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Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
ASICS fan also but Kayano!
Ms B
ASICS or die, since 1984!
Gemma
I have a pair of ASICS trainers in a Liberty of London print. I love them so much – both fit and comfort as well as cuteness.
A.
I have a friend who is becoming a US citizen later this month. Her three kids are all citizens, and she’s married to an American (she’s originally from France). I’d love to get her a gift to mark the occasion but I’m drawing a blank! Any clever ideas out there?
Anon
Does she celebrate Christmas? Maybe an ornament for a tree of a statue of liberty or something like that?
Anonymous
I became a citizen a few years ago and my friends celebrated my ceremony with some little flags, a dinner, and the book American Gods. :) I really think any gift or gathering would be appreciated. That is sweet of you to think of her.
Anonymous
Is your friend familiar with the Battle of Yorktown song from Hamilton (Immigrants: we get the job done)? I’d bake her a cake and put that on it. Or get one like that from a good bakery.
I love gifts, but I really love ones that don’t permanently clutter up someone’s house.
Anonymous
Um, this is an amazing idea.
Anon
I would have loved to recive such a cake :)
On my famly’s getting our (Canadian) citizenship we just had a dinner out. But we celebrated for a year courtesy of the Canadian government with a free pass to all federal museums and parks (all new citizen get this pass valid througout the first year of citizenship, they just need to request it).
Does the US have something like that? If not, you could gift something similar on a smaller scale? Ex. tickets to a local landmark, region-specific delicacies from a local bakery, a booklet with local customs, legends and traditions, a picnic together at a significant place in the area, tickets to the local sports team match, insteuctions and ingredients for an old local recipe? Things that help build a sense of place and belonging?
Another idea – items that “every American” has if she doesn’t already have them, whatever those items are in your area. For example, to me every Canadian has a pair of rainboots and a folding camping chair to drag to outdoor events :) We joked when we got ours that we’re “finally truly Canadian”. To locally born people they are things they take for granted, but we didn’t grow up with rainboots or camping chairs so to us that was exotic and different, until one day… It wasn’t, and that was a milestone, if that makes sense.
Katy
Also Canadian – this made me laugh. I joked to my hubby that getting “NICE” fold up camping chairs is what makes him truly a dad (vs. freebies / hand me downs). Also – on the west coast you are truly Canadian if you call them gum boots.
Anonymous
Statue of Liberty Christmas tree ornament.
Livin’ By the Interstate
When my friend became a citizen, I got him an Americana kitchen towel from Cracker Barrell.
Anonymous
Has anyone successfully hired someone for a few hours a week to come do dishes, sort laundry, etc? How did you find them?
Anonymous
I have a housekeeper that I found through Nextdoor. She originally started doing one day a week, just dishes and housekeeping. Now she comes twice a week and also does laundry and cooks a meal for us.
anon
i know this probably varies a lot by region. but how much do you pay for something like this
CHL
I have a woman who comes twice a week and tides up/light housekeeping, preps a simple meal for my kids, does my kids laundry and prepares our Sunbasket meal, and then she picks up my kids so it’s like 2 hours housework 1 of childcare. I found her on our local Moms listserv, she comes over after her nannying job. I pay her $16.50 / hr over the table.
Anon
Yes! Through care.com. We have someone come in three days/week for housekeeping, laundry, dishes, and to cook us dinner.
anon
Me too, also through the same website. It took a great amount of patience because the website is (1) SUPER buggy, and (2) doesn’t have a category for exactly this kind of thing. I started in the housekeeping section because I wanted to make sure it was someone who was okay doing some cleaning. I am single but have been working far too many hours (my own company) lately and so she does stuff like laundry, change the sheets and towels, tidy up and light cleaning, meal/ingredient prepping, picks up groceries that I order (and then carries them in and puts them away), takes odd recycling or donations to the correct facility (e.g., batteries, animal center). It’s surprisingly easy to keep her busy for a four-hour and two-hour shift each week but I’m also consistently impressed with the amount she gets done! I do still make her a detailed list but I’m hoping that need will fade with time. I pay her at the high-end of the nanny scale for my city–my logic is that it’s very similar to the hard part of nanny work, all the housework with no kid time or downtime during naps. I also pay her on the books and accrue vacation and sick time for her (based on hours worked). I’m super flexible with her schedule each week–I just want one long and one short shift separated by at least a day (so that she could drop stuff off one day and pick it up another–like tailoring or shoe repair). I also work from home–that is super helpful right now but she’s pretty darn resourceful and barely has any questions.
Anon
I have to ask this question—how are you vetting the people on care.com? I ask because I do criminal defense and child/abuse neglect cases and a lot of my clients are on there providing services…
I have always been curious. Do they not have any background checks? Or does it not show on a background check until client is convicted? I can understand why the child/abuse neglect cases might not show since they aren’t reported publicly, but not sure about the drug cases.
AFT
Yes – on care . com. “Family helper” was the search term we used. Ours did light tidying up, laundry (1-2 loads), potentially an errand, and other stuff 1x a week for 3 hours at $20/hr. Our cleaning lady did the heavy lifting over the weekend. The person we used was a former SAHM who had school kids and was trying to get back to work during their school days.
