ByKate Antoniades Hours Updated
Comments 207 Comments

Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

When I was scrolling through the sandals at Nordstrom yesterday, these cute slides caught my eye. (I also saw some blast-from-the-past platform slides — yet another '90s trend brought back to life…) I love the cutout design on these, and they're getting great reviews. 

I also love this olive green — but the shoe also comes in several other colors, including black, white, and “marlin blue.” I'm not a big fan of logos on shoes like this (i.e., non-casual styles), but the little metal symbol isn't very noticeable. (I mean, yes, there's also a giant, gold “Sam Edelman” emblazoned across the insole, but that'd be hidden by your foot.)

The shoes are $99.95–$119.95 at Nordstrom and available in medium and wide widths in sizes 5–12. SamEdelman.com has a few more colors/prints, including cheetah and zebra, for $100–$120.

Sales of note for 12.5

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

207 Comments

  1. One of my all time favorite pairs of summer shoes was a pair bright orange Sam Edelman slides circa 2005. I bought them on a whim and wore them to death because they magically went with everything.

    1. I used to have shoes that looked just like this, though I think they were Bass and not Sam Edelman. I loved them. I would not love the pictured shoes because an insole like this is a recipe for blisters on me. Nubuk or suede inners only for sandals!

    2. I also had bright orange sandals years ago, and they really do work with everything.

    3. A blogger I used to follow had a theory roughly like this – orange goes with nothing, so it goes with everything, so it’s a neutral.

  2. The CDC has just announced that fully vaccinated Americans are ok to travel as long as they wear masks. Am curious – do all the people who were insisting that this is irresponsible now feel differently?

    1. Haha. I saw that announcement and headed over here to ask the same thing…
      I doubt they do. As much as those on the right have been denying the seriousness of Covid, I’ve been disappointed to see so many on the left turn this situation into a performance of how overly “cautious” and “responsible” they can be, and demand that everyone else meet their standards. Like, it’s hard enough to get people to do the bare minimum, you’re not helping by moving the goal post to your ridiculous, unreasonable standards that aren’t even backed by science.

      2. Completely agree. It’s become sanctimony over science, and a competition to do covid “better” than anyone else even if it’s totally not based in reality or necessity.

        1. That is just a myth that you guys made up so you could do whatever and feel good about it. By convincing yourself that everyone who was following guidelines was just trying to be sanctimonious, you gave yourself permission to say screw the guidelines. It was wrong then and now.

          1. LOL have we been reading the same message board for the last year? There are absolutely a lot of self-righteous, sanctimonious folks here eager to yell at anybody not doing as much as they are.

          2. And what makes it extra funny is that there were just as many people in January and February of 2020 who were just as belligerent about people asking if they should prepare somehow because of this new virus. A lot of very flippant responses to those questions.

          3. No, it would only be sanctimonious if people were asking others to go ABOVE AND BEYOND the guidelines to a ridiculous extent, like requiring 45-day quarantines or a full Kevlar suit before leaving the house. Asking people to abide by state law or saying “hey, even though our moronic governor refuses to do a mask mandate, please wear a mask anyway because of science” is being a good citizen.

      3. The CDC relies on science to make its decisions, but its decisions are not purely scientific. The CDC works in the realm of public policy where they don’t get to have the luxury of dealing exclusively with equally scientifically minded people. They have to make policies which will yield the most good for the greatest number.

        What’s worse: recommending people do what is absolutely safest but exceeds the limits to what people at large have demonstrated a willingness to do OR giving people a way to mitigate the harm of the actions they’re going to take either way.

        For people who want to appear as “good” people but are also wont to justify doing whatever they want, by the CDC putting out a statement saying wearing a mask and traveling after being vaccinated is safe they will feel more compelled to at least take the precaution of wearing a mask as opposed to doing nothing because by wearing the mask they’re now given an opportunity to get some moral brownie points AND get what they want.

        I’m very much pro-science. Behavioral science is a science. I believe the CDC is making the best calls it can while taking into account the intersections between epidemiology/virology and behavioral science in a public policy setting. I personally have some out of state plans coming up, and I’m accepting whatever risk that comes with, even while following CDC recommendations. But I’m not going to conflate the CDC’s statements being a declaration of perfect safety.

        1. Clarification: Their calls are not purely “scientific” in terms of how viruses spread/germs/bacteria/etc., those hard sciences that don’t worry about how people will actually act.

    2. Regardless of how the sanctimonious among us feel about it, I am very happy. I have a trip to Hawaii planned for the day after my post-second dose two week window ends. I need to gtfo my snowy, dark city that I haven’t left in 14 months. Hoping that with news by the time I leave I won’t have to deal with the pre-travel COVID test, just to make logistics easier.

    3. I feel like now we hear it’s okay and that feels like following science rather than “I’m sick of this so I’m doing what I want regardless.” I’m personally waiting until we get a bit more info on how safe vaccinated people are to be around unvaccinated people and kids because I fear that I could pick up something in an airport or on a plane and carry it into a loved one’s home or onto their child, etc. If that becomes a certainty of safety, I’d be okay traveling again to see loved ones and such, but would still be keeping my mask on regardless since there’s no harm to do so and there may be benefits (related to covid or to avoiding colds or flus or not smelling others’ food or perfume, etc.)

      That said, I think it’ll take me a bit to not feel anxious about being around so many people again and, as sh00tings have picked up again, I’ll still be nervous about that aspect of returning to “normal.”

    4. No, I do not feel any differently. Earlier this week the director of the CDC was begging Americans not to abandon precautions just yet, and states not to reopen too quickly. The CDC must have yielded to pressure from the travel lobby.

      2. I assume this is because of the news that the research now shows vaccinated people don’t transmit the virus, so I think it’s grounded in science not in politics. But you do you!

      3. Not quite. The new CDC guidance says if you’re fully vaccinated, it is safe to travel with a mask. Some areas are abandoning mask mandates and social distancing requirements wholesale, which the CDC was advising against. In both instances, the CDC is being completely consistent: get vaxxed and when you’re in public, wear a mask and social distance.

      4. No, the CDC director was not “listening to the science” which showed that likely fully vaccinated people are very very very unlikely to become infected and if they do become infected, will not harbor a high viral load and that load would not be enough to infect someone else, assuming masks are used judiciously.

        Saying on one hand (as they did last month) that fully vaccinated people don’t have to quarantine and don’t have to get tested if exposed but then also saying “no travel” was illogical.

        I doubt the airline industry did it – it was Americans voting with their feet/their airline tickets. Airline travel is up in a big way. I doubt that restrictions can contain people’s enthusiasm.

        1. And I say this as someone who hasn’t been anywhere public unmasked since April last year (I started before the recommendations came out, using old surgical masks), had exactly zero people in my house unvaccinated or unmasked in those 13 months, didn’t hug my parents or siblings and only had grocery delivery and amazon and hardware store delivery and CSA box delivery and drugstore delivery and …

    5. Why start drama instead of just celebrating the progress we are making?

      I personally will not be traveling by plane until community transmission is lower because the vaccine may not work well for me. It also does not protect you 100% against contracting Covid, which I would bear in mind before traveling to any crowded areas. However, I am glad we are progressing and I am hopeful that we can get the explosive community transmission down in states like MI before EVERYONE starts traveling. I have vaccinated friends and relatives who are traveling by plane and I don’t have a problem with that, even though I did six months ago.

    6. I don’t really understand the question? I’ve been following CDC guidance. When they said not to fly, I didn’t. Now that they say we can, I will once I’m vaccinated.

      1. I agree. It seems like there is a contingent of posters here who were traveling pre-vaccine who now want to use this new advice as justification for that. I believe that is why this thread was started.

