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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 264 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Sleeveless Printed Twist-Shoulder Sheath Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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White House | Black Market Sleeveless Printed Twist-Shoulder Sheath Dress | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. White House | Black Market has a TON of great stuff on sale right now — for steep discounts. Take this sheath dress, for example: it was $140, but is now on sale for $39.99 — and tons of sizes are left from 00 to 14. I like that it's machine washable, fully lined, and skirts the whole zipper issue by being a pull-over style. A few more picks from the sale: this short-sleeved sweater jacket, this beige/white shift, and this lovely purple A-line dress. Pictured: White House | Black Market Sleeveless Printed Twist-Shoulder Sheath Dress Here's a plus-size alternative. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]. (L-all)

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Comments

  1. Ellen

    Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday and this pullover sheathe dress, Kat and Kate–the idea of NO Zipper is great also! This way, there is NOTHING for Frank to pull down. FOOEY on men that want to do nothing but see me in my panties and bra (or less).

    Fruegal Friday’s is such a great idea that I told the manageing partner we should give a discount to cleint’s who give us extra work on Friday, but do NOT demand imediate turn around. He said he would consider it. Now that I am a PARTNER, I am expected to come up with inovative idea’s like this. No one helped me either, not even Dad.

    Myrna ate 2 tuna fish sammiches from the deli yesterday. I had corn beef and spinich knish. I wonder why peeople order tuna from a deli. You can get that anywhere. But Myrna needed protein as she is still run down from last week’s Tryathalon. This weekend, we are goieng to Grandma Leyeh’s house with Dad b/c she has some issue with her bathroom tub.

    I keep reading about Trump. What does the HIVE think about Trump. I love Ivanka! YAY!

    • LF

      Ellen, true story: a family member of mine hit Ivanka in with a dodge ball at tennis camp when he was a kid. I like her shoes though.

      • Violet

        And Ellen, I think the press accounts you keep reading about “Trump” refer to Ivanka’s dad, DONALD Trump, who is running to be the next President of the United States (POTUS).

        I love your idea for discount legal billings, but am speaking as a client, not as an attorney!

  2. anonymous

    I’m thinking about registering for these for my wedding- they’re magnetic spice jars that I can put on my fridge as a spice rack. I can get fewer or more jars. How many spice jars does the average person who likes to cook need? I haven’t kept the full range of spices around that I’d like to because of space, but putting them on the fridge solves that problem. I cook with a range of “normal” spices commonly found in American food as well as South Asian stuff, but I’m not super super into cooking either. How many spices would you say you cook with, and how often/what range of things do you cook?
    https://www.etsy.com/listing/83337881/glass-spice-jars-custom-magnetic-spice?ref=shop_home_active_19

    • Wildkitten

      Those are super cute but you have to take them down in order to read the labels which seems unhelpful for someone (like me) who can’t just identify the spices by color.

    • rosie

      I would be hesitant to have anything glass hanging off the fridge. When opening/closing the doors, or even just walking by, I’ll sometimes knock off magnets and papers that are hanging on the fridge. If you want to store spices this way, I would go for lower profile, plastic or metal containers.

      If you know what spices look like, I don’t think not having the labels out is a huge problem (at least compared to my system, which is to dig on the cabinet shelf until I find what I’m looking for). You would have to take them off the fridge to check what’s what for spices that look similar, but doesn’t seem like a big inconvenience as long as the jars are sturdy.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      I am into cooking and cook from a range of cuisines (Middle Eastern, South Asian, North American including Latin American) and my 15-jar spice rack is sadly overgrown. I would probably need a 30 jar rack to be quite honest, but right now I have the rack for commonly used spices and then a drawer for all the little bags and extra bottles. 24 might work if you don’t use anything super crazy or keep blends in their own jars.

    • Anonymous

      Im south asian, and I have a lot of spices… here’s a short list
      — cumin (whole and ground)
      — corriander (whole and ground)
      — cinnimon (whole and ground)
      — red pepper flake
      — thyme
      — rosemary
      — paprika
      — basil
      — oregano
      — peppercorns
      — garam masala
      — ground ginger
      — mustard powder
      — fenegreek powder
      — mango powder
      — chinese 5 spice
      — fish sauce
      — oyster sauce
      — tumeric
      — chili powder
      — garlic powder
      — annise
      — cardamom (black and green)
      — tamarind paste

      I actually keep some on my fridge (similar to yours) for decoration), but the majority of my spices live in a spice cupboard, just because there are a lot.

      • anonymous

        How big are your containers? I noticed that the ones I’m looking at are about 1.5 oz, which seems a bit small. Also, the ones on your fridge- do the magnets hold them on, or do the every slip around/come off?

        • mascot

          1.5 ozs is about 9 tsp. (US). That’s probably enough for items you don’t use often. It also encourages you to replace/refill spices more frequently which in turn means fresher spices.

          • Anonymous

            The 1.5 Oz I use for things that I don’t use too often. The majority of mine are much larger (8-12 oz size). I don’t buy into the frequent purchase of spices/freshness argument, that’s just not how my culture/family views it. So, I do buy quite a bit at Indian stores/specialty stores and transfers to bottles. My parents use large mason jars for most of theirs. Also there are some ones that I forgot :P now that I am looking at that list.

      • Spice Lover Cooksalot

        Also most spices and dried herbs should be kept out of the light, in a cool dry place, to last longer. The pantry or inside a cabinet is really the best place for spices for a reason.

    • Anon

      We cook a lot and have the ikea equivalent of these. The Ikea version is larger and we probably have 24 or so. We also still have a dedicated (small!) shelf for spices, for those that we buy in smaller quantities or just don’t need that much of. We love them though, and the ones you’ve linked are much cuter than ours!

    • TNTT

      Yeah I think this is going to depend a lot on what kind of food you like to cook. My basics for a mostly latin food family are:

      cumin
      red pepper flakes
      chili powder
      oregano
      cardamom
      tumeric
      paprika

      I could probably get by for a long time with just those, but YMMV.

    • Veronica Mars

      I am addicted to Penzey’s spices. They also used to have a store near my university and would send out free spice coupons all the time (you could just turn in the coupon and get a free, huge spice of the month). So from that I have a nice collection. I also like that they offer itty bitty jars for things I use less often. I have a lot of blends because I’m not a great cook and I like the convenience. Some of my favorites from them are roasted garlic (sooo good on anything), fox point (I use it instead of salt), Turkish seasoning (meat), taco seasoning, curry powder and cinnamon.

    • Anonymous

      Aren’t the spices supposed to be stored in the dark to retain the flavor longer?
      If all the spices are in heavy use, the jars will be refilled often, but I get the impression that with the OP’s cooking habits she will not use all of them evenly, so some will inevitably go stale.
      My other concern is the high profile of the jars – they will stick out off the fridge’s surface.
      Finally, in most houses, the stuff on the fridge never stays in the nice order it was initially arranged.

      Here are some other ideas for spice storage: http://www.thekitchn.com/organizing-your-spices-20-spice-storage-setups-and-solutions-tips-and-reader-projects-from-the-kitchn-203818

      • NYtoCO

        Oh my gosh yes. Don’t pay (or let someone else pay) $100 for those. I use the exact jars from the link above, but stored in a drawer rather than on the fridge.

    • Anonymous

      Just as a heads up – you can DIY these – I think my comment is in moderation, but I’ll reply to this with the links to the supplies. It was ridiculously easy once the materials were sourced

    • Anon

      It’s technically not so great to store spices like that, exposed to light. If you mention this on a cooking-related site, they would jump on you all over with that. However, I’m not really sure how much that actually matters. I’d buy a bunch because you never really know how many you’ll need and if you want more in the future and the seller no longer makes them, it would be frustrating. Count your and your partner’s spices now and add about 10 or so jars and get that number. I’m not sure there’s a normal amount of spices for a kitchen to have. I probably have 50+.

    • Clementine

      Also, realize that many stainless fridges aren’t magnetic.

      Signed, very sad that my awesome kitschy magnets have to be stuck on my dishwasher.

  3. NYNY

    Shopping help needed. I’m looking for a black or navy casual summer dress in cotton or similar knit, sleeveless, simple sheath shape, knee to midi length. It seems so simple, but I can’t find it anywhere I look. Any shopping ninjas with suggestions?

    • A Nonny Moose

      What about item number c9228 at j crew or item c8743 or c7163 at j crew factory?

