Weekend Open Thread
This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Nordstrom has a pretty great beauty sale happening right now — 15% may seem small, but considering a lot of these brands almost never go on sale it is significant. (PLUS, cardholders can get triple points through 9/24!)
This lip glow balm has been a reader favorite for years now — I have a few colors and like the consistency, the lasting power, and the color. It is pretty sheer, though; this definitely qualifies as a “my lips but better” kind of look.
The pictured lip gloss is normally $40, but is now marked to $34 in select colors. Note that the “illuminating nail concealer” I raved about a few weeks ago is also on sale (was $20, now $17), along with a lot of other reader favorites.
(Update: I didn't find the exact info in time for the Weekend Open Thread, but if you're hunting, this $20 gloss is a great Dior Addict Lip Glow Balm dupe.
{related: beauty empties: products we finish and buy again and again (Kat's and the readers!}
Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
My boss loves taking credit for the work of others, and lying to make herself seem more important. Well my office has hosted an annual conference for the past 7 years. I just found out this morning my boss sent the invitation to this year’s event as the ‘inaugural conference’ from her email (as opposed to the generic team email). Sigh, give me strength.
Well, technically it’s good management to credit he people who did the work but making your boss look good is also part of how work goes. Maybe she’s calling it inaugural because it’s the first one she’s going to? Could it be tongue and cheek since it’s from her personal email?
No.
“Technically” you should give credit to the people who are high performers but your fancy title enables you to stomp all over others? Awesome.
That’s just dumb from a marketing perspective. Everyone who receives the email will be so confused.
Yes, I have a lot of confused attendees to deal with. I’ve been calling the email a ‘miscommunication’
Maybe your puffed-up boss doesn’t know what “inaugural” means!
Srsly, what was she trying to gain? That makes no sense.
I am going to guess she does not know what “inaugural” means and really meant “annual.” That is not better than just walking all over the work of those who have gone before, of course, but it does make it kind of funny.
Favorite cozy fall movies for this weekend? Anything with beautiful houses in New England would be a plus!
Oooh yes, I like how you think. For whatever it’s worth, I love the town scenes in Hocus Pocus (1, obviously, not the terrible reboot).
I loved the reboot! More than the OG, but I didn’t grow up on the original. Such fun fall movies.
Along these lines – Practical Magic is great.
Not a movie but I love to rewatch Gilmore Girls in the fall.
Mona Lisa Smile has gorgeous fall imagery of Wellesley.
Baby Boom – w/ Diane Keaton has some nice Fall New England scenery.
Yes
You’ve gotten some great recommendations so far.
I’ve got two more that feature so many beautiful fall shots:
Stepmom
Unfaithful
Bonus points for Unfaithful as being one of the seggiest movies ever.
It’s so good!!!
practical magic!
To Kill a Mockingbird? Not exactly cozy, but maybe comfortingly familiar?
Love Story has a lot of Boston in fall vibes if I remember correctly. Only watch if you want a good cry.
Books that had the biggest impact on your life? From professional development, to mindset shifts, to spiritual development.
I truly came into my own as a feminist when I read Katharine Graham’s autobiography (it’s called Personal History) and will shout that from the rooftops to anyone that listens. What a remarkable life.
Ooh I want to read this.
Fabulous. She was so sheltered and unsure and she overcame it to be one of the bravest and most influential women of the late 20th century. So inspiring.
Two that stand out for me are both by Gabor Mate. “The Gift of Fear” and “Protecting the Gift”. They are about trusting your instincts and situational awareness. “Protecting the gift” is written for parents, and also outlines why stanger danger is inherently dangerous, and what parents can do instead.
Gabor Mate = Gavin de Becker in some autocorrect universe. Both of those books were excellent and even though I read them years ago, I still recommend them frequently. Protecting the Gift greatly influenced my parenting style and my babes are both pretty savvy individuals who really trust themselves.
Yes, I totally got the author wrong…yikes! Many genuine thanks for the correction!
I was reading a Gabor Mate book earlier today and apparently typed his name without thinking lol
I was going to say The Gift of Fear as well. The key ideas are 1) Your brain subconsciously registers when something is “off” even if you can’t pinpoint why in the moment. 2) Don’t put yourself at risk for fear of being impolite. I find these concepts useful beyond physical safety, especially as a woman.
SSDGM!
<3
I read The Gift of Fear a million years ago and it wasn’t for me, but another book related to parenting and risk assessment that I found really interesting is Small Animals: Parenthood in the Age of Fear.
Ooh, this sounds good.
I haven’t read Small Animals but it’s been on my to read list for a while. I’m a mom to a 5 year old and it’s just wild to me how much some parents worry about things like their kids being snatched by strangers and refuse to give them age-appropriate independence. Many people seem to believe the world is much more dangerous than it was in the 1980s, but statistically it’s actually much safer. I often feel very out of sync with other parents in terms of what I let my kid do, and I feel like the book would be very validating.
Along those lines, I follow Lenore Skenazy, the Free Range mom who puts a lot of safety fears into perspective. I read an article in the Atlantic about college students who could not self schedule when my son was a baby in 2000. It greatly influened my parenting and we did not do a lot of adult led activities like little league and we pushed back on too much homework. I had to force myself to let him do risky activities and he now does mountain climbing. My mom had be afraid to ride a bike. I have no regrets.
I love Lenore Skenazy’s approach too.
I just read the book Push Back: Guilt in the Age of Natural Parenting and it definitely changed (permanently) some of my perceptions about “natural childbirth.” I found the book overall to be mixed quality (it got very dogmatic with flimsy evidence in places), but some of the themes will stay with me forever.
You’re all going to jump on me but here goes: the rules. Yes large chunks of it are absolute nonsense but it completely changed my mindset on dating. After reading it, I made sure my life was awesome enough that I wasn’t waiting around for whatever dude I was crushing on at the time. I learned not to get too emotionally attached quickly, and I genuinely had more fun dating. I’m no great beauty, but I found acting like I’d been the prom queen, as if I had nothing to prove, worked like a charm. When the right person came along I took things slow and didn’t lose myself in the process. Honestly those are dating lessons that I’ll pass on to my kids if they’ll let me.
