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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
It’s 2022 and wide-leg pants are still going strong, baby. These Vince Camuto trousers look so elegant and would work nicely with a wide range of work outfits. For an easy casual look, I would pair them with a slim-fitting turtleneck and some big earrings. For a more formal day, I would do a short-sleeved black sweater with an ivory blazer for a classic black-and-white look.
The pants are available at Nordstrom and come in sizes 2–14. The ivory and black are $109, while the navy is on sale for $65.40.
Alfani has a plus-size option that's available in black and navy in 0X–3X and is on sale for $41.70; you can see our recent roundup of the best wide leg pants to wear to work for more size and price options.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
Yet another pair of work pants that they only seem to be able to style (in fall, no less) with a two-strap heeled sandal.
Sybil
I appreciate it – those shoes keep the focus on the pants. But I’m usually not looking for styling ideas.
Anon
Like I am not even wearing heels, so nix that. Also, sandals where my feet are exposed to who-knows-what yuck in a rainy area (where people and pets also pee on sidewalks)? No thanks.
I’d like to see any 2022 pants routinely styled with a basic sneaker like an AF1, a black or cognac lug-soled bootie, and a pointy-toe flat. This would help stores sell not just pants (now I know what they go with that I own) but also the shoes for those of us needing a refresh.
My grandmother said: buy outfits. It it’s not part of an outfit based on closet possessions, they need to sell me an outfit. Random pieces don’t get worn, so are a waste of $. And result in a waste of time trying to figure out an ensemble (especially shoes these days).
Anon
You and I see fashion very differently.
Anon
Ha! I am a person who needs to wear clothes (now that I can’t work in a bathrobe) but I am really bad at fashion (like REALLY bad — I was referred to What Not To Wear and would have loved to have been picked) and need all of the help I can get.
Anon
When I shop for pants I’m really just looking at the pants.
Anon
I used to be that way and then made several hemming errors (like I struggle with needing to bring the shoes I will wear the pants with to the store when trying on pants or at least bringing the shoes to the tailors when I am getting pants hemmed). This is totally important — I was wearing “floods” as suiting pants before Thom Browne made that a thing for men (but I am not a man). It was such a rookie fail and an expensive series of mistakes. IDK why no one counseled me that I was doing it wrong, but it was only seeing me in pictures next to people with properly-hemmed pants that helped me see it with fresh eyes.
Anon
I think it looks ridiculous, but it makes it easier to see the pants. If she was wearing black sneakers or booties, you wouldn’t really be able to see the bottom edge of the pants. When I look at a model selling clothes I’m buying online, I care a lot more about being able to see the clothing being sold than whether the outfit looks realistic.
pugsnbourbon
I agree. Plus, for retailers like Nordstrom, they’re probably shooting the model in dozens of pants at a time, and not choosing different shoes each time.
Anonymous
I didn’t think the models actually put on the clothes anymore. Aren’t all these pictures photoshopped, with the feet just pasted on to the photo of the pants?
Anon
I’m wearing wide leg pants today!
Anon
So am I (in black). With pointy-toe black flats.
Anon22
Do you find they work well for petite folks too? I’m 5’3″ and always convinced that wide leg pants swallow me up…
Anon
Mine are slightly cropped (above my ankle) and I’m 5-4 (sort of shot torso, not so short legs). They are the bomb and one of my best pendemic purchases.
I will confess that I have no idea how to wear these pants in winter b/c they look wrong with all shoes and boots I own other than flats. Maybe I should try the sandals? Kidding — my feet and ankles would be cold then.
Anon
Try them with a square toe, fitted boot, ideally mid-calf, with a block heel of about 2.5 inches.
Sallyanne
Try Aritzia Wilfred Effortless Pants. They come in 3 lengths and not so wide that they are clownish but just give that easy, tailored pant look.
Anon
Thanks — “clownish” is definitely a risk we re taking with current fashions in pants. Glad my feet aren’t super-long, because it’s easy to get halfway there by mistake.
Auburn
Wearing these today!!!
AnonQ
Seeking hotel suggestions for a friend who wants to travel to NYC in Dec to see some Broadway shows. In her 60s with some health issues so will likely cab from place to place. My NYC experience is all pre-pandemic so I don’t have a good feel for current neighborhoods. She wants a neighborhood with good food and that’s relatively lively at night in case she does feel like a stroll.
Also,any must see shows at the moment? This trip is a big deal for her. She cares for her mom with dementia full time and this is a much needed respite. I want her to have an amazing time. Thank you!
Anonymous
Shows that are closing soon so she might want to see them while she has the chance if she can get tickets:
Phantom of the Opera
The Music Man (panned by the critics but who could pass up a chance to see both Hugh Jackman and Sutton Foster perform live?)
Infinite Loop (new show, critics liked it)
Shows the theatre kids love:
Six
Hadestown
Wicked
Mean Girls
And of course, Hamilton. Much better live than on Disney+.
Vicky Austin
Who would pan the Music Man?!
Anon
IDK
OTOH, I *still* do not get Andrew Lloyd Weber musicals. I especially do not understand the appeal of Cats.
What is the lower age range for Six? I adore the music and have never seen it. By modern standards, I’m not sure how Henry VII hasn’t been cancelled. He remains totally fascinating to me but I get how kids could freak out if the wife-murder things gets too real (like I know one kid who switched churches after one Easter because Easter + permanent crucifixion art was too mentally vivid, which I’m amazed doesn’t happen more often).
Anonymous
It’s adult because of sexual themes but it’s not graphic at All
Ribena
The main thing that seems to have people walking out is the song that goes with Katherine Howard’s story. It’s explicit about the things men did to her and how powerless she was to stop it.
Anon
Six was literally the worst show I have ever seen — and I am including high school productions, which were far better than Six. Run far and fast from Six. How it won two Tonys is beyond me.
Anonymous
It’s just not that exciting/new – there is a lot of really interesting new work on Broadway that is struggling to find an audience.
Anon
Shakepeare is not new. And yet it is awesome. I am amazed at how my middle schoolers who can barely text in English are just entranced.
Carrots
As a theatre person who has done this show twice – me. Technically, Sutton Foster is completely wrong for the role of Marion Paroo. Marion is a soprano role and Sutton shines as a mid-belter (listen to her in Thoroughly Modern Millie – it’s great). It’s also just an old show with like not a lot going for any of the other characters except Harold Hill and Marion Paroo.
But if golden age musicals that are meant as vehicles for two big name stars and not a lot else are your jam, go for it.
Vicky Austin
That’s fascinating! Really appreciate your technical perspective.
Senior Attorney
Also Harold Hill is a fast talking con man of the type who is all too familiar these days, yet he’s supposed to be the hero/romantic lead. And it hits differently these days, not in a good way.
Anonymous
+1 on the casting issue. Sutton Foster is great but she doesn’t have the high floaty voice that the role demands.
Anonymous
I always thought the plot was about Harold Hill’s learning to be a person instead of a con man. You are not supposed to identify with him at the beginning. But I agree that the whole thing is terribly dated, it has always been flat and boring, and none of the characters was ever likeable.
Anonymous
The New York Times did: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/10/theater/the-music-man-review.html
“neat, perky, overly cautious Broadway revival of a musical that needs to be more of a con”
Anon
I’m seeing it tonight based solely on Hugh Hackman and Sutton Foster.
Anonymous
+1 to the Phantom of the Opera and Hadestown. I’ve also heard good things about Leopoldstadt (a play) that just opened, and I think &Juliet is opening soon?
I loved Six (touring), but I wouldn’t pay Broadway prices for basically a concert. if she lives somewhere where the national tour is going, it’s more worth it to see it that way.
Clementine
Kimpton Muse is fantastic. Right in the theatre district, great rooms, lovely service.
I personally would love to see Hugh Hackman and Sutton foster in the music man.
Anonymous
My 15-year-old mezzo soprano daughter is such a Sutton Foster fangirl!
Z
Is the Muse still a Kimpton? I just looked it up and it doesn’t look like it belongs to Kimpton/IHG anymore.. I ask because I really enjoy Kimpton hotels and got excited lol.
Clementine
It was in March when I was there!
Anon
The Music Man with Hugh Jackman and Sutton Foster – absolutely fantastic!
Z
I got tickets for my mom (also in her 60’s) to see Music Man last spring and she LOVED it. Its not a particularly inspired revival (hence why critics didn’t love it) but is a big shiny Broadway spectacle. I think OP’s friend would enjoy it.
Anon
I also went with my mom in her 60s and she loved it! She has a crush on Hugh Jackman, haha.
Anonymous
I would stay on the UWS, midtown right now is a little gross IMO. In general focus on residential neighborhoods and less on business districts.
In addition to the shows Anonymous listed that are closing soon (A Strange Loop not Infinite Loop though–that might be a bit out there for her; read a description), if she is interested in plays, she might want to check out the new Death of a Salesman (got great reviews, just opened), The Piano Lesson with Samuel L. Jackson (opens in Oct), Take Me Out (returning after a well-reviewed run last winter), & The Collaboration (about Warhol & Basquiat). See https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/08/theater/plays-musicals-this-fall.html for more on what is opening this fall. In general she probably will not have trouble getting tickets to plays right now, and even a lot of musicals are struggling.
Senior Attorney
Yeah, I’m a pretty big theatre nerd and Death of a Salesman would be at the top of my list.
Anonymous
I just stayed at the Arthouse Hotel on the UWS and loved it. It was very easy to get into midtown without actually staying in midtown.
Anonymous
Millennium Broadway is a good hotel centrally located for seeing shows. Would help to know her budget.
Does she like drama or musicals? The big musicals all the tourists go to are well know. There was a discussion of Dear Evan Hanson on an earlier thread. Personally I loved it but opinions differed..
For dramas, I am seeing Leopoldstadt by Tom Stoppard in November which was well reviewed. You might want to check out Manhattan Theater Club. MTC always has great drama and is pretty cost effective. The Nutcracker will be at Lincoln Center in December and is super well done and festive.
highlander
The Andaz on Fifth Ave. is lovely, close to the theater district (and the NYPL and Bryant Park) but well away from Times Square. Of shows I’ve seen recently, Cost of Living really stands out; Into the Woods was a turnoff.
