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Weekend Open Thread

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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

The Kardashians are betting that people will lean in hard into cozy knit pajamas, such as the ones above — what are your thoughts? I like the slightly cropped look to the top, as well as the mix-and-match nature of the collection — you can get long pants (pictured) and cozy knit shorts, as well as a robe. The pieces run from $52-$128, and many of the smaller sizes are sold out already on both the Nordstrom site and the SKIMS site.

We haven't talked about pajamas for grownups in far too long, ladies — for those of you who are rethinking your PJs for the long winter ahead, what are you buying right now? What brands and sites will you be sales-stalking?

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Psst: Because I'm procrastinating other tasks, I just threw together a little graphic with the readers' favorite PJ brands — did I miss any?

As of 2025, some of readers' favorite pajama brands include Nordstrom's Moonlight line, Soma Cool Nights, Lake Pajamas, PrintFresh, Under Armour, Lunya, and Anthropologie. (Pajamas also make great gifts!)

black pajamas
Moonlight
A woman wearing a light-blue striped pajama set
Lake Pajamas
A woman wearing a maroon pajama set with a white star print on the pants
Soma
A woman wearing a tiger-print nightgown
PrintFresh

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

244 Comments

  1. I just completed my second of two foot surgeries. My surgeon is amazing – she did an incredible job on my very difficult-to-fix feet, she gave me her cell phone number so I can text her questions/photos, she always answers messages right away, and is just generally awesome. Is it weird to get her a gift to say thank you? I know she’s just doing her job, but she really is wonderful.

    1. I don’t know if its weird to get her a gift (I love giving/getting gifts in general so I’m maybe not a good barometer), but if you could review her practice or give a testimonial, that might be another way to express appreciation, and be helpful to her and future clients.

      1. I’d wait until you’re fully recovered and back to regular activities, then send a card with a photo of you back in action (riding your horse?) to illustrate the positive impact she had on your life.

      2. +1 – I work at a hospital and the healthcare staff love getting cards and letters like this.

    3. I might do a lovely handwritten note, reviews on all the platforms, and maybe a gift basket for the doctor and their staff? Something consumable, individually wrapped, etc. or a note and reviews and a gift card for pizza or something they can buy for their staff would be kind and not necessary!

      Happy healing! :)

    4. My doctor’s office really liked when I got them flowers- they put them in their staff room area.

    5. My spouse has had patients give him gifts — the most bizarre being that one patient swiped a picture of our children off his desk, and had her father, an artist, draw portraits of them and then presented him with these gorgeous framed drawn portraits — but honestly, he treasures thank-you notes more than any gifts. You could bring / send a fruit basket or some homemade chocolate chip cookies or banana bread or somesuch. A real gift isn’t necessary!

      1. I can’t tell, did you appreciate the drawings or did the picture stealing make it too bizarre?

      3. Omg that’s weird! Luckily, I have absolutely no art skills, so there will be no drawing of family portraits! Lol

    7. I had emergency surgery three weeks ago. I knit a hat while I was recovwand I gave it to my surgeon at my two week follow up. He was appreciative and he wore it to my final follow up yesterday. I didn’t even question if it was appropriate. I was thankful and it was a small token to show it…

    9. I may be late but as a healthcare administrator there’s a limit on what providers can accept but shareable consumables are always appreciated. Letters or cards go a long way. I keep them, forward them to my CEO, we read them at staff meetingS, management meetings and I acknowledge them when I do performance evaluation.

    10. I work in healthcare communications, so this right up my alley! Let your surgeon know that you would LOVE to share your story for any marketing and public relations efforts :)

  2. Let’s talk about (at home) coffee habits. How many cups a day do you drink? Do you do creamer? milk? Sugar?

    1. One cup at 6:30, sometimes another around 10. I weigh and grind the beans, then make pourover coffee with the bonavita gooseneck kettle. For the first cup, I add half and half and 1 scoop collagen peptides, for the second cup I’ll drink it black.

    2. I vary but typically about two 6 oz servings per day. Always with oat milk. I rarely drink coffee other than at home, but sometimes at the office if I am really dragging in the afternoon or leave home without any in the morning. I leave the PikNik creamer at work for this purpose.

    3. Fun question! One espresso in bed on weekdays. The beans are freshly ground the night before and the espresso machine prepped. It’s on a timer so it preheats in the morning. Then one of us just has to get the coffees when we get up. Sometimes a second one when I start work. On weekends, a lungo with oat milk and a caramel waffle heated on the cup, curled up with a book before the rest of the house gets up. I got so excited when the costco flyer told me that stroopwafels are in!

    4. 2-3 cups a day. Minimum. I like coffee. I drink with half and half (hot) or with oat milk (iced). Husband drinks black.

    5. We are big coffee people. I make cold brew using a pitcher/filter combo. My wife upgraded me from my old plastic one to a really nice glass and metal one. I use a pretty big travel tumbler – maybe 21 oz – and I’ll do one or two of those in the morning. I add plain half n half and a squirt of SF vanilla syrup.
      Wife bought a mid-range espresso maker at the start of lockdown and has been having a lot of fun making espresso. We get up at different times during the week, but she’ll make me a latte on the weekends. She’s also been getting into pour-over, which I like but is too fussy for every day (at least for me).

    7. 1 cup in the morning, with heavy cream and a flavored sugar free syrup. FYI for anyone who likes those kind of syrups, I get mine from Homegoods!

    8. 1 pot split between me and the hubs every morning. There are some dispute when the split is not even and someone steals 2/3rds of the pot.

    9. Usually a homemade latte in the morning (love my Breville espresso maker!) and then maybe one late morning or right after lunch. I don’t add flavoring or anything.

      1. Same here – a homemade latte in the morning and either another latte or a K-cup black coffee in the afternoon.

    10. A Nespresso has been one of my better quarantine purchases, I got the Vertuoline. I have one Alto Intenso when I wake up, after morning yoga I have a 7.7 oz pod, half and half in both, though sometimes I steam a little whole milk for the second cup and have a cafe au lait. In the afternoon I usually have a double espresso, generally usually iced with a bit of whole milk or oat milk.

    11. I got an espresso machine and went from one cup of drip coffee a day to two+ double lattes a day and then had to stop when I got heart palpitations. Now I’m down to 1.5 shots a day and I’m fine :)

    12. We make a whole pot and between my husband and I, we drink it all. I drink my coffee black, he adds half and half to his.

      On the weekends or on a lazier morning I might make a Moka and sip it, with a thickly buttered piece of zucchini bread.

      I started drinking coffee as a kid – we got “kids coffee” that had sugar and milk and would have it with coffee cake or banana bread at coffee break with my grandparents. (They owned a shop and worked all the time but would pause at 10am every day for coffee break). By the time I was a teenager, I had phased out the cream and sugar and just drank it black.

    13. 1 cup drip coffee in the morning with a splash of natural bliss creamer and 1/4 tsp sugar.

      1 espresso black (Nespresso original line) in the afternoon.

    14. I use ridiculously oversized mugs, so “one cup” is a bit misleading. One ogre-sized serving, nursed from 7:00 until noon. It’s half coffee and half unsweetened vanilla almond milk. I can’t have dairy or soy, and I have a rule to never drink sugar.

    15. I try to stay below 3 cups, with only one as regular/two as decaf, primarily between 7am-2pm. I’m the only coffee drinker in the house, so I switch between a single-cup mocha pot and a french press and always grind beans fresh. I use oatly full-fat/barista blend oat milk or whole cow’s milk. To liven up WFH, I’ve been splurging on mail-ordered Philz coffee and the local roaster who supplied my favorite cafe near the office. To keep the costs from spiraling, though, I’ve tried to stick with the mocha pot for expensive beans (uses the least by mass) and I keep a 4lb Kirkland Colombian on hand for when I’m not feeling discerning.

