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Updated: Oct 2, 2020 154 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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What are your favorite comfortable boots this season, ladies? These waterproof, block-heeled, almost Western-inspired booties look great (from reader favorite Blondo) — and they're on sale.

I can't decide whether I like the black version (pictured) or the snake print, which seems fun. I think the heel looks walkable, and you may think I'm crazy, but if you want to wear your heels when you go back to the office, you should really keep wearing heels for short errands and the like while working from home. (Just ask any woman who's been on maternity leave for an extended period and came back only to wear flats!)

The pictured boots are on sale at Nordstrom for $129 (down from $169), in sizes 5.5-12.

Some similar options for comfortable boots (from comfort brands!) include these ones from Ugg, Sofft, and Miz Mooz. Hunting for sizes in wide widths? Check out Bella Vita‘s or Vionic's offerings.

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Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Weird question: does “good sore” muscle fatigue feel different in different places? I know what my legs and arms feel like after a good weight training workout, but my back just feels kind of achy/like I need a massage. Is that probably more a form problem or is that what it feels like for everyone?

    • Anon

      That’s now I feel when I’m coming down with a virus. Are you sure you’re not sick?

    • Anon

      That’s normal for me after I work out, but my back is my problem area and always hurts!

    • Anonymous

      I get a sore lower back sometimes when I have gone up in weight or tried a new exercise and in both instances it is because I am struggling a bit with form. But back pain is different from soreness.

    • anon a mouse

      I need a massage like whoa. I’ve been holding off because of covid risks, but I usually get them once a quarter and I haven’t had one since December. The lack of massage and different work environment at home are really taking a toll on my entire body.

      You might try foam rolling, or extra ibuprofen, to see if that helps you.

    • anne-on

      Low back or upper back (like your shoulders/traps). If I have low back soreness it is almost always due to bad form. Upper back soreness is more likely to be muscle fatigue or overuse (think carrying an overloaded purse for too many days on a work trip).
      My husband does cross fit and I got him a massage gun for his birthday last year. That thing has been worth its weight in gold during quarantine as we can’t get a massage and our WFH set up wasn’t the most ergonomically set up for some time.

      • Anonymous

        I’m the op – it’s like the middle of my back, bit into the neck/shoulder. Definitely not lower back, I’ve tweaked that one in the past.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Sometimes lower back pain/soreness can arise due to lack of ab involvement (either due to weakness or not engaging them) during lifts. Try doing leg lowers before your next workout to see if that helps:
      – lie flat on your back
      – lift both legs in the air so they’re perpendicular to the rest of your body
      – engage your abs and try to press your entire back into the floor – from your sports bra to your hips
      – slowly lower and raise alternate legs while continuing to press into the floor
      If I don’t do this before lifting, esp. deadlifts, I feel it the next day.

      • Anon

        Thanks, I’ve been avoiding exercise since it’s been causing me lower back soreness, and this gives me something to try!

        • techgirl

          Creating a triangle with your hands around your tail bone while laying on your back also helps if you find you begin to hollow your back/lift when doing core exercises.

  2. the Boston area therapist question

    Missed the morning thread, but several years ago I saw Deborah Bluestone in the Brookline/Fenway area and would recommend her.

    • Ribena

      Maybe look at ‘ethical’ brands for the arty vibe of it? My favourite is Thought but I don’t know if they ship internationally

    • Anonie

      I love that dress and it is very much “my vibe,” too. Anthropologie has many similar styles and, on sale, you can find similar pieces under $100. I’ve only ordered from Tuckernuck once and they are very expensive at full-price, but they have a large sale section on their website.

      I live in the SEUS too and I’ve noticed that a lot of local/regional boutiques carry similar preppy-meets-bohemian styles. Fab’rik and Hemline are two regional boutiques that carry these types of dresses. Well, I think they are based in the SEUS…they may have stores in other regions, too, ha :)

      Also, it can be a bit of a shot of the dark and hit or miss, but Lulus, Altered State, and Impeccable Pig sometimes carry these types of styles in addition to their teenie-bopper styles.

      • Anonie

        Also, occasionally J.Crew sells this type of dress. They seem to be having a lot of online sales lately with their financial woes. And to find additional styles like these, I like to type “puff sleeves,” “frills,” “ruffles,” “floral,” and similar keywords into the search bars on Nordstrom, Nordstrom Rack, Dillards, and other department store websites.

        As you can tell, I got way too excited about this question haha. Happy shopping!

    • pugsnbourbon

      I think Loft might have something in the same silhouette, but without the print.

    • Anon

      I feel like this is what Tory Burch set out to do, at least in the beginning. I’d check out vintage TB on Poshmark or eBay.

  4. Anonymous

    My son’s teacher last year (Montessori kindergarten/Children’s House teacher) recently posted a picture of herself on FB wearing all Trump regalia, indoor at a bar watching party from the debate. Real question: is there any way to prevent my child from being taught by a white supremacist in the future? (We are White but my son is disabled.)

