Coffee Break: Châtelaine Ring

78 Comments

1. Anyone know how long passport renewals are taking these days?

   1. Mine was mailed back within 3 weeks.

   2. Barely a week, if you pay for expedited.

   3. Renewed ours over the holidays (early December) and got it back in 4 weeks.

   4. I did it this fall and didn’t count the days, but more than a week and less than a month.

   5. My husband and I submitted ours at the same time. They were received and checks cashed on Feb. 6th. I got mine last Saturday; he hasn’t gotten his yet.

   6. sent my application Jan 23, 2024, for new passport back on Feb 15.

2. I have a varicose vein and yesterday, my doctor advised me to wear compression stockings (15-20 mmhg) to help with the pain and swelling.

   I got some of the plain kind from a local pharmacy, but I’d love to get some with patterns. My problem is that I have to get the thigh high or hose kind because of where the malfunctioning valve is located. I searched Amazon but had no luck finding any that weren’t beige, black, or white.

   Any recommendations? Thanks!

   1. Look at Juzo online. They have multiple color sleeves (I have purple and magenta). I think they have full length stockings too in the same brighter colors.

   2. I never found full length in stylish patterns, so I’ve stuck with black. I’d definitely try some kind of modern fishnet if they made them though!

      1. You can try brown or navy tights with black fishnets over them. I read an interview of Catherine Deneuve some time ago, and the description of her attire included black fishnets over brown tights, and that has been a fantasy outfit for me ever since.

         1. This is such a great idea and is so obvious now that you explain it. Even black patterned hose over black hose might make it look more intentional and less medical to me; I’m going to try this. Thank you!

   3. Try Therafirm and Rejuvahealth.

   4. I don’t know if they’ll be compressive enough for you but maybe try a search on running compression socks? Some more colorful/fun options

3. For the person with the red flush on her chest this morning: that sounds like the classic MCAS flush. Look at mastattack dot org.

   1. Thank you, that may have been me–it’s a pretty consistent flush but I’ll check it out :)

4. To my fellow m1graine sufferers – have or do any of you take one of the newer classes of drugs like nurtec? We will see if my insurance can be persuaded to cover it. My neurologist just prescribed it. I can’t take triptans as I’ve had a stroke. My last migraine (the first migraine with aura post-stroke) scared the bejeezus out of me bechae the aura included about 10 minutes of not being able to make any sense of anything I was trying to read.

   1. Was it also an ocular migraine? That will cause a loss of central vision, so you only can see through peripheral vision.

      1. I always have a m1graine with an aura that is largely visual, but I get my vision fully back by the time the headache starts. Usually a 15-30 min or so aura, then an intense headache for the rest of the day (the kind of thing where I have to be in a dark room), then a 2 day hangover, including a residual headache.

         I’m not super clear on what an ocular m1graine is and how it’s different than mine. I have a friend whose are triggered by bright lights and she calls them ocular m1graines, but my neurologist just calls mine m1graine with aura.

         1. My ocular migraines are painless, but alarming with the loss of vision. Apparently, it is caused by dilation or constriction (I can’t remember which) of the blood vessels near the ocular nerve, thereby affecting vision. Doesn’t sound like your type of migraine. I am so sorry for your suffering and I hope you can find a therapeutic treatment that helps!

5. repost due to m–d

   To my fellow m1graine sufferers – have or do any of you take one of the newer classes of drugs like nurte c? We will see if my insurance can be persuaded to cover it. My neurologist just prescribed it. I can’t take tr1ptans as I’ve had a stroke. My last m1graine (the first m1graine with a ura post-stroke) scared the bejeezus out of me because the aura included about 10 minutes of not being able to make any sense of anything I was trying to read.

   1. Yes, they are godsends. I’ve taken both nurtec and ubrevly, and slightly prefer nurtec. Triptans gave me hideous vertigo so these are truly amazing options for me.

      1. Thanks for answering and I’m glad you’ve found something that works. Any notes for me (assuming insurance lets me have them)? Anything to look out for?

         1. See if using GoodRx reduces the price if it isn’t covered by insurance. You just go to the website and put in your information. You get a pharmacy specific discount price, including Costco.

