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Something on your mind? Chat about it here. Here's a weird thing this weekend, in honor of the NAS: I'm going to recommend TWO weekend pieces because I'm kind of psyched about both. First up: This awesome dress was in my workwear roundup until I realized I had a ton of stuff and, well, it's kind of casual for work. But I love it — and that's saying a lot considering my iffy feelings on gray in general. I like the waist wrap detail, and it feels casual and cool without looking like a potato sack. Huzzah! It's $78 (it'll be $118 after the sale), and available in regular and petite sizes 0-16. Second: People LOVE these cardigans. They have a TON of glowing, happy reviews. But I can never tell if they're more bathrobe than cardigan — and even as someone who works from home, there are certain lines I won't step over. So I'm excited that in addition to the classic drapey cardigan, there's this nice new circle cardigan (with pockets!), an actual robe, a travel shawl — and most in plus sizes too. Select colors are on deep discount in the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale. (L-all)Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Ellen
Yay! Open Thread’s! I love Open Thread’s and this wrap dress! The cardigan I will leave for when I am a little older. But great choice for the HIVE, Kat!
Did the HIVE see about there being a WOMAN as manageing partner at Cravath? That is SOOOO impressive, my dad told me. He says he did work with Cravath many years ago and they are VERY competent attorney’s. I told him I had heard of Cravath, but they did NOT recruit at my school, so I could NOT interview with them. As a result, it turned out, I wound up workeing at a small firm where we refer big cases to big law firms. The manageing partner told me he refered a MERGER case to Cravath once, so HE hopes we will get their WC cases. When I am the manageing partner, I will organize a meeting between ALL female manageing partner’s. What does the HIVE think about this? YAY!!!
Tell me about your home office set-up!
After 10+ years working from a standard large corporate office, I will be transitioning to a home office soon (full time from home). Any advice on set-up, structure, other considerations? I’ll be in the same time zone that I’m currently in, but a different geographic location (3 hour flight).
Thanks!
Anon
Get a really good chair, and a really good conference phone. Test the acoustics of said conf phone with a friend.
Make sure you have an ergonomically correct setup (not just your kitchen table).
Consider getting a landline if you have cannot-miss calls.
Make sure you have a great printer-scanner-copier.
Make a plan now with your employer regarding scheduled, regular visits to the home office, so that you are not out-of-sight, out of mind. Similarly, make a plan with your boss regarding regular, scheduled check-in conf calls.
Think hard about whether you need others around you to be productive and whether paying for a co-working space a few days a week might be beneficial.
Think hard about what boundaries you are going to draw between housework and work during business hours (doing laundry, walking the dog).
Discuss expectations regarding housework with spouse (if any) so that there are not misconceptions that “since you are home, you have time to do the housework/prep meals, etc.”
Try to get into a routine even though you are home (out of your jammies by 9am or whatever you need to do to be focused and ready).
Tell me about your home office set-up!
Thank you!
I will have a dedicated home office (room with a door) and a landline. Co-working spaces not ideal due to privacy concerns (attorney). We do have a dog, and I plan to continue with a mid-day dog walker because that way he keeps his routine and I’m not stressing if I have a bunch of mid-day calls.
Anon
Boundaries are key. Boundaries with coworkers convinced you’re doing laundry, boundaries with neighbors who think you’re at home anyway, so surely you can be their emergency child care (our neighbors who do not know my name had this misconception when I started working from home . . . ), boundaries with the spouse who thinks you can run the garbage out, go to the dry cleaner, etc. Also boundaries with yourself so you have a boundary between working constantly and having a life.
Tell me about your home office set-up!
Thank you!
Anonymous
I wonder about what happened to Ellen and her home office. It is not like her to pass up commenting on her wifi and MacBook Air! Cat, where is she?
Anon
Does anyone have experience with keratin treatment (or competitors)? I have thick wavy shoulder length hair. Would love if it air-dried in a manageable, flattering way.
Sarah
I did a keratin straightening treatment a few years ago. It was very tough on my hair. Despite going to a reputable salon, I experienced some breakage and the actual process took longer than I thought it would. HOWEVER – I loved the results. I never felt polished just letting it air dry and going to work, but it made a huge difference in my routine. I also felt that it lasted a long time (took a while for the wavy hair to take over again). I’m a new mom and didn’t get the treatment again during my pregnancy, and now I wear it up in a pony or a bun more, so I’ll probably not do it again :)
Simplify
Tell me about your morning routine. I’d like to be more thoughtful about how I use my time. Do any of you meditate, excercise or do yoga? My goal is to be more centered & I think this would help.
Morning routine
530am – get up
545am to 7/730am – exercise (varies, I’ll either go for a run, run stairs, bodyweight exercises, do yoga, or lift weights depending on the day)
730am – walk dog, eat breakfast
8am – shower
840am – out the door
9am – at work
no kids yet
Anonymous
Lol lol lol. Not possible for 99.99 percent, but thanks for sharing!!!
Wildkitten
It’d be possible for me, except for that whole getting up at 5:30 am thing.
Cb
No strict routine but we have a teamaker on a timer so my husband gets up, feeds the cat, and returns with tea. we spend 10 minutes (or 20) sitting in bed drinking a cup of tea before facing the day.
Simplify
I didn’t realize timed teamakers exist. How lovely!
Anonymous
This sounds so lovely!
Tell me about your home office set-up!
It does sound lovely (esp as a morning person with a night owl husband, so we never go to bed or get up at the same times except on a rare weekend).
Worker Bee
Five Minute Journal. I do it upon arriving at the office. Actually, I fill in the end of day part and then I do the morning/start of day part. On the weekend I take the journal home and do the same thing on the weekend mornings. No way I’m writing in a journal, even with brief lists like this one has, at night. It is a brief thing. I find I am far more positive and grateful … that’s it’s focus. After six months when it is filled up, I’ll just get my own blank notebook and use the format. Kinda pricey for a poorly covered journal. but worth the start of focusing on being positive. Their emails (you can subscribe when you buy one journal) are good. I gave copies to my close friends for Christmas and Easter…positive reviews.
Simplify
Really intriguiged by this. Thanks for posting.
Shopaholic
Wow. This is impressive. I basically snooze until I realize I’m going to be late to work and then rush around getting dressed and run to work. Grab coffee on my way and spend the first 30 mins of day trying to wake up. I need to get better at mornings clearly…
Anonymous
This is my routine + 2 kids and a daycare drop off. Not a morning person doesn’t even begin to cover it.
