ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 248 Comments

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Bootie: TOMS Majorca Peep Toe Bootie Something on your mind? Chat about it here. Whoa. I was clicking through Zappos’s list of bestselling boots the other day, and there were a lot of unsurprising regulars — the Petty, the Penny, even the Desert wedge — but this pictured boot was the #1 bestseller, in this color (with all the other colors making an appearance on the list too). It’s got 40 rave reviews, with lots of people calling out how comfortable they are. Whether you’re totally on board with the “peep toe boot” trend or not, at $98, it’s hard to go wrong with these. They’re available in sizes 5-12 at Zappos. TOMS Majorca Peep Toe Bootie (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

248 Comments

  1. Has anyone purchased Ann Taylor shoes? Wondering how well made & comfortable they are. Ivanka Trump was my go to for shoes (flats) but I can’t bring myself to purchase her stuff anyone.

    1. I have really liked the kitten heels and higher heels I’ve gotten from Ann Taylor- they have a tiny bit of cushion and have been about the same/better quality, compared to Ivanka.

      1. I haven’t purchased AT shoes really recently, but in the past 3 years or so I bought a few pairs. They are good quality and I find them to be really comfortable. I’m with you on the Ivanka shoes – there is a pair I really love at Nordstrom and I’m hoping to find something similar by another brand.

    2. Loved my Ivanka flats I bought a year ago- would not buy them now though! Just wearing them creeps me out a little

      1. I love Ivanka’s stuff, though Dad will not let me wear flat’s, b/c he think’s I am not tall enough to wear them and look dumpy in them. It is true that with my long body and stubby leg’s flats do nothing at all for me. I wish I had a shorter body with LONGER leg’s so that men would notice me for my leg’s.

        FOOEY! But Now their eye’s just look at my face and the then STARE at my boobies. Dad says men LOVE long leg’s b/c they love to do stuff and short leg’s do NOT satisfy them. He told us stories about tall Russian girls behind the iron curtain until mom got mad about, b/c he did NOT hesitate to do stuff with them, but that was BEFORE they were married. I wish I could find a man that would NOT mind me wearing flat’s, b/c 4″ heels are realy difficult to wear around NYC. I hope the rest of the hive does NOT have this issue. YAY!!!!

    4. I hear you on the Ivanka label! I have one of her dresses, feel dirty when I see the label. I tell myself it’s ok because someone had it altered and then didn’t want it, so I got it at Nrodstroms rack.

  2. I have a Citizen Eco Drive watch in silver that I love and would like something in gold. I don’t love any of the gold Eco Drive options but I definitely want another solar powered watch. Getting watch batteries changed is one of those errands I never manage to get done.

    Looks like Seiko and Skagen make solar watches too. I know Skagen gets a lot of love here. Comments on the quality of the solar ones? Other brands I should look at?

  3. I just can’t with shoes like this. Be a boot, or be a sandal. Don’t be both.

      1. Yep. If it’s cold enough to need boots, it’s cold enough to cover your toes. If it’s warm enough for open toes, then why do your ankles need to be covered?

          1. I’m in Florida too–7 years now–and I hate them. Major T-storms are in summer, but it can still rain other times of year, and who wants holes in their boots then?

        2. Because in the south, you want to wear boot-type things in the fall and winter without sweating your feet off. They make perfect sense here.

          1. Agreed! I am in Houston and other than the dead of winter (which can still be 50s + – it was in the high 70s on Xmas this past year) there isn’t that much need for actual boots

          2. What? Are cowboy boots not a thing? My mental vision of Texas is shot to h*ll now.

          3. Cowboy boots are totally a thing, but not a thing at work (for women) most of the year. We wear other shoes too.

    3. I hate these as well. The are not at all flattering, not to mention they are plain ugly.

      1. Men love them because they signify–in their warped minds–that a woman who bares her toes will not hesitate to satisfy them sexually on the first nite together.

    4. Agreed. These type of shoes make me almost gag. As someone with sweaty feet, I need to wear good socks with boots. The thought of wearing boots without any socks is incredibly gross.

      1. I have these in burgundy. LOVE them (it took me awhile to get into this peeptoe bootie thing myself but all of a sudden I was ok with it for not quite high summer but not quite fall weather). Super comfortable.

    6. It is always easy to go wrong when something is as hideous as these are. I don’t care what the price.

  4. Speaking of the Petty boots, can anyone let me know if theirs stretched out? I bought a wide, but they’re still kind of narrow in the toe box and after wearing them around for a bit, they’re starting to give me blisters. Not sure whether to return them or keep in hopes that they’ll become comfortable eventually.

    1. I stretched mine with a shoe stretcher (a suggestion I received here for bunions).

    2. Mine haven’t stretched on their own, at least not that I have noticed. I have two pairs.

  5. Hoping the hive can help — I’ve posted here in recent weeks re being nervous about a doctors appointment etc. due to non specific stomach issues. The appointment was finally yesterday and while I’m watching my diet to see if I can make changes, she also thinks a lot of it could be stress.

    Now that I think about it — I don’t disagree. The last yr has involved a move to a new city where I hardly know anyone, a job that I’m not sure about, and just feeling bad about my personal life/lonely etc. So — what are your top tips for beating stress? I know I’ve been thinking in very long terms — what if it’s like this forever; what if I’m stuck here etc. and I’m positive that isn’t helping, along with obsessing about my stomach. I wish I could just take up a hard physical activity, but the reality is right now I can’t — I’m not consuming enough calories and don’t feel well enough that I can be out on long runs or hikes or anything right now. Nor do I really feel up to socializing a lot with new people. So WWYD (besides therapy — I mean day to day things I can do)? Hobbies? Thoughts? Things to read or listen to? I was never a relaxed person but I wasn’t this kind of worrier either — and I’d like to find happiness/contentment — ESP if it makes physically feel better.

    2. Yoga? learn a musical instrument? what about one of those wine and painting classes? pottery?

      Anything working with my hands/light physical activity does it for me but YMMV of course. Taking up a habit like re-reading all your fav young adult novels or watching nature documentaries etc etc is totally fine if that’s what works for you.

      Think about what you’re doing when you feel happy/relaxed and try to replicate that.

    3. Detail-oriented crafting! As simple as coloring books or as complex as you want it to be. I discovered this more or less by accident when I decided take on a craft project for a Christmas present for my mother last year. It was not overly difficult – mostly just painting a whole bunch of tiny things – but it took me probably 10-12 evenings to get the whole thing done. I had nature documentaries on in the background and realized about halfway through that I was going to bed afterwards relaxed and calm, and falling asleep quickly, even though I had a lot of other stressful stuff going on at the same time.

      1. I should add: a perfect way to get started with this is to go to Michael’s. Wander around. Grab a kit of whatever strikes your fancy.

      2. I completely agree with this. I can’t get into coloring books, but any needlework is extremely calming. I crochet or cross stitch. Very easy and very calming. It basically involves counting and doing the same stitches over and over.

      1. Weightlifting / circuits (or whatever kind ofexercise floats your boat) , cooking / baking, classical music

        1. Weightlifting helps in at least two ways–gives you something to focus on for as long as you’re in the gym (do not shift to autopilot on the lifts–focus on exhaling with the effort, the muscle you’re working, and your form) and also has physical benefits that lower stress afterwards.

    5. During a very stressful time period, I had some stomach issues. I’m pretty sure the instances of…uh… digestive trauma… were a form of panic attack. They were random like panic attacks, would come out of nowhere, I never knew when to expect them, etc. Eventually, I learned to get through them and then became able to stop them before they escalated by using the same sort of coping mechanisms that I did with normal panic attacks– deep breathing and distracting myself with other things, mostly.

      Obviously, this wont work if you do have something wrong with your digestive system, but it worked for me, where the digestive problems were a symptom of a different kind of issue altogether.

