 months), and the earliest appointment in my local USCIS for a temporary stamp is after the holidays.
I am so desperate to see my ill mother that I am willing to leave the country and ask for mercy upon re-entry… I do have a scanned copy of my greencard, my passport and a copy of the police report. Am I crazy to try to do this? we are travelling with our children who are all American citizens.
Senior Attorney
Keeping in mind that I am unemcumbered by any actual knowledge in this area, I think you’re pretty crazy to try it. Can you re-schedule the trip for after your USCIS appointment?
Lez
Honestly in this political climate, it doesn’t seem worth it. A year ago maybe I would have said yes, but the way people are reacting to the refugee situation just doesn’t give me a lot of hope. What country?
Lez
One more question – which airport? The combo of the country you’re arriving from / the airport you’re arriving to would vary my opinion a lot probably. If you’re coming from Switzerland and arriving in like, Chicago, I’d say you have a much better shot. Coming home from, yknow, Syria via Miami – not a chance.
yeahscrewed
going to Canada…. flying to a US city then driving up. yeah im staying home:(
this might help
https://help.cbp.gov/app/answers/detail/a_id/75/~/lpr–lost,-stolen-or-expired-green-cards-or-has-no-expiration-date
August
:-( I have never heard some one asking the agent at the airport to let them in without documentation. However, my husband was in the same situation a couple of years back. Lost his wallet after booking the flight tickets. Wallet had Advanced Parole document which was required for re-entry. (Why would he keep such an important document in his wallet? Because his driver’s licence expired, replacement would take a month to arrive and in the meantime, he needed some identity proof to show along with his credit card when he had to make purchases). Then, we got a letter from my MIL’s surgeon in India who was scheduled to operate on her hand within two weeks . He went to USCIS office and made a request that it is an emergency and he wanted to be with his mom during the surgery and he had booked flight ticket in advance. I think he filed a police complaint for lost wallet and lost document and had that copy as well. It is very vague what happened, but we left to India without his AP, my friend checked our mailbox every day and mailed it to India as soon as it was delivered (say two weeks from his USCIS appointment). So he could come back without any issues.
Anon
I think it is not wise to rely on mercy upon re-entry. But I would contact an immigration lawyer before you leave and see what else you can do and/or contact the Embassy when you get to your country (if you decide to still leave.)
Away Game
The U.S. Embassy probabaly cannot help much, since there are rules and conventions on help for citizens, but not non-citizen residents. Best to check to see if that particular Embassy has a DHS office attached, and be prepared to change your flight home if you don’t have a document. And remember that airlines are required to check that you have a US passport, visa, or green card before boarding for the return flight to the US.
Scarlett
I actually don’t think you can leave without a passport – I travel internationally a fair amount and always have to show my passport at check-in. Now I have no idea what would happen if I didn’t have one, but my impression has been that the airline is recording that info and making sure everyone has a passport before boarding. Best of luck to you – hope you get a replacement quickly.
August
She has her passport which is her home country passport, so she can leave the US, show her passport at the port of entry in her home country and enter her home country. She has lost her US legal permanent resident card( green card ) which is needed for her to re-enter US after her visit to her home country.
Anon
You say your local USCIS… is there another non-local one? That you could drive/bus/train/plane to? That has an earlier appointment? Did you explain that it was an emergency involving an illness with an immediate family member, to see if you could get an earlier appointment? I have no knowledge re: green card/immigration issues, but earlier this year I needed to get a travel visa to another country and that country’s consulate told me they were not issuing any visas for travel to the country for another month (my trip was in 3 weeks) under any circumstances. I thought I was totally screwed. Then I spent several hours googling and calling around and found out that the delay was just at that particular consulate, and hired a visa service to Fed Ex my passport/etc. to their office in another state and get the visa from the country’s consulate in that state that was issuing visas sooner. (Until I found the visa service I was planning to take a train to the other state myself.) It was pretty expensive, but I got my visa and was able to leave. Totally different issue, of course, and with much lower stakes, but make sure you’ve tried all of your potential options before you give up.
kindascrewed
Yes we thought to try a different uscis branch as well. we are instructed to only use your local one.
Now the plan is to show up to my local uscis office and explain my crappy circumstance. hoping they have mercy on me. pls send me positive vibrations 9am EST!!
AN
You may need to show your green card when you check in for your return flight. It then depends not on US immigration but whether you could even fly out…..