Anonymous
Cost of Living is absolutely amazing but is closing before December. Locals, go see it!
Anonymous
If &Juliet is playing, I highly recommend that. Saw it in Toronto and I thinking it was heading to NYC. So much fun.
Anon
Late to the party on this one, but I have recently stayed at the Algonquin. Rooms are tiny, but it is a neat historical hotel (wiki it) that is near Times Square without being in TIMES! SQUARE!
Elle
I’m having lunch today with a friend who attempted suicide and is a few weeks out of a inpatient program. I have no idea what to talk about. I obviously don’t want to pry about how she’s been doing and I feel awkward talking about how well my life is going. Idk, I would appreciate any advice. TV seems safe? I so badly want to not mess this up.
Anon
Just let her talk and be a good listener.
anonshmanon
I like to go with ‘how is your week going?’ for when it’s a sensitive situation and I want to open the door to talk honestly, but not create the pressure of a ‘how are you ‘.
Vicky Austin
I often think of a scene in one of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants books where Carmen literally makes herself a small list of appropriate, safe conversation topics to have in her pocket at dinner when her long-divorced parents are meeting with their new significant others in tow, or something like that. Definitely not a bad idea to think of a few things like that – I like to ask people’s opinions on restaurants, pets are generally safe discussion if applicable, what TV/books/movies are you enjoying/looking forward to, hey have you seen this human interest story going around. And as long as you’re not monopolizing the conversation with how wonderful your life is, I would refer to it casually in context and not dance around it.
Also, I would follow her lead, and if she hesitates, especially on a sensitive topic, I would be frank. “I’m here to listen to whatever you want to say. Please feel no pressure to share if you don’t want to, or to hold back if you don’t want to.”
Anon
Please do not feel badly about talking about your life. She did not attempt suicide because of that and it will make the whole interaction awkward. I say this as someone who has suicidal ideations and having needed my friends to call the hotline to help me. Maybe start off with someone thing trivial and just jump in. “Oh my god, have you been following the drama with Kanye?!” It’s timely and takes a bit of pressure off at the start. Generally, though, be your normal self. Feel free to ask her how she’s feeling and start it with something like “How are you feeling? Please don’t feel pressured to share anything that you’re not comfortable with and know that I’m here for you.” Ignoring what happened creates an elephant in the room scenario. It’s OK to ask. Just don’t push.
Anonymous
… But maybe not Kanye given his drama seems to be caused by mental health issues
anonforthis
I’ve been that friend that attempted. Any first interactions whether with family/friends were embarrassing as I felt they were judging me and I did not want to start crying in public places. Please just ignore and do small talk and let them take the lead if they want to bring it up. If you are leaving the restaurant and in a relatively private area without people around, then if nothing has been said you can absolutely say, I love you. Please know if you ever need to talk, I am here for you no matter what time. My life would feel incomplete without you and no matter what you are going through, I will not judge.
Anonymous
Talk about what the weather, waht looks good on the menu, something good you just watched on Netflix, the upcoming holidays, what you are doing, same as always.
Anon Aussie
Take their lead, just be careful when you ask how they are. Maybe ask how they are managing instead. Don’t say “you look well”.
Have some cheerful topics or news of your own to talk about. Be comfortable with some silences. Be affectionate and tell them you love them when you part. Consider taking a small gift, my friend made me some home sewn tiny gifts and another brought me chocolate.
(From someone current suicidal)
Anonymous
Please help me think this through! We owe $330k on a mortgage with a 2.85% interest rate. The home would sell for approx $500k – so we have about $170k in equity right now. We’ll probably be in the market for a larger home in the next 3-5 years. Would it make sense to pay down the principal on this mortgage and use the equity towards a down payment on a future home? Or is it more important / more beneficial to keep the down payment in a high yield savings account?
Anon
Heading into a recession where interest rates are going to get close to your mortgage, I’d keep cash. You never know who’ll get downsized (or we’ve had salaries get downsized to save jobs when cash is tight, like 20-30% paycuts that probably don’t get made up in bonuses when times are flush).
anon a mouse
+1 – in leaner times, cash is king. Also, if your home value takes a dip and you have to sell, you wouldn’t get the money back you’d put into it, whereas with it in a savings account it would be safe.
Anon
This times a million
House prices are dropping precipitously in my area – people are nervous about the economy and interest rates have gone up, so people are putting off buying. OP’s $170k in equity may not be that number for much longer.
Having lived through the 2008 recession, the worst thing to do right now is throw cash you may need in the very near future at something like mortgage debt. Hang onto your cash! I read this on this blog many years ago, but: you can’t eat paid-off loans.
Walnut
Cash.
Lizard
Honestly if you can swing it, save up for the down payment on the new house, or pay down your current house aggressively and get a home equity loan. Rent out your current house and buy the new house separately. That interest rate is GOLD.
Anon
HELOCs were frozen or outright cancelled during the last crash.
Anon
I’d heard that too, but then was able to get one a few years ago. Not sure if it’s tightened up again, but the demise of the HELOC appears to be exaggerated.
anon
1) Cash always gives you more flexibility. 2) If for some reason you have a rock solid job and are totally recession proof (is anyone??? I think not…) then the “correct” financial decision depends on whether a high interest savings account has more than a 2.85% rate. If so, put money in that, otherwise your mortgage.
Anon
cash cash cash
Senior Attorney
Adding to the chorus. Once you put that cash in the mortgage it’s gone unless and until you can sell or refinance the house, and who knows what might happen to make those options problematic? (Refinancing is off the table already!)
Anon
Echoing the chorus. I bought in early 2008 and saw the estimated value of my house tank by a lot (~1/6th of purchase price, IIRC?) before we sold in 2014. Having a healthy down-payment in cash on the assumption that we would need it gave us a lot more flexibility in our search.
Anonymous
Treasuries are + 4% today. Your mortgage is 2.85%. Invest the money. Do not pay down.
Building Your Book
I’m an associate at a mid-size boutique where the partnership is based on having a book of business large enough to support yourself. As it’s been explained to me, it doesn’t have to be 100%, but should be somewhere between 50-60%-ish of what a early-partner would have. Frustratingly, this is a very unclear target AND most of the partners in recent years inherited a book of business from a retiring partner. Few partners will be retiring in the near future, so the expectation is that associates will develop their own clients.
My frustration is that, simultaneously, there is little to no support for business development activities. There’s no marketing department, no business development manager/director, and we’ve done one training about general business development. I’m excited to build my own client base, but it occasionally feels challenging given the limited support.
Any tips on how to build your brand in professional services? Alternatively, the top tip you got that helped you bring in clients and build your book of business? Open to thoughts, ideas, and suggestions!
Anon
The way to get and keep clients is to talk to your current clients. Keep talking to them. In person, if possible. Take them to lunch. See what their needs are. Get to know their business. Marketing people won’t help with any of this, honestly. I am truly not sure what they do, but every client I had I got by talking to people and then they’d either keep being my client or become my client when they changed jobs (this second part is key — that is what makes them now your client instead of an employee at a firm client).
Cat
yeah I have no idea what marketing people do either. I don’t think I’ve ever chosen a firm based on their webs-te or a brochure. Word of mouth is gold, as are current clients who change jobs.
Lorelai Gilmore
I agree 100% with Anon at 9:49. The best business development is working closely with the people who are second in command on your teams. They will either get promoted or move somewhere else, and when they do, you will be their first call.
Zennia
They are setting you up to fail – change jobs.
Anonymous
Yup.
OP
It sure feels like it sometimes – they explain it as ‘we’re eat what you kill’ so without a book of business, you don’t eat…
Anon
I wish that law schools taught you that. Unless you work for the government (the work comes to you) or in-house (the value-add metrics are just different), you will need to plan to eat what you kill. It is no different than any other business (cutting hair, cleaning houses) because you won’t get floated as an employee forever and eventually will need to treat yourself like any business owner.
Anon
This is part of why I left law entirely.
Anon
It sounds an awful lot like they want people to come in, work their tails off, bring in some new clients, but fall just short of the “minimum threshold” to make partner. After years of no advancement, you get frustrated and leave. Maybe some of the clients you brought in stay with the firm. They can churn associates like this until the cows come home and therefore functionally limit the number of partners (so the existing partners don’t lose anything out of their own kick, or in fact, benefit from your efforts), the existing partners don’t have to do as much BD because they inherit clients from departing associates, etc. Does the firm have higher-than-average turnover at your level? If so, there’s a reason for that.
I am not in law but I’ve seen this kind of thing in sales organizations. It’s almost like a pyramid scheme, where the people who got in early sit pretty at the top of the heap, secure in their own positions while people below them work like crazy but churn at regular intervals, leaving behind clients that get assigned to the senior people when the more junior people move on. Great for the people who got into the business early. Not so great for those who have to build their client base with minimal support. You can maybe make it work, but it will be a steep uphill climb the whole way. I agree with the suggestion of starting to look for another job.
Anon
100%
EB
What type of law do you practice? My advice might not be relevant to you, but here’s how I did it.
I get my clients from (mostly) two places – (1) participation in the local and state chapter of my client’s professional organization – basically, I volunteer as their “legal and legislative affairs” person on their boards; and (2) giving presentations to industry groups about my area of the law. I spend a LOT of hours on business development, and it took a while for it to start paying off. Giving trainings and presentations is one of the best ways for people to see how knowledgeable you are, and what it’s like to talk to you. It can be daunting to ask groups if they’ll let you speak at first, but as with everything else, it gets easier.
Anon
This is a sidebar to the OP’s question, but – can I ask how you approach this? I have been told by several people “you really need to reach out to X organization about speaking at one of their meetings” about topics in my area of expertise, but it’s hard to get up the courage to do it. Like everyone, I fear rejection, and worry that the response will be “hahahahaha heck no.” Do you have a standard pitch you send in via the organization’s website? Do you reach out to someone in the organization and try to set up a conversation? I’ve heard that once you get a few speaking engagements in, it’s easier to get more, but I can’t get out of my own way in getting the first one (or two) set up.