            1. Have you really tried this for a new generation migraine med like Nurtec?

         2. No, they’re both pretty user friendly. Ubrevly made me slightly more tired than Nurtec but I generally need to lay down for a bit after taking meds anyway so no real big difference.

   2. I take aimovig and ubrelvy. Expect to be denied and hopefully your neurologist will be a forceful advocate. My insurance wanted me to take more of the triptans even though I had already taken 4-5 of them and they didn’t work. This was primarily before the new drugs, but he just told them no. The shots have drastically reduced my migraines and I also have aura.

6. Yurman rings are so pretty. I know a few people who have them. I balk at paying that much for sterling and semiprecious stones, but I can’t argue with the look of them. My favorite on my friends so far has been a pale green peridot, and it seems to ne significantly larger than the stone in the featured ring.

   1. The quality is amazing. I still wear Yurman earrings from the early 90s.

   2. Merewif makes really cool semi precious stone and sterling or gold plated rings that are much more reasonably priced.

   3. The Yurman store near me cleans my jewlery while I wait, which keeps it looking fantastic.

   4. My grandmother gifted me a few Yurman pieces a few years ago, I had no idea how much they retailed for!

7. I posted a question about my husband’s sibling, who appeared to be having a mental health episode. Well, it turns out that the problem is substance use (something they had previously struggled with in college). Any recommendations for resources (or advice from those with personal experiences)? Trying to educate myself on what we can and cannot realistically do. I took a look at Nar-Anon — some of the faith-based language made me a little uncomfortable, but I’m happy to give it a shot if that’s not the tenor of the groups.

   1. Hugs. I’ve been through this with a loved one and it is brutal. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries to protect your own mental health. I definitely recommend finding your own therapist if you don’t already have one (your employers EAP can be good for the short term). I also tried Nar-Anon and it wasn’t a good fit. If/when your loved one goes to rehab, find out what resources are available to you. If they use a certain program, there might be books and workbooks that complement their program and therapies–it can help to have a common language. In the interim, therapy for you/DH/family. Finding a good rehab can be a huge challenge. And once usually isn’t enough.
      Just remember that you cannot fix/cure them no matter how much you want to or how hard you try. Sobriety is a choice people have to make every day. As the years and rehabs stints ticked by, I became less afraid of talking about it, asking about it, etc. It has changed our relationship but my loved one knows what they need to do to stay sober (4 years and counting!) and I will support that in every way.

   2. Make sure you have Narcan in your home and in your car or anywhere she might be together with you.

      Sorry you’re going through this.

8. Speaking of rings: did your spouse pick your engagement ring, or did you pick it? DH picked my engagement ring, a marquee cut diamond with white gold from Kay Jewelers. I didn’t really like the ring when he proposed, and a couple days later when I asked about exchanging the ring he said he would be hurt if I exchanged it, he thought I would like the design based on my other jewelry, his mom’s engagement ring is marquee cut, men have been picking out engagement rings for years, etc. I come from a culture where engagement rings are not a thing, so it was new to me. I decided to keep it and see if it grew on me. 12 years later I still don’t like it – it snags pantyhose and scratches my son, and I would have liked a more traditional cut or a different kind of stone. I tend not to wear it unless I am in the office or on a special occasion.

   1. We went jewelry shopping together – going into it I had an idea of what I wanted, but in trying on different styles and center stones I ended up with something completely different. Now almost 10 years married and I still love my engagement ring, though I am looking to replace my center stone with something bigger.

   2. I picked it, but 15 years later I don’t like it and wish I had picked something different.

   3. We didn’t do a ring at all. I hate wearing anything on my hands and would have had no interest in a husband who spent our money on jewelry. Luckily my husband was on the same page, but even if he wasn’t, I think that the person who has to wear it every day should be the one whose preferences win out.

   4. I picked the style — he picked the exact diamond :)

      1. This. i went ring shopping with a good girlfriend and she let him know which setting I picked. He then picked out the stonehimself. It’s an art deco setting with a round diamond and I still love it though I don’t wear it every day. I have a channel set anniversary band and a lower profile wedding band that I wear daily.

   5. I did not pick it and I would not have picked it, had I been consulted. I would have chosen something less traditional and less expensive (Patrick Irla, if anyone wants very delicate nature jewelry – and I did end up buying myself some of those rings for my birthday last year). One of my friends described engagement rings as being “a man’s ego on your finger” and that about sums up my feelings as well.