    16. One black instant coffee in the morning during the week. One oat cappuccino or iced oat latte each morning on the weekends and rarely a small black coffee in the afternoon/evening

  3. Another gift request post. When my gym closed in March, a friend invited me to join her outdoor workout group. One specific woman puts together the workouts for the group every day and the rest of us just show up and do them. The workouts are awesome and have been great for me during this time. I offered to pay for the workouts, but the leader says she does it because she likes doing it and didn’t want any payment.

    I’d like to buy the leader/organizer a thank you gift. I know almost nothing about her except she’s a married doctor (who I think has a small child, but I’m not sure) and, clearly, likes to workout. In BeforeTimes, I probably would have purchased a gift card to a nice restaurant. Budget is $100-$150.

    1. Could you send her a gift card to Lululemon, Athleta, etc? She could go into a store (if safe in your area) or order online.

    3. Gift card to UberEats or something similar has been my go-to lately. Many restaurants in my area are selling, but not accepting gift cards as payment right now.

      1. Huh? Surely you don’t want to gift someone a gift card that they can’t spend right now?

      3. Is it legal to not accept gift card payments? I know they need the revenue, but that seems really messed up, since the whole point of having a gift card is to be able to use it…

    5. Oops, tried to reply to this but it posted on the next post down. Write her a nice note, I think — more details below. Maybe along with flowers as another poster suggested.

    6. Could you ask your friend if there is a charity or similar you could give the gift to instead (cash, I mean)?

      She might appreciate support to a charity helping people be active, a communtiy program with outdoor improvement focus or similar, something in the spirit that she gives to your group.

  4. Super low-stakes question for Friday afternoon, but I want to get a travel coffee mug for my best friend with a funny inside joke printed on it. Any suggestions on favorite stores for custom mugs? I’d like to get something that’s actually decent quality and not junk. Bonus points if you can fit two different sections of printed texts (i.e., one on each side).

    1. I think CustomInk has mugs. I’ve been using them since I was a sophomore in high school and in charge of designing our swim team’s sweatshirts. Or maybe Cafe Press.

    2. You can have custom engraving done on a Yeti travel mug. I have seen one in person and it looked really nice.

      1. I have one of these from a promo gift and the customization is indeed very nice and unobtrusive.

      1. CRUCupsStore on Etsy did a fantastic job on custom etched mugs for a team I’m on. Price was really reasonable. They use knock-off Yeti but the 20 oz tumbler I got is super nice, has not chipped at all with hand washing, and I use it for coffee almost every morning.

    4. For Sunshine about the outdoor workout group (in case this nests incorrectly): She obviously doesn’t need the cash, so I’d stick with a token item vs a gift card. And definitely write a nice note with a personal detail that you appreciate about her (ex, I appreciate how your positive attitude/thoughtful exercise plan/consistent encouragement/etc has helped me exceed my personal record of doing lunges even during this difficult time). I’ve found the personal note can be really meaningful to the recipient if it’s specific. The recipient is sometimes amazed that someone really recognized the effort, not just that it’s been great to have a workout group but that she has really done something special as a leader or her effort to smile everyday did pay off.

  5. On topic for once, I do like loungey type clothing that I wear both as pajamas and around the house. I like just about everything from Soma and have had really good luck washing everything and not caring for it in any delicate way. I also like that many of their PJ pants come in long inseams. I do like the feathers look but I wouldn’t spend that much and would prefer a darker color for practical reasons. I guess it’s also time to admit that crop tops are in my past.

    I am always on the look for a warm layer to top then with. I ordered one of the Costco cardigans yesterday that is supposed to be a dupe for barefoot dreams, but I’m always open to new suggestions! Cusp sized, hoping the Costco xxl is going to work.

    1. I like DKNY. The prints and solids are modern looking and adult and don’t make me feel like I am wearing a hospital gown.

    2. The Costco cardigan is amazing! I got mine on Monday and I think I have worn it every single day.
      I never swung for the real barefoot dreams cardigan so I can’t say if it’s a good dupe, but it is a darn cozy sweater.

  6. How about recs for cheap pj pants that come in petite options? the cropped things are too short by a few inches but regular is about a million inches too long!

    1. I fix this issue by getting loose joggers. I’m way too lazy to hem PJ pants. I like the Free Press sets they sell at Nordstrom Rack and Uniqlo drape PJ pants.

      1. Could you be more specific? I’ve been unable to find a 30” inseam in Target pjs but that would be perfect.

    3. I’ve been struggling with this too. I just bought some girls XL joggers at Target today. The length was perfect. I am about 5’2.5″

    4. Soma has petite length. They’re $40ish regular price but go on sale. In my experience there’s a big jump in quality from Target to Soma.

    1. Hit send too early (really can’t focus I guess). What is your nuclear option When you need to focus but can’t?

      1. A Coke, a closed door, phone in a drawer, and a Spotify playlist with no lyrics.

        1. ooh this is a good tip I forgot about! I used to rely on The Island soundtrack in college.

        2. Also, video game music can be super motivating too, if you’re into that sort of thing. I went through a phase early in my career where orchestral music from the Zelda franchise was my main go-to.

    3. I play an album I am very, very familiar with so it is not distracting, then aim to finish or get to a certain point by the time it is over.

    4. Shut out all possible distractions, put on a playlist of video game music (it’s written to help you focus & has no lyrics), use the pomodoro method of 25 minutes working/5 minute break

    5. Probably kind of late for this, but two Advil and a Diet Coke.

      Don’t knock it till you try it.

  8. BigLaw senior person here. We are lucky to have our clients’ business hold up and they are continuing to send us work. Given things beyond their control, clients send in work as they have it, with deadlines and turnarounds dictated to them. It’s not unlike an ER in that when there is a car crash, you take care of it, but you often don’t have a lot of warning and it may be all hands on deck. It is what it is. I’m sure that clients don’t love working until midnight on emergencies, either. But they pay their bills and that means that I have a job and can pay my bills. [And I never thought I’d have better schedule control at a smaller firm; more likely, clients who maybe want to pay but need a payment plan.]

    Luckily, our big client is government adjacent, so if it is a holiday or weekend, they are likely closed and not expecting that we be in work and responding to them (maybe annually, but that is generally known/planned for). That is a gift.

    Should a new person (lawyer) be complaining about how she can’t plan her schedule? I feel like it’s a bit like an accountant complaining that the weeks leading up to 4/15 and 9/15 are not conducive to taking vacations (in which case, don’t go into accounting). To people who have been dealing with it for decades.

    1. I used to work in a type of litigation like this. I loved it, but it is really not for everyone. I would explain to her that it is just a fact of life in your line of work and let her decide if that is what she wants.

      I vote NAH (No A____ Here).

    2. Your accounting analogy doesn’t hold. That’s two busy seasons a year, not constant fire drills all the time. If you and your colleagues have been dealing with unpredictable schedules for decades, perhaps it’s time to come up with some type of on-call rotation or hire enough lawyers that you can handle the surges without calling people back from vacation.

      1. +1 it’s a different analogy

        A defined busy season is very different than putting out fires as they pop up. My line of work has both, both suck, but unplanned is way worse

    3. It’s a common gripe from lawyers, and not an unreasonable expectation to want to have control over her schedule. It seems like you’re asking for permission to judge someone new to your office/client base for being upset or complaining that all their plans regularly get ruined, so I’ll plainly state it: no, you should not. Life is hard, especially now, and it’s a normal human reaction. You have been brainwashed into being grateful for the scraps you get, no matter the lifestyle it results in. I can tell you right now, not being able to plan anything because of work is not normal, it’s just the life you’ve chosen to be okay with. If she does her work and doesn’t over-complain (as in doesn’t become a constant debbie downer and only talk about ruined plans) then just do your own work and don’t put brain space to something so trivial.

