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I am not usually a Lilly Pulitzer girl — although I know many readers love their preppy style, which we featured in our Weekend Wednesday on the best brands for preppy clothes — but I was browsing the pajamas at Nordstrom and had to order these. I got this bright blue pattern, but in the pants version (now only in stock at Lilly Pulitzer).
Lilly Pulitzer PJs are fun, bright, and happy — exactly what one wants to sleep and lounge in during these dark winter months. (Also see our post on pajamas for grown-ups.) The brand also has reading glasses now — and while I don't need reading glasses yet, I am totally keeping them in mind for when I do, because they're really lovely and fun. The pictured pajama shorts are $48, and the pants are $58. Ruffle PJ Shorts
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
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- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
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- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
I’m on my second career. I’ve been in one job for a while (almost 5 years) now and am trying to get a new, similar job in the same field. I think if the person who was hiring for the role looked at my resume, they’d want to meet me, because my experience is a perfect fit for it. However, I don’t have the “required” education listed in the job ad because my education is more related to my first career (though not irrelevant for this one), and I’m worried that a recruiter will screen me out on that basis. Is this something I can explain in a cover letter? I got my first job in this field via personal introduction, so I was able to meet with the hiring manager in person and explain how my background, though non-traditional, was applicable.
pugsnbourbon
I think this could be briefly addressed in your cover letter. Maybe one or two sentences about your previous career and how you pivoted. Then the rest of the cover letter should focus on why you’d be a good fit for the position.
Anon
I mean if at all possible, you should be applying for jobs thru your network that way you can explain your background to a human in your field, not just a recruiter or HR babe — 99% of whom never understand what they’re recruiting for and just use a checklist. Work your network again like you did last time.
Anon
That wasn’t my question, thanks. I know people connected with the job and will definitely let them know I’m applying, but I also know I have to get past a recruiter screen and the recruiter is (as you pointed out) not knowledgeable about this field and just following a checklist. I’m wondering what the best way to do that it is when anyone who works in this field would say I’m qualified for the job, but I don’t meet one box on the checklist.
Angela
HR babe…?
Anon
Yeah, that’s gross, even if you’re trying to use it ironically.
Anon
What? Not the brightest lights in the harbor and almost always women . . . how am I wrong?
Anon
Trolling on a Friday afternoon isn’t effective, most people only read during the workday.
Senior Attorney
You’re wrong because “babe” is a sexist and insulting term to use for an adult woman in the workplace.
Anon
Looks like someone’s upset about their last performance review and wants to take it out on HR instead of looking at the real problem. Which is you.
Anonymous
What industry are you targeting? Generally, I don’t even think I would mention it in the cover letter, as it only seems to draw more attention to it. I’ve done a bunch of hiring for different types of positions (early career through director level) in several industries and we’ve always focused on job experience relevant to skillset need, especially the longer someone has been out of school. My answer might be different, however, if you were applying to something very specialized around educational attainment–say accounting related–versus general business or skill related (operations, research, marketing, etc.).
So Anon
I’ve used grocery store type makeup (Loreal generally) for a very long time, and I am looking to level up a bit. How do I go about this? Walk into Sephora and ask for help? Any brands you would recommend? I’m looking for makeup to wear to work and when I finally take the plunge and go on the first date post-divorce.
Anon Probate Lawyer
Good for you! I actually like L’Oreal for a lot of things. But for eyeshadow and lipstick, MAC is my favorite. I’ve tried a lot of other brands but I keep coming back to MAC. They’re more expensive than drugstore brands but not as expensive as a lot of other top brands, and you can even find some of their stuff at Nordstrom Rack. MAC brushes are awesome too. I also like Urban Decay’s lipsticks – and you can find some of that at Nordstrom Rack, too (can you tell what my favorite store is?)
Anon
Seconding MAC for lipstick. (Just bought one yesterday, in fact.)
Anon
Laura Mercier, Bobbi Brown, NARS.
Anon.
Fenty brand is a good start – love their foundation.
Cat
Charlotte Tilbury (Healthy Glow is the best light foundation-slash-light bronzer ever)
Anon
It totally depends on the type of makeup you want to upgrade and your price point. Going to Sephora and asking for help starts there, but also reading “best types of mascara for X need” type articles will help you narrow down brands because there are…a lot.
Anon
What are your makeup needs? Your products will vary greatly if you’re focused on certain things like anti-aging, makeup for dry v. oily skin, natural makeup versus more visible, thickening v. lengthening mascara, time saving makeup, etc.
You should identify your needs before a trip to Sephora. Otherwise they’ll just suggest brands at the top of your budget whether you need them or not.
Anonymous
My Sephora appointment was fine when I called ahead and made an appointment at an off-peak time (weekday evening) and was very specific “I am 40ish with very oily skin and need makeup with no SPF for a re-do of my corporate headshot for work. I need to look very natural and not-Kardashian and no countouring or anything like that.” Apparently, it is a common-enough request that they get it. So be specific and pick a time when they have time for you.
Anonymous
You might want to check out the Allure magazine “Best of Beauty” lists for recommended mascara, foundation, etc. And try subscribing to a monthly makeup box for a few months to try what you like. I’ve done Sephora Play, which is a mix of skincare and makeup, and Birchbox in the past, but I know there are others like Allure and Ipsy.
S in Chicago
Has anyone done Kybella? If so, can you tell me what the experience was like (how bad is the pain/how long did it last)? How far out are you, and were you happy with the results? Anything you would have done different?
Anon
I did not know this was a thing and now I want it. Even when I was much skinnier than I am now I had a double chin. I hate it!
S in Chicago
Same questions if you’ve had Coolsculpting under your chin, as that also appears to be another option.
Anonymous
I did Kybella in November. The process itself was painful, but quick and not unbearable. I only did one vial (some people will do 2-3 in a session) so it was about 20-30 small pokes of the needle. The actual injection does burn/sting a bit. I did not have much swelling, but I think that the swelling would be noticeable if I’d had more than one vial. For about a week after the procedure I had the sensation that there was excess fluid under my skin, so more fluid = more swelling.
It takes about two months to get the final effect. I was underwhelmed by the before/after photos, but I did see some difference. I am considering going back for another treatment, probably with two vials.
I paid $500 per vial in Denver and that seemed to be the going rate when I compared to other offices.
Anon
The fact that a former Goldman CEO thinks this is some valuable insight that will help sway people just shows how out of touch he is. It also shows that there are in fact “Democrats” out there who think Trump is better than Bernie, a prospect that completely terrifies me.
“Former Goldman Sachs CEO and lifelong Democrat Lloyd Blankfein told the Financial Times in an interview published Friday that he could have an easier time voting to reelect President Donald Trump than for Sen. Bernie Sanders, should the latter secure the Democratic nomination for president.”
https://www.politico.com/news/2020/02/21/former-goldman-sachs-ceo-hard-to-vote-for-bernie-116592
Anon
Yeah, really really rich people caring more about themselves than you know, democracy, does not surprise me. You can dislike Bernie or disagree with him, but if you vote to re-elect the Mafia Boss/Dear Leader, that’s tells us everything we need to know about your values.
I’m not a fan of Bernie and won’t be voting for him in the primary, but I will happily vote for whatever candidate is not Trump in the general. I think there’s nothing that Bernie could possibly do that would be more harmful to this country in the long term than a second Trump term.
Senior Attorney
All of this. Ugh.
Anon
Fortunately the NY billionaire vote is not important to winning the electoral college. I’m not sure Bernie can win swing states, but he won’t lose those states because the CEO of Goldman doesn’t like him.
Anon
Agree with both
1) Bernie can’t win swing states, and
2) the opinion of a NYC financier is irrelevant in swing states
Anon
I disagree with #1. He’s polling ahead of Trump in MI, PA, and FL (that I know of off the top of my head – there may be more). I think he’s trailing in WI though. It’s really too soon to tell.
Anon
Polls are pretty meaningless at this point – he hasn’t been attacked by the GOP. They’re deliberately keeping their powder dry because they want Bernie as the nominee.
anon
He’s polling ahead in part because the GOP has not yet trained their fire on Sanders. And it’s no secret why not — he’s their preferred candidate. Because it won’t take too many weeks of scary tv/radio ads about socialism for Trump to win those states.
Anonymous
All of the Dem candidates are trailing quite a bit behind Trump in WI.