Along those lines, He’s Just Not That Into You is also pretty good and I reframed to “I’m just not that into Him” and learned to move on fast and not get so bogged down or hurt every time something didn’t work out.
Totally agree on both of those books.
Agreed on The Rules. People give that book so much flack for the “never accept a date within X hours” stuff, but I took what worked for me from that book, and the idea that you should have a full life without a date/mate definitely worked.
Reality Based Leadership by Cy Wakeman. Truly life-changing, both professionally and personally.
Because I read it as an adult and not a teenager: Atlas Shrugged.
The Four Hour Workweek
The general concept behind Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe (especially the part about how they’ve figured out the Answer to “life, the universe, and everything” and it is… 42. I won’t spoil what the Question is if you haven’t read it (or seen the unfortunate movie).
Any good drugstore dupes for this lipstick? Ive been looking for a my lips but better look, but would prefer a cheaper option.
I haven’t tried this but I love the CoverGirl Clean Fresh tinted lip balm. I have the Bliss You Berry color and it is easy to apply and just a very light wash of color for me. I want to try other shades too.
FWIW, I have this lipstick and I don’t think it’s anything special. Reminds me of the CoverGirl LipSlick that I used to wear in the 90s.
Anyone interested in a discussion of the article about women negotiating salary from this morning’s Weekly News Update? I’ll post the link to the article separately to stay out of moderation.
Here’s the link to the salary negotiation article https://www.inc.com/nick-hobson/surprising-new-research-on-gender-pay-gap-women-negotiate-more-than-men-but-get-told-no-more-often.html
This is exactly why we need more states to require pay transparency in job postings, and for more companies to commit to establishing and using pay bands for all jobs (existing and new) based on benchmarking data. And for companies to be transparent to their employees on whether they do or don’t conduct equity analyses within their organization and adjust salaries accordingly. None of this will completely eliminate the pay gap, but it will go a long way toward improving the chances of pay equity across the board (between genders, races, abilities/disabilities, etc.). Removing some of the *ability* to be biased should reduce the actual bias.
Gov. Rick Scott did me a favor when he made state salaries public in Florida. Eye opening indeed.
I thought state salaries were public in every state? Or at least FOIA-able? I work for a state university and every year the student newspaper files FOIA requests and prints a special edition of the newspaper with the salary of every faculty and staff member at the university. It’s kind of weird that I can look up the salary of pretty much everyone I know, but I do see the value in negotiation.
So I didn’t read the actual study, just the linked article. Based on my experience hiring and managing men and women, I have observed:
1) women “are hoping for” and “would like” their offer to be “a little higher” than it was. Men “need to see something higher, more like X+$15k.” I’ve had to coach women, especially younger ones, to modify how they negotiate. It is a request, not a wish.
I did have a young woman negotiate once and I couldn’t meet her salary request. We ended up not hiring her and I did follow up that I was impressed with her negotiating, wished her well, and if she could ever work for my best offer to come find me :). To be fair, she was shooting for a number at the tippy top of the role’s pay scale and either HR was not clear or she didn’t realize what that meant.
2) men ask/insist on increased pay for increased work. Women assume it’s coming. I was guilty of this once; never again. As a manager of women I can curb this proactively but I am not the norm. Even when I promote and offer a new salary, it is pretty common for
my male employees to try and negotiate that vs the women that take the promotion and increase and are happy.
My husband also has an example. When he was in his early 30s, he was hired for a job at the manager level. He was quickly promoted to a director role and negotiated additional stock options and a salary in line with “going rate for new hire directors.” He got to know a woman at his company who had been there for 7-8 years, promoted several times and was now at his level. She made almost 20k less than he did and had no stock options. Turns out she had them but they expired and she just assumed she’d get more (never assume).
They were good friends. She ended up leaving the company pretty soon after (as she should have) and when she got a new job my husband was a reference and coached her through salary negotiations. She ended up with a $15k signing bonus and $30k/year more salary. We got a nice dinner from her ;).
Wow – your husband sounds like a great guy.
He does!
Any in-house counsel here have a view toward pursing a senior legal role in a smaller corp vs. a larger one? I can see pros and cons of both. Anyone want to share their perspective?
How senior? GC or AGC level?
I am in a large corp with several sectors which split into several more BUs. Having a lot of lawyers being silo’d is not always great for transparency (knowing what is going in where and how and with who) and communication, but I really enjoy having a budget and having some subject matter experts in house. I can see the pros of being the one who makes all the decisions (solo department) but I am also not a person who has the stomach for that. I like having checks/balances and resources that aren’t outside counsel at my disposal.
I have done both and they are very different. I was the GC (and only lawyer) at a smaller company and loved everything about, it but I can see it would not be for everyone. I would bounce between HR, sales, procurement, marketing, and finance.I was the definition of a jack of all trades and master of none. Which can be anxiety producing, especially if you are coming from a firm where being wrong is not an option. But I was comfortable essentially saying “let me look into that” and (at least in the beginning) I had the budget for outside counsel if I really needed it. I felt valued and like I was making a real contribution. I was able to operate with basically no oversight The downside was that it was me making decisions with nobody to bounce things off of or vent to (and I could never really be on vacation!). Also, in that kind of role you have to be comfortable with the understanding that lawyers can only explain the risk to the business team. You do not get to decide whether they take the risk. And smaller businesses take a lot of risks.
The other downside of course is that it was a small company. The pandemic hit it hard, then interest rates hit it harder. Then it was acquired and I lost my perfect job.
