Weekly News Update
Liking these posts? Follow us on Twitter or like us on Facebook — this is the edited version of what we’re reading! (We also Tweet if we hear about a good sale through our CorporetteDeals Twitter feed.)
– FabSugar has a guide to “10 ways to wear a white button down.” (Warning: video and music starts automatically).
– Above the Law covered a fun primer that Duke's Career Services Department put out, advising women how to dress professionally.
– Rise and shine, ladies: Forbes Women says the secret to being a power woman is getting up before 5 AM.
– A new study looks at how “elite firms” hire.
– Ah, taxes. Lifehacker has some year-end suggestions to work the system.
– Finally: a little birdie told me that the good folks at Shop It To Me are planning on putting out a special Black Friday and Cyber Monday edition of their Sale Mails — so make sure that your account is updated with your favorite latest brands and your latest sizes! (Not familiar? Read my reviews of Shop It To Me. Need an invite? Join here.)
Did we miss anything? Add 'em here, or send them to news@corporette.com. Thank you!
I’ve heard a lot about the successful 5 AMers, e.g. Mary Kay, Anna Wintour. I consider myself a morning person (relatively speaking) but cannot do that early. Maybe it will change when I’m older? I currently get to work at 7/7:30 am. I would love to wake up super early to be able to exercise before then, but have never been able to keep that going
Usually getting to work early signals in my brain that I am working on something serious and important and that helps me focus. I usually get up at 4:45 to run and get to the office around 8. I wish I could get here by 7! That would be excellent.
Ehh. If being a “power woman” requires me to get up at a time that starts with a 4, count me out.
I got up before 5 a.m. for about 20 years.
In my experience, the only thing it’s the secret to is chronic sleep deprivation.
Yup. I worked a 4:30am barista shift 5 days a week, meaning up by 3:30. My memories of those years are like scenes from Taxi Driver.
I’d love a regular post about this to get some more opinions.
I can barely wake up at 7.
For those that wake up at 5 or thereabouts, when do you go to bed?
I wake up at between 6:15 and 6:30 (I get ready super quick and eat breakfast at the office, coffee is on auto timer and I take a cup with me). Oh, and no kids. I got to bed usually at 10:30, but could be anytime between 9 and 12, depending on what’s going on that week. Last night I didn’t get home from a meeting till about 10:30.
I wake up at 545-6, am in bed around 1130.
I usually get in bed around 9, asleep by 9:30ish. Wake up at 4:45.
I need sleep. I am happy to sacrifice on other things (reading, TV, etc.) for my sleep. I get up at 7:00 and I try and be in bed by 10:30, and I’ll fall asleep by 11:00. If I can go to bed earlier, I will.
I get up between 5:30 and 5:45 every day. I aspire to get in bed by 10 most nights. I usually make it to bed by 11:30. I know I’m not getting enough sleep– just check my couch at 9 on a Friday night. Chances are I’m passed out.
I wake up at 4:15 and go to sleep at 8. I need 8 hours. For what it’s worth, I’m married, baby on the way, and I am on track to bill a little more than 2000 hours this year… and I’m still happy and enjoy my life. (The keys for me are to be incredibly focused at work so that I can go home at 4 p.m. or so and not work weekends, and the power of the word “no”).
I think I’d rather sleep than wake up before 5. Plus I’m not sure what extra things I really have to do during that time that would make me a power woman.
Help!!!
I anyone else out there stuck with a Momzilla over turkey day. After a huge guilt trip I decided to come from SF to the east cost for the holiday season. Part of the reason that I moved to SF was to have some distance from my disfunctional parents. She has spend the past 48 hours making nasty cracks about my weigt (put on 30 pound during a bout of unemployment in 2010); the fact that I am single; and rubs in my face people of my peer group who are far more successful than me. A kind work has not been spoken since I touched ground. My dad, to frighted of her rages refuses to stick up for me. I am on the brink of clinical depression. Could use some help!
I don’t generally advocate alcohol as a “solution” but is it too early for a glass of wine?