Ellen
I have a cleaning lady come in 2 days a week to shop, cook, clean and wash my clotheing and do other errands. I pay her $250 each time she comes in, even if she only comes for an hour. I try to bunch up my tasks so that she will have to be here at least 3 hours. I also let her take whatever clotheing I no longer need, with the rest going to Goodwill. Her daughter, Luz, is looking to find a guy to marry her, so we often exchange stories. She is only 18, so we are not competing for the same men, and she does not even know where Chapaqua is.
A Different A.
(Re-posting from this morning since I got stuck in mod.) I’ve been off work for three weeks due to medical leave after a surgery. My recovery is progressing well, although I’m still much more tired than normal and definitely not operating at 100%. I’m working from home three half-days next week, and go back to my office job full time on October 21. I manage a team of 9 and am in a leadership role (report to the CEO). I have a good relationship with my boss and colleagues.
Given this context, any tips for re-entry? I’ve kept an eye on email but work has been great about mostly leaving me alone. I don’t have a lot of context about what’s been going on at the office so I want to be gentle about re-entry but also useful. I would love your stories of what a successful return could look like. I’ve taken three different maternity leaves (including one at this org), but somehow this feels different.
Flats Only
I don’t think three weeks, even if you had been completely out of touch, is that long. Did the company undergo a restructuring or something while you were out? I would set time to chat with your assistant for a general feel of who’s been looking for you or pending requests, and a time to chat with your boss about anything you should be aware of. I’m not sure how you would be un-gentle in your re-entry unless you show up on the first day screaming that things were done wrong in your absence and generally acting like an *sshole. Also, if you have a regular meeting of your direct reports, it’s nice to mention in that meeting your thanks for those who helped keep things rolling while you were out.
Coach Laura
I would start by reading email in the afternoon today. When I return after time out, I have anxiety about problems that I might be blind-sided by and reading email and replying as needed helps me feel that there aren’t any crises to deal with on Day 1.
You could also prep your CEO by sending an email to CEO today and say that you are looking forward to returning on X date, you’ve been monitoring email/projects X, Y and Z and would like to meet to get caught up (if that’s your CEO’s style) or have coffee the afternoon after you return or a phone meeting next week. I find that meeting with people before I’m up to speed discomforting but you may feel different. And then an email to your team on Monday conveying your schedule. Good luck with your recovery.
Anonymous
I think you’re majorly over thinking this. Just go back. Read your emails. Talk to your team. Start doing your job again.
NYCer
Agreed. Three weeks is such a short period of time, just pretend you were coming back from a vacation.
Ellen
You should take it very slowly if you do go back to work. I recommend staying at home and using e-mail to communicate your goals to your team. Once you feel better, you can go back, but wait for the time you do feel better. YAY!
Laundry Soap Organization
I posted previously in the week but… it got stuck in mod. Talk to me about how you organize all your laundry stuff on top of your washer while being practical but also looking somewhat attractive since my laundry area is within view of the rest of our basement.
Anon
Installing cabinets is the obvious solution if visibility is a problem. Can you put up a shelf on a non-visible wall, if there’s one available? If the products have to sit on top of the washer, I’d maybe try finding a large basket.
Anonome
Agreed on cabinets. I picked up some old kitchen cabinets through Freecycle, sanded and painted them, then replaced the hardware. The entire process cost me less than fifty bucks.
Having cabinet doors that close (rather than open wire shelving) really makes a difference, because we use powder detergent, and washing in hot water was causing the unused detergent to clump up from the warm moist air.
Rainbow Hair
Did you hang the cabinets yourself, or have someone with experience hang them (or are you someone with cabinet hanging experience)? I really want cabinets in my sewing area in the garage, and I live not far from a Habitat for Humanity ReStore, but I don’t know what I’d be getting into with that project.
Anonome
My husband and I did it together. As long as you find and use the studs, and use good quality and material-appropriate hanging hardware, I think it can be done by a beginner and a few YouTube videos.
You do need multiple people, so someone can hold the cabinets while someone else drives the screws in. One person will not have enough leverage to do it alone, unless it’s Reed Richards.
Anonymous
If these are side-by-side W/D and there are a few inches in between, you can get a slim cart for this purpose to slide between them. I have a stackable unit in a closet in a hallway. No door really works, so I put up a curtain and slide one of these carts into the doorway but behind the curtain. Keeps everything neat and nearby.
Anon
Can you pare down? In terms of regular “laundry items” we have exactly one – a box of tide. (What else do you have? Maybe switch everyone in the family to the same detergent, switch from dryer sheets to wool balls that live in the dryer, etc). I do have other things like bleach or Woolite that are used super rarely, and keep those in a storage area. Otherwise I’ve seen a lot of people hang one of those coated wire shelves above the washer. You could get some decorate bins and put the rest of your supplies in those.
T
We have a small laundry room, and have two wood shelves above the washer/dryer with wire baskets from Target to help organize. Detergent, rags, and other quick-access items are on the bottom shelf, and the top shelf holds back stock of toilet paper, paper towels, and less-often used items. DIY shelf installation is easy, just locate studs and install brackets, then screw to a wood shelf. We went more custom because we’re handy, but you can buy pre-fab stuff at a home improvement store that’ll work great.I also rage against wire shelves so cannot recommend against those more.