      Also Sarah ponte dress at Boden.

    • Banana

      I got a very similar one from Banana Republic a few weeks ago and can’t find it on their website now, but it looks like they have several others that may fit the bill.

    • KT

      What about the Lands End sheath dress? they have both black and navy. They even have pockets!

    • AR

      I have a few of the three dots dresses and I LOVE them. Wear them all the time. Super comfy, and the color holds after a lot of washings.

  4. Veronica Mars

    What planners do you use? I’m looking for a small, paper planner. Originally, I was looking for something stylish but not cutesy or overly girly, but I think I’ve given up. They’re either so plain they’re depressing or overly pink. What do you think about “cute” planners? Should I even care? I am leaning towards getting one from Orange Circle Studio and just not caring if there are flowers or a bear on it. I’m in a business casual office, if that matters.

    • D

      I like the ones from Gallery Leather:
      http://www.galleryleather.com/

      They come in a range of colors and sizes. You can have them monogrammed. And you can choose the calendar type that suits you best. For instance, I work for a university so I get calendars that start in July.

      • Anonymous

        I had one of these in Law School and loved it. Amazing quality, an enormous pleasure to use.

    • Wildkitten

      I put planner inserts in a Levenger but I also like Rifle Paper Co, Erin Condren (choose a less cutesy cover), and the Simplified Planner.

      • Meg Murry

        I also put planner inserts in a Levenger. If you buy the one with a clear cover and a punch, you can punch scrapbooking paper to put in behind the cover to customize it any way you want. You can also get fancy colored disks, like teal or silver, if you want more color or customization.

        My sister is super crafty and she just cuts a piece of scrapbook paper and glues it on a generic day planner.

        Of course, all of this is just customizing the covers – if you want more color and design on the inside, I can’t help you there.

    • Anonymous

      I think using a cutesy paper planner screams mommy. I would not bust that out at work.

        • Wildkitten

          You can definitely find something cute – navy chevron, colorful stripes – without being cutesy.

      • Sigh

        God forbid someone actually be a mother and work in a professional capacity. I hate when people use mommy as an insult. (I also hate when adults use it to describe themselves, but I can tolerate the cutesy better than the sneer).

        • Alli

          Totally agree. It’s ok to be a “mommy” and have a cute planner. If we would all quit pretending that we aren’t women, maybe we wouldn’t have to any more. If we would wear (professional) clothes we want to wear– bright colors and feminine cuts– instead of wearing a female version of a man’s suit, maybe we wouldn’t be expected to wear that any more. If we carry the planners we like, maybe we won’t be expected to carry boring planners any more.

          Reminds me of an article I read this week about why offices are so over air-conditioned– because women (who are freezing) feel like they have to accomodate men, who think it’s comfortable inside. How about we make them adapt for a change?

        • Anonymous

          I used mommy instead of mother deliberately. Absolutely be a parent. I fail to see why that means you, a grown up business woman, needs to use a planner with a bear on it in the office.

          • Sigh

            My planner is navy blue. I know you used “mommy” deliberately, but my point was that using “mommy” as an insult, as you did, carries an unspoken implication about motherhood for all women (ie, don’t let your motherhood show too much, or you’ll be lumped in with all those cutesy, crafty, mindless, baby-obsessed mommies)

    • Scarlett

      I use kate spade’s debra planner and refills. The quality of paper went down this year but I like the leather planner and I’ve had mine for about 7 years now. The only irritant is that they don’t come out with the refill paper until late in the year and I have to find an interim solution as I plan more than a couple of weeks out.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I also have been using a Kate Spade for 7 years. Not sure the exact name of it. My office just orders me the “At-A-Glance” paper inserts for it. They are the kind with the 6 holes. Mon-Wed are on the left page and Thur-Sunday are on the right.

        A paper planner is key for me for the where I need to be when stuff. Everything else goes on my outlook (deadlines).

    • EmilyG

      This idea might be too expensive or out there, but I use the Hobonichi Techo which crams tons of pages into a small book and has lots of covers available ranging from expensive leather to really quirky. Buuut… you can only order them from Japan, at certain times of year.

      http://www.1101.com/store/techo/2015/planner/index.html
      http://officesupplygeek.com/notebook-review/planners-calendars/hobonichi-techo-planner-review/

      I learned about them from a designer I met at a conference and became instantly obsessed. I’m currently having someone on Etsy make me a fancy custom leather cover.

    • Basics

      For years, I used the Metropolitan Museum of Art engagement calendars. They publish two or three each year with images from the collection. Two years ago, they changed the calendar part so that it was no longer a two-page spread that showed each day from top of the page (AM) to bottom of the page (PM), with hourly entries. Now, each week is one page, with a space about 2 x 4 inches, with no hourly entries, to write in. That does not work for planning a workday.

      Now I use the New Yorker engagement calendar, which has the same layout as the Met used to use. Instead of images from the museum’s collection, I have to make due with cartoons, but there is one advantage: accurate Jewish holidays.

    • LilyS

      Paperblanks! Absolutely gorgeous planners and notebooks. I have the Maya Blue filigree style.

    • Anon

      I was gifted this Kate Spade planner and LOVE it. I feel like it is “cute” without being overly cutesy. It also has the right amount of space I need for each day. I typically only have 1-4 items listed per day since I use it more for my personal life than for work.

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/kate-spade-new-york-large-17-month-2016-agenda/4029121?cm_mmc=Google_Product_Ads_pla_online-_-datafeed-_-unisex:stationery_giftwrap:journal_notebook-_-1109896&mr:referralID=3bb9d2ef-3213-11e5-9549-005056947d48

      • TNTT

        This is what I used in law school and I loved them, but thse days I want my book to lie open on my desk. Mine is a complete frankenstein put together with pieces from Russell + Hazel, Kate Spade, and Covey (I think)

    • kelly andthenblog

      I use an 8.5×11 spiral bound lay flat planner on my desk at work. It’s from Sugar Paper LA, originally found at Target (but they sold out! so I found it online), and I love it. I work in a position where I’m making appointments with people constantly–counseling-type role–and it has the most space for each day that I need.

      It’s attractive and cute without being cutesy.

    • Hollis

      I’m all for being practical, so I use a DayMinder Monthly Planner. They come in different sizes but I like the 9 x 7 one because it fits into any purse I’d want to carry. Love this thing – I think I’ve purchased the exact same one for about 10 years.

    • Bonnie

      I’m now using the Staples Arc system from a recommendation here (shoutout to wildkitten). I picked a cover that’s colorful but not twee.

    • shadow

      I like the designs from Blue Sky. There are quite a few cute designs, and not all of them are super flowery/pink. http://www.bluesky.com/planners-calendars.html I use the 5×8 Weekly/Monthly one.

      I also love everything stationery from Muji. They have an online US store (muji.us) but it’s under construction now.. but they have actual stores if you live nearby any of their listed locations.

      I’d go to a Japanese stationery store if you can… they often have a ton of options.

  5. PhD Insight

    For those of you with PhDs, how much did it take over your life? I’m hoping to start my masters next year (2 year program in biostat/epi) but I’m really passionate about research and could see myself going for a PhD. However, I enjoy making money now (graduated undergrad 2 years ago) and don’t miss the financial constraints of being a student – even though I would make more with a PhD in the long run. Do you think your PhD was worth it and you wouldn’t be able to do what you wanted without it? I know it depends on the field but any insight would help.

    • anonymous

      Ugh. I am a 5th year PhD student and *may* finish this year. For reference, I’m 27 and took 1 year before starting the PhD, and have also been working full time for about a year now. It was perhaps one of the best decision I’ve made, and now that I’m working on my dissertation (and past the crying about dissertation phase), I’m actually enjoying it. In my career path, I would not be able to rise as fast or as high without it. (I’m also a minority female in one of the most white male dominate fields out there, so having an ivy league PhD is useful for being taken seriously) Doing the PhD did/does take over my life, and now that I’m working and doing the PhD, it’s pretty rough. But I love how much I feel like I’m growing from both these experiences, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

      The other thing I’ll say is that I think I wouldn’t have gone for the PhD if I hadn’t been so young when I started. I wouldn’t make the decision to go now, and that would be my loss; I’m glad I did it when I was young and naïve enough to not know what I was getting into. AND those early years were not happy ones, and for most of my peers in their last couple of years, it’s still not a happy experience.
      Good luck!