      1. Please don’t get a puppy on a whim. They take a lot of love and care and money to raise into a well-balanced dog. I am not disputing that puppies are THE GREATEST, but it should be a considered decision. Like boats, the best kind of puppy you can have is a borrowed one. And I say that as someone with a 15 mo labradoodle puppy.

        1. Best advice I ever got about getting a dog (from someone who had three German shepherds) was to walk or dogsit someone else’s for a while.

        2. Or get an adult dog. They give you all the love and snuggles a puppy would, but without the crazy energy, accidents in the house and destruction of property.

      2. I didn’t say she should get a dog. The question was what we do for stress relief. And there are many ways of getting puppy love without getting a puppy.

    7. It could be IBS. STAY near a toilet. That’s the only way to stay safe and avoid an accident which can be very embarrassing.

    8. 1. Get more sleep – your coping skills are compromised when you’re fatigued. Read up on sleep hygiene and follow those recommendations to get the best sleep you can.

      2. Do some activities you enjoy that are not related to work or food (seeing as those are stressors)- I learned to play the guitar late in life and I have so much fun strumming and singing along that there’s no room in my head for anything negative. A friend of mine favours adult colouring books as a way to wind-down.

      3. Practice gratefulness – my SO and I share 3 specific things we’re grateful for with each other when we get into bed at night, or you could keep a gratitude journal if you’d prefer to keep it private. Shifting your mindset to focus on the good things in your life is one of the only ways I’ve found to stop thinking about negative things.

      4. Go to CBT – I know it’s expensive, and this doesn’t have to be a lifetime commitment to therapy, but a few CBT sessions are going to be your best bet for learning to redirect anxious or other unhelpful thoughts.

    9. I respect that you don’t want to go the therapy route but I did want to chime in in case anyone else is going through something similar. I found therapy tremendously helpful in getting me to a place where I could “keep it together” when I was going through a very rough time that was largely outside my control.

    10. Ugh. This stinks! I’ve been there. Good for you for talking to a doctor and for being willing to accept that you might be experiencing side-effects of stress. That can be hard.

      One of the things I try to do when my stomach is acting up due to stress is invest more time in cooking veggie-based things that require chopping. Something about cutting up veggies is very effective at getting me out of my head and into the present. Plus, most veggies (with the exception of broccoli) are really gentle on my angry stomach.

      Good luck !

    11. The thing that reliably reduces stress for me is some daily heart-rate-elevating exercise. A walk doesn’t do it, I’m terrible at meditation, but if I do even a brief session of moderately intense exercise (like running or cycling for 20 minutes), it resets my brain somehow. Good luck to you!

    12. Maybe look at some different volunteer opportunities? Perhaps you could work with an animal shelter, just being around pets can be soothing. I’ve lived in my city for 6 years and just recently started volunteering at a place near my home that makes and delivers meals for people with life-threatening illnesses. The other volunteers are very chill and welcoming, it’s a super low pressure situation, and it gives me all the good feelings.

    13. I went through something very similar a few years ago. I had always had bad stomach issues during stressful times (like finals) but then out of the blue it escalated to the point where I was having regular panic attacks – They would start in my sleep and send me into the bathroom at 4 am dry heaving. I lost a ton of weight, my heart was always racing, I had crazy stomach issues when I was able to eat, and I hated that I couldn’t keep it together. To this day I have no idea what caused it – but my doctor put me on Zoloft to get everything under control at least temporarily. I’ve stayed on it and haven’t had a panic attack since. I probably could go off it, but it’s a pretty low dose and I actually like that it’s put me on a very even keel. Some folks are anti medication for stuff like this, but it 100% worked for me.

    14. Hugs to you. I’ve been through something similar and it’s hard. It may be a cliche but it’s true : Life is very short.You only have so much time. Don’t waste it living somewhere you don’t want to be, doing a job you don’t like. This is your body telling you to chnage your life. Listen too it.

  6. Also with the bralets — I just can’t. The Coobie is just so much better.

    At any rate, what to do with the bunch of bralets I ordered and wore enough to figure out that they didn’t work for sleeping, they showed (in a non-fashion-blogger way) through thinner shirts, and looked stupid as loungewear (and some had scratchy tags or seams that hit me weird).

    Also, SML sizing is not terribly helpful sometimes.

    Coobie — forgive me. Have me back! Festivalwear as innerwear is not for me!

    1. If you are actually looking to put them to use and aren’t ready to just give up, try wearing one with a loose tank top with a low neckline, large armholes, and/or skimpy racerback so that the bralet is exposed in an intentional-looking way and doesn’t just show through the fabric.

    2. there are group that take bras and resell them – freethegirls is one. Soma will also take them (at certain times of the year) and donate them.

  7. I am just coming off a terrible, terrible summer of nonstop business travel, during which I was also somehow expected to get a bunch of substantive work done even though I was virtually never in the office. I have been back for a week now and am still saddled with bone-crushing exhaustion, along with a total lack of confidence that I am capable of accomplishing quality work on time. I am so overwhelmed that I can only focus on one small task at a time and can barely bring myself to answer e-mails. I have also lost credibility with my co-workers, who don’t seem to understand that it was rather challenging to write a bunch of reports and proposals while I was on the road in meetings for up to 12 hours a day. To top it off, my house is a mess and my family is feeling neglected too. How can I pull myself out of this funk and turn things around, pronto? I’m pretty sure a weeklong spa getaway would cure it, but that’s not in the cards right now.

      1. Part of the problem is that I don’t actually have a manager who manages. I tried to work with the project managers to lighten the load while I was in the thick of it, but that just got me labeled as a whiny slacker. Now I am coming up for air and am just so tired and discouraged and need to rebuild my reputation somehow.

        1. Maybe you actually want a new job though because this sounds like a can’t-win situation.

          As for domestic obligations, outsource as much as possible. Cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping.

    2. I hear you, fellow whiny slacker. No advice, but I’m right there with you. Maybe we should start a support group for us whiny slackers.

    3. Hi. I had a situation like this not too long ago. How to fix it depends on what your workload looks like now – it’s a lot easier if you’re working “normal” hours, harder if you’re still working 12 hour days plus weekends. Step one for me was carving out just a small amount of time just for myself, and refusing to feel guilty about it or anxious about all the other things I could be getting done instead. I made a list of all the things that were wrong, and tried to be really specific (“I am struggling with Task A” instead of “Work”). I then triaged using a mental impact-effort matrix to start with easy, high-value things. I was not in immediate danger of being fired, so I did not start by trying to solve my reputation at work – while that’s high-value, it will take a long time to fix. At a time when I was looking for any improvements, it was key to start with the low effort ones. For me that was family/personal relationships. These were people who wanted to forgive me anyways and spending time with them made my overall stress levels go down greatly. That put me in a better mental spot to tackle some of the other problems.

      Another key thing for me was that my internal monologue was being kind of a bully. Once I stopped beating myself up, it got much easier to find the energy to actually solve the other problems. I’d also seriously consider hiring a one-time cleaning service to take care of your house. I was also amazed at how much better I felt having my living space in order, but cleaning it myself would have been another one of those high effort, high value tasks.

    4. I just went through this and I survived by not being hard on myself:
      – I order food 90% of the time when I am at home and 100% obviously when on the road
      – My apartment is a mess but I am ok with that and it’s fine as long as I don’t have “unwanted inhabitants”
      – I have a capsule wardrobe (literally a uniform) and capsule makeup so I wear the same things ad nauseam without thinking. When I have energy, I’d experiment with clothes and makeup but for now, that one nude for me lipstick, pumpkin blush and 4 dresses will do.

