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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Jumping off yesterday’s thread: what is something that you are extra good at?
Mine is finding the right word – I am almost always able to pick just the word I want or remember a word someone else is trying to describe. I attribute this to reading dictionaries as a kid (I was a weird kid), and being a reader in general.
Anon
There was already a thread about this like a week or two ago. I think someone had a photographic memory (not me, clearly) and you can probably find it if you search for that term.
OP
Thanks! I will definitely go look for those ones too! Good Friday reading
Anon
I have an extra good memory. My boss will use it as a sort of party trick in meetings “Hey Anon, what section of that regulation pertains to our project?” My memory definitely helps me excel at my job.
Anonymous
Reading maps, and always knowing what cardinal direction I am going/facing. I’m also very good at giving driving/travel directions to others.
Anon
this would be the thing that i am VERY VERY VERY bad at. i could get lost in a cardboard box. i have zero sense of direction
Anon
Same! Good at geography, terrible sense of direction
Anonymous
UGH I am so bad at this too! I get lost EVERYWHERE. Even places I have been a million times. I always (half) joke that if I feel like I should go right, then I should definitely go left.
Anonymous
LOL! I had a great aunt who was like that. Once she was in an airport and was not going to make her connecting flight if she made a wrong turn. She was sure she should turn left… and, knowing herself, she turned right. She made it onto the plane just in time!
Anonymous
Same. And my mother has this superpower and considers it to be a baseline capability and anyone lacking it to be incompetent as a human. Ugh.
Monday
That’s not cool. Everyone needs to recognize that people’s talents are all different. You have to both your own talent more, as in “hmm, not everyone can do this as well as I can,” and also cut yourself down a notch or two, as in “other people who can’t do this are no less smart or capable than I am. They have other skills that I lack.”
The most talented people I know have zero attitude about it.
Seventh Sister
I can’t tell my right from my left very well, which means about once a year I get some giblet-head who wants to laugh at me about it. I sympathize. Weirdly enough, I do have a pretty good sense of direction, but have to stop and think when someone tells me the salt is in the top right drawer.
pugsnbourbon
This is truly a superpower. I know someone who can do this – you can stick her in a windowless room, blindfold her, and spin her around a couple times – she’ll still know which way she’s facing.
Vicky Austin
That is straight up magic.
Murz
I’m like this! I’ve gotten better at it recently, too. I can estimate how many degrees I’m off from the nearest direction with pretty good accuracy! But I have no sense of lefts/rights. Never have, never will. I frequently make the L’s with my hands and if someone says to go left my answer is “which left?”
Ellen
I am also very good at finding places in the City. I am not reading maps, but I seem to know where I am going whenever I get off at a subway stop, even if I have never been there before. I rarley get lost and almost always walk in the right direction when I come off a bus or subway. Dad thinks I get it from him b/c he was in the Signal Corps when he first got in the milatary, and they had to know where they were going and what they were doeing b/c they had to give directions (signals) to the other troops who had to be on time.
On another note, I love the jumpsuit pictured from Nordstrom, and hope to be able to wear this once we are back in the office b/c Frank will not be able to see anything, even tho it is sleevless, and the v neck cut is way too high for him to peer in to see either!
Senior Attorney
Eh I missed it last time so I’ll play. My super power is that if you ask me to give a talk and tell me how long I have, I will wrap up exactly on time. Because my theory is that there is nothing you can say after your time has expired that won’t make everyone hate you (with the possible exception of “look under your chair, where you will find the keys to a brand new car”).
anonshmanon
I agree 100%! Wrap up on time, folks!
Anon
I have an excellent sense of direction, I’m great at reading maps, and if I’ve been to a place or even driven through it one time I will always remember how to get around.
Anon
I read really, really fast. It’s my only talent. It was a pain as a kid because my parents would buy me new books or I would get a stack from the library and I would finish them all in a day or two. I couldn’t keep up with myself! I regularly finish a book in one sitting in an evening after work.
No I don’t skim and yes I remember what I read!
anon
Yep, same. This is my hidden talent.
FFS
I’ve definitely slowed as an adult but I was that way as a child! The librarian would quiz me because she didn’t believe I actually read them all.
Vicky Austin
Same. I was once assigned reading in college on Project Gutenberg instead of having to buy a book (bless that professor). I was clicking through the pages so fast the website stopped me and asked if I was a bot. Oops!
Sloan Sabbith
Same. Means that I can read SO many books- I read one yesterday, in fact. And I comprehend it, too.I’ve read 107 books in 2020.
This also means my writing vocabulary is quite a bit larger than the words I know how to pronounce, which is unfortunate.
Vicky Austin
I have excellent luck making rice and microwave popcorn. I almost never burn either.
Abby
me neither on rice but that’s because i have a rice cooker lol (10/10 recommend)
Anonymous
I am an amazing test taker. I passed bar exams in three states without studying for any of them — and yes, everyone hates me for it. I can also turn a Styrofoam cup inside out.
NOLA
Ha! My ex-husband mostly hated the fact that I took the GRE on a random Saturday morning in my senior year in college, without studying, and did better than he did, after a practice course and studying. I have always read a lot, so I have a pretty decent vocabulary, plus my background in algebra and geometry from high school was excellent (as opposed to calculus).
Anonymous
I’m very curious as to why you would learn to turn a styrofoam cup inside out … how did this come about? And do you find that people are actually impressed by this?
Anonymous
I’m impressed by it. : )
But I am likewise curious about how you ever came to develop this skill.
Anonymous
I was on a class trip in junior high at a local amusement park. A group of us got in a bit of trouble and sent to amusement park jail (for lack of a better description of the room where we hung out) until we left the park at the end of the day with our group. The park employee who was assigned to stay with us taught me to do it and that skill has amazed quite a few people in teenage years (that was before YouTube so we didn’t have as many entertainment options).
Anonymous
…. I wish I’d been cool enough in junior high to end up in amusement park jail!
Anonymous
Love this. Some adults/employees are such a godsend for youths.
Anon
I love when people have random party tricks like this!
Anon
How is that not impressive??
Anonymous
It’s fine, it just seems a bit out of place next to being a good test taker or having a good sense of direction, etc. I haven’t held a styrofoam cup in 10+ years, but when I did I’m sure it never occurred to me that it would be neat inside out.
Ellen
I make air pop popcorn which is even better then skinny pop pop corn and I never burn it and I do not put salt or butter on it b/c it is healthier not to. It also helps regulate my colon, which I learned from Grandma Trudy who has IBS. She knows what to do but doesn’t always do it, and her IBS has become a problem at home with Dad.
Anonymous
I am also a great test-taker. When I took the ACT, my highest sub-score was in math, even though I am terrible at math. I just guessed well!
Anon
Amazing memory, outstanding at math, and great intuition.
This does not make me the life of the party.
Anonymous
Haha, yes, I dated a guy who was annoyed because according to him I was “always right” … like okay, I’ll start being wrong more often then (obviously wrong to be dating him, but right about common sense/logical outcomes).
Anon
High five, girl.
As I’ve gotten older (and it took a really kind, honest boyfriend to say something to me about it), I have understood how other people think, how much they forget, how that forgetfulness impacts their understanding of situations, and how my intuition is seen as just weird by people.
If the person is actually meaning well, I’ve found that a lot of “What I remember happening is…” and “The thing that person said can be meant a few different ways,and my gut just said it was a viper strike” help a lot. “Okay, can you help me understand (lay out sequence of events)….” is another one.
Anon
I met a guy in college who could remember as much as I could and it jarred me. I’d unconsciously shifted my expectations about other people remembering things and was just so surprised that he could recall details of past conversations and events as well as I could.
NOLA
I have really good relative pitch and I developed excellent sightreading skills in college so it takes me very little time to learn a piece of music. I also have excellent aural memory, so if I’ve sung a piece before, especially if it was difficult and we had to work at it, I will remember it as soon as I open it again. I’ve sung a lot of the masterworks, so I can pull out Messiah or the Mozart Requiem and just sing them, most of the time. I’ve sung with the same choir for 30 years now, so I pretty much know everything in the library, except when our director writes something new. My newly indoor cat HATES it when I sing next to her, so she found it particularly excruciating when I was learning a new piece to record last week. She went and sat by the front door and looked at me with disdain.
MagicUnicorn
I don’t sing, but can hear from a mile away if a guitar is out of tune even the slightest bit. Bandmates both feared and loved me for this, as they should.