Now I am an AGC at a much larger company in a highly regulated industry and am part of a bigger legal team. I have peers and we can roundtable things. I am much more of a subject matter expert. I have more resources. I can go on vacation. It is also much harder to get information that I might need. The legal department is not as well integrated into the company. I feel much more like a cog in a machine rather than part of a team that includes people outside the GC’s office. It is much less stressful, but it is also much less fun.
It is really a question of what you value and how comfortable you are with risk.
These responses are both very helpful, thank you for sharing these insights!
I need a new fall jacket, and I’ve settled on Kuhl’s “The One.” I know I should get black for the versatility, but some of the colors are so lovely. Talk me into or out of black? I have medium brown hair, light skin, blue eyes.
https://www.kuhl.com/kuhl/womens/jackets/ws-the-one-hoody/?color=HYDRANGEA
I can’t help you. That eucalyptus shade is divine. Maybe give your fall wardrobe a look and see what works well that’s not black. I wear a lot of black yoga pants and jeans with this type of jacket. I’ve found that as long as my jacket matches an accent color on my sneakers or looks OK with my sneakers, that I’m usually good to go. I got surprising wear out of a pink TNF jacket years ago even though I had the same one in black.
Eucalyptus is definitely in my top 2! My only hesitation is that if I wear it to a sporting event, it will clash with my team’s colors. Ha!
I like ganache personally! a neutral but if you wear black pants you won’t be in all black…also seems unlikely you’ll have a bottom this exact color.
Ganache is lovely!
For a sporty jacket like this I think black is a less versatile colour. I would choose a colour you like, that works with jeans and other casual clothes.
I like color on outerwear actually! I like all the blue/teal colors.
I actually think a green like the eucalyptus is like a neutral and goes with everything.
The black looks sleek!
That’s a neutral. Get the color you want.
I like it, but it looks like a workout piece, not a fall jacket. Id rethink it if you’re planning on this for your main piece of outerwear and just get the same thing at Old Navy.
Someone I work with is taking off 6 straight weeks to travel. I know I have no right to be jealous – I have the same amount of PTO and could do the same thing if I were more disciplined about saving it – but I still am. Anyone here done anything like that? Where did you go?
that would be so wildly out of the norm for my company that even if I did save all my days I couldn’t do it. Plus you’d have to go 46 weeks between vacations and yeah, no.
It’s unusual at my org too, but not unacceptable. But yeah, this is why I’ve never been able to do it – going a year without a vacation is too hard for me!
It wasn’t me, but I did a Grand Canyon rafting trip with a guy who wanted to use his six weeks of PTO (that he had earned) and his company said no. He quit and did the trip anyway. I know he had no regrets – doing an unguided trip like that is once in a lifetime. His company was shortsighted not to see that.
Good on him!
I’ve taken advantage of changing jobs to take a month or longer off. I usually us all my leave at the end of a job then swing a couple of weeks unpaid so I’m fresh for the next step.
I worked for a company where you had to take your vacation or it wouldn’t roll over. Some of the people who worked there a really long time had a lot of vacation accrual just based on seniority. The result was that a few people would end up with like a month off leading up to Christmas and even then it was very much a “depends on who you are” thing with how it was received. My direct report was able to do it once. But that was about it. And my boss (her grand boss) would bring it up constantly. Meanwhile, a programmer regularly took his without anyone batting an eye (more in-demand position). He spent the time back in his home country, so that also may be part of why it was so accepted.
I don’t think I could do 6 straight weeks, but a 2 week vacation is not uncommon in my agency. And several people change scenery for a month or more in the summer – they rent a house in an area and work remotely for several weeks, then tack on a long vacation nearby.
I think 2 weeks is actually my least favorite amount of time to take off – it eats up a much bigger chunk of PTO without feeling any more relaxing, to me at least. I’ve done it for faraway destinations like Australia and Asia where it just doesn’t feel worth it to fly there for one week, but I generally prefer one week trips. But I feel like maybe if I had a month or more off then it would be different and feel more like a sabbatical than a vacation.
Yes, I did a month in Spain, France and Italy. Fantastic!
I also took five weeks off for a friend’s wedding in India and then traveled around northern
I was a changed person after each trip and my boss not it’s positive change and improved work from me (written in my annual performance review). Do it!
*my boss noted it’s positive change.
Outside the USA this is much less rare. Honestly as someone in a senior leadership role I find it a better way to use leave as everyone is clear I need to be replaced instead of work delayed for 2 weeks till I return. Also it gives my team a proper chance to try the role and experience the benefits and challenges. I had 2.5 months off recently and it made the woman I had always thought would be my successor realise she doesn’t want the job.
Agreed.
I regularly take three weeks off. I have 20 days of holiday a year (Australia) and take it at half pay so I can have 40 days. We also have 12 days of public holidays and 5 days shutdown at Christmas. That brings me to around 11 weeks off a year.
I’m also accruing long service leave but I’m not touching that so I can use it for early retirement hopefully.
Not unheard of in my European MNC but not that common either. 3/4 weeks is the max I’ve seen.
I’ve done 3 week holidays before (15 days vacay as we don’t count weekends).
I’m taking off 2.5 weeks and feel like I’m getting the remote stink eye from my manager.
Somewhat of a threadjack, do you think it would raise eyebrows to take 2 weeks off, six months into a new job, if one of those weeks is a company shutdown? I would only use one week of PTO, which I have accrued.
Are you in higher ed? Completely normal and acceptable at my institution to extend the holiday shutdown with a week or two of PTO. Winter break and August are the easiest times to take extended vacation. People do it at other times but those are the most standard times.
Talk to your boss about it before putting in the request. Taking time off around holidays like this is often seniority based.
Depends on the industry but you’re only taking 1 week off in this situation and I say go for it.
It’s really common in IT shops where I am (state government/academia) among southeast Asian employees. It makes sense – if you’re travelling halfway around the world to visit with family each year, and still have close ties to your community there, maintaining those relationships takes more than a week.