        That being said, I always check out the data for myself before making decisions. That’s why I started wearing a cloth mask before the CDC said we should. I encourage everyone to do that to the extent possible because sometimes the guidelines do not always conform to the evidence.

        1. Yep! “I did it before it was confirmed to be safe” is really not the flex OP seems to think it is…

          1. I’m the OP and to be clear, I’m (a) a liberal (b) haven’t traveled anywhere nor socialized with anyone indoors since last March. But I plan on hopping on a plane (in a mask) and going to the nearest warm destination the second I’m fully vaccinated. Which, candidly, I was planning on doing anyway before the CDC issued its revised guidance, as the “no travel even if vaccinated” guidance made no sense at all. For all the “believe the science” people, it’s worth remembering that the CDC does not always equal science. Some of its guidance has been haphazard, contradictory, and politically motivated (not political as in Republicans versus Democrat, but political as in motivated by a desire to influence human behavior through, even if well-meaning, noble lies).

      2. I gave up looking to the CDC for guidance last spring when they told us that masks would do more harm than good. I look to the actual experts who are not influenced by politics.

        1. You are aware the CDC was under the thumb of he who shall not be named last year, and this year it’s infinitely better.

    7. I’m curious, why did the CDC make this announcement when the great new data about vaccinated people not transmitting COVID to others was only for Pfizer and Moderna? Johnson and Johnson wasn’t part of that study, but the new CDC guidance just says “vaccinated” people can safely travel. Am I wrong?

      1. The initial trial of the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines was conducted in the middle of 2020, before variants played such a large role in transmission. Ergo, there was a lack of data on how effective they would be in the face of these variants.
        The J&J vaccine trial ran several months later and efficacy data from different parts of the world were analyzed with an eye on the variants dominating in these different regions around the end of 2020. So the data we have from the original J&J trial already give us a better picture as to how it performs against the new variants.

        For Pfizer and Moderna the recent publication of newer data basically makes up that gap and leapfrogs it to some extent. I expect that the currently running trial of J&J, which looks at the effect of a two-shot regimen, will also again leapfrog the recent Pfizer and Moderna data, just in terms of how current they are. I also read that there is a trial underway where early Moderna recipients are getting a third booster shot which is tailored to the new variants.

        In terms of providing broad guidance to the vaccinated public, it may be good to remember that only 4million of the 68 million fully vaccinated people received J&J.

    8. I don’t consider myself sanctimonious, but I am high-risk and have been following the CDC guidance – not trying to make up my own science. I appreciate the new guidance. It makes me feel optimistic. I have been resisting business travel, which has been more of a suggestion than a demand, but am more likely to consider it now. (I also anticipate that it will stop being a mere suggestion once most people are fully vaccinated.)

    10. Of course! The whole point of being a Lib is trying to get everyone to follow the science, instead of trying to kill the elderly.

    11. Actually the CDC has said that it is safe for the vaccinated travelers themselves, but that for public health reasons even vaccinated people should still avoid nonessential travel. But of course you skipped over that part.

  3. Let’s Play!

    What items do you only ever buy name-brand and why? (Feel free to share the brand info too!)

    What items will you only ever buy generic and why? (Feel free to share where you find the best option!)

      1. Yep, it’s called Best Foods here on the west coast, but same thing. I only buy that.

        1. I remember trying to find Hellmans on the west coast for the first time and was so confused. So, another vote for Hellmans mayonnaise here.

          1. Guess what – I am a Best Foods loyalist (West Coast) and I just discovered that the 365 brand mayo is a private label Best Foods. It’s exactly the same.

          2. When I moved to the East Coast, I knew to look for Hellman’s because the fine print on the Best Foods label used to say “known as Hellman’s east of the Rockies.”

    2. Band-Aids! I’ve tried the generic and the adhesive is terrible, they come off while I’m sleeping or they’re useless the first time I wash my hands or they end up stuck in my sock upon removal. So NOPE, only the brand name.

      I wouldn’t say “only” generics, but I have no brand loyalty for canned vegetables. The store brand is just as good as the name brand for me, I’ll go with whatever has the cheapest unit price. I tend to prefer fresh vegetables, but things like canned tomatoes or canned peas are almost all store brand/generic.

        1. Oh and also, Scotch tape and those temporary wall hooks and post-its. Just let 3M do what they are amazing at. It’s okay, no one else needs to try.

          1. +1 on the pain meds, holds true for allergy meds as well! And totally agree that we should just cede to 3M. I think you and I could be friends (or at least, shopping buddies, ha!).

    3. I only buy gasoline from name-brand stores excluding Cumberland Farms, particularly when in summer / tourist destinations (I’ve had a couple bad Cumbies experiences at different sites hence the exclusion).

      Generics: pretty much everything else.

      1. I don’t understand a word of this comment lol. Aren’t name-brand stores just gas stations??

        1. Ok found clarification downthread… I had no idea you could buy gas anywhere other than gas stations!

    4. Snacks. If I’m craving cheese its, I need cheese its. Anything else just isn’t right, even if only slightly off, still off. Same for wheat thins, oreos, you name it. That being said, I’m not a big snacker, just a snobby one.

      1. Oh I’m the same way. I love Aldi for many, many things but not for packaged snacks. “Almost the exact same” is not the exact same and I notice it.

      2. This is too true. I don’t eat them very often either, but when you need a cheese it, you need a cheese it.

      3. 100% this. Also, Oreos. And Girl Scout Thin Mints. Like, Grasshoppers are fine and all, but a proper Thin Mint? THE BEST. And Cheese-Its can only be the original, not whatever nonsense flavors they’re trying to introduce, and not a generic.

        And now I have to go to the grocery store…

        1. +1000 to Girl Scout Thin Mints. It’s why I bought 5 boxes of them last month. I refuse to eat imitations.

        2. I will defend the white cheddar cheese it’s all day as being superior to the regular flavor!

    5. Very fuzzy on loo roll (not brand so much as very soft and no scents or silly stuff).

      Sanitary products are not equal. No scents, no applicators, as little plastics as possible.

      Toilet cleaner (Duck). Dishwasher liquid (no generics, scent sensitive). Washing powder clothes (scentless brand, no generics – scent sensitive and allergies). Fabric softener – never.

      Toothpaste (Zendium, no whitening agents).

      Shampoo and soaps – SLS free only, generics would be fine if SLS free was available.

      Olive and other cooking oils (no generics).

      Table salt (Maldon – mouthfeel). Cooking salt (generics – no need for fancy salt in boiling water)

      Vanilla (real vanilla). Cinnamon (Ceylon, no Cassia). Coffee (generics, taste profile key), Carbonated water (generics)

        1. Wow, simp. Not a term I expected to filter down to the corporette crowd. I guess my assumptions of who uses this site/what other parts of the internet they’d be on were wrong. That, and my hesitance to see “simp” as a mainstream term (not that I reject it, I’m just slow on the uptake for estimating when things become mainstream).

      2. My boss has conducted extensive studies on the best toilet paper and she swears up and down that it is Sam’s Club brand.

    6. +1 to Hellman’s
      Glad garbage bags
      Tide
      Tomato products (though not always the same brand name)
      Honestly, I rarely buy generic and often buy premium brands but I probably should be more willing to try generics.

    7. Name brand but not fancy: Folgers coffee. I tried Maxwell House once because it was on sale and was disappointed. I don’t buy nicer coffee because it doesn’t matter to me. So, I’m a hardcore devotee of the $9 big tub of Folgers.

      Special K. Pretzels (Snyder’s only). Brawny paper towels.