Anonymous
Same! I memorize music and lyrics without even trying and it sticks with me forever.
I sing in a choir and we were supposed to perform the Mozart Requiem last April :( Obviously that didn’t happen. I really hope to have the opportunity to sing it some day.
Anon
I got an 800 on the writing SAT and a 12 on the essay without studying or trying. It wasn’t challenging at all. My talent does not extend to math, especially mental math, which made the rest of my standardized test history harder.
mascot
I read quickly with solid comprehension. I am a good cook and can put together meals on the fly without getting flustered (I keep a decently stocked kitchen). I’m handy/creative when it comes to problem solving (think MacGyver for using items in different ways). I’m calm and level headed in emergencies.
Anon
Navigation – I always know my cardinal direction and am very good about navigating new places whether walking/in a car/on public transit. Also packing – if there was a packing Olympics I would at least medal.
Anonymous
I wonder if good navigation skills and packing skills are related–spacial awareness or something? My husband is very good at both, whereas I am terrible at both.
Anne-on
I am an AWESOME packer, but not great at navigating via maps. For me it’s mostly over a decade of work travel and having it drilled into me to always, always take a carry on unless it’s absolutely unavoidable. My husband rarely travels for work and is king of the ‘but what if I reaaaaallllly need it!’ He does not seem to believe you can locate clothing and toiletries in other cities in a pinch.
Anon
I know a lot about general knowledge, geography, history and current events.
It helps me in trivia. I’m shocked at the knowledge gaps some people have!
Monday
Don’t be shocked on the geography and history. The US K-12 public education system is pretty weak compared to other developed countries.
Anonymous
How did you pick up this knowledge? Being an avid reader has helped me inadvertently.
Patricia Gardiner
I am great at putting together ikea (and other similar) furniture. It’s kind of a fun puzzle. My husband will give up in frustration after 5 min making me the default furniture assembler in our house.
Anonymous
I’m good at eyeing distances and proportions. I can usually tell you where the center of a wall is, or whether a line on a page is at 91 degrees rather than 90 degrees, or if that table is too close or too far from the wall.
I cannot, however, tell you if those five boxes will fit into the trunk of the car.
Anon
My dad is a general contractor and remodeled our house when I was growing up, so I have a pretty extensive knowledge of basic dimensions (e.g. 12 vs 16 vs 18 inch tile, standard counters are 36″ high, eyeing how tall a ceiling is), which has made me really good at estimating size and distance, especially indoors.
Anon
I’m a good judge of character, at least most of the time. I get a gut feeling about people and it almost always turns out to be right. This often means I don’t really like charismatic people, whom other people flock to, because I see through them (and have a silent I-told-you-so thought when their ugliness comes out later, and it always does, unfortunately.)
I’m also very very good at math.
I don’t think these two things are unrelated.
Seventh Sister
I did quiz bowl in high school and got into the habit of skimming lots and lots of things in order to remember random facts. I can’t tell you what my son’s shoe size is, but I can tell you that Jackie Kennedy’s wedding dress was designed by Ann Lowe and the wedding took place in Newport, RI.
Moving to Canada
I was intrigued to learn the other day (on the discussion here) that Canada has a good pathway for skilled immigrants to move there. This is something I think my husband and I would seriously consider. Has anyone ever done this (or known of anyone who has) who can comment on the process and what the major considerations are?
Plus, I have my eye on Victoria. I’d love to hear from anyone who has lived there; it looks like the ideal smaller city with good history, culture, natural beauty, and access to the outdoors.
Anonymous
My DH immigrated under the Cdn points system. He was fluent in English and had a PhD from a European university. He had enough points under the old system but I think they’ve since raised the number of points required so he would have needed a job offer to have enough points or be in a high demand field or immigrate to a province with a lower immigration population. It’s easier to immigrate to the Atlantic Provinces or Quebec compared to Ontario and BC which are very popular with immigrants. You need fluent French to immigrate to Quebec. Based on what you like about Victoria, I’d think about Halifax (if you don’t mind the winters). As it’s easier to get into NS than BC.
Lana Del Raygun
I have no advice, just a funny story: my mother is from Canada and she had a professor who had come to Canada from the US as a draft dodger. He was a physicist who worked on two-state problems, whatever those are, and Canada at the time had zero use for physicists who worked on two-state solutions. But the immigration officer was sympathetic to draft dodgers, so he looked at the list of jobs/skills they *did* want, found “chicken sexing,” said “Hey, that’s a two-state problem,” and let the guy in.
Anon
Electron spin, I think.
I’m sure that if you learn enough about that, it can be applied to biochemistry. Maybe.
MagicUnicorn
Quantum mechanics, actually. And a great story!
Anon
That is hilarious :)
Anonymous
At least half the poli sci dept at my uni in the 1990s was made up of American draft dodgers
Anon
What is your skilled background? Victoria is beautiful but not a lot of industry there. Also, the average age is older- it’s more of a retirement community (which ties with why there are not a lot of jobs). Halifax has LOTS of slow and a long cold winter compared to the west coast.
FWIW, I would consider the cost of living where you want to live, your expected salary (and tax bracket), and if that matches the lifestyle you want. Salaries are generally lower in Canada (for the equivalent job in the US), but this varies by industry. Toronto real estate is very expensive. I find sometimes Americans can be surprised by this. Obviously, I would factor in your health care costs as they stand, as those will obviously go down a lot (not to $0 though).
Anon
My husband has specialized tech industry skills and works at a prestigious research center in the U.S. My skills are less specialized, but I have a master’s in a field that I hope would be transferable (public health). Any thoughts on whether that’s enough?
FWIW, we’d be coming from a VHCOL place in the U.S. We’re used to that factor.
Anon
Sorry I don’t have more specific insight into the Victoria job market, but my hunch is that there is a little bit of tech out west, with some more in the Toronto area (Blackberry was started in a city around 1.5 hours outside of Toronto). I would say Vancouver might be better for that but I am not an expert. He’d probably have to be more generalized, but I’m sure you’ve considered that. With a MPH it seems like a university setting might work for you! UVic is great.
Anonymous
Victoria is the capital of BC, so there might be something in public health there. Look up Dr. Bonnie Henry. She led the COVID response team for BC and is a rock star.
Look
Not much new to add expect that yep UVic is great!
Anonymous
My husband works with a lot of Canadian immigrants to the US, so I don’t think everything is rosy over there. In particular, they praise the availability/options of medical care (but are ready to move back to Canada if they become uninsured/retire).
Anon
Americans against healthcare for all like to talk about how bad our healthcare in Canada is. It’s not. And I won’t be bankrupted if I go to the hospital.
Anon
The issue is Canadians in the US is a self-selected pool- they’re all of the people who wanted to leave, so of course they won’t be positive about it. (I say this as someone who has lived in the US) I do agree re lack of choice- it’s much more “take the care or not” (no shopping around for different providers, really). I haven’t really had many very serious medical problems (yet) but I do think I will push harder to be more of an advocate for myself if/when I do, especially if I get pregnant. Any issue I have had was dealt with quickly.
+1 on the no bankruptcy concerns. Or fighting over bills, or having your insurance dump you for xyz dumb reason.
Anonymous
I want healthcare for all, but I guess these particular people feel like they’re getting the best of both worlds.
Seventh Sister
It’s the “ready to move back if they become uninsured/retire” stability that I envy. While I was able to easily switch specialists for a kid a few years ago, the outcome would probably have been the same if I’d had to keep the specialist I didn’t like very much.
My BIL is Canadian, and is a specialized field where he basically had to move to the US to pursue it. His mom has been unhappy with some of the Canadian medical care she’s received, but when she came here to stay with him and get some medical opinions, the US doctors didn’t have new solutions (sample size of one I know). And she’s SO nice, I couldn’t point out to her that she probably wouldn’t have health insurance at all if she had the same job in the US.
Anonymous
Canadian here — now would be a good time to check things out based on the description of your skills and your husband’s. Public health is in the spotlight because of COVID and I expect most provinces will be ensuring that public health has the funds it needs, at least in the short term.
Re: health care — I’ve lived in the US and in Canada — never needed surgery/hospitalization in the US, so can’t comment on that type of healthcare in the US. I’ve had a few surgeries, including cancer surgery in Canada. Never had to wait very long for anything. My family and friends have similar experiences. We live in Ontario, which does have a higher physician ratio than some of the other provinces, so that is a factor.