Bonnie
I wouldn’t hope for mercy in today’s climate.
Brunette Elle Woods
Contact an immigration attorney ASAP. I have a recommendation if you need one.
Wildkitten
This. When are you flying? This weekend or next week? Email me – Wildkittenr 3 t t 3 @gmail.com. I might be able to help if it is next week.
Kindascrewed
Hi WildK, just tried your email and got a bounceback. any chance your’re still reading this thread?
Anon
Did you try “e t t e” or “3 t t 3”?
Anonymous
Call your local Congressman and Senators, they might be able to get you an appointment sooner.
Another idea
I have no experience with this but they must have policies if someone loses their card in transit. I know someone on my study abroad trip had her passport when she boarded the plane and didn’t have it when she got off the plane. Our group was stuck for awhile waiting for her to clear but they cleared her. Not sure how.
Anyway, here is my thought. If you weren’t a PR, they would still let you into the country on your regular passport for a visit, right? There is just some duration you can be here. Maybe you have to have an exit flight booked too. If you plan to try to see your mom again, why not book the second trip, after you have your PR card back. Then, travel to see your mom now, use your home passport to enter the country as a visitor on your return, using your return trip to see mom again as your exit date. When you get your PR card either make that second trip and enter as a PR then. Again, I have no experience with this so I don’t know if it will actually work or not.
Lastly, if you are only leaving/entering the US via car in Canada I’m not sure the requirements are as strict. It amazes me that so much emphasis is on having a physical card when all of that can be looked up electronically by the gov’t at customs.
Also, people (who are citizens at least) are still allowed to fly if they lose their identification while on their trip. The TSA has some process to verify who you are by having you answer a bunch of questions that only you would know. I don’t know if that would apply to a PR.
Kudos to Wild Kitten for offering to help.
Anonymous
Please do not rely on the advice to enter as a tourist!! That’s a terrible idea. It’s fraud and can land you in serious immigration trouble.
Kindascrewed
I was pondering this too in my desperate delusional state. Coming in on a tourist visa, is the fastest way to lose a green card. As soon as my passport is swiped they would show my status.
I did a quick pill of all my greencard holding friends and NONE actually carry they greencards with them. I was the only idiot to follow rules. Gah I need to stop ruminating but so much frustation. Not to mention my awesome wallet is also gone. OK rant over, looking forward to my yoga class after work.
Blonde Lawyer
Found this online. Hope it helps:
What if I need to travel outside the United States??
Your green card is an essential identification card for granting you re-entry to the U.S. after traveling abroad. Without it, you could be denied entry. If your green card is lost or stolen prior to a trip abroad, you should do two important things:
Replace Your Lost or Stolen Green Card
You should immediately file Form I-90 to replace your lost/stolen green card. Using CitizenPath, Form I-90 takes about 15 minutes to prepare. Within 1-2 weeks after filing Form I-90, USCIS will send you a confirmation letter called Form I-797, Notice of Action. Form I-797 provides proof that you filed an application to replace your lost/stolen green card.
Get a Temporary Proof of Permanent Resident Stamp
i-551 permanent resident stamp green card was lost
Even after you have filed Form I-90 to replace your green card, it may take 4-5 months to receive a new one. If you are planning a trip outside the United States, you will need to contact your local USCIS office and schedule an appointment to receive a “temporary permanent resident stamp” (sometimes called an I-551 stamp) in your passport. (Image of sample stamp to the right.) This stamp will provide evidence of your permanent resident status in the United States and is general valid for one year. In addition to carrying your stamped passport when traveling, we recommend that you also carry a copy of the Form I-797, Notice of Action. Don’t have a passport? Try contacting the local consulate here in the United States to request a passport. For example, a Mexican national would contact the Mexican consulate in the U.S. to request a passport.) In many cases, this can be provided within a week.
S'well bottles?
Anyone have one? Are they worth the money? They’re beautiful to look at, but I don’t know if I can justify spending $35+ on a fancy water bottle.
Baconpancakes
Actually, yes. They don’t sweat at all, and they keep water ice cold for really, really long time. I’ve put ice in it at 8am, drank all the water, and still had ice left, refilled the water, and found an ice cube still in it at 10pm. (Obviously they will melt faster if you open the water bottle more often.) And having a beautiful water bottle makes me much more likely to carry/use it.