    • Anonymous

      There is no way to prevent your child from being taught by someone who votes for Trump. A fact which should be entirely obvious to you. If someone is posting offensive things you can ask to move your child or try to get the teacher fired.

      • Anonymous

        I mean isn’t this why you go the private, rather than public, school route? You should be able to express concerns about the teacher’s values. I’m sure the parents at the local catholic school are able to do this.

        • Anon

          Went to private school for 14 years. You can request a teacher but no guarantee that it’ll be granted. Highly doubt it’d be granted for political affiliation

    • Aunt Jamesina

      While I don’t think telling her employer you don’t want her teaching your son because she’s a Trump supporter is the best way to go about it, if he ends up having her assigned as his teacher in the future, could you ask to have him reassigned for a more vague reason, like you “aren’t comfortable” with her? They’d likely just think it was because of her teaching style or personality clash since your son had her last year.

      The reality, though, is that a number of your sons teachers could also be Trump supporters.

    • Anonymous

      It’s hard to know but at my child’s daycare I took it as positive signs that when we toured there were concrete examples of diverse resources like all the dolls weren’t white and there were books with POC featured on display. They also participate in a number of ‘days’ that encourage recognition of different issues – odd sock day which is an awareness and fundraiser for down syndrome or orange shirt day with raises awareness of the harms suffered by Indigenous people in Canada’s residential schools. There was also diversity in the kids attending both in terms of POC and kids with physical and developmental disabilities.

    • NYCer

      I can’t imagine a scenario where it would be appropriate to ask a school or teacher about political affiliations. FWIW, the schools that identify themselves as “progressive” in my experience tend to be more liberal overall.

      • Anonymous

        No, but we’re rethinking how to keep racists out of the police department — shouldn’t we be rethinking how to keep them out of the educational institutions? Yearly temperature tests, or endorsements from minority groups, etc?

      • Anon

        Someone who thinks Trump’s ideas are great should not be educating or influencing children.

      • Anon

        It is absolutely inappropriate to try to keep out 47% of the population from the education workforce.

        You can dislike Trump (as do I), but I get extraordinarily concerned when I start seeing people thinking that it’s appropriate applying a litmus test on political views for employment. That’s dangerous, cancel culture nonsense. And honestly, could get you sued (as it should).

        Just because this board is filled with people who cheer the idea of someone dying (Trump, this morning), doesn’t mean it’s appropriate behavior.

        • Anonie

          As a person of color who loathes everything Trump stands for, I completely agree with your assessment. Isn’t there a national teacher shortage as it is? I don’t think we cannot afford to lose all of our Republican teachers, and I wouldn’t want to live in a country that discriminated based on political beliefs.

          Anecdotally, the teacher friends I have in my blue city/red state are mostly politically liberal. I have no stats to back this up, but I was under the impression that teachers tend to vote for democratic values like immigration reform, healthcare access, and educational equality…maybe it depends on the population the particular teacher serves.

          OP, I do feel for you. As much as I believe teachers shouldn’t be fired for their political beliefs, I also would NOT want my (hypothetical) young child to be taught by an ardent Trump supporter. If it was an older child, I would be less worried about influence because I would feel confident about it the values we’d instilled at home. I’m so sorry. Like some others above, I would suggest that you prioritize teaching diversity and compassion for all at home through books, movies, music, and theater. Also, post-pandemic, can you help your son build a diverse group of playmates?

        • Anon

          I’m not a hope trump dies person – I hope he survives and loses the election. But plenty of trump supporting parents don’t want their kids taught by liberal teachers. That’s why they send them to like-minded private schools. OP isn’t trying to get the teacher fired, she doesn’t want her teaching her son. Big difference.

          It’s also such a straw man to throw the Trump dying thing in there. This is a specific topic and you’re more credible when you stick to it.

        • Anon

          In my experience, good teachers have all sorts of political views. Some of the best teachers I’ve had have had surprising views, and most really never gave an inkling of what their political views were in the classroom.

          But some teachers are not good teachers. There are teachers out there who cast aspersion on “evolution” and “vaccines,” who denigrate groups of people when they come up in history or social studies settings, who cast a blind eye when students who aren’t white/Christian/Republican are bullied by other students for not being white/Christian/Republican, who choose educational “examples” that also function as microaggressions, etc. If everything happening in the classroom is above board, that’s one thing. But I would be wondering.

        • Vicky Austin

          One hundred percent. I’m the child of two teachers (and the granddaughter of two more) who have always believed that the best teachers are neutral about their own opinions in the classroom.

        • Anon

          Totally agree, and I hate Trump with the fire of a thousand suns. As long as the person doesn’t try to indoctrinate my child with their beliefs and propaganda (protip: I don’t know that I want anyone trying to indoctrinate my child with propaganda of any kind) I am not going to disqualify someone from teaching because of their political beliefs. Keep it out of the classroom and we’ll be fine. We won’t ever become friends. But we’ll be fine.