If you like nature, I would encourage to take a trip to the east coast of Canada — Nova Scotia, Newfoundland have some spectacular coastline areas. Might be a little too small town-size wise, but depending on work-from-home changes coming out of COVID, more opportunities may arise allowing people to live at a distance from their head office. I just saw a position posted in Ontario at the CFO level for a sizeable organization, indicating that the person could be based anywhere in Ontario, and expect minimal travel.
Anonymous
Depending on the specific nature of your DH’s tech skill set he might be interested in Verafin in St John’s – financial tech company , there’s also a fairly strong marine tech sector. Winters are long and summers are short though.
But First, Tea
Hi there!
I was born and raised in Victoria (and attended undergrad at UVic) and now I live in Vancouver. I also practiced immigration law pre-Covid. As someone else said, it’s a points system based on a number of factors. Also, I saw that you said below that your partner is in tech and BC has a specific tech based immigration pilot that you might want to look into.
Victoria is a beautiful little city though, as someone said below, it does skew a little older population wise. There is a small, but growing tech industry there for sure. Also, Victoria is the capital of the province and as such home to many government offices. One of my family members is in government public health so that might be something to consider for you depending on what kind of public heath you are involved with.
Victoria is a higher cost place to live although I saw that below you said you’re used to that. Also, depending where you’re from, the amount of rain/grey weather can be off-putting to some. We don’t get a whole lot of snow out here though which is wonderful and our summers are mild and lack the humidity found in some of the other provinces.
I’m happy to answer any specific questions you might have if I have answers.
Seventh Sister
I work in a field where I’d pretty much have to start over, but I am trying to encourage my kids to consider emigrating to Canada, the UK, or some part of the EU when they grow up. The American health system provides so much uncertainty, and I think they would have a better quality of life in another country. I didn’t feel that way when I was starting out, but I sure do now.
Hazel
Coming to this quite late, but in case you’re checking back: I immigrated to Canada from the US in 2018/2019 — received permanent residency in July 2019. My goal was to join my then-girlfriend (now-wife) in Toronto but I wanted to come on my own merits rather than a spousal visa. I did everything on my own (no immigration consultant, etc) and it was a very straight-forward process.
The Canadian gov’t has a really good site for prospective immigrants, including a sample evaluation of your scores under the points system. You will need to take an English evaluation regardless of whether you’re a native speaker, and you will need to have your academic credentials evaluated & certified for their Canadian equivalent — these took quite a bit of time for me (i.e. registered for English exam in January, couldn’t get a test until April, didn’t get results until August). Getting the academic credential evaluation took me another 12 weeks or so, so make sure you factor the lead-time into your plan. You will also need to get FBI background check, health exam, etc. I also needed to provide a recommendation from my current employer (she’s a good person!) and records from my banks (she’s not insolvent!)
I scored high on the points system though I would’ve scored even higher if I’d had a job offer from a Canadian gov’t at the time of application. It took me 12 months to gather everything I needed to submit my application for consideration; from the time I was invited to apply for permanent residency to the time I received my PR, it took another 6 months. You might be able to cut the 12-month lead time if you’re more organized than I was, but I’d still think 12-18 months is the fastest you’d get PR.
If you’re just looking for work in Canada and have a job offer, you can get a work visa much faster (but your company may need to prove that they can’t hire a Canadian for the same job.)
Sad
My school board decided to address racism by cancelling all enrichment activities, obviously after COVID when these things could conceivably resume, ‘because they don’t benefit POC’ so now thousands of kids don’t have the opportunity to take language immersion, participate in debate, join the swim team or any of the many other things which make school a better experience. I’m just sad for all those kids with lost opportunities. There has to be a better way to encourage uptake among POC instead of denying other students.
Anonymous
Wait, they canceled sports? That’s asinine.
Anon
That’s weird. Are these activities that incur significant cost that might be unaffordable for some students (regardless of color)? Could the costs be subsidized?
Anon
Are you exaggerating or is the school literally cancelling activities for that reason and not due to COVID worries?
Anonymous
Which school did this?
Sad
Nope I’m not exaggerating. They said that enrichment activities provide white and Asian students a higher level of education than other students which means that for college applications there is an unlevel playing field since other students don’t have these activities on their applications.
Anonymous
Ok so tell us which school district.
Sad
It’s not in the US, so telling you the school board would be useless. Trust me this is huge news in my county people are very polarized on the issue.
Anonymous
Oh it’s not in the US? Interesting you didn’t mention that until just now. No one believes you because this is not a thing that has actually happened here in the US. Home of this website.
Alll the eyerollS at you for this nonsense.
Anon
Why don’t you tell us what country it is then? It won’t out you.
Anon
Now, privileged students will do those activities outside of school and underprivileged students will have no access.
Anon
There’s always a massive battle over some program at the local high school (usually over Mandarin instruction and whether it exclusively benefits white and Asian students at the expense of Black students). I don’t know if anyone ever asks why Black students aren’t signing up for Mandarin. I’ve had this conversation with Latin teachers, and they haven’t always thought of obvious things (for example, Latin textbooks that feature Roman slavery in a cheerful and “humorous” mode). I have no idea what would dissuade Black students from taking Mandarin, but could make things up.
Anonymous
Latin needs a champion. Nothing would benefit poor and first generation kids more. The Jesuits are generally right.
Anon
Yes, when teachers take steps to make Latin instruction more inclusive, it goes well.
Anonymous
Latin is a dead language. How do you make it inclusive? How is it exclusive? It is the main key to excelling and poor kids need this more acutely. “Take this class and you will be rich” isn’t far from the truth. Or you will be comfortable and happy in your 30s. It and math are the same in this respect. Free to the takers. Priceless.
Anonymous
I took Latin and do not recall slavery. Gaul is divided in three parts. Yes. Gendered nouns. Yes. Declining nouns. Yes. Conjugating verbs. Yes. SPQR, yes. INRI, yes.
Salve, magister! No slaves. Maybe that was my poor blue collar public school, but I also took it in college.
Anon
Yes, the text I had in mind was Cambridge Latin; it’s not the text I was taught from either.
School Administrator
Yes, what district is this? I feel like this would be making huge headlines if it’s literally true.
As an administrator, I know that sometimes things get completely misinterpreted by the public. Sometimes because of our bungling the communication, and more often because a few parents spread rumors.
Anonymous
Obviously, this decision has nothing to do with POC and what racist BS for them to pretend that it does.
Anon
This is some aLl LiVeS mAtTeR tr0lling
Livid POC
Thank you for saying this. Agreed.
Anon
This doesn’t make any sense. POC benefit from all these things. These activities certainly helped this Black woman earned scholarships to college. There’s no way my family could have afforded putting me in private activities and classes separate from school.
This move probably has nothing to do with POC and everything to do with money. We just get the blame so that anger is directed towards us. Happens all the time.
anon
There’s gotta be more to the story here; this makes zero sense.
Anon
Maybe and maybe not.
My daughter’s middle school had this happen. Anything that required payment or alternate transportation (i.e. went later than the last bus) was cancelled. And at least for the program my daughter was in, it had literally never happened that a child was turned away for inability to pay. The sign-up materials invited any parent who could not afford it to confidentially email the coordinator and they found the money (we did a lot of fundraising and had a couple of parents who contributed generously). In the end, many of those activities went private (it was great for private language schools and drama programs), which meant that even fewer Black and Hispanic kids participated.
They did it because they were treated with a lawsuit from some outside entity (not the ACLU but someone like that).
Anonymous
Why did they cancel stuff instead of just offering it at lunchtime?
Anonymous This Time
Seattle started to dismantle its gifted program in some schools on the ground that it is racist. The way that kids are identified for the program did favor white and asian students, but instead of fixing those problems so that the program was more equitable via things like universal testing or testing kids on the week days instead of weekends, they got rid of it. Some of the biggest supporters of the gifted program were parents of African American boys who were quite reasonably worried that their kids would be labeled as disruptive because they were smart and therefore bored.
Anon
[citation needed]
Anonymous
Right?
Anonymous
Yeah until OP shares the district I’m going with “cool story bro”
Anon
Or if it’s the different country, she can share the country.
Anon
How much time do you spend on keeping up with the news, and what sources do you go to? Do you read/listen/watch daily or weekly?