Anonymous
Does anyone have recommendations for a yoga mat? I’m trying to get into doing more yoga at home. Ideally something that’s a little grippy, I often have problems with my hands sliding when I’m in down dog, and squishy so it’s more comfortable to kneel on. Willing to spend up to $50, though I could go higher if there was a reason. Thanks!
Namaste
I’ve been happy with my Heathyoga Eco-Friendly non-slip mat. $35. It has markings on it that help me align properly.
Anon
I also struggle with my hands sliding in certain poses. I splurged on a Manduka mat almost a year ago and it has been the best. It’ll probably run you more than $50 (although I’ve seen deals on Manduka’s advertised before) but to me it is worth it.
Anon
Yoga outlet, for example, has the Manduka Prolite on sale for $69 (instead of the $110) https://www.yogaoutlet.com/products/manduka-prolite-yoga-mat-71-5mm-31715?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=google-shopping&campaignid=920942049&adgroupid=50644761066&keyword=&matchtype=&targetid=pla-319539390688&device=c&creativeid=245876686758&adposition=1o2&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIgNOSjOSU5QIVBFYMCh0e5gIqEAQYAiABEgIVA_D_BwE&variant=14825823993891
RR
I bought a Manduka that I love recently as well. I didn’t get the Pro, I got one with X in the name I think.
Z
I have a Jade Yoga mat, I like it a lot. I think I paid somewhere in the $75 range?
Tbh though, I have a hand towel I put down if I get super sweaty. Only so much a mat can do.
Stars
+1 I love my Jade Yoga mat – pretty sure I have the travel version ($65). It’s held up extremely well over the last couple years.
Anon
As someone who runs half-marathons, the most important thing to me about shoes is that they work well for my stride. I’ll get them in a pretty colour if they are available, but “fashion” does not factor into my choices. In fact, that’s a fantastic way to get injured.
Anonymous
+1. I’ve been wearing one brand/model of running shoes for years. When it’s time to buy a new pair, I get whatever color I like best that’s in stock in my size.
In-House in Houston
I totally agree! I’ll buy whatever is on sale in the brand/style that works for me. I really don’t care that much what I look like when I’m running.
Anonome
Same process for me, I have problem feet and a bad knee. Once I got my stride assessed and feet measured, I stuck with the same pair that was recommended to me (an extra-wide New Balance). I just buy whichever color scheme is least hideous in that model.
Velma
Agreed. Athletic shoes are the one thing I buy exclusively for function and comfort. I’d rather not have hot pink, but whatever!
Anon
I think a lot of athletic shoes are worn as street shoes tho. You’d probably have the ideal pair just for running, then fashion pairs for when you’re not exercising.
Anon
Maybe other people would, but I personally do not.
restaurant gift card
Recommendations needed. I want to buy a 100 dollar gift card to a restaurant or restaurant group in DC for a colleague who did me a huge and time consuming favor. I don’t know much about their food habits but at one point they referenced a steak dinner. Any recommendations? thinking a restaurant group so they can choose? TIA!
Sal
Jose Andres would be perfect! Lots of great choices.
Ms B
Cosign.
AFT
Jose Andres’ group. excellent food and JA is a good person too.
Anon
Open table does gift cards. That gives the greatest variety of options for the person
Anonymous
Any people who have significant experience hiring/training/developing a team? I am a new manager (been a manager for 4 years now). I have one hire that I felt very strongly about 4 years ago that has gone super well. I’m about to give this employee a big promotion. I inherited two other team members that I feel good about their training and development. I have laid off one person, and it was the right decision. So I have a little experience under my belt, but not a ton. I just hired a new attorney yesterday. He is going through background check and I’m suddenly getting cold feet. There were over 100 applicants for the job, I interviewed 5 and then selected this one. I felt the same way about this candidate as I did my previous hire that went well. Is it normal to lose a little faith in your vision during the hiring process?
Anon
Is there a particular thing that’s making you feel this way or raising a red (or even yellow) flag? There’s a big element of trusting your gut in hiring. I’ve managed a large team and hired – never attorneys though, so perhaps you take this advice with a grain of salt. I’ve always thought that the perfect candidate doesn’t exist, because perfect people don’t exist. Experience can be gained and employees can be trained, but you can’t adjust an attitude. I always try to look for a good attitude, self-starter, someone who is nimble and can problem solve, is also courteous, professional, and plays well with your team’s vibe.
Anon
I’ve done a lot of hiring and firing (not attorneys) and it’s fairly common to second guess your hiring instincts right after letting someone go. To Anon’s point above, the perfect candidate doesn’t exist so you’re trying to find one that has the right mix of good and bad to be successful in this particular role, and there’s a lot of subjectivity in that assessment.
