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Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I don't know why, but suddenly I'm seeing a ton of different options for camo pants — and I kind of want some. These are part of the very popular Ab-solution line from Wit & Wisdom, which means they are “curve-friendly,” stretchy, and comfortable. On-trend or not, camo print may not be your thing, but if you're on the hunt for camo pants, these $68 ones are what I would try. They come in petite and regular sizes at Nordstrom — and plus sizes. Ab-solution Camo Ankle Skimmer Pants This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

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277 Comments

  1. I don’t know whether I’d wear Camo but i have the an-solution in a dark wash and in black and they are pretty great. No muffin top.

    2. Yes! I am not into camo, but the ab-solution jeans from Wit & Wisdom are the holy grail for me (I’m an hourglass with a very large derriere, so I always get the gap in the waist on regular jeans). Pro-tip: the brand Democracy must be related to Wit & Wisdom, because they have the same design as the ab-solution jeans. You can get them at the Rack.

    3. Men love my muffin top. Of course it doesn’t hurt that I ask them when I’m giving them a hand job!

  2. I am originally from a rural Appalachia and I cannot associate camo with anything positive.

    1. With all due respect, camo vs RealTree vs digital camo are all different patterns

      I am not dissimilar in origin and my hunting people (I am more of a gatherer) wear olive / drab brown mainly (murky solids) with the occasional RealTree along with blaze orange

      camo / digital camo are what I see in my desert storm / iraq friends and also troops in airports coming and going to their posts.

      1. Nothing about the original comment said anything about the different types of patterns?

        With all due respect, nobody asked.

        1. She’s saying that, while being from a similar background, she does not find US Troops military camo offensive. Because friends who are serving are wearing it. There is nothing in her comment that warrants this snarkiness, cmon ladies.

    2. Hahah Central Valley California, not as different from rural Appalachia as you might imagine, and I know exactly what you mean

    3. This is really offensive. Especially to our men and women in uniform who risk their lives and are protected by their camouflage. I am grateful for their service.

      Not a hunter, but I understand that people who do hunt also utilize camouflage for a practical purpose.

      You can dislike camouflage from a fashion perspective without denigrating those who need it for other reasons.

      2. No it’s not. My nephew is a marine and I’m extremely proud of him. And worried about him.

        Civilians wearing Camo are another story entirely. In my experience in rural areas, it’s usually coupled with some sort of racist t-shirt and rubber b@lls hanging from a pickup truck. I think THAT guy is disrespectful to our men and women in uniforms, not me refusing to wear Camo as some sort of fashion statement.

        1. I think it’s offensive because I interpreted OP’s statement that she cannot associate camo with anything positive to mean that she does not see our troops in a positive light either.

          1. That’s your interpretation, but the point she was trying to make by clearly stating her rural, relatively isolated, conservative hometown upfront was that her association of came with people she knew/saw in Appalachia was not positive. I think we get her point.

          2. You don’t get to intentionally misinterpret what someone says and then call them out on it, and then expect us to believe that your “offense” is worth considering.

            Now, if she said “I am ex-military and I can’t associate camo with anything positive,” your petty grievance might have some merit.

            The rest of us moved past the need to reflexively clarify that we Support The Troops ™ around 2010-2011. Please join us.

    4. I am grateful for these side threads as they always give my insights I wouldn’t have otherwise.
      When I worked in Germany, so many people had Camouflage or military type jackets with the German flag, and many people I know in other countries don’t bat an eye at wearing this, including my friends who live in active war zones.
      I don’t own any piece of camo, just utility style green shirt but I’ll make sure I don’t wear this if ever I visit the US.

    5. I associate it with DnB/Jungle music scene and as a useful neutral.

      It’s all in how it’s cut/styled/worn.

  3. Holy mother forking shirt balls. I gave notice today. In 4 weeks I’m going to be moving to DC, after dreaming and networking for 4 years to make it happen. I’m so excited and terrified and still shocked it finally happened.

    10. Hooray! I’m up in Charm City and am smiling to have such a happy person in the greater neighborhood! We take the Metro around DC, and you can take the MARC train up here for steamed crabs and an O’s game, or even Hon-fest! That is once you, tire of all the culture & the Nationals…the DC Bike Ride is in May, and even if you are there for a protest, you get to see All the Places (OK, most-of-the-places) as you march through.

      You are AWESOME!

    11. Wow, Kudo’s to you! I wish you all the best in DC, my college and law school stopping ground’s! Just be careful about the grubby men there. They really know how to talk the talk, but it is just to get you to take your panties off for them. Do NOT do that unless they are willing to MARRY you! I made that mistake more often then I care to remember, so there are alot of men there who saw me like that, and I got NOTHING out of it from them. FOOEY on those men!

  4. “I don’t know why, but suddenly I’m seeing a ton of different options for camo pants”

    probably because we’ve reached 1998 in our nostalgia tour of the ’90s. If only I still had my camo dog-tag from Claire’s and my coordinating camo peace sign ring…. I’d be so hip.

      2. It made me sad because my daughter loves to go there and get stick on earrings! Womp womp.

        1. oooh tell me more! i saw a girl ROCKING some denim overalls while singing in a band (uh so she already has the coolness leg up on me) and it was inspiringAF

  5. Following onto the Miami questions in the last day or so, can anyone recommend a weekday brunch spot in Miami? Husband and I are looking for brunch on a Tuesday morning with water or at least pleasant outdoor views/seating. We’ll have a rental car, so easy parking is important, as is a relatively direct route back to MIA for a 2:00 PM flight. Hoping for a place that opens on the early side because of flight timing. Thanks for anything you can suggest!

  6. Yesterday’s post made me want to shop for a dress / jacket combo for myself. I especially liked the navy Reiss example. However I am petite and know that regular length will be ill fitting and the buttons on the sleeve jackets will make alterations ugly/obvious/expensive. Any comparable looks for petites?

    1. Following. I usually prefer skirt suits or ankle pant suits with a modern cut, but the dress+jacket post from yesterday got me thinking as well.

    2. Have you ever tried Reiss on? You may be pleasantly surprised. I’m only 5’7″ but can’t wear their blazers because they run too short in the arm.

    3. In my experience (5’3), European brands’ regular fit is shorter than the US regular.
      Japanese brands (e.g. Uniqlo) are perfect for petite and they have just launched a capsule office collection.
      I got lucky in Hugo Boss but they are cut straight so if you have slightly larger hips than their models, it can be an issue. I just opt for their slightly flared cut.

  7. My cat has been throwing up her food maybe once every ten days or so. She was fine on comprehensive exam at the vet and this has happened with two types of food now. Does anyone know if there is a good cat food brand for sensitive stomachs or something like that? I will also try some kind of probiotics that the vet mentioned, but I’m wondering whether we need to keep switching her food too.

    1. I’ve had good luck with Petsmart’s “Nulo.” It supposedly has probiotics as ingredients. I switched my cats over to it when a formula change left them sick to their stomachs (after some trial and error with other brands). Hard to say with cats, but it may be worth trying.

    2. Did they really check her teeth well? I was having this problem with my cat (around 12 years old) and it ended up being her teeth. She had lost some naturally over the years apparently and the rest were a mess. I take her yearly for an exam and never had anyone say anything. I decided to really focus on the vomiting at this last check up when I was talking to the vet. At the exam they saw two that looked inflamed and needed to be extracted. Once they had her under, they took 9. She had no visible symptoms to me other than throwing up her food. She didn’t appear to be in pain and she wasn’t losing weight. She was literally a new cat overnight after the extractions. They said she was probably in pain and gulping her food to try to avoid it. Then, the food would just come right back up. She hasn’t thrown up since the surgery (over a month).

      1. They did check her teeth, but probably not all the way to the back – I will keep this in mind. My cat is turning six soon so it seems a little young compared to yours, but you never know.

    3. I give my cat a touch of mineral oil in his food, seems to reduce his incidents of vomiting.

    4. My cat (almost 17) does this. He gets Indigo Moon dry food and Blue Buffalo wet food. I also give him some hairball goo every so often.

    5. My cat’s daily or near-daily vomiting was caused by a thyroid imbalance (who knew, right?). He had to take an inexpensive pill every day ($15 per month?).

      1. Yes, good idea to do blood work if that was not done previously. Check thyroid levels and kidney levels. I also second the other comment about a raised bowl. Check out Vivipet. I also have the Necoichi raised cat bowl from Amazon.

        Try a grain free food. Does she have access to dry food all the time? It’s possible she could be overeating. I noticed that with one of my cats and now just leave out the dry food when I’m at work during the day.

    6. Thoughts
      1) could be a hairball – are you seeing that in her throw up? You might try a hairball remedy. It’s this sticky stuff that comes in a toothpaste type tube that they enjoy licking off their paw, or your finger if your cat is not a biter
      2) raised food bowls. For some cats, just bending all the way to the floor to eat causes reflux. You can buy braised food bowls on amazon
      3) food suggestions are good but it can cause more throw up to switch.

      1. We give her the hairball remedy stuff once a week and the vomit doesn’t seem to contain hair anyway; we can try the raised food bowls though!

        1. once every 10 days isn’t so bad IMO. our cat throws up his food about once every 2 weeks because he honestly just eats too fast. it comes up looking exactly like it did going in.

