This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
This forest green, eyelash-trimmed blouse is just a little bit extra without going too far over the top. I particularly like the chevron stripes — they add some visual interest and are pointed in the right directions for a very flattering look.
For a boxy top like this one, you’re going to want to balance the proportions by wearing a slimmer-fitting bottom. For this, I would do a skinny black or navy pant with some pointy shoes, or a pencil skirt in a neutral color.
The top is $325 at Nordstrom and available in sizes 00–16. Some sizes are selling out, but you can also find it at RebeccaTaylor.com for the same price (and in an additional color). Eyelash Stripe Blouse
This chevron top from Design History, a more affordable option, is $88 at Bloomingdale's.
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Ellen
I love this top, Elizabeth, particularly the neckline! It is so good for us professionals now that it is getting cold out, and shows nothing below for men to ooogle at. We as women ought to stop wearing all plunging necklines b/c all it does is encourage gross men to think of us as objects for s-x, not people with minds. After all, men wear multiple layers of clotheing that completely hide their chests, which are not attractive anyway.
Ellen
Elizabeth, I forgot to mention that the ABA published an excellent article last week by a very cute lawyer, who reminded me of me, wrote about how stress causes us to eat, particularly b/c of COVID 19. The article, entitled “Is the law making you fat? A lawyer and life coach shares her story.”
In the article, the cute but sometimes weight challenged lawyer said:
“It doesn’t matter how smart you are. It doesn’t matter how much money you make. It doesn’t matter how many cases you’ve won. If you’re using food to manage the stress of your law career, you’re hiding something. And the more you hide, the more you feel shame. And shame can be very fattening because it makes you want to eat just to make the feeling go away.”
I really related to the article and the poster. I still read the ABA Journal even tho I do not post there any more. For those of you who want to read more, see:
https://www.abajournal.com/voice/article/is-the-law-making-you-fat
Helpful Habits
After coming through a difficult season of life, I’m working on revamping some of my work habits and routines. What are the work habits that have been most helpful to you? Specifically looking for the things that you do no matter what, as a matter of course, that have helped you stay on top of things, be productive, etc. If it matters, I’m currently WFH and I bill my time.
Anon
I do a modified version of inbox zero (only for work) and I llooooove it. I read something and take immediate action on it if it is a short task, then I drag it out of my inbox to the right folder and am done with it forever. If it is a longer task I hit the red “flag” in outlook and it gets to stay on my todo list and sit in my inbox. I find this visual to-do list very helpful, and it also makes it pretty easy for me to not miss responding to things.
anon
This is basically my secret to keeping my life together. I do the same thing for my personal email (kids school, family to dos, etc.).
LaurenB
I second inbox zero. Very calming. My personal goal is to keep fewer than 10 emails in the in-box at any given time. I also make use of the color flagging – so, instead of keeping an email that needs action in the inbox, I tag it (let’s say) red and move it to the appropriate folder. Then I schedule time on my calendar to do the task and note “see X folder, red flag” so I can easily find the relevant info.
TheElms
Does this work for very high volumes of email? I used to be reasonably good at managing my email when I got less than 100 substantive emails a day. Now I am frequently in the 200-300 email range a day (a combination of bigger teams, more teams running across time zones that make calls harder, and COVID making calls harder) and it is just a disaster all the time.
Anonymous
I get a huge number of emails each day, and I scan them. If they are informs, I simply move them to a folder marked “addressed” and they sit there. I can go back and read them if I need to, but they are out of my inbox.
Curious
For me, no (caveat that I’m in tech and not responsible to clients). I routinely have 20 things I could be doing, and success in my job is doing the right 3. With inbox zero, I end up answering too many things that aren’t worth it. I prefer to use the Stephen Covey/ 7 habits weekly planning method to focus on my priorities, including scheduling a time for email. During that time, I (1) scan for new priorities and (2) answer things related to my priorities. If time permits, I’ll reroute or politely decline what remains.
An additional note: they updated the 7 Habits planning method in 5 Choices to propose a specific method of inbox management (identifying things as contacts, tasks, notes, or something else, and taking specific actions accordingly). I find it useful, but too long to explain in full here. The book was worth the purchase for me.
anonnnn
There is no way I can do this. I used to keep my inbox to 100 total, but once we lost a number of people on our team, it became impossible. I have over 25k emails in my inbox from the last year – not including emails I am cc’d on, which get sent to another box, or any out of office messages, etc. I would never get anything else done if I tried to keep my inbox at zero.
AnonInfinity
For those of you who do inbox zero, how did you get there? I have 29,000+ emails in my inbox (probably only a few are awaiting action!) just because I’m not always good at keeping up with folders in my inbox. Do I just pick a place and start sorting? In theory it sounds wonderful to me; I’m just not sure how to implement it!
Ribena
I have just under 7,000 and have just made the commitment, inspired by the above, to get a handle on it. I had let it slide since starting to WFH in March because I found it difficult to do on my small laptop screen, but now I have a huge monitor there’s no excuse.
Anon
I have a folder called “filed”. Everything either gets deleted or goes into the “filed” folder. If I need something from the “filed” folder I just search. I move anything that has to actually be saved into the computer folder (not email folder) for that matter, but that’s 1-3 emails a day. At the end of the day, I go through whatever is in the my inbox, and anything that’s flagged as still awaiting action stays, everything else is filed. It takes about a minute or two, and looking through everything quickly makes sure I don’t miss something that I just glanced at the first time.
In your case, I would flag the few emails awaiting action, and move the rest into a folder called “filed”. You’ve now achieved inbox zero!
Cb
Yep, agreed! I’d go through the last week and flag anything crucial and then declare inbox bankruptcy and archive it all. The search function is so good now that you’ll be able to find anything you need.
Anon
I try this, too – I call it “one page inbox”. I try to do Pomodoro when I have to work on something specific, focus on it for a 25 minute burst, and then spend 10 minutes wrangling any emails that showed up.
givemyregards
This is what I do – I just have a folder called “Archive” (I don’t actually use the archive function in Outlook) where everything goes once it’s done and if I need to find something, I’ve gotten pretty good at searching. I do have three main “inboxes” though (folders where I’ve set up rules for e-mails to route based on the sender) for the main three groups I work with, which helps this feel a little more manageable since I get a ton of e-mails each day. It does mean that I have three folders I have to keep cleaned out, but it allows them to each function more like a to-do list than if they were all in one folder.
Anon
If you have that many you’re obviously not going to read any of them. Move them out of your inbox. You don’t need to delete them so you can search for them later, but they can be in another folder.
anonyK
I sometimes aspire to this, but keep getting buried by the amount of irrelevant email I get. Personal is even worse than work. Every few months I’ll go through and unsubscribe, block spam, create filters etc, but nothing seems to last for long. I have seriously considered abandoning my gmail. Though that would probably create a whole host of other problems.
Work wise, it’s still a constant flux of emails that don’t apply to me but aren’t easy to filter out (e.g. timesheet reminders for a different category of employee), and stuff that applies to everyone and is in theory nice (workplace wellness campaigns, other teambuilding/morale/career development stuff) but I just don’t have time to deal with it.
Anyone have tips on how to get started taming the beast in a way that is lasting?
Ellen
I think we all need to focus on what we eat (or not) during the COVID 19 lockdown. In this connection, the ABA published an excellent article last week by a very cute woman lawyer, who reminded me of me, who wrote about how stress causes us to eat more, particularly b/c of COVID 19. The article, entitled “Is the law making you fat? A lawyer and life coach shares her story.”
In the article, the cute lawyer said:
“It doesn’t matter how smart you are. It doesn’t matter how much money you make. It doesn’t matter how many cases you’ve won. If you’re using food to manage the stress of your law career, you’re hiding something. And the more you hide, the more you feel shame. And shame can be very fattening because it makes you want to eat just to make the feeling go away.”
I so eally related to the article and the poster, as she looks to be about my age and is blond. BTW, I still read the ABA Journal regularly, even tho I do not post there any more. For those of you who want to read more, see:
https://www.abajournal.com/voice/article/is-the-law-making-you-fat
anon a mouse
Biggest change for me was when someone posted here about “pointing your skis downhill.” I spend 5-10 minutes at the end of each day planning the first few things of the next day and get everything organized so that when I open my computer, the right documents are already pulled up, emails are ready to reference, etc. Saves me from hunting for the materials and getting distracted.
Vicky Austin
This! If I don’t feel up to tackling a task before I leave, I gather all the files I’ll need for it in one place. Makes it that much easier to Do the Thing when I get in the next day.
Anon
On Friday afternoons, I set up my to-do list for the following week, including tasks to follow up on, any deadlines, anything to carry over from the previous week. It’s a calming ritual that signals to my brain that it’s the end of the week (esp. helpful with mandatory WFH) and sets me up to knock out a lot of things on Monday morning.
A.
YES. Making tomorrow’s to-do list and teeing up all of my files/supplies the night before has been game-changing for me. Then I don’t waste time in the morning flitting about trying to figure out what I should be doing first, and there’s zero pressure to get my to-do list in order outside of work. Also, just like the poster below, prioritizing my to-do list is key. I use the Day Designer daily planner format for this.
Anon
Hobbies and evening/weekend plans so I get things done before it’s time to leave. It’s the number one productivity tool I have.
Anonymous
Three lists for the day: Must Dos, It Would be Great and Not a Chance. Then I can move from list to list without spending time figuring out what is next. Not a Chance is where I put things when they are taking up headspace so I don’t forget about them entirely.
Alice walks
I’m a list person. Curious – where do you keep your lists? So far I handwrite, but maybe it slows me down a tad.
Anonymous
Knock Knock sticky notes, Today’s Plan of Attack.
Anon
This is sort of how I use TeuxDeux. I used to just use workflowy with tags, but wanted something more visual.
Anonymous
I always do the task I want to do the least first. I start the day with whatever that is and just get it over with. It allows me to clear it from both my to-do list and from taking up any more mental space and let’s me be more productive the rest of the day.
Bonnie Kate
Attempting Inbox zero – only keep things in the inbox that need to be addressed. Strongly utilize snooze and scheduled emails for things that can’t be addressed immediately.
I use one Gmail inbox for all my various emails (work/business, personal, hobby-business) – have it set up so the outgoing messages also go from the right email, but this way I’m only looking at one box.
I always have a lot of different projects/clients, so to make searching for emails in the future easier, I forward every email back to myself with the client/project name. This helps a lot because I have to get a lot of quotes from vendors and the client name isn’t attached in the email. Now all I have to do is search for the client/project name and all the vendor emails/quotes/design notes for that project pop up.
Similarly, I email myself project notes – easy to file and then later search for.
One non-email work habit I do is use a weekly planner and roughly plan out my days. Every week I re-write my to do list over on the next week and I have different categories that make sense for me. I do time block, but honestly rarely strictly follow them. My favorite planners by far are from NeuYear.
https://www.neuyear.net/collections/featured-tools/products/beta-undated-week-dominator
Finally, I allow myself grace in the morning because I recognize that I do my best work in the afternoon. I’m FAR more productive in the afternoon than I am in the morning. So in the morning I allow myself to do more emails and immediate tasks-at-hand, phone calls, etc., and also chatting + interneting/spending time here… and in the afternoon I really get a lot done on my projects. This is a know yourself/know your workplace thing, but really helps me to optimize working vs forcing working.
Raincoat and pants
Heading into a damp cold winter, which I will apparently be spending outside if I want to see people (hiking, so much hiking, but I can’t stay warm by standing still).
I need a rain coat and rain pants. My understanding is that rain pants can be worn as pants in warmer weather and over leggings when it is cooler. And I’d like a rain coat that is somewhat cute. I have the outer part of a 3-in-1 and it is halfway to my knees and actually hard to walk in — butt-covering length or slightly longer would be better.
Where to shop? Brands? All I know is how to buy office gear (and coats for going to the office in). Now I’m all “what is an office?”
AnonATL
I have an Eddie Bauer raincoat that has lasted over 10 years now. It keeps me dry in even the heaviest downpours. I doubt they make my model anymore, but it looks similar to their Rainfoil Packable Jacket. If it’s chilly, I layer it over my Columbia Fleece or when it’s really cold over my Columbia omni heat jacket.
Can’t recommend specific rain pants. I typically just tough it out in leggings or regular trail pants that repel some water but aren’t waterproof. I don’t hike if it’s raining hard enough to need rain pants.
BB
I have a pair of Marmot rain pants (gore tex) for going on 7-8 years now. I use them maybe 10 times a year. They are very basic, black, light gore tex pants, and I believe they still sell them. They have articulated knees and snaps at the bottom so you can get them over boots if needed. I wear them solo in warmer weather and over thermals in the winter. They keep my legs perfectly dry!
Anon
I bought an Outdoor Voices rain jacket from REI that I like so far. My rain pants are just REI brand.
Anon
I’d question the need for rainpants! Lived in the on a for 4 years, have a pair, never wear them, even snowshoeing.
Anon
*lived in the PNW
Anon
+1 I only have them because I bike to work in all weather, including tropical storms
Curious
Haha, funny how we differ :) Was just chiming in from the PNW to say I love my Columbia rain pants! I hate being wet and I love backpacking. Rain pants make me sweat a bit, but they are great for the peace of mind and comfort.
Anon
I live in the Bay Area and visited Seattle for a meeting. I pulled out my travel umbrella because it was raining, of course. The Seattle residents (Seattleans? seattleites?) I was walking with laughed and then started a conversation about how long it had been since they owned an umbrella.
I got the feeling it was a point of pride in the PNW not to own one. Maybe the same with the rain pants?
Anon
Seattleites. And yes, the local joke is that you can tell who isn’t from around here by who is using an umbrella. :) My issue with the rainpants as someone points out below is that they are really hot. If it’s warm enough for rain, it’s too hot for rainpaints for me. Also, the rain in the PNW tends not to be driving rain (what we called gully washers down in the South)–more of a constant mist, which makes rain jackets with hoods a better option than an umbrella.
Anon
Unless you wear glasses.
anon
If you want something affordable and functional, go to Costco. Right now the one near me has 4-5 options for rain coats (including brand name options in cute colors/styles) and 2-3 options for waterproof pants (usually called “travel pants” or something similar).
If you want something high quality and thoughtfully designed that you can buy and not think about replacing for several years, go to REI. They have all different kinds of rain shells, from basic jackets to full on gore tex in all kinds of lengths and fits. They also have a ton of different hiking pants, almost all of which protect from rain and wind. I have some Mountain Hardware pants that have an elastic waist, which I love since they fit comfortably regardless of weight fluctuations or layers worn underneath.
If you just want something basic & cheap, grab a frog toggs type rain suit from the outdoor aisle of your local Target/Walmart, or check out a sporting goods store that sells hunting stuff for more similar options. You can get one for $20-30 that comes with a top and pants, though if you’re planning on wearing them regularly (vs carrying them for surprise storms) they aren’t the most comfortable or fashionable.
Anon
Rain pants are my least worn outdoors gear. If it’s warm enough for rain, it’s probably too warm to wear rain pants. there are a few exceptions to this- if you’re camping or doing field work when you’ll be outside for a long time but not very active they’ll be useful, and potentially for commuting in the rain. But usually I’d rather just wear shorts or lightweight outdoors pants (layered over leggings or long underwear if it’s cold and I’m not moving a lot) and change when I get home.
Anon
I guess you guys don’t live where it rains much. It’s so miserable to have wet legs when it’s raining sideways. Rain pants are wonderful. And it can be warm enough to rain when it’s 33 degrees.
Anon
No, you need to wear rain pants over other pants, they can’t be worn alone. Just buy the $50 Columbia ones from REI. I live in a rain forest and that’s what I have.
anon
Patagonia city coat. The thing is completely waterproof but not hideous. I don’t wear rain pants. If I’m not hiking, I will wear leggings and wellies.
Anon
I would buy a Goretex rain coat or something else breathable. Rain pants I can’t really speak to, I have the REI house brand or similar and they’re totally fine when needed. You do wear bottoms under rain pants.
cmg
I have a pair of LLBean gore tex rain pants that I wear for winter hiking/snowshoeing, layered over long underwear. Best combo for me is wool leggings (I have pairs from LLBean and icebreaker) + the rain pants – with good socks, this combo is good for a wide range of temperatures. For extended hikes on really cold days or when there’s snow on the ground I also have a pair of knee-high gaiters. They are lightweight but make a huge difference.
Heavy/warmer fleece jackets?
I have a Polartec 200 fleece that is good for warmth at home, but not terribly warm for outside. I’d like a heavier-weight fleece coat to take the place of my Lady Day coat now that I am much more casual. Ideally, It would be something with a bit of waist definition, pockets, and give some coverage when I am wearing leggings (so top-of-thigh length). Maybe something I can get a matching hat for (vs an attached hood)?
I am used to typical mall stores from my Before Life but I think I don’t even know the right stores for this sort of item (but I see others wearing things like this when outside in parks now, but obvs don’t want to approach strangers for this).
anon
I had 2 different weight Eddie Bauer fleece jackets in college that I wore constantly and they held up really well. Mine were normal jacket length, but had interior and exterior pockets and were fitted. They were purchased through a promotional store as team travel gear, so I imagine there are all kinds of coordinating hats/other jacket fits and styles that come in the same material.
DCJ
I recently got this jacket from LL Bean, which may fit the bill for you: https://www.llbean.com/llb/shop/123708?page=womens-mountain-pile-fleece-coat-misses-regular&bc=12-27-610&feat=610-GN1&csp=f&pos=8
It’s warm and cozy.
ollie
I have a Patagonia like this from a few seasons ago, not sure if they make it anymore but worth a look. It has buttons down the front, hits mid-thigh, has pockets and a slightly nipped-in waist.
Distancing with golf?
Would it be crazy to re-start golf lessons this time of year? I worry that it’s not enough activity to stay warm doing (most places where I live I think mandate carts vs walking w/ clubs). Also, golf seems to be an attire-driven sport, so I am not sure how people would know I’d be in the mandated collared shirt if I am also wearing a giant parka and hat.
Running out of ideas for what to do in the winter. Doesn’t get cold enough to consider ice fishing, but is just nasty and damp and that chills me to the bone unless I can keep moving.
Lilau
My husband has leaned hard into golf these past few months. Not sure where you live, but If the course is open you can play. Your question about the collared shirt is endearing. You wouldn’t golf with a parka (it inhibits your swing) but a warm sweater or fleece and a warm but light jacket. Any kind of golf gear is acceptable on the course. The old dudes usually wear a cashmere or fisherman’s sweater over a polo shirt (business casual is just athlesiure for rich guys in the 1980s). You get folks wear modern stuff and I’m not 100% sure a collar is always necessary (think tiger woods in a mock turtleneck.) have fun!
Anon
Plenty of courses, especially public courses, allow you to wear whatever you want. But yes, I think finding a course that allows walking with clubs (I hate that mandatory carts are a thing that exist) is the way to go.
Anon
Hello! Very long-time golfer here. Second to: if the course is open, you can practice and play and take lessons. If it’s too cold for you, check into indoor driving ranges or golf domes near you.
If you’re playing at a public course, definitely don’t worry about the “collared shirt”. If you’re at a country club, ask about the dress code – I play at a country club, and my go-to cold weather apparel is a 1/4 zip or mock neck golf top, with a puffer vest. I’ll link a sample outfit below – you do NOT need to buy golf specific gear, but it might give you an idea of what to put together and look for fit-wise. I’m in Minnesota and am totally fine down to about 50 degrees, cart or walking, in generally wear either Foray golf leggings, or if it’s cold enough, cold-weather specific leggings as opposed to “golf pants”. Spikeless ECCO golf shoes. You do NOT need to wear a collar under all that. Layer up with base layers if needed. There’s also nothing wrong with a jacket but make sure it’s golf-specific so you have enough room and flex to full swing. If it’s damp and often rains, consider a golf rain suit – they’re designed to wear over pants and a sweatshirt.
My typical golf gear for ~50+ degrees:
Foray golf legging https://foraygolf.com/products/core-legging (any thicker outdoor cool weather athletic legging will work)
A long sleeve top with some sort of zippered pocket preferrably:
https://www.nike.com/t/dri-fit-uv-womens-long-sleeve-golf-top-b7HZf1/AJ5661-492
https://www.nike.com/t/dri-fit-uv-womens-pullover-golf-top-4cQ7pF/BV0486-451
A vest: note – for casual wear I usually wear my size or go smaller if I’m in between for a more streamlined sleek look, but when I golf I make sure there’s a little room for turning through the swing when I’m layered up and it’s fully zipped
https://www.nike.com/t/repel-womens-golf-vest-0PtKjL/930359-043
Shoes: note – if you already have golf shoes no need to buy more, but I always recommend Roche G’s to newer golfers, they’re really comfortable and have good grip, and you can always but up
https://www.nike.com/t/roshe-g-womens-golf-shoe-TXz342/CD6066-700
Anonymous
Oh I like this top. I imagine it with wide leg winter white trousers and pointy leopard flats for the holiday party that won’t happen this year.
Anyway real estate questions. For those of you in a home you plan to be in for a while, what is the state of the kitchen? I’m completing a full gut renovation of a family memeber’s small rental property. The place was mismanaged for half a century, the ceiling was collapsing, the subfloors were trashed. We tore out walls and changed the layout. It’s beautiful (and rented)! The thing is, for about 60k total, the renters have a brand new white kitchen with an eight foot island, quartz countertops, ect. Not to mention wide plank floors and a pretty new bathroom. Now we’re looking for our forever home in a nearby,but pricey, neighborhood and it’s just a bummer.
For instance, on Friday we saw a 2500 sq house with a galley kitchen. My husband says it’s fine bc it has stainless steel appliances and looks clean. I say we expand and renovate before we move in because a proper suburban kitchen in this price range should at least have an island. Am I way off base here? I’m not willing to wait to renovate after moving because we never renovated our current house (never replaced a single tile) after 8+years and it’s completely paid off. It’s worth about half of what the new homes we’re looking at are going for and we’re liquid enough to pay cash for the new down payment. So the money, in my mind, is there but my husband is obsessed with having a smaller mortgage AND living in a pricy area. Anyway, am I off base to want a kitchen as nice as a new rental? He says I’m being a brat. FWIW I have put up with a small dated kitchen for my entire adult life at this point. I want a place for the kids to eat their snacks and our friends to have a cocktail for once. Unfortunately, a complete overhaul of a house won’t work on our time line, but kitchen and bathroom renovations will.
Clementine
It sounds like one of your ‘must haves’ is a large kitchen. I’m hearing that you’d be willing to do an update, but you would want a big open space (which is totally reasonable!).
I think that’s totally reasonable and you’re not being a ‘brat’. I might frame it as wanting the space so you don’t have to blow out any walls if you choose to update it down the road rather than looking for a unicorn kitchen.
(FWIW, I live in an old house which has an oddly shaped kitchen. It was very nicely redone about 5 years before we moved in, but… it’s not my taste. So now I have this beautiful kitchen that I wouldn’t have chosen but it’s too nice to gut and I can’t convince my husband. Knowing what I know now (older and wiser and now with kids!), I would have picked the space over the finishings.)
Aunt Jamesina
Yup, I’ll take a dated kitchen any day of the week. I don’t want to pay for someone else’s tastes if I’m paying for a renovation.
Anon
Talk to your partner about this and agree on priorities. Neither of you is right or wrong. I’d you don’t have infinite money all houses involve trade offs, and it seems like a nice kitchen is more important to you than to him. Talk about this and decide whether the other aspects of the house make it right for your family or if you should keep looking.
Also, a lot of people suggest living in a house for at least a year before undertaking any reno work so that you can decide on specific priorities and figure out how you use the space. That’s obviously more disruptive, but having just reached this milestone in my own house, I’m glad I didn’t jump into things right away. Things that seemed urgent at the time (taking out an ugly glass block wall) are now way down the priority list and things like “replace failing kitchen cabinets” are much higher.
anonyK
I agree in that no one is right or wrong, so try to take that judgment out of it for both of you. It’s just about priorities. And I can’t judge who is being more unreasonable without knowing what all of your non negotiables are. But you guys just have to get together and hash it out. You can do this in a nice, respectful way. “Look, I didn’t realize how strongly I felt about this until we started looking but I’ve dealt with a too-small kitchen for years and I don’t want to do that forever. This is a room we use every day, multiple times a day, and it is really important to me to have more kitchen space.” The answer may be that you keep looking for a house that has the space if not the updated finishes, that you agree to spend more to renovate this house, whatever- I would give him a lot of power to decide how specifically he would prefer to address this, since you are drawing a hard line re the kitchen.
aBr
Late to the party and echoing the live with it for a year. We bought a house with an oddly laid out small kitchen that I was sure would be the first thing to go. Totally not the pretty kitchen I dreamed of. Turns out, its slightly quirky layout was thought out and is PERFECT for actually cooking in plus the mid-2000s granite takes so much abuse that a new marble or quartz countertop would not have. Actually realized that a lot of the pretty kitchens I saw would have been miserable to cook in or not had enough storage (I’m looking at you open floating shelves).
Anon
Does the kitchen work with the house as it is? I see a lot of flips and new builds in the area that are trying to appeal to what you and other buyers believe, that “a proper suburban kitchen in this price range should at least have an island”. For the most part, they look silly and don’t make good use of space, in that the house now has three close-together eating areas (island, breakfast table, dining room) and minimal storage. Additionally, these large kitchens often have more floor space than a smaller one, but no additional storage, so all you’re getting out of it is more steps between fridge/sink/stove/prep counter.
What do you want out of this kitchen? I think you need to see how the current one performs before undertaking any renovations. I’ve been in plenty of visually beautiful kitchens that are absolute hell to actually cook in, hence my caution.
I personally like that my kitchen isn’t immediately visible to anyone who comes into my house.
Op
I’m sure it’s fine for actual cooking- but not for entertaining or just daily life with kids. You’re right that trying to fit an island it this space would have been crazy looking and not functional. I’d need to expand an exterior wall, which I priced out roughly with the person who did my last project. We can afford it, but not if we’re pulling for “tiniest possible mortgage” which seems to be my husband’s goal. Thanks everyone for validating that I’m not a brat for wanting this.
I feel like we’ve worked our whole lives to have money and we’ll just never enjoy it. I’m nearly fourty and I’m still putting the “nice” house on hold so that we can have another paid off house that doesn’t really meet our needs when I’m 50. When does this end?
Anon
I will never have a “nice” house by the standards you’re describing, so I bloom where I’m planted. It ends when you decide you don’t need what everyone else seems to have.
Vicky Austin
I think our husbands might be similar. We’re house hunting right now, and I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve had to remind mine that before we get all tangled up in how a prospective house will fare when we go to sell it, “we have to live in it first, honey.”
Anonymous
Same here. I am middle-aged and have worked hard all my life. I very much resent the fact that I have to live with falling-apart 30-year-old entry-level builder-grade bathrooms and kitchen and failing windows, and then will have to spend tens of thousands of dollars to fix the house up when we sell it so someone else can enjoy it.
Anon
“Same here. I am middle-aged and have worked hard all my life. I very much resent the fact that I have to live with falling-apart 30-year-old entry-level builder-grade bathrooms and kitchen and failing windows, and then will have to spend tens of thousands of dollars to fix the house up when we sell it so someone else can enjoy it.”
This is the issue. It’s one thing to clean out the basement when you’re selling the place; it’s another to make it far nicer than it was beforehand and not get to enjoy it.
Veronica Mars
In my neck of the woods, we saw the same thing when house-hunting; lots and lots of homes at high price points that had really been poorly maintained (on top of never updating the kitchen/bathrooms/etc for 30+ years). I’d sit down with your husband and be realistic; say something like, “Look, in our area, un-updated, un-renovated homes are still fetching a premium of X; and updated homes with similar floor plans are fetching Y”– look and see if the cost of the kitchen/updates will increase the purchase prices (they should, but have some comps and examples). See if he’s willing to go on on an un-updated home and be realistic that the renovation needs to happen before you move in; while he may want a smaller mortgage, you will be increasing the value of the home and enjoying it. And marriage is a give and take, your needs have to be met too. (I say this also as the spouse that would love to be mortgage free)
Anonymous
My husband doesn’t ever call me a brat, for starters, because that is rude and infantilizing. My kitchen is old and dated because that’s all I could afford, and I’m saving my pennies to renovate. Sounds like you have plenty of money and I think it’s worth asking him why he feels comfortable insulting you for having reasonable preferences.
Anon
Are all kitchen duties split in a completely equitable manner? If so, it’s fair to compromise. Are you the one who spends the most time in the kitchen? If so, then you get it your way and you are absolutely not a brat. I took my kitchen from walnut finish cabinets, dark countertops, and the then ubiquitous gray-tan wall color to white cabinets, white walls, and light gray granite counter tops about ten years ago. DH was carrying on that it “would look like a laboratory”. My reply, “when you do all the shopping and cooking , then you can paint it your sports team colors for all I care, but so long as I’m the one spending time in there it will be what I want.” And vice versa of course if he is the primary user of the kitchen. (And yes, I realize there’s a problem in my marriage in this regard, but that’s a discussion for another day.)
Anon
Renovate your kitchen and replace your husband.
Anonymous
A kitchen isn’t necessary less function because it is galley style. My European in-laws have galley kitchens with sit up counter areas. They are infinitely more functional and better designed than many Mcmansion kitchens with stupid sized islands that I’ve seen at friends houses. Good design and size are too separate issues.
I’m in the middle of a huge kitchen/living room reno – it takes longer and costs more than you think. Unless the kitchen is truly completely useless – I would be extremely cautious about moving exterior walls.
anon
Why does your husband want to move to the pricy area so much? Is there something of value you get, like great schools or something?
Op
Great schools and an easier commute for him. It’s a closer train station that shaved 20 minutes off of his 1.5 hour commute each way. (Hard to justify as he’s 100% wfh now and might never go back to 5 days a week but he put up with a monster commute for 8 years bc I wanted to live close to family- this is a unicorn area with great schools and a shorter commute but still close to our families.)
Anonymous
He’s been commuting 1.5 hours each way for 8 years so you could be closer to your family and you are complaining because the kitchen isn’t fancy enough? You are a brat.
Anonymous
We’re actually closer to both of our parents, which was my dealbreaker for having kids. He totally agrees it was the right move at this point and doesn’t want to move away.
Anon
In my life, I have remodeled a kitchen from the wall studs out.
In my life, I have also bought a house that came with a fully remodeled kitchen.
If you can swing the second one, I highly recommend that course of action.
The long version of the above short story: our first house was a foreclosure that we got for a steal knowing we would need to do a lot of renovation. We had to completely gut the kitchen and start over. We ended up with something nice, and it was nice that everything we had in the kitchen was a choice that we made. But it took way longer and cost more than expected and I had to manage every single minute step of the process to make sure it could get done and we could actually move in the house. Lots of stress. I will not do that again unless I absolutely have to.
By contrast, two years ago we decided to look for a new house. We saw a house that I was mostly “meh” about except for the kitchen, which was (in a word) spectacular. They had done a gut remodel and put in new cabinets with pull-out shelves, deep drawers, a gigantic kitchen island with electric, high-end appliances, etc. Almost my dream kitchen (I would have chosen a different color for the granite countertops but you can’t have everything in this life) except I didn’t have to design it, pick out anything, or manage the construction or the installation. We bought the house and I am so glad. We spend a ton of time in the kitchen, it’s a pleasure to cook in and hang out in, which has mattered a lot during quarantine. If we had bought one of the houses we saw with a crappy kitchen or one that needed total remodeling, I don’t think I would have been as happy with what we have now. I know real estate markets are very hot some places and you may not be able to do this, but if possible, keep looking and see if you can find a house with a kitchen that’s already 80-90% of what you want. It will be worth it in the long run.
Anonymous
Don’t design for just the time your kids are at home. Plan for using your home as empty nesters as well.
Op
I’m not sure we’ll justify the taxes when the kids are out of school. Husband’s plan is probably to pay off mortgage, sell for a profit, and live somewhere else with a dated kitchen till we die. Half kidding.
Anon
I think that there’s a lot of distance between “galley kitchen” and “proper suburban kitchen with island.” IMHO, you need a LOT of space to make an island kitchen work. There are also layouts that work better than an island if you’re looking for countertop seating. Our current space has a very large counter that has prep space on the kitchen side and room for bar stools on the other side.
I would take the focus off the island, per se, and onto what your non-negotiables are in a kitchen: space to eat and prep meals.
I would also take the focus off an “updated” kitchen. The house that I grew up in was built in the ’80s. It has custom solid oak cabinets that are in great shape, with features like slide-out drawers, a built-in Lazy Susan in the corner cabinet, and a cabinet pantry (open the double doors: there are shelves on the inside of the doors, swing-out shelves on the inside, and shelving behind it). My mother was 100% convinced that all of the cabinets needed to be ripped out because they were “dated,” and my father thought that it would be tens of thousands of dollars for nothing. Focus on the functionality, size, and durability; you’re better off with custom cabinets that are a quarter century old than with new particleboard.
anon
One hard lesson from our house-hunting process was that you each need to identify what’s important to you, and the other person can’t be judgmental about it. It sounds like you’re upset that your husband is prioritizing price and neighborhood, and he’s upset that you’re prioritizing the kitchen. Neither of you is a brat, and labels don’t help. You’re probably going to have to compromise somewhere–you’re not going to get a great deal on a recently renovated house in the hottest neighborhood.
One thing to consider is that kitchens become outdated every 15 years. Our kitchen was brand new in 2003 and looks dated now. So, unless you’re frequently moving or renovating, you’ll spend most of your life in a dated kitchen. To me, that means focus on layout, flow, functionality, and quality.
Also, figure out what’s easy and cheap to fix. Outdated appliances are easy to replace. On the other hand, it’s hard to make space to upgrade to a wider range. You can get a contractor to look at which walls are structural.
Aunt Jamesina
For myself, I wanted a smallish home (1500-1800 square feet) because I like to save on heating, furnishing, the mortgage, and utilities, but I was adamant that the kitchen and living area be a decent size since we spend so much time in those spaces and like to entertain. I was fine with having small bathrooms and bedrooms to get what we wanted, and I wanted an existing layout that was already good. Two years into living in a 1700 square foot 3 bed 2 bath ranch, I’m really happy we stuck to those parameters. To me, a galley kitchen in a home of that size seems like a poor allocation of space and makes me wonder if the rest of the layout is funky, too. While you *can* change the layout, there can be unseen structural limitations and you might not be able to expand in the way you want or without spending $$$. Kitchen renovations are already pricey and don’t provide ROI without moving walls or expanding. If you’re concerned about finances, I’d pass on this house. You’ll spend more than you’ll save.
Bonnie Kate
This stuck out to me – “a small dated kitchen for my entire adult life at this point.” I SO feel you on this! I feel that way about bathtubs. I love taking baths, and have had small alcove style bathtubs entire adulthood. So when DH and I decided to build a custom house, a large separate bathtub was a priority. I have never known DH to take a bath ever, so this bathtub is basically just for me – and that’s okay with DH because there are things in the house that are basically just for him (like a giant garage and extra tall basement that will be finished in the next year). My point is that when it comes to a house that isn’t your first and you have the money, I think it’s time for both people to get things that they really want in a home. Don’t agree to buy a house knowing that you don’t like something and have no plans to change it.
For a datapoint specific to kitchen, we’re putting in a 8’x5′ island with stone countertops. I have seen some galley kitchens on Houzz and Pinterest that are beautiful, but DH and I like to cook together and entertain around the kitchen so a kitchen open to the great room will work very well for us (not for everyone, I know). Kitchen/dining/living room is all open, but then we have a den for me and DH gets the finished basement for more private areas. No kids, I definitely don’t think island=kids or that you won’t want it after the kids are out of the house. We’re going to have two stools on one short end and then two stools on one long end (cornering each other) and I’m really excited about being able to sit and chat easily at the island.
Well excited if we ever get there. :) We’re literally right in the middle of the new build right now and it feels painfully slow and like we’re never going to live there.
Op
Ah thank you! I love the set up of seating you’ll have. A buddy of mine set his new island up like that and it’s fabulous for hanging out because you can chat easily.
Anon
I like the top too. For me it would be a black pencil skirt and some Cuban heel 1940s style ankle strap shoes I have (Fluevog), leaning hard into that era for the look.
Anon
We moved into a 1907 house with a 1970s kitchen a decade + ago. It is more or less a square room but it had counters only on the stove wall, just a narrow maybe 2’ on either side of the stove, and on the sink wall. The countertops were tile, but different colors on the two different countertops. The cabinets under each counter did not match either. The rest of the kitchen was a big empty space. It was super weird and all of the realtors were falling all over themselves to acknowledge that the kitchen was a “tear-down.”
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how we bought a house we couldn’t otherwise afford.
We finally remodeled the kitchen 5 years later and now there are counters on 3 walls, the third wall with no upper counters so it’s just a lovely big prep space. For the fourth wall (partial walls due to two doorways) we found a piece of furniture in the basement that was original to the house and meant to be there, so we restored it and now use it as the coffee station and storage area. It was originally a “baking table.”
Our remodel was a series of agonizing decisions and then during the remodel a big mess, but I’m so glad we did it. We went with a color scheme that was true to the origins of the house – cream colored cabinets and almost black countertops – but used modern materials and appliances, of course. And it’s so nice to have a dishwasher!!
The point of this is 1) we were also buying in a nice neighborhood for as much as we could afford, and 2) we waited to remodel the kitchen until we could really afford it.
It’s ok to live in a kitchen for a while that is not the kitchen of your dreams. It’s even better, honestly I promise, to live in the house for a while – years – and get a feel for what you’re missing and what you would like. I am so glad I took that time to figure out what we needed – for instance, if we hadn’t waited, we wouldn’t have figured out the piece of furniture in the basement was supposed to be in the kitchen. We probably would have really struggled to pay for the remodel and would have been sweating the payments each month.
Wait. It won’t kill you. Just because someone else has a nice kitchen (Pearl clutch – RENTERS!) doesn’t mean you have to. That is really the bratty aspect here.
AnonMPH
Another thing to keep in mind is that many people have been commenting here and on other design related sites how delayed all renovations are right now, how hard it is to source appliances, how booked up contractors are, and how expensive materials are. Given all that, trying to squeeze in a major renovation before you move in may mean you don’t move for quite sometime, and the process is more unpleasant/costly than it would usually be. Obviously ever location is different, but if its a pricey area, this is likely to be true.
Add that to the point about wanting to live in the space first so you know what needs renovating. We bought our home this summer, the kitchen had last been renovated in 1989. Still mostly 1989 appliances, though high end ones. We couldn’t afford to renovate, but we moved on this house anyway because we knew that with the exception of the oven, everything in the kitchen actually still worked fine. Before we moved in I was very focused on wanting to renovate the ugly flooring, the weird laminate cabinets, the ugly countertops. Now, these things bother me much less, and I’ve really come to appreciate that the prior owner designed this kitchen for her own needs as a cook and as someone who knew the space intimately. I’ve also noticed that despite the large amount of cabinet space (enormous compared to my tiny prior galley rental kitchen), the cabinet space isn’t very usable. No pull out drawers, very few cabinets are deep enough for pots and pans, most are so high they are hard to reach even with a step stool. Literally none are wide enough for a pizza stone or a large platter. So I’m realizing that a lot of the future renovation when we can do it will be focused around how to improve that while still maintaining flow through the space.
Last thing I’ll say is that our cooktop is built into a peninsula with bar stools on the other side. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it before, but I love it! Will totally probably keep this when we do renovate, will just make the cooktop surface larger, because I can’t really fit four pots and pans on the four burners at the same time. But you might want to consider something like that, rather than a separate island.
My vote would be for you guys to wait until you find a space where the kitchen will work for you now in layout, even if not in style now. And then maybe you can plan for a reno for next year.
Fallen
Does anyone here have peloton/ have thoughts on it? I am typically lukewarm about spinning but I don’t know how else I can have really good cardio workouts this winter that do not involve running in 20 degree weather outside, so I am considering. Plus I have kids and a husband that works late hours at times so it would be nice to be able to work out at home whenever I want to. My main hesitation is whether I would use it post-pandemic and space (we don’t have a ton of it)
Anonymous
I got a more updated version of the Denise Austin aerobics steps and some risers for $50 and found that if I DO it (bit if, given my vigilance about missing work e-mails no matter what time of day), I can get in an awesome workout. I just wasn’t about investing big into something iffy that would cost a lot of floor space, too.
Amelia+pond
+1 to step aerobics! Mine fits under my bed. I subscribe to the cathe friedeiche live videos which have tons of options for step videos, cardio without the step, weights and more.
Clementine
Have it. Love it. Totally am drinking the Kool-Aid. In better shape than I have been since I had kids. I spin 5 days/week and run 2 days a week. I have mine in my bedroom and it’s quiet enough to be able to hop on as the kids are dozing off.
NYCer
If you’re lukewarm about spinning, I probably wouldn’t get a Peloton (I am the same). Have you considered a small treadmill? Years ago, I had a cheap, small treadmill that worked just fine. I think I got it a Costco for like $500 or less. It might have even folded up, but my memory is failing me.
You could also try some HIIT type home workouts.
BB
This isn’t the most actionable advice since I doubt you have somewhere to try the bike but…I was totally lukewarm (leaning towards anti) spinning before. I’d get on an exercise bike at the gym once in a while but only because I didn’t want to do treadmill all the time. You couldn’t pay me to go to a spin class, as I’m quite an introvert and hate loud music. I got on a Peloton at a new gym and…LOVED IT. Completely “drank the kool aid” as the other poster says above. It’s not so much the physical movement (i.e., cycling) that I think I fell for. If you’re someone that does well with metrics and someone telling you what to do, it’s amazing cardio. It’s also great if you get bored easily and need a different routine every day.
There’s still no way I would EVER go to an in-person spin class though!
Anon
+1 to all of this
Yup
+1 to all of this
Disco+Janet
You can download the Peleton app without having the bike as there are a number of no-equipment HIIT workouts, strength workouts, yoga, barre, meditation, outdoor guided runs – you could give that a go and see if it gives you what you need, and also whether you like the vibe and instructors enough to think more about the bike or tread! I don’t have either but the app has been my go-to during recent times.
Bonnie Kate
+1 to the Peloton app without the bike or tread. I’ve been using this since they did the 3 month free trial at the start of COVID and I will keep it forever. Agree that I’d definitely try the workouts on there first to know if you like the vibe/instructors before getting the bike. The real music playlists during workouts and variety of classes is awesome and totally worth the monthly subscription for me.
Sunshine
Have it. Love it. But, in BeforeTimes, I was in spin class 2-4 days per week. My BFF with two kids had one first (she didn’t exercise at all before she bought hers). What she loved was that she could do a 10 minute ride or 20 minute ride depending on how much time she had and still get a great albeit short workout. I love being able to pick a class length based on my schedule, instructor, music type, etc. And I like the other classes that are on the app (HIIT, bootcamp, yoga, etc) so it isn’t just a bike.
When I first got it, I hated that classes didn’t have a pause button. Now I realize the genius that you’re dedicating a set amount of time to the workout; just do that, focus, and then move on with whatever else is in your day.
Lady+Lawyer
+1 to all of this! I was incredibly skeptical about the Peloton pre-pandemic, but I finally bit the bullet in June and am so happy I did! I love that there are so many options for workouts, including non-spin workouts. I’ve been less motivated to spend a ton of time working out lately, so being able to choose a 15 or 20 minute class has been great.
Anon
I have a Sunny bike and the peleton app. I wasn’t sure if it was for me, so I was hesitant to drop the money (and even if I was all in for spinning, I think A peleton is still out of my budget). So far, I’m enjoying it! All in it cost me like $400 so if I don’t use it after the pandemic, it’s not the end of the world.
anon
If you’re lukewarm about spinning, I wouldn’t get a Peloton bike. I would get a Shwinn C4 or a Bowflex C6 (same bike as the C4, but different brand and different coloring). Both of these bikes are referred to as Peloton killers, as they allow you to work out with the Peloton app, but don’t tie you to the app. Neither of the bikes come with a built in screen. However both have a readout screen for stats – RPM, distance, heart rate monitoring (C4 come with a monitor), etc. You’ll know how hard you’re working regardless of what platform of spin class you’re taking.
Both bikes have a rest on the handles for a Pad or phone – a screen you provide to watch your workouts. Or get it through the TV.
It’s my understanding the Peloton bikes only work with the Peloton app, and because you get more customized data, the monthly price for the app is higher each month than if you were to get the app independently of the bike.
There are many different spin apps out there, including some that offer different workouts (step, strength, yoga, dance, etc). If you’re not locked into a Peloton platform you can explore the other options: Les Mills, Zswift, soul Cycle, and more.
I would read the bike reviews for all three bikes and see what appeals. There’s groups for all three bikes on facebook if you want a lot of anecdata.
DCJ
This. I have the C6 and use a fire stick to broadcast the Peloton app to a TV in front of the bike. It’s pretty close to the same experience (especially if you don’t care about the leaderboard experience), at a fraction of the price.
anonchicago
Love it! Much easier to do almost daily than running and I like the 5 second commute from my bed to gym, lol. I mostly do the bike workouts but am trying to lift weights more, and their strength classes are decent.
Anonymous
I hate spinning and find it terribly uncomfortable. I used to take a ton of Les Mills classes at the gym, and have been pleasantly surprised by how much I like Les Mills on line. I’d try that before springing for an expensive exercise bike if you already know you don’t enjoy the bike.
Anon
I am similar to you. Probably leaned very anti spin since I only did it once or twice in the past and always left with a very sore bottom. A lot of my friends got a peloton and I was intrigued but not enough to pull the trigger. I did some research and found a good substitute and, at the end of the day, told myself I could resell it if I hated it. I ended up getting a Stryde Bike. It’s essentially an unlocked Peloton. I have it in my 2nd bedroom and it is VERY quiet.
The reasons I went with this one were: 1) less expensive overall (bike is about $1550, the membership is $30/month as opposed to $40 with Peloton BUT you don’t actually need a membership with it); 2) The tablet can connect to any content you want – so I use the Peloton app ($13/month); 3) it was a quicker delivery time; 4) I don’t have a tv in that room so I can use the tablet for other workouts too.
Anonymous
Is a peloton the kind of thing you can have in an apartment? I try to be careful with my workouts not to make too much noise for my downstairs neighbors – would a peloton be quiet enough?
Anonymous
Yes, I have mine in my apartment. It’s definitely quieter than the other indoor cardio options I’ve tried!
anon
I have mine in my apartment and it causes no issues. It’s very quiet
Anonymous
I really didn’t want to buy one. In the before times I had free access to two gyms through work. Under current conditions I can’t use them, but I held out for 5 months. I finally got it recently…and I’m so glad. If I use it during the next year and then never again, I’ll still count it as an excellent investment. I’m working out far more, and there’s another outlet of responses to feeling blah than just eating more or wallowing on my couch. Knowing I have this to get me through the winter is great.
The metrics are key. I find them super motivating. If you’re type A or a rule follower, this may be a good solution for you.
Keratin at home
In before times, I got keratin / straightening treatments on my hair (gray hairs are so wire-y and concentrated that it looks naturally like a bad perm + bed head along my hairline with 99% straight flat brown hair elsewhere). Now, in my city, I can get a cut but no keratin (and no blow-outs). Is there anything at home (likely a product you can put on daily) that would help duplicate the effect of the keratin? [I’m OK with the gray — when it behaved, it was a nice streak.]
I thought of a perm, but combing it straight as it processed, but then thought it might just ruin my hair. And I’m white but know not to try a relaxer for this. What else is there? In the humidity that I live in, the fuzzy parts are just laughing at everything I’ve tried so far.
Clementine
I don’t know about a long term product, but… old toothbrush + gel saved me when I had some awkward postpartum hair growth patterns.
Anon
There was just an article in the New York Times about how the FDA should have banned Brazilian blowouts and keritin treatments because of the formaldehyde and how dangerous it is. I guess they didn’t for political or ineffectual reasons. I’m not an expert on what other alternatives are available but you might want to check out the article to help guide your decision making.
Anon
I have the same problem! Thinking of birdwatching to a wavy do as the great outstrip my browns
Anon
*switching, not birdwatching. Damn autocorrect
Anon
The Awapuhi line from Paul Mitchell is great for this.
Alice walks
My hair is the same as yours, both in color mix and type of hair (straight flat brown base).
What has worked well for me is a combo of a shampoo for grey hair to make sure those greys look “nice” and not yellowed (my hairdresser told me to get the cheap Jhirmak!), alternating shampoo days with a co-shampoo, and the Revlon all-in-one spray in conditioner after washing. I never use a separate conditioner, per see.
I no longer has uncontrolled wire-y grays.
Anonymous
Very late to post but try Keratin Complex smoothing therapy Express Blowout. I got
SDCityGirl
I’m late, but Olaplex 3 really helps with my similar hair.
Anon
Do weighted blankets help you stay asleep? I sleep horribly- strange dreams, lots of wake ups and I’m exhausted. And i also get hot when i sleep- are there any that wouldn’t make me roast?
anonymous
I bought one this summer because I sleep better when I feel “swaddled”. I do like the sensation but… has it helped me sleep better? Doubtful. People rave about them though, so it could just be me. I’ve been going through some stuff that might make it hard to sleep no matter what. As for the heat, I don’t find it too bad. Like a light to medium weight blanket.
Diana Barry
If you have AC, try lowering the temp in your bedroom. I sleep best when it is COLD – around 63 or 64, and it can get down to 58 if I have PJs on and more blankets (I normally sleep with blankets but no PJs).
Anon
I think they help me not toss and turn in my sleep as much, since it’s just harder to do. I have one that is cotton with glass beads, and it’s cool enough for me (I do keep it cool in my room when sleeping though).
It’s not really a substitute for seeing a sleep neurologist and figuring out what’s going on though!
Anon
I just recently purchased a cheap one from Amazon to try it out. My sleep issue is that I wake up around 4:00 most mornings. So far, I’ve used it for 3 nights and have slept until at least 6:00 each morning. I have not used it long enough to be confident that the trend will continue, but the $35 I spent is worth it for the extra sleep I’ve gotten so far!
Anon
which one did you get?
anon
No, it did absolutely nothing to help me sleep. But I think my insomnia is on the more extreme side. If your insomnia is more mild, I can see how it may help.
Anonymous
Mine does help me sleep. I don’t wake up as often in the night and fall asleep again sooner when I do walk… It probably just depends on what your sleep issue is…
Anonymous
If you have a lot of wake ups and are feeling sweaty, that could be a sign of sleep apnea. (And, no, you don’t have to be overweight to have sleep apnea). I only mention because a weighted blanket could actually make sleep apnea worse. (Getting a CPAP machine changed my life–like completely.)
Weird shape
My face is like a pear. As in very short and narrow forehead and wider chubby cheeks that makes t meet look really disproportionate in pictures. Generally a face that’s much wider in the bottom, and a very short overall length. The double chin didn’t help. Can you think of a celebrity or blogger whose face is shaped like that, so I can look at their photos for hair and makeup inspiration. Other resources/tips welcome too!
Anonymous
Chrissy Teigen
Pep
I think that face shape is also called a triangle. One celebrity with it that springs to mind is Minnie Driver.
kk
Alexa Chung, Kate Walsh, Kelly Osborne, Kate Mulgrew, Mackenzie Phillips,
Alana
I also have this face shape. It’s not pronounced, but it is a pear shape. For balance, I wear glasses that are wider at the top than on the bottom (cat-eye shape but not extreme). Also, I wear my hair in updos so that the hair fills in the space at the sides of my forehead, like a braided crown with a side part or half-up half down with the hair rolled (like a modified Gibson Roll).
Anonymous
Renee Zellweiger and Jodie Foster are good examples, and have had different weights.
Boxer Nicola Adams (currently on UK Stricly come dancing).
Anon
I’m a Virginia voter and I’d like to talk about the proposed constitutional amendment #1 on the redistricting commission. How do my fellow Virginia voters feel about it? On one hand, it takes the power to draw congressional districts out of the hands of the state assembly, which can change parties and make district drawings quite partisan. But I’m not certain I’m on board with the proposal. I’ll post a copy/paste of the information from Vote Save America in the first comment. (It’s quite lengthy, so please skip if uninterested).
Anon
Proposed Constitutional Amendment #1 on Redistricting Commission
BALLOT BREAKDOWN:
Right now, the Virginia General Assembly draws the state and congressional districts every decade when new U.S. Census data is available. This amendment would change that by creating a bipartisan redistricting commission that would consist of eight state lawmakers — four from each party and each chamber — and eight citizen members selected by a group of retired circuit court judges. This Commission would now be responsible for redrawing congressional and state legislative districts and delivering a new map of districts for the state.
The redrawn maps would then be presented to the General Assembly for approval or rejection. The General Assembly is not allowed to amend the proposed map and the Governor is not allowed to veto once passed. Should the General Assembly reject the 1st proposed map, it returns to the commission for redesign. If the 2nd proposed map is rejected by the General Assembly, the Virginia Supreme Court would then redesign the districts.
The amendment would establish 2 criteria for the commission to use: (1) districts would need to be redrawn in accordance with “the requirements of federal and state laws that address racial and ethnic fairness” included in the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th Amendment and provisions of the Voting Rights Act, and (2) districts would need to “provide, where practicable, opportunities for racial and ethnic communities to elect candidates of their choice.”
This is an effort to fight gerrymandering (which is bad) but there is some argument on whether this amendment goes far enough to actively combat the practice and whether it actively includes and represents Black voters.
Supporters include U.S. Senator Time Kaine (D), Former Gov. George Allen (R), AARP, ACLU, Brennan Center for Justice, League of Women Voters, Common Cause, and former U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder.
Opponents include the Democratic Party of Virginia, the Virginia NAACP, Progress Virginia, New Virginia Majority, Rep. Bobby Scott (D), and Rep. Donald McEachin (D).
A YES VOTE MEANS
You support the creation of a bipartisan redistricting commission to draw state and congressional districts.
A NO VOTE MEANS
You support keeping the power to draw state and congressional districts with the state assembly.
Anonymous
Is this going to get you a meaningfully different set of deciders? It isn’t like the bipartisan commission picks names out of a phone book or at random. It is maybe more opaque and differently partisan. I dislike opaque things — if you get mad enough to vote the bums out, how do you even do that with the commission?
So no for me. Same garbage Is likely but more up front about it.
anon a mouse
I voted no because I don’t think it solves the partisan issue (between the retired judges and the state supreme court), and adds a ton more steps to the process.
anon
I’m a dem and I voted no for this reason as well.
Anon
Not a Virginia resident, but I have worked on an independent redistricting group (essentially, we developed our own, non-gerrymandered maps that created an additional majority-minority Congressional district that had not previously existed, and, tl;dr, pressured our commission into creating a map very similar to the one we developed). The fact that the NAACP is against this is, IMHO, a big red flag.
Vote no.
Anon
I voted no. I don’t like the trend of blue states preventing themselves from gerrymandering while red states still do it.
Anon
I guess a fear though is that what if the state legislature flips back to red
ALX+emily
I voted yes. A former boss of mine who I respect enormously has been really involved in the OneVirginia project and basically I think if it’s good enough for him it’s good enough for me and this is a situation where a less-than-perfect step forward is still a good one.
Anonymous
I know somebody who likes it … is not a compelling argument
Anon
+1. Shocked to read that
ALX+emily
Well he has been involved in leading the project, drafting the amendment, and advocating for it, but my real point was that I believe a lot of the opposition is saying it doesn’t do enough or go far enough and I just come down on the other side of whether even a far-from-perfect change (which this definitely is!) is better than nothing here.
anon
https://www.virginiamercury.com/2020/06/24/virginia-democratic-party-urges-voters-to-defeat-redistricting-reform-amendment/
Little Red
I voted NO as well. It didn’t seem to be very independent to me.
Anon
In a staff meeting on Friday, our company CEO, who doesn’t really trust working from home, mentioned that she wants to form a committee to explore “productivity while working from home.” Apparently her top priority is identifying and installing productivity software, more of the “track goals on a daily basis and require employees to rate their progress” rather than the “log every keystroke and monitor every moment of the day” type. The committee is meeting for the first time the week after next and I’m getting placed on it. My first thought based on my prior experience is that productivity software doesn’t work well (people who are unproductive at the office remain unproductive at home and I’m not a fan of systems that “punish” everyone) and that it also hurts morale/trust. I also don’t think we need it because 95% of employees are really productive at our company right now when we’re all at home (measured by deliverables/output). However, I’m not sure if I’m judging the software idea too harshly, especially since it’s been a few years since I last used anything like that. Does anyone have any considerations to share that I could bring to the committee, positive or negative?
Anon
I am unproductive at home right now not because I am unproductive working from home in general (such as before times). I’m unproductive because we are going through a global pandemic, I have depression, and the country is 8 days away from the most important election of my lifetime.
Anon
I know right? I honestly feel like we should all get a medal for how amazingly productive we’ve SOMEHOW managed to be.
Anonymous
Maybe that it would penalize moms more, as they may be dealing with closed day cares, being the cafeteria for younger kids, and having to attend to zoom school outages / questions / finding stuff online? What would the company do for headline risk if it really quantified out much moms aren’t working and it went after them as a group? Or how could you fire a dude if he can point to how moms are less productive now and yet he got axed?
Sometimes I hate defaulting to the subjective “what does the person’s supervisor say,” but I feel that here, you may wind up quantifying things you don’t want to know. And then you are stuck knowing things.
Anon
This is an extremely good point. Asking “what will you do with this info?” And “what will this add to the info we already have?” are good questions to figure out whether a new project makes sense.
I’d also point out that blanket corrective measures make high performers really resentful, particularly if you aren’t doing anything about people who are lower performing right now for real performance reasons (distinguished from people who simply can’t work as much because they have kids, anxiety, or that sort of thing). Why should they be micromanaged if they are already performing well?
Anon
Let’s frame this as a working parents issue, not just a mom’s issue. I know I have male colleagues trying to work and school from home while mom is an in-person teacher, nurse, or other essential in-person professional.
Anonymous
It is a working parents’ issue, but I wouldn’t even bring that up. The main issue is bigger than that. This level of monitoring is demoralizing and demotivating for all employees and will harm productivity and retention across the board. When my employer implemented increased monitoring early in the pandemic, even people without kids and people who were still working in the office were resentful.
Anon
Yep, plus that reinforces the stereotype that women have to do all the labor at home, and men don’t. Men were there when these kids were conceived, they need to step it up at home as a result of their “collaboration.”
Anon
This is an excellent point. As long as people still get their work done in a reasonable timeframe, why does it matter if parents need daily flexibility?
Anon
Or if anyone needs daily flexibility, not just parents.
Anon.
This. My parents are in their early 60s but manage the care for my two 85+ year old grandmothers. They still work and WFH has been a godsend.
bad management
I think that if your management needs a specific software to tell them if people are meeting their daily goals/being productive, you have bad management and bad goals. Set deadlines, have milestone check-ins, request WIP reviews at whatever interval makes sense. That’s how you make sure work is on track and people are being productive. But as other commenters note, we’re in the middle of a pandemic and a lot of kids are still home on Zoom school. Does the company really care if someone does their work during the work day vs. early morning or evening? Do you actually have deadlines that can’t push a few hours or a few days, given the juggling that’s going on? Installing a big brother software would make me feel so devalued and completed untrusted by my boss and my team. If you can’t see the value of the work I produce and you need a robot to track my work, why are you paying me a high salary? And what the heck are you doing, manager and boss, that you don’t know whether your team is producing good/enough work?
anon8
This is ridiculous. Is work getting done and deadlines met? That’s all the tracking you need. Productivity software is used by people who don’t know how to trust their employees.
There have been some posts on Ask A Manager about this too
Anon
Yes, work is getting done and deadlines met EXCEPT for two employees who have long been unproductive (dating back years). The CEO gets mad at them sometimes but doesn’t take action against them.
Anon
That’s your problem right there.
anon8
Ugh, I’m sorry. A couple of people are having issues so now the whole class is punished. Is the CEO the direct manager of these employees? If not, can their manager step up to address their performance issues?
Difficult Employee Poster
As somebody who is supervising 2 difficult employees (I’ve posted about it on here), it’s too bad that you can’t just… start a Microsoft Teams page and then the two who never do anything think that you can see when they log in based on that page… So suddenly they are actually telling me when they’re not working rather than having me hunt them down…
…but your regular (productive) staff is like, ‘Oh cool. Easy place to share files.’
anon
Ah well that’s the problem. You have a management issue not an employee productivity issue. No software is going to magically make unproductive productive. But it will make productive employees resentful.
Anon
This is an excuse for not managing correctly. The way to handle working from home is to ensure that work is getting done on time and that workloads are reasonable.
People also work at different rates. Some are slowly productive on a consistent basis; others are on fire for an hour, take a break, and are on fire for another hour. They look “worse” than the other employees, even if they are getting as much or more accomplished.
CPA Lady
My work is thinking about implementing something like that for everyone, including something that would track your cell phone. It makes me want to quit working there. And it’s not because I’m a slacker– I bill my time and my billables are on par with what they have been for the past 4 years (despite working from home for the first time ever and managing my kid’s online schooling). But that kind of software just feels so gross, invasive, untrusting, and like all you are is a cog that they want to squeeze out as much productivity as possible with no regard for your humanity or individual work style or patterns. I like working where I work, but if and when they implement that software I will genuinely consider leaving. Especially if they’re tracking my personal cell phone as well. I’m an adult in a professional career, not a wayward teenager. I have a personal life and my job doesn’t need to know what I’m doing every second of the day.
It feels to me like there is some kind of unspoken rule about how we are all “supposed” to work, which is like some kind of robot, working methodically and constantly hour after hour every day in the allotted time frame of 8-5. That is not at all how I work, but I still get everything done. What if you find out that some of your super star employees have a work pattern like mine? Would that be a problem? How is the information collected by this software going to be used? And how will you communicate that to the employees?
The “track goals on a daily basis” thing seems like a huge micromanage-y waste of time. Unless you have daily goals, it makes zero sense to track progress on a daily basis. The more broken-down goal reporting gets, the more demotivated I get. At my last job we had annual, quarterly, and monthly billable targets (which I get, because tax is very cyclical, and it makes sense that they expect you to bill 300 hours in March and 25 in December). But when it started getting down to the point where we had to email our supervisors to report our weekly billables, and people would be reprimanded for having an off week, that is when I started looking for a new job. Management lost sight of the forest for the trees because of the detailed information they were receiving.
I would think really carefully before implementing this software. I am guessing it would be most demotivational to your best employees, both because it’s a huge waste of time and because it’s showing that you don’t trust them to manage their own work.
Anon
Thanks everyone for the great responses so far. Two additional pieces of context: we bill our time already (consulting) and the CEO said the results will “affect bonuses and compensation.” We typically get bonuses around Christmas.
Anonymous
Ugh attaching bonuses to number of hours of work is cruel for neurodivergent employees. On any given day I ‘work’ about 3 hours with the rest letting ideas percolate. I have the highest output and work quality in my department but I’m just not a linear 8h a day thinker.
Anonymous
What is “neurodivergent”? Like AHDH? Or being on the autism spectrum?
anon
Right? A myopic focus on hours punishes efficiency and fails to reward quality of work. I can do better work faster than basically all of my peers but it’s real tough for me to grind out exactly 8-9 billable hours per day.
Anon
It sounds like they are looking for an excuse to not give out bonuses to high performers.
Anonanonanon2
If you bill your time, you’re presumably accounting for your time and there is already documentation of how much time people are working and what their outputs are. Why can’t managers address any issues based on that one-on-one with people who are not meeting the organization’s standards of productivity, instead of installing software on everyone?
Anon
I’m going to be cooking my first thanksgiving turkey. Is there a certain type of meat thermometer i need?
Anonymous
Nope. Thermopop is great and easy to use.
NY CPA
I would suggest a remote probe themometer. You stick it in and leave it, and the cord comes out of the oven door to the themometer device. It means you’re not opening and closing your oven door a bunch, which does weird things to the oven temp. They also usually have an alarm you can set, so it will tell you when it reaches X temp, rather than potentially overcooking.
I have this one, which I like, but I’m sure you can find a cheaper version if you don’t think you’ll use it much in the future: https://www.thermoworks.com/ChefAlarm?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIoJOmo9HS7AIVhuDICh1TrwoFEAQYAyABEgIG1_D_BwE
Anon
Phew, we had a close COVID call this weekend and I wanted to share in case anyone is second guessing themselves or guilting themselves over saying no to something they deem unsafe.
My husband was invited to an outdoor gathering where he was supposed to receive an award and vote on issues for the following year for the organization. Truth be told, the main reason he didn’t go was because we had already planned a weekend away at a friend’s vacant beach house and didn’t want to miss out on it. The award ceremony was scheduled rather last minute. He felt very guilty not going.
Even though there were going to be 10 or less people there, I didn’t trust that there would be proper social distancing and since there was going to be food and drink, I doubted there would be masks. Luckily, our prior plans gave him an easier out than COVID as this was a situation where it would be awkward as one of the award winners to decline for safety reasons.
Anyway, the hosts of the event woke up sick today and tested positive on rapid tests. They are still awaiting confirmation with the more accurate test. Thank God we had other plans. Just a reminder if something doesn’t feel safe, stick to your guns. Fingers crossed it doesn’t spread to the other 8 attendees and take the whole group down. I’m waiting to see if this one makes the news. Probably depends on how many people get it.
Anon
You didn’t think COVID was an easy out? Among people I know who occasionally get offended if you RSVP no, COVID has changed their tune 100%. I was downright encouraged to stay home instead of attending a “micro-wedding.” I would have thought that the virus would be much more convincing than plans to go to a vacation house. In any case, you don’t owe anybody a “good enough“ reason to not go to a social event right now.
Anon
Re: whether COVID was a good enough excuse: it was a “know your audience” situation. They have a very different risk tolerance than us and would have likely promised lots of safety measures that would go out the window as soon as we arrived. For this group, “I’m not around that date” goes over a lot smoother than “I’m worried about the pandemic,” sadly.
anonyK
It can be awkward depending on the people involved and the context! I get it.
Anon
(Not OP) I’m in a very red area; Covid is absolutely not a good enough reason for skipping things. You will absolutely get hassled and called nasty (political) nicknames. It’s bull, but it’s true.
Anon
Ignore it. I don’t let idiots make life-threatening decisions for me and I could not care less about their input.
Anonymous
To be clear — it was small and outside. But the “didn’t feel safe” is just b/c there will be food? [I get that, totally, but was there something else that made you suspect things?]
Anon
I didn’t trust it would stay small for one. I figured more people might decide to show up last minute or people would bring family. At least one member did bring a spouse. From my experience, the safety measures at these sorts of the things start to go out the window as the day progresses. You start out 6 feet apart. You move closer because it’s hard to talk. You don’t wear your mask because you are drinking. It gets cloudy and clod so you move inside for a bit. Or you end up wanting to help with dishes so you carry people’s dirty plates into the kitchen so you don’t look like a rude guest.
I’m far from perfect. We don’t win the COVID precautions competition but part of what I feel keeps us safe is that we keep our circle really small. I would have gone to such a gathering for people we see regularly anyway (close family, neighbor, close friend.) I don’t want to go to such an event (or have my spouse go to one) where we otherwise wouldn’t see these people at all (outside of Zoom) during the pandemic. The more small gatherings you go to, the more your risk increases, in my mind.
Nylongirl
Way to be smart & manage the risk.
Anonymous
I’d be interested in an update later this week on whether the other folks who attended contracted COVID as well.
Anon
Will do. If we get the info, I’ll pass it along.
Anonymous
IDK seems like you just traded one risk for another risk. Traveling is also a risk. Although how much of a risk depends on the distance & required interaction with the local community, etc, it’s still a risk. An outdoor event with 10 people doesn’t seem much riskier.
Cat
What?? OP is going to stay in an empty house and sounds like she is generally being responsible. Any incidental contact at a gas station or whatever is not greater than several hours spent with a group all from different households.
Anonymous
That sounds like the kind of stuff people hosting outdoor parties say. Everything is super safe and all precautions taken at all times … sure.
anonymous
Yes and it’s incumbent upon the listener to use their critical thinking skills to evaluate the differences in the situations even if the speaker uses similar words.
anon
+1 and it’s not even clear that this trip would require a different gas station than the one OP typically uses. Surfaces are much lower risk than people talking & eating together for hours.
Anon
OP here. It was two hours away. Didn’t need gas either way. Only stop was for seafood at the market. Interestingly, I was worried about how the locals feel about people staying at vacation homes. There were signs up, including at the market (that only my husband went into while I stayed in the car) thanking short term renters for keeping their economy going.
Anonymous
sounds lovely, glad you went and hope you had a nice (and safe) time
anon a mouse
I finally have organized the last 5 years of photos and would like to create photo books for DH for Christmas, but I’m having trouble finding what I want. Seeking suggestions for sites that have:
– Ability to add text/captions to photos (most important! So many seem to lack this function)
– Variety of layout options per page
– at least 50 pages per album
Thank you!
Anokha
I have used Blurb and they can do all of this!
Anon
I’ve browsed around when making vacation books (and have uploaded my pictures to several sites to test it out) and I always land back on Shutterfly. They have the most layouts, and once you are in the editor, you can click on “advanced” editing and move things around even more. I like a lot of captions too, and Shutterfly has this ability. I’ve been ordering the deluxe lay-flat pages with six-color printing (though someone here said this might not make a difference) and the quality on my books has been wonderful.
Anon
It’s definitely not super mainstream, but I love MixBook. There are suggested layouts and styles but every single thing is customizable.
Cat
Co-sign. But do not pay full price. I get an email from them every day and just have to wait out when it’s 30-50% off the style of photo book that I do.
Anon
I agree! Mixbook allows you to customize everything. I use them for all of my photo books.
Anon
i do shutterfly which isn’t as good quality as the others suggested, but i take a lot of pics of my kids and order two copies of each book so they can each have one someday and my books are all long, like 90 pages, and so even with discoutns id be spending more than it is worth using another site
anon
I hate the formatting software of every photo book company I’ve ever used, so now I design the books myself elsewhere (InDesign if I have access to Adobe CC, Power Point or Google Slides otherwise, all of which have loads of free templates available online), export the finished pages as jpegs, and then just upload and order wherever is cheapest or whenever a coupon comes up (it seems like Shutterfly’s deals rarely last more than 48 hours, which is not enough time to format a long photo book with captions).
Plus that way I have all the finished pages saved on my computer so that if a book got ruined down the road and I wanted to re-print it, I don’t have to worry about figuring out what site I originally bought it from, hope the book is still in my account, etc.
I like the quality of Shutterfly and Costco. I did one book through Amazon Photo and the printing quality was horrible.
Anon
Shutterfly! Make them and then wait for a promotion
anon
Yes, and if you have a lot of pages, wait for an extra pages promotion. It’s worth it. I make mine and then wait to order until I get a good deal.
Mrs. Jones
My husband recently used Mimeo and Motif and both have those features. The books look really nice.
anon
Artifact Uprising. Offers cloth bound photo books and you can have as much (complete reign) or as little control over the layout as you want. Also, if you are ever in jam for time (doesn’t seem to be the case here) you can call them and they will tell you which sizes/combinations have the quickest lead times.
LittleBigLaw
Any recommendations for wide leg wool blend pants? I like the slouchy dress pants with sneakers and a cashmere sweater look that keeps popping up on P!nterest for WFH right now but am having trouble finding pants that fill the bill for winter.
Anonymous
Talbots has some I have been eyeing.
Anon
Try Uniqlo.
Sunshine
I’m looking for recommendations for high-end (long strand) cashmere. I know about Loro Piana, but that’s the only brand at this level that I am familiar with. I’m going to purchase a plain black cashmere turtleneck, which I know could run close to $1,000. But I want to make sure I’m buying long strand, high-gauge cashmere. This is a new world to me. Thank you!
Anonymous
Pringle is also great but if you want to spend a grand on a sweater just get the Loro Piana- it really is great quality.
Sunshine
Thanks! I’ll check their website.
I don’t want to buy Loro Piana just to buy Loro Piana. Labels are not important to me. That’s just the only company I’m familiar with in this world; I appreciate suggestions for getting the product without paying for the name.
Anonymous
That wasn’t my point. Loro Piana isn’t just the name. It is the quality. It buys the best cashmere on earth. It processes it perfectly. You can’t beat it in quality, and you’ll struggle to even match it. If that’s the quality you want and you can afford a thousand dollar sweater, go for it.
Sunshine
Oh, I misunderstood. Thank you! That’s really really helpful information. Thanks for posting a second time. I really appreciate it!
Anon
I am just going to say that I understand “to each their own” and everyone has different priorities and etc. etc. etc., but high-end cashmere is a strange thing to get fixated on. I am a little bemused how you keep referring to it as a “world.” It’s a sweater. I have a couple of black cashmere turtlenecks and I like them but I don’t think owning a Loro Piana sweater is going to change my life or anything.
Anonie
Yep! And I am curious…how does one WASH a $1000 sweater? Sweaters get sweaty quickly, at least down here in the southeast. As much as I love a good cozy sweater, they are probably the last item of clothing I would splurge big on. Does a $1000 sweater not pill the way other sweaters do?
MJ
Brora. Their cashmere is pricy but exquisite. Highly recommend.
Fancy baking ingredients?
I’m starting to think about gift ideas for the holidays and have a sister-in-law who loves to bake, mostly sweet things and desserts. I was thinking of putting together a gift comprised of fancy baking ingredients that she wouldn’t necessarily buy herself (she’s still in school and she and my brother are on a tight budget). So, calling all bakers: what are some ingredients that you’d love to have in your pantry? So far I’m thinking Dutch-processed cocoa, good vanilla extract, good spices, maybe gel food coloring, but I don’t know much about what brands are best or if there’s something obvious I’m not thinking of. Would really appreciate any suggestions!
Anonymous
I’d love any and all of this and would buy it all at King Arthur Flour. Great quality and trust worth. Chocolate is also expensive and good baking chocolate would be a nice addition.
anon a mouse
I’d suggest either the Milk Bar cookbook or BraveTart with some specialty ingredients that support the recipes. Here’s a good post with suggestions:
https://food52.com/blog/20585-ingredients-and-equipment-for-momofuku-milk-bar
If you live near a Momofuku or Milk Bar, I think they sell the corn powder that is key to several of their recipes. It doesn’t seem to be available on their site.
Betsy
You can’t go wrong with Penzey’s spices or King Arthur Baking Company ingredients.
Katie
Second this. I love to bake and few things would make me happier than a gift basket from either of these companies.
Diana Barry
+100 King Arthur. I would also get some of their 60% cacao chips (assuming she likes and bakes with chocolate). Worldwide Chocolate is also a great source for Callebaut etc. if King Arthur is out of chocolate, which they have been quite a lot recently. I also love KAF’s parchment paper rounds for cakes and the half-sheet parchment paper, and their sparkling sugar and their cinnamon filling and meringue powder (just thinking of what’s in my pantry) as well as the cocoa you mentioned already.
Anonymous
King Arthur is a good source of quality ingredients.
Anon
Burlap and Barrel for fancy cinnamon.
Mrs. Jones
For spices, I highly recommend Penzeys.
Anonymous
I would also do good vanilla – it’s expensive but worth it.
I actually am going to differ from the above bakers – I bake a TON and even sell cakes on the side, and KAF is not what I would recommend for someone unless you know she is going to be doing breads, etc. Their AP Flour is markedly higher in protein content than Gold Medal AP and it can really mess up the texture of baked goods. Stella Parks did a round up of baking essentials on serious eats – I’ll paste the link in a separate comment – but wholeheartedly trust her recommendations. I’ve bought everything she recommends and it has made a big difference in knowing how ingredients will work when I’m developing recipes.
Anon
I think they’re recommending the store KAF for supplies, not necessarily buying their flour.
Anonymous
https://www.seriouseats.com/2018/10/basic-essential-baking-ingredients.html
anon
+1 for King Arthur. If she likes baking sweet things, consider purchasing some of their flours (pastry flour or standard flour). I find their quality to be significantly better than “grocery store” flour. You could also try looking up a recipe or two from their website and purchasing whatever unusual ingredients they recommend.
anon8
Check out Sweetapolita for fun sprinkles and cupcake making kits.
Lots+to+Learn
King Arthur has a package of parchment paper that is cut in large rectangles that perfectly fit your baking sheets, without curving up. I love them but know they’re a splurge.
Anon
Does she already have all of the baking equipment that she needs? Does she have a springform pan, jelly roll, high quality cookie sheets, cooling racks, etc?
NeglectedHeels
I really love to bake and recently picked up demerara sugar and Maldon sea salt and it has elevated my dishes in a fun way! These are things I only bought once out of school due to the expense. Fun sprinkles are always a hit and Williams Sonoma has great sprinkle kits.
anon a mouse
This reminded me that I want to order from Fancysprinkles dot com for some friends this year.
OP
Thanks all! These are great suggestions. I particularly like the parchment sheet idea – just the kind of splurge I’m looking to provide and that I would never have thought of on my own! This community is the best.
anon
Parchment paper sheets AND roll. Interesting but harder to find ingredients like Almond Paste that is used for cookies and cakes, cookie molds and presses if she is a cookie baker.
Anonymous
King Arthur Black Cocoa is fun and a unique item I’ve gotten great use out of. Echoing Penzeys for spices. Good vanilla. If you know the size of her cake pan, a fitted round silpat. A specialty cooking form if they aren’t tight on space, maybe a Brioche pan, which can be sweet, or Madeline pan. Good olive oil, which would do double duty in day to day cooking and olive oil cakes. I’ve heard great things about Katz’s olive oil. Suncore plant based food colorings which Bon Appétit featured with its Christmas cookies last year. (Look the up, the pics are WILD). Decorative sugars!
I wouldn’t get flour unless you know what kind she uses, as the protein content could matter. Alternatively, you could do an assortment, maybe a cake flour (maybe Swan’s Down), Gold Metal All-Purpose, and King Arthur Bread Flour. Flour isn’t that expensive, but if she’s doing a lot of baking, has freezer space, and you want to go for an ingredient she can use, that would be butter, preferably organic unsalted.
Anon
Make her some vanilla (vanilla beans + vodka in a nice bottle). If you start it now, it’ll be ready at Christmas.
babybiglaw
Penzey’s is great for this. I actually created a wish list for my myself for my MIL to put in my stocking. (We’re all Southern and have lots of very traditional holiday activities.) Things I own and LOVE are orange extract, Vietnamese cinnamon, Mexican vanilla extract, and Madagascan vanilla extract. My wish list includes “cake spice” from Penzey’s (IDK exactly what it is but my friend who bakes regularly LOVES it so I feel like I will too), lemon extract from Penzey’s, anything else from Penzey’s that looks good because they’ve never let me down, blackout cocoa (can’t remember the proper name, but it’s the darkest/richest cocoa powder available, a new silicone baking mat, and an old fashioned sifter.
Anonymous
King Arthur flour website, but don’t get her flour. That’s easy enough to buy yourself. Unusual ingredients she may not have, or may not have really nice versions of: vanilla, the really expensive stuff. Espresso powder (for chocolate bakes). Cake enhancer. Any of their decorating sugars. Vietnamese cinnamon. Pre cut parchment paper. If she bakes pies, their silicone pie crust cover.
Anonymous
SHARE20 For free shipping over $75 in case it’s only for people who have spent an unreasonable amount through King Arthur :)
Anon
Ah. Back to the “freezing at my desk” season. How am I so cold in pants, a long sleeve top and cardigan and shoes that cover most of my feet (not ballet flats)?
Shopaholic
This is the biggest perk of working from home. I am no longer constantly freezing!
i know sometimes space heaters are not permitted but what about sitting on a heating pad?
Anonymous
+ a million
anon8
Can you sit on a heating pad? I used one year round to keep warm.
Anon
Agreed with others–space heaters are explicitly forbidden at my company, but no one’s ever said anything about heating pads or electric blankets. Just don’t ask first, because they will obviously say no just because they can.
I’m directly under a vent, so I also keep fingerless gloves and a giant straw hat at my desk. The hat keeps the breeze from going down my neck, and also keeps the sun off my face when I take a lunchtime walk.
Bonnie Kate
I love the image of the giant straw hat!!
I keep a blanket in my chair year round; I think I’m going to switch to an electric blanket for the winter.
Anon
Have you eaten yet? I bring my breakfast to work with me and sometimes don’t get hungry until 10:30 or 11:00 and when I do I’m always freezing.
Anonymous
I find draping a fleece blanket or sheepskin rug over my office chair helps, keeping the small of the back warm, and warmer socks.
Office Location Decisions?
How does your firm or group made decisions re: Office location? Is it entirely one person’s decision, or does the firm take into account where employees live?
I work for an investment management firm in SF. Our largest office is in NYC but we have ~40 people in SF, so fairly sizable still. Our head honcho lives in the peninsula (Atherton), and basically unilaterally made the decision to move our office out of SF, to Menlo Park / Sand Hill Road, and are telling us after the decision has been made. The move is also happening fast, in 6 months, and we are NOT a work from home culture – in fact, we are already heading back to the office.
This basically means that his commute shortened from 2 hours daily to 15 minutes, BUT the rest of us (many of whom live in SF, East Bay, and some even in Marin / North Bay) now suddenly have 2+ hour daily commutes. I personally am shocked, and I know many of my colleagues are also reeling. I especially feel bad for the older guys who have purchased homes and have kids in school, who cannot just up and move so easily. One guy moved here from NYC 2 years ago, and bought a house in San Rafael to send his kids to a Jewish school up there. HIs commute is now almost 3 hours daily…
Is this normal? It seems CRAZY to me that one person unilaterally made one decision that has such a huge impact on o many peoples’ lives, with NO input from the employees whose lives will be impacted by this….
Cat
That is nuts, and he deserves to have all of you leave en masse for different jobs that are closer to home.
Anonymous
It is crazy and hopefully all of you are job hunting and will quit.
anon8
This is not normal and this guy is an a-hole.
Nope
Does the head honcho want to dramatically reduce headcount? Maybe this is easier/cheaper than a usual reduction in force.
Walnut
I’ve seen this strategy used when a company intends to drastically change their culture.
anon
This sounds crazy. I guess he has the right to do that, but he is prioritizing his commute over his current employees. Some people will relocate or put up with a terrible commute, but I’d expect a lot of turnover within the next year or two.
Anon
Unfortunately, I have worked at a company that made a decision like this. CEO’s daughter lived in the South, company was in the Midwest. He came up with all sorts of reasons for the Board, and lo and behold we were all forced to give up our jobs or move 12+ hours from our families. Insane. It happens. It’s not right. Start polishing your resume, and when (not if) you get out, help your other colleagues when you can. If he’s willing to ruin your life for his own convenience, it’s really a matter of time before you need to leave anyway.
Alice walks
This is just insane.
I recommend a collective revolt, and at a minimum, work from home indefinitely.
Anon
so at my old job, i know it was part of one of the top guy’s contracts that the office had to stay within a certain distance of grand central bc he was selected to open the firm’s nyc office and purchasing a house and had to decide between CT/Westchester and NJ/Long Island, but other employees were added once the location was established. what your boss did seems beyond ridiculous to me and clearly someone who does not care at all about his employees’ lives.
anon
Right. I didn’t select the location of my current firm, which has been located in the same office building for decades. They have the right to move. We have nothing like Bay area traffic, but if one of our partners decided the whole office was moving to a different city 2 hours away, most people would start looking for new jobs immediately.
Anon
This happened to one of my former bosses – she became my boss because her company decided to relocate their corporate headquarters two hours away from its existing location, and almost none of the employees followed their jobs. She said they announced the move, which was to occur in three months, and in that three months 85% of people left the company for other jobs; they barely had enough employees left to complete the move. Companies way underestimate the effect commute time has on an employee’s desire to take (or keep) a job. It’s an absolute deal-breaker for most people I know and I imagine that will just get worse, now that so many of us have proved we can work from home and don’t see the need to commute 1+ hours a day just to keep a job.
anonchicago
It’s nuts.
Yet, Sheryl Sandberg bragged about having her late husband do this – move his company from Oregon to the bay area – and she was lauded for it.
Anon
She does a lot of crappy stuff and gets lauded for it.
Anon
She’s kind of the worst. I never bought into (or understood) the hype.
Anonymous
when my former employer had to move offices, they looked only at a 20 mile radius around the current office, so no one would have a significant increase in commuting time.
anon
Well, to be fair, Menlo is about 25 miles from SF, but the commute is killer, especially if you’re commuting into SF in the first place.
Anon
20 miles still seems ridiculous to me. That’s at least 30 mins, and could easily be over 90 depending on the area.
Alana
The billionaire who bought the L.A. Times did this: https://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-la-times-el-segundo-address-20180416-story.html
Not sure of how common it is, but the rumor is that my friend’s boss played a major role in choosing the location for their new office (government), so it is close to her home. Fortunately, it is near a downtown of an upscale suburb, but parking is not free, although it is convenient area for running errands during lunch or after work.
anon
This is not normal for the Bay Area. There’s a reason why many companies are based in FiDi or SoMa–you have the public transport trifecta of Muni, BART and Caltrain all nearby, and it is central for employees located in the North Bay, East Bay and Peninsula. When my last tech company was looking to relocate, we prioritizing our office siting based on our workforce makeup and where they were commuting from.
I went to Stanford and lived in Sharon Heights for many years afterward. Sand Hill Road is by no means central in the Bay Area, but it is central if you want to be near housing that is $3MM and up, median. What an @$$h0le!
I’m sorry. This will cause attrition and it could even be argued, in the case of some executives, that it amounts to constructive termination. Yes, jobs are at will, but moving from downtown to Menlo Park is 35+ miles. It’s not reasonable. And commutes affect not just the commuter’s life, but their work-life balance. It becomes impossible to get home to see Johnny’s dance recital or Sarah’s soccer game during the week.
I imagine, if you work in IM, that you are all highly employable, and I hope that you instead choose to move firms. Good luck.
Office Location Decisions?
OP here. I went to Stanford too! I’m class of 2011. I totally hear you on the affordability issue. I have some coworkers who bought homes in Piedmont or Lafayette because it’s ~20-30% cheaper than Peninsula. And they make good money…but you are right, you can’t buy anything resembling a home in the Peninsula for under $3mm. Not to mention the school situation, and not everyone wants to subject their kids to the cutthroat nature of Paly, Gunn, etc. I grew up in the Bay Area and it’ll always be my home, but man things have changed.
Horse+Crazy
What’s your favorite delicious fall dinner recipe? I want to make a nice dinner for my SO and I for Halloween this Saturday. No pork/ham, please.
buffybot
Here are some recent fall favorites: smittenkitchen roasted chicken, olives and grapes; smittenkitchen roasted chicken and schmaltzy cabbage, skillet pork chops (could sub chicken breasts?) with apples and onions (on myrecipes – in a mustard bourbon cream sauce with thyme), enchiladas verdes, white chili (I like Pioneer Woman Cooks), ina garten beef bourguignon, chicken pot pie, Marcella Hazan Bolognese, smitten kitchen lamb meatballs with mint and feta.
anon
Beef stroganoff
Anonymous
This weekend I made the the chicken pot pie soup someone recommended on here. It is really yummy and the cute pie crust crackers make it feel a bit special. https://www.thecookierookie.com/chicken-pot-pie-soup/
312
Yes! I recommended it and I took my own advice and made it as well this weekend. Sweet – glad you liked it!
Bonnie Kate
I’m making this this weekend – I haven’t made it yet, but Pinch of Yum never disappoints me, and I’m super intrigued by step one of this recipe:
https://pinchofyum.com/sarahs-white-chicken-chili?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+pinch-of-yum+%28Pinch+of+Yum%29
Vicky Austin
holy moly that looks good.
Anon
Feasting At Home’s butternut squash mushroom lasagna. Made it last night and it is incredible.
Anon
Chicken pot pie or shepherd’s pie.
Anon
I’m not sure what you’d like to put with it, but rosemary roasted red potatoes! I cut up baby red potatoes and put on tray with carrots, mushrooms, white onion, and garlic; drizzle with olive oil, top with salt and pepper, add stems of fresh rosemary throughout. Bake on 400 degrees for roughly 1 hour, or until tender.
Thanks, it has pockets!
When I think of cold weather meals, my mind goes to meals that are cooked slowly, either in a crock pot or the oven, so something like a chili, stew, or roast beef would be really nice, I’ve never done a whole roasted chicken but that could be good too with the right herbs.
Anonymous
Four years ago, I briefly dated someone I met online…maybe 5-6 dates over a month or so. We were both looking for a serious relationship, gardened a couple times, I was very interested and he seemed to be too. But then he told me I was great but he was going to “go in another direction” (I remember the phrasing because I thought “err am I being turned down for a job?”) I didn’t expect it and cried when he told me, which he was kind about. My assumption was that he’d met someone else he wanted to focus on dating, which stung but wasn’t wrong for him to do. I moved on and had not talked to him since.
Yesterday he sent me a message on a different dating site that it was nice to see me there, and after a little back and forth he asked if I’d be open to reconnecting. I said I was willing to explore…I know it’s generally not a good idea to re-date an ex, but he’s not quite an ex. Maybe it means something that although I’ve been on dates with so many men these past few years, he actually stuck in my mind as someone I remembered despite the fact that we really barely dated?
I’m not sure if I have a question here or if I’m just trying to distract myself from this evidence that I’ve been on the online dating treadmill for over four years now… :(
Cat
I’d want an explanation of what happened 4 years ago and decide from there.
anonyK
+1. Since he stuck in your mind, I think it’s worth talking and seeing what his explanation is. But proceed with caution.
Walnut
I would want this explanation before expending the energy to meet up in person.
Anon
1. Don’t do re-runs.
2. He’s looking for a hookup.
I’m blunt this morning. :)
Anon
Agree with all of this.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
Haha, so warned! If he is looking for a hookup he is barking up the wrong tree as I told him I was only comfortable meeting outside and meant that…but we’ll see… :)
Anon
I disagree. If he knows what OP was looking for back then, maybe he is in a space now that he’s looking for the same thing. Since you two have a history, I’d ask upfront about intentions as well as what happened 4 years ago, and go from there.
Anon
Anon at 11:24 am and here’s the problem with that: there are very, very limited reasons why it would work later in life but not earlier in life (especially when he allegedly was looking for a serious relationship), and he apparently did not have those reasons.
Those reasons, no particular order: differences of faith when faith is important (e.g., when you’re 20, it might be really important to you to find someone in the faith tradition you grew up in; later, you feel more flexible about that). Location – he gets a job offer in San Diego and moves down from San Fran; he then moves back to San Fran to settle permanently. Someone really wants kids and the other doesn’t; now they are on the same page.
Otherwise, there’s a reason he ditched you the first time and it’s the reason he will ditch you again.
anon
Ehh, I think this is a little absolutist. (But in general I agree that men who want to date you will date you.) This situation reminds me of.a guy I met a long time ago. I really liked him, we had great chemistry, he checked all my boxes, we really enjoyed our time together. But I was not in a good place to date (i.e., emotionally unavailable) but I didn’t realize it. I really wanted to be in a relationship on the surface but my emotional bandwidth was worn out with a major job issue and dealing with baggage from a relationship that had ended a whole year before. I understand now after years of therapy why I bailed on this great guy, but at the time all I could identify was that I was resisting feeling connected to him. I would totally give it another try if the opportunity came up.
Anonymous
OP here – I mean, I am assuming the reason he ditched me the first time is that he had been dating multiple women (which I’m sure I was attempting to do in reverse, too) and picked one, and it wasn’t me. It wasn’t like we had a conversation and had some particular incompatibility.
I have never been in the lucky position of dating multiple good people at once and having to pick, but I know others have.
Anonymous
Yup.
AnonATL
4 years is a long time for priorities to change, but I’d be weary.
In the beforetimes, I’d say have a drink and see what happens without any expectations, but that’s not exactly easy now. It’s still maybe worth chatting a bit
Anonie
Only proceed with caution. I have of course seen exceptions, but I have more frequently seen close friends get very badly hurt by “reappearing exes.” When I was dating, I had a “no backsies” rule for those “not quite, but almost” guys.
Anon
I’d want to know, before meeting up, which direction he went and why.
Airplane.
I wouldn’t. But YMMV. Even based on your own explanation of what happened before – he picked someone else. He didn’t pick you. Do you really need to spend your selective dating time on this guy knowing he’s already pick “not you” after dating you for a month 4 yrs ago? IDK this is a personal decision but I tend to think a guy doesn’t really deserve my time if he has already let me get away the first time.
Anonymous
There are so many factors here and people make mistakes. I think you should proceed, but with caution. Don’t fantasize about some magical reconnection. Just go on a date with him and use all your faculties. You’ll never know if you don’t try.
Anonymous
And in the event you see this so late, I would wait to have the “what happened?” conversation until we were on the date. I wouldn’t want to make that a qualifier or start off by putting him on the defensive and I’d rather have the chance to gauge sincerity and honesty in person.
Anonymous
Thank you! I did see it.
Lily
Does anyone have a good recipe for a vegetarian pot pie that has some protein in it? Any success with putting crumbled tofu (or similar) in a pot pie?
And any other fall-like vegetarian dinner entree suggestions are appreciated! Would love a good vegetarian Shepherd’s pie recipe you’ve used/loved.
Ribena
I don’t make many pot pies but I do make a lot of stews which are basically the same without a lid, right? Beans are your best friend – I especially like butter beans because they have this big almost-meaty texture. Also, manufactured meat replacement chunks can work really well here – I often use veggie sausages cut into chunks personally!
Eg I made a chilli last week with both soya mince and kidney beans in and it was delicious. Have also recently made vegetarian sausage casseroles (search ‘Tesco Carl’s All-change sausage casserole’ for the recipe I really like) and really enjoyed them.
For shepherds pie, I’d just use a standard recipe but replace the ground meat with soya mince.
What else do I eat… I love to do pasta with ‘meat’balls and a tomato sauce, for a simple classic. Something really autumnal I made two weeks ago was a polenta dish with mashed butternut squash mixed through, topped with tagine-spiced veg.
I have a cooking insta at LilyMCooks and cook almost entirely vegetarian (I’m pescatarian but not confident with cooking fish).
Anon
It’s not really healthy but I made the shepherd’s pie recipe on the Impossible website and liked it. I also really like the Kitchn’s pumpkin chili recipe but I use more beans and use butternut squash instead of pumpkin.
Anonymous
I made this shepherds pie last week: https://www.feastingathome.com/vegetarian-shepherds-pie/
Aunt Jamesina
Smitten Kitchen has one with white beans that’s really good.
DLC
I like the Minimalist Baker’s vegan pot pie- it’s also super fast to make up. The recipe doesn’t have protein, but I often add white beans. Also- I don’t necessarily make it vegan if I don’t have the right butter or milk substitute.
https://minimalistbaker.com/1-hour-vegan-pot-pies/
Curious
To whomever recommended a thin layer of Aquaphor on your face at night before bed: WOW! After one night, my fine lines are so much less apparent. This is a total win for me. Thank you!
Anon
what did this do to your pillow case?
Anon
My response to this: honestly, who care? Your pillow can be washed, and having less apparent fine lines (if that’s what you want) is a much bigger win than having a slightly oily pillowcase is a loss. Get more pillowcases.
Also, I do this and my pillowcases look the same – but I’m a back sleeper and don’t put on a thick layer.
Anon
i dont care what my pillowcase looks like, but i dont want to have to change it every single day
Anonymous
Yay! Sluglife
Anon
I started the slugging thread but I didn’t invent the idea. I’m so glad it’s working for you. I have to say my forehead and around the eye area are feeling much better too. My chin got two tiny pimples, don’t know if it’s related, so I’m going to skip that area going forward.
Anon
Also, re: the pillowcase. I put my Aquaphor on a bit before bedtime, like maybe 1/2 -1 hour. We generally watch a couple of TV shows at night and I have gotten in the habit of pausing to do my nightly teeth brushing/face washing between them. By the time I do to bed the Aquaphor is much more settled in. I haven’t noticed anything on my pillowcases. But even if I did, it would be worth changing them every day to have this level of improvement in my skin!
Anon
What are your clothes made of? Fiber content matters! Polyester is hot when the temperature is hot, and cold when it’s cold. Have you tried a wool cardigan? And a scarf around your neck, the decorative kind not the “I’m going outside and it’s freezing kind”. Silk scarves are surprising warm and look nice. Another thing that I find helpful is an electric heating pad draped over my feet. I find that there’s no one thing that allows me to be comfortable in a cold office, but that an accumulation of small things usually does the trick.
Reno Steps
Bought a house about 1.5 years ago. We have surplus space in our master bedroom, a not-that-functional small walk in closet and a very dated bathroom. The three spaces are contiguous and we’d like to combine them to create a new larger bathroom and new large walk-in closet. This could be a do-now or a do-in-three-years thing depending on cost. Where do we begin to assess feasibility and cost? We’ve done smaller renos in a prior home before so I have a rough estimate of costs, but if we wanted to have someone come take a look and tell us what’s feasible… is that a free consult that someone offers? Is that a cost that we spec now to get plans and then decide to go/no go?
Anonymous
A contractor will assess and give you an estimate for free.
anon.
You need an architect and you need to pay them. Before we undertook a similarly minor-ish renovation, we paid an architect $750 in a LCOL city to give us a few options. He drafted them fully, with measurements, etc.
Anon
+1 to ‘hire an architect’. I don’t think my city is unique in that there are quite a few builders who fancy themselves good designers. They are not and it shows in janky layouts (but easier on them and their subs to build), poor transitions and other issues.
Bonnie Kate
Counterpoint, we’re building a house right now and I trust my contractor way more than my architect when it comes to actual building/feasibility of things. But yes, you’re probably right – it’s a good idea to get a plan drawn out by an architect. If know know what you want the layout to be I would just be really clear with them. I had to be very, very specific with my architect to get things right including sending the plans back to them multiple times to get them to redraw it the way we wanted it.
Cat
Depending on COL in your area, whether you are moving plumbing around, and the finishes you choose, this is likely a $50K+ project overall, more especially if you go with a high-end design-build company who provides the architectural work as well as serving as GC. If you don’t go the design-build route you’ll need to spend a bit with an architect. Builders are great at building, not so much at designing.
anne-on
Counterpoint – if you are interested in design I think a bathroom/closet/master bedroom can be pretty simple to design yourself with the help of lots of pinterest scrolling. We’ve done 3.5 baths now and I’ve never used a designer. Tile places are very very helpful with matching colors/undertones, and a LOT of places offer ‘free’ design services now too – Crate and Barrel, Restoration Hardware, Ikea, Closets Direct, etc.
I’d also work with your contractor to see what’s ‘doable’ (but a fortune) vs. ‘doable’ (at a minimum cost) – for example – our contractor nicely told me he COULD get me a clawfoot tub, but given our narrow stairs and doorway it would need to come in via a crane through the window. Almost all of the cost of that choice would be labor and I’m not a huge bath person. I decided on an oversized shower instead with fancier fittings – also expensive, but something that we’d be seeing and using daily.
NY CPA
By “design” I think Cat meant the architectural design. Even if you want to pick out your finishes yourself and come up with a general plan, you’re going to likely need an architect to draw up plans (i.e. “design” the space), including for changing walls, electrical, and plumbing.
Bonnie Kate
In my experience the architect won’t actually come up with a plumbing or electrical plan. The electrician and plumbers come up with those plans. The architect will help with changing walls, especially if they’re structural, and drawing plans for the carpenters.
Cat
Yep, this is what I meant. Those companies can also help you pick out the finishes if you want, but if you don’t need that level of support you don’t need to pay a premium to get it.
Anon
Hmm, my architect drew out an electrical and plumbing plan for the project we contracted him for. It sounds like maybe you had a bad architect or did not purchase those services?
Bonnie Kate
100% agree that my architect for my house was not the best and not full service. :)
That said, we may also be talking about different levels of drawings – like put a light here, outlet here vs how all the wiring is run within the walls – or for plumbing, sink here, tub here vs how the water lines come in. I’d say one of these is a fixture plan vs. an actual one-line drawing of how the electrical/plumbing is designed/implemented.
Without getting in too deep, I’m a project manager in a construction field (albeit on the industrial technical side; electrical-adjacent) so I do have to look at drawings fairly often. Very specific one-lines (like how all the electrical/HVAC/plumbing are run through the walls) are included about 50% of the time. For example I’m project managing a new building addition and we had a better architect than I did for my house and he did not supply any trades drawings (and was not required to by the state/city for permitting) – the trades come in, we tell them what to do, and they do it. Honestly half of them don’t want to/won’t look at drawings anyway (which is a whole different frustrating situation).
Only posting this because if I was the OP I wouldn’t pay an architect any extra to do drawings for trades, if that is an option for her. But that said I am very comfortable talking to trades and explaining what I want, and working with them to make that happen. This could also be regional thing?
anne-on
You may want to have a structural engineer come out and give you a consult first if you’re thinking of taking down multiple interior walls. We have a very old house and our structural engineer was actually the person who gave us the names of some contractors he works with, one of whom is now our ‘go to’ person, but we interviewed 3 ppl before we landed on one we liked best. All gave us rough quotes for the work, with the caveat that things change once the walls are opened.
Anonymous
Thoughts: my brother has been paying his cleaning lady $140 every other week since the pandemic started — but telling her not to come because he’s not comfortable with someone else in his space. He’s high risk, his cleaning lady is high risk. I told him recently he should be nice but stop paying her because it’s insane at this point since it’ll be spring/summer before he’s comfortable with her in his space at the earliest. He thinks I’m mean. What does the hive say? (Is there an inbetween option? what does the script look like?)
Anon
My partner is still paying his gym membership, and it’s driving me insane. The gym was closed for months and has since reopened, but since our household is elevated risk, he isn’t going there at all. I feel like it’s a confrontation thing, but maybe he’s just that charitable. There are better objects of charity in my view than a gym.
anon
I’m your partner. Keeping my membership active is my way of supporting a local business that is important to me. I want my gym to still be there when it’s safe to go back.
Thanks, it has pockets!
I think this is a fine thing to do! It’s definitely not feasible for everyone, but if your gym is able to keep their location and keep their staff on the payroll because of people like you, then you’re doing a good thing.
Anonymous
I was keeping my gym membership while it closed but immediately dumped it when it reopened in violation of a state order.
AnonInfinity
I’d say it’s his money and if he wants to continue giving it to his cleaning lady because it’s important to him, then he should continue doing that. It’s certainly not required, but I don’t think it’s insane.
anon
I don’t think there’s a right answer here. If your brother can afford to pay and wants to continue to do so, I am sure it is helping his cleaning lady. I don’t think it’s any crazier to give someone you know direct support than it is to give to charity.
Anon
It’s none of your business. Why are you even giving your opinion?
Anon
His money, his choice. There is no script.
Alice walks
We are doing the same thing.
I am the caregiver for a family member who is high risk. Our cleaning person is paid extremely well ($200 a week) for doing additional laundry as well as cleaning and some small household tasks and she is excellent and has been with us for many years. We have paid her ever since March although she isn’t coming.
I agree that it is reasonable to think of it as giving $ to charity, and in our case it is someone who is totally devoted to my family, would be pretty destitute without our$, and we can afford to do it, and we will be happy to have her back. She will probably re-start with once a month, she will always wear mask/gloves, and we will all wear masks when she is there and wipe down surfaces when she leaves. Our at risk family member will be isolated in different room than she is in.
If I was your brother, I would probably have had her restart sooner, once a month initially, and be outside of the house when she is there. We have great air cleaners in all major rooms. And I would be out of the house when she is there and would wipe down surfaces after she leaves.
Why do you care so much?
Anonymous
My thought is who cares. Not your money not your house not your problem not your business.
Mrs. Jones
+1 fo sho
Anonymous
I think that this is your brother’s situation to navigate. We continued to pay our person weekly until we were comfortable bringing her back (so maybe 7-8 weeks?). We figured that we were still getting paid by our employers and were in a position to float her for a bit, but also we didn’t want to lose our spot in her schedule. I don’t know what her other clients did or didn’t do, but it was definitely the right move for us. If for some reason we weren’t going to bring her back for a long time, I think we would have given her several weeks’ notice and acknowledged that we would be taken off her schedule going forward.
Anon
My cleaning lady has lost 80% of her clients for this reason. I get that it sucks to pay for a service you aren’t getting, but if I could afford it I would keep doing it (I had mine come back as soon as I could, but I’m not high risk).
Anon
You asked for an in-between option. I have a high risk wealthy friend that is still paying her cleaning person but rather than having them clean her house, she’s sending her to another friend’s house that is lower risk and overwhelmed with work from home and school from home kids and essential worker husband. I thought it was super sweet. She wants to keep paying, her friend probably would never higher the help and the cleaning person still has work.
Anon
*hire* #Mondays.
Ribena
Another in between option – which I probably wouldn’t do unless I was having to seriously review and reduce my personal expenses – would be to ask the cleaning lady to estimate what proportion of that cost is the expenses of doing the job – if she brings cleaning products with her and has a travel cost that’s identifiable to that job, for example. As I say, that feels a bit squicky so I wouldn’t do it, but it is an option.
Anon
Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Blueberries
Your brother is taking care of someone who takes care of his home. Why would you object? Do you pay his bills?
In my community, many cleaners (and their families) are really suffering because the drop off in business. The economy is such that there’s often just not other work to pick up and it’s pretty hard to have built up a year+ emergency fund on a cleaner’s wages. If he can afford to continue paying, it’s absolutely the right thing to do.
Beyond doing the right thing, it’s also practical. It’s hard to find good household help. Taking care of the people who help you (especially someone you trust in your home) is a good way to keep good household help.
Anon
I say it’s none of my or your business.
Thanks, it has pockets!
I think it depends on his financial situation. If he can comfortably afford to give this woman $280 a month – he’s employed in a steady, secure job, and he has a solid emergency find – I’d consider what he’s doing a kindness, he wants to make sure this woman isn’t losing critical income. Maybe this is one of those expenses he drops if money gets tight.
I’d really only intervene if he’s unemployed, or furloughed, or is in some other unstable financial situation where family assistance seems like a likely outcome if he doesn’t cut expenses, but since you didn’t mention that I’d say let him spend his extra income how he sees fit.
Anon
We’re still doing the same, because we can afford to and it’s the right thing to do.
Lady+Lawyer
I am your brother–my boyfriend and I live in an apartment in NYC and have been working from home (though more recently going to the office intermittently). There is no good way to have our cleaning lady continue to come clean because we are home most of the time, and even when we’re not we don’t want to put her at risk by traveling to our apartment by subway. We pay much more than your brother, but, fortunately, we are both in stable, high-paying jobs and can afford it for the foreseeable future. We view it as charity, and the money means so much more to her and her family than it does to us.
Toothapple
I am fuming after a visit to a car dealership.
After speaking with the sales rep and looking at the car, the manager came out to talk about pricing. He asked me to show him what the price I was quoted– which I verbally told him based on our email correspondence. He returned 15 minutes later with a breakdown for the 2020 and 2021 models, and when I told him the price I had told him included tax, he told me that I had “mislead him” and he didn’t appreciate that.
I told him it was inappropriate of him to speak to me that way, and that I had specifically used the words that this was the “out the door” price. He cut me off and continued to speak, and said multiple times: “we can agree to disagree”. At this point I asked him to return with the accurate pricing. I could feel myself getting agitated and upset, but I kept it together until he left the room– I went to use the restroom and broke down in tears.
When I came outside, the sales rep had called the general manager instead. I was too upset at this point to coherently explain what happened, and left the showroom.
I deal with high stress situations at work and never cry at work– but this situation left me in tears. Heaving sobs on my drive home. An important detail may be that: I broke up with my partner last winter and have been dealing with big things (new city, new job) on my own– and maybe this interaction brought out that loneliness & sadness.
I do need to buy a car soon & need to go through the process again. Any tips? Any words of advice? More than anything, I feel embarrassed that I became this upset.
Anonymous
Awww hugs I could totally see myself doing this. It’s a stressful situation and they made it worse. For next time, just walk out. “You know, I’m not feeling comfortable with this. I’ll follow up with salesperson later. Good bye”. And simply leave. But don’t be too hard on yourself!
Alice walks
I totally understand. I would probably have broken down exactly like you did.
You are great. Car dealers SUCK and he was just doing the game they love to play. You did nothing wrong. Post a bad review of their behavior on Google/Yelp and move forward.
You did nothing wrong. Hang in there. Things will get better. Make sure you buy yourself something fabulous for Xmas/holidays/whatever.
Cat
That guy is a jacka$$ and you did the right thing to walk away.
Maybe try something like Carmax where you don’t have to do the whole song and dance in-person negotiation nonsense?
anon
This sucks, sending positive vibes. Here’s how I bought a car 2 years ago…
1. Narrow down the make/model/year you want – this is easiest to do at Carmax since they carry many brands and are low pressure.
2. Search by price, year, distance from home, etc. on carfinder (or similar) to ID cars that match your criteria
3. Call the dealers with cars you’re interested in, ask what the out the door price is. Say something like – I’m willing to buy the car today, assuming it test drives well, if you agree to X price out the door. This step took me about 3 dealers to call back and forth with, but basically the idea is to lock into a price before you step foot on the lot. Check out dealer rater (dot) com for reviews.
Option B – Carvana or similar
Anon
Hugs. You sound like a lovely person and that’s not an appropriate way to treat you.
The guy was being a POS because you’re a woman who was in there alone, and he thought he could shame you into overpaying for a car. It didn’t work, so he became more angry.
New city, new job – what city? Someone here might buy you a drink.
If you also tell us what kind of car you’re looking for, we can point you in the right direction. I haven’t used Carmax but have heard good things about it.
Toothapple
Philadelphia! :) if anyone wants to grab a socially distanced drink in the park- I’m down for it!
anon a mouse
I’m sorry this happened to you and it’s totally understandable. If you used the phrase “out the door,” there’s no reason to assume tax would be extra! I would contact other dealers in your area and ask for the best price on such a model. I love this guide for how to buy a car without talking to a human:
https://the-toast.net/2014/07/11/how-to-buy-a-car/
Anonymous
YOU misled HIM? That is effed up. Give the dealership a detailed review and move on. These jerks do not deserve one more minute of your time or one dollar of your money.
The last time we bought a car, the salesman at the first dealership we visited played all sorts of games. He was clearly trying to establish the upper hand by refusing to quote us a price, making us sit around waiting while he chatted endlessly with the sales manager, etc. We walked out and I called another dealership. That salesman actually wanted to sell a car. We negotiated the price over the phone, he put it in writing, and we went in the next day to sign the papers, which exactly matched the quote. Something similar happened with the car we bought before that, and we happily drove 2 hours to pick up that car from a dealership that was more straightforward than the local one. Moral of this story: Just keep calling around until you find a salesperson who will treat you like a customer.
Anonymous
It wasn’t you, they try to gaslight and browbeat customers into submission. I found calling around to rural dealerships in my area that had the car I wanted netted me a better deal.
pugsnbourbon
Sheesh, that guy was such a jerk! Accusing someone of lying is a great way to lose a sale.
Don’t beat yourself up – I probably would have gotten upset as well. I don’t have much advice on car-buying but I hope you find one you like soon.
Anon
That’s bizarre and frustrating. I’ve been there.
Anon
I dealt with a jackass at a car dealership once that has put me off the entire line of cars (BMW). I left that dealership and bought a Volvo instead. Since then I’ve bought two more Volvos so that jackass cost BMW three car sales. Vote with your wallet. Walking out was the right thing to do.
Now review them on Yelp and Google.
Anonymous
Sorry you dealt with that. DH and I bought our first car a few years ago and had a similar interaction. I think some in the industry are just like this, and rely on high pressure/negging to like coerce you into a deal. We walked out, and felt very sorry for the sales woman whose sale had just been torpedoed by the manager’s attitude and behavior. I say, your time, money, and attention are precious, don’t waste them on anyone who is so clearly undeserving. There are plenty of dealerships that don’t operate this way, you just have to not waste another second once you discover you are at one that does.
Anon
I’m the same as you in that I deal with high stress well in work and personal situations, but this has happened to me before too. I think there’s something about getting this type of treatment from a total stranger that upsets me…it’s like it reminds me of how cruel humanity really can be. I fly all the time (well, use to) for work, but one time a TSA agent really let me have it for forgetting to take my chapstick out of my pocket before walking through the scanner. I ended up racing off to the bathroom afterwards and cried in a stall. I felt ridiculous, but sometimes you just can’t hold it in. Hugs.
Toothapple
Wow- thank you. Reading this made me feel much better… yeah, the seemingly random and angry behavior that seemed too personal to be directed at a stranger (a client!!!) shocked me.
Anna
I understand. I too deal with a lot pressure at work, and always keep it together. But I then I am prepared and know the game. Had I been treated like you I can see my self thinking, I am just buying a car, why does this have to be so hard too
EM84
In situtions like this what I personally find helpful is to have a clear statement on the email – if you had an email exchange with their rep over with clear price, I would show him that. And demand that price on that midel. They were clearly trying to pressure/rip you off with “the GM of dealership” showing up. I am sorry, you never get to see the GM. Maybe the manager, in whivh case I would pull out my phone and show the email and demand the conditions. Also I would tell them they are wasting your time by baiting you with an offer they are not willing to deliver when the deal is to be closed. Can you report them to consumer protection and/or their real GM? Also, I would take their quote to other dealership and never return to that horrible place. Vote with your wallet!
Vicky Austin
I would totally, 100% have cried too. What a jerk! Of course you were upset – he was upsettingly rude and demeaning. Please don’t assume any guilt or embarrassment – this is all on him. And I agree, take your money elsewhere.
BeenThatGuy
This. Also, an overwhelming amount of car salesmen enjoy making women feel inferior. After getting divorced many years ago, navigating buying a car by myself was a horrific experience. I was treated with zero respect by multiple dealerships. 5 cars later, I’m a queen at the negotiation. I even negotiated my bf’s most recent vehicle. It gets easier over time. Remember, you deserve respect. The car dealership needs you, not the other way around.
Thanks, it has pockets!
I’ve only purchased a car once so far, in my early 20’s, and my dad came with me for moral support. The dealer spoke directly to him up until the point it was made clear I was the one actually paying for the car. Next time I have to buy one, I may have my boyfriend come with me, even though he knows little more than I do, just to (maybe) prevent some douche from jerking me around. I hate that buying a car is such a stressful, intimidating process where people (let’s face it, especially women) are often talked down to and/or taken advantage of.
MissK
Sounds like you are still grieving parts of your old life. This is ok and give it the space it needs. Sending you virtual hugs, we’ve all been there!
Now, about the car – I recently bought my first ever car on Carvana, in order to avoid all the car dealer hassle that everybody warned me about. It was totally worth it. And I did see an article headline on Bloomberg last week about the car dealer business getting squeezed by Carvana and the like.
Anonymous
I just bought a car and did most of the negotiating over the phone and through email, due to Covid. This worked out great for me, because I think in person, the car salesman would have eaten me alive. I just had to call a dealership that was a little bit farther away vs. the one closest to my home. I went in to drop off a down payment, and then paid the rest via personal check when the car was delivered.
Nudibranch
Try Costco auto buy program or Carsdirect.com instead.
Anon
COVID fail: cut my own bangs last night. Cut too much off. And they’re uneven. I look like a serial killer.
Luckily, they look fine pushed back. And on the upside, they won’t be in my eyes anymore…
Alice walks
Love it. Please post a photo on your Instagram whatever. You will make everyone’s day a bit better. Post two pix. One as serial killer and one with them pushed back and smiling because you have a great sense of humor.
Pompom
Just tell yourself “It’s French!” a la Fleabag.
Anon
Sent a photo to my mom, who replied with four crying-laughing emojis. Thanks, mom.
Samantha
Thin hairband that can hold back the bangs that is the same color as your hair?
Anon for this
It’s probably too late for me to get advice on this thread…and I’m hoping the hive will be kind.
How do you go about introducing a new, ahem, gardening tool in the bedroom? (I know this sound nuts. Like I said, please be kind.) Husband and I have been married for 13+ years. I’m the only person he’s ever gardened with; I had a handful (<10) partners before he and I started dating. He's pretty conservative and our bedroom life isn't particularly exciting — good, solid, but not exciting. After having several kids, we've started to reconnect in a really positive way.
Last night I ordered a v*be from Maude, kind of on a whim. I think this will vastly improve our gardening life but I'm nervous about how to approach him about it. In the moment? Beforehand/matter of factly? I have no clue. My goal is (a) don't hurt his feelings, (b) make him feel empowered/as a co-decider, (c) expand our gardening repertoire/my pleasure.
No Face
In the evening but before you get started, I would say “I bought us a gift on a whim so we can try something new” and show it to him, discuss ways to use it. The message is “we are having fun together” versus “you are inadequate.” Unless he is an insecure guy generally, I wouldn’t worry about hurting his feelings.
Anon
Is there a position he likes that you aren’t a fan of because it doesn’t normally hit your spot? You can point out that you can now do this position because you can hit your own spot with the tool. Then it doesn’t say hey, you aren’t pleasuring me enough. It says hey, I want to do this thing you like in a way that I like too.
Anon
This doesn’t sound crazy; it sounds normal. (My husband and I are both each other’s firsts, and it certainly comes with its challenges.)
My advice would be to lean towards (a) and (b), trusting that (c) will almost certainly happen. Maybe be specific about what problem you’re trying to solve, e.g., his hand gets tired before you really start to enjoy it, or this would make it easy to use on you during the actual gardening act. Suggest a few different things that you can do with it and then let him decide what he is comfortable with. I would lean against approaching him in the moment as opposed to beforehand, which can seem a lot like, “Hey, we’re doing this and you’re the total jerk who is ruining our night if you don’t go along with it.”
Anonymous
I’m really not here for men who are threatened by toys. Then again, if you guys have been married for a long time and no one has ever mentioned toys, I can see how it might be a little surprising for one spouse to suddenly show up with one. I guess I would build on whatever discussions you two have had about reconnecting post-kids. If you want him to feel like it’s his idea too, maybe you can pick out some toys together?
Anon
This isn’t crazy, it’s a perfectly normal thing and you should not be ashamed, nor should anyone else who uses toys in the bedroom. Bringing it up with your partner will take a careful conversation; I’m not saying people should just bring these things up with no warning. But the general existence of them is not weird or taboo in any way.
Anonymous
I usually just let DH get surprised when he opens the package (he usually opens all of our packages regardless of who it is addressed too). Without fail, it is a good surprise. Although, I will say, I prefer using gardening tools for solo gardening, he is very eager to use *all the tools* when we garden, because the more I enjoy it, the more he enjoys it.
Light Reading Recs
Best ‘beach read’ super light reading recommendations? I’m cruising through The Royal We and have the sequel on hold at the library. I need something else in the interim. I liked Emily Giffin’s stuff, also. On the other end of the spectrum I was a huge fan of Defending Jacob, Gone Girl, and even James Patterson type stuff.
Any recs?
Ribena
The entire Jenny Colgan library. Red White & Royal Blue. Eva Ibbotson romances. Laura Wood. Those should keep you going for quite some time!
Sloan Sabbith
Oooh, yes, Jenny Colgan!
Sloan Sabbith
Also, yes, Red White and Royal Blue. Very cute.
Anon
+ 1 to Red White and Royal Blue. American Royals/Majesty. Crazy Rich Asians, One to Watch
PolyD
OMG I’ve read so many Jenny Colgan books lately! So comforting!
I just read a book by Alexander McCall Smith (The Number 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency author) called The Second Best Restaurant in France. Very light and enjoyable, and apparently it’s the second book in a series in which the main character is a food writer. I’m going to go back and read the first one soon.
The Lone Ranger
Grown Ups by Marion Keyes
Sunflower
+1 to Grown Ups. Also The Last Flight by Julie Clark, 28 Summers by Elin Hilderbrand, Saints For All Occasions by J. Courtney Sullivan, The Sweeney Sisters by Lian Dolan,and It’s Not All Downhill From Here by Terry McMillan. All of Terry McMillan’s books are good.
Pompom
Carl Hiassen books.
anon
Elin Hilderbrand
Sloan Sabbith
This is my GENRE.
Anything by Jasmine Guillory! Super quick reads that have Happily Ever Afters. I especially like Royal Holiday. Also, most everything by Christina Lauren. The Unhoneymooners and My Favorite Half-Night Stand are my favorites by her. Alisha Rae’s two books are also good and I like how she writes her lead characters. Bromance Book Club series is also a light read, and a new one comes out tomorrow. I’ve liked both of Beth O’Leary’s books, but liked The Flatshare more. The Switch was cute but not quite as engaging as The Flatshare.
American Royals is totally YA but I read it in one night. Same with Charming as a Verb. Kevin Kwan’s new book is also a total beach read. Didn’t like it as much as Crazy Rich Asians, but I liked it enough.
I reread the first Outlander and enjoyed it. Good escapism.
For more mystery/crime type books, I recently read 3 of J.T. Ellison’s books. I really liked Tear Me Apart, but also liked Good Girls Lie. I loved Hour of the Assassin- felt like a movie script. I’ve also liked Bluebird, Bluebird, Lock In, The Hunting Party (locked room mystery!), The Mother in Law, and One by One (great winter mystery read, also a locked room). I also just finished Silent Patient, which I liked but didn’t love as much as everyone else seemed to.
YMMV, but I tore through The End of October. It’s a pandemic book, but even as an inherently anxious person I was OK with it.
The book “Beach Read” also fits your prompt. ;)
anonymous
Elin Hilderbrand for light reading. For suspense/thriller – Riley Sager.
anon
New Immigrant Q here! We are in an Eastern state bordering Canada and would like to drive to a warm beach spot in the South for Cristmas holidays.
What is the shortest drive for fair weather and a beach? Florida would be a tough drive but wondering if Myrtle Beach could be suitable?
cbackson
It kind of depends on how you define “warm.” The coast in the Carolinas and GA typically has daytime temps in the 60s in December/January. It would be in the 40s or 50s overnight. So you would still need sweaters and you wouldn’t be getting in the water, but it would be a lot warmer than your home state. I’m no expert on FL but I think you’d probably need to go to South Florida to actually be truly warm (even then I’m not sure you’d get in the water).
Cat
You’ll want very south Florida for reliable swimsuit weather around the holidays. Think Ft. Myers-Bonita-Naples on the Gulf side or Miami for the Atlantic side. The Carolinas and Georgia will be warmer than Canada but like, nice to eat lunch outside perhaps… not so great for sunbathing.
Anonymous
If you want reliably warm enough to swim, you’ve got to go to South Florida, unfortunately. Georgia might be 70 degrees. It might also be 40 degrees. That’s just winter in the South. (Also, Myrtle Beach is… not to everyone’s taste. If you want quiet, relaxed beach vibes, pick literally anywhere else. It’s built up and overly touristy).
anon
South Florida. I grew up in central Florida, and it was not reliably warm during the holidays. My grandparents lived near Myrtle Beach, and it was easily in the 50s and usually drizzling at Christmas.
Anon
Myrtle Beach is…not nice. There’s a reason it’s called Dirty Myrtle. If you choose the Carolinas, which I wouldn’t because it will be cold, I’d choose a different beach.