However, it’s important to reflect on WHY you’re getting cold feet. If you’re just thinking another of your Top 5 would have been slightly more perfect for the role, I’d say you make the best choice you can at the time and move on with your current pick. If it’s a change in candidate’s behavior during the last stages, or if it’s a change in what you think is important to be successful, it might be helpful to talk through your suspicions with a trusted colleague. Make sure they help you understand whether it’s unconscious bias creeping in or a truly valid change, and think through whether it’s significant enough to reassess. If all of that passes the sniff test, talk to your HR about if they’ve extended an offer and what your options are at this point.
Anonymous
I am super brand and model loyal when it comes to workout shoes. The right ones really help with a fussy knee. Speaking of which, have any Brooks Adrenaline fans found a good replacement? They changed the design a couple of years ago and I have been buying NIB old model shoes on the Web, from prior to the redesign, but eventually will need real replacements.
Anon
What model didn’t work for you? I remember one (13 maybe?) a while back that was “off” but they since corrected and I’ve had the 15s through the current 19s on that have been consistent with what I always wore and liked.
Anonymous
18s. The rail thing was accompanied by less rigidity at the top of my foot.
S in Chicago
The current ones have changed the roll bar or something. My toes go to the side when they didn’t with earlier models. I went to my local running store and they have me in a Mizuno wave inspire now that has been perfect. I think I like the arch support even better. But I know everybody is different.
Anonymous
Thanks from the OP!
Anon
I have some winter skirts that aren’t good colors with black tights (think navy, and I also have a print wool skirt without black in it). I can’t figure out what legwear I need if I am wearing tan booties. Do plain pantyhose look dorky? Brown tights are a maybe but they don’t go with everything either.
Ribena
I’d wear navy blue tights (I have a dark blue dress I wear with tan Chelsea boots and navy tights)
anonchicago
I tend to wear navy tights as well with grey boots or blue shoes.
GCG
The general rule that I’ve always adhered to is to have tights either match (or at least be in the same color family) the skirt or match the shoes. I do that in part because it helps elongate the look of my short legs. So if you are wearing a navy skirt, wear navy tights. With the print skirt, you probably have a bit more flexibility although I’d probably try to go with whatever the primary color of the skirt is (or you could match the shoes – but with tan booties that may be difficult).
Anonymous
I’m a weirdo who doesn’t mind mixing black and navy (yes, even if I’m not wearing a top with both black and navy in it). I’m wearing a navy dress with black tights and black booties right now. Maybe I’m a walking fashion disaster but nobody has ever seemed to give me a second glance.
Winter
For what it’s worth, I find black and navy to be a fairly modern look. I love it!
Fringe
Agreed. I think the big thing is just making sure the navy looks like navy-blue, and not too close to navy-black. Other than that, I like the combo.
The original Scarlett
+1 – I consider all neutrals neutral and think they go together just fine. I’ll go a step further and say I personally find colored tights that aren’t black an odd look that doesn’t read modern to me.
Wis
I just got tan booties and had the same question. I wore them today with a paisley print skirt with some burgundy in it and burgundy tights. I do think booties with nude-for-you pantyhose would look dorky.
Anonymous
Cream?
Anon
I personally don’t like hose to be darker than shoes so I’d be wearing navy tights and navy shoes, or tights the color of the booties.
Anonymous
I’m an associate at a very small firm, and the general sentiment shared by most of the associates is that we’re underpaid. I’m debating between trying to get any interested associates together to talk about this/strategize about how to go about getting everyone a raise vs just going it alone based on my own merit at my annual review in December. One of the reasons I like the first approach, in addition to there being strength in numbers, is that there’s not much transparency here about salary and I think it would be helpful for us to share our salaries with each other. But the partners are sensitive about being ganged up on and I’m also worried about being perceived as some sort of troublesome ringleader. I’d be grateful for any advice or wisdom gained from experience with this.
Anonymous
Do not do this. You’ll be viewed as a trouble maker. Go after your own raise.
Anon
I wouldn’t do a group approach on raises. Make the case for a raise based on your work and the market. Strategize/practice with others on how to advocate for yourselves in your reviews. Multiple associates individually making compelling cases for a raise will be more successful then a group action, esp. given the dynamic you’ve described.
Anonymous
I hate to say it, but my advice is to search for a better paying job. Stingy partners are not going to change their ways because you ask them to.
anon
This. And ask for a raise for yourself in the meantime. My advice to society in general is that salary transparency is the way of the future, but I wouldn’t bother fighting it in this stage of your life.
anon
just out of curiosity, is there any unionization in the private law sector? Admins? Large law firms? Is that not a thing at all?
Ducky
Some legal service attorneys are in unions.
Ducky
I should clarify, I’m talking about non-profit legal aid.
Anonymous
The first is a bad idea and will reflect poorly on you. You will not be making friends.
Anon for this family medical issue
Help – my sibling is dealing with a significant medical issue right now with a lot of unknowns (diagnosis but not sure or prognosis). Sibling and I live 5 hours away, so I can’t be there physically for them.
How to help from afar? How to help when they have a panic attack over the phone?
s\asd
It sounds like the major problem is the stress of the unknown. If that’s true then phone calls are the best thing. In your sibling’s shoes I’d want some distraction – can you watch silly movies while on the phone together?
Anon
A poll — where are you located and how much fall foliage are you seeing, if any? Any east coast places where it’s at/near peak esp if you want to visit in the next 10 days?
