Corporette.com

Updated: Oct 30, 2018 273 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Weekend Open Thread

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

crisscross-sweater-2Something on your mind? Chat about it here. The skinny jean/pant trend seems just as strong as ever, with a ton of faux leather options (I've even seen multiple pairs of maternity leather leggings!), and this cool relaxed sweater seems like the perfect thing to wear with them. It's on trend with the side slits, the crisscross neckline, and the bell sleeves, but it also just seems flattering and comfortable to wear. (I also like that it's hand washable instead of dry clean only!) The sweater is $98, available at Nordstrom (four colors) and Zappos (two colors). Free People Crisscross Sweater This $29 tee looks great if you're in a warmer climate or prefer layers. On the plus side of things, Charlotte Russe has a ton of strappy tops, dresses, jumpsuits and more, and I like the vibe of this $44 strappy sweater in sizes 0x-4x. P.S. Don't forget that we're talking about the movie Working Girl on November 1! It’s available for streaming on Netflix (or DVD), from your local library, and on Amazon Video. Did you catch our discussion of 9 to 5 earlier this week? (L-all)

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Ideas for Weekend Visit to New Family?

    Reposting from the morning thread. I’m spending an upcoming weekend staying with close friends who had a baby a few months ago. Any ideas of things I can bring to them (food or otherwise) or things I can do for them while I’m there?

    • Anonymous

      If they’re not in the critical crazy newborn phase, then you probably don’t have to worry too much about it. Maybe offer to watch the baby so they can escape for some couple/me time, but they might not be comfortable with leaving the baby yet. Bring a present for the baby and a host/hostess gift too. Tidy up after yourself, generally be a good guest, since the parents are probably exhausted.

      • Lynn

        This. As long as you don’t make yourself too much of an extra burden (like leaving glasses everywhere or being messy) they won’t expect anything from you. It’s always nice to bring something for the baby.

    • Betty

      Things I would have loved from a friend staying with me when I had a 1-4 month old baby: Call as you are arriving and ask if there is anything you can pick up at the grocery store. Ask which is their favorite take out place and grab food for them (this would be great for breakfast t00). Offer to hold the baby while mom eats (preferably while the food is still warm), takes a long shower, naps or takes care of a nagging household task that she can’t do one handed and promise that you will come get her if the baby really needs her (i.e. after you have changed the diaper and done other soothing stuff). Ask her about the nagging task and offer to do it for her. Ask her if she wants to escape with just you for a while (a chance to remember who she was pre-baby). Offer to make a grocery store or target run while you are there. Ask her how she/they are doing and really listen.

    • SC

      Take over one of the meals while you’re there. If logistics make it possible, take a meal that’s easy to prepare and reheat there. If not, offer to grocery shop, cook, and clean up for one meal while they take a “break,” or offer to pick up from their favorite takeout place. I have a major sweet tooth, so I would have appreciated baked goods, but YMMV. Other than that, be a particularly good guest, clean up after yourself and help out around the house where possible.

    • Amelia Bedelia

      When the baby is sleeping in early evening, say “wouldn’t you like to grab a nap? I have some reading to catch up on.” It was SO hard for me in the first six months to have out of town guests. I was up so many times during the night with the bebe, and was always exhausted. I would have loved to crash at 8pm, but I felt like I *had* to stay up and entertain guests.

      don’t expect the mom to want to pack up the baby and take her somewhere. some parents love this, but some don’t. Find out before you suggest any outing with the baby.

      cook/clean/run the dishwasher/do a load of laundry. That’s if you are really close. She’ll protest and feel guilty, but she’ll appreciate it SO much if you just do some of it.

  2. Oxyclean!

    Thank you to whoever recommended oxyclean to clean a dress yesterday. It worked beautifully and that is my favorite work dress

    • Legally Brunette

      Would Oxyclean get rid of a stain from a tire? Stain is black and greasy. My favorite dress. :(

      • tesyaa

        Use a stain stick product and really saturate it, then soak in warm water (if possible) for at least 24 hours. Then try to remove the stain by scrubbing (gently) with a brush or your hands before laundering. I have removed black grease this way. You may have to give this a few tries for a bad stain.

      • Anonymous

        Dawn dish soap (the original blue kind) works wonders on grease stains. Only the blue kind.

        • Lynn

          Do you think this might work on sweat/deodorant stains on a knit shirt? I’m really running out of options.

          • Anon

            Oxyxlean has worked very well for this, in my experience. Soak the shirt overnight.

  3. Bonnie

    I thought for a second that this sweater was part of a Medieval costume. I hate that neckline.

  4. Chuffed

    So, yesterday I spoke at a big industry conference, and it was a huge deal for me, because I am sort of terrified of public speaking, plus the fact that I was presenting was kind of the culmination of a lean-in effort that started almost exactly 2 years ago and has been one of the best things to happen to my career – and it went great! I had people come up afterwards and tell me it was an excellent presentation, people were engaged, and the two main partners I work for attended and said I did a good job and represented the firm well. The industry is really male-dominated, so I’m pleased not just at my efforts, generally, but also about the fact that I have become known as someone who “knows her stuff” in this industry. Anyway, I’m chuffed, and ready to celebrate this weekend! Sorry for tooting my horn, but I feel like this group will understand!

      • Ellen

        YAY! Open thread’s! I love Open thread’s and this sweater, but Frank would want me to wear it as a dress instead of with Jean’s. And who knows where he would put his greazey hand’s! FOOEY on Frank! As for the OP, Congrat’s! I think it is great to speak at conferences, even CLE’s, like the manageing partner and I do. We get alot of referral’s out of our CLE’s from company’s that have WC probelem worker’s, and it is our job to make sure the company does NOT pay benefits to them unless they are REALY injured. Most are fakeing it so that they cannot work. I work all day all week and never get a break, so DOUBEL FOOEY on them!

        I wish the entire HIVE a great weekend! YAY!!!

    • Awesome!

      Go you! And a very well deserved congratulations. I know exactly how it feels since I gave my first keynote presentation to an industry group yesterday too. I’ve done plenty of panels but this was the first time it was just me.
      It took a lot of preparation and practice, but I’m glad I pushed past my comfort zone. And I’m also very glad it’s over ;)

      • Chuffed

        Congrats!! And, yes to the preparation and practice and to being so glad about pushing past a comfort zone. I feel like I have reached another level now. After the presentation, it was like everyone even looked at me differently. Maybe it was in my head, but even if it was, it’s given me more confidence.
        Enjoy a much-earned weekend! I know I will. :)

  5. Male Infertility

    I’m looking for ways to support my husband. We were ambivalent about having kids for a long time. At some point he decided he really wanted one. I agreed to go for it and got excited but at the same time I’d still be okay if we didn’t. We just completed our 9th cycle. He went for a semen analysis and learned he has low motility and low count. The doc had a nurse relay the info and basically she just said they’d refer him to a fertility clinic. It’s been a couple weeks and he hasn’t heard back.

    I’m struggling with how to deal with all this because he is really sad and I’m more like “well, at least we tried.” I’m also open to trying other things like IUI and even maybe … big maybe … IVF if it is really important to him. But, he is upset because he doesn’t want to ask me to do those things. He wants me to want to do those things or not do them at all. When we first started on this journey we said we would just see what would happen but no interventions. In that time I think he realized he really does want a kid. I just turned 35 and he is also 35.

    I think the last few months have been harder because my period has been late or I’ve had other big pregnancy symptoms. This month my BBT is still high despite having my period. There is always something that makes us think there is a chance.

    So 2 questions – anyone get pregnant despite male factor infertility and what did you do to treat it? Second question, anyone been the person that really wants the baby when the other person is ambivalent or at least less devastated and how could that person have supported you in a non-offensive, non-annoying way.

    The worst to me is knowing that this is the stuff that breaks marriages. We have had a wonderful marriage for more than decade with barely an argument. I want to handle this carefully and not drive us apart. Secretly, I’m relieved that the issue is on his end (though I guess I could have one too) since I think it would be harder on us as a couple if he was the one that really wanted it and I couldn’t make it happen. At least I don’t have to worry about him leaving me for a woman who can give him children if his end is the one with the medical issue. I know that sounds absurd but we had a friend in the same situation except the wife was the one that really wanted the baby and she told him if he couldn’t make it happen, she was leaving. I guess it really messes with people.

    • Anonymous

      Don’t borrow trouble yet. Be proactive, contact the fertility clinic and see what they say before worrying about divorce.

      • Male Infertility

        Thanks. I’m not actually that worried about divorce. This is the first I have told anyone and I just needed to get all my thoughts and fears off my chest.

    • Anonymous

      can you take a mini-vacation? Infertility is stressful. Until you know where things are going, take it one day at a time. Maybe go to a halloween party and plan a fun halloween costume together? Enjoy adult things that you won’t be able to do as easily if you do have kids. Try a new activity together so that the infertility stuff doesn’t become such a focus for you both.

    • Anonymous

      Be proactive and call the fertility clinic. That shows support, motivation.