Anonymous
Honestly, I wouldn’t put a lot of stock in polls. I think that Bernie people are happy to represent to any strangers calling them up, but no way would anyone but a MAGA-hat wearer tell that they supported Trump to anyone. From everyone’s surprise at the election outcome the prior time, it seems to me that maybe 90% of Trump voters never publicly supported him. My county, which is deep red in a purple Super Tuesday state, had a lot of decent R choices on the ballot last primary and Trump won our county. That is like winning the R vote in places like Hoboken or Arlington or Austin — it’s a liberal area even among churchgoing R voters (fiscally conservative, but very Episcopalian in vibe — lots of rainbow flags and bike lanes and no visible MAGA hats or yard signs ever). My sense is that people hold their noses and don’t want to speak about it (and after Kavanaugh / impeachment that sentiment is probably more likely to turn up / vote vs less).
Anon
I think any polling before the onslaught of negative ads from Trump is highly unreliable. If you don’t believe TV ads can influence people’s opinions, just look at Bloomberg’s meteoric rise.
Anonymous
This. CEO Opinion doesn’t matter and Bernie can’t win in swing states. If he can’t win them in the primary, how would he win them in the general.
Anonymous
Exactly. If you know real people in Michigan, Ohio etc — not just your local counsel that biglaw uses for filings — you know they will NOT vote for Bernie, ever. 4 more years is fine. They (and I) am not paying your college debt for your useless 200k degree in French.
Anon
Wow.
Anon
I don’t know anything about Michigan, but this is not at all my experience in Ohio. I know so many people in Ohio who are for either Bernie or Trump (and that is how yard signs I’ve seen seem to divide as well). I hear a lot less about Elizabeth Warren or Mayor Pete. (Ohio is also chock full of colleges offering expensive and impractical four year degrees.)
Anon
I mean you can WOW all you want, but have you spoken to people who live in Michigan, Ohio, Pa. etc. Not drs. and lawyers (though many of them agree in those areas), but people with regular jobs at Verizon or at the university administrative offices or hospitals or working as pipe fitters? They didn’t all go to college. Their kids didn’t all go to college OR wanted to go but mom/dad couldn’t come close to affording it so they went down the community college/trade school roads, and they DO see it as a grab by east and west coasters who send their kids to 50k/yr colleges and then whine that said degree in French only yielded them a 40k job when their kid took it on the chin and is working long hours in a furniture factory even though he wanted to go to college too.
I think people whine SO much about issues like student debt that they don’t realize that it doesn’t touch most people. ONLY 45mil people have student loan debt. Bernie said it himself. In a population of 330 mil, that’s only 13%. Only 33% of Americans go to 4 year college. You can’t base entire campaigns on issues like this. Sure you can have a plan for it — BBG does — but if you scream about everyone paying for your kids free college + taking away the perfectly good health insurance that you’ve EARNED by putting in your time at the furniture factory, guess what — people say — no thanks, 4 more years. And yes those people will have to pay and they get that. Bernie and Liz can get all fancy by saying — oh it won’t cost you more, cheaper in the long run etc. — but all the free stuff they’re offering will make takes go up on any household making over 90k (for free benefits like college – that they may not use if they already have their own lives/careers). Guess what a pipe fitter and his wife who works in the hospital registrar’s office in Wisconsin together make over 90k . . . they ain’t interested . . . .
anon
It’s remarkable that you think you are so much better than everyone else when your critical thinking skills are as poor as they are.
Anon
Anon at 3:47, I hope your communication and interpersonal skills are better at work and in your personal life than you’re demonstrating with that post.
Trish
I am a liberal as they come and I agree. Lots of people went into debt for college when it was just a bad investment. We need to find a way to provide financial assistance for education that makes sense.
Anon
Then you should vote for Warren who will erase that 50k of failing out of community college six times and pay for child care that regular people need.
Sanders is garbage.
Anonymous
Anon at 3:42 — I completely agree.
I am from Michigan, although I don’t live there now. I also went to a 4 year college and worked 2 jobs while there. My roomates graduated with $25-30K in debt. One only took classes for part of the year because she worked for the rest of the year to pay for said classes. Didn’t leave much extra cash for partying, spring break trips and sorority dues but that’s not why I went to college.
College is not a right and not everybody has to go 3 months after graduating high school. Erasing your student debt is also not a right, and I don’t want to pay for it. If you want to go to college, work for it. Maybe it takes you longer, but it is your responsibility — not mine — to pay for it.
I would not be opposed to an opposite GI Bill — where if you “give back” to the nation for 4 years AFTER college, your debt is paid. If you flake out, and don’t finish your 4 years, you still owe. I know the military isn’t popular among liberals, but the actual GI Bill is a great deal — 3 years of working and getting paid and you get paid to go to college; I used the GI Bill to get my Master’s.
Instead of “gimme, gimme” and “everything should be free for everyone”, can’t people just take responsibility for themselves, their decisions and their own lives?
Angela
“Fortunately the NY billionaire vote is not important to winning the electoral college.” Put it on a T-shirt! Love it!
anon
So very sick of rich, so-called elite NYC types thinking the rest of us give a sh!t about their opinions about which candidates are best for their (warped, imo) values. I will be voting D no matter what, but seriously get outside your bubble a little bit. You are the reason we ended up with Dear Leader in the first place.
Anonymous
I wonder if Bloomberg is reading this.
Ellen
Somehow I doubt that a man worth $62 billion dollars is reading corporette, even tho we are smart and fruegel! He has a girlfreind that keeps him “warm” at night, if you know what I mean b/c she stands to get a huge payout if he ever is elevated to president, or anything else, so I do not see her competing with us.
Anonymous
Is that a good idea, to vote D or R “no matter what”? I ask that seriously.
I agree with some things the Democrats propose and some that the Republicans propose. In my 20 years of voting, I have flipped parties multiple times, depending on what my “deal breaker” issue was at the time. It’s been abortion, taxes, “the wall”, and this time, might be socialism. But yes, I think the actual candidate is very important. I am not a Trump fan, and I didn’t vote for him, but at this point in time, I simply can’t get behind any of the Democratic candidates and their policies.
Which leaves me with a pretty dismal choice come November.
Anon
My retired, fiscally conservative father lives in a Midwest swing state. He informed me that he will vote libertarian if Bernie is the nominee. He doesn’t care if that means Trump will win even though he hates Trump. He did the same thing in 2016 because he refused to vote for anyone named Clinton out of principle. (He has some weird thing against the Clintons.) Needless to say, our conversations have been difficult lately.
Anonymous
Yep. I feel the same (though won’t bother voting) as do all my relatives. We live in Pa and Va so kind of important states.
Anonymous
The not voting is how DT wins another 4 years. His supporters are guaranteed to show up and vote. The other folks–not so much. Hidden Brain Podcast did a fantastic look into this on February 10 in an episode titled, Passion isn’t Enough. If you care about this stuff–I recommend as a must listen/ discuss.
Anon
That’s the point though. If it’s a socialist on the ticket – 4 more years. If it’s anyone else, fine I’ll vote for them even if it isn’t BBG — I’d vote for an Amy or Joe.
Anon
I’m another who is not going to vote if Bernie is the nominee – but my state doesn’t matter, so there’s that.
Anon
I will also not be voting for Bernie but I live in a deep red state. If my state had any chance of going blue, I would vote for him. I will show up to vote and vote for Democrats in all the non-presidential races, even though it won’t matter.
Anon
I live in a very blue state so what I do doesn’t matter much. I also won’t vote if my choice is Sanders/Warren or Trump. Yes, I understand this is one way that Trump will win again but I am not a “blue” no matter who. If those are our choices I wonder how it will effect voter turnout (particularly in the above 40 age group).
Anon
My dad is the same, except he did actually vote for Hillary in ’16 – he wasn’t planning to, but then the p*ssy-grabbing tape came out and he said he “even a Clinton is better than this.”
Anon
Sorry your dad is like that.
Anon
Yup. Parents voted Gary Johnson in ‘16. Would vote for a moderate but won’t vote for Trump or Sanders.
Grandfather didn’t vote in ‘16 because he couldn’t get behind either candidate. He is no longer with us, but he prob would be ok with Biden or Buttigieg but never Trump or Sanders.
I’m in PA and most people I know are in the never Trump AND never Sanders camps. Should be interesting.
Anon
Just as my republican father thinks that Trump is not a true republican and therefore won’t vote for him, I feel as though Bernie is not a true Democrat and would hate to vote for him.
anon
I block walk in a county that turned a very beautiful color of blue kissed lilac after years of being red in 2018. I know I am a blue no matter who this year (though please don’t let it be Bernie or Bloomberg) but understand that others don’t feel that way. Also I reserve the right to not vote blue IN THE FUTURE, even though I don’t know how I could vote for Red with a clean conscious ever again, but for this year: get him out. And or get more progressive leaning people in positions of authority starting in my local city and moving up to the US Senate.