Anonymous
This is my routine too. You’re not alone.
Anon
Yup, me too. So far in my 15 years of working life there is nothing that will get me out of bed but the threat of not even having enough time to brush my hair before I’m going to be inexcusably late to work.
AnotherAnon
Same here…I will wake up 45 mins(60 mins if I am washing my hair) before I have to be at work. My commute is 15 minutes from my door to my desk. 30 mins to shower and dress. I don’t eat breakfast nor drink coffee because I just don’t have time for that in the morning… I drink coffee at 11 AM at work.
M
From a fellow non-morning person and reformed chronic snoozer: Get a sunrise alarm clock! The light starts to wake you up before the alarm actually goes off, which makes it much easier to get up when the time comes. I still set a second alarm on my phone just in case, but I have not touched the snooze button since making the switch. Total game changer.
Little Red
So me!!
Wendy
I try to meditate every day, usually before lunch or dinner. My meditation group leader says it’s better to meditate before a meal and also not to meditate after drinking wine as you might just go to sleep (which it does for me).
Anonymous
I’m a morning person but I don’t do anything special in the morning. I get ready at home, drink tea on my metro ride/drive to work, and eat breakfast at my desk in the morning. I don’t really know what the OP means by “centered” though.
Catlady
5:30 – Wake up
6:00 – Crossfit
7:00/7:15 – Make and eat breakfast
7:30 – Shower/makeup/hair
8:15 – Grab lunch I made the night before and leave
9:00 – Get to work
PNW
I have three small children so the idea of meditating in the morning and using that time to feel centered has me literally laughing out loud. Although, I do have a one hour commute, so I suppose that counts as meditation? HA! (Seriously, though, it’s as close as I get).
BUT, I can offer some actual advice. If you want to find time in your morning to feel in the moment, definitely prep the night before like parents of small kids do: pack your lunch and work bag, set up breakfast/coffee, layout your clothing. While each task may not seem like much, clearing it all from you plate will buy you a lot of time, thought, and stress in the morning. You will have more focus and time without having to change your alarm clock.
JayJay
The first 15 minutes that I’m in the office are my “meditation.” Coffee, reading the news, and enjoying the silence after I drop my kids off at daycare.
Anonattorney
Amen to this. I usually get into the office a little before 8:00 and consider anything before 8:30 to be “me” time.
pugsnbourbon
I don’t have kids. Still, the most important thing for my mornings is that I don’t feel rushed. On my non-workout days, I get up early enough that I’m not scrambling while getting ready. I love having a few extra minutes to enjoy my breakfast and coffee and read the news (not lately, though, as the news has been largely terrible).
On my workout mornings, I still build in about 10 minutes of buffer time and I get absolutely everything laid out the night before. Lunch made, workout clothes at hand, work clothes packed and ready to go. Any sort of obstacle sends me right back to bed :)
Anon
Perfect world:
If I have to be at work at 9 (50 min commute by bus- it’ll be 15 minutes by bus starting in September, SO excited!)
Wake up at 6:40
Shower immediately or I’ll fall back asleep
Get dressed by 7:10 or so, unless outfits are not working. This sometimes happens even if I laid out my outfit.
Eat breakfast- my current go to is oatmeal packet and a couple of pieces of bacon with tea
7:30, sit down at my desk and do a nebulizer treatment while wearing a vest that shakes me for half an hour that has to be done twice a day. Watch Netflix or read Facebook during it (it’s mindless, I just have to breathe). Mentally prep for my day.
Out the door by 8:10.
These often get mixed up- If I wake up feeling awful I’ll do my treatment first and try not to fall back asleep and then eat just before I head out the door.
Sydney Bristow
I do everything I can at night (shower, pack lunch, lay out clothes) so I can get out the door as fast as possible. All my life I was a champion snoozer, so I got really good at getting out of the house in a hurry. My husband has trouble falling back asleep, which turned out to be the perfect way for me to cure my snooze habit!
5:25 am alarm then into the bathroom to dress, brush my teeth, and brush my hair.
5:35 am grab breakfast/lunch from the fridge and walk out the door
At my desk by 6:15 (which allows me to bill at least 10 hours and still leave work at 5:30 pm). I eat breakfast at my desk.
I made a deal with my husband to leave work at 5:30 whenever possible so we can eat dinner together at a normal hour. I’m not a morning person, but I’ve found starting my day super early to be best because my subway commute is way better and it allows me to bill a bunch of hours so I can pay down my student loans.
Veronica Mars
I waste so much time in the morning. I’m on the internet for at least an hour. I pretty much always wake up 30- 1hr before my 8 am alarm. Single. I also shower at night, so no hair drying/styling time needed in the morning.
6:40-7:00 wake up: Make tea, bring back to bed and play around on the internet
7:40ish: Eat a yogurt or simple breakfast, maybe make a smoothie (which can be sipped in bed while catching up on Ask A Manger… notice a theme yet?)
7:50: Decide if I want to go into the office, if yes, go to A, if no, continue to B (I almost always decide the day before when I look at my calendar, but sometimes I’ll double check it in the morning to see what meetings I have coming up and then decide)
A) Office
7:50 – Makeup and selecting outfit (20-25 minutes)
8:15 – Packing lunch and work bag
8:35 – Out the door, driving to the office.
B) Home
Sit in bed on internet until 8:30
8:30 – Change out of PJS, brush teeth, etc
8:4o – 5 minute makeup to feel human
8:45 – Pick up apartment (I hate working from home if it’s messy)
9:00 – Logon, start addressing emails, eat breakfast while doing so.
Sometimes in my hour of deadtime in the morning I will do a devotional and/or pray. But it’s infrequent and I should think about how I spend my mornings.
Not That Anne, The Other Anne
7 am: Get up and get dressed. Generally check email in the bed (but not work email!) because it’s on the smartphone that’s also my alarm.
7:15 am: Hair/jewelry/sunscreen
7:25: Grab pre-prepped lunch from fridge and toss in lunch bag
7:30: Leave with spouse
7:45: Drop spouse at work , sometimes with a stop at the little local coffee place that’s across the street from his job.
8:00: Get to work
I shower at night as well as prepping my lunch, laying out my clothes, choosing jewelry, and putting anything I have to take with me on the kitchen counter. I know myself well enough to know that if I don’t do that at night, I will forget something. Or several somethings.
NOLA
I like to get to work early because I like the quiet and I also like to leave earlier to work out in the evenings (I hate morning workouts. However, I’m not really a morning person, so I kind of need to ease into my day. I could never jump out of bed, get ready and rush out the door. I give myself time markers to get going.