    • Male Infertility

      Since this is a serious subject, I’ll add one funny anecdote to lighten the mood. We live in a fairly rural area but live closest to the local metropolitan area where the doctor’s office is. When the sperm analysis was ordered they told my husband to do it at home, keep it close to the body and get it to the lab in under 30 mins. He told them that he’d be able to get there in just about 20 minutes but it was cutting it close if there was any traffic or a line at the lab. He asked if he should do it there instead. They said they have no facilities to do it there and none of the labs in our state do either. He commented that he lives probably the closest out of their range of patients and what do the patients do from the other towns? They said just do it in the car in the parking lot. I’m pretty sure that is illegal and I don’t think “my doctor told me to” is a defense the cops accept.

    • Anon for this

      Pregnant despite low count and motility – yes, multiple times personally. Depends how low, but I have heard of natural pregnancies where counts were in the low single millions.

    • Anon

      Been through this but in our case we both very much wanted kids. He did try varicocele surgery but it didn’t help. Ultimately I did IVF on the recommendation of the Reproductive Endo. And just skipped the whole iui process
      It was emotionally tough for both of us and I can imagine the added delicacy of you being ambivalent about kids.
      Ivf is far from ideal but it’s really not bad compared with the rest of pregnancy.
      You will need a full workup regardless but if you don’t have any visible issues you should have a good chance of success. I got twins on the first try (although since you’re already ambivalent it’s probably better to go with a single embryo in your case). And as much as I love having twins, I nearly died in childbirth, which was obviously very hard on my husband.

    • Anon

      We went through this and it was hard. My DH went to a specialist, had surgery, and took meds but we never got the count very high. We did a few rounds of IVF and I got pregnant but miscarried. If you do proceed, skip IUI and go directly to IVF. It was definitely very tough for our marriage and my husband is still recovering from feelings of inadequacy and depression that were heightened by this. But we did make it through and ultimately adopted an awesome kiddo. Good luck.

      • full

        Why skip IUI? With low motility and low count, these are two things that IUI is basically meant for. They would concentrate the sperm (increase the count relative to the volume) and put the sperm right where it needs to be (so it doesn’t need to be that motile).

        • Anonymous

          People are generally told to skip IUIs because they are less likely to work and, on average, can cost more than IVF because you’ll probably have to do more rounds of IUIs than you would IVF.

    • Leatty

      My BIL received poor results from his first semen analysis. His RE recommended changes to his diet and exercise, and when they redid the test several months later, everything was perfect. They now have a beautiful little girl that was conceived naturally.

      In the 50s, my grandfather was diagnosed with low sperm count. My grandparents adopted a little girl after several years of trying and successfully had two biological children a few years later.

    • Ekaterin Nile

      I have a friend whose husband had sperm with so much bad morphology they said they’d never get pregnant naturally. Three rounds of ICSI IVF (using his bad morphology but otherwise ok sperm) resulted in three kids. THEN, she got pregnant naturally. Four healthy kids now. But I wouldn’t bank on the randomness.

      I work with a woman whose husband is sterile and they have 3 kids conceived using sperm donor sperm. They are doing great.

      Male infertility happens. It sounds like you guys have options if you want to explore them. But whether you want to go through everything involved in IVF is something you have to decide.

    • Anonymous

      My H had his vasectomy reversed and had almost no motility at. all. He ended up on all kinds of meds for about 6 months before we were successful. He was ambivalent about kids. I wanted kids badly. It helped when he’d just shut up–no complaints about the process, the costs, the meds, the appointments, anything. The whole process was emotional enough that any time he hinted at the “well, at least we tried” mentality, I felt gutted. It also hurt that when I added options to the table (adoption) he was totally closed minded about it.

      I guess my advice is to be there. Listen. Stay open minded.

    • Anonymous

      If your BBT remains high, please take a pregnancy test just to rule out an ectopic pregnancy.

    • Anon

      Making the decision to do IVF (by accepting that my family wasn’t going to happen the way I’d imagined) was worse than actually doing IVF. Even at my lowest point when a cycle failed, I was happy that we’d tried. DH did all my shots and we grew closer through the struggle.

    • OP

      Thanks everyone. We actually got good news today. My doc looked at my DH’s test results and totally disagreed with what his doctor told him. He’s going to retest. Thanks also for the suggestion about taking a pregnancy test. I took one a few days ago and today my BBT is going back down. I took your advice about calling the clinic and they had no referral which is why I reached out to my doc. This was all very helpful advice.

  6. Tetra

    We’re going to visit family in rural Virginia (near Lake Anna) in the evening on a Saturday, and would love to do something fun in the country during the day — wine tasting, apple picking, etc. Any suggestions close to that area?

    • Anonymous

      It’s about an hour away, but Carter Mountain Orchard is fantastic for apple picking. The view is amazing, and so are the apple cider doughnuts.

      • anon

        Carter Mountain will be a *zoo*. If you want to go, go as soon as they open.

    • emeralds

      Head towards the Orange and Barboursville area vineyards regardless of your end point; it’s a little desolate elsewhere (with all the love in my heart for the area). Barboursville is a local classic, Keswick is nice, I don’t like Horton that much but it’s easy to tag on. A couple of others have popped up in that same area that I haven’t been to yet, details on monticellowinetrail.com. Go into Orange for lunch at Spark’s (order the country ham croissant, thank me on later) or Gordonsville for BBQ Exchange (you can do takeout and bring it to the winery with you) or Pomme (if you’re feeling fancy). If you’re down for something more conventionally touristy, Montpelier is close by and absolutely lovely.

  7. Grandma gift ideas?

    I’m about 5 months pregnant with what will be my mom’s first grandchild, and she is so excited – it’s very sweet. Her birthday is coming up and I’d like to get her something to celebrate her new role as grandma. Any recommendations? I was thinking of a book, like Leslie Stahl’s Becoming Grandma, but maybe it would be nice to do something more sentimental.

    • Anonymous

      Framed ultrasound picture with “Can’t wait to meet you Grandma” or similar?

      • Senior Attorney

        Gah. Your mom might like that but I’m probably her age and I would… not. You have your whole life to give her baby pictures and I think it can wait until the child is actually out of the womb.

        I think the book sounds great.

        • Shayla

          The book “How to Babysit a Grandma” as well :-) So, one serious and one for fun book.

    • Anon

      What about a nice (not overly cheesy) Christmas ornament, personalized with whatever she wants the baby to eventually call her (i.e. Glam-ma, Mimi, Nana. . . )?

      • Maddie Ross

        Can I ask a serious question related to this? Why can’t the baby just call her “grandma”? Why is it that calling a grandmother something really cheesy has suddenly become so en vogue? (And I’m not talking about culturally appropriate nicknames nor am I exactly talking about the old standbys like “Nana.” I’m taking about the silly “Glam-mas” and “G-Mommies” and that stuff.)

        • Sydney Bristow

          So I don’t have kids, but my nephew has 3 sets of grandparents. His dad’s mom and stepdad (my parents), hid dad’s dad and stepmom, and his mom’s parents. Instead of calling them Grandma/Grandpa first name or last name, they all have their own nicknames. Grandma/Gramps, Nana/Pops, and something else that I think means grandma in a different language. I think it helps keep the relationships clear for the kid, although Grandma/Grandpa first or last name would accomplish the same thing.

        • Senior Attorney

          Also, the “GR” sound is challenging for babies. They don’t learn how to say it until well after sounds like “M” or “D” or “P.” My mom had planned on having my son call her “Granny,” but he hadn’t mastered that until well after he was saying “mama” and “dada” and “papaw” (my dad’s name of choice). So we came up with something else that he was able to say (“Mimi”). So I’d be wary about picking a nickname in advance…

          • Agency Counsel

            Totally true, I had the toughest time with GR as a child and “Gram” became Fram. As I was the oldest grandchild, all the rest followed suit. Names just happen.

        • lawsuited

          Some women like the personalization, and if both maternal and paternal grandmothers are alive it helps everyone to differentiate them with different names.

        • Beth

          My mom didn’t want to be called grandma (“too old”- she was 55 when I had my first). So she picked “Grammy”. DH’s parents are Gran and Grandad. My dad is “Gippa” because we started with Grandpa, but my kid couldn’t say it and kept calling him “G-Pa”‘which kind of morphed into Gippa. That kid is now 5 but the nickname stuck despite all adults gently encouraging Grandpa. My dad loves it though :-).

    • Grandmama

      I AM a grandmother, for context. What about a double frame with a photo of her as a young mom holding you in one side and “Coming soon!” in the other side? Then you can provide a photo of you and the baby when the time comes.

    • jilly

      I got my mom a cookie jar because that’s where I headed every time I went to my grandmothers’ houses…

    • ChiLaw

      I just wanted to say how sweet the cookie jar and matching-photos frame ideas are.

      • SC

        +1. The whole idea is so sweet. I don’t think we did anything for our parents.

    • Domer

      We went to build a bear and got the recordable hearts (they are meant for words) and took them to my next OB appt and had the doctor record the babies heartbeat. Then we took them back and made the bears… my parents loved to show that bear to my son when he was born :)

  8. Cooking?

    So having just moved away from a city where everyone eats out practically every night to a true suburb where your eating options are pizza, Chinese, repeat — I am realizing I can’t (and don’t really want to) cook. Sure I can throw jarred Ragu over pasta or make scrambled eggs or a quesadilla but I am realizing that that won’t cut it long term from a nutrition perspective.