   6. We went shopping together; ultimately I picked it.

   7. My husband was married before, and when he and his first wife were going through marriage counseling before getting a divorce, she confessed she always hated her ring and it became a thing. So he was very clear that I needed to pick out what I liked for a ring when we got engaged. He did pick out a necklace that he gave me when he proposed, which is not at all my style but which I wore very faithfully for a couple of years until the chain broke. So I’m glad I picked the ring.

   8. Hah, I did, but not on purpose. When I was still in college and DH was trying desperately to be appropriately employed, he worked in a jewelry store. A full year before we got engaged, he took me to a competing jewelry store in town on the pretense that he wanted to do some research on the opposition. And I fell for it hook, line and sinker. I did not even connect the dots until he told me.

      He used the notes he took on that trip to get a discount on the raw stone through his own workplace and have it designed similarly to the ones I had liked at the competitor, and that was that.

      I do regret my choice of wedding band – it’s very slim with a handful of baguette diamonds and they scratch or poke anybody who holds my hand, sigh.

      1. That’s such a sweet story!
         And I have a very similar wedding band and feel similarly about it.

   9. I love mine for what it meant/means, but I don’t “love” it as jewelry anymore. It’s dated and is not what I would pick now (and not even 100% what I what would have picked 20 years ago when I got it). I am not interested in “upgrading”, though it wouldn’t be weird to do so based on the general upgrade in our lifestyle over the last 20 years. I got a pave anniversary band that I totally love and wear that most of the time instead.

      1. “I love mine for what it meant/means, but I don’t “love” it as jewelry anymore.”

         That’s how I feel about mine — and I picked it!

   10. I picked the first one, he picked the upgrade.
       I would have been weirded out by a guy taking my not liking the ring so seriously. I don’t wear rings I don’t like so not exchanging it would have been a waste of money.

   11. I picked the color (white gold) and he picked the ring. It’s fine and I wear it, but 20 years later I still scratch myself with it and snag it on things far too often.

   12. I picked it. DH knows me well and knew we’d both be better off if we picked it together. We got engaged 14.5 years ago, i still love it and get compliments on it all the time

   13. I picked the setting from a half a dozen options he selected after receiving about 30 links from me to things I liked and he picked the stone. Married almost 17 years and I think I actually love the ring even more now than then. Sometimes I’ll be driving and look at my hand and think how beautiful it is. He’s always had better taste than me. I liked it even better than any of my initial links.

   14. We tried on rings together and I chose the style I liked best (shape of main stone, whether to have any ‘design’ or just a plain band, etc) and then it was up to him to purchase.

       I don’t like marquise cut diamonds either (just FYI on the spelling – it’s different than marquee, which is like a canopy thing) and think your husband was being kind of a baby. It’s a major purchase that YOU wear the rest of your life – why wouldn’t he want you to love it?!

   15. I gave him general guidelines and he picked it out himself. I wanted white gold or platinum, designed to not snag, practical (I’m very active), and something that doesn’t shout “Look at this rock!” (Also, I have very slim fingers.) He found a beautiful ring that fits the bill.

   16. He picked it, but bought it from my family’s jewelry store so had A LOT of help with the stone (color, cut, clarity, and carat) and setting. 20 years later, I still love it and rarely go without it.

   17. He asked what I might like, I had a very specific / easy answer (classic Tiffany setting), he chose a gorgeous diamond with the help of a jeweler friend, I still love my ring.

       Now having seen so many different and beautiful style rings, I might have chosen something a little different, but I have no regrets. I love my ring.

   18. DH picked it. He did a ton of research, consulted all of his married friends. At the time I might have picked something different, but I hadn’t thought about it much and now, 14 years later, I adore it. He put so much effort into finding the perfect ring and he definitely spent more than my cheap and thrifty self would have been willing to ask him to spend. It’s very meaningful to me today.

   19. My friends are late 20s to early 30s. All but one friend picked out the ring together or gave the guy very specific instructions. These days I rarely hear of guys picking it own their own with minimal guidance

       1. I’m mid-40s and feel like it was rare even in my day for the guy to do it totally blind. Either they picked it out together or the woman picked.