DC area — none here — just seeing the tips of certain trees turn colors barely.
Anonymous
Heading to Maine (Bar Harbor) next weekend. I think it’s peak there this weekend and I’m really hoping it lasts!
Anon
Southern New England/Boston is approaching peak but not quite there yet. I’m north of the city and looking out my home office right now I’m about 25% turned / 50% starting to turn (green-yellow-y) / 25% still green.
Anon
Midwest, just seeing the very beginnings. It was an unusually warm September and early October.
pugsnbourbon
Indianapolis – just noticed a few trees popping colors today. I think it’ll be at least another week before we see decent color.
Cat
Philly, not too much that’s colorful, but we tend to mostly go bright green to ‘meh’ green to brown around the city anyway.
January
If Philly is convenient and you’ll have access to a car, head up to New Hope, PA and/or Lambertville, NJ. I wouldn’t say the leaves are spectacular, but they were definitely turning golden last weekend.
Anon
Does New England get the colors you always see in those storybook pics? The reds/oranges etc.? Because I’ve lived in the mid-Atlantic (Philadelphia to DC corridor) and I feel like we never see great color — it goes green to some yellows/mostly brown. I’m thinking of taking a quick trip up to Boston in the next week or so just to look around — would it be worth it?
IMMJ
Yes, it does, but it depends on the weather so I can’t promise that this year will be good. (I no longer live there.). In a good year it’s spectacular.
anon
SoCal, which I love dearly and will never ever leave again, but zero foliage and this is one of the few times of year I miss living in a place with seasons!
Senior Attorney
Whaddya mean we have no seasons? It’s Fire Season right now!!
Horse Crazy
Here in California, we have 4 seasons: Fire, Pilot, Earthquake, and Awards.
The original Scarlett
LOL, this is so true!
Juliska
You forgot Rain/Mudslide season, which comes right after Fire.
Anonymous
Go to Mammoth!
autumn
South Central Pennsylvania….2 hours north of DC. We are just beginning to see color and the weather is beautiful today….I expect the next 3 weeks to only get more beautiful color!!
NOLA
Dang, that’s the only thing I miss about PA. Haven’t been there in the fall since 2005.
AnonMom
Michigan lower half of the mitten, about 20% color at long last.
Ribena
Anyone else’s homes just breaking down on them as we move into autumn? I’d had a few mystery drips from under my kitchen and then this evening my hot water boiler (for hot water and heating) is misbehaving to the point of having to be switched off at the wall. And of course, my regular gas engineer/ plumber has just gone out of town for the school half term break! Shots, anyone?
Senior Attorney
YES! Bathroom faucet is leaking, outdoor string lights are drooping, icemaker is broken, and worst of all the wi-fi is on the blink!! SHOTS!!!!
Vicky Austin
Yes! Or rather, the things we could deal with in summer are suddenly unbearable.
BeenThatGuy
That was my experience in spring. I said goodbye to $15K in unexpected repairs. I’m still taking shots!
Formerly Lilly
WiFi is acting weird and Alexa has decided she will always obey my husband but usually not me. We had a bizarre mildew bloom in a water closet last month but that turned out to be that the exhaust fan flap had gotten hung open at a time when outdoor humidity was unceasingly high, and fixing the flap and hitting the walls with bleach water solved the problem. On the big things we are sitting pretty – a fortuitously damaging hail storm in July got our twelve year old roof fully replaced by our insurance company, and DH and I bit the bullet this summer and replaced an aging central heat and air unit without waiting for it to crap out.
Anon
First of all, hot pink everything!
Second, a question/request for advice: I’ve been asked to chair a task force that will be tackling a pretty significant issue in our community. The outcome should be actionable recommendations to the local government. I have never done anything like this before and I’m quite nervous. I know these things often are useless exercises that don’t end up with any productive results. I’d like to make this experience as productive as possible. I will also be the youngest and least experienced member of this group, and I’m afraid that my inexperience is going to lead to that lack of productivity. Any tips for getting a group of people to actually get work done?
Anon
I guess more specifically, I’m not used to being in charge and I want to make sure I’m directing people in a way so that things actually get done.
Anon
I’d see your role as less telling people what to do, and more coordinator in chief. Keep your eye on the deliverable – you need to generate a report with recommendations and hopefully bring together some hard data/testimonials/examples to support your asks. Recruit others to help out – people with experience or knowledge of the matter to do what’s within their wheelhouse. If you have task force meetings, create and distribute an agenda, use a very loose version of Roberts Rules to run the meeting and give some order, support, and direction to the group. These meetings can devolve into b**chfests really fast, and people feel good about airing their grievances, but don’t accomplish anything – your job is to give them time and room to make their points but also run keep things moving in a productive direction. Strategize on how you can deliver something that the local gov could actually/reasonably act on. Good luck!
Annony
This may not be exactly what you’re looking for, but I’d recommend exploring “design thinking.” I have been SHOCKED at how effective it is at getting even my crazy dysfunctional team to collaborate and actually get some stuff done. It really helps to experience it before you’d attempt to lead one, but just reading up on it might give you some good ideas for defining some stages of the project … defining the problem, interviews with stakeholders, creating empathy maps or journey maps (if applicable), brainstorming/ideation, converging on solutions, etc.