As such, when I engage with people during block walking, if they feel very strongly that they cannot vote for either of the presidential candidates, I decided I am going to ask them to vote down ballot instead. My area can’t vote straight ticket anymore and so I feel it’s a good strategy, even if you cannot bring yourself to vote for a presidential candidate, to learn as much as you can about the people running down the ballot and turn out and vote for them.
I am hoping people will considering this, and perhaps it’s a tactic of discussion to take with your friends and family as well. I feel it’s important to keep or flip as many down ballot seats as possible to ensure we’ve done everything to keep the beleaguered system of checks and balances going a little longer.
anon
THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS! I am in a similar area (no more straight-ticket voting), though my particular county is blue and has been for a long time, it is in a red state. I feel the same way you do about voting in the presidential primary–I will vote “blue no matter who” but will not be happy if it is Bernie or Bloomberg, or, honestly, Amy K (though Amy for her temperament rather than her policies). And, I think encouraging voters to vote down-ballot is VERY important. So many people will stay home if they don’t like their presidential options but there are other important races all over this country!
To those of you who are interested enough to comment on this thread, please consider researching, voting, and encouraging those around you to VOTE in the down-ballot races. They are important!
Anonymous
There’s a few of us here who voted HRC and Obama and have been saying for months that if it comes down to it, we will vote DJT if Dems put up a socialist. Of course you don’t want to believe it so you scream NYC elite. Guess what I’m in a swing state. My relatives who feel the same are in must win states like Pa., as well as my high school friends. None of us is elite but none of us will listen to a word after a candidate says they stand for socialism. Continue to ignore us and you’ll get 4 more years and guess what you’ll cry about it more than we will — because we don’t think things are THAT bad. This is the same way you all ignored the real people of Ohio, Pa etc last time, right? And decided that all that mattered was the cities and inner city vote and look what that got you. But please – keep ignoring and think you understand the broader population.
Anonymous
This. Urban elites underestimate how little swing state white voters care about POC, immoral and/or illegal conduct by DJT, or a non-corrupt judicial system. Bernie cannot win.
Different Anon
I’d be careful here about those assumptions too. I was in a taxi last night in a city a long way from either coast. The driver was from the Middle East originally and has been here 16 years. He and his family fully 100% support Trump. Strong on defense (roots in Kuwait and he loved the Bush family, said he was sorry not to see Jeb run) and thought the economy was doing well. Did not raise immigration, race, or religion at all as his issues. I was surprised, but I live in a a blue coastal bubble and it did not occur to me a Muslim POC with a accented English in the Midwest would be there politically I totally assumed he must be feeling targeted, etc., but nope. (Also made me realize I had totally made assumptions I shouldn’t have about another entire group of people, so that was good for me too. )
Anon
I’m in a very red state and know a lot of Mexican-Americans who are very enthusiastic about Trump. He’s definitely less popular among racial minorities than among white people (~95% of whom love him), but he has strong support across all demographics here.
anon
Do you want people to engage with you? Beg you? What? I don’t like Sanders but certainly am not a never-Sanders person because I do think things are THAT bad. Separation of powers and other core tenets of our democracy have been so severely eroded under DJT. But if 4 more years of dictatorship & fascism is better for you than someone who calls himself a socialist, certainly vote that way — while we still, you know, vote.
Anon
I feel like one of the fundamental political divides right now is between people who worry about what’s happening and people who focus on words (“socialism”) and other kinds of rhetoric (I see a lot of anxiety over “using the right words” on the left). In my circles, so many of Trump’s fans seem to love him for how he talks and what he says, while often distancing themselves from or ignoring his actions that would be hard to defend. I feel frustrated because the actions have real consequences, and so will their votes!
Anon
You have my blessing to support Trump, which you clearly want to do, as long as you stop talking about it so much. Not interested in racism.
Anon
We’re NOT all the same person. I don’t understand why people feel there is ONE person here with this view. Maybe it makes it easier to ignore when you can say oh it’s just one weirdo, everyone else is blue no matter who. But as that poster says, isn’t ignoring how real people feel what got us in this mess the first time?
Anonymous
I was born in Pennsylvania, grew up in Ohio (where my family still lives), and went to college in Michigan. I now live on the East Coast. I will vote for anyone with a D after their name, but that is not as common a sentiment in the states that count as I wish. My friends in New England have an impossible time wrapping their their brains around it, and I wish it weren’t so, but it is.
Anon
No, it IS the same person with that distinct writing style and frequent references to the “inner city” and how she only wants her kids to be around high-performing Asians. I realize there are other Trump supporters here but most of you don’t frequently come here and post in the same weirdo style.
Anon
This. The same people who last time were saying — oh it’ll NEVER happen, no one would vote for DJT are the SAME people who this time are saying — nah people will vote for anyone with a D by their name, no way they’d do otherwise. Guess what — that may be true in NYC, DC, SF etc. but it is NOT true in Pa. or Va. or Mich. or Wisconsin and again you are ignoring the very same places that are must win/that need to be flipped blue in order to win. No lessons learned in 4 years??
Anon
Not the person you are replying to but the I have friends in four different swing states who all feel the same way. I think the point people are trying to make is that supporting Bernie carries real risk. And calling anyone who wouldn’t vote for him over Trump isn’t going to change their mind.
Anonymous
You are a bad person
Anon
If you’re the person who keeps excoriating people for posting political views you don’t agree with, seek help for your anger issues. I feel sorry for you being such an angry, lonely, pathetic person, so that you feel lashing out like this is the right way to contribute to a conversation.
Anonymous
I am not that person. I don’t even have skin in the game because I already have my big bad scary socialist free healthcare. But it’s truly upsetting that Americans are so selfish they would let their poor die from inadequate and non existent healthcare. It’s profoundly unsettling that people would rather vote to protect their bubble than literally save other human lives.
Anon
Shrug?
Anon
Yes!!! I’m a moderate dem from PA. Almost everyone I know is a never trump republican/former republican or a moderate dem! I don’t know a single person who can tolerate Bernie. In November I’ll vote for whomever is not Trump but the same cannot be said for my friends and family.
To everyone who claims that we don’t have to worry about the moderate vote (IMO this is incorrect) and only need to worry about Dem voter turn out- I know a lot of Dems who will not turn out for Bernie!
I’m terrified of the Bernie supporters scorched earth “Bernie or nothing” take on things. It’s just no realistic in so much of the country
Anon
+1, could have written all of this. In Ohio. Everyone I know is either a Trump supporter, a never Trump ex-Republican or a moderate Democrat like myself. I will vote Bernie if I have to, although I DESPISE him. But I know a lot of people who won’t.
Anonymous
+ 1, I am from a rural area and live on a Coast, and I can tell you there is a massive gap between what is acceptable to moderate Democrats and the agenda of Berkeley liberals. There will be a massive number of never Bernie voters.
Anonymous
+ 1, I am from a rural area and live on a Coast, and I can tell you there is a massive gap between what is acceptable to moderate Democrats and the agenda of Berkeley liberals. There will be a massive number of never Bernie voters.
Anon
We must know such different people. I see so much more rural, swing state enthusiasm for Bernie than I see among educated urban east coasters. (I also see more enthusiasm for Trump than I’ve ever seen before; people who used to hate him have come around and love him now.)
AnonInHouse
My husband is a lifelong Democrat, first generation American, whose parents lived literally the American dream — coming to this country with no money and no English, worked their tails off in union jobs saving every penny, and are now wealthy (although you’d never know it). My husband paid for his own college through ROTC and will pay for our kids’ college (partially) through the GI Bill. He saved money after his service and put himself through law school. He’s worked incredibly hard to get where he is and sees Bernie as as much a threat to the values of America as Trump. He will not vote for either of them. FWIW, we’re NY residents so our vote doesn’t particularly matter.
Anon
Exactly. Anyone who is against wealth is against American values of you know coming here, working your tail off and making as much $$$ as you can. Taking that $$$ and redistributing it to others’ college or whatever may be ok in Denmark, but it isn’t ok in America and I wouldn’t vote for it. Also an immigrant kid.
Anon
That’s too bad that your husband is one of those people who wants future generations to have it just as hard as he did rather than better than he did. I personally can’t imagine thinking that aiming for tuition-free public college for all is as against American values as “grab ’em by the pussy.”
FWIW, my husband is a former refugee who came here, learned English, went through foster care, got scholarships for private college, became a successful white collar professional, and supported Bernie in 2016. He’ll vote for Bernie again if his first choice, Warren, doesn’t work out. I’m really glad to be married to him.