      If and when I have energy, I go to a Bikram yoga class. I hate myself during the whole 90 min but feel amazing afterwards. So far I have only been able to go twice but not beating myself over it.
      And for work, I have been pulling off 16-18 hours days (I’m not even sure how I can be lucid) but loading up on vitamins and my food has never been healthier because you can’t afford to get sick.
      And for the random case when someone at work doesn’t get it, you just brush it off, eventually they will move on, they have better things to do than monitor your every move. This too shall pass

  8. PSA: I know we all lead busy lives, but no matter what race or ethnicity you are, please take the time to do regular skin checks and see a dermatologist once a year.

    I recently had a mole removed. I wasn’t worried and only had it removed because it was on my lower stomach and the top of my skirts and jeans were hitting it and causing irritation and scabbing. I’m of Mexican decent and am really not fair skinned and I have dark hair too. Skin cancer wasn’t even on my radar. The dermatologist who removed it was concerned enough to send it for a bioposy though.

    It was melanoma. I got lucky because it was only stage 1 and it had not reached my lymph nodes, so beyond having the mole cut out and needing stitches I did not need chemotherapy or further treatment. I didn’t even take a picture of the mole before it got removed because I wasn’t worried. It looked like this one (my skin is darker though):

    https://www.google.ca/search?q=melanoma+stage+one&client=ms-android-rogers-ca&source=lnms&prmd=inv&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjbqeGuh87OAhXKrB4KHUkRA9EQ_AUIBygB&biw=360&bih=512#imgrc=Ons2E-NAhZBruM%3A

    I was fortunate that early detection saved my life. The survival rate for melanoma is high if it’s caught early before it spreads throughout the body. I thought skin cancer only happened to fair people and that even when they got it the doctor just cut it out and the danger was gone. I have the all clear now but for the next little bit I have to go get my skin checked every 3 months by my doctor.

    Be aware. The ABCDE’s of melanoma is something everyone needs to be aware of:

    https://www.melanoma.org/understand-melanoma/diagnosing-melanoma/detection-screening/abcdes-melanoma

    Even if the mole looks “normal” see a dermatologist if you are concerned. Sometimes melanoma moles look normal. Catching it early could save your life. Fair skinned people with red and blonde hair are most at risk, but anyone, no matter their race, can get it. Be sun safe. Use sunscreen every day, even if it’s cloudy. Reapply often. Avoid tanning beds. Wear clothes that cover you. Avoid the sun between 10am and 2pm especially. Regularly check your skin everywhere (even between your toes) even if like me you don’t have a family history. It could save your life one day.

    Have a great weekend everyone!

    1. Thanks so much for sharing your experience.

      Thank goodness you checked out your mole. Melanoma is a terrible disease.

      Wishing you a long life, with good health.

  9. Has anyone ever successfully had money refunded from Apple for an app store issue?

    I downloaded an app today that did not advertise a price, just the “get” with the + to indicate in-app purchases are available. I just got an email that I was charged $32 to purchase said app and I haven’t even opened it yet!

    1. Yes–I downloaded an in-app update that did not work and was able to get a refund.

    2. Yeah, definitely contact their customer service. If it just says “get” it should be free. I’d be shocked if they wont’ refund it, especially since you haven’t even used it yet (and they can probably verify that).

  10. Anyone have good suggestions for tracking things that need follow up, in Outlook? I’m good on tracking things that need action on my part, or are reference or have been dealt with, I’ve got lots of folders for various issues/clients. But for things that I’ve sent to someone else to deal with–in some cases there’s a hard deadline, and I could set a follow up flag, but in a lot of cases it’s more “it should be a few days but if it’s been a week I need to ask when I can expect it, etc”, and in some cases it’s more “check that this did end up happening the next time X does Y” which could be a few months and is irregular.

    1. Can you just right click it an choose “reminder” and put a question for the reminder?

      2. You can also click “flag” on the email, which will add it to the task list at the right (if that does not show up for you, check your “view” bar at the top.Then, right click the subject line of the email (which automatically becomes the task name) and change it from whatever non-specific heading the author gave it to whatever you need the reminder to say (for example, if the subject line says “meeting documents” you could change it to “Task Force -Read!” Or whatever).

        1. Ooh! I did not know that about changing the title/reference! That might be more helpful indeed

    2. If you use the program “ToDoIst” , it has an outlook add-in and you can create tasks with due dates that link directly to emails.

    3. I pick a date to follow up and add it to my calendar as a reminder. I set it as a different color to distinguish it from meetings/my boss’ meetings.

  11. For those who have an ATD / ADHD diagnosis and prescription, were you able to get it from your primary care provider or did you need to go to a specialist?

    If it was your primary care provider, was this also your OBGYN?

    1. Can’t speak to ATD /ATHD specifically but you should go to a specialist. It may take a while to find the meds and dosage that work for you and general practioners generally aren’t experienced enough to do that.

    2. Go to your primary care doc. He will refer you, but it has nothing to do with your vag, so forget the obgyn.

        1. A bit off topic but I’ve heard other people reference this set up and I’m totally confused about how this works. Like if you think you have an ear infection or a skin rash on your elbow that needs treatment, you go to your OBGYN?

          1. I see only an OBGYN (because I’m overall healthy) but I would not say “my OBGYN is my primary care provider.” An OBGYN can’t provide primary care. If I have something pretty trivial but requiring a prescription (like strep throat or an ear infection) I go to a minute clinic. If I have something that I think might be serious (like a suspicious mole) I get an appointment with the appropriate specialist. I go to a travel clinic to get vaccinations and medicines for travel and I get an annual flu shot through my employer. It’s been working pretty well for many years. But I would say I ‘don’t have’ a PCP, not that my OBGYN is my PCP.

          2. I went without a generalist PCP for about five years – I’m fairly healthy and would go to an urgent care for the occasional UTI or sore throat. OBGYNs can order tests, call in my SSRI prescription, etc, and my annual exam was basically a checkup.

            However, I really appreciate the PCP I’ve been seeing for the last two years.

      2. I am sure an obgyn knows how the rest of the body works. It’s not like they skipped everything else and only focused on the vag.

        1. Yeah, they do, but they’re specialized doctors and they specialized for a reason. If they wanted to provide primary care they wouldn’t be OBGYNs. In Ontario where I live you don’t even have the option to see a specialist unless you are referred, and then you must see them only for the issue that you were referred for or tangential ones. There’s no way in hell the government would be paying higher rates for OBGYN specialist care for unrelated issues. The American system is so bizarre.

    3. Absolutely not your OBGYN. This is a downside of having an OBGYN as your primary, and I discourage it except for a few friends in their 20’s.

      Not your primary care doctor, trained in internal medicine.

      Ideally, get a referral from your primary care doctor, and see a psychiatrist for appropriate assessment.

      Treatments can require complex medication management and therapy/behavioral changes, which an OB/GYN is trained in. And some treatments are controlled substances that are associated with abuse/addiction and require monthly scripts.

      Need a specialist for this one.

    4. My husband has it & got diagnosed by a specialist (usually it’s a practice area of a psychiatrist if you need a place to start looking).

  12. T-shirt help please! I have a sports team t-shirt that is a v-neck and is extremely soft. It is not fitted, instead it rests on my chest and then hangs down. It’s also long enough that I don’t feel like my behind is going to hang out when I sit down in low-rise jeans. It is not see through as it is grey, but it is that sort of weight of fabric. I want this t-shirt in a million other colors as it is soft and flattering.

    Does anyone have any recommendations for t-shirts that would fit this description but not cost a fortune???

    TIA!!

    4. I have one like that from Victoria Secret’s college teams collection that fits that description. It is like 5 years old, though.