RW
Hi! Marketing person here ready to stick up for my profession. In addition to shaping the brand, messaging, and market niche of a firm, this is exactly where a business development professional can help you. If there is a manager assigned to your practice group, reach out to them and ask for help contacting and pitching your presentation to x and y organization. Previous poster’s advice was spot on, that maintaining a board presence among your client sector is an excellent way to build relationships that result in work. It doesn’t require a BD person, but it certainly helps to have one doing the leg work for you.
Going back to being a useless enigma now. :)
OP
Management-side L&E. I’ve spoken to a few HR professional orgs, but could step it up more frequently and/or with other organizations. I’d be curious to hear your response to Anon @ 12:40PM. Thanks!
Anon
Got into a small fender bender in the parking lot (first time in my life). Have no idea how this goes. The other drivers car was damaged but mine wasn’t. I would say more my fault than theirs, but hard to know for sure since it’s all a blur. Do I contact my insurance if I am not filing a claim? Wait until they contact it?
Vicky Austin
This just happened to me. Other car had a tiny amount of damage; mine fine. I believe it was not my fault and had no claim to file, but called my insurance anyway. They told me with something like this, especially if you were both backing up, they generally call it 50/50 and will pay for up to half of whatever costs there are for either party. Since the amount of damage for the other driver was minimal and she already had an estimate for her costs, I sent her a check for the amount insurance would have paid and we called it good. I would call your insurance and find out what they recommend ASAP.
Anon
Does anyone with rosemary bushes trim them? And if so, is this a fall thing or postpone to the spring?
anonshmanon
Yes, I’ve trimmed mine. Both to get rid of dried bits and to shape the green part. The end of winter would make most sense to me, but don’t quote me on that.
My tip is to wear gloves or prepare to get super sticky hands from the oils.
Anon
Yes, I do trim them, either when they get too big or I need some for a recipe. They’re not picky. At my house, rosemary and oregano are practically weeds (north Florida).
Senior Attorney
So Cal and same here.
Anon
In my USDA zone, the recommendation is to cut non-flowering shrubs and hedges back in late winter, 8-10 weeks before the expected last freeze date. Rosemary bushes (and entire hedges!) are popular where I am and people do trim them back every year, or they tend to grow too large for the space they’re in.
Anon
Depends on how big yours is. I have one that’s about waist high that I trim when it starts crowding the walkway it’s next to. I’m also taking cuttings from it constantly so it cycles through new growth that way. I give it a proper hack job every few years and it always comes back, but I live in the Bay Area – Mediterranean climate that it loves.
NYC subway experience for tourist – short ride; pretty stop?
Good morning!
I’m traveling with my aunt, 75, to NYC over the weekend. She’s never been to the city. I thought we might like to do a short subway ride just for the experience.
Can anyone recommend a quick ride, ideally where we would board or get off in a station with some pretty mosaic work and be in a tourist-friendly location?
We’re staying in Chelsea and doing the usual tourist things. A friend suggested a NYC ferry itinerary – Astoria line, Wall Street to 34th Street, for the views. Excited about that and would be grateful for any other tips!
Thank you!
Anonymous
Where in Chelsea are you staying? I’m guessing you will be near the 8th Ave lines (A/C/E). The 81st St/Natural History Museum subway station has beautiful natural history-themed mosaics and is right next to the museum, the New-York Historical Society, and Central Park (Imagine memorial) in an extremely tourist-friendly area. That would be a straight shot from Chelsea on the C train, although maybe a little longer ride than you want. Riding the Staten Island Ferry is also fun and scenic and completely free. Riding over the Manhattan Bridge into Brooklyn also has great views but would require a transfer from Chelsea – only the B/D/N/Q go over. Also, please check the MTA website before heading out – they often make a lot of routing changes on the weekends to accommodate track work, especially when the weather is good.
anon
Honestly, I don’t think you should do this. No subway station in NYC is nice enough to justify to hassle. If you want to see something pretty and iconic, I’d actually go to Grand Central and look at the ceiling in the main terminal. The market there is also a cool place to visit. The staten island ferry is also a good idea as it’s free and you can see the statue of liberty. I lived in NYC for 15 years and the subway is amazing for utilitarian purposes but I wouldn’t drag a 75 year old woman down there for tousism’s sake. Bring her somewhere nice and clean(ish).
S
Counterpoint – my husband’s very non-city familiar family could not stop talking about the subway when they came for our wedding — how it jostled! who held the pole and who didn’t! having to walk up and down the stairs! Definitely rounded out their NYC experience.
anon
Fair point. I suppose it’s a know your audience type thing. My mom is 75 and would not enjoy it.
Seventh Sister
I’m an Angeleno and last summer my kids (who take the LA Metro intermittently) were amazed at how nice the NYC subway was in comparison to our public transportation system. “Mom, it doesn’t smell like weed or pee!” Also the digital readouts actually showed when trains were coming.
Senior Attorney
The World Trade Center station is multi-level amazing, plus it dumps you out at Lower Manhattan and you can visit the 9/11 memorial and environs. (And don’t miss the Irish Hunger Memorial tucked away in Battery Park.)
The Natural History Museum stop is also fun.
See also (and ha! both my suggestions are on the list!): https://secretnyc.co/beautiful-subway-stations-in-nyc/
Anon
Oh yes, the new station is very pretty and huge. And lots of people like to see the memorial there. Good plan, SA.
anon
Yes to the Irish Hunger Memorial. Tricky to spot…and I really, really loved it.
Anon
SA knows
hot the hidden subway station and the gorgeous new one
Anonymous
I’d like to suggest the NYC Transit museum if you have time and are willing to head over to downtown Brooklyn. I visited for the first time over the summer, and found it absolutely fascinating to learn about how NYC got the subway and to walk in and out of various subway car models.
highlander
Anonymous at 10:12’s suggestions are excellent. Not mosaics, but I love the whimsical Tom Otterness sculptures hidden all over the 14th Street ACE station. If you’re staying farther west in Chelsea, you can walk up the High Line to see the new(ish) 34th Street stop (great overhead mosaic in the escalator) and take the 7 and check out Grand Central.
anon
I see the mixed responses here. As a Midwesterner who visited NYC for the first time in my 50s, for work, I found it great to be in the subway. I had lived in the California Bay Area for a dozen years and was familiar with BART, and I had ridden the DC subway before, but it’s so dang iconic to be in the NYC subway system! I thought it was hysterical that when I asked for help finding a line (in a station with multiple levels/trains), no one was able to help me because they only knew how to get to their particular train. And the musicians! And the tiling! And the people who hop the turnstyles! People-watching is fun. I thought it was hysterical seeing how people transported their dogs. The advertising is interesting. Hearing the announcements is fun (noticing the degree to which they’re understandable).
+1 to the person who recommends Grand Central Station, even if only to see the station and get some pizza in that station. This is what being a tourist is about!
Yes I know I am a dork, but if your aunt would appreciate these type of things, do it.
Anon
Oh yes Grand Central Station is not to be missed. If you like surly service, very fresh seafood, and a strong martini, the Oyster Bar is just the thing (sit in the saloon).
Anonymous
I had lunch at the Oyster Bar and the seafood was terrible.
Pep
Need a last-minute idea for a hostess gift for a small luncheon I’m attending Saturday. A high school classmate that I haven’t seen or talked to in 30 years is hosting a small group (five in all) of women who are visiting our hometown to attend our high school reunion. I know one attendee (my close friend) is bringing flowers.
Anon
In this scenario, I’d bring a nice bottle of wine.
Anon22
I saw a cute idea (I think on Instagram?) where they wrapped the bottle of wine in a tea/kitchen towel (the flat/smooth kind, not the terry cloth kind) and then tied it with a ribbon around the cork and it looked really cute.
Anonymous
I keep a bottle of champagne (Veuve Cliquot pumpkin label-if it’s not chilled she won’t feel the need to serve it) and a bunch of diptyche candles on hand so that I’m always ready to go to a party.
pugsnbourbon
Oh fancy – veuve and diptyque! I want to be your friend :)
Anon
Me too! :)
Anon
I’d bring a small plant, not flowering. I don’t presume to know people drink, if I don’t know them well.
Otherwise, fancy olive oil, if you know she cooks.
Senior Attorney
I feel like a nice bottle of Veuve is almost like a cash-equivalent in that you can always pass it along to your next hostess if you don’t want it.
Anon
I agree with this except Perrier Jouët champagne rather than Veuve.
Dating Q
How often have you gone on a first date with a guy, been unsure of your physical attraction, then felt more attracted to him on the second date? I feel like I’m tossing aside perfectly nice guys after one date. My married friends gently rib me for how picky I am while my few single friends agree that I shouldn’t waste my time. I don’t expect my dates to be six feet tall with washboard abs or anything, just that I feel some amount of attraction. And I don’t think I’ve ever found them better looking when I give it a second chance. I’d love to hear your experiences though – do you think it’s possible for physical attraction to grow from nothing?
Anon
It depends on how much physical attraction matters to you.
Anonymous
For me it does! But seems pretty easy for you to test out? Next time you’re on a date and he’s nice and you have fun but you aren’t attracted to him, try a second and see!
Anon
Yes, that is my bar for a second date – even if there were no immediate sparks, if he was nice I’ll give him another shot.
Anon
I don’t think I’ve ever been attracted to someone when I’ve first met them. I’d already lived with my now husband for a year (as roommates) before we started dating. I just don’t think I’m capable of instant attraction, but I guess people are different about this? Are you finding people you are attracted to?
HFB
I feel the same way. I notice if someone is handsome/good looking but for me that’s not the same as feeling like I want to be physical with him. I never feel desire for someone until I’ve known them for a while.
Lizard
I think attraction isn’t just physical appearance but also chemistry and how attractive you find their personality, so I don’t think you’re being shallow. A second date may be worth a try in case they’re feeling nervous or awkward and aren’t being themselves, but beyond that, if the chemistry isn’t there, I say move on.
