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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 218 Comments · by

Thursday’s TPS Report: Soft Drape Wide Leg Pants

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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White House | Black Market Soft Drape Wide Leg Pants | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Reader E wrote in to recommend these soft drape pants from White House | Black Market, noting:
I cannot say enough about these slacks. Their drape is fabulous. The wide leg is well tapered. The fabric resists wrinkles in a suitcase and on airplanes. The belt was very long, with a styling suggestion that it drape or hang that way… then it protruded from beneath blazers. It was an easy and inexpensive tailoring job. I hope they continue to carry this design, fit, and fabric — seems year round in many ways. The ivory is a tad creamy-blush rather than a true winter white.
Lovely! I like that they come in regular, short, long, and petite sizes, and are machine washable. They're $98 at White House | Black Market. White House | Black Market Soft Drape Wide Leg Pants Two plus-size options are here and here. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-5)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. Stuckandconfused

    Alright ladies, I need some advice.

    I live with the my boyfriend (he owns the house) but I want to end things after our 6 year relationship. I don’t love him anymore and I have really grown into a different person than who I was in my early 20s. We also have different pictures of our future. I don’t know how to go about this… I don’t think he had any idea. Also… Logistics. All of our belongings are intermixed and we have a dog together. I honestly think that our dog is why I haven’t ended things earlier… Even if that seems silly, we both love her to bits. Any and all advice is extremely appreciated.

    • CHJ

      Aww. Hugs. You sound certain in your decision, so it’s time to figure out logistics. I would recommend finding an apartment for yourself first, so you have a place to go. For the dog, you’ll just have to work that out with him. Maybe he’ll let you take the dog, maybe you’ll do joint custody… only talking that out with him will answer that. And as for other joint possessions, I’d be prepared to relinquish a lot of the furniture, etc., and just start over with your own things. Even cheap furniture from IKEA will feel good when it’s just yours.

      And it will be ok! I had to do this a few years ago, and it was brutally sad, but absolutely worth it in the end.

    • Wildkitten

      Be ready to move out as soon as you break up with him. It’s mean to break up with someone and continue to live with them. Have friends who can help you move so you aren’t doing it by yourself, alone with him. Are your belongings and furniture valuable or can you buy new furniture? If the dog is both of yours and you trust him to take care of it can you leave him the dog as a consolation prize?

      • Anonymous

        Dude. A dog is like a child. You don’t just give it to someone as a “consolation prize.” Would you say that to someone who said she was afraid to break up with her SO because of their kids?

        • Anonymous

          I think it’s not terrible advice. A dog isn’t a child. If you want a clean break, sold custody is okay.

        • Wildkitten

          If someone I’d been with for six years dumped me and moved out of our house I would need the dog.

          I love my dog to pieces but no, dogs are not children. Dog custody is forcing someone you broke up with to keep interacting with you even though you are both in a really tough space right now.

          • Anonymous

            I don’t get why he is entitled to the dog. Neither of them did anything wrong. Breakups are hard for all involved and just because she decided to end it doesn’t mean she should have to give up a beloved pet. Honestly, if it was a choice between never seeing my dog again and staying in an unhappy (but not abusive, etc.) relationship for the rest of her life, I would stay in the relationship until the dog died. And OP shouldn’t have to do that – she has a right to end it and expect the guy to behave like an adult and let her see the dog.

          • Cc

            And he probably will- but in the meantime she is the one moving out and she should leave the dog. He is entitled to the dog because she is leaving, has done nothing to try and save the realtionship( which is fine- but that’s why he will have no idea it’s coming) and this is what happens when you get a dog together but it doesn’t work and you didn’t discuss or agree what would happen in te case of a breakup. I think you leave, give him a month, and then see if joint custody can be worked out. It could be he doesn’t want the responsibility or the reminder or vice versa. Op- it must seem super daunting right now- but take it one day at a time and it will gradually get better.

          • Anonny

            He is not “entitled” to the dog, but I agree with Wildkitten – it’s certainly a very good faith gesture, particularly given all of the specifics of the situation. Dogs are like children; dogs are not children. This is the only circumstance I can think of in which I’d be keenly aware of the distinction.

          • Wildkitten

            Dude I’m not the dictator of her life. I don’t get to decide that he’s entitled to anything. I was posing an option as a question. You can stay in your shitty relationship until the dog dies if you want. Welcome to adulthood. We all get to make our own choices.

          • Renee

            +1 I think he gets the dog if he has no idea this is coming and it’s you who’s leaving. I wouldn’t fight him on the dog and hope for visitation or custody down the road. I say this as a woman who loves her dog very much!!

        • emeralds

          I dunno. I have mixed feelings on the dog thing. I have a dog and no one could take her away from me. No way, no how. But then, she is *my* dog, not a dog that I got with someone else.

          And yet–I’ve seen the struggles of trying joing pet custody firsthand. My BF and his then-GF got a puppy together. When they broke up, she kept the apartment and he kept the dog, but then she raised so much hell about the dog that they ended up swapping him back and forth. The short version is that it did not go well. The longer version is that they could certainly have spelled things out better in advance, instead of relying on the fact that everyone involved was going to act like a reasonable adult, but the fact remains that she used the dog as a way to drag out drama/sobbing on the phone/being able to continue being in contact with my boyfriend/etc. for five more months. He finally gave up and let her keep the dog because he wanted no further contact with her. YMMV.

          To the OP, I’m sorry that you’re going through this and the dog definitely complicates it emotionally. Only you can predict how trying to share the dog with your soon-to-be-ex will go, but personally, after having seen joint dog custody go about as badly as it can go, I would want a break that was going to be 100% clear either way.

          • Anonymous

            This is why my partner and I agreed a long time ago: he gets any dog we have and I get any cat in the event of a break up.

            But seriously – I would probably not take the dog too in this situation because I think it’s going to be traumatic enough for him to be blindsided with this and taking the dog is just another cruel blow. Yes, it sounds like it’s no one’s fault but she is the one making the decision and calling the shots. Also, I think the dog is better off staying in its home. Once the dust settles, maybe they can work out a different arrangement but in the short term I would feel like the person who decides to end things “just because” should at least cede the beloved dog and furniture to the person who is left.

    • Anonymous

      Figure out your finances. Rent an apartment. Organize your stuff so that it’s somewhat easy to move.

      Then tell him. It will really really suck. Expect that you’re not going to wrap things up perfectly. He probably won’t be emotionally ready to discuss splitting up the belongings right away. Sleep in the guest room or your new apartment.

    • Anonymous

      I’m sorry, I’ve been there (minus the dog). I agree with the advice to get your own place before you tell him because a) it communicates you’re really serious about this and not just having a fight and b) if he’s anything like my ex, he will be incredibly hurt and will tell you to GTFO immediately. I wouldn’t worry too much about the stuff. Take what you can take in one carful and come back for the rest. Stuff is just stuff. It can be replaced if he tosses it. Ripping off the bandaid $ucks but you will almost immediately feel so much lighter and happier.