I joined in January and a junior coworker was “coming back from sabbatical”. now she has a 10 day vacation in October! I am amazed at both the amount of PTO and her use of it and it is inspiring
I am sure the sabbatical was unpaid but still..!
Sorry to be a whin-y kid here but plz skip if you have less patience for that today: How is it that when I look at myself in the mirror or take a selfie I look let’s say, to objectify my own self, 7/10 but when I see pictures taken of me from speaking events, stage, other people (where I am dressed up and at my best) I am 50 pounds heavier and genuinely like 1/10. And I am not making this up in my head, my closest friend and my spouse agreed although they were gentle about it. I am obese by BMI but with a petite height and bine structure so I think it is the 1/10 that is the reality. I don’t know i was at a career highlight event yesterday and prep’d so much and thought I looked good when i saw the mirror and took my own pics and now am just VERY VERY depressed and hate everything.
Sorry. I’m the same. I think we all figure how
to arrange ourselves in the mirror in the most flattering way. Pictures are really important.
I try to separate my feelings about my clothes and hair and makeup from my feelings about my body and face.
It’s funny, I don’t think I photograph very well. I was looking at some older family pictures and was all “who is that woman in front?” — granted, they are about 15 years old at this point, but I don’t ever remember looking like that. I’m a little nervous because my daughter is getting married and I’m really afraid that photographed me is going to ruin the pictures because I’m actually not that hideous in real life.
Had this happen with mirror in my house. Cheap Walmart full length mirror definitely has a funhouse effect where I look 10 lbs thinner compared to the 30 year old heavy fancy mirror the original owners left in the walk in closet.
My attitude is I can accept the reality or change it. Right now I can’t change it but I know I will feel better when I have time to. I dropped from working out 3 times a week to zero. I see the difference in the mirror but mostly I don’t feel as good so I look forward to getting back to that.
Candid photos often reveal any issues with posture that we automatically adjust to correct when we’re looking right at ourselves. I’m petite and cusp sized so I’ve definitely been there. Sometimes better/more supportive undergarments is a quick fix (though I know sometimes nothing is the same as losing weight especially when already petite, but for me that’s a huge medical hurdle to make happen).
I don’t know how much of it is how you really look in either case, but I had this experience trying on a dress that I thought looked great and then being shocked by how frumpy I looked in most of the pictures from the event, and what I figured out was that I was standing up a lot straighter in the pictures I took in front of a mirror (probably because I could see how much better that was) and slouching much more than I realized in the event pics. I now try to really stand up straight for pictures and it makes a huge difference. It’s like having to speak very slowly when you’re giving a speech – you need to stand much straighter then you think! I truly believe that there is an art to photographing well (which is easier to pull off when you have the benefit of seeing yourself in a mirror/selfie) and you should cut yourself some slack.
I have the exact same problem.
It think mirrors are in cahoots with clothing companies so they always make you look 10+lb lighter than you are. I talk mirror selfies because it gives a better perspective.
If you want an accurate perspective of your home, take some pictures. It always surprises me how I view my home differently after I ‘picture tidy’ instead of doing it the regular way.
I follow TheChristineBuzan on Instagram. A lot about how great you look depends on the angles with how you stand and the position of the camera from you. There is some distortion when a camera is lower or higher to the subject and closer or further. I can’t remember which day it was, but she did a great demo once. Her day-to-day content is all about getting the best natural poses. I highly recommend following. She also is a size 16 plus, and I really think that helps in that you’re seeing how different poses can make you look more or less curvy. I really have learned a lot of practical advice for best ways to pose in group photos and when wearing suits and other things like that.
So, I noticed the same thing but I am not as unhappy when I see videos of myself in court or doing a presentation. Take a good look at candid photos of other middle aged or larger women you think are attractive and you will see they are not that great either. Plus, I only post candid photos of myself on social media that I think are flattering. You do look good, honey!
I’m another who just doesn’t photograph well. It’s something I’ve learned to accept.
This often happens to me, with weight especially – if I turn just so my huge stomach is hidden and outfits look good. It’s been hard to realize from pictures that most people in life aren’t approaching me from that specific angle.
Try to have a look at video of yourself instead of random stills. Some very charming and expressive people really do not photograph well, but in motion you really see them shine. If that’s how you lean, the kind of photos you’re describing is just as expected. Video can also give clues to posture issues – if you are slouching and hiding you’ll see it better in motion.
I’m considering going vegetarian to avoid supporting factory farming. I don’t say vegan because I do plan to still eat honey and eggs from local farmers.
Any tips for the transition? I want to stay away from dairy and am mildly worried about getting enough protein. My personal trainer wants me to get 130 g every day!
My other worry is about when friends and family ask me why I’m not eating meat anymore. I want to tell the truth, but I don’t want them to feel like I’m judging their choices. This can be an issue with a couple of my friends. How do you navigate this?
Well for starters I fire your trainer. You don’t need that much protein.
Rule of thumb is 1g protien/1 lb muscle (which is about 60-75% of your body weight). The rule runs a little high if you aren’t weight training to build muscle, but not out of the realm of reasonable, depending on height/weight, for someone trying to maintain muscle.
You know, I’ve heard all sorts of different numbers for how much protein we should be eating. The RDA is only .36g per pound, which I seem to see most often, but I’ve also seen recommendations ranging from .45-6g per pound and .7-1g per pound. I cannot figure out for the life of me which is the “right” recommendation.
That’s the rule if you’re a body builder.
This. Also, it’s impossible to consume that much protein without using processed protein powder, especially if you are a vegetarian.
+1
Yes, that amount of protein is really… insane for a young woman. Like… make sure your kidneys can handle it!
You will just need to down protein supplements. Eating that high protein on vegetarian diet will be really, really hard. I physically couldn’t not eat that much food and I would be gassy as hell. Unless you plan on eating a ton of eggs.