Anon
Trying again to avoid foul words…
That’s too bad that your husband is one of those people who wants future generations to have it just as hard as he did rather than better than he did. I personally can’t imagine thinking that aiming for tuition-free public college for all is as against American values as “grab ’em by the p*ssy.”
FWIW, my husband is a former refugee who came here, learned English, went through foster care, got scholarships for private college, became a successful white collar professional, and supported Bernie in 2016. He’ll vote for Bernie again if his first choice, Warren, doesn’t work out. I’m really glad to be married to him.
Anon
Idk how long Kat is going to keep me in mod, but your husband’s experience runs really counter to my husband’s – despite some similarities.
anon
I’m also first-generation American but with more successful parents (i.e. no need to participate in the welfare program that is the US military). I will happily vote for Bernie and look forward to him reallocating our tax dollars to something more useful than defense spending.
Anon
Can someone please explain why tuition free college is such a great idea? I agree college costs are out of control (about to send a child off) and don’t match up with the job market, but honestly the public k-12 programs are not great and so we think making colleges free is going to improve things for our future adults. Really?
And yes, I agree with someone below with so much executive power, things could be worse for me and my family (that we have worked so hard for and donate so much to others-unfortunately that would go away) under Bernie.
Anonymous
Sorry you’ve got such a selfish husband
anon
To Anon @ 5:25 – I don’t think you understand the meaning of the word ‘wealth.’ If you work because you have to (not because you want to, a la Ivanka) then you are not wealthy. Hard work does not make you rich; already being rich does. Tax evasion helps too. You might think your biglaw salary is impressive but it’s a pittance in the grand scheme of things. And the taxes that you *do* pay (evasion is not for us plebeians) are getting you far less than what your foreign peers are enjoying.
Anon
I have landed here. I will not vote for Bernie. I won’t vote Trump – I just won’t vote. I never thought I would say that in my life. I think things will be worse under Bernie than they are under Trump – something else I never thought I’d say.
Anon
How though? What specifically makes Bernie so terrible that you would say that? Most of the Democratic candidates have already pushed their platforms left in response to pressure from Bernie – NO ONE else was essentially required to support a public option or Medicare for all last time around. I keep seeing people like you saying Bernie is so terrible, but I’ve never seen a compelling reason why besides “higher taxes” (which most other Democrats support) and I just can’t see how that is AS bad as Trump’s policies, racism, sexism, autocratic tendencies, and disdain for rule of law. Please help me understand.
Rainbow Hair
Yeah, I have the same question/bafflement. (And Bernie isn’t even my candidate of choice, but *of freakin’ course* I’ll vote for him if/when he’s the nominee!)
anon
Are you under the impression that the readers of this blog are forcing Bernie on you? If he gets the nomination it’s because he won the most votes… from voters all over the country. You can call me a snobby coastal elite all you want but I’m not the one disregarding the will of the people, whatever it may be.
Alanna of Trebond
My parents are South Asian and will vote DJT in Virginia with Bernie as the nominee. Bernie does not stand for us and hates highly educated POC/immigrants who have done well.
anon
Interesting. I’m the child of highly educated and successful immigrants and completely disagree. We hail from Europe though so Bernie is very much a centrist by our standards.
Anony
I’m so surprised by your statement. Why do you say he “hates highly educated POC/immigrants who have done well”? What has he done that shows this?
Rainbow Hair
I don’t get the big bugaboo about “Socialism” like the whole “I voted D my whole life but I will never vote for a socialist!” thing … like which socialist policies do you hate? Most people are pretty down for Social Security, Medicare/Medicaid, right? Public schools are pretty good, right, and maybe should even get better funding? I am pretty ok with BET and WIC, though I guess some folks don’t like that… so assuming we keep all that kind of stuff, what new socialist stuff is so scary? Is it really colleges and healthcare? Canada isn’t a dystopian nightmare…?
Anon
I’m ok with the ones that exist — SS, Medicare, Medicaid. I’m fine doing what we can to protect them as they are but don’t want massive expansions of them. I don’t want expansions of welfare, WIC etc. Public schools — they are what they are but don’t want more federal dollars there. You can imagine how I feel about college, student loans, or the government even touching my health insurance — public option is fine but no way does the entity that runs all kinds of ineffective agencies need to be in my healthcare nor do I want to pay more for that privilege. And I have no desire to live in Canada or Denmark with their tax rates so that everyone can be all equal, sorry. If I wanted that, I’d move there. So yeah socialism is a hard no for me. If they can’t put up a moderate, well I guess there’s no vote from me — and in a swing state I think that matters.
Anonnn
I thought Medicare was pretty efficient and that US health outcomes rival other first world countries in the age bracket that gets Medicare?
Just from a 100% selfish, how does this affect me perspective, I worry about poor education harming the communities I live within. I also worry about vaccinations and every kind of contagious disease, which is a matter of education and public health. There’s a limit to the extent to which I can drink different water and breathe different air from other humans.
I personally am nervous about the same thing happening here as seems to be happening with the NHS (underfunding and political sabotage). I also don’t want a bunch of meddling or micromanagement by bureaucrats who aren’t doctors. When I was teaching, I felt embarrassed by how much better educated many of my European exchange students seemed to be than US students from some of the best school districts in the country. If our agencies are inefficient, I guess that’s on us, because there are countries where publicly funded education or healthcare are expected to be first class. “Can’t spend taxpayer money on anything less than the best!” seems to be the attitude. Here the attitude seems to be “Well what do you expect; it’s public.” I think that’s unnecessary, but I don’t know whether it’s the kind of thing that can change.
Still, it’s really hard for me to imagine that we could do worse than private health insurance plans, which are regularly a complete nightmare for doctors and patients if patients have any real health needs. There’s always DirectCare for patients who don’t have many health needs. If you haven’t used your insurance a lot, you may have too rosy a view of it.
I also wonder if a public investment in healthcare would help push back against the kinds of pollution that directly impact health outcomes. Maybe we’d get lead out of the water if the incentives aligned better?
I am also worried about the effects of capitalism on healthcare currently (hospital admins replacing MDs and DOs with NPs and PAs, including NP anesthetists, “NP neurologists,” and NPs who graduated from online diploma mills, while charging the same amount; pushing profitable procedures that aren’t always necessary; insurance companies delaying prior authorizations sometimes in the hopes that patients won’t be around to need the treatment anymore, and so on). I’m not pretending that public healthcare is never corrupted, and I’m aware that the ACA made some of these problems much worse. But healthcare is heading in a bad direction right now, and it concerns me.
I doubt “everyone is equal” is a great characterization of Denmark or Canada. I don’t like Bernie’s anti-wealth rhetoric. I don’t mind some people having nicer things than I do. I would rather someone have the best of everything than no one have it (especially if that means preserving or cultivating skills or inventing new ones). But I don’t think individuals should shoulder the tax burden when other entities are getting a break. I also think we could be more moderate about military spending without that being a big risk to national safety. Are we so radically opposed? Maybe we are. I definitely think it’s possible to find better quality of life outside of the United States. But I wish that could change.
CaseyJ
@Anon at 739 – Working in healthcare I can tell you that medicare sets the rates for what private insurers will pay. So in some way, the government IS in your healthcare already. The cost of healthcare and education should be addressed – the quality of both should be increased. But private health insurers base their rates they pay providers and hospitals for from what Medicare agrees to pay for services/stays each year…
Anonymous
We have an example in our country of government provided healthcare. It’s the VA. If you are not familiar with it, you might consider talking to some of the veterans who rely on it. I can assure you they do not have better services than the private market provides. I would be 100 percent behind funding a further Obama care expansion, and fixing gaps in Medicare coverage so that everyone has better access to private healthcare. I am 100 percent against creating a National Health Service, because we have already proven we are not good at running one.
Anonnn
I know about incompetent VA doctors. But is there a reason to think that M4A would be more like the VA and less like Medicare? I strongly believe that doctors should be well trained and well compensated. If you’re right and the US is just not good enough to accomplish what other countries have accomplished, that would be disappointing to me.
KS IT Chick
From the perspective of someone who works in the business side of healthcare …
Most healthcare providers can’t survive on what Medicare pays for services provided. The reimbursement is set by rate, not by cost. Currently, they cover the shortfall by charging more to patients with non-governmental payers. Medicare for all will eliminate that possibility.
I desperately want a public option. I don’t want Medicare for all. Most of us who work in healthcare want to stay in business and provide care. I don’t see that happening with M4A.
Anony
This is true – what KS IT Chick says.
I am doctor in a medical field that is reimbursed so poorly by Medicare that we loose money on pretty much every single patient we see in clinic. I have to apply for outside grants and/or do NIH research to cover my salary since we don’t make enough money as a department to pay our salaries. And our salaries are low compared to what most lawyers on this site make, particularly considering our debt and years of sacrifice at no income/low income.
