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AnonForThis
I need help. I’m from the north in a very diverse area, and I moved to the south. I work in an area where apparently, Jim Crow is still in place (I am white).
Whenever I go to lunch or grab something quick at the pharmacy, if there are any black people in front of me, they will LEAP out of line and insist I go ahead of them. The first time it happened, I thought it was just a fluke of overly polite men, but it’s happened multiple times with men and women of every age.
One time a teenager was in line and another man was behind me. He yelled at the teenager to get out of line because there was a white woman waiting. It was so awful and I tried to tell him no, that of course the teen should go ahead because he was there first, but he looked at me like I was crazy and insisted, saying white women always go first. The teenager apologized and said he hadn’t seen me, and promptly got behind me.
I cannot even put into words how uncomfortable this makes me and I have no idea how to handle it. What can I say/do? I had no idea this area was like this and it really depresses me.
Anonymous
Where on earth do you live? I’ve lived in the south my whole life and have never experienced anything like this (at least racially – I do still find that men are sometimes overly courteous, but that it cuts cross races). I think you can politely decline to take their spot (“no, please, you’re in front of me, I can wait”), but this perplexes me.
AnonForThis
I really wish I was trolling. This makes me so anxious :(
I have tried telling them politely but firmly, no, you were first, go ahead…but they get really agitated and insistent which makes me all the more anxious and I just panic.
Anon
I think that this sounds unreal. Where is this area?
AnonForThis
Alabama
Anonymous
Are you in a rural area? This sounds bizarre
AnonForThis
More suburb, and probably about 90 minutes from a major city
AnonForThis
I just need to vent…this really upsets me. I relocated here and I love my job, but the race division is really shocking to me. I feel so helpless. I want to DO something, like campaign or lobby, but I don’t want to be the blonde white savior woman and I just feel so overwhelmed. I hate this area now.
Anonymous
this is awful. i think you need to practice being firm here. don’t say “no, no it’s fine. you were here first. i can wait.” say “i do not want your place in line.” be firm, insistent, and if you have to, impolite. and stand up to whatever white knight (pun intended) thinks he’s doing the world a favor by getting white ladies preferential treatment.
for what it’s worth, i live in a deep south city and this has never happened to me in this context. i’ve had men (both black and white) offer their place in line, but never had anyone suggest it was race-oriented.
also, follow your instinct to do something. you don’t have to carry the banner, but figure out if there are ways to be an ally in your community to on the ground organizations who are already doing the work. you don’t have to be a civil rights hero, but every movement needs its allies.
anon
This is good advice. I’ve lived most of my life in a neighboring state and haven’t seen things done this overtly.
Blonde Lawyer
Post on the weekend thread. Not a ton of people read this one. Also, can you find some other transplants to commiserate and plan with? I have a white blonde friend that moved there too but it was a military relocation (for her husband) and she’s at one of the Universities. I’d connect you two but they are being relocated again really soon so she won’t be much help. She’s also still new to the area so I don’t think she’d have much in the way of roots. I know that she felt very out of place with a full time serious career and had to find other transplants to find other working women to chat with. You might look for the same to address the race issue.
I can also semi-relate that I had family temporary located in a part of Georgia where restaurants and bars had a bit of an unwritten rule. There was the white people Mexican place and the Mexican Mexican place and the clientele of the two never crossed even if the buildings were on the same block. Sad.
Tunnel
I cannot even imagine this. It is really shocking. I feel that, if it were me, I would insist that the person who was in front of me go ahead. And I wouldn’t take no for an answer. Although I would try to be as polite as possible of course. At some point, my curiosity would probably take over and I would state that I am not from this area to try to learn more about this continuing practice. Or ask a co-worker or friend.