Seriously, try to keep some perspective: she is the problem, not you. I assume you’ve already tried all reasonable responses (“Mom, I’m certainly aware of my own weight and your comments are hurtful and unnecessary. Please stop because it’s not funny.” “It’s great that so-and-so is so successful! But how is that relevant to me? It’s not a competition, right?” “Being single is not a sign that I’m somehow unworthy, I’m just waiting for the right person and I’m unwilling to settle – I’m happy”). Do your best to let it roll off your back. If it’s really as toxic of an environment as you describe, maybe you should consider skipping holidays with the family.
Having said all that, it’s easy to deal with these kinds of comments when you have confidence in yourself. If you weren’t feeling down on yourself about your weight, single statuts, and success, I doubt these things would bother you. In the long term, you need to build your confidence. I suggest looking into therapy. “Clinical depression” is not something you’re going to solve on your own, and it’s not something that’s just going to go away, either.
I love these suggestions. Also, just flat out tell her that you were hoping your trip would be a positive experience. Tell her that comparing people to others is extremely unhelpful and is creating a negative energy, so you most likely will not return next year. And then leave for a while. Go for a walk, get a pedicure, whatever sounds fun to you. Make sure she knows that you choose to spend your time doing things that are good for you, not listening to others put you down, so it’s her choice of whether you hang around the house (and ever return) or go out and do your own thing.
Lastly, remember what my therapist always tells me “What other people think of you is none of your business!”
But I do sympathize – family stress can really put a damper on the holidays.
I’m so sorry she’s being awful. At least this validates your decision to live in a galaxy far, far away.
Try to plan something fun for after you get back home, preferably involving friends. Reminding yourself that you have a good life in SF with plenty of friends and fun things to do can help you keep in mind that your visit is only temporary and you have better things to look forward to.
I’m assuming that you have a desi mom, so while the other advice is well-intentioned, they will not work. I’m a personal fan of avoidance/distraction strategies. Find some favorite desi movies/dramas and have them playing in the living room with surround sound ALL DAY LONG. Interrupt her tirade with “but Shahrukh is SO MUCH BETTER than Salman”/insert-your-contentious-bollywood-statement-here. If she’s the kind of person who likes to argue/nitpick, use those bollywood to distract. If she’s religious, use religious movies. Or old school Bollywood movies, whatever.
Be patient and then be thankful that you get to GO HOME after all this is over.
Yeah those other tactics aren’t going to work. You basically have to do avoidance and non-response.
ugh, how horrible! I’m so sorry, sending virtual hugs.
I guess if I had already asked her to stop, or tried to change the subject and that hadn’t worked, I would very clearly say: Mom, this is going to be the last time I come home for the holidays if this negative talk doesn’t stop right now. And then just walk away. Think of this as the year you define your boundaries, and that this is the last year you are going to do this. That gives you the strength of finally setting and sticking to your own boundaries, and the specific end date when you know this will be over: the day you fly home, which can help get through it.
you can make it through this!
I second oak. It might be easier to get through the trip if you resolve not to visit again (or visit for more than a small amount of time) for a long time. Also, have you looked into earlier flights back to SF or visiting friends elsewhere on the east coast until it’s time to fly back?
Oh, so sorry! My adult children will be at my house for Thanksgiving, and I certainly don’t think they should come out of guilt or obligation. Can I give you permission to make other plans next year?
Welcome to the holidays with dysfunctional family! You’ll love it here. I posted about a similar situation with my father on last week’s open thread. The ladies gave great advice, as usual.
Bullies have to be confronted head-on. Real life example! My father snapped at me during dinner tonight and started raising his voice and getting sarcastic. I raised my index finger and said very strongly, “No. You do not talk to me that way. Stop using that tone right now.” And guess what? It worked. There were a few uncomfortable moments afterward, but at least I felt better about not letting him victimize me. So maybe just be very matter of fact with your mother. Tell her that her comments are mean, hurt your feelings, and that you don’t appreciate them. Explain that the reason you see each other so little is because she acts this way. Tell her that if she wants to have a relationship with you, she needs to cut it out with the comments and to be. nice.