    6. Does the sports team t-shirt not have any tags on it indicating the company that made the t-shirt?

      1. It’s tagless, thank goodness, and by now the printed on markings have worn/washed off.

    7. LOFT has a lot of t-shirts whose shape meet the description, though the V-necks are a bit rarer. They hold up well.

  13. Lots of deeply marked down clothes in lucky sizes. I just ordered 6 dresses for $165 total.

    A related question: has anyone here ever given up wearing all clothes other than dresses? Because I’ve reached a point in my life where that’s what I want to do. Dresses look great on me, are comfortable, and are so incredibly easy. If these dresses work out, I may be doing a big drop off at goodwill of all the other clothes I “should” wear but really just don’t like very much.

    Also: pants are the devil.

    1. I haven’t worn pants other than jeans-on-the-weekend in more than four years. I never wear pants at work – skirts and dresses only. So, I’m totally in favor of your plan.

      1. Same. Pants at work are the devil. My work wardrobe consists of skirts+blouses as well as dresses, but if I could, I would only wear suiting dresses from ann taylor — machine washable, lightweight but warm enough, and flattering!

      2. Same here, although it hasn’t been 4 years. Pants just look weird on me at this size/shape. I have a pair of jeans and just gave up on work pants altogether.

    2. Another vote in favor of your plan. I have been wearing more and more dresses and fewer pants lately, although I still love my jeans. I haven’t worn pants for business formal in years and am about to donate my last remaining pantsuit. Life is too short to wear dress pants.

      1. Yes to the dresses. So easy to wear and look like you put a lot of effort into it. Skirts are good if I want to be creative with mixing and matching blouses/tops/jackets. I hate work trousers/dress pants.

    3. Yes. I only wear dresses to work. They look good on me. Plus, they come out of the closet as a fully-formed outfit. Putting together an outfit with multiple parts is way too complicated for my pre-coffee brain.
      .
      On weekends I also wear dresses only in the summer and jeans/sweater in the winter.

    4. I did pretty much dresses only – no skirt/blouses and definitely no pants – for 2-3 years. I think it was part of my overall dissatisfaction with work more than a real desire to simplify my life. Putting some effort into getting dressed for work makes me feel ready to tackle the world. I stopped doing that when I felt so defeated by work that I just couldn’t muster the energy to do more than slip something that constituted clothes over my head before moping out the door. On the bright side, I don’t think anyone noticed the change in my wardrobe; I routinely got compliments about being most put together in the office. So, totally doable! but maybe take care of yourself better than I did if this is arising from depression and not pragmatism.

      1. Oh, my life is actually pretty great at the moment, I just really love dresses.

        But thank you for your concern! :)

    5. My six year old daughter has not worn pants in about 2 years. She wears uniforms to school, so she has worn the same exact thing since she started kindergarten every single weekday. Weekends are the same, but in colors / patterns / sparkles / texture. Works for her!

    6. Yes! BAN PANTS! (I mean, I don’t care if other people wear them, but they’re not for me.) Even skirts hang untouched in my closet. Why would I select TWO items of clothing and figure out if they match when I can just throw one thing on?

      The only caveat is this: sometimes work things come up where I have to / am encouraged to wear a company shirt/conference tee. In those instances I wear pants (because the proportions are impossible with a skirt). So maybe keep one pair of pants just in case?

      1. Why?

        Hair/skin maintenance

        And if this isn’t a big deal for you, count yourself lucky!

    7. Pants are not the devil. Skirts and dresses are the devil. I haven’t worn anything but pants to work in over eight years.

      At this point, I’m pretty sure my coworkers don’t believe I own a skirt/dress, and they wouldn’t be too far wrong.

      1. I’m with you and CF above. I don’t have the time or desire to deal with skin maintenance to get my legs in acceptable shape to wear skirts and dresses all the time. I’m really pale and my hair grows in dark and between the tanning and shaving requirements I just do not see dresses and skirts as convenient options at all.

        1. Oh gosh, I’m pale and dark haired and shave knees and below twice a week and never tan, ever. Hah, if being tan and hairless were the “requirements” of wearing skirts, I would never do it either.

    8. I am team All Dresses All The Time. I donated my last pair of work pants last month. I have two skirts left that I can’t seem to part with, but I never reach for them. Once I break up with those, I should be able to get rid of a giant pile of tops.

      Pants are for workouts only at this point.

      1. I admire the decision to wear dresses only:) I am headed in an ‘all dresses’ direction…or trying to…I am however, hourglass shaped and finding dresses to fit on top- though possible– is not that simple…sigh.
        As a result, I have lots of skirts, (I sew them to relax, as they are so easy to make in lovely wool, silk, & cotton). The matching of skirt and top…though like a creative puzzle, can at times, drive me to distraction and keep me up at night! If I have a choice between a skirt and dress, I always reach for the dress. I gravitate towards dresses, as they look good, are easy, and much more flattering on me than anything else.

  14. Go to your primary care physician. Forget your OBGYN as it has nothing to do with your vag.

  15. I’m getting really sick of overly tight jean styles (skinny jeans, etc). Can anyone recommend a pair of trousers? I’m interested in trying looser, trendier fits that I can wear all day instead of feeling like I need to tear my pants off the second I get home. Basically, I want to feel like I’m wearing sweats, but be presentable…

    1. Ann Taylor Kate ankle. So comfy! It’s the only pear of pants that fit me (hips ~3/4 sizes larger than waist) so may be too baggy. But I wear them instead of jeans on weekend because so comfy.

  16. What do you do when a friend just will not stop whining about stupid things? I have a friend who will go on and on and on about unimportant problems (how hot it’s going to be in the city she’s going on a business trip to, how much it sucks that she gained .2 pounds, etc.). I’m all for a quick vent about dumb issues, but we’re seriously talking 15-20 minutes or more about minor annoyances. She’s aware of the problem (“I know I’m whining”), but she seems to think that awareness is enough and that it’s not necessary to take action to stop the problem. Subject changes will be short-lived; the second a lull comes up, it’s back to “ugh I still can’t believe how hot it will be in DC…” Any advice for dealing with this gently?

    1. Honestly, don’t do it gently. Call her out on it, tell her you want to talk to her about something else, and help teach her to have a conversation about other things.

    2. I find that sometimes people who are so in the habit of whining about things don’t even realize they’re doing it. There’s a frame of mind that’s underpinning what they’re saying. That frame of mind is that the glass is half empty. I would bring it up with her. I’d just say, “Hey – it’s amazing that you have the chance to travel for work, especially to a place like DC…and it’s the summer, it gets hot almost everywhere. I’m noticing you’re being negative these days and wanted to see if there’s something deeper going on? (Pause) Otherwise I’d be grateful to be in this situation if I was you. Besides, it’s much more fun to see the bright side.” Or something. She may honestly need a bit of a jolt to restart the thinking process.

    3. Also, I think part of the problem is that she’s one of those people who HATES for there to be an “awkward silence” in a conversation, so if one happens, she’d much rather go back to whining than just let it be (or ask the other person a question about their life…). Idk if that’s something people can change or not, but I do think it’s contributing to the sheer volume of whining.

      1. That sounds unbearable. I think you should just address it when she’s complaining about something that’s actually great. Show her the bright side and genuinely ask if she’s ok if it seems appropriate. I am generally a very happy, positive person by nature but went through a period of depression (that I didn’t really realize was depression) where I was seeing things through storm-cloud glasses. I didn’t even really realize I was doing it but I was struggling so much emotionally that what was coming out of my mouth was starting to be a reflection of my darker inner workings. If she’s, on the other hand, just generally pessimistic by nature then maybe consider whether you want that energy in your life.

    4. “Come on, man, we can’t spend the whole lunch hour talking about the weather in DC. [Introduce new topic that is interesting to you.]”

    5. What about someone who complains about a legitimate bad thing (spouse cheating)? But all the time. For years?

      They are now divorced (he is not with the cheat-ee). For 3+ years, it’s all “Rick is a jerk. Rick is a cheater. Rick made this nightmare for me.” for 20-60 minutes per call. I let the calls go to voicemail. I try to deal with her by e-mail and text, but I can get 10 texts in a row about what a jerk he is.