        • Anon

          You’re missing the crucial point. Some of us don’t want Trump to die of his illness because he is a Republican. It’s because he’s a rapist conman white supremacist who is directly contributing to death in this country and the world. He could be a Green and I would feel the same.

          • LaurenB

            +1. Note how no one cheered McCain’s cancer battle, and no one wishes that Romney gets COVID. Trump is a bad man, full stop. I don’t know why people dance around this.

          • Anon

            Precisely, LaurenB. Either Trump lives or actual decent people do. You can’t have both. Over 200,000 Americans have died just of coronavirus. Should we even talk starting about his healthcare, racial justice, and border records?

          • Anon

            Stuck in m0d, probably forever for my distasteful views, but I agree with Lauren. I want others in this country to be able to live.

        • In House Lobbyist

          I agree. Free speech, especially free political speech, is a foundation of democracy. Especially free door handle on her own time. Let’s don’t forget that. And that is why many people that don’t like Trump vote for him.

          • Anon

            Free speech means you don’t go to jail for expressing your opinion. It doesn’t mean you can’t lose your job.

          • Anon

            It means you can’t lose your job if you work for the government, which public school teachers do.

          • Anon

            And even private sector employees are almost never fired simply for expressing support for a particular candidate. It might be legal, but it would be a PR disaster, unless the employer is an expressly partisan organization. Most people in this country believe firing someone for their political beliefs is wrong.

    • Anon

      Unpopular opinion I guess but my daughter has had several daycare teachers that I know voted for Trump and while I don’t love it, it’s not even close to a dealbreaker to me. For one, I honestly don’t think there is a daycare in our county that doesn’t employ Trump supporters, there are simply way too many of them for that to be practical. I also don’t make a huge distinction between people who loudly support him and people who quietly support him -voting for him is voting for him and most white people in my county voted for him, so it’s not really possible for us to go through life avoiding all Trump supporters, nor do I think it’s good to put your kids in that kind of bubble – it’s important to talk about Trump’s ideas and why they’re wrong. For what it’s worth, our daycare is quite multicultural and the teachers we’ve had have been uniformly enthusiastic about that and supportive of kids of all backgrounds regardless of the teacher’s political beliefs. In fact some of the Trump voters seemed better at diversity and inclusion efforts in the classroom than the non-Trump supporting teachers we’ve had.
      We are white, but a member of a minority religion that Trump has targeted, if it matters.

      • Anon

        +1. For me the most concerning part is attending a large indoor gathering with probably lots of yelling and cheering. That shows a profound lack of judgment that could lead to serious health consequences for her students!

        • Mina

          +100. I would be concerned about the health and safety of her students. Was she wearing a mask?

    • Anon

      In my view, no good can come from looking at teachers’ social media pages. Whether it’s politics or Covid carelessness, you’re going to see something you don’t like but can’t do anything about. (…I say as someone who had an anxiety spiral recently when I saw that a teacher at our school had attended a large wedding.)

      I think a good analogy is your spouse’s past s*xual partners – what matters is that he’s faithful now, and for most people no good comes from discussing details about the past. Similarly what matters is how teachers behave in the classroom, not what they’re writing on social media. Treating kids differently based on race or religion? Absolutely not ok. Ignoring Covid precautions at school? Also not ok. But what they believe and do in their personal life is generally not within your control and the sooner you put it out of your mind, the better.

      • LaurenB

        I don’t think that’s a good analogy. Presumably your partner’s previous partners are in the past. A teacher whose social media indicates that in her private life she is attending Trump rallies, or large parties without masks/distancing, is a “clear and present danger.”

  5. Anonymous

    I am a senior associate slated to make partner Jan. 1. This year has been brutal – I have been pulling way more hours than usual for months. I am now the firmxs COVID expert and all client questions relating to COVID have routed first through me. This has accelerated my exposure to clients but I am bone tired with no end in sight. My firm has told me thanks but will not give me support to delegate up or down to other partners or associates. I’ve been buckled down and dealing with it but then I got a referral this morning on what could be an excellent case for my career – a definite stretch but what I want over the next several years. Here’s the problem – I’m
    already exhausted and I don’t see my COVID workload changing anytime soon.

    Should i buckle down, take the big case, and suffer through the demands on my time? Or should I say no, be bummed that I lost out, and refer out but hopefully get my head above water? I think as I type this, I don’t want to refer within my firm because I’m bitter no one will help me as-is.

    • Anonymous

      Take the case and stop doing everyone’s Covid grunt work. No one is going to make this easy for you. You’re about to be a partner so act like it.

      • Kate

        Not every firm has a distinct transition between “senior associate” to “junior” partner other than how you’re paid and whether you vote. If OP’s firm is like this, then OP, I’d encourage you to figure out how to give yourself longer time on deadlines (most industries, not every COVID question is an urgent one), and then figure out whether you can start to get more of another associate’s time so they can bill on your files.

    • Anon

      Yes! and then delegate! Do it! If you’re partner in January, won’t this help your 2021 comp? You’re the expert, they need you, make delegation happen.