      To be honest, if you don’t trust him completely to work out a joint custody arrangement for the dog, I’d take it with you when you leave. You know that you’ll allow him to visit, you don’t know if the opposite is true.

      • DisenchantedinDC

        Had a friend who did this. She ended up not going back for most things. We joked it was forced minimalism. She seems much happier.

      • Anon

        Ok seriously do not take the dog – that’s so awful. You are breaking this guy’s heart and then you’re going to take his dog too and not even offer to let him visit?

        • Anonymous

          Where did I say not let him visit? Of course she should let him visit. And if he doesn’t want to see her, she should do everything she can to make the dog available to him through mutual friends, etc.

          • Anonymous

            I can’t see friends wanting to act a go between in a weird dog custody situation for very long, but maybe your friends are stronger people than I.

        • Anonymous

          Yup. This. Breaking up, moving out, and taking the dog all in one day? Nope.

          • January

            It’s kind of a bad country song. Don’t take the dog with you; that’s just cruel.

            Also, I would probably not offer to act as a go-between if friends of mine were trying to negotiate joint dog custody while in the midst of a messy breakup, so you would need to have better friends than I if you were planning to rely on that as an option.

      • Snickety

        Ah, no, she should not just take the dog unless boyfriend agrees to it. It’s his house. If the dog has always lived there, boyfriend has a stronger basis for claiming ownership. It could be viewed as theft if she takes the dog without his consent.

    • Brunette Elle Woods

      Whatever you do, do it as soon as possible. Dragging things out will only make it worse and life is short. Don’t waste anymore time on a relationship that doesn’t have a future.

    • Anon

      Having been through a divorce where a dog was involved …

      Whatever you decide, ‘joint custody’ sucks. Going back to the apartment to spend time with the dog, or having to meet up at scheduled intervals for a dog exchange, prolonged what was otherwise a painful but fairly clean divorce. After six months, I gave him some money to cover vet and dog-sitting bills for a two year period, and said goodbye to the dog. It could as easily have worked in reverse – he could have given me custody of the dog – but having to go back and forth was not a good solution.

      • Jax

        Add me to the camp that doesn’t think Dog Custody is a good idea. Sometimes it’s clear who the dog “belongs” to because the dog just gravitates toward that person. My entire family loves our standard poodle, but they all say, “That’s Mom’s dog.” She’s glued to me wherever I go in the house. Maybe that’s the case here, and the couple can clearly see who has the stronger bond with the dog and let it go.

        OP–if you feel like you’re NOT the one the dog prefers, just be gracious and leave the dog with your ex. If it isn’t clear cut who the dog likes best, then I would still leave the dog. Maybe it’s just me, but after experiencing being “The Favorite” it’s pretty awesome. I wouldn’t fight to see a dog that didn’t clearly love me best. I’d rather move on and find a better match.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      One of my friends has a clean joint custody dog situation. They exchange the dog via doggy day care. I can’t remember how they break things up, if it is weekly or what have you but on the day the dog is exchanged he goes to daycare. Mom drops him off, dad picks him up or vice versa. They never see each other or talk to each other really. They each have a set of beds/toys/bowls/food. They alternate years on vet bills. If there is something major that comes up (surgery, meds) then they speak to each other. If it is short term (antibiotics), they just send the meds to daycare during w/ a note to dad for the exchange. They pretty much never speak to each other but have equal time with the dog.

      • Anon

        I have heard of a couple doing this as well. I think they talk occasionally about logistics with the dog, but never see each other because of the drop off situation. I don’t think I would personally want to do it (and I already told my husband if we get divorced, I am keeping the dogs – I have no intentions of getting divorced, but if it happened it would be over my dead body I would give up the dogs), but if you are going to do it, this seems like the cleanest way.

      • NYNY

        My sister and I had a dog together, and when she moved away to go to grad school, we tried joint custody for about a year and half because neither of us could imagine living without him. It was nice for us, terrible for the dog. He had all kinds of anxiety going back and forth between us, and we eventually decided that he needed to be in one place. We were each willing to give him up, but once we determined that I was in the best situation to take care of him, so I kept him.

        To the OP, please make sure that you have friends to lean on. As the dumper, there are people who won’t have sympathy for you, but you’re going through a loss as well as your SO. You’ll need some emotional support.

      • Lyra Silvertongue

        My ex-husband and I are currently doing joint custody with our dog. She is the love of our lives and seems to be doing well; we have a fairly similar arrangement to what Blonde Lawyer cited. I think it can be done but ymmv of course.

    • Annie

      This may not come across well, but can’t you get a new dog?

      I don’t mean to minimize how much you love your current dog, but it just seems like you may probably have enough room in your heart for another dog, too. Clean break, fresh start.

    • Anonymous

      Instead of focusing on the dog, I’d focus on the boyfriend of six years that you are going to blind side. You need to think about how to have this conversation without destroying someone that you used to love. As for the dog — if you love the dog, he goes where he will be happiest.

    • Hollis

      Even as a person who loves dogs, I’m surprised that this is part everyone is so focused on in this thread.

      As for the breakup itself, I would be prepared to answer honestly and openly (but not in a mean way) how you are feeling, why, etc. without giving off any suggestion that you are open to changing your mind. Seriously, when I broke off my 6 year relationship, I was totally surprised by: a) the guilt I felt, which made me hesitant and question myself, b) how he would go out of his way to contact me, send flowers (and this guy was cheap and never bought me flowers), and tell me how he has changed, and c) all of my so-called friends coming out of the woodwork expressing faux concern, but really just wanting to know “what happened” because they were nosy. With time, all of this will go away, but there will be a period of pain (e.g., drunken calls and all that good stuff) where you will need to be reminded that you are strong and you are not ruining anyone’s life. If anything, you need to see this as a chance to “release” the guy to find a better match for him as well since you are not in love with him.

  2. Crafty

    Hello ladies. To those of you who have crafty hobbies how do you field questions to make things for others? I really don’t need more things so I’m glad to give the labor for free, but supplies are expensive. Would it be tacky to hand them the supply bill? People always say they will cover supplies and then hand me a five. Idk what to do, because I don’t think it’s fair that it costs me money to do a favor.

    • Anonymous

      “Sure, I can do that, but I’ll need you to cover the cost of supplies. It will probably be about $35, I’ll give you a receipt” [or if they’ve stiffed you before] “I’d love to if you’ll cover the cost of supplies. I’ll need $40 upfront- I’ll let you know if it’s more and return any extra.”

    • Runner 5

      I just don’t make things for others. I might at the outside make someone a pair of socks (making a pair now for my best friend) which runs me less than £10 for yarn. I am making a Christmas gift for my mother (Typhoon, for other knitters) but the supplies for that were about £15. And she’s my mum.

      What I know some people do is “sure, come over here and we’ll look at -craft online shop- and you can choose your colours and pay for your supplies”

      • Moonstone

        Yes to having them do the shopping for supplies with you — makes them understand the cost (both time and financial).