I think of it as easy to eat this much protein on a non-vegetarian diet, even while watching calories (I do eat a lot of lean fish and plenty of eggs!). On a vegetarian diet, it might come with more calories than I could handle, but with soy products I wonder if I would really need protein powder to achieve it.
I’m curious as to how anyone here knows the ops age and muscle building goals. .77 grams per pound is generally recommended for optimal muscle building. What’s optimal for muscle building is going to be different from the RDA.
I see a lot of health and nutrition advice here that seems out of date and just doesn’t jibe with my understanding of science or my personal experience and this is one example. Maybe there is a whole group of people out there who have gained significant muscle eating significantly less than that but it seems like an uphill battle to me. I think it’s more likely that people are happy with their energy level and body composition eating half that protein and are forgetting that ops muscle building goals might be different.
I am trying to build muscle, and that’s about the same ratio I’ve seen (though I can never tell if it’s supposed to be 0.77g per pound of lean muscle OR total body weight OR goal weight). Anyway– I weigh 180, so 0.77 times that is a little more than 130. I’m not super wedded to that figure, but I do try to get at least 120 g per day. I find the whole protein recommendation situation to be confusing, to be honest!
Thanks to everyone for the great suggestions. As a reforming people pleaser, sometimes I forget I can just say something a little more vague instead of giving very detailed answers about everything.
And for the person who recommended Rancho Gordo– I already LOVE their beans. I have told my partner I’m going to have a whole wall devoted to them in the pantry soon… Luckily, I like a huge variety of foods so I don’t anticipate having any kind of self limitation on anything or difficulty finding food that I will enjoy eating.
I have done this recently. I still eat meat on very rare occasions if there is really nothing else like in an environment I really can’t control, but I have been trying so hard!
For protein, I eat a LOT of beans. Also, my favorite is quinoa, which has a substantial amount of protein. Ezekial bread is healthy and a decent source as well. When you start to look at how much protein is in varying items you might be surprised. I have a fairly standard breakfast and lunch and more variety at supper. It has taken me some time to be sure that my breakfasts and lunches have my desired level of protein, but now I feel pretty good about it. I also use a plant-based protein powder when I feel like I need an extra boost of protein. Sometimes in a smoothie for a snack or I’ll add a scoop to my oatmeal in the morning. I use more soy milk than other plant-based milks since it has more protein.
As for what to say, I have found that in most cases I don’t need to say anything, just eat what I want to eat from what is available if I am around other people. Otherwise, I may just vaguely say something like this is what I feel best eating (I started limiting meat for the health benefits and now also think more about the factory farm conditions for the animals and the planet). My immediate family has probably had the hardest time with it (h and kids), but the kids don’t really say much anymore. H still gives me a hard time sometimes. I still cook mostly what they are used to eating. I’d like to help them limit their meat consumption as well, but at this point (only a year or so into it) I feel like my example is the best thing for them all. Kids are all teenagers, so I think they will respond better if I don’t force the issue.
Looking forward to hearing from others as well!
I should add to the above, I only talk about my reasoning with people who specifically ask and seem willing to listen. Some people will ask, but not really want to listen or understand your why.
For both of your answers, I would adopt the “it’s something I’m trying out” mindset. Try out a new vegetarian recipe two or three times a month and see what sticks. Or try a vegetarian dish when you are out somewhere.
When someone asks “It’s something I’m trying!”. If talking about the why and how is not your thing, you don’t need to. It’s also noncommittal enough that nobody should feel the need to convert you to have a steak.
This. You owe no one an explanation. And if you feel compelled to give one, this is sufficient.
I’m mostly vegetarian for different reasons – partner with a lot of food sensitivities, so easier to both eat the same when making meals at home, which is about 80% of the time.
Eggs in all varieties, beans, and nuts are your friends. Make sure to get regular bloodwork and tell your PCP. There are also lots of vegan / veg protein powders.
As for explaining… I’d really avoid being upfront with reasons since it can come off as very judgement and preachy. But if someone genuinely wants to know, then share freely by all means
I decided on my own to become a vegetarian in middle school (25-30 years ago now… yikes). It really isn’t a big thing in my life – I never have to navigate it and say non-judgmentally “Oh I just don’t eat meat.” “Why?” “I choose not to.” It’s just not a thing you need to engage in discussion about. As for protein, even when pregnant my OB said it’s not an issue – eat a healthy, normal diet and you’ll be fine.
Why not just not tell them you aren’t eating meat anymore?
“The Waldorf salad looked good today! I’m so glad it’s apple season again.”
“Oh, I’m a huge fan of this brand of soy ice cream! I’m so glad Whole Foods carries it now.”
“I’ve got a workout planned this evening so I can’t eat a heavy lunch today. What are you doing this evening?”
Basically, I would refrain from statements that are negative “I don’t eat [X]” and shift the focus onto a topic that moves the conversation forward.
I have no interest in eating that much protein, but in general, I eat a lot of beans, nuts, seeds, and some soy, plus whole wheat bread and pasta have a decent amount of protein. I haven’t eaten meat in 30 years (with 1 exception of a meal from a friend who hunts), and mostly avoid dairy and eggs at home, but I do eat dairy and eggs if they’re not easily avoided when eating out or with others (not often). I don’t make a big deal about it and people don’t actually ask me about my food choices very often, but if they do, I just say it’s for environmental and animal welfare reasons. It’s very, very rare that anyone feels the need to start a debate, but if they do, I’m happy to talk to them in a nonjudgmental way.
Also, I’m a big fan of hemp hearts and nutritional yeast, both of which are high in protein. I like this vegan parm substitute: https://cookieandkate.com/easy-vegan-parmesan-cheese-recipe/
I know a few people who are vegetation for climate change reasons. I don’t push for details, I respect their decisions, if they come over I make sure to have appropriate food.
You can be honest and say it’s bugging you more as you’ve gotten older and you’d like to reduce your footprint (or whatever). Don’t be sanctimonious, it’s not up for debate and it should be a non issue.