      1. I can’t think of any area where deadlines imposed by third parties can be “managed” to suit my schedule. Like a reply brief is due when it is due. A spontaneous reqeust for supplemental briefing from the bench is not to be sat on for a week until the muse moves you to write something. Regulatory filings are due when they are due.

        To associates, b/c this happened: don’t put a non-refundable deposit down on a 10-day vacation, especially when you are so new that you don’t know that it’s the busy season (always: b/w Thanksgiving and xmas) where no one gets to take off. Ask before you make plans like that. Accept that the answer may be: it’s better if you go in January.

        1. Ok, you clearly just want to judge the new associate from your high horse. Sorry if the rest of us have a realistic view of what’s reasonable and what sucks.

          1. But biglaw isn’t reasonable. It’s why it pays so well. It comes with the territory.
            (Not OP, different senior associate in biglaw who would also be annoyed by this complaining)

        2. This is true, however I think it depends if that person is the handling attorney or not. Perhaps this is unique to my jurisdiction (and office culture), but I have never had a problem dealing with deadlines like these, as an associate, because the court doesn’t set them arbitrarily without consulting the parties. Requesting an additional week to reply due to a pre-planned vacation is routinely accommodated. Briefing schedules are also routinely amended for very little cause.

          I would definitely not book anything non-refundable though. That is stupid.

        3. A reply brief isn’t an emergency. There’s a briefing schedule! Written down! I would never cancel a vacation for a reply brief. If it’s scheduled when I’m out, someone else would do it.

    4. I’m in government (not a lawyer) and my work is much like this. Everything is fine until it’s very, very suddenly not and you go from 37 hour weeks to 90 hour weeks with no warning and no determined end.

      Generally, existing time off is honored but new time off hasn’t granted do you’re somewhat protected but otherwise, your life is not your own.

      I really love the work and knew what I was getting into when I went into this line of work, but it still sucks to have to cancel plans last minute. My family and friends understand (mostly) but it does stress me out for dating.

      I agree – no one is wrong here. It’s a fact of life but it still sometimes sucks.

    5. If the new person is junior and receptive to feedback, it’d be a kindness for you to say what you’ve said here about the nature of the practice so the lawyer can stop embarrassing herself and/or try to switch practice areas.

    6. This type of work is not for everyone, and she may not realize she is lucky to have a job right now. I have found that many people that graduated during the recession will put up with more at a job than more recent graduates (though that may change) because they are more thankful to have a job.

      Also– does she realize these last minute deadlines are from the client and not because of bad time management from others at the firm? I used to work in an area where I was constantly getting last-minute, emergency, work all weekend assignments. Many of my friends worked in BigLaw, so I did not think this was unusual. I thought it was just how law worked. As I got more senior and was managing more of my own work, I barely had any of these “emergencies” unless the partner I worked for forgot about a deadline and needed help last minute, which I really was not willing to deal with.

      1. It’s like in bankuptcy maybe, where you can sense when a company might file (b/c you stalk them on Edgar when they have the “going concern” concern discussion). But when the call comes in that a business has filed, it’s all hands on deck. And with some, maybe they bought a business that lent $ to another business and the records are a wreck and it is even worse than you feared. Or like how you don’t get to choose the kind of car wreck you are in — it is sort of thrust upon you (except you can not take the case, but in that case you might as well close up shop for good).

        No one teaches first years this stuff. Or just . . . don’t complain. Don’t suggest to your partners how they could better run their book of business so it is more to your liking. It is a bad look.

    7. By “new person” do you mean literally started in BigLaw this month as a new grad? No, she should not be complaining, but someone nice needs to pull her aside and say “that’s the deal with BigLaw, the whole reason clients pay these rates is our availability to deal with their last-minute problems. I know it s-cks but that’s part of this job.”

      Over the years I’ve had new associates whine that they couldn’t make it to 6pm yoga, couldn’t revise a document by the next morning because “you really don’t want to work with me if I can’t get my gym time in,” (yes, I don’t want to work with you, but you guessed the reason incorrectly), and an associate leave in the middle of a diligence project to play a sport. All of them left BigLaw within 2 years.

    8. The new person needs to realize that the inability to plan is part of the deal, and it’s very take it or leave it. She should not be complaining about it, but if you are in a position to mentor her, you could gently tell her that it’s going to look out of sync with office norms if she does complain about it.

      That inability to plan was one of the things that was hardest for me in BigLaw. It wasn’t just total hours, but the constant “on call” nature of it. My current job–small law firm, transactional and regulatory practice–has more face time requirements between 9 and 5, but I am also 99% sure that I won’t be bothered in the evenings or on weekends, and if I am, it’s usually a 5-minute conversation, not a drop-everything-and-stay-up-all-night assignment. I’ve only had one client who needed a payment plan in the 4 years I’ve been here.

    9. This is a fact of life, but it is also something someone new might not have understood or expected, and might be something they don’t want to live with. Just be frank about the expectations. “Yes, you will constantly have to cancel plans in this job, be it dinner or tickets or travel, weddings and funerals, too. Your family, friends, and partner need to know now that they will always be second or third in your life and no one here cares because we all made the same commitment to the money. Also, don’t think that things will change ‘when your generation takes over.’ We’re not going to let that happen for a very long time and certainly not before all the frogs have boiled.”

      Also, I don’t think your comparison is apt. An accountant knows going in that the weeks leading up to 4/15 and 9/15 are busy and can just plan for that. In law, every week is potentially like a week leading up to 4/15, and you have no idea which ones until you get there. I have canceled thousands of dollars worth of vacation over my career because I am always at the mercy of a client, a judge, opposing counsel, a partner, or a combination of those, and there does not seem to be any effective (or accepted) system in law firms for people to cover for each other.

      1. Yes, the associate’s complaint is that she can’t plan for the busy times, not that she has to plan around them.

      2. I am do real estate closings a know that the last week of the month is hell and the week before is not great. If I am OOO, I know to schedule it early in the month or early January (ideally). Nothing happens then (or not enough to really blow up plans). If someone wants to take off the last week of October . . . nope. That is why you are here.

        1. When I was in Big Law, it was more that I never knew when I’d get an assignment at 5 pm that required 8 hours of work and was due by 10 am. I cancelled numerous vacations, often for deadlines that later seemed meaningless because of things out of our control–like, cancel trip to friend’s wedding because of pre-trial deadlines, meet those deadlines, and then a day later, the judge delays trial 3 months on his own motion.

          I had to work for each of my SILs’ wedding–as in, go straight from work to rehearsal dinner, work from after the rehearsal dinner until late that night, work until family photo time on Saturday, and work all day Sunday. For the first of those weddings, I had to push back to even be able to attend the wedding on Saturday night. For the second of those weddings, I got a call about a doc review on Friday afternoon while driving to the rehearsal dinner and spent all weekend on it. We never even did real work for that client, or got paid for the doc review, because the client was out of money (criminal case for existing corporate client).

          Right before I left, I was criticized for not being able to come into the office in the middle of a Sunday when I got a call at 12 pm for an all-hands-on-deck doc review on a case I had no responsibility for. There was a St. Patrick’s parade on my street, and the road was blocked, and I hadn’t thought to move my car in case I got called in to work. The review involved physical paper, so couldn’t have been done remotely. I went in at 4 pm when the parade was over and stayed until midnight and got everything done, but I was still given crap later because I didn’t drop everything as soon as I was called.

          1. Not saying that the call to come in was reasonable, but could you have taken a taxi or Uber?

    10. I feel like if you are going to take the BigLaw $, you can’t complain about the lifestyle cost of that to the people who do your reviews.

      I mean, would people complain to guy partners about this? I think we know that answer.

      1. This. You aren’t being paid $200k a year to be special. You are paid for constant availability.

    11. So help her understand when she CAN plan her schedule. You said it yourself – your big client generally doesn’t have emergencies on holidays or weekends. Counsel junior people to plan their lives accordingly; don’t try to plan important things for weeknights, but enjoy your weekends and holidays.