      I usually buy what’s on sale and if no sales, store brand (most non-skincare hygiene products, most food, really most things) but there’s a few things where I care about the brand.

      Usually, for brands I care about it’s still the not fancy version (I like saucony running shoes – good and brand specific but cheaper than others. My workout clothes are almost exclusively old navy. )

      1. Agreed, but ALWAYS Hunts for canned tomatoes. If my tomatoes aren’t jarred from my own garden, then it will always be Hunts in my house.

    9. Q tips. I always tell my husband that if I want to poke my ears with a plain stick I’ll buy generic. Otherwise it’s name brand only.

      And Coca Cola only. No house brand cola around here.

      1. I just thought of another. Lea and Perrins Worcestershire sauce. We got a generic substitute in our grocery order and there’s no there there.

    10. Brand name: gasoline, Band-aids, Saran wrap, Diet Dr. Pepper, Cetaphil face cream, OB tampons, Tide detergent, Dawn dish soap I think they’re all superior to their generic counterparts.
      There are other things on which I am specific, but they aren’t necessarily brand name. For example, I like a lot of Trader Joe’s products and stock up when I go to TJ. But I don’t consider those brand name as described here.

        1. Not sold by grocery stores, Walmart, Costco, etc. Rather, sold by Chevron, Exxon, etc stations. The detergents are different and, IMHO, better for the car. I used to think the octane level was all that mattered, but not anymore. I’m willing to pay more for gasoline from these stations because I drive my cars for 15+ years.

        2. As a counterpoint, we drive our cars until they have well over 300k miles and we are gasoline brand agnostic.

    11. Wegmans store brand soy sauce. It’s the lowest sodium formula that still actually tastes like soy sauce.

      Most of my household’s eating habits are centered around “which has the least salt and still tastes like food” thanks to my husband’s laundry list of lifestyle-induced medical problems.

    13. French’s yellow mustard. Heinz should stick to ketchup.

      I always buy the Costco ibuprofen, not Advil. So much cheaper, works exactly the same.

    15. Sunscreen is the only thing I can think of where I don’t skip around between brands. Banana Boat is the only one I can rely on to keep my pasty self from turning into a lobster so that’s the one I stick with.

      There are brands I avoid at all costs and brands I prefer. And if I am totally honest, our local grocery store’s generic double-stuffed Oreos are better than the real ones.

  4. Here’s another weekend topic…

    Tell us about your worst date ever! However you define worst, whomever’s fault it was or even if it was no one’s fault, no detail is too silly or weird to include!

    1. I was connected with a guy via a mutual pal over AIM. We had some phone chats, he seemed nice, we agreed to meet. I invited him to join my friends and I for pizza, he said he’d try to come by, didn’t show up. Called and asked if I’d have dinner the next day, suggested pizza and the same place. (Weird but I happen to love it so 2 days in a row was fine.) We meet, it’s slightly awkward but nothing odd. Takes him 20 mins to decide what he wants on his half of the pizza (as if he’d never had pizza nor knew a day in advance we were having pizza). On the 3rd visit from the waitress and him still not sure yet, she and I started chatting, making small talk and buying him time. After a minute, she said she’d give him more time and he snapped at her for being ready but she was too busy yapping to do her job. He ordered cheese on his half. 20 mins to decide on plain. Zero conversation, I’m pulling teeth trying but getting one word answers. I mention a friend is waiting for me to come help her study as soon as dinner ends (preplanning my getaway). Food comes, still nothing. Waitress and I are exchanging looks. She brings the check and a box. He makes a huuuuuge gesture to pull out his credit card to pay the $12. I offer to split or pay. He makes a huuuuuge gesture that no, he’s got it. While she runs the card, he boxes the pizza and tells me how of course he’ll take the leftovers since he bought them. He tips badly. Waitress and I exchange looks. I mention my friend waiting for me. I try to say goodbye at the restaurant door, awkward hug where he holds it too long. I try to walk away. Turns out he’s parked right next to me. Suddenly he’s chatty charlie. I keep mentioning how I need to go. He keeps chatting. I mention how my friend is waiting. He is still chatting, standing behind my car. I walk to my car, open the door to get in, he’s still there chatting. I get into the car and close the door. He stops chatting but is still standing behind my car. He only moves when I start to backup.

      Go home, go to living room to watch TV. Return to computer a few hours later to numerous messages from him asking if I got home safely, where am I, why aren’t I answering, the least I could do is answer, he bought me dinner and am I hiding from him now, he didn’t know I was the sort who just wanted free food, what kind of b*tch treats a nice guy like this, of course I’m like this because college girls often think they’re soooo smart. I blocked him.

      I reach out to mutual pal. He says he’s somewhat surprised but kinda vaguely remembers someone else telling him the guy is like this. I think about how well I know the pal. Realize he’s just a friend of a friend. Block that guy too.

      It’s been about 20 years since then and I’ve had some other not great dates but the rollercoaster of the experience with this guy is still the first one that comes to mind for a bad date story! Can’t recall his name or I’d be tempted to look him up to see what became of him!

      PS I definitely overtipped the waitress the next time I had her and I still do love that pizza place!

    2. I was online dating before I met my husband (he was a great first date!) and one of the guys I saw before I met him was such an uncomfortable date. First off, he did not look anything like his photos. Red flag should have been that they were all sort of old looking and from far away. I’m no supermodel, but this guy was not cute to me. We met at a restaurant I liked so I figured what the heck I’ll just have dinner and maybe he’s nice. When he found out I was an Econ major in college I swear he talked about random monetary policy and finance topics the rest of the night. Didn’t really get to know me or interested in talking with me, just at me.
      Most of the rest of my first dates were ok and just turned out to be sacks of garbage later.. like this one guy I went for a drink with the night before I went on my first date with my husband. We had a great time and I probably would have kept dating him, but DH and I became attached at the hip right off the bat. Told other guy I met someone else a week or so later and wasn’t interested in going back out and he called me lots of fun names.

      1. Oooh monetary policy. So sexy. Could you imagine what it would have been like to be stuck in the same house during covid with that dude??

        1. I am stuck in the same house with that dude. And he doesn’t understand nearly as much as he thinks he does about monetary policy and finance. Aaaaaaaaugh.

    3. This was my first date back after breaking up with my first serious boyfriend. We met up at some scenic spot in town since he was fairly new and we were chatting; nothing amazing, but it was a nice enough time. There wasn’t food at this place, so after a while, we agree to go back to our cars and meet at a nearby place to eat. I get there and he just no shows in the middle of the date. I waited longer than I respectably should have, called him, left him a voicemail telling him what an ass he was, and by that time, he had unmatched me on whatever app we met on.

    4. Like ten years ago, I said yes when a guy in my then friend group said “some of us are going to the show this weekend. I have a ticket for you if you want to come.” There was a well-publicized concert by a band I like, so I assumed that this is the one he was talking about. I assumed when he said “some of us” he meant, like, 4 or 5 other friends. Instead, it was him and me and an 80s hairband on a reunion tour. Ratt? Maybe it was Ratt. It was at a casino far outside the city where we lived. We had dinner at McDonalds on the road. It was magical. JK. It was not magical. Some drunk middle aged man threw up on me in the parking lot, and I had to buy new clothes at the casino gift shop.

