Weekend Open Thread

117 Comments

1. Ugh. Just ugh. Buy some pants!

   1. Lol you’re salty about leggings?

   2. Haha I had a similar reaction. I’m ready to wear real clothes again, I do not need to buy my 100th pair of leggings.

      1. I am particularly done with these kind of “decorated” leggings. I feel like we will all cringe at this “trend” in a few years.

         1. I have a few pairs of leggings just like these from Danskin (at < 20% of the price). They're very comfortable – why would I cringe? I generally wear them around the house.

   3. NO! I am anti pants. I’ll wear cute dress with sandals though.

      1. hahahah same!

   4. I am getting new leggings even tho I may not wear them until fall. It is good to stock up before the run this fall, so listen to the website and order now. Otherwise, you will have a summer tuchus, but nothing new to hold it in place.

   5. I don’t even think they’re that comfortable TBH.

   6. This style of leggings looks like confused breeches to me. They’re trying their best, don’t judge them for letting the thigh pads wander away.

      1. I have a pair and like them but my boyfriend thinks moto leggings are SO DUMB and i love to wear them and laugh at him when I do ;)

   7. Agree. This should have been an April 2020 pick (when this place was still showing suits). Most of are ready to join the real world now.

   8. +1000

2. Thanks to everyone who shared their experiences with the second Pfizer vaccine. I got the vaccine last night, got home around 8 and started feeling lightheaded and exhausted right away. I’m still exhausted today, but don’t seem to have any other side effects (so far). Thanks again, friends!

   1. Congratulations on your second shot!! You’re almost there!

      1. Yes! It really is so exciting.

   2. I had my second shot a week ago wednesday and had more of a reaction than you did. However, I’m here to tell you that I feel all better now. It took a few days. I went into a store today! (masked! but I was avoiding them before)

      1. Thanks! Definitely feeling worse than when I wrote the original comment, so I am looking forward to feeling better!!

   3. I’m nearly 24 hours after my second shot and have developed the worst case of hives I can remember, on both arms and my face and chest. I am not prone to random skin rashes so I’m blaming Pfizer!

      1. Hives can be a sign of an allergy though right? Shouldn’t this be reported/checked out by your doctor?

      2. Oh no! So sorry to hear that :( sending you positive thoughts!

      3. I just had my second shot and don’t have any reactions (yet). But they said all over the body rash is one of the conditions where you should see a doctor.

3. Reposting from this morning. Thanks to everyone who responded there!

   I’m in-house counsel at a company where I’ve worked for 5 years (all in the legal dept). 
   In another one of our divisions, a compliance role has opened up. I applied to the role because it allows me to broaden my experience in the company (I’m in Division X, and the role is in Division Y) and because I really like the manager who this role reports into. 

   For those of you who are in compliance, what makes a good compliance business partner? I’ve never interviewed for a compliance role before, and I anticipate they will ask behavioral questions. 

   Trying to get my arms around (i) how to prepare, (ii) how compliance is different than legal, and (iii) any other advice on interviewing for a compliance role.

   1. So I’d start with, what do they mean by compliance? It’s a term that is thrown around a lot for a variety of issues. So I’d make sure I really understand what the role entails.

      For example, my company makes software. We have compliance folks who do security compliance, which requires understanding of all applicable laws and lots of technical software expertise, regulatory compliance, which requires more of a legal bent, and then my area – I’m a SME for the regulated industry the software operates in; I’m designated as Product Compliance. The work and opportunities for each of those group is radically different.

   2. Hi, I responded, but it is lost or held up in moderation. As I said last nite, you need to be very conservative when you dress for compliance. You make the tough decision’s, my freind tells me so you do not want to appear to fashionable, or the men will be to busy nosing around to listen to what you have to say. There is pressure if you are in an investement bank, b/c they do not want to sanction their sales people. If you are in a company, it could be different.

   3. OP here, it’d be a role in the Ethics & Compliance team.

      1. Previously in compliance. YMMV, but in terms of what makes a good compliance partner: The biggest complaint we would get from the business is that compliance would say no to a proposal without offering another solution. They don’t want to hear “No”, they want to hear “No, you can’t do X because of Y reason, but you could do Z.”

      2. It may help if you respond to some of the substance you got in the morning thread. Many of us commented that (1) in many orgs, Compliance is kind of a dead-end career path, and (2) even if Compliance is well-regarded in your org, it might make it difficult for you to move to another company in the future (particularly if you decide you want to put your Legal hat back on).