      And honestly it’s not that bad. My friends with dogs, kids, or who live in the burbs don’t do a lot of weeknight stuff either. I think the early years of practice were frustrating because a lot of my 20-something friends were going to happy hour, concerts, etc. all the time. Being in biglaw is a little bit like being the first in your friend group to have a baby. The first few years you feel like you’re missing out on all the fun, but eventually all your friends become boring old people too, and everyone else is cool with planning weekend days at the winery instead of Tuesday night concerts.

      1. Wait — a client leaves you alone weekends and holidays and someone is complaining?! Wow, just wow. I guess it is hard to be working during the workweek? For BigLaw this associate doesn’t realize that she/he has hit the jackpot.

        1. Whoever the manageing partner that hired her must have concluded she was very pretty, b/c she is clearly not very smart. In Biglaw, you must work, even if you are pretty. You must also be very smart to parry and survive. This woman, who I presume is about 25, sounds a little to entitled, and someone should tell her that even though her looks have not yet peaked, once they do in a few years, she will be heading downhill thereafter, and thereafter, she will not get the benefit of the doubt from the manageing partner once this occurs. So as I said earlier, she needs to snag a decent man now b/f the pandemic is over because competition will be fierce with all of the pent up s-xueal energy and tension after abstaining from s-x with men who will become eligible after the vaccine is out.

    12. Maybe she’s just kind of venting to you, thinking you’d be a person who would also understand that this aspect of the job is frustrating? It is nice to be able to complain with coworkers who get it. People who are not in biglaw or similar kinds of jobs don’t really get the level of suck that exists. If you’re not really open to venting like that, then give some social hints that listening to those complaints is not your role – I usually do my complaining with peers rather than superiors.

      Transactional big-law midlevel associate here. I knew what I was getting myself into but “knowing” and then truly experiencing everything in your life be subordinate to your job, without warning, at all times of the day and night, does really suck, it just does. I like my job and the flexibility of it, and have learned how to set things up so that a work fire drill doesn’t derail everything, but it definitely took a couple years to figure that all out (to give just one example, it can take awhile to find a therapist who will reschedule when I bail last minute).

      My husband and I decided when I joined my department that we would not travel around the holidays (because of my department’s client base, we always end up with an end-of-the-year crunch). I am fine with this; I have no problem not traveling for the holidays and I tend to have a lull in Jan-Feb so we make sure to travel to see all our family then. But my husband’s family are all academics who have always had extended holiday breaks and every year ask if we are going to come for Christmas this year, and I have definitely complained with my coworkers about the UGH of the broader situation – we complain about the truly awful nature of THIS aspect of the job and then we buy each other donuts and get back to work.

      I complain less as the years go on because I’m getting access to more of the things I like about my job and am more used to the lifestyle, but new folks maybe aren’t there yet.

  9. Someone posted too late in the morning post seeking stories of those who have cut a family member out. Let’s bring that up and share?

    1. R eddit has lots of great communities with way more advise & commiseration than could fit in this thread!

      Captain Awkward has some wonderful posts about all aspects of difficult family members, including scripts, different levels of contact, explaining estrangement to others, enforcing no contact, dealing with the emotions of it all, etc.

    2. The morning poster was not me but how timely! I have a difficult family, my parents are long divorced. I don’t have contact with my father and haven’t for many years. Aside from the sad fact that I don’t have a dad in my life, and absolutely sometimes miss that dad energy, I never had it with my actual father anyway. My actual father was uncaring, occasionally dangerous, threatening, and unstable. On balance I think I am better off not in contact but still it’s a bummer. My mother and I have a difficult relationship because she is sometimes verbally and emotionally abusive (she is pretty selfish and narrow-minded). I have been trying to set boundaries (ie you can’t speak to me this way and expect me to want to spend time with you) but doing so often leads to many months of low to no contact (the longest was a no contact of around 6 months 3 years ago). That sucks and it feels way more essential and disturbing than not being in touch with my father.

  10. How do you become less long-winded? I’m aware that I’m that annoying person that tells the longest possible version of the story, or repeats my point 3 times, but I only realize I was doing that after a conversation and not during it. Anyone have advice on how I can improve?

    I am very concise when writing, both casual emails and important work things. It’s just the talking that’s a problem.

    1. Practice! Rehearse random stories about your day to yourself 3x in a row, each time making the story shorter. When someone is talking to you and it makes you think of something you want to share, make your first sentence the point or connection so that you don’t feel like you’re missing something and ramble. Try to focus on the other person and emphasize the exact parts of the story you think they want to hear.

    2. THANK YOU for doing this!! It’s such an important thing to realize. Practice, practice, practice is all you can do. Maybe have a trusted friend give you a signal in social situations?

    3. Get better at reading your audience. If they start to look away or smile awkwardly, it’s time to wrap it up! I generally find that longwinded people focus too much on the boring details of a story and get caught up in them. So just the facts, ma’am!

    4. If you can do it in writing, I bet you can do it in talking! Take a minute before answering or beginning your story to gather your thoughts. I find this helps me immensely.

    5. I’m so glad it’s not just me. I also want to learn how to speak more slowly. I’m fine speaking with rehearsed things, but I thought I get nervous or frustrated, the pace of my speaking goes way up. I also work with people who talk very quickly and I don’t like the habits I have picked up.

    6. This is a common problem with ADHD, so resources for that syndrome may be worth reviewing (not diagnosing you, just saying to take advantage of the similarities).

  11. I do not understand this outfit. If it’s cold enough for a sweater knit and long pants, it’s too cold for a cropped tank top.

    1. Yes!
      On the plus side, if I wore this around my house, the hems could double as cat hair and dust bunny trappers.

  12. During the debate last night, Trump again said that 99.9% of young people will bounce back from COVID. Yesterday, a college freshman I knew died from COVID complications. He was in my daughter’s high school class and his older brother (a college senior) was in my son’s class. I know that this is a rare thing for someone this age, but I just need to vent and say “F you” to anyone who doesn’t care about that 0.1% who will be severely affected.

    Wear your mask. Wash your hands. Stay distant. And be safe.

    1. My husband is 30 years old and just got out of the hospital from a 10 day stay due to complications from covid — a healthy 30 year old with pulmonary embolism and bilateral pneumonia. he’s still on oxygen. And I guess he’s considered part of the “99.9% of people who recovered”? he may never recover his full lung capacity.

      I wasn’t able to be with him when they thought he was still contagious (he was de-isolated later in his stay once they determined his viral load was no longer significant) and he called me after being admitted, gasping for air, begging for help, that he couldn’t breath. I thought he was going to die. I wish I could make ever person hear that phone call from a loved one before they vote for anything besides leadership that gives a crap. I’m heartbroken for people who have lost loved ones and traumatized by the millions of people just like me I know are out there who have been just as scared for their families.

      I agree with you. This is no joke. And if we keep on this path, hundreds of thousands more Americans will die painful, preventable deaths.

      1. I’m so sorry you and your husband went through that. Best of luck to you moving ahead.

      2. I am so very sorry. Reading made me gasp,from the echo of the pain and fear you and him both felt. Thinking about you from the other side of the globe and sending prayers ( if you are in to that, just ignore if not). hoping for a full recovery

      3. Yes, hugs. I am happy he is out now and will hopefully bounce back quickly to allow you to return to something closer to normal in the f*ed up world. I think we all need to mask up and keep socially distant, even tho it is difficult for women like me who are single and need to have children yesterday. This Covid has really f*ed up my schedule on everything, not that it was ever easy-breezy for me. I say STFU to people who are dumb on these topics, which have been in the news every day.