ThirdJen
My first date with my husband was a nearly-blind date and it was incredibly awkward. Lots of conversational lulls, hard time finding shared interests, you name it, we struggled with it. I tried to get a one night stand out of it despite our lack of chemistry and he turned me down cold. I left his apartment thinking there was no way I’d hear from him again, and I wasn’t super sad about it.
Two years after that date we were married. We’ve been married for 12 years, have two kids, and he gets more handsome and irresistible every day.
Anon
I want to know more about this story! How/why did he call you back? How did you agree to go out with him again?
Anon
I am very rarely attracted to anyone on a first date. It’s all awkwardness and nerves. If a first date wasn’t terrible, I will see the guy again.
Cornellian
Yeah, that was my bar, too. I mean you can see if they’re visually conventionally attractive in pictures, but it often takes 2-3 meetings for me. If he’s respectful and there are no red flags, I’d take a second date.
Curious
Anecdata — good conversation with my now husband on the first date, good chemistry second date. I gave a couple other guys second dates and it was clear by then that I didn’t want a third. But I got really lucky and found husband fast when I moved to Seattle; it was a nice change from five years of dry spells and meh relationships.
Cat
I get no chemistry from just appearance alone. Some people find that weird. Like, an objectively “hot” guy walking down the street? Nothing. Connection from conversation and “clicking” is 100% the source. If you don’t start developing that connection through the first date, why not give it one or two more to see if initial awkwardness wears off? (I mean if you find someone beyond boring, no need, just allowing a little more time to “warm up” if there’s any potential?)
anon
Same. I can objectively find someone attractive without BEING attracted to them. Attraction comes from how we interact together, personality, and connection.
Anon
I think it’s possible. Sometimes you have great chemistry with unattractive people and lousy chemistry with attractive people, but you can’t find out unless you try. When I was dating I’d hook up with someone who was decent enough looking and see what happened. It was overall a fun experience.
OP
I’m definitely capable of finding someone attractive right away! I’m talking about looks only, not chemistry or sparks. I know many guys are nervous on the first date so I give it a second try if he was cute and I didn’t spot any red flags. What I dread is going out a second time with the guy whose looks I was unsure of, then realizing thirty seconds into the date that I’m definitely not into him. Whenever that happens I wonder why I second guessed myself. This is why I’m curious if other people do find themselves more attracted on the second date. It sounds like a lot of you do find that attraction grows, that’s something for me to think about
Cornellian
Maybe keep the second date short and sweet, too, like a coffee or lunch during the workday so you can exit as necessary.
Anonymous
It definitely grew for me. I thought I liked guys who were at least 6″ with dark hair/eyes and no beard. DH has a beard, is just as tall as me (which he doesn’t care about – I still wear heels), and blonde/very fair. We met as friends at university and while he was sort of into me initially, I was definitely not into him and kept inviting another male friend along when we would met up so it would be clear that it wasn’t a date. Except I ended up talking with him for hours and started to realize I was attracted to him. I fell in love with him being super smart (Phd and national award winner) but very down to earth. Half the farmers that he works with on research trials don’t even know he has a Phd.
DH and I joke that we never would have met in the era of internet dating because my profile would have said ‘must love dogs’ and his would have said ‘must love to ski’ and we both would have scrolled right on by. I learned to ski and love it to the point that my office coffee mug is skiing related and we just got a puppy.
Even almost 20 years later he’s still my favorite person to talk to about all kinds of different things.
Anonymous
This is interesting extra information. Looks is part of the package for in finding somebody attractive right away for me, but not the only part. I don’t equal good-looking and attractive, if that makes sense. Some people I find very good-looking, but zero attractive.
What he smells like, and how I feel being physically closer than you normally are to strangers, is a good indicator to me. I need to want to have a good sniff and find the smell attractive. I need to be able to sit close and feel very comfortable having him in my sphere. I feel antsy and wanting to lean away rather than toward. If my instincts say lean away, that does not get better on a second date. How I feel looking at his eyes when he smiles – do the eyes crinkle? does not change on a second date.
I can get gradually attracted to somebody, but that requires lots more exposure than two dates.
ELS
I think this totally depends on how attraction develops for you. For me, a potential partner being physically pretty helps, but that alone won’t do it for me (and I can also end up finding someone who isn’t my type irresistible as we get to know each other).
Anecdata: I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. On our first date I thought he was fine looking, but not really my type. What made me try a second date was how well we got along. As time went on, he’s gotten more and more attractive to me.
This may not be how you experience attraction, and that’s totally normal, too. You’re not being too picky or shallow. But if you have had a hard time with instant physical attraction in the past, maybe try out a second date with someone who you otherwise liked and see?
Anon
I can say with 100% certainty that men can become less attractive over time and once you get to know them.
Anon
Ain’t that the truth.
Anon
Hahahaha. This is hilarious
Anon
In my dating days, I learned to be wary of guys I had a strong, immediate physical attraction to, because they almost always turned out to be toxic losers. My natural “yep, I wanna get me some of that” instincts unerringly lead me to guys who were physically attractive and had tons of charisma but also had drug/alcohol addictions, gambling problems, crippling insecurities, an intractable inability to keep a job, scarily codependent relationships with their mothers, etc. I ended up marrying a nice man I wasn’t attracted to until we got to know each other pretty well, and we’ve been married a long time. He has none of the afflictions my former boyfriends were saddled with. He is attractive and I am still very attracted to him, but it wasn’t until I got to know him pretty well that the physical attraction showed up.
Anon
Physical attraction does almost nothing for me at the start, but when there is emotional or intellectual chemistry the guy becomes instantly hot to me. Example: my best platonic guy friend of many years has a decent appearance but would not objectively be at the top of any conventionally attractive list. And we are truly platonic, with zero romance going on. When he and I are on a wavelength together, though, I sometimes have to modulate my own physical response when I look at him because things suddenly feel steamy AF.
Senior Attorney
Reader, I married him.
Anonymous
Unsure or neutral? Give it another date. On the negative side? Cut your losses. Sometimes attraction is enhanced when you get to know a person more but I’ve never gone from “Ugh” to “YES!” on anyone. Also wild physical attraction is not the best way to pick a husband. You need a mix of some passion and some common sense compatibility, kindness, shared values and future goals.
Anon
Yes, but I also care more about what’s inside than outside.
Anonymous
I was not physically attracted to my last BF until about date #6. I stuck in because he was always 8nteresting and we always had a good time. He never made me swoon from just looking at his face, though it is a nice face and he has a great athletic body. But I became deeply attracted to him through conversation. We fired on all cylinders in the mental/intellectual connection and I really enjoyed being with someone who seemed to really “get” political and social issues without having them explained to him and had a wealth of knowledge and experience that he actually used to form that understanding – much deeper than my own. I am now struggling in the dating world because I can find “hot” but I haven’t been able to find that again.
Anon
NOPE. Stick to your guns. I married my first husband because he was nice. And he was! And is! And we’re still great friends. But OMG, marrying a guy just because he’s nice and a good person when you kinda have to talk yourself into being attracted to the other person is awful. Our gardening life was dismal because I wasn’t physically attracted to him at all but psyched myself up to do it because he didn’t deserve to hear “not tonight” every night, ya know?
Anyways, we’re both remarried to other people now and happier than we ever were together. And I find my new husband a total hottie, and tell him so all the time ;)
And when I was out dating looking for husband 2, I rolled through first dates like it was my job. I wanted that connection, that spark, and I wasn’t willing to settle again. I’d go on 2 or 3 first dates a week. I found my current husband after about 9 months of dating at that pace, and I knew he was the one on our first date. Good luck! It’s rough out there!
Anon
I had it happen with an ex-BF, and it turned out to be one of the best physical relationships of my life.
TraveltoLondon
Good morning, long time reader, but never posted. Use a lot of recs from this group. Going to London from Nov 3-6, 22. Have been to London with family before but doing a solo trip to meet my girlfriend. I think I got inspired by all the solo trip and girl friend trips from this blog. :). I just want to hang out with my friend and do some fun things. Looked at previous comments and narrowed it down to tea at sketch, dishoom, maybe shop at the fold. Any other recs? Where should we live? Hotel or Airbnb.
Ribena
Please not Airbnb, the London housing market is pear-shaped enough without investors turning homes into hotels.
I regularly stay at the Mercure Southwark which is good as chains go and well situated for lots of the touristy things.
Anon
Hotel. I’ve had AirBNBs go wrong (leaking A/C flooded my room) and it’s not like the person who owned it had another property to put me up in and the trip was wasted and ruined. Hotels are just such a better reliable option if you want to get what you were expecting to get.
Cat
For a museum that’s good for spending a few hours sampling, I’d suggest the V&A – jewelry alone was divine.
Go to a show?
Chl
My husband and I had a nice stay at the lime tree hotel via Rick Steve’s recommendation a couple Novembers ago. I really liked visiting at that time of year.
Seafinch
I have done this trip!
Hotel in London, my experience is that London is not an Airbnb town.
Things I loved: any museum that covers your area of interest. London museums are fab. I loved taking the Tube to Greenwich, this includes an option to take a boat as part of the Tube down the Thames. Walk up the hill, enjoy the quaint neighbourhoods and the Greenwich Meridian Museum is really good but small and compact so not a huge commitment.
Restaurants: Feast at Borough Market, Heston Blumenthal’s Mandarin Orient (chicken liver is delicious!), Bob Bob Ricard’s just for the “champagne button”.
Tea at the Savoy, Custom scent at Floris! Window shopping on Jermyn Street, looking at the famous houses in Belgravia.
Anne-on
I have done this trip!
Hotel in London, my experience is that London is not an Airbnb town.
Things I loved: any museum that covers your area of interest. London museums are fab. I loved taking the Tube to Greenwich, this includes an option to take a boat as part of the Tube down the Thames. Walk up the hill, enjoy the quaint neighbourhoods and the Greenwich Meridian Museum is really good but small and compact so not a huge commitment.