         Otherwise I think the advice is probably the same as for in-house legal, just that your department is even more dreaded to visit, lol. Everyone likes a SME who is practical – i.e., as long as something is not illegal, you’re able to frame the associated risk in a straightforward way and explain consequences and ways to mitigate, rather than just saying “no that’s a bad idea.”

         1. The lawyers I know I’m compliance at my 35,000+ company are all trying to get to Legal unless they are the top. I work in house government relations in a heavily regulated entity and we have power struggles with compliance a lot and I think it’s because everyone is trying to “prove” themselves and move up and out. Not to be harsh but that’s my experience in working closely with our compliance department, for attorneys anyways. And our business folks see compliance as a blockade so anything to gain their trust and be a partner as mentioned above would be valuable.

4. Last spring I needed new pants in a larger size but didn’t do any shopping due to WFH. It’s maybe a good thing — I would have rebought the same skinny pants / jeans just a size up. Even though I hate tight pants in the summer. Now that schools have reopened, I’m regularly back at work. I bought the following, which I’m actually wearing:

   1. Marine Layer Allison Pants. I like the comfort and they look the dressiest of any new pants. The M is a little bit generous in the front with fabric than I like (not quite an MC Hammer effect, but hard to get used to after 10 years in skinny pants). Washable. Soft.
   2. White Gap pants — not sure if they are a jeans / khaki’s hybrid, but it’s my white skinny jeans replacement. More of a khaki cut in a higher rise (higher than I’d prefer) and not available in a curvy cut so I bought a size larger and they are just loose and comfy. I don’t feel weird with a tucked in shirt, but throw on a knit jacket to look polished. Length is slightly cropped, which I like on white bottomw.
   3. Funky (for me, who is not at all funky) Gap soft woven jogger-with-zipper at leg opening pants that look to be jogger/khaki hybrids. Fabric is wonderfully soft. Waist is elastic. No curvy cut, but forgiving. Got the tan and the tan/cammo (not sure the last is the best workwear, but would wear on weekends a ton until it gets really hot).

   I wear this all mainly with either blouses meant not to be tucked or a simple white shell + soft jacket. Rothys or flats. I have a dog to walk at lunch and this way I don’t waste time changing. I am so happy with pants that fit. I didn’t need this previously (could wear leggings at home), but I like looking less sloppy and like I could go to an outdoor restaurant.

   1. One thing I will miss about skinny jeans is that they came in curvy cuts. So many choices now (mom jeans, girlfriend jeans, boyfriend jeans; none of them using any buzzwords suggesting that they have curvy cuts). I am finding myself sizing up so things fit my hips and then the waist is big enough that it won’t stay up. Pants with a 12″ rise (it seems) do not look good droopy :( And yet I resent having to pay to tailor casual clothes.

      1. I agree with you on this. Jeans are pretty much the only trousers I can ever find that are cut to fit me and made out of a thick enough fabric to sit well and look good.

      2. I have the same problem and got an elastic belt to cinch in waists and keep trousers from drooping. I only wear it when it’s covered by tops, for obvious reasons. It doesn’t have a buckle bulge like normal belts. I think I actually learned about them on this site!
         https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00SXA4SW0/ref=ox_sc_saved_title_6?smid=A31PMNDWVSI2IR&psc=1

         1. I have those, too. They were good in winter when I wore sweaters over droopy pants that didn’t come in a curvy cut (OMG never abandon the BR Logan pants!). But when it is too warm for sweaters, my pants game suffers. My husband is just shocked. It’s like a belly band that pregnant people use, but for non-pregnant people with a good hip game.

      3. I know the brand reads young, but Express pants consistently fit my small waist and generous backside.

   2. Do you have a link to number three? I’m trying to imagine what a jogger/khaki hybrid would be and just shuddering at the thought.

      1. https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=679043022&vid=1&tid=gppl000015&kwid=1&ap=7&gclid=Cj0KCQjw6-SDBhCMARIsAGbI7UiufURWeeqUCRnXOA2Otx0f9s1Kzx7xiLs90e2gVYvfVXCSW5V84o0aAtHPEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds#pdp-page-content

         Apparently they are denim, but it is so soft that I would not have believed it. I think that the elastic waist is only in the back is very helpful to the visual from the front when worn with a jacket (ebay Akris Punto). I am short, so they are not remotely cropped on me.

5. Paging Carrie – keep checking back on the morning thread for your post about your family member with PI. I left a response that is stuck in moderation right now, but it might help you with his care since I think there’s a good chance he could have gotten a false negative on antibody testing.