Anon
If you are collecting data about the issue (like through a survey), it’s really valuable to know how important the issue is to people or what they would do if it doesn’t change or how they’d prioritize 5 different options for addressing it, that sort of thing. People are great at listing complaints and they’re great at coming up with random possible solutions, but that doesn’t tell you how much they really care or the real implications if the problem isn’t solved – and that’s super important.
Anonymous
I asked this on the last thread but I think I derailed my own question by asking it the wrong way. So I’ll try again; thanks to those who responded earlier.
I’ve been on the board of a nonprofit for about 3 years. In the past, the head of the org has asked me to do something within my area of expertise, let’s call it X. I told them I can’t do X but I can do a smaller subset of X, let’s call it Y. They seem to understand.
Recently, this person asked me to do X again. I reiterated that I can do Y, not X, but the soonest I can start is in 3 weeks due to work commitments (I was extremely busy and overwhelmed at the time). She then pressed me to do Y much sooner, I reiterated that I will get back to her in 3 weeks. She sent another email pressing the issue again and I ignored it.
I’m pretty annoyed that she kept after me after I explained that I’m under water at work and do not have capacity for Y right now. I’ve always been willing to pitch in but the one time I couldn’t I wasn’t treated very nicely. Idk if I should continue exactly what I did – create boundaries and stick to them – or if this warrants a broader conversation along the lines of, I love this org and I will do everything in my power to help, but sometimes – very very infrequently! Like once in three years! – I’m tapped out, and when I communicate that I would really appreciate being heard.
Anonymous
My advice doesn’t change- if they don’t respect your boundaries refuse to do any of this work at all.
The Original ...
If it were me, I’d take a beat to assess whether my frustration is general (which happens sometimes with me when overwhelmed) or if it’s truly that this person was disrespecting boundaries and not listening. If it’s the first, this would fizzle out on its own. If it’s the latter, I would address that with them. I might say something like, “I wanted to touch base with you to clarify something. I love this org and I am happy to do Y as often as I can. However, work does not always allow this to happen as quickly as you may want. I’m not sure if you thought pressing me repeatedly would change my workload or if you thought I was ignoring you but it seems like this situation was frustrating for us both. I’d love to discuss whether this is something you can be patient with when these situations arise or if you would prefer to bring someone else in and I can find another way to contribute to the org.” Then, if it happens again, I would go to the supervisory person or board, “For the second time, there has been a situation where I have been pressed to complete a task in a timeline that could not happen during work constraints. I need to know whether this is something that can be addressed with -person’s name- or if the org prefers to bring someone else in who won’t ever have work constraints. I love this org and want to remain a part of it but I cannot continue to be asked ad nauseum for something when I’ve been clear on the timeline.”
wis
It’s a little hard to tell from your post, but the director of the organization may have misconceptions about the role of board members and/or the role may be poorly defined. You are not an employee and should not be performing tasks that would ordinarily be assigned to an employee or contractor. If you’re a lawyer, for example, you should NOT be providing legal advice or legal services To the organization.if this is happening, I’d ask the board chair for a meeting agenda item on “board member expectations” or something similar. Nonprofit boards exercise oversight. They shouldn’t be treated as unpaid employees. On the other hand, if the task you were asked to perform is within well-defined expectations of board members, you may need to reconsider whether you have enough time to fulfill your duties as a board member. If not, I think you have an obligation to move on. There may be other ways you can continue helping the organization, such as volunteer work.
Anonymous
It’s really common for smaller non-profits to rely on board members for occasional pro bono professional services though – board members donate talents/time more than money. I don’t think it’s ideal, but it’s normal. I say this as someone who has worked at non-profits for 15 years (not legal orgs and I’m not a lawyer).
OP
Thanks to all. It’s not a small nonprofit, it’s a large international org. They have paid staff who can do X.
Anonymous
OP that changes my perspective considerably. It’s bizarre that they are asking you to do this if they have paid staff that can. It’s wildly inefficient, among other things. I would talk to the board chair about it since frankly it seems like the president is not doing be their job well.
Anon
I’m a board chair and I have even asked to employ my expertise a few times on behalf of the non profit, but only in a review capacity. They pay someone to do the work. They also respect a no from any of their board members.
OP, I would not do the actual rows for the organization. It muddies the line between your oversight responsibility as a board member and the daily workings of the non profit. The director is out of line asking you to do either X or Y.
Anon
Wow! Autocorrect
Pp1 : even should be been
Pp2 : rows should be work
kk
My sister in law is a really accomplished home cook, and she’s arriving here for dinner in three hours. I can go to a basic grocery store but nowhere specialty. We have no major allergies or aversions. What should I make for dinner tonight?
AnonInfinity
Ina Garten’s engagement chicken!! A salad (homemade vinaigrette is easy if you have a couple of minutes) and a couple of simple vegetable sides, like roasted carrots or brussels sprouts.
AnonInfinity
I’m dating a chef and made this the first time I cooked dinner for him. He still talks about it, so I take that to mean that it was really good.