    • Anon

      I work with a bunch of people who have PhD’s in Biostats/Epi/Public Health. I would say that 70-80% of them were working somewhere between 70% and Full Time while they got their PhD.

      Wait until you figure out your program’s specifics, but I work with a large state’s Health Department and it’s very common to take classes towards your PhD while working as a research scientist/program researcher/Epidemiologist/etc. I know a woman who works 80% and takes every Friday off to write her dissertation. Don’t think that it’s all or nothing! Especially in places with employment opportunities within your field, working while getting a PhD in Public Health/Epi might be more common than you think.

      • PolyD

        This is very good advice. I would strongly suggest that you do NOT go into significant debt to get a PhD. Especially in Epi or Public Health, although job opportunities are probably better with a PhD, you still won’t be making huge amounts.

        I went straight to grad school from undergrad and had full tuition support and a stipend throughout my program, so I finished with very little money in the bank, but no debt. I am also in a field that requires a postdoc, so I wasn’t really making “real” money until I was about 33 years old. I’m still glad I got my degree, but I’m really happy I did not accumulate debt to do so.

        I would also suggest not letting the PhD take over your life. I mean yes, it will be the major part of your life, but I think I would have been much happier and it wouldn’t have deterred my progress if I had let myself enjoy some outside activities (volunteering, community theater) a little more than I did.

    • Josie Pye

      I have my PhD in epidemiology–I started as a 2-year MPH student, applied for the doc program in my second year, and then did the PhD in 3 years–so 5 years total. I started the MPH when I was 23 and got my PhD at 28. Unless you want to be an academic in a tenure-track or similar environment, a PhD may not be the best use of your time. If you can afford it or get a scholarship, starting with a master’s may allow you to see whether you want to continue to get your doctorate and also scope out advisors at the school where you do your master’s. If you are a good programmer/analyst, you could get many biostatistician master’s level jobs that pay quite well (at hospitals or schools of public health) and allow you to publish, although maybe not as 1st author.

      I approached grad school like a full-time job (got to work at 8:30am and left the office/computer lab at 6) and was able to more or less do the work in 50 hours a week and have a life on evenings and weekends, except when studying for comprehensive exams or finishing my dissertation. If you collect your own data, expect it to take longer.

      I’m now a full-time tenure-track professor at a private university school of public health. One thing I wish I’d known before getting my doctorate is that public health PhD-level positions are almost all “soft money,” which means that after an initial period, you’ll be responsible for bringing in 50-90% of your salary through grants. This is true whether you’re a TT professor or a non-TT research scientist–the latter are often 100% soft money. Federal (NIH) grants are not easy to get–funding rates are 10-15% at many institutes–and writing and submitting grants is incredibly time-consuming. That said, I’ve been successful at it so far, and I truly love my job.

      • Anonymous

        I have an MPH in epi/biostat and work with lots of PhDs (in a research organization) and agree with this first paragraph. I intentionally did not get a PhD because I wanted the job that comes with a masters (ie, analyst) and not one that would require a PhD (ie, investigator). In this field, ‘more’ is not necessarily better. It’s really two different tracks. I prefer to chug data and solve problems on a consistent salary from my desk; others prefer to do proposals on their next great idea and publish/present their last great idea.

        I have zero regrets, btw. And if I did, I could get a PhD. I’ve known a few PhDs who regret their choice – mostly related to student debt and the realities of a soft-money living – but obviously most are happy because they wanted to be an investigator or high level research associate.

    • profmama

      If you truly love research and can’t see yourself doing anything else, the PhD is the way to go.

      If there’s any other option – as others have pointed out, getting a job in your field with a MS/ MPH – do that! The PhD is painful on many levels. It forces you to confront demons that you thought were safely hidden away or slayed. I advise doctoral students, and have seen most of them in tears at one point or another, as I was in my doctoral program. (Relatedly, find a good therapist. Doctoral studies often bring up unresolved issues). Grant writing and publishing are tedious, time-consuming, and involve a large amount of rejection (see 10-15% funding rate cited above).

      Do not go into debt for the PhD – make sure you’re getting a tuition waiver and living stipend, which should be easy enough in the sciences.

      Maintain balance, continue to do other things (esp. exercise) while in school. Studying can take over your life if you let it, but that won’t necessarily lead to better results.

    • anonnypants

      I would also note that you will get paid more and possibly have an easier time finding a job with a Biostats PhD than Epi, especially if you are interested in being a statistician for a clinical department (which fits better if you like teaching and collaborating rather than leading your own theoretical research). You can do this with a Masters, but if you want to work in the hospital/medical academic environment, you will get paid much more and likely have access to the faculty/MD benefits as a PhD. The other thing about working with a group as the statistician is that you do not need to write all the grants (only the stats sections) and you are much more protected from shortages in funding, assuming your group as a whole does ok.

  6. I'm Just Me ...

    I use a circa master planner from Levenger (disc bound) and it has clear plastic covers. You could put a simple photo or a patterned piece of scrap book paper under the clear vinyl to give it some personality without it being “SUPER CUTE PLANNER” like. The covers come in other colors and designs (and Staples’ Arc System covers will fit it as well) if you wanted a simple solid color.

    • KT

      I am obsessed with Levengers/RollaBinds. I have a personal-life one and I use a separate one for work. They light up my life

      • I'm Just Me ...

        Same. I love them. I have an additional small Arc notebook in my purse for random jottings and a letter size notebook for work to carry to meetings and events where I don’t need my planner but will want to take notes. I have a punch so I can corral all the random paper.

        • KT

          I kept eyeing the huge punch online, but at $50 I thought it was too steep for a HOLE PUNCHER…but I took the plunge and its the greatest thing ever. EVERYTHING CAN GO IN MY LEVENGER!!!!! My life/work is so organized! How I survived without it boggles my brain.

    • Veronica Mars

      Ooh I’ve been looking into these! I’ll have to give these a second chance.

  7. Where would you go?

    DH and I have been discussing moving from NYC to a LCOL area where we could actually afford to buy a house and eventually get out of debt. This arose after we had a baby and want a different lifestyle at least while he’s young.

    Where would you choose? I plan to stay in BigLaw so needs to be a decent size city (DH will likely work remotely).

    • Anonymous

      Assuming I could just waltz into a LCOL with no family ties, network, or connections? Detroit.

    • BB

      Chicago. Not super LCOL, but compared to NYC/SF/BOS, it’s pretty low and has all the cultural things you’d want. I’d love to move there, but my industry is pretty much coastal based. My husband also LOVES Houston for similar reasons.

    • Anonymous

      we moved from NYC to Chicago when I was pregnant with our first. Chicago isn’t exactly LCOL, but its so, so much less expensive than NYC. We initially had a 3 bedroom condo in the city and now have a 5 bdroom, 5,000 sq.ft single family home in an awesome neighborhood in the city. we are both in biglaw. I’ve been her almost 9 years and now like it better than NYC.

      but if you want something that is truly LCOL and still has biglaw, I’d probably pick Houston or Dallas. maybe Atlanta.

      • Where would you go?

        Thanks! Chicago is a great city and I’m sure we’d like it. Good to hear you found it enough less expensive to have a nice home, that is the biggest consideration.

        We’d pick Houston over Dallas, as I’ve lived in Texas and preferred Houston. Atlanta may be a bit too deep south for us but Charlotte might work (never been there, may be time to plan a trip!).

        • mascot

          While I’d agree that large swaths of Georgia are deep south, Atlanta is a different universe. With over 5 million people in the metro population, it’s pretty big/diverse with lots of transplants.

          • Where would you go?

            Good to know, I’ve never been so just going by my impression which it sounds like is pretty off. I should visit before judging!

          • AttiredAttorney

            I’d second this -it is pretty hard to find a young or mid level professional in Atlanta who was born in the state of Georgia or even the Southeast.

          • Anon

            Eh, I wouldn’t go that far. I work in-house in Atlanta, and about 75% of our legal department is born and raised in-or-around Atlanta.

            I wasn’t born/didn’t grow up/didn’t go to school here, and I still get asked regularly (and with surprise) what brought me to Atlanta.