    • Rogue Banker

      I think if you’re up-front about it at the time they ask you to make the thing, it’s fine to charge for supplies. “Sure, I’d be happy to make you an XYZ! The supplies for it usually run me about $Y, would you mind covering that?” Or if it’s something where you won’t know the supply cost till later, it could be more like “Would you mind covering the supply cost once I get everything purchased? I’ll itemize it for you if you want.” and you can just hand them the receipts from the craft store if they fuss about it.

    • Anon

      These friends are rude. I have a friend who makes beautiful cupcakes and the first time she made them for me I hounded her to tell me the price she spent on supplies (because I knew it was rather high and she kept saying it wasn’t a big deal) and tacked on an extra $30 for her time. I have done the same every time she has made them for me since. As everyone else said, tell them upfront what the cost of supplies will be and that they will need to pay for them.

      • Anonymous

        Please tell them they’ll need to cover the cost of supplies! I bake and decorate elaborate cakes as a hobby, and have found myself in the same situation. Give them a rough estimate up front, and tell them you can return any remaining money along with a receipt at the end.

      • NYNY

        This!

        My policy is to only make gifts. It takes my time and love, as well as my (often pricey) yarn. And I won’t knit on a schedule, as it takes the fun out of what’s supposed to be a relaxing hobby.

      • Ems

        I’m also in this camp. I only knit with nice yarn (life is too short), so I knit for people I love and who have done really nice things for me (jump start my car, cat sit, etc) or for babies. Fig and Plum wrote a post about this years ago.

      • SilverSpringWanderer

        I sew and crochet. I also do not generally make things on request. I do make gifts, but those are always surprises. People really, really do not understand the time involved in sewing/knitting/crocheting things, even little things. The materials cost, even when it is significant, is such a small part of the overall production.

        To paraphrase an old joke: If I love you, it is free. If I don’t, you can’t afford it.

    • Anonymous

      I’d send them a link to the store and ask them to pick out the supplies, so they know how much they actually are.

      • Runner 5

        I wouldn’t have them pick out the supplies by themselves; it’s probably more complex than they think (‘but why can’t you make me a scarf out of this one ball of yarn?’)

        • Crafty

          Exactly. I’m not a knitter but there’s a lot more to it than people expect. I don’t use anything bad quality and telling someone that silk thread is $5 is hard. Especially since I’m not really a Michaels type person. Sending them a link is hard since they don’t know the nuances of size and quantity

          • August

            When some one asks you, tell them “Sure, I will send a list of supplies. Just get them shipped to me. I will make it for you”. Send them links for supplies you need. Be specific about the type of yarn, threads, quantity etc, let them choose the color. Then forget about it till you get the supplies.

    • Xarcady

      I would let them know the cost of the supplies up front, if that’s the way you want to go. People who don’t knit or crochet think that the lovely hand-dyed lamb’s wool/alpaca blend yarn that you use will cost $5 for a scarf, and be shocked when they are presented with a bill for $25 for the yarn alone. Unless you really want to hear, “But I could buy a scarf at Target for $10!”

      Usually, when I tell someone I will crochet for them but they have to buy the supplies, once we check out the cost on-line, I never hear about it again.

    • lawsuited

      I either make it as a gift for their next birthday/Christmas, or I clue them into the high cost and let them decide if they still want it, “The supplies will cost just over $50. If you’re happy to pay that, then I’ll be happy to make it for you. Just think about it and let me know!”

  3. NotMarried

    So I need some help. I’m in mid to late 20s, and it seems like EVERYONE IS GETTING MARRIED. I swear, it’s all I see online and I’m booked for wedding multiple weekends every month. Which is great. Seeing people in love is awesome. But… I’m not super sold on the idea of marriage as an institution. I am in a very happy, long term relationship with a great guy that I love. But with everyone else getting married, including several of my siblings, I get the dreaded, “So when are you going to tie the knot?” I tried telling the truth once, that I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to get married, and the person looked at me like I had grown two heads. How would you handle that – very frequent – situation?

    • KittyKat

      I just answer with an “oh we’ll see” or a “maybe one day”. Personally I’ve given up on the institution of marriage and everyone now just assumes my long term partner and I are going to keep things how they are

    • L

      I’d just smile nicely and say, “we’re not in a rush!” and then pivot back to so happy for the couple, your travel plans, etc. Short and cheery is what you’re going for.

    • Wildkitten

      I just say “No.”

      Even though the answer is “oh we’ll see” or “maybe one day,” saying “No.” discourages them from asking again and saying “we’ll see” or “maybe one day” tends to encourage people to keep asking.

      • Wildkitten

        Er – if the question is “when” the answer I would give would be “Never.”

    • anon

      I just decided to be authentic, told the truth (or the short version of it), and said things like “it doesn’t mean I love him any less, we just view it differently” etc. Then I just let their reactions be whatever they were. People don’t have to like or understand my choices. If the people not getting it thing stresses you out, then I wouldn’t go this route.

    • Ella

      “You know, I’m not sure marriage is the right choice for me now. But for XX and XY there, wow, the wedding was lovely.”

    • Anonymous

      I’ve been there. I have found it gets better. After 15 years in a committed, loving relationship with my wonderful opposite gender (but non married) partner the questions have stopped. I think actually most people just start assuming we are married. Depending on my relationship with the person asking and whether I want to get into my feelings of the institution of marriage I might correct them, or not.

      I think the hardest thing for me when people asked when we were getting married was the assumption that there was something missing in our relationship if we didn’t – or that we weren’t committed to each other, or that secretly there was something wrong with our relationship. I knew none of those things were true, so just focused on the fact that my relationship is stronger and has lasted longer than many of those friends who got married 8 years ago (but are now divorced). Sometimes I would say, we’re not married, but we’ve made our own commitments to each other. Again, depending on my relationship with the person who asked.

    • Annie

      Can you make a joke out of it? For example, “My accountant advised us not to marry given the tax consequences, so I’m waiting on his approval!”

      • Gigi

        I do this. It doesn’t always go over well. People end up taking this one seriously.

        Now I generally say -maybe one day, but if its not broken, why try to fix it?

        • Annie

          Well, I would laugh very hard if someone said that to me! So I applaud your sense of humor!

    • Renee

      People ask less he older you get bc somehow it’s less awkward to ask a 20 year old than someone older who may be “passed up”, an awful stereotype. Point is, it will end. Sorry you have to deal with it. Also, when I was in my 20s an older coworker told me “enjoy the stage when everyone is getting married; it beats the stage when everyone is getting divorced.” Somehow that insight helped me and I hope it helps you.

    • Aunt Jamesina

      Unless it’s somebody you don’t really know or care to divulge information to, just tell them you don’t feel that marriage is for you. That will also fend off future inquiries.

    • Anonymous

      “When Congress fixes the marriage tax penalty.”

      This usually shuts people up. Though my mother recently asked me if it was still cheaper taxwise for BF (of 12 years) and I not to be married. So now with my mother I’ve switched to “when you pay for the wedding.”