    • Ellen

      Hugs! I am with you there, and even tho I am not my firm’s go to COVID expert, everyone now comes to me to bounce their ideas off my head, and,as a junior (to become manageing) partner soon, that is my job to do, particularly in these COVID days when the current senior partners and associates are hold up in their apartements with or without masks to protect them from the disease when people ask questions.

      I hope the vaccine comes out soon so that I won’t be the most senior partner in the office, as it does get tiring to be the only go-to “bounce off” person on almost any legal or business issue. Thank G-d I can always call Dad for a second opinion on all matters relating to the firm and our client’s issues! YAY Dad!

  6. Anon

    For a “fun” debate story. I saw in my local suburb paper that Biden and his team rented a house on my parents’ street in the suburbs of Cleveland to stay for after the debate. I live in the same burb, 10 minutes away. And they even ordered pizza from my favorite local pizza place! Apparently he came out to greet the neighbors too.

    • Anon

      My husband is from Delaware and he’s met the Bidens several times. His friend had Jill as a teacher. They’re really lovely people – very “real” and compassionate.

  7. Sloan Sabbith

    Fun Friday question: After months at home, what is your favorite part of your house/apartment? What’s something you’d like to change?

    For me, my favorite part is my living room. I have a loft so it’s usually bright in my living room, with a yellow IKEA chair that makes me happy every time I look at it. I moved my desk around so I have a little office nook, and I love how I’ve set up my lighting and decor.

    My least favorite part is a couple of awkward areas where I just can’t figure out what to do with them so they just end up with piles of stuff in them.

    • Sloan Sabbith

      Oh, also, I converted a storage closet into a library which I love. It can’t fit a chair or anything but I have bookshelves to the ceiling and art on the other two available walls.

    • Anon

      I have been home for more than a couple of months! I have decluttered, organized closets and my pantry, and have lots of clothes to donate (but no one will take them!)

      Now I’m on to painting room by room.Painting is a pain but deciding on colors is so much fun it’s worth it.

      I’ve really enjoyed my kitchen and living room during this time. When working outside the house I didn’t spend a lot of time in the living room because it was rush in, cook dinner, clean kitchen, off to bed to read or watch TV. But now that I am WFH and working fewer hours (intentionally, job change) I find I can take calls or read things in the living room and really relax a lot more than I used to be able to do. I don’t have a TV in my living room so that helps a lot.

    • Senior Attorney

      Favorite part is the back yard. We have an outdoor kitchen/dining area right outside the back door, then an outdoor living room setup a bit further out, then the fire pit area, then finally the gazebo at the far end. We eat outside almost every night and breakfast on the weekend (except when it’s just too stinkin’ hot).

      Also love the kitchen/family room area although it’s my least favorite in a way because there’s not nearly enough natural light. Hopefully we will be doing something about that soon.

      • anne-on

        This layout sounds divine! I cannot wait for the day we have the budget to re-paver our backyard to put in a better patio/outdoor kitchen set up.

      • Vicky Austin

        I love eating outside; this is my dream. (Husband thinks I’m weird. He can stuff it.)

      • Anon

        SA I’m in California too, though northern. We have an outdoor dining and living room setup too, but when we eat out there we tend to get bombarded by little yellow jackets, or what my mom used to call meat bees. We set out those traps but they’re only a little bit effective if at all. What do you do about those? Or do you not have them in so cal.

        It’s moot anyway right now because if it’s not the meat bees, it’s the air quality, which is terrible today.

        • Bees?

          Ugh such a good question about the bees in Northern California. They ruin my outdoor dining experience 9 times out of 10.

        • Senior Attorney

          Oh, wow. We don’t have that problem here although we so have nasty flies. We have a ceiling fan on the patio cover and we turn it on when we’re eating. It seems to keep most of the flying insects away.

        • Senior Attorney

          If it were me I would call in an exterminator. Which we do, for the mosquitos.

    • Airplane.

      The roof deck. It has a skyline view and even when it gets really cold I’m still going to make the most of it during winter in pandemic. I’m considering getting a Solo Stove firepit to extend the outdoor evenings and make PB s’mores (and not burn down my house). It seems too good to be true though, so I might just be out there under a weighted blanket drinking hot toddies or mulled wine.

      • Anon

        Envious of your roof deck. I don’t have one but I do have a garden that has never looked better!

      • Anon

        I think you’re also in Philly and I had a great deck with a skyline view that I LOVED. Moved a few weeks ago and while I’m lucky to still have outdoor space it’s not nearly as nice as my old deck and I miss it all the time.

    • anne-on

      After we redecorated, our living room. We were able to paint/get new furniture/accessories and it *finally* feels like a sophisticated, adult (but still family friendly) space.
      My least favorite part is hands down our kitchen. We were slated to redo it this year before, you know, pandemic. The space itself is fine, and big enough, but the layout is just so, so bad. It is the epitome of builder went to home depot in the 90’s and put in every honey toned wood/cheap brass cabinet pull they could find. I have organized and painted and swapped out light fixtures so it’s not AS bad but I simply can’t fix the bad layout/cabinet design choices without a full gut reno.