          • cbackson

            Huge promoter of Atlanta. Low cost of living, excellent quality of life – it’s a better city to live in than to visit. It’s a much more “natural” feeling city than others I’ve lived in (NYC, SEA) – lots of wonderful (and newly revitalized) greenspaces, biking and running paths, heavy tree cover. There are lots of gorgeous, historic in-town neighborhoods, and the low cost of living means that people in interesting creative fields can actually survive here, meaning there is, particularly in on the east side of the city, a good “weird” quotient.

        • Charlotte

          We moved from NYC to Charlotte. Great for a family, decent school options, low cost of living. Since you are coming from NYC, I would suggest you would want to live close-in, in a smaller house, so not to deal with the traffic. (The traffic is SO MUCH BETTER than Atlanta, even on a bad day, however.) Food/nightlife/culture options are improving. Proximity to beach and mountains can’t be beat. Lots of newcomers so pretty welcoming to new folks.

          • Where would you go?

            Thanks – we don’t need much space so I think you’re right that less traffic would be a priority. Are there good school districts close in or mostly in the suburbs?

          • Charlotte

            Good school districts close in. The expensive neighborhoods of Myers Park and Eastover are in good school zones as are their adjoining lower priced neighbors. There are a decent number of house rentals in close in neighborhoods so you could take your time checking out where you’d want to live.

            Also very good school in far South Charlotte but you couldn’t pay me enough to live there. I hate traffic.

            I think Richmond is a really good rec as well. I love Richmond. Very Southern and a beautiful city. My impression is that it’s a much higher percentage of native Richmonders.

          • Queen City anon

            So happy to CLT people here!

            For schools, where I know attorneys using public schools, they tend to be in the close-in zips (which I like b/c you can walk to things and the commute is about 10 minutes to uptown; the downside is that things are expensive and small, both by CLT standards, and old, also by CLT standards). 28203,28207, parts of 28204, 28209. Much further out in CLT going south is also said to have good schools, but I can’t vouch for what they are actually like or the commute. I also can’t vouch beyond neighboring counties other than we know people there and they seem happy (but they don’t commute into uptown). CMS has a lot of magnet and theme school options by blind lottery (but the hours can be odd for some working parents or the bus rides can be long). Some people chose to live far out / by a lake and can have hour-long commutes. You have options here, to a dizzying degree; would recommend renting closer in and exploring if you do come.

          • J

            Love Charlotte! We’ve been here for almost two years, and are very happy with the choice. Hubs is in banking, I’m in finance, and jobs are plentiful. Plenty of green space, good schools (well, depending on the area, but that’s true anywhere!), close to mountains and beach.

            I don’t think Charlotte is “deep South” at all; nearly everyone I work with is a transplant, and I’m pretty sure half of Jersey lives here. Ha ha!

      • Blonde Lawyer

        What about a satellite office of Big Law? Portland Maine used to have a Bingham McCutchen office. Nixon Peabody has a Manchester, NH office, Brown Rudnik has an office in Providence, RI, Holland and Knight has a Tallahassee office just to name a few. No idea how hard these are to get into. I’m sure there are others.

        • Where would you go?

          Good ideas, I’d be happy at a smaller office but my small practice area is usually only in the main offices. But if I could find something at a satellite office that would be great!

        • anon for this one

          Bingham’s Portland Maine office was for the convenience of one partner and his practice. In my 10 years at the firm, no one joined the Portland office.

        • Where would you go?

          Interesting. I’ve been to Durham/Chapel Hill and really liked it. Good to know Charlotte would be similar.

          • Queen City anon

            They are similar and yet they’re not. CLT is much more finance, RDU area is more college-y and tech/science/healthcare. Also, RDU involves more locations (some lawfirms are outside of downtown Raleigh, so if you’re used to a city practice, that will be different) in terms of work and towns. In CLT, big law firms are downtown.

            IMO, RDU gets a lot of people who come for school and stay. CLT people aren’t as more often moved-for-work types (WF is a ways off and Davidson is very small and there is UNCC as well). My BigLaw practice work well in CLT but I’d have no local clients / colleagues / random people at other local firms to meet up with for CLEs if I worked in RDU (which I would prefer for personal reasons but doesn’t make sense 5 days a week).

            Both are similar in low COL and being open to people moving there.

          • Where would you go?

            Thanks! This is really helpful. My visit to RDU was looking at law schools so I was looking at it more from a student perspective. It’s good to know Charlotte would have a better professional network. I’ve seen openings in my practice area in Charlotte so it’s a definite possibility. Do you find Charlotte to be a “healthy” city – in terms of people having outdoor/active hobbies, healthy choices at restaurants, etc.? Any thoughts about public school quality?

          • Queen City anon

            What I like about the QC is that you can be outside most of the year, which I very much enjoy. There are a lot of free outside things to do outside (Mecklenburg County Parks & Rec is awesome) and lots of hiking / trails / greenways if you’re into that sort of thing. Lots of low-cost things (Daniel Stowe Botanical Garden is great and the one at UNCC is free). Lots of great things of all sorts. We get a lot of farm-to-table eating because we have farms nearby. We also love butter and fried things, so take that for what you will. Not all of our vegetable items are vegetarian.

            School quality within CLT varies. CMS has some very good schools and some that I’d homeschool before I sent a child there. You can drop a lot on private schools. It’s like other cities in that respect. FWIW, I use the public schools (so that translates into a much bigger house payment than average to be in my school district, but probably about what you pay in rent for a non-house near NYC) in CLT and know other people who have choices and still make the same choice I do. We may be in the minority though as many people insist that nothing good will happen to your child if they don’t go to CCDS, Latin, etc. I guess we’ll see on that one.

          • CLT

            COL in Charlotte is great, but “healthiness” and school quality are only okay. This probably varies considerably based on which part of town you live in. I’ve been pleasantly surprised how easy it is to find at least a few decent vegetarian option at most restaurants, but the lack of sidewalks in many places, limited parks/natural spaces, and the weather for six months of the year is a real deterrent to being as active as I’ve been everywhere else I’ve lived (but I came from places that were “outdoorsy” and with much better weather than NYC, so experiences are relative). CLT is at the top of most lists for inequality and the bottom for health, but if you have a big law salary and live in a wealthy neighborhood, that may not really apply to you.

          • Where would you go?

            Love the outdoors year-round lifestyle. DH could take it or leave it but I think it’s great for families. I love butter and fried things too, don’t get me wrong, but when I lived it Texas I felt like it was impossible to get a decent salad when I wanted one so farm to table type options are great.

            We’d prefer to do public school – makes sense that buying in a good district is more expensive, especially while also keeping my commute to downtown reasonable. Still would be (much?) less than we pay in rent for a tiny apartment here…

      • CPA Lady

        +1 to somewhere in the South. I live in a LCOL smallish city in the south and it is wonderful. Cities like Atlanta and Houston are still pretty expensive (though nothing like NYC), but you might look into a place like Birmingham or Chattanooga or even Nashville.

        For instance, my 3 bed /2 bath 1500 square foot was under $150k. My sister is looking to buy something comparable in the SF Bay area, and it’s going to be like $700k. I don’t understand how it is possible for someone living in a HCOL area to make any financial progress. Come on down to the south!

        • Where would you go?

          Exactly, we’re so tired of making by most measures a lot of money but still living paycheck to paycheck and having no way to get ahead. DH is a musician and would love Nashville. We’ll mostly likely end up focusing on the south. I’m not a fan of snowy winters (though DH is) and I like the friendly culture.

          • Anonymous

            I have friends that just moved to Nashville and are SO happy there it’s a little absurd

          • JJ

            If you DH is into music, you should look at Austin. The only issue is getting a law job there – every lawyer in Texas (and many outside of the state) wants to work in Austin.

          • MSP

            If you are open to winter, I’d also suggest Minneapolis-St. Paul. Lots of parks and healthy outdoor options, and the public schools are generally very good. At least in Minnesota, you get more real snow that you can do fun things in, and less ice/sleet/freezing rain.

          • Where would you go?

            Love Austin but not hopeful I could find a job in my practice area there.

          • Where would you go?

            MSP: Minneapolis is a great idea! DH would love the winters. I think I could enjoy real snow (vs. sleet/ice etc.) especially if I don’t have to walk everywhere. I’ll need to look into the biglaw market there.

          • Anonymous

            MSP is fantastic. Affordable, robust outdoor culture, diverse entertainment offerings, lots of interesting food options. Family friendly but still hip. We moved here two years ago from out east and love it.