Restaurants: Feast at Borough Market, Heston Blumenthal’s Mandarin Orient (chicken liver is delicious!), Bob Bob Ricard’s just for the “champagne button”.
Tea at the Savoy, Custom scent at Floris! Window shopping on Jermyn Street, looking at the famous houses in Belgravia.
Anon
I just did a similar trip in June using many recommendations from everyone here!
Tea at Sketch
Breakfast at Dishoom
Dinner at Ffiona
Historical walking tour of Notting Hill/Portobello Market
Everything at the V&A—start with coffee or breakfast in those gorgeous William Morris rooms, and be sure to leave time for that amazing gift shop
Fortnum and Mason (the picnic and entertaining and tea sections, omg! And the truffles! Great spot for food souvenir gifts) and Liberty for shopping pre or post-Sketch
Sample as much as you can at Borough Market—also enjoyed Spitalfields Market for a different vibe
We stayed at Corner City London. Tiny but well-planned rooms and close to the Tube. And only around $200 a night, which felt like a steal for London. Significantly cheaper than staying in West London so it was worth it to us, but depends on your tolerance for hipsters and grit.
Anon
We also enjoyed Nightjar for cocktails!
MJ
Aw, i used to live in London (twenty years ago!) and Ffiona’s was my favorite!
Senior Attorney
Hotel for sure. If you’re able to splash out some fairly serious money, we stayed at The Dukes on a recommendation from somebody here and loved it. It’s in Mayfair and walking distance to pretty much anything you’d want to see. Just down the street from Fortnum & Mason, which is like Harrod’s only a manageable size. Also their bar is supposed to be the place where Ian Fleming came up with the James Bond “shaken, not stirred” martini.
Anonymous
OP here, thank you all for those wonderful recs. Hotel it is! I am a bit overwhelmed with all of your responses coming in so quickly. You have made me smile. Hope your day is filled with smiles. Go hive!
Traveltolondon
OP here, thank you all for those wonderful recs. Hotel it is! I am a bit overwhelmed with all of your responses coming in so quickly. You have made me smile. Hope your day is filled with smiles. Go hive!
Anonymous
Premier Inn County Hall is great. Right by the Eye. Across the river from Big Ben.
Anonymous
I love Sketch, but would also recommend the Alice in Wonderland Mad Hatter afternoon tea at the Sanderson hotel or the Art Afternoon tea at the Rosewood hotel (the current one is Salvador Dali).
The Fold shop is tiny, only about 300 square feet, so if you want something in particular, it’s worth it to check before you go, or pre-order. There’s a Boden shop by Sloane Square – same thing – tiny shop, so pre-order.
If you like Christmas stuff, you might enjoy the Christmas ornament floor at Liberty’s, or John Lewis. Any color or style bauble you could possibly want.
Would recommend at fitting at Bravissimo if any of you have a generous bust. Sweaty Betty if you like workout gear. Waterstones on Pall Mall if you like book shops. Monika Vinader if you like contemporary jewelry. Leon, Itsu or Farm Stand for healthy fast food. The top floor of Tate Modern for the panoramic view.
Anonymous
Airwrap followup from yesterday. Alanna of Trebond, were you serious about selling yours? If so drop a burner because I’d definitely be interested. Thanks!
Anonymous
Tw weight and body image
I am really excited to meet up with a group of friends that I haven’t seen in years for a girls weekend. The problem is i gained a ton of weight during the pandemic. I had written here before about going to another friend’s birthday party and her embarrassingly thinking I was pregnant. I just…really don’t want to go through that again.I’m thinking of reaching out to the friends I’m meeting up with because I’m so worried I’ll be mortified if someone mentions my weight or thinks I’m pregnant. Does it make sense to say “hey guys, I gained some weight, it was a very difficult two years, please be kind, I’m not pregnant?” Ideally I’d like to avoid this whole conversation but I’m dreading someone bringing it up and I’m worried if they do that I might cry in front of everyone.
It feels ironic that I’m on a path to weight loss and I’m proud of my progress but I just know they’re not going not notice a 30 pound weight gain.
Anonymous
Won’t they all have gained weight too?
Mouse
If they’re friends your close enough with to spend a whole weekend with – I think being honest with them beforehand is a good move for your peace of mind going into the trip. Just to say, “I’d rather not talk about weight/gain/loss during this trip, it’s been a hard few years, would appreciate the help!” should be lovingly received and understood. And anyway, people shouldn’t comment on weight anyway!
Also, just to encourage you, I’m usually my worst critic when it comes to these things with myself, and I bet they’ll just be excited to see you after these few years of not getting to do fun stuff like girl’s weekends.
Senior Attorney
I agree with all of this, especially the “you’re likely your own worst critic.”
Anonymous
That’s what I tell myself. But then people ask me about the weight gain and it’s upsetting.
anon
I’d be upset, too. And btw, I find this behavior to be super rude. Some things are “inside thoughts.”
Senior Attorney
Yikes! You’re still your own worst critic — those people just have no manners!!
Anon
Definitely say something ahead of time. Your friends care about you and will also want to know that the pandemic has been so hard on you.
anon
Tell them that. And, if you can swing it financially, go to the store and buy a couple outfits that you feel fantastic in right now. Give yourself permission to buy whatever size fits best and be ok with “this won’t fit if I lose weight.” Easiest way for me is to grab the size I think I need, plus two sizes up (assuming not s/m/l) start with the biggest size in the fitting room and work my way down.
Anon
I don’t think it’s a terrible idea to send that email or text since it will make you more confident going in. Maybe one of your friends will give you a me too! and feel relieved herself.
anon
Yeh, your approach makes sense to me. They’re good friends. Being honest with them helps you not dread the trip so much, and it gives them heads up to be extra attentive to being kind with you on this front.
Anonymous
If you drink alcohol, and your weekend likely will include some, you can also make sure to drop “really looking forward to that cocktail bar / happy hour / I’ll bring that great white wine” into a group chat if you’re more comfortable by giving people a hint rather than an outright statement.
You are not required to talk about weight if you don’t want to, but maybe it would be helpful to practice some replies beforehand and say them out loud to yourself, if you want to have an automatic rather than an emotional response. Maybe something like “ahah, those Covid 15 are hard to shift – how about you, anything happening with the pandemic puppy?”
Ses
Wait, how is that a hint about weight?
Anon
Favorite wheeled bag for everyday use to office, including laptop? I injured my shoulder and need to keep weight off it.
Anonymous
Idea, if you’re a big place with resources and IT and this is a 4-6 week situation: will your office give you an additional laptop in the short term so you have one for the office and one for home? It would cut down on your wear and tear.
Anonymous
PSA: Target’s Universal Thread Large Tote Handbag might be the unicorn bag. I walk ~1 mile to work and can fit work stuff (laptop, mouse, notebook, pen), some grad school reading, my breakfast and lunch, and gym clothes in the bag + normal stuff to carry (2x cell phones, sunglasses, water bottle or coffee cup, wallet, work ID, keys, AirPods).
The bag isn’t exceptionally cute or well made (I’ve had it almost a year and lining has torn) but it fits what I need it to and has great pockets (1 external pocket + 2 internal slip pockets and 1 internal zipper pocket). No key leash, which for me is the only downside.
Anon
Thanks for the reco!
Anon
On the same laptop, my camera angle on a Microsoft Teams call is much wider than a Zoom call. It shows more of my background and my head and shoulders take up less of the frame. Does anybody know if there’s a way to change this in Teams? Can I zoom in on myself?
Anon
I’ve noticed this too and I have no idea why.
Anon
Not specific to Teams, but this is my webcam pet peeve. Why are they all such wide angle? The last thing I want is my entire house showing on camera! Make it easier to just show me!
Z
I’ve noticed this too and really dislike it. I think its because when no one is sharing the screen, they zoom in on everyone to make like a mosaic. Don’t think there’s a way to change it.
Anon
Well, I’m comforted knowing I’m not the only one who is bugged by this!
pugsnbourbon
My biggest pet peeve is that I can’t hide my own video during a teams call, like you can on zoom. I got so, so sick of my own face that I’d put a post-it on the screen to cover it up.
Anon
You totally can hide your video on Teams! I have my video turned off a lot of the time. Just next to the mute button.
Ribena
Different thing – having your video going outwards but making it so you don’t have to see it yourself
Anon
I can’t stand Teams. I wish everyone would zoom.
Anon
I despite Zoom and wish everyone would Teams. :)
NYNY
There are camera settings available in Teams, but they affect your Zoom camera settings, too, which are inaccessible as far as I can tell. Try it out, but go back and forth between the two applications to make sure nothing is too weird. You can put a background in Teams, or set it on blur, which helps.
NYNY
go to Settings > Devices > Open Camera Settings
Chl
Sometimes I can only change the camera settings for teams through MS Skype even though we don’t actually use Skype.
Nespresso v espresso?
I’m considering buying a Nespresso machine, likely one of the newer fancy ones like the Creatiata. I’m also considering one of those super automatic espresso/coffee machines that grinds beans fresh for each serving. Any thoughts on which is better? Ultimately I want to make 1 latte drink per day. Not sure how I feel about Nespresso pods and the cost and waste from them, but I’ve heard the super automatic machines are high maintenance. Thank you!
Anonymous
I have the Breville Bambino Plus and a separate grinder that grinds by weight. It’s a pretty automatic system without the risk of the grinder’s breaking while the rest of the machine still works.
Espresso machines and coffee grinders make an enormous mess no matter how automatic they are and how careful you are. Grounds spill, the knock box splashes, the steam wand spurts. If I’d known how messy the whole process would be I probably would have gone with a Nespresso. This is probably less of an issue if you have a huge kitchen with a large empty counter and a tiled backsplash so the mess just gets on the easily wiped counter and backsplash, but if you have other appliances on your counter or no tile on the walls it’s a real pain to clean up.
Mouse
Fun fact – you can buy reusable stainless steel capsules for the Nespresso! My folks use them every day.
Anonymouse
We have had the Breville Barista Express machine for 4 years and adore it. When we were searching for what to buy, we did consider the pod machines but were similarly deterred by the waste. I know you can get refillable cartridges for some of them, but it seemed too fussy.
Some thoughts after 4 years of use:
– I love having the steaming wand attachment for making real lattes and things like London Fogs/matcha lattes
– the built in grinder is kind of finicky and we often have to tinker with the settings for amount/coarseness whenever we switch our beans up. If you don’t change beans, it set and forget.
– We feel that it has just enough adjustment that you can feel like you’re “crafting” your espresso drink without being a chore. That having been said, we are looking forward to when this guy dies eventually and we can upgrade to a sightly more manual machine.
– It has held up to daily use for 4 years with no real issues. Just listen to the machine when it tells you it needs cleaning or descaling. I wouldn’t classify it as being high maintenance at all.
Greensleeves
Also, Nespresso will send you a bag to send used pods back to them for recycling. Labeled and prepaid, just drop it at UPS.
NYNY
And if you’re in NYC, you can just toss the pods in with the rest of your recycling.
Aunt Jamesina
We have a DeLonghi Dinamica and loooooooove it. No pods, just requires a flush with a solution maybe 3-4 times per year, which I don’t mind since we save so much time making coffee with it.
Curious
Yeah, we ended up getting one of the older Nespresso machines because the newer version we got broke very quickly. We have been happy with it since!
Ribena
I have one of the original style Nespresso machines (not the newer Vertuo with the domed pods) and because the pods are out of patent I never buy the actual Nespresso pods. There’s so much choice (at least here in the U.K.) for pods from a variety of sources. I make one or two drinks with it a day and really like it.
Dental Woes Anon
I think I need a little bit of a pep talk. I neglected my dental health for a number of years. My teeth looked fine, but I suspected there was an issue. I was dealing with a divorce, parenting, etc., but there’s no excuse. Now, I’m finally seeing a dentist. I’m looking at a dental bone graft and a root canal to get thing back in order. I can afford it, but I can’t shake this deep sense of shame for letting it get to this point.
Anonymous
I totally understand; I was there as well, after a few years of incredibly low income. I can’t magically make the shame go away, but I would if I could. There is truly no shame in being overwhelmed, and there is no shame in not being totally on top of everything. If possible, put aside that voice scolding you that “there is no excuse for this” and tap into some deep kindness for yourself. You made it through all that distress, you’re catching up on dental care now, and someday this, too, will be behind you.
Mouse
You’re taking care of it now – that’s the good thing! Some people never even get to that stage and let things get worse because they don’t want to deal. You have the resources to take control of your health in this area and that’s awesome. I’m of the opinion that weather or not you have easy-to-care-for teeth is a total crapshoot and some people are lucky and have few problems, and others get the short end of the stick – so don’t be too hard on yourself.
Anon
This. A lot of it is luck and genetics. If I don’t floss I will have several cavities while my bf can get away with just brushing.
Anon
+1
I’ve seen the dentist every six months my whole life and I have cavities every time regardless.
Z
This!! I didn’t have any cavities until I was 18 – my sister started getting cavities as soon as she had teeth. She takes great care of her teeth and still is unlucky. I’m glad you’re getting it taken care of!
Anon
“The best time to plan a tree is twenty years ago; the second best time is now.”
The you of five years from now is so happy for the you of today. Seriously, she is.
Anon
I was you, saw dentist first time at 24 and needed extractions due to bad damage from years of neglect.
I understand how you feel. There are many people in the same situation since dental care is expensive and most people don’t have dental insurance. Glad you are taking the steps to improve your health. Remember, the dentist and the staff are professionals, they should treat you with respect and do their job.
pugsnbourbon
+1 million to your last sentence. OP, I am glad you’re getting the care you need!
Senior Attorney
I’ve had bone grafts and gum surgery and extractions and even implants, despite having had regular dental visits all along. So nobody looking at your teeth is going to assume you neglected your teeth. And also, there’s no shame in having life get in the way of dental visits.
Big hugs! Just think how great it will be to have it all in the rearview mirror!
Anonymous
Yep, just had an extraction this morning despite having “ideal dental hygiene habits!”. The tooth was cracked and the infection got in through the crack at no fault of my own. Take it one step at a time OP!
Dr. The Original ...
Hi… to clarify, is the shame because you caused the pandemic? Is the shame because you had other life priorities? Is the shame because you live in a society that mostly teaches that healthcare’s expense means we only prioritize it when there’s an obvious problem? Is the shame because you are human?
Are you a terrible friend to others because you judge them when they did nothing wrong? I doubt it. So that can only mean that you are being a terrible friend to yourself when you did nothing wrong.
Schedule your appointment, feel gratitude that you can afford it, be proud of yourself for taking care of this before it became a much bigger situation, and quit being a crummy friend to yourself. This internet friend knows you deserve better!!
Senior Attorney
Aw, this is great!
OP
I teared up reading this. You’re totally right. If a friend came to me in the same situation, I would have nothing but support and sympathy for her. No judgment at all.
Anon
<3 <3 <3
OP
Thank you, everyone. This really has lightened my load today.
Anonymous
I’m sorry, commiseration. I did the same thing, I had huge undiagnosed medical issues which resulted in me needing a root canal. I felt so much shame for ruining my teeth and doing that to myself. Now I’m kinder on myself and more mad at the people in my life who shamed me for having medical problems rather than help.
Anon
I had my first root canal in high school and now have dental related PTSD. I missed several years of dentist vists before this year and had 2 cavities filled back in the spring. I think I posted to the hive about panic attacks leading up to those appointments. I had to have a friend take me to an ER at 1 am I was in such a bad state.
advice and reassurance:
If theres a friend or family member who would be supportive or sympathetic, consider sharing with them how you feel and set up a check in text or call before and after your appointments.
You arnt alone and this is way more common than I think people realize! Part of dental problems are oral care habits but part is also just genetics you cant control. There isnt anything shameful about having life happen. You know about the problems, have a plan in place, and a professional to help you through it.
If you have questions or are worried about a procedure and are like me who doesnt always think of what to ask during a consultation, give the dental office a call later. Youll probably not be able to talk to the dentist or oral surgeon right away but the receptionist should be able to pass on your questions or have them call back.
Tell your dentist if youre anxious or nervous about the procedures. Sometimes hightened anxiety can cause issues with numbing.
Ask before they start if they can take a break if you raise your hand. Ill raise mine when the sounds and sensations get to be too much. Just a minute or two to take a breath and calm down helps.
pugsnbourbon
Your last paragraph reminded me – wear sunglasses (your dentist might even provide them) and listen to music or a book during the procedure. Helps me a ton (crowns, gum grafts, etc).
Senior Attorney
Oh, yeah. So far I keep meaning to bring my earbuds and I always have forgotten. Don’t be like me — remember to bring them!!
Anonymous
Thank you for posting. Prompted me to schedule a dentist appointment after more years than I want to admit (pregnancy nausea, tiny baby plus ongoing issues with smells that persisted after pregnancy, covid…). I called today and made an appointment!!
Just venting.
Just screaming into the void for a moment.
I suggested a particular process improvement about a year ago, and said that I was (functionally) not the right person to lead it long term but was invested in getting it off the ground and would be happy to lead implementation. My Big Boss gave it to my Immediate Boss to implement. Has gone nowhere in 12 mos.
Just sat through 60 mins of exec leadership circle jerk wherein they suggested the exact thing that I suggested a year ago. Gahhhhh
Cornellian
Ugh, I’m having the same experience today. So frustrating.
I suggested this solution 6 months ago, now the problem has blown up and they’d like me to implement the solution I begged for in the spring. Too bad I’m giving birth in the next week or two! I want to tell them to have fun while I”m gone, ha.
Anon
Seeking advice on how to convey to my new boss that I am content with my job the way it is, without offending them (ie. because I am not looking to follow in their footsteps) or raising alarms that I am not “ambitious” enough. To be completely candid, I am so burnt out from the daily grind of working that I really just want to do my job and leave, nothing more. I have a very full life outside of work, and my ambitions and goals also lie outside of work (for example, I am writing a novel). This job is truly nothing more than a paycheque to me and I have been very fortunate to have a direct supervisor who understands that, because they are also a “work to live” type of person. We work extremely well together, we get the job done, and I like the system we have developed. I absolutely do my job to the best of my ability and produce excellent work during work hours, but outside of those hours I don’t even think about it and I have no desire to climb the ladder. This was going great until we got a new boss from a firm that is infamous for its intense culture, who seems to want to change everything (including the culture) of our department. One of the main reasons I took this job was that it would no longer include extraneous work activities (networking and business development) because I have firm boundaries around that – my free time is not available for work purposes. Since the new boss has arrived, they have continually asked me to lead/participate in such ‘work extracurriculars’, all of which I have turned down in the hopes that they would get the hint without me having to tell them that I am simply not interested in those activities. Now we have a one-on-one scheduled, where presumably I will be asked my career goals/what I want out of this job, and I’m at a loss for how to articulate it in a way that will not offend them (they are a very career-oriented ambitious person, and that is great for them! Just not for me) or cause them to be concerned. I recognize that my attitude is extremely different from the prevailing culture, and I am totally fine with that within myself, but not everyone will be. I need to keep this job for the foreseeable because of my HCOL and still trying to pay off school, but I am by no means seeking promotions or recognition at work or anything like that. I just want to maintain the status quo and stay under the radar!!! Obviously I need to word things more artfully than I have done here, so any advice on ways to go about this one-on-one is welcome!
MJ
IME, people who are like your new manager LITERALLY CANNOT COMPUTE that you are not as ambitious as they are. Therefore, I would make up a fake “excuse”–you are caregiving for your ill parent or very good elderly family friend, for instance, and therefore this is not the “season” for you to be taking on too many extras at work, but you are very committed to the org and very happy in your role.
In terms of being content where you are–some companies are up or out, and some are not. In this meeting, if your company is _not_ up or out, I would emphasize that you like being an IC/or your role as it is, if you are not an IC. I would also talk about some of your professional goals (even if they are obvious–joining a trade org, becoming more of an expert on X topic, etc.) so that it sounds like you are ambitious, even if you are not ambitious in the climbing the ladder sort of way.
Also, sometimes, you might be able to flip this around on this guy and say, “I was interested in getting to know you and your career path better–would you mind telling me more about it?” That way you might be able to deflect a little bit off of yourself and let him talk about himself for a large portion of the meeting, while you ask thoughtful follow up questions.
Delta Dawn
I think you can talk to them as if you are currently at your maximum workload (because you are!) and that you are really happy in your current role (because you are!). It’s great that your direct supervisor is on the same page as you. Your direct supervisor, then, is probably having the same concerns with how to frame this to the new boss.
Most importantly: new boss doesn’t need to know you don’t feel particularly ambitious. Fake it til you make it.
For your one-on-one, I think your career goals can be very broad and general. Is there a specific type of work you do that you can say you enjoy doing and want to increase your focus on? Notably you’re not asking for MORE work. You’d be saying you’ve liked ABC and would really like to continue professional development in the world of ABC. Kind of the same for what do you want out of this job– you take a great deal of satisfaction from completing XYZ projects and want to continue the fulfilling work of XYZ, expanding your knowledge and expertise in XYZ, and so on.
If pressed to provide “new” goals, I think you can take the angle of truthfully, I am really at my maximum capacity right now and am still able to provide top-quality work on my assignments; if I broaden that scope, I worry that I won’t be able to produce the quality that I’m producing now, so I really want to drill down on the topics I have now and continue to hone my expertise in those areas.
Basically I think you can BS your way through this interview by saying how busy you are, how happy you are to be that busy, how focused you are on what you have now, and how much you enjoy the work you have now. You can strike a balance of ambitious while already at full-capacity.
Anon
A work “pal” out of the blue decided to share his new 2023 bonus plan with me on Teams appropo of nothing, and though i could have guessed it was twice my potential bonus I just didn’t need to see it in writing. He’s one level up from my old level (i was laid off and rejoined at an even lower level this year) in a different group. I am close to angry crying. Who does this? Who is this thoughtless or clueless?
Anon
I’d tell your boss about this and they might escalate to his boss. Tell your boss it was unprompted and made you feel uncomfortable. That’s really inappropriate.
Senior Attorney
I disagree. It may have made you feel awful, but it’s valuable information and the last thing we want is for people to be punished for sharing compensation information. Have your angry cry, then go out there and use this information to negotiate for a higher bonus.
anon
Yes, agree. It hurts, and I understand why, but it’s useful information. As SA says, go ahead and be angry and sad, and when you’re ready use the information to negotiate for a higher bonus. You won’t want to directly reference what you learned when you negotiate (don’t say “I saw that so-and-so’s bonus is $x), but talk about your value and ask for what you’re worth!
Anon
Maybe I’m completely off base because of my socialization to not make waves, but I wouldn’t say anything to anyone. Don’t be work friends with that guy anymore, for sure. But I think there’s the potential her boss just thinks she’s being bitter or whiny.
anon
I most certainly would not tell your boss and escalate to his boss. The person did something you find offensive but hasn’t broken any company rules. In fact, the more information people have about pay, the better. He’s two levels above you, obviously his comp is going to be more. I understand you are frustrated. But I think you need to wait until you’re in a calmer place and just tell this person that you don’t want to discuss comp with them again as you’re trying to just focus on yourself.
Anon
I wouldn’t even say that, because like you said, that’s valuable information.
Anon
I agree – don’t tell your boss. Unfortunately, as awful as it probably felt to see, he didn’t do anything wrong and this is more of a feelings problem than a behavior problem. Do not escalate or try to tell on him.
I’m sorry this happened though! It sounds like maybe this is charged because of feeling like you could be where he is, and it’s a reminder that you’ve had unfortunate setbacks. But that doesn’t mean that you’re behind or missing out. Everyone has different career progressions and nothing is right or wrong. Some people are teachers working 50+ hours a week for 40k. They’re not worse people or suckers for making less money. You’re on your own journey and whatever that guy’s journey is doesn’t affect you or reflect on yours.
Cat
if it was truly unprompted – is it possible it wasn’t meant for you? a copy paste intended for someone that’s near you in his current chat history? Did you reply – I’d be tempted to say something like “? was this meant for me?” and see.
Anonymous
Think of this as him doing you a favor. Transparency in pay is valuable as you negotiate through your next years there.
Cornellian
It seems like there are three potential reasons for him to do this:
-oversight/thoughtless. It hurt you and it wasn’t considerate, and maybe you want to spend less time with him.
-gloating/harmful. Obviously not your friend.
-strategic. I would kill to know coworkers’ arrangements, it’s the sort of conversation I think women in particular get cut out of. He may have been trying to help.
Betsy
I’ll echo the comments above that this is useful information. And so is your reaction to it. Are you actually upset that you now know this, or are you upset because it confirmed feelings of frustration with your career development in your current organization? Now you have some useful information to put your own compensation in context, and it’s also useful if you decide you’d rather look outside an organization where it sounds like your time has been unpleasantly tumultuous.
Anonymous
+1
Your colleague might be an AH, but not for sharing relevant and useful information about compensation at your company.
Anon
This sounds like an accident. I would respond with “Did you mean this form me?” Either he will realize he made a mistake and apologize or he will tell you why he sent it. It is entirely possible he thought he was doing you a favor by sharing information you can use to negotiate a better bonus for you?
I will say I really wish more people would share their salary/bonus information. It makes negotiations so much easier and lends transparency.
Anon
What is the one volunteer organization you’ve been a part of that made you felt like you were really making a difference and also enabled you to meet new people in your area? I’m new to DC and looking to join things because I don’t know anyone. I’d like to join organizations that have a bent towards volunteering. I looked into Junior League, but I’m not impressed with their process. It takes a long time to get in (start attending info sessions this month and don’t get “in” until April 2023) and that’s if you get chosen at all. They claim it’s a lottery for who gets chosen out of “eligible women” after you go through the 6 month recruiting process. Any other organizations that are more welcoming and will provide social interaction, possible friendship, and volunteering opportunities for a 30 year old?
Senior Attorney
The demographic is almost certainly going to be older, but check out your local Rotary or other service club. It’s no exaggeration to say joining Rotary changed my life — I met my husband and many of my best friends there, I gained great leadership experience (I’m president now for the second time and it led to seats on a couple of locally-quite-prestigious boards), and I’ve done good for the community. We have members about your age in our club and we adore them and they adore us. (Also there’s such a thing as Rotaract, which is for younger people, so if they have that in your area you’re golden!)
Anon
In my city, the demographic isn’t even *that much* older in Rotary.
Anon
Scouts. Of any flavor (BSA Scouts and Venturing and Explorers are all co-ed; there is also Girl Scouts and similar orgs). They depend on adult volunteers and it’s not limited to parents. If you’re not outdoorsy, Explorers are career-oriented and merit badge counselors can do mostly inside things (like Citizenship in the Nation is mostly Con Law and history).
Kids need help getting over the pandemic learning losses and social-emotional isolation.
Z
I’ve gotten a lot out of volunteering for Big Brothers Big Sisters. 1:1 mentoring with a kid who needs a role model is so empowering and fun. There are chapters all over the US, some have more events and opportunities than others. My city’s chapter has a young professionals board, meet ups for bigs/mentors to share tips and hang out. Sometimes they also get tickets to sporting and seasonal events in our area donated. The background check and interview process is kind of intense, but they really want to make sure they know who you since you’ll be working with children.
Anonymous
Singing in a volunteer choir. It’s not “making a difference” in the sense of fighting poverty or mentoring children, but I’d argue that it benefits society at least as much as the Junior League.
Anonymous
Food not bombs was great for me, it’s not a ‘prestige’ organization or anything but I wanted to find a group of people with shared values (non-violence, community service) and that was the org which aligned.
Anon
Volunteer on a campaign for a local candidate whose platform aligns with your values. It’ll be small enough that your work is impactful, and you’ll meet like-minded people. I volunteer for local progressive-but-also-realistic candidates and even if we don’t win, it’s doing the important work of building our bench for the future.
Anon
I would still keep your hat in the ring for JLW. It was such a great organization to be a part of when I worked there (it will open some doors for you, many notable women are sustainers, etc., etc.). FWIW, I got a lot of soft management skills through my work there doing various fundraising and once you can do that, all orgs love you. It also can get you in the door at places (Folger Shakespeare Library, PEN/Faulkner receptions) that are nice to be a part of in the background. I was better off for my time in it, which I can’t say of any org (1 year as a provisional, 4 years as active in community and fundraising placements; transferred to my new league where I am a sustainer and now volunteer outside of my league, but made it easy to make connections in my new city). If you are overscheduled, they like keeping working women in and may let you do “self-placements” if you ask and make a good case for this.
Anon
My volunteering efforts have mostly been for my professional society (I’m an actuary and we are all expected to volunteer) but my sweet spot and the most meaningful volunteer work I’ve done is working with high school aged kids to let them know about our career. We specifically try to target high schools in underserved areas. If I can be the person who plants the idea of a career that gets even one kid out of the poverty rut, then all of my efforts will have been worth it. And I was that kid several decades ago, so maybe that’s why it’s so personal to me.
A stand-alone organization that does this kind of work and does it well is Junior Achievement. I have also volunteered with them – I had a kid shadow me for a day and it was his first time ever coming into the city even though he lived in a close suburb, and he may not have learned much about my job, but he saw a business office and normal business functioning and was blown away. He’d never seen that kind of work before. I know moments like that can make a huge difference in someone’s life.
https://jausa.ja.org/
anon
This is going to be dependent on what causes matter most to you. I’ve found it very fulfilling to volunteer at rape crisis counseling organizations, but the work may or may be right for you. I truly believe I am making a difference in the lives of assault survivors and love being part of an amazing, tight-knit community of volunteers. If anyone is in NYC, I highly recommend the Crime Victims Treatment Center. I’ve heard good things about DCRCC in DC but have not lived in DC, so no personal experience there.
Anon
Thank you, this is a cause that is meaningful to me. I tried to volunteer with RAINN months ago but they said they were at capacity and I never heard from them again. I’ll check out DCRCC.
roxie
DC Abortion Fund. Truly life-changing volunteer work.
anonymous
Certainly “life-changing” for the mother and her dead child!
Anon
Stop with this. I don’t know how many times you need to be told: you are in the wrong place. Go to the Fox News comment section; those are “your people.” Not us.
Anon
PLITTK
anon
I volunteered with a therapeutic horseback riding program for special needs kids and adults. Originally was placed there through my local Junior League; I quit the League after two years once I realized that the majority of people in mine only did community service during the provisional year (when it was required) and then moved into “League service” (writing the newsletter, the Tour of Homes, planning the gala, etc.) I wasn’t interested in paying a couple of hundred dollars in dues and going to a ton of meetings to volunteer through an organization that ultimately was not really so much about volunteering. Turned out I didn’t need the JL to keep volunteering at the horseback riding program, so I did it for years. It was huge in terms of changing my view of the lives of families with special-needs kids and opening my eyes to what special-needs individuals are capable of if they have the right support and right opportunities.
Ribena
I volunteer at a charity bookshop for a charity that does poverty reduction work worldwide. It fills my bucket in so many ways: firstly that I get to be surrounded by books and chat books with people for a few hours every couple of weeks, secondly that I have made great friends with lots of other volunteers and am friendly with our regulars, and it’s great to know I’m giving my time to an important cause. When we count the take at the end of the day it’s like, here’s £££ for a charity I care about that wouldn’t have been able to be raised if I hadn’t been here.
Since WFH it’s also great for getting more ‘people’ time!
anon
I wish we had these, but they are almost exclusively a UK thing. We don’t have charity bookshops in the US.
c
Super late. But if you are still checking, Community Tax Aid. They will teach you how to prepare taxes. You meet great people. You help people who are trying. Tax prep can be expensive and scary. They make it easy.
Anon
Moved into a new apartment 30 days ago after 3 yrs living with family. Spent more than I wanted but it was the right place so I coughed it up. In these 30 days, it has been a nightmare. The unit wasn’t ready when I moved in but I didn’t know this til I moved in so things like a broken dryer taking weeks to be replaced, needing paint, a peep hole and outlets and aux that were painted over which required replacing, blinds needed to be replaced due to broken track and missing slats, and the kitchen floor replacement hadn’t been done. Issues with cabinets meant door and drawer replacement. The tub was badly refinished and was sharp on the bottom so it had to be redone on Monday and that was done poorly so it had to be redone again. (Now I am trying to figure out how to remove the fine dust that’s coated my entire apartment full of brand new furniture, the dryer, everything everywhere because they didn’t tent- advice more than welcome.) Plus, a bug problem means 4 weekly visits from the exterminator who said he was consulting a supervisor because it’s not improving. There was also a leak under the sink which caused me to lose about $300 worth of makeup/items. I’ve had someone here almost daily this entire time, either to look at the problem to confirm it needs to be fixed/replaced or for a 2nd opinion or to do the work. This has been interrupting work and sleep. I’ve also been kept out my apt for 24 hours twice for the tub, etc. I work from home so this is big time problematic.
I don’t want to move again, I just want it done. Also, shouldn’t I be compensated in some way? What is fair? I can’t afford to just vacate for a week or more to a hotel so I’m just stuck project managing and dealing with all of this while living in it and cleaning up after it. Even just replacing all of my makeup is a hardship.
Advice (whether on cleaning the dust) or how to get compensation without making them mad enough not to respond to future maintenance calls, or on how to not lose my mind? I’ve got everything in writing, I have stayed polite and patient, but this is overwhelming. (Single, no kids, no one to ask to handle this for me, can’t afford to pay someone to project manage this mess.)
Anon
My first step would be to check your lease. The last lease I signed had a clause that said payment could be waived for periods if the apartment wasn’t up to livable standard upon move-in. You may be able to get the first month’s rent waived. Also, I’m pretty sure having them pay for your hotel would be standard if you had to move out for any period of time, even if 24 hours.
Maybe consult a free tenants rights lawyer in your area as well? They should be able to give you a phone call consultation for free.
Anon
I’d cut your losses and move. Renting can be a PITA, but usually not like this.
Anon
You need to check your lease and your state/local law regarding tenant’s rights. There is generally a right to withhold rent for periods of time that you are not able to inhabit the apartment. But there are many, many variables to this, so you have to consult someone familiar with your area.
Anonymous
The standard for rent relief is whether your apartment was habitable, not whether it’s been a hassle.
Anon
I am in love with this chair and its dino print.
https://www.houseofhackney.com/us/dinosauria-cotton-linen-rochelle-bedroom-chair-dusk.html
Is anything available in the US remotely like this? I’d love something I could see in a store and actually sit on (body height and dimensions make some furniture iffy purchases — I am too short for many things but this looks promising). The price makes me less likely to take a chance on just ordering and seeing how it is and donating if it’s not really great.
Anonymous
Assuming you have the budget for the linked chair what I’d do if I were you would be to find an antique chair with the proportions you want, then find some cool Dino fabric and get it recovered. The total cost will be about what the one you linked, but it will be exactly what you want.
Anon
Agree. It’s just the fabric. Find a chair you like well enough and splurge on the fabric.
Anonymous
You can buy the fabric by the yard from them. So I’d look for either a US custom maker who can just use the fabric or work with an upholsterer who can take an existing chair and recover it.
pugsnbourbon
Oh that is incredible. Could you reach out to the company and ask for detailed dimensions?
Otherwise I’d pick up a vintage chair that works for your body and pay to have it re-covered in dino fabric.
Anon
I unsuccessfully tried some searches for you. But want to say I love that you love this. And this isn’t what you’re looking for, but the whole concept of dinosaur slipcovers makes me smile: https://www.ebay.com/itm/174661250114
Ribena
Is it the fabric or the fringe, or the curviness? I’d get one of the ubiquitous IKEA wingbacks and reupholster it with an amazing fabric (which will likely be more expensive than the chair).
Shanananana
I have bought wallpaper from this company before and they usually sell the fabric itself and often times samples, so may be worth finding a local upholsterer and piece of furniture you know fits you.
Wallpaper q
I have a small guest bedroom (just large enough for a queen bed and two bedside tables) that is very blah. I recently stayed at a hotel and loved the wallpaper they used but I don’t know whether it would work in this space or if the vibe is too boutique hotel. Links here: https://www.walnutwallpaper.com/collections/wallpapers/products/bramble-1?variant=39895519199278 ; https://www.walnutwallpaper.com/collections/wallpapers/products/bird-pomegranate?variant=32806227312686 ; https://www.walnutwallpaper.com/collections/wallpapers/products/golden-lily-wallpaper?variant=32803357163566 ; and https://www.walnutwallpaper.com/collections/wallpapers/products/pimpernel-wallpaper?variant=32442733363246
Anon
Patterns can make the walls close in and the room seem smaller. Since you already mentioned that the room is small I don’t think you want to go in this direction.
I think the best way you can go with a small room is light and bright and minimal, everything in white, add contrast through texture (bedding is a mix of smooth percale, velvety spread or pillows, a nappy Sherpa type throw blanket. Bedrooms should be peaceful and relaxing and not too busy. They should induce sleep.
Anonymous
Don’t do this, it just screams Pinterest, obviously no one will be rude enough to say anything but they will secretly judge.
Anon
Sorry to be the one to tell you, but wallpaper is all over Pinterest now, and minimal style with texture has been a thing since well, well before Pinterest existed.
Jules
I can’t tell which option this commenter is saying not to do. But I think a single accent wall could be very nice, if everything else in the room is simple. I was on a house tour a couple of weeks ago and one very large bathroom had one wall papered in something similar to the Bird & Pomegranate but with monkeys, it looked great. It was this style from Walnut:
https://www.walnutwallpaper.com/products/fornasetti-wallpaper-11?variant=32442541932590
Senior Attorney
That is amazing.
Jules
It took a minute to notice the monkeys, it was a fun little surprise.
Wallpaper q
It took a minute to notice the monkeys, it was a fun little surprise.
anon
Counterpoint: My friend has a small all-white room and we joke that it looks like a Scandinavian prison. And the benefit of staying with a friends vs. a hotel is that not you’re stuck with a bland room. Add some pops of color and give it a little personality. I agree that the wallpaper is too much in a small room though.
Anonymous
Aren’t Scandinavian prisons supposed to be pretty nice?
Anonymous
Yeah – they a more like hotel room. A Scandinavian prison room will generally be nicer than a college dorm single.
Anonymous
Ok. Is too boutique hotel possible in a guest room?id argue that is the highest and best goal of a guest room. The bigger question is does this match the vibe of the rest of your house? If so, this will work if you lean into it and have furniture, linens and lighting that fit the vibe of the hotel you liked. This all reads really William Morris to me I’m imagining the hotel had lighting with a vintage vibe and fairly classic but fresh light wood furniture? Possibly something like the Sausalito line pottery barn with caning? A bed in neutrals that coordinate with the paper colors would look awesome.
Wallpaper q
link so you can see how the wallpaper was used at the hotel/ what the rest of the room looked like: https://www.packwoodwa.com/
Anonymous
That looks like scandinavian prison with wallpaper on one wall.
Jules
I think that room looks fab.
Senior Attorney
Right? I was gonna say how is such a thing even possible? I love all these wallpapers.
Anonymous
I think the Golden Lily wallpaper can work great!
It’s light and will work well with cream curtains and bedding, some green plants in a terracotta or warm metal pot, maybe some light teal sham pillows or blanket, framed vintage botanical prints (red toned flowers) with cream passepartouts and oak frames. Wicker basket with blankets.
Anon
William Morris and William Morris-inspired patterns are having a moment, although they are also classic. If it’s the design you are drawn too less than the color, something from the William Morris North line might be good.