          1. I’ve seen food dishes with ridges that are meant to slow down dogs who eat too fast. I wonder if they work for cats.

    7. My cat is 8 years old and had the same type of episode. She had her teeth cleaned and blood work done (negative). She went back in a month later (still not better). She also swtitched to grain free, dairy free diet. She is an 9 lb. cat and lost 2 lbs. She was tested again for thyroid (negative). She seems better now and I can’t say for sure that it was any of the treatments/diet changes. She eats like a teenage boy and still hasn’t put the weight back on. I worry about her constantly. We have a good vet – and I feel confident about their testing. Cats are complicated. Just do what you can to try a few different things. I hope something works – it’s so sad to see a cat friend not doing well.

  8. Has anyone found a news outlet, law professor blog, or something else that is covering the legal aspects of the scandals around the President right now (e.g., whether an NDA has to be signed to be enforceable, what the process is for a federal grand jury, the difference between conspiracy and collusion, etc) and is written for lawyers? I’m looking for more legal analysis than what’s usually in news articles.

    1. Take Care … also somehow I started following law professor Jennifer Taub on FB and Twitter and she shares a lot of more legal thoughts. Elizabeth Cronise McLaughlin on Facebook and Twitter also includes more legal analysis than most (she used to be a lawyer).

    2. Lawfareblog. Specifically, anything written by Benjamin Wittes. I follow him on Twitter so he highlights the other pieces on their site that are great, too.

  9. Anyone interested in vicarious shopping? I’m looking for an emerald green top to wear with jeans for a party on St. Patrick’s Day. I’m long-waisted with a large bust & it’s a family party ;) thanks so much!!

  10. One of my children is really struggling with homework and we’ve had my suspicions confirmed with an ADD diagnosis (no H, just the daydreamy ADD with not a great attention span and really bad executive functioning — if home work comes home, it sits in the backpack; if it gets done, it’s with a grownup sitting down one-on-one; if it gets done, it may not get back in the backpack or turned in). This year may be a loss.

    Kids go to at-school afterschool and wait there. There is “homework time,” but this seems to be spent drawing or otherwise not actually doing the work (drifting???). Other kiddo isn’t having issues.

    For next year, we have a community college and 4-year college close by, so I was thinking of hiring someone really just to be at home with them after school and really to keep the struggling kid on track with homework (and to do fun things, like let them ride bikes and play outside and go to the park if they get their work done; maybe to take to an after school activity like a soccer practice). Or they can just hang out and play with legos and daydream (after work is done).

    If you had this sort of ADD, would this seem to have been helpful? Better than the current setup? What else should I be thinking of? By the time I pick them up, I feel like the struggling child is already worn out and starting at 6 or 7 just isn’t working.

    1. Sounds like a great idea! There was a post about ADD on the moms site a few days ago and a common theme was that physical activity can help with focus so maybe some physical activity right after school (ride bikes home with babysitter?) will recharge the executive function energy necessary for homework. May also be worthwhile to discuss with classroom teacher re: homework ‘must do’ and homework that’s optional.

    2. I’m one of the posters who commented on the ADHD thread the other day. I think your idea is worth trying. Your kiddo has probably been working so hard to stay focused during the school day, it’s not shocking that he’d struggle doing homework in his after-school program. What you’re describing might bridge that nicely — some time to chill and really relax at home before diving into schoolwork again.

      Honestly, I’d really like to do this for my ADHD kid. What’s stopping me is that he’s such a social animal that I’m concerned about him getting isolated and bored with a sitter, even though I think he’d benefit from having a longer break after school.

    3. Former teacher, including of kids with ADD. I agree homework helper is a great idea, and that your struggling kid may benefit from some break time between school and diving back into homework. The rest of this year doesn’t need to be an entirely lost cause, though. Whoever is in charge of the aftercare program/ daytime teachers would likely work with you once you reach out to them about the diagnosis. Can teachers limit homework or give some independent homework time during class? Is there anywhere in the day to work in a study hall? Can after care give kiddo a physical activity break before homework time? All else fails, allow kiddo to do a fun activity at after care so s/he can start fresh on homework with a parent at 6 or 7 instead of struggling all afternoon? I’m assuming there’s a reason you can start at-home homework help right now, but perhaps there is tutoring available in after care.

      If you have a diagnosis, I’m pretty sure kiddo is entitled to an IEP and reasonable accomodations. Don’t be shy about asking for resources.

  11. I am in BigLaw. And senior enough that the job is immensely stressful and non-stop. I am at the point where I’d trade half of my salary for a job with a hard stop (and have given some serious thought of just saving a ton of $ this year so that I can outright quit and do a local college second career RN program.

    I mentioned this to a person (kids friends parent) who had been an ER nurse (and maybe now works in a doctor’s office) and she outright laughed at me. I already deal with 24/7 stress (work volume / complexity / client management / regulatory reform / billing / management). You could up the seriousness (dying) and give me a hard stop and a 75% pay cut and it would be an improvement.

    In case you’re wondering, the straw that has pushed me over the edge possibly for good (like starting a 12-month clock) is that I was expected to work through a parent’s funeral (and then screamed at for the resulting bill).

    BUT, what if the ex-nurse is right? [Or is there a way to shadow people on weekends? The only thing worse than quitting would be quitting for a plan not vetted and doomed to failure.]

    [And I’m senior enough to where I think I’d have the same problems in-house or even in a regulatory job. I want to be a law clerk again — I loved that. But without being able to be a career clerk, I don’t think that would be a long-term fix. I want the next 20 years of my working life to be better than the first 20.]

    1. Is being a career clerk an option? I did that for a few years and it was amazing.

      1. There is only one federal judge in my city that does that and I am friends with the current career clerk. That job won’t open again until she leaves and she won’t leave. BigLaw refugee also.

        State judges here don’t have perma clerks. I think all judges get to choose. No local AOC-type office where I know other ex-practicing lawyers have found jobs in bigger cities like DC and Philly (third circuit AOC gig).

      2. I get that this transition is tough, but would being a term clerk (can max out at 4 years if your judge lets you) and option to let you catch your breath while you really dig into your options?

      3. I have a friend who was a career clerk, essentially. She’s now the chief, ?clerk for her county. She loves it and has a great life.

        I was in medicine getting up at 4:30am with crazy work days and stress and pager with me 24/7 while she was rolling out of bed at 8:15 and getting to work on time. Out at 5pm every day.

        And those retirement benefits are nothing to sneeze out.

        On another note – there are TONS and TONS of options in nursing, and many that are lower stress. The early years can be challenging though if you want to get well trained. But most nurses are not ER nurses. And the ones I know who are love that kind of constant busy-ness and that when they go home they never have to see those patients again. You find the kind of nursing that fits your personality, I think.

      4. Finding a career clerkship is not an easy endeavor. Frequently, those spots are coveted and offered to former term clerks who have built a reputation with the judges.

        However, being a term clerk can be an amazing way to catch your breath. There are many more spots available. I clerked both before and after my stint in biglaw. My time after biglaw let me catch my breath, and taught me that I didn’t despise the law as I had come to be convinced while in biglaw. I found that I really enjoyed the practice of law, enjoyed lawyers and that it was a good career for me.

      5. I would love to clerk for a judge. My judge in NYC has an assistant, but it is NOT a legal position. I wish I could work for him, but I would NOT make any money. So I work like a dog also, but at least bring home the bacon, Dad says.

        I often think I should give it all up for a husband and a house in the country, but so far, NO man has materialised who is willing to sweep me off of my feet (except to take me to bed for 1 nite — no thank you, I do NOT want to be labelled as a floozie).

        So I just will wait it out, saveing money while working my tuchus off, and hopefully having a nest egg for my 401k and either retire, or find a guy to MARRY me now and take me away from all of this. But at this point, Dad thinks I will be a dowager. FOOEY! I think I am pretty enough to be married. DOUBEL FOOEY on the men who have not scooped me up by now!

    2. Why not become a career clerk? Honestly most nurses I know are just as stressed as BigLaw attorneys and make less money. If you’re going to take a pay cut, use the education you already have and cut your stress in half too.

      1. Or find a job at a smaller/different firm with better people. There are a lot of ways to practice law. Nursing is a physically demanding job in addition to being stressful and you will be starting over at the bottom as far as seniority. In the mean time, do some self care for BigLaw induced burn-out and to work through your loss.

      2. My nurse (and doctor) friends are stressed. But it they get to go to funerals and aren’t expected to miss a wake to take a call or check e-mails in between the service and the burial. They even take real vacations. I get to “take” a vacation if I have wifi, a computer, a working phone, and childcare. No one cares what they interrupt.

        I used to live on what I pay in taxes now. I can do it again.

        1. I ditto the comments about finding a different law job. I’m in biglaw, but funerals are serious (especially parents) and vacations are vacations.

          We basically do live on what we pay in taxes now since taxes (at least NYC biglaw) is approximately 40-50% of our paycheck).

      3. Like anything, nursing varies a lot depending on where you are working. An ER nurse vs. a nurse in a memory-care facility, vs. a nurse in a pediatrician’s office are all living very different lives.

        1. +100. I know a surgical nurse, an ICU nurse, and one in an orthopedics practice and their working scenarios all differ. It’s worth exploring if you really have a drive to be a nurse, but there are many variables to consider.