So my routine is:
5:45: alarm goes off. I might dither for 5 minutes but mostly wake up. Start up my laptop. Look at stuff on the internet, watch Mike & Mike.
6:00-6:30: shower/hair/makeup
6:30: start coffee, get the paper, have breakfast
6:50: head back upstairs with my cofee. Watch Mike & Mike, videochat with my SO
7:20: get dressed
7:30 or so: get my gym stuff together, maybe lunch stuff (only on Mondays), get out the door to work
It takes about 10-15 min to get to work. If I’m in the office first, I can unlock everything, turn on the lights, then head into my office in the quiet.
Pep
5:30 Wake up. Laze in bed.
5:45 Alarm goes off. Get out of bed, throw on sweats, put tea on, and walk and feed dog
6:10 Sip tea in bed, check weather, FB, Instagram, and personal email on iPad.
6:20 Shower
6:30 Read paper, watch morning TV news, more tea
7:00 Dress, dry hair, apply makeup
7:30 Leave for office. Drink breakfast smoothie in car during commute
7:50 Arrive at office. Grab coffee in cafeteria
8:00 Log in and start work
APP123
So, I actually do meditate and do yoga in the mornings, which feels weird to write because it’s so unlike me (let’s just say I am not naturally zen)… but those two things have really helped me to feel less stressed throughout the day. For me, the key was a meditation app. That and I don’t consider morning yoga a “workout” – it’s just to stretch and wake up my body before I spend all day at a computer.
6:15am – Alarm; get up to pee; back to bed to play around on social media or read the news
6:45am – 15 min. meditation using Headspace app
7:00am – 15-30 min. yoga (either a youtube video or just play around, depends on when I need to get to work)
7:15am – Make coffee & breakfast smoothie
7:30am – Hair, makeup, get dressed while drinking coffee & listening to Pandora
8:15am – Leave for work; drink smoothie in the car
8:30am – Arrive at work
I also shower and pack my lunch at night and make liberal use of dry shampoo throughout the week…
Anon
I’d really like to be more handy around the house, but I’m super intimidated by the thought. I’ve never even hung a picture myself. In the past I’ve always just relied on my husband or dad to fix things but I don’t want to have to wait for someone else to do these things when I know I should be capable of doing it myself. Thoughts/books/classes to try??
Anonymous
Google it or look it up on Youtube, and then just go for it.
Worker Bee
Home Depot has a diy and basic homeowner stuff sort of book. Amazon. Along with YouTube, you might have all you need.
Anonymous
Most of the big box stores have free DIY classes in the hopes that you will want to take on home improvement projects and shop at their store. The last time I was at Home Depot they asked me if I wanted to take a special DIY for Women class that teaches you intro skills and prepares you to take their regular DIY classes. I found the name and the notion that only women need an intro class extremely offensive (I know a LOT of women who are handier than their husbands, me included) but I suppose it might appeal to those who don’t want to be around macho, know-it-all guys while they are dipping their toes into DIY.
Bonnie
Youtube videos are great for this. I’ve fixed quite a few small things around the house with their help. Ehow has good step by step instructions too.
That sweater looks soooo cozy.
Amanda
Just be very patient when you do things. Measure twice (at least!!!), cut once. And know that you will almost definitely make a mistake here and there – but you’ll learn how to cover the mistakes, too. If you’re able to, have your husband or dad watch you do things, and they can help correct as you go.
Stormtrooper
There’s a book called “When Duct Tape Just Isn’t Enough.” It’s a great little reference book that I have used several times, once to even fix my garbage disposal. It’s simple and easy to follow. It provides simple home-maintenance information as well as trouble shooting things for common problems. I would totally get this book again and have bought it as gifts for people when they become homeowners.
Also stores like Lowes and Home Depot have classes that I think are even free. I also see things like this posted in the community section of my local newspaper, and I keep wanting to go to them. They have one about how to make a rain barrel that I really want to go to – it’s a minimal fee and you leave with your finished product in hand.
Delta Dawn
What are some of the things you need to do? Do you have pictures to hang, or something to repair, etc? Some things are basic– usually, you really can just hammer a nail into the wall where you want the picture to go. Some things are more difficult, and when that’s the case I google it first to see if I can do it. If I can’t, I hire a handy person. Some things (to me) are not worth the time investment to learn to do yourself. I’m fairly handy, but my DH does not even attempt– he would hire out anything. I think what you’re asking is mostly about you making the effort, and that’s great!
PNW
+1 to youtube videos for discrete tasks.
My area’s community college has a ‘homeowner’ (or something…) series of 3-5 weekend classes on home repair and diy topics. I highly recommend those, and your area might have something similar.
Anonymous
Can anyone help address the golden handcuffs dilemma of BigLaw? I’m a fifth year litigation associate, and apparently the rare breed that doesn’t totally hate this job. I’ve learned a lot, gotten good experience, worked with smart people, and tried complex cases. I’ve learned how to protect boundaries of things that are important to me in my personal life.
Unfortunately, I don’t really want to be a partner here. I see what life is like for the junior partners I work for, and the hustle doesn’t appeal to me at all. So I know I need to leave at some point, but until now I’ve had good financial reasons to stay — paying off six figures of student loan debt, buying my house, building a big emergency fund. Every year it gets harder to walk away from the compensation.
Now that I’ve accomplished the major financial goals I set for myself, I feel like I should be able to give myself permission to leave. I’ve been saving and paying off debt for years, so I’ve tried to live without too much lifestyle creep — but I’ve gotten accustomed to going out to really fancy dinners occasionally or taking a weekend trip if the opportunity comes up and not worrying about it. There’s a really interesting position available in state government and I have great connections I could leverage to help get it. And I can’t seem to pull the trigger, because the bonus I’m expecting in December is like 125% of a full year of salary the state government job. Can anyone give me some anecdotes suggesting my lifestyle can adjust to a 75% or 80% paycut?
Anonymous
Why should you adjust? You like your job and you are paid well. Enjoy it. You are a 5th year. Apply for jobs when you want to move.
First Year Anon
I don’t know…Yah sure you could get used to the 80% pay cut, but do you want to? You’re a 5th year, I think you have some time to explore some options that don’t require such a significant financial sacrifice.