6. I’m having a really hard time picturing these with a blazer…

   1. Oh wow, I didn’t even notice that. There’s no way you could wear these with a blazer.

   2. I think it would have to be a SUPER casual oversized (or shrunken, alternatively) “blazer” with a simple T and some sneaks, but it’s a bit of a dated influencer look to my eye.

7. Suggestions for an extra special wedding gift in my situation? My cousin is getting married next month. His wedding was supposed to be in May 2020 but it had to be postponed. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid. There are still restrictions on events here so my cousin is having his wedding in a neighboring state where there are no restrictions on indoor gatherings. I’m not comfortable going to a 150+ person event right now so I have bowed out of being a bridesmaid and attending. I do want to give am extra special gift for them because of it but I can’t think of anything. They did not have a registry and cash doesn’t seem right. They are in their late 20s, he’s in finance and she’s a lawyer. No kids or pets. I know they like traveling, they have mentioned events like opera and the symphony and they don’t have lots of space for stuff in their apartment. I would appreciate any ideas.

   1. Give them a generous cash gift. That’s what they want.

      1. Agree. If you want to be fancy and impractical, go to the bank and give it to them in Euros with a card that says “for your first post-pandemic European vacation” (or whatever foreign currency seems appropriate).

         1. They are going to honeymoon in Costa Rica so that might be a good idea for them. Thank you so much.

            1. I have an impression that in Costa Rica dollars are more widely accepted than the local currency…

      2. +1 please give cash.

   2. Opera or symphony subscription where they live.

      1. In a pandemic when they probably aren’t even operating now and don’t have a clear restart date?

         No. Give them cash.

         1. Yikes, calm down, it was just a suggestion.

         2. Okay and someone just pointed out why it’s a bad one. It’s not like they insulted your dog, no one needs to calm down.

      2. I like a cash gift, but operas and other community arts orgs need money now more than ever! Even if they aren’t performing.

   3. Give them cash. It is entirely appropriate and what they want.

   4. give cash…but also, there is a reason the state doesn’t allow this wedding…we are still in a pandemic. I do not fault people who want to get married and who are disappointed about not getting to have their large weddings (we loved ours) but you can get still get married without 150+ people in attendance. glad you realize this is an invitation and not a summons. Someone on here posted the other week that they recently skipped a family wedding and quite a few guests ended up sick/hospitalized/dead

      1. Yes, thank you for telling us everything we’ve been saying for the last 13 months. Groundbreaking.

         1. I don’t know if someone who needs to relocate their wedding to another state is deserving of an ‘extra special gift’

            1. lol no one “deserves” a gift, that’s why it’s a gift

            2. yeah i would not be rewarding this hugely irresponsible and quite frankly dumb behavior,

      2. Yeah, great point.

      3. Yeah, this doesn’t call for an “extra special” gift. It’s irresponsible and we’re allowed to call that out,

   5. I would not worry about the gift being “extra special.”

      In my family, cash gifts only flow down for the most part, and it would indeed be weird for cousins of similar age to write checks to each other. Because there is no registry, I would opt for perhaps a bottle of nice champagne and a gift card to a restaurant you know they like?

      I mean, given they are holding this wedding, I doubt they are the type that aren’t going out to eat.

   6. Uncommon goods is a great source for interesting gifts. I’d get them something small from there (<$100) and then cash.
      I gave my brother cash for his registry-free wedding last year. As did most people in our generation.

   7. Masks and hepa filters?

   8. If they are drinkers, really expensive champagne or a hard-to-find bourbon or scotch.

      Are they in Boston or NYC? Tanglewood is opening this summer.

8. This may be a little out of place here, but I figure career stuff is more similar than not across industries.
   I’m a data scientist and I like it and find it interesting, but I’ve been working at a startup and have found that I really enjoy relationship management / client management / product management work that I’m doing. I think that my technical background is a benefit for all of these because I know what I’m talking about. I would love to go totally into that type of work but 1) I’m not sure exactly what that career path is even called. What’s the role I want? and 2) I’m nervous about going away from the technical side, people always say it’s good to have technical skills etc

   Has anyone made this sort of transition? I’ve definitely heard bad things about being a project manager, but I really like engagement manager type work. My colleagues etc are surprised to hear that since computer scientists are not always known for their people skills, but I think it has been a good thing, helped me stand out.

   1. I have run product management at large tech companies. Knowing nothing about your background other than what you’ve posted, how about looking for product management roles at companies that sell BI, analytics, or other similar software? You could also look at being sales support / “sales engineer” which is basically a product person or someone who used to be a user that goes on the road to do in depth demos. We either used to move friendly, sales-y, client-loving product people into those roles, or try and hire from a customer.