In-House in Houston
I saw this made on The Kitchen and it looked great. It’s like rigatoni, but topped with a bechamel sauce and it looked super easy but yummy, comfort food with a twist. It’s made with lamb but you can use beef.
https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/geoffrey-zakarian/pastitsio-7521160
Anon
+1 to AnonInfinity, but if you want to go even easier and also get rave reviews…
Marcella Hazan’s chicken w/two lemons. It’s literally a chicken. With two lemons.
Kristi
HOKA makes great running shoes. I have owned four pair and loved all of them. I have plantar fasciitis and these are the best shoes.
Hot weather dresser
Anyone have recommendations for a lightweight, long (cover the butt) cardigan with enough structure (preferably) that can be worn in hot, humid, tropical climates? I travel to Miami and Singapore for work often and am a GC so need to look authoritative (hence the request for structure) but want to be comfortable. Have a few non-structured Uniqlo cardigans that are doing the job but need to be retired because Uniqlo stuff doesn’t last. And ideally looking for more structured pieces.
Anon
Are you looking for something to wear indoors in Singapore or outdoors? For outdoors, I can’t imagine any cardigan being comfortable. Maybe a linen blazer?
For indoors, all I remember is being freezing all the time because the A/C is on high everywhere you go. Tbh I haven’t encountered any cardigans that are both long and structured, but for structured, I like the Macy’s sweaters everyone here has been talking about lately. From the Karen something line?
KDM
You’re probably thinking about the Karen Scott line!
Ribena
I’m surprised you say Uniqlo stuff doesn’t last. How are you laundering it?
Anon
You may want to try Misook for something like what you described. It can be pricey, and some of the pieces can seem more mature. However, I have found a few gems over the years including a long black jacket/cardigan that travels very well and looks fantastic.
Long vest shopping hunt
I’ve been on the hunt for a structured (not a sweater but a heavier fabric or nicely drapey) long vest to be a third piece. Something I could wear to work. Sleeveless, covering the rear, under $150. Any recommendations?
Anon
I saw these in store but didn’t try them on since I was short on time:
https://bananarepublicfactory.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pcid=1038093&vid=1&pid=491663001&searchText=vest
https://bananarepublicfactory.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pcid=1038093&vid=1&pid=485974001&searchText=vest
KDM
Im not too big of a fan of colored shoes for workouts unless I have a decent amount of colors that match those shoes in my workout gear, because if you they can add a stylist pop. In terms of brands, I worked at a shoe store for a few month before getting my job at a law firm and I very quickly learned that ASICS, New Balance, Saucony, and Sketchers are always the best to go and your best interest is to avoid the ones with memory foam as it’s bad on your feet in the long run.
Mascara
I’m looking for affordable tubing mascaras and surprised that it’s not always apparent whether a mascara is a tubing type. I’m currently using Boots No7 Stay Perfect but would like a bit more volume. Any recommendations? Or does someone want to make the case for a more expensive tubing mascara?
Anon
Am I being too sensitive? Preface: It’s Canadian Thanksgiving on Monday.
My sister-in-law and brother-in-law usually host our family holidays because they have young children and its easier for us to come to them. Celebration consists of six adults and two young kiddos. They always ask me to bring dessert because I’m a fantastic baker. But then, they also always buy multiple other desserts to serve alongside. Example – I will make a homemade apple cake or cheesecake or whatever, and then they will also put out a Costco pumpkin pie and cinnamon buns. This irritates me because if I’m going to go to the effort and expense of making something homemade, I’d prefer it actually get eaten. And the dessert spread means that everyone eats about two bites of each item and then most of my dessert comes home with me, where I have no interest in having more than half of it left to get through. I still prefer to make something homemade because I personally prefer homemade dessert and its more enjoyable for me. But am I wrong in thinking their behaviour is a bit rude? Why ask me to make homemade dessert when you’re just going to serve other stuff anyways?
Anon
“Hi, Jennifer. I love baking, but it’s a lot of time and expense. Could I bring something different this year, since my desserts usually don’t get eaten and most of it gets thrown out when I get home?”
Anon
It does seem a bit rude, but also I think you should communicate with them about it. Perhaps they’re worried there won’t be enough dessert (despite past experience suggesting otherwise) and that’s why they get desserts at Costco. I’d just straight up tell them that you don’t want to go to the trouble of baking something homemade if it’s not going to get eaten. Offer to bring something else, or just bring flowers for the hosts in lieu of a food item.
Anonymous
Do they put out the same thing every year? Pumpkin pie and cinnamon buns?
If so, then clearly they want that served (a tradition, maybe? or just a favorite?) but don’t want to ask you to make those items specifically. You could ask them, but it will be awkward all around.
Maybe make it in a disposable dish and leave it at their house, or drop it off at a fire station on the way home. Fire stations, ERs, police stations — none of those places close for any holiday and people working might enjoy some dessert when they have time.