Anonymous
What is your financial picture like? Student loans paid off? How much are you spending on mortgage or rent? It sounds like you’re talking about a job that only pays ~$50K a year, and that’s tough to swing in a HCOL area if you have non-house debt. There are plenty of Big Law exit options that still pay well enough to allow for the occasional fancy dinner or fun weekend getaway, but it doesn’t sound like this job would be one of them, so you have to decide if you’re willing to give up that stuff for this job. Doesn’t hurt to apply and interview and you can assess in the interview process if this is a dream job is worth changing your lifestyle for. Sounds like you’re in no rush to leave Big Law, so if this isn’t your dream job, wait and look for something in the $100-150K range that will give you a better work/life balance but still let you indulge in the luxuries you’ve become accustomed to.
(Or do what I did – leave Big Law, move to a small city in a LCOL area, buy a house in cash, and you can still dine and travel like a king on a $50k salary since you don’t have any housing payment. I’m kidding a bit. I know not everyone can or wants to relocate. But for those who are open to it, the savings you’ve accumulated from Big Law do go way further in a much cheaper area.)
Anonymous
OP here: Yes, student loans are paid off. I bought a house last year and my mortgage is now $1000/month less than my rent used to be. My SO lives with me, so my costs are now lower than they have been in the past.
Anonymous
With government jobs you need to compare total compensation. The pension plan if defined benefit is often more valuable than defined contribution.
What’s the hours expectation at the state government positions? Thinking of it as an hourly salary may make the adjustment easier – you may actually be making more per hour then you do now.
How often to you really have the opportunity to do weekend getaways vs having vacation plans cancelled at biglaw because of last minute plans?
You do have time to consider your options but if a good one comes up, I’d take it as I wouldn’t want to be another 2-3 years out and panicked to find something before it was up or out if I knew I wanted to get out for sure.
Anon for this
Yes, yes, yes to the “think of it as an hourly salary.” I work for a crown corporation in Canada that pays better than government agencies at the same level, and I make 75% of what my Big Law friends do, but work less than half the hours per week. For me, this is a great deal and I couldn’t be happier with my compensation (including defined benefit pension!). The truth is, most of those same friends don’t even really have the time to enjoy a lot of their luxuries their money could afford (trips, dinners, etc.).
Anonymous
This is my interpretation, but I don’t think what you described is the true “golden handcuffs” situation. To me, golden handcuffs isn’t where you just like making more money because it buys you the extras in life – it’s when you have expanded your monthly outlay to the point where you can’t leave because you couldn’t afford life. Maybe it’s splitting hairs there, but if you’ve paid off debt and have an emergency fund, assuming you could still afford your house note on the reduced salary, than what you’re giving up would seem worth it.
That said, I kind of read from your post that maybe you don’t actually want to leave. And that’s ok! I really hate the idea that there has to be an exit from biglaw at 5-6 years. Could you stick around at least through year end, get your bonus, and continue to enjoy the fact that you enjoy many aspects of your job?
Anonymous
If I could take this job in January, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’ve talked to my contacts at the job, and he thinks they’re planning to have someone start by October. I think I’m really having a hard time swallowing completing the full billable year, earning my bonus and then not getting the money for it.
Anonymous
I’m not sure about govt jobs but in Big Law it’s pretty common to negotiate a start date such that you still get your bonus, or new job will give you a bonus to replace the old one. I think it’s definitely worth asking about before you turn down the offer.
Anon
Apply and see what happens. Remember that if you’re applying for a government job in August, they’re unlikely to fill it and want you to start by the end of the year, so it’s possible that you could end up getting your bonus anyway. At some point, it is very hard to move to another firm without a book of business. So this government job may not be the one, but it is a good time to start thinking about what else is out there.
Anon
I was one of the rare ones that LOVED my biglaw job and did not want to leave. Got pushed out as an 8th yr bc my firm wasn’t making partners out of my department — my dept lost a big client, they weren’t going to reward that with a new partner even if that senior assoc had nothing to do with that loss, i.e. typical politics.
So anyway I had to leave. You haven’t put numbers on it and it’s been a while so I don’t know bonus figures offhand anymore, but I would NOT leave as a 5th yr for a job in the state govt paying less than 100k (I assume the job you’re looking at is more than 50-75k). You are in the enviable position of liking what you do AND as a 5th yr there are a few more yrs of fun ahead of you. Why settle for state govt where people will be collecting their checks and going home, when you don’t have to right now? People don’t like me saying it but I went to fed govt (bc I had to) and it is a BIG step down work wise, colleague wise etc. And I say this despite the fact that I’m making 160k so it’s not that huge of a monetary step down for me.
My point is — step down when you have to, not before; AND make your money and enjoy your job while you can.
Dulcinea
No experience with this, but why don’t you experiment for a few months with living on the budget you would have to live on in the other job? Also, try out what it would be like for both you and your SO to live on that budget (imaginary job loss for SO).
Anonymous
I’ve definitely been thinking about that, and just stashing all the extra cash away during that time period. I wish I’d started that plan a little earlier, because I need to make a decision on this job now.
Government Lawyer Here
I am a government lawyer, and overall, I am happy with my job. I was BigLaw for 2 years out of law school and loved the money but hated the job. Moved over to a prosecutor job and took a 50% pay cut. 10 years later, I don’t regret that decision at all, but I will point out a couple of things to consider. First of all, depending on the government job, you might work more hours when you start than you do at BigLaw. I did. Easily. The only difference was that I didn’t mind doing the work because I found it fascinating and loved what I was doing. But I worked more hours and more weekends at this job starting out for way less money. It took me 7 years to get back and surpass the money I made my first year in BigLaw. However, the benefits and insurance and retirement are amazing. Just don’t think it will necessarily be an “easier” job. My government lawyer job is very rewarding, but it’s stressful. Sometimes people’s lives and liberties depend on you. Many of my BigLaw friends think it would be so awesome and exciting to be in trial all the time. Yes, you get to develop great skills and flex those muscles. But with that comes endless hours at work, missed vacations, dinner cancellations, and stomach ulcers. The government job you are seeking may not be that kind of position, but just be careful that you realize that you could be trading in a job you are generally happy at for one that you don’t really understand. And good luck! I applaud you even considering making a move and spreading your wings!
Annie Mouse
Was never in Biglaw but I have a civil practice at my local government job, and I echo this. I don’t have billables, but I do have a “keep working until you get the job done well” policy. It ends up being a lot of hours, and the workload is heavy, and there ARE a lot of weekends and evenings and missed dinners and happy hours involved. But there’s stellar health insurance (which goes a LONG way), guilt-free time off, and interesting work. Also, it feels like I have a client worth fighting for — so no complaints here!