    Can someone educate me on Trader Joes and/or Whole Foods? Is one or both of these places good for prepared meals? How expensive per meal and how good/bad taste wise? Do either of these places offer good options for frozen/heat and eat type of foods? I’m not a huge fan of buying prepared foods from places that serve it in a huge salad bar — you never know who has touched/tasted it plus I always have my doubts that they aren’t re-serving yesterdays foods bc there isn’t any way every single item sold out. Would appreciate any meal help you ladies can provide — as I’ve spent nearly 15 yrs eating out and/or shopping at neighborhood corner shops and I can’t really say to people in real life that I have no idea about TJs. (I would just go stop by but neither store is that close to me so I don’t want to drive 45 min to find that all you can buy are huge packages of raw chicken or something else that does me no good since I don’t cook from scratch at this point.)

    • Senior Attorney

      Trader Joe’s has a whole bunch of really good frozen food. There’s a good recipe for lemon/butter/shrimp pasta on the back of the frozen shrimp package. I love the Chicken Tikka Masala. Potstickers, frozen pizza, frozen meatballs, fish filets. Whole Foods has a ton of good fresh prepared foods but it’s pretty expensive (although not nearly expensive as eating out).

      If you have any interest at all in actual cooking, I have been super happy with the meal preparation services. I started with Blue Apron but I’m concerned about their labor practices so I just switched to Plated and am happy with them, too.

      • Shayla

        I live for the Chicken Tikka Masala and wish it was just sold on its own, instead of as a meal with the rice.

        • Maddie Ross

          +1! I hadn’t really thought about it, but that Tikka Masala would be fabulous with real rice, rather than previously frozen rice.

      • Senior Attorney

        Correction: The lemon/butter/shrimp recipe is on the back of the lemon linguine noodles package. ;)

    • Anonymous

      Both have large freezer aisles with tons of prepared meal options, but I think generally speaking TJ’s has both more variety and way better prices. I would start there.

      Whole Foods does have excellent prepared food bars I would highly recommend. They serve different things every day so you can be reasonably sure they’re not serving yesterday’s food. I would at least go take a look at what they have and see if you might change your mind about getting food from there.

    • Anonymous

      I would just go into the stores and see what appeals to you. There will be a lot of frozen meals at TJ’s (and a few fresh ones), WF has prepared frozen food (their lasagna is great) but a large prepared food section as well – there is a bar but lots of packaged stuff depending on your store.

    • Carine

      Trader Joe’s has a lot of heat and eat options and they are often really good. The Cup of Jo blog posted about TJ’s meal hacks within the last couple of months and there were TONS of great ideas in the comments. I didn’t have much experience with Trader Joe’s and found it kind of overwhelming at first, so those concrete suggestions for what to buy and how to use it were super helpful.

      But also, add a bag of frozen veggies to the pasta or eggs and those are perfectly wholesome meals.

      • Anonymous

        +1 to your last sentence. I eat pasta, rice, eggs or quesadillas with fresh or frozen veggies several times a week.

        • Cooking

          OP here — I have been buying lots of bags of frozen stir fry vegetable mixes at my local grocery store. I will throw those into pasta sometimes and always make 1-2 servings where the main meal is eggs so that it at least feels like a real meal with something green. Just feel like I can’t do that 7 nights a week and need to get in some chicken, fish, etc.

    • Anonymous

      Trader Joe’s has tons of frozen and refrigerated convenience foods, all packaged. No salad bar. TJ’s also has good prices on things like cheese, organic butter, preservative-free lunch meats, nuts, trail mix, dried fruit, frozen wild-caught fish, etc. Trader Joe’s prices for convenience foods will be lower per meal than typical grocery store prices, even though the quality is better. A lot of the frozen entrees fall in the $6 – 8 range for four servings. You can sometimes pick up quick meal ideas by visiting the sample station at the back of the store. There was a thread here a couple of weeks ago in which someone posted a whole bunch of great TJ’s meal suggestions.

      Whole Foods, also known as Whole Paycheck, is the salad bar place.

      • Cooking

        OP here – thanks! How is it that TJs is cheaper than regular grocery stores but with better stuff? What’s the trick here – how are they making money?

        Sounds like I want TJs, not WF.

        • Anonymous

          FWIW I find the Whole Foods hot/salad bar always really yummy and fresh. I’m slightly addicted to their mac & cheese. It’s also helpful if you’re making a recipe that contains celery, for example, and you don’t want to buy a giant thing of celery stalks. You can just buy a few celery sticks at the salad bar.

          • Anonymous

            Yes, this is good. But not always very healthy, unless you are careful.

            Mac and cheese = tasty, but not healthy

          • Anonymous

            Thanks for the lesson. I think we all know mac & cheese isn’t healthy. The OP didn’t mention being a health freak.

          • Anonymous

            She did mention nutrition as being an issue. I found that eating prepared food at Whole foods was an issue for me because I leaned more towards the comfort foods than the healthier choices. Easy to do.

            I also lived on Trader Joe’s prepared foods in my 20s, but I gained weight with that.

      • Anon

        Trader Joes once in a while is fine and good but doesn’t everyone worry about all the cholesterol/sodium/bad fats that come associated with frozen and prepackaged foods?

        I guess that I would take frozen food over takeout every night but really, as an adult, is this really a sustainable model for your health?

    • MargaretO

      Someone recently posted a bunch of very simple meal ideas using prepared or partially prepared foods from trader joes. It was some time in the last couple of weeks, maybe someone else remember who it was that posted or something else to search by, but I think it would be worth your time to go looking for it.

      If you’re willing to spend the money on takeout or packaged foods have you considered meal delivery services?

    • Anonymous

      Pick your proteins that are healthy and easy to cook.

      Plan a selection of simple meal options. Write them on a list a put on fridge.

      2 veg or 1 veg + salad every night plus
      One protein

      Eggs one night. I do scrambled.

      Buy a roast chicken once a week for from whole foods or Costco. Chicken one night, salad with chicken on top one night, then shred remainder of chicken and make a soup/chili/or simple stir fry with veg another night and freeze left overs.

      Fish one or two nights. I keep frozen Costco wild salmon fillets and tilapia filets. Either broil or pan fry in butter.

      Out to eat one night. Leftovers or free for all one night.

      If you are vegetarian, then substitute tofu or lentils for chicken. Fish are so good for you…

      I always keep cheese and yogurt and non-fat milk for easy protein that doesn’t require cooking.

      To be a bit healthier, eat more veg. I avoid potatoes/pasta/bread in my dinner plans except on my flexible eat out day.

      This is so healthy, pretty easy and doesn’t require much skill.

    • Learn to cook

      Why not take this opportunity to learn how to cook? Nothing fancy, but I think it’s important for everyone to understand the basic principles of cooking. Consider signing up for Plated or Blue Apron and try your hand at it.

      I hated to cook at first because I was so bad at it. But as I got better, it became more fun. And now I’m considered a pretty good cook.

      Buying frozen and prepared meals every day is 1) expensive and 2) not healthy.

      • Anonymous

        It is expensive but it doesn’t have to be unhealthy if you read the ingredients labels on what you’re buying and choose wisely.

          • Anonymama

            Yes, and the portion sizes are generally a bit smaller than what I would make for myself, so probably healthier. But then again I’ve never been a plain-grilled-chicken-breast kind of eater, so when I cook at home I’m generous with the butter, salt, and olive oil, so not exactly clutching my pearls at the unhealthiness of most of tj’s prepared or frozen foods. I do find that with some of it, like the BBQ beef brisket or prepared chicken salad, I throw that protein over some salad greens and the overall meal is actually way healthier than if I made myself pasta and sausage or got takeout from somewhere.

      • Cooking

        I understand the basic principles — I just have ZERO (or negative if that’s possible) interest in it. I don’t enjoy the grocery shopping, nor the cooking, nor the washing dishes — so I try not to subject myself to it as much as possible.

    • Susie

      I’m a huge Trader Joe’s aficionado! They have a lot of frozen foods you just stir fry or pan cook or whatever – super easy and not totally unhealthy. Some of the ones I like are: shrimp stir-fry w/ pepper seasoning; shitake mushroom chicken, beef & broccoli, mandarin chicken, and sweet potato gnocchi.
      I also like their veggie corn dogs, frozen burger patties including chicken and veggie, the turkey meatballs, and gyoza. Also, the frozen wonton soup that comes in a little plastic bowl is awesome.
      For a step up, they have great pre-seasoned meat that you just have to cook. Ones I like are the blackened salmon; garlic peppercorn pork tenderloin, and the pollo asado.
      I grab the pre-made salads for lunch – my favorites are the lemon chicken arugula, and the chicken and beet one.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      I would probably starve were it not for Trader Joe’s frozen foods section, because I am far too lazy to cook when I get home from work. They have a lot of frozen entrees, pretty much all delicious. I’m a huge fan of the following TJ frozen foods: chicken tikka masala, the chicken & cheese tamales, tomato and brie tart (it’s a pizza…), lamb kofta, most of their frozen veggie mixes with sauce, shu mai, gyoza, chicken & lime burgers (I may not be remembering the name on those correctly). Their raviolis are also good and easy (in the refrigerated section)–and it’s time for the pumpkin & honey ones again. Pick up a Fearless Flyer when you go in the store (their newsletter with the seasonal specials)–it will give you a good idea of the best options available at the time. Also, while not at all related to meals, their dark chocolate covered almonds with sea salt and turbinado sugar are insanely good.