      4. I’m so sorry you and your husband had to go through that. Best wishes and blue no matter who!

    2. That may be true actually. But when 99% of people recover, 1% don’t. And a large # of people have gotten sic, so people (even the young / otherwise healthy) will die. It’s like car accidents — a range of outcomes. But I don’t think that his statement is untrue. It is both true and scary.

    3. I know how you feel. My mom’s colleague (a previously healthy 30 something year old teacher) was hospitalized for 1.5 months due to COVID and is now in rehab trying to relearn how to do basic things. Her lungs are permanently scarred, and several doctors have told her she will require a lung transplant. She was also 6 months pregnant when she got it, went into premature labor, and the baby died the next day. My heart breaks for her and her family, and all of this could have been prevented if the mother of the child (her nephew) who gave it to her had taken the virus seriously.

    4. Not as young as what you’re talking about, but recently had a childhood friend who ran marathons and did aerial yoga die from Covid, at 46. Way too young to die. I can’t listen to Trump talk about Covid any more, it makes me too angry.

    5. My mother-in-law died a week ago from COVID-19 complications. She was 61. She had some health issues in the past but nothing that suggested she would be this vulnerable. My husband was next of kin and it was traumatizing for him to be with her in her final hours, even if he was glad she is no longer suffering. But anytime anyone says most people are fine after COVID-19 my eye twitches with anger.

  13. My sister and BIL are both teachers and have contracted COVID. Probably at school, because they aren’t going anywhere else, really. They have two tiny kids, both feel terrible, and are drowning. How can I support them from a distance? They live about 50 miles away … not sure if it would be helpful to arrange a meal delivery or what.

    And, I feel like this is important to mention. We were planning to get together with our parents last weekend for a birthday party. I am so glad my mom called it off at the last minute because she was anxious about the idea. BIL started feeling bad on Saturday night and tested positive Monday.

    1. Honestly, send them healthy takeout everyday for dinner so they at least get one hot meal a day.

    2. I have young kids and have thought a lot about what if we both get very sick:
      1) find out if they need anything and get it to them, even if it’s via a service
      2) if the kids are at a stage where the parents can hand them an iPad so auntie can babysit, offer this as much as possible. Read to them, talk to them about what they’re playing, etc.
      3) what’s their appetite and energy like? Arranging for meal delivery is great if they have the energy and appetite for it. If not, kids still need to eat. Would it be possible for you to cook and plate meals on disposable plates for the kids for the week and deliver them this weekend? That way, parents just have to pull plates out of the fridge, maybe microwave them.
      4) If true, and they’re the type to be comforted by this, tell them that you’re prepared to come care for the kids if they can’t (hospitalized or just too sick to do the bare minimum). Have a plan and supplies to reduce risk to you.
      5) if there’s anything that would keep the kids occupied without much parent involvement, now is the time to send it

      1. I will echo #4. I have a a special family situation where if I were to get Covid, it would leave somebody else in need of 24 hour care (think ill family member), and knowing that they would be taken care of would be a tremendous gift and weight off My shoulders.

      2. All of this. Plus offer to place a grocery delivery order for them and/or a target 2 day shipping order for stuff they need around the house (tissues, medicine, snacks etc.).

    3. It sounds like meal delivery would be super helpful!!! But instead of large meals, I’d drop off something like soup for the parents, plus some kid-friendly food and snacks. If you’re looking for other ideas, I’d also send some toys or activities that the kids can do quietly and more or less independently. Specific suggestions would really depend on their ages.

    4. Yes, if possible, have all of their meals delivered so they don’t have to cook. Offer to facetime with the kids as often as possible. Do they have a pet that you could take off their hands?

      I’d also make sure the kids know how to contact you and also 911 in case anything goes seriously wrong.

    5. I was in quarantine and got horribly bored. I can’t even imagine doing it as a child. Is there anything you can send to help keep the kids occupied?

  14. Anon for this. Looking for viewpoints on this matter – I’m trying to work through this in my head and heart.

    About four years ago, my brother- and sister-in-law updated their will and other documents so that husband and I are designated as legal guardians of their four kids in the event that they both pass away, become incapacitated, etc. We agreed to this. Now with the pandemic, I have… different feelings about this role. My husband is close to his brother. I have a pretty good relationship with sister-in-law (we text every once in a while, talk on phone every once in a while) – she’s busy with work and kids and I’m busy too. We’re fairly close to our nieces and nephews… talk to them monthly or so in family Zoom calls. Haven’t seen anyone in person since December, before COVID.

    They are more “living their lives” during this pandemic than we are, which is understandable – they have kids and need to go out. Each kid plays sports, participates in another activity outside the home (dance or pottery), goes to school or daycare a few times per week, has playdates, etc.. And as a family they also go to church indoors, restaurants, hair salons, grocery stores, multiple beach vacations, etc.

    I get that we have different behaviors and that’s okay. But the more I think about how sickness usually spreads in their house (like wildfire because they are 6 people in a small house), I am concerned about what this means should they get sick with COVID-19. I also know that this is what we signed up for, but I’m having a tough time with it because they aren’t laying low — they are choosing to participate in optional activities, increasing their chance of getting sick. It’s not, like, a car crash or something.

    We’re in NJ, so cases were low this summer but rising these past few weeks.

    Thoughts? Anyone struggling with anything similar?

    1. Wait-so you’d be reluctant to take in the kids because you’d feel like the parents were irresponsible if they die of covid? Or you just think the possibility of the parents dying has increased and you don’t actually want to do it? It seems like I’m missing something.

    2. Wait, so are you worried that BIL/SIL will contract COVID and die, and you’ll have to care for the kids while they are potentially sick with COVID, thereby exposing yourself to COVID? Or are you having second thoughts about caring for the kids because you don’t like how they’re being raised?

      If your BIL and SIL died, I would sincerely hope you will have it in your heart to make sure these kids are cared for, even if they are sick. I am really judging you for this question, sorry.

      1. Frankly, I am worried that they go out mostly without masks in a carefree way – I don’t want them to get sick and I don’t want anyone to die.

        What I am most worried about is that the parents are being a little too lax. They have four kids and should prioritize the health and safety of their family; multiple activities during the week and weekend is risky; I am more risk-averse. I am concerned if the parents die, my husband and I will be responsible for four young children (ages 5-11). I’m judging them because it wouldn’t be fair to their kids and wouldn’t be fair to us. This is why I am concerned about what we signed up for years ago. Digging deeper, I feel a different connection to my husbands family than my own — he’s close with his brother, but I don’t have that same connection

        1. Lady. If 4 children are orphaned you’re gonna get over being judgmental and parent them, or your husband is gonna divorce your selfish tush. Talk about borrowing problems and drama in the nastiest possible way.

      2. Eh, I wouldn’t judge too hard. I’d liken it to someone promising you a family heirloom (let’s say a motorbike) then doing drag races every weekend. Of course you’d take care of the precious item, but you get really upset every time they endanger the item. I get taking guardianship seriously, but also not really wanting to have it happen because a) it’d mean two familial deaths and b) it’s something you only pictured happening in unlikely circumstances. Just because you would take care of an orphaned relative doesn’t mean you’re eager to and it’s okay to be annoyed that they are making it more likely than they should for this to happen.

      3. I came down here to write the same thing. The third option being “I agreed to this when it seemed like a remote plan-crash possibility and am annoyed at BIL and SIL for increasing their chances of both passing away, thus leaving me with these kids.”

        All of this would open up, to me, the bigger question of whether you truly want to be in this possible guardian role at all.

        1. You can’t choose the circumstances in which you’d become a guardian. If you don’t want to be a guardian, then talk to your husband ASAP.

          1. This. And if you really don’t want to be the guardian, do everybody a favor and admit it so they can make other plans. Years ago a couple of my acquaintance ended up as guardians of a young nephew (age 3 or 4) after the parents were killed in a car crash. It was horrible they literally treated him like the red-headed stepchild — constantly complaining about him, and critizicing and punisheing him for normal behaviors while indulging their own child, who was about the same age. The child eventually went to live with other relatives but I have to imagine he was pretty psychologically scarred by the whole thing. Know your limits and don’t let that happen to you.