    • Anon

      My apartment is a studio so I wish I had room for a proper office space. It never bothered me before the pandemic because I rarely worked from home.

    • Marie

      My sunroom. I have loved working in there with the windows open pretending I’m outside.

    • Anonymous

      I turned our back porch/sunroom into a fake coffee shop with banquette seating and a marble cafe table. My husband and I have coffee breaks and wfh lunch out there.

    • Anon

      I’m grateful we have room for a treadmill – I’ve used it several times a week this year (2 hours back in my day not commuting!).

      I’ve always hated – and do so even more now – our teensy tiny bathrooms. Barely enough room to towel off after a shower – you have to stand at a certain angle or you’ll hit something. We live in a 1950s house in the DC suburbs, but I’m not kidding when I say friends’ bathrooms in NYC studios are larger.

    • Anonymous

      We have an extremely generic ranch house (SF Bay Area), but last time we painted we painted for us rather than for maximum resale value, and have some really pretty rooms as a result. My favorite is a RH Silver Sage guest bedroom that in the pandemic we have been calling our “B and B.” We hid all our stuff and set it up with a crystal water pitcher, a rose vase, the expensive scented candles, a breakfast tray, etc. and move there to get a break.

  8. Anon

    Can anyone recommend a water-free solvent for cleaning upholstery? This isn’t for stains, my beige sofa is just getting worn and dingy, but I can’t afford to replace it. The tag specifically says to use a water free solvent and that water will stain. I’m not sure what the fabric is – maybe twill? Something that is sort of rough compared to microfiber, velvet, etc.

    • Hollis

      During this time, a fair number of people are deciding to redecorate, upgrade, etc. I was able to find a near-new sofa sectional at a small fraction of the of the cost and the seller wanted to sell it because the sofa was brown and she wanted to switch to gray tones. So, I would recommend looking for ads in craigslist or nextdoor at the more wealthier enclaves in your city.

  9. Anon

    Is it too extreme to unfollow/unfriend trump supporters even if they have never expressed those views to you personally? Like a colleague who consistently likes pro-trump posts and expressed those views to a friend, who told me, for example. Partially motivated by not wanting to be exposed to trump support, partially a weird sense of retribution and wanting trump supporters to at least suffer some social consequence, even if its this tiny thing.

    • Anon

      There’s no need to have a “good” reason to unfriend or unfollow people. Go forth and customize your social media feeds how you see fit!

    • Anon

      Unfollow away! I do that, especially if someone posts a bald faced lie or conspiracy theory. I unfriended my SIL when she posted that Hillary was the c-word in 2016. There are consequences.

    • Brunette+Elle+Woods

      I unfriend Trump supporters left and right.I’m at a point where I question friendships with people who are not voting at all. If you’re not voting for Biden, we have very different values and I don’t need friends like that. However, colleagues and my professional network is different. I don’t actually consider them friends and I wont treat them like a friend, but I can’t completely cut off the relationship. It will be strictly professional.

    • Anonymous

      I keep my social media a positive place so I unfriend Trump supporters, people sharing inaccurate/inflammatory memes/conspiracy theories etc. But it’s a pretty tight list anyway so it doesn’t come up very often. It makes social media much more pleasant.

    • Anon

      I cant stand the whataboutism. Like “Trump paid $750 in federal income tax” – article posted by a friend. Mutual friend comments “yeah, but ask Joe Biden about his son Hunter” which has nothing to do with the topic – because they can’t come up with a good response to the actual topic. Those people get unfollowed immediately. I can’t find that button fast enough.

      • LaurenB

        Plus it’s not even the point – the point of the Trump taxes isn’t really that he only paid $750, it’s that he’s an even worse businessman than we dreamed AND he’s a national security risk bc he is on the hook for $400 mm and no bank will lend to him anymore. The $750 is almost irrelevant – it’s a byproduct of these things, IMO.

      • Anonymous

        I wonder did he really turn down a salary for being President? When he needs the money?

    • OP

      OP here- I guess where I am having a hard time is the people who don’t really post about it on social media. I know a few people who have these views privately, don’t really post about politics. It bothers me that they probably think “politics isn’t polite conversation” and therefore aren’t bearing any consequences. I wish I could make room in my life, my heart, and have respect for people with opposing political views than I. It seems like a quality to aspire to. But frankly, I think anyone who doesn’t actively oppose Trump is a fascist white supremacist.

      • Anon

        If you think they’re facist white supremacists, and I don’t disagree, then you don’t like them anyway. I wouldn’t worry about unfriending them.

      • Anon

        Again, you don’t need any reason to unfollow or unfriend people. They likely won’t notice anyway.

    • LaurenB

      I’ve unfollowed and unfriended Trump supporters. For some family members that I unfriended, then I make a conscious decision to go to their page and see what’s up (which enables me to “like” innocuous photos, pictures of the dog, etc.) but that way I’m mentally prepared for it, versus having it come through on my feed. My cousin’s hydrochloroquin nonsense drove me over the edge on him, and I like him otherwise.