    5. I don’t know if I could pick just one! But I always enjoy this game.

      –Dude tells me all his potential mental health diagnoses immediately upon sitting down at the restaurant. It was basically every pathology in the DSM.
      –Dude gets a text, as we’re leaving the movie theater, from his angry ex demanding that he come pick something up that he left at her house. Includes a photo of the item. (He showed me the texts.) He cuts the date off early to go pick it up. They were still dramatically enmeshed because they were sharing custody of a dog–but who else knows what was going on.
      –2 consecutive dates had lied about their ages online, which is a hill I will die on. (This is a feminist issue. Fight me.) They were both 5-7 years older than I am, but had lied in order to match with women even younger. So I was on the old end of their target audience. One of them tried to tell me that his age was just outdated on the app.

      1. Totally support you on the age thing, Monday. It is so sneaky of these guys. I have been on many an online date where it comes out that the guy is not the age he said he was on the app. It’s such a silly thing to lie about, and it makes me wonder what else he’s not telling the truth about!

    6. We go to a Saint Patrick’s day parade (fun), go back to his place near the parade and his angry ex gf/baby momma (didn’t know that one!) has just been released from rehab and come to his place to have a full-on screaming fight about him stealing their child while I awkwardly sit in the other room and wait for my (male) friend to come pick me up to GTFO.

    7. I was working at a coffee bar near Wall Street in the mid-90s, and had a regular customer who was crushing hard on me for some time. When he worked up his courage to ask me out, I said yes, because he was really sweet and I was open to a lot of options, even though I wasn’t attracted to him. He took me to a restaurant in the theater district, and it all just went wrong. He was so nervous that he broke into a flop sweat. He had a shirt and sweater on, so he removed the sweater, but he still kept dripping sweat. Then he had to excuse himself to go to the restroom several times. Probably also nerves, but he left me alone for 10 minute stretches at least 3 times. Finally, just after our food came a roach fell to our table from the ceiling and he smacked it so hard with his hand that the whole place – which was cavernous – was silenced for a moment. Just solid cringe for 2 hours or so.

      He didn’t call again, and stopped coming in to the coffee bar for a few weeks.

      1. Oh my god – I can just hear the horrified silence after the roach slap. Good on you for not puking on the table.

    8. I had a bad first date with a guy — let’s call him “Chris.” Chris was a friend of a friend and asked me out even though he knew I was recovering from a bad breakup and was stressed by having just started grad school. We went on an adventure with some of his friends. The adventure was fun, but he triggered my excellent Spidey senses for controlling personalities and I knew I did not want to see him again. He was also at the same grad school and I would see him around and basically communicated I did not want to go out again.
      Months went by and he called me out of the blue to go out, weeks from then, to a particular restaurant. I agreed. When we got there, it became apparent that we were there to “surprise” the person he had dated and broken up with in the meantime, who was celebrating her birthday at that very restaurant. I outed him to her friends, watched the scene as a spectator, ordered dessert after he said he was ready to go, and told him on the way home that he should “think about what he had just done.” A few months later I let him take me to a baseball game (“You know I really don’t like you, right? I will come but only for the free ticket, food and beer.”) and then never spoke to him again.

    9. I met my husband online in the early days of online dating so I had to kiss a lot of frogs in order to meet him. Maybe the worst was the guy who clearly didn’t like me at all but kept almost shouting at me that he joined match in order to meet me. I guess I was supposed to be flattered, but he didn’t seem to be having any sort of a good time and kept saying things like he was surprised I was as tall as I am (I didn’t lie about my height) or that I was as chatty as I am.

      Our date was a walk in the middle of the day, so at some point I got tired of being negged and said “I’m going this way now. Nice to meet you and good luck,” and left. Maybe he tells people about how I was his worst date ever!

    10. – college, went to dinner. Told me his last two girlfriends both told him they were attracted to women after they had s** with him. He feels sad for them. Got done with dinner. In the car on the way home, realizes he’s out of smokes so digs in his ashtray for the longest stubbed out cigarette butt and repeatedly tries to light it (it was too short to light).
      – after college. First date. Date Realized he forgot his wallet on the way to dinner. Stopped back at his house. I went in and found out he lived with his parents. While I was in the entry way, he whispered to them in the kitchen that he planned to marry me. Spoiler alert: we did not go on another date or marry.
      – in grad school. Guy takes me to a movie, I have early flu symptoms but stupidly went. He chose an R rated movie that included many scenes of women getting violently beaten. I nearly left but was so tired I couldn’t figure out how I’d get home without him (I had no car, Uber wasn’t a thing yet, had never taken a cab). He raved about the movie after and insisted on treating me to a nice dinner – which turned out to be a long John silvers.

  5. I’m just feeling some kind of way today. I definitely have issues with depression, and I have a therapist and I’m on meds. I also started a new job 3 months ago, and I don’t feel like I’ve fully “clicked” with the team and the company yet, and I can’t quite verbalize what the issue is. I don’t know if I’m unhappy because I don’t like my job, or if I’m unhappy and spending 8-10 hrs a day working and therefore it just seems like its my job. Any tips of detangling this?

    1. Are you equally unhappy in the hours not at work? How’s your nutrition and water during work hours? Are your meds new (many take 6-8 weeks to fully work and sometimes it’s trial and error to get the right med and dose).

      Sending love no matter why you’re feeling this way

      1. I still feel symptoms of depression in non-work hours and its definitely better. My nutrition is fine during work hours but I could probably drink more water. I’ve been on these meds before and they worked well and did seem to make a difference, but it has been less than 8 weeks since I went back on it.
        Thank you for your support.

    2. omg, are you me? I could have written this, down to the starting a new job three months ago and not feeling like I’ve clicked. Here are the tips my friends and therapist have given me:

      1. It takes at least six months, if not a year, to fully assess if you’ve clicked at a new job. Three months is way too soon. Give yourself a break and allow yourself to feel okay with feeling uncomfortable. You are still new! Even if you don’t like the people or the work itself, it will get easier once you have a better sense of what to expect.

      2. Are you working 100% remote? If so, that adds to the weirdness. I haven’t met any of my coworkers in person yet and it’s definitely felt harder to connect b/c I have to be so much more deliberate, like scheduling a zoom instead of just grabbing a coffee or running into them in the hallway after a meeting.

      3. Don’t underestimate the weight of a year of a global pandemic, glaring racial injustice, and intense political division. It has a way of sneaking up on you even if you think you’re fine. Not saying that it ISN’T the job, but all these other things can have a toll on your mental health, too.

      Hang in there!

      1. Yep, fully remote, definitely adding to the weirdness. We’re in the same city so they’ve made comments about meeting for coffee or something, hasn’t happened yet.
        And yeah, it could be that all that is finally really sneaking up on me.

    3. I just feel like I lose all energy and motivation the moment I sit down on my work laptop. I don’t think its lack of energy/motivation in general – today I did laundry, packed (something I hate doing), made a doctors appt, talked to the apartment broker.

  6. How do you graciously decline a gift? I recently had a birthday and my sister gave me a gift certificate for botox. She said the gift certificate draws on the credit she has on her account from the doctor. Since the gift certificate is from my sister’s credit she is the only other person who can use it. I can’t sell it or give it away. Also my sister would know I didn’t use it.

    I have nothing against botox (or any kind of cosmetic surgery) it but it is not for me. She has been getting botox for a few years now and she loves the results so I know she meant well but it might be an age difference thing (I’m 39, she’s 29) or just her wanting to help (she mentioned concerns about my forehead and between my eyes). There was also several hints I would be gifted a cosmetic surgery gift certificate for my big birthday next year and I would have no use for that either.

    I don’t want to hurt her feelings for this (or for her offer to go to her salon for a 2 for 1 hair coloring special) but I can’t use her gift. Should I just not use it even though she would know? Should I decline? If so how? Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

    1. The relationship with my sisters is one which would lead me to be very direct, probably more so than most and turn it in to some snide remark about her thinking I need cosmetic work. She’d get defensive, then we’d laugh and move on. I love the relationship I have with my sisters (we’re mid 30s, 2 years apart each); we just cut to the chase – way more efficient that way.