      1. When it’s a situation like this that’s been going on for a long time, it’s fair to say “That must be hard. It seems like you haven’t moved on, have you considered getting help?”, and then let her know that you can’t be her sounding board for this issue anymore because it’s clearly not helping her. If she refuses, then I’d ask myself whether you want to continue the friendship.

    6. I had to cut a friend exactly like this out of my life. I realized I needed to do it when I went to complain to her one day about a significant thing that hand happened to me and she changed the subject back to herself. i was like, oh hey, wait a minute, this person is not actually my friend!

      And I cut it off by ghosting her. Not 100% but by being gradually less and less available to get together/talk on phone & not retuning texts much of the time.

      1. I have this but with my mother. Would that I could ghost her. The examples I could give are so legion that it’s borderline hilarious. If this were a friend, I’d drop her in a heartbeat.

    7. Unfortunately not everything is negotiable. My former employer just flat out stopped paying for parking when we moved to a new building. No allowances for people who effectively lost pay this way. They also froze the pension (no new contributions) and laid a bunch of people off.

      Did I say it was my former employer? Feels good to say that.

      Just to say, even if you have a good case, they can still say no. Sorry!

    9. I feel like I’m that friend sometimes. My whole family is like this, whining is just how they/we communicate. It’s what conversation IS. And it’s such a hard habit to break. I make a conscious effort to not whine and to stop myself when I hear whining come out. But I definitely do the, there’s an awkward silence and I don’t know how to fill it so I’ll say the first thing that comes to mind oh sh!t I’m whining again why do I always do that.

      If she says, I know I’m whining, that’s a great opportunity to say, it sounds like you really want to make an effort to focus on more positive things, why don’t I help you with that by flagging this issue for you in the future? You can even make up a fun “safe word” if you want. If my whining bothered a friend, I really hope she’d do something like this rather than cut me out altogether.

    10. I currently have a friend like this and I feel that I am needing to distance myself from her more and more. She particularly complains about our other friend – who is closer to her than to me (she’s more of an acquaintance for me). My friend spends so much time when I see her complaining about the behavior and/or attitude of this third friend, and I really just don’t care to hear it. I’ve tried switching the subject but she seems to direct the conversation back to it. It feels catty and it also makes me wonder if she b*tches about me the same way to her other friends. Life is too short to have to listen to this.

  17. Anyone have any recommendations for vacuums? I’m an apartment dweller with a couple of area rugs.

    1. I love my Oreck. It is small and light and has different settings for bare floors and carpet/rugs. I also like that it has a bag so I don’t have to dump a dusty canister out.

      1. I have the Shark Sweethome recommended (not sure if it’s still their recommended one, but it used to be) and love it.

    4. LOVE the Shark Navigator Professional. I picked it up from Costco after bad experiences with nearly every other major vacuum brand other than Dyson. It’s still disturbing to me how excited I get about a vacuum, but it’s so good.

      1. I have this one too, and I love it. I got it for around $125 refurbished.

    5. Splurge for a robotic one! I love the Neato D85. It’s like a Roomba but better – works great on rugs, even with dog hair. I haven’t had to use a vacuum since I bought this. (I also have the Shark Navigator which I got after a Dyson – I love the Shark too but I just hate vacuuming and with a dog I had to do it twice a week.)

  18. Unbeknownst to me, I was given a monthly parking pass by our office admin without the senior people knowing. I’ve had it for 2+ years, thought I was among the “parking approved” people, bought a house in the ‘burbs rather than staying in the city because I knew I could park for free ($550/month otherwise).

    Office admin is now telling me that it was given to me under the radar, without any senior people approving it, and is telling me I need to give the pass back before they find out she gave it to me and she gets in trouble. This MAJORLY effs me. Like, so, so badly – I work long ibanking-like hours, commuter rail into work would be challenging given limited train schedule and my own work schedule. This office admin has a lot of power and I don’t want to cross her if it’ll be fruitless. I’ve pushed back on her directly, to no avail, but haven’t gone around her to the senior people – gut says don’t do it, but I don’t know. Am I SOL? I think I’m SOL. EFF.

    1. The parking pass is essentially part of your compensation/benefits, so no, i would not just let this fly under the radar. I would argue with the senior people that you keep it (and mentioning the house purchase reason as well). It was this Admin’s fault, you shouldn’t have to white knuckle a challenging commute because of someone else’s oversight.

      2. It wasn’t a benefit that was part of a formal benefits package, though. Does that change your opinion?

        When you’re Of A Certain Level, historically, everyone got parking. After so long, I asked and the I got it without any challenge to me. I know they’re clamping down on expenses and not giving out new passes (hence her needing to pull it from me, evidently), but, like… I’ve had it for 2 years!

        1. You’ve had it for 2 years. You BOUGHT A HOUSE based on it. The company can’t just take it back now. Push back on the Admin and be as nice as possible, but be firm that it’s part of your compensation and if she didn’t have authority to give it to you back then, she shouldn’t have done so, but now it’s yours.

        2. This definitely does not change my opinion about the situation. You made a bunch of important life decisions (like where to live!) based on having this pass. You were completely unaware that you were given this pass without the admin having gone through the formal process. There’s no reason to give it back. This is her mistake, and while she was no doubt well-meaning it’s also her job to now fix it.

        3. FWIW, admin went to senior people to request parking for me last week (them not knowing I already have it) and they said no.

          Maybe if they knew I already had it – and had it for 2 years – that would be different? I’m in the most awkward position here. Admin has been/continues to be such an advocate for me in other ways.

          1. Do not give the pass back. Seriously, don’t. This is not your problem. Tell her that you’re not giving the pass back and that you’ve made major life decisions on the assumption that you have parking at the office. Tell her to communicate to them that you’ve had it for years. Don’t give it back. This is ridiculous.

          3. That makes sense to me. If she says she doesn’t want to tell them that, then offer to talk to them about it yourself. The house payment & parking fees are one argument, but I think the stronger one is always what the company gets out of it. You won’t be able to work the hours you do or have your current flexibility if you’re taking transit. And you would be really sorry about that.

          4. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You have the parking pass! Do not give it up! The Admin needs to be truthful to the senior people! Of COURSE they’re going to say no, if they think you don’t already have it!

          5. I’m Anon from 3:39 and I have one more thing to add – while it’s lovely that you’re trying to be considerate of her feelings and to protect her, just…stop it. You know why? Because she’s trying to make your LIFE significantly harder just because she doesn’t want to admit she made a mistake two years ago. Not cool. She’s not worrying about you and your feelings so I think you can stop worrying about hers to the degree you are.

      1. Someone left, and the pass had not yet been cancelled so she just reassigned it to me. No one was auditing expenses that closely at the time, so when they didn’t see the parking expense drop by $550/month, it went unnoticed.

        2. Did you ****know**** deep down, that this was an error and that you just jumped the shark?

          This might change my thoughts.

          But this is awful, no matter what…. awful awful.

          What does the admin say when you say you BOUGHT A HOUSE since getting the pass etc….

    3. Have you tried just saying “no” and seeing what happens? What can she do about it? Would you quit this job if it were taken away? Who has your back in senior management?

    4. This sounds like something HR ought to be able to help with? Taking it away is a significant compensation reduction.

    5. I know this is awful but be careful as there might be unexpected tax implications. The parking benefit might be a benefit that you would have to report as income. This could be viewed as you being paid under the table for the past few years. It’s an awful situation but is there parking nearby that could be a reasonable substitute?

      1. Agree — check your W-2 to see if this was reported in your comp. Work can give out transit (like free bus passes), but 550/month should not have been missed.

    6. Let’s just say that there was a payroll error.

      1. They paid you an extra 6K/year, but you didn’t eyeball the math and never noticed. They aren’t asking for it back, but they’ve fixed it going forward. I think they get to do that.