      Whole Foods has a good hot bar and salad bar, but it’s expensive. If you live near a good Harris Teeter (primarily southern chain), the larger ones have a hot bar that’s cheaper and decent. Or, if you’re up north, I hear Wegman’s has good prepared foods (my town announced we’re getting a wegman’s and every north transplant nearly died from excitement).

    • Bonnie

      Definitely Trader Joe’s over Whole Foods on price alone. We eat some frozen meal from Trader Joe’s at least twice a week. Their frozen veggie lasagna is delicious, healthyish and will give you a couple meals. Also look at the fresh produce as they sell vegetables (butternut squash, stirfry mix) that are already prepped. Once a week, I toss a bag onto a baking sheet (usually in our toaster oven) drizzle with olive oil and salt and pepper and roast for 20-30 minutes. IMO they’re tastier than steamed and easy to just add into other meals during the week.

    • Anonymous

      If you do go to WF, I am a fan of the Amy’s brand of frozen foods. Wide variety of cuisines — everything from burritos to channa masala. Amy’s also makes canned soups and chilis that are pretty good.

      The only thing about frozen food is I usually find it bland, so I would also stock up on garlic powder, salt, pepper, and hot sauce to pep it up.

      • Anonymous

        Amy’s frozen foods are available at generic grocery stores like Safeway and Kroger for much less than they cost at Whole Foods, just fyi…

        • Gail the Goldfish

          This. And if you happen to be a pad thai fan, I’ll warn you that Amy’s frozen pad thai is horrible. Saffron Road’s is much better.

    • TJs Cookbook

      I know you said that you don’t want to cook, but there is a TJs-specific cookbook that my parents use that is amazing and easy to use. My father, who hates cooking and has only recently started experimenting in the kitchen, loves it. Search for cooking with trader joes dot com. They have a whole line, even one that only uses 5 ingredients (most of which are partially prepared). My parents use the vegetarian one, but I’m sure the other ones are good. I don’t work for them, I’m just giving them free promotion, I guess. Make sure you get the most recently published one to ensure that TJs still sells all of the products (they mix up their products every now and then).

  9. Amalfi Coast

    Happy Friday ladies! Planning a trip to Italy with my boyfriend over Thanksgiving. Leaving from Boston to Naples with a few days each in Positano (staying in Airbnb) and Capri (hotel).

    Recommendations for things to see and do on the Amalfi Coast? Naples seems like a somewhat gritty city so I’m not inclined to spend much time there.

    We love hiking but I’m conscious the November weather may not cooperate. Neither of us are skilled drivers so we will rely on public transportation and where necessary taxis. I appreciate that it’s the low season so many restaurants and hotels are closed.

    We’re looking forward to a slower pace of life, Italian food, and vino!

    • Anonymous

      Not sure about November, but the Amalfi Coast is lovely (so much good food and wine!) and you’re correct that Naples is not a city you want to spend time in. Best just to fly in and then immediately leave to your destination. I’m not sure if the weather would cooperate, but we enjoyed doing a day trip to Pompeii and a boat tour of the Blue Grotto on Capri. The bl0gger Iowa Girl Eats went to the Amalfi Coast a few years ago and wrote about her stay in Positano.

      • Anonymous

        Why? There are trains from Naples and shuttle buses that go around the Amalfi Coast (the bus rides can be quite scenic as I recall). I’ve traveled widely in Italy and never rented a car. Europe has much better public transit than the US.

      • Julia

        Could not disagree more. Driving on the Amalfi Coast is for locals only unless you love risk. Very narrow, winding roads on the sides of cliffs. In November the tourists are mostly gone so you should be able to hire a driver easily for any longer trips. Public transport is plentiful but less frequent off season. In 4 hours on Capri I was in a boat, a tram, a bus, and a taxi. Our Naples tour included a pickup and drop off at our hotel in another town.

        • Julia

          Just now seeing your statement that you are not skilled drivers . . . You will be miserable if you rent a car.
          Kudos to anyone who does it, though.

    • Anon

      Ok agree Naples is gritty- and you’re not a museum fan- but the National Archaeological Museum believe it or not is outstanding. A lot of amazing bronze and marble sculptures and mosaics. If you only have a few hrs in Naples I’d spend it there!

    • Julia

      Get a guide to take you through Naples one day. There are beautiful vistas, amazing churches, great food, and good shopping nestled in the grunge. Ask to go to the church where people pray to the sainted doctor.
      Liked Pompeii.
      Mt Vesuvius seems like a natural destination given your interests.
      There are amazing hikes on Capri if the weather allows.

    • Monte

      I wouldn’t completely discount Naples. I loved the city — met really friendly strangers, had great food, and wandered into some odd areas with great views. And I also loved Pompeii/Vesuvius. I enjoyed those portions of my trip way more than Capri (which I loathed) and Positano, which was ok but not thrilling for me.

      I like renting a car for freedom’s sake on vacation, but driving in Italy can be a nightmare even for experienced, aggressive drivers. I would avoid if I were you.

  10. Alternatives to White Elephant @ Holiday Party

    Our assistant just emailed me about our holiday party, suggesting a white elephant exchange. So quick – what are some other activities we can do? I take it just having lunch isn’t going to be enough! :-/

    • It's not witchy enough

      I always loved these. But with rules — like it has to be something you have or can’t cost >$5.

      • Anonshmanon

        We have this, too. It has to be something you already own. The gifts are distributed randomly: people take turns rolling a dice and get to pick a present when they get a six. One by one, the gifts are unwrapped. The more useless the stuff, the more hilarious for everyone. This is where you bring ugly knick knacks, regift terrible stuff or get rid of crazy kitchen utensils.

    • Anonymous

      Christmas sock exchange. Everyone buys silly Christmas socks – prize to giver of tackiest socks – take a picture of everyone wearing their socks.

      Gingerbread house building competition – divide into teams – each team gets a kit plus can use other food items that they bring – whole thing must be edible.

    • Senior Attorney

      At Lovely Husband’s office holiday lunch, they hand out a few dollar bills to everybody and play a game of left, right, center (google it if you don’t know how to play) using dollar bills instead of chips. He says it’s always a big hit.

      And of course the gift-stealing thing is always fun.

      • Scarlett

        Oh we do that every year at thanksgiving with my family! It’s a total hit!

    • Sydney Bristow

      I personally would be fine with just a holiday lunch. Is it just the assistant who wants to do something else or is there a sort of office-wide desire to do a little more than lunch? Whatever you do, I’d prefer it to be optional.

      • OP

        It’s my first year here, and she didn’t say it had been done before. I’m afraid to ask, but thought maybe I could present a better option – appreciate the ideas!

        I find them excruciating but it seems it might just be me! I agree with the optional part for sure but that would out me as a curmudgeon.

        • Sydney Bristow

          Yeah, I’m feeling like a bit of a Grinch! I like these things in my personal life, I just feel like it is awkward with coworkers and I even get along great with my coworkers.

    • trefoil

      My office did a secret santa, $20 limit, but rather than an adult gift, buy a toy you think the recipient would’ve played with as a child. Donate to a charity after the party. All the fun of opening a gift plus the benefit of giving.

  11. Mini-break Ideas

    Does anyone have any suggestions for a long weekend away with my husband in late January within reach of New York? I’m thinking some kind of cosy romantic inn or log cabin, but can’t seem to find what I have in mind. Does anyone have any suggestions? I’d be happy to fly or drive and I’m imagining more of a curling up in front of the fire trip rather than any major activities or sightseeing.

    • Hope NJ

      Inn @ Millrace Pond
      Hope is straight out I-80 and is right before the Delaware Water Gap; cute little Moravian town near lots of hiking, etc.
      When I was little, I used to think of how awesome it would be to have a rehearsal dinner there.

      • BKDC

        Aww, I grew up around here. Never been to the Inn, but can vouch for the scenery.

        • Hope NJ

          Wow — I thought it was just me (didn’t grow up there, but parents moved out there when I was in college). So, so pretty. I am really missing the area right now.

    • ChiLaw

      Beekman Arms in Rhinebeck is really cute — historical. There is a tiny downtown in Rhinebeck right outside the door of the inn — wine shops and bars and restaurants. It’s cute!

    • Anonymous

      I agree with Gilmore. Even if you don’t take a maternity leave, you are unlikely to get great experience during that year. No one will want to staff you and give you great responsibility on litigation cases when they know you are leaving in less than a year (i.e. Significantly before the case is likely to be over). At my firm, you would be pulled in to do random legal research and help with urgent doc review projects. But no client interactions, depositions, court appearances, etc

      One thing I would consider if you do it is taking a pass on the year credit for the appellate clerkship. Many people at my firm only take credit for one year if they do two years clerking or two years if they do more years clerking. It would give you an additional year to develop your skills before being up for partner.