  10. Oofos House Shoes

    Whoever recommended the Oofos shoes for “house shoes” thank you so much! I have a high instep but pronate pretty badly, and these are amazingly cushy and supportive at the same time which is tricky to accomplish. I tried Birks for house shoes but they really don’t handle my three flights of stairs well (too rigid, they make me trip). I got the luxe slides and they provide stability and grip on hardwood floors but are really comfortable. I also bought a pair of the eeZee low shoe which I quite like also but I’m really in love with the slides.

  11. Anonymous

    What’s your ideal “house” temperature? Just adjusting my ecobee bc it was 68 this morning. I think 70 is my ideal spot.

    • Anonymous

      Winter: 65 at night, 68 during the day
      Summer: 70 at night, 72 during the day

    • Anon

      I never go above 68. I feel like I’d rather wear a sweater and breathe cool air.

      • anon

        This is my preferred summertime temp too. And it’s why I’m miserable working in an office that’s freezing cold!

    • Anon

      Don’t have functional heat or AC so it ranges between 50 and 90 in my house. I usually end up under a blanket if I’m sitting still and it’s under 75, though I also get a little hot at that temperature if I’m really active. Luckily it’s usually in the 70-75 range so I can just dress appropriately and be okay, but it can be pretty chilly at points in the winter.

    • Anonymous

      Heated to 74 F (about 23 C) in autumn, winter or spring. If travelling somewhere warm in the summer, I’ll do AC to 25 C, and then turn off the AC to sleep. I hate sleeping in a draft.

    • Anon

      70° during the day during the summer, 68° during the winter; 62° or colder at night year round.

    • Vicky Austin

      Right around 70. If it’s closer to 65 when I’m going to bed, I won’t sleep.

      • Anon

        Complete opposite here. I want 58 at night and 70 is when it starts getting unpleasant.

    • Poppies

      Summer: 78 during the day, 70 at night unless I want to splurge on AC (in CA);
      Winter: 65 during the day and night, 68 at dinner time (we’ll see if this changes during work from home time)

    • Anonyz

      Honestly I wish I knew! I’m never comfortable. We have skylights in the master suite that bake the upstairs in summer and cause major heat loss in the winter, so the first floor is always too cold or too hot trying to compensate. I think separately zoning the HVAC by floor would help, but that’s beyond the scope of what I’m willing to sink into this non-forever home.

    • La+Di+Dah

      Only from reading message boards do realize how odd we are – but our entire family does not like our house above around 65. We are in the bay area with no AC, always have our windows open etc. In the winter though our house can get very cold (around 50) at which point in the morning I will turn the heat on. However once it gets up around 63 everyone blocks their vents (4 teenagers!) and complains that it is too stuffy! In the summer, if our house is around 70 that is perfect.

  12. Anonymous

    A huge thanks to those of you who suggested solo vacation places! I am scheduled to take a week of vacation the first week of November. (Yes, I’ll vote early). Like many of you, I’ve had a crazy busy year and am planning to mostly sleep, order delivery, and read some paper books. I’m starting to dread how to get ready for vacation and how to actually avoid getting sucked in to emails, calls, etc. while I’m gone. Any suggestions for how I can prepare now? I haven’t taken a vacation of more than a long weekend since I lateraled to this firm over 3 years ago.

    • Cat

      The key to a good vacation is pushing send on a metric sh!t-ton of work product the Thurs or Fri before you leave. Then by the time the recipient is getting around to it and commenting, it’s late enough in your trip that they don’t mind waiting a few days to reconnect.

      Unless firm culture means it’s a non-starter, put up the out of office. Enlist your assistant to help manage expectations. If there’s something you just know is going to be ‘hot’ while you’re out, proactively tell them what windows you’re willing to schedule in so that you can batch work tasks and then get back to relaxing.

      Where did you decide to go??

    • Anon

      Make plans that take big blocks of time like taking a book and picnic to read somewhere outside, going for a multi-hour hike or walk around the city, or whatever you can safely do — being physically away from your computer makes it easier to not work. If there are tasks you MUST attend to, try to wait and knock them out in a chunk every other morning. Working a few hours here and there doesn’t ruin vacation, but being on email all day does.

  13. Kara

    I think I’m depressed. I’ve felt like this before but it was definitely easier to address in non pandemic times, when we were leaving the house often and seeing friends in person often and traveling etc. On top of that, I’m currently going through a very very busy time at work – working nights and weekends – but that will end in a certain amount of time.

    I have gone to a therapist before and actually even have a decent amount of (non expired) anti anxiety medicine leftover. I don’t really have a psychiatrist right now but I could speak to the one who prescribed the meds. Any other suggestions on how to deal with this?