Need to Improve
If you actually love your job, and the only reason you want to leave is you don’t want to be a partner, then don’t leave now, and leave when it’s time to be a partner. You probably have at least 5 years before you would “have” to leave. I don’t see the issue here if you love the money and your job.
Anonymous
I’m intrigued by the responses suggesting there’s a lot of time. My general impression of the advice here (and about BigLaw generally) is that you need to get out by the time you’re a fifth or sixth year, or there’s nowhere to go because people assume you got pushed out.
anon
Partner track is generally 10 years these days. I’m an 8th year in Biglaw. I’m homegrown, but there’s no way I’m making partner. No book, politics, etc. Plus the life of a junior partner looks terrible anyway. I expect I’ve got another couple years before I am pushed out. I’m going to ride this gravy train as long as I can, keep getting great experience, interesting work, and an absurd salary (in exchange for any personal time whatsoever…) and maybe consider off-track of counsel/senior attorney options once the “up or out and you’re out” conversation is broached by the powers that be.
another anon
Would you consider an of-counsel type of role? If you love biglaw but don’t want to be partner track, there are other options.
If this government job seems fantastic and amazing and the type of thing you’ve always wanted to do but finances are the only hurdle, then you will make the finances work. But don’t jump at the opportunity just because it exists. Take your time.
A 5th year associate is really valuable right now– you have fantastic experience AND graduated in an economy when class sizes were being cut, so there is a dearth of associates with your experience. You have the ability to wait for a different opportunity if you’d like to.
Monte
I was also the 5th year who loved my firm, my group, and the work I did, and I took the 70% paycut to go to the government. The difference I see between where I was and where you are is that I left for the dream job — not just an interesting one, but the only other job I wanted. And it was completely worth it.
Still, I echo Government Lawyer — my job is infinitely more stressful than my BigLaw gig ever was, the work is more intense, and I work a ton. And I will never make working for the government what I was making when I left as a midlevel.
In your position, I would tell you to hold tight. If you like your job and you aren’t dying for the other position, stay put. Be more aggressive in your savings/investing, so that you are living on a lower salary, which will make it easier to leave later down the line and leave you well-positioned financially when you do. And then figure out what next steps you are actually excited to take.
Imposter
I got a 4/5 performance rating (5 is top), but only a 2% raise. I’ve been at the company for 10 months. I did get 100% of my bonus target. At the pay discussion yesterday I didn’t negotiate the raise. Manager says company is keeping increases to 3-4%, and I’m bumping against pay grade. I am disappointed in myself that I did not negotiate.
I feel like I’ve failed all those how to negotiate / succeed as a woman workshops.
Amanda
You haven’t failed at all! Some people (myself included) just need time to process the data. Set up time to meet with your manager, and explain now that you’ve had time to review your performance rating and raise, you believe an X% raise is warranted due to your high performance rating (and cite specific examples of your high performance). If he/she continues to push back based on you bumping the pay grade, should you be moved up to the next pay grade? Go for it, it can’t hurt to ask!
Anonymous
Sometimes corporate raises are weird. My manager says she has little insight into how they are calculated (cause they’re at a pretty standard level across the company) and ours have been disappointing in recent years. You’ve only been there 10 months so I don’t know if you have much leverage…
hoola hoopa
+1
It sounds like you have a centrally-decided performance increase, so don’t feel badly. What you actually need to do is focus on going up a pay grade. Talk with you manager about what needs to happen for you to do that. (Ie, time in the job, specific skills, waiting for someone to retire, etc).
An
If you’re bumping up against your pay grade and are performing well, talk to your manager about getting promoted to the next level. It may not happen immediately, but make your interest clear and see if you can work on a path to get your there together.
An
Can anyone recommend any strength-related workout videos? Looking for some things to stream when I travel, I have a few on Amazon videos as well as some other sites and I’d like to switch it up. I usually borrow weights and things from the hotel gym and work out in my room. Anything that is not Jillian Michaels please, I am not a fan of her personality.
hoola hoopa
FWIW, Jillian Michaels on mute isn’t bad.
Amanda
I really like the workouts on myomy dot tv. She has a nice Aussie accent and is strong as h*ll! The workouts are short but give you a great workout. I don’t think she’s posted anything new for a while now, but she has a great library of videos.
Katala
You might try a barre-type workout. Strength focused and only small weights (if any) needed. I’ve tried Susan Bowen and liked her. There are also a lot of pilates videos out there and they’re less intense? annoying? rude? than Jillian Michaels.
anon
Look at FitnessBlender.com. Lots of strength stuff and non annoying.
Sarabeth
Mama strong. Some of it is specific to postpartum recovery, but most of the videos are not.
M
Toneitup has tons of videos (on their website and on YouTube).
X
I like the Best Arms Fitness app (and the related Best Abs and Best Butt apps). You choose the length of workout and the length of the rest interval in between and the app chooses which exercises. You can even set up a schedule so that it reminds you to workout on specific days and times.
Brunette Elle Woods
I really enjoy barre workouts. They have dramatically transformed my arms and abs. There are DVDs and streaming workouts.
ar
I have 2 small daughters (2 and 3) and I love them a lot. Working in mid-law.
Find myself super overwhelmed with motherhood. I dread coming home and weekends sometimes (and it’s not like I have a super fun job luring me away!), Playdoh, bedtime, baths, meals, etc.
My girls LOVE mom, treat me like a total rockstar when I get home (screeching! bringing their favorite toys! holding my hands! snuggling me aggressively!). and I love them. I just feel so burnt/spent and kind of resentful and trapped (they don’t sleep well, get up at 5 a.m., don’t really tolerate “child watch” at the gym for more than 20 mins without someone crying/getting hurt, not to mention the 20 mins required to get them into car/into gym and get them settled). I feel SO GUILTY about being resentful/cranky with them and overwhelmed and dreading coming home, but also so trapped into this freaking spartan 5 am wakeup AND WORK AND KIDS ALL DAY UNTIL YOU CAN GET THEM TO EFFING SLEEP.
I have a husband who is great/contributes a lot (they WANT MOM THO), but works a lot of nights. We can’t really afford to pay student loans regular child care AND extra child care at night…and I’m home for like 2.5 hours until they go to bed and feel like I should be cool with my own kids for 2.5 hours….