          • B

            +1 to MSP. Minneapolis is a compact downtown, and its one of the few cities where you can have a yard and actually live “in” the city. I’d recommend looking in Northeast, St. Louis Park, and St. Anthony. A lot of the “BigLaw” market is more regional powerhouses with satellite offices on the coasts that send business back. Market salary in MSP is not good, but it should jump within the next year or two. Most firms have an 1800-1900 hour billable.

            On the snow thing – there actually isn’t much, it just never melts! Winter in MN is surprisingly sunny, not overcast and gray like out east. It makes the temperatures a lot easier to deal with.

          • Where would you go?

            Oh, too bad about salary. Not sure if it’s inexpensive enough to justify taking a big pay cut. By “jump” do you mean they’ll give all associates a raise to get closer to NY comp? What makes you say it should happen within a year or two? Thanks for the location tips!

        • Anonymous

          And the sad thing is $700K for 1500 sq feet is a STEAL in the bay area. My friends who are buying townhouses now are all paying ~$1 million for about 1200 square feet.

          • Where would you go?

            I was going to say, for $700k she must be buying pretty far out, everyone I know who bought a house (vs. condo) in the bay paid over $1million. And still have awful commutes.

    • APP123

      Richmond, VA. Seriously – it’s got a great food and art scene, no traffic, and the COL is a fraction of major NE cities.

      • Where would you go?

        Had not considered Richmond. I like that it’s near coast and we’d be a lot closer to one of the grandparents so thanks for the suggestion! Not sure if there’s any market for my niche practice area there but I’ll look into it.

        • APP123

          DH and I love it here. There are several large law firms doing sophisticated work here, as well as several satellite big law offices, and I also know people who work from home doing legal work for big DC firms and government/lobbying type organizations (and travel up on the train a few times a month).

          • APP123

            Also, I’ll add that the Virginia bar in general, and the Richmond bar in particular, is super collegial. It’s been a great place to practice law.

        • mascot

          McGuireWoods (900+ attys) and Hunton & Williams (800+) are both based in Richmond.

          • Sct

            There are also several courts located there (federal – district and 4th circuit, as well as the state supreme court, and the state circuit/trial courts). Lots of great things going on there. I am in DC, and my husband and I would move there in a heartbeat. He is not in law, so it’s not in our future.

      • Anonymous

        My friend’s son and DIL live in Richmond and they love it. They’re both attorneys and she has gone PT while the kids are young. I’ve been at their house – not palatial but very nice and good sized for their family in a very nice neighborhood.

        Family in Charlotte as well. I think where you live can vary greatly – the southern suburbs are huge. They’ve been very happy there (almost 16 years) and it’s pretty LCOL. They could have upsized houses but chose not to and they’ve been good, especially now that both kids will be in college soon. The schools the kids go to have been really good and they are well-prepared for college although UNC is highly competitive within NC.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Some recent “transplant” moves I’ve observed (I’m in the NYC area):

      -Pittsburgh
      -Philadelphia (good if you have NYC-area family, you’re not THAT far away)
      -Providence (same as Philly in that it’s not THAT far from NYC)
      -Nashville
      -Chicago
      -Austin
      -San Diego (I don’t think this is LCOL, in a traditional sense, but I know a few folks who’ve relocated and feel like they get more/a better lifestyle for their money compared with NYC area)
      -Richmond, VA
      -Portland, ME
      -Orlando area, FL

        • Where would you go?

          Meant to add: Family is mostly on the west coast so we may end up there eventually but it’s more expensive than we’re looking for right now.

          • Killer Kitten Heels

            If family is on the West Coast, my vote would be for one of the Texas metros or Chicago – you’d be a not-unreasonable distance from family, with good direct-flight options, and your Biglaw lateral options will be pretty strong.

          • Sarabeth

            Charlotte is actually very good for direct flights as well (was the US Airways hub before the merger, still has multiple direct flights a day to the bay area).

        • Killer Kitten Heels

          And Dallas! I forgot I have an acquaintance (friend-of-a-friend) who relocated from Biglaw-NYC to Biglaw-Dallas and is thrilled with her new life. (She even has time for a dog! She’s single, in Biglaw, and yet still has time for a dog! Will wonders never cease? :-P)

          • Where would you go?

            That’s amazing. 2+hours of commute time a day is just depressing on top of biglaw hours.

        • Where would you go?

          Ha, I love it here some days and others can’t wait to get out. It’s just. so. expensive.

          • Killer Kitten Heels

            We ended up being in a position to relocate to outer-ring suburbs, where housing costs are less awful, and we’re reasonably happy (I LOVE my house and it’s in a strong school district), but I’m definitely never going back to Biglaw and H is in a field where working from home at least part of the week is becoming standard, so there have been trade-offs (and we still haven’t ruled out moving away entirely at some point, H just isn’t quite ready to leave family behind).

            Me personally? I miss city life.

      • anon

        Job market in San Diego is a little tight for lawyers.

        Kansas City is a really nice place to raise a family (lots of stuff for kids to do, very friendly, schools are great etc.), and there’s a burgeoning downtown and arts community. There are a few mid-sized big law firms based on KC (Polsinelli, Shook Hardy). It IS a little homogeneous (it is the Midwest, after all), but better than it was twenty years ago.

        • Where would you go?

          Agree re the legal market in SD. It’s off our list anyway for personal reasons. KC is a good one to consider though, thanks!

      • In House Counsel

        Definitely recommend Philadelphia — we recently moved from NYC to a Philly burb and have been happy with how much further our money goes here and that we’re not too far away from family/friends who are spread out between the Boston to DC corridor.

    • Cincinnati!

      It looks like you’re leaning toward the South, but if you’re open to the Midwest I’d like to put a plug in for Cincinnati, which is an awesome city! Low cost of living, friendly legal community (and friendly people in general), great arts and cultural resources, charming architecture, good beer, and there’s a lot going on downtown and in adjacent neighborhoods. We do get some snow in the winter and summers can be humid, but you should consider it.

      • Where would you go?

        Cincinnati was not on my radar but good idea – I knew you awesome ladies would open my eyes to some cool places!

        • anon

          Columbus is really amazing and incredibly affordable with lots of smaller versions of NYC amenities (art, diversity, culture, theater, etc). Cleveland is really growing too so you could get in now and buy cheap before the rebuilding of so much is finished.

      • Jules

        I grew up in Columbus, am closer to Cincinnati now. Love them both but for a move from NYC probably would recommend Columbus. Some of the big firms are there (Jones Day, Baker, etc.).

      • Doodles

        I’d recommend Cleveland. LCOL but pretty large legal community. (jones day, baker, squire). Lots of people at my biglaw firm (one of the ones I listed) moved from new york and love it here.

    • Pittsburgh!

      Seriously, it is a wonderful city, and super cheap (you can buy a very nice 3 bedroom house in a central area for <250k). Its definitely lacking the nice weather of the south, but it is very friendly and neighborhoody. Still pretty close to the northeast, if that's important, and has a lot going on culturally. I think its mostly off of people's radar but I really love living here and can't say enough good things about it.

    • Wanderlust

      Philly / Philly burbs? Still close to NYC, and easy reciprocity between the NY and PA state bars (so you won’t have to sit for another exam)

    • Delaware

      Delaware. Two hours by train to NYC; 2 hours by train to Washington DC; 1/2 to Philly. All your big law companies are incorporated in Delaware so the most respected big law court in the country is the Delaware Court of Chancery. So all of your big law cases are usually decided here. So the “big” law firms here (which do not rival the size of the big law firms in NY admittedly) try to stay close to the NY scale. Property taxes are in the hundreds, not thousands. No sales tax. Very nice 3 bedroom house with 2 1/2 baths on an acre or so for $325k. Delaware doesn’t have a glamorous ring to it but if your goal is genuinely low cost of living and sophisticated big law practice then Delaware is basically it. Otherwise, your still paying the cost of living in a big city.

    • Anon

      From NYC, Philly or Wilmington are nice and not a huge leap away. It seems like a lot of people are moving to Philly recently from New York.

      • Where would you go?

        Is Philly inexpensive? Basically anywhere is cheaper than NYC but how does COL in philly compare to, say, Chicago?

        I’ll look into Delaware. I haven’t seen any positions in my practice area there, but who knows. Staying in the northeast isn’t so important. Our NYC friends are all moving away so no real reason to stay close.