Good luck! You’re not alone.
Glad you stuck up for yourself and it went well! Good luck tomorrow!
If all else fails (i.e. your stock of patience runs out), how about comparing her with your friends’ mums? That should teach her :)
Poll:
How many people here have Friday off, and how many are expected to be in work on Friday, or had to take a vacation/personal day?
In the spirit of the holiday, I’m thankful my office is closed on Friday!
I’ll be working on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I’m not thrilled about it, but I’ll be able to comp some time later.
Officially open. No one will be in. I have the option of coming in or not, but, of course, if I don’t come in, it’s a personal day.
Govt employee here… so we’re open. I’m taking annual leave Friday even though I’m sticking around for the holiday bc, well, I just don’t feel like going into work!
We don’t get Friday off – I’m taking a vacation day. But, I’m in retail. It’s the nature of the biz. When I was in a private law firm, we always had Friday off.
My office is officially closed, but that bears no relationship to whether and how much I have to work.
Exactly.
ditto.
Same.
Ugh. same here. I never even know what days the office is officially closed!
I’d love to hear thoughts on the elite firms article. So is it just impossible for non-elite undergrad individuals to become consultants? I’m specifically thinking about management and strategy, not financial.
Is it pointless? If you’re not from the top schools, and weren’t recruited, should one just give up?
The entire time I was reading that I was just like–what. I don’t work in an applicable field myself, but I went to one of the “public ivies” (hate that term, by the way. I’ll take my ACC and $0 debt load, thanks.) that are apparently beneath those dudes’ notice, and I have a bunch of friends and acquaintances working at elite firms, financial and otherwise, in NYC and DC. Not all were recruited, though some were.
So yeah. Not pointless. Maybe not easy, but not pointless.
Did anyone else read the link on ATL about the Duke fashion advice? I think the advice that Duke gave is comprehensive, and probably a good reminder for many 1Ls.
And it reminded me why I don’t read ATL… the most obnixious part of that post was the commentary.
I thought a lot of the advice — e.g., wear deodorant — was kind of condescending. The actual clothing part was a pretty good reminder, though.
I agree with Lola. They could have culled most of it from discussions on Corporette. Most law students (particularly at Duke) are really young — straight out of undergrad. They have never had to dress professionally and so, no, they wouldn’t know these basics. Also, a lot of law students are not from the area so I thought the suggestions for tailors, etc. was a really good idea. I didn’t think anything in there was that condescending — just covering all the bases (i.e., if people with BO do wander the halls of corporate America, they just might be wandering the halls of law schools too). It’s not like deoderant or similar such statement were belabored. What I found *most* interesting is how the post focused on how this event was for women but one of the commenters pointed out that the event was for both men and women, with handouts for both, and equal time spent on issues for both. Man do I ever hate ATL. So “douchy”.
I didn’t think it was that bad; thought it could have come from straight from this site. Perhaps Duke’s career services people read Corporette?
Ugh, that Duke email made me so. angry. It wasn’t even that the tips were wrong (though really, you do not need to wear makeup or heels, plenty of women get jobs doing neither and I remain convinced that we all ascribe way more importance to those things than firms do), but sending 7 pages of advice on how women should dress themselves and wash their underwear came across as ridiculous and patronizing.
But apparently women need it? See, e.g., this site?
I would agree that it is condescending and ridiculous if I had not had the opportunity to interview women who were apparently genuinely clueless about basic things like not wearing clothes too tight, blouses that show cleavage, bras with oddly shaped bulges showing through too tight/too sheer blouses, not wearing espadrille wedges (with hose!), etc. I suspect that career services has seen or heard of someone violating every single one of those rules.
Oh my…. I had a crazy week last week… got dressed in the dark, and didn’t realize I picked up the bra with the strange bulges. I wore a somewhat fitted shirt with a cardi, but my office was a sauna because of some ventilation issues. So of course, I walked around the office in a slightly too tight shirt…. with strange buldges looking like n*pples. Didn’t notice until I stepped into the ladies room. I was mortified.