OP
No, the types of desserts they buy are always different (it has ranged from pumpkin pie and cinnamon buns to lemon jelly filled donuts and meringues). I think my brother-in-law has a “too much food is never enough” mentality from his Italian family. I think he thinks there always needs to be wayyyy more food than could ever reasonably be eaten, to show “abundance”. They do ask me to make specific items – this year it’s apple pie. It just hurts my feelings to make something and then see everyone eating Costco or grocery store dessert.
Elsbeth
Interesting you say he’s Italian. I was going to reply that in my Italian-American family, it would be unthinkable to have only one dessert. It’s just not done. Ours are always homemade, but it’s a minimum of ten desserts (mostly pie), and twenty would not be unheard of, honestly.
We all complain that it’s too much, and the family is getting smaller, but only one dessert just seems like, well, not Thanksgiving!
LaurenB
I think you’re being petty. YOU seem to believe homemade dessert is leaps and bounds over Costco / store-bought, but frankly I think there’s no appreciable difference between homemade and store-bought and if given a choice I might actually prefer store-bought. For that matter, clearly the people at this dinner are perfectly fine eating store-bought desserts and not touching yours. I’m not dissing your baking, but explaining that not everyone agrees that there is this “great divide” between the two that you seem to believe.
A.
I love the sentiment around sharing food with first responders on a holiday but, gently, please do not take half eaten leftovers to the fire station.
Anon
Ok real talk – I think you’re being petty AF. Someone else is making a big meal for you and hosting you, you’re only being asked to bring one thing, and you’re getting butt hurt that everyone isn’t forced to eat it (because honestly, that is what you’re saying.) Take a deep breath, put on your big girl pants, and practice some gratitude. Isn’t that what the holiday is about anyway?
Anonymous
+1. This is petty and ridiculous.
Anonymous for this
The question asked was “Am I wrong in thinking their behaviour is a bit rude?”
Answer: yes (I’m Canadian so the answer is actually “I’m sorry to say, but sorry, the answer is yes”).
Having been asked to bring one, make the dessert that YOU are going to want to eat anyway, and that you are good at making and that you enjoy. And then be thankful that you have these people in your life who love you enough to host you on this weekend. It is “thanksgiving” after all. You could be far from all your family like many of us and not have what I would characterize as this minor irritation with which to contend. I’d consider the chance to spend time with people who love me a pretty good trade for having leftovers of the results of my fantastic baking ability.
If you’re really put out about leftovers, make a smaller dessert, or donate the leftovers, or I don’t know, something. Truly, I feel like you need to let this go and just look at what you have to be grateful for in this situation.
It’s okay to vent to us internet strangers though! I honestly hope you feel better for getting this off your chest and that you are able to enjoy this weekend with your family. <3
LaurenB
A dessert spread where everyone winds up with a few bites of a whole host of different treats is gracious entertaining, OP.
Seafinch
I am Canadian and take food very seriously. This would irritate me to no end. I would be annoyed as hell to have that cruddy Costco crap served next to my stuff. I know the exact stuff you mean and I respectfully disagree that it tastes as good. It is fine, I never complain when I get served it. But it isn’t nearly the same as accomplished home baking. All that said, it is your issue not their’s. Some people just don’t care about food and entertaining and don’t get it. My MIL will NEVER understand the effort I make so I do it on my terms. Make what you want to eat and let it go. It isn’t rude of them. It just pushes your buttons because of your priorities. It’s always lovely to be appreciated and for everyone to get how much time and effort you make to put something exceptional on the table but for many people it just doesn’t matter.
Anon
I think it is rude of them to do. I make the desserts for our Thanksgiving which is at my brothers, and I too would be super annoyed if they also store bought stuff. I do always make two things though, one sweet one savory, to cover taste bud bases. Is it the biggest thing in the world? No. But does that mean you don’t have a right to be annoyed? No.
My family is typically frank AF with each other so I would probably say something in your situation (not confrontational, just dialog – I’m sure they have no idea) and see where the convo goes. They may have reasons you haven’t appreciated, some speculated above.
anon
I don’t think this is petty and I wouldn’t be happy about it, either, OP. In fact, this very thing has happened to me on multiple occasions with DH’s family. My solutions is to bring something that *I* love and will happily take home. Or, I make a simpler recipe that isn’t going to take huge amounts of my time, expense and effort. If it’s not appreciated anyway, then … well, so be it.
Amy
sneakers: New Balance and Saucony. My feet have gotten wider, and I have a bunion on one foot. I absolutely need a wide width and good shock absorbency. There is also a great runner’s sneaker store near me where they give expert fit based on how you land on your foot. They actually tell you to go run on the sidewalk outside the store to test the sneaker out and to watch you run.
returning after surgery: Having full anesthesia during a long surgery is different than childbirth in my experience. You should talk to your medical team about the symptoms you are having and how to address them. Going back on a Wednesday, working partial days etc. may be options that would help, but first you need to get healthier. ( I was told it would actually take 6 months to recuperate, even though I tried to get into a normal routine at 1 month.)
Coco
In Boulder for the weekend – visiting school and hiking RMNP tomorrow – let me know any can’t miss restaurant or sites in boulder – thanks!
anon
Asics, Brooks and Saucony are the only running shoe brands I wear. I have a few casual pairs of Nike shoes but I would NOT use them for any kind of workout.