    • Surprised that

      no one has mentioned Minneapolis! My parents are both from the south and given the opportunity to move to either Tennessee or Minnesota, picked MN. I would have probably been fine in TN too, but I am very grateful to have grown up in MN! Benefits include:
      -LCOL compared to other cities
      -Great outdoor activities year round (in summer especially, Minnesotans really value their green space, so there are tons of lakes and parks for families to frolic)
      -Public transportation in twin cities is improving finally
      -Lots of culture-restaurants, theater, music of all stripes, museums
      -Decent public education and good private schools
      -Educated population and lots of jobs, strong economy

      Obviously, it’s cold. But you’d survive!

      • Surprised that

        Ok, I see someone did suggest it above. For the biglaw market, I don’t know very much but I understand that the legal market is quite saturated from the numerous law schools in the cities. Something to look into for sure.

        • Where would you go?

          Thanks for this, love the specifics from someone who grew up there. My practice area may negate the saturated market a bit (or may not) so I’ll definitely look into it more.

        • Anon

          I have seen a lot of lateral openings at MSP big law firms lately. Usually specific practice areas, but not knowing yours, one of those areas might be a good fit. I am a frequent reader and transplant so feel free to repost on a thread if you end up here and we can get in touch.

          • Anonymous

            I’ve seen several openings in my practice area in MPS this year. Actually just contacted a recruiter about one! Thanks Anon I will definitely reach out if we end up there!

    • Anonymous

      Denver if you are open to being in the West. LCOL compared to many eastern cities, plenty of sophisticated law firms, a very “healthy” state, lots to do outdoors, and as far as winter goes, we get regular snow but also plenty of days in the 50s. It’s actually pretty a mild winter compared to most of the Midwest/northeast cities.

      • Where would you go?

        We would love Denver! I’ve heard it’s really hard to break into the legal market there though?

        • Lazy lawyer

          I’ve heard that too. A family member practices there; she has said that the legal market is tiny compared to what you’d expect for a city of its size. And very few biglaw offices there, IIRC. Great city for non-lawyers though!

        • Anon from 12:37

          I moved here from another state having no previous connection to Colorado when I had only one year practicing under my belt and had no problem whatsoever finding a biglaw job and integrating into the bar. We moved because my husband was starting a grad program in Colorado. I went to a top three law school, so maybe that opened doors easier than otherwise might be the case, but I haven’t felt the market is tiny or insular. I’ve since switched to a small firm (and stayed there for 10 years). To be fair, I only practiced law in one other city before this (very big coastal city), and only for one year, so perhaps my perspective of the size of big city legal markets is not very broad. But it can’t hurt to scope out the job market and make some inquiries.

          • Anonymous

            You’re right it’s worth investigating. I went to a t10 law school and my current firm is a top big law firm with a very good reputation in my practice area so I do think I have a good shot at getting a position if there are any openings.

    • Where would you go?

      Thanks so much for the responses, everyone! Some real food for thought.

      In the end it will come down to where I find a good fit career-wise, but I have a much better list now. Time to do some serious research :)

      • Louisville

        I would add Louisville to your list. Affordable, big enough to have culture and broad lifestyle options (urban living, suburbs, farm country (!!) all accessible to downtown jobs), great food and growing music scene. Conveniently located to half the US. Nice people and a slower pace.

        • Caesia

          I second Louisville. Cost of living is great, and it has the local business/ farm to table / homemade / microbrew / quirky cultural aspects that were really important to me. Some great choices for charming, walkable neighborhoods near parks and on decent public transportation (if you’re headed to a few hubs like downtown). We not only bought a cheap adorable house but were able to go down to one car that we use infrequently.

    • Anonymous

      I’m a former biglaw associate in MPLS who grew up in So. Cal. and moved back. Minneapolis/St. Paul is amazing, but the weather is so cold that if you didn’t grow up in that environment, you probably wouldn’t like it. It really limits what you can do with your kids for almost 1/2 the year (unless being outside in temperatures below 15 degrees is fun for you). Also, the biglaw legal market is very difficult to get into unless you have a strong Minnesota connection.

      • MN

        I have family in SD and it is lovely, lovely, lovely. You could not ask for nicer people. I’d consider the Mini-apple or Sioux Falls, but I truly think that the winters would kill me. Every July there almost seduces me though.

  8. PEN

    Does anyone have a mattress that you just love? Looking to replace a queen with a king and while there are tons of reviews online, I would love if anyone here has thoughts or advice.

    • Anonymous

      we LOVE our iComfort mattress. it was expensive, but so worth it. And we had a very comfortable mattress before we switched — we only got a new one because we moved and were going from a Queen to a King.

    • Meg Murry

      So far we’ve been very happy with this mattress, and it was super cheap and delivered via Amazon Prime. Had to wait 2 days for it to re-form (it ships in a tube), but it’s been worth it so far. Not sure how long its life will be given that it’s 1/4 the price of other foam mattresses, but so far it’s held up well for the past year or so.

      http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005A4OO80

    • KT

      Memory foam changed my life. I used to toss and turn and get such poor quality sleep. Now I sleep like a stone.

      I used to have an all-memory foam mattress, but when I moved, I just bought a super cheap run of the mill spring mattress and put a 2-inch memory foam topper on top and it is the greatest thing ever

    • Anonymous

      Whatever you do, don’t get a Kingsdown. We paid through the nose for it, and it’s sunken in substantially in less than a year. My husband has back problems and we will probably need to get a new mattress soon because they are getting worse.

    • Wanderlust

      We got a Casper mattress, and I have nothing but amazing things to say about it! Price is very reasonable, too.

    • shadow

      I love my Simmons Beautyrest Recharge.. It’s held up well over the last few years I’ve had it so far.

  9. anonymous

    how often does Loft have site-wide 40 or 50% off sales like they did last week? I missed it, want a pair of pants and want to know if I should hold out.

  10. LilyB

    I’m going to an engagement party on Saturday. I won’t know anyone else there aside from the couple, and my bf can’t make it. What is an appropriate amount of time to stay before ducking out, assuming I’m not totally enjoying myself?

    Also: what is an appropriate gift to bring to an engagement party? I’ve been to a couple before but we just brought booze.

    • Basics

      What about setting a goal like: I will greet the bride and groom and meet and chat with at least X people before leaving?

    • TO Lawyer

      I would say at least an hour or an hour and a half?

      FWIW, I’ve been to a couple of these before and I find that I actually enjoy getting to know my friends’ friends, so I’ve managed to make new friends or at least be friendly with a few people, which is helpful when eventually going to showers/bachelor3tte parties/the actual wedding.

      • LilyS

        Cosigning this – I find that I usually get on quite well with my friends’ friends, which makes sense. If I’m my friend’s type of person, and so are they, there’s a pretty good chance we’ll click.

    • SC

      Engagement parties are not gift-giving occasions in the same way that showers are. That said, in the past, I’ve brought a small ($50-or-under) kitchen item from the couple’s registry to an engagement party. Usually, it’s when I know there won’t be a bridal shower or that I won’t be able to attend a bridal shower. (I have a “rule” that I only give one gift for pre-wedding events and one gift for the wedding itself – although I’ve broken it for very close family members.)

    • lawsuited

      I’d stay long enough to drop off the gift, say “best wishes” and “congratulations” to the bride and groom respectively, drink one glass of champagne and then leave.

    • rosie

      Booze if a fine gift, assuming they drink. I would give mingling a shot. You can always introduce yourself with “so how do you know the couple.” If you aren’t feeling it, say hello to the couple and leave.

    • Anonymous

      A few tips –

      – I met someone at a shower recently who just knew the bride – when she greeted the bride, she asked her if there was anyone she should make a point to meet that she might get along with. The bride directed her to me, and I was able to introduce her to a few of my cousins in our age group. I’m looking forward to seeing her again at the wedding.

      – The best tip I got re: navigating social situations was look for people alone or in groups of 3. It’s easier to approach someone standing by themselves. In a group of 3, when you introduce yourself, the group will naturally pair off into 2 two person conversations.

  11. Survey Question

    Interested in your thoughts. I emailed a friend last night that I hadn’t spoken to in a while to tell her something innocuous. We were very close when she used to live in the area several years ago. But she since moved away and now has a job where she travels overseas a lot. Anyway, she responded that she had a baby about a month ago and has been back in the area for over a month on maternity leave. So, I should take this as we are not friends anymore, right? I mean maybe if I were on facebook, which I’m not, I would have gotten some universal announcement to the internet. But when were close facebook didn’t even exist. So I wouldn’t think our friendship depended on me tracking her life changes through social media. It’s not like she’s my enemy now or anything but clearly we aren’t friends at all in the true meaning of the word “friend.”