      1. In my family we are very direct, and I did not realize what a gift that was until I started reading advice columns.

        1. Yup. My mom is one of the most direct people I know. I am not far behind. The men in my family are less so, but still able to have very direct conversations. It’s wonderful (minus my one aunt who is an outlier)

    2. If it were any other kind of gift certificate, I would say thank her and give it away or toss it in the garbage. Since in this case she can use the credit if you don’t, I’d say something to the effect of “Oh, gosh, thanks, how generous of you. I can’t use it and I know you wouldn’t want it to go to waste, so I’ll just let you have this back.” Bonus if your voice drips with southern “bless your heart” faux-politeness.

    3. Are you not that close with your sister? There is nothing wrong with just saying “Thank you so much, but this isn’t my taste and I wouldn’t want you to waste it on me” or something like that. Just use your words and be polite! And next time there’s a hint about cosmetic surgery, tell her straight out that it’s not something you want to do.

    4. “Katie, I don’t want Botox and won’t be using the gift card. Wanted you to know so you can use the credit. I’m not interested in any cosmetic procedures.”

      She’s been hideously rude!

    5. When she hints about giving you surgery for your birthday, explicitly say, “Oh I’m not interested in surgery.” When she mentions her “concerns” about your forehead (?!), say “I’m happy with the way I’m aging. I don’t mind wrinkles so I’m not interested in Botox.” Same thing if she asks why you haven’t gotten the Botox. Make your viewpoint known. Then, when she gives you this stuff you don’t want, you can feel free to not use it.

      I don’t like gifts, and proactively tell people that. A few people INSIST on giving me things anyway. I just give it all away to someone else.

      1. Ok but you’re being rude and ungracious. Declining a non transferable Botox gift card is way different than being such an entitled drama Queen you can’t bring yourself to simply politely accept gifts and be grateful you have people who like you.

        1. Friend: What do you want for your birthday?
          Me: To go out to dinner with you! I have way too much stuff.
          Friend: Cool, let’s go to [insert place here].

          Most of the people in my life appreciate knowing what I actually want, which is to spend time with them eating food. I politely accept gifts and give them away when I don’t want them, which is 100% of the time.

      2. I agree. I don’t think it’s rude. I think that everyone needs to get more comfortable saying what they mean and being direct. It would really get around both sides of “Well, I should get this person something because I can’t trust what they say–even though they say they don’t want it.” and “Well, I can’t tell someone I don’t want this because I can’t know whether they did it out of obligation or not.”

    6. Ugh. She really should have asked you before giving that particular gift, likewise cosmetic surgery in the future–?! (She’s pointing out your forehead lines? Is she the woman who asked us how to tell her older, unmarried sister that she needs to cover her grays to get a man?)

      Especially since you think this is going to continue, I would tell her directly that you’re not going to use any such gifts. If she’s giving out botox credits or surgery gift certificates, let her find recipients who actually want them. Don’t be made to feel rude when she’s really the one being rude.

    7. Thank her for her kind birthday wishes. Then remind her gently that you personally don’t want to do botox or surgery, so you would be very happy for her to use the credits herself.

    8. This was my post. I appreciate all the replies everyone.My sister was well meaning and she was not trying to be hurtful so that’s why I don’t want to hurt her feelings. Thank you for all the suggestions.

    9. I’m pretty direct and very close with my siblings.

      I’d be like hey thanks so much for the offer, but Botox isn’t my thing. Wanted to let you know so you can use the credit.

    10. This is a weird gift and I think it’s definitely rude to suggest someone else needs a cosmetic procedure. The botox is probably worth about $200-$300 and I’m guessing the place sells some sort of splurgey skincare, so maybe I’d just buy some nice moisturizer and serums from them and thank your sister, telling her specifically what you bought with it.

      My real guess is that she’s giving you her Brilliant Distinctions points and nothing with a cash value, but I’d call the doctor’s place and find out.

      1. The gift certificate is specifically for botox and it is through a plastic surgery office and not a spa. I can’t use it for anything else which is why I want to (graciously) decline.

        1. I am not anti-botox though I’m not currently getting any, and I have a plastic surgeon I’ve used for a variety of things like scar revision. His office sells TONS of skincare. If you’re 100% positive they don’t sell it, fine, but I’d be very surprised if they didn’t. It’s a cash cow for them.

          But again, if she’s just giving your her points, which I totally suspect is the case, they can’t be used for anything else.

      2. Yeah, it sounds like she’s cheaping out and giving you some sort of rewards points for your birthday but trying to pass it off as luxurious.

        1. This. It definitely does not feel like a gift. It feels like something just passively had lying around and decided to pass your way?

    11. I’m five years younger than the person who posted this and I couldn’t imagine not getting botox (or getting my hair dyed for that matter) and I would love to be able to afford plastic surgery. The grass is always greener I guess. I truly wish I had your confidence. I hate that I’m so insecure. Good for you OP.

  7. Update from my plagiarism situation yesterday, the host actually invited me to attend the guy’s event -ya know, the one in which this guy is presenting my work like it’s his. WOW. So I’m playing nice and trying to get more details about the whole thing; how many times he has or will be scheduled to present it, who is funding it, would they allow me to hear the last event’s recording so I can maybe offer him support or find out what the audience may need so they get the most from my book, I’ll see if I can rearrange my schedule to attend, etc.

    Hoping that enough insight gives me answers to q’s that determine if this is a legal issue or just moral and ethical. In the meantime, I am wishing I was a trust fund kid or had married well (or at all) so I’d have money for a big marketing and PR and SEO moment to super promote myself and my work and also bury any attempt this guy is making at attaching his name to my work.

    Took sleep meds so I could get rest last night, which worked, but still feeling really disappointed and marginalized and robbed by this and since the solution to self-promote costs what I don’t have, I’m feeling reminded of my socioeconomic status which feels like a reminder that, no matter how much I do or how hard I work, I’m still held back by situations I can’t control (didn’t come from money, don’t have big money, unmarried so no spouse financial or emotional support, etc.).

    Thank you to everyone who’s been trying to come up with ideas or who has just said angry things, I really have been needing that support and validation of my feelings. <3

    1. This is so tough. Gently, you might want to take a step back and think strategically instead of emotionally. All of your emotions about being marginalized and not having resources are blinding you to the possibilities that do exist and the leverage you do have. I would talk to your contact at your publisher and have a consultation with a lawyer before you go see the dude’s talk. Work with a third party who is not emotionally invested to define your goals and a path to get there. Is your goal simply to take the guy down in flames? Is it to get the university to fire him and hire you in his place? Is it to establish yourself as a speaker in your own right and outcompete the interloper? Find out what resources are available to support you. Come up with an action plan, contingency plans, and a script for what to say when you attend the talk.

      Sure, the world is stacked against people who aren’t wealthy, but that doesn’t mean you have no leverage or that you are doomed to go it alone.

    2. Hey, that situation is rough, but why are you still pressuring yourself to be nice about this and convincing yourself it’s due to something in your background that made you unprepared for this? You need to get out there and act like like a boss – this has nothing to do with not being a trust fund kid. People aren’t going to respect your rights and boundaries in the professional world if you won’t enforce them when an egregious violation is being made against you. Is it wrong it ever happened? Of course! I’m sorry it did. But you’re not taking action to fix it and I don’t understand why.