    I’m actually at my parents house right now (single, mid 20s). A few days ago someone posted her that even their husband didn’t always notice when they were feeling down if she didn’t tell him, and I think between that and how much I’ve been working my parents haven’t exactly noticed. I’m actually planning to go stay in a cabin with a few friends (tested, distancing before, etc) and work from there in a while, which I’m excited for.

    • Anon

      I’m the poster from this morning who mentioned today was the first time I felt good in awhile. I kind of wonder how much of that is exhaustion/stress/burnout and how much is anxiety or depression

      No advice but commiseration

    • Anonie

      I am so sorry. I have been there in years past (many times). Years ago, I had a lovely therapist who taught me about the principle of “building a toolbox” of simple, easy things that help you better cope (healthily) with the familiar sadness. She recommended writing down the items in the “toolbox”so that you could easily refer to them at any give time. Examples: listening to a favorite playlist on Spotify, reading a favorite chapter of a beloved book, watching reruns of a sitcom, calling a particularly supportive friend on the phone, going for a walk, cooking a comfort food, lighting a scented candle, doing a beauty mask, painting your toe nails, making a cup of tea, buying yourself a bouquet of flowers etc.

      I hope this helps at least somewhat in the short-term. For long-term benefits, I definitely recommend therapy and making an appointment with your primary care doctor. Sending warm wishes.

  14. JHC

    I asked whether air pod pros were worth it and your feedback was yes. Just following up to say how much I love them!

    And while these recs are probably old hat by now, I just got a pair of Danskos for the first time in my life (backless clog) and they are amazing. I’ve also been using Glossier Boy Brow and it’s been a game changer for my light brows.

    • Anon

      Love when people post what they recommend. Thanks for sharing!

      I never tried eyebrow gel (I did elf brand because I didn’t want to drop money on a new product not knowing if I’d like it) but I’m a fan!! Thinking I might splurge on AirPods when I hit a personal goal

      • Poppies

        I love mine but it didn’t occur to me until after the purchase that eventually (within a few years) the batteries will die, and they aren’t replaceable. It seems very environmentally unfriendly, which is a shame because I really like them.

  15. OP

    OP here- I guess where I am having a hard time is the people who don’t really post about it on social media. I know a few people who have these views privately, don’t really post about politics. It bothers me that they probably think “politics isn’t polite conversation” and therefore aren’t bearing any consequences. I wish I could make room in my life, my heart, and have respect for people with opposing political views than I. It seems like a quality to aspire to. But frankly, I think anyone who doesn’t actively oppose Trump is a fascist white supremacist.

    • Anonymous

      You’re not wrong. Fwiw, I’ve found that people who never want to discuss politics are just ashamed to be held accountable for what they do politically. I’m sick of coddling them.

  16. Amazon (Legal) Job

    Follow up to the Amazon question I posted last weekend. A few posters offered to fill me in regarding the interview process and working at Amazon if I posted a burner. I am moving forward with the process and would so appreciate any insight!

    Burner is corporetteburnerazquestion [at] [the mail of Google].

  17. Salary Negotation Advice

    Does COVID impact job offer negotations right now? For reference, offer is for a director-level tech role at a F500. Offer is $180k, but I think $205-10 is more aligned with market & my skillset (said as much upfront to HR), but I would be happy with anything $2XX. I’ve heard the advice that asking 10-20% more isn’t outrageous, but not sure given current climate. Any advice? Admittedly, I’m also trying to build myself up to “negotiate with the confidence of a straight white man.”

    • Anon

      Ask for more. It would be surprising in tech if you didn’t IMHO and covid should have no real impact on them. They’re very different from so many hard-hit industries.

    • Anon

      Source: I have worked in compensation for a large company
      Ask for what you want and do not hesitate. At the executive level, my experience is that there is always room to negotiate, and if you are the preferred candidate your hiring manager can work with the compensation department to put a package together. If you are flexible around things like higher base salary vs. higher bonus percentage, or are willing to accept a sign-on bonus or retention bonus in lieu of base, mention that. The higher up the position, the harder it is to find the candidate who is the right fit, and what I saw is that people will do a lot to get the chosen candidate in place. Additionally, my $.02 is that people are overly concerned about how asking for extra money will “make them look,” especially if the answer is no. It looks like you’re a smart person who values your skills and will advocate for your own best interests. I never saw anyone disparaged for trying to negotiate a better package for themselves; to the contrary, generally people expressed respect for someone who just wanted the best deal they could get for themselves and their families. I learned a lot working in comp that I am going to use going forward in my career; namely that people should always ask for more than they are offered. If the answer is no, fine – then you as the candidate can make a decision to take what’s offered and move on. But I never saw a situation where someone asked for more and didn’t get bumped up at least a little (like 2-3%), across hundreds of offers I worked. Good luck.

  18. Cat

    BR has re-issued the Dissent Collar- while I can’t decide what I’d actually do with it if purchasing (it’s kind of a lot of look for the office – either people wouldn’t recognize it and wonder why I was wearing such a big piece, OR they would recognize it and wonder who I was fighting with lol… and heaven forbid I wear it to something like a wedding!!) – if you’re interested it’s $98 and all proceeds go to charity. Search “notorious” on their page.