      I don’t see how project management has anything to do with your skill set or your interests, so I’d avoid that entirely.

   2. Would you be interested in a sales role? It sounds like a good blend of relationship management and technical acumen. It can be fairly high-pressure depending on the company, but also extremely lucrative.

   3. oooh, I am all over this question! Have a science PhD and even did research for a few years, but for a number of reasons ended up hating the day to day work. I’ve moved into project management a year ago and I am so much happier. My work keeps things running, and is fundamentally a supportive role for the technical people. Due to my technical background we communicate very effectively, and I can anticipate their needs and their priorities better than my predecessor, which makes the collaboration go very smoothly and gives me a lot of autonomy, too.
      You might look into the Center for Scientific Collaboration and Community Engagement for some inspiration. They are focused on these kinds of holding-things-together positions in scientific work, but there are useful resources about defining and professionalizing these kinds of careers.

      1. Just checked out the Center – it’s the type of thing I find fascinating. Did you receive backlash for leaving a more pure science path? This is a bit personal, but are you making a similar amount of money / at a similar level of seniority that would have been if you stayed on the technical path?

         1. Sorry, just saw your question. I definitely lost seniority. I did get a modest pay increase, although to be fair, my home discipline is not as well paid as data science. They put me in the middle of the pay band which was 80k at level one of my job title. There is room to go to levels 2 and 3 and to advance into other job titles.
            I still haven’t told my former PhD advisor – I don’t know if he would understand and I didn’t want to deal with that. I did tell three supervisors who gave references and they were supportive. The most important thing is to figure out for yourself what you want and to convince the hiring committee.

   4. You might consider Field Applications Engineer (Software) positions; they interface with customers in a problem-solving role.

   5. No career advice here, but I have worked with data scientists and they don’t all have these skills. You must be good at the “storytelling” part of data science which requires that you relate well to the audience point of view and frame your findings in a compelling way. This tells me you might do really well at the relationship management piece and your technical abilities give you lots of credibility here. Good on you for figuring out what you like/do well.

9. Something I’m proud of today:
   I was pretty irresponsible with money my first 2 years out of college, and racked up almost $15k in credit card debt.
   I was really ashamed and buckled down to pay it off starting early in 2020, with every extra dollar going towards it since then.
   I’m very happy to say I’m now below 10% utilization and on track to be credit card debt free by July. I can’t wait!

   1. Congrats!!

   2. Congratulations! That’s an excellent change to done!

   3. That’s such a hard thing to do. I similarly maxed out a credit card in about that amount right out of college and I struggled a long time to pay it off, so major congrats to you! Something you should definitely be proud of!

   4. Congrats! Changing your relationship with money is such a big deal.

   5. Hooray and congratulations from somebody who has been there and knows how hard it is!!

   6. Hell yeah, that’s awesome! Way to go!

   7. Congratulations! I’m working really hard on this myself.

   8. This is fantastic work on your part. Congratulations! You’ve changed your life with this discipline.

10. I always use those cheat graham cracker crusts and today I’m out. Can’t I just smash a bunch of graham crackers (or Oreos or pretzels, or a combo of all) and layer the bottom of the pie pan with it?
    Trying to make this recipe: https://bellyfull.net/french-coconut-pie/

    1. Smash em and stir some melted butter in. Also sugar if desired. Then you’ll be good.

       1. Yes to sugar. It melts/carmelizes and makes the butter & crumbs mixture crispy and stick together just a bit. Press the mixture into the pan with the bottom of a measuring cup.

       2. Yep do this. I do 10 graham crackers (makes about 1-1/2 cups), 4-5 tbsp butter, and 1/4 cup sugar. It’s easiest in the food processor. Then really pack it down firmly in your pie plate and chill it for a no-bake pie or pre-bake for 10 minutes for a baked pie.

          1. Same!

    2. The Smitten Kitchen Key Lime pie has a great homemade graham cracker crust, and she’s very detailed on how to do it. I’d just go there.

       (I’d also make the pie because it is deeeeeeeee-lish)

       1. https://smittenkitchen.com/2015/01/key-lime-pie/

          seriously, yum

          my husband always says he could eat the graham cracker crust by itself.

    3. Yes you can. Google “Graham cracker crust.” I’m sure there are dozens of recipes. You can’t just use cookies though, it needs butter as well

    4. Yes, but don’t overdo it. My husband decided to “help” me bake by going wild on a bag of graham crackers at his tool bench, and turning them into microscopic dust is not actually what you want. Small and medium crumbs, not pulverized.