    3. One thing I realized is that I often worked on the assumption that I did not have options, when I had plenty. You’ve decided that the only way to promote your work is with a huge amount of money, and that is not true. Start reaching out to organizers for other events to promote your work. Emails are free.

      1. Agree. Call the top competitor of the institution hosting this douchebag, tell them you’re the actual author and you’d love to speak about your own work at their place. They can take care of the marketing of the event. I’m sure it would draw a crowd away from his stupid events.

        1. ALSO, stop calling the place and being nice to them. That is not helping you in the least.

    4. I’m confused. What does “not coming from money” have anything to do with this? Are you under the impression that people who “come from money” have carte blanche access to their parents’ bank accounts or something?

    5. First, agree with the other commenters that you need to get your publisher involved in this. They have a vested interest in random dude not stealing your ideas.

      Second, scoop “his” content. They’re your ideas, so if you start presenting them first, and better, people will be less likely to attend his talk or promote the ideas. You can get a free version of a tool called Streamyard and stream to YouTube, LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook, everywhere. Go on and present your work. Call out the conference and use their hashtag. You can be sweet about it, “My work is making the rounds, so and so is using it as the basis of presentation at Conference! Curious about ideas X and Y? Watch my video about my work and ask me all your questions.” And then host a livestream every week, with Q&A, for the next few months.

      And the suggestion to target competitor conferences and institutions is great. “Hi, I’m Author of Book. Other Conference recently determined that my ideas are great, and purchased 200 copies of book to distribute to their audience. I’d love to come share with your audience about Smart Idea.”

      Finally, do you have any allies that would be open to calling out the dude and conference? I don’t recommend doing it yourself because then you become “face of wronged female” instead of “super smart expert”. But if you have friends in the industry or conference attendees that can be like, “So weird to hear Dude talking about this, wonder why they didn’t just invite Author?” They tag you, they tag the conference, if there’s any other conferences in the same vein, they tag them, etc.

    7. I’m going to say this with the same spirit of honesty I would give a friend. Instead of discussing your triggering childhood like you did yesterday or being angry at not having a trust fund, you need to think about what you want and the steps to get there. Writing a book and speaking are two different things. Have you entered open calls for proposals? Most places want you to “prove” yourself at regional or small national events before getting anything paid. If the goal is a speaking tour specific to promoting the book then you need to be talking to your publisher. Reach out to a few speakers bureaus as well.Learn more about how that part works. Instead of being jealous of him you need to build up similar speaking experience. I also think you need to realize that it may not be plagiarism if he is giving his own ideas around some of what you discuss in the book. There is a big difference between that and someone on a book tour sharing the ideas of the book directly. Quit pestering the host or you risk blackballing yourself. It is not their job to give you market research on questions the audience may have. I know this may sound harsh, but either you put in the time and effort to public speak and market or you don’t. But you need to focus on competing there. You can shut him down legally maybe. But that doesn’t mean those speaking slots magically become yours. And they won’t be in the future if you don’t put in the work. You are halfway there already with having compelling ideas—but that alone is not enough.

    8. Okay, so I stopped being nice to the event host who then told me that she created the flyer after all, not the speaker, and anyone who looked up the book would see my name not his and she doesn’t see a problem unless people are stupid, that she had invited me to come but now thinks I might be trying to make this all about me so probably now I shouldn’t come. She also mentioned that he’s in law school as a dig on me (sorry my 2 master’s degrees, almost 30 yrs of work, and finishing my PhD isn’t enough for you).

      He hasn’t responded to a message yet.

      A friend is trying to connect with him on LinkedIn and another has some local friends who were going to book him for things but are now planning not to since they feel this is cagey at best.

      As for the rest, the reality is that I come from nothing and a really abusive upbringing and I think, when this guy took something I’d worked so hard for, it triggered feelings of being a kid and thinking that, if I had access to funds or a supportive person (then it was a grown-up, which now translates to a BF or DH), then I wouldn’t feel this way. You’re all right, it wasn’t necessarily logical and once I get out of my feelings, I’ll get back to work seeking out opportunities for events and such and since last Sat was my vax date (2 shots plus 2 weeks), I’ll have more options to make travel plans.

      Meanwhile, I’m going to focus on how many of you here and IRL got angry with/for me, how many started brainstorming, and sit in a space of gratitude. I’ve been here for well over a decade and have spent so long looking up to all of you with your fahncy pahnts careers and perfect hair and tv show epic wardrobes and homes (as this is how I imagine all of you, plus a scrunchie or blue nail here or there), so even having a book to be upset about here feels like a win. <3

      1. Wow. With this diatribe against the promoter and then the nice, well-meaning helpful people here being accused of being “fahncy pahnts”, I can imagine why you’re having trouble relating to others and getting along in the workplace. A lot of us came up from nothing and don’t have trust funds or sugar daddies. I’m not surprised the conference promoter thinks you’re making it about you BECAUSE YOU ARE.

        Unfortunately, you didn’t learn much from yesterday’s good advice and went off half prepared. You might be able to salvage some of this by stepping back and dispassionately working on this with a lawyer or without, but by being professional.

        Then suggest counseling and working on getting along with people in power without making it all about you.

  8. I’m 42, single, no kids. I live in a major city and mostly love it, but many of my friends with kids have moved to the suburbs, so at this point most of my city friends are either single or married and childfree. I never thought I would want to live in the suburbs, but I had a moment this week where I was like, wait, if you don’t do it now, you may never have a house. I didn’t even think I WANTED a house, but seeing my friends’ yards and personal space is very appealing in a way I didn’t expect. I also am so sick of my loud condo neighbors, and I would love to have a piano and that’s never happening in a condo.

    On the other hand, there is something lovely about the vibrancy of city streets, especially if you’re single. I love the buzz and the energy. The suburbs definitely feel like they are meant for nuclear families and I wonder if I would feel totally out of place.

    1. Are there suburbs of your city that have vibrant main streets? You can definitely find somewhere with a house/yard that also has a walkable / social lifestyle to get the best of both worlds.

      I am such a city person, but know I’ll eventually move out to the burbs (I’m also a nature person). Even though I’m still years away from moving, I’ve narrowed down which suburbs I want to move to.

      My criteria includes living walking distance into a vibrant town with restaurants and bars; walking distance to a train station with good service downtown; close enough that the train ride is approx 30 mins or less; a yard and a walking distance to parks/trails (why else move to the burbs?).

      My important but not make or break criteria includes: something in the area that makes the move “worth it” so a community pool or something like that, and proximity to friends/family (would love to be walking distance!).

      1. Or, a part of the city that isn’t downtown. Lots of cute twins with small yards and lots of trees in less urban areas of my city!

      2. Look for a house in a neighbourhood like the one Anon at 3: 54PM describes. I also find suburbs very boring but I think space is nice to have and owning property is a good thing.

    2. It’s not just about families v. single. I am married with a kid and still feel out of place in my suburban neighborhood. All of the other families on the street hang out together drinking and smoking and setting off fireworks while letting their children run wild in the street. There have also been various affairs conducted among the group. It’s all very icky and we want nothing to do with it, to the point where we are considering moving because they treat the street as their own private front porch and create hazards for the rest of us living here.

      On the other hand, we used to have a lovely neighbor who was single. She and I would chat about our shared hobbies, and she would let her dog come over for play dates with our dog-loving daughter.

    3. Having lived in both – there are advantages and disadvantages to both city and suburban living. Depending on which side I was arguing, I could create and expansive list for both. Only you can decide where that balance falls for you. You would be getting something and giving something up either way.

      As single woman in her early 50s who recently became an empty nester, I can say that I do not feel out of place in my suburban life, despite having neither spouse nor kid (at home). It can be hard to live here in your 20s or 30s but by their 40s a lot of people are moving past the intensive 24/7 parenting phase and looking to socialize as adults.