      2. If they messed up your tax withholdings by 6K/year and the IRS audits you, I think that’s on them. Maybe you should have caught it, but it was their mistake that imposes a cost on you. That’s something I’d fight for.

      I think that this situation is like #1. You may have gotten used to the $. Even bought a more expensive house based on it. But I think that they get to fix the error absent an obligation to keep it.

      [I’m an at-will employee. My comp has gotten reduced even though I bought a house based on having more $ based on my industry struggling. They can do it. I didn’t leave b/c I wouldn’t have gotten more $ elsewhere.]

      1. Yes. I’m a cold-hearted CPA but, while not necessarily your screw up, the company has no obligation to continue providing this benefit to you.

        1. Anon at 4:11 didn’t say they could ask for what they’ve already given you back. She said they can stop paying what they weren’t supposed to be paying you. And I agree. (Assuming it’s a situation like you’re offered and accept $75k and your offer letter says $75k and then they accidentally pay you $81k for two years without you noticing; it’s obviously different if they offer and you accept $81k and then two years later they say “ooh actually we made a mistake and we had only budgeted $75k for this position, so we’re going to need to pay you less going forward.”)

          1. I think they can ask to be paid back or issue an amended w-2. Either way, as it stands now, they issued you an inaccurate w-2 and they should correct it. I know this isn’t good news for you on a practical basis, but it is better than working for a firm that is not ethical

      3. Agree 100%. It’s not the company’s issue that you made a decision based on a parking pass you were not entitled to.

      4. Yep, agree. I think the people saying don’t give it back, it’s not your problem, you made decisions based on having this pass are just wrong. If a company realized it had accidentally paid you too much and was now noticing the mistake, while you may not be required to pay the money back, they are absolutely entitled to correct their mistake and pay you the correct (lower) amount going forward. The benefit of the parking pass is the same.
        Additionally, I can’t quite tell from the facts you described, but if the person who wrongfully gave you the pass is already in trouble for doing so, and you return the pass now, you come away from the situation looking fine. If you refuse and keep the pass, you look just as bad.
        I get being not at all happy about this, but there’s really only one outcome here. Sorry.

    7. Unfortunately not everything is negotiable. My former employer just flat out stopped paying for parking when we moved to a new building. No allowances for people who effectively lost pay this way. They also froze the pension (no new contributions) and laid a bunch of people off.

      Did I say it was my former employer? Feels good to say that.

      Just to say, even if you have a good case, they can still say no. Sorry!

      1. Oh they could totally say no, she can’t keep it. But if it were me, i would want them to be saying no with full knowledge of the fact that i’d had it for 2 years, rather than no she cant be newly issued one based on the admin’s misrepresentation.

      2. OP can you talk to your boss about this?!s/he can advocate for you (OP has had this, we can’t just take it away). I was in basically this same scenario with one of my reports- only people with a certain management title get parking spots. She made an upward move to my team but went from people
        Mgr to individual contributor (think- senior sales rep/team lead to senior marketing team member). HR wanted to take away her parking spot and I had it out with HR (and won). If thisnkidnon overall “comp” issue, bring in your manager. Maybe they can negotiate a compromise bump for you if you lose your pass. Or not. But I’d try.

  19. How do we feel about pants styles for work this fall? I’m usually a 100% skirt / dress wearer for work but I have an ankle injury that has it all swollen and I think I need to get some work pants this weekend.

    Because of the swelling, ankle pants will decidedly not work. I’m thinking about a fuller leg trouser style – not flares which are narrow at the knee, but a wider leg that is straight from the hip down – and a classic length.

    Is this going to look oddball or futsy in today’s ankle/skinny pants world? Do you wear this style to work?

    1. Everything current that I see is mid-rise (and higher) and with a slightly fuller leg (not all the way to boot cut). I think you’ll be fine.

  20. I’m wondering if anyone has any particular insights or words of encouragement for consulting interviews. I have one in a few weeks with an MBB firm and I’m pretty anxious. I’ve done a few practices cases and plan on scheduling more practice ones over the next few weeks. I’m also putting together stories for my “fit” questions and started practicing those as well. For refernence, I’m a PhD candidate in civil engineering.

    1. Can you run through the practice questions with someone who works for one of those firms?

    2. Case, case, case. It’s really hard to move forward in the interview process if you don’t do well on the cases.

      Since you have a short timeline, when you’re practicing, do it with people who are interviewers or have been through the process recently.

      It takes usually 20-30 cases to be passable, and more to really shine during this portion of the interview.

      I would also say focus on not just getting to the right answer, but also how you do it. If you are not engaging, relaxed, and smooth, then it gives a negative impression on how you will be in front of the client.

    3. As an MBB consultant my advice besides practising cases is to not be over-rehearsed. Don’t memorise frameworks so much that you turn into a case robot. If clients wanted a ready-made framework they’d just buy a book and apply what is on it. Don’t jump to a specific breakdown of streams just because you heard a trigger word /phrase like “revenue dropped”.
      Be nice to the receptionist for God’s sake: no one will tell you this but in many offices partners will ask the receptionist how she felts about the candidate (because you will eventually act the same at client).
      Don’t let your guard down after you finish interviews, you are being assesses before, during and after.

      1. Thank you Houda and Anonymous! It’s really tough for me since I’m in a non-target school and PhD, so I haven’t found anyone to case with. I reached out so a few MBB contacts who were helpful before the application process, but haven’t heard back yet (I’m wondering if they’re not allowed to talk to candidates during this time?). I bit the bullet and paid for 4 practices with experienced consultants. Hopefully this and the training they’ve set up this week will help!

        I will definitely have my A-game together for being nice to everyone and enthusiastic for the interviews :)

  21. When you meet a friend for lunch, and you both happen to be off work, (on holidays around the same time) how long does the lunch usually last? I have a friend and while we can talk for hours, it seems last time we ‘met for lunch’ it lasted four and a half hours, and she was the one who seemed to want to ‘walk after’ and hang around longer. While I am pretty easy going for about three or so hours, at times, it feels as though it goes on and starts to drag a little for me. Also, though she is conscientious and polite, she does do most of the narration and talking. I have lots of respect and admiration for this friend, but I am a bit of a homebody (I like hanging out at home, reading, painting, writing, etc…), so maybe I am out of touch with what going out for lunch really means!

    1. I won’t say I’ve never spent four hours having lunch with a friend, but that’s a really long time. It’s perfectly normal to meet for lunch and only spend an hour or two together. Next time, I’d just schedule something else fairly shortly after lunch (or make something up). You could even let her know in advance so she won’t be planning to spend her whole day with you. If you’re planning to meet at 12, you can just say “Looking forward to it! FYI I have to leave at 1:30 because I have to do XYZ at 2.”

      1. Thank you for your suggestion — I enjoy her company, and am flexible to a certain point, but sometimes, it just seems too much for me, and I begin to get anxious. I am childfree and married — husband has pain management issues due to a previous injury, so while he is fully capable and willing to do his own thing while I go out, we both like to keep to schedule that is perhaps less flexible than it was pre-injury.

        1. I have a couple different suggestions that don’t agree with eachother.

          If the problem is that you don’t like feeling put on the spot to be flexible and spending more time than you expected, would it help if you scheduled in more time for the lunch in the first place? You could schedule something together after lunch so your time with her is more structured. Doesn’t have to cost money or be a big deal, more like a mental/emotional version of “something to do with my hands”. Go to an art gallery or art fair, go shopping for a specific item, meet up in an area where it’s fun to walk around and watch buskers or look at plantings or whatever, maybe work out together before lunch or wear your activity trackers and aim for a certain number of steps. An activity like that also makes it easier for you to say it’s time to go, once you’ve gone through the gallery or found the perfect shoes or whatever.