Interested in all answers, but here’s why I’m asking. I want to be better informed, but too much tends to overwhelm me. I currently check the headlines on the NYT and read 1-3 articles a day, and read the New Yorker weekly, and I often feel under-informed. I tried browsing google news but it wasn’t for me — I especially like in-depth coverage of events and issues rather than quick headline updates.
Anonymous
So, my husband has grown increasingly frustrated at what we call “the news” not really being the news. In his opinion, it’s someone’s opinion of the news. I don’t know if I exactly follow that train of thought. But, what this has result in (along with COVID/WFH) is that he now watches CNBC’s lunchtime show – I think it’s call the halftime report or something. It’s not a news show, but he finds that it actually gives him the best news – what’s happening in the economy, healthcare, politics, etc., and then he can go and read more on certain topics as he likes. And the guest analysts on the show engage in debate (including sometimes just agreeing do disagree on a point, which I feel doesn’t happen a whole lot anymore). So he watches that and then subscribes to a local paper for local news.
Anonymous
Sounds wacky and charming … but obviously not like a recommended method to get non-opinion news.
anonymous
Barely any time. I find the news depressing and overwhelming. I’ll catch the local morning news a few times a week just to hear the weather or catch traffic reports for days my husband has to drive into the office.
Anon
I usually read the NYT, but I’ve found it frustrating lately. It seems much more geared towards cheap clickbait headlines than it used to be (in the “[shocking statement + this is what happened next]” style). A sample from today’s edition:
“I have M.S. This is what it’s like to be fed by other people.”
“These scientists raced to find a COVID-19 drug. Then the virus found them.”
“Trump broke the tax release tradition. There’s only one way to fix it.”
I find that this cheapens my reading experience. I’m actively looking for other sources.
Anonymous
Eyeroll
Anon
Feel free to be negative elsewhere, preferably within the confines of your own head.
Anonymous
It’s completely unclear on whether you’re rolling your eyes at being disappointed in the NYT or at the cheesy headlines
anon
I’m also an NYT reader (and subscriber) and I kind of agree with this. Although in general I don’t read the clickbaity pieces and stick to the hard news stories, so really I am just looking for a source for better investigative pieces. I may resubscribe to the New Yorker for that.
Anonymous
+1 I’ve been really turned off by the “click here!!!!” style and approach I’ve seen in so many headlines, and then the lack of substance or verification when I get into the article itself.
anon
I hate this too. Headlines written in that style guarantee I will go elsewhere in search of news.
Flats Only
I noticed the same thing about 2 months ago and canceled my subscription. Sometimes the alarming COVID headline didn’t even reflect the facts of the story once you clicked through. Not paying for that BS.
Ellen
I read APPLE News, which has alot of news from other places, which curates them for me. I got a subscription on my new iphone when they kept asking me to subscribe. I also listen to the Today Show and NBC news to keep me up on the latest news. I love Savannah’s Guthrie’s home upstate somewhere. She rarley comes into 30 Rock any more, b/c she does NOT want to get the Corona Virus. Hoda is there, but I think she is much taller than Savannah, but there’s no more mingling with the crowds outside (with or without masks) b/c it is not social distancing.
Anon
While I get ready in the morning, I used to listen to Skimm This. I really miss that it’s weekly and not daily now (I’m still going into the office so same morning routine).
When I get into the office I read 3 newsletters (the Skimm, NYT, and CNN 5 things). Throughout the day I read articles in between tasks. I subscribe to the WaPo, the NYT, and my city’s local paper. I probably read about 5-10 articles a day. Most, but not all of which are news-y (I also read some of the lifestyle articules in the paper)
Caveat, that I work in a field where I need to pay attention to current events.
Anon
Listen to Morning Edition and All Things Considered.
Silly Valley
Yup, I listen to Up First, NPRs daily news podcast, each morning. It’s basically Morning Edition in a 15 minute podcast.
Anonymous
I read the Wall Street Journal for business news, Politico US and EU for political news, and the NYT for more in depth articles. However, recently the NYT coverage has lacked thoughtful balance.
Anon
All I can handle is my local news these days.
Pompom
I wake up to Morning Edition, and now that I’m wfh, I usually keep listening through the first 10-15 min of BBC America. Then I switch it off. And maybe, maybe I look at WaPo during the day, though that’s gotten rarer and rarer.
I’m too infuriated.
Anon
Even though it’s unpleasant it is so, so important to stay up on the news and current events.
Much like checking your 401k balance during economic downturn, it’s just part of being a responsible adult.
Anon
There are so few times in my life when staying up on the news has made any difference to my life, I think I could count them on my fingers. In what sense is it part of being a responsible adult if I have no responsibilities relevant to current events for which I do not have better sources of information than the news?
Anon
Every time you vote.
Anon
I genuinely wish it were that hard to sort the wheat from the chaff when voting, but that’s not been my experience at all.
Anonymous
Nobody asked whether or not it’s important.
Pompom
Insert clapping emoji here.
We get it, we’re all awful for preserving our mental health during this time by limiting news intake to just the necessary bare minimum (a move which, yes, we all recognize requires privilege). BAD ADULT. BAD!
anon
Why on earth do I have to check my 401k balance during a downturn? I think I look at it twice a year, maybe less.
Anon.
Amen! I have no intention of using my 401K for 20+ years. It is a long term investment. I do not actually need to know the balance on a daily basis, particularly in a downturn.
Anonymous
I spend way too much time checking the news. Since the last presidential election, I feel compelled to be well informed but it is exhausting and depressing. I read my local paper, Washington Post, NYTimes, Politico and The Atlantic. I also watch MSNBC while I work out in the morning and Rachel Maddow in the evening.
Anon
I consume a lot of news. I have subscriptions to NYT, WSJ, WashPo, Atlantic, Economist and the New Yorker. I spent about 7 hours a week reading news. (An hour or so daily – 15 minutes here and there.) I do not consume any news via the television.
NOLA
One of the sites that I use with my students is allsides.com. They assign right, left, and center to news sources (with very specific information about how they do so) and then give you articles from each on many topics. We use it for an exercise on identifying inflammatory language and how language can introduce bias in how we hear the facts in a story.
Anonymous
Thank you for this so much! It’s exactly the kind of spectrum I’ve been wanting to find.
NOLA
Cool! Most people don’t know about it. It really resonated with my students.
Anon
I cannot urge people enough to subscribe to and read their local newspaper. They are in real danger of going away and need the support (there are usually great deals on digital-only subscriptions!). They do incredible and important journalism. A local newspaper reopened and broke the Jeffrey Epstein story.
Also, Twitter – follow real reporters on the ground covering issues you want to hear about, and folks studying issues you care about.
Anon
+100
Although I actually have the NYT, Washington Post, NatGeo and my local paper is the most expensive subscription
Anon
Wikipedia page for current events: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portal:Current_events
Anon
I am a steady consumer of news and get news 3 ways: 1) online access to newspapers (I scan WaPo, NYT, Guardian, WSJ, DW News daily – just the headlines. If there is an interesting topic I’ll google more/sometimes check twitter. On a semi-weekly basis I check out foreign news in English version like Le Monde/Der Speigel); 2) radio on an app (Hourly News, listen maybe once or twice a week in the morning to BBC & VOA) and 3) PBS Newshour w Judy Woodruff (the only TV news I will watch, although if there is an interesting hearing I’ll tune in to C-Span). Now that I think about it, it’s a lot of time! My fave is probably PBS NewsHour.
Anon
You might like Frontline or Vice or any of those that are doing longer investigations with video presentation
Anon
I think this is a good balance. You’re informed but not bogged down.
I read about an hour of news a day from local and national sources, but I get that that’s a lot.
On the other hand, you don’t want to be like my friends (multiple of them, all well educated with good jobs) who didn’t know what ISIS was until 2014/2015 when I explained it to them…
Truly no excuse to not pay at least a little attention to current events, they impact our lives whether or not you think they do.
Yes, you gotta take care of yourself these days but you also have to stay informed.
Anonymous
Idk, what meaningful things are they doing with their newfound ISIS knowledge?
anonn
Thought I’d see more public radio nerds on here. I have Alexa play our local station when I wake up and listen as I’m getting ready/making coffee and then listen in the car on the way to work and drive home, Morning Edition, All Things Considered, Marketplace. My husband listens too and it’s really the only common interest we have to discuss these days ( no sports, too tired for tv shows). Though lately I’m on Covid overload and switch over to the Bobby Bones show or sports talk quite a bit too. Also subscribe to the local paper and check it all day long.