Everywhere I look, the answer seems to be MOAR SELF CARE, but I find that when I go get a pedicure or to lunch (sweet freedom!) or out to dinner/drinks, it makes me MORE overwhelmed/cranky and craving MORE of this time alone/kid-free time (kind of like having a BITE of cheesecake and leaving the rest of it in front of you for a whole dinner!) I also get super resentful of my husband when he works nights and makes me wrangle them alone.
I get mad at myself and feel like I’m going to give my beautiful, funny, hilarious kids who LOVE ME SO MUCH some sort of complex or make them feel “bad” or “annoying” by being cranky or that they’ll sense the resentment. My whole life is me feeling vaguely annoyed and guilty, despite knowing (and even keeping a journal) of all the things I have to be grateful for.
On antidepressant. Kind of in therapy.
Super sorry if this offends anyone TTC. Feel like I would be a little misplaced in the “Moms” thing (most mommy blogs are about how much people LOVE THEIR KIDS AND WANT TO WORK FROM HOME, and I’m terrified of reaction).
Katala
FWIW, the c-moms site is not like that, IME. I think you would get some commiseration/advice there. That said, I feel the same way sometimes with my 1 kid, so I get it although a little time alone usually helps me reset – but it sounds like that doesn’t work for you so, maybe a better therapist/different meds? Sorry you’re going through this.
mascot
+1 that the moms site is not your typical snarky, kids rule 24/7 attitude. I’ve found the voices there to be very understanding of what it means to be a working mom, even the ugly parts.
These are hard years and I have felt all of these feelings at some point. Cut yourself some slack. Your kids will be fine. This may be one of those places where the only way out is through. It doesn’t sound like just white-knuckling your way through is working though, so maybe talk to your therapist/doctor about tweaking your meds, increasing your sessions, whatever you need to get a little more headspace.
Frozen Peach
Yes, please come hang with us on the moms site and get some support, venting, commiseration, life hacks!!
Anonymous
No advice, but I could have written this.
Anon2
+1
Spirograph
me too. I’m not even going to anon myself for it!
I love my kids to bits, but sometimes I fantasize about hopping in my car and just driving anywhere but home for a few days just to feel like a person again instead of MOMMY.
Anon for this
Yeah, you are so totally not alone. I do not have children, but most of my friends do at this age. And, I’ll be honest, hearing them talk like this makes me question whether I really want any of my own despite the fact that I always grew up assuming I did.
I look at the relationship that I have with my parents and I so dearly want that…but I don’t know if I can handle all the years that come first. Yikes…how does one reconcile this feeling? Are ~half of us just gritting our teeth and getting through it by force of will?
Anonny
Well psychology has repeatedly found that parenthood is the unhappiest time of people’s life. So I think that most parent’s are profoundly unhappy and just lie go keep up appearances and to continue the lie they were fed.
Anonymous
If that’s how you feel, you should probably call your mom and apologize for ruining her life.
Eh
I dont think that’s true at all. Parents are unhappy while it’s really difficult, which is when the children are very small. But as the above poster mentioned, the relationship you have with your parents as an adult is obviously very different. I once read a quotation (maybe Gwenyth Paltrow? not the best source but whatever) about how you don’t family plan based on small children, you family plan based on how many people you want around your Thanksgiving table in twenty years.
Anon for this
I think Anonny was making a fair point. It’s not how she feels necessarily. It sounds like she has read studies about this. I also think we’d be doing ourselves a favour to be honest about how we’re really feeling even if it is along the lines Anonny has mentioned, so that moms like the OP don’t think they’re abnormal over something that, if this thread is any indication, is completely normal.
Spirograph
This is pretty flippant and I don’t think most parents are “profoundly unhappy.” Caretaking is hard, whether it’s for children, parents whoever. Day-to-day can be very stressful. But I think most people step back from that occasionally and find it rewarding. With little kids, the highs are really high and the lows can be really low…and there are a million ways for kids to be frustrating, so there are also a lot of lows. Plus it often coincides with a busy time in your career trajectory. All that averages out to less happy than being an independent freewheeling adult, but that’s not the same as profoundly unhappy.
Anon for this
So, for those of you that are moms, I’ve always silently wondered – what was your mindset as you started to try for children? I have so much doubt about whether I would be a good parent to young kids or whether I could mentally handle the sacrifice involved. Maybe those feelings will subside? Or do some women actually feel this way even once they’re trying to conceive?
Boston Legal Eagle
I thought the early years would be hard and that has been true so far. It helps to have a supportive SO who will share in the parenting tasks. Having these feelings will make you a good parent – it means you care.
Boston Legal Eagle
I didn’t mean to be all doom and gloom – there are some amazing moments with young kids (baby in my case) like when they smile and laugh and truly enjoy your company :) It’s a feeling you can’t really imagine until you have them.
LSC
My husband wanted them. I wanted kids with HIM. The idea of kids in general did not apppeal to me, but the thought of them being OUR little ones did. That being said, I was totally unsure and unprepared and sarcastic about it. I just decided to go for it and make it work. Luckily biology kicks in and you love the little germ factories. But your old self does not go away. You can love your children fiercely and still want a break/your old life back sometimes. Totally normal.
Anonny
Everyone chill. This is speculation based on psychology saying parenting makes people unhappy and my friends all saying they *love* it. Clearly people are very uncomfortable expressing how they truly feel and it takes an anonymous clinical research setting for people to articulate their feelings.
Senior Attorney
I could have written this back in the day, too.
Anonymous
+1
Anonymous
You have young kids. I don’t think this is uncommon (in fact I think it’s pretty darn common). The only tidbit that helps is that it.will.get.better. Having kids under five is short-term. Is there anyway that your husband can change jobs to work more regular 9-5 hours?
Anonattorney
A few thoughts. First, you are not a bad mom, you’re not a bad person. I think you’re probably actually very normal. Have you thought about trying to put them to bed earlier? Sometimes an earlier bedtime actually means a later wake-up time. That would also give you some more downtime to yourself in the evenings after the kids go to bed. Also, I second the advice to remind yourself that this is just temporary.
hoola hoopa
FWIW, this completely fits in with the moms site. It’s not the glow of parenting (photoshop out the rest) that you get elsewhere.
Honestly, you have a 2 and 3 year old, so everything you’re saying sounds completely normal. It is normal to be completely exhausted and cranky by the time you get daycare. (Feeling guilty about it is normal, too). For a concrete tip, I suggest having a snack and water on the drive to daycare, and have a snack ready for them on the ride home (once they are strapped in!). It helps me stay upbeat (even if I don’t *feel* hangry when I leave the office) and it gives them a little reward for getting into the carseat and get over their hanger.