I don’t take offense at their choices. I have my own things I do to feel better about my own footprint.
Order some beans from Rancho Gordo and experiment. If you’ve been “meh” on beans in the past, theirs are a revelation. Christmas Limas are my favorites.
I stopped eating meat and switched to farmers market-only dairy/eggs several years ago largely for the same reason. As you’re cutting meat out from your diet, you might enjoy some non-factory farmed meat if you can get it at a local farmers market? As you build up your list of go-to vegetarian recipes you’ll stop buying meat. Lentils and beans will be your friend :)
I don’t typically tell people why I went vegetarian. If they press me, I point out that there are huge environmental benefits as well as personal health benefits. Sometimes I just say that I don’t have a taste for meat anymore (which is true!). I know I’m unlikely to talk anyone into vegetarianism but I sometimes encourage people to try something along the lines of “Meatless Monday” which seems less judgmental than advocating a meat-free diet.
I don’t think most (any?) trainers have enough background in nutrition to be providing dietary recommendations like that.
Seriously.
I know a lot of people who eat meat that’s specifically not from factory farms, so just be prepared if that comes up. “Oh but this meat is from our CSA!” and so on.
On this, if OP is concerned about explaining when going to someone’s house for dinner, etc., I think it’s more helpful to keep it as simple and direct as possible: ie, “vegetarian and no dairy, no eggs” so people know what to make. I’m happy to make modifications, but I need clarity.
Another option if the OP is in a community that really values meat is to be mostly vegan, but eat what is served at people’s houses. I almost never buy beef or pork, but will eat a small amount if it’s served at someone’s house (I’ve lost the ability to adequately process these foods, so can’t eat a full serving). It makes eating with others so much easier than being strict.
That seems like a lot of protein.
I am just naturally vegetarian. I don’t much care for meat and never have. So I actively seek out protein in my daily diet. One thing I use daily to bump my protein intake is a smoothie which has as its base Orgain protein powder, which is vegan and tastes okay, and plain soy milk. Soy has fallen out of popularity but it’s the alternative to dairy that actually has some significant protein.
The Healthy Elvis: base of soy milk and powder, using chocolate protein powder, plus one banana’s worth of frozen banana pieces and a spoonful of all natural peanut butter, plus ice and water as needed, blended.
The raspberry one: same base, chocolate or vanilla, with one frozen banana and 1/2 to 1 cup of frozen raspberries, ice and water as needed to blend.
The surprisingly good easy one: same base, vanilla, with one frozen banana and 8 oz cool coffee, plus ice and water to blend. You can use leftover coffee or bought cold brew to make it super easy.
The tropical one, which I find too sweet: base, one cup orange juice, frozen mango, frozen banana, and ice and water to blend.
Can you tell me how much protein powder you use for these? I keep seeing recipes that say to use one scoop, but I get mine from a bulk food store (Sprouts) so there is no scoop.
For the Orgain brand, the label says two scoops. For the vanilla that’s 21 G protein, 150 calories, 4 g fat (.5 g saturated and 0 g tran$ fat), 0 cholesterol, 270 mg sodium, 15 g carbs. It is sweetened with Erythritol 5 g. (Boo. I wish this stuff weren’t as sweet as it is. They could leave this part out as far as I’m concerned) . It has 35% rda of iron. Deets on the chocolate are slightly different.
I got out the measuring cups and checked. Each Orgain scoop that comes with the powder is 1/4 cup.
Google tells me it’s about 2 tablespoons, but it might be more or less depending on the powder (different brands have different size scoops).
I gave up dairy about ten years ago once I realized it was the cause of my painful cystic acne. Two few specific recommendations:
– Ripple, a pea protein milk, is hands-down my favorite non-dairy milk. It has 8g of protein per cup, same as soy milk. It also happens to be delicious. Our local Safeway carries it, and it seems to be stocked at larger Kroger stores and most Whole Foods.
– All of the Miyoko’s plant-based dairy products are excellent, especially the cultured vegan butter and cream cheeses.
For spreading on toast the Miyokos vegan butter is hard to distinguish from real butter.
First, the transition will be easier if you are willing to go pescatarian. But that may not be in line with your values.
Second, I think you need to decide if you are mostly going to be a “meat substitute” person, or a veggie/bean/soy person. I personally am not a big fan of the meat substitutes, but I know people whose entire goal as vegetarians is to find something that is just like meat but not.
Third, once you decide what kinds of foods are going to be centered, your journey will be easier if you have a broad palate and cooking skills.
You may also want to get some handy foods to keep around, like Dr. Praeger’s patties and Quorn products and of course plenty of eggs, while you get more familiar with beans and tofu and vegetable preparations.
Look up Melissa Clarke’s 5-minute tofu if you want to find a quick and tasty way to take in a massive amount of tofu.
Tofu link? Always looking for the easiest/quickest way to prep tofu. Love asian flavors, and even better if you can avoid cooking.
I’m still looking for a simple and fast tofu “egg salad” dupe. My local co-op makes a delicious one that I could eat every day, but it is too pricey to buy daily.
I’ve found that I prefer chickpea salad to tofu salad for an egg or tuna salad mimic, but I do really like scrambled tofu. I use a recipe from Charity Morgan’s cookbook that only takes a few minutes (a little longer if you add onions or other veggies, which I usually do, but I often have some already cooked and ready to go). The key for me is use black salt (kala namak) to get that eggy taste, along with turmeric, garlic powder, chili powder, and nutritional yeast.
Sorry, looks like this is not Melissa Clark:
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1022562-silken-tofu-with-spicy-soy-dressing
A second for chickpea salad in its many forms and pitas stuffed with dressed lentils and whatever veg you like. Surprisingly satisfying. I have just minced some red onion and added oil and vinegar for the lentils, but you could be far more creative (and I plan to be). I’ve liked watercress, sweet tomatoes, and carrots, but combinations are endless.
There are FB groups for fans of RG beans with many zealous recipes posters.