    4. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing! Why don’t you look around and see if there’s a different condo or a townhouse or something similar that would give you the ability to have a yard and a piano but stay in the city? For example, something with outdoor space and an extra bedroom that you could soundproof. In my city/neighborhood, there’s lots of “junior 4” apartments that have a bedroom-or-dining-room off the living room — I could imagine soundproofing that room and putting the piano in there, with french doors to the living room, so you could open it up into one space if you’re having guests over. I’ve also seen condos that are on the ground floor, with a backyard off the back of the building, and a downstairs space that’s partially or wholly basement and could easily be soundproofed for a music room. Perhaps there’s something similar that you could find in your city!

    5. Are you sure there is not an intown neighborhood that would fit the bill? I live in one in Atlanta that I think would be perfect for you (because your desires are similar to mine and I love living here), but I know that not all cities have the kinds of neighborhoods we have.

    6. I live in big city, in a house with a yard. I have a piano and a large dog. The house and yard aren’t as big as my friends’ places in the suburbs, but I have more space and privacy than I did when I lived in a condo downtown. Street parking is easily available if I ever decide to buy a car again. I still walk and take public transportation most of the time, and there are restaurants and stores within walking distance of me. Are there neighborhoods like this in your city that you would be interested in moving to?

    7. I would stay in the city but look for a townhouse or a place with a deck. The burbs are full of a rotation of families with kids, moving around to get the right schools.

    8. FWIW, I live in the suburbs of the very small “city” I used to own a house in and I LOVE it. I have amazing neighbors – some with kids, yes, but out of the four houses on my corner, three are single women (range of ages from late 20s to late 50s). Everyone in my neighborhood is incredibly friendly. There are tons of people with dogs, we all say hi to each other. It’s lovely and although I also loves my city neighbors, I have no regrets!

  9. Shoe shopping help?

    My mom is mid-seventies, and has some mobility issues due to scoliosis.

    She wears giant granny sneakers that lace up, but hates how they look, and hates that the laces always come untied. She wants a fashionable lace-free sneaker, and expressed admiration for my husband’s favorite slip-on Vans.

    Any ideas for a slip-on sneaker that gives good support for someone unsteady on their feet, who enjoys fashion but not to the level of being a hypebeast?

    1. I got my mother (around the same age) a pair of All Bird loungers (the wool ones) for Christmas a couple of years ago and she adores them. They are slip ons so she does not have to bend, but stay on, are supportive and very comfortable.

      1. I have these and they’re definitely convenient/easy to slip on, but I would say they are not supportive at all.

        1. Funny how everyone’s feet are different. My mom and I both have them and find them supportive. I mean I would not walk miles in them but for casual walking around we both love them.

          Oddly I also have the bamboo in this style and find them much less supportive than the wool. But that might be my weird feet.

    2. I find Naturalizer shoes very comfortable, and they have a big selection of slip on sneakers. I can’t give any specific recommendations though.

  10. I have a question that is a thread jack from a post above. I’m 29 (the same age as OP’s sister in the botox gift post) and I had consultations for botox with several practitioners and I could never get it because they always said I was too young. These were real, licensed doctors with offices. There were people online who weren’t licensed who would do it for everyone but I wouldn’t risk not having it done by anyone sketchy like that. OP said her sister had been having it done for a few years and done by a doctor. Was I the one off who can’t find someone to get it done at my age or is the sister the special case? I’m just wondering because I was turned down multiple times due to my age.

    1. I started at 25 or 26. First with a reputable plastic surgeon and then with a derm after I moved to a different city. I’ve only seen doctors, not med spa randos, for botox.

    2. This is really weird. Perhaps they turned you down due to your expectations, concerns, or something else you said. 29 is NOT too young for Botox. In fact, Botox yields much better results overall if you start your treatments in your mid- to late 20s.

    3. I was told that starting it at my age would lead to muscle atrophy and the skin losing elasticity when I got older, which would age me more. Since more than one doctor said that, it scared me off from getting it but if that’s not actually the case I might try again.

    4. I have been getting Botox on and off since I was 27. I’m 30 now. My experience has been that med spas with nurse injectors will do Botox on anyone and will recommend you do more and more. My dermatologist was much more conservative but still advised his approach to Botox is the earlier you start the better. I’m seeing a plastic surgeon next and I’ll be interested in what he recommends.

  11. Paging Vicky Austin: Book reccs! Also, it made my day yesterday to see that I’d been called the queen of book reccs. <3

    Feel free to email me at my name + ette at google for my Goodreads account!

    Historical Fiction: I have been on a huge historical fiction kick in the last few months. Here are books I've ADORED since January:
    – Code Name Helene by Ariel Lawhon. It's the fictional account of a real-life WWII spy, Nancy Wake. By the end of the war, Nancy was a high-level Nazi target for her work with the French resistance. I listened on audio and it was excellent. I also read I Was Anastasia by Ariel Lawhon and am going to start Flight of Dreams here soon.
    – The Rose Code by Kate Quinn. This just came out last week and I tore through it. It's about 3 women who serve as code breakers at Bletchley Park during WWII. I really liked the friendship between them and the side stories. I also loved how it had a bit of a mystery element with how it was written. It was my favorite book by her. Also listened on audio. It was narrated by Saskia Maarleveld, who is an excellent narrator- I recommend anything she narrates!
    – The Four Winds by Kristin Hannah. Another recent release, about a family that escapes the Dust Bowl to move to California. It's certainly sad at parts- especially the end- but I found it really sweet. I loved the relationship between the main character, the mother, and her teenage daughter and how it developed over the course of the book. I also learned a lot about the Dust Bowl and unionizing!
    – The Widow of Rose House by Diana Biller. This is set in the late 1800s and is a bit of a historical romance but mostly historical fiction with a bit of a mystery involved. A young woman is trashed in the press by her terrible husband in Europe and moves back to the US, where she buys an old, possibly haunted house. She meets a ghost hunter, and they begin to spend time together, trying to solve the mystery of this old house. I loved that it featured a single woman in the 1800s who is fully independent.
    – Older picks, but I loved America's First Daughter and My Dear Hamilton, both by Stephanie Dray and Laura Kamoie. They're about, respectively, Patsy Jefferson and Eliza Hamilton. Really well-done historical fiction that's different than the normal Revolutionary War historical fiction because of the focus on the women's lives and choices.

    Have to throw in Winds of War and War and Remembrance by Herman Wouk. I didn't read them in the last few months but they are absolutely phenomenal WWII fiction and they will keep you occupied for a good long time- between the two of them, it's something like 120 hours of audio or 2K pages? Definitely one of my top 5 books (considering them together, because they're essentially 1 book split into 2 volumes, although not technically). It's about the varying stories of the Henry family, including Captain Henry and his 2 sons and daughter as well as some cousins, uncles, etc. I read The Caine Mutiny by him in January and liked it almost as much, but not quite.

    Romance:
    I read the entirety of Remedial Rocket Science by Susannah Nix last night and immediately bought another book by the same author in the same series (although they're stand alone), Experimental Marine Biology. They're a series about women in STEM, and they're all somewhat interconnected (same broad friend group). Remedial Rocket Science is a slow burn but I thought it was very cute.

    – First Comes Like by Alisha Rai. I like this whole series. This wasn't my favorite in the series (I actually like them in order of their release- The Right Swipe, Girl Gone Viral, First Comes Like). First Comes Like is about an influencer and it's a bit of a slower burn with less "open door" type moments.
    – The Roommate by Rosie Danan. This is a forced proximity romance. A woman moves to LA (I believe) and is supposed to live with a guy friend, who bails on her and leaves her with his roommate, who is an adult film star. It's better than I'm making it sound. There's a sequel coming out!
    – I recently re-read The Royal We and The Heir Affair and every time we discuss royal romance on here I think about it- I thought The Heir Affair was strangely prescient of the current royal debacle.
    – Also throwing in The Friend Zone and The Happily Ever After Playlist by Abby Jimenez. Both good. Look at content warnings, though- one of them includes infertility.

    Anything by Christina Lauren, pretty much .I first read The Unhoneymooners by her, which I loved but my absolute favorite is My Favorite Half Night Stand, which is a friends to lovers romance I adored. Laughed out loud a number of times while reading it.

    Mystery:
    – The River by Peter Heller. Another recommendation I read awhile ago, but love. I read it in one sitting. It's about two boys who go on a canoeing trip through the Canadian wilderness and a forest fire starts up behind them. They have to try to escape the forest fire through a very dangerous river, and then a woman shows up. Danger ensues.
    – The River at Night by Erica Ferenick: Same general story but with women….I liked The River a lot more.
    – The Guest List by Lucy Foley. There seem to be a lot of wedding-on-an-island/wedding in a remote place murder stories recently but I liked this one. I thought the setting was set really well. The Hunting Party, also by Foley, is set int the winter at a hunting lodge if you want those cozy vibes.
    – Eight Perfect Murders by Peter Swanson. This is a total bookish delight. The main character owns a bookstore in Boston that sells only mysteries, and he wrote up a list of "perfect murders" a few years ago from mystery books. The FBI shows up one day and tells him that they think someone is using his list to carry out murders in the New England area. It's twisty and has a surprise ending.
    – The Perveen Mistry novels by Sujata Massey. They are set in India in the mid-1920s and the main character is one of the first female solicitors in India. Really well done books, with a focus on women.

    Other Books:
    – House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune. This book is delightful. It's set in a world in which magical creatures exist, and the main character, Linus, works for the Department In Charge of Magical Youth (DICOMY). He's sent to investigate a very special orphanage filled with the most unique magical youth, including the antichrist, along with their caretaker, Arthur Parnassus. Little bit of romance, but mostly just an adorable story. The audio on this is impeccable- I especially like how the narrator voices the kids (especially the unidentifiable green blob).
    – The Secret Diary of Hendrik Groen, Aged 83 and 1/4 by Hendrik Groen. I recommend this book every chance I get because it is super. A third book is being released in English in a few months and I preordered it before it even had a title. If you happen to read Dutch, there are I think 2 or 3 other books that have been released. I kind of want to learn Dutch just so I can get them. This is about an old man, Hendrik Groen, who lives at an assisted living home in Amsterdam. He really does not like other old people, and forms the Old But Not Dead club with a group of others who live at the home. The friendships between Hendrik and the members of the group are incredibly touching, and it's also laugh-out-loud funny- in one scene, there's a collision between motor scooters at the corner by the elevator so they put up mirrors.
    – The Particulars of Peter: Dance Lessons, DNA Tests, and Other Excuses To Hang Out With My Perfect Dog by Kelly Connaboy. It was quite reassuring to read a book about how someone loves their dog as much as I love mine. Also, dog doesn't die. An important point in books like this because I am not here for that.
    – The Good House by Ann Leary. I was not sure I was going to be into this at first but I ended up adding it to my list of favorite books. It's about a woman who lives in a small town in New England and has a slight drinking problem, she says. Others say it's more than that. She's a real estate agent and there are a lot of secrets in this small town. I listened on audio which, honestly, I hated until I got to know the character at which point the audio was utter perfection.

    I kept thinking I was done and then just added more.

    1. You are the BEST! I hadn’t heard of like all of these. And I appreciate the very important Dog Content Disclaimer!

    3. I apparently like a lot of the same books as Sloan, so I’ll have to check out the rest of these- thanks! I’m about 80% through The Rose Code and highly recommend it. The Four Winds was also a recent favorite. My fiction reading has been slowed down recently by also reading a lot of lengthy nonfiction books, but for anyone interested in those, I quite liked The Code Breaker (bio of Jennifer Doudna and discussion of CRISPR gene editing technology) and Fulfillment (about Amazon’s effects on people and the economy).

    5. Thank you! The River was my favorite book I read last year, got the rec from this site. Probably from you, Sloan! Gonna check out the rest.

      1. It was also my favorite boon last year. I got the rec from the Modern Mrs Darcy blog (a great place for recommendations if you like books I recommend- we have very similar tastes) who said it was her favorite book of 2019!

  12. Oh for god’s sake. I have a long comment of book recommendations in mod. Come on…..

  13. How do you respond to religious relatives who celebrate Easter by sending their non-religious or differently-religious relatives endless Bible-verse texts? Just ignoring them is getting old.

      1. Oh man, I love this idea. Off to find the most ridiculous ones. Maybe something pirate themed?

    9. Not religious, but my dad loves forwarding cute picks of Easter Bunnies, quotes or flowers or whatever seasonally-relevant cheesy pictures – over messanger. I decided I am happy I still have both parents and for them to think of me often enough to include me on the list of people getting these messages. Just smile, be thankful, assume good intentions and move on. Writing this as I am geting a pic of a bunny with flowers.

  14. I posted earlier about a Big Professional Thing that I was doing for the first time, and wanted to say thanks to all for the kind words! It went well, I felt competent and handled hiccups pretty well (and got a compliment from the other side, which I’m choosing to take as a genuine compliment and not a snarky thing :))

    Glad for the Hive!

    1. Nice work! I posted yesterday to say I was looking forward to reading your post about how you absolutely nailed it. Thank you!

  15. I am absolutely starving for the past couple of weeks. I eat and eat and I can’t get full. No changes to my diet or activity level; I eat Mediterranean DASH and do regular cardio and strength training. Get plenty of water and rest. I don’t use alcohol. No illness or injury.

    I am sterilized and have an IUD to prevent periods, so it isn’t a cycle issue.

    Any other ideas?

    1. No ideas but even sterilization (assuming tubal) leaving your ovaries and an IUD preventing periods doesn’t change your hormones. You still have monthly hormonal fluctuations just like you have a period until you’re in menopause.

      1. Bi-salp, and what I meant was that I don’t get cravings, bloating, cramping, PMS, bleeding, et cetera. Just pointing out what my personal consistencies are, for the sake of ruling things out. But I take your point.

      2. An IUD most definitely can mess with your hormones. I was starving all the time on Mirena and gained 10+ lbs that melted off when I had it removed.

    2. I think whether you’re gaining weight is relevant – this could be anything from a parasite to a thyroid problem, so a doctor’s opinion is needed.

    3. Since the change to daylight savings time? For some reason, my food habits are really thrown by time changes every single time.

    4. Definitely a GP question. Sounds like hormones, or thyroid. Endocrinologist would have best tools to appropriately assess but a GP visit wouldn’t be amiss either.

      In the mean time, you might look at your nutrient levels. If you’ve been eating the same diet for a long time and missing out on something, it could just be that deficiency has finally reached a point that it has started affecting your appetite. Cronometer is a great app for logging food and micronutrients. Put in what you regularly eat. See if there’s anything that looks really low in comparison to that and try add in a food that has that particular nutrient. It may not help but you lose very little by actually trying it.

  16. I just booked my first vaccine appointment for late April! Woohoo!!!!! (I’m in Virginia)

  17. Happy Easter to any other corporettes following the broadcast from Rome – and happy holidays/ great weekend to everybody!

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