          If you schedule something else afterwards and tell her about it ahead of time, she might say “oh, well then let’s try another day” or suggest brunch or something. Then it would be on you to say that you think three hours is enough, in a way that doesn’t sound like you’re trying to get rid of her.

          You could invite her over to your house. If the time starts getting long, you could either thank her for coming over as you escort her to the door or start washing dishes as a hint, or you could move on to a task like watering plants indoors or deadheading your flowers out back or if you have some kind of crafty/DIY thing you were planning to do, pull it out and start working on it. She can either join in or not. But as long as the task isn’t too obnoxious (don’t start vacuuming) I don’t see how she could be offended. You could invite her to join you by clipping a couple fresh flowers for her to take home or handing her a paintbrush.

          1. Thank you for these suggestions — I like the idea of walking in a neat area. I will also try and see if she wants to visit…though usually, she wants to go out. For some reason, I feel as though she does not want to leave, and is more open to adding new things to do…and I feel as though I am a ‘bad friend’ when I just feel like ducking out sooner.
            Sometimes with friendships, I feel like an immature teen, rather than a grown woman…the self doubter in me starts to panic when I have to cut things off, and I over compensate by feeling guilty and hanging out longer, and getting more anxious about leaving!

      1. Yep. If you met a friend for lunch, it is not rude to look at your watch after an hour and a half and say, “Look at the time! It was great catching up with you, but I’ll have to run. Let’s do this again soon!” No explanation for why you need to go is even required. You control your own time. :)

    3. Are you introverted (in the technical, not colloquial) sense? Many introverts love spending time with good friends, but then hit a wall.

      1. Yeah! Mine is 3 hours, 4 if I’m doing great and not stressed. I try to keep friend time to 2.5 hours because then I still have a reserve of extroversion :) you sound perfectly normal to me!

  22. I used to be a regular here and 9 months ago fell off the face of the earth when I became an adoptive mom to 3 young siblings. Now I need help with a career move and am hoping to get some ideas from the Hive. I’m a lawyer and don’t want to go back full time and part time is not an option with my office at my current rank (I’ve pushed it and pushed it; the answer is no.) I can go back to an old job that I hated, but they’d let me work reduced hours and the pay is decent.

    I’d really like to find a job that makes a difference in the world, and work part time or at least be able to telecommute. I’ve checked idealist, craigslist, JobsThatAreLEFT, feminist.org. I could really use some more resources.

    If I can’t find a meaningful job, I’m okay with doing contract work though I’d prefer something more stable. But where does one find these jobs and what can I expect to get paid?

    Are there any decent part time lawyer jobs out there? Or should I give up on the dream and go back to a steady job I didn’t like?

    Any ideas would be much appreciated!

    1. If you’re willing to provide details: where are you located and what kind of law do/did you practice?

    2. Post again on Monday. We need to help you.

      I am proud of you for adopting 3 siblings. We need more people like you!

      Keep us posted on your progress.

    3. Good wishes to you as a new parent! By establishing and maintaining a loving home for you and your three children, doing this, you _are_ making a difference in the world. You are enormously increasing the odds that the world will gain three more grounded, loved and loving young adults ready able and willing to contribute to society! I tell myself a variation of this when I start to feel hemmed in by caring for my own small family (DH and DS)…it’s great to save the world, but not if it means neglecting the personal world at home.

      If you can stand it, your old job might be your best possible option for the immediate and medium-term future. A steady job that lets you work reduced hours for decent pay would give you a stable financial foundation while you and the children get used to living with each other’s wonderful and not-so-wonderful qualities. With sane hours and what sounds like some workday flexibility you’ll also have much. less. stress. about juggling back-to-school night, parent-teacher conferences, sports games, school plays, doctor appointments, play dates, homework, etc. etc. for three kids.

    4. Agree, please post again on Monday. Also, please tell us what kind of hours you are hoping for (i.e., what you mean by “part-time”), whether the part-time is going to be temporary or for the long-haul, and what type of childcare arrangement you have, so we have more context.

  23. This has been a rough week and I really, really want to just go home and curl up in front of Netflix. As much as I want to finish up Bojack, I need something funny and mindless. Any suggestions?

    1. I think peep toe boots work for a bar or restaurant in Autumn/winter, but that’s it. Not a day to day for me.

      1. Peep toe booties work really well for evenings in Boston “spring” when it’s still a high of 50 degrees in May but you can’t handle wearing boots any longer. I agree they look a little off for office wear.

  25. I am coming to terms with the fact that I may need medicine to deal with some crippling anxiety during a difficult life event. I take tylenol maybe once a year, so for me this feels like a big step. How do I go about finding a psychiatrist? This is not covered by my insurance, so ‘rettes who have dealt with that, any advice? In the DC area if there are any suggestions. Hoping to see someone soon.

    1. I’m not in the area, but I got my psychiatrist referrals from my therapist.

    2. Do you have anyone you can ask to help you find one? When I was at the peak of anxiety, I had a terrible time even googling and making a decision to call. A good friend ran a search for me and came back with three people I should call. It was a real lifesaver.

    3. I see Dr Sorel in DC. He’s crotchety but was good in getting me set up with non addictive meds and adjusting my dosage. My anxiety was really impacting my life and the meds have been life-changing.

    4. Your primary care physician can prescribe anti anxiety meds like Xanax. I recommend starting with your pcp.

      1. Xanax is not a good medicine for treating anxiety unless under a psychiatrist’s supervision. There are much safer anti-anxiety meds.

        To the OP – Obamacare guarantees that mental healthy /psychiatric care must be covered by insurance plans just like other medical care is covered. Maybe check this…

  26. I just joined a new community choir (new to me) that has a great reputation and I’m excited about it. The rehearsals are on Sunday evenings, so if I continue my usual routine, I’ll go to the gym on Sunday afternoon. A lot of my university colleagues sing in this group. Do I need to put makeup on to go to rehearsals? I wear makeup every day and I’m old enough that I feel like I need it. But bleah, the idea of putting makeup on again to go to rehearsal… I know this sounds trivial and it’s not life or death. Just wanted to get a feel for what others think.

    2. You never “need” to put makeup on. I don’t even own makeup. You do you.

    3. I would be relaxed Sunday look. A swipe of mascara, a Burt’s Bees lip balm for a touch of color. That’s plenty.

      And coming straight from the gym/shower is the best reason ever to be looking like your relaxed, sunday self!

  27. You certainly don’t have to wear makeup to rehearsal. It is really a matter of your own comfort. I would wear at least a tinted moisturizer, a little concealer and lip gloss. I might skip the eyeliner and mascara because I find it the most obnoxious to remove. But, again, it would depend on who was there, what I was wearing, how dressed up everyone else is, etc. I may well do full makeup.

    1. Some of these colleagues are pretty casual and some wear no makeup ever. But it’s just me and my comfort level. I normally wear tinted moisturizer and concealer with translucent powder. I think you’re right about eye makeup, but I think I like weird with just the other stuff. My eyelashes are light!

      1. I basically never leave the house with mascara, so I’d do mascara and something slightly tinted like a sunscreen or lotion that is good for my skin and would make me feel a little less naked.

        2. I think I’ll probably do makeup tonight and see how people are dressed, etc. I am used to my church choir where we are friends and they’ve seen me dressed up or coming to rehearsal in gym clothes.

  28. Hi everyone! I check this blog regularly but this is my first time commenting. I really need some work advice and figured you ladies could offer me some if you’ve ever been in the same boat as me.

    To give a bit of background – I work in the finance department for a large company. I’ve been employed there less than a year. Everything was seemingly going well to start. I enjoyed my work, loved my co workers, and my boss was great. I felt this job was an amazing opportunity and a great step up from my previous full time job. My last job was more of an entry level position and my job with the new company is more of a middle level role (analyst but not management). I am only a few years out of school and plan on continuing my education. I felt good about the whole situation and still do, however there has been a bit of a curveball thrown at me.