Deedee
Now that I am not commuting, I listen to so much less NPR! I used to love that.
Deedee
I don’t think of myself as someone who consumes a ton of news, but each morning I read the WSJ, WashPo, NYT, and local paper briefing. I am subscribed to the NYT and WSJ so occasionally check them at the end of the day. I recently added reading the daily briefing for another state’s major paper, which is proximate to the small state I live in. I did this because my local paper’s coverage is absolutely miserable quality, and the state adjacent to us has better quality reporting in my own state’s affairs. We get Nat Geo and I like to browse long reads.com, Politico, and the New Yorker as well—probably only on a weekly basis.
FAANG
Which tech company (Facebook, Amazon, Apple, Netflix, Google, etc) has the most impact on your life? Which do you think is most innovative? Which do you admire? Which do you view as “evil”? Hope this can be a light hearted end of week question rather than become contentious.
Full disclosure: currently work at one of these companies and considering moving to another one.
Anon
Facebook, Amazon, and Google are most evil in my book. I don’t particularly admire any of them. I find some of them useful, but they’re not inspiring or groundbreaking to me. They serve a purpose and offer some utility to me and that’s it.
Anon
I can see Facebook and Amazon, but why is Google evil in your book?
Anon
It’s a monopoly that makes its money by selling our data to advertisers and it is notorious for abusing contractor arrangements (it hires “contractors” who are doing the same work as full-time staff to save money on benefits). I have a lot of privacy concerns about Google and am switching away from Google products over time.
Lana Del Raygun
Matt Stoller has written some good explanations of their monopolistic activities: https://mattstoller.substack.com/p/will-spotify-ruin-podcasting (this one explains Spotify’s monopoly moves by comparing it to Google) https://mattstoller.substack.com/p/googles-dangerous-monopoly-based https://mattstoller.substack.com/p/googles-war-on-publisher-paywalls
Anon
I’d consider Google and Netflix the best, Amazon and Facebook are profoundly evil, Apple is just really talented at marketing beyond that they don’t have any substance.
Anon
LOL asking who thinks which company is evil and hoping it doesn’t turn contentious. Sure.
Amberwitch
Microsoft!
I uset to code .Net, C#, and now I am responsible for digital transformations that almost always have started by moving productivity suites to the cloud – always to O365.
Anon
Amazon is 100% the most evil, followed by Facebook. I’m no fan of Apple either, due to their planned obsolescence policies.
Admittedly that a) I still have an iPhone and I do occasionally buy on amazon, especially during COVID. b) I’m a lifelong government worker who is not particularly fond of corporations who put profit over people
Anonymous
I mean they are all evil. I use FB to connect with friends who live in different places but I never click on the ads so I minimize the revenue contribution that I make. I also avoid clicking on google ads. I also never shop Amazon. Honestly Amazon reminds me of a fleamarket – so much garbage options to weed through to find something good. I don’t even miss it. On the rare occasions I’ve checked it out because it’s so popular, I’ve literally never seen something that I couldn’t order online elsewhere just as easily.
Senior Attorney
I gave up Amazon a few months ago and have been quite surprised at how little I miss it. All the other online options have gotten very user friendly while I was defaulting to Amazon for everything.
Anon
If packages weren’t constantly stolen from my stoop, I’d never use amazon again (there’s an amazon storefront near me)
Anon
I’m thinking of quitting Amazon, but am being lazy about replacing my Amazon Chase Visa (which I got for cashback at Whole Foods as a Prime member). Did you have to make any decision about a default credit card? I am pretty unhappy with how both Amazon and Whole Foods have responded to the pandemic especially in terms of employee safety.
Senior Attorney
I was already using Citi Double Cash Back for everything other than Amazon so that was not a big issue.
Senior Attorney
And yes, we’ve had two COVID-19 deaths among staff at our local Whole Foods.
Anon
Thanks for the reply; it sounds like I should go credit card shopping. And that is heartbreaking. I really believe Whole Foods could have gone full curbside or delivery with Amazon’s resources and the resources of those who shop there; putting employees in danger was a choice.
Anon
I had one of those and another Chase card. When I called to cancel the Amazon card (and told them that it was because Amazon is evil) they were able to transfer most of my available credit line to my other card and reminded me to cash in any remaining rewards (got $15 back that I forgot I had!). The whole thing took about 15 minutes and I’m so glad I did it.
Walnut
I use the Fidelity 2% cash back card. The cash back is deposited into a brokerage account.
Vicky Austin
I definitely think Amazon and Facebook are evil. And easier to avoid in life. Google feels less easy to avoid and so I view it as less evil, perhaps to justify myself. I like Netflix overall and feel kinda bad that their time may be coming to an end.
My opinion on Apple is best summed up by somebody else: “Once you accept that Apple is a fashion company rather than a technology company, everything makes sense.”
Lana Del Raygun
Ha, that’s a great summary of Apple. But Amazon Web Services are pretty hard to avoid, and even things I’ve bought from other retailers have arrived from Fulfillment By Amazon. :(
Lana Del Raygun
Amazon is the most evil, for their naked attempt to consolidate power over every aspect of human life. Google is at least as bad from a monopoly power perspective; SpaceX/Musk is up with Amazon/Bezos for being a malevolent lunatic and trying to recreate the Dutch East India Company in space.
Just me
So I am sending this on an iPad, own an iPhone and a Macbook (that has Microsoft office), order from Amazon for Kindle and routine supplies, watched Netflix last night. Facebook was rarely used until the pandemic- but now is source for some inspiration from wonderful friends . That said if I had to say I think Facebook has the most “issues”
I have liked things said by the leaders at Apple and Microsoft.
I would not like to call any of them “evil”
Senior Attorney
On the topic of evil, here’s what I don’t get: If I were Jeff Bezos, the richest (or one of the richest) man in the world, I would be THRILLED to pay my workers enough to have a decent life and make sure they had healthcare. Seriously. I would be so proud and would consider it such a wonderful accomplishment. It is absolutely beyond me that he is so cheap with his employees while stockpiling more money than he can spend in ten lifetimes. I will never understand that if I live to be 100.
Anon
He is a POS and he is single handedly why I don’t support amazon
Anon
I agree with this. He has enough money to buy thousands of mansions, thousands of yachts, fund every charitable project his heart desires, buy every Picasso he wants, leave his family incredible fortunes, and STILL have billions left over.
Vicky Austin
God, this 1000%.
Anon
Completely agree and is why I don’t support amazon, as others have noted. But where does this leave The Washington Post? I enjoy reading the newspaper, am both a print and digital subscriber, am an avid supporter of the news, and want to support the paper, but…Bezos. Ugh.
Monday
Wow. I never thought of it that way, which I guess tells you what I think of super-rich people and their thought processes.
Anon
I think Amazon and FB are so evil that I absolutely refuse to use them where I have any choice — I know AWS is impossible to avoid and FB collects my data even when I’m not on it. But I don’t have accounts with either, and don’t use any brands that they own (Insta, Whole Foods, etc.).
I don’t always like Apple the company but I use their products — I’m not aware of any manufacturer of cell phones and computers that is problem free, and Apple is a reluctant compromise. I own a 3 year old cell phone and a 7 year old laptop and I don’t plan to replace either until they are completely broken. I refuse to buy AirPods given that there is absolutely no way to recycle any of the component materials. I also use gmail and google calendar and drive because it’s easy to share kid related stuff with my ex-husband.
Anon
I think Facebook used to do a lot of good; I’ve made a lot of friends though it, many of whom I’ve met in real life. One of my longtime FB friends came to my wedding, and that was the first time we got to meet.
But, oh the evil of the data mining. I would happily pay them to use the platform and not sell my data.
CountC
I guess from an impact perspective, Apple, but that’s only because I have two iPhones (one personal and one work). I am too lazy to want to learn a new OS (I know it’s not that hard), which is the only reason I keep buying iPhones. I don’t have any other Apple products and never will.
I don’t use Facebook or Amazon. I use Google but have no illusion that I have any privacy. It’s ingrained into my life at this point, so I find it to be a sunk cost in that regard.
Netflix seems fine to me? I am not up to speed on the evils of Netflix atm.
I don’t admire any of them. They could all do more real good in the world and they don’t because greed and money rules.
Anon
+100 to your last paragraph
Anon
Do you guys have 401k’s? Are you invested in index funds or S&P 500 or any aggregate funds at all? Because if so, I guarantee you’re heavily invested in Amazon and Google and all the tech firms you think are evil.
Anonymous
Some of us don’t invest in just anything without learning about the funds. There are tons of well performing ethical funds around.
Carmen Sandiego
I have a question for all you more politically-savvy ladies. Is it normal for it to be this close to the election and the candidate still have not chosen a running mate? I guess I feel like I’ve always known earlier than now, but I realized I don’t actually know what is typical. If it is later than normal, do you think it is just due to COVID or some other issue or what?
Anon
Yes, it’s normal. It’s usually announced shortly before the convention.
Senior Attorney
They normally choose their running mates after they are officially nominated, which is at the convention. The 2016 Democratic Convention began on July 25 so yes, it’s normal to be without a running mate at this point.
Anon
From a cursory google search: Sarah Palin was announced as John McCain’s running mate on August 29. Tim Kane was announced as Hillary Clinton’s running mate on July 22. Joe Biden was announced on August 23.
Carmen Sandiego
Ah, ok, thanks! I guess just everything this year seems to be dragging on forever.
Anonymous
I call it pandemic time. Everything is super slow and exhausting. Every day is like a month of pre-pandemic time.
anonshmanon
So. Much. Drag. This year just won’t end.
Anonymous
Yes totally normal.
Maudie Atkinson
I just (remotely) argued my first hearing since February, and, wow; it was a good reminder that I don’t hate being a lawyer. In fact, I quite like it and feel like the rare happy lawyer. I just hate project managing (as opposed to actual legal analysis, research, and writing) and stupid, posturing discovery fights, which is all I have been doing this year for reasons that have nothing to do with Covid and everything to do with where I am in my practice (senior associate) and the stable of cases I have at the moment.
I realize it’s likely to get worse before it gets better, but it was such a nice conclusion to the last few weeks and has me counting down the days until I get to do it again in August.
Anon
Does anyone have any great at-home-yoga resources that are NOT videos? I attended classes pretty regularly and am generally familiar with the poses, but I would prefer to go at my own pace. I can do the sun salutations on my own, and then add in a few things, but am having trouble expanding from that with some variety. I think some lists of sequences would be really helpful. Is there maybe a blog that has this kind of thing?
FFS
Down Dog! It’s my favorite yoga app. You put in what you want (areas of focus, length, difficulty) and it creates a routine for you out of (mainly) still poses. It still has music and it’s different every time.
FFS
Oh, though I guess it doesn’t meet your “own pace” requirement. Still might be worth checking out to see all their postures.
Carmen Sandiego
It does have an option for faster or slower (maybe even a medium), and with how much description in the poses – OP could choose the slower option!
EM84
I have enjoyed Ashtanga Yoga The Practice Manual by David Swenson. Explains poses well and you can create your own session by adding them to your core routine. If unsure how to do them, he has a few (retro) videos on YT.
Neef
I have used Cyndi Lee’s OM yoga: A Guide to Daily Practice for decades. Excellent book, it helps you build a daily practice with comprehensive full-body routines.
anon
TW: disordered eating, please skip if it is not healthy for you to read.
hi everyone,
like most everyone here, i’m dealing with a lot of stress at the moment. i’m writing because i think i’m developing an eating disorder and i’m not sure what to do. i’m noticing binge eating (ie, if i buy certain foods, i am unable to stop eating them until they are all gone) or chewing and spitting (ie, chewing food and spitting it out rather than swallowing. I know, it’s disgusting, i am ashamed). i’m going through a move currently and had to postpone my wedding due to the pandemic along with a biglaw job that is very stressful at the moment. i’m not quite sure what i’m asking for but just want to know if anyone else has experienced manifestation of stress in this way. before quarantine i was eating well and exercising often and the stress of all of this has me not exercising other than walks and eating like this, which i feel very very guilty about after i am done. i’m pretty ashamed of this behavior and not sure what to do or where to go from here. i want to stop these behaviors but i really can’t rearrange my whole life to address this (see the above stressors). i guess i’m asking if anyone has experience with handling a burgeoning eating disorder in a way that is not ‘go to an inpatient facility for 30 days’ type of thing. i’m a healthy weight and not near being dangerously thin or very overweight.
Anon
Of course you don’t need to go to an inpatient facility for an eating disorder, at least not right now. But you probably want to see a psychiatrist and also a therapist to deal with anxiety and similar issues.
Lana Del Raygun
I would call the National Eating Disorders Association helpline (call, text, or chat: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline) and look at their covid-19 resources (https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/covid-19-resources-page) and their free and low-cost resources (https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/free-low-cost-support) which include virtual support groups and mentorships.
You’ve asked for help, and that’s the first step. Hugs to you <3
Anonymous
Awww…hugs. I don’t have any expertise here, but just know that there IS a way forward for you, and you’ll find it. If you made it through law school to biglaw, you’re used to doing tough things. Even though walking your way out of this is a different kind of tough thing, life will be good on the other side of it. Posting here is a little step, and enough of those little steps one after the other will have you in a different place.
Anonymous
Therapist. You can do teletherapy or videotherapy for this. Find someone who specializes in eating disorders. They will help you build non-food related coping skills. And stop buying trigger foods.I struggle with moderation and a big part of success is having DH be responsible for the grocery shopping so I don’t have to deal with instore temptation. and not keeping trigger foods at home.
Anonymous
Don’t buy the foods that inspire binging. Don’t chew and spit. Don’t allow yourself to think of these as possibilities or options. If you can’t stop on your own, you need to get professional help.
Find some healthy ways to manage your stress since you believe that is the root of the problem. Exercise sounds like it’s important to you — can you prioritize an exercise routine?
Anon
well the first step is awareness, which you seem to have. i am so sorry to hear about you having to postpone your wedding. i would seek out therapy – this does not have to mean that you go to a facility for 30 days, but a therapist who specializes in eating disorders would probably be a good first step. have you clued in your fiance?
Anonymous
Call a therapist today. If you take swift action with a professional you can get a handle on this before it gets worse. You are already in a crisis. You cannot get out without help.
pugsnbourbon
Hey there – big hugs from an internet stranger.
First, if you can try to reframe the ED actions so that shame isn’t dominating them. You can name them – “I am chewing and spitting because I am under immense stress. I am seeking help. This behavior does not define me.”
Second, start looking for a therapist. I know that’s hard, but if you’re willing to drop a location someone may have recommendations. You can also ask your partner to help you look – you don’t have to give specifics if you don’t want to; you can say you’re preoccupied with food in a way that worries you.
Third, can you take any time off? I know that’s not always possible with law, but your health is paramount. Reducing your stress right now is critical.
Finally, you’re really brave for reaching out. I hope you start feeling better soon.
BeenThatGuy
Hugs from an internet stranger. As a long time sufferer of an eating disorder, I don’t think you need inpatient treatment to begin recovery. Find yourself a therapist that specializes in eating disorders. There’s also a great book to pick up called “Life Without Ed” by Jenni Schaefer. The fact that you are aware there is a problem is a great first step.
Your last sentence is worrisome to me and I feel the need to address it. It is a misconception that people with eating disorders are dangerously thin or very overweight. As someone who has struggled with this for 33 years, 25 plus years in silence, you would never know about my disordered eating by my appearance. Stereotyping is dangerous.
Anon
One of my kids had a pretty bad eating disorder – had lost 15-20 lbs from a low-normal weight – and had incredibly successful treatment despite not missing a day of school. You can do this, but you can’t do it without therapy and treatment for your stress and anxiety.
Anon
I’ve only experienced this in a context of nutritional deficiency (buying a food like a canister of yogurt, a loaf of bread, or a box of cereal, and then eating all or most of it in a fugue state). I guess I’d suggest asking your doctor about a stress support multivitamin or just generally making sure you are getting what you need given the stress you are under.