  12. Boston Anon

    Has anyone in the Boston area/surrounding suburbs had luck with a Nordstrom stylist? If so, name and location? I could really use some help updating my wardrobe but want recommendations on the person…

    • Learn to cook

      Amy Schwartz in Natick. This was a few years ago though, hopefully she’s still there. I believe she’s the head of the personal styling group. Very good.

      • Boston Area

        Juliette in Burlington. Lots of fun to work with, got my style really quickly, and remembered me over a year later.

  13. SA

    My husband just unexpectedly took the kids hunting with him for the weekend. I have stidying to do and we are having a Halloween party next weekend I need to get ready for but I have NO plans other than that and I’m a little freaked out.

    I travel some for work and I know I don’t like eating out alone, and it’s fall break here so I expect my mom friends will be busy with kid stuff…

    • Anonymous

      Dude, you are thinking about this all wrong. Take the opportunity to veg out, watch whatever you want, eat take out, sleep in, and clean up after no one but yourself. Enjoy it!

      • Senior Attorney

        +1

        Also: read a novel if that’s your bag, get a haircut/mani-pedi, maybe do some clothes shopping.

    • Anonymous

      Are you freaked out because guns or because you’re worried about occupying your time? You can always get take out, just eat a big block of cheese, watch movies, get your nails done.

        • Anonymous

          I would love to be left alone all weekend with a big block of cheese, a bottle of wine, and a stack of books.

      • ChiLaw

        We’re going on a family getaway that involves a hot tub, and I’ve told everyone that I plan to take up residence there with a block of cheese and a bottle of wine. #goals

    • Sydney Bristow

      I know you said you don’t like eating out alone, but what about going to see a movie? I love going to see a movie in the theater alone. It is much more comfortable than eating out because it is dark and you have something to pay attention to. And movie theater popcorn is yummy.

      • Lorelai Gilmore

        I love going to movies by myself! One of life’s great pleasures.

    • Nessie

      I’d go to the Korean spa by me for a day, potentially with a massage included and/or mani+pedi. And then eat prosciutto and brie on french bread for dinner, and watch Lord of the Rings.

  14. Scarlett

    Whole 30 meal ideas? My H and I are half-way through whole 30 & I’m dying & not finding things that sound good on the internet that can be made quickly during the week. Anyone done this & have some easy/tasty/ weeknight meal ideas?

    • anon a mouse

      The blog Shutterbean just finished a Whole30, so you might find some ideas there.

      But, remember that you don’t have to make it too complicated. Find a compliant marinade, do chicken/beef in marinade, plus two vegetable sides.

    • Anonymous

      If you’re that miserable, why don’t you just have one non-Whole30 meal? I don’t understand people who go on these super strict diets. You’ll get most of the health benefits by eating healthy 80% of the time but still allowing yourself to indulge a bit, and you’ll be less likely to binge when the diet is over.

      • Scarlett

        Thanks you guys & this might just be the “permission” I need – I’ve been doing it in solidarity with H & it’s just killing me with the repetitive nature of the preparation of food.

        • Anon

          +1. Eat well most of the time, and eat what you want the rest of the time.

          I gravitate towards fruits and vegetables so I eat a ton of them. I love dairy, and suffer no negative effects, so never giving that up. Coconut flour anything tastes like coconut flavored sawdust – I like my bread and pastries made with wheat flour, thanks. I figure life is short, I eat mostly well, so the fact that I’m currently drinking a green juice while eating a small dish of candy corn suits me just fine.

    • Anonymous

      Don’t do a non-Whole 30 meal.

      Look at the book “Well Fed.” It’s a very practical guide on how to do Whole 30 and a cook book. The author talks about “hot plates” and basically how she pre-cooks a ton of stuff on the weekend, including various sauces, proteins, etc., in about an hour. When the week comes, she basically pulls everything together for easy meals.

      Try “sunshine sauce” with grilled chicken. Just google Whole30 sunshine sauce and you’ll get the recipe. You can sub cashew butter just as easily.

      Nom nom paleo also has good whole30 recipes. I got a lot there.

      I agree with the poster above – protein + veggies = compliant meal. Doesn’t have to be fancy, and if you’re bored, just play with various marinades. I looked up all sorts of various marinades online and just cut the sugar out or whatever non-compliant ingredients there were.

      I will repeat what I said above about not breaking the Whole30 trend right now. By doing the entire 30 days, I realized that I had issues with certain foods impacting my digestive system. I think the suggestion that you break it, is one that doesn’t understand the purpose of Whole30 which is not to lose weight. It’s to learn about how various foods impact your body. I did Whole30 about 1.5 years ago now, and it resulted in very positive changes to how I eat. I always ate healthy prior to doing Whole30, but had trouble going to the bathroom (TMI). Eliminating the items via Whole30 for 30 days and then slowly introducing them back helped me identify the problem and now I’m regular.

      • Anonymous

        Replying to myself…

        Of course, I guess this depends on why you’re doing Whole30. I did it because even though I was eating a healthy diet and living an active lifestyle, I had digestive issues.

    • Engines

      Don’t break the trend! Don’t give in! I’m in my last week of a Whole30 right now, and the whole point of it is to cut out potentially-reactive foods for 30 days to reset your gut, not just to try your hardest to eat healthy. It really doesn’t work as well when you give in, even just once.

      I’m vegetarian, so this might not be super helpful. But my go-to’s are eggs every way possible. Scrambled, fried, hard boiled. Just last week I discovered that I really enjoy a baked potato with a fried egg and marinara sauce on top. Lara bars are my savior when I need a snack in a pinch, so I’m not tempted to eat a non-compliant snack.

      You can do it!

    • Amy H.

      You can do it! Two of our favorites are slow-cooker Kalua pork with (cooked) cabbage, and sausage and peppers with lots of onions and multicolored peppers. So good. Also, if you can find the Paleo Kitchen avocado mayo, it is compliant, delicious, and a great base for sauces/dips to make things like grilled chicken more interesting. Grilled chicken with blanched broccoli on the side with some mushrooms sauteed in garlic and ghee/olive oil. Yum!

  15. anon

    I need to say this to someone and can’t bring myself to voice it to any of my girlfriends yet, and I’m not sure if I’m looking for commiseration or advice, but: first LGP with my new boyfriend did not go well. We’ve been dating a month and a half without any previous issues, but we suffered from technical difficulties last night and never managed to accomplish what we set out to do. I know the advice is always that it probably isn’t you and that he wants it to happen, but my confidence is totally crushed today. I want to give it another go as long as he does, and I hope he does, I think I’m upset because I genuinely like him and realized I’m beginning to care about him.

    • First Year Anon

      It was your first attempt. It’s okay. He was probably nervous. If you make it a thing, he’ll probably get more nervous and have a hard time getting there again. It’s not about you!

      • anon

        Thanks. Definitely won’t make it a thing, told him I had fun this morning and we do have plans for the weekend.

        • Nati

          Ah, he was probably just too nervous! I had this happen with my best ever ex-boyfriend. He told me later he thought it was because he was putting a lot of pressure on himself because he liked me so much. Just be totally relaxed about this. I actually sort of appreciate when things don’t go well at first so that we can get in the habit of laughing/talking about tough stuff sooner rather than later.

    • Spirograph

      This happened to me once. Embarrassing on both sides, and totally awkward afterward. But we tried again another day, and it was fine. We never spoke of the first try again, although I can imagine it might be a funny memory some day if we’d gotten married and grown old together. Some guys just get performance anxiety with a new partner. It isn’t you, I promise. In fact, I read my husband’s Men’s Health magazines, and this exact thing was addressed in a recent issue, so it must be sort of common. As long as he doesn’t actually have ED, the second try should be a charm. Happy gardening!

    • Anonymous

      Aw, I’m sorry. But I really think this is fairly common and not at all a sign the relationship is doomed. Any chance he doesn’t have much experience with women? My now-husband had some issues when we first got going and now things are great. (And I think you’re wise not to voice this to real life girlfriends if you really like this guy – I know my husband would have been devastated if I’d talked to my girlfriends about his issues and he’d somehow found out.)

    • Anonymous

      Whatever you do, making him a mix tape of your favorite Enya sonds to show him how sensitive and caring you are about this is NOT going to go over well.

    • Anonymous

      This happens. Sometimes things just don’t work for my SO, but he still makes sure I’m satisfied. As for why it doesn’t work sometimes, who knows? Phase of the moon? Stars out of alignment? Point is, don’t worry about it.

    • anon

      I’ve actually had this happen on several of occasions with new partners (4 or 5? srsly). Usually, alcohol was involved which I expect was a factor. Some dudes have no issues the first time, but some just do. I think it’s nerves. I think that we tend to forget that gardening, esp with new gardeners, can be a very vulnerable experience for men. I’m dead certain it’s never been because someone wasn’t attracted to me or didn’t like what I was doing….because it’s gotten better 100% of the time.

      I think the best way to deal with it is to try not to make it a big deal. I’ve usually said something like, “look honey, it’s fine, it’s not a huge deal. Sometimes this just happens. I’m completely confident that we are going to have awesome LGPs.” Use it as an opportunity to show your partner that he’s safe with you and you’re not going to make fun of him or tear him down, or overreact (not saying you would!), and use it as an opportunity to set the precedent for open communication about gardening early on (bonus!).