Weekday evenings are hard. They are even harder if you are doing them solo. I try to have one nice moment with each kid, even if the rest of the evening feels like a complete disaster. Maybe it’s reading in bed, or a little chat while I prep dinner, or cuddling while watching tv, or dancing to the radio.
Mentally, I also kind of write off weekdays. (If we are being honest). I try to get in *good* family time on the weekends. I’m not a morning person, and I’m also not good after work, but man can I be a good mom in the late morning! LOL. I choose to believe that those are the times my kids will remember.
Have one-on-one time with each kid. I highly, highly recommend setting aside a routine time slot where you alternate kids and do *whatever they want* without having your own agenda or itinerary. They want to browse the toy section at Target for 1.5 hrs? Totes cool; I have no where else to be. They want to go to the library but not leave with a single book? Sure, I didn’t have anything in mind anyway. (I use flex time for this – a couple of hours every two weeks – so that it doesn’t feel royally unfair that one kid gets to do something special with mom and the other doesn’t. Although with two kids, your husband could do the same with the other child at the same time on the weekend, which would be doubly great.
Try a kids joke book. Your kids are still a bit young, but I find having a few jokes on hand helps when things aren’t going well.
When you are frustrated, give yourself permission to walk out of the room and get a breath. Weekday evening bedtime in particular is a time when I start winding up tighter and tighter and tighter. I really have to catch myself, step aside to refocus, and get back into the game with more patience and a clearer perspective.
I also find the “more self care!” advice unhelpful. I need the positive reinforcement of feeling like I was a successful mom. Although, sometimes it is really nice to eat a freaking meal without interruption, so my husband and I meet for lunch dates. No extra babysitting. Eye contact with an adult that I love. Food. It’s all good.
Anonforthis
I understand entirely. This used to be me. It’s always a struggle. Here is what I changed:
1) Rachel Macy Stafford’s Hands Free Mama blog was a great resource
2) I managed to finagle five kid-free days. My SO took our kid to visit family, and I had some time by myself. Since then, I’m much more able to be present and enjoy kid time after that respite.
3) There is no rule against a glass of wine during bathtime.
4) Schedule REGULAR date nights or half-weekend days that belong to you alone to do what you want. There’s something about knowing it’s a regular, planned-for thing, that makes a huge difference.
5) Cut yourself way more slack!! Trust me, you are a great mom. It was helpful for me to shift my perspective from being “BE AWESOME AT MOMMING” to “Try to enjoy your kid.” Turns out I’m more awesome at momming that way.
6) It sounds like the gym day care is a particular stress driver. Is there another solution for that specific time? Another parent you could swap kid duty with? A college student or “mother’s helper” high schooler?
Huge hugs. You’re not alone, and this is the struggle that faces every mother ever, I think. SAHMs face this too– I think there’s a ton of pressure to Enjoy! Every! Minute!. And a lot of the young years is sheer drudgery for a half hour of kid parent bliss. Shortest years, longest days.
Sarabeth
Consign the advice to try to get a break that is longer than a few hours. At least a full weekend.
Boston Legal Eagle
I think this is an extremely common feeling about young kids, particularly from overachieving women. Young kids are just hard to deal with! I like the advice that this is a phase that will eventually pass, although these days feel soooo long (I feel it already with just a 3 month old).
If it helps, my mom essentially said this is how she felt about my early years and I don’t love her any less for it. I think she and my dad are awesome role models for how I want my marriage/parenting to be. The older I get, the better my relationship is with them, and I’m sure the same will be true with your kids.
Hang in there, you’re not alone! I also think it’s worth it to get a babysitter every now and then to give you some you-time in those weekday evenings. It’s hard to do the nighttime routine alone if your SO works late a lot.
Thx
Agree with everyone else, but a very concrete suggestion is to troubleshoot that 5AM wake up. I felt more depleted after month three of 5AM wake ups than I did with a newborn and a toddler. To address it, we did sleep training, got one of those okay to wake clocks, and my husband and I now switch days. Every other day, I get to “sleep in” until 7:15, regardless of what the kids do. It seems like very little extra sleep, but it has really really helped my angry/furious moods at the end of the day.
I also have up on the gym, and bought a really nice double stroller. When I am at my most frustrated, I can walk/jog the kids – and a lot of the frustration goes away as we all get out of the house. I got the older one in the stroller bc we usually walk to ice cream, so win win.
Good luck. This age is hard
Need to Improve
oh sister. i get it. i think the only solution to this is TIME. you are in the thick of the madness, and it will get easier next year and even easier the year after. when they are in kindergarten, things will be different. i promise.
of course you are overwhelmed. this is HARD. and you are right. there is no amount of self-care that can fix things when you just want to walk out the door sometimes and say I’M OVER ALL OF YOU.
hang in there–it will improve when the tantrums die down.
Need to Improve
PS: The 5 am wake-up is the worst. I got the stupid f***cking color-coded clock that’s supposed to teach them to be quiet and stay in their rooms until 7. My kid just yelled “MOM! THE CLOCK IS NOT GREEN YET BUT I WANT TO GET UP!” I hated that thing. I threw it out.
Once the afternoon naps dropped, the 5 am wake-ups stopped.
POSITA
I feel this way sooooo often. I totally dread my almost 3 yo because she’s in the thick of a tantrum phase. I know it will eventually pass, but it’s miserable for now. Add kid no. 2 and it’s just plain hard.
The best thing I’ve found is to get out of the house as much as possible. Keep them distracted. We try to hit a splash park or playground most days after daycare. I’ll pack a deconstructed dinner for them (e.g., chopped grapes, cheese, crackers, chicken cubes) and let them munch between playing. Then we just do bedtime when we get home–straight up to a bath, pjs, bed. There’s something less intense about being out of the house. Switching up the playground keeps them interested. I also like chatting with other moms. Good luck. It’s hard.
Bonnie
I love this dinner idea.
Veronica Mars
Not a mom, but can you find conferences/professional development with travel that your company can pay for? Even a few days when you’re alone and able to expense a good dinner and then go home to an empty hotel might be a good mini recharge.
Bcc
I feel this way a lot! You are not alone. My kids are now 2 and 5 so the dinner/bedtime stuff is much better now than even a year ago. Hang in there! My guilt and shame are compounded by my husband being a wonderful, loving, creative, nurturing father who is also a genius at work AND pulls more than his fair share of kid duty. Argh.