          I’m so sorry for your loss.

    3. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I’m also in Biglaw, and there are many days when it is incredibly frustrating. The expectation to work through a funeral is absolutely absurd and not acceptable.

      My good friend is a nurse at a hospital and, while her job is also very stressful, it’s for entirely different reasons. She has to deal with the stressed out parents of her pediatric parents, weird night shift schedules, and spending 13-14 hours a day on her feet. I could never do it. That said, once she leaves the hospital, she’s done. Unlike in Biglaw, you’re not constantly checking your email and expected to be on call. I see this as a huge upside, since it’s probably my biggest personal frustration. I think they’re both stressful fields, just in very different ways.

      Good luck!

      1. It takes a special kind of person to be ‘done’ at the end of the shift though. My BFF had to leave hospital nursing for working in a doctor’s office because she was always worried about her patients and had a lot of sleepness nights.

        Career clerk, paralegal, or legal writing/editing are all better options than nursing if you are looking for a hard stop and lower stress.

        1. I’m the former nurse who posted below. This is exactly right. Even though I was technically done after a 12-hour shift (which was more like 13.5 most days), it took me most of the entire next day to recover physically and emotionally. And this was in my early 20’s! I can’t imagine what it would be like now.

          1. The emotional toll is real. I left the healthcare field for law because I couldn’t deal with the pressure that if I screwed up, someone might die. A legal screw-up rarely leads to a direct death unless it’s a death penalty appeal case.

      2. I’m the Anonymous who posted above, and I totally agree. The physical and mental toll on my nurse friend is really hard on her, even when she’s not working. I only meant that she has her scheduled hours, and generally doesn’t have to cancel dinner plans, vacations, or other activities because work suddenly comes up and ruins your day/night/week, as frequently happens if you’re at a law firm.

    4. I am so sorry for your loss and I find it unconscionable that anyone would expect you to work through that. How soon can you leave this toxic place. Can you take a similar job at another firm and give yourself a chance to figure out whether it’s the career or just the particular employer?

      1. It’s a client issue (this time) and not a firm-specific issue. And if I move firms, that’s a PITA (PLUS I would economically need to bring the client). And it’s not really the client’s fault — it’s that this business model is insane. I’m not about hating the player, I hate the game.

        1. Just want to note that you said above you could (and have) live on what you pay in taxes. So what about leaving your firm, and going to another, non-biglaw firm? Not suggesting life is going to better just because a firm is smaller, but not having the client come with you might absolve some of your “business model” and client issues, and give you the opportunity to shop around for a place with reasonable expectations. This is unreasonable.

        2. I lean toward agreeing with Fishie’s advice here. I understand exit fantasies. I have them all the time, though less now that I changed to another employer in the same field. I always dreamed of chucking it all and starting some creative business. But it was just a fantasy and I knew it. It would drive me crazy to be paid as little as creatives usually make (not saying that is right or fair, just realistic)

          I think if you are great at being an attorney, you might have a difficult comeuppance cleaning other people’s vomit and feces and working the undesirable shifts until you have seniority. You will not like being spoken to as if you’re an idiot by male doctors fresh out of med school.

          Take a deep breath, turn the phone off for a couple of nights (what’s the worst they can do, fire you? Wouldn’t it be great to get fired?) and really think about baby steps. A savings plan is great. But you can also take a slightly larger step and try a smaller firm where you’re not expected to bring your unreasonable client with you – and I do sense some Stockholm syndrome in your response. Your client is not reasonable to expect you to answer during a parent’s funeral, regardless of the subject matter. Period.

          Try some smaller steps before you chuck everything and move to a cabin in the woods (my other escape fantasy)

          1. “It would drive me crazy to be paid as little as creatives usually make (not saying that is right or fair, just realistic)”

            This is a good realization because it’s the truth. I used to consult with entrepreneurs and saw people who had left $300k+ jobs to start their own business, not realizing that given their choice of field, they would never ever ever make $300k or even anything near it ever again. And, getting to a place where they could even pay themselves anything was going to be a multiyear process. Lots of folks ended up going back to regular jobs, which, there’s no shame in that game, but it was painful watching them go through the realization as it dawned on them.

            Coming in late on this, but for the OP – as the poster above says, we all have exit fantasies (mine is starting a plant nursery/greenhouse and selling tomato seedlings to people all the livelong day) but realism is important. You have a degree and you have an awesome professional background. Tons of experience. Your professional options to stay in law are not as limited as you think they are. I think a sabbatical is a good idea, or attempting to lean out for awhile while you explore career options. Think about talking to a life or career coach (one that is ICF certified) to get some guidance on this. My aunt’s partner is an ICU nurse and while there are enviable things about it – she works 3 12-hour shifts a week and work never comes home with her – she also has had to deal with some absolutely heartbreaking, heinous situations (taking a baby that was beaten into brain death by mom’s boyfriend off life support while the mom is screaming in the background, just to name one) that I know I would not want to see or deal with. You’re at a turning point and whatever direction you turn, you can choose something that will make your life better, but take some time to consider the options.

    5. I would NOT leave law for nursing. That’s just asking for more stress and more long hours. There are plenty of other jobs that will pay well and be less stressful.

      1. Genuinely asking: do nurses work as much as lawyers in big firms?

        I think they work something like 3×12 hour shifts and are regarded as FT workers. And they have a schedule! No big law firm gives you that (so you are in trouble if your kids have a snow day or days).

        I used to work with kids in foster care, so I get how nursing can be stressful in that there is a problem not fixable by you (or often by anyone). BigLaw isn’t that kind of stress — it’s a manufactured inhuman stress that will kill you whereas even the foster care kid stress is the stress you feel because you are human.

        1. Overtime is a huge problem. So the nurse who’s relieving you calls in sick and you’re stuck for another 3 hours or more until they can find a replacement. And the 12 hour shifts are not all daytime. Finding childcare for a 12 noon on Saturday to 12 noon on Sunday is not easy or cheap. You work at least a few holidays every year. And you often have night shifts which can be really hard on some people with switching between day and night shifts. Not that BigLaw doesn’t work holidays but it’s not 12 hours straight most times.

          Many hospital nurses leave during the first year and even more during the first 4 years, retention is a known problem. “But studies show that 60 percent of new nurses [pdf] leave their first position within six months because of some form of verbal abuse or harsh treatment from a colleague.” – https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/02/11/when-the-nurse-is-a-bully/

          1. I’m in BigLaw (and Christian) and have small kids and worked Christmas Eve and Christmas Day this year for some emergency year-end closings. Nothing like that with NO NOTICE (hey — at least I didn’t have plane to catch or was stuck driving in traffic or anything). My child care was a TV and the Xbox that Santa fortunately brought.

            A real business would charge us out at at least time-and-a-half for that, but not BigLaw. I guess that’s because it’s expected on-duty hours???

            I imagine that with first quarter ending on Good Friday we’ll be all-hands-on-deck then too.

            And don’t even get me started on the bullies.

          2. Lack of respect for and poor treatment of nurses is a real thing. If you are a lawyer and used to being treated as a professional (even if there is rudeness and conflict) you may have a hard time adjusting to an environment where you are no longer the professional whose judgment is being sought.

          4. Yes. I personally spend several hours in church on Good Friday and fast for the day. I am not working. For me this is a non-negotiable issue of faith.

          5. Re Good Friday

            I didn’t realize this when I was single/childless in BigLaw but many schools have it off for spring break so it’s a day when parents can’t go to work (and b/c it coincides with break, you really can’t get care then, either). We used a church daycare and we had a chapel service that day (optional) but daycare was closed b/c holy week is all-hands-on-deck for churches.

            There are some people who are very religious and take it off but for many people it’s a “OMG no child care” day off (or day “off”).

        2. nurses can work as much as lawyers in big firms, but they have a lot of flexibility. a full time schedule might be 3 x 12 hour shifts or 4 -8 hour shifts, but they can pick up extra shifts to earn extra money, so they have that flexibility. i agree that there is something very appealing about shift based work. i have a friend who went back to school to become an RN and will soon begin her NP degree. It has worked well for her and her family. But you also have to be willing to be a nurse. I personally am too squeamish and hate hospitals so it would not work for me.

          it is beyond absurd that you worked through a parent’s funeral, even for big law. so sorry for your loss.

    6. What’s your undergrad in? Could you transfer to some kind of health care management role? Maybe do a masters in public health or other post grad certificate in health law towards health admin type work.

      1. Ha! My undergrad is nothing marketable / liberal-arts.

        To a degree, if you are a hard worker, every job is a hard job. I’ve been working since I was 14 and loved working. The bad thing is that you eventually get pushed to be more, do more, and if you are good at it . . . (repeat cycle for a few decades) you can wind up where I am.

    7. I think you are trading one very stressful job for another very stressful job, plus you have to learn a whole new skillset and industry. I’d look for ways to leverage your current experience. Can you transition to the HR side of your law firm? Go in-house (it may still be busy, but probably not to the extent you are now)? Teach? Or, if its an option at your firm, could you go part-time?

    8. I think I’d at least give a non-biglaw legal job a shot before going back to school to do something else entirely.

      1. Yeah, this. Like doc review might be a better option for the OP. Low stress, great money (objectively, though not by biglaw standards) and you get to LEAVE when you leave for the day.

        Smaller firm life is also really, truly an option. I worked at a middling firm in Chicago and was really, really mad when I had to work until 9 pm…. in contrast to the nights I ‘got to leave’ at 9 pm in NYC big law and would be skipping home because I got to see my boyfriend awake!

    9. My life at a mid-law firm is nothing at all like my friends’ lives in biglaw. I think you should consider giving a smaller firm a try. Working with good (or at least decent, non-screaming) people can make a big difference.

      1. agreed. start networking and find out what options are out there that are more 9-5 with your skillset. I have friends at mid-sized/small firms and while they are compensated very differently their lives are VERY different than those who work in big law. You might not always have the hard stop that you a nurse does, but hours tend to be much more reasonable, the people are typically nicer and have more reasonable expectations (there is a reason they fled big law too!) and it can be a great set up. There are MANY law jobs or law related jobs that you could do without going back to school where people would not expect you to work through a parents’ funeral

    10. I was a nurse for 7 years and left to go to law school. I never worked in big-law, but being a lawyer is 100,000 times easier than being a nurse ever was. Happy to answer any questions you may have.

      1. Do you have kids? Or a non-local family? Do you get to take vacations?

        Kids are IMO the hill BigLaw careers for female attorneys get to die on. You want a “normal” life for them. If you aren’t from your current city, going home is a problem b/c if you have to bring your office with you. Ditto any vacations. That just isn’t normal (and I didn’t mind when I was 25 or even 30, but I just can’t imagine 10 more years of this (much less until I’m 65).

        The nurses I know all retire as nurses. I only know 2 female lawyers who have children who have made it to retirement age as lawyers in firms. I know no nurses who have quit b/c of kids (I’m sure some do, but what I usually see is that they go to doctor office / clinic practices or work a shift at an urgent care or just work fewer hospital shifts).

        The law is just like drowning very slowly (for me) once I had kids.

    11. I’m almost afraid to ask this. But what would have happened if you turned off your phone and refused to work during the funeral?

      I’m not judging or saying that’s what you should have done because I’ve never been in that position and I have no idea what would have happened if you had.

      I’m really just trying to understand because I have a lot of friends who are in big law. I understand the normal working late and needing to be constantly available – but I’ve never understood why they don’t occasionally just draw a line in the sand.

      1. Manufactured fear. The vast majority of the time you can let emails wait and turn off your phone if you have a good excuse like a funeral. Your partner will get angry that you weren’t available, you say “I was at my father’s funeral” and they get too embarrassed to press further or be more of an ass, especially if another person is in the room. I got through big law by asking for forgiveness rather than permission on mild things. It was fine.

        1. I had understanding once for a local funeral (where I was out of pocket for just the funeral of a co-worker).

          But for a funeral of a family member you have to travel to, they expect you to just go dark for the funeral (not the time in the airport / on a plane / while driving / sharing a post-wake meal). It is truly inhumane but you are now allowed to go dark for 24-48 hours for a real funeral you have to travel to (only 1-2 hours max) if a deal is closing or a trial brief is due.

          “I’m sorry, but our tax guy will be away and your late 2017 closing now has to be on for 1/2018 and a new set of tax rules will be six figures to your disadvantage” said no BigLaw person ever.

          1. I get that the expectation may be that you won’t. But what if you just said, “No, I have to go. I’m going.” And then did it?

          2. Some of us are senior enough to be able to tank a deal.

            “I’m not going to be able to review your SCT brief” is not something that Carter Phillips says (I bet). But he has plenty of deputies who should be as good. But my guess is that his clients still want him.

          3. I just think the situations where you absolutely literally cannot leave — not even for a parent’s funeral — without blowing a deadline or tanking a deal are not that common. What would happen if you were suddenly hospitalized?

          4. Big law partner here. Once of the advantages of being in a big law firm is that I work with plenty of other amazing attorneys who can (and do!) step up when I cannot. Sometimes it’s a great senior associate, sometimes its a partner. But if you are in big law and cannot go dark for things that matter to you — funeral, vacation, whatever — you are not doing it right. You are not a solo practitioner. Use your team.

          5. I think that BigLaw likes to think it’s all like Winter is saying. But in my own AmLaw200 firm, there are some areas where we are 1 lawyer deep (or one partner deep). We won’t say that on our website, but it’s true.

            Sometimes it’s temporary (a group leaves). But often times it’s just white-knuckle all.the.time. Especially the more niche you are (so even if many tax partners, but often only one signs the tax opinion on a particular tax issue; there may be 20 people who’d sign a general enforceability opinion).

            Something like a car accident / heart attack would reveal it for what it is. But often the can just gets kicked down the road.

            I know in medicine it can be like this if there is 1 subspecialist in a hospital (some peds subspecialties) where there is total burnout b/c there is no one to offload to. Or being a long-snapper in the NFL: there is a backup QB but no backup for the long snapper.

          6. +1 Winter. I’ve been in biglaw for 10 years. I’ve never answered email or taken calls during a funeral or while I was on bereavement leave. I’ve never rescheduled a vacation. I have worked on vacation, but all I can say is that when I think about my vacations, I remember the vacation, not the work, so it wasn’t enough to impact my enjoyment. I’ve cancelled plans with friends now and then, but frankly, not much more often than many of my friends in other professions. In general, I’ve managed to have a full and happy life outside of work, and it hasn’t hurt me professionally – I made partner three years ago. I’ve done all of this in practices that are not traditionally low-stress, btw – M&A and now a niche corporate practice that specializes in bet the company deals.

            How did I do this? In part, by being pretty firm about my boundaries – basically, by telling people I would be unavailable, not asking if I could be unavailable. By being willing to put in long hours when I was available, so it was clear I was willing to make the effort. And by being comfortable with working at odd times (like getting up super early so that I could leave in the middle of the day to ride my bike). And finally: by investing in and training my associates so that they have the skills and confidence to cover for me when I’m out.

          7. That’s a fair point, Anon 4:21. It does get harder the more specialized you are. I am clearly not a long snapper. But I am not a long snapper by design. I’ve trained associates so that I am not indispensable, and if I’m planning to be away, I bring a partner up to speed enough to hold things together until I’m back. I.e., they may not have the ability to sign the tax opinion on a specialized point, but they can gracefully get us through the gap until I can sign off on the issue.

      2. There is also something inherent in the personality of many people in biglaw that feeds into this. When I was an associate, it was definitely not all fear of the partners – it was also this feeling that I was important to the client/the partner, I didn’t want to let the client/the partner down, and I didn’t know how to tell myself that it was actually okay to pass the ball to someone else for a while. In my mind, passing the ball meant I wasn’t essential, and I needed to feel essential.

        Some degree of that intensity makes you successful in biglaw, but too much of it drives you insane. I struggle with this all the time with my associates. For example, I’m well known as very pushy about vacation: if you are on vacation, I will not email you, call you, or reach out to you in any way. I will staff someone else as backup; I’ll take you off emails that go around in your absence, and I’ll tell clients not to contact you. That said, a couple of my associates invariably will keep answering email (they also often won’t put on their out of office messages), will accept call invites, etc. It’s very hard to get them to let go – even though I’m telling them that’s what I want them to do.

        I have an associate whose parent died last week. she has heard from me only 4 times since then: once to express my condolences when I heard it happened; once to check whether her husband had made it home from work yet (because if he hadn’t, I was going to stay with her until he arrived); and twice related to checking in on how she wants the announcement to the firm worded (we announce family deaths so people can send condolences). No one in my group would ever, in a million years, consider contacting an associate who was out for a bereavement about work issues. And we’re an AmLaw 50 firm.

        2. +1 to this. I work with some junior associates who stress me out with their insistence on being indispensable.

        3. I once read an essay about how industries like law and finance quite intentionally seek out “insecure over-achievers” (as in, they actually use the term internally when making hiring decisions) specifically because they voluntarily work themselves into the ground. It can lead to lots of professional success, but it can definitely be taken advantage of.
          OP, correct me if I’m wrong, but I get the feeling you haven’t even entertained the idea of going to a smaller firm because it feels like it would be a ‘step down’ from where you are, almost shameful, like washing out of boot camp. Bailing entirely and picking a new profession is a way to sidestep that feeling. But the BigLaw hierarchy is illusory and part of the machine that keeps people working insane hours. I don’t think you’ll miss the prestige or even look back if you go to a firm that gives you your life back. My friends who’ve made the same switch are so happy they did.

          2. I think that most people who don’t go to small / smaller firms do so b/c they either need BigLaw resources for their current client (ERISA people who deal with plan asset issues; securities regulation people, etc.), firm data is so opaque ( you may not have a good read on the firm’s real vs claimed finances), or just too busy to check things out when data / opportunities are so fragmented.

            It’s not the step down in prestige, it’s the unknown. Lawyers are risk averse.

      3. Some of us do draw lines in the sand. If a friend or family member dies, I would go to the services. Maybe I would check my phone when convenient, but I don’t know if I would for a parent. Even for vacation I check my email on my phone once a day, and have only had to log in a few times in the many years I have been at a firm. If something is urgent, my co-workers know to call me. Same sort of policy for nights/weekends when I am not working.

        I really think the whole you need to always be available thing is a myth or manufactured from associates’ fear. Sure, there are nights you have to work late and sometimes you have to work weekends, but that really shouldn’t be most nights or weekends. You have to carve out time for yourself to survive, and you have to draw lines in the sand about things like funerals, sick kids/family, etc. If you can’t, you need to find a different firm.

    12. I don’t think you should write off in-house so abruptly. Being very senior doesn’t mean that you will be working round the clock in big-law, it is totally dependent on the culture of the company. Our GC takes real vacations with real low to no email check-ins because his team is trained to take on the unexpected, and it can be planned and prepared for.

      There are options other than nursing, etc. It seems like you just don’t want to practice law anymore, and that’s okay, just admit that. If the issue really is stress, you can do plenty of things using the skills you have without extra time or schooling that are lower stress. Government positions especially (the school district in my areas starts at $100k for attorneys with a hard 5 pm stop and two weeks off at Christmas and one at Thanksgiving, there are options)

      2. +2. My in-house job is also much, much lower stress than Biglaw. I usually only check my work phone a day during the weekend. We all take real vacations, often even 2 week long vacations. If something super critical comes up, we may get a call, but we’re not on call like in Biglaw. I still do important work on important cases. The pay is also still really good (>$250k).

    13. My suggestion – take an unpaid sabbatical leave for 3 months. You are burnt out and need some time. Get a doctor to give you a letter if that’s what it takes. Take that time to do your research and shadow/volunteer at some hospitals so you can get a better sense. Also, I’m so sorry for your loss and for what you’re facing at work.

    14. “I’m senior enough to where I think I’d have the same problems in-house or even in a regulatory job.”

      I’d really quesiton this. I’m in-house and even for our GC it’s not as insane as what you’ve described. Also know a lot of regulatory people who are senior and it’s not as busy as BigLaw. BigLaw is really its own animal, I wouldn’t be so quick as to foreclose other options with the thinking that “it’ll be just as bad as BigLaw.”

      1. Agree. I am in house. Fit is a huge issue with in house, as with any other job. My experience in house has been that while there are demanding times, you also learn the business. You learn to differentiate between the true emergencies and when you can let an email sit. In the best worlds, you become a trusted member of management and are trusted for your judgment (on legal issues and that when you say you need a vacation, you are left alone).

      2. A counter to this is that I’ve had mid-level friends (10th year on up) go in-house as BigLaw refugees and they work just as hard with more travel and less pay. Lots of comp is in bonus and if you worked hard but the business overall was down, no bonus.

        Sometimes the only good thing about BigLaw is that at least they pay you.

    15. Does nursing appeal to you? If it’s something you’ve always thought you wanted to do, or you love caring for other people and don’t mind being on your feet all day (or dealing with illness, bodily fluids, and the overall insanity that is the general public), I wouldn’t let one unhappy-nurse friend stop you. But if what you’re looking for is a humane working environment with a hard stop at the end of the day, I don’t think nursing should be your first choice.

      I’d also proceed with some extra caution given that you’ve recently lost a parent. I don’t want to presume your relationship with that person, or how your feeling about the loss. Still, I will say that general grief is really hard on the brain (IME). I think there’s a good reason many professionals advise not making major life changes for the first year after a big loss. Leaving a terrible big law situation is one thing, but just consider whether it’s the right time in your life for a total career change.

    16. There are absolutely ways to shadow nurses, or you might start with hospital volunteering to get a sense of what they do. I’ve had a few friends switch careers to medical fields who started this way (one to an RN, one to go back to med school).

      I work for a healthcare organization now after 8 years in a law firm — I seriously recommend some informational interviewing. There are TONS and TONS of healthcare related careers besides RNs. Depending on the organization, RN work can be wonky schedules, especially if you are in an organized workplace and are low in seniority. They’re also very physically demanding jobs, and many RNs who either develop health problems as they age or have injuries end up relegated to phone-advice positions (i.e., arthritis in hands/elbows/shoulders, rotator cuff issues, all kinds of physical issues really). Some organizations have a lot of phone jobs; some don’t. So that’s one thing to keep in mind, if you’re looking at this as a second career.

      If you are not that concerned about how much money you’d be making, have you considered something like physical-therapy assisting? It’s a community college program so it’s shorter than a full PT doctorate, and lots of jobs in private practice. Still a physical job, though. But it’s the kind of job I didn’t know existed prior to working in healthcare. If you have the time/money for a longer program, being a Physician Assistant is another option (2 year program but may require previous healthcare experience) — high demand, everyone’s hiring, lots of places have 4-10s or part time schedules, particularly in primary care or OBGYN, and it’s well paid. I get the sense it’s easier to break into outpatient/ambulatory care (read: day shifts) than it might be as an RN.

      I moved into a labor relations/onsultant type job in healthcare, coming from my firm, and I LOVE IT. Super interesting, very challenging, very regular hours, lots of opportunity for advancement or movement in a million different directions from here — could go into alternative dispute resolution, HR leadership, healthcare administration/operations, you name it.

      Short version of all this: start doing informational interviewing in all kinds of fields!! You won’t regret it!

      1. PT assistant is terrible advice. Poor pay, no respect, underling for a 24 old who has training as a full fledged PT.

        That’s like going from a lawyer to a document clerk…. maybe lower, actually.

    17. I wonder if the appeal of nursing to you is based on the idea of wanting to be of service to others and in a helping profession/role, rather than focused on generating/protecting money. I’m guessing that you don’t mind some of the stress and rush, but do want a break and perhaps a redirecting of your enormous energy to something that is more meaningful to you. Maybe I’m reading too much into your post, but maybe this is something to think about. Good luck.

      1. Yes – this. My doctor friends love their jobs and work hard but it is binary in a way that I need and cannot get. They recommended specifically nursing (and trying for a mid level provider level over time). My nurse practitioner friends really love what they do.

        At the end of the day, my job is a white knuckle job that makes money for people who have money. Law can be a helping profession of sorts but even the parts about it that I truly love don’t outweigh the toll.

        1. Reaching out late to express my condolences. It seems like you’re and smart and kind hearted person and I’m so sorry this happened to you and you’re in such a dark spot. This job is horrible and no one deserves to be treated the way you were. It’s inhumane and it would break any sane person.

          I really feel you in the second paragraph. It’s so helpful to see things big picture- I really hope you end up doing something that you enjoy and find fulfillment in. I have a relative who quit being a nurse practitioner- midwife to go to law school in her 40s. She couldn’t take the bad days as a midwife anymore. She got a job in legal services, helping woman with end stage cancer wrap up their affairs, it paid peanuts and made her very very happy. Now she’s a solo doing estate planning and loves it. I guess my point is that you can always change careers but you might consider you have more opportunities as an attorney than you might as a nurse.

          I’ve never worked in biglaw but my husband did for a almost a decade. It was horrible but never as bad as you’ve described. He went in house two years ago and he’s got a hard stop 9-6, lovely boss and tons of vacation. Oh and the money has caught up to where he’d be in biglaw. So these jobs do exist.

          Anyway I’m pulling for you and really encourage you to take a break. You deserve it.

    18. I’m reading the book “When to Jump” by Mike Lewis, and so far I really like it. I think it might be a good read for you.

    19. Do it!!

      My first degree was in engineering (from an ivy league school) — for a second career after kids i went back to school and got a nursing degree. I have an amazing position now doing quality analysis and control for a hospital system, making a lot of money and find it very meaningful.

      There is a HUGE market for law degrees combined with nursing degrees — you could work in risk management for a hospital. It is very interesting, hours are good and pay is excellent. I hope you consider it!

    20. I left BigLaw for nursing school 1 year ago. I got really sick and one thing I was looking for in my next career was a hard stop at the end of the day. I love being busy at work and engaged intellectually but hated worrying about my docket when I was at home. I also wanted a job where I felt I was doing some good.

      If you go into nursing, be sure to do a program where you are qualified to be an RN. Don’t mess around with an LPN or LVN.

      I am very happy with my change. Nursing school is crazy (I’m in a 1 year accelerated 2nd BSN program). They are not joking around! I am working harder in nursing school than I did in law school. My clinicals in the hospital are Saturday and Sunday for 10 weeks (so far) which stinks but it’s short-term and I do anticipate working nights/weekends for the first few years after school. Unlike biglaw, when you pull an all-nighter nursing, you get to sleep in the next day.

      Here’s what I did:
      1. Toured a local nursing school to learn more about the progression, what nursing school is, what nursing is.
      2. Volunteered at a local hospital on Saturday evenings while working full-time as a lawyer.
      3. Started taking pre-requisites as night classes at my local community college, ended up with fewer billable hours but my firm didn’t mention it (my group was hemorrhaging associates at the time). Realized I just wanted to get on with it.
      4. Quit to go to school full-time and volunteer 8-24 hours per week at the hospital in various departments.
      5. Went to nursing school!

      So, do nurses work harder than lawyers? Yes, while they are at work. It’s non-stop. If you aren’t doing, you are documenting. When you aren’t documenting, you are doing. But then the next nurse takes over. Sometimes, they look for people to pull a double shift but there seems to be enough nurses who want the extra hours that no one is forced to do it. I might wonder about my patients but I don’t worry about them. They are in good hands.

      The first time I did a bandage change, I nearly lost it. It was horrible. I cleaned him up, replaced his bandage, and felt so horrible. I seriously asked myself if I would have rather spent those 30 minutes writing a legal brief. And I knew: being a lawyer is worse (for me) than the most gnarly tasks that a nurse performs. Then I had a mandated 60-minute lunch break, laughed it off with the other students, and choked down lunch because I was super hungry.

      I am very happy I made the change. If you want to talk more, karenpadi at hotmail.

      1. RN here, the thing that I had to do early on that really got me was my first bowel cleanout. I think when people talk about nursing, they have no idea what it really involves. But I’m glad you feel like you made a good move.

        1. That bandage change was in the sacral area. Yeah, it was a doozy.

          The RNs spend a lot of their time administering meds, assessing patients, educating patients, and documenting. They are the ones advocate for the patient if their condition changes or if the doctor ordered the wrong med. The RN makes sure the person with a suspected contagious disease is put on isolation precautions. Nursing is a great mix of interpersonal and intellectual work. They are on their feet a lot but that isn’t the focus of the work.

    21. I have nothing to add other than I’m so sorry for your loss and your work situation sounds dreadful. There’s tons of good advice here to mull over.

    22. I know a lot of responses have referred to nursing as long/crazy hours, stress, etc – but if you do take the plunge and go to school for nursing – there are other avenues in which you could combine your law experience with nursing. I work for an insurance company and they hire nurses as case managers, compliance officers, clinical reviews, etc. You could combine your law experience with nursing in the medical field – hospital administration, insurance, etc. Most jobs like that would have normal, steady hours. Just a thought. Good luck!

  12. I’m headed to Chicago on Monday for work, and will have a few hours free in the afternoon. I’ve been to the Art Institute, and am looking for something else to pass the time. Do you have any recommendations for a (chilly) Chicago afternoon? I’m staying downtown.

    2. I’d consider holing up in the Chicago Athletic Association lobby/library area on the second floor (or Cindy’s on the rooftop), reading a book, people watching, and alternating cups of tea and wine.

      Quality of exhibits varies, but Columbia College has a small photography museum near the art museum that I think is free.

    3. You could check out what’s going on at the Cultural Center — it’s free and the building itself is great.

    4. Museum of Contemporary Art – it’s not huge but it’s very good. I don’t personally love the Shedd but the Field Museum and the planetarium are on that same campus and sometimes there are multiple-museum coupons so you could bounce from one to the other.

      If you feel like taking the Metro to Hyde Park, the Museum of Science and Industry is cool.

  13. Interesting article from WaPo that Kat linked to in the roundup today on how women are less frequently wearing heels as trends and our lifestyles evolve. Do you find that to be true for you? The only true heels I own are my interview pumps. I have some heeled booties but they’re very low and sturdy. I hate heels, I never even think about buying them.

    1. I got rid of all but one pair of heels years ago. The remaining pair is about 2 inches and gets worn about once a year.

    2. I wear heels once every few weeks, at most. I hate them and how much they restrict my movement. I also, without fail, get terrible foot cramps after wearing them for a full work day. I am so much better about getting up from my desk and MOVING when I’m wearing flats or a very low heel (less than 2 inches). Ultimately, not wearing heels is a choice I make for my health and comfort.

    3. Yes that’s me. They just look silly, and to be honest, kind of low-class to me now.

        1. This board is sure embodying all the worst impressions I have of it today.

          “I want expensive jewelry that isn’t pearls. What should I get?”
          “Pearls.”

          “How can I look like an edgy, tattooed bad@ss?”
          “nordstrom personal shopper.”

          “Do you still wear high heels?”
          “They’re silly and low-class.”

      2. If you think heels look low-class, you are not looking at the right heels. They are not all str!pper shoes…

      3. You can pry my heels off my cold, dead feet. I am almost six feet tall in them and enjoy looking even talk men in the eye at work.

      4. I agree with silly. Sometimes I’ll see women on the street who are obviously struggling to walk and I think, why???

        1. Ok but many women can walk perfectly well in heels so it’s a bit of stretch to say all women in all heels look silly

          1. Agree. Also this woman struggles to walk in pencil skirts. Doesn’t mean I think other women wearing them look silly. I just naturally take big steps. Other people can wear what they want.

      5. It’s objectively bad for your feet, knees, hips and back to wear high heels. Calling them silly is completely fair game.

          2. That it’s not logical to call something silly on the basis of being “objectively bad for you” when you’re sitting at a desk all day. I don’t even wear heels, I just don’t like people being ridiculously judgmental about others’ choices that in no way affect them.

    4. I love heels (I am short), but they look a little dated to me for daytime wear. It’s not just the shoe, but the posture and stride. I remember visiting Manhattan as a teen in the 90s and admiring the women crossing the street in high heels; they looked elegant and confident, and the added height made them seem intimidating. I just don’t see as many women in heels these days, and I find myself more often admiring the women “with their feet on the ground”–on a visceral level, they look like they have the advantage to me now.

      1. They mostly look dated to me, too. I’m glad there are a lot more dressy or fashionableeding flats and low heels now. It used to just be sneakers and ballet flats, but I’m loving the brogues and d’orsay flats I’ve been finding lately.

    5. Fluff:

      But if Meghan Markle is wearing heels, it’s all good again. Right?

      1. The Racked article about her pants seems to show her at an exercise (dance?) class in tall block heels. Why???

        1. I thought she was visiting the class with her beau. A protocol sort of thing. I could be wrong, but that was the explanation that came to mind. And England was blasted with snow storms last week.

    6. I have several pairs of heels but only two really see the light of day. The pair I wear to work every now and then I wear mostly because at barely 5’1”, sometimes I like to feel tall (and be able to reach things!).

    7. I wear at least 3″ heels at work every single day (combo of booties, high boots and some oxfords and pumps). I have no work shoes that are flat. I do have some flat tall boots and some wedges for weekends plus snow boots. For summer I have some flat sandals but also multiple heeled pairs for going out.

      So no, has not changed for me. Most women in my firm (including assistants) wear heels most days and I rarely see flats in Court or at the reporting offices/tribunals.

      1. I also do not wear flats for work, although I will wear them for commuting. I also wear heels to church and alumni dinners, panels I speak on, conferences, etc.

        1. I do count my one pair of wedges as heels as they are sleek pumps with a wedge heel.

          2. Nine West Teague pointy toe wedge. They are a few years old but you can find them on Amaz0n and ebay.

          4. Thank you for sharing these! Now I can get a replacement when my cheapo JCPenney wedges finally die.

      2. I probably should have clarified that I’m not a lawyer. I imagine in court it would be a different ballgame.

      3. Same. Heels every day at work. Flats to commute. My mom has always bought well made heels and so do I. It’s been years and it’s fine.

      4. There is a lot of middle ground between 3” heels and flats. It’s not a binary choice.

    8. Yup, I’m definitely wearing them far less often and all the new shoes I’ve bought for spring are flats.

    9. That’s true for me. I sometimes wear low heels or wedges in court, but I haven’t worn my shoes that have true heels in years. It just isn’t worth it to be uncomfortable and I’ve been buying better quality shoes with low or no heels.

    10. I am in clogs and flats since the sudden appearance of Morton’s Neuroma in both feet. MN symptom is persistance pain in ball of the foot. Mine is under control in clogs/flats, but flares terribly in most heels.

      And it breaks my heart! I love wearing heels, and would wear them if I physically could. The highest I used to go (without a platform under the ball of foot) was 3″.

      Le sigh.

    11. I can’t really wear heels without a strap anymore. I used to wear them all the time in my early 20’s but somehow over the course of 10 years it seems like the front of my feet spread out and now when I walk they fall off my feet (even in a regular instead of wide width) unless I strap them on – and the lack of strap eliminates a lot of shoes. I’m kind of baffled by it, I never used to have a problem.

    12. Yep, I’ve slowly stopped wearing heels over the last few years. I have several pairs of almond-toe 2.5″ wedges that I wear to court/formal appearances, and wear flats or boots the rest of the time.

    13. I stopped wearing heels because my mobility is important to me, both while wearing them and later in life. I never want to be unable to run down the stairs to catch the subway, to go on a long walk over lunch, jog to catch my papers if I drop them in the wind, or god forbid, to run away from some creep on the street or from a dangerous scene like a shooting. I also don’t want to cause long-term damage to my feet that may affect my ability to walk and run as much as I want later in life. It’s just not worth it when there are plenty of professional shoes available that aren’t mobility-constricting.

      1. Yes these are all great points. I used to wear heels and when my work friends and I would discuss where to go for drinks or lunch, I’d always have to think about how far i could walk in my heels. Now that I think back on it I think I was ridiculous.

        Foot problems caused by high heels means I can’t wear them anymore – though I will wear a 2” block heel. I’m glad to have that decision made for me.

        1. Re: footwear dictating activity – yep. Biggest thing for me is, I no longer have days where I come home and my feet, legs and back are killing me because I wore cute heels to work but then ended up crisscrossing the corporate campus 20 times that day going to unexpected meetings. Also, my husband and I work a few blocks from each other and I like being able to walk to meet him for lunch on the spur of the moment without changing shoes. I also keep the emergency thing in mind – not just shootings, but fire. I work in a tall building on the top floor and evacuating would mean fleeing down 8 flights of stairs. Would rather not have to do that in heels.

          1. I really do not understand this. If you had to take the stairs it would take literally ten seconds to take your shoes off – I doubt it would make any difference whatsoever.

            And maybe it is because I am Canadian, but the idea of not being able to run away if there was a shooting and that being a realistic enough possibility that it would dictate my footwear choices has (1) never ever crossed my mind and (2) is deeply depressing.

          2. Barefoot isn’t a great way to be during an emergency, regardless of where you live.

          3. You’ve posted here before (a lot of times) about how much you just loooove your high-heel shoes. Girl, we get it. Okay. You do you. Are you 40? If not, come back to me when you’re 40 and tell me how your body and joints feel. And the whole “I just haven’t ever thought about running away from a shooting” – yes, that is definitely because you’re Canadian. In America, that is a real fear. Please don’t be flippant about it. Inapprops.

          4. 8:06 pm, I know you probably won’t come back to see this, but I am 45 and my body feels just fine thanks.

            And I was not being flippant about the fear of being involved in a shooting at all – I said that such a thing is deeply depressing.

    14. Now that you point this out, I think it’s true! Such a relief, too. I attributed my growing appreciation for flats to getting older, but I think the zeitgeist has a lot to do with it as well.

    15. I definitely wear heels less often. For one, they are too dressy for my super casual work environment. I also don’t find them comfortable any more. I have booties and a couple of pumps with 1-1.5″ heels, but that’s all that I can manage. When I was in my 20s I would sacrifice comfort for a cute and usually cheap pair of shoes. Nowadays I will spend more for comfort and style.

    16. After buying a really great pair of flat black riding boots this winter (I’m wondering how I ever lived without them), I’m pretty much done with heels forever. I’m 36, too, so maybe that has something to do with it, but I’m over wriggling into sheath dresses (I’m an hourglass and a few pounds can make the difference between chic and inappropriate) and teetering on heels. I wore swing or a-line dresses all winter with tights and these boots. Viva la comfort!

      1. I did the same last year and didn’t hesitate at all to do the same again this year! Tall boots FTW.

    17. Was just talking about this with some friends at IWD (whoohoo!) happy hour last night. My best friend and I were high-heel wearers for years, but now in our 40s, we’ve both stopped. Miraculously, after I stopped wearing heels (and high wedges) all the time, my back, knee and ankle pain got much better and the hammertoes and corns on my feet nearly resolved on their own. My feeling these days is: my life moves pretty fast and I don’t have time for heels. I also don’t have tolerance for inflicting pain on myself that I don’t have to. Things on my body are already starting to hurt without me doing anything at all.

    18. I almost never where them outside of work. I’m not particularly fancy and value being able to walk quickly, easily, and without pain.

      I go back and forth on work wear but am wearing them less and less. I’m a lawyer in a business casual environment but I usually trend slightly more formal, so heels “go best” with lots of my outfits. On the other hand, my partners are all laid back, kind people who don’t freak out if they see a woman wearing flats. If I’m just wandering around the office, why bother? Once in a while I’ll decide an outfit calls for them or if there’s a client around I will. Court appearances, meetings are a different story. In the winter I’ll wear booties with heels, though, because flat boots look odd with my outfits. But I get a big old thick heel and never over 3 inches.

      I also don’t like my tendons tightening up and getting sore for all the sports I do. I’m adamant that the heels I do wear are comfy. I resent the implication that women should wear clothes that hobble them and cause them pain cause it “looks better” or “is professional.” If that’s your choice, totally go for it..but I find so little motivation to do it.

    19. I’m definitely wearing heels less… and when I am wearing them they are lower.

      I think it’s a combination of:
      – casual client
      – winter (wearing flat or low heeled boots)
      – prioritization of comfort
      – mobility (travel frequently)

      With all of the above, I look at my high heels on the weekend and think, why bother?

    20. I store all my heels at the office — I like them with professional wear, and I’m not on my feet all day such that they cause pain. I don’t have any higher than 3″ anyway.

      That said… other than weddings, I can’t remember the last time I wore heels “off duty.” Cute street sneakers, mules, pretty flats, leather sandals… the most I wear is a 1″ wedge.

    21. Definitely wearing them less often. I’ve gotten rid of quite a few pairs. Life is too short for uncomfortable shoes. Plus I’m already 5’10” so anything taller than about 2.5″ seems excessive.

    23. As of now, I have one pair of nude for me pumps that have 2 inch heel. I only wear them to SteerCos. They are from Clarks wide fit so very comfortable. I know how to walk in them so definitely do not look silly.
      I am still on the hunt for heeled sandals to accessorize formalwear but haven’t found ones that are comfortable for my bunions.
      I’m not sure this counts but my “flats” are not ballet flats, rather shoes (oxfords, brogues, etc.) with 1 inch block heel because I can’t walk elegantly in ballet flats, something about a heel-less shoe makes my ankles very tired.

  14. Hi everyone,

    Hoping someone has been to Bermuda in March and has some tips! I am going with my SO for a quick getaway later in the month. I realize it’s not quite in-season. What can we expect in terms of weather, and reasonable activities given the weather? What would you pack to wear? Any restaurant recs for a fun dinner out?

    TIA!

    1. It’s fairly chilly… 70 during the day, but with cloudy skies and a breeze.

      Ocean will have waves, making water close to shore murky (compared to how clear it is in the summer).

  15. We have old linoleum in our laundry room that has seen better days. I’d like an inexpensive, quick option to cover it up. I don’t want to rip it up and lay down new linoleum. Has anyone had luck with those carpet squares? I think they have adhesive backs. Or are the “locking” squares better? Specific product recs would be appreciated!

    1. If there’s only one layer, it’s pretty easy to lay a new sheet of vinyl right over the top.

      1. good point. I’m thinking a flat, industrial-type carpet might be better in the laundry room anyway (primarily because we keep the litter boxes in there, and carpet would be better at trapping stray litter and easier to vacuum).

        also, we’d like to self-install to keep costs down if possible.

    2. Carpet tiles are great for this, too. If there are cat troubles, for instance, you can just replace the affected tiles rather than the full carpet.

    3. click and lock vinyl plank flooring. Looks great, waterproof, really tough. I put some in on top of linoleum.

  16. I inherited an old Singer sewing machine (supposedly the best non-industrial one they made) and a metal fan from my great grandmother and I’m thinking that they should be re-wired for safety reasons. My non-safety oriented father thinks this is unnecessary. Has anyone had this re-wiring done, and do you think it is necessary? I think any electric appliance type thing from the 50s or before, regardless of how well it has been kept, could start a fire. But maybe that’s just me.

    Also, I am looking to buy a newer, reasonably priced sewing machine. Does anyone have any recs for that? Seems like when they make something good and it gets a lot of good reviews, the company starts to slack and makes it into crap.

      1. Well. the cord coming out of the sewing machine that plugs into the wall is frayed and taped up. I could replace this. But then I just happened upon this site where it shows pics of what the inside of the motor might look like. Haven’t been brave enough to take a look yet, because I have had other things going on.

        http://www.theprojectlady.com/p/re-wire-sewing.html

        1. Do you know if it got any sort of use by the previous owner? Or if they maintained it? My guess is you aren’t going to get that level of deterioration if there wasn’t heavy usage or the previous owner did maintenance.

          Are you planning on using it on a regular basis? I mean, it’s not going to start a fire just sitting there, or even plugged in. It’s going to be an issue if you are using it. And I would absolutely not use it until you have gotten it cleaned and serviced (greased, de-linted, etc), but that’s more for the benefit of the machine than a safety concern for you.

          Look for local repair shops (and check their reputation with any sewers/yelp that you know) before mailing it off to who ever. If you are in the MN area I have a recommendation for a really good place, but other you are best asking the local sewing community.

    2. Just unplug the sewing machine when you’re not using it.

      A metal fan should be easy to rewire.

      I still have some knob and tube in my 100+ year old house. The key is really to leave it alone and not try to fuse it together with newer stuff like romex. So if you’re rewiring something, rewire the whole thing. Don’t just try to attach a new cord to old wiring.

    4. What makes you think it could start a fire? Is the cord frayed or fragile in some way?

    5. 1.The only “rewiring” you are likely to need is to replace the cord that runs from the machine to the wall. It’s not a house.

      2. Definitely have a reputable place (look for reviews from people who sew) clean it and give you an assessment. My machine (late 70s) had a recommendation to replace the capacitors on the motherboard – not because it would start a fire, but because a short would fry the circuit board inside and that couldn’t be replaced.

      3. What are you going to use your new sewing machine for? Occasional repairs? Garment sewing? Quilting? Embroidery? Do you want the fancy computer interface? Honestly – Restoring and using the older Singer you have might be the best bang for your buck.
      a) Don’t buy anything from Target or Joanns (usually Brothers or the modern Singer brand) or wherever unless you are going to the private dealer that is set up in the fabric store). These machines are all plastics parts and can never get the stitch tension right – these are really basic/occasional/beginner machines that will be more frustrating than you want.
      b) The brands you want to consider, as something you’ll be using regularly for the next decade are: Pfaff, Janome, Bernina, Husqvarna.
      c) Modern Singers ride the reputation of the name, but aren’t the same quality as their older counterpart.
      d) You can look for Elnas from the the early 80s or prior, but would need to get them checked out for usability. And ones in good condition are going to be on par with new machines from the nicer brands.