    • Shopaholic

      Good on you for not making it a thing. FWIW, my first couple times with my most recent ex were like that and I was terrified that we would never make it work. But one night, we had a couple drinks, put a movie on in the background, and it just happened. I think it was nerves on his part so the drinks + background movie helped because it wasn’t like ok we’re going to get down now so perform… it was just more spontaneous and developed. We rarely had problems after that, unless there were too many drinks involved.

    • Anon

      That happened with my ex the first couple of times. Definitely not you! He’s probably just nervous because he likes you too!

    • Anonymous

      Same thing happened to me. In the first 4 times we ‘set out’ for an LGP, it only worked once. He’s in good health, has plenty of experience, but because we liked each other so much, it turns out he was REALLY nervous. Three months later, it hasn’t been an issue since. Just needed to get comfortable with each other.

  16. Kk

    There’s a woman in my building, who’s super glamorous and well put together. On the occasional friday, I’ve seen her in a suit (or just the pants and an alternate top) that I’m trying to find to purchase myself- I’d love help finding it!
    It’s a longer medium navy jacket, relatively lightweight, and slim navy ankle length pants. The distinctive feature is that there’s a horizontal stripe or colorblocking at the bottom hem of the pants- one 3inch stripe of white and one stripe of cobalt blue. All my googling is coming up with pintstripe or tuxedo stripe pants- thats not at all what I mean. Has anyone seen these in stores in the last year or so?

  17. Anon

    This happened to me with my current partner. We already had invested in the relationship and I was clear with him that we’d have many more opportunities.

    Six years later, things are great in that area, and he actually didn’t even remember it when I alluded to it recently (I did not spell out the allusion!)

  18. Barbour Jackets

    This guy just walked by with the most beautiful Barbour jacket. I am wowed! Anyone (or their SO) have one and can talk to it?

    • Anon

      I’m interested in the answer to this as well. I love the classic olive Barbour and am considering getting one. Which one did you see that you loved?

    • CorporateInCarhartt

      I have one, as does my husband. It’s a very equestrian or ‘going shooting in Britain’ look (and a status symbol in some circles), but I ride horses and am ok with that look. If you’re not used to waxed cotton, it’s kind of an old school thing, and needs a little maintenance, but I like it. There are various models, I have the Beadnell, I think, which is a smaller cut, and my husband has the Bedale. I wear mine to work, and also have a zip-in liner for when it’s colder. It has double snap vents in the back if you want to wear it riding. :) It used to be they only had a few different varieties, but there are tons of Barbour options now. You definitely pay a premium to have that little “Barbour” pin on the collar, though!

      • CorporateInCarhartt

        Should have added – my husband’s is actually the first one I got, back in 1998, that was always a little big on me. They last forever and actually look better with age.

    • Barbour Wearer

      I have the Beadnell, and my fiance has Barbour as well, but I am not sure which. I know it has a “grouse pocket,” which I find endlessly funny, as he has never been within a lifetime of hunting grouse. I at least have gone foxhunting – on a horse at that!

      Like Corpore**e in Carhartt (great name), I ride too, so the equestrian style is generally part of my style anyway. The comment about them being a status marker for certain British circles is very true. Although, I saw them ALL OVER DC last spring.

      I wear it all fall and spring, including over suits to work. It just got me through two weeks in Vancouver for work like a champ.

      Sleeves were quite short for me. I’m 5’10” with long arms for my height even, so I had to have them taken out a full inch. But the customer service is great, and they did it for me in the factory in about 4 weeks.

      The waxed cotton takes breaking in, and honestly the only thing that really did it – after two years of wearing – was wearing it to the barn to ride the horses.

      • CorporateInCarhartt

        Virtual high five for wearing Barbour jackets over suits to work.

    • Eliza

      My husband and I both have Barbours. I think mine is the ‘Defence’ style which is somewhat closer fitted while I can’t recall which style DH has. Arms do tend to run slightly short and some styles are slimmer while the most traditional styles are boxy, which makes sense as they intended for ease while shooting or riding.

      The wax smell wears off after a while but it can be quite strong at first. They cannot be washed as it takes the coating off and rewaxing won’t take it back to the original finish. Sponging with cool water is the recommended cleaning method. You can send your jacket back to Barbour to be rewaxed every so often, or you can do it yourself quite easily.

      Barbour has become trendy over the last few years. If you prefer the traditional look, stay away from the “International” line and the ones with the contrasting logos. And for heaven’s sake, toss the lapel pin they include with the jacket.

  19. Anonymous

    I’m leaving next week for a two-week business trip to Asia. Simply put – I don’t want to go.

    I know I’m being unreasonable because I know it will be fine but I’m having a heck of a time getting excited to go since I don’t want to be gone that long. I suspect this is all related to a funk that I’ve found myself in the past few months but does anyone have good tips to make the best of this?

    • Anonymous

      It’s ok not to be excited, it’s a business trip. Take it day by day.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Buy a couple of books that you’ve been wanting to read but haven’t gotten around to yet. You’ll have a long flight to read. Maybe also buy a show that you love or have wanted to see. You can watch an episode or two each night and then it is both something to look forward to each day but also a bit of a quest to finish a season while you are away.

    • Anon

      I always dread business trips, but I’m fine once I actually leave my house and am on the road to my destination. Longer ones are hard, but I am generally so busy that I just power through and think of how I’ll reward myself for all of the jet lag and long days once I get home (date night out with my spouse, catching up my DVR’ed shows, going for walk with my friend, etc).

    • ChiLaw

      Are there any treats you can store up for yourself for when you get there? My travel for work tradition involves a long steamy shower and putting on the hotel robe and watching HGTV. I only drink liquor when I travel for work, so I look forward to my whiskey soda too. I still miss my fam and my house a lot, but at least I have some small things to look forward to.

    • Anon

      I am a food person, so I start thinking about food rewards once I get there, and start researching things to eat/places to go. Don’t know where you are going, but pretty much every place in Asia has delicious food.

      Enjoy

  20. Anon

    So my new boss started a few weeks ago. I’ve had new bosses before, but I’m used to getting along with them right away and I think they’ve all quickly realized I’m one of the “go to” people in the office on high-priority stuff. While new boss seems nice, I’ve virtually had no contact with her. She doesn’t seem interested in any of my work and I had a MAJOR thing this week and she didn’t even ask me about it even though I made sure she knew about it. I’m really at a loss for what I can do to connect with her. My work is very important to me, and I just fear I’m not getting off to a good start with my new boss. Any advice?

    • Anonymous

      Is it possible that she’s been told that you are an excellent self-starter who can run projects with little hand-holding?

    • Anon

      Give her a moment….. This is a new job for her. I don’t know how many people she is managing, but you aren’t the only one Ipresume? Give her a chance to figure out the landscape. Your feelings likely have nothing to do with her perception of you. She doesn’t even know you yet.

      I’d schedule to see her in a month, once the dust clears a little. Brief her quickly on what you are working on, what you achieved in the past month since her arrival, and ask what you can do to help her transition go as smoothly as possible? Then let her know that you are very eager to learn and appreciate feedback on your projects, as appropriate.

      Be a good team player.

    • SA

      I would email her regular updates before waiting a month to connect. As in “I know you are really busy but I wanted to give you the status of my current projects, then give her a rundown. In the end “please let me know if you prefer more or less detail on any of the above.

    • Anon2

      I can relate, OP. I had a new boss just like this start 5 months ago and it still hasn’t gotten any better. I had daily access to my previous bosses but have to make an appointment to see this one (and she often cancels the appointment). She’s the only boss I’ve had in 20 years that has not treated me like a peer. Just yesterday, she was walking towards me in the hallway and got within 3 feet of me before turning around and walking back, without acknowledging that I was even there. I’m just doing my best to not take it personally (lots of affirmations), and I have one eye out the door looking for a new job.

      • Anonymous

        Are you me? This is my boss of two years. When a coworker approached her to say good morning one day, boss actually held up her hand in the air. The woman has zero social skills and provides little support. I’ve been here 18 years and am starting to think of heading on out. I give up.

  21. Sydney Bristow

    Does anyone make their own work clothes? I know how to sew, but haven’t really done so for about 10 years. Instead of continuing to complain about the lack of clothes that I like in my size, I’m wondering if it might be worth brushing up on my skills and starting to make some things for myself.

    What about patterns though? I’ve never made my own, but I wonder if learning how to do that would be worthwhile. Or can I go pick up a Simplicity pattern in plus size? Luckily, my style tends to be lean towards clean lines and uncomplicated pieces without too many details (which is probably why finding plus size clothes that I like is so difficult). Thoughts?