Lady Lawyer
Fellow stressed-out Biglaw attorney with a history of eating issues here. I’m really sorry to hear about your wedding, in addition to all the other stress. I think a therapist is always a good idea. But if you’re not in a place where you want to start therapy yet, there are a few things that have worked for me (and note that I’m not a professional by any means, just sharing what has helped me over the last decade along with weekly therapy). First, don’t keep the things you binge on in the house. You can’t binge on something that’s not there. Second, don’t deprive yourself. I used to try so hard to follow a no/low-carb diet, so when there was a box of cereal/crackers or loaf of bread etc. around, I would go to town because I was so deprived and had intense cravings. After years of working on intuitive eating, I now eat carbs with many healthy meals, as well as dessert every night, and nothing feels much like a novelty anymore my body is no longer that excited about foods I used to binge on. Finally, make exercise a priority! I know that when work gets crazy it’s so easy to say you don’t have time for working out. But at the end of the day, you do! There are tons of apps with really fun at-home workouts (Obe and Sculpt Society are my favorites) that vary in length–you can pick 10 minutes of dance cardio, or 30 minutes of yoga, etc. I find that exercising overall helps with the stress of this pandemic as well as my nonstop work, and also sets the right tone for each day so I make healthier food choices. But with all of that, don’t beat yourself up too much. Like others have said here, it is great that you’re aware of this issue, and you can do hard things.
Astrid
I almost did not read this post because I feared it was going to be triggering, but I’m happy to realize how strong I am! I was involved in an increasing and exhausting cycle of chewing and spitting for 2.5 years before I found my therapist. Within six months, she helped me get to a point where that behavior stopped completed. It involved talk therapy and daily check-ins where I had to be brutally honest about my purging. Shedding a light on the behavior and what triggered it was for the best. I regret that I did not get help sooner. Please find a therapist you trust and commit to the process, it will save your sanity and sense of self-worth!
N
Hi, as a lawyer as well, who has been dealing with similar disordered eating problems, I echo the main theme everyone here has said: find a therapist. There are some really great apps to be able to talk to someone without having to go to an office, and depending on your health insurance program and where you are/what kind of therapy is available, it may be a preventative/primary care visit, rather than a specialist, which is good for cost.
My disordered eating was also intense binging and I completely feel you on the feelings of shame afterwards. It was absolutely a manifestation of stress and depression for me. I used to self-harm in other ways, and I had considered the “eating my feelings” to be a better way to handle stress than the more “dangerous” ways. I’ve come to realize that it still isn’t a healthy way to deal with my feelings. But that comes from several years of work with an amazing therapist. The big thing she taught me was, as mentioned by someone else, intuitive eating, which takes a while to learn for yourself, but is totally worth it. She also told me to eliminate the word “diet” from my vocabulary. I’m now just eating, not dieting.
The other big thing I’ve learned is to avoid the “don’t eat this” mentality. It sort of goes along with not saying dieting, but if I tell myself “Oh, you can’t eat ice cream anymore” or “You can’t have cookies” I end up just craving the cookies or ice cream *even more* and then when I inevitably go to the grocery store, I buy and eat a whole package of oreos or something. Cue shame spiral. What I do now, is for example, only buy one cookie. Sure, a single bakery store cookie is technically more expensive than what I would pay for that amount of oreos, but the key here is, once the cookie is done there are no more cookies left to binge on, but I’ve still satisfied my cookie craving. Ice cream is my downfall, and I’ve learned not to buy and keep it in the house, but I can have ice cream whenever I want, I just have to go out and buy an ice cream cone, because again, once it’s done, it’s gone and there’s no more to binge on. That, combined with laziness and the expense of constantly going out for ice cream means that I really only end up going out for ice cream maybe once a month, if that. It feels like a treat, and I enjoy it, rather than just stuffing it into my face out of stress or boredom. Buying more expensive treats helps with that too, if it’s pricier, I end up wanting to slow down and enjoy it rather than just binging it. Think Anthony Bourdain’s travel shows, versus, like, the Coney Island hot dog eating contest.
The other big thing, try not to go to the grocery store/shop for food while hungry. That never works out, and I always end up with more junk food than is good for anyone. I make a detailed list of everything I need/want for that shopping trip and try to religiously stick to it, especially when it comes to any treats, but again, allowing myself to have an occasional treat is important. Having your fiance come with you grocery shopping may help with this, as it can be accountability if that helps you. I advise against making that person responsible in any way for policing your food intake or grocery shopping except perhaps in the very short term, as you will only come to resent them for controlling, which can backfire really badly.
I think the most significant thing though, as pretty much everyone has said, is finding a therapist. It can take several tries to find someone who helps you, because the relationship is closer in many ways than even a romantic relationship, and think how hard it is to find a good one of those! So even if the first person you talk to doesn’t work out, keep trying. Our profession is finally opening up and fighting the stigma that mental health treatment has had, and it’s so important, especially right now. We all can function with short bursts of intense stress, but the longer term, background stress really has a negative impact on us all. My therapist told me that therapy is like an oxygen mask on a plane. You put the oxygen mask on yourself first, before helping children or others around you, because if you run out of oxygen and pass out, you’re no good to anyone.
My best wishes to you, and thank you for sharing your struggle. I’ve been having to face some of these old demons for myself with WFH, and reflecting has helped me to realize that I’m not alone, and also how far I’ve been able to come in dealing with this. There was a way out for me , and remember, if you find yourself binging again, try not to feel shame. Acknowledge what happened, say to yourself, ‘I made a mistake, and I’ll be better at this tomorrow.’ It gets easier each time.
Anon
Now THIS makes me want to move to Canada: ICE launching citizens academy course, learn how to arrest immigrants – https://www.newsweek.com/ice-launching-citizens-academy-course-how-agency-arrests-immigrants-1516656
Anon
J F C
Abolish ICE.
Anon
My right-wing, born-again Christian relatives all have COVID from travelling to Florida. Including two little kids. Horrible.
Anon
Poor kids. It’s not their fault their parents are so irresponsible and selfish. Everyone getting sick is a predictable outcome of their actions and it’s unfair to children and to the rest of society that they made this choice.
Anonymous
Ugh I’m so sorry. I wish Covid on no one. Even the foolish people.
anon
I’m becoming a terrible person because I kind of do. I am sick of the willful recklessness on display and the blatant disregard for actions having consequences.
Anon
Same. I’ve hit major compassion fatigue.
anonshmanon
Oh man, I know exactly what you mean. It’s hard to not dismiss these problems as self-inflicted and lose all empathy. It’s really really hard.
Jules
I am in fact a terrible person becuase I find myself compiling a mental list of peole I’d like to see develop COVID. Maybe not actually die, but get really sick. A good many of those people are in Washington, DC, and a number of others are in state capitols.
Anon
Same except with no caveats. It’s either they die or I (and my family and friends) die as a result of their horrendous disregard for life.
Monday
I don’t think I so much want to see careless people getting sick, as that I see no other way that they will be convinced that Covid is real. And then maybe like-minded people around them will follow, i.e. if this family’s church community hears that they all got it and starts reconsidering whether it’s a hoax or whatever.
Anonymous
Thanks for this. I see people posting here about their trips who seem to have convinced themselves it’s safe. (I sincerely hope they remain well, but traveling to Florida right now is not without risk.)
How are your relatives doing? We’re they tested & … do they believe in medical treatment/have access? Please tell me they’re quarantining.
Anon
Would it be better if they were left-wing atheists who just wanted a beach vacation?
Anon
No, but yes if they were left-wing atheists visiting a relative dying in the hospital.
anon
What?
anonshmanon
Doing something essential vs doing something reckless, is what that probably means.
Monday
“Left-wing atheists” are statistically more likely to at least have worn masks and taken precautions…
Jules
The point of that detail, I imagine, is that the right-wingers are the ones who are saying it’s all a hoax, it’s just like the flu, etc.
anon
Yes, the right-wing bible thumpers are often the ones crying hoax. So why would it be better for left-wing atheists (doing something essential, not frivolous) to be the sick ones instead? It seems to me that OP’s relatives are exactly the kind of people who could use a reality check.
Paging Naples Couple
IDK let’s ask Naples Couple how she feels about her trip last week.
Anon
I don’t want to know. I try my best to turn off coverage of other people ignoring the pandemic.
Anon
Ask in 14 days
Monday
She did post a quick update at some point, but no idea what post it was on. She said it was fine. I agree that that’s not valid until 14 days later, ideally with a negative test result.
Naples Couple
Lol hi – yes we are back. I posted a brief update on the long weekend 4th thread. The TLDR is that the Naples coast is generally taking the virus seriously, and we fit right in with mask wearing and staying distanced from others – we did 2 grocery shops and otherwise takeout (restaurant staff was all masked). While outdoors we were far more distanced than at home in Philly thanks to lower density population. We saw 2-3 groups over the course of the week that didn’t appear to be people in the same household, all on the beach – what looked to be a sailing class, a yoga class, and a big group of umbrellas together at the Naples pier.