      • Anonymous

        Yes, it’s still cheaper not to be married if both of you are in the 28% bracket or higher…. Sigh.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      My SIL is in a long-term non-married relationship (her and her guy have been dating something like 15 years, living together for around 10, and they’re both in their 40s), and from her experiences, I have two takeaways:
      (1) the longer you and your partner are together, the more people will get the idea and stop asking, so you can take some small comfort in the fact that this is likely a time-limited issue – for SIL, the drop-off point was after a few years of living together, but YMMV; and (2) SIL’s favorite answer to the “when are you guys going to tie the knot” question is “we aren’t planning to,” with a bit of a smile, and that seems to pretty effectively shut things down without the conversation turning into a discussion of the institution of marriage.

  4. Terminology question.

    When y’all say ‘tall boots’ do you mean the heel (high boots) or the leg (long boots)?

  5. Presentation books recs:

    Can someone recommend a few good books on how to put together a presentation that is essentially a story? A story on the history/background of a situation.

  6. anonymous

    Can anyone recommend a vitamin C serum? My major skin concerns are dark spots from acne and aging, in that order. I’m on a tight-ish budget, but can be willing to splurge if it’s really worth it.

    • TO Lawyer

      Try the vitamin C serum from Ole Henriksen – it’s pricey but super worth it.

        • Anon

          The Ole H is worth it to me because (regardless of the cons or potential cons) listed below, it made a noticeable difference in making my skin tone more even and overall my skin just looks better. I like the feel of it too – not as oily or sticky as others. It absorbs nicely and makes my skin look good by itself. But I wear a moisturizer with spf over it

      • stormtrooper

        +1 to Ole Henriksen. It’s really the only true staple in my skin care routine. Note a little goes a long way. At first, I used too much. I cut back and am way more satisfied with both the produce and the value (it is pricey). Sephora has a promo going on now where you get a jumbo sample of this product with the purchase of a certain amount (I think $25??). I think you might have to be a VIB there and the code is VIBOLE.

      • Anon

        +2 it is one od the few premium cosmetics on which I splurge. On the plus side, a little goes a long way so it lasts for awhile.

    • Runner 5

      The vitamin C moisturiser from the Body Shop is good (and has a good SPF in) – haven’t tried the serum though.

    • Anonymous

      Creams with hydroquinone are more effective for dark spots. Do you have a dermatologist helping you with your Retin-A scripts? Ask them – scripts are needed for higher concentration hydroquinone creams, but you can buy lower concentration ones over the counter.

      Honestly, if your budget is tight, buy some Porcelana on Amazon.

      • locomotive

        yep – the hydroquinone one from Murad (i think it’s called spot lightener or corrector or something – orange and white clear label bottle) is very effective. You can’t be using hydroquinone super long term – I think the limit is around 2-3 months per ‘cycle’. It’s helped with my horrible acne scarring tremendously.

          • locomotive

            about 3 months – they don’t disappear, but they were definitely way lighter. I continued to moisturize and exfoliate and a year later they are much more faded.

        • interesting...

          How did you apply it? To your entire face, or just “spot treatments” to affected areas?

          • locomotive

            I only spot treat directly on the scarred areas. For me, it was individual dark scars where there were cystic spots (like pencil eraser sized), and also larger clustered areas (quarter sized) on my cheeks.

    • shamlet96

      I’ve never tried Ole Henrikson, so i can’t speak to that one, but I use (and love) both nufountain Vit c serum and cosmetic skin solutions. Both are available on Amazon and not very $$ ($20 for a bottle that lasts 2-3 months).

    • Jennifer

      Skinceuticals c e ferulic – I’m a scientist by training (phd in biological sciences) and one of my colleagues turned me on to this product. Also pricy, but at least there is some evidence to support it doing something to your skin.

    • First year anon

      Hate to be Debbie downer about the ole Henriksson one (or however it is spelled, sorry I am on my phone) it isn’t an effective vitamin c solution. The bottle is clear and vit C is very unstable in light and in the presence of oxygen- it should be in a brown bottle and a short expiry date (or in an air sealed container). There is no information on percent in it. Also, only one form of vitamin c is effective and I’m not sure it contains the pure form of it. If you google you’ll see other people have commented on all of these issues.

  7. Stir

    Has anyone been to a Stir event that’s put on by Match? Are they awkward? Is it usually heavy on women?

    I signed up for one at a brewery this weekend and I’m starting to get anxious about it. This is my first real step back into the dating world after having a double mastectomy. I’m comfortable with how I look (not reconstructed yet) but I know I don’t look “normal”, so I’m prepping myself for a lot of disinterest.

    • Anonymous

      In my experience they are awkward and usually heavy on awkward guys I am not interested in dating. Which kind of makes them a perfect first step. It’s highly unlikely that you’re going to meet Mr. Right at this event, but it has potential to be great practice at putting yourself out there, initiating convos, and flirting.

    • Anon

      I went to one as a wingwoman in Arlington, VA at a wine bar. I had a boyfriend at the time, and I told him I was going. It really wasn’t bad. Everyone was definitely trying to meet people, and they do a pretty good job of forcing interactions with other people. For instance, they gave everyone a playing card (woman got ones with red backs and men got ones with blue backs) and you had to find the opposite sex person who had the same card as you. The first couple who matched (which ended up being me — whoops) got tickets to go to another Stir event for free. Plus everyone (else) there was very interested in meeting people, so if a guy was interested, they came right up and started a conversation. It’s a little awkward at first, but have a drink and a good time! Good luck!

    • DisenchantedinDC

      Ugh. I should probably consider doing this type of thing because I’m pretty rusty after 5 (happy! fulfilled!) single years…

    • Monte

      I have been to a few as a wingwoman. I have found them to be awkward, and slightly (but not incredibly) woman-heavy. There have been a lot of odd dudes — guys with no (conversational) boundaries, that sort of thing. But an easy way to dip into dating and chatting up random dudes. And these events often have built-in icebreakers, so less awkward than a lot of scenarios.

  8. LinkedIn Newbie

    I finally decided to get on LinkedIn to be more deliberate with my networking. Do you have any tips or articles to read regarding how to use it more effectively?

    • Scarlett

      I use LinkedIn to “collect” all the people I know professionally. My standard for “friending” (or whatever the term on there would be) is pretty low – have I met you? Fine, we’ll connect if you ask (and when I set up the account years ago I asked pretty much everyone I knew who popped in through their email push, obviously not the restaurant inmate at once but anyone I knew/could remember). As a result, I have a ton of contacts. I’ve found that to be extremely useful as in just about any deal I’m involved in, I can find the other people involved through my network and a lot of times we have a random connection to each other, which can make dealing with people easier. So my advice is connect with a lot of people. If you’re considering a job move (or even if you’re not and want recruiters to find you with possible opportunities) I’d also populate the “what do you do” fields and have an online/ all the time resume. Many recruiters troll LinkedIn to source candidates and I like to know what’s out there, personally. Don’t randomly select “skills” people are good at, I just find that weird and not useful (how does my old neighbor know I’m good at legal research for example), but do write a recommendation for people you know who really impress you. It’s an easy way to do a professional favor.

  9. Anon

    Can anyone recommend a place to stay in Vegas for a long weekend getaway with my husband? Any advice for first-timers? We plan to do a small amount of gambling, eat good food (although we are not foodies and not into fine dining), and go to Hoover Dam one day.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve stayed in a lot of hotels on the Vegas strip and never loved any of them. Vdara is probably my favorite. It’s a non-gaming hotel, so it is not smoky and sort of feels like an oasis from the strip. It is connected to Bellagio and Aria though and is very close to plenty of other hotel-casinos so you won’t have any problems gambling.

      Food in Vegas is tough. I have found that, excluding fine dining, there is not a lot of good food and everything is very overpriced. A few recs:
      Cosmo’s Wicked Spoon buffet (best on the strip – better than Bellagio and Wynn)
      Scarpetta
      Bouchon
      Mon Ami Gabi
      Earl of Sandwich

      Death Valley National Park is also worth visiting if you haven’t been and have a car.

    • tesyaa

      Glad you’re going to Hoover dam… we were there in 1994 (also part of a short trip to Vegas) and really enjoyed it. The infant we took there in a backpack is now in graduate school…

    • Walnut

      My best Vegas hotel experience has been back in the Tower rooms at the Bellagio. You’re in the middle of the strip and close to everything. It’s easy to underestimate just how massive all of the casinos are and I’ve made the mistake of wearing uncomfortable shoes for a three mile walk entirely too many times.

      Favorite restaurant is Mon Ami Gabi at the Paris across the street. I like to dine at an off peak time, sit out on the patio and lounge for awhile while watching the Bellagio fountains. I’ve also really enjoyed the burger place at the Paris for reasonably priced fare. For reasonably priced Italian, Trattoria Reggiano at the Venetian is pretty good. It’s in a really unassuming location and sort of tucked away in the back after you pass through the main selection of restaurants.

      • Lyssa

        Second the Bellagio – it’s centrally located, and really nice, and the fountains are really much cooler then you would think. Get a fountain-view room if at all possible, and turn on the TV channel with the music that accompanies them. No real advice for inexpensive food, though – my experience was that everything was pretty pricey. We had an amazing dinner at Picasso, though.

    • ALX emily

      In general, if you like nice hotels, I’d stay at the fanciest (and most centrally located) hotel in your budget – yeah, you can get good hotel rooms for relatively cheap prices, but that means you can also get luxury hotels for relatively cheap prices compared to what they cost in other cities. The times I’ve been, the Aria/Bellagio/Venetian are pretty much comparable to what I’ve paid for Courtyard Marriott-type hotels in other cities (although prices vary HUGELY depending on what’s going on, so that’s not always true). Also agree with Mon Ami Gabi, especially for breakfast, and Earl of Sandwich for on-strip food. There are seriously fantastic Thai and Japanese places off the strip if you’ll have a car/that’s something you’re interested in.

      • Rory H

        We took one of those pink jeep tours to the dam and they stopped at that park! There’s also a pizza place inside the aria that is good.

    • lucy stone

      Do not under circumstances stay at the Rio, or as one guidebook referred to it, the carnival of sadness. I realize that’s a negative recommendation, but it is so tired.

      I was there for work last week and I enjoyed Andrea’s at the Wynn. If you go, get the shishito peppers, they were great!

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        The Rio is the WORST. (And the location sucks – I could bear the “carnival of sadness” vibe because the rooms are huge and cheap if it was easy to get the heck away from the place so all you had to do was sleep there, but it’s in the middle of nowhere on top of everything else that’s wrong with it.)

        On the higher end of the price spectrum, the Bellagio and the Wynn are great. If you’re okay with being at the far end of the strip, Mandalay Bay also looks nice, although I haven’t stayed there, only been there for events. If you’re on a more mid-level budget, MGM is a solid choice (kind of Marriott-level, like, they have everything you need plus a few decent extras and the vibe is pretty Vegas-standard), and I also like the Mirage (great, central location, decent quality rooms/service, and a good selection of mid-level restaurants to choose from). Personally, I’d avoid Caesar’s, Paris, and the Venetian – they are on about the same level, room/service-quality-wise, as MGM or the Mirage, but charge more because of the fancy public spaces, which strikes me as silly to pay more for because you can enjoy the public spaces easily without paying an extra mark-up to sleep above them.

    • Mary

      We stayed at the Wynn in March and enjoyed it. If you are motorcycle enthusiasts, rent a motorcycle and ride to the Hoover Dam and through the Valley of Fire. That was incredible. As has already been mentioned, make sure you wear comfortable shoes — not sort of comfortable shoes, but your most comfortable walking shoes. I took the first and had terrible blisters from an afternoon of walking down the strip.

  10. Rose

    I just got the call that I didn’t get the job that I’ve been interviewing for over 2 months. They went with a candidate that was an internal reference, and a last minute interview. They said if there were two positions, I would hae gotten the second one, and that they will be opening more positions in the next month and would want to consider me for one of them.

    My mood, which was already not good, just took a further tumble. I know this happens all the time, but I really needed some good news right now.

    • Anon

      Ugh, I’ve been there. On my most recent job search, I was rejected 3 times after long, drawn-out interview processes. Each one was absolutely crushing and I didn’t know how I would get through another day in my toxic workplace. Long story short, I ended up getting a job at a company that was both a better fit and with better pay and benefits. I don’t believe in fate or any of that but it worked out for the best even though I had to deal with a whole lot of negative feelings to get to this outcome. I will keep my fingers crossed for you that you get a call about another position next month!

      • Rose

        Thank you! I’m going to try to put it out of my mind, rather than counting the weeks.

    • anon

      Condolences. I’ve had that happen several times in the past two years (except for being told that more spots will open in a month). It sucks. I would google videos of the small animal of your choice.

    • Scarlett

      Try to focus on the good here – you made it to the final two, which means you’re really competitive in your field and you interview well. You impressed people who want to work with you. Stay in touch with them!! Companies have new needs all the time. I’ve ended up working in a few places where I was the losing “number 2” candidate and then something changed or happened. Your move just isn’t going to happen right this second, but it will.

      • Anonymous

        +1. This was my situation this year. Interviewed, lost out to the internal candidate, but got a very nice rejection which involved my interviewer passing on my name to a different division of the company that was going to have multiple openings in the next few months.

        My advice would be to follow up to see if they have any information on additional openings (department, location, approximate date), because you remain interested in them as a company and are flattered to know you were such an attractive prospect.

    • anon99

      Been there, totally upsetting, but the second slot actually came open and I got it. So you never know.

  11. anon

    Reading the engagement ring thread the other day was surprising (in a refreshing way)… I’m 27 and have had a lot of engagements in my close and not-close circle of friends / acquaintances. It looks like everyone has spent a LOT more than the average prices in that thread. Is NYC finance / law / consulting life really that different?

    • Nan

      Yes,it’s different, but also a lot of people like me with expensive diamonds did not respond because we didn’t want to get judged. The crowd that thinks it’s nuts to pay $100 for a blouse will not take kindly to a $20,000 ring.

      • anon

        That works both ways, of course. I’m in NYC, didn’t respond mostly because it seemed like there were already plenty of responses, but my ring was ~$600. I guess it’s good to get data points from all extremes!

    • Anon

      Yes, it’s different. I am the poster who has a beautiful $6,500 paid-in-cash ring, and was actually surprised by the number of people who had a less-expensive ring simply because mine is probably the least expensive in my professional circle. One of my colleagues got engaged a few weeks after I did, and I’m guessing her ring is probably in the $50,000-60,000 ballpark (not exaggerating). To each her/his own! Spend what you want to get what you want, as long as it is within your budget, but don’t feel like you have to max out your budget just because. It’s your life and ring.

    • AnonNY

      Extremely. Just think about it, people in those fields are making 3 or even 4 times more than the average couple in general. So they can simply afford to buy a more expensive ring and/or in their social circle and that’s what the norm is. Obviously not everyone is like this but its more likely in those circles just from my experience.

      • anon

        Yeah but a lot of people on this s*te are in those fields, and COL in NYC is so high…

    • 2 Cents

      Yes. My ring was under $5K and even among my NYC friend group, it’s on the low end (and we’re not in finance or anything — think creative fields / writing / editing). But I love my ring and wouldn’t change it for the world. In fact, when we were shopping for our wedding bands, any store that suggested that I could “upgrade” my diamond at a later point was nixed for future purposes. The nerve! The store that got our business was the one whose salesperson complimented my ring and said, “Let’s find something perfect to go with it.”

    • New Anon

      I can’t tell from you comment and follow-up whether the NYC finance/consulting/law folks are your friends and spending lots, or you think they’re all commenting here and not spending much at all, but I’ve observed that “how much did you pay” threads on this s*te often seem to have the tone set early and the comments end up all leaning one way. In particular, I think I remember past threads about wedding and engagement jewelry seeming to have much higher average prices. So, my suspicion is that that discussion wasn’t a particularly accurate cross-section of readers/commenters.

      • Renee

        I read the thread and felt like the tone set from the beginning was on the low end. At my law firm, it’s odd to see a woman with a ring that looks like it cost less than $25k new. I assume women with a ring less than 1 cast are the breadwinner and married “for love” or married very early.

          • Renee

            I put “for love” in quotes to signify a meaning. If it’s lost on you, sorry.

        • Anonattorney

          Hahahaha, this actually makes me laugh. I am the breadwinner, married “for love” (thank god!) and have a small ring. I am ecstatic with my relationship, my status as the breadwinner, and my ring!

        • lawsuited

          Lol, I am the breadwinner, married for love, and married young, so you won’t be surprised to learn that my ring cost $800. It is more than 1 carat though! It’s a 2 carat amethyst with a pave diamond halo and band, and someone comments on it every. single. day that I wear it.

        • Anon

          Don’t most people marry for love??? I would hope so!! I also love my under $1500, less than 1/2 carat ring. I was the breadwinner at the time (not anymore) while my husband was finishing his education and we were young-ish (25), so perhaps there is something to your stereotyping. On the other hand my two best friends just got engaged with rings that were a similar or lower price point & they are both in their 30s and have fiances that make six figures. And while I know there are women like you that judge me and my tiny ring, know that I am judging plenty of women with those $25K rings right back – while they struggle fund a lifestyle they think their income entitles them to but that they can’t really afford, I am enjoying my modest but mostly paid for house, my paid off student loans, my paid off non-luxury cars and all the fabulous vacations I can actually afford!

          • Anonymous

            Yes- by the time we married we were both making good money but I don’t weary blingy jewellery so the idea that my wedding ring would be big/traditional/overly detailed was not appealing. My sister on the other hand loves all the sparkles in the land and has the ring to match. Wedding rings don’t just reflect money, the reflect tastes/preferences/priorities which are solely the business of the couple. I wouldn’t overanalyse it.

        • In the Pink

          And what’s wrong with that? Or married with student loans? Or having an inherited ring with parents who got the “Normal” 1 ct simple, plain setting in the 1950s and early 1960s?

          Or, what’s wrong with people being practical or having a lifestyle or career that is busy or active so as not to make a big/tall setting or flashy one appropriate?

          Why does it matter what a beloved’s token of comittment and love to their intended looks like, weighs, and costs? Isn’t it a public token of very private, and personal affection, decisions, finances?

          Are we to judge others by their appearance and possessions?

          All rhetorical, but I hope understood.

    • anon

      Would it be weird if a woman in finance or some other high paying career just wore a plain band? Is that something that would be looked down upon?

      • Anonymous

        It would probably be looked down upon by some snobby people (see Renee, directly above). But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it if that’s what you want. I think just wearing a plain band is lovely.

        • Renee

          I don’t look down on it. I think there are plenty of valid reasons to have a small diamond, but I think it’s silly to think people won’t assume the logical reasons. The most important thing to pulling off a small ring off is to be perfectly happy with the ring and the reasons behind the size. The whole diamond ring thing is fraught with materialism and I don’t think it can be avoided. Honestly, I think a great, plain band or a ring with some other semiprecious or precious stone is a very tasteful alternative to a diamond. With diamonds (unlike non-diamond rings), you’re automatically into a comparison thing and to pretend diamonds are anything else or ignore that aspect is a bit silly. It’s like saying Louie Vutton bags aren’t worn for status. Again, with allowances for sweet younger guys or ones who haven’t hit their stride (money wise) and really want to get their future wife a diamond and can only afford what they can afford.

      • CountC

        Why does it matter? Do what works for you and your partner and what you both like. What other people think of your wedding/engagement rings is a reflection on them, not on you.

        • anon

          just because it shouldn’t/won’t change my decision doesn’t mean it’s not good to be informed or that there’s anything wrong with curiosity.

          • CountC

            If it won’t change your decision, why do you want to know? I just don’t see how being informed on whether other people will judge you by the size of your engagement ring is a worthwhile use of your time. Obviously YMMV.

            Speaking of obviously, of course people will judge your ring. People will judge you for having the hair cut you do, wearing the eye shadow that you wear, pretty much for just about anything.

          • CountC

            I should have said size or type. I realize you asked about plain bands. I think plain bands are very stylish and I like them quite a bit. But no one should care what I think about their ring.

          • anon

            I don’t know, I’m just curious! I’m curious about how people think and why, especially when it radically diverges from my own viewpoint. Why wouldn’t I find it interesting or want to know? I don’t “care” what you or anyone else thinks.

      • lawsuited

        I do this. My engagement ring is beautiful, but catches on things so I don’t wear it often. winter. I wear a 2mm pave diamond band together with a 1mm rose gold band that my sisters and I all wear. It may not be the norm, but I’m the boss of my hands and I do what I want.

      • Anon

        I don’t think it’s that weird. My engagement ring is pretty small but I also really like the single-band look (my wedding band has tiny diamonds on it) so sometimes I take the e-ring off & just wear the band. I’ve heard of friends with much bigger engagement rings taking the ring off for exercising, typing, cooking, etc. because it gets in the way.

      • AZCPA

        A client of mine (real estate developer with her husband) has been married 30+ years and she wears only a plain thin band. Since she’s a client, I know exactly how much wealth they have, and I find is refreshing that she doesn’t feel the need to announce that every single day. I’ve seen her dressed up at fundraising galas so I know she’s no stranger to expensive jewelry (last time she was wearing a cocktail ring with a 7-8 carat diamond, along with several other pieces appropriate for the occasion).

    • Anonymous

      What day was the thread? I missed it and would be interested to read it and search can’t seem to find it.

    • anon for this

      I just had to go chase down that thread and read it…..it sounds horrible, but this has been a major issue in my marriage (mostly due to bad communication at the beginning). We were both in grad school when we got engaged/married, and hubs spent $650 on my wedding band and engagement ring (matched set- I got little to no input on either ring). I really, really wanted to get married, and tried to make everything as low-stress as possible for him, since he didn’t seem as invested in the relationship as I was. He says he was trying to be practical, thinking in terms of “I want it to be okay if this ring gets stolen,” and that he really *did* want to get married, and would have spent more had I asked for it. Regardless, it’s been a really uncomfortable situation for me, watching his brothers get engaged while still in school and spend substantially more on rings, as well as knowing I have the cheapest, simplest, least-fancy ring of any woman in any room that I’m in- whether it’s parties with his coworkers or meetings or family get-togethers. As someone who grew up in a poor rural area, and then went to grad school I have a lot of class mobility-induced anxiety anyway, and I can’t wear my rings without feeling completely undermined by them. For now, I’ve taken them off and replaced them with an engraved silver band. I think I’m going to wind up picking out a setting I like in the $5K range and purchasing it for myself.

      • Hollis

        I don’t think there’s anything wrong with buying a ring for yourself, but if you want him to replace the engagement ring, how about if you suggest a new ring as an anniversary gift he can give you? It sounds like you guys have more money now.

        • anon for this

          Tried that, and he never did anything, and after two years I’m ready to stop having this stupid fight. And I’m the one who’s being materialistic and stupid, and I’m a grownup who can take care of myself.

          • Hollis

            There’s nothing wrong with wanting what you want, and you have the means to buy it for yourself. But it sounds like this thing is a bigger thing than it should be in your relationship and is more of a symptom of other issues. I have sympathy for you, but hope that those other issues go away and are replaced by more positive feelings about other ways he has enhanced your life as a partner and husband and friend.

  12. Single for good

    I’m in my mid 40’s and single. It is hard for me to imagine the life of several who post on this site who are in stable, long-term relationships in their 20’s and hit panic mode when people ask them why they aren’t married. Then again, I remember all the weddings I was in (in my 20’s), and it was a bit of pressure at the time. Thank goodness I didn’t react to the pressure, as almost all of those couples are divorced now.

    Anyway, for those of you single and older, how do you respond when people ask you “Why aren’t you married?” Yes, people do ask that.

    Honestly, at this point I am likely single for life, and am not really looking for long term relationships anymore. Once men in their 60’s and 70’s felt I was a good target for hitting on, I decided to step back. I realized even in my 30’s that the men I am interested in are not attracted to me, even though I think I have aged ok. It is what it is, and I have accepted it. Not interested in men 10-30 yrs older at this stage of my life.

    Not interested in advice etc.. about relationships, but more interested in how to deal with the nosy questions. I find them actually more problematic at WORK, if you can believe it, than in my personal life.

    • Anonymous

      “Why do you ask” or “I’d rather not discuss this” at work. People are being rude and nosy and it’s fine for them to be politely told that.

      • anonymous

        You could say something like “I’m happy with my life the way it is.” That makes it seem less like there’s some super secret reason or something wrong with you that makes you single. It just is what it is, and you’re happy with it. Doesn’t need to be any more than that.

        • Moonstone

          “I really prefer to live alone.” I am not interested in responding in a way that implies that there is something flawed about me. And the funny thing is, many married people can remember how nice it is to live alone.

          It’s tricky because of course people should not ask directly, but in my opinion not every awkward question requires a frosty shut-down the way, for instance, a racist comment would. I usually let colleagues be nosy once — but no follow-up questions. That’s when I redirect back to work.

    • anon

      “I always bet on the wrong horse.” If you don’t want to make a point about how rude the asker is being, this will make him or her laugh, and I never had anyone rude enough to ask further details.

    • January

      “Why are you married?”

      “Just lucky, I guess.”

      “I don’t know, it just happened that way.”

      “Oh, I never got around to it.”

    • Scarlett

      Aww I get it. I was single until I was 40 and people asked stuff a lot. At one point I did a similar version to “Miranda’s comedy routine about “unspecial guys and house plants” from S*x and the City, and then I just started telling the truth. “Well, I haven’t met anyone I want to marry, that may or may not happen for me and I’m okay with it.” I ended up getting to know people better with an honest answer and this often led to interesting discussions (some annoying unsolicited advice too). Anyway, I’m generally someone who isn’t into the pithy response (the “why do you ask line” is filed away for me for a most extreme situation) as I think people have a lot more in common than they don’t. I chose to interpret “why aren’t you married” not as a judgment on my lifestyle and more a curiosity about love and other ways of being happy so I steered the conversation there.

    • Single for good

      What great answers. Thank you everyone!

      I am also trying to find a compromise that doesn’t sound cold/offended/(bitter….b1tchy…).

    • CHS

      I’d say it was a matter of preference or something like that. Have you read Spinster? I really enjoyed that book. I think your response also depends on the extent you want to engage with people on the topic. Up for a long discussion about the modern institution of marriage, importance and significance of spending time alone, being able to choose one’s own path, etc? Then have at it. Not interested in such a discussion? Then something short and sweet: “I have no idea.”

    • CountC

      I am a $martass, so I would say, “So I don’t end up divorced like everyone else!”

    • Brunette Elle Woods

      My go-to response for any rude or inappropriate question is “Oh, why do you ask?” Maybe they are curious or want to set you up with someone.

    • Anon

      God people can be rude. “seeing anyone special?”, “When r u getting married?”, “why hasn’t someone snatched you up?”, “do you want kids?”, “why are you still with him?”….

      May these questions never cross my lips.

    • Xarcady

      For people who really have no reason for asking, other than gossip, “Why do you ask?”

      Or, “The interesting ones weren’t interested, and the interested ones weren’t interesting.” The pause while they puzzle that out gives you time to move away.

    • Jennifer

      I get asked if I want kids ALL. THE. TIME. Family members, friends, colleagues, clients, even the drivers (I take car service everywhere for work). Why does this matter to anyone other than my husband? I’m 30 and childless and I really don’t think it is anyone’s business why other than myself and my spouse. People are rude – end of story.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve honestly said “that’s none of your business” and “what? No….” I decided a few years ago to stop worrying about being rude to rude people. It’s actually turning out to be pretty fun

  13. Ginjury

    I’m looking for some business casual appropriate low to no heel shoes that come in wide widths and would be comfortable for a day of standing and walking. I tend to wear a lot of navy and browns so an option that comes in cognac would be more versatile, but I could settle for black if necessary.

    • Ginjury

      Also, I tend to wear skinny pants or dresses/skirts so the shoes would need to look appropriate with those.

    • Snickety

      I recently bought Earth brand t-strap shoes with a low heel (“wanderlust”) on Zappos. They come in brown or black, are super comfy and work with dresses or pants.

    • lawsuited

      My favourite MK Fulton flats are available in wide width (at Macys.com for sure, I’m not sure where else). They come in black, luggage tan, navy, etc.

    • Anonymous

      Softwalk makes very comfortable flats. I have the Narina, but there are other styles.

  14. Anonymous

    Can anyone recommend a nice quality cardigan with long sleeves that are truly long? I have long arms. Banana Republic weirdly doesn’t have any tall sizes, the Gap has one that looks okayish, Lands End has an impressive amount but people have been saying that this year the quality is terrible and they look like tshirts, and the ones at Ann Taylor are transparent. I saw a Tory Burch cardigan that seemed nice with really long arms, but it also seems like giant logo buttons might be pretty dated. For some reason, when stores post pictures of their models wearing the sweaters, they tend to push up the arms, which makes it difficult to tell how long the sleeves are.

    • Mpls

      Have you looked in the men’s department? You won’t get a the twinset look or drapey open options, but if you’re okay with a boyfriend-style look, you’ll get neutral colors and long sleeves. Styles are being offered in slim cuts, so you don’t have as much fabric around the chest, and slim talls exist (usually size M and up – apparently Small Talls aren’t really a thing) if the regular size sleeves (usually 33-34 inches, I think) aren’t long enough.

    • Alana

      As a tall person with long arms, I am annoyed with model poses and styling that obscures important details of the clothing. I returned a suit because the sleeves were pushed up in the photo, and they were too short.

    • lucy stone

      Try Eddie Bauer. I find their sleeves too long, but my long-limbed mom loves them.

    • In the Pink

      Your Child At Play series for the parents, along with the Gesell Institute’s Your 1 year old, 2 year old, etc.

      Tonka dump truck and blocks for the child. In, out, in, out, giggle. Repeat. It’s how 1 year olds and 2 year olds “play.” Truck will last forever. Multi-use, multi-purpose.

    • MJ

      Eddie Bauer, Lands End. Boden cuts a little short but I stretch their cashmere arms when wet and it works.

  15. anon

    I’m going to a one year old’s birthday party soon. The parents are good friends of ours, but our first friends to have kids so I’ve never been to one of these before. Any gift ideas? I’m sort of at a loss.

    Thanks in advance!

  16. Due in December

    Headshot question. I’m headed to JCPenney this weekend to get a digital professional photograph taken (to update my current Linkedin selfie). I’m a government attorney, so I don’t have a company photograph. I read Kat’s post last year on corporate headshots for tips, as well as the comments, but I’d love some additional guidance.

    1. I’m planning on wearing a navy collared jacket and a jewel-toned, round neck shell (to be purchased…I’m pregnant and my current options are limited). Any suggestions on color? Does this sound OK? Also, jewelry-wise, I was thinking either pearl studs or round silver studs + silver Tiffany beads necklace knockoff.

    2. Any specific directions I should give the photographer? It’s JCPenney, so I’m not sure how much knowledge he or she will have about professional photos.

    3. Any background color to recommend? It looks like my options will range from white to black, with tones in between. Which will look the least dated / school photo-esque? For what it’s worth, I have dark hair and a medium complexion.

  17. Venetia

    How much is too much to spend for your boyfriend’s birthday if you’ve been dating 6 months? I want to make him feel loved but don’t want to seem like I’m going overboard.

    I was thinking of about $200 total spread between 3 different items (a ticket to an event I think he’ll like, a desk toy he really wants, a model kit for him to assemble). Will probably make or buy him a nice dinner, too–possibly even a small dinner party with his friends if that’s what he decides he wants to do.

    Does this seem like too much? We were not dating during my birthday this year so don’t have a reference from him.

    If it’s helpful, we are in our 30s and each make ~$150K. Thanks!

    • AnonNY

      =I think you should do just one of those three things. Maybe all three if you have been together for a year or so but 6 months? I think one thing will do. Maybe just a ticket to the event you can both go to – that could be a fun low key memory you can share. Perhaps dinner before or after but i wouldn’t do more than that.

    • anon

      that seems like a lot, but maybe a better way to think about it is some proportion more than you’d spend for a regular date? That seems like a better way to scale expenses than income.

      • Venetia

        That makes sense…I just included income as a rough guideline as I couldn’t think of a better way.

        We live in NYC and he doesn’t mind spending money, so a regular dinner date is often $100 (though of course varies both ways). He usually picks it up.

    • Anonymous

      It seems a little over the top. You should probably stick to one thing, or one thing and dinner. While I’m sure he’ll love it, there’s also a strong possibility that it’ll make him nervous as to what you would expect for every future gift-giving opportunity..

    • anon

      Go with one. My thought is at the 6 mo. mark, tickets to an event is the best option.

    • CountC

      I think this depends on your relationship. How far along are you at 6 months? Are you already talking about marriage? Have you said ILY? You know your relationship best. If you want to spend $200-300, it’s not out of your budget, and it fits where you are in your relationship, go for it.

    • Bonnie

      I don’t think the monetary amount is too high but that it’s too many things. Stick to one for now and save the rest for the holidays?

    • August

      I cannot comment on whether it is too much. I can only tell you what I present for my husband’s birthday. It is always a nice dinner and a gift. The cost of the gift can vary between $50 to $500 depending on my budget that year. For my birthday, he generally takes me out for a nice dinner and gives me $150 to $200 gift.

    • Venetia

      Thanks, everyone–your replies have been really thoughtful and helpful. I’ll go for dinner and the event ticket! And saving the other stuff for the holidays is an excellent point I hadn’t even thought of.

  18. Seattle advice needed

    Ladies, a friend is moving to Seattle from overseas with school aged kids. Younger one in preschool and elder one will be grade 4/5. What are the districts with good public schools ( elementary) ? Their housing budget is $2-2.5k per month. What kind of housing can they expect to get in districts with good schools?

    So far, he’s heard of Bothel, Kirkland and Lynwood. But no info on housing, given his budget.

    Thanks in advance.

    • TBK

      It’s not foolproof, but check greatschools.org. Also consider looking at neighborhoods via Zillow, which shows the assigned schools for each house and has their Great School’s score.

    • Anon

      Greatschools is good for elementary. You might also check US News rankings of public high schools to see how the high school they will be zoned to ranks.

    • cbackson

      Where will he be working? Those are all LONG commutes if he’ll be working in downtown Seattle.

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