    • Anonymous

      I do! I would highly recommend it. I love having simple, sleeved dresses that fit perfectly and are in colors and prints that I adore. I would at least start with a pattern and work from there. There are really only a few basic structures for work dresses and skirts so it’s much easier to use one that already measured out! And for dresses you can mix and match–one of my favorite dresses I made is the bodice from one pattern and the skirt from another. I can’t speak to plus sizing specifically (although I know there are blogs specifically about patterns that work for plus sizes/altering patterns) but I generally alter the patterns so that the measurements are correct and it’s very simple. Patterns generally come in two sets of sizes, 2 to 10 or 12 and then 12 or 14 to 28 or so. But those aren’t the same as mass-market clothing sizes so definitely read the back of the pattern.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Awesome! What supplies do you think are absolutely necessary? When I learned to sew, I was able to do it at my grandmother’s house where she had a sewing room complete with sewing machine, surger, huge table for laying out fabric, one of those plastic boards that you can cut on, etc. Do you think I could get by with a sewing machine and some sort of foldable table so that I could move it out of the way in my NYC apartment when I’m not using it?

        • Different anonymous

          I put my sewing machine on my desk and pack it away in a closet when I’m not using it. I would love to have a SewEzi folding sewing table.

          Do not buy a sewing machine from Target or JoAnn. I made this mistake and it caused much frustration and wasted time when it broke. Go to a real sewing machine store. I wish I had started with the entry-level Babylock I now have. I could have bought a used one for the same price I paid for the Singer that died after very little use.

          If it’s been a decade since you last visited a fabric store, you may be disappointed in the lack of selection in patterns and fabrics now available in the big chain stores. They are mostly full of craft supplies and cheap quilting fabric. Fabric dot com has a bigger selection of apparel fabrics, but it’s a bear to wade through all of it to find what you’re looking for. You can sometimes find a few good simple patterns in the big books at the fabric store, but some of the better patterns now appear in books, in specialty shops, and on line.

          • Different anonymous

            P.S.: I use a folding cardboard cutting board for cutting out apparel patterns with scissors. I only use the plastic board for cutting straight lines with the rotary cutter. I do not have a big worktable for laying out fabric, but lots of floor space helps.

            Re. supplies, pick them up as needed for projects. I got a lot of my equipment (scissors, etc.) at JoAnn one piece at a time using the 50% off coupons they almost always have. If you sign up for the paper mailings, visit the website, and download the app, you will have three sets of coupons at any one time.

          • Sydney Bristow

            Thanks! Which Babylock do you have? I think that is the brand I’m familiar with. And that SewEzie portable table looks awesome. I might have a theme for Christmas presents this year. I did learn how to sew on a machine set into a table like that, so I might try for something like that to begin with since I don’t have any desk or table space that would work anyway.

          • Different anonymous

            I have the Anna, which has been perfectly sufficient for apparel, quilting, and home decor projects. I wanted the Rachel because I thought the adjustable speed regulator would help with free motion quilting, but I thought my husband would have sticker shock (I requested the machine as a gift). I have a plastic extension table that is not really a table but a surface that sits on top of the table the create a large work surface at the level of the sewing machine bed, just like you’d have with a real sewing table. I only use it for quilting. For clothing, you need to use the free arm a lot, and the extension table gets in the way.

        • Anonymous

          Same Anon as before! Your grandmother’s sewing room sounds like my dream. I live in a tiny apartment and I use a gateleg table that doubles as my dining room table. So the sewing machine is always “out” but usually has a cover on (that I made and that matches all my living room decor) and I take the pedal/plug and stick it in a drawer in the table so there aren’t cords everywhere. When I want to use it I open the gateleg table, plug in the machine, and go. It sounds inconvenient but is really quick to set up and take down. The table is big enough for laying out and cutting fabric and I have an apartment-sized ironing board that I can sit on top of it.

          My sewing starter kit would be an iron and ironing board, fabric shears, hand sewing needles, pins, a pin cushion, seam ripper, and spare bobbins/needles that fit your machine. For all the notions, I just buy them when I have a new project and you’ll develop a stash over time. That’s really all you absolutely NEED to start and that’s pretty much what I salvaged (stole) from my mom’s sewing closet when I started. If you end up loving sewing clothes I think a dress form is a good investment (so I don’t pin myself all the time anymore) but definitely hold off on that as it isn’t necessary. Side note: I named mine Marie because she has no head and I like to dress her up with scrap fabric seasonally. And I agree about the Joanns coupons!

    • Anonymous

      I don’t, but I tailor my own clothing and sometimes modify a blah garment to make it nip in at the waist or add darting. Sometimes I change the lines using other clothing I own as templates – I bet you could do that for cutting new patterns. Since you said you were in NYC, there are probably places you can rent sewing space out by the hour with all the equipment you could dream of.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Renting space is a good idea that I hadn’t thought of. I’ll look into that. Having the ability to tailor my clothes at home though would also be helpful. I already have to have every pair of pants I buy hemmed. I do some things by hand like sewing a wrap top into place. If I start down this path, modifying pieces I buy would be helpful too. Thanks!

    • Silver Spring Wanderer

      This is late, but I make my clothes as well, including work and casual clothing. I would high, highly recommend picking up a copy of Fit For Real People. None of us exactly match the blocks they use to make patterns and this book will help you figure out how to alter the patterns to fit you. Also, don’t skimp on on good sewing scissors. The rest you can pick up as you do projects.

    • Ariadne

      Replying late, but I have made skirts and dresses for work. Some good sewing patterns are by simplicity amazing fit…they have various bodice sizes based on your cup size, and fit well — remember the bust measurement in comercial patterns refers to the high bust( under your armpits) not your actual bust ( I learned this the hard way — dress fit bust, but was way too big in the back and shoulders!
      I like the independent pattern companies, as they use your actual bust measurement. Collette patterns is a good site, and their blog colleterie is really thoughtful, and full of sew alongs and tutorials. I also love watching lisa of ‘sew over it’ on youtube, though I have not purchased any of her patterns– you can download a whole sewing course with the pattern included. I am lucky in that I live near a huge fabric store that sells Italian wools, silks, as well as cottons, but remember that sewing today is more expensive than buying; you will have a well fitting pre shrunk garment, but it will still cost for a good quality fabric with a silk or rayon lining.

      • Coach Laura

        Good points about the fitting but I disagree that sewing is more expensive. I sew mainly jackets and skirts for the office and get what is a custom piece for retail prices. Most offtherack jackets don’t fit me so in order to get comparable quality I’d have to get something made or buy designer-level clothing.

        • Ariadne

          You are right that sewing is not more expensive as you do create a custom made piece:) I should have said it is expensive when a project I make does not work out, or I mess up on the fit and cannot wear it! I feel bad at the materials and time spent. When I make something I love and wear it is worthwhile…just sometimes the vision in my mind does not turn out as expected.

    • tk

      Look up Beaute j’adore blog for inspiration. Dead gorgeous clothes for her unique body type. Believe she has some tips too.

      • Anonny

        Can I ask what is unique about her body type? I’m fairly similar and I consider myself entirely normal.

    • Kris

      My Goodwill always has solid, but old, sewing machines often with the table included. They are super inexpensive and reliable, but won’t have fancy stitches. Oftentimes all I need are straight, basting, zigzag and buttonhole stitching anyway. I have one commercial level machine from the 1950s and one home machine from the 1960s and make everything on them. I also shop for “fabric” at Goodwill and other thrift stores. I look for fabrics I like regardless of what they’ve been made into, then cut them apart at home to make the garment or item I want. You can find high quality wools, silks, brocades, etc., this way without having to pay a lot. Enjoy your sewing and keep us posted on your journey!

  22. 60th Birthday Ideas?

    Ideas for fun ways to commemorate a milestone (60th) birthday at a party thrown at home? The guests will be mostly family and friends who are like family, and the honoree is very much owning her age and excited about it. I’m looking for ideas like having 60 pictures of her from throughout her life, having each guest write down a memory, having everyone sign a copy of a book published in her birth year, and other similar ideas.

    • Sydney Bristow

      For my stepmom’s 60th birthday, I reached out to everyone that was invited to the party or lived far away but I knew she was close with at some point. I asked each person to send me a picture and/or anecdote and then I put them all into a book on Blurb, had it printed, and it was given to her at the party. Almost everybody participated and I got some truly great photos that she’d never even seen before. I think I reached out to people about a month in advance of the party and did a follow up with people I hadn’t heard from about a week and a half later so that I had time to get it printed and delivered for the party.

    • Senior Attorney

      Definitely play music from when she was young. If you can find an actual record player, maybe ask people to bring vinyl records from back in the day if they still have them?

    • Anonymous

      For a party my parents went to recently, they had photos scattered on the table settings with the year it was taken. Anyone sitting near the photo was expected to share a memory of that year they shared with the honorees. They said it was really fun and brought up some great conversations as well as memories of fun times they’d forgotten.

  23. Suit or dress?

    I am one of the speakers on a discussion panel coming up. Should I wear a suit, or can I wear a dress?

    Some panelists are lawyers (including me), and some are not. Most are men, but I’m not the only woman. I can’t guess if anyone (or everyone) else will wear suits or not. It’s at a law school, so I expect the audience to be dressed casually.

    I could wear a dark suit with a jewel tone top, or I could wear a black long sleeved dress. Or I could go shopping. What would you wear?

    • cbackson

      I would wear a business dress, most likely – I’ve got an awesome orchid-colored one that is my go-to for this type of thing. I might wear one of my interesting suits (multi-colored tweed, baby pink), depending on the weather. But I’m a partner, and tend to take the approach that ditching the dark-suit lawyer uniform is a signifier of confidence; much depends on your relative seniority in the profession and whether you’d feel underdressed. If you’d feel underdressed then you should suit up, because the most important thing is your own confidence.