    3. If your only worry is that the odds of the worst happening have increased, and you haven’t actually changed your mind about whether you would assume custody of the kids, I would do nothing and say nothing.

      1. You might want to express your concern though not because of the custody thing, but because you simply don’t want to see your BIL / SIL take ill and die …. I mean, that’s reasonable.

        1. +1 totally fair to say something about being worried about their choices. But what OP is saying sounds more like “hope chemo goes well because I don’t want to be responsible for your kids” and less like “hope your chemo goes well because I love and care about you”

          1. Not sure I agree … chemo going well or not is out of someone’s hands. Taking precautions to avoid Covid is well within someone’s hands (not to say that anyone who gets it did something wrong – but there is a clear difference between someone who took it seriously and someone who didn’t).

    4. OP, I think I understand where you’re coming from. When you agreed to be guardian you thought the parents were going to do everything in their power to stay alive for their kids. Now it feels like they’re taking significant, optional risks that increase the chances of them dying.

      I’d similarly be unhappy that their poor choices increase than chances of upending the children’s lives and your life as you care for traumatized kids.

      I think it’s ok to be unhappy that they’re risking doing this to all of you. You love the kids and want the best for them, and parents dying unnecessarily is not the best for them.

  15. On the topic of pajamas, does anyone know how Soma pajamas fit? I’m plus size (2X), so I’m wondering if the XXL size would fit.
    Also, anyone have positive or negative experiences with their pajamas? I run hot especially when I sleep, so their “cool” line seems appealing

    1. I’m a straight size 16 and take XL. The cool pajamas really are cool and great!

    2. I hated their cool nights nightgown. It wicks and I felt like I was freezing.

  16. Help me add movies to our Family Movie Night list! My eight year old loves romantic movies and movie musicals. She does not like nudity (excessive cleavage makes he uncomfortable) or violence or too much chaos or sadness (like we had to turn off Anne of Green Gables because she couldn’t deal with the sadness of the Cuthberts rejecting Anne, even though I told her it was going to be okay!) Her favorite movie is State Fair. Other recent hits: The Cutting Edge, Bride and Prejudice, Guys and Dolls, all the Star Wars movies, and The Natural.
    What are some favorites you would suggest?

      1. Wouldn’t the whole Nazi thing fail the criteria of “not too much violence or chaos or sadness”?

        2. We had the VHS growing up and it was split into two tapes; we never watched the second!

    2. Courtesy of my gran’s weird taste, I loved The Court Jester (with Danny Kaye) and The Great Race as a kid, though I don’t know how they’ve held up. I’d also suggest Meet Me In St. Louis and maybe Singin’ in the Rain.

      1. The Vessle with the Pessle!

        My brother and I (now in our 30s) LOVED The Court Jester! I watched Singin in the Rain again a few years ago, and also think it would be a good choice.

    4. Meet Me in St. Louis is one of my favorites (I watch it every year on Thanksgiving to kick off the Christmas season), but the scene where the youngest girl gets upset about moving might be too much for her?

      I loved Bedknobs and Broomsticks at that age, but I’m not sure how its graphics have aged.

      Pollyanna with Hayley Mills? Eddie Murphy’s Haunted Mansion?

      Oh, and I LOVED anything with Esther Williams! (She’s the redhead who did lots of synchronized swimming in the ’40s.) (Aka, things you grow up watching when your childhood nanny was born in 1925.)

    5. The Greatest Showman, the newer Mary Poppins and Enchanted are all big hits with my slightly younger daughter.

    6. Mary Poppins
      The first half of the Sound of Music (the second half is better when older given your description of your kid)
      The Parent Trap (either the original or the LL version)
      Disney! I was that age during the Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin years… and the more modern movies like Tangled have plenty of “over their head” adult humor to keep parents amused.

    7. When we were kids (90s/00s) my parents chose really old live action Disney movies for family movie night … to the point that Dean Jones was my first celeb crush. Blackbeard’s Ghost was our favorite, also liked ones like That Darn Cat and No Deposit No Return. I’m sure there are others that I’m forgetting.

      The adult main characters usually fall in love, they’re super family friendly in terms of nudity/scariness/sadness/language and while not musicals, they’re oldies like many musicals are.

      I don’t remember anything racist/sexist on them, but it’s been a long time since I’ve seen them. Maybe pre-screen to make sure they pass the 2020 sniff test. There’s a lot of shows/movies I loved that passed the 2000 sniff test but not the 2020 one.

    9. The King and I, My Fair Lady, Mary Poppins, Hairspray, Sound of Music (although the end was sad/scary as a little kid so maybe wait until slightly older), The Wizard of Oz, The Music Man, Annie (although parts of it are sad), Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,

    10. Roman Holiday with Audrey Hepburn.

      Maybe some of the Doris Day films.

      What about Jules Verne? around the wolrd in 80 days (with a talk about ways to be respectful to other cultures).

    11. Has she met my heartthrob, Gene Kelly? Singin in the Rain; Brigadoon; On the Town; if she likes On the Town, Anchors Aweigh. I’d skip An American in Paris for a few years. Oh, and Hello Dolly (he directed it.)

      1. Yes yes yes to Gene Kelly! Although I would argue that Anchors Aweigh is more fun than On The Town, and save Hello Dolly until she is in her teens and a true musical nerd. It is so very long and overwrought. The only redeeming features are Louis Armstrong and young Michael Crawford.

    13. Thanks, all! These are all such great suggestions. So many good movies from my childhood that I’d forgotten about (I loved That Darn Cat…). Adding them all to my list.
      (Re: Sound of Music- we’ve actually seen the theatrical production of this and she was ok about it, but we haven’t watched the movie yet- Nazis definitely stress her out … maybe in another half a year we’ll try it)

      1. My 7 year old loves Move Over Darling (Doris Day); 7 Brides for 7 Brothers; Princess Bride and Princess Diaries.

    15. The Ugly Dachshund (not a Musical, but a cute 60s comedy film)

      101 Dalmatians as long as cruelly isn’t too scary for her

      The Secret Garden (a little gloomy but it’s a good movie)

      Old Shirley Temple movies maybe?

      Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

      Oklahoma (the musical)

    16. Feel the Beat on Netflix was cute for my 8-year old

      She also liked Hocus Pocus and (the new, overpriced) Mulan on Disney+

      Most cartoon movies are fine for her, although a Curious George movie where an elephant gets kidnapped (or maybe taken away) made her cry

  17. Any ideas for a items to add to my gift wishlist to give to my husband for my upcoming birthday and Christmas. I recently started giving my husband lists of things I would like for him to choose from for my December Birthday and Christmas. This works for us and avoids past expensive gifts that I didn’t like that he bought on his own aka Tiffany’s necklace that never leaves its box.

    This year there isn’t much that I’ve been lusting after and/or delayed purchasing myself. I’m trying to brainstorm ideas, but I am coming up short due to staying indoors since March. I’m a new mom and DON’T want anything related to that. But, my life is pretty consumed by baby stuff— so not much time for hobbies.

    I work from home, so I don’t get to dress up much. I’m considering the dyson hairdryer, but I can’t trust that it will work on my kinky (natural) hair. I live in warm climate 365 so no cold weather accessories.

    Maybe lullulemon clothes I can’t justify purchasing? But I’m losing baby weight and hate to spend so much while fluctuating size. Any ideas for items that you wouldn’t buy yourself but would love to be gifted? He spends up to $500 on my birthday, less for Christmas. Past gifts have been external hard drive, ugg slippers, designer shoes and bags, trips.

    1. I think we talked about this yesterday morning? Lots of great jewelry suggestions and I’d also consider going big with a peloton tread.

      1. I’ll look at that thread, thnx. I’m saving up for peloton on my own w/ bonus money. The price is too high to justify as a gift. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with such a big gift.

    2. I now you said no hobbies, but I signed up for a drawing class this fall and it has been awesome, mostly because part of the present part is that my husband takes the kids for three hours every Saturday so I can do the homework assignments.
      Or is there a subscription service that you want? My husband got me six months of rent the runway one year and it was great for pregnancy/ post partum dressing.

    3. Really nice noise-cancelling headphones.
      One-year subscription to a streaming service that has shows you have always wanted to watch but can’t get anywhere else.
      Mirrorless camera.
      KitchenAid mixer.
      Fancy dutch oven.
      Smokeless backyard fire pit.
      Jewelry.
      Nice loungewear.
      Sorel slippers.
      Espresso machine.
      Sodastream.
      Ridiculously expensive designer sneakers.
      A really nice terrycloth bathrobe.
      Wine, chocolates, magazines, candles, and bubble bath or bath bombs.
      Plants from The Sill.
      Harry and David pears and fancy cheese from somewhere else with better cheese.
      Vuori joggers.
      Taking the baby out of the house for an entire afternoon.

      1. Thnx. Designer sneakers and noise canceling headphones might be good to add to the list. I’m not very domestic, and so any kitcheny items don’t interest me.

    4. i just asked for a second set of flannel sheets because I realized I am taking my current ones off my bed, washing them and immediately putting them back on my bed. they are just so so cozy

      1. Do flannel sheets run warm at night? Pardon my ignorance, but I ask because we live in climate that doesn’t generally go below 80 degrees during winter.

        1. Yes. I personally would want linen in your climate, not flannel or honestly anything made from cotton.

    5. You have a $500 budget for your birthday but don’t really want anything? Why not skip the gift and donate the money?

  19. I generally know how to ride a bike but it’s been a while (3 years?). Because of the pandemic I’m interested in having a non-public transit way to get around, so I just joined a bike share where they drop off a bike for a month or so. I live in a city with decent bike lanes but not everywhere. But – maybe I’m too short for the bikes? I’m 5’4 and the bike just feels quite weighty and difficult to manage to me. When I sit on the seat, I can baaaarely touch my tiptoes to the ground, and when I stop I come off the seat to stand on the ground, but the bike is quite heavy even then. Wondering if this is about time or needing to be resized?

    2. They’re heavy on purpose- so that people are really stable/slow and also to deter theft. They’re sometimes heavy to push off, but should be ok once you get going.

      It shouldnt be hard to lower the seat on most public bike shares- there should be a lever under the seatpost. I like to be able to tiptoe touch the ground with both toes when I’m seated on the bike- too short and I’d be seizing up my hip flexors while riding. While you’re riding, remember while push with your glutes as much as you are with your quads!

    3. Bikeshare bikes tend to be extremely heavy. As others have said, it matters most when you’re starting up than once you’re cruising, so definitely adjust the pedals each time so that you get a full downstroke on your first pedal. There should be a lever you can use to adjust the seat.

    4. I have road and mountain bikes that have been professionally fitted to me and have to come off the seat to stand on the ground.

    5. I’m taller than you, but I still prefer a smaller bicycle than what is fashionable where I live. I want maximum 26 inch tyres, because bikes with larger tyres are too high for me to feel safe (even though technically they may also have a correct size frame).

      Is there any chance your bike share has dutch bikes. So much more comfortable to use in a city, and the low instep will help with having the ground easily reached.

    6. I am 5’2 and bike a lot, so you can definitely find a bike that fits. For the loaner, I would lower the seat until you feel comfortable. Once you know you like riding, you can buy a bike that fits. My understand is that bikes are in short supply. I bought a mountain bike off Craigslist this summer (from a 10 year old…) and that worked for me. If you want something new, though, you can be super picky about fit without spending a ton of money.

    1. Do you think that letter did any good? I mean it seems like the Republicans are just going to do whatever they want, so what good does it do to sign a letter? I’m a lawyer and could have signed it but doing so just seemed so futile, why bother.

  21. We have family coming into town to meet our baby. We are comfortable with the precautions they are taking currently and will take in transit (they are high risk), but we are starting our baby in daycare within days after they leave and our in-home daycare provider has requested that my husband and I get tested before we can bring kiddo to daycare. I’m fine with it and not interested in debating the effectiveness of her policy here. The other option is basically quarantine with baby for 2 weeks which means we wouldn’t have childcare while we work.
    My question is, can you really get a rapid test without known exposure or symptoms? What’s the approximate cost? Admittedly I only tried on CVS’s website, and they said we didn’t qualify based on the questionnaire.
    I’m in metro-Atlanta if that’s relevant.

    1. Check out rapidtesttravel (dot) com. I heard about it through word of mouth when we needed to fly a few months ago. Because it focuses on places that travelers are using perhaps it has already vetted that you don’t need to have symptoms to be tested?

      If not, the at-home kits that you Fedex in tend to run around $100 per, IIRC.

    2. Try Peachtree Immediate Care or Buckhead Medicine. They both do rapid testing for patients without symptoms, I believe. Anecdotally I have a friend who used Dekalb County’s testing site at Piney Grove Baptist and got her results in 24 hours although I don’t believe it’s specifically a rapid testing site.

      1. Highland Urgent Care is another option. I went to Peachtree Immediate Care and had a good experience.

    3. Ask your pediatrician if they have it and what the parameters are to get one. Ours has rapid tests and require symptoms or a written request from a school/ daycare.

  22. I might get flamed for this but I’m really trying to do the right thing. Maybe 3 years ago, I was working with a Black external Partner at a fancy management consultancy who was on assignment at my company. We have kids around the same age and I made a throwaway comment (to me) about how I was shocked my son got into an exclusive preschool program because it’s so competitive, and he basically just likes to eat sand, and he’s a white boy (to me implying that they probably had too many of them and would want to limit the applicant pool). I looked back and was horrified of the nature of what I was saying around privilege, etc. She didn’t say anything but it has been eating at me for 3 years. We’re slated to meet on a different project next week. Should I call her and apologize? Is that just weird after 3 years? What would you do?

    1. This would be SO weird. Apologizing three years later for a flippant comment that she may not have even notice? Please don’t do this, it’s very “please assuage my white guilt while I once again remind you that you’re black in an environment and discussion unrelated to race”.

    2. +1 I try not to burden black people with my white guilt. Just try to do better next time and try not to be too Extra about it.

    3. Congrats on being racist 3 years ago. No. Don’t bring it up now. You clearly still don’t get it.

      1. Frankly, I think the fact that she acknowledged race three years ago (instead of “not seeing it”) might have lessened the blow. But agree to resolve to do better and move on.

      2. Counterpoint (but from a white woman): I brought up something offensive I said as an 8 year old to a childhood friend and apologized. She 100% remembered and was grateful for the apology. If you make it not about you (just — hey I did this thing, very sorry, working to be better), it may be well-received. Do NOT make it about your emotions or guilt — it should center her.
        That said, there’s a difference between a childhood friend relationship and work colleagues. If there’s not a strong enough relationship or a good moment, or if you have power over this person and they will feel obligated to accept the apology even if they’re seething or uncomfortable, don’t bring it up just to make yourself feel better. Phone call for example for just this feels like too much. Email PS or aside when you’re waiting for someone on video chat? Maybe.

  23. I started making this baked ziti after it was recommended here. https://smittenkitchen.com/2015/10/my-old-school-baked-ziti/ There is enough to make two separate pans, so we eat one immediately and freeze the other. People who know about pasta, please educate me: Should I be making the second pan differently, since it’s going into the freezer? Not cook it all the way through, or any other tips?

    1. Don’t cook it at all. Just put it together and freeze, and when you’re ready either thaw it and bake it, or just pop it in the oven frozen.

          1. Co-signed. You want to avoid the microwave. Freezing before baking means you’re closer to replicating the normal ‘fresh out of the oven’ taste.

          2. Thaw it first for a day in the fridge and then put it in the oven when you turn it on to heat. Cold glass or ceramic directly into hot oven may crack or explode (shatter).

    2. IIRC if you literally just read down the notes or comments of the recipe, Deb addresses this. A big pan of this is one of the main things that I make for friends who are having babies. Make the recipe, put in pan, sprinkle on the cheese, wrap in foil, freeze. Put it in the fridge to defrost the day before you bake it off. If it’s still a little bit frozen in the middle after you defrost just bake it a few minutes longer, if it’s getting too brown cover with foil.

    3. Thanks everybody! We had this Friday night and there is another pan in the freezer now. I will remember to thaw first,

  24. Any advice or tips on strengthing paper thin nails? For 12 years I had bi-weekly shellac, gel or dip manicures (no fakes, polish on my own nails). I had to stop in March when everything shut down.

    Now I’m paying the price because without the polish my nails are thin as paper. The cold hurts them. They rip and peel so easily. I have to keep them super short because if they get any length they tear and I can even use my hands to do everyday things.

    I haven’t gone back to getting manicures because 1) Where I live COVID-19 was always hot and both of the salons I go to have outbreaks and 2) I want to have strong nails again. I thought once they grew out completely the new growth would be stronger but that didn’t happen.

    Can anyone recommend any products that help to harden and strengthen nails? Thank you.

    1. Biotin, but taken with B5 as a binder. Rampant biotin use alone is a great way to get a mess of cystic acne.

    2. Collagen peptides. I put two scoops in a smoothie most mornings. I started last year and saw a big difference in my nails within about a week. I like the Vital Proteins unflavored. You can also put it in hot liquids, and it dissolves well.

    3. The Sally Hansen Complete Care 7-1 in the pink bottle. I’ve used it for years. If you’re using it alone, use two coats. Change out every week.

  25. Have any of you had laser tattoo removal to remove microblading? I’m going to be having it done because mine faded to orange. I’m tired of covering it with makeup. I can’t just get a touch up because the skin underneath my hair is also affected and the first touch up couldn’t fix it. I’ve been to consultations but I have never met anyone whose had microblading removal in person

  26. Pajamas- Soma is awesome. I love their pajamas.

    Question- I am a school admin. I have a pension, but trying to add in other areas of investment. I max out a roth ira every year. I get zero deductions from an ira, pension issue, so I don’t do that. No children. Just paid off last student loan. What are other areas I should focus on for retirement? No employee match for anything. I am hoping to retire early. Covid this year has been my push.

    1. Even without an employer match, do you have access to employer-sponsored supplemental retirement plans, e.g., 403(b), 457(b)? If so, you could be using those to save another $50k+, either on a tax-deferred or Roth basis. I also work in education administration and have a defined benefit pension, but max out both a 403(b) and a 457(b).

      1. There is a supplemental 401k. I contribute to that. The 403 and 457 have not been offered, but I keep asking.

        1. A 403(b) plan will not help you, because the maximum contribution would be integrated with the 401(k) limit. If you are going to try and persuade your employer to add an additional plan, the 457(b) plan would be the move, if you work for an employer which is eligible to have such a plan. An eligible employer would be a State, political subdivision of a State, an agency or instrumentality of a State or political subdivision of a State, or any other organization that is otherwise tax-exempt under the Code, but excluding churches and church-controlled organizations. Good luck—the double limit is really helpful for me, although it means that my paychecks are paltry.

          1. Keep asking about the 457. They’re perfect for early retirement, not only because you can contribute more but because you can access the money with no penalty as soon as you leave the employer. Otherwise, assuming you have enough in your emergency fund, I’d open a brokerage account at Vanguard or somewhere similar with low fee index funds and stash as much as you can there.

  27. Can anyone here speak to the quality of J.Crew’s “demi-fine” jewelry, especially compared to other vermeil brands?

    1. I can’t imagine that JCrew offers anything that isn’t strictly costume jewelry (meaning that if the clasp breaks, it’s not worth repairing, and if you lose the piece, oh well).

    2. I find the yellow gold to look too bright-shiny-yellow IRL. But I feel the same way about, say, Gorjana. Rose gold fares better for both brands IMHO.

  28. I missed the thread yesterday about aggressive dogs. Here’s something that I’ve always wanted to ask pit bull advocates, and can never seem to get a straight answer to. I understand that most pit bulls are sweet and gentle (and by “pit bull” I mean the breed grouping which includes, ie, American Staffordshire Terrier). BUT: how do you explain that when dogs do fatally attack humans, those dogs are *overwhelmingly likely* to be pitbulls?

    1. It’s not so much that. The biggest pit bull/rotti issue is that the bite is more likely than any other dog to result in an extended hospital stay.

      I was bitten by a pit bull being walked on a leash (yes I did not provoke or approach it) and it was a very unpleasant experience.

    2. I think it’s a combination of things, and I mentioned it in the thread yesterday.
      “Pits” are terriers. They want to chase and kill things. Mine has killed several chipmunks and despises cats. Luckily not shown any interest in chasing children, but he’s kept in a fenced yard or on a leash at all time. Going to the dog park can be a little sketchy, and we avoid them usually. He ignores our baby, but we are careful regardless. I would feel this way even if I had a dufus golden retriever.
      They have very strong jaws and are incredibly hard to unclench once they latch onto something. So if I’m trying to take a toy out of my dogs mouth, if I hadn’t taught him the “drop it” command I wouldn’t be able to get it out.
      I will stand by the no bad dogs, just bad owners sentiment. Some dogs, like pits, German shepherds, Rottweilers, etc are just more capable of damage. That also makes them more likely to be used and abused for nefarious purposes.
      It’s totally fine for people to not personally want a pit or to interact with them. I do think they can be owned responsibly and lovingly, but you need to know what you are getting into.

    3. 1) Bigger, stronger dogs with bigger, stronger jaws are more likely to produce severe injury.

      Pit bull advocates may not say this, but we know that some pit bull type dogs have been bred to win fights. I’m not saying this affects temperament, but I think it does affect “ability to win a fight” (and do substantial damage when attacking). I believe there are temperament issues with other dogs (female pit bulls often are aggressive towards other female dogs).

      We also know historically that some Molosser/mastiff type dogs have been bred for personal protection (e.g. from strangers on ranches). This doesn’t mean that they aren’t sweet and gentle with the people they’re protecting! It is NOT my experience that pit bulls have that personal protection disposition (they are usually friendly with strangers). But some dogs really have been bred historically to protect livestock and/or their own human families from external human threats, which leads to:

      2) Dogs that attack humans are somewhat more likely to be misreported as pit bull type dogs even if they aren’t any kind of bull terrier, for clickbait reasons. I don’t know how statistically significant this really is, but I believe it does happen.

      3) Pit bulls are subjected to a lot of neglect and abuse, and they’re currently popular as symbols of strength and masculinity (when unneutered, which also helps explain how darn many there are). In my view this is a recipe for bad outcomes.

    4. There have been multiple lengthy threads about this. We do not need to have this conversation again.

      1. Cool, then let’s just shut down this site entirely, because I’m pretty sure every thread on here — from gifts, to meal prep, to what-shoes-go-with-navy-suits is some version of a conversation that’s we’ve had on here before.

    5. You aren’t asking, OP, just looking to prove yourself right and “change minds” through uncited statistics. You’re also looking to stir the pot.

  29. Random share – I have noticed that after I added Hada Labo Hyaluronic Acid serum to my skincare routine, my nails stopped bristling. They are smooth and firm. Haven’t changed anything else in my routine, so I guess it is the leftover HA in my hands. Will keep testing!

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