Anonymous
If the aesthetics are not important to you, you can get the same insulation and no-sweat features in a Hydroflask bottle for less money. I also like the different mouthpiece options on the HF, and that the wide-mouth bottle I went with is much easier to wash than the narrow mouthed bottles like S’well and Kleen Kanteen.
Ems
Or if you like the swell shape, they sell generic swells on Amazon. Works just as well. I also love me my hydroflask.
Wildkitten
I own dozens of water bottles, so it’s definitely know what works for you. I love a bottle with a cap – like hydroflask, kleen kanteen, or swell – for putting in my purse on the go. Those are great brands that you can close up and stash in your purse. At my desk I use a cold cup with a straw. It’s reusable, I can fill it up and keep it at my desk, and it’s easier to drink from than the other brands, but it would never stash in a handbag.
What water need is it that you are trying to fill?
Gifts
Any gift ideas for:
– College sophomore (girl) in Northern CA
– High school senior (boy) in Southern CA
– 8th grade girl in Southern CA
They are all stylish and sporty and have everything they need, so any ideas besides gift cards for something they will actually like?
Anon
If it were me I’d get them each a Patagonia fleece and call it a day. I have a 14 year old daughter, 18 year old nephew and a 20 year old niece and we are in NorCal where it is all about Patagonia fleeces right now. Two years ago it was all about north face jackets, go figure.
It gets cold enough in SoCal for a fleece too.
Gifts
for the Sophomore, perhaps a very pretty agenda? I’m thinking something like this: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/2016-weekly-planner-5×7-van-gogh-almond-tree-bound-engagement-calendar-peter-pauper/1120750211?ean=9780594644576 (I’m a student — this is something I need but feel too silly buy)
Wildkitten
My high school in CA issued these for us.
Poo Pourri
Anyone use it? I was very skeptical, but my roommate bought it so I tried it out…and amazingly, it really does work.
/ Sorry if this is awkward to discuss but I really am curious.
Anonymous
We have it in our office. I’ve never had occasion to use it, but others will use it and frankly I don’t really think it works, but I don’t know if they’re spraying beforehand like the instructions say. To me, the effect is sort of like if someone sprayed perfume on after running a marathon–it doesn’t cover up the sweat/workout smell, and the perfume mixes with the sweat to make an even more noxious odor. The Poo Purri doesn’t block the odor from coming out of the bowl, and it just makes the whole bathroom smell like someone p00ped in a flower shop and then squirted some lemons all over it.
Susie
Thanks for the chuckle, especially your last sentence :)
Senior Attorney
I use it in my home (according to the directions) and I love it. I think it totally works.
Anon
Keep a matchbook in the bathroom. Strike a match after flushing. The only thing you smell is a match; not a hint of the other smell left.
Anonymous
I shared a one-bathroom house in Iceland with 5 dudes for a week.
Yes, it works.
Anon
Did anyone watch this season of 90 day fiancé? I got sucked into it. Mark and Nikki creeped me out. Or rather, Mark hella creeped me out.
Wildkitten
Between your use of hella and analysis of creepy I will now google this show.
espresso bean
How would you react to receiving an email from a friend asking about supporting a refugee family? I would like to sponsor a local family through a (reputable, local) organization that handles the coordination, but it involves a rather large financial commitment, so they suggest that a group sponsor the family.
I have a lot of friends that would probably be interested in either donating money, doing the actual work of visiting the family/meeting them at the airport, or both. But I am TERRIBLE at asking people for help. It seems like people usually tie in their requests for donations with marathons or something, and it feels a bit more indirect. I don’t want to alienate anyone in my network.
I was thinking about sending an email to a large group but BCC’ing everyone so no one knows who was asked and no one can reply all — and explaining that there is no pressure at ALL to donate; this is just something I’ve been thinking about and I wanted to see if others were interested. Would getting an email like this bother you?
Anon
I wouldn’t mind it, as long as we were actually friends (and not just random people who met a party once — I’m looking at you, random friend of my friend who I talked to for a few minutes at her wedding and then asked me to donate to her charity marathon). However, I wouldn’t even frame it as asking people for help. Instead, frame it as something that you think is cool and that you’re planning to do, and you’re emailing them because you thought they might be interested in getting involved as well so you wanted to loop them in. But no pressure if they don’t want to join. (Basically make sure they don’t feel like your ability to participate is contingent on whether or not they help out/donate money. Even if it IS in fact out of your ability to do on your own, saying that probably isn’t going to be more likely to make someone participate in something like this.)