    • Anonymous

      What is the set-up?

      If you will be sitting on a raised platform or stage, I’d wear pants. In a horrible coincidence for which I blame the patriarchy, raised platforms + chairs mean your lap is at the audience’s eye level. Knee length skirts and dresses mean struggling to keep my knees together for the duration.

      • Suit or dress?

        Oh, great point; that had never crossed my mind. I’ve never been there but could call and ask. I don’t even own any pants! This should be interesting.

      • Spirograph

        Yes definitely this. I attended an all-woman panel recently and was eye level with the speakers’ knees. Only one had worn pants and I could tell the others regretted their sartorial decisions, even though they looked great.

  24. V. Anon

    I think I need a gentle kick to do something potentially important, or else let the idea go. I started in BigLaw, now in a federal clerkship, going back to the same firm at the end of this clerkship. I’ve been encouraged by my current judge to pursue a circuit clerkship, and I think I’m well qualified and really want to do it. Problem is, for hiring schedule reasons I would have to take a gap year at my firm and clerk in the 2018 term. I’m currently in my third year practicing, so I’d go back to my firm for my fourth year, do an appellate clerkship in my fifth year, and return to BigLaw in my sixth year.

    I initially didn’t want to do the back-and-forth thing, but I’m coming around. I’m a litigator but am not doing appellate work (although I’d love to do it if I could). I have two big hangups with this idea: Am I going to hamper the time I should be developing client relationships if I’m gone during my fifth year? and am I a horrible person if I try to time babymaking so I can take maternity leave during that fifth year? I’m trying to recognize that these things are very difficult to plan, and it might not happen when I want it to anyway. But I’m concerned about perceptions if I come back to the firm for only a year and break it up with a leave on top of that.

    What does the Hive think?

    • Lorelai Gilmore

      This totally depends on your firm and whether you are a star and if you want to be at the firm forever. If you don’t care about being a firm lifer, then go for it. If you want a future at the firm, and if you’re a star, you might be able to pull it off. It will almost certainly mean that your partnership road will take longer.

      I wouldn’t worry about perceptions so much, but I would worry about work. You are effectively talking about three years away from meaningful work at the firm. That’s three years when you won’t get good cases, meaningful experiences, stand-up experience, etc. You’ll come back as a sixth year without many of the skills expected of others in your position, which can be a real detriment.

      If it were just the clerkship, or just the maternity leave, then I’d go for it. But when you put all those things together, I think it’s a challenge to make it work unless you are a real star at your firm and have top notch litigation skills you can bring into your sixth year.

    • cbackson

      It’s not a great idea. Lorelai Gilmore raises excellent points below in terms of what you’re missing on the skills-development front (and I’ll add that, with what I think I’m ready as three non-consecutive years at the firm in a six-year career, I’m not sure that you *can* actually be a star at the firm). I’ll also add that, basically, you’re demonstrating to your firm that you’re replaceable, because you’re giving them multiple opportunities to build a team and department that doesn’t include you. And even at firms with a 10-year partnership track, you’ll be coming back at the point when you’re starting to close in on partnership, but with essentially no network at the firm because few people will have meaningful extended experience with you. You need champions at mid-career, not people who think of you as always gone.

    • Hollis

      Do you love your Biglaw firm? Is your end goal to make partner at a Biglaw firm? If the answer to either of these questions is a no or probably not, your plan sounds perfectly fine to me and I am speaking as someone who just made partner recently. My sister did something her similar but in a different order – 3 years at Biglaw (had a baby during the 3rd year), then 3 years of clerking (had kid number 2), tried going back to a firm for 1 year but left to become an AUSA after less than 1 year and happy to be an AUSA. But she never wanted to go back to the same firm nor was she ever planning to make partner. If you love your firm, I’d reach out to a mentor there to see what they think about doing an appellate clerkship. I think that at some point, work experience (and specifically trial experience) is going to matter more than whether you had a circuit clerkship on top of a district one (unless we’re talking about SCOTUS). The pregnancy is a nonfactor – took me 1 year to get pregnant both times so planning was useless. Lots of firms have longer partnership tracks nowadays so you will have plenty of time to work hard after your leave and prove yourself. In my experience, only the last two years before you are up for partner really matter anyway.

    • V. Anon

      Ladies, thank you. Maybe not what I wanted to hear but super valuable, because I keep getting conflicting advice from colleagues at my firm/ in chambers. But I haven’t been comfortable sharing the maternity leave concerns with colleagues for obvious reasons, so they’re missing part of the picture. I’m flattered that my current judge wants to recommend me to some appellate judge friends, but the concerns you raised are exactly the concerns I have.

      I do indeed love my BigLaw firm and my practice group there, and yes, my goal is to make partner. I haven’t been sure whether the time out of the firm would be outweighed by the networking and experience that an appellate clerkship might bring.

      I think at bottom, I’m regretting not applying for a circuit clerkship earlier. I had impostor syndrome for my first few years in law school/practice– I graduated from an Ivy League school but I always felt like I didn’t really “belong” since I transferred there. By the time I realized I was qualified and wanted to do it, it is (kind of) too late.

      I have three applications out for circuit judges who ARE still hiring for 2017 (sadly, there are only a handful left in areas that I’d be willing to live) so positive vibes appreciated for that small number of opportunities.

  25. Anonymous

    I’m booking a flight back to the US from South America and will be flying through Toronto. I have Global Entry/TSA Pre-Check and know that I will do US customs and immigration in Toronto. Is a 2 hour 40 minute layover long enough for that airport? My next-best option is six and a half hours and would rather not wait around that long if it’s not necessary. Thanks!

    • Anon

      So I’ll let a Canadian confirm this, but from my experience, this is plenty of time. I travel between the states and Toronto regularly for work, and routinely show up at YYZ with less than an hour to go before my departing flight (I also have Global Entry). I’ve yet to miss a flight or even come close.

      • Not That Anne, The Other Anne

        No real info on YYZ because I’ve only gone into the country there rather than out, but isn’t GE just lovely in general? It’s probably my favorite $100 investment in the past few years. I just recently cleared customs in SFO in two minutes and most of that was waiting for a kiosk.

    • Anonymous

      regular YYZ flyer- I think you’ll be fine, and they’re usually good about rushing you through if your first flight lands late

  26. Tights or no tights - Texas

    I’m traveling from back east to Texas. I’ve been in tights for over a month but I just checked the weather and saw that the high’s are still in the 80’s. I’m also going to be sitting in freezing conference rooms most of the day. So, question – tights or no tights?

  27. Salary discussions

    My updated company policy manual states that you cannot discuss or disclose your salary with coworkers and if you do it can be grounds for termination (fwiw small private company, not law). Is this legal? Is this how companies get away with paying the male employees more?

  28. K

    Long time lurker looking for advice! I’m looking for additional income and I’ve decided to start babysitting, overnight pet sitting and house sitting. I’m in DC and trying to figure out how much to charge, and so I was wondering what do you all tend to pay for these services? I have years of experience but I haven’t babysat much in the past few years (and never in a HCOL area like DC) and most of my pet sitting/house sitting experience was for family and friends so I did it without getting paid and so I have no idea what to charge.

    • Hollis

      I live in a city that’s not quite HCOL and we pay $15 an hour to our babysitter to watch 3 kids. The going rate for babysitting 1 is around $12 I think. This is not what you asked, but if you want to make some extra money, have you considered tutoring? My friend charges $100 an hour for SAT and math tutoring for middle and high school students. I thought that was insane, but his schedule is booked up.

    • Lorelai Gilmore

      I live in the Bay Area. For a competent adult babysitter who can drive and is reliable (i.e., can be trusted to pick up the kids from school), we pay $25. For date nights, we pay more like $20.

  29. Guinea Pigs

    Mindlessly swiping on Bumble and came across one of my law school classmates. The last time we hung out, $4 very obviously and drunkenly tried to get a colleague of mine to go home with him by asking if she wanted to see his guinea pigs. It wasn’t a euphemism (he would be the kind of person to try to make that into a euphemism though, painfully). Low and behold, one of the five photos he chose (only one of which is a picture of him smiling) is an extreme close up of one of his guinea pigs.
    I don’t know him well enough to tell him that it’s very very unlikely a close up of his guinea pig’s face will get women to message him, it is not like a puppy…so I’m just going to snicker about it instead. Any woman that goes on a date with him will quickly realize that she will come third, after both of his da** guinea pigs. ?

  30. Wildkitten

    Is botox significantly cheaper in some places? Like, if I live in DC and am going to be in Omaha, should I get botox when I’m in Omaha? (I do this for haircuts, but that’s all labor and less parts. Botox is per unit…)

    • AZCPA

      The cost is noticeably cheaper in many LCOL areas, but the skill of the person injecting it is everything. So if you have friends in Omaha who get it and you like their results, sure. But if they do a poor job, it is way worse than a bad haircut. Also, don’t be mislead by a medspa that charges less per unit – they often keep solution longer than they should, and so while it costs less, you need more and/or the results don’t last as long.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions