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Updated: Feb 8, 2021 162 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Hooray for Friday! I know readers had a great threadjack about sweatshirts at one point this week, and we may do a roundup soon. (I've been having massive computer problems this week, but the one link among the suggestions that would open for me (grrrrr) was this adorable stripey sweatshirt from J.Crew!)

In the meantime, if you're looking for something machine washable and cozy but slightly elevated, this plush pullover from UGG (pictured) is one of the most highest rated sweatshirts at Nordstrom.

I like that you can wear the pullover with jeans, or leggings/joggers, or even for a casual day at work.

It's $88 and available in four colors in sizes S–XL — there are also two similar V-neck options and a hoodie if you prefer those. Amazon has even more colors; you can also find the shirt at Zappos, Dillard's, and UGG.com.

(I randomly found this sweatshirt with shoulder pads at Express — I kind of don't hate it. Thoughts, readers? This plus-size sweatshirt with puff sleeves looks like a nice upgrade also!)

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 9.16.24

Sales of note for 9.16.24

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About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anon

    I am in b—- eating crackers mode with somebody I have to work with closely and frequently and I am soooo ready for the weekend to start. That is all.

  2. Senior Attorney

    I have that J Crew striped sweatshirt in red/navy and it’s my super fave. And yes, hooray for Friday!

    • Anonymous

      Cute! I am not a good candidate for horizontal stripes, but I adore that in the red/blue and green/white. It tickles all of my 80s/90s preppy buttons that originally drove me.to J Crew.

  3. Anonymous

    My best friend is a social worker (meaning that she does a lot of in-person home visits with troubled families) and lives in a very red state surrounded by the most hardcore of covidiots and she just got her first vaccine dose. So, so relieved. In this case, her supervisor called the department of public health and got social workers added to the list of essential workers. They weren’t going to be prioritized until June or so otherwise!

  4. Anonymous

    I have this sweater in two colors. It’s my favorite WFH top for winter.

  5. Hollis

    Which website or app do you use to check the weather forecast? For some reason, I find all of them a little hard to use and also not that reliable, so I’m throwing it out to the hive to see if you ladies have any strong recommendations. FWIW, I like to check the weather to see if it’s a good day to go on a hike.

    • Anonymous

      I use the Iphone app (which is based on data from The Weather Channel) for telling what weather I’m currently having, and the Norwegian Metereological Institue’s (my local authority) webpage or app for forecasts or descriptions of interesting weather phenomena: http://www.yr.no/en

    • Anon

      WTForecast. I’m not sure that it is super accurate, but it is entertaining. And the hour-by-hour forecasts are easier to navigate than The Weather Channel’s app.

    • Silly Valley

      On my iPhone I use Storm Radar, which is from the Weather Channel. On a browser I’d use Wunderground.

    • Anon

      I use Accuweather and find it to be more informative and accurate than the weather app that comes with the iPhone. I’ve come to enjoy watching the radar to know when we’re through the worst of a storm or when some nearby weather is likely to miss us altogether.

  6. Anon

    Feeling really down and blue today after a small argument with DH last night. Probably because I didn’t get enough sleep after. Go-to Friday afternoon/early evening pick me up that’s Covid-safe?

      • Anon

        But in all seriousness. Take a shower right after work. Order chow mein. Put on PJs and do an elaborate skincare routine while watching stupid TV – right now, for me, that’s Firefly on Netflix. Eat your chow mein out of the paper container with chopsticks.

        • AnonATL

          I second this. A generous pour of wine, whatever your takeaway of choice is, a very hot shower, and cheesy tv.
          I find after bickering with my husband I need some space for a bit. Especially in pandemic times. 9/10 our arguments are silly, and it’s from so much togetherness + stress

        • Anonymous

          Firefly is on Netflix?!? I have so been wanting to see that but thought it was only on DVD.

  7. anon a mouse

    We need a new dishwasher. Our current one (Bosch) is pretty terrible at handling all of the tupperware containers that we use for leftovers — all of the slots are way too narrow and don’t accommodate larger bowls or bins well. We end up just placing them on the top rack, but then they inevitably finish the cycle upturned and full of water. If you have a dishwasher that works well for non-plate items, please share!

    • Anon

      Get pyrex containers for your leftovers and this won’t happen. It’s a much cheaper solution for your immediate issue than a new dishwasher. I will post a link separately.

      • anon a mouse

        Sorry if I wasn’t clear – the dishwasher is dying and the next time it breaks we will replace it. But in looking for a replacement, we’d like to find something that better fits the way we live. We have some pyrex as well, but it doesn’t solve the issue of needing flexible tines to be able to place them somewhere they actually fit, as opposed to just somewhere in the top rack.

    • I love my dishwasher

      I got a Miele after my Bosch died. The Miele is amazing and I love it so much. It’s 2x the cost of a Bosch, but is supposed to last 2x as long.

      • Cat

        +1, we adore our Miele. It sometimes flips small containers (like the kind that are cream cheese size) but no issues with larger plastic pieces. The three-drawer style is perfect for cleaning flatware thoroughly.

    • Anon

      I suspect this will happen with all dishwashers because of the water pressure needed to clean well and Bosh are are best reviewed. Perhaps a cheaper solution would be to replace your storage containers?

    • Anon

      Dishwasher clips are what you need! They are magic.

      Search the phrase “Whirlpool Dishwasher Nonflip Clip” to see what I mean. They snap onto the pegs in the dishwasher drawers, and use tension to keep the tupperware in place.

    • Anon

      I replaced my silverware bin with a smaller one that fits at the side, and I use the wide space where the original silverware bin was for plastic containers. I usually place them sideways. I would do that with a new dishwasher too, if necessary.

    • Anonymous

      My dishwasher handles tupperware quite well – it’s a Bosch! (about 8 years old). Mine can do large Tupperware quite well, but I often put a colander, pan handle or similar as a weight if the machine is not full enough so that they could slide. Very small tupperware is however hopeless, they do upturn.

      • Senior Attorney

        I do similar. Tetris-like action with the heavier items anchoring the plasticware.

    • Anonymous

      So we place our plastic storage — which is cheap and light Gladware — on the upper rack and don’t usually have this problem except with really small containers, like under a 1 cup capacity. Do you put them in sideways? I usually put ours in facing down, often at a 45 degree angle. If I have enough room I can make them fully flat over the tines. I am blanking on the brand (!) but I don’t think the upper rack is anything special. I think it is an LG. Our bowls don’t fit it well, but I guess you can’t have everything.

    • Anonymous

      Bosch rack configurations are terrible, but that won’t help with lightweight stuff flipping. I second the suggestion for clips.

      Someone could make a ton of money selling aftermarket racks for Bosch dishwashers that actually hold things besides plates.

      • Anon

        I agree! I love how my Bosch cleans, but it is a pain to load. And I have normal dishes! It always surprises me when I see all the recommendations for Bosch.

        • Anonymous

          Yep! I know they’re highly related, but both my parents and sister have Bosch’s and I can’t stand the rack design.

      • Anon

        I LOVE my Bosch rack configurations, it’s my favorite thing about it. There are small spaces, larger spaces, and rows going different directions – it’s much more efficient than dishwashers with equidistant spacing all around with no rhyme or reason as to where certain things should go. We even brought one of our bowls with us to pick out the dishwasher because it wasn’t fitting into our old/basic one.

  8. Anon

    Those of you who have used both, do you prefer Slack or email? I recently switched from an email-focused org to one that is probably 95% Slack. At first I loved it, but now I find it incredibly annoying. It seems like I’m subject to every employee’s stream-of-consciousness thoughts on every project. There are so many channels. I’m easily in 50+. I tried to think of channels as essentially listservs that I belong to, but for some reason I can’t get into that mindset. I can’t get anything done because channels keep lighting up and I’m expected to stay on top of what’s happening in all of them.

    Any tips on how to better navigate this Slack life?

    • Anon

      I think the problem is that you’re expected to stay on top of what’s happening in 50 channels. Slack is synchronous/asynchronous; it’s really helpful to have access to the synchronous conversations that happen (say, by searching), but it’s madness for everyone to catch up on every synchronous conversation; it needs to be opt in.

      I think Slack is great, but I only get notifications in the handful of channels where I’m very actively involved in projects. Otherwise, if people want me to see something, they have to @ me or put what they have to say in an announcements channel or @ and pin.

    • anon

      That would drive me bonkers. I like Slack in small doses, but you could spend all day managing 50 channels. I feel like if something is a Big Huge Deal, won’t people tag you in the message? Or, you could try setting aside certain times of the day for checking in. I don’t know how people are getting stuff done if they’re chatting all day.

    • RinBos

      I am muted in channels that I am required to be in, but find no immediate need in getting notifications. I also mute channels that are project-related (where I have oversight role) and have instructed those teams to @me when they need me.You can also group channels into categories, which has been huge for me. All the “social” channels are in one place and I can collapse them if I want.
      One thing that has continued to baffle me: I hate the search feature! I can never find any document that I need on slack.

    • Anonymous

      I never realized folks used it as a replacement. At my company, most business is done by email. Slack is reserved primarily when you want to see if someone is able to hop on a call, if you need a quick answer to something super easy from the recipient (ie, can you open permissions to x document). No way could I handle that kind of IMing alone or deal with not knowing what is truly urgent.Can you at least pause notifications for chunks of time to try to work without distractions?

  9. Anon

    What are your favorite k beauty sheet masks? I have dry sensitive skin.

    Yes I know the eco solution is a reusable silicone mask but I’ve yet to find one that didn’t rip immediately.

    Anyway, I need to add a few dollars to a k beauty order to get free shipping so I’d love a mask rec.

    • Anonymous

      All the k beauty masks that I’ve tried that have “green tea” as their selling ingredient have worked well for me.

      As for brands, I’ve been happy with Innisfree, Pure Smile and Tony Moly.

      I don’t like the Skinfood masks (but love the Propolis cream), and don’t get happy skin from snail masks.

    • Anon

      I’m partial to Beauty Diary sheet masks. I get the hyaluronic acid ones but I’ve heard they’re all decent.

    • Monte

      Dr Hart Cryo Rubber or Starskin are the ones I intentionally purchase, rather than the random ones I just pick up on a farm.

        • Monte

          LOL! That was supposed to be “whim,” but autocorrect + trying to type an answer while I should be doing something else means I send something ridiculous out into the world.

    • In House Lobbyist

      Medi-heal are amazing. You can get them we Soko Glam, Amazon and even Walgreens. Truly make a huge difference.

  10. Anon

    Have you found that your skills are a better fit with certain types of organizations?

    I am a consensus builder. I love building 1-on-1 relationships, observing patterns, and making connections. I also love strategic thinking. I do NOT like off-the-cuff comments, having to react quickly to things, or contentious discussions. I need time to digest lots of information. I hate lots of long meetings with big groups; I feel like I never absorb anything. I also dislike egos, posturing, and pulling rank. I think of everyone as a human first, and their job title second (I am shocked at how this is not the case at many places I’ve worked).

    As a result, I’m finding that at one organization two jobs ago, I never quite fit in because I just couldn’t conform to the culture, which was male and ego-driven, rewarded intense debate and lots of posturing. But now at my new company, they LOVE me. I am not bragging. I’ve changed nothing about myself! But the same skills that were a liability at the previous org are hugely valued here. I’m praised for doing stuff that comes naturally to me. It’s not as hierarchical, so skills matter more than who you know.

    The more success I have here, the more confident I feel, which ironically makes me feel like if I went back to my old job with this level of confidence, I would be so much more successful there!

    It’s gotten me thinking about how much our success at our jobs depends on the corporate culture, and how one that doesn’t vibe with our personalities can really eat away at us after awhile. Conversely, getting settled in a place where you just naturally fit can feel so, so good.

    Any similar stories?

    • Nesprin

      Lol- I’m almost the exact opposite and have found that there’s some institutions where I do better. I like dynamic, energetic teams with short deadlines, am fine with big egos if competence makes up for it.

    • Monday

      Sure. I think this is why we so often use the word “fit” to talk about why some people succeed in some jobs, vs. others. (Aside: sometimes I think “fit” is overused. There are some people who simply never figured out how to function in a workplace or meet basic expectations, like showing up–so the problem with them is not “fit.”)

      Anyway. I have a very concrete, black-and-white aspect to my thinking, which makes me naturally pretty good at meeting regulations for the law and for insurance coverage (I’m in health care.) My last employer was small and very informal, and cut a lot of corners with both licensing issues and employment law. I kept getting into dust-ups for trying to meet/enforce rules, because no one else really cared, or someone would make a vague case that we weren’t obligated to comply, and everyone else would nod along because they didn’t feel like doing it. I was also told that I was too firm in my boundaries with patients…when I was following ethics rules that no one else had even read.

      Now I work for a nonprofit hospital, and many of my patients are on Medicaid (meaning tons of red tape in documenting and authorizing their care). My skills in complying with rules are now an asset, and I’m often enlisted to help other people either learn the ropes, or develop an appreciation for why they need to. I love that I’m at an organization that cares about following regulations! Most of them exist for a reason, honestly. I don’t think I’d ever be willing to go back to a non-hospital environment.

    • Moonstone

      This is a lot of what Susan Cain’s book “Quiet” covered — that organizations will be better off if they make space for people with different styles instead of rewarding only the big talkers.

    • Anon

      Yep. I have a real hard time in the private sector and actually work better in the public sector (or private sector that’s very closely aligned to the public sector). I was a super idealistic kid growing up, and I haven’t lost some of that idealism, so the general idea of public service being noble and working for the greater good really resonates for me. What didn’t resonate for me was being an internal project manager at an insurance company where they kept changing their minds every 6 weeks about what they wanted to do and why and how. Private sector “innovation” can involve a lot of hare-brained spitballing that I don’t have patience for; I do much better with the mission-focused world of government.

  11. Anon

    Does anyone have a hand-held vacuum that actually works? I had one a few years ago and it didn’t do anything so I got rid of it. I’m finding myself vacuuming cat hair off the couch daily and it would be nice to not have to get the whole vacuum out.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve been using the Bissel Pet Hair Eraser vacuum for this and it works great! So easy to use, rechargeable, canister so you just dump it out when it gets full. I’ve used one full charge to clean pet hair off furniture, dog bed and two sets of stairs. And the price is very reasonable.

    • Anon

      My comment got eaten. Bissel Pet Hair Eraser. Rechargeable, lightweight, powerful suction.

    • non

      The Dyson stick vacuums can be converted to a handheld. I love mine. I don’t have pets but there are some specifically intended for pet hair.

    • BB

      Yes! The Black and Decker one that Wirecutter recommends is great! (assuming you want a true tiny handheld and not something like the Dyson stick) Very powerful for its size and a charge lasts for a while. For cat hair, I flip down its brush head and vacuum up the couch, then I peel off the hair stuck on the brush and have the thing suck that up too.

    • Anonymous

      I have one of the Dyson stick vacuums (V10, I think?) and the suction is great, but I think it was overpriced. Some of the plastic components/slots get stuck, it doesn’t pick up larger items like Cheerios very well, and there seems to be some kind of problem with the sensor. Next time I think I’d go for a similar cordless model, but something at a lower price point.

    • Anonymous

      I love my Dyson Animal V-11 stick vacuum. I particularly like it for getting pet hair off couches.

  12. Anon

    I’m on the hunt for the yellow Ferragamo sling backs that are on page 14 of Vanity Fair’s March 2021 issue. I looked on their website and Googled but I don’t see them.

  13. Sloan Sabbith

    I have the hoodie version of this sweatshirt in black and wear it probably 1-2x a week. Love it.

  14. J.Crew Sophie sweater blazer

    I’m thinking of getting the Sophie sweater blazer, which seems to be quite popular. The current version is a blend of cotton, wool, and polyester and recommended care is dry cleaning. Can anyone confirm that this item does well with hand washing?

    • Anon

      Can’t comment on the washing, but it pills like mad (unlike the 100% merino version).

      • Cat

        I also can’t comment on the washing, but I’ve seen the blend versions in-store, and they don’t feel very nice. The patterned ones do not look expensive in person.

    • Jo March

      Don’t bother. IMO, it’s not worth it with the current blend. I LOVE my tan one (the older better quality one I bought 2 years) and have relegated my newer black one to camera mtgs only because it pilled like crazy after 2 wears. Very disappointed.

  15. Anonymous

    Does anyone know what time CVS opens up new COVID vaccine appointments? I know the day when scheduling will open up in my state, but not the time.

          • Anonymous

            It’s VA, but they haven’t opened up any slots yet and they are only giving the date, not the time, that scheduling will open. I am hoping the time is consistent across states and therefore predictable.

    • Anonymous

      Per CVS – as stores get shipments. So some stores may be at 6 am. Some stores at 10 am. I think they try not to put the scheduler up before vaccines are in hand just in case there’s a delay in transit or CVS corporate/the state suddenly says you know there’s too many locations in this one part of the state but not in this other part, your shipments are now going to the other part.

  16. Anonymous

    For anyone who has learned a language or maybe you had young kids recently learning to talk. Is there something to this — does the brain learn or synthesize language at night? Have been studying Arabic for nearly a year and have noticed more than once that I’ll wake up and be running thru vocabulary in my head?! I don’t mean I’m already up so let’s think of vocab. I mean more like I’m in a restless light sleep at 4 am and start running vocab and then of course that wakes me up fully. Is this just me or is it a thing??

    • Anonymous

      I think the brain synthesizes (and discards) all kinds of information during sleep, so certainly if you are actively learning a language the brain will be working on that during sleep. I don’t recall running vocabulary, but I did start dreaming in Spanish when I was studying it.

    • Anonymous

      it’s a thing. I did French immersion as a kid in Canada and our teacher said we would know we were really getting the language when we started to dream in French.

      • Anonymous

        Yes! I love dreaming in other languages!

        And also, talking to myself – I find that having banal conversations with my plants or laundry in a foreign language is quite fun.

      • Vicky Austin

        I speak a couple different languages and have never dreamed in any of them! It bums me out!

    • Anon

      I learned French (un peu) as an adult and when I was in the thick of it, I often dreamed I was visiting France and trying to find the words for a conversation with someone. Probably equally an anxiety dream and a learning French dream. And when I actually traveled to France and tried to use the language, everyone spoke English to me!

      • Anonymous

        That was my most exiting experience walking around in Paris alone – people would address me in French everywhere. I even got stopped twice and asked for directions – in French. That was super fun, but as soon as I had company, they assumed tourists.

    • Celia

      So that is absolutely a thing with toddlers. They warn you that kids may experience disrupted sleep when making big language leaps, just as they do with big physical leaps. It’s like they’re excited or so wired by the new information that they can’t turn their brain off until they’ve mastered this new skill or part of the skill.

      • Anonymous

        Definitely. My toddler had a particularly rough night the other night and finally I simply put her in bed with us. She rolled over (still mostly asleep), whispered “I’m lava”, and fell asleep till morning.

    • Anon

      This kind of dream happens to me with all sorts of things. Sometimes it’s a work project, in school it was homework, sometimes even the book I was reading right before bed.

    • Sloan Sabbith

      Yes! Listen to Why We Sleep for more about this and how sleep affects learning. Fascinating, fascinating stuff.

    • Anonymous

      I think I dreamed in German once or twice when I got to a high enough level of competency. I miss that now. My husband is a native speaker of another language, but says he always dreams in English now.

  17. anon

    I desperately need new everyday dishes. After some exhaustive research into this trivial purchase that I’ll have to live with for a very long time, I have decided Fiestaware is the way to go. Made in the U.S., the quality is right for the price, and the dinner plate is a perfect size, not giant and oversized.

    SO NOW IS THE FUN PART: choosing the colors. I’m aiming for 8 sets of everyday dishes (2 per person in my house). I know I definitely want turquoise because it’s my all-time favorite, and either lapis or cobalt for a second blue color just because I like them. Even though lemongrass is not a color I’m usually drawn to, I think it looks great with the blues. So if I did two blues and a shade of green, what should I do for a fourth color? Mulberry purple? Yellow? Something completely different? My daughter would probably be over the moon if I bought her a purple place setting, haha, but I’m not sure how appetizing that purple would be! (And I say that as someone who loves purple.)

    I want to be the Joanna Gaines type who does soothing neutrals everywhere, but I am drawn to pretty colors. So I’m leaning into it. I have plain white plates when I want to be classy, I guess.

    • Senior Attorney

      I would do yellow because that way you will have light colored plates for dark colored food.

    • anon

      Since you know you want the turquoise and lemongrass, plus another blue–I would get the twilight and mulberry. If it’s supposed to be fun, let your daughter have the purple!

    • Trish

      Fiestaware is perfect! I just bought the new butterscott set and am mixing in some poppie.

    • Anonymous

      I would have chosen turqoise, butterscotch, sunflower and daffodill, but that’s because I love the warmer tones. Love the idea of mix and match plates! White plates are overrated (as are classy)!

      I think whatever you choose will mix and match better if they are similar on the light-dark scale. It’s a lovely idea to let your family choose, though, and everybody will probably love their personal color more if they can choose.

      I would not personally have chosen lemongrass as a background for food, but I lived through the last time yellowgreen and chartereuse was paired with cobalt so have had enogh! Oh man, the lime greens of the nineties…

    • Anonymous

      Meadow and White. They show the Turquoise and Lapis with Meadow and White as part of the Coastal theme on the Fiesta website.

    • Anom

      I adore fiestaware and the gorgeous colors but decided to use it for serving pieces rather than every day dishes because it’s so freaking heavy.

  18. Anon

    Man, does it EVER go well to tell a close friend she seems depressed and needs help? I avoided that conversation for so long and it was even worse than I expected. Ugh. Thank God it’s Friday at least.

    • Anonymous

      Yes. My bestie told me this, I got help, and now am feeling much better. Thank you for trying.

    • Curious

      Denial and anger come before acceptance.
      Mine took two years to get over (I am stubborn). You may still have the impact you hope for. Keep fighting the good fight. Depression lies.

  19. going with a hoodie

    I’m looking for a sweatshirt dress with a hood. Or a hoodie dress Anyone see any somewhere Canada based? I would have bought something like this at american apparel back in the day. Looked at old navy and didn’t see any.

    • Another anonymous judge

      My reply got eaten but there is one on the Simons website and also a longer, kind of cute one (IMO) from Charles Henry on the N ordstrom Canada website. Their shipping to Canada is fabulous if you aren’t near one of their stores. Roots had a sweater dress this winter with a hood but I think it is sold out.

    • Anonymous

      I have usually seen these at outdoors/sports stores or brands. I know Patagonia often has one, but I would never pay Patagonia prices for a sweater dress. But maybe look at a more reasonable sports brand?

      There’s one at H&M currently, but it’s not shaped, if you want that.

    • Digby

      Garnet Hill has one – not sure if that works for you in Canada. It’s the trainer hooded dress.

    • Anonymous

      I have one from Marc New York Performance that I really like wearing. I don’t know if you can find it in Canada, though

  20. HW

    Piggybacking off the dishwasher question above: my GE dishwasher is from 2005 and has been making a loud grinding sound. It’s so loud that I don’t run the dishwasher when I have calls. Nothing I’ve tried has fixed it. Would you pay someone to come repair your 16 year old dishwasher, or just get a new one? If you would get a new one, what would you recommend (or what would you stay away from)?

    • Anon

      I’d probably just call my local appliance repair place and ask them what they think.

    • Anonymous

      16 years is a good run for a dish washer, so if you do replace it, no need to feel bad.
      One thing to consider, is that more modern dishwashers generally use less water and electricity than older ones.

      Would recomment to look inside new ones to see what kind of configurations you like. Cutlery drawer or box? Slanted upper rack or straight? How much flexibility? How many decibel?

    • Anon

      Have you cleaned the trap recently? Loud noises like you describe tend to happen when the filter or grinder are clogged. YouTube is great for this.

    • KitchenAid

      If you can get someone to look at it cheap, I might go for that – but nothing is going to keep a 16 yo dishwasher running forever. We got a three-rack Kitchen Aid dishwasher six months ago after moving house and absolutely love it – it’s silent as the grave, cleans to a mirror shine, and the adjustable racks (and third rack!) are like what flying first class feels like. We also liked the style of it (color and handle shape) and the salesperson also pointed out the food…masticator/grind up thingy, and said that was a good one. That being said, we went overbudget on it (think $1200 instead of $800) but absolutely no regrets. I will say that sometimes it feels like our dishes pile up a lot faster, but I think that’s because our sink is smaller.

      Another thing to remember is that when we ordered last August, there was a 1-2 month wait on a lot of models because of supply issues, and also, the stores weren’t able to deliver inside of people’s houses, so you may want to scope out the process either way and plan ahead.

  21. Podcast Recommendation

    There always seem to be calls for podcast reccomendations here, so I thought I’d share a new discovery “Conversations with people who hate me” which as described the host who is a well known social justice digital content creator arranges calls with people who have left him hate comments. It’s humanizing and eye opening to listen to people reach across the aisle, the vulnerability is beautiful.

  22. Anon

    How often do you buy a new comforter/duvet insert? Especially for down alternative. I’ve had mine 5 years and never covered it with a duvet. I finally bought a duvet cover the other day, but something about putting a brand new duvet cover on an old comforter/duvet insert just feels…weird. I have cats and a dust allergy, so part of me is considering maybe I should just buy a new one, but it’s not like this one is ripped or otherwise falling apart, and I don’t want to be wasteful. Thoughts?

    • The original Scarlett

      Annually. I don’t like mine covered with duvets (they always get messy), we have a dog, and I like fresh clean bedding. Fwiw, I give my old stuff away in Nextdoor so it’s a little less wasteful. I’ve also taken to getting the cloud quilt by parachute (I like it a lot more than a duvet insert). I replace at their annual holiday sale or if I forget, I think they have a Fourth of July or something mid-year too.

    • Kelsey

      If you want to buy a new one and it’s not going to blow your budget, just do it. I bought a new duvet insert and cover and it’s been awesome. I am saving the old one for guests’ use.

  23. Anon

    Looking for advice…my in-laws lost a very dear friend earlier this week to brain cancer. She was 52. They’ve known it was coming for several months now, and were fortunate enough to have several occasions to tell this person how much she meant to them. But obviously, they are heartbroken. My husband and I want to send them something to show that we’re thinking of them – has anyone here received a gift after a difficult loss that was particularly meaningful to them? In-laws are deeply Catholic, FWIW.

    • Another anonymous judge

      What about a mass card for their friend and/or a donation to a cause she particularly supported. You could send a little note letting them know you think their friend was so lucky to have them in her life, or something like that. I always appreciate a note more than a “thing”, personally.

      • Another anonymous judge

        Sorry, if you are not Catholic, a mass card is a card stating that a mass will be said for any intention but especially for a deceased person. Your local parish should be easily able to arrange, or you can do so online. Usually accompanied by a small donation of course. Then the card is directed to your in-laws or given to you to send to them.

  24. Ashley

    Hi All! Husband and I would love to plan a babymoon to Cape Cod this summer (before #2 comes). We’re thinking end of June. Any ideas which part of Cape would be good? We like to walk around the shops, eat out, check out the beaches and are open to doing ferry trip to an outlying island. Planning to fly there from Wisconsin and rent a car. Looking about 5-6days.

    Also, would anyone think two different locations make sense at all?

    Thank you!!!

    • Anonymous

      I’m sorry – I’m pregnant too so I get the desire. But you are pregnant ! You should not be flying to the cape during a pandemic !

        • Anonymous

          Ah ok- thank you! My doctor is not having me get vaccinated, I am sorry for making assumptions!

      • Anon

        I like that the concern is for her safety, not that she could be spreading the virus to others. How about regardless of whether you are pregnant, if you are unvaccinated, you shouldn’t be flying to the cape during a pandemic?

    • Anon

      The front half of the Cape will be warmer in June (before the “turn”). Barnstable, the Dennises, Brewster… Chatham is very quaint (and a little ritzy) for walking around and dining – that might be a good fit. The ferries leave from the front part of the Cape, too. The Cape is pretty driveable wherever you stay, and shouldn’t be too crowded in June

    • Anon

      Chatham. Do not do two locations; the Cape is sufficiently compact that it is easy to get wherever you want to be.

    • Anon

      Very optimistic of you! I don’t imagine I’ll be vaccinated by then. Remember you have to wait up to two weeks for vaccine efficacy.

  25. Anon in Dallas

    I got my first dose of the vaccine this morning! It was a relatively painless process; I had to uber (I don’t drive) to the far outskirts of my city to a basically abandoned mall to actually get the shot but no side effects so far beyond some arm soreness and a headache that it turns was less about the vaccine and more about the fact that I had forgotten to drink water this morning.

    • Anonymous

      How exciting! My over-90 MIL gets her second shot next week! As does the healthcare team I visited this week! We are nearing the finish line.

  26. Anonymous

    About a month ago, there was an over 40 reader asking for stylish clothing brands. Can anyone help me locate that post and the responses?

  27. Sigh

    Probably too late for this on a weekend post, but I think I just need to get this out anyway. I made partner this year at my biglaw firm and I’ve already resigned myself to failure. I billed over 2700 last year, most in the 2400-2500 ranges in prior years, and I was surprised to find that my workload has easily doubled since making partner. I didn’t expect to suddenly be working a 9-5 but certainly didn’t expect that the expectation was that I would be doing significantly more now. This is incompatible with life and utterly unsustainable. It sucks to achieve a goal and know I’m going to be defeated and fail at executing on it. I’ve tried to gently ask more seasoned partners if this is normal and they all say it is, so I guess I’m job hunting? I don’t even know what to do except that it can’t be this.

    • Anon

      One of the sad truths about the practice of law (maybe other fields, too) is that there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The pot of gold is real, but he rainbow is not. The good news for you is that a BigLaw partnership will give you instant credibility when looking for a job that would enable better work life balance. BigLaw partners get hired even when they have little to no directly related experience, so don’t be afraid to reach.

    • Cat

      This does seem to be the pattern – it gets worse – for a long time – before it gets better. No shame in realizing it’s not for you! If you want to go in-house, lots do look for people with 7-10 years’ experience, and it’s an easy explanation: you have realized that you want to focus on the legal work rather than business development.

    • Anon

      The reward in the pie eating contest is more pie. 2700 hours is astonishing and miserable. Sorry OP!

    • Anon Partner

      I made partner in 2019. I would recommend that you start getting help on your cases so that you are “just” reviewing work instead of doing anything from scratch. For reference, I billed around 3000 hrs before making partner and now I am much closer to 2500. The average partner at my firm bills 2000 hours a year (though has extra work from BD, etc.).

  28. Anon

    I’ll repost this Monday morning, but in case anyone’s still reading this thread:

    I’ve been with my employer for almost 15 years. The last few years I’ve been in a role that’s a bad fit for me, but for the last couple of years my employer started implying that I’ll be able to get promoted into something that’s a better fit and would pay more.

    I just received a job offer to go somewhere else and do work that’s pretty much exactly what I want to do, but it’s basically a lateral in pay (about a $5k raise over my current rate).

    I believe I could land a position that pays more, and part of me wonders if I should stay where I’m at and keep looking for a higher paying role.

    The rest of me wants to take this offer and go do something I love for a year or two, then look for a higher paid position after my soul’s had a chance to reset.

    Really I’d just like my current employer to ask me to stay and offer me the promotion they’ve dangled over me, but I realize that’s not likely (they do great work but they’re large and slow moving)

    Any thoughts on my best course of action? TIA!

    • Anonymous

      I’d ask: do you really need more money? Will it really make you happier?

      • Anon

        Thank you for replying!

        We’re fine at my current salary so we don’t need me to aggressively bump up our income. One reason I’ve stayed in my current position is because it pays well.

        The job offer is from one of the first handful of places that I applied to when I decided to look around a little. I didn’t expect to get a hit this soon.

        I’m also in the interview process for another job that would be a great opportunity, though not quite as much of a unicorn as the one that made me the offer. That job would be a $20k to 35k jump over what I’m making now.

        I interviewed endlessly before I found my current job over a decade ago, and I guess I thought it would still be that hard to land something new but I’ve been stunned and thrilled by the positive response I’ve gotten from a very low effort hunt this time around. Colleagues in my industry have also said that my skills are more marketable and in demand than I realized.

        Part of me wants to chase money and see how high I can go. But the last couple years have been tough and exhausting (lots of family and life challenges that we’ve successfully navigated but I am exhausted), and I think maybe taking this fun interesting job for a little while might be good for me. Then after I’ve got my wind back I can try money chasing…

        I think part of my problem is that I’ve been with my current employer so long I feel weird about leaving, even if it’s in my best interests.

        Thank you for giving me the space to noodle through this.

      • Anon

        We had the talk and I’m accepting the external offer and moving on. I feel good about this, even though I would have liked to get the internal promotion.

        Thank you to those who replied and helped me think through this!

    • Ses

      You could talk to your current
      boss about the offer and see if it prompts action. I’ve had employees who I wanted to promote but didn’t have the leverage to prompt urgency from the company higher-ups. I could have used the offer to make that happen.
      If it doesn’t prompt action, you can take the offer.

      • Anon

        Thank you for replying!

        I really do hope my current employer makes me an offer to stay. My direct supervisor has always been a strong advocate for me and I have great faith in our top brass but the company’s big and has a lot going on, and I sense that is why my opportunity to advance into a role where I could be more useful has been back burnered.

        Hopefully this offer helps them decide to hang onto me, but if not then I know I’m lucky to be able to move into a role that’s a better fit for me even if it’s not the one I’ve been pining after.

        Thank you for sharing your insight on this.

    • Veronica Mars

      Sometimes mentioning that you’ve been approached could lead to lighting a fire under your supervisor. We had a higher-up leave and take about a 1/3 of the extended team with him. I mentioned to my manager off-hand about the pitch he gave me to jump ship too (not thinking anything would come of it), and BOOM! Big raise. Apparently my manager said it was great justification internally to reward a good employee. But obviously, know your office since Ask A Manger is very anti-counter offers.

      • Anon

        That’s fantastic that you were able to land a big raise like that!

        I’m going to give my current employee the opportunity to counter offer. If they’re not interested then I still get to move forward and take a role somewhere else that’s a great nextstep for my career.

        Thank you for replying and sharing your story!

    • Veronica Mars

      Simon Sineak had a great video about it recently– he talked about how mentorship is really a friendship.

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