    • Clementine

      I’ve had this for about a year and wear it with a really simple turtleneck sweater and pants and it’s a great look.

  19. Anonymous

    What is your fFavorite compression leggings with pockets and high waist? Preferably with fun prints for Size 16? Thanks!

  20. oh hell no

    I hope this nests right and doesn‘t hijack anyone‘s thread… !

    paging poster whose SO is voting for „Jo“: Not to beat a dead horse and apologies if someone said this already, but he may not be voting FOR Trump, but he IS voting AGAINST Biden. I would find that unacceptable and the gaslighting & lies make it all the more disturbing. You deserve so much better. Hugs!

  21. Anonymous

    Not sure if anyone’s reading this over the weekend, but I need to put this out into the universe. I was dumped abruptly last December by a guy I’d been seeing on and off for almost 3 years. Earlier this week he texted me several times to say how much he missed me, and eventually talked me into meeting him for lunch today. But last night I googled him and discovered that he is engaged and – based on some internet sleuthing – it appears that he was dating this woman while he was dating me. It’s clear that when he dumped me, it was because he picked her over me. I’m obviously cancelling lunch, but I just feel so … sad. I think I had been holding out hope that this lunch was going to rekindle our romance, but I suspect he wanted to meet in person so he could tell me he’s getting married. With this Covid situation, I just feel like it’s hopeless to think I’ll ever meet someone. I’m 40 already, and I just feel so alone.

    • Another anonymous judge

      OMG what a jerk; I am enraged on your behalf. I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this. WTG on the google sleuthing, though! I know that you know you are SO much better off without this, but it’s understandable to let yourself think you might get a bit of a fairy-tale moment and be sad when that doesn’t happen. So, block his number, let yourself be sad, treat yourself to something nice for soothing purposes and to celebrate the amazing person you are. Time heals, and this too shall pass. Cheers from across the internet to wonderful you. xx

    • EM84

      Sorry, this guy is clearly not worth your time. COVID will pass one day and/or we will find a way how to meet and date new people (safely) soon. Till then, use the time to do and make things that make you happy. Exercise for endorphins, learn something new, kill it at work, reconnect with people you lost touch with over the years (not that guy, though). Once you start dating again, you will be in a happier state. Signed, 36 yo, single, moved during covid to a new country (for work), under lock down. We can do this!

    • Anon

      I suspected he wanted to have his cake and eat it too. Even if he doesn’t want to rekindle the romance per se, it’s good for his ego to have you on the line. You don’t need this guy in your life in any capacity. You did the right thing. Next!!

    • Anonymous

      It’s not the same, but this reminded me of when I received a call out of the blue from someone I had dated for a couple of years who had suddenly dumped me. He wanted to meet for dinner. I said no, and then he proceeded to say he was in a 12 step program and then started relaying all these instances where he had told me one thing while he was out apparently partying and cheating on me instead. I had no idea whatsoever. He then got off the phone quickly. I realized the call was way more about making himself feel better. I mean, there was nothing to apologize to me for because I hadn’t realized it at the time and could hardly even remember anything. (Thank heavens I hadn’t agreed to dinner!) The call literally only served to ease his conscience while leaving me feeling super naive and just icky and stupid. Consider bullet dodged that you knew enough not to meet without looking into things first. And, maybe when the hurt isn’t so fresh, maybe even a bit s orry for the girl engaged to someone who is so self-centered and living in their own drama. What a jerk!

      • Anon

        It’s part of the “make amends” part of recovery. I’ve definitely bene on the receiving end of some of those. Always awkward even if I understand the purpose.

          • Senior Attorney

            Yeah, the part of that step people often forget is that it’s only supposed to be when making amends wouldn’t hurt the person on the receiving end.

      • Anonymous

        OP here – I want to thank you for this. I think you’re onto something. When I texted him to cancel the lunch (and told him I knew he was getting married to the woman he was dating while we were together), he got upset that I was denying him the chance to explain himself. I told him it wasn’t my job to make him feel better about having behaved badly, and that I didn’t have anything to say to him. I do think I dodged a bullet, but discovering his other relationship made me feel exactly as you described – super naive and just icky and stupid. I certainly didn’t need to sit through lunch so he could try to make himself feel better by unloading his guilt on me. Anyway, I’m not a regular poster here (though I read the comments all the time), but I wanted to thank you – and everyone else who responded – for your words of wisdom.

  22. Liz

    I am a school admin and have been wanting to move in a different direction. Covid might be the push I need. It is exhausting trying to keep school open, everyone safe, contact tracing, constant cleaning, etc. I have been on linkedin for a few months, trying to figure out what else I might be interested in. Any tips on a new direction for employment?

    • Anon

      You could move into project management or easily parlay your skills into non-profit director. Alternatively, I’m looking to get out of non-profit work and am doing a tech bootcamp to break into a new industry. Good luck!

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