Medicare for all represents more of an ideal, and would be a stepwise progression, if it would even pass considering Congress. It requires a dramatic remodeling of payment of physicians… our salaries have to drop a lot (or at least the dermatology/radiology/surgery etc.. salaries do)…. but then it requires government funding of medical education or else no one can afford to go into Medicine. These things take time.
And I’m still in favor of moving in this direction.
Anonnn
I hear you about the reimbursements. But every M4A plan at least claims to address this. No one wants an unworkable plan that would bankrupt the entire industry and drive doctors out of practice!
I don’t know of any proposals to institute something like the VA (government provided healthcare, as opposed to insurance/cost sharing). I thought the idea was for the pool of people who are cost sharing to be “everyone” instead of subgroups of people with different risk profiles.
Anon
This!!!!
Anon
Related but different question — is Virginia still a swing state? No, right? Haven’t lived here long. I know it used to be purple but hasn’t it gone reliably blue for Obama a few times and also now at the state level?
Anon
It was pretty close in 2016. It depends on your definition of “swing state” but it’s not out of the realm of possibility that Trump could win it (whereas something like NY is guaranteed to be blue and something like Alabama is guaranteed to be red).
Anon
Summary of this thread –
Will swing state voters vote for Bernie?
Swing state voters: no, we won’t
Liberals: you suck, we hate you, and Bernie will win
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how we lose another election.
Anon
How condescending.
Anon
Yes truthful.
Anonymous
+1
Anon
Yepppp. Rust Belt voter here (fwiw, I will vote for Bernie if I have to, but I’d say about 30% of the anti-Trump people I know won’t).
Anon
Then do your part to talk to them. People listen to their family and friends. Don’t just throw up your hands and say “welp swing voters hate Bernie.”
Anon
Plenty of us do try to convince them but it’s not always successful. Like it wasn’t successful in 2016.
Why don’t you talk to your Bernie supporters and tell them to support a more reasonable candidate who can actually win?
Anon
Thoughts on non-hormonal contraception? Done having children, hormonal BC is not an option. Considering a tubal ligation, copper IUD, or condoms + some other barrier method to increase reliability. Husband could get a vasectomy.
Thoughts from those who have been there (and, with thanks to good but misguided intentions, no thoughts from those who think I should use hormonal BC)?
Anon
I think condoms are pretty reliable. I also can’t take hormonal BC and I used them for 16 years with no issues, and I got pregnant very quickly twice, so I know don’t have any fertility problems. I know what the statistics say, but I think a lot of it is using them incorrectly or not being consistent about using them. I actually know more people (two!) who got oops babies with IUDs than condoms (zero).
But if you don’t want to use condoms or are worried about reliability, the obvious answer is vasectomy. Tubal ligation is much more invasive surgery and has many more risks. I would never put myself through that when we could accomplish the same effect with a much more minor procedure for my husband.
Anonymous
Failure rate of condoms is like 18%. To lower the failure rate, he has to pull out basically immediately afterwards. This was a huge mood killer for us so he got the V.
Anon
Please don’t spread misinformation. Failure rate is 15% with average use and 2% with perfect use (meaning using according to instruction and using every time and taking into account the infinitesimal risk of rupture).
Anonymous
? 18% and 15% are not miles apart. Clearly you believe your sources and I believe mine. Assuming ‘perfect’ use is how people get pregnant
Anonymous
“Average use” includes forgetting to use the condom at all.
Anonymous
Yeah if the failure rate was 18%, I’d have a hundred babies! 20 years of condom use with no other contraception. I’ve been pregnant exactly once and that baby was conceived the first month we gardened without protection. We’re meticulous about using them every time though, and I would get plan B if one broke or fell off (it never has).
Rainbow Hair
Same. Many years of only using condoms, and not a single whoopsbaby, though very easy conception when we pulled the goalie.
LaurenB
Hard disagree with “tubal ligation is invasive surgery.” Had it on a Fri morning, spent the rest of the day recuperating at home, took it easy over the weekend, went back to work on Monday, went skiing a week later. It was the very definition of no big deal.
Senior Attorney
Vasectomy for the win!
Anonymous
For sure. DH had his done this week. Doesn’t even require stitches. He was back at work the next afternoon.
Ellen
Yes, but what did he do for you at home this week? I would bet nothing.
Anon
I would go with the vasectomy. I have a copper IUD and it’s pretty good, but slightly heavier periods is not 100% ideal.
anon
I have no personal experience, but my two friends with copper IUDs like them. Yes, they both get heavier bleeding, but they enjoy the long-term, low risk of failure, and ease of “use” benefits. To be completely fair, one of them had the IUD come out (she uses a cup during her period, related?), but she liked it so much she just got another one inserted and hasn’t had any issues since (3+ years).
anon
I guess I should also mention that neither are in long-term / monogamous relationships, so a vasectomy isn’t an option.
Anon
Absolutely a vasectomy. Easy, simple, effective, and you don’t have to put your body through any more crap.
Anon Probate Atty
+1
anon
Vasectomy FTW. It was honestly so liberating for both of us.
But, as someone who doesn’t get along well with hormonal BC, I will say that we used c*ndoms for 5-6 years of our marriage.
Telco Lady JD
Vasectomy for sure. I had a copper IUD for a few years and, while I didn’t mind it….it made my periods 200% worse. Heavier flow, bad cramps, and several days longer. When I had it taken out, I went back to my usual four-day pretty easy period….and thought, “I will not do that again.”
My now-husband and I are apparently infertile…and any kid that we accidentally get pregnant with will save us $20,000 in IVF, so I don’t think we’re going to bother with birth control going forward. But…if we do…he’s said with all the IVF crap I’ve had to deal with…he’ll get a vasectomy.
Anonny
No question. Vasectomy.
Anonymous
I did a tubal ligation. Out patient, teeny little scar, no complications. I wanted to protect myself in the event of a change in partner.
Anon
I have a copper IUD and really like it overall – nothing to think about and very reliable. But, my periods are quite heavy and last about a week (as compared to 3-4 days when I was on other forms of birth control).
Anon
Thank you, all! It’s very helpful – I’ve done research, but the literature doesn’t provide a really complete picture. (Ex: I worry about the heavier periods on an iud, because mine are 3 painless days.)
Anon
I think the side effects of an IUD, particularly copper, can be pretty intense.
anon
Agree, even though the copper IUD is my best option, I think a V is FAR preferrable in your situation. The periods are no joke.
Anonymous
Husband just got a vasectomy. When we agreed we were doing having kids, he straight up volunteered saying I’ve done the hard work with hormonal BC and, you know, being pregnant and birthing and BF-ing 3 kids.
FWIW he had a not as “completely NBD”experience as some of the commenters above talk about- he was in a mild-to-moderate pain for 24-48 hours, then was mildly sore for a week or two. From my second hand standpoint, it was about as painful as the recovery from my least painful birth (low grade bleeding for a day or two, some general soreness for a week). It took him a month or two not to have to readjust way more than usual to avoid discomfort.
He has no regrets at all and would do it again.
Anon
Okay, mild to moderate pain for 2 days and soreness for a week is totally no big deal.
Anon
Yeah I don’t think anyone was saying it won’t hurt, just that a little pain and soreness is no big deal compared to major abdominal surgery under general anesthesia.
Anonymous
Vasectomy is the obvious choice.
Anonymous
We use condoms. I won’t take hormonal BC. Husband doesn’t want to get snipped.
20 years, 2 planned kids.
CaseyJ
I have the copper IUD – love it. It was a little painful going in – not horrible. Next step is vasectomy.
Sad Scalp
Superficial complaint ahead. Guys, I am feeling so bad about my appearance. In my eyes I’ve always had a lot of appearance related issues…weight, body hair, skin. I’m now in my early 30’s and am done having kids. Lately it seems like all my old ‘problems’ have worsened plus I’m now facing post partum atrophy and lumpiness, face wrinkles and thinning head hair — my hair having previously been my best feature. I’m petite with dark hair and pale skin, so the hair loss feels particularly noticeable. I got a fancy haircut, but it’s made only a slight difference in how I look or at least how I feel about how I look. I’ve seen my dermatologist about the hair loss. She confirmed that it’s the standard female-pattern hair loss and told me to start monoxidil but also stressed that for women the success rate of monoxidil is relatively low and that ‘success’ generally means stopping the loss, not growing back what you’ve already lost. I started a few months ago and so far am seeing only the shed, not the regrowth. My derm would send me to someone who does blood and transplant procedures if I’m unhappy after 6-12 months. I am a sucker for scams and I see my options as either throwing good money after bad (and pain, and time) or just…going baldish. Plus because the options beyond monoxidil are expensive I would feel obligated to tell my partner (not because he’s controlling but because he would tell me if he were spending thousands of dollars on something), which I anticipate would be completely humiliating. It also sounds like those options need to be continued forever or the hair loss will resume. I already have a wide, uneven part with non symmetrical thinning patches at the top and temples. Every time I look in the mirror I do a double take. I see new problem spots seemingly every day. I can’t imagine 30/40/50 more years of this sort of decline. I’ve always felt unattractive but now I feel old and post-se x ual and embarrassed too, so much so that I can’t talk about it with anyone in real life. This is a scream (weep) into the abyss more than anything. Thanks for providing the platform.