Both JetBlue and American did a good job enforcing mask-wearing, although American’s flight was almost full when we checked in, and as a result we paid extra to change our seats sit in a previously-empty bulkhead row at the front of main cabin. Well worth it, as our gamble to reserve the aisle and window seats meant no one wanted to splurge on the middle, so we got the row to ourselves, plus we were off the plane super quickly.
Lee County, however, needs to get their roving visitor spokesperson in line, as she was wandering all over RSW talking to people with her mask under her chin. Thankfully she was only near us for a few minutes after we revealed we had stayed in the competitor Collier County! I really need to work on speaking up in those circumstances as my instinct not to be rude is not in anyone’s best interest there.
We’re now isolating ourselves at home for the Two Week Wait – not mandatory but recommended by our city (Philly). I don’t think we can just get ourselves tested without symptoms but if someone can point me in the right direction, we’d go next weekend if remaining asymptomatic (on the theory that going too soon might be a false negative)… but in any event, we’re keeping any potential germs to ourselves.
Let the pile-on commence…. I will say the mental health benefits were far far better than expected. I had not realized how “down” of a place I was in until I felt like myself again pretty abruptly on day 3. We’ll be planning a longer trip- closer to home! Nonstop driving distance! – for fall.
Anon
Someone asked the other day about lunches at home. I got a few pre-made meal sized salads this week at my grocery store and they were really good! I live alone so buying a ton of salad ingredients usually results in some food waste, unfortunately. I plan to buy a few of these grocery store salads for next week, too.
Anonymous
Trader Joe’s salads are pretty good. Which grocery store did you get yours from?
Anon
Wegmans!
Anon
I’m only bringing this up because there has been so much weight/diet discussion lately. Those salads can also have a ton of calories, which is definitely why they’re so delicious.
Anonymous
On the other hand, there’s plenty of of other threads for that discussion. It doesn’t have to permeate everything.
Monday
+100000. Also, we need calories and a salad is a great source to get them from.
Anon
The Wegmans one had 260 calories
Anonymous
Can anyone recommend any scifi or fantasy books that are a) great an audiobook and b) good to listen to with your dad? Car trip coming up; he’s 70 and liberal but not THAT liberal. (Any comic albums also appreciated!)
Anon
Sorry this is not scifi or fantasy, but I recently listened to Erik Larson’s most recent book (about Winston Churchill) and it was fantastic as an audiobook.
JuniorMinion
I’m reading this now and loving it! I loved “In the garden of beasts” which he also wrote about the US ambassador and more broadly about Germany in 1933 – 1938.
Anon
I loved This Is How You Lose the Time War
anon
Dune is a fantastic audiobook! It has a full cast plus sound effects. It’s really atmospheric and captures the grand scale of that universe. Even if you’ve read Dune before, I’d recommend the audiobook.
Anon
There’s an open Facebook group called the Science Fiction Book Club that is great for questions like these. It might be fun to track down some old sci fi radio shows; they often had good production and great writing.
Anonymous
Any of the Vorkosigan series by Lois McMaster Bujold! The only one I’ve listened to on audiobook is Komarr, which is pretty late in the series and definitely not where you want to start, so I can’t speak to the narrators on any of the other books, but the action is pretty well-paced, especially in the early books. I would recommend starting with The Warrior’s Apprentice, there’s some stuff in Shards of Honor which might be awkward to listen to with your dad.
anon
Highly recommend The Dresden Files series by Jim Butcher. Its about a wizard living in modern day Chicago, trying to navigate the magical world while still attempting to make rent and date. They are narrated by James Marsters, who I love.
There are 16 in the series – super fun and light hearted and perfect for a road trip!
Moonstone
I just downloaded this from the library — looks great! Thanks for the recommendation.
Anonymous
Are the sex scenes … cringeworthy to listen to with your parents or not too detailed in the audio version?
Anon California
A question for the hive: How big a deal is it if you went in for a mammogram, they had you come back for an ultrasound, they found four lumps in one breast, and they scheduled you for a biopsy of two of them? The radiologist and the ultrasound person had such concerned looks on their faces yesterday. I’m, in theory, opting not to worry at this point, but starting to fail at that. Thank you.
Anon
It is impossible for strangers on the internet to tell you the answer to this.
Mathy
No idea — so sorry — but sending good thoughts your way.
Anon
You might not see this anymore but I wouldn’t worry. It sounds like you have lumpy breasts in general, I know people who have had the same experience and the biopsies have been normal.
Jules
You won’t know for sure until the biopsies are done, and it’s natural to worry. But as a piece of anecdata, I had the same thing happen several years ago; two lumps were biopsied and they were benign. It was worrying at the time, though.
Sending you hugs, this is stressful.
Anon
I don’t know if anyone is reading still, but I’m looking for beer recommendations. I don’t drink beer often, but I like a light yellow refreshing slightly tart beer and I don’t know which grocery store brand to order. Thanks in advance for any help!
Mathy
Try Sam Adams Summer Ale.
Anon
Thank you. Will try it. I thought Ales were brown/red?
Anon
The Anon from below – summer ales are golden. I think the SA summer ale is very good, it’s golden yellow with a good tang. There is a silly marketing thing about using some special glass – I agree it tastes better poured but you certainly don’t need a special glass.
Anon
Do you like Kirin?
Anon
I do like Kirin. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen it in a store.
Anon
Look at the one-off large cans (20s? 40s?). Most stores will have Kirin (I do think Kirin is a touch dry). Also try Asahi (can be a little dry too in my opinion), Saporro (maybe a little rice-y) (same with large cans on both of these), Tsingtao (I think this one is perfect – usually in 6 packs and always available at asian markets), Spaten (lager, green bottle, nothing brown on the lighter version and it’s a touch but pleasantly bitter, available at most groceries), Peroni (quite pleasant, maybe a touch flat on the back palate), Fosters (available almost anywhere, a touch rice-y but light and pleasant), Kona Longboard (I find it a bit wet but is great if you just want one), Maui bikini blond (same as Longboard), Pyramyd hefeweizen (hefeweizens are generally little wet but often are well balanced and have that nice tang), Lagunitas Little Sumptin (it’s a good “special” from them though a bit strong on the alcohol), Blue Moon (a little sweet and a little wet), Hoegarten (the much better version of Blue Moon if you can find it, very nicely balanced and tart although witbeer will still be a touch thicker than a golden lager), Carlsberg Export (I think this one is completely perfect if you can find, the normal Carlsberg we see more of is good too but a touch drier, the “elephant” is not really good, it’s very hot), Harp (also basically perfect but somewhat inconsistent on the carbonation in bottles and is better, more consistent, on tap so have it at a bar too whenever able), Flying horse and Kingfisher (Indian beers, light and a tiny bit bitter but just the perfect dry/wet balance with a light tang). And also look at radlers, there are quite a few out now but Schofferhofer is available many places and is fantastic (and I prefer it to Bitburger which is too dry). I hope this gives you some ideas!
Anon
Ah! Kona Longboard I’ve had! I know i liked it. My friend had it at her party, back when we went to parties, and the beer maker was there (friend is from Hawaii). I will get that one. Thank you so much!
Katherine Vigneras
Sounds like Leinenkugel Summer Shandy. You might like the new Sierra Nevada “Wild Thing”
Cuyana Zippered Satchel
Anyone here have a Cuyana zippered satchel or have first hand experience and can provide a review? I would use it for work (when I eventually return to the office), and it would need to carry a large wallet, phone, glasses, makeup bag, and occasionally a letter-size notebook and papers. The shape looks very interesting but a bit impractical.
Alexa
I feel constantly out of my element at work right now. I was hired into a management role but also have a decent amount of engineering experience. Right after I joined we unexpectedly got a lot of engineering work, and do not have a full time
this type of engineer. I have been doing it, but it’s not my area of expertise and I don’t really feel comfortable. I’ve read up and learned a lot, but it’s still not my field exactly. I know this type of engineering far far better than anyone else in the company (and there are no safety risks here).
We are hiring an engineer, but that’s going slowly. In the mean time there are major projects I am doing. I don’t know that my company would do if I left or couldn’t do the work or if they hadn’t hired me (I joined recently!).
On top of this i feel like most of the non technical department I’m working with does not realize how big the ask they are making of me is. And it’s only me, not my entire team at all. There are a few people who very much think the black box of technology will solve all our problems, when it is really only the beginning. It’s so stressful.