Anonymous
I agree with this, and definitely BCC, I HATE mass emails where people reply all and I get dozens of unwanted emails.
Brunette Elle Woods
I would be interested in doing something like this or donating. What organization is involved?
Kanye East
Can we do this as a Corpor*tt* group? Because we totally should.
Violet
Count me out. If you want to give, fine, but many of us have our own charities that we already give to and adding another one at this point does not make sense, at least for me, as no one is giving me more money to give to anyone. I also think that some of these groups actually support anti-American activities, and that is the last place I want my contributions to go. If you want to support a group that I like, then think Planned Parenthood or Greenpeace.
Em
Nobody is going to force you to contribute for reading the site and there is no charity everyone on this site will like (e.g., I would never donte to Greenpeace.)
Anonymous
Ok? It’s obvi not a mandatory idea, and you weren’t personally invited.
Anon
Um, no one is forcing you to give. What a weird response.
OP
I would LOVE that. How would we set it up?
yep
Late reply, but +1
KittyKat
Someone I know actually just set up something like this a few hours after your post. I think it’s cool, especially given that I am from a very politically and socially liberal place. I can’t afford to contribute but if I could I would. I would be cautious if you are from a conservative place though.
Wildkitten
I’ve been very impressed at the outpouring of support from the evangelical Christian community. I think there are a lot of people in conservative communities who feel called by Christianity to welcome refugees. e.g. http://wewelcomerefugees.com/
I would not be skeptical about asking my friends to join the cause. However, I’d be very apprehensive about asking my work network or coworkers to donate. And I’d be extra-cautious if when the folks you invite to donate make you feel like they value *you* less. If so – don’t do it.
Newb
Lurker / first time poster here. I have a dreaded office-gifting situation that I need help with please!
I just moved to a new position within my company. Old position – zero gifting, up or down. Easy Peasy. New position is a much smeller group and I can’t ferret it out, and don’t want to ask for fear of it looking like “wanting.” You know?
New admin mentioned that she typically gets New Boss something small, but phrases it as “she’s all alone and who else is going to gift her?” Not sure I want to follow THAT lead. It’s a VERY small, VERY tight team and while I seem to be performing and fitting in, I’m just very conscious that I am the newbie. Advice?
NYC tech
You’re overthinking this. Just grab the person who strikes you as the nicest, and say “Can you help me out with this? Do people do Christmas gifts here? I want to go with the flow, and I know every office is different.” I can’t imagine anyone reacting badly to that.
NYC tech
Oh, I should say someone who is nice but also approximately on your level, and not the admin. Someone who clearly gets the office culture.
Anonymous
Thanks… Problem is, that person doesn’t exist :(. It’s me, the person I’ve been hired to replace who is clearly my senior, our Boss, and the admin. Oh, and My Senior is unexpectedly out until NY. Grrrrrr
Clerk
I’m a career judicial clerk, so our office is Judge, me, term clerk, and admin. I gift up to my judge because our office is so small and works so closely together. FWIW.
X
Ladies, can I show you what’s making me happy today? These christmas cards I just ordered:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00ORCFDA4?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=od_aui_detailpages00
NYtoCO
I guess I understand why people think these are funny, but I really think this humor trend is a bit… cheesy? If I received one of these from a friend I would be a little surprised that they thought it was funny (and clearly think I would agree), since I think of it as crass slapstick humor.
X
Good thing you’re not on my xmas list then. I’m single and I usually don’t send out cards because I don’t have kids or a pet. The cards I like to receive the most are the picture cards, but who wants a picture of a single girl.
These cards look fun, but your response honestly depresses me. Thanks for bringing me down. Here’s hoping my real friends will see the humor in these cards!
Little Red
I’ve found myself in the same sort of situation. All my friends with kids send those cards with pictures of their kid/kids. But I don’t have any kids/pets. So starting next year, I’m going to start sending cards with a picture of me from some really cool trip I went on that year. Got an African safari, to Namibia and potentially Okavango Delta in Botswana, in the plans for next year so that should yield some excellent photos.
Anonymous
I love them and would be thrilled to get one! Thinking of buying them myself!
Hollis
I love them and would display mine in a prominent spot in my office. Humor is good and there is nothing crass or slapsticky about these cards.
ace
@m@zon also has these leggings with a 25% discount when you use the code HOLIDAYS25. I’ve been eyeing these for awhile but don’t care for the prints on sale available in my size through Nordy’s.
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