Anon
Hugs. I could have written this a few years ago. I’m late 30s, also super pale with dark hair, and I began observing hair loss in my early 30s. It was awful. My hair was one of my favorite features and I didn’t feel like myself. I felt so unattractive and also couldn’t face the future knowing it wouldn’t get better.
I went to the doctor and had blood work done and the only thing they found was slightly low iron, so I started taking supplements, but that didn’t change the hair situation. My doctor said to try minoxidil, so I did.
Minoxidil takes a few months to work, but it did work for me. You have to use it every day, which is annoying, but at least it does the job. I’d say 3-4 months in I noticed a decrease in shed and some new growth.
Another option could be a hair crown (or fall, I think they might be called?). Not quite a wig, but more for coverage of that top area that thins. Find some women on YouTube or Insta who use them. There’s actually a huge community out there doing this and it’s inspiring to see. I researched this but ultimately didn’t need it because minoxidil worked.
It is extremely distressing and frustrating, and only those who have been through it understand the pain you’re feeling. But there are solutions, and you will find one. Know that this won’t last forever. Hang in there!
Anon
How recently postpartum are you? It’s normal for a ton of hair to fall out in the first year after having a baby, but it all grows back.
Anon
I hesitate to mention this since you said you are a sucker for scams, but have you considered seeing some kind of functional type medicine MD for the appearance related concerns? My aesthetician suggested that I may have some issues that would probably be considered medically “subclinical.” I saw a functional MD who was willing to run some tests that my dermatologist hadn’t run. These were regular medical tests that my insurance covered (there are a lot of integrative/alternative/complementary doctors out there offering totally made-up tests and treatments not covered by insurance, and that’s not what I’m talking about). But I was able to do a better job with hormones, with vitamins, and clear up some GI issues that were affecting my skin and hair, and I probably would have spent a lot of money on OTCs in an uninformed way if I hadn’t gone this route instead. (The main interventions were also regular, insurance-covered prescriptions meds, though the vitamins were OTC.)
Telco Lady JD
Hugs to you! Good suggestions above. To buy you some time until the minoxidil works, you may also want to consider hair extensions. I know that there are different types, but a friend of mine found some that worked to make it look like her hair was thicker and was really pleased with the results.
Also, you mentioned being postpartum. Is it possible that you’re suffering some postpartum hair loss that is exacerbating this situation?
Finally, I don’t know you or your partner…but if I were you, I’d consider talking to your partner about this and possible solutions. It is entirely possible that he/she would be reassuring in a way that you could really benefit from right now…
Winter
Sending warm hugs and sympathy. Could extensions be helpful for you? I don’t know any of the particulars of the extensions, but a girlfriend used them to add volume while she was going through some health related things. They were indistinguishable from her real hair (at least, to my untrained eye). She had been using them for years before she mentioned it to me, and I had no idea.
Have you considered seeing a (non-dermatologist) doctor for blood work? Thinning hair may be related to things not on her radar. For instance, it was a thyroid thing in my friend’s case. Medications can do it too. And depression.
And, gently: please don’t feel embarrassed if you decide to talk with your husband about this. I don’t think it’s a stretch on my part to assume that he loves you and wants to support you.
Well, that’s a lot of unsolicited feedback, but know that it’s meant with support and compassion.
mahnamahna
I had this happen in my late 30s. My hair has also always been my thing because I am otherwise short and round and not very fit or tone. In addition to my hair thinning, especially around my part and my crown, I was having lots of problems with bumps and itching on my scalp. My derm diagnosed me with folliculitis of the scalp and prescribed an rx shampoo. It helped calm my scalp down. Since then I have changed shampoos (Paul Mitchell scalp care most days), used an non-rx topical off and on (Alterna CAVIAR Anti-Aging Clinical Densifying Leave-In Root Treatment) and switched hair stylists. My scalp and thinning hair improved dramatically after I switched stylists who used different products and brands of hair color. At my last appointment she could not believe how much thicker my hair had gotten. I also got back on hormonal BC.
All of that to say, I know you said your derm diagnosed you with typical female pattern hair loss, but if you also have not played around with some of these other environmental things, you may want to. As with the minoxidil, it tooks months for me to see a difference. And a few years before I got back to this thicker head of hair.
Anonymous
I am in my early 30s and really feel this – I went through chemo last year, during which I lost my hair, eyelashes, eyebrows and gained weight and lost muscle mass. On top of losing my fertility due to my treatments, so I felt particularly…unfeminine and unattractive. Like, all my friends were in their prime and looking flawless and/or being super fertile and having babies constantly and I was at my absolute worst. It was rough.
I will say that I did a few things, and now, six months later, I look and feel 1,000x better. I honestly look better than I did in my 20s. First, I talked to my derm about my skin concerns and she put me on a routine to deal with them. My skin now looks amazing and healthy. Routine takes like 5 minutes a day so it’s worth it. Second, I started taking a weight training class 3x a week. I’m back to my prior weight, have great posture, and lost 2 dress sizes due to the class. Third, I invested in some clothing I really love to wear (not boring work clothes or generic weekend clothes – stuff that “sparks joy”). I feel so much better when I wear my new clothing. I felt very blah before and my clothes were out of date and just kind of boring.
On the hair, I just want to point out that there are so many options for wigs/hair pieces. I am a total convert. You just need to find a good person. I have an amazing (and expensive) wig and get asked about my hair care routine by strangers on a regular basis, and they are genuinely shocked I’m wearing a wig. Many people who have known me for years didn’t realize I had a wig on when I started wearing it. Basically every celebrity you see is wearing some kind of hair piece – whether a full or partial. So now I have celebrity hair on a daily basis. It looks great in photos and in person. If you live in the NYC area I can recommend someone who does both full wigs and all kinds of hair pieces – they specialize in hair loss for both men and women and I’m sure would have suggestions for you (even if just on a temporary basis).
OP
Thanks to everyone for all the compassionate comments. It really helps. I am in the tristate area so if you have recommendations in the City, I would be very grateful.
Anon
Yes, please recommend your wig person!
Anonymous
For wigs/hair pieces, Andrew DiSimone at the Hair Place!
Anon
That sounds really hard. Rather than trying to tackle your appearance, though, I’d focus on developing the other parts of your life and personality and reducing the importance that you place on it. What are your passions? What do you like to do in your free time? I’ve known a lot of women who were either frumpy or disheveled or simply not all that attractive (and I’m one of them…), but they were freaking awesome because they did cool things like annual rafting trips or amazing craft projects or high-level volunteer work. It makes you see how little appearance really matters and how we often give it too much weight in thinking about our self-worth. That being said, I think figuring out the basics can work well to give you a decent “baseline” – i.e., making sure your clothes fit, that your skin isn’t flaky, that your hair is neat, etc. Not sure what would work best re: hair for you, but I’m sure that you could either spend a smaller amount for something that might be decent (like more time with a hair stylist or a wig) or spend a ton (frequent hair extension appointments) and I wouldn’t be surprised if you saw diminishing returns at the higher price points. Then that’s less money to put towards other things that might make you happy.
Anyway, good luck and hugs <3
Anon
Late to this morning’s coronavirus question — FWIW I don’t think it’s a nothing or just a cold especially since the CDC is now saying that they could see the same need to close down businesses and schools eventually as is happening in other parts of the world. So maybe this is NOT how one should see it from a public health perspective but I’m kind of like — go on vacation NOW or in the next month or 2 (not to Asia) because it’s NBD right now; go to the big public gatherings etc. Because if it spreads, you know you won’t feel as comfortable going and then will be like — damn I haven’t been on a vacation in a year, I really should have taken that trip in March that I canceled because of coronavirus when it was a nothing back then . . . .