       1. Agree. I put them in a clean plastic bag (a ziploc or a clean produce bag) and run them over with the rolling pin.

       2. Hahahaha, my husband would do this.

    5. I’m no help on the recipe, but now I’m remanded that a restaurant in my town, where we were thinking of going tonight anyway, not only makes its own graham cracker crust for its key lime pie – it makes its own graham crackers for said crust. So, so good.

       The cocktail special there this week is a violet margarita made with violet-infused simple syrup from local wild violets. Why was I even thinking about anywhere else for dinner tonight?

       1. Oh man that sounds SO good. I miss special dinners out. We have this place near by that makes a meatloaf that is amazing. Sounds silly and simple but it’s so cozy with the mashed potatoes. Such good brisket and bread pudding too.
          Basically comfort food central.

       2. Is this restaurant within…50 miles of Washington DC by any chance? Because it sounds like just what I need!

          1. Sorry, it’s in the Midwest!

             And we did do carryout, but our state now allows cocktails to go, possibly the only positive aspect of the pandemic. The dinner and the drinks were wonderful!

11. I need to upgrade my summer running attire, particularly the bottom half. Any recommendations for longer shorts or capris that are good for thick thighs? It’s a delicate balance between preventing sweaty thighs from rubbing (haven’t had great luck with body glide; it just makes everything sticky) and not overheating. I should probably get over it; summer running is always going to be physically uncomfortable!

    1. I have some Under Armour Heat Gear capris that I love. They keep me cool and also prevent chafing.

       1. I’m late to this party, but Oiselle long roga shorts are what you want if you want to still look cute. If you’re looking purely for function, tri-shorts (I like Pearl Izumi, but YMMV).

    2. I like the Beyond Yoga bike shorts in general, but I’m not a runner, so can’t comment on actually running in them. For walking though, the length is great for avoiding thigh rub.

    3. Are you opposed to actual (short) leggings? My ideal is knee length leggings, but I have trouble finding them that short and usually get something just below the knee. I’ve ordered these twice – https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B00VLNSTG2

       For me a sleeveless top is more essential to keeping cool.

    4. Oiselle Roga
       Bend Active Victory Shorts
       Zyia Active Flow Shorts

       All of these should also have deep pockets that fit cell phones.

12. For anyone looking for more info on the science behind the vaccine-blood clot issue, The Atlantic has a couple good articles. As a scientist, I think the Atlantic has had some of the best covid science coverage, and I think they do a great job of including a fair amount of technical detail while still being pretty accessible to a general audience. They also had a good article on the effect of the vaccines in people with autoimmune/immune disorders a few days ago, though pretty similar to the NY Times one linked this morning.

    https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2021/04/vaccine-related-blood-clot-mystery-must-be-solved/618623/
    https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2021/04/jj-pause-women/618627/

    1. Thanks for sharing!

    2. Thanks for this rec!

13. Great post

14. Has anyone else experienced scalp irritation and itchiness from rogaine and did it get better? I’ve been applying rogaine liquid for 6 months and my scalp is itchier and redder, but I’m hoping it gets better and would appreciate any anecdata. I’m considering switching to the foam version but wanted to get through the bottles I already bought first. Would appreciate hearing about others’ experiences.

    1. I use the foam, and I definitely itch from it. I suspect daily washing would help, but I have desert-dry curls that won’t tolerate getting wet that often. No redness, just a crawly feeling. It doesn’t bother me enough to make me stop using it.

       1. Thanks for letting me know. It sounds like the foam isn’t going to be the magic solution to my problem then.

    2. Yes, I tried the foam and it led to unbearable itching and inflammation. I’ve read elsewhere that some people are allergic to the solvent in pre-packaged Rogaine, and that getting the active ingredient in a different formulation from a compounding pharmacy could be a helpful alternative. I never tried that, but have moved on to trying other products. The one that’s worked the best for me is the multi-peptide hair serum from The Ordinary. I’m not 100% improved, but I have been catching fewer glimpses of my scalp from different angles.

       1. How long did you use he Ordinary serum before you saw results? Thanks.

15. A belated Thank you to all those who commented on the Data Science wannabe thread on Monday. I’ve been swamped all week and am just now reading all your advice! Really appreciate the perspectives.

16. Stretching? Can someone recommend a good stretching routine? Not yoga!

    1. Lastics

       1. Thanks, looks great.

    2. I tried out stretching on Les Mills (i think this series is available for free) and it is amazing! It helped opening my hips and release shoulder tension. In fact, going to do it now!

    3. It really depends on what you want to stretch. For low back and hips, I love the HASFIT 18 minute stretching for sciatica video on youtube.

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