      1. Thanks for all of the info. I have never heard of Elnas. I occasionally see Berninas on Craigslist but wonder how much they’d cost to rehab.

        1. Sad that you can’t get a cheaper machine that won’t mess up your tension or have bobbin issues.

        2. Elnas are a Swiss brand. Berninas…my mom has one (bought it new) and my impression is that they were kind of expensive to maintain – the different feet were all pretty expensive, only use the Gutterman brand thread because it lints less, etc.

      2. This is good advice. Find a good (reputable) sewing machine repair service and get their advice about the inherited Singer. Old Singer with metal parts are good (a family member has one from the early 60s. She has it regularly serviced and uses it heavily–still going strong.) Don’t buy a new Singer.

        I love my vintage Bernina. Family members have new Berninas and are very happy with them.

  17. We’ll be vising Seattle with our 1.5 yo. Any recos for enjoying Washington nature within 1-1.5 hours of downtown?

    2. Ferry ride to Bainbridge Island from the Colman Dock. Can drive on, and Fay Bainbridge park is on a typical Pacific nw beach: Rocky shore with driftwood piles. Water will be very cold, but view is lovely. Can camp overnight.
      Bloedel Reserve is beautiful, private grounds with gardens and open spaces. Make reservation.
      Have fun trip!

    4. Seattle is awesome for kids. You can go down to the beach at Alki or Golden Gate Park or Discovery Park. The children’s museum and the zoo are great. Sculpture park near the waterfront is a great place to walk around as well. Don’t miss the view at Kerry Park, which is close to a Molly moon’s ice cream place.

  18. Serious question: just how do you remain satisfied on only 1200 calories/day? I weigh 190, exercise six days a week, am hypoglycemic, and have a nutritionist who says that I can only eat 1200 calories/day if I want to lose weight, which I do. It’s just so few calories, and whenever I can hit it I feel like I’m going to pass out throughout the day. What am I missing? Any tips would be appreciated.

    1. How tall are you? 1200 is probably enough if you’re really short, but if you’re tall you probably should raise that a bit. What are you eating? It sounds like you need to focus on filling, low-calorie foods? There’s a subreddit r/1200isplenty that has lots of good ideas.

    2. Your nutritionist is a hack. You need to calculate your basal metabolic rate (BMR) and eat that. It’s highly unlikely your BMR is as low as 1200 calories/day.

    3. I agree, your nutritionist is a hack. You should be eating a lot more calories than that, weight loss or no weight loss. I recommend checking out Real Life RD’s blog; she’s specifically posted on the dated, dangerous 1,200 calorie a day advice before.

    4. 5’8″, and this is the nutritionist assigned by my HMO, so please be assured I’m not going to a complete fraud. (AKA my neighbor who keeps on trying to convince me that “homeopathic life coach” is a real thing.) I just can’t seem to lose weight no matter how much or how little I eat. That is incredibly whiny. I know my behavior is the problem, but I just can’t figure out what number to hit to lose weight, and it is frustrating.

      1. I did 1200 a day but I am 5’1″. I just don’t think this amount doable or helpful. My recommendation is to do the sane thing before going so extreme and eliminate all snacks and junk food from your house, stop eating out, and double up on protein – basically limit what you eat to actual meals with concentrated nutrition. Setting an impossible goal is morale erasing and detrimental to the actual goal.

      2. There’s also a community on reddit called “1200isplenty” or something like that, if you need meal ideas. Really the secret is to eat a lot of vegetables. It’s very doable if you eat the right things. Don’t eat any processed or refined carbs – avoid cereal, pasta, bread, etc. Don’t drink calories. If your are insulin-resistant or have an issue like PCOS, check out their PCOS community. They will tell you to try keto.

      3. Some of it is what you eat and when you eat it.

        If I eat pasta at night, I plump up. I can mitigate it a bit by doing less pasta and adding spinach, veggies, and protein. Yet, te only way I lose weight is to only do protein and veggies for dinner (unless I have a long run the next morning).

    5. There’s a reddit page called something like 1200 is plenty where people post pics and recipes that you might check out if you *really* want to try to stick to 1200.

      I see a nutritionist too, and at 5’8, 1200 is NOT enough for me. It feels like my stomach is gnawing itself from the itself out. You said above that you can’t lose weight no matter how little you eat. Think about that – it doesn’t seem to be working for you. Oddly enough, I need to eat a more to lose weight. I don’t have a calorie amount I try to hit (I don’t think there is such a thing as a magic number), but I try to focus on eating when I’m hungry (I’m really good at that), stopping when I’m full (this is harder and usually requires me to eat slowly and really pay attention to my hunger and fullness cues), and eating lots of fruits, veggies, protein, and whole grains.

      1. That’s another thing. If you are restricting calories to the point where you FEEL hungry all of the time, your cortisol is going up and well…your whole endocrine system is going out of whack and you could be hindering your progress. That whole intermittent fasting thing is not for women, either…You will impede ovulation, not produce enough progesterone, etc…

        Eat real foods and not processed foods or junk. Take inflammatory crap out. Don’t eat something like popcorn just because it is lower in cals.

      2. There was a NYT article recently about how what you eat is more important than how much. OP, take a look. I agree that 1200 doesn’t seem sustainable even if it works for a little while.

    6. I am 5’1″ and tried to eat that and my weight loss stalled. That was MY bmr with no exercise. I now eat about 1550 and am losing. I don’t think that any mainstream nutritionist knows what in the hell they are talking about. See a functional med nutritionist. It will cost a couple-few hundred initially but you may get enough info where you don’t need to go back.

      1. I didn’t see a functional med nutritionist, but I have had the same experience (around 5′, can’t lose weight at 1200, can lose weight eating more calories than that). I think my metabolism just tanks if I go under a certain number. At 1200, I’m cold, tired, and easy mental tasks seem hard. I know that if I go under 1200, I can lose weight (at some point, calories are calories), but it’s not pretty, and I wonder if spending too much time on too low calorie a diet is part of the reason why my body hangs out to weight so stubbornly unless I eat a bit more.

    7. I recently lost 15 pounds, and started in the 140s. I used Loseit.com and found it very helpful. I think I had 1300 calories/day for about the first 10 pounds, losing 1.5 pounds/week, and then it dropped lower because I weighed less. I found it useful to exercise to offset a bit so I could eat more.

    8. I have struggled with my weight for years and have been on a 1200 calorie/day diet for almost a decade with no luck. (I also have Celiac Disease and have been gluten free for 12 years.) I finally went to a doctor – a GP with a special certificate in weight loss – and she has me concentrating solely on how much protein I’m eating every day and I am not allowed to count a single calorie. So it may be about the quality of what you’re eating, not the calories. In the two months I’ve been working with her I can tell I’m losing weight (I’m not allowed to weigh myself yet because she wants me to focus on how I feel) but more importantly I feel so much better. I have had problems with insomnia, chronic migraines, fatigue, joint pain, etc. and I feel better than I have in years just by eating lots of protein and avoiding sugar as much as I can. If you’re in DC I’m happy to give you her information.

    9. Oatmeal for breakfast. Metamucil in between meals two times per day. Lots and lots of water. Vegetable based diet for the majority of meals (Boca spicy chicken patties, Trader Joe’s meatless meatballs, Trader Joe’s chickenleas chicken). Apples. Non-traditional dips like hummus or green goddess dressing to cut the calories. Salsa and buffalo wing sauce instead of BBQ or Ketchup. Almond milk (very low calorie) to mix with Orgain protein powder. Skinny pop popcorn for snacking. I lost 10% of my body weight using the 1200 calorie method for 6 months. This used to be the standard of what was normal for people. I kept repeating that to myself.

  19. I have a berry stain on my favorite sweatshirt from scraping my stupid smoothie out of the blender. I put Dawn on it right away (which usually works), but it seems the stain remains after putting the shirt through the washer (but not dryer). I bought some OxyClean…What will get this stain out? Old berry stains have sent many of my clothing items to the graveyard in the past…

    1. Just keep washing it and not drying. I’ve had some luck with that plus oxy stain spray, maybe 2-3 washes?

      1. Try pouring boiling water on the stain. That worked for getting berry stains out of my son’s cotton pants.

        1. When Sheketovits spilled red wine on my satin tableclothe, I had the cleaning lady bring it to the cleaner’s and they were abel to get it out. I warned Sheketovits to be more carful, but he NEVER was, so it was a relief when I finally gave him his walkeing papers! Good LUCK! YAY!!!!

    2. Fels Naptha laundry soap. It’s a bar, usually available in regular grocery stores. Scrub with hot water then wash on hot. Don’t dry until the stain is gone.

    3. I’ve had success with carpet cleaner spray. It’s super potent so spot-test first.

  20. Does anyone have a coupon code for Brooks Brothers? They sent me an email with a 20% off coupon code but it’s not working. Thanks! Hope everyone’s having a great weekend.

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