“I feel better when I don’t eat meat.” This doesn’t reveal whether you feel better because your body/digestion feels better, or because you feel better knowing you’re not supporting factory farming. It will probably be both!
In most areas of the country, it’s possible to get milk and other dairy products from local farmers as well. Something to consider if you like/can tolerate dairy and will find it easier to transition to vegetarian to include some dairy.
Tips for transition depend on how much meat you currently consume and it what contexts. Is it already a “sometimes” food for you and your meal pattern is already mostly vegetarian? Great…just dial it down to a “rare” or “never” food and increase your vegetarian or vegan dishes. If it’s a “pretty often” food for you, you may need to take some time to study the meal patterns of people who are vegan or vegetarian and see how you can adopt more of those patterns yourself. By “meal pattern” I mean not just what ingredients, but how the ingredients are used and in what quantities and combinations. There’s probably a lot of vegan or vegetarian bloggers and vloggers out there for inspiration.
As an aside, I had a coworker once who was vegetarian and he had a rule that if someone was feeding him food he would eat what was offered even if it was meat. Obviously this could look different in different contexts, like at a Thanksgiving dinner served buffet style he could just skip the turkey and load up on the veggie sides vs. someone serving a plated meal that contained meat he couldn’t really skip the meat, but I thought it was an interesting approach. You might want to give some thought to how you are going to handle those kinds of situations.
My friend is like this. If she’s cooking or ordering food for herself, she’s a vegetarian. If she’s invited to eat food at someone’s home, or if someone brings food to share in another way, she will eat that. She has no moral qualms about it because it’s an act of kindness to her host. And she’s a joy to be around.
As opposed to my nephew in law who said as he was eating a bite of food I made at a barbecue I hosted “oh yay, dead animal.” He didn’t get invited over again. But now he’s 100% animal protein 100% of the time – a very vocal adherent of one of those lifestyle diets (paleo? keto? Idk) on social media. But he’s an all around a-hole and the barbecue comment was just the last straw.
I find “I’m eating (or I’m trying) a plant-based diet” is somehow easier for people to just roll with and doesn’t lead to any questions the way that vegetarian does. I have no idea why, maybe because it sounds more just basic/trendy health-conscious? But that’s what I say now and no one ever asks any more questions and also, if you end up cheating a little bit, no one questions it because you are just trying to eat plant-based:)
House help! On my second floor, there is a section of the ceiling with water marks. Google tells me this could be leak from roof or HVAC or pipes. Who do I call to inspect this and tell me the problem? Do I just call one at a time?
Ours was the roof and after a free inspection we bought a new roof. Completely solved the issue. Our attic is sealed, with no way to look up there without punching holes in the ceiling. Call me crazy, but we didn’t get up in there and look. We replaced the roof, fixed the ceiling in one very small spot and moved in.
Also, ours only happened when it rained, which led us to roof and not plumbing.
When it happened to us, I went with roof repair first. They did a free inspection. Mine was roof, so it worked out of me.
Do you have a home warranty? I love them for this reason. I know people have differing experiences, but ours has been excellent.
What company do you use? Mine sent out crap service companies.
Fidelity. The house is in Orange County, California.
Thanks!
If you have attic access, see if you can take a peek up there first.
Are the water marks recent? If you touch the ceiling, is the drywall/surface damp or spongy? That will help you understand how recent and how urgent this is. Proceed from there. If it’s dried up, could have been a weather-related leak. If it’s fresh, more urgent. Call a plumber.
Go into the attic and figure out what’s on top of the spot–are there any pipes or ductwork there? Look up at the roof above too.
I’m finally biting the bullet and reaching out to some travel agents this weekend to try to help me plan a trip to Japan that’s a bucket list trip for me. I’ve never used one before — what questions should I ask to decide if we’d be a good fit? Any red flags to watch for? How much in general should I expect to pay? (I understand they mostly work on commission but then… why doesn’t everyone use travel agents?!)
As to why everyone doesn’t use travel agents, a lot of people love planning trips (I do!) And I don’t think any one person, no matter how well traveled, is a better judge of quality than pages like TripAdvisor and Yelp which have data from thousands of travelers.
I mean why have you never used one before? we don’t because we prefer to vacation pretty independently and at a relaxed pace, so we don’t need someone masterminding a 5 thing per day schedule as opposed to buying tickets or making reservations for 1-2 things per day, and we like getting really into the weeds on lodging and restaurants, not just ‘oh this place is popular of course we should go.’
for a complicated itinerary like an Africa safari or something we might consider it but between Google and TA reviews and trip reports, we have fun with all the anticipation that comes with DIY planning!
I just get so overwhelmed with all that stuff. Should we leave in June or over spring break? How many days should we go? I always feel like I need to do 1000% of the research before booking anything… but I’m the kind of person who won’t start researching until I have a deadline / booking.
I just returned from 2 weeks solo in Japan. Planned it myself with no travel agent. Lots of reading reddit r/japantravel and browsing around on Google Maps. Booked everything myself. That said, I see the value in having a travel agent be a “one stop shop” and have them book your hotels, trains and perhaps some tours so that if anything goes wrong you have one number to call for help. I am a confident international solo traveler, but if that’s not you that’s OK.
Make sure to know your interests – History? Architecture (modern or traditional)? Shopping? Anime? Theme Parks? Food? Experiences? Food Experiences? Japan has so much going on that you can’t see/do everything, so know knowing what actually interests you vs. what you think you need to see/do based on what reddit or Insta is telling you, is a very important first step.
Based on my experience, you might consider booking a tour for the first part of your trip and then traveling independently for the remainder – with the tour you’ll get your bearings and know how things work and then be confident on your own.