    • Anonymous

      Give her a break. She just had a baby, things are hectic and she probably hasn’t had time to e-mail everyone individually who isn’t on social media. The fact that she told you now that she’s back in town suggests to me that she wants to renew the friendship, she just hadn’t had time to initiate.

    • KT

      She had a baby. A month ago. Her life has drastically changed. She probably hasn’t slept properly in weeks (if not months). She may not have showered in days. And she most certainly can’t find clothes that are clean but doesn’t care because she’s exhausted.

      She will not have had time to go through her contact list and contact friends about life updates. She’s a new mom, cut her a break.

      Be a friend and see if she needs help. An hour break so she can nap or shower will make you the greatest friend ever.

      • Survey Question

        BTW, I get that she may not have told me she had the baby. But I didn’t even know she was pregnant! Meaning that for any time in the 9 months before her life drastically changed she could have emailed me to say, hey, guess what, we’re having a second kid. I was at the baby shower for the first and gave a gift she later said was very useful. So I get her not telling me it happened. I don’t get her not telling that it was on the horizon.

        • Anonymous

          You could have emailed her to ask how she was doing? She had a kid and she was pregnant!

          Just be happy she’s now local and see what happens instead of getting your panties in a bunch.

        • Clementine

          It’s very awkward to email friends- especially previously very close friends who you still fond of but your life has gone in different directions and you don’t see them as much as you like- to email them and be like ‘what up. I’ve got a fetus squatting in my uterus. How are things with you?’

          If you want to still be friends/friendly, make an effort. If you don’t, don’t. Don’t feel bad with whatever you do.

      • lawsuited

        I think the OP was probably more surprised that her friend had been pregnant for 9 months before giving birth a month ago and she hadn’t heard anything about it? I guess that would be jarring, but also, for the friends I speak to less than once every 10 months, I would consider a social media announcement sufficient.

        • Senior Attorney

          Yeah, if you haven’t been in contact with her for the last 9 months I don’t see why you get to be any more bent out of shape than she does.

          • Alli

            Agree. From the friend’s perspective, I’d be equally disappointed that you hadn’t bothered to ask in the past 9 or 10 months.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      How do you figure that? Because she didn’t tell you she had a baby or because she didn’t tell you she moved back? I think the fact that she has a one month old and still emailed you is a sign you should reconnect – I wouldn’t take that as not being friends anymore. I would take that as her having just had a baby…

    • SC

      It seems like you’re pretty firmly in “acquaintance” territory. That said, she responded to your email, so it doesn’t sound like she’s totally uninterested in being friendly again. I’d respond with an email saying congratulations, you’re happy to hear that she’s back in the area, and (if you want to) that you’d like to get coffee/lunch after things settle down with the new baby or when she goes back to work.

      FWIW, there are several people I still consider friends, but I lost touch with them before I got pregnant and then felt awkward emailing just to say, “I’m pregnant,” and now feel even more awkward emailing with, “Hey, I had a baby” – maybe because I anticipate them having your reaction. But actually, I’d love to hear from them and would be open to lunches etc. again.

      • Marilla

        Cosign to your second paragraph.. I find “hey I’m pregnant!” to be such an awkward announcement/notification, even to old friends who I miss and would love to catch up with. You never know if someone will be super excited, totally indifferent, or actually hurt/sad (BC of their own personal circumstances). I sort of feel like an actual baby is a more valid announcement than a medical update.

      • Walnut

        I’m third trimester preggers and have told fewer than ten people personally. I have not made a social media announcement and most of my friends from way back only know if they happened to run into my mother.

    • Anonymous

      What?!??! No. Calm yourself. You reached out and she responded. How on earth is that a sign you aren’t friends? She just moved back and has a brand new baby and is on maternity leave. Girl sounds busy. Why don’t you quit your moping and respond with “omg congrats on the baby, I am so excited you are back in town, when works for you to get together and catch up? Can you and family come to lunch on Sunday?”

    • Mpls

      Unless I’m missing something it sounds like a “hey! It’s good to hear from you, here’s where I’m at in my life since you haven’t heard otherwise.” You probably aren’t as close as you once were, since you each had lot of stuff going on in your life, but that seems like a natural ebb/flow.

      I’d take it as an opportunity to catch up and see if you are interested in reviving the friendship, rather than a definitive statement on your level of friendship.

    • Bitter Betty

      I’m also not on Facebook, but I would say don’t give up just yet. FB is now the default way to stay in touch. For me, since I choose not to participate, I have to make an extra effort to keep up with my friends. It’s the price of (non)admission. Plus, she just had a baby and is probably just now coming up for air. Congratulate her, make it easy for her to socialize with you, and things might fall back into place.

      • Scarlett

        +2 – Facebook has issues, but honestly it’s where people keep in touch these days. I cannot track which one of my friends isn’t using it to send them personal, tailored updates. If we’re not in close contact, that’s where I announce things. It’s fine if someone doesn’t want to be on there, but that’s their choice and they should understand that they’re giving up a lot of connectivity.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Ummm, no. I mean, yes, obviously your significance to her as a friend faded, as it didn’t occur to her to reach out to you personally when she found out she was pregnant/had a kid, but it sounds like you didn’t particularly keep in touch on your side either.

      She responded with a normal life update – if you want to catch up/rekindle the friendship, go for it. (Anecdata: two of my closest friends right now are people I fell out of touch with pre-FB and reconnected with when we realized, through incidental contact, that we were actually living in the same area again.)

    • Anonymous

      It sounds like you hadn’t reached out to her in at least 9 months right? I don’t see how this falls fully on her.

    • Anonymous

      I think you need to give her a break. Some people (myself included) are terrible at staying in touch, even with people they care about and many people now think it’s ok to announce life milestones on facebook and not any other way. My husband found out about a close friend getting engaged on facebook and was hurt, thinking they must not be good friends anymore, but then he was asked to be one of three groomsmen, so clearly it was just poor announcing on the part of the groom.

    • Anooooooon

      Why is it so important that she be either “in” or “out” of the box labeled “friend”? I have friends I talk to every week, and friends I talk to every time someone gets married (which has been less frequent of late). You are obviously less close with her now than you previously were – if you want to change that, go out to lunch or something! What you really seem to want is for someone to blame her for the two of you falling out of touch. Honestly though, who cares whose fault it is? It is usually both friends’ fault. If you want to be closer to her now, make it happen.

    • August

      I get your feeling OP. I had same thing happened to me. I got to know from a common friend that my friend had a baby. It did sting me a bit. I didn’t hold it against her or anything but it also gave me a good idea where our friendship stands. I had low expectations from her after that point. You can just shrug this off and give her few chances. If she is not interested, then it is time for you to move on.

    • Am i missing something?

      Wait – is this someone you’ve spoken to regularly (or even just sporadically) over the 40 weeks of her pregnancy and she failed to mention that she was expecting?

      B/c that is odd.

      Or is this someone that (a) didn’t contact you during those 40 weeks, but also (b) you didn’t contact her during those 40 weeks, and now somehow it is all on her and she’s showing you that you aren’t really friends?

      B/c that is ridiculous. You put in the same (non) effort that she did, but I don’t see you being upset at yourself.

  12. (former) preg 3L

    Since no one has commented on the dress yet… Love that it’s machine washable, so I just purchased it! Free shipping with code 68382

  13. Love to hear about your travel

    DH and I are looking for a vacation destination in October/ November. We usually do a 16-nights self-organized round trip by car, staying 2 – 4 nights in each location. Good hotels, beautiful nature, warm/ hot temperatures, public safety and good standard of living for the general population are a must. Our average budget per room per night is 200 $.
    We´ve been to Costa Rica last December and loved it (glad to give recommendations). This year we would like to go somewhere else. Anything within a radius of 15 hours flight would be ok.

    • Anonymous

      Can you do early October? Drive the Mediterranean coast wherever appeals to you. Temps on the European side will be warm, not hot, but nice hotels should be in your budget, the scenery is spectacular, there’s a lot more nature than people realize. I’m thinking something like Lisbon to Barcellona or Venice to Kotor.