Anon
Or you could just continue your plans as normal and not let anxiety about this rule your life. There are a million ways this could go – it could continue to only be a problem in China, we could have a major outbreak in the US, warm weather could halt transmission over the summer but then it could pick back up in the fall, a vaccine could come on the market, etc. etc. I can’t live my life trying to plan around all these contingencies when no one knows which one it will be.
Anon
Exactly! The most prudent thing to do is operate off of currently available information. That means limiting travel to Asia and no travel to China. It means doing all the things you’d normally do to avoid flu. And if you’re extra cautious, buy trip insurance.
Anon
It’s not just a China problem. Places like Iran are looking at a dozen plus cases and no one is clear on how they came about as there are no obvious contacts; I mean cities in Iran are on lockdown; this is hardly the obvious kind of spread you’d expect in say Hong Kong or South Korea?!? To say nothing of cases in places like Venice or British Columbia. I am not letting it rule my life. I’m still traveling and commuting and everything, but to say — oh it’s a cold in China — underestimates what it really is. And while it’s comforting to say — oh hot weather will kill it like it does the flu or there will be a vaccine, it’s 80+ degrees in places like Singapore already and the cases just keep growing and CDC etc. are saying they don’t expect a vaccine they can safely give to humans for a year at least. So live your life, but don’t act like anyone who IS looking at this is some weirdo with too much time on their hands. And btw some people do pay more attention to these things because of their own health/age.
Ellen
Yes, but it started in China where they had a dirty marketplace where people ate bats, and got sick from the bats and spread it in the dirty marketplace. That is why I tend not to want to go to places like that where they eat anything that can’t get away quick enough! FOOEY on that!
CaseyJ
I’m unsure why the virus is causing such a stir – other than it is new and novel. Other types of corona virus currently exist, and the flu has killed more people in the two months of this year than the corona virus has. I understand transmission is still being figured out and why this has affected the economy. I’m not necessarily taking extra precautions (no trips planned this year, got back from Disney Land last month) but my mom brain can do an anxiety loop about my 12 year old with asthma.
Anonymous
I’m in the market for a new work tote and am weighing options from Kate Spade, Coach, Cuyana, and Tory Burch. I’m curious how people differentiate these brands. I want to avoid the perception that I have flashy or expensive taste. (Not that any of the bags are really that expensive, but maybe someone would perceive it that way?) All of the styles I’m considering are plain leather with the brand’s typical hardware/logo (or lack thereof in the case of Cuyana).
Anonymous
I am so terribly label-averse that I’d just go Cuyana. Currently using a L&S Seville just because it’s so anonymous.
Anonymous
I agree on Cuyana and also love my everlane tote. Use both nonstop and both look new after years of daily use
BabyAssociate
I’ve been very pleased with my Cuyana tote.
Anonymous
+1
Anonymous
Of these brands, Coach is the most middle of the road.
Beans
I have a Cuyana tote (black) and had it monogrammed. I have been very pleased. Assuming it continues to hold up well, I would certainly buy another. The quality for the price point is fantastic.
Anonymous
I really dislike recognizable hardware/logos so Cuyana would be my only option on your list. I actively dislike Kate Spade, Coach and Tory Burch due to their branding.
Go for it
+1 just no logo.
Anonny
My Cuyana tote is one of my favorite purchases of all time. I love it.
Anon
Cuyana!! I love my Cuyana tote.
Spoiled
I love Cuyana and believe they are of higher quality than the other options you laid out.
NY CPA
The “branding” on the work totes is so minimal it’s barely noticeable to me. I would personally be happy with any of the brands you asked about. I’d probably go Kate Spade by it’s a bit more feminine looking or maybe Coach because many of their bags look super classic to my eye. I like their turn lock thing. It doesn’t scream BRANDING but adds a bit of interest visually.
I also got by sister the Everlane square tote for Christmas and she absolutely loves it. It has super minimal branding. But I thought it was kind of stiff and didn’t like that it didn’t have any kind of zip pocket on the inside or lining. But if you like the minimalist aesthetic that’s a good one.
Eek
Any tips for telling someone close to you you’re pregnant when you know it’s going to be difficult for them to hear? My bro and SIL have been struggling with major fertility issues, including recurrent miscarriages, failed IVF, the works.
I’m thinking a text message might be best to give them to opportunity to react privately without having to keep up appearances – Does that sound right or am I way off base? Is there anything I can/should say to acknowledge it may be difficult for them to hear, or is it better just to break the news and leave it at that? I know I’m overthinking this, but I want to be as sensitive as possible.
Anon
I’d go with something like — “I didn’t want to surprise you with this news at Grandma’s birthday party but before it becomes public knowledge, I wanted you to know that I’m expecting a baby in Dec 2020. Look forward to seeing you in a couple days at grandmas.” Makes it sound like you didn’t want to make a family announcement with them standing right there and/or have them find out when you tell your parents; and while a text is impersonal I do think it’s better bc they don’t have to act happy right in front of you right that moment if they’re not. I say make the text less impersonal by making it 1-2 sentences long, not just ‘hey I’m pregnant’ in a way you’d say it to your BFF who has 4 kids.
Coach Laura
Yes, someone on this board who had experience with infertility suggested this method. Tell them via text (or email if that is a normal way to communicate in your family) and when you think they might be at home (as opposed to during the workday). A weekend might be best. That way they can process it in private and without having to react to you in person.
Anon
You’re overthinking it. Telling them directly through a private text sounds like a gloat. Acknowledging how difficult it is sounds like you’re sorry for getting pregnant and/or getting pregnant at them. Let them know via family group chat post or social media so they can process privately without pressure to respond.
Patricia Gardiner
I disagree with this- with 3 years of infertility (fortunately behind me now) I appreciated private, sensitive messages like this. Definitely tell them ahead of any group activities where it could come up.
Thank you for being so caring.
Anonymous
+1.
Anon
+2
NYC Girl
+2
Anonymous
I did a text message with a close friend. I told her when I planning to tell other friends and told her I wanted to give her a heads up. I ended with “I know your journey around this has been difficult and I wanted to be sensitive to it.” It went really well (to be fair, also because they are on another path that they are excited about), but I do think a text message heads up is a good idea. Good luck and congratulations :)
SuperAnon
I can’t believe I’m asking this but I need some other opinions on it. If you’re married/living with a long-term partner, how do you handle, um, self-gardening? I feel like it should be done in private, but my partner doesn’t have this same feeling. It’s quite an eyeful to face when I’m just coming out of the shower. We have been together a long time but it’s never been quite this out in the open. I don’t have an issue with the self-gardening, but time and place! I do not find it appealing to walk in on, and usually it’s happening at times when I don’t have the time to join in, even if I wanted to.
Senior Attorney
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling them just that: “Hey could you please do that in private?” Maybe frame it more as “It’s frustrating to see when I can’t join in” more than “eew not appealing!”
Anon
Ew no, that’s gross phrasing. Just say “hey, do you mind doing that in private? I was hoping to read and relax in here” or similar. What I would say to my husband is “I don’t want to walk in and see surprise pe*n” and we’d laugh about it. YMMV.
Anon
Yeah, I agree, don’t like about why you don’t want to see it! There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be confronted by somebody’s s3x act, you don’t have to soften the blow about saying that.
Ellen
This is NOT unusual. In college, the guys suposedly self-gardened to “prep” themselves b/f s-x, as they said they would perform better and longer later, after doing that. Also, when I started dating my ex, he did that in the bedroom while I was freshening up, but he could hardly ever maintain his thing anyway, and after having done his silly self-gardeneing, he was terrible ianyway, and always fizzeled out right away. And the worse part of it was that he was sloppy , leaving his stuff in my side of the bed for me to find when I came in. I always thought his whole bedroom schtick was very gross and I do not miss ANY of that.
Anon
Tell him not to do it in front of you or when he knows you’ll run upon him (ex. you showering and him also in the bathroom). Unless you live in a studio apartment, there should be private spaces to do this. If he ignores you, he’s probably getting off on you walking in. Disrespectful in any case.
Anon
DH and I both do it in private (I’m weirdly a morning gardener after he goes to work, and I think he’s a shower gardener, though I’m not sure. Honestly he probably does it in the bathroom for ease of cleanup, so there’s a good chance he does it when I think he’s doing other stuff). I don’t think it’d be a big deal if I saw him do it but I do understand it would be surprising. I think I would mind if he did in the bathroom I was currently showering in, but if he was in the bedroom or bathroom first and I’m the one who walked in, I think that would be on me.
Anon
Talk to him about it. Is being walked in on a bug or a feature for him?
It’s not something I’d want to walk in on unexpectedly, either.