   20. We picked it together. I wanted an estate ring and this one was just obvious. It was in the case right when and where we were looking, it’s unique, and I have loved it for 25+ years.

   21. We designed ours together; the jeweler ended up adding the design to his portfolio moving forward.

   22. Married without an e ring. Got one years later that I researched and picked out.

   23. I have a family ring! This worked great for us as neither of us could have afforded any significant jewelry at the time, and I would not have been comfortable spending $$$ on it either. I was lucky that the ring was a vintage style I liked, and the sentimental value made it more special. I did pick out a wedding band I liked on my own, to wear as an alternative to my engagement ring (it’s a bypass style not well suited to wearing with a band).

9. My old assistant came to our firm from another firm, and while I had to train her on the quirks of my specific practice and preferences, she picked up everything so quickly and was really amazing to work with; she made me a better lawyer and did things I didn’t even know I needed. She got married and got an amazing job opportunity in her husband’s city so of course she left – I am so happy for her but so sad for me.

   My new assistant interviewed well and has a great resume, but is fresh out of college and has not worked in a law firm before. She is doing all the firm onboarding and so forth, and is trying so hard, but of course is making lots of the mistakes that a brand new employee would be expected to make. I will keep training her and I’m sure she will also be great, eventually…. but I am exhausted from not having the support I was used to from my old assistant and I just miss her, frankly.

   Just having a pity party, I guess, and also open to all your suggestions on getting new support staff up to speed quickly.

   1. Do you have other assistants in your firm that can help train her?

10. While we were dating I let it “be known” (through mutual friends) that when the time came, I wanted to wear my grandmother’s engagement ring with no change to the setting. So my now-husband asked my mom for it at some point (which also doubled as his asking for her blessing) and I then got it resized to fit me after he proposed. It was great because the proposal timing was totally a surprise but I got the exact ring I wanted.

11. I am planning a family reunion in Chicago in July. We are expecting around 20 adults plus some kids, but don’t know the exact number of attendees yet. I want to make reservations at a restaurant downtown for dinner on the final night of the reunion, but all of the restaurants have said that for a party our size we would have to use one of their private rooms and there would be food & beverage minimums. I am not sure but I think most of our attendees would balk at having to pitch in $100-110/person for this dinner. I think I can get everyone to pitch in $80. We may have more options in the suburbs, but I would like to find a restaurant downtown because that’s where we are staying, and it would be easier logistically. None of us are local, so a potluck isn’t an option. And our family elders are already hosting a pizza dinner on another night. Should I just keep contacting restaurants and asking if they can work within our budget, or is there another option I am not thinking of?

    1. I think for that size group you normally need a private room. You can keep calling, but I wouldn’t expect to have much luck.
       In July the weather is nice – maybe you could get some takeout and have a picnic?

    2. I don’t think you’ll find what you’re looking for. With your size group you could book a whole small restaurant but there would still be a minimum spend.

    3. Maybe you could go revival which is like a fancy food court. It’s good for a big group in the evening and everyone gets their own thing. Maybe greektown (Santorini or Greek islands) or Pompeii in little Italy as well?

       1. I would LOVE this – big dinners at restaurants make it harder to talk to everyone.

    4. Can you make separate reservations for X tables of 8?

       1. How could you guarantee they’d be able to sit together?

          1. You can’t, but at the end of reunion you’ve presumably gotten to visit with everyone, so you just enjoy your dinner with a portion of the family. People at a larger table have side conversations anyway

          2. I think she was just suggesting breaking up the group?

    5. Do you need it to be in the loop? Did you try Portillos? I’m trying to think of casual or maybe even a bbq place may have something cheaper.

    6. Late reply – but try Green Street Eats! BBQ place, casual but cool. Fulton market area, so not downtown but very accessible. $50/person for just food, beer and wine package available for another $15/person, or just a consumption bar. They put you in the back of the restaurant so it’s semi-private.

12. I have a family ring! This worked great for us as neither of us could have afforded any significant jewelry at the time, and I would not have been comfortable spending $$$ on it either. I was lucky that the ring was a vintage style I liked, and the sentimental value made it more special. I did pick out a wedding band I liked on my own, to wear as an alternative to my engagement ring (it’s a bypass style not well suited to wearing with a band).
    Husband knew about the ring being available, and asked for it from my mom before proposing.

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