    About a month ago I received the news my direct manager (senior management level) was leaving the company to accept a job elsewhere. He and I actually worked in two different offices, but we worked very closely and I absolutely loved working for him. Once the initial shock wore off we began determining how his departure would impact the department and company. I should point out since I’ve been employed there that I’ve received praise from everyone I work directly with, including his boss (the SVP) and the rest of our co workers. I’ve been told I picked up on everything very quickly, which made me feel really happy. I was still a little surprised though when my manager told me he recommended me for his job. I was shocked because I’m very young and didn’t meet the experience requirements. However, he said he felt strongly that I could do his job because I was already cross trained on it.

    Fast forward a week or two later. I did not apply for his job and the SVP never brought up the fact my previous manager recommended me as his replacement. I never expressed it but I felt it would have been all a bit premature for a promotion, and although I’ve received nothing but praise and appreciation from the SVP, I believe he felt the same. Before my last manager left the three of us went over the plan for how everything would be handled, and the way it worked was most of his responsibilities have fallen on me.

    The new senior manager has started, and it’s been a bit of a whirlwind. I feel really bad because he seems like a nice guy, but I can’t help but feel a little bitter for not only being new to the organization and doing a (from what I’ve been told) amazing job, but also taking on additional senior manager level work in the interim, as well as doing the majority of the training for my new boss. This has nothing to do with the fact that I wasn’t flat out offered the position, I guess I just feel bad that I haven’t been offered any additional compensation for the additional stress and pressure this has put on me.

    Does anyone have any advice? Should I ask for more money? Do I just suck it up and take it as a learning experience? I feel so torn.

    Thank you to everyone in advance!

    1. I need clarification. Are you continuing to perform the responsibilities of your former manager or did you just perform them in the interim until the new guy was hired?

      1. As of right now, I am doing most of the work tasks my previous manager was responsible for. I am not sure going forward what the new senior manager will be doing. There is some restructuring going on, so I am unsure if I will be “stuck” with a lot of the responsibilities without the title or pay increase.

        I have no idea what to do. For now I think the best thing is to ride it out and see how the next couple of months pan out.

        1. Listen, when someone new starts there is always additional stress and pressure on the team. I don’t necessarily think that in itself warrants any kind of increase in compensation. It’s a natural part of being a member of a team and you were probably once the person who was creating the extra work for someone else. You need to wait it out. Let this new senior manager get settled.

          1. Thank you for the advice. I’m hoping it goes as well with the new manager once he’s settled in as it went previously with my former manager!

          2. I hope so too! Just remember, starting a new job is really tough. Especially if you’re at a new company. The higher up you are the harder it is and the higher the stakes. Let this person settle and if in six months to a year you still feel stretched, absolutely raise the discussion. But for now be supportive. And I bet they’ll have your back too. Good luck!

  29. Was about to bite the bullet and get some JCrew items shipped to Europe, but paying 15 euros shipping, 60 euros tax on a 200 euro order is just insane.. and they claim “no duties” .. time to check if nordstrom is any better..

    1. Nordstrom is over 100 euros for a 200 euro order. I give up.
      Where do Europeans shop that is not Zara or Marks & Spencer? (I like Boss but they tend to have slim cuts that don’t always suit my petite curvy shape)

    3. Have you heard of/tried Mango? They’re based in Spain and have branches all over Europe. They’re a step up from
      Zara — more natural fabrics, etc. I was sad to leave them when I moved back Stateside. I still have (and constantly wear) a nicer denim jacket I got from them 5 years ago.

      1. Good reminder. I used to love Mango but for some reason I never have this store on top of my mind. My most durable pieces came from them.

    4. Unfortunately, both, Zara and Mango have switched to 100% polyester, very rough fabrics few years ago. I no longer bother to stop in their stores anymore. While on business trip in thr US, I bought great trousers and jeans in Banana Republic. I am based in Europe and continue buying clothes from their European site. Free shipping, no customs, and if the pieces do not fit, returns are free. I like some pieces from Benetton, too (Italian collection is usually better – wider choice). When in Spain, I like to pop in to Massimo Dutti (like Zara, but nice fabrics and more premium).

  30. PSA: I know we all lead busy lives, but please take time to do regular skin checks yourself and also to see a dermatologist once a year for a skin check with them.

    I recently had a mole removed. I wasn’t concerned about anything medical and it wasn’t even a vanity thing, it was only because it was on my abdomen and the tops and waistbands of my work skirts were hitting it and it would rub and get itchy or bleed. A week after I had it removed, my dermatologist called because he had been concerned enough to send it for testing and it had come back positive for melanoma.

    Skin cancer wasn’t even on my radar. I am of Mexican decent and certainly don’t have pale skin. I honestly thought skin cancer was something that happened to redheads and fair skinned people who tanned outside or in tanning beds a lot. My dermatologist told me that people of any race or ethnicity can get skin cancer and that the survival rate for non fair skinned people is lower because often it gets too far before it is detected because the person wasn’t aware of the skin cancer risk.

    My cousin’s fiancé was diagnosed the same week I was. She is a redhead of Irish decent and is the most fair skinned person I have ever met. She has never used a tanning bed or laid out to tan on purpose and she always wears sunscreen and stays in the shade (even on cloudy days). She was also diagnosed with melanoma despite protecting herself and having no family history. Both of us got lucky because we were only at stage one. Mine was about the size of a nickel and hers was about the size of a dime. They weren’t deep in our skin and hadn’t spread to the lymph nodes or any organs. Besides having some skin cut out to make sure they got it all, neither of needed chemotherapy or any other treatment. We have to go to the dermatologist every 3-6 months for the next little bit. Early detection saved us.

    Please check your skin regularly. We are the last two people I thought would get skin cancer but we both did. Be aware of the ABCDE’s of skin cancer: Asymmetry, Border, Color, Diameter and Evolving. Do a Google Image search to see examples of these. Even if your mole doesn’t look like melanoma (mine didn’t) it could still be. Be aware of your skin, check it regularly, including places like under your nails and between your toes. See a dermatologist once a year for them to check. It could save your life. Also practice sun safety. Cover up, wear sunscreen and hats even on cloudy days and avoid the sun between 10:00 AM and 4:00 PM. No matter what your race, ethnicity or skin tone is you can get skin cancer and if you don’t catch it earlier it can be deadly.

    Have a good weekend everyone.

  31. Hi all! Earlier this summer, I graduated from bschool – I traveled for a bit over a month afterwards, and am now ramping up my job search in the tech industry.

    Last summer, I interned at a great company (along the lines of top ten by market cap) and received a full time offer but declined, as I didn’t want to potentially further pigeonhole myself into that specific function. I’m concerned that now, as I look for full-time positions, recruiters/HMs may see my internship and wonder why I didn’t return (and thus, assume that I didn’t receive an offer -> become concerned that I was a bad employee or something).

    So now onto the question: should I mention the offer on my resume? If so, what would be the best phrasing? Or am I being too paranoid?

    Thanks!

      1. Ultimately, I declined because of the job function – the full-time role would have been a little too similar to the work I did prior to school. Other than that, everything else was great – I’ve still been in contact with the recruiter I worked with at the company, in case other positions (in other departments) open up. I made the decision to go back to school to change both industries and functions (not easy, I know!) – as such, I’m looking to move into more operations / product related positions rather than sales / marketing.

    2. Absolutely add it to your resume. I see it all the time when I interview mbas and I find it reassuring to know that they got an offer

  32. Petite suit help? My J Crew. Super 120’s skirt suits are way too big on me now. I start my new job as a prosecutor tomorrow. Tips on slim-fitting skirt suits for someone who is very petite? I’d prefer wool, but I’ll take whatever fits and is flattering. :(

Comments are closed.