Anon
I’m sorry, is this a real question? Who on Earth “self-gardens” in front of someone else unless that’s part of mutual gardening??? I have never heard of this in my life! I don’t think self-gardening is anything to be ashamed of but for someone to do it out in the open like that? And especially when you’re getting ambushed by it coming out of the shower…honey, I’m so sorry!
I think you just educate your partner, a little late in their life, that self-gardening is absolutely something people do in private and you don’t want to see it again. Like ever.
Anonymous
??? Yikes, no. He should get your consent prior if he’s going to expose himself to you/expect you to watch/wants you to walk in on him and act surprised/whatever.
Anon
I’m with you. I know my husband self-gardens but I don’t want him doing it in the bathroom while I’m taking a shower! I would just ask him directly to do it privately.
SuperAnon
THANK YOU everyone for reassuring me I’m not crazy. I don’t know exactly how to have this conversation (and I know it does need to be a conversation, not just however I react at the time) but I’m relieved to hear I’m not the only one who’s not okay with this.
Go for it
Here’s my thought, you do you though. I
would do a straight up in his face convo (like a locker room bro) ~
“My shower is private ~ you need to keep out. Your (explicit language) is not to be done while I am in there. Period.”
IMO he was so far out of line disrespectful. I’m no prude & have no issues with self gardening, but this, no stinking way.
Anon
What’s a good BB or CC cream or concealer that is at drugstore-type prices and does not clog pores? Ideally gentle and easy to wash off with face wash or a bit of micellar water?
If needed, I can go to Sephora and try on a few but I am very particular about avoiding the pore clogging, as I have enlarged pores and it’s hard to clean and tighten skin as is.
I tried RMS Beauty Uncover up, and it generally fits my need except that it is very light and doesn’t conceal much. If all else fails, I’ll go back to it.
TheElms
I like Maybelline’s Dream Fresh BB cream. I normally use Clinique’s Acne Solutions BB, but I have the Maybelline one in my gym bag and its almost as good, I think.
Cat
+1 for Maybelline. It also makes my skin look amazing in photos.
Curious
I’m late, but +1 to this, and a note that the price ranges dramatically (I’ve seen it be anywhere from $4 to $14, with the $4 being both Target sample sale and Amazon special). I wouldn’t buy it for over $10.
Anonymous
I don’t own a single pair of jeans I feel great it, and I want to change that. I am petite with narrow hips and muscular legs, and the skinny Jean trend was not for me. Bootlegs are better but still tough because I don’t have the hips to balance the volume at the bottom. I’m hoping straight leg styles, which seem everywhere, will work for me. I don’t want too much distressing as I want to wear these to work. Budget is up to 100. Anyone have shopping tips? Right now, I think I just have to order some petite stuff from Madewell.
Anon
7 for Mankind Dojo. I’m 5’5” but with short legs so kind of like a petite person. Narrower hips, muscular legs. Dojos help balance me out. Only thing is they will tip your $100 budget but you might find a sale.
Mallory
I think maybe a boyfriend style would work for you – obviously on the more casual side, but comfy! The room in them would give you more flexibility. Also agree with you that straight fits would probably work well, embracing your natural shape.
A straight fit: https://www.madewell.com/stovepipe-jeans-in-fairdale-wash-tenceltrade%3B-denim-edition-AE159.html?dwvar_AE159_color=DM4023&cgid=apparel-jeans-straight
Boyfriend/girlfriend fit: https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=375390002&cid=1048557&pcid=5664&vid=1&grid=pds_155_361_1#pdp-page-content
Anon
Any tips on being a better listener at work? I’m an executive, experienced, and opinionated. I happen to be a lawyer so people often look to me for advice and answers anyway. I find myself talking in meetings with subordinates more than I’d like. Would love to hear what others have done to improve in this area.
Curious
Senior leadership seems to have a policy of speaking last and leading through questions at my company. I am motivated to be senior so I am motivated to try to learn to do it. What is really cool is how much better meetings are when i do manage to hold myself back. That is a useful feedback loop. Good luck — it is hard. Having a good manager who pairs with me on this has been critical.
Anonymous
In team meetings I have someone more junior run the agenda and then he or she asks other team members to report on their projects. That means most of those meetings run with me just making calls on our direction after hearing the discussion.
Anon
Good for you for thinking about it. That the first step, and a huge one, most poor listeners never take.
I would say make sure you’re not interrupting. Wait for a period before you respond.
I had an old boss who would ask a question, pause, I’d start to respond, and then he would interrupt me by continuing his thought. It got worse and worse the older he got. It was a very dominating behavior and I have zero doubt that’s why he did it – he wanted to hold court and have acolytes hanging on his every word.
I tell this story because I feel like a lot of it is in the attitude. You have to WANT to listen and be genuinely interested in what others say in order to be a good listener. I think you’re a long way there by just asking the question.
EM84
My company is restructuring and while I was one of the lucky ones to get a great job, it requires me to move to Budapest/Hungary. I have visited Budapest a few times and have lived in nearby countries (Czech republic, Slovakia, Poland), so I do not foresee any culture shock, but is here anyone who has lived in Budapest and has some advice?
Ellen
My ancestor’s still have roots there and I have visited. Unless you are familiar with the country (and you sound like you are), it is alot different then the USA. Budapest is a big city (for Hungary), so you will at least not be out in the sticks. If you are single, men will find you very quickly and especialy if you have a good job, they will want to marry you b/c economically, Hungary is not the USA. My Grandma Leyeh still has family contacts there, so if you are interested in living there, let me know and we can meet her in her apartement and talk b/f you decide. Finally, Grandma Leyeh reminded me for you to watch out for the street kids who are pickpockets there. Good luck!
Anon
I liber. in Budapest for 2 years and am really glad for the experience. I can say a lot of positives: beautiful city, super walkable, easy public transit, amazing baths, good classical music and jazz clubs, super great airport for going in/out. Gorgeous gorgeous architecture. Budapest is fairly liberal in an overall conservative country. Inexpensive living – on an average US salary I saved a bunch and had a nice apartment/traveled on weekends. Downsides are not many but you should prepare: healthcare is not great (can kinda recommend Roszakert medical center) – I think if you have any issues, hopefully you have intl insurance and can go to Vienna (great dental care in Budapest tho bc of Semmelweis). Hungarian language is no doubt hard but you can live fine in the city with just a few phrases. Know that it’s a farmers market culture, so grocery stores won’t have great quality produce. Sundays most things are closed. Go to Pontoon bar in the summer! Enjoy the kert bars, my favorite is Koleves. While it does feel like an insular city & culture, and I was glad to move to a big intl city afterward, I loved living in Budapest and think you will have an amazing time!
EM84
Thank you, Anon! Medical care (long waiting times and quality) is my major concern as I was scheduled for a minor surgery where I live now. I guess I will try to speed it up then. Which district did you live in, if I can ask? My friend recommended 2 & 12th (Rozsadomb), but I wonder if I shouldn’t live more in the center, to be able to enjoy restaurants. The quality of apartments (compared to where I live now) is also disappointing.
Anon
I knew people who lived all over the city and all had something nice to say about their district. Definitely Pest for restaurants/nightlife – Buda is more residential, but the area around Moricz Zsigmond Ter in Buda is lovely. I really enjoyed my location (between Kalvin & Corvin/Rakoczi Ter). Can help looking around convenient public transit lines – 47 is good, so is 2 (47 & 2 interchange). 4/6 ring line will get you basically anywhere (I lived off the 4/6), and the subway line 4/green is the nicest. As a newcomer to the city, I’d draw your boundary at the 4/6 ring and not go further out than that. I would also avoid: anything at Nyugati Pal. (congestion)/Keleti Pal (probably shadiest part of the city), Rakoczi ut (construction noise), and districts 6/7 for stag party noise. Happy to speak more if you want to post a throwaway email
casa-pancha-hostel poster
Paging the poster of casa-pancha-hostel some days ago,
I ussually travel on my own and book sometimes in hostels to get to meet people (others I prefer boutique hotels or B&B) but I am getting a bit old for that crowd. I am curious about how you find this kind of place. Sometimes in the Lonely planet you read descriptions as “for people that use to be backpapers and want to upgrade a bit” and it is a hint for me. Other ideas?
OP
Thoughts on taking sabbatical.
Looking for ideas on how to negotiate with employer, since the company does not have a policy for Unpaid sabbatical leave.
I need to take few months off s (under 5 month ) to complete a course which would be a big step for my career.
TIA
LaurenB
Coming in late, but it’s a little odd to see shortie pajamas with a headline of “what you want to wear in winter.” I have goosebumps just looking at the picture. The headline would have made more sense if you were showing warm or flannel pajamas, but no, shortie pajamas are packed away for quite some time.