CPA Lady
Toddlers are annoying a f*ck sometimes. I have one and my sister has two. You are not alone in feeling this way. I felt similarly annoyed and hopeless this time last year when my kid was almost 1. Now that she’s almost 2 it is slightly better. But sometimes the endless whining and tantrums and her not being able to talk all the way yet just get on my LAST NERVE.
I think it’s going to keep on getting easier and easier as she gets older, though. I think parents have an age they prefer. For me, I’m not super into babies or toddlers, but I really like kids. So I’m expecting to enjoy having a kid a lot more than I enjoy having a toddler. I just have to get there. You may be the same way– just not really into having a toddler, but will end up having a great and fun relationship with your kids when they are old enough to have a conversation and wipe their own bottoms.
Also, this is insanely morbid, but I found that HONY kids with cancer photo series helped me so much in being grateful. When I’m angry and frustrated, trying to focus on what I am grateful for can sometimes diffuse my irritation and help me be more present in the moment, rather than getting wrapped up in anxious feelings of being in an out of control toddler-themed situation. And actually saying how I feel out loud. I find when I don’t internalize my feelings, but instead tell my husband or sister when I’m feeling frustrated and overwhelmed that helps. And you can even talk to your children about feelings. Like “mama needs a little bit of quiet time to calm down”.
Anonono
Piling on that this sounds normal.
I love my daughter fiercely, I miss her the second I drop her off at daycare, sometimes I am watching videos of her on my phone less than an hour after dropping her off, hell, I miss her when she’s asleep in her crib at night in the next room over… but oh my god come Sunday afternoon I’m counting down the minutes until I can go to work (that beautiful place where no one cries inconsolably because they threw the thing they threw). Young kids (she’s 18 months) have such intense emotions and intense needs, and I think it is so exhausting partially *because* you love them so much — you care about all their needs and feelings, and it’s tiring!
Is there any way you can push back on your husband a bit to get more time for yourself? (If you’re not wanting to pay more for childcare after hours, why are you always the one who provides that childcare? Some days can he leave work, help with bedtime, then get online and finish his work? That might be more fair.)
We sort of default into me being the main parent on weekday evenings (he’s a SAHD so he’s been the main parent all day) but then I feel like I am either working, watching the kid, or sleeping. There’s no me time in that equation. So my going to the gym every other evening has become a mandatory thing. It sucks that I get less time with the kid, and it makes my husband’s days longer, but sweating and watching trashy TV is glorious, and so so good for my mental health, and it makes me a better wife and mother, really. When I’ve been to the gym a few times during the week, it’s easier to laugh off the meltdowns, and to just enjoy my kiddo. (Not saying it has to be exercise for you, could be a painting class or nature walk or meditation or joining the choir, just something that helps you reset.)
Anon
1. It’s hard! But you are in the thick of it, and it will get better, and easier, as they get older.
2. If you have 2.5 hours in the evening, can you take them outside to run around for a bit after dinner? Fresh air good for them and you, and tired kids sleep better. Plus I find my kids are most difficult/annoying in our house, but when they are outside at a park they are interested in doing stuff and less clingy. (Oh, that feeling of just needing some personal space! When they both feel the need to be literally right on you at all times… Ugh. and I love my cuddly kids too, and how affectionate they are, but sometimes you just need a little space to breathe.)
3. Can you have a specific time calendared every week with just an hour or two to yourself? Having it be a regular thing that you know you will get may help it be easier to stay in the moment when you are doing kid time.
4. Fake it til you make it. It is so hard but at least with my kids they tend to reflect back the attitudes that I am projecting, so if I stay cheery and positive they whine less and are happier too. It is super exhausting but gets easier and can help the routine go much more smoothly (and eventually need less of the manic “let’s make everything a fun game!!!!”)
Anonattorney
A few thoughts. First, you are not a bad mom, you’re not a bad person. I think you’re probably actually very normal. Have you thought about trying to put them to bed earlier? Sometimes an earlier bedtime actually means a later wake-up time. That would also give you some more downtime to yourself in the evenings after the kids go to bed. Also, I second the advice to remind yourself that this is just temporary.
Anonattorney
posted in the wrong place.
Anonattorney
Aaaannd, utter failure.
Wildkitten
NAS early access is in person as well as online, right?
anon prof
Yes, there’s a section for it in my local store. I think you have to show your credit card during early access.
New Associate
I’m so excited that block heels are on trend right now. My old ones are so worn down (and the company no longer makes them!) so I’m planning to buy a new pair. I’m in my 20s, just starting as new associate. Business formal/mostly male/conservative environment. I know I look young, so I’m trying to be conscious of dressing up.
Any recommendations for whether I should look at rounded toe vs. pointy toe pumps? Or does it not matter? I’ve seen both and I’m torn! Also wondering whether rounded toe is more comfortable as I have never worn pointy toe before. I have the beginning of bunions so I wonder if that would also make pointy toe hurt the sides of my feet more.
Julia
Wear what is comfortable for you, first and foremost. You should never be lagging because you can’t walk comfortably in your shoes. As for fashion, I think pointy toes are still the current fashion, but certainly you will see alternatives that are professional and won’t make you look like a little girl. Someone wrote a scathing comment the other day about pointy-toed shoes being damaging to feet. I don’t get that at all, as I understand the point is not a place your toes are actually supposed to be; it is superfluous. But then I have “normal” feet, meaning not wide or narrow, no bunions, corns, hammertoes, etc., despite daily heel-wearing, and my toes descend in length from the inside out. So YMMV. I am genuinely curious about the hatred of pointy-toes.
Rca292
I should have posted sooner but I’m trying the Nordstrom personal stylist today for suit shopping. I know on the website it says I have no obligation to buy anything but I understand that’s how the stylists get their commission. If it works out great, I have no problem buying stuff but I want to be prepared in case I simply don’t like anythig. Anyone have any thoughts on this? I
Kk
The first time I did this, I felt totally pressured to buy things (DC area nordstrom) and I returned $600+ of suits to a different Nordstrom, just because I was too much of a wimp to say no. To make matters worse, she kept trying to talk me into getting a Nordstrom credit card, even though I’d been clear about my budget- she kept telling me to dress for the job I want, not the one I have, that I’d have to spend money to make money, etc.
The next time, I was much clearer with [a different] stylist, and flat out refused to try on anything that was outside my budget.
Wildkitten
I went to NAS and the circle cardigan with pockets is actually in the sleepwear section. So it is a bathrobe, for real.
Anon
Favorite products for self-gardening, or gardening with a partner with electronics? Anyone have experience with the Siri 2?