In terms of cost, I spent about $7K for a 2 week trip. Airfare direct from the US East coast was the biggest expense. I stayed in nice “business” hotels at around $100/night – modern, clean, comfy, right by the train stations (much dining and shopping at the station, so v. convenient). Spent about $65/day in general transport, food & small souvenirs. I don’t know what impact a travel agent would have on that, but if they’re just doing your bookings it shouldn’t be much as the hotel, etc. pays their commission, not you. If it’s a tour company then you’re paying more for them to make the arrangements.
Happy to chat if you post a burner email.
Posting a second time for more ideas (good one last time though).
Looking for a Mexican resort for a late February vacation for me and my adult son and daughter. Not sure if we want all inclusive or not so either would be fine. Looking for one without a big party scene and adults only, no kids.
My daughter just wants to lie on the beach all day. Sounds heavenly. Thanks all.
My dream resort is the Conrad Tulum Riviera Maya (it’s a Hilton property). Look at the website to understand why!
We’ve spent a few days in Izla Hotel on Isla Mujeres. Great food, wasn’t crowded, and we had an amazing relaxing time. We were there with a baby, but they also have a rooftop adult-only swimming pool.
Excellence Playa Mujeres. (I visited after getting the rec here!) Adults only, geared more toward couples but there were a handful of (chill) friend groups when we visited. Or their sister resort next door, Finest – it is for families but has an adults only wing.
Neighbor offered to watch 3 yo while husband and I went out for lunch today. All well and good until husband started talking about how ideal our lives would be divorced. “ I could still see 3 yo every day” “ we could still go to the museum and vacations together”. Obviously I’m only half of the story and we have been having issues the past year but man I’m hurt. We’ve talked about counseling before and he said no.
Like I said, more to the story and I’m only half of it but I don’t have anyone to share it with and im hurt and angry about how he framed it.
He didn’t say I’m divorcing you but just the way he talked about it so casually…
Oh that sounds awful, I’m so sorry.
What?? Why didn’t you respond “no, you wouldn’t see our 3 year old every day” or “no, we wouldn’t vacation together if we were divorced.” I’m all for civility and friendliness for the kids, but you won’t be a family unit after a divorce and you will most likely share custody 50-50. It seems like your husband has very rose colored glasses on about what life would look like if he ended it and I don’t know why you wouldn’t disabuse him of his incorrect ideas?
Sadly, and hopefully I’m wrong, I think he did say ‘I’m divorcing you’, he just didn’t say it directly.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that.
Ouch, that sounds heartbreaking.
Why does he think you’d still want to go to museums and vacations with him if you were divorced? He’s nuts. I’m so sorry.
The cynical me wants you to know right now there’s a greater than 50% chance he’s got your replacement lined up already.
I’d say 85 to 90 percent. And I’m definitely not a cynic.
Given that OP said they’ve heen having problems for the last year, I would say that replacement has been around for a while.
Get your ducks in a row NOW! I’d consider consulting a divorce lawyer just to be safe.
Yup – lawyer up now if only to know the law, options and likely outcomes in your state.
This might not have sounded like a declaration but it was definitely a warning shot across your bow. It’s time to stock your war chest, gather your papers/information, and put together your advisory council.
Obviously you won’t be vacationing together or going to the museum together.
Hopefully you are in counseling for yourself so you have a safe place to tell your half of the story, but at the same time, prepare.
Yes he did, he was clearly warning you of his intent.
OP you need to get prepared, starting now.
This is likely my being jaded, but I’m wondering if he has started putting plans in place to make his casual comments a reality…
And be prepared for the possibilty that there’s a mistress.
Yeah this was a soft offer, feeling you out to see how you felt – if you’d immediately agreed you’d be officially getting divorced. $10 says he asked the neighbor to watch the kid. (Any chance she’s the mistress?)
That would certainly put “I could still see 3yo every day” in a different light.
Ugh. And that’s why he thinks he’s still see kid every day? Sorry op.
I think he’s made the decision but is wimping out and trying to get you to initiate. Sorry and hugs!!
“If we get divorced, I’m not hanging out with you. It’s the end of our relationship except for coparenting. And the options are now go to therapy or we just call lawyers. I deserve better than spending my
Life with someone who thinks not being my husband would be better.”
What does “I’m only half the story” mean?
RE the article on work texts. I am guilty as well and I want them to stop. Not sure how to begin to set boundaries with people who are used to texting me all the time since many of my colleagues are also friends. But this is the truth – there are colleagues who will respond to text after ignoring my emails. It is all very frustrating. Especially because I really should have a record of written communication and there is no easy way to categorize and save multiple texts. Is there a way to make an autoreply on my texts? Like “Thank you for reaching out. Please email me at — during business hours?”
You can set your phone to do not disturb so it’s visible to your colleagues when they text. I think doing it 9 pm on would be acceptable. You can set your phone to still show those messages and respond as need if there is anything important.
If it’s peers texting YOU can you reply and say “hey can you send me an email on this so it doesn’t get lost”? Like don’t reward the text behavior with a substantive answer, be responsive to email, and maybe you can pare it back?
for people who are terrible at reading email unless prompted can you try to say “hey can you take a look at my email on X from Friday morning, it’s now urgent” for similar goal?
for people in roles where it’s terrible and texts have kind of lost the sense of urgency bc they’re used in place of email, the only solution I’ve seen is to go to a 2nd phone for work comms.
Thanks for the thoughts. Cat, trying to break the answering with substance habit. I am considering a second phone. I own a small law firm (me at my house) but the work texts and contacts are taking over for sure.
Not the OP – this is brilliant.
To the extent you need to retain texts in your work records, you probably can screen shot them and then email them to yourself. Hopefully your work emails are automatically retained for record-keeping purposes.
I wish I didn’t get so many though! I am checking out apps that get forwarded to email as an alternative now.
Does anyone have recommendations for a pet pharmacy to price? I’m currently spending $100/mo on pimobendan (vetmedin) at Chewy. I’d love to lower this if possible. Costco or Mark Cuban pharmacy don’t have it. Any ideas would be appreciated. Thanks!
Try Allivet.