    • LilyS

      15 hours of flight from where exactly? Whether we can recommend Australia, for example, will depend on if you’re already on the Pacific coast or not. (Apparently LAX to Sydney is exactly 15 hours).

      If you can push it to September/ early October I’d recommend going from southern Germany through Austria, Switzerland, and Italy. (Off the top of my head… Frankfurt, Munich, Innsbruck, Zurich, and Milan, for example)

    • SC

      What about Prague/Vienna/Budapest/Bucharest with some towns and nature in between? I haven’t actually done this trip, but it’s on my (long) wish list and seems like it would hit most of your criteria – but it would not be warm or hot in October/November.

      Alternatively, Argentina – it has great food and everything from big city to wine tasting to hiking, and it would be summer so warm/hot at least at lower elevations. I haven’t done this trip either, but some family members went to Argentina for their honeymoon in December and loved it.

      • Love to hear about your travel

        Argentina sounds like it would fit the bill – thanks for the recommendation!

          • Renee

            November is the BEST time to go to Argentina. It’s their spring and perfect weather. They have pretty famous polo matches in Nov too. Towards December, go to the beach in Uruguay as well.

    • lawsuited

      DH and I are going to South Africa for 14 days in November/December! It’ll be the height of summer so the weather will be perfect. We’re splitting our time between a few cities to spend some time in the mountains and some by the beach. I’m so excited! Depending on where you are, it might be more than a 15 hour flight though.

        • LilyS

          The OP gave a time range of October to November and for the first part of October Southern France will certainly be warm. I drove down from London to Switzerland at the end of September last year and we had temperatures nearly 30 degrees Celsius every day (which to this Brit is warm!).

    • Anonymous

      OP here – thanks for all your wonderful ideas. I’ll spend the weekend reading travel books!

      • Wanderluster

        I second the South Africa comment. Gorgeous place, lots of great road trip options, particularly from Cape Town – check out the Garden Route – and the weather will be perfect. I would also suggest looking into Portugal. My husband and I went last March and it was sunny and 70s everyday. We did Lisbon to Porto but if we had 16 days we could have done the whole coast and the southern part will be warmer. We absolutely loved it. So many gorgeous towns and the people were wonderful. I’m not sure where you are flying from but we flew SATA airlines through the Azores (you could do a stopover there as well!) and it was very inexpensive from Boston – around $500 each I think.

  14. Thoughts on a raise?

    Hi all! A question related to yesterday’s discussion negotiations: I’ve been putting in a lot of hours at work (our whole team has), and as it’s been one year since I’ve had this job and I feel like I’ve been contributing a lot, I was planning on asking for a raise. However, just in the past two weeks, I’ve had some old health problems rear its head again, so I’ve been putting in less hours (doctor appointments or just leaving work by 6pm, which is crazy for our team). I take it now is a bad time to ask for a raise, right?

    On the other hand, up until my health problem, I’ve pulled my weight and then some (to be fair again, the whole team has). Additionally, with this health problem, I’m in more need of a raise (although I wouldn’t use that as my reasoning for why I would like a raise).

    What are the hive’s thoughts?

    • AR

      Do you feel comfortable asking for a raise now? Or would you feel more comfortable later, after you have not been caught up with health issues? You need to be able to represent yourself with your best foot forward, so you should do it based on how comfortable you are asking. I always liked asking immediately after I finished something up that I did really well. Always gave me confidence, and the boss was usually in a good mood with me to give said raise.

  15. anonymous

    We live in a small apartment (600 sq ft) and are moving into a bigger place, but the bigger place has less storage (cabinets, closets, etc) Any good ideas for economizing in terms of storage? especially in the kitchen & bathroom

    • LilyS

      Kitchen – no unitaskers (unless you use them incredibly regularly) and don’t build up a massive stockpile of a food cupboard.
      Bathroom – have only what you’re currently using in there and put spares in a box in the bottom of your closet.

      • Anonymous

        I second keeping only what you are currently using in the bathroom. All of our backups and occasional use items live in the linen closet. My makeup and such lives in the top drawer of the dresser in my bedroom.

    • Clementine

      Space Saver Bags- the kind you vacuum the air out of – are AWESOME. Use vertical space and use it well.

      I’m a big fan of purging what you don’t need and not buying things unless you know where you will put them. That being said, although people bring you joy, not things- do not decide to purge to the point where you only own 2 towels- one for you, one for spouse (ask me how I know this).

      Also- don’t be afraid to rent a storage unit. It might be worth the $50-100 a month for a small storage unit where you can store your holiday decorations/skis/scuba equipment.

    • marketingchic

      In the kitchen, if you have wall space but few cabinets. get magnetic strips to hang knives and other utensils on the wall. This would also work with the magnetic spice jars mentioned earlier in the comments.

    • Anon

      Buy more storage solutions from places like Ikea, since it sounds like you have the space. If your closet is tiny, get one of those awesome standing closets. Get a standing cabinet or buffet for your kitchen. Get a nice desk or console table to stash your makeup and hair products in and create a vanity that is not in your bathroom. Get little pull-outs for your cabinets or risers, so you can fit more things and access what you need easily.

    • Anonymous

      Bathroom – In my prior tiny small apartment, we had one of those over the toilet cabinets + a cabinet in the corner for storage. Also had an over the door hanger.

      Kitchen – Had an “over the door” hanger that we kept more stylish kitchen accessories in – partially decorative/partially functional.

      General – I had two of these – http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/3-tier-slide-out-storage-tower/1044329822?skuId=44329822&mcid=PS_googlepla_nonbrand_storage_&adpos=1o1&creative=43742658229&device=c&matchtype=&network=g&gclid=CNizj-aU9MYCFVOQHwod6QYI4g to slot into narrow spaces in my kitchen.

      Other Storage

      – In my current apartment, our couch is 1 foot back from the wall. We have 2 console tables with shelves behind it where we can store stuff. It sort of looks like this: http://images.younghouselove.com/2011/04/console-slant-front.jpg. We store holiday decorations, rarely used serving pieces, etc. back there. it’s amazing.

      – Underbed storage – it’s easier to access, so we keep semi frequently used things under there (skis, serving dishes for parties, beach towels, extra linens for guests, etc.).

  16. va va voom

    I bought the Halogen v-neck sheath in the Nordstrom sale and now have a tailoring question. It’s not the exposed zipper that’s bothering me, it’s that the v-neck is dangerously low to cleavage territory. Is this something that a tailor could adjust, or am I better off returning? Thanks in advance!

    • tesyaa

      I don’t think this is a tailoring item, but have you tried the dress with a matching or contrasting camisole or even tube top? I don’t mind a cami showing if it looks like it’s intentional.

    • Snickety

      It might be possible to take it in at the shoulder seam depending on the fit under the arms and at the bust. Try it on and pinch it up about a half inch at the shoulders to get a sense of whether there’s room. If it looks like it might work, bring it to a tailor.

  17. Sakina

    I’m realizing I need reading glasses for work. Guess I’m getting old! Any recs on where to find stylish reading glasses?
    I’m in NYC, but new here.

    • Wanderlust

      I picked up some cool frames at the Brooklyn Flea, and got my prescription lenses put in at Optical 88 in Chinatown. Fabulous Franny’s is also a good place for frames. If you want to get the frames and lenses in the same place, there’s always Warby Parker.

      • Sakina

        Thanks! I heard about Franny’s. I don’t have a prescription though – was hoping to get ready made reading glasses and not spend so much. Although maybe I shouldn’t skimp on something that’s going to be on my face.

          • Anonymous

            Why? (genuine question). If I just need slight magnification for reading, what’s so great about a prescription?

      • RED

        If you’re willing to go prescription, highly recommend Visionary Optics (they have branches in Chelsea and the UES). They go one step beyond and above your usual eyeglass place — they will look at whether the frames you have chosen are compatible with your prescription and the way the lenses need to be cut given that prescription, not just whether it looks “good” or fits your face. They also stock better brands in general (e.g. Lindbergs, Anne et Valentine etc. etc.).

    • Pippit

      I was just at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and the gift shop at the side/school/handicapped accessible entrance had a sale on reading glasses with pretty prints on the frames. If I were in the market, I would have picked up a couple.

    • LawDawg

      I recently bought 8 pairs on Amazon for under $35 total. If you do the multi-packs you can get some nice deals. I got 4 animal prints and 4 striped frames (no choice for specific colors, but I love all of them).

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